THE MOON GLOWS GENTLY
INDECENT RELATIONS
The echo of Luna’s voice slowly faded from the conference room, leaving only her gasps for air as she took deep, heaving breaths at the end of the long wooden table. Her forehooves dug into the surface, bearing most of her weight as she leaned forward towards the two groups seated there in stunned silence. On her left, Chief Heartsong of the buffalo, and on her right, Lord Rufus of the diamond dogs, along with a retinue of advisors and counselors. All of them stared at her, too stunned by the eleven-minute, venom-laced tirade she’d just unleashed upon them to speak. As she calmed down, Luna became aware of another sound; the scratching of the Royal Stenographer's quill as she tried vaiently to keep up.
“Sorry, Princess,” she said, looking up at her with desperate apology written in her eyes, “I got as far as ‘feed your immortal souls to the stygian hell beasts that live between the stars,’ but everything after that is a bit of a blur. I’ve... I’ve never heard some of those words before, and I definitely haven’t heard them being used like that.”
Luna silently prayed that, somehow, the depth and variety of the profanity she had let loose might induce some sort of highly-targeted short term memory loss. Because otherwise, Tia was going to kill her.
“I’ve never been so offended in my life. That outburst was completely uncalled for,” said Chief Heartsong as her hopes faded away.
“Yes, pony princess is very rude,” agreed Lord Rufus.
Luna perked up. Okay, silver lining here. This was the first time during the eight-hour marathon negotiating session that had slowly but surely pushed her temper beyond its breaking point that these two had agreed on anything. She could always spin this as a brilliant, unconventional tactic to give them a common focus, a tool to break the logjam that threatened to—
“It’s due to your obstinate refusal to compromise, you know,” said Chief Heartsong.
Well. Never mind, then.
“Our refusal to compromise? We were there first. What gives you the right to come in and demand we change our ways?”
“Your excavations have made the land completely impassible. Not to mention the damage to our cultural sites.”
“Damage? They were already in ruins when we started digging!”
“Enough!” shouted Luna. For a moment she felt another angry rant rising in her throat, but she forced it back down. “This is getting us nowhere fast.”
“And you, Princess,” said Rufus. “You make demands that diamond dogs and buffalo make peace, drag us away from our homes to come to your city, and then insult us? Galling.”
Luna smoldered under the accusation. It was nearly dawn, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in her study with a good book and something that was mostly ethanol by volume. She wasn’t picky about what. “You forced our hoof when your conflict began to spill over our borders,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “This is no longer a private matter, as far as my sister and I are concerned.”
“I will admit, this has been a waste of time so far. All we seem to be doing is rehashing the same tired arguments over and over again. Forgive my skepticism, but I don’t know what you expected to happen,” said Heartsong.
“Where is other pony princess? The one who knows what she is doing?”
Luna’s eyes snapped open. That particular barb had found its mark. “Let’s stop here for the day,” she muttered through gritted teeth. “We’ll pick this up again tomorrow night.”
“I see no reason to bother if—”
“TOMORROW! NIGHT!” Luna shouted, cowing the larger buffalo into silence. Without waiting for an answer from either of them, she stormed off. She paused at the threshold of the room, and her horn glowed as the transcript was snatched out of her stenographer's grasp. She rolled it up and regarded it for a second, then with a little twitch of her eye the whole parchment went up in blue flames until it was nothing but ash.
Happy to have the excuse of needing to lower the moon, she stepped out into the cool evening air just in time to feel the sun pressing from below the horizon. Taking her cue, she forced all of her unspent rage and frustration into her art, and the moon jerked downwards quicker than she’d meant it to. As she gasped at the void left behind when all of that poured out of her, a tear trickled down her cheek. “The one who knows what she’s doing, my flank,” she whispered. For just a second there, she’d felt a little bit of that old jealousy from... the bad times.
She knew who she needed to talk to, knew said pony was too busy to be disturbed right now, and knew that she was going to go do exactly that anyway. Celestia would never forgive her for not coming to her right away.
The walk to Celestia’s bedroom felt like it took longer than usual, or maybe she was just dreading the conversation that was waiting for her there. She took a moment to gather her composure and pushed the door open without bothering to knock. Her sister was seated before a full-length mirror with two hoof maidens attending to her. One was polishing the crown on a nearby table while the other ran a brush through her flowing mane. Celestia spotted Luna’s reflection in the mirror, and smiled. “Good morning, sister. To what do I owe the visit?”
“We must speak,” said Luna. The hoof maidens made no move to leave. “Privately.”
The pegasus working on the crown gave her a small frown, but didn’t leave. “Begging your pardon, highness, but we need to make sure everything is just so. It wouldn’t do for your sister to arrive in the Crystal Empire this afternoon in anything less than perfect condition.”
Luna glared. After the night she’d just had, the last thing she was in the mood for was backtalk, and from a servant no less? “You wish to stay? You think yourself worthy of the secrets that pass between your princesses, when they have deemed it otherwise? I have lived for over a thousand generations, and I have seen things. I have looked into the hearts of monstrosities that would reduce our bravest warriors to gibbering wrecks with so much as a glimpse. I could speak words, no, syllables to you that would roll your eyes back into your head and drop you, convulsing, to the floor. So when I tell you that I wish to speak to my sister privately, I suggest that you stop what you are doing and gallop as fast as you can, lest I hold my tongue no longer and you go mad from the revelation.”
The two hoof maidens just gaped at her, until Celestia cleared her throat and brought them back to reality. “Well, that does sound important. It’s alright. Please, give us the room?” The two mares rushed with indecent haste to get away. When they closed the door behind them, Celestia sighed. “Laying it on a bit thick today, aren't we? What’s the matter?”
Luna tried to force the words out of her mouth. To convey, in one concise little phrase, the full extent of all the myriad ways she’d utterly failed in her duties as Princess of Equestria. Concern appeared on Celestia’s face as she felt her lower lip start to tremble. Buck it. “I don’t wanna host the peace summit!” she whined. With that, she fell to the floor and covered her head with her forelegs. She whimpered as she felt a great white wing lay across her back.
“Surely it can’t have gone that badly?” asked Celestia. Luna looked up at her, and couldn’t help but feel a little sting of jealousy at the way even though she’d just woken up, Celestia was the model of the poised, collected, self-assured princess that Luna never felt like she was.
“I may have threatened both of them with the prospect of committing some light genocide,” moaned Luna. “I’m not actually entirely sure. I was on something of a roll at the time.” She shuddered. “I suppose tempers were running a bit hot.”
“Evidently. Well, we knew that it would be a challenge from the start. Their feud has been going on for nearly a century now. Nopony is going to solve it in a day.”
“You could,” muttered Luna. “You should be the one in there talking to them. You wouldn’t have blown up like that. Not like me.” She looked away. “I lose my temper and you’re stuck cleaning up my mess. It happened a thousand years ago, and now it’s just starting all over again. You’re the one they want, anyway. You’re always the one everypony wants.”
“I have the utmost confidence in your ability to handle this, Luna. I wouldn’t be leaving for the Empire in the middle of it if I didn’t.” She brushed a hoof along her back as they sat there together, quietly. “I asked you to do this for a reason, you know. Do you remember the last time we negotiated diplomatic relations with the diamond dogs together?”
Luna had to laugh at the memory. “Things were a great deal simpler back then.”
“When Count Fido challenged us to decide ownership of Saltlick Plateau with a drinking contest, I very nearly died. Not you, though. You agreed to it for both of us without even thinking about it. If I’d had my way, we’d have spent decades quibbling over mineral rights and the like, and ended up with perhaps half of it. But you had the courage to go for it all.”
“The Royal Liver proved victorious on that day,” agreed Luna cheerfully. “A shame you don’t remember any of it.”
“Well, to hear you tell it I passed out before things got really interesting, anyway,” said Celestia. She gave Luna a gentle kiss on the forehead. “My point is, even when you don’t necessarily think things through before you act, you always listen to your heart. I’d say it’s guided you pretty well all these years.”
“It’s certainly never been boring,” said Luna. She frowned. “But it doesn’t seem to be working all that well for me now.”
“Hmm,” said Celestia. “Why don’t we try breaking down the problem into its fundamental components?”
Luna rolled her eyes at the suggestion. “What a spectacularly dull-sounding endeavor.”
“Not such a bad quality when your troubles stem from the self-inflicted cuts of a sharp tongue,” replied Celestia. Luna, Princess of the Night Sky and Keeper of the Stars, summoned up her full regal bearing as she stuck the very tongue in question out towards her sister and blew a defiant raspberry. “Truly, Luna, you can’t possibly imagine that you’ll cow them into obedience with a loud voice and empty threats.”
“What makes you so sure they are empty?”
Celestia gave her a wry look. “Come now. That may have worked in a less civilized age, but the diamond dogs and buffalo aren’t our enemies. Their leaders are proud, and making them combative will only leave them less willing to make the concessions that we need from each of them.”
“I ask again, what makes you so sure? I’ve always found that liberal promises of decapitation are an invaluable part of the diplomatic toolbox.”
Now it was Celestia’s turn to roll her eyes, but she followed the gesture with a gentle nuzzle to Luna’s cheek, and Luna didn’t protest. “Let’s just say I’ve had ample time to observe that same sort of pride in a mare who’s rather dear to me.” A clock chimed the hour, and Celestia furrowed her brow. “Luna, I really do need to get going. I’ll send you up a little something for the day that should help, how does that sound?”
Luna’s grin was as bright as any sunrise her sister had ever overseen. A treat! Exactly what she needed after the night she’d had buried under the unending waves of petty minutia that underpinned this ridiculous conflict. Perhaps a bottle of wine from Celestia’s private cellar, or maybe she’d picked up on the not-so-subtle hints Luna had dropped to her about which of the bodyguards employed in the Solar Guards she felt would be most eligable for a... special assignment. Helping their Princess blow off steam was absolutely vital part of maintaining national security, was it not? “That would be most appreciated. Thank you, Tia.”
“It’s my pleasure,” said Celestia as she rose to leave, “just go in there tomorrow night, keep a level head about yourself, and remember one piece of advice that’s served me well over the years: you can’t ever control what other ponies say, or do, or think. The only thing you can control is how you respond.”
“I will strive to keep that in mind,” agreed Luna. She brushed a loose strand of Celestia’s done-up mane that had escaped all the ties and bindings holding it up in its frankly ridiculous position, a far cry from Luna’s looser, free-flowing style that drifted every which way at the slightest breeze. “Enjoy your trip. I do know how you enjoy being used as a prop to assuage the meaningless concerns of citizens fretting over worries that are as unlikely to come about as they are to influence the outcome.”
“It’s not a meanless trip, Luna. It’s a public goodwill tour to reinforce that we stand in solidarity and friendship with the Crystal Empire during their labor dispute with the weather pegasi of Cloudsdale.”
“Yes. I believe that is what I just said. We both know that the weather factories are posturing, they will extract a few token concessions, and the climate will continue unimpeded.”
Celestia frowned. “Results and the process by which one achieves them are equally important things, Luna. Sometimes a gesture, even a silly or apparently meaningless one, pays dividends years or even decades later. Perhaps some tiny, insignificant gestures of camaraderie between the buffalo and diamond dogs a century ago could have prevented these negotiations from ever becoming necessary at all.”
With that, Celestia walked out the door to meet her waiting chariot, unable to see Luna scowling at the back of her head. The door closed behind her, leaving Luna alone. “Or perhaps they’d turn out to be exactly as tiny and insignificant as they appear,” she muttered to nopony in particular. Luna rubbed her eyes against the bright and vivid decor of her sister’s chamber. She found herself pining for her own, far darker chambers rather than the vision-searing gaudiness her sister favored.
The only detour she allowed herself was what should have been a quick, low-profile trip to the kitchen for a snack. But even that couldn’t be easy; she was held up three times by assorted nobles. Apparently the collective ability of her court to read their princess’ mood was still in dire straights, but she heeded Celestia’s counsel and did her best to hold back her ire. Why, one of the nobles wasn’t even sobbing by the time she was finished with him! Surely, that constituted some degree of progress?
Looking in on the kitchen, she found the chefs hard at work gussying up the absurdly ornate dinners-as-breakfasts that were apparently the only thing diplomats could survive on, what with their ever so taxing duties of sitting on their plots around conference tables and yelling, mostly at her. There was even a four-tiered cake being topped with artisanal globs of sugar. What a shame her sister had been called away to the Empire and wouldn’t enjoy it. Scanning the fare, her nose wrinkled as she caught an unpleasant smell from over by the grill. Somepony in the foreign office had gone through the trouble of securing some pork cutlets that were cooking away watched over by one poor chef who was doing an admirable job not gagging on the fumes. Luna knew first hoof that consuming red meat was pleasing to neither to her palate or her digestion, knowledge that had been hard won centuries ago when a field commander with a somewhat disdainful view of royals had presented her with a barely seared ‘delicacy’ on her visit to their camp out on the frontier. The look on his face as she’d wolfed it down without hesitation and proclaimed it delicious had been well worth the hours retching into bushes later that night, and not a single stallion or mare in that unit wouldn’t have volunteered to accompany her into the depths of Tartarus at her request afterwards.
With nopony who she cared to so impress tonight and no desire to emerge from the shadowy archway she haunted and be fawned over by the busy cooks, she merely tore a chunk of rustic bread from a nearby loaf and slipped away, back towards the solitude of her study. But when she arrived at the door to her personal lair and saw what was waiting there for her, she froze. Just for a moment, though, before letting loose with a string of profanity in a half dozen long-dead languages. When she was finished, she capped off the display by switching to Modern Equestrian once again.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
STUDY BUDDY
If forced, Luna would have been willing to grudgingly admit that she was slightly impressed, if only by the logistics of the undertaking. Sitting by her study entrance was a large cart, wider than any of the doorways leading into the hallway and certainly too heavy to have been hauled up the many stairs of her tower by the blue earth pony mare seated beside it. On hearing Luna’s arrival, she stood up and adjusted the tight bun of orange mane that adorned her head just so before clearing her throat.
“Princess Luna! Perfect timing, I arrived as quickly as I could once I got your sister’s message. I’m so happy to hear you’ve decided to really look at the history of this conflict in greater depth, there are too many ponies who settle for the executive summaries we put together when there’s so much fascinating, exhaustively detailed background reading that really enriches your understanding.”
Luna stared at the mare, recalling the three-hundred page ‘executive summary’ that she’d read to prepare for this conference. “Is there, now? And you’ll have to forgive my ignorance, but you are...”
“Oh!” the mare’s hoof came up to her mouth. “Of course, you were probably expecting Feathered Totem. He’s the department expert, of course, but he’s been under the weather and I was filling in for him when the emergency request arrived. I grabbed as much supplemental material as I could before I left.” She glanced up at the cart, dangerously overloaded with books with titles like A Mineralogical History of the Badlands by M. Pie or The Rains Grow Grains but Mostly on the Plains: Food Shortage as a Root Cause of Conflict. “I only hope that I didn’t forget anything important. My name is Book Binder. I’m an associate over at the diplomatic office.”
“I see,” said Luna, no closer to understanding the reason the mare was at her door. She was, however, beginning to suspect that when she figured the reason out it would not turn out to be one that she liked. “And what, pray tell, is it that you do over there?”
“Ah,” she replied, some of her earlier enthusiasm seeping away under the question. “I’m not really a diplomat, per se. I’m sort of on loan from Trotsford University as a consulting expert for the duration of the conference. Archaeology, history, geology, I wear a great many hats so to speak.” Her eyes went wide. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a specialty! The conflict between the diamond dogs and the buffalo is just such a rich and interesting field! It’s so exciting to be here and in Canterlot during this historic time. I mean, Lord Rufus and Chief Heartsong in the same room talking to one another! Can you imagine?”
“I can. Vividly.”
“Right, of course you were there too, I suppose,” said Binder, her nerves still getting the best of her as she stared down at the carpet. “Can I just ask one thing? The feathered headdress he wore, was it the Crest of the Thousand Fathers? Or was it the Hood of Unyielding Strength?”
Luna stared down at Book Binder as she eagerly awaited the princess’ response, a response she felt in no way qualified to give. “It was... red?”
Book Binder drew back as if stung, sucking air through her front teeth. “Oh, Princess. I’m so, so sorry. That’s going to make everything so much harder.”
Luna’s eyes went wide. “It is? And why is that?”
“Well, the only ceremonial piece I can think of that would fit that description is the Mantle of Bloody Slaughter, worn by Chief Heartsong’s second cousin twice removed when he commanded the buffalo charge in the Battle of the Trampled Plains sixty-five years ago. The one where Lord Rufus’ uncle, Lieutenant Talon, was killed.”
“I... do not recall a section of the preparatory material that was devoted to fashion. I was unaware the headdress had any special significance.”
Book Binder pulled a distressingly long piece of parchment from where it was wedged between an atlas and a compilation of diamond dog religious texts and made a note. “This is why I hate having to narrow these things down to just the bare bones; you lose so much vital information! We’d better start with a quick refresher on tribal facial markings, and follow up with a genealogical profile of both negotiators. Still, I’m sure this is salvageable.”
“Would it...” Luna chose her next several words carefully as she recalled the details of her initial encounter with the chieftain, “...suppose, just hypothetically, suppose that when I greeted him at the beginning of the negotiations I complimented him for the headdress?”
Binder stopped writing and gaped up at her. “Not... surely not within earshot of the diamond dogs, right? Right?”
“Let’s say, for purposes of this hypothetical discussion, that it was.” Luna was suddenly feeling a great deal more sheepish, though her desire to crawl under her blankets and make the rest of the world disappear for a few hours had, if anything, redoubled.
“That would be bad, Princess. Very bad. This is worse than I feared, we need to get started right away.” Without awaiting permission, Book Binder pushed open the door to Luna’s room and brazenly walked inside ahead of her, muttering under her breath the entire way. Luna was, for a moment, too taken aback to follow.
“Listen, Binder,” said Luna, rousing her from her internal monologue, “I appreciate that you’ve been summoned here on very short notice to aid me, but I am in no state for a lesson right now. The night’s talks have been rather taxing and I would really prefer to be left alone with my thoughts for the morning.”
Book Binder shuffled nervously on her hooves, but made no move to leave. “That... puts me in something of an awkward spot. Princess Celestia’s request came with a bunch of rules for me to follow. The very first one said that I... err... well I’m not actually allowed to leave you alone until either the negotiations start up again or you become an expert on all aspects of the conflict.”
“No, of course you’re not,” said Luna with a sigh. “And how long would it take for me to acquire this expertise, in your opinion?”
“Well, I’ve been focusing on it for about six years, but I’m sure in the next... fourteen hours you can make a dent in some of the basics.”
Luna did not share the mare’s relentless optimism. “Well, whatever rules my sister may have laid out, consider them countermanded. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make an emergency withdrawal from the Strategic Equestrian Whisky Reserve.”
Book Binder cocked her head to one side. “I’ve never heard of that. What is it?”
“A very large bottle in the bottommost drawer of my nightstand.” Luna strode over to the nightstand in question where her emergency supply of the delicious amber fluid, aged to perfection, awaited her. A last-ditch line of defense against nights like the one she’d just had.
Or at least it was supposed to be. When she opened the drawer, rather than salvation in a bottle there was merely a single sheet of paper. A piece of paper adorned with a stylized, eight-pointed sun. A sun with a little happy face doodled onto it. Mark my words, sister, thought Luna, tomorrow afternoon you shall return to Canterlot and there shall be a reckoning. Oh yes there shall.
“Everything alright, Princess?” asked Binder, blissfully unaware of the smoldering rage boiling beneath Luna’s placid surface.
“...Yes, I suppose I can’t think of any reason why it wouldn’t be,” said Luna as her mind raced to think of exactly that, but to no avail. For some reason the mare was still here, inside her room. The prospect of a good day’s sleep was fading fast. “Still, I release you from your charge, you may ignore these ‘rules’ my sister has laid down.”
“Oh, um, no I can’t, princess. It says so in—”
“In the rules. I might have guessed.” She sighed. “Very well, I suppose we might as well begin while I still possess some tiny modicrum of energy.”
Despite her student’s tepid response, Book Binder cheered right up. “Great! So, to really understand how this whole thing started, you have to go back about fifteen... what the heck, let’s say twenty generations to when Chief Leatherhoof led a group of the buffalo settlers south after they were displaced from the Secluded Valley...”
“...and then the sixth peace treaty was signed between Baron Shale and his pacifist breakaway faction from the capital city of Dal’Mulgort for the diamond dogs, as well as Chief Sure Eyes from the Gaigwi tribe promising a century of peace and normalized relations between the two peoples.”
Luna’s bleary eyes struggled gamely to refocus on the blue and orange blur in front of her. Book’s voice, despite the mare’s best efforts, was getting increasingly difficult to pick out through the haze. “Was... Swift Eyes the one with the spear adorned in phoenix feathers?”
The blur frowned. “No, you’re thinking of Captain Sure Strike, who died fifty years before Chief Sure Eyes was even born. Try to keep up. Anyway, that lasted about five years. Unfortunately, Baron Shale passed on before they could really solidify the gains they’d made. The diamond dogs claimed foul play while the buffalo cited natural causes. Modern day forensics have proven inconclusive as you can see if you turn to—” Luna’s valiant efforts over the last three hours to stay alert and absorb even the tiniest fraction of what she was being told, rapid fire style, finally proved insufficient. The loud thud of the impact between her face and the writing desk she’d taken a full ream of notes on startled Book Binder from the tangent on forensics she’d launched into. “Umm... maybe we could take a short break.”
Luna’s response took several false starts before she managed to raise her voice above a whisper. “Break. Sleep. Sleep break.” She stretched her jaw into a yawn, twisting her head to crack the kinks from her neck and smacking her lips as she fought to stay awake. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was nearly noon. “You must be famished.” And if not she could dang well pretend she was. “Take one hour and grab lunch, then return here. I...” she yawned again, “...I need a brief nap.”
“I suppose that’s fair. One hour, but then we’ll have to rush through the internal politics of the Expansionist parties if we’re going to make up the time.”
“I shall somehow manage to contain my disappointment, though it will be a mighty struggle.” Luna brushed past Binder, paying little heed as she was pushed aside on the way to the warm, fluffy bed that called to her.
“Sleep well, I guess,” said Binder. Even through her exhaustion, Luna didn’t miss a faint hint of disappointment in her voice, but she was well beyond the point of caring about hurt feelings as she wrapped an extra pillow against her chest and closed her eyes...
...Only to feel two hooves shaking her just a few seconds later. “Please, Binder, peace! Whatever it is can wait an hour.”
The shaking stopped. “But Princess, it’s already been an hour. Well, sixty-one minutes now.”
Luna opened one bloodshot eye and confirmed that the treacherous hour hand of the clock had indeed advanced as much as Binder claimed. She groaned and rolled over. This was simply unfair. “‘Nother hour. Go ‘way.” She reached out blindly with her magic, feeling around for another pillow, and pulled the first one she grabbed up against her. She sighed contentedly as she felt herself slipping back to sleep. The pillow felt grand; warm and fuzzy against her coat.
It was, however, surprisingly squirmy for a pillow. “What... what are you doing?” asked the struggling pillow, which sounded much more like Book Binder than the other pillows usually did. Luna’s eyes shot open, and she found herself muzzle to muzzle with the blushing mare. “I’m, wow, I’m flattered Princess, really I am. But I think maybe we should just be friends?”
Blinking a few times before the words registered, Luna eventually released her grip on Binder allowing her to scamper out of the bed with indecent haste. She’d heard of this ‘Zone of Friendship’ concept before. She found it to be profoundly less satisfying than the name would imply. Everything would feel clearer after another nap. Preferably one lasting until roughly fifteen minutes before those infernal negotiations began again. “Friends. Yes. As my first gesture of friendship, I grant you the remainder of the afternoon off to do with as you please.”
“But we haven’t even begun to cover the media and international community’s response to the Slaughter of the Burning Sands!”
“I! DO NOT! CARE!” Luna glowered at the shocked pony standing besides her bed, trembling at the sudden outburst of her rage. “I do not care who wore what to which battle a century ago, or whose snub at some undoubtedly dull banquet offended whom. This whole stupid conflict has burned on because neither side will forgive the other for petty trifles they believe may have happened decades before any of them were even born. If they wish to go on killing one another over a few scraps of desert land that nopony would be mad enough to try to settle, then they have my blessing in doing so. Because they have refused time and again to be reasonable and I find that dealing with their endless bleating is positively exhausting. So I am going to take a nap and all of them can go hang for all I care. Good afternoon!”
She turned herself over, leaving Book Binder standing there but confident that her dismissal would be heeded regardless of whatever ‘rules’ her sister had laid down. She closed her eyes and felt herself finally start to relax.
Then a shock of colder air pierced her coat as her blankets were ripped off of her in one fell swoop. “Get up,” said Book.
“Book Binder, I believe I made myself quite clear. You are dismissed.”
“I said get your flank out of that bed you ungrateful little brat!”
Slowly, her eyes never leaving Book Binder’s defiant gaze, Luna climbed out of her bed and pressed towards her. She didn’t stop until she’d thoroughly invaded Binder’s personal space, knocking her back on her haunches and forcing her to crane her head back looking up at her. “An ungrateful little brat, am I?”
“Well, maybe not little. But you’re certainly acting like one! Maybe you don’t care about those other cultures, or think they’re silly, but they care. It’s their story, their identity, their heritage, it’s everything they are. And if you won’t even try to understand it, weird as it might seem to us sometimes, then you might as well cancel these talks and throw away the best chance we’ll have at a peaceful settlement in the next decade. And to do that... you’ll condemn the lives of those who haven’t even been born yet to the same pointless suffering. I refuse to believe that any princess of mine would be that cruel. So even if you don’t really care about any of this, could you at least try to pretend that you do for a few more hours? Because the diamond dogs care, and the buffalo care, and a lot of ponies out on the frontier who are caught in the crossfire care, and... and...” she looked away, “...and I care too. A lot. And if that’s not enough for you, then you’re right. I should go.” Now that the full head of steam that had powered her outburst had dissipated, Book Binder’s eyes went wide as her mind caught up to her mouth. “Also, if you could not banish me to the moon, or the sun, or really any of the major stellar bodies for what I just said, I’d really appreciate that.”
Luna watched the mare slowly gather up all the materials that had been piled up throughout the room over the course of the morning, weighing her options. Just as she was dragging the first stack out to the cart outside to begin the physically improbable task of hauling them back down the tower and to her office, Luna spoke. “Sandstone.”
Book Binder’s ears perked up. “Princess? Did you say something?”
“The buffalo revere sandstone. It has an important place of their economy as the raw material they craft ceramics out of. They also use deposits that are rich in quartz as the base of the dyes they mark themselves with in preparations for battles or ceremonies. The outbreak of fresh hostilities in 873 was caused when runoff from diamond dog mining operations washed out one of the buffalos’ major deposits during a hundred-year flood. That ignited long-simmering tensions between the two and brought an end to what had been two decades of fairly peaceful coexistence.” She glanced over at the amazed Book Binder, frozen in the doorway. “Did I forget anything?”
“You... you were paying attention when I told you about that? I thought you were dozing.”
“Merely resting my eyes,” said Luna. “I apologize for my outburst. I’m told that I become somewhat cranky when I am overtired, but there was no cause for me to take it out on you. Nor is your knowledge boring or worthless as I suggested. In fact, I used to be something of an aficionado for the mythology of the buffalo myself, though my knowledge is a thousand years out of date at this point. I was even so blessed as to join in one of their migratory stampedes led by Shaman Feldspar, half an age ago.”
Book Binder’s ears perked up at the name. “Not... not High Shaman Feldspar of the Huichon? Wielder of the Great Staff of Balance? He actually existed?” She dropped the books, forgotten, and scrambled for some parchment. “You don’t... did he ever tell you what the importance of his staff was? Scholars have debated that for decades, but if you know the truth from a primary source, you could settle the debate for certain.”
“Hmm...” said Luna, tapping her chin, “as I recall, he mostly employed it to whack lazy initiates who fell asleep during the course of his sermons. A bit odd, that one.” She grinned. “Incidentally, I think he’d have liked you. Assuming that last display was anything to judge by.”
“Me?” asked an incredulous Book Binder. “No. He wouldn’t possibly. I’ve studied their culture for years, and I feel like I barely know anything.”
“You give yourself too little credit, and I have given you too little respect.” Luna trotted over to her desk, readying a quill. “Now, we don’t have very long left until sunset, and I believe you said you had some information for me about the Slaughter of the Burning Sands?”
Book Binder hesitated, tomes of knowledge still balanced on her back. “Then... you mean...”
“I mean,” said Luna, “that we should get back to work.”
Luna was already seated at the head of the negotiating table, fresh from raising the moon, when the other envoys arrived. One of the diamond dogs covered his face, trying nobly but poorly to conceal a yawn. Not everypony adjusted so easily to a nocturnal schedule, it seemed. “Welcome, honored diplomats and esteemed guests. I see no reason to delay, so let’s get right to it, shall we? I foresee a very productive night ahead.”
“Then you are more optimistic than I,” muttered Chief Heartsong, loudly enough that it was clearly audible to everypony in the room.
Luna grinned a little wider, and a touch more maniacally. Fifteen seconds in, and she was already contemplating killing something. This had all the signs of being a very long night. In her head, she slowly counted backwards from ten while the others settled into their places. She looked down into the steaming mug of life-giving coffee she’d already drained twice this evening, and swore to herself that there would not be a repeat of last night’s disaster. “I believe that before we rather... abruptly wrapped up yesterday, we’d just started a discussion on mining privileges and damage to buffalo cultural sites, had we not?”
“We will not compromise on this point,” said Chief Heartsong. Luna fought down the urge to roll her eyes. Of course not. Why should this point be any different than the previous fifty? “The diamond dogs have caused an incalculable loss, tearing apart the earth in their greedy quest for trinkets and baubles. What was lost can never be restored.”
“I have to agree. The destruction of the cave paintings under Limestone Crag cannot be repeated,” said Luna.
“Ugh!” Lord Rufus threw his paws into the air scattering papers across the floor. “Then pony princess is biased against us, and these talks waste all our time! Every time we go to begin work on land we rightfully purchase in good faith, suddenly buffalo appear and declare land is sacred! You see two sticks on top of rock, and site becomes irreplaceable landmark of your people! Is ridiculous superstition you use as weapon against us, and pony princess approve of such underhooved techniques? We do not accept that. We. Do. Not!” He punctuated his last three words by clenching his paw into a fist and banging it down upon the table.
Had he not been so caught up in the moment, he would have avoided bringing his fist down directly atop the foreleg Luna was resting on the table in the process.
Luna’s anger spiked immediately to a white-hot intensity. To be struck by a blow from a diplomat, and in her own palace, nonetheless? One word and the guards would be upon him, if he was lucky and Luna didn’t get to him first. Where was the respect? Where was the fear? Back before her banishment, the diamond dogs had believed that when one laid a paw on royalty unbidden, that paw became the property of the royal to do with as they pleased. One wild rumor had even begun that the last time a pony had pushed her aside she’d torn that pony’s leg clean off with her bare teeth, a rumor that had amused Luna to no end once it had finally reached her ear. She’d even had a replica of the ‘leg’ made for her and hung it proudly over her throne for a few hours until Celestia had found out and made her remove it. She would not allow such actions to go unchallenged. She would restore the terror they rightfully should feel, and make sure they never again... that they never...
You can’t ever control what other ponies say, or do, or think. The only thing you can control is how you respond.
Celestia’s words echoed in her ear. She turned her still-glowing eyes on the diamond dog, whose ears were pinned back and was letting out plaintive little whimpers. Chief Heartsong looked on with thinly veiled glee, preparing to enjoy the spectacle. Luna took a moment and let herself feel all the frustrated stress and rage that was moments away from bursting forth in another temper tantrum. Then, with a supreme effort of will, she chose to release it from her mind and let it flow away, unrealized. Not that Lord Rufus was going to get off the hook quite that easily, however. Instead, Luna chose to do something that may have actually been far crueler than a summary execution. She smiled at him. “Lord Rufus,” she asked in a perfectly level voice, “why are you here?”
“I... I beg pardon?” he asked, still cowering.
“I see two possibilities,” continued Luna. “First, you have come to Equestria for the sole purpose of making these negotiations, and my life, more difficult. That you have nothing better to do but to seize on every little word and misstep either myself or Chief Heartsong makes, real or imagined.” She turned her stricken hoof lazily in the air between them, assuring herself that there was no damage done. “If that’s true, it would only be fair that I would be just as petty and unforgiving. Do you consider me to be those things? Petty and unforgiving?”
Lord Rufus opened his mouth, drew upon decades of hard-won experience and knowledge of when one should not push one’s luck, and closed it again.
“I didn’t think so. Which brings us to the second possibility. That we are all here to find the answers to some very thorny questions, and things will go much smoother if we all grant each other the benefit of the doubt and keep an open mind. Doesn’t that sound a bit more pleasant? But it’s up to you which one you’d prefer.”
“Yes, Princess Luna. Second one. Pleasant one.”
“I wholeheartedly agree,” said Luna, voice full of good cheer once more.
“Then we are in agreement, our cultural sites are inviolable,” said Chief Heartsong with a smug nod.
“Oh, I was getting to you,” said Luna. “There’s some truth to what Lord Rufus said. I went into the geological surveys earlier today and cross referenced them with the claims your Elder Council has made, and I found something interesting.” She perched a pair of reading glasses on her muzzle as she sorted through a few of her papers. Not that she needed them, but she found that they greatly enhanced her ability to deliver stern looks. “Fifty years ago, roughly five percent of the Badlands was protected as cultural heritage sites. Today, it’s nearly a third.” She flipped a page. “Moreover, the new sites show a surprising correlation with the occurrence of rich veins of precious gems. Care to explain? I’m sure not every cave is on the same level as the Throne of the Sky.”
Chief Heartsong scoffed and looked away. “What you call the Badlands are a very sacred place with a rich history for my people. What would you, an outsider, know of our ways or the Throne?”
“Oh, a few things,” said Luna. “It’s the mountain peak where future leaders of your tribes make pilgrimage to in order to fast and meditate in the hopes of catching a glimpse of future trials in the Great Spirit Mirror. Or am I mistaken?” Visibly taken by surprise, Chief Heartsong stammered for a few moments before Luna went on. “Speaking of the Great Spirit Mirror, one of your people’s beliefs is that what we put out into the world is reflected back upon us, is it not? So if you deal in mistrust and deceit by exploiting our desire to protect your culture to crowd out the legitimate needs of others...” She trailed off, confident that her point had been made.
“It is... perhaps... possible that we were overly aggressive in making our claims. But it was a necessary precaution when the diamond dogs destroy whatever they lay their paws upon. We have no faith in their judgement as to what must be preserved.”
“Well your ‘experts’ are no better,” interjected Rufus before Luna could respond. “If we put you in charge of where we are allowed to dig, you will push us out entirely.”
“Then it seems,” said Luna before the argument could flare up in earnest again, “that arbitration is required. I have a suggestion. What do you say we form a team of experts, including buffalo and diamond dog but led by ponies, who can survey the sites in question and render an impartial judgement as to what is and is not worthy of protection? Is that a workable compromise?”
It had all the makings of a good compromise, in that neither side seemed eager to adopt it. After much huffing and whispering among both parties, they turned back to the table.
“That is acceptable.”
“Is worth a try, we suppose.”
“Wonderful!” declared Luna. She allowed herself a moment to bask in the success, but only a short one. This was by no means over. “Now, moving on to the subject of water rights...”
Rules were important. Book Binder was absolutely certain of this, and it was driving her to madness.
She had yelled at Princess Luna! What had she been thinking? There was a rule against that somewhere, wasn’t there? Surely there had to be. She had tossed and turned for most of the night wondering how the negotiations were proceeding. She’d completely forgotten to review the dietary value of emerald to the diamond dogs! What if it came up, and Luna didn’t know, and the whole thing went up in flames? Could talks literally go up in flames? If they could, and they did, it would be her fault. So an hour before sunrise, she found herself pacing before the door to the Princess’ bedroom. Yesterday the talks hadn’t stopped until after sunup, but the Great Hall was already empty and the princess had retired. Which meant she probably wanted to be left alone now. Then again, the guards hadn’t made any move to shoo her away, and she didn’t think there was any rule against knocking on her door. Unless you were a thief or an assassin, of course, but barring some extremely subtle type of mind control she was pretty certain she wasn’t either of those.
Screwing up her courage, she brought a shaky hoof up and rapped it on the door. Oh well guess she isn’t here after all well she’d tried better go now and—
She hadn’t managed even three steps back before the door opened. There on the other side stood Princess Luna, her damp mane wrapped up in a towel and with dark bags under her eyes. “Book Binder, hello,” she said, putting on a warm smile through her exhaustion, “I’m afraid I’m not quite up for another lesson right now.”
“What? Oh, no, I just... um...” Why was she here? “Did everything go well tonight? With the negotiations?”
“They did,” said Luna. “In fact, both parties have agreed that as long as progress is being made they should continue a few extra days. I will be quite busy these next several nights. Also, we will need to begin assembling a team who can go out and survey a few archeological sites in buffalo territory without delay.”
Book Binder’s eyes shot open. Ponies were going to be allowed to dig? This could lead to the breakthrough of the century! “That’s so exciting, Princess. I can think of a dozen ponies off the top of my head who would be excellent choices to lead it.”
But Luna shook her head. “No need. I’ve already picked a friend of mine to be its leader.”
Some of Book’s enthusiasm faded. Right, how ridiculous to think that the Princess needed her advice on who to pick. She probably had a long list of superbly qualified candidates, but maybe if she played her cards right she could tag along as an assistant. Or as... well, as anything, really.
Her dejection must have been obvious, because Luna frowned down at her. “Assuming, of course, that you’re interested in the position.”
“What? You mean... you want me to lead it? But I’m... I’m...”
“Passionate. Well-studied. A trusted friend who I am confident I can rely upon. Did you not say as much yesterday when we were in bed together?”
One of the guards, out of nowhere, broke into a hacking cough as heat seeped into Book Binder’s cheeks. “I guess I did. Thank you, Princess, and not just for this. I know that you didn’t really want to spend yesterday getting lectured at, and I appreciate that you stuck with it. I only hope I managed to tell you something that you didn’t already know.”
Luna smiled. “It’s true I’ve learned a great many things in all my years, but some things are worth being reminded of. You are the one to whom thanks is owed.” She tried, but failed, to stifle a yawn. “If you don’t mind, it’s been rather a long time since I had a proper rest. I mean to take it easy for the next hour until I am called to raise the sun, then sleep.”
Book Binder went a bit pale. Here she was, keeping her princess from her well-deserved break. Still, she had to express her gratitude somehow before she left. A hoofbump seemed awfully impersonal for someone who had just called her a friend. What were the rules for a situation like this? After weighing a wide variety of options, she settled on a chaste peck on the cheek. That was a thing friends did, wasn’t it? She awkwardly gathered herself up on her hind legs and leaned in.
Her luck early that morning was truly abysmal. The princess tilted her head in confusion at just the wrong moment and the kiss aimed at her cheek found her lips instead. It only got worse from there as, too shocked by her own behavior to react, she let the princess draw her in deeper.
Really, just the worst luck. With luck like hers, the princess was probably misinterpreting the friendly, platonic way she parted her lips to allow Luna’s tongue to slip between them. And once she had, what kind of friend would she be not to return the gesture, right?
Luna’s powerful foreleg lifted her off the ground entirely, and the kiss only broke when Luna dropped her into her bed knocking loose her bun and splaying her orange mane all over the pillow. She just had time to moan before Luna kissed her again.
Gosh, she thought, friendship’s got some really complicated rules. Then Luna’s hoof slid down her chest and for the next hour she didn’t have much in the way of coherent thoughts at all.
