CMC: Chocolate Bar Salesponies!

by Crazy Chocolate

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Flim and Flam, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity, Bulk Biceps, Crossover
Length: 4187

CMC try to get their cutie marks in salesponyship. Homage to the SpongeBob episode "Chocolate With Nuts."

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are inspired to become salesponies after reading one of Rarity's Entrepreneurship Digest magazines. They agree to sell chocolate bars, and have very little luck getting anypony to buy one. Inspired by the SpongeBob episode "Chocolate With Nuts," which is why it is listed as "crossover." This is my first fic, and I thought it would be a good idea to make my first post a reference to the SpongeBob episode which inspired my username and avatar. Hope you enjoy!

Published 2014-03-17 05:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-19 10:12:20 UTC

The Mail

It was a boring Sunday morning at the Carousel Boutique, and Sweetie Belle was waiting for her package to come in the mail. She had been waiting what seemed like days, or months, or years! No, it was days, she thought to herself.

She was expecting her jetpack to come in the mail any of these days now. She had ordered it a week ago from an ad in one of Spike's Power Ponies comics, which advertised a jetpack to be shipped to your home in four to eight days for the low low price of only 20 bits! Apple Bloom had been skeptical, so had Rarity, Spike, and Apple Jack, but Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle decided to take the risk and split the price, each pitching in 10 bits and mailing it to the listed address. Sweetie Belle waited eagerly every morning to see if they got it in the mail yet.

Derpy Hooves dropped off the mail, but she did not have any large heavy packages with her, only letters and a few magazines. Sweetie Belle was disappointed, to say the least. It was the seventh day now! Next morning was the last morning it could arrive before being proven a hoax.

Sweetie Belle was surprised to hear the bell from the front door, before she remembered she was expecting Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to drop by.

"Hey, Sweetie Belle," greeted her pegasus friend, "did it come yet?"

"Nah, just a bunch of letters and stuff."

"Anything good?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Haven't checked yet. let me see..." She skimmed through the pile of papers, tossing the ones that didn't interest her onto the floor behind her. "Junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, Opalescence, Opalescence, Rarity, Rarity, Rarity, HEY, a magazine!"

Apple Bloom read the cover. "What the hay is... 'Entrepreneur's Digest?' I've never heard of it before."

"Let's find out, shall we?" announced Scootaloo as she ripped the magazine from Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo proceeded to flip through the magazine, mostly looking at the pictures. She came across a picture of a tan unicorn stallion in fancy clothes standing in front of his golden mansion. "Whoa! This pony has a solid gold house!"

"No way, lemme see!" proclaimed the others in unison. They looked over and saw another picture of a huge swimming pool with a kiddie swimming pool inside of it.

"He has a swimming pool, IN a swimming pool!" noted Apple Bloom.

"Look! That guy has shoes!" Sweetie Belle said, probably with more enthusiasm than she expected. Her friends looked at her strangely. "What? They're nice shoes!"

Rarity walked into the room, still with her evening gown and her blindfold on her forehead from last night.

"Sweetie Belle, did you get the mail yet?" She looked closer and saw her sister and her little friends reading her magazine. "WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING MY THINGS? I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR NOT TO GO RUMMAGING THROUGH MY THINGS!"

"Sorry, we were just curious!" apologised Sweetie Belle. She was practically cowering at her sister.

"Well, I suppose I was a little harsh, it is just a magazine after all. It's not like you were opening my letters... were you?" Rarity seemed highly concearned.

"No, we didn't! I swear! Pinkie promise!" She made the gesture.

"Um, Rarity, what the hay is an entrepreneur anyways?" Apple Bloom interrupted.

Rarity's mood instantly turned from concearned to pleasantly suprised. She was glad to see her sister and her friends possibly interested in business. "Oh, an entrepreneur is somepony who sells things to ponies, like me, or your sister Apple Jack."

"What kind of things?" inquiried Scootaloo.

"You know, stuff ponies want to buy." Rarity levitated the magazine and the letters her sister left on the floor and walked away twoards her room with them.

"You two thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Scootaloo. All three fillies jumped in the air and screamed in unison.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: ENTREPRENEUR SALESPONIES!"

"So, what are we going to sell?" Apple Bloom inquired.

"Um... apples?" suggested Sweetie Belle.

""No... I'm not good at selling apples. I've tried. And I don't think AJ would be too happy about us mooching off of her market."

"Ok, think, if you could have anything in the world, RIGHT NOW, what would it be?"

"Our cutie marks?" asked Apple Bloom.

"More time to think of ideas?" added Scootaloo.

"No, something real, an item, something you would PAY for..." Sweetie Belle started rubbing her chin with her hoof to help her think.

Apple Bloom did the same. After a few seconds, she said "A... chocolate bar?" She seemed unsure, as if she was worried it was a stupid answer.

"That's perfect! We can become chocolate bar salesponies!" Sweetie Belle liked this idea. She liked it a lot.

"But wait," asked Scootaloo, "where are we going to get all of the chocolate bars?"

"We'll buy a bunch from the store, and just sell em for a bit more than we bought it!" suggested Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, I think that'll work, but how are we going to sell 'em?" Scootaloo inquired.

Sweetie Belle rubbed her chin again. "Hmm... we could sell door to door?"

Apple Bloom looked quickly at Sweetie Belle, then looked quickly at Scootaloo. "Cutie Mark Crusaders, I think we have ourselves a business plan."

Rough Start

The Cutie Mark Crusaders went to the store and bought a few dozen chocolate bars with all of the bits they could pull together. They loaded the bars onto a red wagon and pulled it to the nearest house.

Sweetie Belle stopped pulling the wagon and talked to her friends. "Okay girls, this is our first customer. be sure to not scare him away."

They knocked on the door and it was answered by a large white pegasus with red eyes and a dumbbell cutie mark.

""Uh, yeah?" asked Bulk Biceps as he answered the door. He didn't see anypony at first.

"Down here," Apple Bloom pointed out to the stallion.

"Oh." he looked down and saw a few fillies with a red wagon filled with chocolate bars. "Are those... chocolate bars?"

"Yes sir! With or without nuts!" proclaimed Scootaloo. She held up a chocolate bar with nuts and a chocolate bar without nuts.

"Chocolate... chocolate..."

Yeah, that's what we're selling. Want some?" Asked Sweetie Belle. she looked at Bulk Biceps, a little concerned.

"Chocolate! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" Bulk Biceps started absolutely freaking out. His eyes became bloodshot and he began yelling like a madmare at the sky. There was one thing and one thing only on his, mind, chocolate.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders began backing away from the crazy stallion, and started running as fast as possible when he started charging at them at full speed, the whole time yelling "CHOCOLATE!"

They were eventually able to outrun him, and all of the crusaders agreed that that sale didn't count. They were going to have to try their luck at the next house.

"Okay, here's our REAL first customer!" Sweetie Belle said as she knocked on the next door.

The door was answered by a yellow unicorn stallion with a red mane and a barbershop quartet outfit. "Hello, how can I help you fine ladies?"

Apple Bloom raised a brow at the stallion. "Wait, aren't you that guy who tried to steal the orchard?"

"What, me? No!" He looked at the wagon the three fillies were pulling. "I see you're selling chocolate bars. But wait... do you really not have..."

"Not have what?" Sweetie Belle looked confusedly at the strange stallion.

"One of these!" He held out a red bag with a zipper and a picture of a chocolate bar on it.

"What is that supposed to be?" Asked Apple Bloom. The three fillies looked at the bag in wonder.

"No chocolate bar salespony would be caught dead without one of these chocolate bar carrying bags." The stallion levitated the bag over to the three fillies and they looked at it, amazed. "But... who am I kidding? You don't need these bags!"

"No, we'll take 'em!" the crusaders each said in unison.

The stallion collected their bits and gave each of them a dozen of the red bags, and closed his door.

"He seemed nice," said Apple Bloom, satisfied with the new bags.

"Yeah, he was. Everypony will be lining up to buy our chocolates now that we got these stylish carrying bags!" responded Sweetie Belle. "Alrighty, lets get going to the next house, hopefully we will be able to make a sale this time now that we have our bags."

They trotted over the the house next door and knocked. The door was answered by a stallion who looked almost identical to the last one. The only difference is that he had a mustache.

"Didn't we just talk to you?" Asked Scootaloo.

"I don't recall." he looked at their wagon and saw red bags. "Hey, are those regular chocolate carrying bags you have there? Oh, that simply won't do!"

"What do you mean, 'regular?' What's wrong with them?" Sweetie belle inquired. She raised a brow, highly skeptical of this stallion.

"Oh, nothing really... it's just... I would think salesponies of you expertise would prefer to use high end professional carrying bags such as these!" he pulled out a bag covered entirely in sequins. It absolutely shined in the sun to a blinding extent.

"How much?" Sweetie Belle was practically lost in the beauty of the bag.

"Three bits, each," stated the stallion.

"WHAT?!" Sweetie Belle was outraged.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to truly wow your customers. I suppose I was mistaken..."

"NO, WE NEED 'EM!" The three fillies announced as loud as they could.

"Marvelous!" The salespony gave the three young fillies the bags and collected his bits. "Pleasure doing business with you!" And with that, he closed his door.

"Now we're super duper whooper ready to get started!" Sweetie Belle pointed out.

"Okay, next house," added Scootaloo.

Author's Note

Seeing as how this is a fusion fic, and fusion fics that do everything exactly the same as the source material are boring, I am changing a few things from the original SpongeBob episode. For example, the CMC buy new, "better" bags instead of bag carrying bags. So if you notice that kind of change in this fic, it's because I wanted to vary it a little.

Being "Nice"

The cutie mark crusaders trotted on to the next house and knocked on the door. It was answered by a dark orange earth pony stallion with a short brown mane and a beanbag cutie mark. He seemed slightly annoyed, or maybe he just wasn't expecting any surprises today.

"Uh, hello?" asked the stallion, with a degree of annoyance and confusion in his voice. He looked down and saw three smiling fillies carrying around a whole lot of sequined bags in a little wagon.

"Hey, so uh, how you doin'?" asked Sweetie Belle, with an awkward smile.

"How am I doing?" The stallion had no idea what these three ponies were getting at. If they were trying to sell him some stupid sequined bags, or whatever was in them, why weren't they getting to it already? Since when do door to door salesponies make small talk like 'how you doing?'

"Uh, yeah. How you doing?" asked Apple Bloom. She too gave an awkward smile.

"Um, fine, I guess..." The earth pony stallion was getting tired of these three. He just wanted to continue relaxing in peace.

"Nice place you got here!" Scootaloo added as she looked at the earth pony stallion's house from over his shoulder.

" What are you three even DOING here anyway?" The stallion was legitimately furious now. He wanted to get to the bottom of this, and he wanted to do it NOW.

"We're selling chocolate bars!" exclaimed all three fillies at once.

"Really, that's what this was all about?" The stallion backed up a few inches. "You know, if you just asked me to buy some, I would have. I love chocolate! But you three are just..." He paused to think. "WEIRD." He slammed the door on them.

"What was wrong? I thought we were plenty nice!" Sweetie Belle complained.

"I don't know if we were exactly nice as much as, well, casual," added Apple Bloom.

"I got it! You know how the salesponies who gave us the bags made us feel special? Maybe the key isn't being nice, maybe we have to make the customers feel really awesome!"

"Loved even!" added Scootaloo.

The three fillies trotted over to the house to the right of the orange stallion's. The door was answered this time by a light brown unicorn mare. She seemed in a good mood.

"Hello, how can I help you girls?"

"Hello, ma'am, we're selli..." Sweetie Belle was cut off when Scootaloo jumped in front of her.

"I LOVE YOU!" announced Scootaloo as loud as she could. She gave a huge smile afterwards and held it until the mare was creeped out and slowly closed the door.

"SCOOTALOO, WHAT THE HAY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" yelled Apple Bloom. She looked at her friend with fury.

"Yeah, I almost had us our first sale there!" Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo as well.

"What? Weren't we supposed to do that, make ponies feel special?" Scootaloo had a look of confusion on her face. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom facehoofed in unison.

"Yeah, not creep them out with demonic smiles!" complained Apple Bloom.

"Look, this isn't working out. We need a new approach to this whole thing." Sweetie Belle added. She paced away for a moment and looked at a sign for hay fries. "I mean other ponies do it, just look at this!"

"Eat hay fries, they're delicious." read Scootaloo.

"They most certainly are NOT delicious!" added Sweetie Belle.

"Not the way I use 'em!" argued Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle had no idea what she meant by that, but whatever. She thought it was best not to think about it too much.

"Well, if they didn't say that, nopony would buy 'em." added Apple Bloom.

"I got it, we have to stretch the truth!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed. She had a huge smile on her face.

"You mean, tell lies?" asked Apple Bloom. She didn't like that idea too much, being the sister of the embodiment of honesty herself.

"No, no! Just..." Sweetie Belle put her hoof to her chin to help her think. "You know, over emphasize how awesome it is."

"Yeah, that'll work!" added Apple Bloom. She was still a little skeptical, but was convinced enough."

"So, what do we say?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"I think I got it," replied Scootaloo, as they started to move towards the next house.

Stretching the Truth

The Crusaders trotted over to the nearest house and knocked on the door. They knew this time, it was going to be different.

The door was answered this time by a rather old mare with a light orange coat and a grey mane. She seemed like she could either be a little happy or a little irritated or both.

"Hello, young filly." Sweetie Belle winked at her friends and they winked back. "Is your mother home?" Sweetie Belle didn't expect her mother to actually be home, she just meant it as a simple joke. But to her surprise, an even older mare came out on a wheel chair. Well, at least she thought it was a mare. She was so old, she was skin and bones, literally. She had no fur to speak of. Her face was so wrinkly, she could not easily tell it was even a pony at all. She seemed like the other mare's grandmother, not her mother.

"What, what did you say?" said the old mare, in a scratchy, worn out voice. She had seen better days.

"Hello, ma'am. We're selling chocolate bars." Apple Bloom gave a sincere grin. The others followed shortly after.

"WHAT?" The elderly mare could barely hear anything anymore, she couldn't make out what the three little fillies had said.

"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!" yelled the mare's daughter.

"WHAT ARE THEY SELLING!?"

"CHOCOLATE!"

"CHOCOLATE!?"

"YEAH, CHOCOLATES!"

"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!?"

"YEAH!"

"Chocolate..." The old mare was taking a trot down memory lane. "I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate."

The Crusaders had huge money signs in their eyes as they each made huge smiles. A noise similar to a cash register ding could be heard in the distance.

"I always HATED it!"

"Oh, this chocolate's not for eating..." Sweetie Belle decided it was time to try their 'stretch the truth' method. Hopefully it would work out.

"It's not?!" inquired Apple Bloom. Before she said anything else, Sweetie Belle plugged her mouth with her hoof.

"No, it's for..."

"You rub it on your coat, and it makes you live FOREVER!" interrupted Scootaloo.

"Live forever you say? I'll take one!" The younger mare grudgingly hoofed over a bit to the fillies as they pulled a chocolate bar from a sequined bag. She gave the three fillies a nasty glare.

"Get over here and start rubbing me with that chocolate!"

"I... hate... you..."

The door slammed shut. The Crusaders looked at their newly acquired bit.

"Our first sale!" exclaimed Scootaloo.

"But Scoots, you lied to that pony!" Apple Bloom looked disapprovingly at her pegasus friend.

"No, I just 'stretched the truth,' remember? We talked about this!"

"No part of that lie was truthful Scoots. I know a lie when I see it." She turned around, refusing to even look at those big liars she thought were her friends. "I don't think I can lie to ponies like that again."

"Apple Bloom! We tried everything else, but nopony wanted to buy our chocolate! This is the only way!" pleaded Sweetie Belle.

"Then maybe we should give up. Maybe we're not cut out to be salesponies."

"Forget it then..." Sweetie Belle announced as she started trotting towards the Carousel Boutique.

Right when all three fillies thought it was the end, they heard somepony yelling at the top of his lungs.

Before they knew it, Bulk Biceps came out of nowhere and started yelling 'CHOCOLATE' as loud as he could muster.

The three Crusaders were cowering in fear at the absolutely massive stallion. He calmed down just a little, just barely enough to utter a few words, and said to them

"Finally, I've been trying to catch you girls ALL day! And now that I have you right where I want you..."

Author's Note

Ermagurd cliffhanger :trollestia:

You All knew This Was Coming!

"I want to buy all your chocolate!" Bulk Biceps immediately calmed down, greatly to the surprise of the three young fillies currently scared out of their minds. He pulled out a large sum of bits, and hoofed it over to them. Sweetie Belle took the money and gave the remainder of their chocolate to the strange stallion.

"Uh, thank you for your patronage" added Apple Bloom through an awkward grin. Her friends had a similar look on their faces.

The Crusaders began the long process of hauling their earnings to their clubhouse in their red wagon. Sweetie Belle pulled the wagon as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo rode on top. It was now about 6 in the evening and the light of the afternoon had started to fade.

"So, are we entrepreneurs yet?" asked Scootaloo. She checked her flank, but nothing happened.

"Not yet, Scoots. First we got to spend all the money!" replied Sweetie Belle.

"So, what are we going to spend it on?" inquired Apple Bloom.

"Hmm," Scootaloo pondered for a moment as she rubbed her chin with her hoof to help her think, "I think I got an idea!"

"CANDY? Y'all bought CANDY with all those bits you earned?" Apple Jack was confused that anypony, even her sister and her little friends, could spend that much money on candy.

The Crusader Clubhouse was now filled with candy of all kinds. Every candy the three fillies could think of and could afford they had bought, which was basically everything.

"Yep! Pounds and pounds and pounds of CANDY! replied Scootaloo, with pounds and pounds and pounds of enthusiasm! She as well as the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed proud of themselves, as if owning this much candy was some kind of great accomplishment that deserved a medal. Not just any medal, one made out of the finest platinum and diamonds in all of the land for the medal itself and with the finest and most intricately woven cloth for the strap.

"Fair enough, but, didn't you just spend all afternoon trying to get rid of candy?"

All three fillies facehoofed in unison. The smack could be heard all the way in the Crystal Empire.

"I can't believe we wasted all that time just to end up in the same place!" exclaimed Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, great idea, Scoots!" added Sweetie Belle.

"What?" replied Scootaloo. "I was hungry for some caramels!"

The other crusaders and Apple Jack simply rolled their eyes as Apple Bloom reached for a pack of gummy bears. Apple Jack stopped her in her tracks before she could grab one.

"Oh no, little lady. Ya wouldn't wanna spoil yer appetite?"

"Oh, come on!" complained Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle was surprised to wake up the next morning to find that her jetpack had arrived! When Scootaloo and Apple Bloom showed up later, they were even more impressed, since they had become more and more skeptical. Sweetie Belle hadn't told Rarity the jetpack had actually come yet, since she would never let them ride it if she knew it was for real.

"Let me try it first! Cmon, Sweetie Belle, please? Pretty please?" begged Scootaloo. She was looking forward to this for so long; she hoped this would be her opportunity to really fly. She couldn't just wait for her wings to grow in! That would take too long!

"Alright, fine. Let's see how to strap you into this thing!" Sweetie Belle looked over the manual, strapped her friend in, and told her how to activate it. She tried, but could not seem to get the darn thing to turn on.

"What's wrong with this hunk of junk?" Sweetie Belle picked up the box for the jetpack and looked closer at the message in bold red letters on the front of the box.

Fuel Sold Separately!

"Oh, COME ON! SERIOUSLY!?"

Distracted

The three fillies trotted on to the next house with their absolutely fabulous sequin chocolate bar carrying bags. "We got this in the bag this time! Get it! In the bag?! Because we bought better... bags..." Sweetie Belle thought out loud. Apple Bloom facehoofed before knocking on the door.

The door was answered by the same blonde, grey pegasus who delivered the mail that morning. She looked at the three cute fillies with her left eye, while her right eye had its own plans. "Hello, girls. How can I help you?"

"Hey, Derpy. We were wondering if you wanted to buy some of our chocolate bars!" announced Sweetie Belle as she held out one of the chocolate bars in its fashionable carrying case.

"Ooooohhhh... shiney..." Derpy's left eye got lost in the bag as her right eye got lost in some pretty balloons in the background.

"Umm, it's the chocolate we're selling, not the bags. They're kind of just part of the deal," said Scootaloo as she awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck.

"Oh, sorry girls, I'm a little low on bits today. I just spent my last paycheck on some of Mrs. Cake's blueberry muffins!" She pulled out a basket of muffins, fresh from the bakery. "You can have one for a bit."

Scootaloo held out ten bits. "I'll take ten!"

The cutie mark crusaders decided to take a break and get some milkshakes at Sugarcube Corner.

"Girls, I can't help but think we're getting a teensy bit... distracted," proclaimed Apple Bloom as she rested her head on her foreleg, which was resting on the table.

"Mmmmf, wha?" muffled Scootaloo, through her muffin.

"I'd have to agree," Sweetie Belle said before sipping her chocolate milkshake, "we haven't made a single sale all day. In fact, those last three ponies sold US stuff!"

"Maybe we're coming at this from the wrong direction." Apple Bloom fidgeted with her straw. " How did the other ponies get us to buy their stuff?"

"They made us feel special," mumbled Scootaloo, through a new muffin.

"Yeah, they did..." Sweetie Belle's eyes shot open. "I'm going to go buy more bags!"

"NO!" yelled Apple Bloom at her ignorant friend. "We should try being nice. You know, really 'butter' ponies up to get them into a sale, like those bag salesponies did."

"Oh, I get ya!" Scootaloo stated as she finished up her most recent muffin.

Sweetie Belle started rubbing her chin with her hoof. "you know, that just might work..."

The three paid for their drinks and left Sugarcube Corner with their wagon of sweets, ready to take on the next customer.