Maybe it’s happening right now…

And this time, I’m 100% not the murderer!

But I am!

“What a twist!” said M. Night Shyamalan, who randomly appeared out of nowhere.

We must use all four elements to defend ourselves from this pink text!

And thus, with the new menace – pink text teamed up with M. Night Shyamalan – the story continued.

"To arms, my loyal Night Guardians. We must protect our realm!" shouted Princess Luna.

And then a human with an unusually long, white beard – wait, is it a human or a dwarf?

“Shut up, Jimmy! Drink your juice!!!”

“But my name isn’t Jimmy,” the narrator protested.

“I don’t care, Jimmy! Oldmanwillakers is on the job. By the way, I am 100% NOT. THE. MURDERER,” this strange bearded fellow said while standing over a dead pony and eating a can of tuna.

Pinkie Pie jumped out from behind a bush. "Oh, a dead pony! Do you know what this calls for?"

“A new hat?”

Pinkie giggled maniacally. "No, silly! A yay-your-dead-and-no-longer-in-pain party!!!"

“Oh. You look a lot like a friend of mine, small talking horse. Only, my friend is also an Indian,” the bearded dwarf-man said.

"An Indian? What is that?" Pinkie pulled a notepad out of her mane.

“It is a very special type of Jimmy, Jimmy. Now go and drink your juice, or you can’t save the fortress from the zombies when the night comes,” said the possibly-deranged fellow.

Princess Luna smashed into the ground beside Pinkie. "So many zombies!" She got up and started shaking Pinkie. "All those brains, the poor brains!"

The old man scratched his beard, sighed, and slowly walked up to our beloved princess. He looked her right in the eye, leeeeeeaned in close, and said:

“YOU SHOULD’VE DRANK YOUR JUICE, JIMMY!” He then turned into a small lawn gnome and ran off to found the nation of Dwarftopia, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s somewhere else.

Pinkie took a knife out of her mane and stood over the Princess, grinning. "I have a confession to make. I am actually M. Night Shyamalan. I was the whole time,” she said as she unzipped herself to reveal the twin brother of the Internet’s dark side. He then stabbed Luna 37 times in the chest, removed her hooves and laughed maniacally.

Nightmare Moon jumped out of the bushes. "Finally, We have killed you. There is only room for one Princess of Equestria, and it shall be me! Now, to kill the other three."

And then everyone became an Alicorn. Including Smarty Pants. Luna jumped up, screaming 'it's just a flesh wound!'. This is despite not having hooves, dear readers. The air became supersaturated with magic. The dead crawled out of the ground and started dancing the OPPAN PINKIE STYLE to the tune of our Lord and Saviour, Bird Discord.

Celesti-Ra descended from the sun, bringing fiery judgment in her wake. Unfortunately for her, Bird Jesus is not Grass-Type. Celesti-Ra sends out Lightning Dust, an electric type ponymon. Suddenly, a red light engulfs Bird Jesus. The light seemed to sound like thousands of people screaming the letter “a” over and over. What appeared in Bird Discord’s place was none other than the most amazing bird in all of reality: Jaques of Jontron fame!

“I am a falcon,” the robotic parakeet declared.

Lightning Dust uses whirlwind switching Jaques out with Ghost Nappa. Lightning Dust’s dream ability activates, devolving Ghost Nappa into Scootaloo the Chicken. Unfortunately for Lightning Dust, this allowed Scootaloo to take her alternate evolutionary path that merges with Torchic’s. Scootaloo evolved into Blaziken, an Uber. She still didn’t have her cutie mark, though. Lightning Dust then remembered that it was a NU-category, and dropped her bricks. There was enough brick to build a schoolhouse. Celesti-Ra saw the horde of zombies in the distance and offered a truce. She built a small fortress with Lightning Dust's bricks.

They took refuge in the fortress for 127 hours. Celesti-Ra lost her arm to Blaziken the Chicken when she when mad; earning her cutie mark in being a zombie. As Celesti-Ra died, so too did everyother Alicorn, star and planet in the universe. Only the great Apep and the terrible Cthulhu survived the great purge. The lost of live was so great that the universe imploded on itself.

As the universe imploded upon itself, a pocket dimension sprang into being, replicating the universe prior to its destruction.

“Well, . Was that our last extra life?” Discord turned to face his newly-reconstructed card buddies with a look of disgust on his face. Cthulu and Apep stared at Discord with confusion in their beings. “What? You mean to tell me you never played Nintendo games as a cthuling?” Both shook their heads.

With the wold returned to its normal state, the little ponies lives when on. But the pink text was not defeated, far from it. It was just waiting for the opportune moment to strike!

Author's Note

Well, here is a collection of tropes and randomness I co-wrote on the FWP doc out of boredom. If you truly enjoyed this awful pile of bricks, I might make a sequel.