Drunken Truths

by Aurora Aura

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 990

Twilight takes up Celestia’s offer to drink and unwind and quickly finds out Celestia may have a problem, or rather, quite a few problems.

Twilight takes up Celestia’s offer to drink and unwind and quickly finds out Celestia may have a problem, or rather, quite a few problems.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-11 16:10:01 UTC

Drunken Truths

"An’ then. An’ then. An’ then an’ then an’ then. You do this thing, right? This thing you had to, but you regret fer the rest of your life. An’ you do it once. Never again. But ponies say you do it all the featherin’ time. Izzat fair? That ain’t fair."

Princess Celestia had reached that blood alcohol level where she starts blathering about nonsense. A state Twilight had not yet grown accustomed to. Once Twilight had become a princess she had been granted access to the Princess' Pub, a pub that served princess' exclusively. Twilight always silently wondered how they managed to stay afloat with service restraints like that but after seeing the drink prices the mystery had been solved.

"I don’t think you send everypony to the moon, Celestia." Twilight told Princess Celestia assuredly.

"What? No, I meant the cake thing." Princess Celestia now was leaning on the bar with a hoof on her head "-and now, now, they wont bring me cake anymore."

In all her years studying under Princess Celestia she had never once had a drink with her and had yet to figure out when to just let the sun goddess rant. "They’re probably doing it for your own good, Princess." Twilight looked at Princess Celestia sincerely in hopes to calm her down enough to change the subject. Unfortunately her attempt seemed only to aggravate the white alicorn.

"Oh? Is that what you think? Huh? Well let me ask you this, who made you princess of Know -Better -Than -Celestia -How -To -Live -Her -Own -Life … -land …?" Princess Celestia had nearly fallen off her cushioned bar stool as she leaned over Twilight to get into her face. "Well Twi-" hic "-light. What do you think about that," with the word that Princess Celestia had thrust her mug forward but when her hoof had pulled back the mug did not. Hearing the mug as it went crashing to the floor the bartending pony had already prepared another drink before the intoxicated princess had the chance to turn her drunken stupor on him.

Twilight didn't falter though, she put her hoof on Princess Celestia's before she could raise the fresh brew to her lips and said, "I think you’ve had enough to drink princess."

Celestia rolled her eyes and when she spoke her words were dripping with spite. "Oh, so now you’re my doctor too, ’cause you’re definitely not my mother!" Celestia pulled her hoof away from Twilight and took a mighty swig from her mug, bringing it down on the counter with a loud thud once she had had her fill.

"But…" Twilight was at a loss for words, she had been drinking herself, albeit not as heavily, and her mind was having issues processing an appropriate response.

"You wan’t a piece of me? Think you can take me? Is that what you’re saying, Princess Starbutt McNewWings?" Celestia was standing on her stool now, staring intently at Twilight, waiting for a response.

"No princess, I don't. Now please, you're scaring me."

Celestia deflated at that. Slumping back down into her stool and leaning over the bar again. "It's jus that ya do everything ya can fer them.." hic "…and they still call ya a tyrant…"

"It's alright princess, I mean we all work so hard and I've only ever hear anypony complain so I get it."

"Cause there is so few of us. Thas why we made ya a princessss. 'Cause now there is five of us. Me. Twilight. Pink Twilight. Luna. And the white one. How I loathe her."

Twilight looked down at her spiked lemonade then back to Princess Celestia who was already finishing off her new mug. Twilight waited for Princess Celestia to put the mug back down before asking "So how do you tolerate it all Princess. I mean it's gotta get old real quick."

"Twilight, imma let yous in on a little secret. What you gotta do is jus ... freakin' ... get some random lowlifes ta follow you around and like ... take notes on whatever you say. Let THEM solve all the random nonsense Equestria throws at us daily. Sure as sunshine, haffa the time, you won’t know what they’s talking about. But you will be able ta, ta, focus on whas important. Like learnin' magic that turns rocks to cake an forcing some family to farm tha' rocks for ya."

Twilight took a moment to reflect not just on what Celestia had just told her, but also on what she had been doing in her own life. Twilight also started making a mental list of who could be her student that solves all the nonsense for her. Trixie came to mind, mostly because she imagined it'd be funny to watch. Twilight allowed a small giggle to escape her mouth and then turned to Princess Celestia and suggested "Maybe we should head back to castle Princess."

"Ya ya ya," Princess Celestia said, waving her former student off as she got to her hoofs only to have the ground rise up to meet her nearly instantaneously.

Twilight looked down at her mentor, snoring on the floor of the pub, then back towards the bartender.

"Just put it on our tabs," Twilight said with a smile as she got up and levitated Princess Celestia into the air and walked out into the early morning air with her. It was still dark and it'd be a while before ponies began to leave their homes for work so Twilight allowed herself to move at her own pace, which turned out for the best because even at her slowed pace she wasn't having the easiest time staying on her hooves and maintaining her levitation field.

Twilight quickly dropped Princess Celestia into the golden chariot and got in with her. As Twilight got settled the two white pegasus guards took off into the air and back towards the Canterlot Castle.