Chapters Pinkamena floated through the dead expanse of space. The stars around her glittered and faded and were tantalizingly out of reach. She reached her hoof towards one anyways, a pleasant smile spreading across her face as she watched the light bloom all around her. An island formed before her and she navigated towards it. As she landed, she noticed a warm, comforting flame and she walked towards it. The flame bloomed and swallowed her in a flash, and the pony was no more.
She blinked slowly, focusing on her surroundings, her sheets wrapped around her tight.
They were, it seemed, not the only thing keeping her down. Somehow, Pinkamena couldn't bring herself to leave the damned bed she had been wallowing in for the past week. Weeks. She wasn't sure anymore.
Her spirit, or at least, her mind, were eager to wander, as they had since she had first taken a break from the hectic life of being a forgotten musical talent in a world that had stopped caring.
Not just about her. Canterlot had simply forgot how to care.
She sighed. What had brought her here in the first place? What had made her set out on a quest to have the world recognize her talent? It wasn't her own ambition, to be sure.
Rarity grinned triumphantly at the five ponies' blank stares. "How do you like these?"
Twilight was the first to muster a response. "It's... wonderfully diverse. Canterlot seems to have grown since the last time you were there."
The gray one raised a hoof in the air. "Oh, of course it has! Such culture, such beauty. It really is a shame you couldn't join me, friends. Especially you, Pinkie!"
"Huh?" The earth pony took her eyes off a life-size chocolate statue ("Seventy-five percent cocoa, dear." ) of a draconequus. "What about me?"
"I know how much you love music."
"Well... it is my talent." She snuck a look at her flank just to be sure. A flurry of musical notes greeted her and she smiled.
"You simply must learn about the Canterlot music scene. It's... a bit rough for my tastes, but then again, you always were a wild one..."
"You mean you brought instruments?"
"Yes."
"Oh my gosh! Can I...?"
"Yes."
The mare approached the array of objects, inspecting it further. There were so many fun things she had to try...
She lifted herself a bit lazily, looking down on the city below her high rise. Snow was falling down, blanketing the world. Cold. Numb. She dropped again.
Rain crashed down on the cobblestone streets of Ponyville as Pinkie watched the carriage that waited for her to board. She knew once she started her way to Canterlot, her life wouldn't quite be the same.
She turned and nodded at the five others. Their figures were faded in the pouring water, but she thought she recognized a smile. She certainly hoped so.
She tried to yell out a farewell. No sound came out. Instead she nodded slightly and stepped up into the carriage.
"Morning, Miss. Where are you headed today?"
"Canterlot, please."
"That's where they all go these days..."
"Is it bad?"
"Bad? Oh, no. It's different, that's all."
"I love new things!"
The driver turned and smirked at her. "Then you're going to love Canterlot."
The stallion had been right in a way. The city of Canterlot, no matter how much agony it caused her, had a worrying, unexplainable draw to it.
Something strong enough to pull her away from her lifelong friends and keep her there, at least. Locked in a gilded cage.
She stopped and rose to look over her windowsill, resting her head on it. A row of electric lamps extended below her, flickering. Some broken. And ponies, an endless trickle of ponies everywhere she looked. She couldn't escape them.
But for some reason she insisted on trying.
Once more, she dropped, deciding more rest was the prescription.
The same as the past week. She had to be running low.
Life had been hard when she had first arrived, as just another street artist in an impressive tide, but her multitalented performances had often drawn quite a crowd, who seemed to enjoy the performances as much as she did- a wonderful feeling of mutuality that she felt was what her true purpose was.
One day the audience happened to include a talent scout from one of Canterlot's major record labels.
She'd never forget the way he came up to her, ecstatic about how he had never seen anypony incorporate so many instruments with such spontaneous passion, and a lovely voice to boot! He promised her a contract right then and there. She would become a star, no question about it.
To say she hadn't even given it a second thought would be an understatement. She had thrown herself at him, her hope fulfilled at last.
Things were a bit hazy after that. She got big, and then she got bigger. Somewhere along the way she cracked. Maybe she had collapsed under her own weight, just as all stars do...
She eased herself out of the bed and trotted over to the full-length mirror set up in her room. A proud horn, seven full inches of lifeless plastic stared at her. Worthless, but it looked real enough- and what else mattered in show business?
She lowered her head, admiring the two rubber flaps on her back. It took effort to move them, seeing as how the neural wiring was primitive at best.
She was just a prototype, after all.
Maybe she was outdated, used and ready to dispose of. But she simply couldn't give in, couldn't let her one dream die so easily.
This was all that she had left.
She paused in her thoughts to scratch under her mane ("Straight, straight makes you look so much more unapproachable, dear." ) Those stitches still itched. Perhaps they were from yesterday, perhaps it had been years. She wasn't sure anymore.
All Pinkamena knew was she felt stitches everywhere.
"Hi there!" gushed Surprise to a stunned Discord once again. He eyed her intently. White coat, a sparkly smile, alone on a hillside in the middle of nowhere. It was a crazy idea, of course- fit for something like him. It was a wonder to find anypony out here, and now that he had, how could he pass up the chance for some fun?
"Tell me, Miss... what is your name, by the way?"
"Surprise!" She grinned.
"Now, Surprise... What if I told you I could give you a horn?"
She looked at him incredulously, lost for a moment in imagination. "Well... I've always wanted to do fun unicorn things!" She giggled. "You'd do that for me?"
"Of course! You just have to promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"You have to go on a little adventure for me."
"I love adventures!"
He cackled in satisfaction. "Very well. Alright..." He placed a claw on her head and gave her a tap. She gasped. "Hold still."
She flinched at a sudden stinging pain at the top of her skull, closed her eyes and whimpered. Then it was replaced by a ringing numbness. She opened her eyes unsteadily.
Discord presented a mirror, which seemed to leave her with no reflection of her own. All she could see was her new length.
She frowned uncertainly. "...thanks?"
He snapped his digits, causing a portal to appear before the pair. "This is the adventure part." He chuckled, mostly to himself. Not even he knew where it would take her. He just wishes he would be able to watch her fate, but alas.
She cocked her head and pointed a shaky hoof at it. "In there?"
"Oh, I understand if you don't want to go."
She sighed, relieved, then squeaked at the sudden grasp around her neck. The chimera had her magically constricted, turning his attention to her cutie mark. He stroked it slowly, causing her to shiver. "Can you tell me what this stands for, Surprise?"
She coughed. "It... m-means I'm good at throwing parties."
"And to do that, you have to work with ponies, know how to get them together and let them have a fun time..."
She nodded, her eyes beginning to moisten.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that all away."
She yelped as she felt that same burning pain, like something about her whole existence was being changed right then and there, something essential being drained.
Discord snaked up in front of her, smirking like some school colt taking pride in his latest prank. He was holding a violet gemstone. "This precious thing contains your talent. If you want it back-" He gave it a flip through the portal. Surprise cringed.
"That's not... fair!"
"Sometimes." He snarled at her. "Sometimes life isn't fair. "
He gave the base of her horn a sharp squeeze, sending her mind reeling.
Then he shoved her after the gem.
The white alicorn was in free fall, the ground below featureless. The urge to scream came, then passed by ignored. Surprise's horn throbbed, a sensation completely foreign and overwhelming to her.
A rush of cool air blew past her wings, causing her eyes to snap open. She seemed to recall having them, and began her attempt at regaining control of her descent. Everything seemed to rush past her, too smudged to be discernible. She closed her eyes and tried to let instinct guide her, flapping her wings against the steely breeze.
Soon she was in a comfortable glide again, opening her eyes.
She touched down on the grassy plain and sighed. She noticed her heart rate hadn't seemed to rise at any point.
Time to see where her adventure had landed her.
Officer North Star of the Canterlot Police Department moaned softly against his partner's lips as the pair swayed on the outer edge of the Sunrise Recording Studio. Then he noticed a white figure approaching them and backed away. "Whoa!"
The other stallion followed his gaze. "What's... a pony doing out here?"
"Come on, let's go check it out."
"...shouldn't we run, maybe? I mean, we're investigating a crime here. That thing could be dangerous."
"Come on, this is what we signed up for!" North started walking towards the stranger, the other following him hurriedly. A sly grin was spreading across his face.
As the three converged, he gave Surprise a cuff on the shoulder, waking her from the haze she had been lost in.
Now there seemed to be a pair of ponies before her. She stepped back to look them over- two brilliant white stallions, eerily alike, like the Royal Guards she knew, only in blue uniform rather than armor. Perhaps they could help her.
"Hey!" yelled Star, causing her to shrink back again. "How much did you see, missy?"
"Wha..." Her eyes darted back and forth between the two, trying to comprehend the question, comprehend anything. "I don't know-"
"Silence!" He snorted and began stroking her cheek. "Do you know what we do to mares who just so happen to be out here in a place like this..." He nuzzled her ear, exhaling hotly as he whispered- "All alone, and oh so beautiful- "
"Hey, North, this one's a blank flank!"
He backed away, smirking, and gave a light laugh. "That's... perfect! We, uh, like them young and tender, don't we?"
"We sure do!"
He stifled his giggling. This was too rich- she was genuinely scared of them. Pitiable. "Oh, we're going to use you, sweetie. But first-" He turned his attention to his companion again. Surprise cowered, whimpering.
Then the two stallions kissed again, closing their eyes in passion as they took care of their unfinished business. Surprise stared, her mouth widening silently as realization washed over her.
North Star turned to her again. "Run."
She took off, everything around her dissipating as her only thought became to get away.
It wasn't until she reached the building that it hit her.
Neither of them had said anything about her horn.
"Alright, Lyra, play something again. Please?"
The unicorn mumbled to herself and struck a chord, ringing out and resonating through the plexiglass. Hoity Toity smiled. "Okay, we're ready, just need the- ah, there you are."
Surprise found herself face to face with a gray earth stallion, sunglasses hiding his eyes. He seemed to be expecting her.
"You're the new vocalist, yes?"
She continued staring, trying to find an answer. She couldn't. "...what."
"For the Technicolor Animals? Of course you are! Come, what's your name?"
"S-Surprise."
"Surprise. I love it! Alright, go join your new band, we've got a rehearsal to get through."
She felt herself being led into the booth, joined by four others. They each were at an instrument, showing varying degrees of interest.
"Er... hello?"
An orange pegasus looked at her grimly. "Grab a lyric sheet, shut up, and sing."
For the next two hours, Surprise did just that.
"Alright, we'll take ten minutes, everypony." The words rang in her ears as she set her microphone back in its stand. Finally a chance to make sense of all this.
"What's with those guards outside?" she muttered to no one in particular.
"The pigs are here for a suicide."
"Whose?"
Octavia frowned. "Our last vocalist."
A tan stallion interjected- "She's dead. We don't talk about her anymore."
They all nodded solemnly.
"So who are you all then?"
"I'm Scootaloo!" The mare turned to show her flank. "My cutie mark's for hitting, 'cause I make a great big hit."
"Nice to meet you, Scoot-"
"And I'll smash your face up if you get too friendly."
Silence fell on them.
"...anyways. I am Octavia. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
"And I am Frederic Horseshoepin, pianist. Also, this lovely mare's colt." He wrapped his arms around Octavia.
A cyan unicorn cleared her throat. "The name's Lyra Heartstrings. We're the Technicolor Animals. I guess you've already seen what we all do- Scoots' got drums, Tavis plays bass-"
"Octavia."
"Fred plays the synthesizer, and I'm guitar. You sing. To be honest, the only ones ponies really about are you and me, so!"
They stared at her expectantly.
Octavia sighed. "Well, who are you?"
"Oh! I'm Surprise. I... don't really know much else, sorry."
"Oh, honey, trust us, this job makes you forget." Lyra smiled sympathetically.
"Alright, Surprise. Welcome to our little gang. We'll have to get used to you today, tomorrow's your first performance" Frederic grinned, hoping to entice a reaction.
Scootaloo looked up from her drum kit and grimaced. "We're all stars now."
The pink mare lumbered over to her bed again, shivering all the way. Then she crashed in her bed, legs splayed at random. A wave of discomfort passed through her body and faded away. Her eyelids sank, giving up like so many times before.
Pinkamena dreamed.
A dimly-lit room greeted her as she found herself able to see again. There seemed to be nothing but a round table in it, with two chairs. Seeing no other course of action, she took a seat. Silence settled in around her. Trying to shake the eeriness, she closed her eyes and murmured to herself, saying mostly nothing.
As she opened her eyes again, she let out a sharp scream.
"Hello, darling," said Rarity.
She stared in disbelief, her mouth twitching slightly.
"Well?"
"Uh... h-hi. What are you- No, how- I mean, why-"
"Hush, Miss Pie. Recall that you are dreaming."
"Oh! I guess I am. Unless you're lying."
The unicorn smirked. "Anyhow. You called me here- willingly or not, I do not know. Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"
"I... don't know what to say."
"Very well. Close your eyes again, dear."
Pinkamena did. When she opened them again she was greeted by two glasses, along with a bottle of something dark red.
"I thought some refreshments might help this conversation along. Shall I?"
She nodded. The white mare poured some of the liquid into both their glasses. She watched intently as it swirled around.
"Go ahead and have a taste if you like. That's what it's for."
She lifted her glass warily and took a sip. Bitterness snaked down her throat. Almost what she expected, and yet so wrong. Off.
"Pomegranates," she muttered at last.
"Indeed. The finest pomegranate juice." Noting the look of confusion, she added, "is there something wrong?"
"I was expecting wine."
"Wine."
"You like wine," stated Pinkamena with a strange nuance of uncertainty.
"Wine isn't in anymore, dearest."
"Oh." She could accept that, she supposed.
"You're a goddess now?"
"Huh?" She shrank back at the question.
"Horn, wings. I can't seem to remember you having those."
"They come with stardom, apparently. Status symbol, maybe. I never really figured it out."
"You simply let them do all that to you?"
"...yeah." She frowned. If you looked at it like that...
"Of course you don't blame anyone forit."
"N-no, of course not!"
"Not even me."
"Not even..." She sighed. "You."
"I honestly think it's awful that you're lying to yourself." Her voice stayed as cool as before.
"What?"
"I drove you to it that day, you and I both know that. I persuaded you, inspired you. Everything was beautiful that day. Simpler, yes-"
"But I never felt like this."
Rarity nodded grimly.
The alicorn resumed, feeling a surge of eloquence coming on. "I never felt dead inside, always alive, burning, bringing joy. I was myself." She looked at her friend, pleadingly.
"Don't cry, dear. You can't cry."
"You... won't help me?"
"Help you? How?"
"Rarity, I... I need somepony, anypony so bad. I'm all alone here, and it's so cold..." Her voice drifted off.
The designer looked at her with contempt. Then she lunged forward at her. "I can't help your misery! I can't be your saviour, your hero, the one to pull you out of your hole. Your own efforts have to accomplish that!"
She backed off, Pinkamena a quivering wreck. Then she continued. "No one here will ever be anything for you either. They won't be good, they won't be bad."
She worked up the strength to speak again. "That hurts more than anything."
"It does. What can you do about it?"
"I... don't know."
"Figure it out."
"I can't give in. I can't let them numb me, dumb me down. Like you and your in pomegranates." She looked up, regretting her remark. Rarity showed no reaction.
"You came here to make your dreams grow."
"I have to keep them alive."
"Or you can lie down, make it easier. To struggle is to suffer. You too will be consumed, mark my words. Canterlot lets nothing walk away."
"You've never even lived there!"
"I am you."
"No, you're just... an illusion!"
"A mirror fits better." She smiled, satisfied. "No, I'm not real. But ask yourself this, Pinkamena." She hovered a hoof over her friend's glass. "Are you?"
She brought her hoof down hard, smashing the glass as her face twisted into a snarl. Red splashed everywhere, time slowing down to a crawl as, to the pink pony's horror, everything began dripping down, losing its very substance. The nectar flowed on, flowed from everything, running red, crimson red, all over her everything.
She took a deep breath.
The scream that pierced the heavy silence carried over into her waking.
She breathed hard, air rushing in and out of her. The mare had broken a sweat and now was trying to soother herself, to tell herself that none of that had actually happened.
And yet she couldn't ignore it.
She left the comfort of her bed again, walked over to her mirror again, stared at herself again. Was she real...?
"I'm so sorry, Rarity." She looked down, digging at the floor petulantly. "So sorry..." She turned her attention to one of the posters that surrounded her- how covering her walls with images of herself had ever been a good idea was a mystery to her.
The sickly, coy smirk, the glitzy dress, the bright clashing colours. It all stung.
That wasn't her. She was no technicolor alicorn, some hot pink demigoddess once worshiped by thousands.
And yet what she was was just a filly with no way out.
Her reflection had meanwhile formed, synthesized a smile somehow. It sickened her, made her boil- even now she was betraying herself.
She's just have to get rid of that smile.
Before even fully realizing what she was doing, Pinkamena spun around and gave the mirror the hardest buck she could muster, the unmistakeable sound of shattering music to her ears.
And then she collapsed on her just like the dying star she was, seeing the broken, desperate visage staring back at her tenfold, as if wishing to apologize, repent, save herself from something.
What in Celestia's name was wrong with her.
She knelt down, trembling uncontrollably. "I'm so sorry, so sorry." She had the unpleasant feeling her words didn't mean much anymore. Nothing did.
As she sobbed heavily, all she could focus on was one promise.
She wouldn't pass out again.
