Power is Knowledge

Another pony would've died today.  Jumping right into things here, I know, but it's important.  This pony was in the hospital, and was the one in the second bed in the room.  I had not noticed her until now, but I have to say, it would be hard not to.  I heard her shout, and then silence.  A nurse rushed in.

"Doctor! Doctor!" I heard her shout, as she ran back out into the hall.  Another mare followed her in.  She wore what looked to be a white lab coat, and her mane was tied back into a bun.  Not sure if that's important, but still worth mentioning.

"What happened?"

"She screamed and then… she's not breathing!"

I took this opportunity to see what was going on.  I left my own body and travel over to the one nearby.  Cardiac arrest, it seems, caused by some heart condition...  Not sure how I knew that, but I know I knew it... if that makes any sense.

This pony wasn't your usual case.  She had a full-body cast, like one would see it some movie, only it was real.  Any attempt at CPR would probably break her ribcage and damage the internal organs, and an AED would be needed... if she wasn’t covered in casts, that would probably work.

Luckily, it's these kinds of deaths that I can truly save a pony from.  If their heart has stopped, it's only a matter of time before she's really dead, when the electricity stimulating the brain's functions are stopped...  unless someone gives her that spark to start her heart up again.

I saw her standing before the light.  She faced it, and was walking towards it.  I couldn't speak, I only pushed her back and away from it, trying to stop her from a fate she can't have.

She retaliated.  I feared she would.  She didn't want to live anymore; she wanted to go into the light, to end the pain she had been in.

She didn't stop.  She kept moving trying to move towards the light.  They can't see me, and never do they know what is stopping them.

Her pace slowed, and soon she came to a halt, right next to the light...

***

I just received the call (Side note: Yeah, there are telephones in Equestria, but everypony doesn't like using them because it's so hard to pick up the actual phone.) from the hospital that Double Take was dead.

"Dead?  You're quite sure?"

"Very sure, I'm sorry to say.  His vitals cut almost a few minutes ago, and there was no saving him.  I'm sorry."

"Well... thank you.  Please, if you would, just put his body in the morgue.  There won't be any other services required."

There was a moment of silence.  I must've scared the nurse with my direct lack of care.  He wasn't dead, I was sure of it.

"Very well... we'll, uh... be right on that."

She hung up right then and there.

***

I pushed her further from the light, and  I felt as her very being disappear.  In a few seconds, I would be pushing nothing but open space.

Don't think of space at a time like this.  The last time you did that, you lost the pony... I reminded myself.  It was such a hypocritical statement.

I thought about pushing air instead.  When I felt no resistance coming from the other pony, and I saw she was not there anymore, it was only then that I stopped.  Such a simple act to save a pony, one might say, but when I write it, it sounds much simpler than it actually is.  Now there was only one thing left to do: return to my own body.

***

"Vital signs are up!  She made it!"

"All right, that's good.  If she was out any longer, she would be dead."

"It's too bad we couldn't save... wait... look at that!"

"His vitals are up... and stable?  But how?!"

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me?"

They discussed the situation, but I knowing the real situation, it was hard not to just...

"Do I look dead to you two?  I sure as hell don't feel dead." I asked sarcastically.

The two were shocked beyond belief.  "We're, uh... we're going to have to go talk to our superiors about all this..."

They left the room.  I didn't feel comforted by what they had said.

It was time for me to get out, and quick.

I got up, feeling a slight bit of pain in my side, and I focused on where I needed to teleport.  The middle of town would probably be good, but I need somewhere more specific.  Running around with a wound this big that was still healing would need someplace in town, but a little more discrete.  The alleyway might work, but... I had doubts.  So, I teleported to the one place I did know that was safe and out of the way.

***

The hospital called me again, this time telling me Double Take was alive.  I tried to act surprised, but I kind of saw this happening.

"Double was just fine after we had just saved another pony after her heart quit out.  It's really strange, and the doctors and I think we should put him in for extensive testing."

"That won't be necessary." I replied. "The machine probably just turned off or something while he was sleeping.  It's no big deal."

"But I could've sworn--"

"Listen to me for a second.  What makes more sense to you: a pony randomly dying and coming back to life, or a pony whose heart rate monitor disconnected for a minute or two?"

"But a pony did do that!  She was the other one we were saving!"

"Well then, does it make more sense that two ponies would do that at the exact same time?"

"No, I guess not... I'll talk my superiors out of it.  Thanks for making me see things in the right light.  I think I assumed a bit too much when I said I saw what I thought I saw.  Good-bye, Ms., Sparkle."

"Good-bye."

***

I've been writing too much about my saving and my "escape" that I almost forgot what I told myself to write about today.

Her.

When I was on the verge of death the other day, I thought it might be over.  So, I took my chances to go see her.  It's a rare phenomenon that I can't explain.  I don't go into the light, I say, but it comes down to it, I've lied.  I have gone over before.

And it is beautiful.

I tried to describe it in my previous writing, but something seemed... lacking.  There was no color, no texture, no... emotion.  It's the one place I allow myself to express some feelings... as backwards as that sounds due to these last few days.  Never would I have found myself expressing as much emotion on the oth-- I mean, on this side.  It seems I am stumbling over my own words, and writing with ink and a quill doesn't help with that.

Anyway, where was I?  Her, yes, Her... She is the only one who understands my true side.  I talk, She listens, sometimes it's the other way around, and we generally just enjoy each other's company.  That is, when the time is long enough.  The longest time I spent with her was... well, that was during my recovery from the stabbing.  It took me about a year to recover from my injuries, and on the other side, that translates to about the same amount of time.  Time on this side moves much faster than that of the other side for one reason or another, though.  I expect that the other side has a larger planet, or something of the like, that takes longer for days to pass.  That's logic right there.

But the other side isn't exactly logical... not in every aspect of it.  I feel the days there are much longer than the days here, that every minute is longer, that time itself has slowed.  I found the sun and the moon moved on their own, life was tranquil, and everything was provided as needed in that world.  There was no ruler of the lands, no government, no laws, no currency either, yet there was also no war, no violence, no evil... there was a general sense of true peace, something this side has yet to see.  I find that many dark essences lurk everywhere around here, including in the hearts of the inhabitants of this side.

However, it is not always the case when I enter the other side.  There is only a slim chance I will get the timing right, and that the world I speak of appears.  Most of the time it is just a white world, filled with nothingness that should await me if I return at the wrong time.  That is why I keep away from the light.

And that is why I keep others away from it as well.  I can't risk them being lost in a world of nothingness.

I have to return to that world... the one where everything is so perfect, so right, so much better.

What's this?  I look at my notes and see I wrote Impression as my name... it's been so long since I was called that.  First Impression... that's my name on the other side.  I should probably add, I don't mean "so long", as She puts it, time-wise... on the other side, I've been gone for maybe a month, instead of a year.  Yes, that seems like a good time ratio there.  My other ways of explaining it seem a little hard to take in.

It lasted only about a minute, though.  That translates to 12 minutes, enough time for Twilight to teleport us to the hospital and for them to stitch me up.  It may seem like a short time, but the nurse and doctor were truly "the best in the business", as Twilight told me.  I'd expect them to make it a quick job, with the aid of a unicorn as experienced as Twilight.

I'm no idiot, I know a good magic-user when I see one, and with the way she drove off the wolves, I would say she knows quite a bit about it.

Speaking of which... no, I cannot mention that.  Not yet.

While the other side is a major time of visit, one may have noticed it could also go the other way around.  She can visit me, and through death, just as I visit Her.  Only, it's very hard to die in the other world, and suicide is not the answer, as we all should know by now.

But we can't do it all the time.  Only in the spring... or the fall, depending on which side one is on.  I have already written about that, I do recall... ah, yes it was a fall day on the other side, and it is a spring day here.  The perfect match up of time.  Then again, it will last for another two year's springs, due to the time difference.  The seasons last much longer there, too... or rather the same length of time, just stretched out.  What I'm trying to say is that they have the three-month change for seasons, just like on this side.

On the first day of summer or winter (again, depending on the side), the connection will be cut, and I will no longer have the correct match-up of time to go back.  There are more prerequisites to getting to the other side, ones I cannot mention here.

Twilight told me she did not read my notes.  For this, I am thankful, and I trust her... however, trying to kill me before... that makes me a little worried, though I think she's learned her lesson.  Yet, I have this strange feeling inside me... something that tells me she was not truthful with me in some way.  Did she read the notes?  Was it that tempting to do so?  Or is it another thing that bothers me?

Perhaps it is... no, I've already said I cannot write that yet, as much as I want to.

That secret is far too important to state now, and far less within anypony's understanding.

***

I talked to Applejack today about her actions, and Double Take's reactions.  She was surprised at how well he took it, but she felt bad about it all.  I told her she could offer to pay his medical bills, as he had no money, and she had a successful farming business.  She sighed and something along the lines of  "I suppose so", and left without another word.

I was disappointed in her, but... it almost sounded like this is what Double wanted.  He wanted to stay on his toes, to stare into the heart of darkness... maybe he imagines himself as some kind of hero, in a sense.  If so, he doesn't really show it.

If he learned a thing or two about exaggerating, maybe some real thoughts would come from it, instead of the bland old words coming from his mouth all the time.  I wonder if he writes in a manner that is better...

No, I told myself I cannot read his notes until he allows for it.  He knows more about death and surviving it, and he knows when the time is right to tell me about it.  I will simply have to play my part and stick with the plan: become Double Take's friend.

I've noticed I've been taking my approach to the situation the wrong way.  The mistake I made was assuming that this would go smoothly, that he would give up such important information without a doubt in his mind.  It is more than apparent this is not true, and I will have to work hard to get him to share his knowledge with me.

However, I have learned quite a bit about him.  He is not sad to be living alone, he actually prefers it.  He does not seek help from others, and will tend to do things his own way without drawing any attention to himself.  He also likes when it rains, but the rain does not like him, as the saying goes.  Or at least, I think he likes the rain... he didn't seem to want to avoid being in it, that's for sure.

Hold on, I just heard Applejack burst through the doorway again.  I'd better go see what she wants.

***

I had teleported away from the hospital, onto the outskirts of town.  I didn't see anypony there.  Good.  I didn't look around; I knew where I was.  I was in front of Sweet Apple Acres.

I don't know how long I've been stealing away their apples for food.  It’s been longer than I can imagine.  I go here every time I can't find food in town, or if nopony offers me any.

This time, I wasn't here for food.  I was here to leave this town.

Sweet Apple Acres is so far out of the way, I don't think anypony would've noticed me.  So from here, I will leave this town and start anew in another until the time is right to return.  Good-bye, Ponyvi--

Wait... the connection is still there... I can feel it...

Can't you stay, Impression?  We've got so much to catch up on...

Now was my time.  Now, I could finally die, knowing my destination is true!  I can finally go back after all these years!  YES!

But the writings are not finished!  Oh, what a choice to make... to help an entire world of ponies, or just myself?  If only the decision wasn't so hard to make...

Oh... oh, but I see the choice is already made for me... my destiny, decided by that of this world.  In my blood it tells me so, for it seems my wound is not as closed as it was before...

***

Applejack told me Double wasn't at the hospital, and that he vanished when nopony was looking.  They assume he had teleported somewhere.  Where he went is the part they don't know.  They also said his temporary stitching was supposed to be replaced by now.  Not good.

Pardon me when I say Celestia damn it!  Why couldn't he just stay in one place?  Did they scare him off or something?  Or even worse, did they surprise him?  I know how much he hates surprises now.

This isn't good.  I have no idea where he could've gone, and why he would leave... I don't want to have to go out searching for him again, but it seems I have to, but this time I've got more than just myself on this.  Applejack agreed to help, so that reduces the time... I can only assume he's somewhere in Ponyville.

Last time, I got lucky finding him... I hope I can be just as lucky this time around.  The only problem I'll have if I find him is I can't bring him back to the hospital if he refuses to go back... I'll have to take care of him myself... or maybe somepony a little more medically trained could do so... and I think I know just the pony for the job.

***

The day is so calm and nice, even when it came to a close this evening.  I just got done feeding the chickens, and was ready to go back inside when I heard something shout out from not too far away.  It sounded like it was from Sweet Apple Acres, so I ran as fast as I could to see what the matter was.

I found a pony lying on the ground.  He was wounded... very much so.  I stood in shock for a few seconds before I took action.  I was only a veterinarian, but this pony needed help, and soon.

I had Mr. Bear help me bring him over to the house, where I patched him up as best as I could.  Whatever happened to him was no accident... somepony did this on purpose.  I've never seen so much blood in my life... not that I'm afraid of it.  I have to be willing to help injured creatures, so I won't allow myself to be scared of something like that.

What did scare me was what he said.

"No!  NO!  Stop it! Stop it now!  I don't need your help, I don't need anypony's help, just STOP IT!  Let me see her again, please!  You don't understand!  SHE IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!!"

He struggled against the needle I was using to stitch his wound up.  I had to restrain his movement.  If I wasn't so precise, he might've ended up in a much worse condition then he was in then.  I managed to close the wound and wrap it, just as he passed out from both blood loss and exhaustion.

***

Temporary insanity.

I forgot to mention that detail.

When I see the other side, a part of me is left behind in it, and a connection can sometimes be made.  This drives me to go to the other side, to believe that is where I truly belong.  Not that it isn't where I belong, but right now, more important things had to be done before my return.

This world needs to know, it needs to know a true peace that can never be broken.  All I've done in the past few days is impede my own progress towards my goal.  It makes me feel terrible knowing I can't go back yet, but it makes me feel even worse that I'm the one causing this delayed return.

I have to get this right, and the only way to do that is to stop putting myself in such dangerous situations.  Whenever I do get put into one, it only makes me want to go back.  The forest was no help in that, reminding me of better times on the other side...

Ugh, this isn't getting me anywhere.  All I write about is Her, and I need to stop writing, talking, and generally thinking about Her.  No more of these needless writings.  I need to clear my mind, let my thoughts subside, and write again about what really does matter: the truth.  For today, I am done.

***

The search went nowhere.  We didn't find DT, no matter where we looked. (DT was a nickname Applejack suggested for Double Take which I've grown fond of... the abbreviation, not the pony himself.)  We began to ask if anypony had seen him or heard from him or about his location.  We asked around everywhere, and after more than, I don't know, somewhere around four dozen ponies were asked, we gave up.  We started to think of the places we'd never find him in, as he was now under the category of "hiding".

He was in the last place we would ever think he could be.  Fluttershy's cottage.  Funny, because that was the place I was thinking of bringing him to once we found him.  We didn't need to ask if he'd been there.  We were sure that the blood covering Fluttershy was a clear sign that he had entered the place.

She told us she had patched him up (as she was washing out the blood from her mane) and that he was resting in another room.  When I asked how he was doing, she asked another question back.

"I don't really know... is he always that... crazy?"

A peculiar question, I asked what she meant by it.  She explained his mad ranting and his clear lack of wanting to live.  That did sound like him for a second, but I knew he wasn't crazy... right?  Wait, am I suggesting that he's suicidal when I put it like that?

I needed to talk to him again, but the night grew too late for conversing.  Tomorrow will have to do.  And I have some questions in mind for him, when I get the chance to ask.

Why does "she" matter?  Why was it he had to see "her" so badly?  Where was "she"?

Better question: Who is "she"?