A Compendium of Shorts

I can't do this anymore. I can't go through live not knowing what's real and what not. I thought I could push past it, but I can't. I won't. What little grasp I had on reality shattered at some point, and I lost myself down the rabbit hole.

There's one question that rings in my head constantly. Who am I? Who am I really? Am I college student finishing my last few courses, living with my family? Am I college graduate still finishing grade 12? Am I a patient living in a mental hospital? Am I in a coma after a suicide attempt? Am I a pony living in Equestria? While I do love looking at the sky there, because it's so blue and innocent, free from the terrors that mankind has inflicted on our earth, It's not home. At least I don't think it's home. So many confusing lives, what's the real one? And why am I miserable in all of them?

I honestly don't know. I don't think I'll ever figure it out. I live all of these possibilities, jumping from one to another, never sure of what happened last or what will happen next. They're following me, why do they want this bag? One second I'm in class listening to a speech on ip sub netting, then I'm suddenly being woken up by an orderly who has my happy pills and leads me to a group therapy session, as I sit down, I find myself in front of a computer playing a game with friends, I get up to get some food and start munching on the grass in Sweet Apple Acres. I decide to get in my bed is so soft, but the fox laying next to me is even softer, and so warm.

And the cycle continues, day after day, random worlds flashing in and out, like a half remembered dream and world changing nightmare. It's like playing a game of Monopoly where you're rolling the dice and calling out Uno when you pull the last stick out of the hungry hippos mouth.
Nothing makes sense. Nothing ever makes remotely any sense. My memories are all jumbled together, with some events superimposed between multiple perspectives, and other portions of time just don't exist. Why are light bulbs called pear shaped, but pears aren't called light bulb shaped? How'd I get to school this morning? I don't know, I remember cooking a cinnamon bun, then I'm doing math at school. Just, empty space where the memory should be. Even worse, I remember flying home over Ponyville, making my way through a hostile world filled with draconequus and flowers.

Nothing I do gives me any clue what's actually reality. I've been hit by cars and walked away without a scratch, I've done impossible things like predict earthquakes, riots, contest winners and future innovations, even Twilight getting her wings. But did she really get her wings? Or was it just a hallucination? Everything is spinning, or am I spinning around everything? how is Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, a proper sentence?

Honestly, whats the point of living if you don't know if you're even alive, if anything you do matters. Actually, even if I did know what was real, would anything I do impact the world in any way? Could I change anything, if I knew what to do? How would I know if I helped? Anything I try and do now, in any world blows up in my face. I always seem to hurt people, and they start ignoring me, or spread lies and rumors about me. I try and be what society considers good, but it doesn't do anything to help me. But doing the "wrong" thing always turn out well. I'm always torn between bettering my situation and being an upstanding citizen.

But, what if I'm a monster, and this is my punishment, forever doomed to wander across possibilities, miserable in every single existence I could think up?

No matter what the answer is, I'm trapped in this hell of merged worlds. I'm so crowded by the world and yet so utterly alone. What did I do to deserve this horrendous existence? Please, somebody, anypony! Save me from this torture! I can't take it anymore, I won't take it anymore! You can't make me stay here. In fact, I've already left. I'm flying through the cosmos, bathed in the soft light of the stars. Free from pain. Free from sadness. Free from despair.

Floating weightless, past the swirls and eddies of time. Alone in the silence, finally. Everything seems clearer now, the veil has been lifted, and I see the truth. The terrible truth that lies to us. That tells us to be happy and strive for excellence in a pointless existence. Everything dies, so whats the point in living? Embrace the futility of this world and let it go. Fade with me into the depths of darkness, down the bottomless pit of uselessness. Nothing has every changed and nothing ever will, so why try? Just don't do it. Let your dreams be dreams be dreams and just give up.

As we drift close to oblivion, won't you take my hoof and dance to our deaths, to our freedom. Happiness is a disease and I am the cure, the true reality. I won't lie and tell you everything will be alright, because it won't. It's just a matter of time before you fade from memory, so why bother. Why bother with all the pain and suffering in pursuit of a false ideal? I am the truth, and the truth is death. Jump into the void and be nothing, for that's all we ever were, and ever will be.