Skipping a Couple Thousand Feet

I owe a lot to these mares. They pretty much just saved my life.

And Vinyl setting me up on this date with Thunder Flicker, I had the best friends a stallion could ask for.

I figure I'm never going to go back to the human world, but I was there one last time, so I guess I have some closure.

But now's not the time for sadness. I need to get myself out of the dumps and celebrate.

After a brief walk with the five,  we came to a bar...thing. I don't even know, everything looks different in Equestria.

We all walked in, and I trotted up to the bar.

The stallion behind the counter gave me the impression that barkeeping was even his talent, not just a job. I'm gonna see if he's really that good.

"One Robert Palmer." I orderer, taking my seat.

"Robert Palmer. Got it." He went and started mixing some Red Bull and iced tea. It was my favorite drink for a while before I could legally drink. He finished mixing and set on the countertop. "You're not looking 100%. Something up?"

I shook my head. "Nah, no worries. I missed a date with a beautiful mare, but I've got another one." I took a drink, and damn, did that thing have some kick to it.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention." Barkeep laughed. "I put a bit of vodka in there."

That would explain it. After quickly disposing of the rest of it, I nodded at him. "Best drink I've ever had."

The door to the bar flew open. "Hey, numbnuts!" A stallion yelled.

I turned to look, not so much for the numbnuts part, but for who this stallion was.

What I saw was a powerful looking black stallion, with a black/red mane.

Barkeep sighed. "What do you want, Dead Ink?"

Dead Ink trotted up to the counter. "Hotshot. You and me. Drinking contest. Now."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really, Dead? You think you can take ME in a drinking contest?"

Barkeep gave him one RP to even the count. "'course I can, numbnuts." Dead scoffed.

I cracked my neck. "I thought I was the hotshot here. But I'll oblige."

Relatively 19 shots later....

I bit my forehoof. Jesus motherbucking Christ was I drunk. Dead wasn't looking so well either.

"I'll..I bucking will *hic* tell you.." I groaned. "I'm gonna..win faster than two jiggles of a *hic* jackrabbit's ass.." I realized immediately after what I said. That was the last words I ever said to my buddy Eric. I told him that I'd be "over quicker than two jiggles of a jackrabbit's ass", and when I got over to his house....he was gone.

Vanished. Without a trace. Gone.

Dead looked very surprised. "Two jiggles of a...?" He then collapsed.

I was so concerned for him, I didn't even care that I won. All that mattered was getting this poor stallion somewhere safe. I draped a hoof of his over my shoulder, and started walking him back to my house, where he could at least sleep it off.

When we arrived home, it was already dark. I carried him up the stairs, and laid him down on my bed.

"Sleep well, Ink." I smiled and put a blanket over him. Then I walked down the stairs and passed out on my couch.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of bird chirping. It's like one of those scenes where you can hear the birds chirping, and there's that soft music playing in the background.

Except for the hangover.

Oh dear god, the hangover.

I slowly rolled off the couch, falling onto the ground. "Ow..." I said, to no one.

After laying there for about fifteen minutes, I slowly got to my hooves. Who'd be coming down the stairs, but Dead.

"You can can it with the pony act. I know it's you, Nick." Dead sighed.

"What? How did you...who are you?!" I stepped back.

"'Two jiggles of a jackrabbit's ass.'" Dead looked me in the eyes.

"Oh my god..." Dead was ERIC. How was this possible? Eric was supposed to be dead. By all means.

"Yeah. It's me." Eric walked over. "Took you long enough to get here."

"You mean you've been here since the night you disappeared?!"  I was probably panicking a bit too much.

"I have." Eric nodded. "It's been four years."

I shook my head. "Time is half as fast back in our world than here. It's been two."

Eric shrugged. "Potato shmatato."

I just couldn't believe it. "But...you're supposed to be dead. They found an old corpse they assumed was you."

Eric sat next to me and laughed. "You know what happens when you assume."

At the same time, we both said "It makes an ass out of you and me."

At this point, I knew it was Eric. "It is you."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course. Think, would you have helped me out if you didn't feel something different about me?"

I hadn't considered that. I just wanted to make sure he was safe. Maybe I did feel a..say..duty to get him to be safe, but I didn't really say anything about it.

"I guess not." I sighed.

Eric and I spent the rest of that morning getting me ready for my all-important date with Thunder. It very well may be one of the most important day of my life. I put my suit back on (which Hotshot had thrown on his bed...what a slob) and looked in the mirror. "Not too bad...right?"

Eric smirked. "Dude, you're worrying about nothing. If Thunder is as cool as Vinyl makes her out to be, you'll do just fine."

I bit my lip a little bit too hard, tasting my own blood. "I know, it's just that I'm a little nervous. After my failed date with Gleaming, I'm just a little apprehensive about dating."

Eric put a hoof on my shoulder. "Nick..when that girl broke up with you freshman year, how long did you mope?"

"I didn't." I looked down at his hoof.

"How early did you try to get back into a relationship?" He moved my head so I was looking into his eyes.

"Three hours later." I stood a little taller, feeling a bit of pride.

"And how long did she trail you on for?" Eric started getting louder and louder, as did I.

"Three months!" I yelled.

"Now, who deserves to be happy?!" We actually started sounding like we were arguing.

"I do!!!" I yelled at him.

"Who's gonna get laid tonight?!?" He yelled back with a smirk.

"Probably not me!" I yelled back, and we looked at each other and burst into laughter.

Eric wiped away a tear. "Oh man...I should mention. I dated Thunder a while back. Based on what I know, you guys would be a good fit."

I shrugged. "Hey, that's what dates are for."

"Dates are for eating." He punched me in the shoulder. "Now, get your ass out there and make a mare happy."

I cracked my neck and stepped out the door. "Hey, Eric?"

He looked at me like a proud father would look at his son. "Yes, Nick?"

I smiled before closing the door. "Thanks for everything."

This was it. If I could nail this date with Thunder, the rest of my life would be so much happier.

It was my last shot.