A Journal About Ponies and Places

by a guy with many hats

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 3796

When a college dorm is magically plopped down in the Equestrian plains, its sole occupant takes it upon himself to study the locals and leave insights for those who find his notes.

When a college dorm is magically plopped down in the Equestrian plains, its sole occupant takes it upon himself to study the locals and leave insights for those who find his notes.

Do not comment on this.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-19 20:29:11 UTC

WEEK ONE

2/21/14

Okay to start to begin things are

Ignore that, things are really out of control right now and I'm the only one left in the door. There's snow outside and I'm not sure if we're even in California still. Not just because of the snow but I can see horses outside. I'll figure out what the hell happened once I can force the door open or find some other way outside, maybe through the window. I don't think I'll be able to dig the door out and if the snow's compact enough the seconds floor might be as good an entrance as any.

I'll continue this log once outside.

I'm outside now, the second story window was the right idea, although I had to break down a dorm door with a boot. On that note, thank god the college was cheap.

Now on to what really matters. I'm sure as hell not in California anymore, there are different color ponies everywhere, and someone's singing. Whoever it is I like their voice but I don't really want to get too close. My experiences with horses so far has been shitty. As in stepping in shit, a lot--

One's looking at me. I can see one looking at me. It's like purple red. I don't like it looking at me!

I went back inside and locked the window after I chased the pony away, making it scream and yell as it ran. I didn't even know ponies could scream. Do ponies have vocal chords?

I guess I'll just watch from here, maybe get some sleep before I raid the mini fridges. If everyone else is gone I'm gonna take their shit. It's my shit now!

I'm ending the day early. Not exactly sleeping but I'm laying in bed. Eventually I'll fall asleep and first thing in the morning I'm heading out.

Things are going to be...interesting.

It's in the closet! I locked it in the closet!

2/22/14

That last entry might not make much sense. I woke up when someone started shouting in the dorm hall.

I found a tiny horse looking around the hall, the far window was hanging open and a small snowslide was planted in the far end of the hall. The little horse froze when I got close, screaming and scrambling out as I ran after her.

Not wanting to start something crazy I threw it (Her) in the closet. Now she's crying and babbling. A tiny horse is babbling and I'm starting to think I might be in a dream again. It doesn't help that I've been on meds so this might be a dream, I mean, this pen might not ever exist.

I'm gonna wake up nude in the hall again, just watch.

Okay so she's talking to me from inside the closet. She's asking me to let her go, and she sounds like she's a kid. I'm inclined to let her out but I'm unsure if I--

She's asking me who I'm talking to. Should I lie or just be honest that I'm thinking aloud. Either way I need to figure something out before she takes a crap in the closet.

She called herself Sweetie Belle, and called me a monster. I told her yes, I'm a scary monster, a scary spooky monster, and she should never come here again. I then charged into the closet and tied her up. Once her eyes were covered and her legs were bound I brought her with me and walked a half mile away from the dorm.

Once I was clear I untied her forelegs and ran back towards the dorm. I was lost for maybe ten minutes before I found my way back...I'm actually still a little lost.

I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to live on my own. I'll keep writing when I find home.

Wandered for hours, got even more lost. I still have book, but that's just about it. Will resume search in the morning.

2/23/14

I found my way home in the middle of the night. Bed is calling me, might notjfiow-- Something knocked on the window and singing. Scared the crap out of me.

Gonna go sort this out, then get back to it.

Yellow pony was cooing at my window and ringing a bell. How the hell does a horse have a bell?

I asked the pony this outright and she locked up. A few seconds later she sprinted her ass away and disappeared into the snow. She kicked haplessly as her front half was lodged in the snow.

I dug her out and ran back inside. We quickly stared at each other from a distance before she started wandering off. Her final words: "What a weird nest."

I think she might think I'm an animal.

This is bullshit. A bunch of them are crowding my window like I'm a fucking groundhog. I keep yelling at them and they keep running off for like ten minutes before coming back.

Getting sick of this horse shit. Pony shit, whatever.

Figure A...

Why did I draw that?

2/24/14

I'm starting to go stir crazy. I've memorized the wallpaper and the food that was left is rotten. I've got a few bags of beef jerky and I'm heading out.

If I die and somebody finds this. Phil Masterson is a massive bitch and I stole his guitar and lit it on fire.

Alright so I walk outside in a huge furry coat and the fucking snow is gone. A bunch of ponies, some of them with notes of their own, were scribing stuff as I peer outside.

I backed inside and dropped all my stuff. Once I was clean I found a lamp and ran out of the dorm door swinging the lamp by the cord and hurling it at the ponies. So I'm down a lamp and they still refuse to leave.

Pony people weirdos.

Back inside already.

Turns out without the snow there's a stream that gos just around my dorm and the ponies keep leaving baskets and stuff out for me. There's like ten of them now, I wonder if they know I'm watching them watch me.

Maybe. At any rate I've begun to name the ones that stand out.

I can see the baby one from before there, she's got a green hat on and I think she thinks she's hidden.

There's a red head one that looks kinda neat.

The purple red one I saw a few days ago.

Oh and the pink and yellow one. She's waving to me, I'm gonna wave back.

She smiled. Yay? Yes, yay. Small victories win wars I guess....

What the fuck does that even mean right now?

2/25/14

I uh...I spent the whole day masturbating...I'm not proud, I wasn't productive in any way, but it was something I wanted to do since I move in. It was a coed dorm before whatever happened happened, and well.... Shame...Loads of shame.

I'm probably going to tear this page out and write something else instead.

2/25/14

Today I was extremely productive and cleaned the entirety of the dorm. Nothing else happened and the ponies are starting to go away. A few showed up earlier but they didn't stay long after I was 'busy' inside.

2/26/14

Okay I saw another pony out there with a megaphone. How a pony even holds a megaphone I don't know, but it makes me wonder if there's electricity. I'm bored as hell just staring out the window all day and sleeping.

Even my few excursions outside have become rather routine.

I wake up, do something, go wash myself in the stream, and go back inside. All while being watched like I'm in a damn zoo.

They haven't heard me talk I don't think-- wait...scratch that. A few might know. I forgot I talked with the yellow one. Flutter something.

Until further notice I'm going to start naming the ponies after physical features. So until further notice there's, Sky Butt, because she has a cute butt (Don't ask me why I know, but understand that these things are adorable as it, and a butt is part of them. Short Sweet, the small one. Spiky blue, and spiky red because they have spike hair thingys. Manes?

Someone in the door was getting into being a horse vet. Might raid his room later.

Wow I wish I hadn't gone in his room. That guy was a massive pervert.

He had some fucking crazy as magazine in Cantonese, pictures of horse asses on every page. Luckily he did have a few books on horses but I'm not even going to open them until I can clean them off and lock that room down like fort knox.

Let it be known that Tanner Farthing was a horrid pervert.

2/27/14

I've been here just about a week. I'm still not entirely convinced I'm not dreaming but if this is a dream, it is pretty cool.

I'll probably keep writing this if only to catalog my insanity.

The ponies have faded away and the food stopped. I can see the Shy Butt every few hours, I think she's worried about me.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day studying and maybe Monday I'll head out and try to talk to her. I  hope it's a her, if not Tuesday is going to be even more shameful.

There are ponies in the other rooms. I've locked myself in my room and I can hear them trying the doorknob.

I've blocked off the door with my dresser and I should be safe. Tomorrow I'm going to get my damn answers!

LIST OF SHIT I NEED ANSWERED

What are you?

How do you speak English?

How do you even pick things up?

Why were you wearing vests and singing?

Am I dreaming?

Winter warp up...nananananana...something something holiday cheer...

Someone heard me singing. I can hear the ponies laughing.

I'm gonna go to bed in shame now....

WEEK TWO

2/28/14

I woke up today surrounded by noise. They're outside my door and I can hear them talking.

I'm a bit scare to leave, but I said I'd try to talk to Shy Butt. I'm gonna throw a backpack down and try to climb out the window. I'm not going to touch these horse if I don't have to. I'm still not a fan of these things up close. I'm somehow convinced they'd smell like crap.

Okay. Window time. Will continue when I'm on the ground.

I fell...everything hurts and there's ponies surrounding me. They're looking at me like I'm crazy. They're asking me to stop writing.

I told them to fuck off and shit on something else.

They didn't like that...they--

                        Thry

tak

                                                 book

They tried to take my book. I grabbed him by the balls and made him give it back. Blue Spiky is watching me write.

Blue Spiky says hello.

I'm covered in mud but I'm heading towards Shy Butt's. Blue Spiky is being helpful, and she smells like sex instead of shit. It worries me why she smells like that but I'm not going to question it.

Actually, I'm gonna ask her.

She said she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I think she's full of shit, pony shit. I'm gonna figure this out at some point, but until then I'm just gonna stand up wind of her.

Blue Spiky led me to Shy Butt. I gave her a pat on the head, but she made me hug her. I smell like sweat now and I feel kinda grimy. I feel like a stocking, feminine but disgusting when you think about it.

I'm gonna go ask what's wrong with Blue Spiky.

She said that she's "promiscuous" I think she means she's a slut. That wasn't very nice but she said it in a nice way. Shy Butt appears to be an enigma.

I'm being offered to come inside. It smells like cookies in there, so I'm inclined to follow her.

Her house is nice. Kinda small but nice. There's a bunny running around and biting me.

I'm gonna kick this thing out of the window if it doesn't stop.

Sorted that shithead out. Shy Butt made it go sit outside. Shy Butt called herself Fluttershy. I called her Shy Butt. I'm going to compromise by calling her Flutter Butt.

She's still not too happy about it, but I'm happy, and that's what matters.

She's telling me I'm not nice.

I told her she had a nice butt. She got embarrassed and went quiet. She's staring at me now.

I think it's question time. So I might transcribe this.

She's still blushing, and it's making me nervous! Am I a pervert? Does liking squishy yellow butt make me a pervert?

Probably. I'm not into horses, but I can always admire a nice butt.

Transcribed:

ME: What the fuck is going on?

BUTT: I'm sorry?

ME: No seriously, the hell is going on? Am I on drugs?

BUTT: I don't know.

ME: Anyways. What are you?

BUTT: A pony, what are you?

ME: American.

BUTT: I like your nest.

ME: It's not a nest. And stay out of there...there are...bestial things in there. Next question! How do you even hold things?!

BUTT: Like this....

She picked up a teacup with her bare hoof. This is witchcraft!

ME: Witch!

Flutter Butt looks sad now....

ME: Sorry...you're a very nice witch, with a nice butt.

She's blushing again.

ME: Should I stop mentioning your butt?

BUTT: Oh...I mean...if you want.

I have the weirdest boner right now.

ME: Next question! Can I get something to eat?

Butt's frowning pretty bad.

BUTT: What have you been eating this whole time?

ME: Cheap crap, but it's all gone.

BUTT: Well that's no good. You can take something when you go...and...if you...I mean if you wanted to--

Okay I'm need to stop transcribing because I think this yellow thing is hitting on me.

She's saying no, but she definitely wants the D.

I kind of want to run home now.

ME: Seriously?

BUTT: I...uh...yes?

ME ...I'm gonna go, okay?

BUTT: Oh...okay.

She makes me sad...

ME: you make me sad...fine, last question. Can I squeeze your butt?

She's glowing red.

ME: For science...or...at least this book. Documentation, whatever.

BUTT: Oh...I don't know I m--

Soft, squishy, warm, and malleable. She does indeed have a nice butt.

ME: Okay, that's all. So can I get something to eat?

She's just mumbling now...I'm gonna take some food and head home.

3/1/14

It's March now. I'm going to have to spend March with a bunch of ponies banging at my door.

Great...and I can see Flutter Butt out there. She's...she's flying over.

Curtains drawn. My false sense of safety has returned! I'm gonna skip showering today and try to regain control of the dorm today.

I managed to regain control of the evil horse room and some art student's dorm. So spirits are high, and now I have a large supply of panties.

Modest success!

3/2/14

I woke up with a boy pony spooning with me. I kicked him in the balls and threw him out the window.

Never feel clean again.

I'm gonna go wash.

They're watching me wash myself.

These horse bastards are horny as fuck. Fucking ponies need to go get laid and let me wash myself in peace. I'm seriously getting sick of this. I'm not even sure if they're giggling at me, or my penis and it's making me uncomfortable.

I'm getting sick of these ponies as a whole. Blue Spiky's okay, but apparently she's a slut. That makes me sad, but she's at least someone to talk to.

Blue Spiky says I should meet more ponies. She thinks I'll find someone I like.

I'm not sure what she means, but I think she might be soliciting me.

She said I have an inflated ego.

Bitch.

Blue Spiky's called Vinyl Scratch. Blue Scratch until further notice.

She's gonna take the room next to mine and try to keep other ponies out.

I'm still going to lock my door but the prospect of being left alone is rather appealing. Blue Scratch seems modestly trust worthy, and she seems more interested in the room than with me.

If she keeps smelling I think I'm gonna go dunk her in the stream.

3/3/14

I caught Blue Scratch with a pair of panties on and just walked away. Can none of these ponies be trusted!?

I'm gonna go spend the day outside. Maybe I'll go...do something.

I can do anything I want, without repercussions, and all I can think of is masturbating.

This must be how god feels. All the power in the world and all I want to do is jerk it.

What is my life coming to?

Blue Scratch followed me to the stream. I was too nervous to do anything so I ended up just napping in a field. Blue kept talking about music and panties. I guess she likes them.

I just wish she'd let me sleep in peace.

She's looking over my shoulder.

She called me a nerd.

I'm gonna go to bed.

3/4/14

I woke up today with Blue curled at my feet like a dog.

It was oddly pleasant. I think I can trust Blue Scratch. Maybe.

I just wish she'd stop watching me write.

Hey did you know that you have a skeleton mimicking everything you do? Spooky right?

She didn't buy it.

She wants to go get food. I think that might be a good idea.

This was a good idea. Pony food is really good.

Fruits are sweet and citrus is nice and sour. I can't eat hay, but Blue Scratch seems to like it.

I'm gonna ask a few questions and record results.

I'm in Equestria.

Ponies are the dominant species.

There are griffons.

She's a bit of a slut, but she seems cool about it.

She let me squeeze her butt.

Compared to Flutter Butt, it was firmer, smaller, but that is a tight butt.

                                                                                        Will document further at a later date.

When my shame has died down.

Okay. Stocked up on food. Got some information. I'm feeling good.

Blue Scratch said she might move in with me. I'm cool with it, gonna give her the art student's room. She likes the panties and...I'm...done with them.

She promised to pick up food if I let her stay so this is gonna work out.

Blue Scratch, you are my greatest ally.

                                                                                                                                         Buck yeah.

Notes: Ponies have a poor concept of personal property and space.

3/5/14

Blue Scratch came through. Food is being supplied and my scientific studies can continue!

Swhet shit...

                                      she brought bouz

ma iver is dyin

It kiks like rubin alchoha

Why-----------------I___________do this?!??

I wanna go home....no mo pon shite

3/6/14

Fuck...I woke up in bed with Blue Scratch, crying.

I don't know where my pants are, or why I'm here.

My journal isn't much help, and I can barely read it.

This reminds me of that picture of the guy and the pony.

Oh god I'm that guy......

Holy shit.

So apparently we got drunk and I broke down crying. Blue Scratch laughed at me, but she said she wont tell anyone. I don't know If I can trust her. We shall see.

On another note, pony alcohol will kick your ass up and down the street. Seriously that stuff has an extremely high knockout rate.

Research...will continue...eventually.

But at least I have a decent grasp on where I am, if only that. That and that these ponies are terrible at being subtle.

I grabbed Blue's horn from behi behind

She freaked out and shot some lighting shit from her horn.

I feel like my fingers got hit by a hammer.

My fingers might fall off.