Author's Note
So. you don't like curse words? Good, then leave.
-IntelMono
My Little McDonalds
My Little McDonalds
By IntelMono
Twilight gave a small, quiet moan as she awoke from her slumber. She was not quite aware of her surroundings yet, as she was just waking up. She leaned over the edge of her bed to see if Spike was still sleeping in his bed. He wasn't. All that was there was a small bed with a dragon-shaped imprint.
"Uh... Spike?" she yelled. There was no response. "SPIKE!" She yelled even louder. Still, no response. She decided to go downstairs to see what was keeping him. There, in front of her was nothing but her empty library, complete with books of all sorts. Twilight didn't pay it any mind, as she trotted straight past it. "Spike?" She was starting to get worried. What had happened? Had he gotten kidnapped? Had he been maliciously slaughtered by a man-eating bat-pony? No. No again. She was getting more worried, her many pours sweating buckets by the minute. She would drown in her own secretions pretty soon, so she had to find Spike. Suddenly...
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
A knocking at the door. Could this be the answer? Maybe, Spike had sneaked out and accidentally locked himself outside the house. Could this be him? Twilight used her magic to open the door. What she saw horrified her beyond even her wildest, most frightening dreams. There, at her very front door, was Ronald McDonald and Grimace from McDonald Land.
"Why, hello there!" Grimace said with his fat, jiggling mouth. Ronald continued the greeting.
"Looking for this one?" Ronald motioned towards a helpless Spike, clad in a gag and a blindfold and tied up in a folding lawn chair. Twlight gasped. She could grasp what she was seeing. Who were these ponies... or... things? Why did they have Spike?
"Oh, son of a bitch." Twi was pissed. "Who are you and why do you have Spike tied up?"
"Well..." Ronald started to explain. "You little dragon here has been smugglin' some Big Macs out of our factory, yup!"
"Wha-... Really? Spike, are you gay for Big Macintosh? Why didn't you tell me?" Twilight was surprised.
"What?!? Not that kind of Big Mac! It's a cheeseburger!" Spike corrected Twilight. Although, his mouth was covered by a gag, so that may as well have been written as "Ugh? Nugh dugh kugh hugh Bumugh! Ach'sa Chughbuagh!"
"Anyway," Grimace continued the threat. "We'll be takin' your little friend here to our facility, where he'll be grinded into meat for our burgers! What? You didn't think it was actual cow meat in there, did you? Do your home work!"
"Who are you talking to?" Twilight was even more confused than before.
"No one. Anyway, he'll be grinded, unless you can do something for us..." A wicked, sinister smile appeared on Grimace’s face. Not that he didn't always have a wicked, sinister smile on his face because he was Grimace and shit. “Ronald. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”
“Oh, yes, Grimace.” Ronald responded. They both gave a sinister laugh.
“Muahuhauhauahuahauaaumuha!”
“Okay. Somepony better tell me what the FUCK’s going on here.”
Twilight was standing in the middle of Ponyville, trembling in fear and embarrassment. She was laced up in a tight, pink saddle which was bedazzled with white and blue sequins. Ponies were already starting to stare at her and her bizarre choice of fashion. Ronald and Grimace were balanced at the top of two light posts. In each of their hands, they held a fresh, red bottle of Heinz ketchup. They were ready. Twilight was ready. It was about to happen.
Okay, remember Twilight. You're doing this for Spike. Twilight was prepping herself up. Don't back down. "HOLY SHIT IMMA SEXY PONY" She yelled as part of her orders. She started doing some sort of weird-ass Arabian rain dance, vigorously shaking her plot, flank and all. Grimace and Ronald started to squeeze their ketchup bottles, letting the thick, viscous, red fluid come out the passage at the top of the bottle. The ketchup was coming out at an alarming rate, much faster than normal. It fell onto Twilight's body. The aroma of over-processed tomatoes filled the air and soon, everypony was gagging on it. Twilight slipped in the stuff, and fell to the ground writhing in pain as the ketchup got into her sensitive areas. It stung her eyes and went up her nose. She was miserable. Ronald and Grimace, on the other hand, were having the time of their lives! Seeing Twilight flop around covered in ketchup and shit was pure GOLD. Ronald decided to dump some french fries on her because he had some in his pocket, which made her suffering even worse. The salt from the fries stung like hell. Finally, after about three and a half minutes of this, they decided to stop. They quickly untied Spike, threw him onto the ground and ran off.
"Next time, we'll bring the Hamburgler to yo' ass, bitch!" Ronald yelled triumphantly. They both ran off into the sunset. Spike slipped back into consciousness. He was confused. The lack of oxygen he sustained during when he was tied up made it very hard to remember anything. What he did remember, though, was that a tall clown and a big purple fuck kidnapped him. This was total nightmare fuel for him. Not only that, but everypony was passed out and it all smelled like tomato ketchup. Finally, his baby dragon eyes rested on Twilight, face down, ass up in a large puddle of ketchup. Her pink saddle and her once purple coat were now most likely permanently stained with the red substance. Spike was mind fucked.
"I honestly don't know how to respond to that."
THE END
