"Oh dear. Oh me oh my this just will not do."
Mr. Easter H. Bunny had received a letter from a human child. This was quite bizarre, as he could not recall ever receiving letters from humans before. People didn't write him letters, he simply did his job every year without question.
Sitting upon a mushroom seat he scratched his fuzzy little head, puzzling over what to do. The letter was quite precise about what the human wanted. The human wanted a pony. The letter heavily declared that the sender had been the one who was responsible for Santa Claus' demise only a few weeks ago, which Bunny and the rest of the mythical community had thought a freak accident due to a miscalculation on Santa's part over the weight limit of his sleigh.
Indeed this was the case, though it appeared to be a deliberate set-up, if the letter was to be believed.
Why would Santa not question so many demands for 300lb barbell sets? he thought to himself as he paced back and forth, struggling over the demands in the letter he held. But ofcourse he wouldn't. The jolly fat bastard was not, contrary to popular belief, a very wise or thoughtful man. He was simply a kind and happy soul, eager to please. Bunny couldn't help but think that he too was not much of a thinker, and the fact that he had received this subtly threatening demand chilled him to his little bones.
He had no choice in the matter. Clearly this human was capable of outsmarting him, and he would meet his demise like Santa were he not to provide. He would have to venture into the land of ponies and rainbows, and bring a pony to this human.
He quickly grabbed his basket and searched around the grotto for the kinds of things that might be used to lure a pony, guessing at random that things like flowers and his own chocolate eggs might suffice. He was not prepared for something like this. He had no idea what ponies liked. He'd never even met one. His job never took him to their domain, and as far as he was aware they seldom ventured out from there.
The grotto, small as it was, was simply a hub of sorts, whereby members of the mythical community could travel between realms, most often to do their duties. He knew of creatures that traveled to and from the land of ponies and rainbows, called the breezies. Little fairy pony-type creatures that he always found odd but pleasant. Stood infront of the door to their realm, his ear twitched. He wondered what their realm would even be like. He hoped it would be pleasant. He clutched his little basket, and opened the door, only to be confused for a moment. It looked no different. Just as the grotto behind him, he faced a small clearing in a forest, the grass almost glowing with the light of late afternoon, the air aflutter with little fireflies and butterflies, and mushrooms cropping out here and there amongst the flowers of the forest floor.
Well, this is a decent enough start. Now to find me a pony. he thought, as he hopped through, and shut the door behind him.
Against his initial assumptions, the forest itself yielded nothing he could recognize as a pony. Hours he wandered, searching, and finding no trace amongst the various forest critters. Frogs, squirrels, mice, all manner of birds and cute little bugs shuffled through the place in abundance. There were even other bunnies, who bid him a pleasant afternoon and he them, and a bear who Easter could immediately tell was friendly, by way of the bear simply waving a gigantic paw at him in greeting, as opposed to giving a roar and chasing him. As the sun began to set high above the forest canopy, Easter came across another bunny, this one alone and hopping along on all-fours like other bunnies. Easter knew he wasn't the same as your average bunny, his being a mythical creature was something he learned very early on in his life. But he was still a bunny, and decided that this bunny, likely a native of this land, would know where to find a pony, as they seemed to be nowhere in the forest that he was able to go, and he imagined that the various walls of brambles, thorn bushes, or marsh lakes and great big swamp that he passed would not be places filled to the rafters with ponies. The bunny in question was intrigued by his vest and basket, but Easter was unfortunately not here on a simple visit. Deciding not to divulge the whole story and worry the poor fellow, he went with the direct line of inquiry.
"Where would I find a pony around here?" he twitched, almost sneezing on some pollen in the process.
"You'll have to leave the forest" came the reply, and a paw pointed off in one direction. "There's a whole herd of them that live not too far that way. If you're going there you'd best hurry. It's getting dark and my burrow's full I'm afraid. Sorry friend."
That was a little foreboding. I didn't wager the land of ponies and rainbows to have any night-time dangers. he thought as he thanked the bunny and continued on his way as directed.
He had expected a herd, as described, and not what looked to be a settlement. Indeed, Easter Bunny had found no ponies in the forest, with the reason being they didn't live there. They lived outside of it, in homes. Homes that sat together, rather like a village. It all looked somewhat...human to Easter. But now was not the time to dwell on peculiar details. He was here to save himself. Albeit by doing something rather unpleasant. But to heck with it. What had ponies ever done for him anyway? They weren't going to miss one, surely.
Reassuring himself of his 'me or them' decision, he ventured forth toward the closest dwelling he could see at the forest's edge. It was as he closed the distance that he spotted his target. That was definitely a pony. She was vaguely horse-like, as he imagined a pony would be. Definitely female, very feminine indeed, as he imagined a pony would be. She even had pink on her. Adorable.
But as he saw his quarry he came upon a realization that dared to throw a wrench into his works. She appeared to be of a decent size. Specifically, a decent size larger than him. He couldn't well hop upto her and grab her now could he? Even if he was that kind of bunny, he simply didn't have the size necessary for it. His mind froze as he noticed he'd been spotted, which was most certainly for a lack of hiding. A white bunny in a red vest carrying a wicker basket of flowers and chocolate eggs? Stealthy.
He had no idea what to do. She was approaching him, this was certain. As she did so she immediately grew in width very quickly, though her sides took upon a peculiar sha-
Oh silly me. he thought, rather sarcastically for his usual character. She would be winged wouldn't she? It's always something.
The wry aside to himself had distracted him from his incoming first-contact, but he found the situation not entirely unpleasant when the first words uttered by the pony were "Ohmygosh, aren't you just a cutie patootie!"
"Yes, well. It's part of the look isn't it?" he squeaked. When in Rome...he mused, though he had no clue where he had actually learned the phrase, or what the significance of Rome was in the matter. The phrase came to his mind all the same, and Easter quickly decided that if she spoke, he would endeavour to do the same.
"The look? What look would that be? I've never seen a bunny with a basket of flowers before."
"Well I'm the Easter Bunny am I not?"
"Goodness, I'm so sorry Mr. Easter Bunny, but I've no idea what that means."
"It means I put on this fancy little vest once a year and go leaving chocolate eggs around for humans to find, don't I."
"Humans?"
"Well they're...ah that's hardly important."
Well at least they're a pleasant race. Never thought they were flyers. he thought as he simply stood in what quickly turned into an awkward silence.
"So, Mr. Easter Bunny. What brings you to my cottage on this fine evening? Are you lost?"
"Not as such. I need the uh..." he said before catching himself. It would not have been the brightest of ideas to come clean here and now. Even if they weren't a violent race he doubted he would be able to coerce one unwillingly into being kidnapped.
"I need the services of a pony. Er, a small one, rather. Any around?"
"Like a foal?"
"Yes, I supposed that would do."
"I uh...I'm not sure what you would need a foal for, but regardless I doubt anypony would just give a strange bunny one of their foals. What do you need them for?"
Dear me. he thought. I was not prepared for this line of inquiry.
Nor was I prepared for a threat to my personage accompanied by demands for a kidnapping.
"Well, ah...now's not the time then I see."
"What? But I-"
"Yes well I'm sure you're very busy indeed. I'll just hop along shall I? Uhm, yes. Toodles!" he said hurriedly as he hopped away.
He had come too close to confessing his heinous purpose, and had no choice but to ignore the pleas behind him to wait. He decided it would be a smart idea to duck around the house and dive into a bush, as he figured she would follow him. Quick as a flash and with all the stealth he could muster, he dove into a rosebush tucked behind the house, which was shielded behind the most adorably tiny and pointless little fence. And as he expected, she came flapping after him, rather gracefully, and stared off in the direction of the forest.
"Wow, he's a fast little guy." she said aloud as Easter did everything within his mythical power to keep absolutely still. With a worried glance around and back at the forest, the Pony turned and went back around the house, and Easter made sure to wait several minutes before even daring to move, just incase she was within earshot and he would have to explain his suspect behaviour.
As things stood, he figured that he had gotten away with it. Certainly, he'd said and done suspicious things, but he had no reason to believe ponies were investigative in any way. If anything they seemed ever so slightly dim, though as pleasant as can be. The guilt of what he had to do stabbed at him as he carefully left the bush, peeked around the opposite corner of the house, and stared at the glow of the more densely packed village as the light around him got dimmer still. He crept around the wall and peeked around yet another corner, where he saw the front door to the abode and what looked like a clear path from here to the village proper, and he bolted for it.
The Easter Bunny had just become a thieving infiltrator, and he did not like the feeling one bit.
But he liked it a great deal more than the thought of his doom, that was for certain.
Author's Note
I can't do oneshots.
I try and I try but I always falter to leaving the first chapter on some kind of mini-cliffhanger because I just can't NOT do it.
Oh well.
