Patience

by cursedchords

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Sunset Shimmer, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 4275

Changing a personality is not a trivial process, even when the first step you take is to blast the target with the Elements of Harmony. The risk of a relapse is always present, especially if the original personality was a strong-willed one.

A Note on Personality Modification: (From the Canterlot Magical Archives)

There are several spells out there in the world that purport to be able to reform a personality, to remove undesirable traits within the target and impress upon them a new way of thinking. Care must be taken in the application of this magic, as the mind is a very complicated thing, which nopony has ever truly figured out. While a sheer volume of magical influence may create convincing short-term effects, long-lasting change will always take time, no matter the strength of the pony casting the spell. Over the course of this time, it is very important that the target be given ample positive reinforcement in their environment, so that they can learn the error of their original ways.

Without such reinforcement, the risk of the original personality relapsing is high. Even with it, a sudden change of circumstance that encourages the original behavioural pattern can lead to a full relapse. If the target was an enemy of yours, we advise that you use utmost caution.

Published 2014-03-18 03:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-18 03:50:07 UTC

Patience

I've read about this kind of magic before. There was a section on behavioural modification at the old Archives in Canterlot. Even a magic bullet fired from the Elements of Harmony couldn't change me right away. Such things take effort and time.

So the usual methodology, and the one that I was quite certain was being employed here, is a tweaked version of the age-old metaphor about carrots and sticks. The magic interposes itself in the emotional system, rewarding good behaviour and punishing negative behaviour. Eventually, with some positive external reinforcement, natural processes will take their course.

I could feel it there, although only in a strange, detached sense. A foreign entity squatting in my brain and passing judgement on my every action and thought. In the early days it was almost intolerable, insistently whispering Honesty and Kindness in my ear at every opportunity, only quieting down when I acquiesced with a smile, nod, or thank you. And whenever I tried to go back to my usual way of doing things, there came the headaches, throbbing and dull at first but then piercing and shrill if I tried to push past them.

It didn't take long. Even a rock-hard will can only put up with such a solid wall for so long. It was easier not to fight. With each passing day, I changed, and the influence of the magic seemed to fall away as I did. I waved, I smiled, I helped others, and every time that I did, a little piece of the old me went away. But was she truly gone, I sometimes wondered to myself, or was she simply hiding? Was she merely waiting for her oppressor to grow complacent and let down the guard, so that she could return with a vengeance and take back what was rightfully hers? I used to be that patient, after all.

They came for me several weeks later, two men in clean, black suits and sunglasses. It was early evening, and the last few rays of the day's sunlight were streaming into the dingy space of my apartment when they pounded on my door. I had been lying down, trying to work through the tattered remains of memories that seemed far off the cusp of my awareness. The last few remnants of the old me that were still trying to make their presence felt.

Memories of envy, of ambition, of pride and the thirst for power. But that is all that they are now, just memories of a time gone by. I am different now. I couldn't go back to being that person any sooner than I could go back to Equestria again.

When I opened the door, they were standing, straight and imposing, with their lips in pensive frowns. “Miss Shimmer?” the one on the left inquired in a stiff tone.

My head wasn't quite back into the real world yet, and so I nodded lazily.

“We're with the National Security Agency, Miss Shimmer,” the stocky one on the left continued. “I'm Agent Black, this is Agent Ebony.” His partner, who was taller and thinner than Black, held up a shiny badge. “We're here to ask you some questions about the incident a few weeks back. Would you mind if we came in?”

I opened the door to let the two agents into the cramped space. Black's words had touched a nerve inside my head, and jump-started my intellect. The incident. It seemed a callous way to describe the event. Again, the memories danced and teased hazily just beyond the realm of my awareness. The incident had changed everything.

Ebony took a seat at the small round table in the middle of the space. His burly form looked out of place in the cozy quarters, the abode that I had carved out for myself in the early months of my sequestration in this world. He indicated that I should sit as well, so I did, letting my lengthy strawberry and gold locks fall over the back of the chair. Black meanwhile hovered just over Ebony's left shoulder.

After pulling out a pad of paper and a pen, Ebony cleared his throat. “Agent Black and I are just here to follow up with you about some the things that were filed in the original police report. There are several matters that are... of interest, to the Agency.”

Black stepped forward then. “We might be at this for some time, Miss Shimmer. Would you like me to get you something to drink, perhaps?”

My brain was working overtime trying to piece together why it was that they were here, and why right now, so I nodded to him. Black disappeared into the kitchen.

“Miss Shimmer,” Ebony started out again. “Several weeks ago there was a gas explosion at Canterlot High School. You were there when it occurred, correct?”

“Yes, of course,” I replied, “how could I forget about something like that?” The idea to cover up the event had been Vice Principal Luna's, and the administration had taken care of all of the details. Something about these two told me that it would be best to play along, but I still noticed the subtle lifting of Ebony's eyebrow at my answer.

I was about to continue when Ebony raised his right hand to stop me. “A simple yes will suffice, Miss Shimmer. We're not here for extra details. We just want to confirm your deposition.” Agent Black emerged from the kitchen, holding a tall glass of water, which he placed in front of me. He returned to his former position just over Agent Ebony's shoulder.

“The incident was approximately four weeks ago, is that correct?”

I nodded again. Ebony was making several notes on his pad. Beside him, Black's eyes were running over the room, taking in the cluttered state of affairs. I noticed for the first time that Black's hands, clasped together in front of his waist, were clad in black leather gloves. A flutter of uncertainty worked its way into my stomach.

“Have you had contact with any individuals regarding the incident since then?”

“Yes,” I replied again. What kind of a question was that? It wasn't as though I could just evaporate into thin air. I still had a life to lead.

“Any individuals who were not directly involved with the incident?” Ebony's eyes were on me again.

Something was off here. “Agent Ebony, what is this about? My full deposition was included in the report.”

“Miss Shimmer, answer the question please,” Agent Black said, now looking straight into my eyes. His tone was hard.

My mind was running through all manner of possibilities, reasons why the NSA might be interested in the incident. Of course there were many things which they might find interesting, but the whole thing had been hushed up starting at the bottom. Celestia had seen to that. None of the esoteric details had made it into the official report. I had agreed with the plan then, and I still did. There were many things that this world was probably not quite ready to know.

“No,” I answered honestly. “I have not discussed the incident with anyone.”

The faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corners of Ebony's mouth as he continued to jot down notes. There was something about that smile that I didn't like one bit. Really, it was this whole situation that I didn't like. I wasn't accustomed to this sort of nervousness, and suddenly I realized that my throat was dry. I reached down to take a drink.

I noticed the tiny look that shot between them as soon as I swallowed. The aftertaste of the sedative hit me immediately, but by then it was far too late. Black's face swam into a milky swirl as he quickly strode up to my chair. His gloves became murky splashes as he reached down to close my eyes. They know, I realized then. Somehow, they know. Then, everything went black.

I had never been a deep sleeper. My brain just didn't work that way, and so it was that when I woke up again, it only took me a couple of seconds to reach a state of full awareness. Surprisingly, when I looked down, I could see that I was wearing a fresh, clean version of my usual outfit, which fit well. Whoever these people were, they seemed to know a thing or two about me. That probably didn't bode well.

I was seated in the middle of a lengthy conference table of polished cherry. The room around me was warm and inviting, panelled in wood with the occasional light high on the wall. There was even a roaring fireplace to its leftmost side. When I turned around, I could see Ebony and Black standing stone-faced about the only apparent exit. Directly across from me at the table sat the room's only other occupant, a clean-shaven man in a dark military uniform. He was calmly skimming through a manila folder.

When he noticed that I was awake, he fixed me with a short, appraising stare. “Good evening, Miss Shimmer. Or may I call you Sunset?” His accent twanged subtly off of the walls.

I didn't much care what he called me. Right now I had to find out where I was and how much the NSA knew about me. It was only with that information that I could figure out what I was going to do next. It was an unfortunate situation. For now was not the time for honesty and kindness. I needed information, the more the better, and I knew that there was only one way to get it. It would be only a small lapse, and a reasonable one under the circumstances.

“And you are?” I replied, calling up that lightly twisting tone of voice that had served me so well in this world. Even this small of an attempt at manipulation stirred the magic in my head up into a dull throb. I had to clench my teeth to force it away.

A smile twitched at his features. He had likely misinterpreted my reaction as determined resistance. “Stubborn. Just like your file says.” He flipped a few more pages. “You can call me Colonel Tracy, Sunset. And before you ask, this is an NSA facility, but I can't tell you where it is.”

I had assumed as much. “Okay, Colonel. And why is the NSA so interested in me?”

“We're a very special branch of the NSA, Sunset. Our goal is to investigate the possibility of terrorists using alternate dimensions, parallel universes, or concurrent realities in the furthering of their agendas.”

It was about the last thing that I had ever expected him to say. It required a second for me to find my balance again. The stakes had suddenly risen, and not just for me. I decided that it was best to continue playing the innocent game. The more they explained to me, the more I would know about how serious the situation really was.

“As you may have heard, we don't believe in leaving any rocks unturned here at the Agency, Sunset. Your file we've found particularly intriguing, even after all these years.” He let that last bit hang for a second, and I knew what he was implying. The only question now was how much they knew.

Eventually, Tracy took my silence as a cue to continue. “Oh yes, we've been watching you for a long time now, Sunset.” He was pacing now about the far side of the conference table, his hands clasped behind his back. “From a safe and discreet distance of course. I'll admit that you did well to cover your trail, but eventually we picked out the pattern from the little anomalies that cropped up here and there. A word, a gesture, an instant of momentary awkwardness while engaged in routine socialization. All of the evidence built itself into a record, and all of it pointed to you, an otherwise unassuming teenage girl content to live out her life.”

Tracy stopped then, and looked across the table at me with steely calm. “So that, Sunset Shimmer, if that even is your real name, is why we are so interested in you.”

Although I didn't let my face show it, my mind was racing to comprehend all of the details that he had revealed. It seemed inconceivable, but then perhaps I had let just a few too many details drop over the years. To the unobservant eye the disguise had perhaps been perfect, but to an observer keen to pick up on anything remotely paranormal, perhaps there had been just enough.

I watched the colonel out of the corner of my eye as he resumed pacing. There was a little spring in his step that seemed misplaced on his middle-aged frame, almost as though he was walking through a dream. When I considered it again though, perhaps he was. It wasn't every day that parallel universes crossed over. What must it have been like for him, to be chasing ghosts all of his career, and suddenly have his apparent chance at vindication? I saw it then: to Colonel Tracy I was the culmination of his life's work, proof that all of his years had not been in vain. I filed this information away. It could prove to be very useful later. Unexpectedly, the moment of insight brought with it a familiar feeling of power. I hadn't deconstructed a personality to that extent since, well... since the incident. And it felt good. It was the kind of thing that the magic in my mind usually frowned upon, but the headache, though still there in a recessed corner, seemed to have fallen off a bit.

For the time being, I knew that I had to keep at him for information. There was still one detail about his story that didn't check out. “So why now, colonel? If you've been watching me for so long, why only now send these two goons to snatch me up?”

A thin smile cracked out on Tracy's face. He strolled back to his seat, where the bulging folder still sat, and flipped forward a few pages. Eventually, he withdrew a photograph from the folder and tossed it across the table to me. I recognized the face immediately, and couldn't prevent a small flush of anger. It was a face that had once spurred me on, in a previous life. “Twilight Sparkle,” I said, in a voice that was a bit more of a snarl than I had been intending.

Tracy had resumed his pacing. My response had clearly pleased him. “Yes, I can tell that you still remember her. That picture was taken two days before the 'incident' at Canterlot High.” He paused, and then reached down to flick through the folder again, before extracting a second photograph and tossing it across the table as well. “This one was taken the same day, at a convenience store more than one hundred fifty miles away.” His tone had taken on an air of smugness.

Gingerly, I examined the photo. The cut of her hair, that bright look in her eyes, it was obvious that this was very much the same Twilight Sparkle. So they knew that there were two of them in this world at some point. On its own, a noteworthy coincidence perhaps. But given the rest of what the NSA apparently knew, it would have taken on a whole new realm of significance to them.

“Noteworthy, Sunset, I think you'll agree? We were lucky to catch this little anomaly, actually. Another day or two and the whole thing might have slipped through our fingers. We had been watching you for nearly two years by then, anxiously hoping for any piece of information about who you really were. The appearance of this second 'visitor', if you will, convinced us that something big was about to happen. We rushed assets into position; we had the two of you on twenty-four hour surveillance for two whole days, and then,” he paused dramatically here, and I knew exactly what he was going to say, “and then there came the incident.”

From the look on his face, I knew it then. They knew everything. And I knew what was coming. Here was going to be just another reminder of the wrong-ness of my actions that night. I had heard it all before, from Twilight, from Principal Celestia, from Guidance Counsellor Cadance. I knew the story by now, and I had learned my lesson. I sat back in my chair to let it all happen again.

“And that's where you come in, Sunset,” Tracy said as he affixed me with a questioning stare. “Because I would certainly like to know what the hell happened that night.”

The shock almost jolted me out of my seat. They didn't know? How in the world could they possibly not know, with seemingly every camera in the world and above it fixed upon that school? Surely someone must have seen it. It was simply beyond belief.

Tracy looked like he understood how I was feeling. “You're wondering how we could possibly screw it up? I haven't the faintest clue. It seemed like all of a sudden everything just went wrong. Noise on the microphones, blank spots on the tapes, space debris hitting our satellites. It was almost as if some strange power out there wanted all of this to remain a secret. By the time we got everything back on line all we could see was a big hole in the ground.” He shook his head as sat back down into his chair, suddenly tired. “But you were there, and you'll tell us what happened.”

I wasn't so sure of that. Obviously, they knew that I had some story to tell them, and of course I would say something eventually, but the question was, what? I could tell them the truth of course, that it had all in fact been my fault, and that if it wasn't for Twilight and the Elements of Harmony, I would have led our two worlds into the greatest collision that they had ever known, and potentially ended up ruling or destroying one or both of them. I should tell them that, and they would probably believe me too.

And yet... and yet it was difficult all of a sudden. That voice in my heart and in my head, the magic that always insisted on doing the right thing, and protecting the secret from those who would not understand it, had diminished to a small voice. My mind, my relentless mind was producing questions, questions and answers that I remember from a time that seemed like it was ages ago. What opportunity might these circumstances represent? How could I benefit from this? I controlled the information now, and with it I could control what the NSA thought, and not just of me. The knowledge was frightening.

“Why would you trust me?” I managed to keep my voice even as I asked the question, in spite of the turmoil going on in my head.

Tracy motioned to Agent Black, who walked quickly around the table to the colonel's side. After a few short whispered words, the agent left, and returned several moments later with a second folder, only this one was significantly thinner than the first. Tracy threw it onto the table in front of me, and several more pictures of Twilight spilled out. “We know next to nothing about this alternate Twilight Sparkle,” he said as I examined the contents of the folder. Indeed, there was little there aside from the few photographs and the transcripts of their three-day surveillance.

The colonel walked slowly over the fireplace and stared into its dancing flames. “We watched you for two years, Sunset, and always in the back of our minds there was that suspicion that you meant harm, that you might in fact be a deep cover operative for some darker purpose. But in all that time you didn't do anything that stood out as suspicious. No infiltration of any power structures or undermining of the establishment. Just normal teenager stuff. And, more importantly, whilst this Twilight left no trace even of her own existence after the incident, you remained here, and went back to your normal life.

“This Twilight, on the other hand, showed up in our world for little more than three days. The only thing that we really know about her is that she seems to be capable of causing a great deal of damage wherever she goes. We don't when or where she might turn up again, nor what her intentions are.” He turned back to face me. “We have a word for those kinds of people here at the Agency, and that word is 'threat'.” Tracy came to me and laid a hand on my shoulder. His touch was warm and caring, and when he spoke again, his words carried sincerity with them. “Sunset, I know that you can help us. If this Twilight Sparkle represents a threat to the security of this world, then we need you to tell us everything you know about her, so that we can do something about it.”

I remained silent. I needed time to think. I needed lots of time to think. But I didn't quite know what to think anymore. A growing part of my mind almost wanted to laugh out loud at how the NSA had so comically misjudged the situation, to believe that Twilight was in fact the threat to the security of their world. If so, then this could be more than just a chance to escape a bit of blame for the incident. This could be everything. This could be a second chance. I could almost feel a different, forgotten part of my mind awakening. It was drawing plans, judging outcomes, and thinking, always thinking. I could feel its emotions radiating out against mine: anger, determination, and ambition. They felt like alien emotions, but they were mine, surfacing once more from the depths of memory.

They brought with them an incredible sense of power, more than I had ever felt before, in this world or the other. It pulsed through my consciousness in an electrifying instant, and I realized that the whisper of the magical conscience in my mind was gone. It was a new feeling, but in reality an old one. This situation was almost too perfect. The truth? What would the truth get me, but more of the same, more of what I had already suffered through for the past weeks? It had been my choice to give up, and now it was my choice to return. This was my moment once again, to take back control of my life.

Slowly, my mind space cleared as the memories re-asserted themselves and slid back into their old positions. I was back, better than ever even. And this time there was not a force in this world or Equestria that would stop me. Already the first formations of a plan were locking into place in my thoughts. I turned back to the colonel with a new determination, and added a few degrees to the arc of the endearing smile that done me so many wonders in the past.

“Colonel, I'll tell you everything that you need to know about Twilight Sparkle, and why she is most certainly a threat to the security of your world.” He was clearly delighted to hear that I would cooperate.

That was all some time ago. I was a different person back then. Somehow younger, more naive. This world has taught me much in the meantime, and I have taught it much in return. I'm seated in the same conference room as before, only this time on the opposite side of the table. A computer sits open in front of me, and across its screen numbers flicker. A countdown to my next opportunity: the next time that these two worlds will link together.

I look up to see Colonel Tracy and his staffers entering. “Evening, ma'am,” he says to me, his deference clear. A smile comes to my face. Although Tracy is still nominally in charge of this project, it all belongs to me now. It's a plan that I've worked on incessantly for months now, a refinement of many of the ideals that spurred me on before. The NSA is sparing no expense on this operation, such is their excitement that the project might actually bear results. To them, this is all still about security, but this project stopped being about that months ago. It is all my revenge now.

As I think about it now, I can't believe that I was ever so foolish, so indecisive. The magical conscience that they imposed on me is now long gone, no longer even a shaky whisper from the back of my head. If for nothing else, I have to thank this world for showing me the truth. This is who I really am. They may have made me doubt it for just a moment, but clearly I was meant for nothing else. They will all see when the time comes.

The officers and I talk about operational briefs, training regimens, research and strategic challenges. The day is still more than a year in the offing, but this time I shall make sure that it is perfect. No contingency shall be overlooked, and every outcome shall be anticipated. Something so trivial as “the magic of friendship” shall not stop me this time.