Scoot Pilgrim

by Twinkletail

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Babs Seed, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Rumble
Length: 2012

Scootaloo wants to date Rumble, but first, she must fend off his seven evil exes.

Scootaloo plays in a band which aspires to success. She dates Zippoorwhill, a high-school girl five years younger, and she hasn't recovered from being dumped by her former coltfriend, now a success with his own band. When Scoots falls for Rumble, she has trouble breaking up with Zippoorwhill and tries to romance Rumble. As if juggling two ponies wasn't enough, Rumble comes with baggage: seven ex-lovers, with whom Scoots must do battle in order to win Rumble.

(A Scott Pilgrim parody, of course! Based a bit more on the movie than the books, though I'm hoping to mix in a bit from the books too. All characters are aged-up to adults)

Published 2014-03-22 22:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-22 22:00:02 UTC

Book One: Scoot Pilgrim's Precious Little Life: Chapter 1

Not so long ago, in the mysterious land of Ponyville, Equestria, Scootaloo was dating a high-schooler.

To be fair, she didn't know she was a high-schooler at first. Sure, she looked youthful, but Scootaloo had spent enough time around Rarity to know that many mares strived to look younger than they really were. Plus, she was only a tiny bit young. She was turning 18 in six months. Even when Scootaloo did find out her age, she figured that it wasn't her place to tell her that she shouldn't be dating. If she felt ready for dating, then who was she to tell her she was wrong?

They had met at the marketplace about two months ago. She'd bumped into Scootaloo while she was buying new strings for her bass. Perhaps she should have been clued off to her age by how manic her reaction was when Scootaloo mentioned that she was in a band, but she had been alone ever since him, and she was receptive to any hints of attraction that she could get. It also didn't hurt matters that she was a real cutie, and she had a certain exotic charm that drove Scootaloo wild.

Of course, it would have been nice for her friends and bandmates to understand where she was coming from with this. At the moment, though, it seemed like all they could concentrate on was that annoying number.

"Seventeen," Sweetie Belle said. "You're dating a seventeen year old."

"Eighteen in six months," Scootaloo replied. She watched her friends-slash-bandmates exchange glances, the kind of glances usually reserved for when they had to deal with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon back when they were younger and more prone to bullying.

"Uh-huh," Apple Bloom said. "And what are you, thirty?"

"I'm 22," Scootaloo replied flatly. "Just like you two."

"Thirty in eight years," Bloom said. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. Bloom had been like this with her ever since-

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop," Sweetie said. "This is more important. So you're dating a seventeen year old."

"Yes!" Scootaloo answered. "I only said it like fourteen times."

"Three more times and you'd be dating it," Bloom said.

"You're hilarious," Scootaloo told her as she flumped onto the couch.

"I'm aware," Bloom replied, picking her drumsticks up. "Are we gonna rehearse anymore or are we too busy talking about Scoots and her cradle robbing?"

Scootaloo decided it was best not to give her the satisfaction of a retort. If she kept going, the back-and-forth would likely never end. Bloom was still a great friend, and the three of them together made up what she hoped to eventually be Equestria's greatest rock band. At the same time, though, Bloom's snark towards her was practically unbearable. Not that she didn't understand why; she had been that way ever since-

"Yes, we're rehearsing!" Sweetie exclaimed. "Why wouldn't we be rehearsing! We need to be rehearsing if we're ever going to get our names out there. Or we could just, you know, sit here and not rehearse, and then we'll have wasted a whole bunch of time just to become failures! So if that's what you want, we can totally just not rehearse or anything!"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes once more, restraining the urge to give Sweetie a smack. Sweetie was their guitarist and lead singer, and she often referred to her as "the talent" of the band. Her special talent did lie in the musical field, after all. Scootaloo and Bloom were doing this for a good time and were good enough at their respective instruments, but Sweetie in particular was looking at the band as a potential career. Scootaloo appreciated her drive, but times it seemed like she'd picked up on a fair amount of her sister's neuroses.

"Yes, we're gonna rehearse," Scootaloo agreed. "But I'm just waiting for her to get here, alright? I promised her she could come check out a rehearsal, so please, just don't be all weird to her or anything. And that goes double for you." She pointed over to the couch where her roommate sat.

"Now what would ever give ya the idea that I'd be weird to her?" Babs asked. "To be honest, I'm insulted." Babs Seed had been living with Scootaloo ever since she moved to Ponyville after high school. Or rather, Scootaloo had been living with Babs. Babs did own the house and the majority of the things inside it, after all. For her part, Scootaloo had been trying to get a job and earn her keep, but luck just didn't seem to be on her side in that department. Babs, on the other hoof, had taken to her new hometown rather fast, and things just seemed to go her way for some reason.

"Just don't be weird," Scootaloo said. "And if you have to be weird, please be weird somewhere else."

"Ah, c'mon, Scoots," Babs said, getting up to give her roommate a playful noogie. "You're forgetting that I pay the bills. When ya pay the bills for the house, you can be weird aaaaaanywhere ya want within its walls." Babs chuckled as she sat back down.

Scootaloo just shook her head. Babs had everything. Ownership of the deed to a decent house. A well-paying job with family connections at Sweet Apple Acres. A rotating cast of bedroom partners. Scootaloo would have likely spent more time being secretly jealous of Babs, had it not been for the sudden knocking at the door.

"I got it!" Scootaloo shouted, placing her bass on the couch and vaulting over anything and anypony that got between her and her destination. In her haste, she slipped over a spare drumstick, sending her tumbling and slamming into a roll and a door, respectively. She quickly popped back to her hooves, too eager to even notice the slight nosebleed as she opened the door. She smiled casually at the bespectacled beige pegasus hovering in front of the door.

"Hey," Scootaloo said.

"Hey," her marefriend said, with the accent that drove her wild. "You have a bit of red on you." Scootaloo followed her hoof, crossing her eyes to look at her nose. A quick, yet casual swipe of her hoof wiped the offending blood from her nostril.

"What was with the bang?" the pegasus asked, pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"Just battle-testing the door," Scootaloo explained. "I'm glad to say it's totally headbutt-proof."

"You're so cool," her marefriend said with a giggle. Scootaloo nodded in agreement, stepping aside to let her in. She turned to face her friends, who were all already staring at the exchange.

"Everypony, this is Zippoorwhill," Scootaloo said. "Zip, this is everypony." Scootaloo suddenly felt a nudge as Babs popped up between the two.

"Well hey there!" Babs said with a smile. "Aren't you just precious. I'm Babs, Scoots's roommate. Scoots has told us so much about you, but I guess she hasn't told you much about her, considering you're still dating her." She let out a big belly laugh, the one she always saved for moments where she was playfully embarrassing Scootaloo or the others.

"And this," Scootaloo said, pushing herself between Zip and Babs, "is the band."

Any interest Zip had in anything else ever was instantly forgotten as soon as she set her eyes on the instruments, and by extension, the ponies associated with them.

"Oh my gosh, you're totally a real band with instruments and everything!" Zip swooned, flying excitedly about the room. "That is sooooo awesome..."

"Totally," Scootaloo agreed, grinning like an idiot. She waved a hoof to the others. "So this is Sweetie Belle. She's the talent. And that there is Apple Bloom."

"Oh my goodness," Zip said, turning her attention to Bloom. "Do you play the drums?"

Bloom stared back at Zip from behind her drum set.

"...Yes,". Bloom replied.

"And that's Young Pip," Scootaloo said, pointing to Pipsqueak, who had been sitting virtually unnoticed all this time.

"Oh, what do you play?" Zip asked, turning her attention to Pip.

"Oh! Uh, mostly Call of Cutie, Haylo..." Pip answered. "That's kind of a big question." The two stared at each other for a few moments before the actual meaning of the question made it into Pip's head. "Oh, I'm not in the band. I just hang out."

Zip nodded with a smile. Then her wings started buzzing excitedly.

"I can't believe I'm actually dating a rock star!" Zip gushed. "You guys must be the coolest, rockingest, most awesome amazing-"

Scootaloo, who had enough experience with Zip in these past two months to know when she was getting too excited for her own good, quickly put a foreleg on her back, braving the brief buffet of feathers to the face before Zip realized that she was there and slowed down.

"You said you'd be good," Scootaloo whispered to her.

"I will be good," Zip whispered back.

"Please be good," Scootaloo reiterated.

"...Am I normally not?" Zip asked, dropping a bit. Scootaloo smiled and gave her cheek a little nuzzle, eliciting an eye roll from Bloom.

"We should really get back to practicing," Sweetie said, floating Scootaloo's bass over to her. "We've really gotta be good now that we have an audience."

"Right," Scootaloo responded, catching the musical projectile. She turned back to speak to Zip, only to find that she had already plunked herself obediently onto the couch, forcing Pip to scootch over in order to not be assaulted by her rapidly-buzzing wings.

"Alright," Scootaloo said after checking the tuning on her strings. "Let's start with 'The Revenge of Captain Hoof,' and then we'll move on to-"

"We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Bloom screamed at the top of her lungs. "And we're here to rock your brains out!" She slammed her drumsticks together. "One, two, three, four!!" As if they had expected Bloom to interrupt so abruptly (which they totally had), Scootaloo and Sweetie leapt right into the song,

Zippoorwhill stared, entranced, at the three fillies as they made their finest attempts at rocking her brain out. While no amount of their rocking could dislodge her brain from the safety of her skull, it was clear from her unwavering gaze that an impression was being made. She was pretty sure Young Pip had attempted to say something to her during the song, but whatever it was was completely lost. The only sound that was worth any of her attention at this moment was the pure aural sex she was receiving from Scootaloo and the band.

After a few minutes that felt like a matter of seconds to the astounded mare, the song ended. The feedback from the amps buzzed at the cessation of rock, fading until the room was left in complete silence. Scootaloo's eyes darted between Sweetie and Bloom first. They both seemed to be somewhat accepting of how the song had gone, but neither was particularly ecstatic. Sweetie in particular looked a bit peeved, likely due to a few flat notes that she'd hit. Scootaloo's attention then turned to Zip.

"So...?" Scootaloo asked.

"You guys...are so...amaaaaaaazing," Zippoorwhill responded, almost dreamily. Scootaloo smirked, giving Sweetie a nudge,

"Amazing," Scootaloo said pointedly. It was obvious from Sweetie's initial reaction that she disagreed, but she gave a relieved smile nonetheless. Scootaloo nodded, then glanced up at the clock.

"Oh shoot, it's 5:00," she said, looking back to Zip. "You gotta get home for dinner, right?"

Zippoorwhill just nodded wordlessly.

"Cause your dad's real strict, right?" Scootaloo asked.

Zippoorwhill nodded wordlessly again.

"Alright, come on," Scootaloo chuckled, offering a hoof to pull her up. Zippoorwhill took the hoof, still in a daze.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, alright?" Scootaloo said to the others. "I'm just gonna walk her to the bus stop." She then gave Zip a little wink. "Say goodbye to the others, alright?"

"Amazing..." Zippoorwhill droned. Scootaloo just chuckled and led her out the door.

"So we've got our first superfan," Sweetie said, giving Bloom a look. Bloom gave a noncommittal nod in response.