The Maud-churian Candidate

The pegasus mare mentioned in Maud’s last assignment notice was none other than Derpy Hooves. Many Ponyville residents found her socially challenged antics cute and humorous. The Royal Equestrian Postal Service and Ponyville town council didn’t. And the ESB certainly didn’t either.

Mindwasher agent Maud Pie went to Derpy’s place of residence with the sparse tools of the trade wearing the light disguise of a sales rep pony.

Derpy Hooves’ humble abode looked similar to any other in Ponyville. The main difference was the noticeable damage to the building and its surroundings. The mailbox was dented, the front door had a hole in it, and one of the windows was noticeably cracked just to name a few issues.

“Hmm, this pony is indeed a danger to her own property. The bureau may have been right about this case.” Maud thought.

As Maud approached the open front gate, a small filly appeared and raced to the front door and opened it.

“Mom school’s out!” she said.

“Oh hiya Tippy. There are some cookies on the kitchen counter!” The voice of Derpy Hooves echoed downstairs lightly.

“Yet I don’t remember reading anything about a daughter in the assignment profile.” Maud added in continuation of her earlier thought.

Maud approached the door and hoof knocked.

Derpy Hooves answered the door.

“Hi, help ya?” She said.

“Miss Hooves? I’m Zesty Scone from the Ponyville Baking Society and thought we might interest you in one of our muffin recipes. They’ve sent some of us out to give samples.” Maud fabricated.

“Oh, of course I love muffins. Come inside.” Derpy replied, noticeably friendly to the bait.

Inside Maud took notice of the unstable appearance of furniture and knickknacks. It did (predictably) seem that things get knocked over routinely in the household. Maud internally shook her head and thought of what a liability to public property this pony could be.

The two had a seat at the dining table after Derpy put some tea on to boil. Twice that is, she spilled the first pot.

“Miss Hooves, you are a muffin enthusiast I take it? Excellent.” Maud began.

“Yeah. Mr and Mrs Cake and Pinkie make some great muffins. I love the lemon surprise. You should try it.” Derpy answered.

Maud began her preliminary mindwashing agenda with a lead on question.

“So Miss Hooves, you work delivering parcels? Have you ever wished to be a bit more efficient at what you do?” Maud asked strategically.

“In what way?” Derpy asked.

“Well consider this muffin. Look at it. Wouldn’t you hate to see it fall on the floor and get dirty? A cautious and mentally competent pony generally doesn’t drop a muffin this good. If it was a rock you wouldn’t want to drop it on your hoof either.” Maud said as if preaching propaganda.

Just then Tippy ran into the dining area.

“Hey can I have a taste of that muffin?” she asked.

“Oh yes. It’s good.” Derpy said and gave her a small taste.

“You are the best mom.” Tippy said happily.

Maud took mental note of this endearing exchange.

“Her daughter loves her. I didn’t even know she had a daughter before this and now I’m supposed to change her. Can I do this?” Maud thought to herself with a conflict of conscience.

“Well then Miss Hooves, I just realized I actually do have another demonstration today. Perhaps I can return tomorrow and go over an amazing recipe?” Maud asked.

“Ok, that’ll work.” Derpy answered.

Maud left without even getting into a serious mental manipulation effort. The presence of the young Tippy Doo had made her question the morality of her job for perhaps the first time. Would it be right to try and change Derpy Hooves for the supposed good of society when she is already very good to the pony who matters most to her and vice versa?

When Maud made it to her room at a Ponyville hotel she began writing notes as usual.

“My preliminary effort to mindwash Derpy Hooves was a failure. The presence of a daughter in the household was not accounted for prior to the attempt and my discovery of her rendered the said attempt inopportune. Another meeting with target pony is scheduled for tomorrow.”

Maud thought about it well into night. She had mixed success sleeping with thoughts of carrying out her assignment. Maybe it was good that a problematic citizen was being rehabilitated. Yet it couldn’t be moral or fair to alter the loving persona of child’s mother. It isn’t like merely rearranging rocks on the ground.

The following day Maud returned to Derpy’s place. She simply went over a muffin recipe she got from Pinkie Pie and didn’t initiate mindwashing techniques. For the first time the efficient and valued agent of the Equestrian Security Bureau purposely avoided assignment work.

“I’m glad to see you have such a dynamic yet healthy relationship with your dear daughter Miss Hooves.” Maud remarked in a lightly deadpan way.

“I love my mommy! I wouldn't want her any other way!” Tippy squeaked after overhearing the statement.

“Well, it is a crazy world and we are lucky to have each other I guess.” Derpy responded.

In a rare occurrence, Maud Pie smiled.

Soon enough Maud departed again. That evening she began another written report. It was amazingly dissenting against her very own line of work.

“I’ve never had second thoughts about what I do before as with this case. The epiphany I’m having is incredible. As much as I believe in public safety and the welfare of society I never thought that changing a person against his or her will could negatively affect familial relations like this. When I worked on my own sister Pinkie Pie I felt only love for someone I believed had a problem. It was different. With Miss Derpy Hooves the only immediate family she has is her daughter. Her daughter does not believe there is anything wrong with her mom and loves her dearly. I don’t know how I can bring myself to complete this assignment. I need some feedback and possibly guidance.”

Maud took her sealed notes to the Ponyville courier service and had them sent certified to the ESB headquarters. She expected that the administrative team leaders wouldn’t react with enthusiasm to this change of heart. She hoped for the best. As a pony of strong personal convictions, she wouldn’t easily be troubled by the consequences of stating a firm thought in her deadpan style. Her superiors on the other hoof would be troubled by a firm thought like this. They’d probably share that trouble with Maud.