Here Comes Tom!

by reali-tglitch

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random
Length: 1064

Pinkie seeks the help of her friends to find Maud Pie a date. It goes swimmingly.

Pinkie goes through the mane six, seeking their aid to find her older sister, Maud, a date. It all goes perfectly well when she enlists the help of Rarity, whom still keeps her ex, Tom, hostage at her boutique. What a lovely setting for a dinner date.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-16 06:03:40 UTC

Maud's asleep-- post ponies.

“Are you sure about this, Pinkie?”

“Of course I am, Rarity! I know Maud will loooooove it!”

Pinkie Pie, being the loving sister that she is, decided to do the only thing more she felt she had the power to for Maud: find her somepony to love.

She had tried going to Twilight, first, but had no luck. All Twilight knew was how to do things by the book, which resulted in failure—the pony they met ran off at the very sight of Maud, to which he promptly received a major talking to from Pinkie.

Then she tried Rainbow Dash, who apparently knew next to nothing about talking to colts… or anything else but herself and the Wonderbolts, apparently, as all she did was rave about them and their colts.

Next was Fluttershy. She was even worse. She froze up at the very thought of talking to colts, and Pinkie Pie was unable to bring her back to the world of the living.

After she failed to bring Fluttershy back in to consciousness, she turned to Apple Jack. She was unable to help, as it had “always been kept in the family”. Pinkie had no idea what that meant, but she realized it was useless to continue asking her.

Finally, she turned to Rarity, who actually knew her way around the mind of a colt. Why was she picked last? Who knows; maybe the writer was just shootin’ shit.

Rarity talked to quite a few young stallions, trying to set up dates, but none of them ever hit it off with Maud. They were driven to tears with the constant talk of rocks. One actually had the patience to sit through all her poems. ALL of them. Kudos to that guy, man.

After so many failures, Pinkie and Rarity had all but given up. Pinkie was following Rarity to her boutique, going on (and on, and on) about how much this meant to her, talking the ears right off of the exasperated marshmallow pony. They finally reached the door, to which Rarity got ready to simply slam it shut. But just before she was able to get it closed, Pinkie gasped loudly and shoved her hoof in the doorway.

“TOM!!!” she cried.

Rarity was taken aback at the sudden shouting, and after rubbing her ears with her hooves, she traced the pink blur to where Pinkie was now standing—and which the blur still remained, because fuck physics, amirite?

Pink stuff stood next to the giant boulder which Rarity had, for some odd reason, kept, and in plain sight. No one has any idea why.

And that is where we started.

“Are you sure about this, Pinkie?”

“Of course I am, Rarity! I know Maud will loooooove it!”

A date with a rock for a rock lover? Why not, thought Rararar.

She decided to get the mood set for a candlelight dinner… with a large boulder she was once tricked to see as a diamond.

Oh, sweet Celestia… I am setting up a dinner date for a friend’s sister with my ex, she realized.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, was fetching her older sister. “Maud! Maud! Come quick, and dress nicely!”Maud glanced down at the blue frock she was already wearing, then back up to Pinkstuff. Pinkie blushed a little, “Right… well, let’s go!” She skipped away gleefully, whilst Mud—sorry, MAUD Pie leisurely strolled behind.

After what seemed like an eternity, they finally reached Marshmallow’s Boutique. Pinkie opened the door like a white knight, ready to get friendzoned. Maud walked through the door into the candlelit room before setting eyes upon Tom.

Her jaw dropped, and cheeks became rose-red. “I-I’ve never seen… such a beautiful… ROCK!” she cried in her monotone angst voice. Tom, in return, remained silent because he is a rock. Rocks don’t talk.

She sat in the chair across from him. “So, uh… I haven’t seen… A rock like you, before…”

The boulder remained strong and proud. And silent.

“I see…” she began to play with the straw in her champagne. “You’re really… grey…” she said as a slight smile formed at the edges of her mouth.

[silence intensifies]

“Would you… like to stay… with me at my place, this evening?”

Tom said nothing, but Maud saw the want where his eyes would be.

They continued to exchange glances in what was probably some extreme state of psychosis induced from basically spending time with nothing but rocks in the head of a grey pony named Maud Pie. What a freak, you know?

The local zebras set the most romantic mood possible purely by coincidence—they happened to be sitting outside near the boutique, with their boombox blasting “Straight Outta Compton”. Maud’s head bopped in soft motion, while Tom’s didn’t, because he didn’t have a head, and even if he did: he is a rock.

Pinkstuff and Rarir had been watching from behind the curtains the whole time. Pinkie Pie was overly ecstatic to see her sister so very happy, and was having a hard time keeping herself contained. Rarity, on the other hoof, was having a lot of trouble comprehending what exactly she was witnessing, and was becoming quite distraught.

After a little while, Pinkie decided to regain composure and trot out to ask how their dinner was going.

“I think… we’re ready to go…” replied Maud. She glanced over at Tom for a look of approval, to which she didn’t actually receive, because he is a rock.

“RARITYYYYY!!” she cried.

After a serious facehoof, Rarity walked out gingerly. “Yes, Pinkie?”

“Could you please escort my sister and her lovely date back to her place with me? You can carry Tom!”

You could never possibly see a marshmallow glare harder. Seriously.

She grunted, before hoisting up her ex onto her back and proceeding to follow Maud and Pinkie. By the time they reached Maud’s temporary residence, she felt more ridden than her and Tom’s initial honeymoon period.

They said their goodbyes, and Rararar was forced to put Tom into Maud’s bed, to which the grey pony snuggled immediately. Pinkie awaited Rarilel’s return brimming with giddiness. As they walked away, they both heard soft noises coming from Mud Pie’s room.

“I’m so glad to hear her so happy!” exclaimed Pink.

Rarity just cringed, knowing exactly what was going on.

And Tom said nothing, because he is a rock.