The Princess and the Penny Pincher

by The Cake Devil

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 2538

The ruler of all Equestria on a dinner date with the cheapest person in all of Gravity Falls. Grab some popcorn and watch the show.

((Warning, this story takes place after the events of the Christmas party from Friendship and Mysteries.))

Princess Celestia. Co-Ruler of Equestria, former bearer of the Elements of Harmony, and raiser of the sun.

Stan Pines. Ruler of the Mystery Shack, former bearer of a legal drivers license, and raiser of prices.

Put them in a romantic setting in a pricey restaurant, and only magic can happen.

Published 2014-03-26 03:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-01 02:18:00 UTC

First Date Jitters.

Chapter 1

It was a warm summer night, as the full moon shone over Gravity Falls. Perched on the hill top high above the small forest town, stood a red building, it’s three circular points jutting out on its top, left, and right, and pink neon words reading “The Club” glowed brightly for all to see.

On that night there approached two female figures. None other than the royal sisters themselves. Dressed for the occasion, the two sisters dawned human form in order to not draw attention to themselves.

“Are you sure about this Luna?” Celestia said to her sister as she slid on the final piece of jewelry. “I mean we only spoke for a little bit, and he didn’t seem to be my type.”

Celestia took the form of a fair caucasian women, her hair still maintaining it's multicolored appearance as it flowed in the nonexistent wind. She adorned several golden bracelets along and a voluptuous ruby red evening gown made of the finest silk and stretching the length of her body, parting at her knees, exposing her flawless long legs and red stilettos.

Giving a dismissive wave of her hand, Luna smiled to her Sister. “Pffft, put those thoughts of yours aside dear sister, perhaps we misjudged him. He does run his own business, quite impressive if I might say.”

Lunas skin was a few shades darker then her sister, with raven black hair and deep blue eyes. She adorned a starry blue gown with a pair of matching stilettos.

Celestia looked suspiciously over to her sister, narrowing her gaze as she stopped at the door. “And tell me again, why it is you decided to set up this date again?”

Luna gave a small smile as she attempted to avoid the piercing gaze of her eldest sister. “Oh Tia, you know I only want the best for you, and perhaps the two of you have something in common. I did hear the metal mouthed one refer to him as ‘ancient’ at the Christmas party, so perhaps the two of you could discuss some history or learn some new customs.” Luna held her breath awaiting a response.

“I suppose you might be right.” Celestia said as she removed her glare form Luna and turned toward the door. “ But I do think Mabel might have been exaggerating a little on just how old he really is.”

Luna slowly exhaled , releasing her breath in a slow lasting sigh. “I will keep that in mind sister.” She said as she a joined her sister, holding the door open for her. “ But none the less, this is a chance to get to know another race altogether, think of the possibilities!”

“Well that does sound interesting, alright Luna, I’ll give Stan a chance.”

“Can I help you ladies?” A waiter asked, standing behind a wooden podium.

“Celestia, table for two.”

The waiter looked down at the podium and scrolled down the list of names until stopping with a smile. “Ah, right this way madame.” He said removing his binder and signaling the two to follow.

The restaurant was quiet with only the sounds of light jazz and idle conversations made by the other customers.

Luna gave a small nudge to Celestias side as she pointed to a corner of the room. “Oooo, I think I see your date!”

The elderly man sat slightly hunched in his chair as he tapped impatiently on the table. His hair was slightly greased back giving his regularly dark grey hair a fine gleam. He wore a jet black over coat with a preppy white button up shirt, wearing matching pants and shoes that were almost so clean one could see your reflection form it. Indeed this at least didn’t look like the same Stan Pines that Celestia had met prior.

“Your table, made-”

“Excuse me, waiter.” Stan said, rising from his chair. “But the silverware has yet to be brought to our table. How are I and my lovely lady friend supposed to enjoy our quality, five star meal, without any silverware?”

“Oh my mistake sir. I will correct that at once.” The waiter then rushed off to the kitchen leaving the three.

“Well I think I will just leave the two of you alone.” Luna said, leaning over to Celestia she whispered. “Remember to at least give him a chance.” She said before leaving.

“Ah, Princess Salestia.” Stan said. “A pleasure to see you again. It is you isn’t it? You look…different, like way different.”

“It’s pronounced, ‘Celestia’ and yes it is me, we decided to take a form more suitable to this world in order to avoid drawing a crowd."

“Mm, gottcha. We-Well you look good, very…very…ah good, yeah.”

Celestia gave a small smile and nodded. “Well thank you, you look very 'good' as well.”

There was an awkward moment as the two just stood there, looking at one another. Then Stans eyes widened for a moment before oddly scratching at a device in his ear.

“Ah here, let me get your chair.” He said as he rushed to the other side of the table and pulled out the adjacent chair.

“Oh, thank you very much.” Celestia said as she smiled and took her seat in the chair.

Giving a small shove Stan pushed in her seat and made his way back over to his own.

“Ok.” Celestia thought to herself. “A rough start but there has been worse, perhaps this night will have a strong finish.”

As Stan plopped down in his chair there was a loud clanging sound as metal hit against the tile stone floors.

Celestia gave a startled look and looked to the other side of the table to discover several pieces of silverware scattered over the floor, she looked back up to Stan with a quirked brow as he dawned a nervous smile.

“Uh, they were all chipped. I wouldn’t want a lady of your quality eating with defective eating utensils.”

Celestia gave a small laugh. “I see, well that’s very kind of you Mr. Pines. But might I ask why they were in your jacket then?”

“Well-I-a”

“Here are is your silverware Misère.” The waiter said placing two more sets of napkin wrapped utensils on the table. “Will that be all for- sacrebleu! What is the meaning of this?!” The waiter exclaimed as he looked angrily to Stan.

“Uh- I’ll tell you what the meaning of this is buddy, you have a serious problem. Here we are minding our own business, when those, animals start throwing silverware at our table! My lady friend almost lost an eye and I feel so emotionally damaged that I think I may have to sue for my pain!”

“Oh I am so sorry Misère, and where are these so called ‘animals' that threw said silverware?”

“Um..uh, Over there!” Stan said pointing to a lovely old couple from across the room.

“Right, we will see that they cause you trouble no more! Please enjoy the rest of your night, someone should be around shortly to take your orders.” He said before heading toward the lovey dovey old couple.

Stan sank down in his chair and whipped his brow. “Few, that was a close one eh tots?”

Celestia gave a concern as she turned her attention back to him. “Yes, but what about that elderly couple? The waiter looked rather upset.” As she spoke Stan was leaned over in his seat and retrieved the dropped silverware.

“Nah, I’m sure they’ll be fine.” He said. Meanwhile, the couple were being carried out of the restaurant by two large black shirted bouncers.

Celestia give a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. “Well Tia, it can’t get any worse, right?” She thought to herself.

“Hey something wrong with your eyes there Celery?”

Author's Note

Dear dhalings,

Hello hello my readers, how is your spring break? Anyways, for you my dahlings I give to you, a little something to gnaw your teeth on whilst I work on Friendship and Mysteries.

If all goes well, I think I should have it done by the end of the week.

Hugs and Kisses, Yours Truly The Cake Devil.

And Here Come the Cops.

Chapter 2

(A couple minutes prior.)

“Gah, tell me why I’m doing this again?” Stan groaned through his ear piece.

A few tables down sat Dipper, Mabel, and a humanized Twilight. The three of them wore heavy shades and carried multiple copies of the same newspaper.

“Um, because she’s like, the queen of a bunch of ubber cute ponies, duh!” Mabel said through the other end of the head set.

“Yeah I still don’t know kid, she is still a horse right? I am technically on a date…with a horse?”

Twilight grabbed the ear piece from Mabel. “Excuse me, but that ‘horse’ happens to be my mentor, friend, and ruler, so I-”

“Yeah, I think I’m done here, tell Princess what’s her face to-”

Dipper grabbed the ear piece “Money Stan, you’re doing this because money.”

“To not worry because doctor romance is on the scene.”
“Mine was the most practical. “Mabel pouted.

“Yeah well, you’re not on the date now are you?”

“Anyways,” Twilight interjected. “Thanks for coming along you guys, it really means a lot.”

“Hey any time.” Dipper answered back. “Anything for you Twilight-er I mean..um..uh..so tell us again why you wanted to set this date up?”

“Oh it wasn’t me, it was actually Princess Luna.”

“Uh-huh, and does she hate her sister or something, because that’s as much punishment as you can get there. I mean no offence to Stan, but have you seen him?”

The three look over to see their elder looking around the building as he snatches silverware from the table.

Twilight sighed.

“Ok, so he’s not perfect,” she said. “But it’s just one date after all. It’s not like they’re getting married or anything...” The group gave a moment of silence to ponder on the thought before collectively shuddering.

“Oh, oh, I think this is them,” Mabel said, nudging the other two with her elbows.

The two looked over to the entrance and simultaneously gasped at the blonde bomb shell that stepped through the door.

“Alright Stan,” Mabel yelled through the walkie-talkie, causing the elderly gentleman to jump in his seat. “Here comes your date, look sharp! Remember shirt tucked in, maintain eye contact and above all-”

“Mabel!” Dipper said, swiftly swiping the walkie-talkie. “Look I know Stan may seem like a mess right now, but I mean come on. How bad could it be?”

(The Present)

“And here come the cops.” Dipper said, watching in astonishment through his fingers as an old couple were forcefully removed from the restaurant.

“Stan, excuse yourself to the bathroom,” Mabel whisper shouted. “Emergency meeting, now!”

The trio watched as Stan excused himself before hastily making his way toward the bathroom.

“Come on Twilight,” Mabel said, hopping out from the booth.

Twilight followed, with Dipper about to make his way down as well, only to be stopped by a firm hand on his chest, and a flustered looking sister.

“You stay here mister; I think you’ve done enough jinxing for one day.”

“Aw come on,” Dipper whined. “How could I have possibly known that was gonna-”
“Ah-bu-bup.”

“But-”

“Bup!”

“Fine, go fix Stan, I’ll watch the Princess.” Dipper said, crossing his arms and retreating back into the booth.

“Great,” Mabel said. “Be back in a minute!” She said before discreetly making her way back to the bathroom, Twilight in toe.

Author's Note

Dear Dahlings.

By jove it still has life! Well kinda sorta. Hello my dahlings, tis I, The Cake Devil, bringing life back into this little puppy on a now weekly basis. I've decided to make the chapters quite a bit shorter in order to maintain my sanity while I work on FAM and my mountain of homework. But like I said, expect to see another chapter come next Sunday.

Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.

A Light in the Darkness

Chapter 3

“What the heck was that?!” Mabel asked, bursting into the men’s restroom where Stan was waiting.

“Mabel, I’m not sure we’re supposed to be in here.” Twilight said as she half heartedly hid behind Mabel.

“You got an old couple arrested,” Mabel continued, ignoring Twilight. “Where in your book of romance does it say that getting an elderly couple incarcerated on the first date, is a good idea?!”

“Wow, easy there kid,” Stan said, putting his hands up. “I panicked alright, the way I saw it, it was either them or me, and I love me way too much to let me get taken away from a date.”

Mabel gave a frustrated sigh and rubbed her temples.

“Okay, minor hiccup Mabel, nothing that can’t be fixed, Twilight,” she blurted, causing her to jump. “Give us something to work with, here. What does the Princess like? We need something that these two have in common.”

“Well,” Twilight said, scratching the back of her neck in thought. “She loves books, politics, history-”

“Stan, anything sounding good?” Mabel asked.

“Unless she has a passion for Gold Chains for Old Men Monthly, no. The other two are overrated and not worth my time.” Stan said bluntly.

“Grrrr,” Mabel growled as she pressed her hands to the side of her head. “Come on Twi, keep’er goin. There’s gotta be something in common between the Princess of an entire Kingdome and Stan!”

“Eh look kid,” Stan said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s nice that you’re trying to do this for me, and I really do appreciate it. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that you can’t force something to work. Kinda like crossing a cow with a pig. The resulting offspring would be delicious, but the parents just don’t have enough in common to form a lasting relationship.”

“Come on Stan, you can’t give up,” Mabel said with a small frown. “ I’m sure there’s something.”

“Nah kid,” Stan said walking past the two girls. “I think I’m just going to apologies, pay my tab and go home.”

“Think Twilight, think,” Mabel said, clasping her hands on Twilights shoulders and roughly shaking the girl back and forth. “Give me something, anything.”

“Um, uh,” Twilight stuttered. “Baked goods, the sun, pranks.”

Mabel suddenly stopped her shaking, a massive smile on her face.

“Say that last one again.”

“What, p-pranks?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You hear that Grunkle Stan?”

“You bet I did kid.” Stan said turning back around.

“I think there just might be hope for this date yet.” Mabel said rubbing her hands together.

Author's Note

Dear Dahlings.

What's this, The Cake Devil, on time with a promised date? Yes indeed my dears it would seem that I'm on time for once. Anyways, as promised I have been working on FAM, but unfortunately school takes priority over fic writing so I was only able to get the first thousand +words done. I'll definitely try to work on it in the coming week, but with finals just around the corner, I wouldn't expect much.

Hugs and kisses, Yours Truly, The Cake Devil.