Diamond Tiara is a Weeaboo
“Oh, Sparkly Eyes-chan! I rove you! Prease be my waifu!!!” the singing stallion begged.
“Oh, Senpai, yes, I wiru totarry be your waifu!” Sparkly Eyes-chan said as she jumped into the hooves of her beloved senpai. “Oh, Senpai, I rove you!”
“Oh, Celestia, it’s so beautifurru!” Diamond Tiara mumbled, wiping her tears away with her hoof. “I’m so glad Sparkly Eye’s-chan finally got her senpai to notice her.”
Diamond Tiara continued watching her show, unaware of what time it was. Though even if she knew what the time was, it really wouldn’t matter. She would ignore it and continue watching her neighponese anime.
“Diamond Tiara!” Filthy Rich yelled as he burst through her door, glaring at her. “It is time for school! You’re going to be late!”
“Nya~! Gomen ne, Tou-chan!” Diamond Tiara screeched as she grabbed her things, afraid that he would slap her with his newspaper, and quickly ran downstairs to avoid her fate.. Filthy Rich stared after his daughter, a look of shock on his face.
“Oh sweet Celestia, she’s been watching anime again, hasn’t she?” he muttered as he face hoofed. “That’s it, I am not paying the cable bill this month.”
Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara finally ran out of the house, toast hanging from her mouth as she quickly ran to school. Making a left turn by the corner she accidently bumped into another student, causing her to fall over and lose her toast.
“I-Itai,” Diamond Tiara mumbled as she got up, looking at the pony she bumped into.
“Owch, what was that for, DT?” Silver Spoon asked, looking at her friend curiously. “And...why are your eyes so spark-”
“Nya! Silver Spoon-chan!” Diamond Tiara sang, earning a groan from Silver Spoon.
“Oh, Sweet Celestia, you’ve been watching anime again!” Silver Spoon muttered. I knew I should have pretended to be sick today.
“Silver Spoon-chan, we’re going to be late for school, desu~” Diamond Tiara said, waggling her hips with a pout on her lips. “We have to run, or-” she was quickly silenced as Silver Spoon put a hoof to her lips.
“Okay, I get it. Let’s just go, okay?” Silver Spoon begged. Earning a nod from Diamond Tiara, the two then trotted off to school. Sadly, as they trotted to school Diamond Tiara would not. Shut. Up.
“Gomen ne, Silver Spoon-chan! Watashi no bump into you desu~!” Diamond Tiara apologized. Silver Spoon merely grinded her teeth in agitation, resisting the urge to slap her.
“That’s not even how they talk,” Silver Spoon muttered.
“Nya~! Baka no Crusaders desu~!” Diamond Tiara sneered, glaring at the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they passed by, giving them strange looks.
“What did she just call us?” Scootaloo asked, looking at her two friends.
“Ah don’t know, but the only time Diamond gets like this is when she watches one of them ‘animes’. Let’s just ignore her.”
“Baka no Tiara,” Sweetie Belle muttered as she followed her friends.
“Nya! How dare you call my tiara a baka, this tiara is kawaii desu~”
“Oh ho ho!” Sweetie Belle laughed with her hoof against her mouth. “Kawaii? Ha, more like a ugry, NEET husbando!” Sweetie Belle countered, causing Diamond Tiara to gasp in shock.
“Uh...what?” Apple Bloom asked, earning a shrug from Scootaloo and Silver Spoon.
“Honestly, I’m tempted to just leave them here,” Silver Spoon said, and began walking away from the fight that nopony could understand.
“Oh yeah, well…” Diamond Tiara trailed off, looking around. Her eyes then landed on Apple Bloom, and grinned. “Well, Apple Bloom-chan is my waifu!” Diamond Tiara said as she grabbed Apple Bloom and held her tightly, sticking her tongue out at a shocked Sweetie Belle.
“Oh Celestia, you stole my waifu!” Sweetie Belle yelled, glaring at a smiling Diamond, and confused Apple Bloom.
“Uh...what’s a waifu?” Apple Bloom asked, but was promptly ignored as Diamond Tiara began nuzzling her affectionately.
“Yeah, well-” Sweetie then ran and quickly grabbed Silver Spoon.
“Hey! What are you-”
“Silver Spoon-senpai is MY waifu!”
“...Oh Celestia, I’ve been pulled into their twisted world,” Silver Spoon mumbled, a look of pure terror on her face. Not even death was a worse punishment than being somepony’s waifu.
“Seriously, what’s a waifu?!” Apple Bloom demanded, unable to break away from Diamond Tiara’s snuggling.
“Oh yeah?! My waifu can cook!” Diamond Tiara said with a grin, earning a glare from both Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon.
“I can cook, too!”
“My waifu can read!”
“The heck is THAT supposed to mean, Sweetie Belle!”
“My waifu smells like sweat!” Diamond Tiara said victoriously, earning a look from everypony around.
“...You gotta admit, Sweetie, she got you there,” Scootaloo said, earning a glare from Sweetie Belle.
“I know that, Scoots, but you don’t have to say it out loud,” she mumbled, and turned back towards Diamond Tiara.
“Now, if you don’t mind, me and my waifu need to go to school!” Diamond Tiara said as she slung Apple Bloom onto her shoulder and began trotting to school.
“Seriously, what the heck is a waifu?!” Apple Bloom screamed as she was carried away by Diamond Tiara.
After a thankfully uneventful trot to school, everypony was thankfully paying attention to Cheerilee. Well, all but one filly who was busy sending love letters to her new waifu.
“Diamond Tiara, stop. We’re going to git caught,” Apple Bloom muttered, before being pelted by another balled up note. She sighed as she unballed it:
Apple Bloom-chan kawaii desu ne~
She had no idea what it was saying, but knowing Diamond Tiara it was probably something mean.
“Whatever,” Apple Bloom muttered, balling up the piece of paper and throwing it inside her desk.
“Now class, can anyone tell me the answer to question five?” Cheerilee asked, quickly grabbing Apple Bloom’s attention. “How about you, Diamond Tiara?”
“Nya! Gomen ne, Cheerilee-sensei! I wasn’t paying attention, desu~” Diamond Tiara cried, tears spilling from her oddly sparkling eyes. Cheerilee groaned as she face hoofed.
“Great! This again!” Cheerilee growled as she waled to her desk and grabbed her ‘special’ coffee. “Class dismissed. We won’t get anything done with Diamond Tiara acting like...this.”
Not even a second passed before everypony howled excitedly and quickly ran out the door. Well, everypony except Apple Bloom who was tackled to the floor by Diamond Tiara.
“Nya~! Apple Bloom-chan! Let’s go to the roof and eat our bento!”
“What the heck’s a bento?!” Apple Bloom screamed as she was picked up and taken against her will. Scootaloo watched her friend practically get foalnapped and nodded her head sagely.
“I see...if a waifu is the equivalent of a slave, does that mean Spike is Twilight’s waifu?” Scootaloo asked herself, scratching her chin in thought.
“No, Scoots!” Sweetie Belle yelled in irritation. “A waifu is the neighponese pronunciation of ‘wife’, you dodo brain!”
“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” Scootaloo mumbled, still scratching her chin in thought. “So...it’s like Apple Bloom’s brother and cousin, Braeburns, relationship?”
“Exactly! Now you’re getting it!” Sweetie Belle said, smiling with pride as she gently patted Scootaloo on the head. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go find my waifu. She kinda ran off somewhere.”
Little did Sweetie Belle know Silver Spoon already bought a ticket to the Crystal Empire, hoping the insane unicorn would not find her.
