Bush was right and the WMDs were real!

by not_carl

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1528

What really happened after the invasion in the Middle East:

A couple of suicide bombers and Mayor Mare have sex in her office but it isn't really sex at all but she thinks it is…until she realizes that it isn't actually her having sex after all.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-17 01:01:49 UTC

Chapter Zero

Mayor Mare, being as old as she is - doesn’t get nearly as much action as she used to. Now that her political position is secure, scandals aren’t quite as hot or dramatic as they used to be. Desiring the attention of a stallion was a waste of energy - she had a town to care for and keep in order. But on one Tuesday morning, she awoke a bit earlier than she usually did. So she decided to be productive and headed for her bathroom to get ready for the day. She washed herself, wiped her glasses clean and styled her hair. She sighed to herself as she viewed her own reflection in the mirror, holding her own gaze for a brief moment. When she was done, she made her way into her living room and passed a wall of old photographs from when she was younger. Among them were some of her campaign promotional posters, one of her long-gone parents and one of the only colt-friend she ever had.

“I wish I had somepony special to share my life with...or what’s left of it…” she muttered to herself.

Now ready to tackle the day ahead of her, she opened her door and head out into town. It was still early, so the streets weren’t quite dark, but they weren’t yet well-lit enough for her to make out the shadowy silhouettes of other ponies in the distance.

“Maybe it’s my aging eyes.” she thought to herself.

Mayor Mare continued trodding towards the town hall while keeping an eye on the ponies in the distance. It was bright enough for her to conclude that one was a unicorn and the other was an earth pony. Both looked to her to be stallions, but she couldn’t tell. Within seconds, her curiosity got the best of her. It wasn’t uncommon for her to be out this early, but she had never seen anypony else. It was still dawn outside, and the morning sun probably wouldn’t break for another half hour, so she made up in her mind to go visit the figures in the distance. As she got closer to them, she confirmed her earlier suspicions. They were both stallions. One unicorn. One earth pony.

“Hello?”

The two stallions, who appeared to be conversing with each other while the unicorn was smoking a cigar, stopped and looked over at Mayor Mare.

“Good morning, ma’am.”

Mayor Mare would be close enough now to see their cutie marks if they weren’t wearing over coats. Now within range of bodily contact, she shook both their hooves and declared:

“I am Mayor Mare, mayor of Ponyville. I-I don’t recognize either of you..?”

“I - uh, we - aren’t from Ponyville.” the earth pony spoke first. “We’re drifters and - “

The unicorn stuffed his hoof in the mouth of his friend.

“We’re traveling salesponies.”

“Oh, well, what do you sell?” asked Mayor Mare.

The two paused, and looked at each other for a split second.

“Uh, we uh, we sell…” the earth pony shortly resumed: “My name is Mohammed...and this is my business partner, Saddam.”

Saddam nodded his head slowly in approval.

“Oh, well welcome to Ponyville, Mohammed and Saddam.”

“Why thank you, Mayor Mare.” replied Saddam.

She paused a moment before speaking again, while studying the looks of these two ponies. What she had mistaken for over coats were actually long flowing silk robes of some sort. And they were also wearing things on their heads - accessories that appeared to be towels wrapped around their ears. Both of them also had thick black beards. They were also of a very dark brown color, and spoke with thick accents. They also both had very dark eyes.

“I wish I could see what their special talents are…” she spoke aloud, on accident.

“Oh, we’re sorry, in our culture it is impolite to brag about one’s special talent.” Mohammed continued: “Not everypony in our culture even gets one. For example, mares do not have special talents. And even if they had cutie marks, we wouldn’t be able to see them because they must always wear traditional clothing.”

Mayor Mare was somewhat confused. “So, Mohammed, what culture is this that you speak of..?”

“We are from a sandy region of Equestria where we worship Allah, a pony with a turban instead of Celestia and Luna like other parts of this country.” Mohammed then turned to Saddam, who caught the hint.

“We’re here to bring the jihad to the lands of the infadel!”

Confused, Mayor Mare stared at Saddam. “I-I’m sorry, but what?” In her mind she was trying to grasp what that meant.

“We can see that you are confused. Allow us to explain…” Mohammed brought out a well-worn leather book from his saddle bag, and laid it open on the ground.

Before he could begin to explain, Mayor Mare invited the two of them to her office just around the corner. It was morning now, and she didn’t want these two to be seen and questioned by her constituents.

Once inside, Mohammed began to tell the tale of how warriors and knights from the Crystal Empire journeyed across Equestria to conquer the rich lands of Maudia Arabia - a wealthy empire ruled by a queen named Maud Pie. The crusades were brought to a halt by the northern armies when Allah sent a prophet known as Soul Mystique to repel the fierce warriors. Soul Mystique, however, died from being wounded in battle. While on his death bed, he prophesied a great resurgence of Maudian warriors and he called to his kingdom to remember all the rocks that were stolen in the war.

Mayor Mare interrupted: “Wait, so the two of you are here to invade? Like this is some revenge quest?”

Saddam looked at Mohammed, who had been doing all the talking. Mohammed nodded at Saddam, who began to furiously tear off his clothing. Fearful of a suicide bombing attempt, Mayor Mare sprinted for the door - but only to be blocked by Mohammed.

“We won’t be killing you,” he said. “And that is because a woman with so much dignity and political power is rare...since Maud Pie, there hasn’t really been a mare of importance in the political system.”

“W-what does that mean?” Mayor Mare squeaked.

In the mean time, Saddam had come about her rear, wielding a massive, un-cut stallion penis. Despite not yet being erect, he was already throbbing...and well on his way to being rock-hard. While she was facing his penis in awe, she got to thinking: “I’ve never seen such a large penis.”

And then she remembered: “Oh, but I’ve never seen another stallion’s penis…”

She turned around, ready to plead to Mohammed as he was the better of the two at talking, but as soon as she was facing him again she was met with another meaty penis of equally massive proportions. She was about to scream, but instead she found her mouth wrapped around the hidden head of Mohammed. She had never seen a circumcised penis, so she didn’t know whether or not she prefered not being able to wrap her tongue around his head or not. While she was thinking and sucking away, Saddam’s WMD breached her posterior. She began to flow back and forth, naturally using her inertia to please both of the stallions. But before long, she was like a pig being roasted on a spit. Both Saddam and Mohammed were thrusting on their own, almost squeezing her together. She could feel their penises touching each other when they both pushed forwards at once. “These stallions can invade my country any day.” she thought to herself as the pounded away without mercy.

All of a sudden, she could feel a flooding sensation from within her. Saddam exclaimed: “Allah akbar!” and began to ejaculate. He was still cumming, and still thrusting. Here and there, some of his semen would spew from her vagina. But she didn’t want it to. It made a great lubricant for his penis of great girth. She also knew she couldn’t get pregnant at this age, so it wasn’t an issue. Saddam, now tired, went out for a smoke break. So Mayor Mare began to clean up the mess of semen on the floor with her tongue while Mohammed began to rock her body back and forth. His grunting was now replaced with him breathing heavily, and his thrusts became quirkier. She knew he was close to his orgasm. She began to stimulate him further by puckering and clenching, and that did it for him. His biochemical weapon began to explode. His fluids gushed through her, warm and creamy.

Then Mayor Mare awoke, in a hospital bed with Nurse Red Heart standing over her.

“Where am I?” she asked.

“Well, a couple of suicide bombers blew themselves up at a street corner when you were close. You’ve been in a coma for three and a half days.” she picked back up: “You had several wet dreams and came close to dying.”

The next day she committed suicide because she finally came to terms that she would never have sex.