Beep Boop, I Will Destroy You!
Yawning slowly, I open my eyes and see the pink walls of my room. My blankets are really warm and comfy, and so is my pillow. I rub my face with my hooves a little bit, and open my eyes again, this time focusing on my bedpost—but my other eye is looking at my door instead. If I squint really really hard, I can make the two pictures of my room go together, but it hurts my head when I do that.
After relaxing my eyes and climbing out of my bed, I take off my fairy princess pajamas and toss them by all of my books lining the shelves. I have lots of books, all of them bedtime stories or comic books—my favorite parts are when the princess gets rescued and the bad guys get beaten.
Giving my head a single shake, I jump down onto the floor and trot towards the stairs. Mommy and Daddy’s room is open and on my way, so I go inside and up to the bed. Like every morning, the bed is perfect and not sleeped-in. They’re already gone, but I don’t mind. They say they love me a lot, but they’re really busy most days. I haven’t even seen them for a really long time, and I can barely even remember what they look like.
I run down the stairs and through the hallways all the way to the kitchen—past the weird pony heads made out of rocks, the huge shiny ponies made out of metal, pretty things that go smash and break into a bajillion pieces when they hit the floor, and other things I’m not supposed to touch.
Panting, I kick the kitchen door open. “Butt? Ohh, Bu-utt!”
“Yes, Miss Hooves?” replies Butt, wincing like I knocked over something breakable—it was only, like, ten times.
“Breakfast ready, Butt?” I ask, giggling.
“Miss Hooves,” he says in his voice that sounds like he’s talking out of his nose, “I would greatly appreciate it if you would refer to me by my full name: Sir Respectable Butler the Fourth.” He adjusts his perfect tie and straightens his smooth suit with a sigh. His white coat and black mane are never messy, either. I’ve never seen him with bed-head, but I giggle slightly just thinking about it. “And yes, your breakfast is ready, Miss Hooves.” He motions to the huge table.
“Thanks, Butt!” I run past the him and all the really big kitchen things and jump onto the chair. There are at least twenty chairs all around the table, but we only need two. Sitting down on the chair, I scooch my rump forward. Butt comes up behind me, our food hovering in his pink magic. He puts my food in front of me, and the smell of freshly baked muffins immediately fills my nose. “Mmmmm! These smell really good!”
“Thank you, Miss Hooves.” Butt smiles, sitting down next to me. “I do pride myself in an . . .”
Butt talks too much sometimes, so I just start eating. These are my favorite muffins, blueberry! They taste super delicious, and pretty soon, all my muffins are all gone. “Done, Butt!”
“. . . furthermore—hmm? Done already, Miss? You were certainly hungry this morning.” He looks down at his untouched food and winces again.
“Are you gonna eat that?” I ask, licking my lips. I reach over and slide his food in front of me.
Butt sighs. “Of course not, Miss Hooves.”
His muffins taste just as good as mine did, except that they’re not blueberry. Pretty soon, they’re all gone too. “Good muffins!” I smile, lick my lips, then pat my tummy.
Butt mutters something under his breath, then lets out a sigh and smiles. “I’m glad you enjoyed them, Miss Hooves. What would you like to do next?” he asks, already using his magic to levitate the plates into the sink.
“Hm.” I cross my forelegs and sigh. “I want to play blocks.”
“Blocks it is, Miss Hooves,” says Butt. He finishes wiping the table with a small rag as I jump down from my chair.
“Come on, Butt!” I giggle, already sprinting out of the room. “Race you!”
“Hm? Wait—no running in the halls, Miss Hooves!” he yells.
The hall speeds by, my breath quickening. I can hear Butt running after me, but that only makes me go faster: I’m going to win today for sure! The doorway is right in front of me, so I leap into the air and flutter my wings, my wingtip brushing past something. But just before my hooves enter the room, I’m covered in Butt’s magic.
He turns me around just in time to see the vase wobbling left, right, then falling, hitting the floor and shattering into a bajillion pieces. He looks behind him at the mess, then back at me. “Miss . . . Hooves . . . .” Butt gasps for breath and gently dabs at his forehead with his white hanky. “Look . . . at what . . . you . . . have done,” he says, frowning sternly.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble.
“. . . If you would stop . . . running in the house . . . this wouldn’t happen.” He takes a deep breath and straightens his suit. His frown deepens, and he starts talking in the stern voice he uses when I’ve been bad. “You know your parents do not approve. I do not know why I have to keep reminding you of this, Miss Hooves. You should be well aware by now.”
I look down, crouch, and wrap my wings tighter around myself. “Sorry.” Butt sighs as he picks up the vase with his magic. “I won’t do it again,” I say.
“Do you know why you are not supposed to run in the house, Miss Hooves?” Butt asks.
I shake my head.
“It is not only because I want to preserve the integrity of the house, though that is a large part of it. It is mainly because you could be seriously injured. Think of if this vase had fallen on you. What would I do?” He raises his voice and seems taller than he was before. “Would you like to explain to your mother why I had to take her daughter to the hospital? Would you like for . . .”
“I’m sorry,” I say, not looking up. I see a tear fall down and hit the floor.
Butt pauses for a long moment. “It is . . . all right. I am sorry I overreacted slightly.”
I carefully look up, and although he still looks a little bit mad, it’s nowhere as much as before.
“Please, Miss Hooves, do be more careful. All right? Remember, everything I do is because I care for you.” After my nod, he holds out his leg and asks, “Friends?”
I take a few steps forward and wrap my forelegs around him.
He brushes the tears from my eyes and says, “Remember, Miss Hooves, little ladies don’t cry . . .”
“. . . Because Butt will save the day!” I finish, giggling.
He nods. “Now, I believe we were on our way to your playroom to have some fun?” he says, letting me go.
Nodding, I giggle, and my tongue sticks itself out of my mouth all by itself. “Pbbbbbbbbbbbttttttt!”
“Manners, Miss Hooves,” says Butt sternly. “I don’t want to have to put you to bed without dinner.”
I quickly suck my tongue back into my mouth, but it wants to get out again! My cheeks puff out as I hold my breath so my tongue won’t escape.
Butt nods and smiles. “That’s better. Now I’ll get your blocks ready.” He walks into my playroom.
My chest is starting to hurt and so is my mouth and my tongue and my throat and my nose and my lips and my head and—I open my mouth and take in a huge breath. “All better!” I spin around and trot into the room.
Butt already has all my blocks out, so I run over to the middle of the room. My playroom is my favorite room in the house. There are huge windows that let in the pretty sunlight and bright blue walls that look really nice. The floor is a really soft white carpet, and toys are usually everywhere. But right now, all the toys are put away except for the blocks.
“Your blocks are ready, Miss Hooves.” Butt motions to my blocks.
I plop myself down on the soft carpet and scrunch my face up. Studying the blocks carefully, I delicately pick up a block and lay it on top of the other. Then I do it again, but the block misses and falls straight down. Closing my one eye, I try again, and this time it stays. I stand up and slowly walk around the stack. I nod.
Turning my back on my blocks, I trot over to one of my toy chests. Wings buzzing, I push up on the lid really hard until I see my stuffed animals. I reach in and grab a few toys then throw them over my shoulder. The rest of my animals follow.
Letting the lid slam shut, I run over to my doll set. Grunting, I drag the dollhouse out of its corner with my teeth. I pull all of my dolls out of it and put my stuffed animal, Mister Fancy Fluffykins, in their place. But then he gets stuck in a doorway, so I leave him in there.
Out of the corner of my drifting eye, I see Butt starting to put away my blocks! “I’m not done with those!”
“Yes, Miss Hooves,” he sighs, levitating my blocks back onto the floor. “Sorry, Miss Hooves.”
I run over to the art supplies and pull open the drawer. Crayons? Nope. Glue? Nope. Stickers? Nope. Foam-things? Nope. “Ah-ha! Play-Clay!” I drop all the silly stuff that I don’t need on the floor and return to my tower of blocks. I pry the lid off with my teeth and then dump the clay on the top block.
I mush the clay with my hooves and turn it into a perfect statue of me, but smaller.
“Do you like it, Butt?”
“Yes, Miss Hooves. That is an excellent . . . rock you have created.”
I frown. “It’s not a rock. It’s me.”
“I apologize, Miss Hooves. I clearly cannot see the artistic masterpiece for what it is,” he says seriously.
“Hmmmmm,” I mutter, looking idly around the room. “Books!” I trot over to my bookcase and begin pulling out some of my favorite stories. “Nope. . . . Nope. . . .Nope. . . . Nope. . . .” I groan and fall back on the ground. “Butt?
“Yes, Miss Hooves?” he sighs.
Getting up, I trot back to the center of the room; I topple the tower as I pass it, sending mini-me onto the carpet. “I’m bored.”
“I . . . I’m sorry to hear that, Miss Hooves. Perhaps if you made a friend, you could enjoy yourself more?”
I shrug. “The other foals don’t like to play with me. They think I’m silly.”
“Well, I could play with you if you would like.” Butt looks sad for some reason.
I look up to see him gently dabbing at his eyes. “Are you sad?”
“No, Miss Hooves.”
“Why are you sad?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.
“I’m not sad, Miss Hooves,” he says. “I just have some dust in my eye.”
I flap my wings really hard and really fast until I’m hovering right in front of his face. “Tell me why you’re sad.”
“I’m not, Miss Hooves.”
“Tell me.”
“I’m not, Miss Hooves.”
“Tell me.”
Butt shakes his head. “I’m not lying, Miss Hooves.”
My wings are starting to get really tired, but I try to keep in place, nodding slowly. “You are, and I’ll prove it.” I grab his cheeks with my hooves and pull down until his face is all frowny. “See? You are sad. Tell me why.”
Butt takes a really deep breath then smiles widely. “I’m fine, Miss Hooves. Why don’t you go play?”
My back and wings are starting to hurt, so I stop flapping and fall to the ground. “Fine,” I huff, frowning. I turn my back on him and sit down. What now? Oh, I know!
I run forward to the closet and stand in front of the door. I stand on my hind legs and reach upward, but I’m not tall enough, so I get down again. Spreading my wings, I flap them a couple of times, but they are so tired I can’t get into the air. “Butt?” I ask, looking over my shoulder at him. I tap on the door twice.
He looks up from my toys. “Yes, Miss Hooves.” His horn lights up, and the door clicks open.
Facing the now-open door, I nose my way inside and kick the door the rest of the way open. All around me are boxes and boxes and hangers and hangers of dress-up clothes. I take out the pretty princess one, but I’ve already used that one a lot, so I just leave it on the floor. The Wonderbolt and the snowpony and cat costumes all follow. I look through another box and find that I’ve worn everything in there, too. I move to the next box and scoop all the outfits onto the floor, but I can’t find any ones that I haven’t worn! “Buuuuuuuuutt!”
“Yes, Miss Hooves?” Butt appears at the doorway of the closet.
“I need to go shopping. I’m out of dress-up clothes.”
“You have dozens of outfits in here, Miss Hooves. I implore you to reconsider.”
“I’ve already worn all of these! I need new ones.”
“Miss Hooves, what do you need new ones for?” he asks, raising his eyebrow.
“I need new ones,” I say, twirling my hoof, “because I don’t want to wear old ones.”
“Are you sure, Miss Hooves?” Butt frowns. “It looks like you have plenty. Far too many, if one would ask me.”
I look at Butt.
Butt looks at me.
I pout.
He sighs. “As you wish, Miss Hooves. We will leave at once,” he says, motioning forward. “After you.”
After clapping my hooves together, I trot out of the closet and through the playroom. Butt follows me all the way down the hallway and to the place where we keep the chariot. It’s a big, open place. Butt opens the door for me, and then he wraps his forelegs around me and puts me into into the bench. I kick my hooves against the seat while I wait for him to finish talking to the driver. The inside of the chariot is completely white, and the seats are really soft and fluffy. There are also curtains on the sides of the windows to keep the sunlight out when I’m tired.
Pretty soon, Butt gets in with me and sits on the opposite side. I like facing forward, so he always lets me. “Ready, Miss Hooves?”
I nod really fast. “Yes! Shopping!” I cheer, throwing my forelegs in the air.
He knocks on the wall three times, and the cart lurches forward, pushing me against the back of my seat.
The carriage sways side to side, and I sway with it. I close my eyes and hum a little song as we go, but it sounds a bit sad all by itself. “Butt?” I ask, opening my eyes.
“Yes, Miss Hooves?”
“Do you want to sing with me?”
Butt frowns. “I’m not really the singing type, Miss Hooves.”
“But my song needs a friend! Pleeeease?” I whimper, giving him my best smile.
“I am not sure, Miss Hooves. I am unable to carry a tune.”
“Pweeese?” I stick out my lip and blink quickly.
Butt stares at me for a few moments, trying to frown. “All right, all right, Miss Hooves. I submit.” He brings his hooves up in front of his face. “Lay down your arms. What do you want me to do?”
“Just sing with me! It’s not that hard.” I smile and start humming again. Soon, Butt joins in. His hum is much deeper than mine, but he isn’t humming the right way. “Butt, you got to do it with me.”
“What do you mean, Miss Hooves?”
“You got to sing, not just hum.”
“Wasn’t I already doing that, Miss Hooves?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No.”
“How do you want me to sing, Miss Hooves?” he asks.
“Better!”
“How do you want me to sing better, Miss Hooves?” He cocks his head to the side.
“Just, sing, um. Good.”
“I’ll try, Miss Hooves.” Butt clears his throat.
I hear a loud sound from beside me, and I leap into Butt’s forelegs. “Eep!”
Butt grunts as I fly into his chest, and he wraps his forelegs around me to keep me from falling. “It’s just the door, Miss Hooves.”
Slowly, I look over to see the driver waving at me. Then I look back at Butt and giggle. He sets me down on the seat and climbs out of the carriage. He holds his forelegs out and motions to me. “Come, Miss Hooves. We have arrived.”
“Yaaaay! Shopping!” I yell, jumping into the his outstretched hooves. He catches me and swings my down to the ground.
As my hooves hit the road, I look up at the pretty blue sky; the sun is already halfway up to the middle, and the clouds are floating around and pretending to be animals and flowers, but I know they’re just clouds.
I take a deep sniff, and it smells like the crisp freshness of cut grass. Smiling, I listen to the sound of the tweeting birds as Butt walks up behind me.
Suddenly, I spy the store. I can see all the pretty costumes and dress-up clothes in the windows! “Come on, Butt!” I tell him, rushing forward.
He follows more slowly behind me, and I run right up to the door and smack my face into the glass. “Oof!” I grunt, peeling my face away from the glass and pushing on it with my hooves. Looking up, I see the door handle grabbed in Butt’s magic as he opens it.
“After you, Miss—”
I’m already running through the door into the huge room of—ohh! I don’t have that one! “Butt! Butt! I want that one and that one and that one and that one!” So many costumes are everywhere! I run in circles until I get dizzy; I sit down quickly as my eyes continue to spin.
The nice pink mare with a red mane that runs the store walks up in front of me and looks around above my head. “Is that my favorite customer I hear? Wherever could she be?”
“Down here!” I yell, waving my foreleg.
Smiling, she slowly looks down until I can see her pretty blue eyes. “It is you! How are you on this fine day, Derpy?”
“Not so good, Velvet. I ran out of dress-up clothes!”
“That’s terrible!” she gasps, covering her mouth with her hoof.
“I know!” I whisper, “Butt doesn’t think so.”
“Really? I’ll have to have words with him.” She looks over my head and frowns at Butt. “Why don’t you look around while we talk?”
“Okay! Thanks!” I yell, and I run to grab the first costume I see.
“I don’t get it, Miss Ribbon,” Butt says. “Why does she want more clothing? Doesn’t she, especially a filly of her standings, have enough?”
“It’s a mare thing, Tux. A growing filly . . .” answers Velvet as I trot out of earshot.
I look around the store, but each outfit I pick up I remember I have already, and that’s no fun. I look at more of them, but the ones I thought I didn’t have, I do. Looking around, I huff quietly and stomp my hoof on the ground.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, there’s an outfit I haven’t seen before! It’s an evil robot, just like the one in my story that captures the princess and wants to destroy the world! It has eyes that can see good, big strong wings, hide and seek powers, and heat vision. I rub my hooves together then skip over.
But just as I reach out my hoof, another filly grabs the costume away. “Mommy, I want this one!” she says. She looks over at me. “Hey, what’s your eye doing?”
I freeze, closing my loose eye and turning my head to the side a bit. “Oh, um, it’s . . .”
“It looks silly,” she states as I take a step back.
“Now, Meadow, that’s very rude. Apologize,” says her mommy.
Meadow rolls her eyes. “Sorry.”
“Come on, Meadow,” says her mommy. They walk away with the robot costume.
Once, they’re gone, I open my eye again. I stare down at my hooves and sigh, wiping my eyes, so I don’t cry. Little ladies don’t cry. After shaking my head and sniffing quietly, I try looking around some more, but I still can’t find anything. And where’s Butt? He usually doesn’t leave my side.
“Butt? Butt! Buuuuuuutt!” Around the racks, between the costumes, by the counter—Butt is gone. I walk by the changing room and I think I hear Butt inside.
“Miss R-Ribbon, stop this behavior at once! W-we are in a public place!”
“Relax a little, Tux. Nopony can see us.”
“Butt?” I walk towards the door, and Butt bursts out of the room. His face is all red! “Are you okay, Butt?”
“F-fine! Very fine. I, er”—Velvet comes out of the same dressing room, a big smile on her face—“we were just, uh, nothing, Miss Hooves,” he pants, straightening his suit. “Did you need me for something?”
I nod, pointing over to Meadow and her mother, who were waiting at the counter. “They took the costume I want.”
“Oh! Excuse me; I’ll be right back,” says Velvet. She runs a hoof over her mane, smoothing it down, and trots to the counter.
“I’m sorry, Miss Hooves, but there’s nothing I can do about that.” After taking a few bits from the mommy, Velvet walks back as they leave. She scooches right up next to Butt, and he tugs at his collar.
“What did you need, Derpy?” she asks.
“She took the last robot costume,” I sigh.
“Last one? . . . Hmmmm.” She frowns and twirls her mane with her hoof. “Follow me—I have an idea,” she says. She leads us to the door behind the counter that I’m not supposed to go into and steps inside. She pokes her head out and waves. “Come on in!”
Butt looks down as I look up. We go inside and see junk. Junk everywhere. The walls, floor, and ceiling are weird, too. There’s wires poking out of places, and nothing looks pretty.
“Miss Ribbon, I do not believe it is safe for Miss Hooves here. This area is obviously under construction.”
“We won’t be here long.” She picks up a box and dumps it out in front of us. “You want to be a robot?” she asks. After a nod, she grins. “I can do that.” She digs through the pile until she comes up with some shiny metal tubes that look like Slinkys. “Give me your hooves,” she says. She slides each of the tubes over my forelegs. “Tux, why don’t you start on the helmet.”
Butt nods. “If you insist, Miss Ribbon.” He picks up a box and stares at it. Two red caps light up in his magic and fly onto the box. Then he pulls some tape out of the pile and tapes them in place.
Velvet puts two little boxes in front of me. “Here, try these for shoes.” As I step in, Butt puts the box over my head. She mumbles, “Still missing something. . . . Ah!” She takes a coathanger and puts it on top of my helmet. “Perfect.”
“How do I look?” I bare my teeth at them.
“Cu—” Butt starts, but Velvet nudges him.
“How are you supposed to look?” she asks.
“Scary. I’m a bad robot.”
“You are very scary,” she says. Butt nods. She nudges him again.
“Oh, yes, Miss Hooves. Positively terrifying.”
As I nod slowly, the box slides around on my head. “This is a beep boop kind of robot. I need a beep boop.”
“Beep boop?” says Velvet as Butt starts writing something. “Hmmm . . . I think you’re right.”
“Here you go, Miss Hooves.” Butt gives me a card that says “Beep Boop” on it. “Now, if you are quite ready, I think it’s time we said our goodbyes and departed. And don’t forget to thank Miss Ribbon for all her help,” he says as we walk out of the secret room.
“Thank you, Velvet!” I say, smiling.
“You’re very welcome, Derpy. Always glad to help my favorite customer,” says Velvet, locking the door. “But before you go, do you mind playing here in the store by yourself for a little while?” She nodded over to Butt. “Mr. Butt here owes me lunch.”
“Pardon me? I do not remember—”
“Sure! Bye, Butt!” I wave at him as Velvet drags him away behind one of of the racks and out of sight.
“Don’t leave the store, Miss Hooves!” says Butt.
“Hmmmm.” What am I supposed to do now? I lift my hoof and bat at one of the hanging costumes. I see a white foal with a messy blue mane trot past, holding some really tasty looking cotton candy in her mouth. I rub my stomach. Slowly, I smile. “Adventure time, beep boop.” As I pick up my words and sneak forward, I can hear Butt and Velvet.
“Come on, Tux, please would you take me out to lunch? Just this once? I’ve had my eyes on you for so very long.”
“Well, I, er—”
“If the date doesn’t work out, I will never bother you again. Aaand I’ll stop calling you ‘Tux.’”
“But . . . but . . . Miss Hooves—”
“Isn’t going to go anywhere. I’ll lock the door when we leave, or we could even order in if you’re so concerned.”
After quietly trotting through the small store, I open the door and go back into the bright daylight. It’s really pretty out here. As I walk into the town, following the other foal, I look all around at the buildings and all the other ponies. They all ignore me as I move past them.
They won’t know what hit them.
When I’m a princess, I’m really pretty; when I’m a ballerina, I’m not silly or clumsy at all; and when I’m a robot . . .
Burn everything with my laser eyes.
Spitting out the card, I tuck it in my helmet and take aim on the crowd and ready my lasers. A low-pitched whine fills the air as my lasers charge up, but before I can destroy them, something catches my eye.
“Mmmm,” I hum. There is a big stand over on the edge of the market street, and lollipops are all over it.
Skipping over, I lick my lips and flutter my wings. After stopping in front of the stand, I look up as the pony looks down. He smiles. “What can I get you, little lady?”
“I’m not a lady. Beep boop, I’m a robot.”
“Of course you are,” he chuckles. “I was going to offer you a lollipop, but I’m pretty sure that a robot doesn’t eat food.” He starts turning away slowly, looking sad.
“I do!” I quickly blurt out.
“Oh you do, do you?” he asks, placing his forelegs on the counter and leaning over it.
Nodding, I tap on my chest with my foreleg. “Lots of food. Especially tasty food—like lollipops—and I’ll destroy you if you don’t give me one.”
His eyes widen, and he jerks back slightly. “Oh, no! I couldn’t have that! Please, anything but that!”
As I charge up my lasers, he quickly sticks his leg over the edge, and he has a big blue lollipop in his hoof. “Take it. Please don’t hurt me,” he whispers.
I take the lollipop and stick it in my mouth. “Pssshhhhppbbttt! Fsssssshh!” Pointing both my hooves, I shoot my lasers at him and burn down his stand. I lift up my helmet and whisper, “Thanks, Mister.”
He pops his head out and winks at me before ducking back behind his stand.
Nodding, I turn around and walk away, the fire warming up my back. “Mmmm.” My lollipop is really tasty! It’s really good and sweet, but I can’t tell what flavor it is. Pulling it out of my mouth and holding it in front of my eyes, I try to see what flavor it is, but all I can tell is that it’s blue. I shrug. Blue flavor still tastes good.
The white foal quickly runs away from my next target—a stand that’s covered with all kinds of flowers. So I creep around the edges because I don’t want to get run over by all the ponies who are rushing back and forth. I find a shaded spot next to a building and crouch down, half-hidden by the wall. Flowers are really tasty, but you have to eat them right away. That won’t be a problem today!
“Beep boop, stealthy-mode on.” Now I’m completely imvisible.
Slowly at first, but picking up speed with each step, I shuffle forward into the crowd. “Beep boop. Beep boop. Beep boop,” I mumble as all the ponies walk around me. Because I’m such a good robot, I manage to make it to the other side. I look up into the sky and wipe the sweat from my forehead; it’s a bit warm in the sun. Looking down to the counter, I see the kind of mare that isn’t sad or happy; she has almost the same kind of face that Butt has. “Beep boop, stealthy-mode off.”
“Hello, can I get you something?” she asks, only the corner of her mouth smiling slightly.
I take the lollipop out of my mouth. “Beep boop, give me a rose, or I will destroy you,” I tell her, charging up my lasers.
“Do you have any bits?” she ask
I shake my head. “Beep boop.”
“Why don’t you get some from your parents?” she says.
“I’m a scary robot.” She lets out a quick cough. “I don’t need any bits to get your flowers.” My lasers start humming. “Now give me the rose, or I’ll destroy you!”
“I’m not above spanking other pony’s foals when they get out of hoof. Better watch your mouth, kid.” She stares at me, and I stare back. She starts frowning. “Are you with that little thief who was just here?”
“Take this!” I yell, firing my lasers at her and her stand. “Pssshhhhppbbttt! Fsssssshh!”
“Take what?” she asks.
My lasers didn’t do anything! They just bounced right off!
“Hey, Daffodil! Can you help me with something?” yells a stallion from behind me. The sound of his hooves hitting the ground gets louder and louder until he suddenly steps into view, panting heavily.
My eye drifts, centering on a bunch of pretty red roses sitting on the edge of the stand. The pony behind the counter is talking to the tall stallion, who is waving his forelegs around. And that means that she isn’t looking at me anymore!
“Beep boop, stealthy-mode on,” I whisper, moving my forehoof toward the roses. I look over my shoulder, but nopony can see me in stealthy-mode.
Grabbing the flowers in my hoof, I slide them off the counter and pop them into my mouth, but I make sure to leave my lollipop there, so it’s a fair trade.
As I crunch the flowers, the cool crispness explodes in my mouth with each bite. “Mmmm!” I hum, slurping up the stems on after another. I crunch each of the stems into little pieces and, after swallowing, lick my lips.
“Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop,” I murmur, marching slowly back into the crowd while she isn’t looking at me.
“Hey! My roses!” she screams. “Come back here and pay for that!”
Uh oh. I better find Butt.
I try to look around, but all the ponies around me are really tall and close; it feels like I’m in a tiny room. All I can see is the blue sky above me, the walls of ponies, and the hard ground under my hooves. I start breathing quickly, and my heartbeat thumps in my ears. “Beep boop, find Butt,” I keep saying, wiggling my way in between the ponies.
After squeezing out from under a big stallion, I pop out on the other side of the crowd and trot away towards . . . None of the houses look the same!
I can’t see anything that looks the same.
“Butt?” I ask, looking around, but none of the ponies even stop. Where is he? He always comes when I call! “Butt!” I spin around in circles slowly. “. . . B-Butt?” Between my eyes and my spinning, I’m starting to get dizzy, so I sit down. “Can you come out, Butt? Please?”
Butt isn’t here.
I’m all alone out here.
My vision starts to blur as tears leak down my cheeks. I back away from the huge ponies. They look over at me and grin meanly, showing their pointed teeth. Tripping over my shoes, I bump into the wall behind me. Quickly looking over my shoulder, I see the house looming over me and casting its dark shadow.
I gulp, sprinting forward across the street and between a pair of houses that don’t look as scary as the others. The cool air of the alley meets me as I quickly skid to a stop in front of a pile of boxes.
There’s a small gap in between two of the larger ones, so I spin around and back in. I take my helmet off and, after using it to block the entrance, go all the way to the back. There’s a little open space at the back of the cave, so I lie down and curl up, making sure that one of my eyes is still on the door.
I’m safe here in my cave. The only sound is my heavy breathing, and my chest is thumping so fast that it’s starting to hurt. All I have to do is wait here until Butt comes. He always comes to the rescue when I’m scared. Even in the middle of the night.
Then why didn’t he come when I called?
Closing my eyes, I press my chin into the cold ground and cover my ears with my forelegs. “He’s coming soon.”
A loud thumping comes out of nowhere. I hear the sound of a pony banging on the door to my cave. I quickly scramble to my hooves and shove my way out of the box-cave with my head, putting on my helmet in the process. “Butt!” I yell, smiling and looking up.
“Huh?” says a voice that is not Butt.
I slowly look down and see a filly in front of me. It’s the filly I saw from before! She’s about my age, but besides that, we don’t look anything alike. She has a white coat, a horn on her head, messy dark and light blue hair, and really, really red eyes. She’s also taller than me.
“You’re not Butt.” I frown, backing into the cave. “W-who are you?”
“I’m Vinyl,” she says, cocking her head to the side. “What are you doing in my secret fort?”
“Your secret f-fort?” I angle my head to the side. “Oh. . . . I’m sorry,” I mumble quietly. “I guess you can have it back now.” I step out of the fort and sit down next to it.
“Really?” she asks.
I nod. “Butt always says to not take things that aren’t mine.”
“Who is Butt? That’s a funny name.” She giggles, walking over to her fort. She gently pats the boxes.
“Butt’s my best friend, and that’s my special name for him. But I don’t know where he is. . . .” I sigh, folding my ears back. “He’s ‘opposed to come when I call, but I haven’t seen him for a long time.” I sniff and talk really quietly, “I’m lost.”
“Lost?” she asks.
I nod, closing my eyes when she leans closer.
“Do, uh, you want me to help you find him?” she asks.
“Really?” I ask, quickly looking over.
She nods and taps her hoof on her chest. “I know this town like, um . . . I know this town, so I’m sure we’ll find him.”
I rush forward and give her a hug before she has time to blink. “Oh, thank you so much! And I’m really sorry about taking your fort.”
“That’s all right. You gave it back right away, so you’re cool. Friends?” she says, hugging me back.
“You want to be my friend?” I ask slowly.
“Sure,” she says. “Is that bad?”
“Um, no, but I’ve never really had any friends afore,” I murmur, shuffling my hooves.
“Oh, well”—she smiles—“I can be your first.” I smile quickly, then turn away, hiding my eye. “So why are you dressed up like that?
“Oh, this is my evil robot costume,” I say, twirling around. “I got laser eyes, stomping boots, big wings, and a secret hidey-mode that lets me turn imvisible.”
“That sounds really fun!” She giggles. “Can I be a robot?”
“Um, sure. You just need a costume.” I take the top box off of her fort and put it on her head. It slides down; I frown, then push it back up.
“Do I get laser eyes too?” Vinyl asks.
I nod. “Sure, you can have whatever powers you want.”
“Ohhh, I like that” she hums. She pokes her tongue out of her mouth and squints her eyes. “Pbbbbbbt,” she says, testing out her lasers.
“Me, too,” I say, nodding. “So what do friends do, anyways?”
“Well—” her eyes dart left to right as she thinks “—friends help friends get unlost.”
“Can you really help me find Butt?” I ask, rubbing my hoof on the street.
She nods. “Follow me.” Turning around, she trots down the alley towards the crowd.
“Wait for me!” Fluttering my wings, I sprint after her and then skid to a stop next to her.
“Where was he at last?” asks Vinyl, peeking out at the now-smaller crowd.
My helmet slides down onto my face, so I frown and push it back up. “Well, he might still be at the dress-up store.”
“The one with the nice mare or the creepy, grumpy stallion?”
“The nice mare.”
“Hmmmm.” She puts her hoof on her chin and rubs it back and forth. “This way.” She lifts a hoof to take a step forward, but then she pauses, watching the cart go by right in front of us. She looks around and sees all the ponies. There’s even a Royal Guard walking around, and he looks really mean. “Hm, let’s go the back way,” she says, turning around and trotting down the alley.
I charge up my lasers and fire them at the cart that almost ran over my new friend. “Pssshhhhppbbttt! Fsssssshh!” Then I walk after her, the cart burning behind me. She keeps walking for a really long time, so I follow her for a long time. Slowly, I get closer and closer until I’m walking right next to her. “Are we almost there?” I ask, looking around at the dark walls.
“Yup!” She nods. “But first I want a little snack.”
“What kind of snack?”
“Ice cream,” she says, grinning. “You want ice cream?”
Licking my lips, I can already taste the flavor of the smooth creamy goodness that Butt—Butt! “Then we go find Butt, right?” I ask.
“‘Course. I just got to get a snack first.” she says, pointing over at a white cart. “Stealth-ness on.”
“Um, okay.”
She trots forward slowly, not quite walking towards the cart. Then, glancing up at the ice cream mare, she crouches down low until her belly touches the ground and quickly scoots forward until she is pressed up against the side of the cart. She brings her hoof up to her lips, looks over at me, and winks slowly. As soon as the ice cream mare looks away, Vinyl jumps up and sticks her hoof down into the cart. When she pulls it out, there’s a big glob of ice cream on her hoof. Before the ice cream mare turns back around, Vinyl wanders back towards me while making sure the mare doesn’t see her hoof. “Easy.” She grins, taking a lick.
“But, you didn’t pay for it,” I say, one eye looking at her, and the other looking at the ice cream mare.
“Yeah,” she says. “Don’t have any bits.” She extends her hoof towards me. “You want some?”
My stomach growls, so I lean forward and take a big lick. “Mmmmmmm,” I hum, licking my lips. It’s vanilla—my favorite.
We eat the ice cream all up, one lick at a time, but when we’re done, my tummy feels a bit weird. “Maybe . . . maybe we shouldn’t take anything else,” I say.
Vinyl looks up from licking her hoof, her tongue paused in mid-stroke. “Why?” she asks.
“Because Butt says stealing is wrong.”
Vinyl shrugs and goes back to licking her hoof.
“So can you help me find Butt now?” I ask hopefully.
She nods. “Sure. I said—uh oh.”
“What?” I look around and over my shoulder, but I don’t see anything.
She points up to the sky, quickly brings her hoof back to her chest so she can lick it one last time, then points into the sky again, her eyes widening. I follow her hoof to see the weather team is moving clouds over the town and gathering them to make a big blanket of really dark grey.
“Quick, this way!”
Her helmet falling down and landing in the street, she grabs my hoof and tugs until I turn around and follow her. She runs into the middle of the street and follows the road; almost all the other ponies are gone already.
“Why are we running?” I ask, but she doesn’t even look at me. “Why are we running?” I shout, still running after her.
She doesn’t respond as she runs down the road, so I open my mouth, but a loud thunk lands on my helmet. So instead, I look up, but when I do, a huge drop of water smacks my muzzle.
Looking down, I run a little faster as big waterdrops keep hitting my helmet faster and faster. I can feel them getting my back wet, too, and I can start to see them hitting the ground all over.
The clouds are only leaking, but glancing up, I see the weather team spreading out over the sky. At the same time, they all kick the clouds, and I look down again before the all the water gets in my face. The thunder booms, the rain starts coming down really hard, and Vinyl ducks her head down and folds her ears against her head. I don’t think she likes water because she runs around all the fun puddles, even the super small ones.
Suddenly, she makes a sharp turn and runs down another alley. By the time I get there, she’s gone.
“Vinyl?” I call, looking around. The rain tapping my helmet is making it hard to hear, but out of the corner of my eye, I see her hoof waving to me from jagged little hole in the wall. I carefully step inside, almost poking myself on the wooden spikes, and find it’s much quieter inside, but also really dark.
“Hold on,” she says.
Blinking, I look around, but it’s still completely dark. I can hear Vinyl moving around, though. She grunts for a few seconds and lights up her horn just a little, so all I can see is her face. Then she bends down and picks something up with her teeth. She kinda wiggles and shakes her head a bit, and a little flame pops out on the end of a tiny stick!
I shiver, watching her lower the flame down to a little pile of wood and old newspapers. She looks at me and waves me over, and she looks like I feel. Her ears are still hanging down, and water is dripping off. Her mane is shiny and stuck flat to her head from the water, and I can see her shivering. A lot.
I sit down next to her and hold my forelegs out to the fire. “Where are we?” I ask, trying to look around, but the tiny fire doesn’t light up much. All I can really see is stone around the fire and some wood floor underneath me.
“This is where I go when it gets all rainy.” She leans in close and whispers, “See? Listen...”
All I can hear is the rain on the roof and the whistling wind. “What?” I ask.
“No leaks!” she says proudly, grinning.
My teeth chattering a little, I nod and smile. My helmet is all soggy and heavy now, so I take it off and set it next to me. Then I take off my robot boots and put them next to the hat. It’s all ruined.
Suddenly, it feels a lot more lonely.
I pull the card that Butt gave me out of my helmet and hold it in front of me. The loopy, nice-looking writing is all wet and ruined. For some reason, I feel like I want to cry.
“What’s wrong?” asks Vinyl.
“It’s my beep boop. Butt wrote this for me.” I sniff, wiping my nose.
I jump a little because Vinyl suddenly shakes her mane and flings water everywhere. The letter falls to the ground and into the puddle of water that’s under me. I carefully lift it out, but now it’s all soggy. Tears begin to drip out of my eyes, so I sigh and wipe my face with my foreleg.
“Hey, don’t cry!” Vinyl says, nudging me. “I promise we’ll find your friend, so that’s what we’re going to do! Okay?”
I wipe my face again and smile. “Okay.”
The thunder booms quietly. “As soon as the rain goes away,” Vinyl finishes.
“But that’ll take forever,” I moan, putting my chin on my hooves.
“Nuh-uh. Why don’t we do . . .” She frowns, then smiles. “Oh, I know!’
“What?”
“Another thing that friends do is talk to each other about the things they like and don’t like. I’ll start.” She taps her head for a second. “I like the pretty little light-bugs that come out at night.”
“I like those, too.” I giggle. “I like dressing up in costumes and pretending to be different ponies.” I whisper, “It’s more fun when I’m not lost.”
“Well, I like music,” she says. “Really loud music.”
“I like music, too.”
“I—” The house shakes slightly as the loud boom of thunder rumbles from above, and Vinyl crouches down and stares up.
The house suddenly lights up completely and another boom shakes the house, this one so loud that my ears ring. The rain slams against the roof, causing it to groan and creak.
Vinyl and I press up against each other so fast we almost run into each other, and we cuddle together next to the fire.
“I’m not scared of s-storms,” Vinyl whispers.
“Me n-neither.”
After what seems like forever, the thunder and lightning and rain finally stop. Some light is coming in through the windows, so I can still see, but the fire went out a long time ago. That’s okay, though, because Vinyl is really warm and nice to snuggle with, even though she makes funny noises. Her head is laying on me, and I’m a bit wet there, even though the rest of me is dry.
“Vinyl,” I whisper.
“Viiiiiiinyl.”
“Vinyl?”
“Vinyl.”
“Vinyl, Vinyl, Vinyl, Vinyl, Vinyl.”
“Wake up, Vinyl,” I say, nudging her with my shoulder.
“Mmph,” she mumbles, moving slightly.
“C’mon; get up,” I say, nudging her more.
“Don’ wanna,” she groans.
“You promised we would find Butt, and that was ages ago!” I yell, shaking her off as I stand up.
“All right, fine, but I need to wake up first—”
I grab her by the tail and start pulling her towards the hole in the wall, ignoring her complaining and whining. She gets stuck in the doorway, but I just bite down harder and yank as hard as I can, and she slides out onto the stone.
“Awake,” I grunt. “Now we find Butt.”
Blinking in the sun, she slowly gets up and rubs her rump then her eyes. She nods slowly and sighs, “Now we find Butt. Where do you think he is?”
“He’s probably still at the dress-up store.” I sit down and tap my hoof on my chin. “I don’t know where else.”
“Okay, we can go this way,” she says. After looking both ways, she walks out into and down the street, carefully staying close to the houses just in case. “I want to show you something!”
Soon, I hear quiet thumping, and it’s slowly getting louder. “What is that?” I whisper. It doesn’t look like anything special, but for some reason, the windows are all foggy, and pretty colors flash on the inside. “What’s inside?”
She ignores me and slips inside the building through the front door. As I do the same, I’m blasted with a wall of everything. Thumping. Flashing lights. Moving ponies. Thumping.
Vinyl looks at me and grins. Her mouth moves, but no sound comes out. I just try to focus on her. She frowns and motions for me to follow her, but all the moving things make it really hard to see straight. I try blinking, but it doesn’t help.
I close my eyes and shake my head a bit. “Just follow me!” she yells in my ear; then I feel somepony gently biting my ear. She slowly pulls, so I let her guide me. Sometimes we swerve to the sides, and I don’t know where we are going at all.
Soon the thumping quiets down, and I open my eyes. We’re in a small room with just a bed and a few pieces of furniture and us.
“Sorry,” says Vinyl, “I forgot how loud it is the first time.”
My ears feel kinda funny, and she sounds fuzzy. “It’s okay.” Even my voice sounds weird. “What is this place?” I ask.
“Only the best place ever! It’s called a club, and when I grow up, I’m going to be a DJ and have fun foreeeeeeeeever.” She grins, stands on her hind legs, and spins around.
“What’s a dee jay?” I ask, turning my head to the side. “Is that, like, a birdie? I like blue jays.”
“Nuh-uh. The DJ is the pony that makes all the awesome music,” she says.
“Oh, I like music, too! What instrument does she play? Can I hear her play? I can’t really hear anything because of the thumping.”
“That’s the DJ music.”
“But . . .” I sit down and scratch my head. “Butt said that music is—” I try to imitate how Butt looks when he plays his violin.
“What?” she asks nodding her head with the thumping.
“Um, never mind. Can we go to Butt now?”
Vinyl nods. “We gotta go through the room again, so just grab my tail and follow me.”
“Okay,” I say, grabbing on her tail. She opens the door, and I get ready, and the noise is less noisy now that I know it’s there.
All the flashy lights and moving ponies still make me dizzy, but I just let Vinyl keep pulling me along. Suddenly, she points up to a pony on a stage and says something, but the thumping is too loud for me to hear it. The pony on the stage is bobbing his head so fast that it looks like it hurts, and he is playing with something on the table, too.
Then she pulls me along and around a corner, down a hallway, and out the back door. “That was the DJ,” Vinyl says as the thumping fades behind us. “You can let go of my tail now,” she says. I open my jaw a little, and she swipes her tail out of my mouth. “Isn’t that awesome? Sometimes I just sit in there and listen all day.”
I nod. “It was awesome.” She leads the way forward, smiling
“Other ponies don’t like it.” We walk out onto the street and away from the club. It seems like most of the ponies are gone for now, and that’s good because I left my laser eyes at Vinyl’s house.
Suddenly, Vinyl stops, and I run into her. “Uh, we can’t go this way,” she says.
“Why not?” I ask, coming up next to her. “Oooh . . .” The road is covered with a giant puddle of water! I grin. “That looks like fun!”
“N-nuh uh.”
“Nuh uh? What do you mean?” I ask, trotting forward into the water. The cool wetness feels good around my ankles. “Come on; you said Butt’s this way.”
“I’ll just go around,” she says, taking a step backward.
“No, no, no. That’ll take too long!” I say, but she just shakes her head. I sit down and swish my hooves through the water in front of me. “It’s just some water.” I scoop some water up in my hooves and then drop it. “It’s really fun to play in.”
“Ummm . . . are you sure?” she asks, taking a few steps closer.
“Umn hm.” I nod, scooping up some more water.
Vinyl walks right up to the edge and dips the tip of her hoof into the water before quickly taking it out. “I’m going to go aroun—”
I take the water and throw it at her, causing her to gasp. Her mouth hangs open, and she stares at me, but when I wave my hoof, she doesn’t do anything. “Vinyl?”
“. . . Vinyl?”
“. . .”
“Um, Vinyl.”
I take a step backward.
And another.
She slowly closes her mouth and frowns.
I take one more step backward.
“Yaaaaaaaaah!” she yells, dashing at me; I spin around and run away, zigging and zagging through the puddle, splashing water everywhere until my chest hurts and my legs burn.
I look over my shoulder, and she’s right behind me. “I’m sorry!” I yell. “‘M sorry!”
I turn around and splash a huge wave into her face, but she just closes her eyes and looks away and splashes me back even more. So I splash her more, but then she splashes me more, laughing as she chases me.
This isn’t working!
I spin around and start to run away again, but suddenly, my tail is getting pulled really hard, so I trip and fall down, whimpering, but as soon as I do, Vinyl jumps on top of me and pins me to the ground.
“Got you,” she pants, giggling. She lazily splashes a little bit of water in my face then rolls off and onto her back, her legs spread wide. She sighs.
Rolling on to my side, I face her, breathing heavy. “Ss . . . see? Isn’t . . . water fun?” I gasp, closing my eyes.
“No.”
“Huh?” Opening my eyes, I take a close look. “You’re lying. I can see you smiling!”
She hides her face with her hooves. “Nuh-uh.”
I slowly get up and walk over to her, then I hop around her, chanting, “You like wa-ter! You like wa-ter!”
“Okay, okay! I do!” she laughs, moving her hooves. “Just stop it! You’re splashing me.”
I sit down with a plop while she gets up slowly. “Can we go find Butt now? Please?”
Vinyl nods. “Yeah, we can go now.”
We walk across the puddle, but my legs are getting heavier and heavier. We walk slower and slower, even after we leave the puddle. I look down at my hooves, but then I remember I left my robot boots at Vinyl’s house.
“Do you want to rest for a minute?” asks Vinyl.
I feel kinda dizzy, and my hooves are sore; I want to lay down on my tummy and put my chin on my forelegs. But then I think about about Butt and about him being all alone, and that makes me want to be close to him again. I want him to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story while I cuddle in my blankets.
“No,” I say. “I miss Butt.”
“Fine,” she sighs.
“Are we almost there?” I ask.
She nods.
We walk for a little while and pass three houses. “We almost there?” I ask, looking at a pretty pink door with hearts all over it.
“A little further.”
After another five houses go by, I ask, “Almost there?”
She nods. “Almost.”
Ten houses go by, a few turns, and I can barely pick up my hooves, so I just kinda drag them along, my head low. I look over and see the exact same pretty pink door! “Vinyl?”
“Hm?” She looks over her shoulder at me.
“Are we lost?”
She mumbles something and keeps walking.
“What?”
“Nope.”
I hum, nodding. We trot toward the end of the alley and into the street. “Where are we?” I ask, looking around. I can see houses and building and some ponies, but nothing looks familiar.
Vinyl looks around at the buildings for a minute. “Hmmm.”
“Are we still lo—”
“Ah-ha! I know where we are now!” She looks over her shoulder and grins. “See. I told you I knew where we were going.” We come right to the street corner, and then she turns left and points, saying, “Ta-da!”
It’s Velvet’s store! “Come on!” I say, running forward. There are a few ponies between me and Butt, but I just go around them. “Butt? Butt?” I shout.
I stop at the door and push on it, but it doesn’t budge. I look inside the glass, but all the lights are off, too. I bang on the glass. “Butt! . . . Butt. . . . Butt?”
Nothing.
I slowly turn around and sit down against the door. Now what am I going to do?
“Didja find him?” asks Vinyl. I feel her sit down next to me.
“No,” I whisper. “H-he’s not here.”
“Where do you think he is?”
“I dunno.” I wipe my muzzle and look around. The sun setting, ponies are going home, and I’m all alone in this huge town. “W-what do I do now?”
“Well, I’ll stick with you,” she says. “Friends don’t leave friends hangin’.” I smile a little.
Maybe if I wait here Butt will find me.
Right?
The sun drops behind one of the houses, and a breeze blows through my fur and send chills up my spine.
It gets really quiet, and all I can hear is the chirping sound of the little buggies.
Heavy hoofsteps and clanking come from behind the building and slowly walk closer and closer.
“It’s the Guard,” whispers Vinyl. “We gotta go.” But I just shrug.
She starts nudging me, but I don’t want to get up. She backs away slowly then jumps behind the corner of the building as the heavy hoofsteps walk around the corner. “Hey, you there!” says a stallion in a gruff voice, breaking into a quick jog. He stops right in front of me and asks, “What are you doing out so late?”
“I lost my Butt.”
“Excuse me?”
I look up into his face, and he’s smiling slightly: that makes him not look scary, unlike the other guard.
“Have you seen my Butt?” I say.
He scratches his head and starts to shake his head, but then stops and looks at my eyes. “Wait. Is your name Derpy Hooves?”
I nod slowly.
He smiles wider and says, “There’s someone looking for you, and he’s down at the outpost. Said his name was Sir Respectable Butler the F—”
“Butt?” I gasp. “You know where Butt is, Mr. Guard?”
He nods, chuckling. “I sure do. Would you like me to take you to him?”
“Oh, yes, yes, yes!” I shout, jumping off the ground and buzzing my wings.
Squinting slightly, he looks over and sees that Vinyl’s ear is sticking out from behind the wall. His horn lights up, wrapping Vinyl’s ear in his aura. “Why don’t you both come with me,” he says.
“Let’s go, Vinyl!” She sighs as Mr. Guard leads us down the road. “When will we get there?” I ask.
“Soon.”
“How soon?”
“A few minutes.”
“How many?”
“A couple.”
“. . .”
“How about now?” I ask.
“We’re almost there.”
“I wanna see Butt.”
“Soon.”
“Are—”
“We're here,” he says, looking over his shoulder and smiling.
I look at Vinyl and grin, but she doesn't look too happy and rubs her glowing ear.
We walk up the steps of the station, and Mr. Guard pushes open the door.
The room is not very . . . pretty. There's a few chairs and some desks and three more Royal Guards who are talking together. The harsh light is dim, and the floor is really hard and a bit slippery and makes our hoofsteps echo.
Mr. Guard clears his throat and says, “Pardon me, sir, but I think you might want to see this.”
One of the guards looks up, except—it's Butt! I gasp and rub my eyes, but he's still there! “Butt!” I shout, running forward.
“Miss . . . Hooves . . . ? Miss Hooves!” He stands up and takes long steps toward me, smiling as wide as he can.
Right before I reach him, I trip and fall on my face then slide the rest of the way and bump into his hooves.
He wraps his forelegs around me and lifts me up in front of him and stares into my eyes while frowning. “Miss Hooves,” he says seriously, over the sound of the other ponies chuckling. He then smiles again. “It wonderful to see you.”
I open my legs, and Butt brings me in close and hugs me all warm and tight. It feels so nice. Like I could stay here forever and ever. I can feel his heart thumping against my cheek, and his arms holding me feels like the safest place in the world.
He holds me forever, but it’s not long enough. I feel a little droplet on my ear, so I look up. Butt’s eyes are watery, and another tear drips down his face. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” he whispers, stroking my mane. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” I pause and take a deep sniff. “Butt? You smell funny.” I pull my head away and take a closer look; I can see that Butt doesn't look like his he usually does. His clothes are a bit frumpy, and his mane isn't combed really good anymore.
“As do you, Miss Hooves. I think a nice, long bath is in order for each of us,” he whispers.
He dabs at his eyes with his handkerchief then clears his throat and sets me down. He takes a deep breath and turns around to face the two Royal Guards. Miss Velvet is there too. They are all smiling.
“A purely professional relationship?” asks Velvet. “No emotional attachment?”
“Erm”—his cheeks turn a little bit pink—“yes?”
“I believe you,” she says, winking.
“Yes, well, anyway, thank you for all of your assistance today,” says Butt, wrapping his foreleg around me and holding me close to him. “I know you lost some business, Velvet.”
“It’s the least I could have done after it pretty much being my fault.” She chuckles and rubs the back of her neck. “Still friends?”
“Yes, Miss Ribbon. We are still friends.”
I snuggle in closer to Butt and ask, “Can we go home now?”
“I think that is an excellent idea, Miss Hoo—”
“Wait!” I gasp, catching sight of Vinyl, who is half-hidden behind a Mr. Guard. “Can Vinyl come too?”
“Vinyl? Who is Vinyl?” he asks.
“Her!” I say, pointing. “She’s my new friend! So can she come? Please?”
“I’m sure she has a home of her own, Miss Hooves, and her parents are very worried. Am I correct, Miss Vinyl?”
“Yeah,” she says, looking away. “Well, I have a house,” she says, puffing out her chest.
The guards share a nod. “I’m sorry, young filly, but we need to take your new friend to the orphanage, where she belongs. They’ve been very worried about her this past week.”
“But I don’t want to go back,” Vinyl grunts, shaking her head. “They don’t let me go to clubs and parties.”
Velvet hides her mouth with her hoof and giggles quietly.
“Sorry, but you need to go back,” finishes the guard.
“But . . . but . . . Butt, do something!”
Butt scratches his chin for a moment. “Sirs, if what they say is true—that this fine young mare assisted Miss Hooves in returning to me—would you not say she deserves a reward? And would not Miss Hooves need some company in order to overcome the shock due to being separated for so long?” He smiles. “Perhaps you could be persuaded to blink for an extended period of time? And then maybe some rest would be in order. You have worked very hard today, and I am sure you will find the missing foal tomorrow.”
“I don’t know if I can allow that, you know.” The guards frown.
Butt raises his eyebrow. “I can speak to Mr. and Mrs. Hooves if I must, but I do not believe they would appreciate being disturbed. I believe their employer would be even less pleased.” As Mr. Guard opens his mouth, Butt continues. “If I did leave her here, what would become of her? It is far too late to return her tonight. Would you have her sleep in a locked cell like some common brute?”
The guards look thoughtful for a minute; then Mr. Guard nods and whispers quietly for a few seconds to the other guard. “I guess . . . we all owe the Hooves family, one way or another. And if we didn’t find the missing foal for one more day, nopony would notice,” he says. “And we are kinda tired.” He nudges the other guard with his foreleg and yawns. The other guard yawns, too, and lets go of Vinyl. “We’ll come by tomorrow to, er, ‘find’ her. If the Hooves trust you with their daughter, I trust you’ll take good care of this one, too.”
Butt nods, saying, “Thank you,” as the guards turn away and walk into the back room. “Quickly, before they change their minds,” he says, leading us outside and over to the carriage.
The driver smiles and waves at me as we get closer, and he hops down and opens the door for us. “Welcome back, Derpy! I’m so glad to see you.”
“Hi! Nice to see you, too!” I grin and lift up my forelegs, so he picks me up and sets me in the carriage. He pats my mane then goes to get Vinyl, but she just jumps straight up and climbs in herself. As we hop on the seats, Butt steps in too.
“Are you coming, Miss Ribbon?” he asks.
“No thank you. I can walk home from here,” she says.
“Very well, then. I’m sure I will see you soon,” says Butt.
“I’m counting on it, Tux” She smiles and winks—I see Butts face turn red—dips her head, then trots away as the driver shuts the door and starts pulling.
Butt sits down across from us and looks at me. He starts smiling and asks, “Would you two like to sit next to—oof.”
I leap across and curl up next to him. He wraps his hoof around me and holds me close. I wave Vinyl over, too, but she hesitates. “Come on,” I say.
She slowly slides down the cushion and looks at Butt carefully. He offers her a hoof, and she takes it and lets him pull her up and put her next to me. Butt wraps his leg around both of us as Vinyl shifts a little bit then relaxes.
The ride is completely quiet, except for the sound of the cart bouncing over the path. It’s okay, though, because Butt and Vinyl are really comfy.
My eyelids start to feel heavy, so I blink, but that just makes them feel heavier. I rest my cheek on the seat, but that doesn’t help either.
Sounding like he’s talking through a fog, Butt rumbles softly, “We’re here, Miss Hooves,” He nudges me and whispers. “You’re home.”
Yawning, I rub my eyes and slowly stand up next to Vinyl. Butt picks us up with his magic and helps us on to the floor. “Come—” I yawn then smile “—on, Vinyl. I want to show you my house!” Butt opens the door to the house, and we rush forward. I run through the house, pointing. “This is the kitchen; this is the hallway; this is the other hallway; this is the otherer hallway; this is the more other hallway; this is the—”
“Why don’t you two have a bath before bed,” says Butt. “I have the water running for you.”
“Yes, Butt,” I say, turning to Vinyl. “Let’s go get nice and clean!” Vinyl follows us up the stairs and into the bathroom.
“You two get started, and I will return in just a moment,” says Butt, walking out of the room.
Vinyl and I climb into the tub and sigh at the same time. “Ohhhhh, this water is soooo nice and warm,” she hums.
I nod, pretending to close my eyes. “Butt knows how to get the water just right.” Vinyl closes her eyes, but I open mine. I cup some water in my hooves and splash it on her face.
She wipes the water from her eyes and grins. She brings her hooves back and hits me with a wave of water, so kick my hooves at her, splashing her more.
She climbs onto the edge of the tub and then jumps in, belly first. She pops out of the water, giggling, but before I can splash her again, Butt clears his throat. He has water splashed all over him. “Hi,” I say, waving.
Butt shakes his head, but I can see the corner of his mouth smiling. “I can see you have not even begun cleaning yourselves. You leave me no choice.”
“Oh, no,” I whisper.
“What?” asks Vinyl, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean—”
“Sorry won’t fix this.” Butt’s horn lights up and ten washcloths float up.
“Nooooooo!” I giggle and close my eyes, as half the washcloths wrap themselves around me and scrub. Firmly but not hurting—they work their way from my muzzle to my mane and tail, down my back, on my tummy, and all the way down my hooves.
Just as fast as it started, it stops. “Whaa?” says Vinyl, looking around.
“We’re clean!” I tell her, climbing out of the tub.
She follows me out of the tub and whispers into my ear, “What happened?”
I whisper back, “That’s scrubby time.”
Butt drapes a huge towel over both of us, and he helps us dry off.
“I like scrubby time,” she whispers under the towel.
I giggle.
“Are you ready to retire, Miss Hooves?” asks Butt, pulling the plug on the tub. “Why don’t you take Vinyl to your room?”
“Yeah! C’mon, Vinyl—” I motion towards the stairs “—let’s go to my room.” We run down the hall and stop at my door. “Are you ready?”
She nods, grinning.
“Here it is!” I kick open the door and point into my room. “I have books for storytime, and some—”
Vinyl gasps, “Is that your bed?” She jumps onto my bed and shouts, “It’s huge!”
I giggle as I join her. “Yup. This is my bed.”
“So this is where you sleep every night?”
I nod. “You can sleep with me tonight, and we’ll have lots of fun when we wake up tomorrow. I just can’t wait to show you all dress-up clothes and dollies and stuffed animals and blocks and crayons and glitter-glue and—”
“Time for bed, Miss Hooves,” says Butt, walking into the room. “Vinyl, you too. You both had a very exciting day.”
Vinyl pushes on the bed a bit with her hooves, spins around a couple of times, then falls face-first on the pillow. She mumbles something—I can’t understand her—as Butt pulls the covers over us.
“Yes, Butt. Good night,” I say, snuggling deeper into my covers.
“Would you like your customary fairy princess pajamas?” asks Butt.
“No, I’m going to sleep as me,” I say, smiling.
“Oh? How unusual. But very well. Sleep tight, Miss Hooves,” says Butt, turning off the lights and closing the door as he leaves.
“Hey, Vinyl,” I whisper, snuggling deeper into my covers.
Blinking slowly, she lifts her face out of the pillow and turns toward me. “What?”
“Thanks for . . . for being my friend.” Closing my eyes, I wrap my hooves around her and give her a hug.
“You’re welcome, Derpy,” she says. “Thanks for being mine, too.”
I nod and snuggle closer.
I feel her foreleg around me.
I—
Respectable slung his towel around his neck. He ran his comb through his mane a few times, the only light coming from his glowing horn. The suit hanging on the back of the door caused his mouth to twitch; it would need to be cleaned tomorrow. His ear flicked. He knew every last sound the house made, but this was a new one.
He followed his ears out of the bathroom, his hooves barely making a sound on the tile floors. He stopped in front of Miss Hooves’ room and carefully pushed the door ajar until a beam of light fell on Miss Hooves face. He allowed himself a broad smile. She and her new friend we wrapped tightly together, though how either of them were sleeping was a mystery. Vinyl’s snoring was the source of the noise.
He shut the door firmly and turned towards his room. He paused in front of the master bedroom. Empty, as per usual. He took a step inside and turned on the light. There was a slight depression in the covers of the bed, as though a pony had rested there for mere seconds, too rushed to even get under the blankets. The adjacent study’s connecting door was opened, and he could see that that room had seen far more use while he had been out. Papers were strewn about, laying across the desk and floor; books lay opened, bookmarked, stacked, and as stepladders to get to other books. A half-empty glass of wine was perched on the edge of the desk.
He returned to his room and sat down at his desk, where a small note lay. He picked it up, his eyes skimming quickly. “I will be out until late. May not come home until morning. Repack my bags. I leave before the dawn. Husband requires my help immediately. Much to do. Give Derpy our regards,” he read.
Short and direct, no time for nonsense.
He sighed into the room and turned out the lights.
