Where the Angels Fall

    "Garrett! You put that back this instant!"

    Garrett gave Rarity an indifferent look as the golden spoon found its new home in his money bag, becoming the first inhabitant of the newly repaired fabric. Even if the other Elements of Harmony were focusing on their food, the white unicorn still had Garrett in her focus. The thief, after certainly not putting the spoon back, faced Rarity full-on. "You bring a thief to an expensive, outdoor restaurant, and he'll do his job."

    Rarity narrowed her eyes, ears lowering. "I didn't bring you here to steal, Garrett. I thought you could use some fresh air. You made that quite clear after you started stealing things from that dusty old apartment, mid-story!"

    Garrett shrugged. "Everything has a price. And that lamp on the cabinet had a relatively beafy one."

    "That was an antique. The only one in your room! If you would have just been honest with us before, we could have helped you with your thieving, before you screwed up your chance to stay in the Canterlot castle."

    Rainbow Dash looked up from her lettuce-tomatoe-(no)bacon sandwich, eying Rarity with a smirk. "Rarity, did you just use the term 'screwed up?'"

    "Being with his pea-brained face is infecting me with his stupidity!" Rarity groaned. It was then she realized what she had just said, evident by her suddenly sick expression.

    "Ouch," Garrett mumbled, before turning his head to see a waitress retrieving the dirty plates from a table nearbye. He looked around, seeing the many witnesses, before yawning wide, reaching his hooves above his head.

    "Garrett, we know you can't be tired," Rarity deadpanned, before his motives became clear. Garrett smoothly grabbed two glass cups without so much as a flick of the wrist, before returning to his natural position. Rarity's eye twitched. "Even if you're used to it, Garrett, it is illegal to steal. I'll call the guards if you try to grab one more thing.

"Mon Dieu, contrôler ton effronterie!" Garrett chuckled.

    "I can understand you," Rarity shot back. "And I am not being sassy. I'm being practical."

    "Wow, do you guys ever stop fighting?" Rainbow Dash groaned from beside Rarity. "So what if he steals a few spoons? It's not like he was trying to take an ancient relic that has the power to destroy all life on Equestria."

    "Depends on how shiny it is."

    Rarity's forehead had the wondrous privelege of meeting the table top. "Oh, my Celestia..."

    Pinkie Pie grinned. "That'd be a cool sequel idea! Where the Angels Fall, Part Duex: Garrett Steals an Ancient Relic Which Has the Power to Destroy All Life on Equestria~. Kinda has a ring to it, doesn't it?"

    Garrett was contemplating the endless possibilities when Applejack injected her say. "Say, Garrett? You've been tellin' us about yer childhood an' how ya became a thief and all, but ya haven't gotten to this 'Erin' character. Who is she?"

"She is a character that Rarity shouldn't have said anything about." Garrett gave a glare to the culprit. Rarity wouldn't raise her head from the table. Her forehead was making good friends with it. "And I will explain what my affiliations with She is, after you guys quit badgering me about my talent."

    Rainbow Dash chuckled. "You guys are acting like a couple."

    That was enough to send Rarity's head upright in a bolting action. "Him?! Are you insane?! He's just as uncivilized as he is rude, unpolite, dirty, and selfish! For Celestia's sake, he steals for a living! Not only that, but he also has no respect for his authorities, is super secretive about himself, won't shut up with his stupid, immature and sarcastic retorts; has no sense of personal hygiene, takes stupid and dangerous risks for the fun of it, makes references nopony gets, talks about our lives as if it's some story that he's the hero of, and most of all, he is an ALIEN!"

    The entire table was dead silent as all eyes were on Rarity. The unicorn took a while to figure out she was leaning over the table top, pointing at Garrett with a shaking hoof. She shakily returned to her spot, before giving Garrett a glare, although considerably less hostile. "...I thought you'd start naming reasons to hate me, too. So they'd hear both of us and... not understand either..."

    "That only happens in the movies," Garrett deadpanned. He leaned back in his seat, bringing his hooves to his lips in a mannerly fashion. "Okay... I have a lot of things to say about that statement. First of all, a little dirt on someone's hooves never hurt anyone. Secondly, stealing is actually quite fun. You should try it some time." Rarity was eying the decor-cactus in the corner of the restaurant. How many whacks would it take to make Garrett shut up...?

    "And I'm not sarcastic, just have a dry wit. I also have a sense of hygiene. Pinkie Pie gets my references. I'm not the hero, I'm the anti-hero. But that alien thing? Ouch. C'était jeuste grossier."

    Rarity was covering her ears now, groaning as her forehead was reunited with the tabletop. The two had a joyous, happy reunion.

    Rainbow Dash thought she ought to put her say in. She sat up straight, looking at each of the ponies in turn. "I think the rest of Garrett's childhood can wait a little longer. Let's go shopping, Rarity!"

    The table simply gawked at Rainbow Dash.

    In fact, it seemed as if the entire restaurant quieted instantly. Everypony simply froze, dozens of pairs of wide eyes and dropped jaws turning her way. Somewhere, in an alternate reality, the Bronies of the world suddenly felt a pain in their stomach for some reason.

    The cyan pegasus instantly realized what she had said, and her body froze into an ice cube. The original plan was to separate Rarity from the group to keep her busy, hopefully destroying the tension between her and Garrett. Instead, she might as well have stabbed a box of kittens repeatedly to get the same effect.

    Rarity smiled up at her friend, unknowing of the mental chaos around her. "You would do such a thing for me...? Oh, Rainbow, you are truly a great friend!" She gave the pegasus a quick hug, before turning back to the group. "If you excuse me, Rainbow Dash and I have some business to do. Tah-tah!" She gave Garrett a glare that could chew through metal, before grabbing Rainbow Dash and trotting out of the restaurant. "La, la-la, la-la..."

    The restaurant took a while, but it soon recovered. The inhabitants dismissed the mares' antics, but a certain four ponies could not get the image of the athletic, tomboyish pegasus shopping out of their minds.

    Garrett was the first to recover, having not known Dash for as long as the others. "Wow. She ever said that before?" He turned to his friends, but none were responsive. They were in a trance of sorts, Pinkie Pie's jaw laying on the floor. Garrett shrugged, turned, and spotted another waitress cleaning used utinsels from the table. "Hey, those look expensive..."

    His eyes glowed with excitement, although one was glowing with something quite different.

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    "Oh! This fabric will go perfect with the dress I have in mind! Stylish, robust, and... violently red... It'll be a masterpiece! Just imagine what it'll look like."

    Another colored spool of thread floated its way to Rainbow Dash's cart. Said pegasus was trying to imagine up a noose so she could end this humiliation. She had expected Rarity to instantly get over her vengeance for Garrett the moment they entered the colorful store, but she had just kept switching between talking about how stupidly bad of a pony He was, and what this fabric would look like on a new design she had in mind.

    Without warning, Rarity stomped her hoof. "I just can't BELIEVE him! His stubborn attitude?! His sarcastic nature?! And that STUPID, HIDEOUS, *AND YET SOMEWHAT AROUSING** GLOWING EYE?!* How can he sleep at night knowing how selfish he is?!" Rarity spotted a new spool of thread. "Oh, Rainbow Dash, what do you think of this one? Too flamboyant? Too pink?"

    The pegasus peered up at the hot pink thread, and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't even know what you have in mind... how would I know?"

    "Oh, I can answer that easily! I'm going to make a shirt that shows a certain stubborn, stupid, short, and dissembowled stallion, who has his guts spilt on the floor as Pinkie Pie eats them, thinking of how bad he tastes physically, when she thought he tasted bad mentally!"

    Rainbow Dash flinched. Rarity was either madly in love with Garrett, just afraid to admit it, or she really did hate him with a gory passion. The latter was growing more evident by the second.

    "Did I ever tell you that he actually kissed me?! It was right before he saved Sweetie Belle from that Vandalite. He thought I was Erin, and he was most likely hallucinating, but I know the truth. He's messed up in that small brain of his, *that's what!*** And now we know why! Because of his screwed up childhood!" Rarity suddenly seemed to know what she had just said. "Oh, my Celestia, I just blamed him for that horrible childhood of his! Now I just feel terrible about myself-- why did he have to be abused? Why did he have to go homeless for years?! WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT?!" Rarity burst into tears, draping her arms around Rainbow Dash. "Celestia-dammit, Rainbow, I'm a bad pony!" And with that, she was gone. A stream started to fall from Rarity's eyes, onto Dash's shoulder.

    Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, stood dumbfounded at her friend's attitude. She wondered just how much Rarity truly cared for Garrett, even if he was all the things she called him. She slowly lifted a hoof, awkwardly patting Rarity's back. "Uh... There, there."

    Rarity jerked back to stare her friend in the eyes. "There, there is right, my friend! He's from there there, that horrible, awful place which is the home of Vandal, and we're from just there, down this mountain and up the hill! He must be terribly homesick! Oh, my Celestia, Rarity, why did you let me say such things to him?! Why, why, oh *WHY?!"***

    Rainbow Dash sighed. She could only hope her three friends were consulting Garrett as best they could.

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    Garrett was walking through the streets of Canterlot, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle behind him. The alicorn princess was attracting a lot of attention from the ponies around, some even coming up to have autographs. Garrett didn't seem to mind, that is, until he spotted some of the mares walking down the street giving him a strange look. When they passed, they giggled, and he instantly assumed the worst. He was now hiding in an alley way, peering back at the suspicious ponies.

    "Gee, Garrett, you're more jumpy than a cockroach in a kitchen!" Applejack examined, tilting her head. "What's gotten into you?

    "It's not about what's in me, its about what's going to be in me," Garrett responded, glaring at the passing ponies. "A knife in the back is what's going to be in me if I'm not cautious."

    Twilight turned from a colt who wanted a autograph (who was now jumping for joy with his new, signed picture) to Garrett, sighing as she shook her head. "Garrett, nopony here is against you."

    "Besides Ms. Marshmallow," the thief retorted.

    "Oh! Now I see what's happening!" Pinkie walked into view from behind Garrett. "You're just grumpy because Rarity absolutely WRECKED you with insults earlier!"

    Garrett gave Pinkie a look. "What? No. I'm just thinking about--"

    "How much you'd like to get back at her?" Pinkie smirked.

    Garrett looked away, hiding a smile. "No. Just how dangerous those bombs under this place are."

    That shut Pinkie up as her eyes instantly widened.

    "Garrett!" Applejack scolded, frowning. "Ya know she doesn't wanna be reminded of that!"

    "To be fair, that is the only reason we're here," Twilight put in. After signing another autograph, of course. "Find some Vandalites, ask them questions, and ultimately get to Vandal."

    "What then?" Garrett asked, coming back into the light. "Do we ask him politely? 'Excuse me, sir, but we realize that you have the detanator to the extremely dangerous bombs placed under the most important city in all of Equestria. Can you please hand it over so we can arrest you without a major fight scene which lasts for 3/4 of the chapter?"

    "We'll do what we can," Twilight asserted confidently. "If all else fails, we'll use the Elements of Harmony."

    "With one of the hosts back in Ponyville, injured?"

    "We-- gyh!!" Twilight glared at Garrett. "She'll be back in a week or so! This'll work out, just you watch."

    The ponies' conversation was inturrupted as screams erupted from the crowd. In front of them, a wave of ponies scrambled away from behind a corner, a frantic look in their eyes. Some of them started to scream out understandable statements.

"Oh, my Celestia! What is that thing?!"

"Everypony, get out of here! It's a monster!

"MY LEG!"

    "I liked the last one," Garrett commented.

    Twilight gave the three ponies behind her a concerned look, although determined for victory. "Ponies and Garrett, this is our first time confronting a Vandalite in public. Make sure no civilians are harmed. Garrett, only shift to violence for defense."

    "Sure thing, Nick Fury. We'll take down Loki and his alien minions if it's the last thing we'll do!"

    "Are we role playing now? Ooh! I wanna be Thor!" Pinkie raised her hoof with a grin.

    With a glow of her horn, Twilight picked up the two role-playing ponies, charging into the fray, Applejack on her tail.

——————————

    "Honestly, I think I just might love the idiot! Can you believe that? The Element of Generosity has a school-filly crush on the Master of Thieves! Me! And the Element of Selfish Acts of Self Desire! Honestly, it's like my brain is playing tricks on me, Rainbow! I can't stop thinking about him and his stupid face! That stupid, extremely sexy face of his!"

    Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, was staring at the events which were unfolding just outside of the fabric store's glass doors. Twilight, AJ, Pinkie, and the (in Rarity's words) stupid, yet extremely handsome rouge was confronting a Vandalite who had just destroyed a pastry shop. Her friends were smart, and had Garrett hold his hooves over Pinkie Pie's eyes so she couldn't see the destroyed cake-haven. Twilight started to talk to the enraged Vandalite.

    "But I mean I can't be in love with him! He's the polar opposite of me! He's selfish, sarcastic, rude, and extremely handsome-- oh, Rainbow Dash, do you think I look handsome? --I mean pretty?"

    Rainbow Dash was staring as the Vandalite screeched at her friends, the noise muffled by the glass door between her and the inevitable chaos. Pinkie Pie looked as if she thought Garrett's antics was a game, evident by her muted giggling and slapping his hooves playfully. Garrett, being shorter than Pinkie, had trouble holding on. When she slapped his hoof, he fell to the floor. She got a full view of the destroyed pastry shop.

    "Uhh.. Rarity?" Dash started.

    "You hesitated! Oh, I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I'm a hideous cow! I guess I knew it for my entire life, but now he shed the light on the subject, bringing it out from the darkest corners of my self-loathing mind! I'm no good for Garrett, and he's no good for me, so how could we possibly be together?! Oh, Rainbow Dash, why is this happening to me?! Why couldn't I fall in love with somepony much simpler?!"

    Pinkie Pie was roaring like a lion, her hooves a blur in the air as Garrett held her up. Her deadly eyes were glued on the Vandalite as she yelled vicious insults, drowned out by the glass in front of Rainbow Dash. She kicked, squirmed, and even did a death-roll in mid-air, somehow, to get the thief off of her. Garrett was straining as the cake-avenger in his arms put up the biggest fight he's ever seen in his life. The Vandalite, meanwhile, was scratching his head as Garrett had to pin Pinkie Pie to the floor. She started to crawl towards the monster. Garrett forced himself on top of the mare. Pinkie emerged from under his body like a cat. And this cat had claws that could cut through metal.

    Rainbow Dash shuttered at the thoughts of what that mare would do if Garrett let go. "Rarity, Pinkie Pie is having a mental breakdown."

    "...But NO! I don't want to fall in love with somepony else! I like complicated things-- wait! No I don't! Celestia-dammit, Rainbow, what's wrong with me?! And you know what's crazy?! The fact that just weeks ago, I was perfectly content with the way I looked. Now that he's here, I'm not sure of anything anymore! Am I wearing enough makeup for him?! Should I wear a necklace made of jewels so he'll notice me?! Oh, Celestia, how does my flank look?! Does he like it? Why is love so complicated?!"

    Pinkie Pie was a shark out of water. She was literally jumping off the ground repeatedly, the smaller but determined body of Garrett latched onto her, legs flailing as he was launched around like a magnet. Twilight facehooved, excruciatingly embarrassed. It seemed as if she mouthed the words "I am so sorry" to the Vandalite. The skinny, humanoid creature crossed its arms, raising a nonexistent eyebrow.

    Rainbow Dash stood up. "Rarity, I think Garrett needs some help."

    Rarity, meanwhile, stood up. "You know what? You're right! Garrett does need my help! You're a genuis, Dashie! Oh, I already have a plan coming to light! I'll save his life! Then he'll have to love me back! But when is he in danger..? Oh, Rainbow Dash, do you know where I can find some Vandalites?"

    "Right there," Dash pointed to the events outside. Rarity turned to see the chaos which was Pinkie Pie escaping Garrett's grasp, and the Vandalite wrecking havoc on her friends.

    "Not one in mid-fight, Rainbow Dash! I need to find one who's willing to negotiate with me--!" Rarity's ears flattened to her skull. "Wait--."

    The glass shattered as Garrett was thrown into the store, tumbling into Rarity. The two were in a black-and-white, grunting ball of dazed pain for half a second before banging into a wall. The two ponies groaned, saw each other, stopped groaning, and reacted in two very different ways.

    "...Salut," Garrett chuckled.

    Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Shut up and kiss me, crétin."

    "What--? MMMPH?!"

    Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, blinked. "...What the buck is happening?"