The Reggie Kush Story

by yourfanfictionnarrator

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 6759

This is the tale of a colt named Reggie Kush. His special talent just so happens to be cannabis cultivation, and when some pony is in need of weed, he's the go to guy.

Reggie Kush is a simple lower middle class pony. He works at a fast food restaurant, has classes to worry about, and lives in a house with over 8 roommates. So why wouldn't he get stoned all the time?

Published 2014-03-13 17:20:16 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-27 01:14:21 UTC

Chapter 1

A miniature bic lighter suspended in a dark purple aura floated in between his eyes. Taking a deep breath he spun the wheel against the flint and held down the button, the bright orange flame causing him to squint his sleep deprived eyes. He concentrated on another object. Upon bringing a 2 foot glass bubbler bong to his face he made a connection between the bowl and the flame. Inhaling deeply, his lungs began to expand as his throat felt a familiar burn. The bubbling came to a stop, and he pulled the glass bowl off of the bong. Taking one more deep breath he sucked up the remaining smoke, clearing the bong. He set it down and closed his eyes.

'Hold it...' He mentally motivated himself to hold in the massive hit as long as he could.

'Hold it...' He was running out of oxygen, his lungs and face starting to burn.

'That's it'

He exhaled, a large cloud of smoke rising into the air as he felt his stress and pain drift away, dissipating into the room.

"Ahhhh yeeeaaaah." He said. "Nothing like a nice wake and bake."

His legs extended, joints popping as he stood up. His hooves connected with the cold shag carpet. He hummed the tune to some heavy metal song that he couldn't remember as he clip-clopped to the bathroom. He looked in the direction of the mirror. Waiting for his eyes to adjust was comparable to waiting for a camera lens to focus. Soon his reflection came into view. He was a dark purple unicorn with fushia pink eyes, which currently were half lidded and red. His tail and mohawk of similar color. The gel in his hair had worn off overnight and left him with a serious case of morning mohawk. His hair was blood red with streaks of neon yellow and dark green roots. He raised his flank into the air and observed his tail in the mirror. His eyes drifted over his cutie mark. It was pretty simple, a standard weed leaf, which he had suprisingly always managed to pass off as a maple leaf. Really it was fate that his special talent was cannabis cultivation, his name wasn't Reggie Kush because of his cooking. He was a blank flank until his freshman year in highschool, when he smoked for the first time. He smiled fondly of the warm memory. He was so excited to tell everyone when it happened, but then again, he didn't want anyone to know how he got it or what it represented. At the time he decided it was best to cover his flank and leave the party until he could make something up. He settled for telling everyone that his cutie mark was a maple leaf and represented his sappy personality. He chuckled to himself.

"Sappy personality, yeah right. The only way it could more obvious would be to have a bong imprinted on my ass."

He enveloped his speakers in his aura and pressed the play button. The invasive yet soothing melody of italian opera entered his ears and he smiled. He switched on the sink, running the warm water over his hooves and bringing them up to his mane. His hooves didn't offer much dexterity, but at least now his mane was wet.

Using his magic he brought a round brush to his hair, and began twerling until the middle stuck straight up.

"Not bad Reg, not bad at all," He said to no one in particular.

He decided that his tail looked better frizzy and put down the brush. He did a final once over of himself in the mirror to make sure he looked good, and switched the light off.
He closed the door behind him and stepped back onto the shag carpet. He looked over at his bedroom door. It was a decent door. But Reggie is a lower middle class pony. He's just a frycook at some guys family resturaunt, and he's the only one there who isn't family. After all, he is the boss's pot dealer. But that still didn't make him the richest of 19 year olds. Point being, because he can't afford a better place to live, he shares a house with over 8 roommates, and my god they can be annoying. And right now, he was betting that someone was in his room.

He started quickening his pace until he was right at the door. He lowered his gaze to the door hole (basically a hole where a doorknob should be) and looked through.
His roommates Sugar Twist and Dizzy Twister were sitting on the floor pulling things out of his treasure chest... no one's supposed to go in his treasure chest!

Extending his forelegs he pushed the door open, causing the two invaders of privacy to jump back, their pupils visibly shrinking in fear.

"Hey! What the hell are you guys doin in here!" He yelled.

"We're sorry we're sorry we're sorry we're sorry-"

"Get the buck outta here!"

They immediately sprung to their hooves and began double timing it out the door, their eyes pointed at the floor the whole time.

Reggie walked over to his treasure chest. So much of his stuff was sprawled across his floor.

"Great, just great. " He leaned his head out the door. "Thanks for making a mess. You guys better hope I don't tell Sugarberry!"
He slammed the door shut and sighed. Almost instantly afterwards Dizzy Twister stuck her muzzle through the door hole.

"No, please don't tell Sugarberry! She told me she'd kick us out if she caught me snooping again!" She pleaded.

Reggie opened the door, forcefully pulling it off her muzzle, which earned a startled 'eep' from the purvy pegasus.

"How many times has she caught you snooping?" He asked.

"A lot."

"Why the hell do you go looking through peoples stuff anyway?!"

"I dunno?"

"And what about your sister?"

"She's never snooped before."

"Then why was she in my room?"

Dizzy opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself before she said anything.

"I can't tell you." She said.

He stared at her for a moment. He had this 'are you shitting me?' look on his face.

"I'm sorry, I really can't tell you!" She said.

"Fine." He said, pushing her out of the way. "I'm going to Sugarberry-"

"NO! Please don't tell her!"

Her sister Sugar Twist was sitting in the corner of the hallway terrified.

"Then tell me why you two were in my room."

"I can't!"

He stopped in front of Sugarberry's door and raised a hoof into the air.

"PLEASE!"

He brought his hoof forward.

"Okay okay!"

Upon hearing this his hoof stopped dead in front of the door. Placing his hoof back on the ground he turned around to face her. Sugarberry was likely still asleep anyway.

Sugar Twist hadn't moved an inch.

"I'm listening." He said.

Dizzy's eyes darted all around the house. Shame was streaming from her face.

"We were trying to find your weed." She said.

He stared at her in shock.

"What the hell are you talking about, I don't smoke weed!" He said defensively.

"We know you do! Sugar Twist caught you!" She said.

"That's a lie!"

"I saw you smoking in the garage when you thought you were alone!"

The two immediately ceased their arguments and placed their eyes on the shy Sugar Twist.

"That's it I'm telling Sugarberry." He said.

"Then I'll tell her about you smoking!"

Reggie turned around to face her. It was obvious that comment had made him angry, for he was currently staring her down with a 'you better not' look.

"Sugarberry said it's against her rules to do drugs in the house." She said matter of fact-ly.

"It's not like you guys were looking for my stash so you could show it to her. You wanted to smoke it!"

The only thing that could be heard was constant arguing througout the entire house. Whilst meanwhile a certain somepony was trying to sleep. Even a heavy sleeper like her couldn't sleep through this.
Sugarberry's eyes opened.

Author's Note

Taking Suggestions

Chapter 2

'Oh that's some bullshit.' He thinks to himself. 'I never share my weed, never.'

At first it was difficult for him to watch the three mares hogging all of his stash, but after having been passed the bong a few times his stress was beginning to dissipate. In fact, he was starting to feel pretty good.

The bong gets returned to him and he greedily takes the biggest hit he can manage. The mares were quite taken with his skills, but not suprised.

"I can't believe Sugarberry talked you into this, this is awesome." Dizzy comented.

"Yeah well don't get used to it. I haven't shared my weed with anybody since freshman year, and I'm probably never gonna do it again." He said.

"Yeah but aren't you having fun?"

"It's kinda new to me, it's wierd, but yeah. It's not so bad." He says.

He hadn't been lying. Honestly smoking with other people was a lot more fun. The only probolem being that the weed belonged to him, and he never shares. He levatates the bong upside-down, emptying the bowl. With a basic teleportation spell, he sends it back to his room.

"Hey why'd you put it up?" Sugar Twist asked.

He sighs, using his hooves to pinch and massage the bridge of his nose.

"Trust me. You guys have had more than enough."

"I only got to smoke from it 4 times." Dizzy says.

Reggie groans.

"First of all, they're called 'hits'. Second of all, that stuff is Canterlot Kush. It's really strong. And third, it only takes two hits to actually get high. Everyone here has hit it four times, so I think your gonna bre arlight... be bral... be ble fjbhsofhs, Uggggh Goddamn! I can't even fuckin talk straight."
Upon hearing this the mares started to laugh. Reggie dosen't find it funny at all, but seeing them all get the gigs at the same time was pretty fucking funny, and soon enough, Reggie joined in.

'How the hell did they talk me into this? Oh yeah, that's right.'

Sugar Twist watched in fear as Reggie argued relentlessly with her sister. But fear turned to curiosity and then to concern, as she heard the noise of bed springs extending and popping. Her pupils shrank as she heard the sound of hooves clip clopping across the floor.

"Dizzy!" She half whispered half yelled.

The two ignored her and continued to argue.

"Reggie!" Ignored once again.

"You can't tell Sugarberry what I did because you wanted to smoke to! I can't get in trouble with Sugarberry if you don't. It's either you, both of us, or none of us."

"Reggie if you don't-"

'Hooooooly Shiiiiiiiiiiiit!' Reggie ceased arguing and looked straight forward in awe. 'Daaaamn! Why does that Kush take so long to get to you?!'

He looked down at Dizzy Twister. He could tell she was talking but everything sounded like he was under water. He tried looking directly at her lips to see if he could read them. Without him knowing, his mouth started to mirror hers. It almost looked like she was chewing.

"Are you making fun of me?!" Dizzy said.

Now that part he heard.

'Oh no! Not know!' He thought. Could there be a worse time for this to happen to him? 'I've got-' Reggie began to chuckle in a "hehehe" manner. 'I've got the gigs!'

"PFFFFFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAH- AHHH, *gasp* AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA! HOLY SHIT!"

Reggie laughed until there were tears in his eyes. He leaned over on the wall, and then fell on the floor in a fit of unstoppable laughter.

"Reggie shut up!" Sugar Twist exclaimed.

"What the hell is going on out here!"

All of them, save for Reggie, turned towards the new voice.

It had been three hours since they all smoked together. Currently the three of them were engaged in a game of two on two Mortal Colt-bat. Reggie having the
advantage seeing as how he was the only unicorn, and had the ability to levitate the controller rather than manuver it with his hooves. His current openent was Sugarberry, who at the moment was flaling her controller around wildly, mashing random buttons like a crazy pony. Whereas Reggie was leaned back on the couch as chilled as one can chill. It was kind of cool to watch. Her forelegs were leaving a trail in their movements, and he felt as though she was in slow motion.
'Shit.' He thought. 'I got distracted.'

He tried his hardest to get his head back in the game, his eyes squinted in concentration. Soon his ears met the satisfying sound of virtual bones crunching. When his train of thought returned to the game, he decided that he should lean back.
His eyes were half lidded and his face bore an amused smile. His forelegs were crossed over his chest in an 'I'm better then you' matter.

The words 'Finish Her' layed out across the screen, and to what their eyes should see, but Reggie attempting a finishing combo move, and her charecter was soon reduced to a disimbodied head. The announcer gave a hoarse 'Fatality' and the round ended.
Sugarberry tossed her controller into the air. In a fit of confused stoner rage, which earned a few laughs from the other two.

"I quit, your to effing good at this game!" She said.

"Yeah I play this a lot when I'm high. It's way more fun playing it with another pony though." He replied.

The room was envoloped in an akward silence, in which no one spoke for about ten seconds. The first to speak being Dizzy Twister.

"Do you know Lyra?" She asked.

"... I don't think so. Lyra who?"

"Lyra Heartstrings. The mare with that seafoam green coat."

"Oh yeah, that gay chick?"

"... She's gay?"

Reggie tried not to laugh.

"You didn't know. She's more queer than a two dollar bit."

Sugar Twist laughed.

"How do you know?" Dizzy asked.

"I was friends with a dude who liked her. And when he asked her out, she told him that she had a thing for Bon Bon... why?"

"You sit the same way she does."

"What?"

"You know, she sits upright like you do."

"Oh, yeah... far out dude. Guess it's just more of a stoner thing." He said.

"...Lyra smokes?" Twist asked.

"Pfft yeah! I was her pot dealer in high school. How do you think I knew her." Reggie explained.

"But I thought you said that your weed was only for you."

"I said that I don't share it. I never said I didn't sell it."

Sugarberry's eyes lit up.

'He sells it does he?' Sugarberry thought. 'IDEA!!!'

Chapter 3

"Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty. Aight so forty bits that's gonna get you two grams of Reggie. But if you want I've also got Canterlot Kush, Purple Perfection, Red Queen of Hearts, and Happy Hardcore Hash."

Reggie deposited the contents of his treasure chest on his bed.

"Umm, Reg... There isn't any weed here." Sugarberry said.

Her statement couldn't have been more true. There were many interesting things in this pile, most of which caught her eye, none of which; however, happened to be what she was looking for.

Reggie suppressed a chuckle.

"There's a false bottom you dummy." He said as he levitated his chest into the air.

Sugarberry was confused. If he wanted to keep where he kept his weed a secret, then why was he telling her. Did he tell everyone who bought from him, or did he intend to hide it somewhere else? And if so, what did he intend to do with the chest once he relocated his stash. Reggie's next statement gave birth to a new thought which left her wondering if he had somehow read her mind.

"I'm the only one who can open this chest." Reggie explained.

'Well that explains it'

He levitated the chest in front of his face and spoke the words, 'Ice Bank Mice Elf'

There was a clicking noise, and the false bottom popped out onto the bed, Reggie laughing all the while.

"Real mature, did'ya come up with that yourself?" She asked.

Reggie steadied himself and replied, "Sure did."

Sugarberry peered into the box at the various colors of hash held in plastic baggies tied off with knots at the top. The most plentiful color of all being...

"That's a lot of green." She stated.

"The prettiest color in all of Equestria." He said proudly. "Now what can I get for you?"

A baggie was taken from the pile and brought in front of her face.

"This is every great pony's simple pleasure, Reggie. The simplest, yet arguably most important weed of all."

He selected another baggie. This weed was a visibly darker shade of green.

This stuff is Canterlot Kush, the kind we smoked earlier. This kind is definitely the best for community smoking, so if you wanna smoke with a couple other ponies then get this stuff." He explained.

Reggie really seemed to know what he was talking about. Needless to say Sugarberry was impressed.

"Go on." She said.

He lifted up another baggie. The weed inside was somewhat pinkish with a red stem.

"This shit's called Red Queen of Hearts. This knocks you on your ass if your not careful. It's real strong, It's definitely not for parties. This is only something you should smoke if you don't need to be anywhere all day. It's good if your depressed, or if you just wanna feel good." He explained.

He placed the bag back in the chest as he levitated yet another one out. This one was all different kinds of green. And the buds were visibly denser.

"Happy Hardcore Hash. This is the 'Whatever the buck I wanna do' kind of weed. It turns all your bad feelings into good ones. No matter what your feeling, this'll make you feel happy."

There was only one baggie left. The weed inside seemed to fade into a purple color around the edges.

"This one is my pride, my life's work, and my greatest grow. Purple Perfection. There's no foaling around when it comes to this stuff. It's the best there is, literally. Years of trial and error has lead me to no doubt the best weed in existence. There isn't a plant as perfect anywhere else. It's individuality is unmatched in all of this world to be sure."

Sugarberry's expression changed to that of a little filly in a candy store, eyes wide with amazement and longing. She took the baggie in her hoof and brought it to her muzzle. She was taken aback as she inhaled the strong and musky yet heavenly aroma.

"Wooooooow."

She was awoken from her miniature trance as Reggie took the bag back.

"Unfortunately, 40 bits is only going to get you one hit." He stated.

"One hit! For 40 bits! That's crazy, no way!"

"Sorry, but that's just how it is. There's no getting better than this, and honestly, I'd be giving you a lot more than you deserved for 40 bits. The high you get from this is like... well, I don't really know what to compare it to, but it's really good."

"Yeah yeah I think I'll just take some Reg." She said.

"Great."

He put the Purple Perfection back in the chest and hoofed her the first baggie.

"Here you go." He said.

"Thanks."

She took the baggie in her teeth and made way for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Reggie asked.

She turned around with a puzzled expression on her face. With a shrug of her withers she gave a muffled "what".

"Isn't it obvious? You don't have a pipe to smoke it out of." He stated rather bluntly.

Of course. She spit the baggie out into her hoof and placed it on the floor.

"Well can I borrow one?" She asked.

"Ha ha, absolutely not." He replied.

Her eyelids widened.

"What, seriously?!"

"Sorry. I don't share my pipes."

"So you don't share weed or pipes."

"Nope."

Sugarberry deadpanned.

"Well that's just great. Can I buy one of them."

"Nope."

"Aughhhh." Sugarberry audibly groaned. "Well where can I get one?"

Reggie brought his hoof to his chin and scratched at the short stubble.

"I always go to Twinkleshine when I want a new bong. She makes stuff outta glass." He said.

"Twinkleshine, the glass smith?"

"Yep."

"I bought a vase from her like 2 years ago." She said. "Does she smoke too?"

"You'd be suprised how many ponies in this town buy from me. Everpony knows that I'm the go to guy for weed." Reggie said.

He lifted his muzzle into the air in a proud and posh manner. He wasn't foaling. Reggie really was the go to guy for weed, and he was the best at what he did.

"Tell you what, since she lives across town, I'll make the trip with you." Reggie offered.

"Jeez, it's not some kind of epic quest, I just need something to smoke with." She said.

"I understand. Don't worry, I never get sidetracked. It's just a little trip."

For the life of her Sugarberry couldn't understand why he emphasized the word trip, but whatever it was, there was no way it was good. Reggie pulled out the baggie filled with Purple Perfection and smiled.

"Of course, we're gonna have to get high first."

Sugarberry's felt an invasive burning feeling in her throat and lungs. She tried to expand her lungs and welcome more of the smoke, but the burn was far unlike any of her previous expiriences with weed (said expiriences amounting to 4 times). Seriously, she couldn't take any more, it legitimately felt like a blowtorch in her throat. She removed the tiny pipe from her mouth, followed by a series of painful coughs.

She didn't manage to say much through gritted teeth and overflowing saliva, but Reggie was able to make out various curses such as 'holy shit' and 'damn dude'. She was definitely lying about being expirienced, but not entirely. If she was entirely new to smoking then this weed would have caused her to pass out. One hit was definitely enough for her. Hell, one hit of that was good enough for anypony.

"Euahhhh, khauuuugh."

Reggie tried not to laugh at her.

"Awww, newbie." He teased.

Sugarberry would have told him to shut the buck up right now, but she was focused on trying not to vomit at the moment. She leaned against a wall and closed her eyes. She felt sick, terrible. Her eyelids were heavy and her brain was fuzzy. She had at least managed to stop coughing, and was currently doing her best to steady her breaths.

'In and out, in and out' She told herself.

She spit on the floor a few times and finally regained her balance. She lifted her head up and took her weight off the wall.

'That's better'

"How you holdin up over there?" Reggie asked.

She turned to face Reggie. Her eyes darted slugishly from side to side and blinked with the speed of a tourtise.

"I feel... good." She said. "Really good actually."

"Great stuff right?"

"Yeah, but I thought you didn't share, and you let me hit it for free. You told me it would cost 40 bits."

"Well I wanted to see somepony else try it for a change. Nopony else ever buys it because it's so expensive. Let's just call it a solid and say that you owe me one, kay."

"Uhh, alright. Now what?"

Reggie's pupils rolled to the upper left in deep thought. He vaguely remembered something about a pipe. Then again, what did he need a pipe for right now. Upon turning around to look at his collection, he realized that he didn't need a pipe at all. What was next. What were they supposed to do now that they were so unbelievably high? Reggie could only think of one thing.

"I'm buckin' hungry."

Author's Note

This is a bit of a new development for Reggie. Being a bit more of a personal pony, he never shares his weed. But for some odd reason, the hard shell that is his personality is finally starting to crack, causing him to open up to other ponies. Maybe it's true what some ponies say, maybe friendship really is magic. Then again, nothing makes somepony want to be your friend more than when you pass them a joint. Epic adventure in the next update.
Spoiler: On the quest for something to eat, Reggie and Sugarberry keep getting sidetracked and nearly get themselves killed. More than once. Next chapter is sure to keep you on the edge of your seat. Stay tuned.

Chapter 4

“Speaking of dandelions, there’s this restaurant in the town square… that… that like, makes the best dandelion sandwiches ever.” Sugarberry slurred.
“Dude, what the buck are you talking about?”
“Wha- what do you mean?”
“Wait, how long have you been talking about restaurants?”
“I dunno, felt like a couple of seconds.”
Reggie looked up at the clock tower. The big hand was on the 1, and the small hand was in-between the 12 and 1.
‘Ah shit… what does that mean?’
Reggie looked down at his hooves, squinting his eyes in deep thought. He turned around and saw a trail of hoof prints in the ground.
‘But that could only mean?’
“Ah dammit!” Reggie yelled.
“What what is it?”
“We walked all the way the edge of ponyville. How many restaurants do you think we passed?”
“Holy crap, like… a ton.”
“Well that’s just great. We’re all the way on the other side of ponyville. Where are we gonna get some food?”
Sugarberry thought on that for a moment. It would take about 5 minutes to get to barnyard bargains. Of course, that was a super store, not a restaurant. But on the other hand there were kiosks serving free samples this day of the week. Sugarberry quickly tossed that idea aside and decide to think about herself as a super hero.
‘Damn I’d be a cool super hero.’ She thought. ‘I’d have a cape and boots, and a hat…. I don’t want a cape or hat… but I still want boots. Ooh, and a sword… no not a sword, maybe a-‘
“Sugarberry?”
She came back to reality.
“Huh?”
“Tsk, you dosed off you loser. Stop thinking about stuff and help me find some food.”
“Alright fine. Everypony usually does there shopping today, so there’s probably nopony at the Fat Colt Fryer.”
“…the what about frying fat colts?”
“It’s… what? What the fuck? Wha- I j…… ……. … what the hell?”
“What’s the stupid, yojusshhh, God you fricken saying, now you got me saying that shit!” Reggie took a deep breath. “You, are like brain cancer... mind cancer. You’re not killing me, but you’re hurting my ideas.”
“What in the world… just…. Look, there’s a fast food place like 5 minutes away, let’s go get some bucking lunch.” She said.
“I… yea. Yeah yeah let’s go get some lunch.”
The two began staggering back towards the town.
Sugarberry looked over at Reggie. His eyes were redder than… She couldn’t think of a metaphor. His eyes were just really red. Suddenly, a familiar thought came back.
“Hey Reg?” She said.
“Yeah?”
“Would I be a cool super hero?”

“Sorry sir, we don’t sell fried food here.” Said the colt at the register.
“Wait, but this… hang on. I thought this was the Fat Colt Fryer. It has fryer in the name.” Reggie replied.
“Na dude, this used to be Fat Colt Fryer. Now it’s a health food place.”
“Ah what! I don’t want to eat salad, I wanted something good.”
“Tell me about it. I haven’t eaten an order of Fat Colt French Fries in like, two or three weeks. I’m stuck eating this crap all the time.”
A young mare peered over the counter.
“Noteworthy, can I see you for a moment, privately.” She said.
“Ah crap. I’m not supposed to tell the customers anything that would drive them away.”
She looked back over the counter.
“B-but honestly the food here is actually pretty great.” He lied.
“Now!”
He walked through the kitchen doors with his head hung low.
“I can’t have you telling our customers not to eat here! Are you trying to make business bad for me?”
Reggie looked back at Sugarberry.
“Dayum. Poor dude.” He said.
“Yeah.” She replied. “Do you think there’s another Fat Colt in town?”
“I dunno maybe.”
The colt walked back out of the kitchen. His apron and hat were gone.
“Ah shit, did she just fire you?” Reggie asked.
“Yeah, that really sucks. Well, since it can’t get any worse, there’s another Fat Colt in town. But it’s just a little sidewalk stand. So if there’s a line it’ll take a while to get your food.” He said.
“Oh, thanks that’s actually really helpful. Where is it?”
“It’s under the clock tower in the town square.”
“NOTEWORTHY! Stop telling ponies what other restaurants are in town!”
“Or WHAT! WHAT’LL YOU DO! YOU ALREADY FIRED ME!”
“Well do you want your job back?”
“…yes.”
“Too bad.”
“Oh fuck you. Fuck you!”
Reggie put his muzzle to Sugarberry’s pointed ear.
“Let’s get the hell out of here.” He whisperd.
“Agreed.”
They turned around and began walking. They could still hear the two ponies arguing in the distance as they clip clopped away from the scene.
They finally got out of hearing range when they got to the intersection. The light was red.
“Why the fuck do we even have traffic lights, this town has like ten ponies in it and at least six of them are mares. I don’t think I’ve seen a pony riding in a chariot since last Nightmare Night. It’s gotta be some kind of legal bullshit.” Reggie said.
“I think your being a little dramatic. There’s way more ponies than that.”
“Don’t give a damn.” He said.
He pushed the button on the pole, but the light didn’t turn green. He pushed it again, and again, and again.
“Son of a bitch.” He muttered, pressing the button a few more times.
“Will you cut it out! Let’s just walk across.”
“And get a ticket for jaytrotting. Yeah right.”
Reggie pushed the button again.
“Just go will you!” She yelled.
“Alright fine.”
Reggie trotted to the end of the curb. He extended his neck and looked side to side.
“Dosen’t look like anypony’s walking this way any time soon. Might as well.” He said.

One step onto the road and the next thing he knew Reggie was holding a jaytrotting ticket in his hooves.
“Super weak, this like…. Sucks. Now I’ll have to go to court later on. Just great.” He said.
He looked at the clock tower.
“And it’s already twelve thirty. Could this day get any worse?”
The clouds over head turned black, blocking out the sun.
“Well that’s just great. At least it’s not raining.” He said.

“This is like, an abstract painting… of your stupidity.” Reggie said.
“My stupidity? You’re in the same problem I am douche face. It’s not my fault we ended up in the woods.”
They stopped dead in their tracks at the sound of a snapped twig. They turned around to see an old ass colt with a long ass greasy mane and gross ass acne all over his face and neck.
“Well hi there.” He said. “You two need some help.”
As if on cue, a bolt of lightning forked across the sky behind him.

Author's Note

Woo Hoo! Stoner adventure begins! How exciting is this? Comments please. I want to know what you think should happen.

Chapter 5

“… Um, hi.”
The strange old pony licked his lips. He gurgled up something fierce and spit it out onto the ground, causing Reggie to flinch. He cleared his throat and turned back to them.
“My name’s Harry Whole. Who are you?” He said.
His voice was sinister and raspy. The mucus in his throat gurgled when he talked.
‘This feels like a horror movie’ He thought.
“My name is Reggie, and this is Sugarberry. We’re kinda-
“Well isa pleasure ta meet you Eggie and Bugarberry.”
“It’s uh…. Yeah right. Look we’re kinda lost here. We were trying to find the Fat Colt Fryer in the town square, but we got a little sidetracked.” He said.
“Well I’ll be a daddy’s limp doge. My wife works at dat place.”
‘What the hell is a doge?’ Reggie thought.
Meanwhile Sugarberry took comfort in knowing this crazy pony had a wife. At least that meant something. He wasn’t too crazy for his wife, so either he had a really tolerant wife, or he wasn’t as crazy as he seemed.
“Well, that’s cool. Do you know how to get there?” Reggie asked.
“Only from mah house. I kin take you dere.”
There were a number of questions Reggie wanted to ask right now. The first one was, ‘Why the hell would I follow a creepy ass guy to his house?’ The second was, ‘Where the hell is this guy’s accent from?’ Most of his other questions had something to do with the old pony’s appearance, but he decided not to ask them. Or any of his questions for that matter.
“I dunno. Do you think you can just point what direction it’s in.” Reggie asked.
The old pony released a throaty sounding whine.
“Well, my house is in dat direction.” He pointed is hoof to the right. “And from there….”
He looked forward in concentration. His eyes gradually changed to a confused look.
“I can’t remember.” He said.
_

“So… hehe, this is your place huh?” Reggie asked.
Sitting stationary about 10 feet away was a weather worn rusty old mobile home. Holes were popping up through the outer walls here and there. The roof was dented in some places and the ground was a mess with pine needles.
The old pony hacked again.
“Yeauhp. ‘Dis here is mah home.” He said proudly. “It looks better on the inside. Come on in.”
Reggie’s pupils dialated simultaneously with Sugarberry’s.
“Haha, yeah no thanks. Can you just point us in the direction –“
“I got’s french fries from ‘Fat Colt’ in mah fridge ta tide ya ova if’in ya want.” He interrupted.
His ears perked like a dog.
“Food?”
The old pony opened the front door and invited them in. Reggie cautiously followed him into the house.
“What the fuuuuuuuck!” Reggie said in awe.
The inside of the house was like a fucking best buy. The walls were gloss white and decked out with shelves full of priceless electronics and mementos. His appliances were top of the line and everything was spotless.
“We’z got company sweet pie.” He shouted.
Reggie and Sugarberry looked at every inch of the house exchanging looks of astonishment with each other. They stood at attention to the sound of clip clopping hooves toward them.
‘I wonder how ugly this chick is.’ Reggie thought.
Out of the shadow emerged a young mare with a bleach blond salon quality mane and expert makeup.
‘Holy SHIT!’
Reggie’s eyes nearly bulged from his sockets.
‘I mean, Sugarberry is an easy 7 but this chicks a 10!’
“Is this your daughter?” He asked.
The old pony chuckled.
“Daughta?”
“Hello there, I’m Harry’s wife, my name is Glory.” She said. “Harry, you should have told me we’d have company, I would have put on something nice.”
“You look purty like a bowl of fruit baby.” He complimented… at least, Reggie thought that was a compliment.
“Wait a sec, if Harry’s last name is Whole and your name is Glory-
“You two must be famished.” She interrupted. “Sit down over here and I’ll get you something to eat.”
Harry grabbed a case of some kind off of the floor with his mouth and placed it on the table.
“A’Course, first…-“
He opened the case presenting 4 large cigar size blunts and two packs worth of hoof rolled cigarettes.
“We gonna have ta get high.”
Reggie slammed the door shut.
_

“So if I just tell you where I got it from, I don’t have to go to jail?” Sobbed the young mare.
“That’s right. You just tell me who it was and you’re off the hook.” Lied the cop.
“No gay rape?”
“No gay rape.” The cop said comfortingly.
_

There was a knock at the door.
Dragon Chaser let out a groan and set his needle down on the couch.
“Dizzy Twister, get the damn door!” He yelled.
No response.
The door was knocked on again.
“Ughh, for shit’s sake.” He said.
He hid the needle under the couch.
“I’m coming.”
He opened the door.
“Woah, look, it’s McGyver.”
The cop was not amused.
“Do you know how to pick locks?” He asked.
“Are you Reginald Kush?”
“Who’s asking?”
The colt pushed his sunglasses up and pulled out his wallet. There was an ID on the front.
“EQI, Equestrian Bureau of Investigation.” He stated.
“Yeah I know what it stands for. And no, Reggie is my roommate.”
“Mind if I ask you a few questions?”
“Not today guy.”
“Excuse me?”
“I know my rights, and no, I don’t feel like answering any questions right now.”
The cop’s eye brows sank.
“Oh, sorry to hear that.” He said.
He lifted a hoof as if to wave goodbye, before plowing it into Dragon Chasers throat and tackling him into the house. He choked for air as he stood back up.
“You, you can’t do that!” He yelled.
“Oh yeah? Who you gonna call?”
He pulled out a switch blade and sent it gliding through the couch’s head cushion.
“Now, hippie. Where is Reginald Kush?” He demanded.
_

Reggie blew out a few smoke rings before picking up another hoof full of fries, and shoving them into his mouth. He gazed at the hospitable couple.
“Man, you two really know how to make a colt feel happy. How did you two meet?” Asked the conversation craver.
“Well,” Glory Whole began. “It all happened at this public bathroom-
“Nevermind, I don’t need to know.”
Reggie took another drag.
“This weed is really great, what is this here? Dutch Poison or Blue Dream or something?”
“Well how ‘bout dat. This boy sure knows his plants. Your close but na. It’s a cross called Dutch Dream.”
Reggie was having a wonderful time. That hard shell of solitude was finally beginning to break. One day, Reggie hoped he would have lots of friends. Good ones like them. One’s who wouldn’t judge him for his talent. One’s that enjoyed his company just as much as he enjoyed theirs. Nothing truly brings ponies together like weed.
“It’s fantastic. I’d love to trade some seeds with you some time. Have you ever had Red Queen of Hearts?”
The doorbell rang.
Harry’s joints popped as he stood up.
“S’cuze me, ah’ll be right back.” He said.
He clip clopped to the door and pulled it open.
“Can ah help you stranger?”
The colt’s sunglasses flashed in the light as he looked up.
“EQI, I’m looking for somepony who was last seen heading into these woods with a pink haired mare. His name is Reginald Kush; he has a multicolored mane and purple fur. Have you seen anypony like that walk through here?” He asked.
Reggie and Sugarberry looked at each other with wide eyes and small pupils.
Sugarberry mouthed the words ‘What’s going on’
Reggie mouthed back ‘I don’t know
“Hide under the table cloth.” Glory Whole whispered.
She lifted it up and they obliged.
“Sorry offica, hadn’t seen nuttin like dat. Sounds dangerous, ya think you’n tell me why dey’re so important?”
“Afraid I can’t. Thank you for your time.” He said. “You seem to be enjoying your meal, have a nice night.”
“Thank ya kindly now. Good luck.” Harry yelled back.
He closed the door. Reggie and Sugarberry came out from under the table cloth.
“So… care ta explain?” He asked.

Author's Note

So, yeah, I know. It's been a while. But this was no doubt my favorite chapter. It was lots of fun to write and though it took forever, it was worth it. Summers here, so expect more chapters. And remember, happy smokin.