wifihack.pdp

by The Amazing Speff

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 3984

When a mysterious bootleg phone app gives my friend and I the ability to talk to fictional characters from a cartoon, what else is one to do? TRUE STORY!

When a mysterious bootleg phone app gives my friend and I the ability to talk to fictional characters from a cartoon, what else is one to do? TRUE STORY! Warning: Rated Teen for Explicit language in beginning. Rest of the story after that is pretty PG.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-15 09:59:46 UTC

The App

Hello, my name is Jeff. On January 9th, 2014, I was sent a mobile app via email that was said to grant me Wi-Fi access on my basic, non-smart phone. After consulting my closest friend, Cameron, I downloaded it to my phone. These are the raw, unedited text message conversations that took place regarding that subject. We still aren't sure how any of this was possible, but the messages are 100% real.

The file is called wifihack.pdp

**January 9th, 2014**

**6:00 PM**

Me: Hey man. What up?

Cameron: The sky

Me: The weirdest thing happened just now. I got sent an email that had a file attachment in it: a mobile app that would let me use WiFi on my crappy little phone to access the internet.

Cameron: Cool

Me: Ya so I downloaded it on my SD card. Its called wifihack.pdp

Cameron: Who was it from

Me: My friend in California named Shane. Anyway should I install it?

Cameron: Ya man do it

Me: Alrighty I'm installing it naow

Me: k its done. So it looks like this thing legit works. Its showing my house WiFi, some neighbors, and a built-in satellite WiFi just called PDP. Siiiiick.

Cameron: Sweet

Me: Huh. My home internet only has one bar, while PDP has five. Luks liek im tryin out the PDP tunite

Me: Huh. My home internet only has one bar, while PDP has five. Luks liek im tryin out the PDP tunite

Cameron: So there's this thing called illegal

Me: Lul ya probs.

Me: *giggle* you're so funny! ^.^

Cameron: Dafuq?

Me: What in the fuck I did not send that. Or type that. How the fuck. What the how the why the fuck.

Me: What the fuckshit mcsquiggles

Cameron: Sure

Me: Dude, I'm serious. I did NOT send that.

Me: ...whatever. Time to surf interwebs.

Cameron: Lol ok

Me: ...wha ver t me  o sURF in 3rwbbbbbzuu:dfxud

Me: I... Wha... Um dude I'm legit a bit scared now. My phone's sending fucking messages without my permission D:

Cameron: Lol welp look who fucked up

Me: Dammit Shane, you trolling bastard... Giving me virises an shet.

Cameron: Lawl

Me: There. I put a signature so you can tell when its me and when its my possessed viririus phone.

Cameron: gg

Me: Heehee! Haven't you ever heard of a spell checker, silly?

Me: OKAY WHAT IN THE FUCK I'M NOT SURE WHETHER TO LAUGH OR SCREAM IN TERROR

Cameron: Yep

Me: Fuck dude I think by installing this app and connecting to PDP I allowed somebody to text from my number.

Me: Hey, let's use foal-appropriate language, please.

Me: Wait what? Foal-appro-- OH DEAR GOD.

Cameron: What

Me: Dude. FOAL-appropriate??

Cameron: Yea?

Me: I think we're dealing with a brony hacker or something

Cameron: Lol gg.

Me: What does gg mean? Is that a secret code? Are we playing a game? I love games!

Me: What. Is that... No, it's not possible...

Cameron: It means "Good Game"... Pinkamina Diane Pie.

Me: Hahaha you caught me! That was fun, let's play another game!

Me: Hold on. PINKIE PIE??

Me: Yes, Jehf? :-)

Me: Oh my go- erm, Celestia. This is insane. So... Where are you, Pinkie?

Cameron: Yeah where are you

*author's note: I'm replacing "me" with "pinkie" whenever she says something from here on out, so it's less confusing for you*

Pinkie: I can't tell you! It's a secret! ;-)

Me: Aw man, please Pinkie? I'm a bit scared that this is just a creeper hacking my phone.

Pinkie: A creeper? I know a little colt named Button Mash who talks about those all the time!

Pinkie: Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I can't tell you where I am because we're playing hide-and-seek! Betcha can't FIIIND me! :-D

Me: Um Cameron help me out here, I have no idea what to say. My mind has been blown too many times.

Cameron: Gimme a hint

Me: A hint to wut

Pinkie: A hint? To where I am?

Cameron: Yep

Pinkie: Okey Dokey Lokie! I'm hiding somewhere... SECRET! Heehee!

Cameron: Hmmm are you in my blind spot

Me: Bro when this is done I am uploading this to freaking FimFiction.net

Cameron: Gg

Pinkie: Good game?? Aww, but I thought we were still playing! :-(

Me: omg :"3 I can't hold all these adorable feels, bro.

Cameron: keep calm man we gotta win

Me: Right. Sorry, let's do this.

Cameron: Don't worry Pinkie, we're still playing

Pinkie: Phew! :-D in that case, I'm hiding in the last place you'd ever think to LOOK!

Cameron: Lol closet

Pinkie: Ummmm... :-| nooooo....

Pinkie: Uh-oh, somepony's coming! Is that you, guys?

Me: Lol ya we found you

Cameron: Idk

Pinkie: Shoot, she caught meerhfjdfuielo bhxu6gtsau:%545

Me: Pinkie?

???: I'm terribly sorry about that, darlings. It appears that my friend, Pinkie Pie, had stolen my cell phone and was hiding in my closet with it.

Me: Is that--??

Cameron: Rarity?

Rarity: I'm very sorry for any inconvenience she may have caused you.

Rarity: Ahem, yes. But how do you know my name?

Me: Okay my mind put itself back together just so it could blow again.

*Author's note: Rarity is Cameron's favorite character*

Cameron: Oh my god rarity you're sooooo awesome

Me: Lol xD

Rarity: Oh, um, thank you, darling! I don't suppose I could ask your name?

Me: All yours, bro

Cameron: My names Cameron

Rarity: Well then, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Cameron. And to the other gentlecolt, what is your name?

Me: I'm Jeff. :)

Rarity: Again, pleased to meet both of you. Now I must go and have a talk with Pinkie.

Me: Goodbye, Rarity! Pleasure meeting you!

Cameron: Good day to you, rarity.

Me: The little WiFi icon in the corner of my screen is off now. I think they're gone.

Cameron: :,( ima miss em

Me: (took off my signature now) dude who do we tell about this

Cameron: If we told people they would think we were bonkers

Cameron: We should keep this between u me and shane

Me: Good idea... Too bad I didn't get to talk to Rainbow Dash.

Me: ur lucky man, both of ur favorite characters talked to us tonight. Not that pinkie isn't one of my faves too.

Cameron: ya

Me: Too bad its probably just a bored hacker somewhere pretending to be them.

Cameron: Have faith it could have legitly been them

Cameron: who knows, maybe this will happen again

Me: Ya I'll leave the app running just in case. It'll suck battery life but I'll just plug it in the charger.

Me: And you know what, buck it. I'm just gonna pretend it was them. I could use a little childlike wonder. (\

Cameron: Agreed. /)

Me: Hmm.. I wonder why the messages didn't just come directly from Rarity's cell number.

Cameron: idk

Me: Ah I bet its because the messages  needed a portal to get to this world or something and the app is the portal! Ha!

Me: Smart Jeff is smart.

Cameron: Seems legit.

_____________

**January 9th, 2014**

**10:24 PM** (2 hours after the last message was received)

???: Psst!

???: Anypony still up??

Cameron: Pinkie?

Pinkie: That's me! ^.^

Cameron: omc how are you

*omc = "oh my Celestia"*

Pinkie: I'm great! But I'm a little sad because everypony else is asleep and I'm not even a little bit tired and I have nopony else to talk to! Are YOU tired, Cameron?

Cameron: Nope

Pinkie: Okay! So what do you want to do?

Cameron: Idk u decide

Pinkie: Ooh, so many choices! I'll get the board games!!

Cameron: Ok

Pinkie: Hmmm... I can't find them anywhere! I wonder if I lost them! Oh, NOW I remember! Sweetie Belle and her friends borrowed them for their treehouse! Sorry, Cameron! :-/

Cameron: Its all good :D

Pinkie: They should call them BORED games instead, anyway! Who wants to sit around and move plasticy bits on cardboard? BOOORING! So what else should we do? Any suggestions?

Cameron: Party?

Pinkie: Ooooh, great idea! But we're too far away to have a regular party... Hmmmmmm... GOT IT! Let's have our own text party! With text cake and text balloons...

Cameron: Ok :D

Pinkie: One second, I gotta get the party set up!

Cameron: Kk

Pinkie: Okey Dokey Lokie! Let's get this party STARTED!! Tiny text party cannon, ACTIVATE! (_(<<<<

Cameron: Awesome! XD

Pinkie: Here, have some tiny text cake! /|

Pinkie: Ooh, since this party's in your very own honor, any music requests? You can't have a good party without music!

Cameron: I want you to choose pinkie :D and this cake is ACE.

Pinkie: Thanks, I made it myself! *squee!* so let me see what I got in the ol' jukebox!

Cameron: Sweet

Pinkie: *rummaging through records* Boring, boring, nah, whydoievenhavethat, boring... AHA! "Pinkie's Superly Duper Party Mix!" This'll get this party going!

Pinkie: It's a little bit of everything! If you can think up a type of music, it's in here! Pop, jazz, classic rock n' roll, techno, dubstep, country...

Cameron: Sounds like a great mix

Pinkie: Yup, it sure is! I just hope I don't wake up Rarity. I'm sleeping over!

Pinkie: I wonder if she'd mind if I borrowed her measuring sticks for limbo... Hmmm...

Cameron: You should probably ask

Pinkie: Yeah, you're right. Be right back.

Pinkie: She said it was alright! Wanna play some limbo, Cameron?

Cameron: Yes :D

Pinkie: Great! You can go first. How low can you go??

|---|

|     |

Cameron: [blank message]

Pinkie: You made it! Nice job! My turn :-D

Pinkie: wh.. Whoa... Woohoo, I did it!! ^.^

Cameron: Awesome :D

Pinkie: Time to lower that bar! Now how low can you go?

|     |

|---|

Cameron: Lol I can't go that low

Pinkie: Yeah, neither can I. Too bad the limbo stick has only those two settings. So I guess it's a tie!

Cameron: Yay everypony wins

Pinkie: GREAT GALLOPING GUMMYS! Where did the time go? Sorry Cameron, but I gotta make this party like Winter and WRAP IT UP! It's WAY past my bedtime. <:-S

Cameron: Ok night night pinkie

Pinkie: Thanks for hanging out with me! Talk to you tomorrow, Cameron! ^.^ Goodnight! :-)

**6 minutes later**

Me: Hey dude. That was pretty damn cool. I decided to stay out of it this time. Didn't wanna ruin your party :)

Cameron: Thanks man

Me: I wonder if she'll text us during school tomorrow. Not sure whether I'd welcome that or dread it because I have so much work to do

Cameron: I would welcome it in any class

Me: Yeah you got a point. It is PINKIE PIE after all

Cameron: Yep

Me: Ight see you tomorrow. Night bro (\

Cameron: Night man /)

_____________

**January 10th, 2014**

**2:54 PM**

*author's note: from here on, I'm leaving out my text signature now that I've specified who's talking. It takes too long to copy it each time.*

Me: Hey bro I got some news

Cameron: Sup

Me: Well Star's birthday party is on the 18th and we're both invited. Its at the Salem center mall

Pinkie: Did somepony say PARTY?? (_(<<~

Cameron: Pinkie!

Me: Hi Pinkie!

Pinkie: How's everypony doing? ^.^

Cameron: I'm good but I g2g I need to take a nap

Pinkie: Aww, okay. I'll talk to you later then! Bye!

Me: Ok bye man, see ya Pinkie!

_____________

**January 10th, 2014**

**8:20 PM**

Me: Hey dude r u up?

Cameron: Yea

Me: Ight whats up?

Pinkie: YAY! I thought you were gonna sleep forever! What kind of crazy pony sleeps during the day? Well, unless they were up all night PARTYING! I've done that before!

Cameron: Lol sup pinkie

Pinkie: Definitely not a smart move for THIS mare, nuh-uh! It didn't help that I was late for work the next morning! I thought the Cakes would be really mad, but they weren't!

Me: Lol that's good, pinkie.

Pinkie: Yeah, i just had to work late, but that's okay! More time making cupcakes!

Cameron: Lol

Cameron: Hey pinkie tell me a story

Pinkie: I just DID, silly! ^.^

Pinkie: But if you wanna hear a REALLY good story, I know a great one! It's a real DOOZY! It's pretty long, though!

Me: I'm up for it. Cam, you in?

Cameron: Yea

Pinkie: (1/2) Okay! It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy not very far away... Right here, in fact! And there was a town called LittlehorseVille, where everypony

Pinkie: (2/2) lived happily. They laughed and danced and partied all night! It was paradise...

Pinkie: (1/2) But if you thought that was the end, you are mistaken! Because one day, an evil Draconequus came to the land, and used her evil powers of chaos to take

Pinkie: (2/2) over the entire world! And everypony was scared and didn't know what to do, and they cried and hid from the Draconequus.

Pinkie: (1/2) And that's not the end, either! One day, an awesomely mysterious pony in a mask decided that enough was enough! She traveled to the Draconequus' castle,

Pinkie: (2/2) and barged in, ready to battle! She wrestled with the Draconequus on the floor until the evil empress cried "uncle!" and promised to leave forever.

Pinkie: And the mysterious mare removed her mask, and *GASP!* out popped a fluffy pink mane! Yes indeed, fillies and gentlecolts! It was yours truly who saved LittlehorseVille!

Pinkie: And some say the evil Draconequus left and had a baby, who she named Discord. Dun dun DUUN!!

Pinkie: And that was how Equestria was made! Maybe some other time I'll tell you about the time I saved everypony from a Draconequus! ^.^

Cameron: Sweet

Me: Wow, Pinkie! That was a great story!

Pinkie: Thanks! ^.^ So what should we do next?

Me: Not sure. Cam?

Cameron: Idk

Me: Hmmm...

Me: Well, we could sit around and eat oatmeal. (Dude, wait for it...)

Pinkie: Wh-- Oatmeal, ARE YOU CRAZY?! This is no time for oatmeal, we need fun!

Cameron: Lol I see what you did there

Me: (Yes, it worked! XD) alright Pinkie, how about a text party? Unless you're bored of those.

Pinkie: I never get bored of parties! Let's go! (_(<<~

Me: Alright! :D

Cameron: Yay xD

Pinkie: Let's get some music going! Any requests?

Me: Got any dubstep? :)

Pinkie: Dubstep? Hmm... Oh! You mean that weird robot music? Yeah, my friend Vinyl Scratch made me a mix CD of that stuff! I'll go get it.

Me: This party's gonna be sick lol

Cameron: Yea :)

Pinkie: Whoooaah! This stuff is making my whole house vibrate!

Cameron: Lol xD

Pinkie: Good thing the Cakes aren't sleeping! I'd hate to wake them up, they work so hard. Or the tw-- *GASP!* OH NO! THE TWINS!

Me: Uh oh.

Pinkie: Sorry guys, I had to turn the music down. I don't think I woke the twins up, though! Phew!

Cameron: Now I feel bad :(

Pinkie: It's not your fault! I should have checked the volume on the speakers before I started the music. We just gotta keep it down and we'll be fine! ^.^

Cameron: Alright

Me: Ok, pinkie. What should we do now? The music's great, by the way. *nods head to beat*

Pinkie: Thanks, I'll let Vinyl know she has a new fan! And I'm not sure. Ooh, maybe bobbing for apples?

Cameron: Okkie Dokie Lokie

Me: Lol couldn't have said it better myself. Let's do it!

Pinkie: Yay! Good thing I always keep my apple-bobbing tub filled in case of emergency parties! Who wants to go first?

Cameron: Jeff does!

Me: Well alrighty then. I guess I do. :)

Pinkie: Okey Dokey Lokie! Step right up and bob for the apples!

Me: Ok! *dunks head into tub*

Pinkie: Go! Go! Go! :-D

Me: *pops up* ..mmmblegh! Sweet, I got one!

Pinkie: Woohoo! Cameron, your turn! ^.^

Cameron: Here goes nothing. *dunks head into water*

Pinkie: *holds breath in anticipation*

Me: *does same as pinkie*

Cameron: *comes up with a rubber duck* Huzzah, how many points do I receive?

Me: LOL I have no idea

Pinkie: Hahahaha! You found the Duck of Greatness! A hundred points to Cameron! *hops in place* ^.^

Me: Wait, there's points? Huh, okay. Good job cam xD

Cameron: Thank you, thank you very much *Elvis pose*

Pinkie: Jeff trails behind at ten points! But it's still anypony's game! Pinkamina Diane Pie steps up to the tub! She gets in position, and... Hbjxioidpogoguwu...

Pinkie: And out she comes, with a row of apples resembling teeth crammed in her mouth! Fifty points to Pie! The crowd cheers and stomps their hooves!

Me: Yay! :) *holds up sign, 10/10*

Cameron: Touchdown! XD

Pinkie: Alrighty-Tighty-Lefty-Loosey, Jeff! You're up again!

Me: Aight I got this! *dunks head. Mumbles underwater, "where is that duck?"*

Me: *comes back up* haha, yes! I got the du-- wait, what IS this? *holds it out in front of him* AN OLD BOOT?? Aww man.

Pinkie: *GASP!* You found the boot of pinktasticness! You win a hundred and ONE points!

Cameron: gg

Me: Omc yay :D

Pinkie: And here I go again! Wheeee!

Pinkie: Let's see, I got... What in the-- Gummy, what are you doing in the apple-bobbing tub?!

Me: LOL

Cameron: Lawl

Pinkie: Well, I guess it's down to the two of you. This is the final round!

Me: Righty-ho, here I go! *dunks*

Cameron: I didn't get a second dunk though

Me: Oh sweet, a golden apple! What does that mean, pinkie?

Pinkie: You didn't? Oh, I'm sorry, Cameron! How did I miss that?? Sorry Jeff, that turn counts for Cameron.

Me: Well, that's only fair. Gg.

Cameron: Yay

Pinkie: And the golden apple gives Cameron twenty points! Jeff and Cameron are practically tied, Jeff leading by only one point. Now it's REALLY anypony's game!

Cameron: Ok cool

Pinkie: So let's see, where was I.. Oh yeah! It's the final round of this spectacular apple-bobbing tournament! Jeff comes up to the tub for his REAL turn! He dunks!

Me: *comes back up with a single red apple*

Pinkie: Ten points to Jeff! The crowd cheers again! It'll take more than just an apple for Cameron to win this thing!

Me: Ur up, brah.

Cameron: WATCH IN AWE, my enthusiastic admirers. *dunks*

Cameron: *comes up with a big Macintosh... and gummy*

Pinkie: TWO HUNDRED POINTS TO CAMERON! CAMERON WINS! THE CROWD GOES TOTALLY BANANAS!

Pinkie: Uh, not that the crowd is a bunch of bananas propped against the wall or anything, heh.

Pinkie: But still, CAMERON WINS! *hides the bananas*

Cameron: Lol gg everyone

Me: Gg indeed old chap

Pinkie: It wasn't just a good game, it was a GREAT game! Great job, everypony!

Me: I agree, that was really fun :D

Cameron: Yea :D

Me: You sure got a lot of stuff hidden in that tub, pinkie!

Pinkie: Yup! I think it's bigger on the inside! One time I told that to my friend, Derpy (she's the town's mailmare), and she laughed hysterically and flew off!

Me: Haha I get it :)

Cameron: Me too XD

Me: So, Pinkie, what next?

Pinkie: Not sure! I think one of you should decide.

Cameron: Go ahead jeff

Me: Aw dang man, I can't think of anything

Cameron: Neither can I

Pinkie: Hm? Ooh, somepony's at the door! Be right back!

Me: Ok

Cameron: K

Me: Dude I've never been to a real party before. A legit one or a pinkie-type one. I'm not sure what you're supposed to do in either one.

Cameron: Neither do I man

Me: Lol I guess we could have a dance-off

Cameron: I can't dance though

Me: Lol u don't need to know how to dance to have a dance-off. I dunno how to dance either! Just do some weird moves that'll make everyone laugh.

Pinkie: I'm back! My friend Twilight needed to borrow some sugar. Celestia knows I have plenty of THAT!

Pinkie: So have you decided what we should do next?

Cameron: Dance-off, I guess

Pinkie: Ooh, I love it! Let's do it!

Me: I think Cameron should go first

Cameron: Ok. Gimme a beat.

Pinkie: Here we go! "Vinylicious" by (who else?) Vinyl Scratch! It's playing the lead-up to the.. Uh, what's it called... Bass drop! That's it. Now let's see your moves!

Cameron: *does some leg sways and jumps up and down*

Pinkie: Here we go!... *"Dee to the Jay to the Pee-Oh-En-Three! And ain't no other pony drop the bass like me, I'm Vinyl--"* Boom, bass drop! Go Cameron, you're on fire!

Cameron: *does some turns*

Me: LMFO "does some turns", best dance ever. Good job cam.

Pinkie: Nice dancing, Cam! Jeff, youuu're up!

Me: *stretches* let's do this. *jumps on dance floor, breakdances like a boss*

Cameron: Beast mode

Pinkie: Wow, that's gonna be tough to beat! My turn!

Me: Lol thanks. Ok :)

Pinkie: *starts out with normal hoof-in, hoof-out dancing. Bass drops again. Does the robot and the running-pony and some cartwheels, finishes with a backflip* Whew!

Cameron: Lol u win

Me: Well. I definitely can't beat that. *holds up 10/10 sign again*

Pinkie: Wheee! That was awesome!

Cameron: Yes it was

Me: What next, pinkie?

Pinkie: Anypony up for a movie?

Me: I could use one, after all that physical exercise! I'm exhausted! Lol

Cameron: Me too

Pinkie: Great! I'll get the popcorn!

Cameron: Yay...

Me: (you ready to leave the party yet bro? You seem a bit tired)

Cameron: Yea

Me: (alright. I got a plan.)

Pinkie: Popcorn's done! Salted or unsalted?

Me: Actually, Pinkie, I just realized how late it is. Cameron and I have to get up early tomorrow. Sorry to say this, but we gotta jet.

Cameron: Yea

Pinkie: Okey Dokey Lokie! We can save the movie for another night! Thanks for coming, you guys!

Me: It's been super-duper fun, though! Thanks a lot, Pinkie Pie!

Cameron: Thanks for having us :D

Pinkie: No problem! See you next time, guys! :-)

Pinkie: Oh wait wait wait! *gallops up, hugs both of you* Thanks for being such great friends. ^.^

Cameron: *hugs back* same to you pinkie

Me: :D Aww, you're welcome, Pinkie. Goodnight!

Cameron: Nighty night

Pinkie: Goodnight! ^.^

Me: The icon's off. She's gone.

Me: Lol bro. Dat part at the end. Dat huggle. My heart exploded twice.

Cameron: Same here x2

Me: Yeah... So I'm guessing pinkie got her own cell phone.

Cameron: I think so

Me: Well talk to you tomorrow man

Cameron: Kk night

_____________

Days passed. Weeks passed. But Pinkie Pie never texted us again.

We weren't sure why the messages suddenly ceased, but I personally believe that the hacker, or whoever was behind Pinkie Pie (and Rarity for a short time), simply got bored of roleplaying with us. Cameron most likely wants to believe it really was Pinkie and Rarity who texted us. Honestly, I can't blame him. I wish it was, too. They did seem pretty lifelike.

Eventually I uninstalled wifihack.pdp. The app itself was a fake. Surprise, surprise. Still, sometimes I wonder if I should have kept it, in case she ever did contact us again.

No matter how any of this was possible, it was totally worth it. I'll make sure to give that app a good rating. *holds up sign, 10/10*