A Life I Lived

I remember what it was like waiting. It was intolerable, I would lay there and count the nicks in the wood again and again the crickets chirped and the grasshoppers hopped. It was infuriating to wait as long as I was, but I had to make sure everyone was asleep. Every now and then I’d look outside to see if anyone was still around. I’d catch the occasional glance of Howard, but he was never near the girls’ shack. Eventually though, after hours of waiting, I finally decided to get out.

I checked my belt and, sure enough, I still had the small claw with me. Wasn’t exactly a knife, but it would do in case we ever got in danger. I opened the door and closed it slowly behind me. If it wasn’t for the crickets, the place would be dead silent. I kept moving forward, making sure I didn’t step on a stray leaf or a random stick. My steps needed to be precise. Eventually, though, after slowly shuffling my way over the girls’ place, I made it to the door.

I lay my head against the door and listened. I could hear their light snores and small yawns from the otherside. Without much hesitation, I picked up the wedge and opened the door, making sure, again, to not make any noise. The three of them were huddled up together, wrapped around each other's arms and hugging each other to sleep. I could see that the white one had damp fur near its eyes.

I slowly approached their sleeping trio and thought about how I was going to wake them up. I saw that the orange one was not fully wrapped around and decided to ask her. Without much thought, I grabbed her side and shook her a little, felt like I was holding a cat.

She let out a couple grumbles and proceed to go back to sleep. I let out a disgruntled sigh and did it again, with more force this time. She grumbled yet again and finally spoke.

“Hmmmm, five more minutes…” She said again, in a comical way.

“We don’t have five minutes,” I said, she immediately shot herself awake and kicked my chest. I could feel one of my ribs about to give out as it bended to the sheer force of this kid. I had to ignore the pain though. As she was about to scream out her lungs, I gripped her mouth shut and held it tight.

“Shut the fuck up!” I said, gritting my teeth as I tried to stop myself from screaming while I massaged my newly acquired bruise. The filly eventually stopped thrashing around and looked at me in shock and then sorrow and then anger. She pulled herself away from my grip and landed back on her hooves.

“What is your problem?” She said, in a hushed whisper, her voice as well trying to not make too much noise.

“You kicked me in the chest.”

“You snuck up on me!”

“You kicked me in the chest!”

“Hey! Not my fault that-” We eventually stopped our bickering when we heard the tell tale signs of a waking up kid. Next to Scootaloo, I could see Sweetiebelle starting to raise her head and look around the place.

“Scootaloo… It’s too early for this…” She said, a large yawn soon following. Her yawn didn’t last very long as she soon saw me. I could see her lips quiver into what would soon become a scream. Before she could even get a peep out, I rushed over and slammed my hands over her mouth.

“Be quiet!” I said in a hushed whisper. “If anyone hears a scream, you guys are dead,” I said, slowly pulling my hands away from the tiny little pony. Her face still filled with fear, and tears welling in her eyes, but she didn’t say a word.

“You don’t have to be mean about it…” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah, well it’s true. Do me a favor and wake up your other friend,” Scootaloo stared at me for a few seconds before stopping and making their way to Applebloom.

“Are you going to kill us?” I snapped my head to Sweetie Belle and saw the genuine fear in her eyes. The anger that plastered my face slowly faded away and I let out a small breath of air.

“No, I’m not going to kill you, we talked about this already.”

“Ju-Just making sure.”

“Great, now get up. Everyone’s asleep and we should be fine to travel.”

“But… Tha Everfree’s dangerous at night!” Applebloom said.

“Yeah, I know how dangerous it is… I just need to get something. Follow me,” I opened the door and walked through it, the pitter patter of hooves behind me telling me that the three children were following close behind. I moved as stealthily and slowly as I could, trying my best to not make too much sound as I walked closer and closer to Howard’s cabin. Once we were close enough, I stopped and turned towards the girls.

“Listen, if things don’t go as planned in there, I want you to run back to your place, okay?” I said, my voice barley a whisper.

“But what about you?” Scootaloo asked, her voice also a small whisper.

“Don’t worry about that, I hope I’m quick, but just get ready to run, got it?”

“Okay,” All of them said in unison.

I turned towards the cabin and slowly creaked the door open, making sure my claw dagger thing was still on me. It might have been dark as all hell, but I could make out that Howard was passed out on a mattress. A genuine mattress. It looked old, banged up and about ready to fall apart, but I bet it was a lot more comfortable than what I had. I couldn’t help but get a little angry. Ignoring that though, Howard was passed out, his snores being evident of that. I slowly inched my way into his room and looked around, spotting my son’s backpack, but none of my guns were visible. I cursed at myself. Fucking Durham. I remember thinking that maybe he had lied about where they were, or maybe he was too high to think clearly.

I stopped in my mental tracks at seeing Howard rustle in his sleep, it seems like he was a hard sleeper. He turned and twisted and flopped all over his bed, but eventually he stopped moving. The funny thing about his flopping around, I could hear some clicking of guns underneath him, like he was laying on it.

“Fuck me,” I whispered at myself.

I moved towards the mattress as slowly as I could, not daring to make a peep as Howard slept. When I was close enough, I swear I could feel him breathing, each exhale of air crawling up my arms. I moved my hands underneath the mattress, hoping that he wouldn’t wake up from some small movements as I ran my fingers over everything that I could feel.

Eventually, I felt something grip my hands, without a moment of hesitation, I grabbed it and slowly pulled it out, Howard still snoring away all the meanwhile. Once I had pulled my hands out, I realized rather quickly that I was holding a gun bag. It was laid out flat, not even revealing much of a bulge. I looked back up at Howard, making sure he was still asleep, and he didn’t show a sign of waking up.

Without much waiting, I zipped open the bag and gawked at what I saw. Along with my own guns, there was the hatchet, an assault rifle and a 16 Gauge Shotgun. What are the chances that I’d find a shotgun that could fire the same shells I found out in the woods weeks ago? Whatever these guys had gone through, I knew nothing about and I doubt they’d tell me either. I looked for the pistol for those ACP rounds I found as well, but it wasn’t there. Either they didn’t have it, it was someone else’s pistol or...

I looked back up and I saw Howard aiming a Colt.45 right at my skull. I should have figured that out quicker.

“Whatcha think yer doing there, son?” Howard said, his voice full of malice. He slowly sat up with his pistol still aimed at me.

“... I’m leaving.”

“Yer leaving? After everythang we done fer ya? Yer just gonna up an’ leave?” I didn’t bother giving him a response. He got up onto his feet and walked right up to me. “You don’ git to jus’ fuck on outta ‘ere when ya feel like it,” Thank god it was dark and Howard couldn’t see me pulling out my makeshift claw dagger.

“I’m going to leave.”

“Bullshit you are. Ah’m gonna blow yer damn brains out and leave yer body out for them lions to fight over,” Howard cocked the gun back and aimed the pistol down onto my skull, pressing the barrel right against it.

“Howard, this ends one of two ways. You let me go and you don’t die… Or I shove that gun down your throat and pull the trigger until it clicks,” Howard let out a chuckle at hearing me say that.

“How ya figure that?”

“Well, for one-” Then I striked. In one swift movement, I pushed the gun out of my face and heard the gunshot fire past my eyes. I tackled Howard to the ground and shoved my claw deep into his stomach, twisting it hard enough to hear his guts squeal. Howard screamed in agony, trying his best to shoot me, I didn’t bother to listen. I pulled the claw out and I stabbed him again and again and again, feeling his own blood splatter onto my body as it pooled underneath us.

I could hear his ribs crack from every stab wound, his own guts starting to pop out from how many new holes he had. Eventually, he stopped moving, stopped firing his gun and laid there, dead. But I knew I fucked up. I soon heard shouts from outside.

I quickly grabbed his pistol and ripped it out of his hands, unloading the magazine to see I had a couple bullets left and sliding it back into the gun. I picked up my son's backpack before wrapping my arms around the straps and grabbed the bag full of weapons before running outside.

The girls had long since ran, as I told them to, but they weren’t whole I was concerned about. Ten feet away from me was Durham, Mary and Nicole, they looked scared, but they weren’t armed. They didn’t even have a bat or anything with them. Once they saw me, carrying everything they had, they looked horrified. I guess being covered in blood wasn’t exactly what they expected to see. We stared down each other, no one willing to say anything as my grip on the pistol did not budge even a little. After a moment of silence, Durham walked up slowly.

“James… what did you do?” He asked, his eyes looking me up and down.

“Durham… You’re a smart man… What do you think.”

“Why?”

“I’m leaving Durham, I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Y-Y-Yes you can! We can still be together! It’s safer together! It’s-”

“Don’t bullshit me. You’re all scared of me now and I’ve been wanting to leave for the longest time… This only sped it up.”

“So what you’re just going to go back out there? You’ll be killed with all the wildlife here! You know that!”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“James, please just-” He was cut off when I cocked the gun. He stared down at my hand in fear as though he knew what’s about to happen.

“Durham… There’s no point… I’m going to go to the ponies and I’ll see what I can do.”

“... You… You can’t just… leave us with no guns… we’ll die out here…” At that, I paused. He was right, they would have died out there. Even the simplest of firearms would have improved their chances. Maybe it was out of cowardice, or maybe I was bitter, but I didn’t care. Durham has been good to me and it made it all the more harder to look him in the eye.

“... Yeah… You’re right, but that’s not my concern anymore.”

“James, please,” I raised my gun right up to him, my police training taking over.

“Get back!” Durham, being shocked at what I was doing, did so.

“Please! We can’t defend ourselves!”

“I’m not going to shoot you.”

“What do we do?!”

“Find another group,” At this, Mary started talking.

“They’ll kill us!”

“Why?”

“We… We know almost every group of people in this forest! None of them would accept us!”

“That why you guys shot first?”

“What?”

“Before I found you, I saw this place that had blood and bullet casings everywhere. The shells I found were 16 Gauge and I happened to find a shotgun of that same caliber here. So tell me, is it because you shoot first?” They didn’t seem to know what I was talking about, they just stared at me confused.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Then I’m guessing it was Howard, huh? Him and his other friend, huh?”

“Please! Just-”

“Enough! I’m not having this argument! Get on the ground! Now!” I scrambled out at them. Slowly, each and every one of them got on the ground, and put there hands over their heads. I walked right up to Durham, making sure my pistol was squarely aimed at them. “Here’s what happens next, you’re going to count to a hundred and yell it out. If you stop, I’m going to come back here and kill every single one of you… Got it?” Durham nodded at that and proceeded to start counting, making sure he screamed loud enough.

As he did that, I ran. I ran far away from the group, deeper into the forest, and away from the only place I called home for a while. Down past the foliage and back into the embrace of the trees that once held me, all the while Durham still screamed out those numbers.

The only thing that stopped me from continuing to run was when I tripped over a couple of brightly colored ponies. After smashing my face into the dirt, I turned around to see the girls were there, dazed at being trampled. I quickly got back on my feet and got their attention.

“What the fuck are you guys still doing here?!” I asked, All of them got to their senses and looked at me in horror, but it looked as though Scootaloo was the only one who could speak.

“Du-Dude are you okay?”

“It’s not my blood, don’t worry about it, but why are you still here?!”

“We-we-We didn’t want to leave you and-”

“Fuck, screw it let’s just go!” I said, getting onto my feet and continuing to run deeper and deeper into the forest, the girls taking a bit to follow me. But we ran. I only wished I noticed a certain dog stalking us.

It must have been ten minutes worth of running. Every now and then I’d look over my shoulder and see the girls were still keeping up with me, thankfully they were able to keep up. We kept this up until I couldn't hear Durham’s counting anymore. At that point, I stopped running and fell back onto a tree, catching my breath. Been a while since I ran that long. The girls too fell down and started to breathe rapidly, I doubt they were ever forced to run like that before.

While we were catching our breath, I swung the gun bag over and opened it up, taking out my sniper rifle and revolver out. Thank god they weren’t in any bad condition, looked like they were untouched for the most part. I then slung my son's backpack over and opened it up. As I suspected, it looked like they were using the backpack to hold the ammo. I went to work reloading the weapons, making sure they were filled with ammo and I was more than ready for a fight.

The girls were intrigued by what I was doing, I guess with how fast my hands were moving they couldn’t help but watch with intrigue.

“What’re those for?” Applebloom asked me as I continued to reload the nearly empty shotgun.

“Self defense. When I was out here I got attacked by a bunch of wooden wolves.”

“Timber wolves?”

“Is that what they’re called?”

“Uh, yeah, everypony knows that.”

“Do I look like a pony to you?”

“... Uhhhhhh-”

“That was rhetorical.”

“Oh… okay,” Finally I was done reloading the guns. I shoved the shotgun and the assault rifle back in the bag, slung the sniper rifle around my arm, and kept the pistol’s in pockets, making sure their safeties were on.

“You guys know where to go from here?”

“Uhh… Sorta? It’s more like a general direction,” Sweetie Belle said, as she scratched the back of her head.

“Good enough… Screw it, you lead the way,” I said, getting up from the ground.

“Hold on! Why do you care?” Scootaloo said, butting in front of Sweetie Belle.

“I told you why, I don’t want to see kids get-”

“I know that! But we can make it back to Ponyville just fine! Why are you following us! Huh! Gonna destroy the town, aren’t ya?!”

“Now that ah think about it, ain’t you the one that were at the farm! The one that… hurt...”

“That was him!” Sweetie Belle asked, her facing going pale as she realized who she was with.

“There’s no way we’re letting this monster follow us! He’s probably planning to kill all of Ponyville or-

“Because I have nowhere to go. I’m going to go and… talk, okay?”

“Talk, ya put a hole in Twilight!” Applebloom said, coming out of her stupor.

“I know! But I think I’ll be doing a hell of a lot better in there than I would out here! Okay?! When we get there, I’m surrendering and they can do whatever the hell they want, but until then, walk!”

“Or what?! You’re going to kill us?!” I stopped myself from cussing her out, my fatherly temperament coming in handy, and talked in a calm manner.

“... I am begging from the bottom of my heart… Please… Just lead me there.”

“Promise us!” Scootaloo said.

“... I promise on my son’s soul I will just surrender,” They were taken aback by that, surprised at the words I said. They looked at each other quickly before looking right back at me.

“You have a son?” Sweetie Belle said, I didn't know how to feel at that sentiment. I just felt... Moving on.

“I’d rather not get into it, please. Just move on, okay?” There was a pause in the air, none of them spoke a word. But eventually our little entourage set forth, slowly walking through the forest at a brisk pace. It was a quiet night, the air was just at the right temperature to make some travel, and the chirps of the cricket were all that was needed on that silent venture. Nobody said anything, it was quiet. Occasionally we’d stop to rest, but other than that it was just a normal night.

That was until we saw something.

The girls stopped in their tracks, not daring to move another inch forward. I slowly made my way up, trying to see what was wrong but then I saw it. There was a light moving towards us. I quickly pushed the girls behind a tree and waited, holding my breathe in as I listened into the conversation.

“Fucking hell man, I’m telling you none of them traps went off.”

“I heard gun shots, whole lot of ‘em coming somewhere from over here. If that don’t sound like supper, I don’t know what is.”

“You sure it’s safe to do this shit at this time? We’re gonna get attacked by one of them manticores.”

“And lose the fresh meat we’ll get? I’m starving, and I ain’t gonna wait. Sides, we ain’t seen those fucker’s in weeks, they probably realize they can’t fuck around our territory or we’ll blast them to dust.”

“Guess you’re right about that.”

“Now shut your bitching and look for whoever shot,” The two continued walking to wherever they were going. After a few seconds of waiting, their footsteps weren’t audible anymore and we got out of our little hiding spot. It dawned on my mind what they said.

‘Food? How long have people been here to resort to cannibalism?’ I thought to myself. I still feel disgust even thinking about it.

“Are they friends of yours?” Scootaloo asked.

“No, I don’t know them.”

“What do we do?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Keep moving, watch where you step.” The girls took heed of my words and continued walking forward, making sure to watch out for any sort of trap. If I’m being honest, that little encounter would explain why we haven’t seen many other animals out here. Perhaps they realized it wasn’t their territory? Or maybe there’s just a scent in the air. I don’t know. Regardless, we kept moving forward.

Further into the depths.