Discord is God

It was a not-so-average day on Earth. Why? The clouds were pink, there were storms of chocolate milk popping up all over the place, and people could see the grass was checkerboard. However, most of them didn’t care.

Their immortal God Discord had descended upon them one day, and decided he was going to give the humans the chaos he believed they lacked. They welcomed it with open arms and closed eyes to whatever it was he was doing, for Discord could do no wrong, even when he was doing all of the wrong.

He said “Let there be me”, and there was; spreading his namesake was his game, even here. Ever since he came to Earth, wars were breaking out over even stupider reasons, at least one nuke was dropped (which had the unexpected effect of covering the west coast of the United States in pudding), and people were miserable, but still they loved their great God of chaos.

As it was in the Old Testament, Discord was a particularly picky God: how would he torment his seven billion subjects today?

“Seven billion humans,” Discord said to himself one day, “and not one seems to hate me even a little. It’s odd, but oh well, more room for me to spread chaos!”

The spirit of chaos had escaped to this world after a botched attempt to usurp the throne by trying to use his so-called “Friendship” as leverage. Everyone on Earth saw the events--how could they not when a good deal watched the show?--but the followers continued to blind themselves to his true nature; they saw the ponies as evil even when he tried to corrupt the one pony who dared to call him “friend”. They saw the ponies only as evil, for Discord can do no wrong, ever, even when he’s the one clearly in the wrong.

Overbearing though he was, the humans continued to follow him like sheeple. The ones who didn’t, obviously didn’t know his greatness. A simple corruption took care of that. And it had been that day ever since.

Sovereignty? Who gives a shit? We have our immortal always right god of Chaos to guide us in our ways.

The ability to exercise your basic human freedom? Please, Discord is better than all those plus sliced bread!

Oppression? No, not when it’s Discord! He’s just playing!

Power balance? What power balance? Discord is God, therefore he can do whatever he likes and we, the human race, will have to lay back and accept it.

Going from day to day in this new glorious utopia provided by our one true ruler follows as such: you try to follow your daily routine, but if you and many others are selected for torment, you will be treated as a god’s plaything should.

Every sane human being would call this “karma” given how we’ve had him act before, but not us! This is perfectly acceptable behavior that any good friend should have!

“This one, that one, that group over there, and maybe her too…”

This past week, he accidentally killed one of my sisters while he was playing, but that’s alright! He’s just so awesome with the way he rules! Free will is overrated, anyway!

I can’t believe I haven’t been picked yet, and I’m starting to wonder why? Am I not worshipping Him hard enough?

Never have I seen a better friend than one who can make your sister’s spine twist like a pretzel on a whim! If she had been a real pretzel, which I wish he would have done after the spine snapped, I’d have eaten her.

Get off to the side, Princess Celestia! You always were the one true tyrant, even though your rule has been shown time and again to be anything but!

So anyway, our glorious leader Discord says we’re going to Equestria to overthrow those vile, disgusting horse creatures! I say it’s about time! They haven’t done anything wrong, and when they do, they’re always quick to correct it! Not like our leader Discord! He still hasn’t even apologized for snapping my sister’s spine!

I sure wish she were still alive though…

Celestia was her favorite, after all.

Killing her might have given her the therapy she needed…

Orders were sent down from our one true ruler just this afternoon.

Freakin’ serious?! We have the forces we need for the invasion?

Yells of excitement are echoing across our screwed-up landscape. We’re finally going to put those devils in their place.

On I go! I can’t wait to see that bitch of an alicorn princess Twilight choke! She should have! How dare she overshadow our glorious ruler’s rushed reformation! Discord can do anything in five seconds, including change his ways, and we’ll accept it because he’s awesome! But when we heard Twilight was going through a change that was somewhat foreshadowed?!

“Umbrage, I think, is the word you’re looking for…” The glorious, sweet sound of His voice fills my ears. It sends such a comfort down my spine. “...To describe that feeling of betrayal you feel.”

Racing. That’s what my heart is doing right now. I’m melting in front of him, oh God how could I ever serve such a majestic being of chaos--

“Well, Your Excellency of Most Disharmony and Chaos, how may I serve you?”

Oil splashes at my feet and the surrounding areas. If I take a step, who knows what’ll happen to me.

“Race on this oil slick,” Discord, the best pony, commanded, “It will amuse me.”

Shit, does he even need to tell me twice?

“Hell yeah, my master!”

I step on the oil. I slide like that purple bitch did when Discord gave her a soapy road as just desserts for existing.

Pain shoots through my neck as I fall, and my vision rapidly blackens…

His rule has to stop some time. I’m not going to sit around and let him keep ruining the dimension we call home.

Even if the princesses themselves sent him to clean our planet, I don’t care. It was probably from a universe dreamt up by his blind worshippers anyway.

Will I be able to do it? Probably not.

Am I going to try? You’d better believe it. I never liked him to begin with. I still fail to see how we all watched the same show the past couple of years.

Seeing the state the world is in, I can’t believe so many people just went along with it. Did Discord get them through the screen? Why not? Our “one true God” can do anything, and we can just accept it.

Not. I’m not his whore to do as he pleases with. I’m a human being who knew who was in the right. I never thought it’d get to this point, but what can you do when a dragonequus slides into your world and turns everything topsy-turvy, huh?

Even now I can feel myself trembling. I don’t know what’ll happen to me when I try to make a stand. Will he kill me? Will he somehow praise me? Or will he do the one thing he bitched out Celestia for in that episode?

Very cautiously, I proceed into his throne room. It’s just as pretentious as any self-proclaimed messiah’s would be.

“Ew, looks like I missed one,” Discord said, though his tone was more of casual disinterest than any real concern. Why should he? He’s got seven billion followers. I am but a man who is trying hard to make a difference, to return things to how they were.

“Really? The sight of humans with free will disturbs you that much?” I ask of him, resisting the urge to hock a loogie into his face straight away, even though I know I’d be justified.

“Free will? You still have that?” Discord was wisecracking. Sure enough, the humans he had in his own personal dungeon cheered loudly, even though if it had been, say, Twilight, doing the wisecracking, I’d bet they wouldn’t laugh at all. But because Discord’s awesome, he gets a pass on everything. If it kills me, I’m going to stand against all that bullshit.

“Ugh, you make me sick…” I nearly retched. On my back is Father’s sword. Father was one of the first people he killed “accidentally”. Dad, like me, never went along with him. He and I...we saw him for the monster he was at the core. “I’m here to try to set things right…”

Now, for my friends, for my father…

Not for his blind followers he murdered--they had it coming if they really thought he was their friend…

Yelling, I rush forward, sword drawn, only to feel my joints growing stiffer and stiffer as I do. And for some reason, my blade is growing awfully gray…

I can’t help but chuckle at the sight of the pathetic primate in front of me. He really thought he could make a stand, just him and his little sword there? I would have given him a bigger show, but my invasion of Equestria with my seven billion slaves is behind schedule. They may be fragile, much more than the ponies, but there is a lot of strength in numbers...Plus, they do have those nukes. More on the subject, though...that statue in front of me, of a human bum-rushing me...

“My, my, turning living things to stone is good,” I muse to myself, because I’m not insane when I do that, no, not at all. I’m Discord, and anything goes! “Now I know why Celestia does it!”

Drumming on the bars of their cell, the humans all give another cheer, telling me I’m right, I’m always right, and I’m their knight in shining armor. I still don’t get why they liked me from the start. Didn’t they watch the show, see what I was?

Oh well.

No time for that.

Even now, that tyrant sits in her castle, ruling her ponies with a kind, gentle hoof...