Time To Sourout

by VirtualMacaroon

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1113

Spitfire's angry. Fleetfoot's angry. Celestia's angry. It seems to Soarin that everyone in Equestria is infuriated at him one way or another, rationally or not. They say it's time he became indepent. So what does he do? He asks

After an admittedly stupid improvised stunt at a Wonderbolts show ruins Canterlot Arena and the Wonderbolts' reputation, Soarin starts wondering where he went wrong in his life and what he can do to turn it around. Spitfire's going to 'fire his sorry butt to oblivion and back' if he makes one more wrong move, and his chances of getting a serious date are an absolute zero. Soarin can only think of one mare who can help him now. She's cool. She's fast. She's actually gonna make things a whole lot worse. She's Rainbow Dash.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-15 18:56:59 UTC

A Harmless Stunt

'Alright, team, you remember the routine? Good, 'cause you can't screw this up. The princesses will be watching this one, and we can't afford a blunder in front of them.' She glanced at Soarin, who was inspecting his hoof uninterestedly. 'The princesses, of course, include Princess Sparkle , who will be bringing that Applejill girl.' she finished slyly. Soarin's eyes returned to Spitfire.

'You mean Applejack? The Element of Honesty and prettiest mare in Equestria?' he asked, honestly trying to sound casual.

Spitfire nodded. 'That's the one. Anyway, let's go over our routine one more time…' But, as usual, Soarin wasn't listening.

The sound of the awesome barrier being broken rippled throughout the Canterlot Arena as the Wonderbolts zoomed in and out of the thin poles placed strategically all around. Crowds cheered as all three of their heroes went straight from the zigzag to a loop-the-loop. Going so fast you couldn't tell where each of them were, they slowly made the circle smaller until they were right next to each other, then without hesitation rocketed outward, making the ecstatic cheers even more deafening (the Wonderbolts wore earplugs to drown out the roars - this was one of Soarin's only good ideas). The flashes of the Wonderbolts themselves were joined by the flashing of cameraponies. Spitfire and Fleetfoot prepared for the finale by spinning around and around to create a hurricane which Soarin was to tame similarly to how Rainbow did the cotton candy clouds. At least, he was meant to, but instead, grasping the ripe opportunity to put his plan in action and completely forgetting what he was supposed to do, he started unhesitantly flying in a shape that looked vaguely but decisively like a love head. Directly behind him, the hurricane whipped around and around. Spitfire and Fleetfoot had their eyes closed so as to not have them whipped by the wind, and didn't notice how large and out of control it was getting.

Many ponies had, by this point, fled the arena to escape the hurricane, but some were sitting there, transfixed, almost as if they thought they were watching television. Near the front in a glass box was Applejack. She looked behind her to see that Twilight had joined the other princesses in escorting everypony safely out. The rest of her friends were nowhere to be seen. The citrus pony paused for a second to think, then kicked open her saddle bag with her rear leg and brought out from it a long adjustable lasso. She got it out, then ran out of the glass box to confront the tornado. The Wonderbolts were trying in vain to keep it from expanding. Applejack ran up to it and threw her lasso further than she ever had before. It landed just out of place, but luckily Fleetfoot noticed and threw it over correctly. The determuned country pony tightened the lasso to minimum and the tornado was squashed by pony-logic.

'Good work, country mare.' mumbled Spitfire feebly, hardly being able to hold out her tears of rage at Soarin, who was at that point staring at Applejack as if she were a goddess.

'Ain't nothing, Miss Spitfire.' she replied modestly, looking rather cautiously at Soarin. She packed up her lasso and galloped out of the arena to join her friends. As soon as she was gone, Spitfire turned sharply toward Soarin.

'Right, I gotta have a little chat with you…'

***

'She really gave you a hammering huh?' Fleetfoot appeared next to Soarin with a look of what she hoped was empathy plastered on her face.

'Fleet, you're grinning.' Soarin chuckled. 'Yeah, she seemed to go on for hours.' he replied a little too cheerfully for Fleetfoot's liking.

'You still aren't taking this seriously, are you? You know how easy it would be to replace you, right? We got thousands of eager pegasi at our door, and you hardly act as if we matter! It's time that you get your act together, Soarin. This isn't some junior flight school afterschool club. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?' she yelled at her teammate, who was stroking his hair into a quiff. She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked into his disinterested eyes.

'If you carry on like this, you're going nowhere. Just remember that.' She sharply dug her hooves deeper into his shoulders for a second then walked away. 'Oh, and Princess Celestia's filed charges for the Canterlot Arena. You have 450,000 bits to "borrow" from your mother.' with that slightly piercing phrase, she trundled back to her dressing room, leaving Soarin rubbing his pierced shoulders and thinking hard about what his teammate had said. He already knew how easy it would be for him to be replaced; that had been demonstrated at the Equestria Games. Who was that pony who'd replaced him again? Rainbow Zap was it? That mare had some talent. Suddenly, Soarin was struck by the best idea he had had in his life -

Or so he had thought.

A Fangirl's Help

Rainbow Dash yawned as she leant back on her cloud-made balcony chair. Her workaholic of a friend had volunteered her to help clean up Canterlot Arena, so she was ready for a bit of shut-eye. She was almost asleep when she heard a lazy knock. The rainbow-ridden pegasus groaned. 'If it's that idiot blonde salesmare again, I swear...' she grumbled. Dark bags under her eyes and her mane spiking out like a cactus, she groggily trundled up to her door and first pushed then pulled it open. 'Listen, D-' her lecture was interrupted by her eyes as she realised just who was standing bashfully at her door.

'Hey, uh... Rainbow Zap was it?' asked Soarin.

'Wh... Soarin?' Any other day, Rainbow Dash would have fainted. But this was today, so instead, she glared at him. 'Soarin, you know what you did yesterday, right? I-' she began sternly.

'Rainbow, please, I've already had the lecture. Twice. May I come in?' he quipped. Her anger having subdued and been overtaken by bewilderment, she nodded and gestured to her front room. Her lifelong hero trotted into her home and sat casually on her sofa. 'So, uh, Rainbow Zap-'

'Dash.'

'Right. Rainbow Dash, I need your help with something. Something big.' he requested. He then went on to explain his situation, making quips throughout.

'So, you want me to get your life back on track, huh? Well, I can do that. Two bits per hour amongst ten one hour sessions.' she offered cheekily.

'Or, I can pitch you to the team and we do it whenever we're both free?' he bantered.

'Yeah, that works too.' agreed Rainbow Dash.