A long time ago, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a queen named Rarity. One winter morning, Rarity gazed out over her domain and sighed. “If only I could have a daughter whose coat was as blue as the sky, whose mane was as white as the snow, and who was truly great and powerful.”
A short while later she was with foal, because those things happen when a mare and a stallion like each other very much. She named the foal Ice Blue, but everypony called her Trixie for some reason. Soon thereafter, Rarity died.
“Wait, that’s my entire role?” Rarity said. “I give birth to Trixie of all ponies, and then I get killed off? And who’s the stallion? Doesn’t he even get a name? What does this imply about me, hmm?”
Sorry, that’s the script. Nothing personal. As for the stallion, well… how many princes do you know?
“Objection withdrawn!” Rarity said. “I’m out of here!”
With Rarity’s absence, another pony seized the throne. She was beautiful, but vain and wicked. Her name was Fluttershy.
“Um, I, I think there’s been a mistake in casting,” Fluttershy said. “Shouldn’t I be—”
No, no, that’s been done to death. This time we’re trying something new.
“But, um, I don’t know…”
Think of it as character development. Taking your interpretation in a new direction. Like that vampire bat thing.
“Oh! Yes, that was fun! Okay, I can do that.”
Now where were we? Oh yeah, vain and wicked. Every day, the evil queen would consult her magic mirror, which knew all and spoke only truth.
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Fluttershy rhymed. “Um, if you don’t mind telling me, that is.”
“Sugarcube, you are,” the mirror would reply.
“Oh, thank you, Applejack,” Fluttershy said.
“Ain’t no thang,” the mirror replied. “Glad to have a role that ain’t all about bein’ a farmer or part o’ the family. Ah’m beginnin’ to feel typecast, y’know?”
This continued for a long time. Every day, Fluttershy would consult her honest mirror about the state of Equestrian beauty standards, and every day the mirror would confirm that she was at the very top of the list. Until one day…
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Fluttershy asked.
“Well, that Trixie shure is gettin’ purty,” the mirror answered honestly. “I’d say she’s outpaced you in that field. Leastwise she ain’t usin’ tail extensions.”
And it was true. In time, Trixie had grown up into a beautiful young mare, with a deep azure coat and a sparkling, icy mane. Everypony in the city of Canterlot knew of her, and she would often delight the townsponies with displays of magic from her portable wagon-stage.
“Witness the beauty and magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie boasted, because for all that beauty she was still not particularly humble. “Wait, Trixie still lives in a wagon? Isn’t Trixie a princess?”
If you lived in the castle, Fluttershy would make you scrub the floors, Trixie.
“The Modest and Thrifty Trixie is okay with her current living arrangements,” Trixie hastily amended.
Good girl.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy said, back in the castle. “Well, that’s very good for her. I guess I’ve been getting on in my years.”
“That ain’t how the story goes, Flutters,” the mirror warned. “Stick to the script, ‘kay?”
“Oh, very well,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Fie! How could this be? I must do something about her. Huntspony!”
On cue, the Queen’s most loyal and obedient huntspony flew in. “You need something, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash said, striking a pose. “Check it out, I’ve got the one badass role in this pony tale!”
“Dashie, I need you to take care of Trixie for me,” Fluttershy said.
“Trixie?” Rainbow Dash said, happily surprised. “Aww yeah! Do I get to kill her? I can carve out her heart and bring it to you!”
“What?!” Fluttershy cried, horrified. “No! No, no, no! Why would you even think of such a horrible thing?”
“Come on, these stories are supposed to be super gory!” Rainbow protested. “Do I at least get to stab her a little?”
“No!” Fluttershy protested in distress. “Just, I don’t know, leave her in the Everfree Forest or something.”
Rainbow Dash whistled appreciatively. “I like the way you think, Queenie. Slow starvation, dehydration, or getting eaten by wild animals. Any way’s going to be real agonizing. I’m on it!” And with that, she flew out.
“That gal ain’t right,” the mirror said. Fluttershy nodded sadly.
Using all her cunning and deception, Rainbow Dash successfully convinced Trixie to accompany her into the heart of the woods.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t understand why she’s been asked to perform her magnificent magics all the way out here,” Trixie complained. “There doesn’t seem to be a stage anywhere, or an audience for that matter! What’s going on here?”
“Wait, it took you this long to figure out something was wrong?” Rainbow Dash said. “Actually, the Queen wants me to kill you.”
“What, really?” Trixie asked. “Does this mean the jumbo package of peanut butter crackers Trixie was promised was a lie as well?”
“‘Fraid so,” Rainbow Dash said. She drew her hunting knife with her mouth and advanced on Trixie. “Now, I’m juft gonna ftab you like a dofen timef.”
“No! Trixie is too great and powerful to be stabbed to death just yet!” Trixie protested, throwing down one of her trademark smoke bombs.
As Trixie’s hoof-falls vanished in the distance, Rainbow spat out her knife. “Horseapples. Forgot she could do that. I guess I could chase her… ooor, I could go take a nap.” No guesses for what she chose.
Having successfully run away—
“Trixie did not run away!” Trixie angrily protested. “Trixie merely relocated to a pre-established strategic location.”
Having successfully relocated to a pre-established strategic location, Trixie realized that she was lost.
“And Trixie is not lost!” Trixie yelled. “Trixie knows perfectly well where she is. It’s just the rest of Equestria that’s a bit out of place.”
Now, being lost in the Everfree Forest is a dangerous endeavor indeed. Unless you’re a zebra, but she’s not in this story because her dialogue is annoying to write. If Trixie had been a sensible pony, she would have been very, very afraid.
“Well, I’m not!” Trixie said.
I think that’s been made very clear by now, Trixie.
“Oh, ha ha,” Trixie scoffed. “If the forest is so dangerous, Trixie will just seek refuge in this cottage.”
What cottage? Oh, that cottage! The little cottage with shingled roof and heart-motif decor and the ‘beware the alligator’ sign. Right, let’s go with that. So Trixie entered the cottage, and found it a curious sight indeed. Inside there were pots and pants and cakes and power tools and festive banners and scooters and all manner of things.
“What a dump,” Trixie scoffed. She swiped some cake, because she was getting hungry. “Feels like Trixie has walked in on one of those hoarder-type ponies. Still, I should be safe here. Surely that murderous pegasus won’t think to check this very visible and out of place little house that stands out like a sore hoof in the forest… Trixie may have made a mistake somewhere.” She thought about it and then shrugged. “No, Trixie should be safe here at the moment. Or at least comfortable. Now where is a decent bed? Trixie needs some great and powerful sleep after all this distress.”
After a little searching, she did indeed find six small beds. Either one was too small for her, so she just pushed them together and stretched out across all of them. Soon, she was fast asleep.
In another part of the forest, seven fillies were on their way home from a long, rewarding day of work in the mine.
“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s home from work we go!” they sang. “Hi ho, hi ho! Hi ho hi ho hi ho!”
“And check!” Apple Bloom announced. Four of the fillies inspected their flanks. “Aww. Guess singing ain’t our special talent either.”
“Yeah, neither’s mining,” Scootaloo said. “Let’s try lumberjacking tomorrow!”
“Uh, speaking as somepony who’s got a cutie mark already,” Snails drawled, “do we have to change jobs every day?”
“Yeah!” Snips said. “This mining gig is actually paying pretty good! Also, Snails and I aren’t fillies, so we resent the inclusion, even if those european weirdos keep getting it wrong.”
“Hey!” Babs Seed blew her mane out of her eyes. “We’re the ones who started this group, so if we wanna call ourselves the Seven Fillies, you can either take it or leave it, see? Besides, we all know why you guys wanna be here.”
“We do?” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “because I don’t. And isn’t Pinkie Pie a bit too old for this?”
“Too old to be part of a silly fairy tale parody?” Pinkie Pie protested. “Never!”
“Actually, the only other fillies we could have gotten on board were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,” Apple Bloom said. “Let’s count our blessings, ‘kay?”
“Let’s just go home,” Babs said. “I sure hope nopony’s broken into our house. Again.”
“Yeah, that’s the last time I leave my porridge out to cool,” Pinkie said with sadness in her voice.
It wasn’t long before they had returned to their cottage. To their surprise, the door was wide open.
“The door is open!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
“We can see that, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said. "We tried for 'stating the obvious' cutie marks last week, remember?" She ran inside, followed by the others. “Somepony ate Pinkie’s cake!”
“They did?” Pinkie said. “Yay, I hope they liked it!”
“And somepony is sleeping in our beds!” Snails shouted from upstairs, having ran ahead. The others joined him. Indeed, a blue unicorn was laid out across the beds, wrapped as good as possible in their small blankets and her own purple cape.
“Wow, that’s some nerve, breakin’ into somepony’s house and just fallin’ asleep,” Babs said. “I like her guff.”
“She’s beautiful,” Snails crooned.
“Eh, I don’t think I’m into mares in this story,” Pinkie Pie said dismissively. “I guess if somepony were totally into measuring beauty all the time, they might have some opinion on it. I wouldn’t kick her out of my bed, though.”
“You wouldn’t?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course not!” Pinkie said. “That would be super rude!”
“And yet you keep yammering when Trixie is trying to sleep,” Trixie groused. “How is that not rude?”
“Hey!” Babs said. “Why are you in our house? Are you a burglar?”
“You’re not here to sell encyclopedias, are you?” Pinkie Pie said nervously.
“Trixie is avoiding the Queen’s huntspony,” Trixie said. “She wanted to kill Trixie. Probably because Trixie is so beautiful.”
“Suuure,” Scootaloo said sarcastically. “Because that’s totally something you’d kill a pony over.”
“Ah guess you could stay if you want to,” Apple Bloom said. “But you gotta do our house chores in return.”
“What?” Trixie said. “Trixie is a stage performer, not a maid! She does nothing but grand feats of magic!”
“Woooow,” Snails said.
“Show us magic!” Snips said energetically. “All the time! Forever and ever!”
“...Although Trixie supposes she could do some cleaning,” Trixie muttered, defeated.
“And you have to find your own bed,” Sweetie Belle said. “These are ours!”
“Fine, fine!” Trixie said, reluctantly crawling out of the beds. She stopped and counted on her hooves for a moment. “Wait. There are only six beds and seven of you. What gives?”
“Oh, Pinkie gets far too much sugar and caffeine to be able to sleep, like, ever,” Scootaloo said.
“I can see into the foreververse!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, vibrating softly.
“What’s it like?” Snips asked.
Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, not bad.”
For the next several days, life in the cottage settled into a peaceful routine. The seven fillies (including the honorary ones) would leave in the mornings to work and crusade, while Trixie stayed in the cottage to keep house and pine for her beloved audience back in the capital, and hide in case Rainbow Dash returned for her.
Trixie looked up from her work in annoyance. “Trixie was never hiding. Trixie isn’t afraid of that chromatic churl.”
You sure did run fast, though.
“She had a knife! Trixie is… allergic to knives,” Trixie mumbled.
And when the fillies returned home after their work, the residents of the little cottage would dance, sing and play, and Trixie would entertain with her magic. But we won’t show that, because that would require rhyming lyrics.
“What a lazy bum,” Babs said.
And then Babs would fall down some stairs, and the fillies went to sleep in their beds (except Pinkie) while Trixie curled up in front of the fireplace with only her cape to cover herself with.
“Trixie thinks that this is from a completely different story,” Trixie complained.
Would you prefer to sleep outside?
“This is fine,” Trixie said, and pulled her cape closer.
Meanwhile, the huntspony returned to the castle. “Mission complete, my queen! Trixie’s wormfood by now, you betcha!”
“What, it took ya a week to do in one pony?” the magic mirror said. “Yer not very good at yer job, are ya?”
“Hey, there were complications, and naps,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t expect a piece of furniture to understand.”
“You killed her?!” Fluttershy cried out, teary-eyed. “I told you not to!”
“Hey, hey!” Rainbow protested. “You’re the one who wants to be the most beautiful, remember? You hired me to get rid of the competition, remember?”
“O-oh, yes, of course,” Fluttershy said. “I guess I didn’t think you’d actually, well…”
“Actually, I… chased her into the deep woods, see? So I didn’t do anything on my own. But, hey! That place is full of dangerous animals and stuff! She’s got to be stone dead by now.”
“I suppose it all worked out in the end,” Fluttershy said uncertainly. “And now I’m the most beautiful again. Right, mirror?”
“Actually, Trixie’s still keepin’ the lead, what with her shacking up with the seven fillies an’ not dyin’,” the mirror said. “Gotta say, it was a close call when they tried for their beautician cutie marks, but she still wins out.”
“Oh, fie!” Fluttershy complained. “I didn’t want to take matters into my own hooves, but it seems I have to to. I hope Trixie won’t mind that I kill her myself.”
Fluttershy fled to her evil lair – which was something evil queens had to have, apparently – and ransacked its shelves for things to lay low her beautiful foe with. Then she climbed the highest tower and perched on top, and reached inside herself for her hidden power.
Fluttershy felt her wings turn bony and leathery. Her ears peaked, her fangs grew long and sharp, and her eyes turned a deep red. Fighting down an unnatural hunger, Flutterbat took to the skies.
Trixie was busily pretending that the cups and plates in the cupboard were an adoring crowd when there was a knock on the door. Not at all fearing that Dash had tracked her down to kill her and sew her skin into lampshades—
“You have some sick imagination,” Trixie mumbled.
—Trixie opened the door to see a strange pony outside.
“Are you some kind of monster pony?” Trixie asked. “You look weird. Also, you have juice on your chin.”
“Actually, a lot of my fans think I look even prettier like this,” the sinister bat pony snarled as she wiped her face. She had only made a few stops to feast and predate along the way. She was getting better. “I mean, hi. Um. Are you the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
“Ahah! So even the fell ponies of the night have heard of Trixie’s great power and beauty?” Trixie crowed. “Yes, you are entirely correct.”
“Oh, good,” Flutterbat mumbled, wincing a little at the way Trixie boasted her beauty. “Um, as a representative of the bat ponies, I have been asked to bestow upon you this expensive amulet that will grant you power beyond measure.” She held out a sinister black amulet set with red rubies.
“Ooh, power beyond measure, the best kind,” Trixie crooned, reaching out. Then she stopped. “Wait just a moment! That’s the Alicorn Amulet, isn’t it?”
“Um…” Fluttershy hesitated. “...Maybe?”
“That thing will make Trixie’s eyes glow red, and make her dress in ugly black cloaks!” Trixie objected. “Not to mention make her do stupid things that make her look ugly and bad! Trixie is far too beautiful for that. Also, it’s tacky.”
“Ponyfeathers,” Fluttershy mumbled under her breath. “I was so close to knock her out of the running without having to kill her…”
“What was that about killing?” Trixie asked. “Trixie can hear you from here, you know.”
“Oh, um, nothing,” Flutterbat said hastily. She reached into her bag for her other solution and held it up. “I was merely testing your character. Instead, have this… apple…” In her hooves lay a juicy apple. Big, red, succulent. Flutterbat drooled visibly at the gorgeous prize before her.
“An apple?” Trixie said dubiously.
“Um, yes,” Flutterbat said, struggling to focus on the current task and not the wonderfully tasty treat before her. “It’s not poisoned!” she added hurriedly.
“Trixie didn’t ask if it was,” Trixie retorted dryly. “Eh, what the hay. I’m hungry.” She took the apple in her magic and bit down. A split second later, she fell down dead.
“Trixie!” Flutterbat cried, rushing forward before she stopped herself. “Oh, wait, that was supposed to happen. Um… yay, I won?”
You sure did, Queenie. You slaughtered a pony in cold blood for the crime of looking better than you.
“My character is completely deplorable, isn’t she?” Fluttershy said. “I’ll just go home and cry for a while.”
Welp, made Fluttershy cry. That’s my death sentence for sure.
It was only a short while later that the seven fillies returned to find their beloved friend cold on the floor. This was a cause for much grief, and not only because she had neglected to do all her chores before passing on.
Deciding that Trixie was far too beautiful to bury in the cold dark ground, they crafted a coffin out of some glass they had left from a failed attempt at finding glassblowing cutie marks, and put her inside it so they could look at her beautiful corpse forever. It’s not creepy.
A few days into their wake, a handsome scholar came riding by the cottage and found them. Well, technically she was just walking, as she was a pony. The practice of ponies riding other ponies in public is frowned upon.
“What’s going on here?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “Why are you fillies looking so sad and oh my Celestia is that a dead pony in a box?”
“It’s our friend,” Pinkie Pie cried. (What’s the status on making Pinkie cry? Really? Okay then.) “She’s dead!”
“She was too great and powerful for this world,” Snips said, his head hung low. “She said so herself. All the time. Loudly.”
“I like pudding,” Snails said, his head hung low as well.
“Why does she have an apple in her mouth?” Twilight asked, peering at Trixie with a confused look.
Apple Bloom shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe she was eatin’ it when she croaked? Guess we shoulda taken it out before we buried her.”
Twilight opened the coffin and removed the apple. She gave it a sniff before tossing it aside, and started examining Trixie. “Hmm, she seems to be suffering from anaphylactic shock.”
“Anawhatsit?” Apple Bloom asked.
“A severe allergic reaction causing her throat to swell up. Obviously she’s allergic to apples.” Apple Bloom was horrified to hear that; there were ponies who couldn’t eat apples? “Spike! Spike, come here!”
A purple baby dragon came tearing out of the underbrush, toting a stack of books and panting heavily. “Slow down, Twilight! I’m not as fast as you, remember? Especially with all these books you make me carry all the time.”
“Spike, this is not the right time to complain!” Twilight said sternly. “Did you bring my medical encyclopedia?”
“Sure.” He dug a book out of the stack, which Twilight snatched out of his claws immediately. “You’re welcome…”
“Ahah!” Twilight exclaimed. “First step, administer epinephrine to reduce swelling. Now where will I…?”
“Gotcha covered,” Pinkie said, reaching into a hollow stump and retrieving a small syringe. “I’ve got medicine hidden all over the Everfree Forest in case of medical emergencies.”
“Huh.” Twilight looked at the syringe, then quickly injected Trixie with it. “That actually makes sense for once.”
“Uh, Miss?” Babs spoke up. “Is this actually gonna work? She’s been dead for a few days now.”
“Mostly dead,” Twilight corrected. “There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.”
“Yeah, don’t point out plot holes, kid,” Spike said. “The source material is stupid enough as it is.”
“Right, that’s the swelling down,” Twilight said, consulting the book. “Now I just need to get her breathing again with artificial resuscitation.”
“Oooh!” Pinkie Pie squealed. “Look away, kids, things are getting sexy!”
“Oh, no,” Twilight hastily said. “There’s nothing actually sexual about artificial resuscitation. I’m just breathing air down her throat.”
“While putting your lips against hers,” Pinkie insisted. “Sexy.”
“Oh, grow up, Pinkie,” Scootaloo admonished.
Twilight tilted Trixie’s head back and leaned down to administer the resuscitation just like the book described, and certainly not in any sexy way. Nu-uh. Not at all.
Her lungs inflating with new air, Trixie shuddered and coughed up the piece of apple that had been lodged in her throat. “Gah! That was a horrible apple!”
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked, concerned.
Trixie looked around in confusion and saw Twilight. “Oh, hello. Are you a handsome princess who awoke Trixie with a kiss?”
“Uh, no?” Twilight said. “I’m a fairly attractive traveling student of magic, and I administered first aid to help you. Why do you ask?”
“Oh,” Trixie said, sounding mildly disappointed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was hoping she had lucked out for once.”
“Wait, you’re Trixie?” Twilight asked, suddenly looking interested. “I’ve heard about you and your show.”
“Really?” Trixie asked, looking delighted at the recognition. “Nothing bad, I hope? Trixie disavows all responsibility for damages caused by other ponies in response to her actions.”
“I’m always on the lookout for new magic, and ponies who show a serious interest in magic,” Twilight said. “Would you like to join me? We can do research together!”
“Can you defend Trixie against murderous pegasi with knives?” Trixie asked.
Twilight pondered the question. “Certainly. It’s a more common health hazard that you’d think, actually.”
“Then Trixie will go with you,” Trixie said.
“Aww, you’re leaving so soon, Trixie?” Pinkie cried. “We were just getting to know you!”
“Yes, Trixie is leaving… and Trixie feels like we’ve grown so close, so she has to say…” She took a deep breath. “...you’re all horrible ponies for making Trixie sleep on the floor and do chores and be victim to your crusading! And also making Trixie listen to Pinkie Pie sing ‘King Sombra the Eighth I Am’ at all hours!” She turned and stalked off. “Let’s go, new pony and dragon.”
“It’s Twilight. Twilight Sparkle? You do pay attention to the scientific community, right?” The trio wandered off. “Anyway, I was thinking we should commandeer the Queen’s magic mirror since she’s not using it for anything worthwhile. We could…”
“Aw, our little Trixie’s all grown up, girls,” Pinkie said, wiping away a tear. She waved after the group. “Invite us to the wedding!”
“What’s it like living in your world, Pinkie?” Scootaloo asked.
“Sunny!” Pinkie said.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End!
Author's Note
So yeah. This story was inspired by the cover art (assuming the artist doesn't make me take it down). I'm fairly certain they just got Trixie's and Fluttershy's positions mixed up, but the idea of a non-standard casting was just too entertaining to pass up.
Don't worry, Fluttershy lived happily after as well. She certainly wasn't invited to Twilight's and Trixie's research symposium and made to dance in red-hoot iron shoes until she died.
...
Seriously, the original pre-Disney material is messed up.
