Chapters J and AJ, Learning to Live Again
J and AJ, Learning to live again
Chapter 1 ‘That Summer’
(Lucky’s Tavern)
Jack listened to the sounds of the Jukebox in the corner. He looked at the unfinished hard cider in front of him and shook his head. It didn’t help any. He had hoped that drinking it would at least dull the memories. That he wouldn’t have to think about what happened; that he wouldn’t have to live with what happened, but instead every memory was there. He could still see David standing next to Twilight. The ceremony, the wedding day, and both of them excited to walk into the rest of their lives together.
It was gone now. There was no getting it back.
“Jack?” a questioning voice asked.
He looked behind him to see Applejack. She was just barely starting to show evidence of being pregnant. He almost chuckled at the words of Granny Smith. She wanted them to be married before the baby came.
“Hi Sweetheart,” he said.
“Yer not drunk?” she asked.
“I wanted to be, but it doesn’t work,” he replied.
She watched him put his head into his real and artificial hoof. She walked toward him and touched his shoulder.
“Sugarcube, this isn’t yer fault,” she said.
He shook his head.
“It is. I should have made them listen better. Two more cannons, just two more, would have been more than enough to stop that son of a bitch,” he said as he held his head in his hooves, “Two more would have done so much… Two more would have saved David… Just two more.”
She pulled him into a hug and felt him return it. She could feel him fighting to control his emotions. She had never really seen him cry yet, and to be honest she wasn’t sure she wanted to see it. Jack had proven himself to be so strong a thousand times over. The idea of something hurting him so bad that he would cry just hurt too much.
“It wouldn’t have mattered. Jack, ya can’t blame this on yerself. Ya did everything ya could to protect everypony. There are hundreds of foals and mares alive today that wouldn’t be if ya hadn’t been there,” she said.
“But… Applejack he was like a brother… He might as well of been my brother. We grew up together, hung out together… We even went to school and shared a dorm room together. He’s gone, and Twilight… she’s so lost. I can’t even stand to look her in the eyes because I know I failed her, and I failed David…” he said.
She pulled back a little and lifted his chin with her hoof.
“Sugarcube, this is not yer fault. It never will be yer fault. This was all Sombra’s doing, and right now that… that… Ah can’t say what he is if I wanna be ladylike. But ya know there was nothing else ya could’ve done,” she said.
He lowered his head. He wanted to believe her, he really did, but every time he closed his eyes he would see the battle, the death, and although he wasn’t there he would see Sombra killing David. He knew this had to be close to what David was going through when he had survived. He really didn’t want to upset David. He just didn’t want more people to surfer like he was suffering.
“I want to go home,” he said.
She nodded and lead him outside of Lucky’s. They began the trek toward the farm house and she leaned close to him.
“Jack, yer a good stallion, and Ah love you very much, but Sugarcube ya got to accept that what happened, happened,” she said.
“I know… Sweetheart I know, but… I don’t know how to let go of this. I’ve been on the other side of this. I’ve seen folks, including David, mourn for me, but I haven’t lost someone so close like this before. I just wish that I could have done more,” he replied.
She heard it. The first sniff of a set of tears. David had been gone for a few months now. Winter Wrapup had already happened, summer was quickly approaching, and time had moved on. It seemed that way at least, although she knew that Twilight had declined to organize Winter Wrapup this year. She hadn’t made any excuses, but instead said she couldn’t do it. Jack had recovered his ability to walk after losing half of one of his forelegs thanks to an artificial leg one of the royal engineers had designed for him, and Rainbow Dash had finally recovered enough to walk again without assistance. Her hips had healed. She had been there when her friend was told the terrible news though.
She could remember her normally brash, rough, and headstrong friend crying into her shoulder as she was told that she could never be a wonderbolt. Although her hips were healed the chance they could be broken again, and this cause her to be paralyzed from the hips down, if she did anything strenuous was too great.
It had been hard for Dash to recover from that. She had stood by her friend, helped her as she could, and finally Dash pulled through her depression. She felt guilty though. She had spent so much time helping Dash that she hadn’t noticed the pain Jack was going through. He was her coltfriend, her engaged to her coltfriend, and he had been suffering just as much.
She turned toward him as he stopped. Before the tears fell she pulled him to her. She felt his forelegs, the artificial and the real, hold on to her as it started. Her own tears began to stream down her face. She felt him tense up, his body shaking with each sob as he shook. She rubbed his back, trying to give him what comfort she could.
“Shhh, it’s all right Sugarcube. Ah ain’t gonna leave ya, and ah ain’t gonna let you go through this alone. Yer stuck with me,” she whispered.
He continued to cry for the longest time. She just stood there holding him. It was well after dark, and most of the businesses, with the exception of Lucky’s Tavern and the Oak Lounge, were closed. Finally his tears seemed to dry up, and he pulled back. She watched as he dried his eyes and then looked at her.
The bright green eyes of his, those eyes usually filled with mischief looked so lost now. She leaned over and kissed him. She hoped the love she felt for him would radiate through it. He felt the tenderness of it and kissed back. The two of them walked toward the farm. Both of their minds full, and both of them concerned for each other.
“Ah love ya Jack,” she said as they neared the farm.
“I love you too Applejack,” he replied.
“Comeon, let’s go inside,” she suggested.
He walked behind her, uncertain of what he did to deserve her. She was concerned about him, worried about him, and she loved him. They walked into the house and up the stairs. Applejack’s room had long since been abandoned as she took to sleeping with Jack instead. They explained to Applebloom that they were going to be married, and this was something Mares and Stallions did when they loved each other very much.
Applebloom happened to be up as they were walking past her, and she stopped Jack.
“Ya okay big brother?” she asked him.
He looked down at the littlest apple. Her eyes showed the same concern for him that Applejack had. He scooped her up and hugged her close to his barrel.
“I’m fine, but you should really be in bed,” he said.
He let her down and she looked up him. She could see the sadness in his eyes. It was something she had seen in there ever since they had come back from going to help Twilight. She watched him walk past her and she held her down.
“Celestia or Luna, Ah don’t care which, help my new big brother. There’s somethin’ bothering him awful bad,” she whispered before she turned around and headed back to her room.
J and AJ, Learning to Live Again
Standing outside the Fire
J and AJ, Learning to live again
Chapter 2 ‘Standing outside the Fire’
(Sweet Apple Acres – Back Forty – The following morning)
Jack grunted as he kicked the tree behind him. He focused on the work, and unlike the hard cider the work did drive the memories back into the recesses of his mind. He turned around and grabbed the tub of apples, lifted it, and carried it to the cart. He dumped the apples into it and then stopped. The stub of his right leg was throbbing again.
“Mac, we’re going to get some rain,” he said.
“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replied.
The red stallion looked at the off yellow one standing near him. He already considered Jack to be a brother, and it didn’t bother him that he was going to be marrying Applejack. In all truth he felt that the two of them would be good together. Jack was a hard worker, a decent stallion, and while he was a little different it was obvious how much he cared for Applejack. Still, right now he could tell something was bothering his brother – in – law to be. He wasn’t sure what it could be, but he could tell it was something that was eating him up inside. Not being a stallion of many words he walked toward Jack and put a hoof on his shoulder.
“Jack, Ya alright?” he asked.
Jack nodded. He moved his right leg a little and finally he lifted it. He reached down and unsnapped the clip for the harness with his teeth and let the artificial limb work loose from what was left of his own leg. After a moment the magically engineered limb slowly came off and Jack lifted his leg up to see where it was a small piece of the denim inside of the leg was wearing thin. He shook his head and looked at it. Without a word he worked his leg back into the artificial one, hooked back up the harness, and then faced Big Macintosh.
“I’ll be fine Mac,” he said.
“Ya don’t look fine Jack. Ya look like something’s been eating away at ya. Ah want you to know that ya can talk to me if ya want to,” he replied.
Jack looked at the red stallion and thought about it. A few years ago he would have talked to… The thought stopped there. He couldn’t talk to David about anything again. He couldn’t call his Mom, Mikey, Gramps, or Grams. He was here, in this world, and although he had friends here he was what was left of where he came from. He hung his head down and kept his feelings in check.
There are few basic rules that all guys followed. The first was you didn’t cry in front of another guy. Crying in front of your girlfriend was one thing. If beer or whiskey was involved it could be waved off as a bad night of drinking and nothing else. But it didn’t matter if you drank an entire delivery truck of Jack Daniels followed by a Jim Bean chaser you didn’t cry in front of another guy.
He forced himself to suck it back in. To keep from losing what composure he had. He had come out here to work, to get away from feeling so fucked up. He started to move when he felt the hoof touch him again.
“Jack, if’n this is gonna mess with yer relationship with my sister I want ya to talk about it,” Mac said.
He looked at the red stallion and breathed out a defeated sigh. That was what Granny Smith and Big Macintosh used when they wanted to talk to him about anything he didn’t want to talk about. They would tell him that if it was going to mess with Applejack he needed to get it out. It irritated him how most of the time they were right.
“Mac, have you ever felt like there was something you did that really fucked things up? I mean something bad. Like you had a chance to make sure that your sisters were fine, and while you checked on them, and they were, something came along. Something big and it lay waste to everything. And when you went back you looked at what happened. You knew in your heart that there really wasn’t anything else you could have done. I mean, really, there was nothing else to be done, but it didn’t matter because there are a dozen things that might have worked if you could have somehow done them. Things that when you stop to think about it would have been impossible for you to do, but it doesn’t matter because you would have tried anyway,” Jack said.
Mac looked at him and his normal easy going attitude and face changed. He took a seat on his haunches and indicated that Jack do the same. Once Jack was sitting Mac looked at him and then pointed his head toward the Everfree Forest.
“Ma Pa and Mama were bringing me, Applejack, and our baby ‘baby’ sister Applebloom back from a neighboring farm’s barn dance through the forest. It was night, and Pa was trying to make good time. Ah was jest a few years older than Applebloom is now, and ah wasn’t as strong. We heard growling and Pa tried to run with the wagon connected. He wanted to get us out of danger… It didn’t work though. Several Timberwolves started showing up. He had mama take us out of the forest. We were nearly out when ah heard him scream out. Mama told us to keep running, get some help, and then she ran back to Pa,” he turned to Jack looking misty eyed, “Ah used to think to maself how ah should’a ran back to help ‘em. Maybe ah could’a saved ‘em, but ah know better. Ah was just a young colt. ‘Em wolves would’a killed me. Ma Pa and Mama saved me, Applejack, and Applebloom. If ah could change it ah would, but ah can’t. So, ah just try to live a life ah think they’d be proud of.”
There wasn’t much Jack could say to that. While it was a little different Mac knew exactly what he was going through, and somehow the farmer had learned to accept it. He looked toward Mac and nodded.
“Thanks Mac,” Jack said.
Big Macintosh nodded and stood. He held out a hoof to Jack who accepted the help and stood himself. The both of them walked back to the trees and started Applebucking again. As they worked inside Applejack was helping Granny Smith.
“Granny, Ah aughta be out there helping them with the Applebuckin’!” Applejack exclaimed.
“Not right now yer not gonna ta. Ya got a bun in yer oven, and that means taking things a little easier,” Granny Smith said.
“Ah can still work,” Applejack said.
“Ah know ya can, but doing a lot of that heavy liftin’ and buckin’ might not be the best thing fer ya right now. Besides, I could always use the help cooking up meals,” she replied.
Applejack rolled her eyes and went about making the corn bread for the beans they had put on earlier in the day. She mixed up the fresh cornmeal, flour, milk, salt, sugar, the one egg, and oil into a bowl. As she mixed she felt a slight flutter of movement. She stopped and let her hoof touch where the foal was inside of her. Granny Smith saw her and walked toward her. She gently touched the area Applejack was.
“Ya felt ‘em eh?” Granny Smith asked.
She nodded.
“Ah thought ah wouldn’t be at only five months,” she said.
Granny Smith shook her head and smiled.
“No such luck. Yer git to feel ‘em, and in the next few months that foal is going to enjoy kicking yer insides,” Granny Smith said.
Applejack’s ears laid back as she heard that.
“What?” she asked.
“Sure, ya did with yer mama, and yer daddy with me. It’s just something all foals do,” she said.
Applejack looked disheartened as she started working on the cornbread again.
“How bad is it?” she asked.
“Some days it ain’t too bad, but there are days that yer kidneys hurt so bad because that littleun can’t stay still,” Granny Smith answered.
Applejack felt the bulge she was carrying around. It was kind of odd to be one of the few mares who didn’t start showing early. Twilight had been the exact opposite. About her third month in she was showing that she was pregnant. It didn’t help that her friend was still grieving over the death of her husband. She felt her heart sink thinking about poor Twilight. She was going to haveta raise that foal on her own.
She remained quiet as she dipped the cornbread batter into the muffin pans. Granny Smith raised an eyebrow at how she was fixing the cornbread, but didn’t say a word. Instead the old mare smiled. It was something Applejack’s own mother had done when she was carrying Big Macintosh, then her, and finally Applebloom. She was fixin’ the food so a little foal would eat it better thinking it was a sweet rather than plain cornbread.
“Sis! Diamond Tiera said that yer baby is gonna be a son or daughter of a tail lifter!” Applebloom shouted as she ran toward the kitchen.
Applejack stopped what she doing and looked at her little sister.
“She said what?!” Applejack shouted.
“She said that since ya and Jack weren’t married that ya was a tail lifter, and that yer foal was gonna be a son or daughter of a tail lifter!” Applebloom said nearly in tears.
“Ah’m a gonna march right over there and give her parents a piece of ma mind!” Applejack shouted.
“No you ain’t Applejack. Yer gonna sit down, and listen ta me,” Granny Smith said.
Applejack turned toward her and Granny Smith cleared her throat.
“Yer mama got called a tail lifter when she was pregnant with Big Macintosh. She got called one because she and yer daddy weren’t married yet. It hurt her feeling awful bad. It didn’t stop once they got married either. Folks thought that yer Daddy married her because he had to. That it was because she was carrying his foal. That wasn’t the case, and it was hard on ‘em. Yer Mama nearly left because of some of the folks. But, some of yer Daddy’s friends spoke up fer yer Mama. Filthy Rich was one of ‘em. He told everypony he knew that there wasn’t a mare alive yer Daddy loved more than yer Mama. Over time the talk stopped, and by the time ya came around t’wasn’t nopony sayin’ a word ‘bout it,” she said.
“How did Mama handle it?” she asked.
Granny Smith smiled at her and gave her a small hug.
“She had a good family, and the love of a good stallion. Ah’d hear them sometimes,” she looked at Applebloom, “Being real friendly with each other.”
Applebloom looked confused at her and then at Applejack.
“Eeenope, Ah ain’t gonna be the one to explain that one. It’s Big Macintosh’s turn,” Applejack said as she started peeling the potatoes.
“Explain what? What in tarnation are ya talkin’ ‘bout?” Applebloom asked.
“Go ask yer older brother,” Applejack said.
Applebloom rolled her eyes and started to walk out of the kitchen before Granny Smith stopped her.
“Uh huh, Ah need yer help. Grab ‘em green beans and git to splittin’ ‘em and washin’ ‘em,” Granny Smith said.
“Awww… Granny…” she said.
“Go on now,” Granny Smith said.
“Yes ma’am,” Applebloom said as she went to work.
“Applejack, in about fifteen minutes call those two in for lunch,” Granny Smith said.
Applejack nodded and went back to working with the potatoes. It wasn’t long before she had a mess of them fried up and when she was finished Granny Smith nodded. She turned and walked out the front door. She began ringing the trinangle on the front porch.
“Big Mac, Jack it’s lunch time!” she shouted.
A few minutes later both stallions came walking up toward the house. She watched as they came inside and headed toward the bathroom. Before Jack started to climb the stairs he turned around and caught her in a kiss. Her eyes widened, but then she found herself kissing him back. He pulled back and smiled at her. She smiled and nuzzled against him.
“Ah love ya Jack,” she said.
“I love you too Applejack,” he replied.
He started to walk upstairs and stopped. He could see her looking a little sad.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Some folks are trying ta call me a tail lifter,” she said.
“A what now?” he asked.
She shook her head and reminded herself that Jack wasn’t always a pony.
“A tail lifter is… It’s a mare that doesn’t which stallion, or if he’s married, that she sleeps with,” she said.
“Oh hell no. No, they are not going to say that about you. Who said it? Which sorry son of a bitch is going to get to eat their teeth?” he seethed.
J and AJ, Learning to Live Again
Find Out Who Your Friends Are
J and AJ, Learning to live again
Chapter 3 ‘Find Out Who Your Friends Are’
(Ponyville – Sweet Apple Acres Apple Stand – Two days later)
Applejack looked at the crowd of ponies going about their business. Jack was back home working the farm with Big Mac, although she knew he was still stewing about what Diamond Tiera had said to Applebloom. She had been thinking about marriage. They had actually moved a step toward it with him proposing. It had been sweet. He had proposed to her before Twilight’s wedding, but since so much had happened. She looked up to see someone walking toward her stand only to have a mare stop him.
The mare gave her a dirty look and then pulled him back toward a different grocer’s stand. She looked at what happened completely dumbfounded. Applebloom looked up at her sister and then at the couple who had walked away.
“Sis?” Applebloom asked.
“It’s alright Applebloom. It was jest one mare,” she replied.
Another Stallion began to walk toward her stand, and like the last one a mare caught him, looked at him hard, and then gave her a look of anger and disgust. Applejack felt her own anger boiling near the surface. She need to bite it back though. They had a job to do, and that job was selling apples. She spotted Rarity and waved to her friend. Rarity walked past the onlookers and over to Applejack’s stand.
“Applejack… It’s horrible what they’re saying! I keep hearing them call you a… a tail lifter,” Rarity said in a hushed whisper.
Applejack closed her eyes. She had hoped that it was nothing more than just a filly being a bully, but now the rumor had made it out to everypony else. She looked at the group of shoppers and shook her head.
“Ah ain’t Rarity. Jack and ah are getting married,” she said.
“I thought so darling, but… they are all going on about this. You need to publicize the fact that the two of you are getting married,” she said.
Another stallion walked their way. He stopped at her stand and looked at the apples. A smile crossed his face and he started to pick one up when there was a thundering sound of hooves behind him. A gray mare marched up to him. She grabbed the apple from him and threw it back on the others.
“What is yer problem?” Applejack asked.
“Like you don’t know tail lifter,” the mare said.
Applejack stood, bit down her anger, and began putting everything up. She looked at Applebloom and motioned for her to help load the cart. She looked at Rarity.
“Ya want to help Rarity?” she asked.
“Of course darling,” she said.
“Ah need a dress for a wedding. Ah got to make this stop. Ma family depends on selling these apples, and Ah can’t if’n they won’t buy ‘em,” she said.
“Applejack, surely that’s not the only reason to marry Jack,” she said.
“Ah love him Rarity, Ah do, but Ah can’t wait for him to be ready any longer. Ah can’t let ma family’s lively hood suffer like this,” Applejack said.
“Of course, come by the Boutique tomorrow and I’ll get you fitted for a dress. Have Jack come with you, and I’ll see that he gets a tux,” she said.
The walk back to the farm was a quiet one. She could tell that Applebloom had more questions in her than the night had stars in it. She wasn’t sure what to tell her little sister. She wanted to tell her that it didn’t matter what anypony else thought, but then if that was true why was she wanting to rush Jack into this. The argument that it was for the farm, for the family was still strong, and it was part of the truth, but there was another part that she was trying to ignore.
She wanted to be accepted. She had always been an accepted part of the community, and now she was being pushed outside. She hated it. She hated how it made her feel, and she hated that it was making her consider bending and bowing to the community in order to feel accepted. They neared the farm, and she pulled the still full cart into barn. She unhitched herself, but she didn’t head straight inside. Applebloom looked up at her and she smiled down at her little sister.
“Ah’m going to do a little work in here, but go ahead and let ‘em know what we’re back would you sis?” Applejack asked.
Applebloom nodded and ran off into the farm house. Applejack turned back to the cart and kicked it. She didn’t kick it hard, but that didn’t matter. It was so frustrating. The entire thing was so frustrating, and it felt like the entire community had taken a dull knife and tried to cut out her heart with it. The first tear threatened to appear, and soon it was followed by another. They began cutting little lines in her fur covered face. She hadn’t felt like this in such a long time. It had been after her parents had been taken from her and it left Granny Smith, Big Mac, and her to look after Applebloom. She had been so lost then. She couldn’t ask her mama to give her a hug at night, and suddenly she had to grow up and be a mama to Applebloom. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her sister. She did. She loved Applebloom with all of her heart, but she hadn’t been ready to be a mama when she was forced to be. The entire thing had made her feel so helpless and small, and right now she felt the same way again.
“It ain’t fair!” she shouted.
“It never is,” a calming voice said from behind her.
She felt a gentle nuzzle and turned around. She buried her face in Jack’s shoulder and tried to keep from crying. She wanted to keep from crying, but it wasn’t working. Instead she was getting that green vest of his wet from her tears.
“Hey, it’s okay AJ,” he said.
“They all said it Jack. All of them are callin’ me a taillifter, and ah couldn’t sale a single apple because of it,” she said.
He gently stroked her mane and held her. She continued to cry into his vest. It pained him to see her crying like this.
“I know that you’re not, and I know that your friends don’t either,” he said.
She sniffed and nodded.
“Look, it’s going to work out. We’re going to get through this,” he promised.
“They won’t quit until ah’m married Jack, and then it might take a while,” she said.
He smiled at her.
“Then we get married,” he said.
She looked at him in wonder. She had almost talked herself out of asking him. She had chastised herself for wanting to try to force him to marry her before she was ready, but he stepped up.
“Ah love you,” she said.
“I love you too. If it takes us getting married to stop them saying it then it’s fine. I want to spend the rest of my life with you anyway,” he replied.