Raborn Walks into a Room

Chapter 1: Braeburn Bash

By Sparky P. Chu

Raborn walked into the room. His perfect beard shimmered in the light. It was as if God himself were growing out of Raborn’s jaw. Nopony was in the room but a light came from under the bathroom door. Raborn knocked three times on the bathroom door and shouted.

“Braeburn! Why in the name of Celestia’s glorious teats did you send me this letter?”

Raborn held up the letter, as if Braeburn could see through the fucking door. Which Braeburn totally could, ‘cause he’s fucking Braeburn and shit.

“Ah’ll be out inna minute, Raborn. You get yourself…comfortable.”

“You bet your Sweet Apple Ass I will!” Raborn shouted as he ripped his pants clear off his body.

Raborn got really bored and started to stroke his beard. The sound of the beard stroking was that of angels queefing while Queen played in the background. Every mare in a 500-mile radius was immediately impregnated with beard children. Which were basically the awesome of the universe concentrated into a living creature that had a really sweet ass.

After what was almost 5 million centuries, Braeburn came out of the bathroom. He was taking the largest shit in all of Equestria, which caused the bathroom to literally melt out of dimensions. Raborn took a big long sniff.

“Smells…” Raborn whispered seductively. “Like the ass Mona Lisa in there…Beautiful…”

Braeburn walked up to Raborn, putting a hoof to his cheek.

“Ah made tha’ shit Picasso all fer you.”

Raborn’s beard intensified. His facial scruff transcended time and space, becoming greater than all of Equestria combined. Braeburn began to lick Raborn’s interdimensional beard. Every cell of Braeburn shook with pleasure, especially his huge THROBING PENIS!

Braeburn looked into Raborn’s beautiful oceans that he called eyeballs. Raborn smiled. His mustache curing Pony AIDS around the world while also finding every lost puppy a home.

“Saddle up, cowpony,” Raborn whispered right into Braeburn’s ear.

And then they did it.

After two long hours of hot, sweaty, interspecies sex Braeburn made one final thrust and shouted:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAPPLEOOSA!”