If I had known, I wouldn’t have let him. Saying that, if somepony had come up to me last week and said to me: “Hey Twilight, you should put up with Discord. giving in to what he wants is not worth it.” I wouldn’t have believed them. Firstly I think I would be extremely confused but then I wouldn’t believe them.
He’d been bugging me for weeks about the Elements. He said he could do something to help everypony, not that I believed a word of what he said. Reformed or not, he’s still the Lord of Chaos, not exactly the first name that comes to mind when it comes to bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Still he was floating just over my head for weeks no matter what I said. In the end he girls must have clearly been tired of it too because everypony spoke to Discord but did they get him to leave me alone? Nope.
It was Fluttershy in the end that convinced me, her and Pinkie Pie. Neither of them could handle how the eventual floods from his tears were upsetting everypony. I even said no to them at first, it was still a ridiculous idea. I told them that the elements were all keeping Discord in line but then Fluttershy brought out the ‘reformed’ card and eventually they wore me down and I said yes.
All thought he would do was wear it for a bit, maybe pretend to be Celestia and trick Luna into thinking she was going to be sent to the moon again. That would have been so much more preferable. No, instead He put on the five necklaces and my crown and, to the surprise of everypony… ever, he split into six Discords. Perhaps Celestia’s worst nightmare in fact. One purple, one yellow, one pink… you understand. It turns out then that, yes, Discord can use the Elements of Harmony, but only when he’s channeling me and my friends, I’ll have to write this down in case this situation ever comes up again. (Say no to Discord… no matter what)
He cast one spell with them. One! And now Ponyville, and the rest of the world, is effectively cursed. It’s awful, I think I’m losing my mind and I know I’m not the only one. There’s somepony at the door. How do I know? Well it’s because, thanks to Discord’s oh so hilarious prank, the door just yelled out.
“DOOR!” Yes, that’s our curse. Whenever an object is used it screams out its name. It’s as soul-wrenchingly annoying as it sounds. Well, I’d better go find out who thinks I know the solution this time.”DOOR!” It’s Mr and Mrs Cake with the twins. I don’t even have time to open my mouth to say hello before they show me the object that is particularly getting on their nerves. For them this is especially awkward because with foals it’s pretty optimal to let them sleep when they’re in their,
“PUSHCHAIR!” Yeah... that. I just shake my head and apologise. There’s no use in keeping their time when there’s nothing I can do. Another time I would have told them to try earplugs but Pinkie Pie taught us all why that is not a very good idea. Turns out Pinkie Pie being hard of hearing and shouting all the time wasn’t all that much of a change for her. Of course the solution is the good ol’ tried and tested shoot-the-elements-at-it-and-hope-for-the-best method but it seems that Discord’s spell has tired them out a bit. Maybe they’re always like this, we haven’t ever tried to use them straight away after a successful ‘Deus ex Rainbow’, if you will. As soon as Discord forced this ‘curse’ upon us we put the Elements on, after Discord - should I say the Discords? - had vanished, all we got for our trouble was six very distressed voices screaming at us. We’ve tried again everyday for the past week, all we ever get as a result is the regular chorus of:
“LOYALTY!”
“LAUGHTER!”
“GENEROSITY!”
“HONESTY!”
“KINDNESS!”
“MAGIC!” The voice for magic always sounds like it’s mocking us. “WHERE’S YOUR MAGIC NOW? HMMMM?” It seems to say. I swear this is the first time I’ve ever wanted to punch a crown… Well there was that one time but in my defence I was really crabby and it was not the time for King Sombra to lead a zompony invasion, I am not to be blamed for getting just a teensy bit annoyed at a crown. It’s just really irritating that an all power crown that concentrates Equestria's strongest defence refuses to accommodate for Rarity having a cold. Thinking about it now; maybe the crown remembers and holds a grudge. I wasn’t going to actually have it melted down, I just took it to that blacksmith to scare it a bit. That makes me sound so crazy. The girls should be here soon.
“DOOR!”
“DOOR!”
“FAINTING COUCH!” Rarity is here and appears to be coping as well as she can with our issue, at least she remembered to close the door. Very few things are more annoying now than a light breeze making the door scream.
“WINDOW!” It seems that the sudden appearance of screaming, attention seeking furniture has had a detrimental effect of Rainbow Dash’s flying skill.
“HAT! HAT! HAT! HAT!” We all grit our teeth. Of all the voices screaming throughout the town the voice of Applejack’s hat has to be the most irritating. It’s just high enough to really tunnel deep down into your ear and seemingly flick your brain a few times. Maybe I’m overreacting but cut me some slack here, I’ve no sleep in the twelve days, twenty hours, thirty seven minutes and forty eight seconds since Discord cast his spell. I think we’re all a little bit tetchy at the moment. It comes from naps where all you can here is:
“PILLOW!”
“DUVET!”
“BED!” every single time you move. On the other hand if you can ignore the cry of
“COFFEE CUP!” there is a very easy way to keep yourself up. You just need more and more coffee to keep yourself up. It’s very good for Golden Roast’s business though, ‘one pony’s trash’ and all that I guess . It did take a while to get used to though, I did drop the odd “COFFEE CUP!”.
“HAT! HAT! HAT!” No, if you’re wondering, it hasn’t stopped. I just thought that the narrative of this would be far easier to to read or listen to without the constant screaming of an attention seeking shrill piece of country headgear that somepony has to bounce on her head with every single individual step!
“DOOR!”
“HAT! HAT! HAT!”
“DOOR!”
“HAT! HAT! HAT!” I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy to hear that noise. Finally we can have a modicum of peace, I’m sure Applejack can buy a hat later. Wait, it turns out I made a mistake: Spike just tried to sweep up the mess, which was a brilliant idea because now instead of,
“HAT! HAT! HAT!” we have a nice round of,
“BRUSH!”
“DUSTPAN!”
“ASH!”
“BRUSH!”
“DUSTPAN!”
“ASH!”
“TRASHCAN!” As it turns out, a whole lot worse to hear. I don’t like that look I’m getting from Applejack here. I am not the bad-pony here, well not the worst-pony at least.
“CHIMNEY!”
“SOOT!” I’m not entire sure why we’re all surprised to see Pinkie Pie standing there. It’s not as though unorthodox entrances are Fluttershy’s thing. Where is that mare anyway? We meet here, at the library, every day at precisely 10.30, and where is she? Nopony here seems to know where she is. She’s been very quiet recently, the loss of sleep seems to have taken all her energy and patience but she’s suppressed her anger. She’s yet to actually yell at anypony yet which is very good.
“WAAAAALL!!!” I should check that Pinkie Pie didn’t just leave and try her entrance again because I’m pretty sure I just heard the wall. That’s rarely good.
“WAAAAALL!!!” Yes, that’s a wall. That is definitely a wall. I haven’t heard many walls in my time, this may be the first, but I have a very good theory that this is a wall I’m hearing.
“WAAAAAAAALL!!!” A wall in pain? That’s another first. THis is also the deepest voice I’ve heard yet as well. Perhaps the pitch of the voice screaming an object’s name correlates to it’s density? Maybe if I wasn’t so tired and annoyed I would care.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!!” Okay this is just sad now. A crying wall is too much for me right now. We rush out, accompanied by a somewhat encouraging,
“DOOR!” twice, but thankfully a distinct lack of,
“HAT! HAT! HAT!” which is something I, and the others, are truly thankful for. We quickly see the source of the,
“WAAAAALL!!!” It’s Fluttershy. Well, it’s kind of Fluttershy. I suppose it’s actually Discord but I don’t think he wants to hurt the wall. I need to process what I’m seeing here, it’s a surreal image. Here we have Fluttershy, sweet little pegasus who is literally the universe’s greatest exemplar of kindness. I’m not sure I’ve seen such a frightening look of pure rage before, and her left eye is twitching something nasty. I’m so glad that i’ve never gotten her this angry because Discord is not light, I would know because he spent three days hanging from my neck when I didn’t let him use the Elements - Oh, the good old days. - so I know Fluttershy must have some incredible strength to lift him by his tail and swing him into the wall like that.
“WAAAAAAAAAALL!!!” Says the wall, it’s more of a plea than anything else now. Fluttershy’s screaming at Discord, ordering him to fix this, most of the girls are trying to get Fluttershy to calm down and Discord is crying his eyes out and trying to put his teeth back into his mouth before he hits the wall again. All this is done to the merry backing track of:
“WAAAAALL!!!”
“LEAVES!”
“TREE!”
“BALL!”
“BALL!”
“BALL!”
“BALL!” Pinkie doesn’t have her new ball very long after I realise she’s bouncing it about a foot away from my head. She’ll get over it. Fluttershy has finally let go of Discord now. She is almost literally seething with rage, the only thing in the way of her literally seething is the impossibility of a pony bubbling up as a result of being boiled. Luckily it appears Fluttershy’s fury has done enough for Discord, he is literally on his hands and knees begging us to bring the Elements out so that he can fix this and end the beating. Spike must have heard this because we instantly hear him on his way.
“LOYALTY!”
“LAUGHTER!”
“GENEROSITY!”
“HONESTY!”
“KINDNESS!”
“MAGIC!”
“DOOR!” What have I told that drake about shutting the door behind him.
“DOOR!” Oh, my mistake. He carefully lays the elements on the floor and we hear the usual chorus as we slip them on.
“LOYALTY!”
“LAUGHTER!”
“GENEROSITY!”
“HONESTY!”
“KINDNESS!”
“MAGIC!” Silence. Nothing seemed to happen but, who knows, the Elements might be trying for subtlety today. Nopony moves as we wait. We’re all too afraid to touch anything just in case the spell failed.
“BALL!”
“BALL!”
“BALL!”
“BALL!” When I say ‘all’... That’s two thing’s I’ve disintegrated today. I’ll make it up to Pinkie, she can have another ball once all of this is sorted out. There’s literally only one more solution I can think of, other than rupturing my eardrums or living in a cave somewhere away from all objects. I have to give Discord the Elements again. He made this mess, maybe he’s the only one to stop it.
“LOYALTY!” The girls implore me to stop, but I can’t.
“LAUGHTER!” I have to just block them out and keep putting necklaces on this broken draconequus.
“GENEROSITY!” These feel heavier, it must be the pressure knowing that this is literally the only option that we have left.
“HONESTY!”
“FAINTING COUCH!” I’m almost done, this is easier than I thought, and it sounds like Rarity isn’t going to do anything to stop me either.
“KINDNESS!” This one seems a bit less appropriate after a certain pegasus’ actions, she’s going to have to speak to somepony about that. I bet it’ll be me. Fluttershy is a lot calmer but that vein in her forehead is still looking very angry.
“MAGIC!” This is the moment. Discord splits into six parts again and, still sobbing, casts a spell, and thank any gods there are in Equestria or anywhere, wherever or whoever you are, thank you for deus ex rainbows! Rainbows are rarely a bad thing to see. I’ve never met a pony to look at one and say “Ugh, rainbows. What an awful start to the day!” It’s just nonsensical. This time though, wow, I am so happy you would not believe it. Instantly I run around to the door and just open and close it a few times, it creaks a bit but it’s the most wonderful creak I’ve ever heard. Rainbow Dash and Rarity, in a complete break of her lady-like character, are jumping on the couch, just revelling in the sound of the cushions and the complete lack of a voice screaming. Only Applejack looks upset, mourning the loss of her hat. She’s far less upset now, far more confused in fact. I can’t say I’m not the same, Pinkie did just pull an exact replica of Applejack’s hat out of her hair. Discord doesn’t seem to be around anymore, maybe he’s worried there might me a reprieve of the beating he got from Fluttershy. I wouldn’t be worried though, she passed out almost instantly, totally exhausted. Spike’s asleep too, he’s just fell onto the elements and just stayed there, cuddling Generosity, the jeweled necklace belonging to Rarity was probably about as close to his heart as any inanimate object could ever be. I’ve got to admit I’m feeling pretty tired myself, I think everypony is. Rarity and Rainbow have collapsed on top of each other on the fainting couch - no comment - and Pinkie and Applejack have also collapsed - again, no comment from this mare - I guess two weeks of almost no sleep will do that. I guess I’ll just settle down here on the grass. I can have the wall fixed another time, it’s in no hurry, and the grass is so soft and warm. I’ll just shut my eyes for a couple of minutes. If Sombra and the zomponies come back Celestia and Luna will just have to cover for me.
Author's Note
Inspired by this post on AskReddit
