Love, Hate, & Regret

“Carter!” My mother hollered. “Come take Jameson out, he’s hit the bell 3 times already. I started walking down the stairs, having a specific friend in mind.

“Uh, Mom, could I go to Soarin’s?” I asked, expecting her to say no.

“Just be back at 8:30, and take the dog out before it gets dark.”.  She said, hooking the leash to Jameson’s collar while, yet again, he hit the bell.

“Do I have to wear a coat again? I hate that thing!” I pouted.

“Okay, fine, but wear a hood and vest, at least, because it’s raining pretty hard out there.” She lightly demanded with a miniature smile spread on her face.

“Just watch out for those whites, they’re very deranged, evil creatures.” My dad boldly stated as he rocked back and forth in his rocking chair, taking a sip from his bottle of beer.

“Adam, racism is gone, long gone. Is this how you want to raise him, to avoid someone because of what they did in the past?” Mother asked, glaring at my father, and shaking her head with disapproval.

“Listen Rachel, do you know how dangerous those people are?” Father asked, sticking his tongue inside his upper lip, seeming to have been angry or despondent at the time. “Plus, do you know what year it is?!”

“What about us, huh?” My mom stated as she gagged her head forward. “Look at the black people now, calling them ‘Crackers’, and fighting back with violence.”

“That’s what we should be doing instead of that damned coward, Martin Luther King Junior! He needs to fight with power, not words.” My dad said, taking another sip of his beer.

“Just go take him out and bring ‘em back in, then you can go.” Mom said, pushing me out the door.

“Oh my gosh, why do they always fight about every little thing?” I wondered, glaring at Jameson as he started to sniff around for where to use the bathroom. “And why is Dad so prejudiced against whites? Can’t we all just get along?” Jameson slowly finds his designated spot and does his business. Soon enough, I bring him back in.

“Why are you so prejudiced though? You’re basically saying Soarin’s parents are evil and deranged!” Mother asked, now sitting back on the beige sofa.

“I’m not saying that they are.” Dad replied in a defensive tone and shrugged his shoulders in a displeased way.

“That’s what you’re basically implying right now!” My mom replied, staring at my father as if he were crazy.

“Oh sure I am!” Dad hollered, “Sometimes, Rachel, you really tick me off!”

“Look how you are acting right now, you sound like a darn banshee!” My mother replied, mumbling under her breath.

“Look woman,  I am a grown man, the man of this household, and you do not yell at me like some 5 year-old!” My dad demanded, popping out of his chair making aggravating hand gestures.

“Uh... I’ll be going now, okay?” I stated softly, keeping my voice low to avoid any other fight or incident.

I opened the front door and checked my surroundings, then started walking down the sidewalk, and I began to think to myself about what some whites did to blacks. Even though they hung us, enslaved us, etc.  But anyway, that is no reason to hate or be prejudiced against them. I mean, yeah, they did all that stuff, but we don’t have look at the horrid things of the past. But we do, we always have to dwell on the past, like ravenous vultures waiting anxiously for something to die so they have something to feed upon for their corrupt flesh. Some black people don’t even care anymore, and racism should be over, but no, we have to keep fighting back. “Why are we so stupid sometimes?”  I asked myself in mixed emotions, crying, clenching my fists, and shaking my head, just not getting why we can’t let it go. Eventually, I ended up in front of Soarin’s door knocking and the door flew open.

“Can I help you?” Mrs. Cloud Fluffer asked, in a happy, jittery voice.

“Hi, I’m here to see Soarin.” I said, hoping she’d let me in, because it was a school night.

“Sure Carter, he’s upstairs in his room watching some Looney Tones.” She turned around and pointed up the stairs.

“Thanks.” I said.

“Don’t sweat it Carter, you’ve been a great friend to Soarin for a long time.” She spoke with a smile on her face.

I walked inside the house and up the stairs to Soarin’s bedroom.

“Hey Carter!” Soarin greeted, running to me and giving me a hug, squeezing me until he couldn’t keep hold anymore. “Wow, I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Really, you couldn’t wait one week?” I said, glaring at him jokingly.

“I was dying man, nobody to talk too. Sure, I had Fleet Foot over, but all we did was work on a project.” Soarin said, glaring back at me and smirking.

“That’s exactly why you should have picked me as your partner.” I jokingly sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“Well, I’m sorry we wanted to change it up, but it was your idea to begin with.” Soarin said, making a hand gesture while setting his hand toward me.

“Oh yeah, I guess I did.” I said, scratching my chin, trying to remember a week back.

“So, how’s the family?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Some problems here and there, but other than that... Great!” Soarin replied, always having that certain smile on his face. No matter what happened, this guy was always happy. “And you?” Soarin inquired.

“Not so good, they’re fighting right now.” I admitted, hanging my head in shame and letting out a sigh.

“Why so?” Soarin asked, lifting my head up and glaring at me sincerely.

“Because, my father is talking down about caucasians” I said, hoping he didn’t take it offensively, “But why would he?

“Well anyway, what would you like to talk about?” Soarin asked, not having the foggiest idea what to have a conversation about.

“Let’s talk about America... sweet, sweet, America.” I stated sarcastically. “Why is it that Lyndon Johnson always sticks his nose in other nations’ business, and the Americans end up paying the price?”

“My word, you go under a lot, don’t you?” Soarin said, rushing over to aid me. “Those dang kids at school making it rough for you, I hate to see you getting pushed around by those chumps.”

“Nah, Soar’, I can handle it.” I said, hoping Soarin would just move to another subject.

“Obviously you can’t... I can tell when you lie.” Soarin stated, glancing at me. “When you lie, you look to your right in a slow motion.”

“Okay, okay, I’m not alright with it.” I said, feeling pretty embarrassed being caught in a lie.

“That’s more like it Carter, just don’t lie to me again.” Soarin said, changing his facial expression to a soft, eye-opened look. “If there is anything wrong, you know you can come to me, right?”

“Yeah, sorry about that, I just hate it when people feel bad for me.” I said, staring at Soarin, shaking my head in shame. “It makes me feel like I have a disability or a disease.”

“But, you have Asthma, and according to Health class, back in 6th grade, Asthma is a chronic disease.” Soarin looked at me as if I were stupid. “You almost died... From an Asthma attack!”

“Please, please, don’t remind me of that day.” I said, as I stood up, placing my right hand over my right eye, being displeased in the conversation. “If I had died, only a few would care.”

“And I’d be one of those few. Carter, listen here, you’ve been my best friend forever, since we were Zero.” Soarin sincerely said, turning toward me with a friendly smirk on his face.

“But, according to the world, other races can’t go together, plus, sometimes, you’re pushed around just for hanging with me.” I said, sticking my hand out, pointing my fingers and thumb at Soarin. “Well anyway, I should be heading out. Bye!”

“See you at school tomorrow!” Soarin replied, smiling and waving as I exited out of his bedroom door.

“See ya, Mrs. Cloud Fluffer, and Mr. Sky Diver!” I said, walking out the front door.

“Have a good night, Carter!” Both of them hollered, getting my attention.

I walked out the door and heard it shut behind me. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s like we’re animals out there. Everyone hates everyone, nobody wants to come together, and sometimes, I wish I would’ve died from that Asthma attack. I thought to myself, head down so no one would see me, or suspect anything. Soon enough I arrived at my house, no more yelling or fighting. I pulled my house key out from my left jean pocket, stuck the key in the bottom lock, unlocked it, and then put the key into the top lock and unlocked it. I opened the door walked inside the house. “Mom, Dad?!” I called loudly.

“We’re here, Carter, go wash your hands so you can eat!” Mother yelled, talking over the sizzling steak. “Then get ready for bed. Wait, did you take a shower yet?” She asked, flipping the steak as if it were a burger patty.

“Yes, I took one earlier.” I replied, walking into the bathroom, turning the cold knob full blast. I wetted my hands, squirted soap on my left hand, put my hands under the water, and swerved my hands around each other. Then I turned the knob back to its set point, and ran into the dining room and sat down at the table. My dad walked in and sat down at the table. “So did you two fix your problems?” I asked as I arranged my dinner utensils.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Dad replied, as my mother glared at him with a smile on her face.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that, anyway, anything else other than steak for dinner?” I asked as I turned my head with a great deal of curiosity.

“I cooked up some rice and green beans.” My mom replied. “Well, it’s all done.” My mom slid the spatula under the steak, put it on a medium sized platter, and repeated the same process two more times. She approached the dinner table holding two plates. “Here you two go. Would you like anything to drink?”

“I’ll take some Pepsi.” My dad answered. “Would you like some help? I mean, you are doing one heck of a job, but I don’t want you doing it all by yourself… So what do ya say?”

“Adam, I’m okay, there is no need.” Mom replied, opening the refrigerator, grabbing two Pepsi bottles, and set them on the dining table with a huge smile on her face.

“Wow, someone is generous today!” My father stated, grasping his fork and knife, and stared eagerly at his fresh steak.

“Well, there you two go, eat up.” My mother suggested, just sitting down with her steak, and she stared at us, waiting for something to happen. Soon enough, my father tapped me and hung his head low, indicating we were praying. So, I as well, hung my head low and said my prayers. When we finished, I planted my fork in my steak, putting my knife head in between the fork tines, and desperately slashed into the piece of meat. As I got done hacking at the steak, I stuck my fork inside the juicy, tender steak and stuffed it in my mouth, chewing with absolute satisfaction as my teeth sunk into the soft, tender, smoked, fresh meat. Enjoying every single little shock of flavor, and soon enough everyone finished their meal. I sat on the living room couch, trying to be slick and stay up later.

“Carter, it’s time to go to bed and you know that, now get!” My mom yelled, after looking inside my room to check if I was in there, but finding that I was still awake and at it.

“Okay.” I replied, sprinting past my mother, and hopping onto my bed.

“Hold up, ‘gimme a kiss.” My mom pleaded.

“Mom, I’m 17, that was like 8 years ago, come on, just let me go to bed.” I pleaded back, hovering the cover, calling Jameson as he got up and trotted to his miniature bed, and curled up in it.

“Hold the phone, you owe me a kiss, boy.” Mom stated.

“Alrighty then.” I sighed, and reached over and quickly pulled back. “Just kidding!” I said, jokingly.

“Boy, you better get over here and give me some sugar, Sugar!...” My mother commanded, making hand gestures that suggested that I come to her immediately. So, I hopped out of my bed, and I guess it startled Jameson, because he jumped up and started wagging his tail as I walked toward her, holding my arms open for hugging. Next thing I know, I’m swooped up by two arms and kissed from left to right on the forehead, and then lightly put down.

“Alright, Mom, alright.” I said, pushing my hands out and backing away, slowly, into my room, where I turned around and barricaded myself under the covers again. Soon, I placed my glasses on the shelf, closed my eyes, and fell asleep looking forward to the next day. After at least 8 hours asleep…

“Carter it’s time to get up!” My mother yelled in a tiredly fashion, in the motion of stretching and yawning. As attentive as I am, my body refused to wake from its slumber, it was pretty much like my brain was having an argument with my body. “Carter, I told you to get up!” Hearing this in confusion, I sprung out of my bed and headed over to my drawer to pick my clothes out. Soon enough, I had noticed I threw on some blue jeans, a plaid shirt, and some boxers. I had no intention to put on any socks, because I would usually wear the socks I slept in to school. Eventually, I was ready, with teeth brushed and lunch made, luckily for me it wasn’t as cold, so I didn’t have to wear a coat, not even a jacket. All I had to do, really, was to put my Chuck Taylors on and tie them up. So, I said goodbye to my parents and headed out the door to my bus stop, and I went to school. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th period all pass by. Surprisingly, the day went fine with no issues. The closest to setting a blemish in the day, was a dumb Social Studies project.

“Hey, Carter!” Soarin shouted, rushing over to greet me as if he hadn’t spoken to me this whole day. “I need to speak to you…” He spoke quietly, grasping my arm.

“Okay then, what is it?” I asked, glaring awkwardly noticing Soarin never really acted like this before.

“No, we can’t speak here. Somewhere where no one could hear us.” He said, ferociously staring at me, his hand still placed firmly on my arm.

“O-Okay…” I hesitated, knowing in my mind that something had to be up. Apparently, Soarin’s ideal place was just an old park where we used to play, but I had no spark of interest, I was way over that word, “play...”

“Listen, I kinda had some” Soarin was immediately cut of by my hand in his face as I had heard footsteps.

“Who is that?” I rhetorically asked. I noticed that 2 human-shaped shadows were cast on the wall. All I know is the two shadows, were just a few feet away.

“Hey John, look at who it is, the negro!” The medium-sized human spoke, I knew who that was in an instant. It was Jackson Aromas, my arch enemy.

“Would you look at that, I think I see a sign here, it says “No colored people allowed.” John stated, dusting of the old wooden sign as if it were hidden.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sign was taken down years ago!” Soarin stated, shooting a stinging glare at John.

“Well, maybe someone had put it back up.” John said with a little smirk on his face.”

“I’m not leaving, I don’t care what the sign says.” I state, unusually calmly. “Why is it such a big deal that I’m a different color?”

“Listen, you shmuck!” Jackson shouted, as he pinned me to the wall, and right next to me was Soarin, the same had happened to him. Soon, I hear the noise of sprinting feet, coming closer and closer by the second. A few seconds later, there are two teenage females.

“What are you doing to them, let them go!” One of them hollars, having a puzzled look on her face. I didn’t recognize her voice or face, she seemed new to me.

“You really standing up for this negro? He’s only ⅗ of a man.” Jackson stated, starring the the mysterious girl as if she were crazy.

“And you’re ⅕ of a man for even doing this!!!” She yelled as she furiously pointed at Jackson. “You better leave or I swear I’ll have this reported!”

“Okay, okay, we’ll leave.” Jackson said, dropping me, and made a motion demanding that Soarin be put down. So they left, and there was only one thing I needed. I needed to who that girl was. I knew the other girl, it was Fluttershy, but the blonde girl, I hadn’t the slightest idea who she was.

“Who are you?” I blurted, being unaware of what I just asked.

“I’m Applejack.” She said, shaking Soarin’s hand and then mine. “You?”

“I’m Carter Wilson.” I answered.

“Sorry that we couldn’t be here earlier.” Fluttershy apologized.

“It’s okay, as long as you helped.” Soarin said, making some type of hand gesture.

“So, when did you get here?” I asked Applejack, squinting my eyes, then adjusting my glasses.

“I just moved here, from the countryside.” Applejack answered, and pointed south as if she were pointing at something.

“Interesting.” I said, grazing my chin with my right hand.

“God, I’m sorry for you.” Applejack apologized, in a great deal of pity. I was too stunned to even speak, I just had noticed both of their beauty. Fluttershy and Applejack were undeniably adorable. It wasn’t just their beauty, it was how they would stand up for someone they barely know. I still stood there with a blank expression on my face.

“Hello?...” Applejack asked, waving her hand in my face, grabbing my attention.

“Oh, sorry I kinda dazed off there...” I defensively spoke, hoping they didn’t notice how I was just staring at them. “Yeah, whatever, let’s not talk about it, okay.”

“Why not?” Fluttershy asked in a trembled but humbled voice.

“Flutters, we need to respect his choice okay?” Applejack rhetorically asked.

“Okay...” Fluttershy answered, seeming as if she had no idea that it was a command and not a question.

“Seriously man, we have to talk, this has been bugging me for weeks...” He said tugging my right arm.

“We can’t be rude to these ladies, we just met them man...” I said, throwing my right arm up, causing Soarin to let go. Soarin hung his head low, and sighed. To me, it seemed that something, in fact, had been up. Usually, he would just tell me later, but he wanted to let me know now. I didn’t go over and confront him about it, for some unknown reason, I just didn’t react. I was stuck there as questions flowed through my mind... What did he want me to know so badly?... And why was it so urgent?...