Chapters Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 2: The Welcoming Party
The girls huddled around the peculiarly shaped windows. They were like stage sets from a cartoon, which appropriately illustrated the colorful spectacles dancing about through it.
“There some kinda' silly parade goin’ on today?” Aprile thought the characters outside might’ve been animatronics, which were easily the very best she’d ever seen.
“I would’ve known about that,” Raine added.
“What’s with all the German buildings?”
They all darted their eyes at Piper.
“You know! They’re all German and Bavarian-looking and stuff! Oh! I bet they have lots of tasty cakes and treats!” Piper instinctively went for the door, and Twyla instinctively yanked her back.
“There’s... no way those are animatronics, nor are they puppets!" Twyla squinted through the window, "I’ve watched enough Ancient Aliens to know the difference. Look at their eyes, look at the way they move.”
What scampered before the window panes were the absolute cutest of walking marshmallows. No more than a few feet tall, they appeared to come in a variety of different flavors and wondered about with the most baffling eyes that by any and all evolutionary standards were completely asinine. It was a wonder that these adorable things, whatever they were, weren't constantly poking their own eyes out Twyla thought.
“They’re like something out of child’s play!” for some reason Regina was downright horrified by the pocket monsters.
“I think they look kind of cute really, like little candy flavored horses!” it was probably the first time Piper had ever considered horse meat before, if not for anything else but the added sugary taste.
“There’s no way that’s a horse,” Raine objected.
Twyla grasped at the best Biology could offer her, “They’re more like some sort of gelatin based Sauropod race.”
“What the hell are you even talking about!?” Raine cried, to which Twyla and the others sealed her yap.
The trotting jelly beans outside poked out their heads, suddenly alerted to the call and soon began to close in on the source with cautious eyes.
Aprile bonked the big-mouth over the head, “You dang idiot! They’ve seen us!”
It was just around that time when Fiona awoke from her drunken nap. She yawned and gazed through the pane, “Oh my gosh! Such adorable creatures!” Completely oblivious to the circumstances as well as her friends' disbelief, she opened the door and leapt out to hug each and every one of them.
A ripple of terrified screams and shouts for help rang throughout the square. One of the creatures had tripped in the scuffle and sent a flurry of postal letters of all things into the air. Twyla and the others watched on as Fiona tried to pick up and cuddle the bruised animal as if it were a kitten. She stroked its blonde hair and gray coat, somehow unaware of its struggle to fly away, not to mention the screams of the other creatures. Doors slammed and windows shut tight and the once sprightly market place had become a ghost town.
“Hey, that one has wings! Cool!” Raine lifted her cell phone from her pocket and tried to take a picture, but the screen was blank. She tried to turn it on, and even banged it a few times, but the device had ultimately become useless.
Eventually the girls finally left their Bavarian bunker and came out to investigate the Technicolor village. It was filled with abandoned carts and vendors sprinkled with goods of all sorts. Whatever these creatures were, they at least understood how to barter and maintain an effective economy. Let alone how to construct stylized and might one say, very tasteful homes.
“It’s like some sort of beautiful dream!” Piper shouted, taking in the passionate scenery. A particularly delicious looking shop caught her fancy.
Aprile adjusted her hat, “This definitely ain’t no parade, Sug’.”
“I’d say that’s pretty obvious by now,” Raine was as awestruck by the scenery as any one of them, but she had to admit that the sky did look far more inviting than ever before.
It was fairly certain that somehow, they'd lost themselves through an open doorway. Regardless of how they left New York City, Twyla would at least need some answers from the locals. She scampered over to Fiona with the most curious look in her eyes, “It’s like some kind of extra small pony.”
“Gah! I am a pony!”
Fiona jerked away and finally released it. They were dumbfounded; Not only could these colorful creatures speak, but they even spoke English oddly enough.
Twyla had about ninetynine questions, but only asked one, “W-What’s wrong with your eyes...?”
“W-What...?” confusion slanted across its curious spectacles. The little pony did her best to collect the pile of letters from the ground as quickly as it could.
“I’m so sorry if I started you,” Fiona apologized, “Here, let me help you.”
The gray little pony squeaked in freight and flew off, but not before introducing itself head first into the square’s fountain statue. The regal statue of an elegant winged horse teetered and heaved until it shattered into pieces against the cobblestones, but by then, the creature had long flown away.
“Well, I can’t help but feel like we don’t belong here, girls,” Regina commented, picking up a decent chunk of the bust’s head sculpt.
“Wherever or whatever here is, exactly,” Twyla picked up one of the remaining letters, “…Ponyville, huh? Sheesh how cheesy,” She noted that the piece was to be delivered to the town’s library.
“Welp, we oughta' split up into groups and find out what’s goin’ on around here,” Aprile suggested.
“That sounds like a good idea,” Twyla agreed, “We’ll meet back here in a couple of hours with some answers, hopefully,” she glanced over at Fiona, "And let's try not to scare any of these creatures anymore than we already have."
Fiona choked down a giggle, and soon found a tug at her arm from Raine, “You’re with me kid, let’s go knock on some doors.”
“Oh, well, uhm, alright then.”
“I’ll need an assistant, someone who can carry my things and get dirty for me,” requested Regina.
“Switch all a' that to body guard and I’ll cover ya’.”
“Ah yes, of course Aprile. I’m obviously going to need a strong arm by my side in case I’m assaulted by one of these unpredictable cartoon characters.”
Aprile couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.
“I guess that leaves me with you, Piper,” except that Twyla couldn’t find her anywhere, “Oh, great.”
Shouts came from a nearby gingerbread house, “Get out of here you monster! You’re not touching any of our cakes!”
Piper tumbled out of the front door and down a couple of steps. A chubby blue pony with a swirl for hair shouted a few more northern nuances before slamming the door shut.
Twyla rushed to her side and lifted the cookie reject back to her feet.
Piper's eyes began to bubble, “Kicked out of two bakeries in-”
“Don’t you dare say such a thing, Piper. Your baking is delicious! This place, whatever it is, clearly isn't good enough for you.”
“Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy!” the gray Pegasus flew as quickly as her awkward itinerary could carry her. She practically flew straight through the cloud carrying both a blue Pegasus and a yellow Pegasus upon it.
“Oh, hey Derpy. What’s up?” Dash nodded, sitting up from her lounge.
Derpy had to catch her breath for a moment before she could explain.
“You look just awful. Where is your mail bag?” asked Fluttershy.
“You guys gotta’ hurry! There’s monsters in town!”
“What?!” the two said in unison.
“One of them knocked over all my mail! And then-And then it tried to strangle me!”
Fluttershy gasped.
“And then one of them said my eyes were messed up!”
Rainbow Dash’s sudden concern paused momentarily to swallow a chuckle until her determined composure had enough nerve to return.
“I think they knocked over a statue of Princess Celestia too. I can’t remember that part too good though, my head kind of hurts-”
Dash stood up upon the cloud, “Don’t worry Derpy, we got this! C’mon Fluttershy! We've got a town to save!” And in typical fashion, the blue Pegasus stormed off to save the day with her two friends struggling behind to keep up.
Skipping through a rather lonely street was an even lonelier pink pony. Typically, she’d wave and greet every one that she passed, but for some reason today there were no smiles anywhere, “I wonder where everypony’s gone to?” she gasped, “Maybe they’re all at a party?! No, wait. I would’ve been invited to it. Right? I throw the best parties. Yeah! No party’s a party without old Pinkie Pie!” she giggled.
It was just then that she saw a rainbow streak across the sky littering a snowstorm of flyers wherever she went.
“Hey Rainbow Dash! Wait-!” the only response Pinkie got was a pamphlet swatting her in the face. She thought she’d read something about a ‘monster’ but for some reason couldn't help but think of that slice of scrumptiously sweet Marzipan Madness cake she'd devoured the day before.
“Pinkie Pie…!” a muffled shout interrupted her delicious train of thought.
“Huh? Who’s there? Show yourself!”
“Over here! It’s me! Bonbon!” for whatever, Bonbon had barricaded herself inside her cottage, “You need to hide! There’s these weird monsters running around."
“Monsters? I don’t see any monsters-”
With a squeak Bonbon's warning was cut short between the slam of a door as two tall silhouettes filled the door’s wood graining. A tremor of fear sprang up along the pink pony’s spine and she slowly turned about to face the wood be pillagers.
“Oh hey look, Twyla, it’s another one of them!”
“Don’t say it like that, Piper. That’s kind of rude,” Twyla squatted down to meet the cautious pony face to face, “Hi there, my name’s Twyla and this is my friend, Piper. We’re a little lost you see, and well…”
Piper’s face was roughly three quarter’s smile by volume alone. It was enough to replace the pony's fears with a gush of inspiration. She began to twitch and smile maniacally, a smile that soon dwarfed that of Piper’s. With a final gasp, she burst into a dazzling sprinkle covered fireball and zipped down the street.
The two humans paused for a moment.
“That looked like a lot of fun!” Piper thought the sprinkles made a delicious touch but wasn’t sure how light beams could be edible at all.
Twyla pulled the addressed letter out of her buttoned blouse, “Uhm, Anyways, I’d say our first 'real' answer might lie in this library. If we could just find it we may be able to figure out a little more about this place and just what’s going on.”
“What if this is all a dream?”
Twyla picked up one of the flyers which were scribbled in a slew of puzzling warnings, “We'd better hope it is, because I don't think we've made a very good first impression."
A life of pampered on demand services had made the stroll seem to take hours for Regina, though it might’ve been only one at the very most. Either way, her stilettos certainly weren’t helping and Aprile was beginning to regret ever having taken up the job in the first place.
“Aprile dear, would you ‘please’ take my coat for me! It’s simply too hot out here!” Regina really wanted to get out of her death slippers as well but was too terrified to actually get any dirt on her freshly pedicured feet, “Why do we have to walk through here anyway? It’s so… dreadfully filthy!” At any other time she would’ve easily called up an assistant to drive her anywhere she wanted, but her phone was dead and she couldn’t understand why. She checked her iPhone again for about the seventh time since their arrival, each time hoping the outcome would’ve been different and each time giving an even more irritating whine.
Aprile could feel the silky skin of Regina’s throat between her fingertips. With each moan she grinded her teeth, doing everything she could to hold back what she knew she'd regret saying. The nagging complaints were enough to take Regina's head clean off, until all of a sudden the perkiest most perfect little apple tree caught Aprile's eye.
Her eyes sparkled, and ran up to it. The apples had such a bright shade of red to them. They must have been the healthiest apples Aprile had ever seen, “By golly! You seein’ this?”
“It’s just an apple, dear.”
“These here ain’t just any old apples!” Aprile picked one from the tree, “Look at that red shine! I’ve never seen anything this good lookin’ in all my life,” She took a bite out of it, and her eyes began to glow. The level of juiciness and crunchy sweetness was nearly perfect.
Aprile had developed a talent for apple picking back on the farm. She could tell a good apple from a great apple with a blindfold on and her hands tied behind her back, but this dwarfed anything that coud’ve ever come from her fields.
“I don’t really understand the big deal. They’re not even peeled and cut into crescents.”
Outraged, Aprile picked another apple and almost chipped one of Regina’s teeth with it. She would’ve screamed too but was too overcome by the rich taste to complain. Regina snatched away the fruit and scarfed it down in a manner that would’ve had her kicked out of any fashion runway.
Aprile laughed but almost bit her tongue off after a sharp bonk clobbered the back of her head, “Gah! What in blazes?!”
“Fire at will!” a shout rang from a distance, and pretty soon Aprile and Regina found themselves bombarded with pig-slop. Regina screamed for dear life. Not because she had just taken an apple to the forehead, but more importantly that her hair and white blouse had been soaked in chunks of watery apple cores. It was actually more horrifying than it sounded.
“Get down, princess!” she tackled Regina down behind a tree, unfortunately getting dirt all over her stylish skirt. A terrible scream gave away their position and the bombardment continued.
“Them weird tall fellas ain’t gettin' any more of our apples!” commanded an orange pony, adjusting her cowpoke hat as if she were some sort of commissar. She cracked a determined smirk and yanked the rope of a crudely made catapult. It launched a bustle of apples, apple chunks and apple seeds at their targets to which another helpless cry rang out with a few expletives regarding a ruined coat.
A smaller yellow pony giggled, “That’ll teach ‘em, sis!”
Three more catapults launched and the sun became eclipsed in apple salvos.
The victims did all they could to take cover behind a conveniently thin tree until large chunk of rotten cores nailed the fashion diva right against her chest. She let out a grunt and gazed down at her ruined blouse. A tear began to fill the corner of her eye; and then came a hellish rage.
Any and all fears had burnt up into cinders. Downright humiliated, Regina practically ripped their choice of cover right out of the ground, “How dare you!” She stomped and began moving towards her attackers, one broken stiletto at a time. The ground and apple trees alike quaked under each step, as if a Tyrannosaurus Rex was storming down a warpath.
Aprile did her best to console the distraught woman, but it was at times like this that terrified her the most.
The two farm ponies trembled in fear like a pair of goats chained down in a feeding paddock.
The soaking wet Tyrannosaur approached and draped a not so very tiny claw over one of the catapults, “Do you mongrels have any idea what you’ve done!?”
“W-We’re sorry!! W-We just-!“
Regina plucked the cleanest spot of her shirt, “This blouse alone is of my personal collection and carries a value of eight hundred and seventy five dollars and twenty seven cents!” She went on to extensively name every manner of fabric adorned upon her body and its exact retail price, including tax. She thought of also including their European sales counterparts but was too overcome with an unimaginable hatred to calculate the exact foreign tax rate.
Regina ripped a wooden plank right off the catapult's hinge, “And this… coat! This coat!!” The coat had honestly taken the majority of the damage.
Aprile finally gathered the courage to swat away some of the apple seeds and cores off of her friend’s ensemble with her hat, “I-It’s alright Regi-” she realized that it probably wasn’t.
Regina let out a blood curdling scream, suddenly tasting the strangest urge for tenderloin, but luckily Aprile was there to keep her fangs at bay.
“Applejack!” the smaller yellow pony cried out, hiding behind her older sister who was equally petrified.
“Now, now, let's just calm down now..." Aprile knew nothing she said could possibly hold the diva back for much longer.
“We were just tryna’ defend our apple farm from you… weird whatever you are’s! R-Right Applebloom?!”
The filly exaggerated a nod.
Applejack handed Aprile a flyer, “See? We heard there were some weird monsters running around Ponyville!”
“You cover me in rotten applesauce and now you have the audacity to call me a monster!?” Regina would’ve ringed Applejack by the collar if she had one but instead slapped the duster off of the little pony’s head, “You do not throw rocks at a woman who has a machine gun!”
A swift slap landed right across Regina’s cheek, “Now that’s enough!” The smack had almost toppled her off of her feet, but Aprile was there to grab her just in time, “Get a hold of yourself, Regina. That ain’t gonna' solve nothin', and that's sure as heck no way for a guest to act!”
Regina rubbed her cheek. She didn't want to admit it, but her friend was right. At the very least, it was no way for a woman of such class to behave. Regina sighed, and picked up the pony’s hat. She gazed down upon it, feeling as embarrassed as ever, and finally cleaned away some of the dirt before handing it back to Applejack, “I-I apologize, I shouldn’t have behaved in such a way, especially in front of your younger sister.”
Aprile looked on as Regina swatted the apple chunks off her blouse and skirt with as much dignity as she could muster. She threw her coat into the barrel of the catapult, “Come Aprile, we're still in need of directions.”
Applejack didn't have the nerve to put her hat back on, “Now just wait one second here!”
Regina gazed back at the pony, wondering if they'd wanted that last bit of dignity to go with her coat.
The apple farmer dashed up to the two humans, “Look, we got off on the wrong hoof here. You guy’s clearly ain’t no monsters. We’re awfully sorry for the misjudgin' ya’ and ruinin’ your get-up. Let me make it up to ya’ll! I doubt if anyone’s welcomed ya’ to our little town yet.”
“We got some fresh apple pie! Ya’ want some?” Applebloom offered, “It’s the best in all of Ponyville!”
Regina was too embarrassed, and really wanted to refuse the invitation, but Aprile wouldn’t let her, “I’d be kickin’ myself later if I'd let up on a second helpin'!”
Applejack smiled.
“Erm, Raine, I think we’ve been by here before,” Fiona was exaggerating. They had passed the same pile of statue rubble three times by now.
“Oh, hush. I know exactly where I’m going!”
“Oh, uhm, alright then,” even with such an obvious lie, Raine’s confidence was enough to convince Fiona. Such decisions had rarely been helpful in the past, “…Maybe we should ask for directions?”
“Ask who? This place is a ghost town. What we 'need' to do is ask for some directions… Yeah, that’ll get us on track!”
“But I just said...”
“Hey, maybe we can ask those guys?” Raine pointed to a trail of tattered flyers that led up to a meeting of the town’s citizens.
It was a rather large mob of ponies that appeared to be deep in debate, clopping, trotting, and shouting back and forth. Some actually held lit torches.
“Uhm, I-I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” the hint was hardly lost on Fiona at least.
“Nonsense! They’re just a bunch of little ponies. I’ll demand to talk to their leader, best him in combat, and then they’ll open up a magical portal or whatever and we’ll finally get to go home!” Raine was particularly proud of her righteous plan.
Fiona couldn’t help but notice the rubble of the fallen statue just behind them, “I-I don’t think that, uh...”
“Hey! Ponies!” Raine called out.
The colorful group batted their heads over, and it was pretty clear that they were less than happy to see them.
“Mind if we get some help? Ya’ see, we’re a little lost and-”
“Hey! It’s those monsters from before!” a random pony called out.
“That’s the one that tried to hug me to death!” called out a winged gray pony.
Fiona gasped, “What? No I didn’t! Well, maybe I...” her voice was too timid for any real defense to be heard.
A rainbow haired pony zipped in from the very back to meet her new adversaries, “So! You’re the monsters that scared the beans out of every pony and broke our statue of Princess Celestia, huh!?”
Raine checked her neck, completely puzzled. She turned about, and suddenly realized the gravity of the situation, “Uh, oh.”
“Yeah! What’s wrong with you two huh!?”
"Who do you think you are, coming into our town and knocking over our statue!?"
“Ya’ got a problem with us, ponies?”
The crowd mocked and howled at the two, getting closer and closer with their torches. Some even began throwing rocks.
The world’s smallest stone batted Fiona right over the head and she instantly fell to her knees with a soft grunt, “Ouch! That hurt!”
Raine ran over to assist her incapacitated friend.
“Gonna’ break anything else on your way out of town?” questioned Rainbow Dash, “Or are we going to have to throw you out?”
“You wanna’ fight about it, you stupid blue fairy? I’ll take all of you on! Let’s go!” Raine stepped in front of her friend, fists raised in a defensive posture.
Rainbow Dash waved a hoof, “Charge!!”
Pages were practically torn out of their bindings with the little answers they offered, “There’s nothing in any of these books at all about what Dash was going on about!”
“They didn’t exactly sound like monsters, Twilight,” Spike popped a red ruby into his mouth, “Sounded more like humans to me.”
“Humans?” the unicorn asked. Out of all the years she'd spent buried in books, she was surprised to realize how little she knew about the subject matter.
“Yeah, Twilight. Humans. I heard about them once from the Princess, but besides that I don’t know too much about them,” the little dragon waddled over to one of the dozens of bookcases and carefully scrolled through the letters. He combed the bindings and finally uncovered a book labeled ‘A guide to Mysterious Races.'
Before Spike could actually check the table of contents, it lit up in a purple glow and yanked him across the room, crashing him into a tall stack of tomes with an, "Oomph!"
Twilight fell into the pages and at last found the letter, “Ah, hah! Humans, mythical tall creatures from another dimension,” she skimmed through the passages, surprised she hadn't heard more of such a race, “It says here that rarely any at all have ever entered this plane of existence. According to this, the Princess seems to have been one of the very few in all of pony history to have ever met one.”
“Makes sense to me, no wonder they’re so rare. I wonder if they're any good at things like magic or flying.”
“Doesn’t mention any of that here. There’s only a few paragraphs at best! How disappointing...” Twilight stood up, “In any case, if they’re starting trouble around Ponyville like Rainbow Dash mentioned, then it’s up to us to put a stop to it. Come on, Spike!”
Twilight covered her assistant in a fine mist and placed him on her back. The two would’ve made it to the door, but someone opened it before her horn could.
The door jarred, “Uhm, hello? Is this the town’s library?”
“That’s not a Library, Twyla. That’s a tree!”
“But it says ‘Library’ on it, Piper. I mean, I know it’s in tree but why would they call it a Library if it wasn’t a Library?”
“Maybe it’s a Library for squirrels!” Piper giggled.
The door glowed and slammed open, nearly taking the two visitors off their feet, “I’m not a squirrel, I’m a-” Twilight gasped, suddenly faced with the living fiction from her book, “Y-You’re a-!”
“Oh, hi there. My name is Twyla, this is my good friend Piper, and apparently this is for you,” she handed the pony a letter. She wasn't sure how the tiny horse would grab onto it but held it out as a courtesy anyway. In the back of her mind, she was already wondering how these ponies even wrote letters to each other to begin with, but first impressions were everything of course.
The letter suddenly burst into a fine violet flame and to Twyla’s doubled amazement, it hovered from her hand and stuck itself in the purple pony’s saddle pack. Certainly a letter from the mayor of Ponyville was important, but nothing was as amazing as Twilight’s current discovery.
“T-Twyla was it?” she was still a bit nervous given how much taller they were compared to her, “That’s kind of funny, m-my name’s Twilight Sparkle. I-It’s nice to-”
Piper kneed down to meet the pony at eye level, “Hey! This one’s a unicorn!” she poked Twilight’s spiraled horn and a glimmer of magic sparked from its tip, to which Piper gasped and nearly lost her balance.
“Piper! That’s rude! Have some manners,” although Twyla did have to admit that she was just as intrigued by this pony’s magical abilities. It was like something out of a childhood fantasy book, but she’d have to save the questions for later.
Piper gasped, “A baby dragon!”
“S-Stay back!” Spike intervened, “Our buddy Rainbow Dash told us all about you two! If you’re here to cause trouble then you've got another thing coming!”
“Whoa! Wait a second, we’re not here to cause any trouble! We don’t even know where ‘here’ is,” Twyla pleaded.
“You… you don’t?” Spike questioned.
"You'll have to excuse my assistant, Spike," she bopped him over the head for good measure, “Well, how did you get here then? And where did you come from?” Twilight’s questions began pouring out one by one, "And why do you look just like-"
“Uhm, duh! Earth?” Piper took a bonk to the head from Twyla.
“We’re completely lost, and worse yet, we have no idea how we even got here in the first place. I mean, we were in a Karaoke bar of all things just a few hours ago,” Twyla laughed, “Oddly enough, we were having a party, and then wound up here! Funny huh?”
“What? That doesn't make a lick of sense," pondered Twilight, "Oh, excuse me! Just look at us talking at my doorstep,” she giggled, “How rude of me, come inside and make yourselves at home.” Twilight dashed back inside the tree, doing her best to tidy up the place for her otherworldly guests.
Twyla was about to crouch down in order to enter the play school sized doorway when the little dragon gave them a glare, “No funny stuff, got it you two?”
The two nodded, trying their hardest to laugh over the most ridiculous lizard they'd ever seen outside of PBS.
It was certainly much bigger on the inside. Piper had trouble standing up, or rather slouching and finally found it better off to just sit.
Twyla was amazed by the vast assortment of books, “This is amazing. Are all of these your’s?”
Twilight chuckled, “Well, yes but I do have many more back in Canterlot. So, again, do go on. What else happened?”
“That was literally it. We were about to return home after our party and well, here we are, wherever this is.”
“Well, if it helps, you’re located in a place called Ponyville, which is located in Equestria,” Twilight opened a book and showed the guest a map of where they were.
Twyla gazed at the map in bewilderment, “And this is on… Earth?”
“Where else would it be?” the pony chuckled, “I've got to admit, your story sounds pretty strange. It's as if you and your friends just stumbled into our town without any sort of portal or doorway."
“Oh! The Karaoke bar had a doorway!” Piper shouted snuggling against a baby dragon, who'd given up any sort of resistance long ago.
“That’s not what she meant, Piper,” Twyla sighed, “You know, we had come here hoping we’d find some answers, or at least some directions, but all we've found are more questions." She scratched her head, "This is just terrible. I mean, I’m a teacher for Pete's sake! I had a class to teach today, and now the school’s going to think I've skipped out without even calling in! I’ll probably be fired for sure…”
Her words struck a cord in Twilight's heart, "You're a teacher?"
Twyla palmed her face, "Yeah, I teach middle school," she never thought she'd miss even the most obnoxious of brats so early on, "I'm a Biology teacher in a world that doesn't like to pay attention to the facts..."
Twilight picked up the flyer Dash had left with her earlier with a flick of her horn. She eyed he sloppy warnings of danger before finally tearing the note in two, "Well, someone has to pay attention to the facts," she turned to Twyla, "Don't worry, Twyla. We'll get to the bottom of this if it's the last thing we do."
“But how? 'I' don't even know how I got here, and I doubt any of the others are any further along.”
Twilight gasped, “What!?” she gathered the torn pieces of the flyer to remind herself of Dash’s campaign, “Your friends are probably in a heap of trouble! We have to go get all of this straightened out before someone gets hurt. They think you’re all a bunch of monsters!”
Piper laughed, “That's just silly! Why would they call us monsters?”
Twilight scrambled everywhere for the book she came upon earlier, “Darnit, where is that book on mysterious races and humans?”
“You mean this one?” Piper handed the unicorn the exact book, opened to the exact page, with a finger tabbed on the exact starting paragraph.
Twilight needed a second to process the paradox, “How on Earth did you-?”
“Silly! It says it right on the cover, and then in the table of contents. Haven’t you ever read a book before?” Piper snorted.
Twilight’s eye twitched at the burning irony, and then something astronomical hit her, “Piper, was it?” She suddenly noticed the girl’s frizzled pink hair, “You know, you ‘really’ remind me of someone I know,” she then turned back to Twyla, “And that name!”
Twyla raised an eyebrow, “What about my name?”
The pony skipped over and intrusively sniffed the human’s hair, “Your hair! It’s almost exactly like mines! Even the color, it’s exactly the same!”
“What are you talking about!?” cried Twyla, backing away from the pony's sudden intrigue.
“I’m not exactly sure, but there’s something more to all of this. It’s no accident that you’re here, that I'm certain of. Now come on, we need to go make sure your friends aren’t being thrown down a well!”
A shriek came from the Sweet Apple Acres orchard for about the eighth time that day.
“I’m so glad you came when you did Rarity. Our friend here could really use your help,” Applejack had just introduced the refined pony to their new guests, especially the one suffering through post traumatic dress disorder.
Rarity covered her muzzle with a hoof, the sight was simply too much to bare. Regina was practically squatting over her Fischer price chair in a slew of utterly destroyed garments and whatever hint of dignity remained had all but puddled into the dirt below. It was like two train wrecks on the same display. Why would anyone do such a dreadful thing to what was once obviously perfection?
The white unicorn dashed out of the barn as quickly as she could and returned with a stockade of racks, fabrics, linens, tools and machines, “You poor dear! What did these barn yard ruffians do to you!?” Rarity tried to make sense of such a tragedy. It was certain that this, whatever or whoever it was, was clearly someone who had a burning passion for fashion and yet had ultimately been betrayed by it. Dipped in mud, hay, and apple cores and humiliated beyond her wildest nightmares. Oh the humanity!
Rarity analyzed each string of fabric on the woman’s body, quite impressed with the stitching and design. She could easily see through the blotches and stains and pick out what was at one point a particularly gorgeous outfit. She hadn't even seen the expensive coat yet, but both Aprile and Applejack had agreed that it was probably for the best to leave that part out for now.
“Simply terrible, I know. This was one of my favorite pieces too,” Regina sighed, “But please don’t blame these small creatures, they only thought I was some sort of…” Regina was still mortally wounded from before, and could barely even utter the word, let alone a tear to guide it.
“A monster?” added Applebloom.
An arrow shot through Regina’s heart. She was doing her absolute best to maintain her composure, but she may as well have been standing on the firing range.
“Come now! Don’t you dare let these hooligans see your tears, darling,” Rarity took up a tape measure with her magical horn and began running it all across the poor woman’s frame, “I actually do a bit of designing myself, as you can see, so don’t you worry, dear! I’m going to whip up a beautiful new dress for you if it’s the last thing I do!"
"Really, you needn't trouble yourself. I-"
"Nonsense!" Rarity interjected, "Besides, you're our guest, and it's the very least I can do to pay my respects for someone who clearly has such a fine grasp of the finer things in life."
The reassurance was nice and Regina was certainly glad to see someone who finally understood her strife, that is until she found herself enveloped in a fine blue mist and she began floating unpredictably through the air. Rarity’s measurements had to be the keenest for this new project. After all, they didn’t make mannequins in anything other than pony shapes in this town.
Applejack and her new friend chuckled over a couple of plates of freshly baked apple pie. Aprile was still in shock over the crisp and mouthwatering taste, “This here's uncanny! I’ve been an apple farmer for as long as I can remember, and I’ve never tasted anything as rich as this!”
Applejack giggled, “I thank ya’ kindly. These here are the finest apples in all of Ponyville, heck, maybe even all of Equestria! We’ve been workin’ the fields for generations so we know a thinger’ two ‘bout apples.”
“I’d say! Must be something about this place. My family’s run our apple farm for over a century now and nothing’s come close to this!” Aprile scarfed down the last bit of apple pie on her plate. Out of a matter of pride, she was easy on the compliments. Her knees shook with just how delicious the pie was. Only in her wildest dreams could she have ever grown anything as measurable. It almost hurt to think about it, but damn were them some good eats.
Unbeknownst to just about everyone but Applebloom, the day was growing stranger by the minute. Her eyes darted back and forth between Rarity and Regina, and then between Applejack and Aprile. It was as if she were seeing double somehow.
“So you have an apple farm too? Where at?" the pony asked, "I know just about all the local Apple farms, and I don't think I've ever seen any folks like you around these here parts."
“Well, I do, back home anyway,” Aprile cupped her hat and scratched the back of her head, a bit embarrassed, “To be honest, me and my friend there ain't exactly sure where we are. We certainly ain't from around here, this place is way too bright and colorful for what we’re used to.”
“So you’re… not from Earth?”
“No! Of course we’re from Earth, just not… 'this' side of Earth, I suppose. Heck, I’ve never even heard of any place like this before. Equestria was it?”
"E'yup," Applejack hoofed her chin, “That’s darn near the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. How did you end up here in the first place then?”
“No idea! Me and some friends of mine were at a party ya’ see, and then-”
Just then, their lunch was interrupted by a series of crashes and shouts from outside the barn.
“What in tarnation’s is that racket!?” cried Applejack.
The barn door slid open and the group scampered outside, accompanied by a ghoulish floating Regina.
A mob of just about every single pony in town were carving their way through the nearby dirt road, hooting and hollering as they went. At the very tip of the pack stood the most ostentatious fighter Ponyville had ever seen, completely covered in tiny horses.
Raine batted them off one by one like a giant buffalo fighting off a pack of lions on the Serengeti. She was covered in bites and hoof marks but fought on as if she were Fedor Emelianenko himself, “That the best you can do, you dumb mules!?”
She wasn’t exactly asking for forgiveness from the ponyfolk, especially since they had already tied up and crucified Fiona to a wooden pole. Raine was doing all she could to fight them back and rescue the damsel, but the tsunami of colorful marshmallows was just too much to overcome.
Rainbow dash swooped in and landed a swift kick to Raine’s gut. She practically spit up an intestine and tumbled to the ground.
Fluttershy was doing her absolute best to stop the raging riot, but her attempts at peace talks were all but muted by the rampaging crowd. She turned to the gagged Fiona and would’ve apologized a thousand times had the human, or anyone there at all for that matter could’ve heard her correctly. There wasn’t much she could do, that is until the guards handed her the totem pole with the human sacrifice strapped to it before running off to cannibalize the remaining trespasser.
Given the weight, it didn't take very long for the pole to topple out of Fluttershy's trembling hooves, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she repeated about six times before her real guilt set in. With the others distracted amongst the brawl, the meek little Pegasus immediately untied Fiona and removed the gag from her mouth.
“Oh, uh, thank you so much, but honestly you didn’t have to untie me. I was actually having a lot of fun. You’re all just so adorable! It was like a cute little parade!” Fiona giggled.
“Oh no! Gosh, I’m so sorry...”
The other ponies had backed off as Rainbow Dash flew in for the final blow. Raine did her best to catch her breath as a blue torpedo spiraled towards her. She laid flat on her back and butt scooted herself into a defensive posture, arms and knees raised above her belt.
The crowd cheered the cage fight on. Who knew such delightful little ponies could be so bloodthirsty Raine thought.
The blue Pegasus flew in for a swift punch, but before she could land the hoof she found her torso caught between the girl’s legs. Raine shifted her whole body to the left digging Dash’s face into the dirt so that the pony’s left arm was all that remained barred between Raine’s thighs. She pulled on that arm as hard as she could in one of the best Omoplatas she’d ever executed, “Tap, damn you! Tap!”
Rainbow Dash screamed through the dirt filling her mouth. She could feel her shoulder giving way and tapped every available hoof she had.
The crowds’ cheers suddenly hued into boos. They stomped their hoofs repeatedly, unsure of how to break up the hold.
“Let her go Raine!” Aprile called out, Regina and the ponies in tow.
Raine could hear a clear tap-out, but wanted to watch the little sucker squirm just a bit longer to the horror of everyone watching. To have seen Fiona torn away by a hoard of lunatic marshmallows was all the justification she needed to simply hyper extend the entire arm completely from its socket. She probably would’ve done it too had a purple haze not surrounded the two combatants and split them apart.
“That’s enough you two, break it up!” it was Twilight with Spike on her back who had arrived just in time with Twyla and Piper.
“Raine! What on Earth are you doing to that pony!?” Raine tumbled to Twyla’s feet as the glow subsided.
“I-It wasn’t me! These ponies were attacking me and Fiona! See? Look, they even tied her up!”
Fiona timidly waved, “Well, uhm, I’m free now thanks to my little friend here. Isn’t she just the cutest thing?”
Fluttershy blushed. She clearly wasn’t used to being treated as the ‘cute’ pet.
“Now see here!” the Mayor of Ponyville stepped out of the crowds to meet their guests, “I don’t know what’s going on around here or who all of you are, but I’ve had enough of this rough housing! If you’re going to come into my town and smash up the place then you’re not welcome here! I’d say we’ve made that quite clear today, haven’t we?”
The rest of the town shouted and stomped their hooves in agreement.
“What!? Raine, how could you?” scolded Aprile.
“I don’t even know what they’re talking about! We didn’t break anything! Fiona and I were just walking around looking for some help, when all of a sudden we got mobbed!”
Rainbow Dash rotated her shoulder back into place and zipped over, “Liar! You broke our statue of Princess Celestia! What gives you the right!?”
“No we didn’t!” Raine pleaded.
“Now wait a minute here, my friend’s right,” Twyla argued, walking up to the mayor and the other ponies, “We had nothing to do with it. I clearly remember another little pony flying off after we arrived. She flew right into the statue and knocked it over.”
Fiona darted in, “That’s right! It was that cute little gray one. It was a little scared of me, I guess after I tried to pick it up and pet it… so it flew off and crashed into the statue. Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. I really didn't mean to scare you! Are you okay?”
“That’s true! It toppled over and went ker-splat!” Piper shouted, “Or maybe… ker-rash! Hmm, I'll have to think over the right sound effect for this one.”
“It was such a lovely statue too…” Regina recalled, trying her best to hide her still hideous attire behind Aprile.
The crowd whispered back and forth, and turned their attention to the little gray Pegasus who was too busy scratching the bump on her head to really keep up with her own contradictions.
The true perpetrator was as clear as day by now, and Rainbow Dash really wanted to give her another bruise, “But you told me it was them, Derpy!”
“Doh! My head hurts too much! I don’t even remember who did it anymore."
The entire crowd groaned and Dash eventually got around to giving Derpy a second concussion. The mob ultimately dropped their rocks and torches and dispersed, individually feeling quite frustrated and embarrassed over all of the needless trouble they had caused for themselves.
The accused pillagers were relieved to see their cases dismissed. They walked over and helped Raine up from the dirt road.
“You’re lucky you didn’t make things worse, Raine,” Twyla whispered.
“Surely the best diplomacy I’ve ever seen,” Regina rolled her eyes.
Rained dusted herself off and chuckled, “You guys should’ve seen it, I had them all on the ropes,” She would’ve gone on into more detail, but buttoned her lip as a few of the other ponies approached. It was Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Applejack, Rarity and the Mayor.
Twilight nudged the Mayor with a scowl.
“P-Pardon me, but as the Mayor of Ponyville, I’d like to sincerely apologize on the behalf of all of us. W-We got so caught up in our pride and paranoia that we didn’t stop to think clearly,” She hoofed the back of her head, “If there’s anything at all we can do for you, please, just name it!”
Raine definitely had a long list of requests.
Twilight couldn’t help but butt in, practically knocking Spike off of her back, “Listen you guys, I know this might not be the best time, but there’s definitely something odd going on around here. There’s no coincidence that you're all here like this, I just know it!”
But before Twilight could continue, a rambling cavalcade of sheer madness came trembling down the road behind them. It appeared to be a steam powered series of wagons and trailers all attached to one another, firing off bombardments of what might’ve normally looked like balloons, steamers and even cake batter of all things. That last part clearly must’ve been a misfire, but that didn’t stop the contraption from firing anyway. Jet screams of fireworks roared off into the bright sky, nearly taking everyone off of their collective feet and hooves. Although this may have been used for a nightly occasion, again, we were trying our best here.
A train's horn blew, “Did I hear something about new guests!?” the most enthusiastic little pink pony sat atop the monstrous contrivance as it steamed a path between the crowds, each one either receiving a cupcake or having said cupcake splattered all over their faces. Honestly, they really didn't mind either way.
“Pinkie Pie! Just what in Equestria is that thing!?” thankfully Rainbow Dash had managed to finish her sentence before being splattered against a wall with an enormous wedding cake.
Twilight was a bit anxious to ask the same question. Luckily for her a cute little strawberry flavored cupcake landed perfectly on her nose.
Pretty soon, even the apple trees were covered in cake batter, streamers, and sprinkles. The steam punk party train finally came a shrieking stop just before the six human visitors. Pinkie skipped over a few carts and landed perfectly in front of the group just in time for the train’s front door to reveal an enormous seven decked, rainbow colored, fruit and sprinkle infested, cookie and donut topped, waffled tipped desert goliath. It was unfair to cakes everywhere to refer to such a thing as simply a ‘cake’. This was the absolute culmination of the past one hundred thousand year history of the term ‘smile’.
Titled upon the third tier were the words, “Welcome Friends!” which were shaped out of an already half melted Neapolitan flavored ice cream castle, most of which had already avalanched over a bustle of citrus and pineapple. Not a single soul would have ever dared raise a complaint however.
“Welcome to Ponyville, friends!! My name’s Pinkie Pie! It sure is a dandy pleasure to meet you all!”
Twyla, Aprile, Raine, Regina, Fiona, and Piper all stood before the frosted leviathan utterly dumbfounded, their jaws somewhere by their feet.
Piper fell to her knees and orgasmed on the spot.
Twilight giggled, “Well I guess that takes care of the welcome."
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 3: As the Statue Falls
You’d be horribly wrong if you thought frosting could not have solved all the world’s problems. There wasn’t a hint of guilt, shame, or grief in all of Ponyville, only sore stomachs. The party lasted far into the night with every generous portion of cake, song and dance the tiny little town could’ve handled. If there was any doubt left that Pinkie Pie didn’t know how to slap a smile across everyone’s face, it had certainly been given its own unmarked grave, unless of course you were blind, deaf, and missing your tongue and lower jaw. Then that’d be understandable. One thing was for sure, nobody was getting up on time the next morning.
Eventually the next day got underway. Twyla and Twilight Sparkle found themselves at the wild karaoke bar in the town’s square. Looking at it from the outside, Twyla wouldn’t have guess there’d be anything unusual about it, and there probably wasn’t.
“So this is where your birthday party took place last night?” the magical little pony asked.
“Apparently. It definitely didn’t look anything like this on the way in, that’s for sure.” Twyla tried to twist the nob but the door was locked up tight. Something was off, but it was still far too early in the day for any bar to be open she thought.
“Well? How did it look like beforehand?”
Twyla wasn’t exactly sure which way to describe a typical city block, “Dirtier?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. The type of ‘Earth’ that these humans inhabited must’ve been a very messy place.
“Who exactly owns this bar?” Twyla peaked through the stained cottage windows.
“I’m not exactly sure. I’d have to check the Ponyville records to find out.” Twilight tried to open the door with her horn, “Strange that it’s locked though…”
Twyla laughed, “It’s a karaoke bar, Twilight.”
“Okay, really. What in Equestria is ‘karaoke’?”
“You know, a place you go to sing horribly, act stupid, and get tipsy with your friends.” Twyla felt like she was explaining the subject to one of her students.
“Why do you need to go into a bar just to sing? Can’t humans just sing outside? And what the hay is a ‘Tipsy’?”
Twyla sighed, “Ugh, that’s not really the point. You ponies are so darn cute and innocent. I’ll explain it to you when you’re older.” There was no resisting that last part and there was certainly no resisting the laugh riot afterwards.
“Just what’s that supposed to mean?!” this wasn’t helping either.
Twyla searched for a distraction, and conveniently found one just a ways behind her. A small group of stereotypical scruffy ponies were trying their best to put the crumbled statue of Princess Celestia back together, and they weren’t alone. Raine and Rainbow dash were throwing double their weight around getting the job done.
Somehow they had all managed to piece together the statue back to its original state. Although filled with cracks, it still fit the spitting image, more or less anyway. Dash bit down on a rope tied to one end of the bust and with a few sharp wing flaps got it into the air while Raine grabbed the other end and lifted with all her might. A few grunts later and the crippled sculpture finally made it atop the fountain centerpiece.
Raine swept her brow just in time for Rainbow Dash to swoop in for a fist to hoof bump.
“Good to see I didn’t tear that shoulder.” Raine grinned.
Dash laughed, “As if you ever could.”
The two snapped an even glare at each other. There was a uniform level of respect for one another, but either one would’ve leapt on the opportunity to best the other given the chance.
‘Where does this ‘human’ get off stealing my mane style from anyway? I ought to fly rings around that empty-headed flat-chested poser for that alone.’
‘Look at those dinky blue wings. I could snap those off, fry them up and dip them in ranch, and she’d be done for. I should probably chain her down and eat them right in front of her too.’
Twyla and Twilight strolled over just in time for the statue’s ropes to come undone. It was basically as perfect as you could get in the same way a super glued ceramic vase might look perfect.
“Looks good, but those cracks simply won’t do!” Twilight checked a spell book from her saddle pack and focused the magical energies in her horn. A brilliant light detonated from the tip and smacked right into the sculpture, throwing her back upon her flank.
Twyla lifted the little pony back onto her hooves, “That’s an improvement, I suppose.”
The cracks had been perfectly healed and the bust actually looked far more pristine than before, except for the perfectly symmetrical cut down the middle. It took all of Raine and Dash’s efforts just to keep the thing from collapsing all over again.
“You know Twilight, I’m actually a pretty good ‘spell’ checker.” Twyla snorted.
The purple pony was about ready to try out some experimental spells on her new friend.
“A little help here maybe?!” Dash cried with a grunt.
“Oh, right!” Twilight checked her book and let out another spell just in time to seal the statue, correctly this time.
The two competitors sighed, wondering why they hadn’t gotten a Unicorn to do all of that in the first place.
Just then, a symphony of greetings and hellos skipped down the town’s road, “Oh hiya guys! Did you all have fun last night? I know I did it. It was probably one of the best parties I’ve ever thrown!” Pinkie Pie giggled.
“Where did you even get that mammoth party tank, whatever it was from, Pinkie?” asked Dash.
“Oh, I have them hidden all over town, just in case of mammoth party tank emergency.”
The others couldn’t but stare off in every direction, wondering where even just one of the things could’ve possibly been hidden.
Pinkie cackled, “Just kidding! Where would I even fit something that huge? That’s just way too big to keep hidden around town with all my other little surprises and emergency supply kits. You guys are silly!”
Twilight couldn’t help but roll her eyes, and neither could anybody else, “Okay look, we still have a lot to talk about. Clearly there’s something more to all of you being here in this world. Let’s meet back at my place and we’ll move on from there, got it?”
“Should I bring some cake? I still have plenty from last night!” Pinkie suggested.
Raine nearly threw up at the thought.
“Alright’y then, Flutters. Meet you back at Twilight’s.” Fluttershy waved as Rainbow Dash zipped off from the yellow Pegasus’ cottage.
Fluttershy floated over to her new neighbor who had just laid out some kibble for a few of the cats, “It looks like Twilight wants us all to gather at her place.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful. We’ll finally have a chance to sit down and get to know each other.” Fiona giggled for a moment, “Without a mouthful of cake this time at least.”
The two laughed softly.
“You go on ahead, Fluttershy. I’ll finish up here and catch up with you, okay?”
Fluttershy nodded and flew off, incredibly appreciative of her new friend’s passion for animals. Fluttershy was the very last person to burden anyone with her own responsibilities, but as far as Fiona was concerned this was a dream come true. It was just like her apartment back home, except there was actually some decent ventilation.
Fiona had just finished laying out some treats into a few of the doggie bowls. She smiled as some of the most adorable puppies she’d ever seen galloped over and fumbled their way over the kibble. The little mutts had probably spilled out half of their food before they even finished, but Fiona didn’t mind one bit. In fact, it sent her into a giggle fit. It was as if everything in this world was specifically designed to be ridiculously adorable.
She straightened her sweater and made her way out of the cottage. A few shouts and laughs abruptly caught her attention as she shut the door.
“Ha-ha! Derpy’s a lying turkey! Derpy’s a lying turkey! Derpy’s a lying turkey!” a gang of hackneyed thugs were flying about, haunting the little gray Pegasus as she made her way down the dirt road. She was doing her best to balance a rather large blueberry muffin over her noggin while her attackers were taking turns mocking her, hoping that she’d drop the treat.
Fiona huffed and dashed over to shoo away the bullies, but before she could find her handy dandy pepper spray, Derpy tripped into a mud puddle. Her muffin tumbled and rolled helplessly until it reached Fiona’s slippers. By now, the assailants had long flown off, cackles echoing throughout the clouds above.
The pony’s wobbled eyes began to water as Fiona picked up the now crumpled muffin, “I-I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them in time. Here, this is…” at this point, she wasn’t sure if the muffin was even salvageable.
Derpy covered her face and began to shutter.
Fiona set aside the muffin and helped the little pony out of the mud, “It’s alright, it’s alright. Hey, why don't you let me bake you another one? My name’s Fiona, erm… Derpy was it?” she wasn’t sure what kind of mother would name their child such a terrible thing.
The pony wiped a tear from her cheek, “M-My name’s actually Ditzy. Ditzy Doo… but everypony just calls me ‘Derpy’. Mostly because of my, well… you get the idea.”
Fiona gasped, “But that’s so mean! Why would they pick on you like that? It’s not your fault if you have a condition!”
“It’s just that, well, I am a bit clumsy at times, mostly because of that ‘condition’. Like yesterday… I guess I hit my head so hard that I didn’t even notice what happened.” The bump on Ditzy’s head had only gotten worse today, and Rainbow Dash’s punch certainly hadn’t helped. “I was so startled that I panicked and flew as fast as I could. I had assumed it was you, since I wasn’t looking where I was going. I… really hurt my head, but I-I’m really sorry that I got Ponyville so upset at you and your friends. I didn’t mean to lie, honest! I was just confused… as always.”
Fiona hollowed into a frown. She swatted some of the dirt from the pony’s mane while she thought of something helpful to say.
“I spent all night baking that muffin. I-”
“Wait, you didn’t go to Pinkie’s party last night?”
“How could I have? Everypony was so upset with me. I couldn’t bear to face them. I just went home after Pinkie Pie showed up. I couldn’t even sleep last night, I was so embarrassed! The only think I could think about was somehow making up for what I did…” Ditzy sighed and another tear found its way down her cheek. She sniffled, “And I couldn’t even get that right…”
Fiona’s heart ached for the little pony, but before she could wipe the tear from her golden eye, Ditzy pulled away.
“Look, I-I’m really, really sorry about yesterday, Fiona. I shouldn’t have been such a klutz. I-I’ll just be going now… ”
Fiona was normally too passive, too meek and mild to ever make a stand. She watched as Ditzy galloped down the road with her head tucked low. She reached out, and something, somewhere down in the pit of her stomach shouted as loud as it could, “Wait!”
Ditzy soon disappeared into the distant forest against the horizon, followed by a trail of teardrops.
Instinct took over, Twilight’s meeting be damned. Fiona’s legs began to move all on their own and soon enough she was running as fast as she could down that dirt road. The forest up ahead looked scary, but she knew something deep down that felt even scarier. Fiona had known what it was like to be alone for most of her life, to be humiliated and picked on, without any friends at all. If not for Twyla and the others, she may have accepted that fate for herself long ago, but she’d sooner die than allow anyone else to suffer on their own like that.
“Look, we’ll just have to start without her, alright.” Twilight had kept the others waiting long enough. She was anxious, although it was great having what might be considered ‘sisters’ or perhaps clones by more realistic standards, Twilight couldn’t help but feel something was very wrong, “Fluttershy, could you bring Fiona up to speed the next time you see her?”
“Of course. She’s probably just occupied with all of those cute fuzzy animals after all.” She giggled.
“Sounds like good ol’ Fiona.” Aprile agreed.
“Yeah, at least your animals have some breathing room.” Laughed Raine.
“W-What do you mean?” Fluttershy was suddenly concerned.
Twyla rolled her eyes, “It really isn’t her fault. It’s just, well…”
The purple unicorn was doing her best to get a word in over the actual topic at hand.
“Well, what? Don’t they have grassy meadows and farms where you’re all from?” Rarity couldn’t help but question the doubt as well.
“Well of course we do, dear, it’s just… I guess Fiona can’t afford all that right now.” Regina shrugged.
“She’s not poor, she just lives in a tiny apartment! Not as tiny as mines of course. Mine’s is the tiniest!” the definition of tact was lost on Piper.
Aprile rolled her eyes, “Cut it out, you’re making Fiona look-”
Twilight slammed the heaviest book she could find in her house, “Now listen! This is important!”
The room shook still, finally getting her guests attention. The crash had almost woken Spike from his nap, but the little dragon was too drunk with frosting from the night before.
Twyla however, was proud. The unicorn was still a bit rusty, but that was an efficient teacher in the making.
“Now look, ever since I’ve met you guys, I’ve sensed a strange aura around each of you. You clearly didn’t just waltz right into our world. You must’ve been sent here, by something, or even someone!”
Twilight strolled about the room, starring back at the clones as they categorically sat next to one another, “There’s a reason we’re all here like this. I mean look at us! Aprile and Applejack both have apple farms… same blonde hair and mane! Heck, even a hat to boot!” She dashed over to the Dashes, “You two are one of the most obvious! Raine, Rainbow! You’re both athletic, strong, competitive, and that blasted hair again! And you two! You both look identical and you both have a passion for fashion. And-And even further with the two of you! Sheesh your love of cakes and pastries, and your both obsessed with smiles and spazzing about. And don’t even get me started with you Fluttershy, your coat even matches her sweater exactly! Not to mention your mutual obsessions with cute animals.” Twilight finally turned to face her own doppelganger, “Well I’m not a teacher though, but besides that-”
“My book collection is actually much bigger than yours. There’s a reason why I live in a three bedroom condo by myself.” Twyla was quite proud of geekiness.
“It’s actually kind of scary.” Raine added, “It’s like the walls in her house are made out of bookcases.”
“Hey, it makes the place cozy!”
Dash couldn’t hold it in any longer, “Geez Twilight, looks like you got some competition for the egghead of the year award.” Raine and Dash both shared in a good laugh.
The purple unicorn stomped a hoof, “This is serious! I mean the odds of two exact groups of people and ponies behaving the same way, looking exactly the same, and having the same interests and careers between two dimensions is quite literally in the quadrillions! The physical universe’s collapse? Interdimensional collision? There has to be something more to all of this.”
“She’s right. Our likenesses are uncanny, and it’s not like we stepped through a doorway or something. What, or who could’ve possibly brought us here?” Twyla pondered cupping her chin.
To be honest, the others had basically connected the dots on their own already, but their questions had remained the same. It was nice to essentially have a best friend pop out of nowhere, but why?
Footsteps scampered down the wooden stairwell. Spike thumped his chest a few times and a blast of green fire finally left his gut, thwapping Piper over the head with a glittering roll of parchment, “Oh, my bad, Piper.”
“Ooh, this is pretty!” Piper nearly fell over and crushed her little partner in baking.
Pinkie Pie managed to lift the girl back up onto her seat somehow, “Ugh! Oh hey! That’s one of Princess Celestia’s scrolls!”
“Princess?!” begged the entire human collective.
“Of course, don’t you guys have Princesses in your world?” asked Dash, to which the humans tried their best to hide a chuckle.
“Not… really, at least not outside of story books anyway.” Twyla couldn’t help but giggle. It was actually becoming quite difficult to take this place seriously anymore.
Twilight almost tripped over her own hooves in her frantic attempt to reach the scroll. She plucked it out of Piper’s frazzled pink hair and read it aloud, “Dear Twilight Sparkle, it is of most importance that you report to Canterlot immediately. I must speak privately with you as well as your new otherworldly friend. Signed, Princess Celestia.”
“Looks like you were right about all this, Twilight.” Applejack was already starting to feel nervous.
“What could this possibly mean?” asked Fluttershy.
“My worst suspicions are coming true. There’s only one pony, one being capable of such raw magical authority in all of Equestria with the power to do this.” Twilight didn’t even have to mention the name.
“Now wait just one moment here!” Rarity intervened, “Why would he be transporting ponies and people between dimensions like this? What would be the point in that?”
“Besides! W-We already defeated him!” Dash added.
“Defeated who…?” Twyla raised a brow.
Twilight turned to the human, “I’ll explain it to you on the way over. You and I have a train to catch. As for the rest of you, it might be best to get to know each of our counterparts better until the dust settles. I’ll call up another meeting as soon as Twyla and I have returned.”
They all nodded in agreement.
“Alright Twyla, let’s go.” The egg headed duo rolled out for their departure.
With class dismissed, the other ponies and people alike went on with their daily routines with quite a bit on their minds. Fluttershy couldn’t help but worry about Fiona. Being of the same fabric, the meek little Pegasus couldn’t imagine herself being so featherbrained that she’d skip out on such an important meeting.
Eventually Fluttershy made it to her dainty cottage on the edge of town. A discarded muffin along the dirt road caught her attention, “This looks like one of Ditzy’s mufins. What was she doing all the way out here?” She called out for her roommate, but found no reply.
Cautiously, she entered her cottage only to be greeted by the same familiar faces, “Oh, hello Angel. Say, have you seen our guest anywhere?”
The little white bunny shook its head. None of Fluttershy’s generic puppy-eyed creatures knew anything. Minute by minute, the day was slowly becoming more uncertain.
A locomotive that looked like it was made out of Easy-Bake ovens huffed and puffed down a winding set of tracks along a beautiful snowy mountainside. In the distance, the royal spires of Canterlot were already beginning to peek over the horizon.
Twyla had been too busy reenacting ‘Star Guitar’ as the scenery sped past the train window to really listen to the unicorn’s ramblings, but she did her best to at least pretend she was paying attention.
“As I was saying, Discord is a vile trickster, a demon of chaos itself. He spent generations warping reality and making life a living nightmare for ponies all over Equestria.”
“What sort of Nightmares…?” Twyla could only think of something out of her fantasy novels, but then again, she might as well have been inside one at this point.
“Literal chaos itself. Long ago, Princess Celestia and her sister Luna managed to defeat him with the Elements of Harmony, but after the Elements were transferred to us, Discord managed to escape his stone imprisonment and came for us all. It was awful! Chocolate rain, clouds made of cotton candy, fields filled with popcorn, soap covered roads…”
“That actually sounds pretty tasty, except that last part-”
“Day and night switching back and forth within seconds!” Twilight abruptly continued, “Homes being lifted out of the ground and turned upside down, checker boards everywhere, the wildlife going crazy, trees filled with bubbles! But the absolute worst part of all of it…”
Twyla was expecting the next disaster to be flying pigs.
“The worst part was what he did to us! He corrupted our minds, darkened our hearts, and pitted each of us against one another. He did everything he could to destroy our friendship and the friendships of everypony around Equestria.” Twilight gazed out over the window to the approaching Canterlot, “Discord’s chaos is beyond evil itself. His only reasoning for misery is a good laugh. If it wasn’t for our persistence, we might not have been so lucky last time.”
“How can you be sure any of this is his doing?” Twyla asked, “I mean, the world seems fairly sane. The only difference is that my friends and I are lost.”
“No! There’s definitely a hint of his magic at work here. I’d remember that wicked smell better than anypony else.”
Twyla choked down a laugh, “Did you just say any‘pony’ else?”
“Besides! There’s no ‘pony’else with that kind of magical power.”
Twyla lost it.
“And what’s so funny? This is serious, Twyla!”
Soon enough, the colorful locomotive came to a stop at the most elegant train station Twyla had ever seen. Twilight skipped out of the railcar while Twyla had to hunch over a bit just to escape. The cute rounded nature of just about everything in this world was starting to become a downright hindrance.
The visiting school teacher was overcome by the intricate architecture. The castle spires seemed to stretch on even beyond the clouds. It even put the brim of Osgiliath to shame. How mere horses of all creatures were able to construct such a beautiful citadel was a complete enigma.
An escort of stallions clad in golden armor met the two visitors, “Ah! Twilight Sparkle, the Princess has been waiting. And I suppose this is the newcomer to our world?”
“Twyla’s the name, but wait a second. How did she know I was here?”
“She’s the princess of Equestria, my dear.” The guard introduced, “Graciously, she brings about the sun and the moon each day and night and fills our world with a delicate balance of harmony. It shouldn’t be any surprise to you that our Princess would be aware of your arrival.”
Now as a teacher, Twyla’s instinct was to correct the stallion of his grave astronomical error, but on the other hand, she thought it might be wise not to start an inquisition.
“Come my dears, there’s no time to waste. The Princess must see you both at once!” and with that they were off to speak with her majesty.
The Everfree forest was no place for unsuspecting ponies, let alone a human. It was unfortunate for Fiona that no one had warned her of all the black thorns and monstrous foliage that seemed to take turns snapping bites at her. Fiona’s Easter yellow sweater was covered in cuts and leaves. She couldn’t help wishing that she’d brought along a bowie knife on her travels. They probably didn’t make butter knives sharp enough for such a chase but Fiona really didn’t see the difference.
“Ditzy! Ditzy, where are you?” she cried out. The tone didn’t carry very far but she was doing her best until a sharp branch swatted her across the face. She let out a yelp and went for a somersault, nearly cracking open her head against the ground. Fiona winced, not so much from the aching bruise on the back of her head, but from the gashes laced over her eye lids. She could hardly open her eyes, but she definitely smelled the hint of blood dripping down her cheeks.
With a groan, she somehow managed to climb back up to her feet and leaned into a nearby tree, doing all she could to keep the blood out of her eyes. Fiona was already fairly deep into the forest as it was and now she was as good as blind. She felt like a regular Dennis Nedry lost outside of his Jeep. Hopefully there weren’t any Dilophosaurs stalking about, and it was probably around this point where a flood of Jurassic Park nightmares came scampering and shrieking out of Fiona’s childhood.
Utterly terrified, she searched and stumbled in complete darkness, her only guides were the two frantic arms ahead of her, “Ditzy! Ditzy, it’s okay!” despite bleeding out of her eyes, something close to a concussion, and walking through a sting or scratch every couple of yards, all Fiona could think of was that little gray Pegasus and how abandoned she must’ve felt. On and on she fumbled, expecting her heart to lead her off a cliff at any moment. Maybe next time she would’ve packed a bright yellow hooded overcoat to keep all her fears away.
A couple of branches cracked about ten steps behind her. Fiona froze in place, hoping whatever it was had sight based on movement. As quietly as she could, she inched out another step on what was clearly dirt, but yet another twig snapped, and then the very next thing she heard was a gnarled hiss.
Compared to each of the other marshmallow based ponies, this mare certainly was much more beautiful, graceful, and certainly taller. Twyla had never seen such a flowing rainbow colored mane before, nor had she ever really been in the company of so called ‘royalty’, “Oh, hello. My name is Twyla. I-It’s a pleasure to meet you, your… highness?”
“The pleasure is all mines, and please dear, just call me Celestia.”
Twyla couldn’t help but gawk at all of the Princess’ fancy adornments and shimmering white coat. With such a giant tattoo of the sun itself on her ass, she must’ve had some sort of cosmological influence Twyla thought. She had been trying her best to swallow down her giggles all day.
“Act normal.” Twilight whispered, knocking her friend in the shin.
The Princess cleared her throat, “It’s been quite some time since one of your kind has set foot into my world, and although I would love to pick your brain over what your world is like now, there are simply more urgent matters to discuss. Come to the sculpture garden my dears, we have a bit of a… situation, which I fear may be related to your trip here.”
With guards in tow, the three traveled down a flight of stairs and out into the blinding orchard.
“It’s Discord isn’t it, Princess Celestia? How could he have possibly escaped his stone imprisonment?”
“Well, erm, it isn’t exactly that simple.” The white alicorn stammered, feeling it was better simply to show the two.
Near the center, stood a stone mantle with various educational labels of the Draconequus’ dark past. He had escaped his fate once before but the Princess had made sure her trophy was placed back into the garden where it belonged. This time however, the statue lay completely shattered in the grass below surrounded by guards and yellow caution tape.
As enthusiastic as Twilight was over her theory, she had honestly hoped to be mistaken. Her eyes darted in every direction, expecting elephants to fall from the sky at any moment.
“So this was Discord?” Twyla couldn’t tell its pony end from its snake end. She could’ve sworn there was a bird’s talon in the rumble as well.
“Yes Twyla. Discord was what we call a ‘Draconequus’-” the Princess began.
“Which is definitely Latin for ‘Dragon Horse’, a mish-mash of creatures, etcetera, but how could he have gotten loose?” finished Twyla.
The Princess was surprised to hear such specific knowledge from such an alien visitor, “My, my! I’m impressed. You certainly are my faithful student’s twin.”
Twilight had been working hard to shelter her jealousy all day, but this was becoming absurd.
“I am a teacher after all, from where I’m from anyway, and I could easily see your ‘faithful student’ following a similar career.” Twyla winked at the purple unicorn, wanting to share in the praise, “But, please, do go on.”
“Oh, uhm, yes, as I was saying. We found the statue destroyed early yesterday. I had sent my top agents all over Equestria to search for any signs of Discord, but all reports have returned completely empty.” Celestia stepped forward and glanced down at what was once part of Discord’s repulsive face, “It’s almost as if he rotted from the inside out, but I’m afraid that isn’t the case either.”
The two bookworms got a closer look and examined the ruins.
“One of my loyal guards on duty the night before had seen a figure shadowing the garden. He pursued them only to witness the fugitive destroy the statue. And with a brilliant light, they disappeared.”
A minor detail caught Twyla’s eye, “Well, at least we can safely say that this Discord character is definitely no longer with us.” She slumped to a knee and lifted up a heavy piece of the demon’s torso, “Ugh, see…? If this was all just the remains of his imprisonment, then we’d find empty shells across the garden, but these pieces are completely solid, which would lead me to guess that this is really all that’s left of him.” Twyla dropped the chunk, and would’ve continued with on with her conclusion had she not dropped it on her foot. She let out a grunt and began hopping about, hoping she hadn’t stupidly broken something.
“…I-I had figured as much.” Agreed the Princess, “It’s been far too quiet around Equestria. He would’ve done something by now, but perhaps the fugitive may have had something to do with your arrival here, seeing as both events occurred on the same day.”
“Could it be possible that whoever ‘killed’ Discord may have also stolen his powers?” Twilight posed, unsure of how it could’ve been relevant to the humans.
“I’d be willing to stake my royal title on that wager. If it’s true, then we need to find out exactly whose trying to impersonate Discord, and fast before they have the chance to strike.”
It wasn’t hard to imagine any pony in Equestria wanting Discord dead, but why would they want his powers too? Hadn’t everypony in Equestria felt Discord’s wrath in some way already? Why would anypony desire such a thing Twilight wondered? Who would want to follow in his hoofsteps?
Blood flow had finally returned to Twyla’s foot, “Well, where do you think we should start investigating, Ms. Celestia?”
“I’ve already received reports from the farthest ends of Equestria with no signs of trouble, and I’ve ordered my agents to remain in position in case our suspect finally reveals themselves. If the appearance of you humans is in any way connected to this case, then they may attempt contact with you. Until further notice, I would suggest the both of you return to Ponyville and carry on with your daily routines. I already have my eyes and ears in Ponyville, but if either of you sees anything out of the ordinary, do not hesitate to send me a letter right away.”
“Yes, ma’m.” Twyla nodded.
“Now before you both go, Twlight my protege, I must have a word with you privately.”
Twilight smiled and nodded, pleased to finally get some real attention from the Princess, “Twyla, if you wouldn’t mind…”
“Oh, of course, I’ll meet you back at the train station, alright?” she nodded and bowed to the alicorn, “It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Celestia.”
The Princess bowed her head, “It’s a shame that we’re taxed for time like this. We really must chat again in the future, Twyla. Now my dear Twilight, please follow me.”
“I must say darling, for a creature with hooves instead of fingers, you certainly know your way around fabric.” Regina did a twirl in her new gown. Its white silver silk glimmered in the window light. Practical, yet elegant, it flowed from two corners suspended just below her collar bone down to a tight fit around the waste and then further again down towards her black stilettos. There was a slit where her right knee exited the dress. Regina was beyond impressed. The gown somehow even managed to match her black designer short gloves.
Rarity batted a hoof, “Oh, think nothing of it. It’s the very least I could’ve done for you. I simply could not allow such heartbreak to continue.”
“Now, I’m sure my ‘human’ currency might not fare very well here, but how much would I owe you?”
“Oh! Please, don’t. This is just a courtesy. I simply couldn’t-”
“Now, now, this must’ve taken you a lot of work considering I’m no pony. How much would you typically charge for this? A few thousand at the very least I’d imagine.”
Rarity refused, but her guest would have none of it.
“Alright fine! Then at least allow me to repay my debt to you by assisting you around your salon. I’m sure you work very hard around here and I would love to put my talents to good use. It’s not like I’m going to be doing very much else around here anyway.”
The white unicorn was very tempted to take up the offer, but she didn’t want to burden her guest with unpaid work. That’d make her a terrible hostess.
Regina leaned in, almost tumbling the pony off of her work stool, “I’d bet you could use some well-deserved time off. You could get your, uhm, hooves pedicured or whatever you ponyfolk call it, spend some time at the spa, enjoy some personal time to yourself, etcetera. I’m sure someone of your charm and talents has a cute boyfriend. You’d have plenty of time for a romantic night out.”
Rarity laughed, trying to cover up her flushed cheeks, “Oh stop it! I haven’t dated in ages. You’re just too much Regina!”
Just then, the door flew open, knocking over a few pony shaped mannequins, “Rarity! Regina! You’ve gotta’ help!”
Rarity did her best to adjust her projects attached to the mannequins, “What exactly is the matter, Fluttershy…?”
“It’s Fiona! I’ve been looking for her all day! I can’t find her anywhere!” the yellow Pegasus was clearly panicked.
“She’s not at your cottage?” Regina begged.
“No! I’ve looked absolutely everywhere! I can’t find her! You guy’s gotta’ help me look for her!” Fluttershy was nearly ready to spring a leak.
Rarity trotted over and put her hooves around her, “It’s alright dear. Don’t you worry. We’ll help you find Fiona. She’s probably just gone and lost herself around town is all.”
Regina and the two ponies managed to make it to Fluttershy’s cottage, which was already surrounded by troops of concerned woodland creatures.
“Any sign of Fiona?” Fluttershy asked, to which her pet bunny Angel shook its head, “Oh dear! All I found when I arrived was this muffin. It looked like one of Ditzy’s muffins.”
Rarity easily saw the resemblance. Though by the look of the crumpled muffin, she couldn’t help but think that something terrible had happened.
The road caught Regina’s attention, “Hey look, two sets of tracks!” there was a clear path of both hoof and footprints, which happened to lead directly towards the forest ahead of them.
“Oh that’s just wonderful! They ran into the Everfree forest.” Rarity could only imagine the trouble those two had gotten themselves into by now.
“Everfree forest? Sounds pleasant enough.” Regina thought.
“Oh, it really isn’t.” the Pegasus countered, “It’s a pretty dark and scary place. The plants and animals there are all feral and downright scary! It’s no place for any person or pony.”
Regina sighed, knowing she had no choice but to go rescue her friend from what were probably some tribal cannibalistic ponies or some dinosaurs. She was going to need at least a machete for this.
Sitting at the edge of a cliff just beyond a clearing of forest, a little gray Pegasus watched as the sun began to caress a mountain top. Her face was pruned from all the tears she had spent, “I can’t even deliver the town’s mail properly half the time… What am I really worth to anyone but a few laughs anymore?”
Ditzy could hardly remember what the bubbles on her flank even meant. For a while she had assumed it had something to do with her ‘bubbly’ personality. Ponyville already considered her the village idiot anyway, the very least she could do was put a few smiles on everypony’s face while playing along with the part. The fact that her golden eyes were typically starring in complete opposite directions half the time certainly added to the effect. She used to imagine what it would be like if maybe once, just once, somepony could take her seriously. Maybe even invite her to a party where she wouldn’t just be the laughing stock.
“What do I even have going for myself anymore? At least I used to make them laugh before. Now they all just hate me, and I can’t even apologize for it. All I am now is just a failure at being a failure…” Ditzy might’ve been the very first pony in the history of Equestria to ever consider flying as high as she could and just disappearing off into space. At least that way, no pony would ever call her ‘Derpy’ ever again. One last tear fell from the cliff’s edge that day.
Ditzy managed to get on her shaky hooves and starred off into the sinking sky. She tried to flap her wings, but just didn’t have the courage in her broken heart.
Before she could consider the thought any further, a loud crash snapped a tree just behind her. Ditzy nearly stumbled off the cliff over the ruckus.
“Help!!” it was Fiona, who was wielding a crude stick that was probably too big for her anyway. She swung wilding in every direction while a fairly large Komodo dragon innocently toyed with his meal. The poor girl was covered in scrapes and forest rubbish, but there was an unmistakable bloody gash across her leg which immediately caught Ditzy’s eye.
“I-It’s you! Why did you follow me out here…?!”
“Ditzy?! Is that you?” Fiona shouted. Utterly blind, she had given up trying to keep the blood out of her eyes long ago, “Get out of here, Ditzy! I’ll distract it!” Fiona was doing her darndest to keep the dragon at bay while swinging her stick in the complete opposite direction.
“You’re gonna’ get yourself killed!”
Fiona was well aware of the situation, but she naively thought it would be better off that she get axed over Ditzy. The dragon went in for another strike of its claw, but luckily took a sharp stick to the eye. It let out a blood curdling cry and backed off for the moment. Fiona thought she’d hit a tree and immediately began swatting her stick about for good measure.
Ditzy’s wings flapped of their own will, and she zipped towards the monster without a second thought, “Hey ugly! Over here!” she taunted, buzzing around the dragon’s head like a pesky fly.
The beast tried to swipe at the nuisance but Ditzy was too quick for him. He spun about for a thrash of his tail which the Pegasus easily evaded and in return slammed her back hooves over the dragon’s head as hard as she could, “Take that!”
The Komodo dragon’s eyes pin wheeled while it fumbled right into another unintended smack to the face from Fiona’s blinded paranoia. The beast yelped and began to whimper before it finally scampered off into the trees.
Ditzy landed by Fiona’s side to check on her terrible leg, but even she got a slap over the head from the stick, “Ouch! What was that for?!”
“Oh, gosh I’m so sorry! Is that monster gone? Y-You see I’m-”
Ditzy suddenly noticed the girl’s face, which was covered in blood stains, “Your eyes! They’re covered in-!”
“Oh, uhm, yes. It was my fault really. I just wasn’t paying attention to where I was going!” Fiona giggled, which was the least she could do to keep her hopes up.
“We need to get you to a doctor! And your leg, that could be serious!”
“D-Do you happen to know what exactly it was that was attacking me?”
“It was a dragon! But it was a flightless one with a forked tongue. I forget what they call those…”
Fiona suddenly began to feel woozy. Having seen far too many documentaries from Indonesia about how the gigantic monitors hunt their prey. She knew exactly the predicament she was in. If this beast was anything like what she thought it was, then it definitely hunted with small venomous bites. A faint red silhouette of Ditzy began to spin until Fiona finally collapsed to the ground.
“Fiona! Oh gosh! I’m such a featherbrain! This is all my fault…” Just then, a figure caught the corner of Ditzy’s eye. She fluttered about to identify the shadow, but it had already vanished, “Who was that? Show yourself!”
Whoever it was, they had probably seen the entire scuffle unfold and they were certainly gone by now. Ditzy wanted to fly off and investigate, but she couldn’t bear to leave Fiona’s side. There was no water in sight, so the Pegasus grabbed the greenest forest leaf she could find and began to clean around Fiona’s eyes. She had to work quickly, and that gash on Fiona’s leg didn’t seem like it was supposed to be bruising into such a bright shade of purple so quickly. The only other thing Ditzy could think to do while she worked towards her RN degree was to consistently scream for help.
Even now, Twyla still couldn’t help but feel impressed by Canterlot’s architecture. Not even her flavor of the month medieval fantasy novels could describe a bastion anywhere near the detail seen here. She gazed down at her hands. How was it possible to conceive such intricate creations with only hooves? Almost aimlessly, she wandered around a market square, towering over hoards of elite sophisticates. There was a spiraled railing that led up the corner of a haberdashery. Twyla moved in to inspect the design. It was clearly handmade, or ‘hoofmade’ perhaps, and it was definitely sculpted out of hard oak.
“Something the matter my dear?” a suited stallion who was probably a connoisseur in something or another, complete with a cliché monocle approached the human. The other elitist ponies had already begun to whisper and kept an eye on the peculiar visitor.
“Oh, I’m sorry for acting so strangely.” Twyla scratched the back of her head, “It’s just that I’m new in Equestria and-”
“Ah yes, we’ve all read the ‘Canterlot daily’. You ‘humans’ arrived in Ponyville, yes? I’m sure you’re still getting used to a world filled with ponies and all, it must be quite the culture shock.” He said sarcastically.
The crowd gave a mild chortle.
“Oh, excuse me, I seem to have forgotten my manners.” He adjusted his bow tie, “They call me Mr. Fancypants, and you are, dear?”
It was quite possibly the stupidest name Twyla had ever heard of, but she gotten pretty good at retaining her outbursts of laughter since arriving in Equestria so stomaching the detail wasn’t too difficult, “My name’s Twyla. I’m a teacher …from Earth I guess. Though to be honest I’m not exactly sure how my friends and I got here.”
Mr. Fancypants pondered for a moment, “Perhaps the use of magic?”
“Magic! It all makes perfect sense now. Why hadn’t I put two-and-two together?”
“B-Beg your pardon?” the sophisticate raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, excuse me. I just couldn’t figure out how you ponies had created such magnificent towers and complex architecture, I mean, without the use of reticulated digits anyway.” Twyla flexed through her fingers.
“Digits? Oh, you mean your fingers? Yes well, we are ponies after all, with hooves!” He cleared his voice, “But we’ve gotten along quite well over the millennia, if I do say so myself.”
“Sheesh, I’m awful today. That was probably a bit rude of me. It’s just that I’m so impressed by the detail and craftsmanship.”
Mr. Fancypants smiled, and with his magical horn he paid for an apple from a nearby vendor. The apple glittered through the air and he offered the morsel to the human, “The Earth ponies and Pegasi do have to work quite hard to be creative, especially to keep up with today’s trends, but it certainly helps to cheat just a little bit.”
“Oh, thank you so much, sir.” Twyla happily took the apple into her palm and snacked a bite.
“Do they not have magic from where you’re from?” he asked.
Twyla gulped an apple chunk down, “At least not outside of our fairytale books.”
The stallion laughed, “I must say then you’re in for a surprise, allow me to show you what us Unicorns are capable of. There’s going to be quite the show later tonight, if you’d be so kind as to stay.”
Twyla was hoping her friend would take her time speaking with the Princess. An ordinary human couldn’t really afford to pass up such an occasion, especially one as nerdy as Twyla.
“Twilight Sparkle, have you ever wondered where the fabled Elements of Harmony originated from?” Princess Celestia had led her faithful student up to the top of Canterlot tower. Rows of stained glass shimmered off of the little unicorn and her mentor depicting many of Twilight and her friend’s quests and accomplishments.
“Well, I have thought about it, but I haven’t actually researched the topic to be honest. I know that must sound kind of silly for one of the Elements’ wielders to say, but-”
“That’s alright my dear. Outside this hall there isn’t exactly a lot written on their origins.” The two came to a large vault. Celestia unlocked the massive doors with her gallant horn. With a shine of a blinding blue light, the doors lifted and within them sat the precious case of the Elements. Celestia unlocked the case, her heart skipping a beat recollecting the last time she was forced to reveal these wonders, but there they sat, all six Elements of Harmony, “If you may recall, it was my sister Princess Luna and I who wielded these elements and used them to defeat Discord long ago.”
Twilight equally remembered the times she herself had to use her Element of Magic, but she couldn’t help but wonder what her Princess was leading up to.
“These Elements of Harmony are some of the very last treasures that remain of the Alicorn race, my race. During the early raids of Discord’s chaos, we Alicorns did all we could to fight back and defend the mortal Earth ponies, but not only did he cut us down from the skies, but he destroyed our beautiful world. He brought drought, disease, and famine to this realm unlike none we’d ever witnessed. Our race slowly swindled, and the few of us that were left used our powerful magic to enchant these treasures with the vast knowledge and power gained over millennia. If not for these very Elements, we may not have resurrected our world and put a stop to Discord’s tyranny.”
The little unicorn was in shock, she had never known that these mere rubies, diamonds, and jems of so called friendship had such a dreary past, “I-I’m so sorry, Princess. I had no idea.”
“The past is the past my child. What concerns me is the future.” The Element of Magic glowed in a series of brilliant colors, and Celestia carried it over to Twilight’s head, “My foresight sees dark and twisted times ahead of us. Times that my own kind had suffered long ago. These tribulations will not begin here however, not in Equestria, but in a faraway land. I fear that your new friends are in grave danger.”
“Danger? But from what?”
“I do not know, but we must be prepared for the very worst, my child. Sadly, due to the circumstances, I feel as if our Elements of Harmony may not be enough this time.”
Twilight was puzzled, “Why in Equestria would they not be enough? They’ve always worked before! As long as we have the power of friendship within our hearts, no evil can stop us!”
“And you would be exactly right to think that...” The look of worry was unmistakable in Celestia’s eyes, “In Equestria at least.”
“What do you mean?”
The Princess sighed, “I wish I knew more, I only know what my heart hints to me of the future. I will need to gather more information before I can verify my suspicions. Until then, I have some homework for you, Twilight.” Celestia smiled and a nearby vault glowed with her magic before finally opening. From it a number of scrolls and tomes glittered through the air, “I need you to study and research these spells for me. When the time comes, if it does at all, I will summon you.”
Twilight’s eyes sparkled in excitement, “T-Thank you Princess! It’s an honor as always!”
The Princess laughed softly and smiled before locking the Elements away in their tomb.
Twilight strolled down the Canterlot marketplace, wondering where her twin could’ve wandered off to. She was beginning to feel the weight of the books and scrolls stretching the seams of her saddle pack, “Where could that girl possibly be at this hour?” The sun had already set and many of the city’s shops were beginning to close.
In the distance, the unicorn could hear shouts and cheers. A couple of sophisticates galloped past Twilight, nearly knocking her over, “Hey! Watch it!” Not even an apology was spared, but they did drop a flyer. Twilight investigated the pamphlet, and a sudden look of disgust crossed her face, “Trixie…”
“Come one! Come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’ Trixie!” each ‘R’ was horribly exaggerated.
A wagon had rolled into the city and had unfolded out an entire stage complete with a rather impressive fireworks show. A poof of smoke hit the stage and as it cleared an enthusiastic blue little unicorn took its place. The spectators cheered and applauded.
She smiled under her starry eyed mage hat and wizard coat, “Watch in Awe! As the great and powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” the stage suddenly screamed in an even more dazzling display of pyrotechnics.
Twyla stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowd, being just about twice the size of every pony there. She was impressed by the show so far but was still waiting for the real magic to begin.
The audience oohed and awed as Trixie began performing her typical routine of parlor tricks. She made a beautiful bouquet of flowers appear out of thin air, then turned around and tossed it into the hooves of an elderly pony that was probably too old to get married anyway. Then, she took off her mage hat and reached inside.
“Oh great, a rabbit out of a hat trick. How typical.” Twyla thought to herself.
Instead the performer pulled out a flock of doves that took off into the night’s sky, to which Twyla rolled her eyes. The crowd was enjoying the simple show at least, and that was all the support the blue unicorn needed.
Trixie decided to raise the stakes, “Not impressed by the great and powerful Trixie, are you ‘human’?”
Twyla crossed her arms and shook her head.
“Well then! Come up on stage and assist me with some ‘real’ magic would you?”
Twyla sighed, expecting to be hit with the weakest of pranks. Feeling like too much of an adult in a world of toddlers, she made her way up the stage half expecting it to fall apart under her weight.
The blue unicorn rolled out a long table, which surprisingly fit Twyla’s height, “Please lie down and prepare to be amazed by the greatest magic seen in all of Equestria!”
“What’re you going to do? Saw me in half?” Twyla whispered as she lied down against the table.
Trixie shushed the girl and cleared her throat, “Prepare to be astounded beyond your wildest dreams!” She pulled out one of the biggest saws Twyla had ever seen and thrust it down into the teacher’s gut.
The crowd gasped and covered their faces in horror, as if they’d never seen such a cliché trick before. Twyla clenched her teeth, wondering why in the world she couldn’t feel the terrifying saw literally jamming through her torso. The tables split apart and rolled to either end of the stage, “Behold! The magic of-”
“Trixie! Put her back together this instant!” it was Twilight Sparkle, who had been ready to leave for Ponyville for quite some time now.
The performer gulped but quickly collected herself, “So i-it’s you! That confused little unicorn from that dreadful Ponyville!”
“I don’t have time for your cheap magic tricks! I said, put my friend back together. Now!”
“Or you’ll do what? Laughably flounder about like you did with that Ursa Minor?”
The audience began to whisper back and forth.
“That’s right folks! This laughable excuse for a unicorn summoned an Ursa Minor of all things to her own town just to show off her pathetic abilities! Would’ve gotten everypony gobbled up had I not stopped by just in time and saved the town!” Trixie scoffed.
“You… liar!!” Twilight couldn’t believe the nerve the magician was pulling out of her hat.
“Now, now. No need for petty insults. If you wish to challenge me, simply come out and do so! That is, if you ever wish to see your friend in one piece again.”
“Twilight, it’s okay, you don’t have to. Let’s just go.” Twyla could hardly believe the predicament she’d gotten herself into. She crossed her arms and legs on either end of the stage and waited for the fiasco to be over with.
Twilight was hardly one to show off. She had made it a point in her daily studies of magic to never use her powers unless they were actually needed, but this was simply too much for her to endure, “…Fine! If you’re going to act that way then throw everything you have at me!”
Trixie sneered, she’d only dreamt of this moment, “Then prepare for your ultimate demise!” Her horn glowed and spectacular balls of blue plasma appeared overhead. The crowds gasped and applauded, but were soon sent sprinting for their lives as the fireballs made their way towards the purple unicorn.
A pink barrier soon lifted itself around Twilight, stopping the fireballs dead on impact and sent them bursting into bustles of candy apples to the audience’s delight.
Another swing of Trixie’s horn and a ring of fire surrounded Twilight, ready to rise up and engulf her in a whirlwind of flames. But just as the tornado of fire began to spin, its color hued from a golden orange to green, until the rings of fire were nothing but beautiful orchid vines covered in pink flowers. The column of foliage split five ways revealing Twilight standing proud with her horn overflowing with radical energies.
Trixie snarled and commanded dozens of rope vines to slither towards her rival. She’d sooner constrict the purple unicorn into a coma than ever admit defeat. Unfortunately for her, the ropes changed their minds half way down the stage, and instead focused their attention towards Trixie herself. She was soon covered in ropes, hog tied and hanging helplessly by her hooves in midair, “Gah! Let me down immediately!! This isn’t the end of-!” Twilight took the opportunity to fill Trixie’s yap with a candy apple before finally hanging her from the top of the stage’s scaffolding like a Hearth's Warming Eve ornament.
Trixie yelped and muffled while she dangled by a rope. It was priceless. The audience laughed and applauded, all of them equally happy to have mouths filled with candy apple.
Twilight hopped up on stage and with her magic she reunited Twyla with her legs, “I hope you didn’t believe that garbage Trixie said about me.”
Twyla chuckled, “Oh please, Twilight. I’m a teacher. I know when someone’s lying after all.”
The two shared a laugh and couldn’t help but respond to the cheering audience with a pair of humble bows.
Ditzy, Rarity, Regina, and Fluttershy awaited the very worst news. That sickening smell of quarantined rooms and sanitized floors ran through the hospital’s lobby. Ditzy sat in a cold aluminum chair, thinking it might be preferable if she was in a trashcan instead.
Rarity picked up on the sentiment, “Now, now, don’t you dare blame yourself for any of this. It isn’t you fault.”
Ditzy could barely even muster up the words to disagree. The teardrops on her lap were beginning to pool.
Regina ruffled the gray pegasus’ mane, “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. You’ll see.” she was probably the very last person to believe any of that, “Cheer up kiddo’.”
“I-It’s just that… I felt so horrible about yesterday. I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble for any of you. I ran off to be alone…” Ditzy sniffed and wiped a tear away, “I didn’t know she’d follow me into the forest like that. I wasn’t even in any trouble… and now look what I’ve caused. I’m the absolute worst. Everything I do hurts someone!”
“Now you listen here!” Fluttershy ‘barged’ into the conversation, “I bet you would’ve done the same thing if you saw somepony feeling terrible like that. She only did it because she cared about you. None of us would’ve wanted to see you like that and we certainly don’t want to see you like this now-”
The hospital entrance suddenly erupted, “Where is she?!” frantically darting through the door was Raine, followed by Piper and Aprile.
“What happened to our little girl, Regina?” Aprile demanded.
Regina glanced down at the tiled floor, unsure how to answer the question.
“She’s okay right? Right?! What happened?!” Piper was doing her best to shake an answer out of her.
She held Piper’s arms still, “I-I don’t know. It was bad.”
“How bad?!” Raine cried.
Just then, the lobby door cracked and a nurse pony entered the room holding a clipboard. She was less than enthusiastic about the situation as she faced the girls.
“Please tell us, Ma’m. Fiona’s going to be okay, right?” asked Rarity.
The nurse’s lip crinkled and she went through her paperwork one last time, “Well, for starters, her eyes will be fine. There’s no retinal damage, as far as we ‘ponies’ can tell anyway. They just need a couple of days to heal.”
“And…?” Fluttershy begged.
“Luckily for Fiona, we do have anti-venom to treat the bite wound. Unfortunately, we’re not too familiar with human anatomy here. We’ve given her an appropriate dosage of the anti-venom based on our estimates, but her body’s healing far too slowly. She’s stabilized at the very least, but we won’t know anything for sure until tomorrow.”
The nurse put her clipboard down against the lobby counter and walked up to them, “I’ll be honest with all of you, Fiona almost died today. It was very close, and we’re not out of the woods here yet. She’ll live through this, but there’s a good chance we could be looking at an amputation by tomorrow.”
Raine practically collapsed into tears against Aprile’s shoulder.
“This can’t be happening…” Piper began to shutter.
“Ain’t there anything ya’ll can do about this?!” Aprile pleaded with the nurse, doing her best to console the stunt pilot, “Maybe use your pony magic or something? Anything!?”
“I’m sorry, but the best magic could possibly do would give her a temporary fix. It can’t work a miracle. We’ve done all we can. It’s up to her now.” Bad news was something the nurse had never gotten used to, “She’s conscious at least. You’re free to go in and visit her for a little while. Just please try to be quiet as she needs her rest.”
Raine didn’t need any damned permission, and dashed down the hall. Piper and Aprile followed close behind the stream of teardrops along with Rarity and Fluttershy. The nurse followed them and closed the door behind her.
Ditzy was abandoned yet again, at least it felt appropriate. There was no way she could face Fiona now, for fear of maybe knocking something over and making things even worse, “The best thing I can do now is just leave… I’ve caused enough trouble for one day.” She stood up, wiped her drowsy face and left the hospital.
There was not a cloud in the night’s sky. Luna’s moon shined brilliantly over the already slumbering Ponyville. Ditzy slowly trotted through the edge of town with her head held low. She was at the lowest point of her life, completely underneath the bottom of the barrel, a completely pointless little pony. They’d find someone else to deliver Ponyville’s mail, and that Pegasus would probably do a much better job at it anyway.
“Ditzy!” she quivered, and slowly turned around to answer the call.
It was Rarity who had to stop and catch her breath, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Where do you think you’re-?” Ditzy had the most miserable look in her eyes. It was enough to break Rarity’s heart. She threw herself around the Pegasus and held her tightly, “Oh dear, please don’t be like that. Fiona’s been asking for you all night. Please come back to the hospital with me.”
Ditzy really wanted to refuse, too ashamed to ever face Fiona, but her hooves carried her back anyway.
Rarity escorted the Pegasus down the hall, wishing there was something she could do or say to lift that head of hers. The door to Fiona’s room was just up ahead. It opened and Raine, Piper, Regina, and Aprile exited the room with Fluttershy guarding the door. They each had optimistic smiles on their faces, thankful to know that their good friend was still okay. They shared those smiles with Ditzy as they walked past.
“She’s waiting for you in there, kid.” Aprile said.
“Go on, Ditzy. Don’t keep your friend waiting now.” Rarity hurried the gray pony inside and closed the door. She turned to Fluttershy, “Is it okay if she stays?”
“The Nurse didn’t seem to have a problem if it was only her anyway.”
Ditzy stood against the door and looked up at Fiona. She lay in a makeshift hospital bed loosely built just for a human. The girl was surrounded by quiet machines all hooked up to her body monitoring every pulse and beat. Her leg was covered in stitches while her eyes were completely bandaged. Ditzy glanced over to a nearby chair and saw just how badly Fiona had been battered. Hanging over the chair was her red stained yellow sweater and pink Capris, completely cut to ribbons.
The pony's heart ached just from the sight of the garments. She clenched her eyes, unable to cope with it all.
“Ditzy, is that you…?” Fiona’s voice wavered.
“Fiona! I’m so sorry for all of-”
She hushed the pegasus, “No more of that. Now come over here and lay down by my side.”
Cautiously, Ditzy fluttered over and landed beside the girl.
Fiona wiped the tears from the pony’s eyes, and in the softest voice said, “Please don’t cry anymore, Ditzy. I won’t feel any better unless you’re smiling. Just lay here with me while I go to sleep…”
If a smile was all it was going to take to make her feel better, then Ditzy would gladly comply, even if she was getting her tears all over the bed sheets.
Fiona wrapped her arm around Ditzy as the little pony snuggled in close, and together they drifted off.
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 5: The Last Gasp of Air
The quaint little Bavarian cottages of Ponyville soon found themselves at the closest that they had ever once stood against one another until they compacted and crushed into the running onslaught. One could only have speculated over the power a single droplet of water could hold once combined with the billions upon trillions of its brothers and sisters. Such a thought was one of the very last many ponies would’ve dared to venture as their screams for help were slowly chewed away between the cascading rubble.
Many were quashed between the churning debris and running mud storm of the flood. Much of the Pegasi managed to escape the tidal wave with the only instincts they ever knew. It was quite difficult to fly however under the regret of not being able to rescue the remaining overpowered unicorns that did their very best to save the Earth ponies with their frail magic. The sinking Earth below smelled of nothing but terror, shame, and bone.
Piper reached out her arm to the pink hoof just out in front of her, but couldn’t quite grasp it. It was all she could see of Pinkie Pie between the mire that was slowly pulling them both under.
She screamed and cried for help until all that filled her once sprinkle covered taste buds with sludge. Eventually, all she could see was complete blackness until finally the snapping agony of her cracking spine devoured her. Not even her tears were safe from the torrent’s hunger.
“Rarity!!” Regina gargled in possibly an arm’s length of air at the very top of white unicorn’s salon.
Rarity struggled to keep her mouth above the consuming water but her own horn which was caught against the oak ceiling stuffed her desperate wide eyed pants back down into the rising muck. Churning in the abyss beneath them were the little fashionista’s creations and dreams which were slowly being suffocated with every passing second.
Perhaps a few inches of air remained at the very peak of their diminishing hope before the Carousel Boutique violently collapsed into itself and disappeared into the stratum beneath the rest of Ponyville.
The fields of Sweet Apple Acres were covered in tumbling apple trees and dozens of helpless bodies of buffalo, many of which had ceased kicking up their hooves long ago.
Applejack had just watched from her floating barnyard roof top as her little sister’s normally bouncy red tail was digested by the eager filth. The little pony screamed and begged for the filly’s life through Aprile’s arms, unaware that her desperate attempts began to tip their only sanctuary.
Aprile had no words to console her little friend. Granny Smith had already become easy pickings for the tsunami and Big Macintosh had fallen so that his younger sisters may have had some chance at surviving the disaster. Not even Wynona, the beloved family pet had been spared.
The two farmhands held onto each other for dear life, trembling as pandemonium itself floated by. Applejack drenched her friend’s tangerine buttoned shirt in her agonizing moans, demanding her family be returned to her side, a demand Aprile could do nothing to relieve.
Suddenly the flagpole from Ponyville’s town hall punctured through the refuge and shattered it into slivers. Aprile cried out as the snapped splinter of the mast pierced her thigh and gnashed through muscle and bone alike. Applejack plummeted from the girl’s arms and vanished into the rolling mud that finally engulfed any last trace of Ponyville’s capitol. The only memory that still remained above water was a damp rodeo hat.
Fluttershy desperately struggled to maintain altitude while being covered with as many small creatures she could gather. Over her back, her head, her hooves, even the smallest split end of her mane and tail safeguarded the tiniest of innocent creatures. She would’ve placed them in the tallest trees and gone back for more but the tide had already swept every one of them away. She couldn’t bear to pick and choose between her pets. So many had slipped past her reach already and she had yet to find a spot to at least rest her beaten wings over the running depths beneath her.
She called out to Fiona in every direction, but could find no sign of life. The girl had originally scurried off with as many of the animals as her arms could carry, Fluttershy’s white bunny Angel being one of them, but had long since vanished under the grime.
Fluttershy frantically darted in every direction like a horrified mother searching for her lost children. A lifeless white ball of fur caught the corner of her eye and her wings nearly split under themselves in the attempt to reach the sullied puffball. The yellow Pegasus reached out one of the only empty spaces left over her hoof, and took the carcass into her feather built ark.
She winced as she held Angel’s limp body tightly, overwhelming his damp white coat in her muffled tears and moans.
In a bizarre attempt to comfort her, a set of sharp branches ran through her rustled pink mane while another gouged through one of her strained wings before she had time to swallow down her heartache. Fluttershy screamed and anxiously tugged and pulled to get away. In the panic, her few remaining companions were thrown overboard by the impaling tree and soon enough Fluttershy herself was skewered into the raging waters below and swallowed her up in a helpless gargle of terrified shrieks.
Ditzy fluttered about in the air completely indifferent to the carnage below her. She had been far too busy gambling on where she thought Lyra’s helpless body might’ve drifted off to underneath the muck. She had been given perhaps a few minutes to rescue the unicorn beforehand but dead or alive, the outcome would’ve been the same in her hobbled eyes, utterly and completely pointless.
In the grand scheme of things, or in her own opinion quite frankly, such a frivolous pony that had little to do with Ponyville’s real affairs in the first place served no purpose but to satiate a momentary boredom. And eventually even this game soon fell to the same futility as just about anything else.
Spike had just floated by on the world’s smallest book before eventually being overtaken. The query peaked Ditzy’s interest for possibly a second before realizing that Spike was but a dragon, barely half the worth of a pony, or at least this was the way she justified it.
For a moment, she even began to add her own personal value to the equation. Just how valuable was Ditzy herself? She ventured that since there was no longer a Ponville to deliver mail to that she’d have very little purpose otherwise. To be honest, she was no better than any of the drowning ponies below, but why waste the effort in getting one’s feathers wet she thought. Ditzy shrugged and chuckled softly, that is until a familiar cackle caught her contempt, “Oh, just look who it is.”
“Look who it is, indeed. Can you blame me? It’s such a nice day to go out for a ‘stroll’ in Ponyville.”
Ditzy couldn’t help but lazily snicker at the senseless paradox before her.
Seamlessly lounging within a bed of thin air above the murky uproar sat a rather elongated fellow wearing the dreariest of striped tuxedos topped in a thick scarf that did a terrible job at complimenting the man’s wardrobe, “This new ‘husk’ of mines has taken some getting used to, but I can see the benefits. At least those wretched humans know what ‘style’ is.”
From beneath the slender man’s head waved a cufflink and attached to it was a fairly ripe crab claw of considerable criminality. Although it certainly wasn’t his playful old cat paw, he definitely liked the feel of it. It seemed to perfectly represent his newest and most favorite thing – Power, and not just any power, but loud, obnoxious and flamboyant power. A type of fabulous power like a goblet that could be used to hold the very chaos he so thirsted for. He admired the bright pink pincer as he ran the leather reinforced talons of his dinosauric fingers through pale squirrel tale hanging from his chin.
“Beautiful isn’t it Derpy? Oh, no I don’t mean me, of course.” He laughed, “I mean all of this lovely nonsense. Funny how something as simple as the flick of a domino can cause such wonderfully delicious ‘Chaos’!”
“You!!” elegantly flying in from what seemed like the sun itself was Princess Celestia with an unmistakable look of horrid anguish, “I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re going to pay for what you’ve done!”
The foul spirit chuckled heartedly, “Forgotten about me already have you, Princess? Now here I thought I was your favorite trophy.”
She hadn’t quite prepared herself to handle such familiar words, and the reality of the situation began to sink in, dragging down Celestia’s heart along with it, “D-Discord…?! B-But how?”
Ditzy eyes rolled haphazardly, “Did it really take you this long to figure it out? Sheesh.”
The frail eel of a man leered his harlequin eyes at the princess, “I was beginning to wonder when you’d show up, my dear Celestia. I’ve had to adjust myself to a rather vile and disgusting background as of late. Your beauty was just the fresh air that I’ve needed.”
“Ditzy! Step away from him!” Celestia was covered in fright at what the demon might attempt next. Was the stone imprisonment no longer enough to keep him at bay? Or were the Elements of Harmony simply not as powerful as they once were?
The Pegasus shrugged, “Why? It’s not like you’re going to do anything to him without those gaudy Elements.”
Celestia gasped at the deceit from one of her very own subjects, and then she finally noticed just how gray Ditzy really was, “What have you done to her, Discord?”
“Oh come now, catch up with the times will you? I shouldn’t have to explain a word of it, my dear.” Discord sneered, “All I did was point out to her how horribly she’s been treated in your ‘harmonious’ Equestria. I thought this was an egalitarian society. Are not all your ponies treated equally?”
The Princess gritted her teeth. Her vehement hatred was the only release she had from the tumbling conveyer belt of grief that fell below. An eternity in stone was far too merciful for this vile demon, “I swear, Discord, upon the very last breath I take, I will punish you for what you’ve done!”
The chaotic spirit nearly spit up a laugh, “Cliché my dear, such dialogue is beneath me.” Discord threw up his scarf in dismissal, “But honestly now! Do you think ‘I’ am actually responsible for this? All I did was set the stage, maybe even the tone, if you will. All I’ve been doing ever since is watching your ‘loyal’ servants dance their hearts away. You should’ve seen it! I mean, those aerial maneuvers were simply to die for!” Discord let out a jolly old hoot.
“Enough! I’m going to bury you with the rest of Ponyville!” Princess Celestia bellowed.
“Oh dear, look out, Derpy. We have quite the ‘badass’ over here.” The demon chuckled to which Ditzy rolled her eyes with a tempting grin.
Princess Celestia’s regal horn shrieked with golden flames that seemed to harness the sun itself. The enormous blaze thundered until it finally shot a mighty beam of light straight at the chaotic spirit.
Ditzy ‘enthusiastically’ fluttered to right just a bit to avoid the firestorm. Having just seen the most lackluster genocide of her very own town, this affair already wasn’t worth mentioning.
A yawn escaped Discord’s breath and he limply held out his Neptunian appendage just in time to break the laser’s streak. Sparks rattled in every direction while the demon eventually got around to rubbing the stardust from his eyes, “Why thank you Princess, I feared this lovely thing needed a good manicure. It’s rather garish I know, but I think it suits me in a way.”
With the scattershot of light in front of him, it was a wonder how Discord even noticed the oncoming pink bubble approaching them, “What do you think, Twilight Sparkle? Too little or too much?”
The glowing sphere behind caught the corner of Celestia’s eye, and that was all the time Discord needed to wrap his claw around her neck.
Twilight was doing all she could to focus her magic on the bubble while Twyla laid unconscious beside her, “Princess!!”
Celestia coughed up cries for help as the vice grip slowly crushed her trachea, “Do you silly ponies have any idea what it’s like being confined in stone for so long, being released, and then frozen again for yet a second time?! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?!”
The Princess gagged and kicked as her once gallant eyes began to reel into the back of her skull. She could feel small pops at the top of her neck as if her head was about to separate from the rest of her body.
“Stop it!!” Twilight shouted. She needed as much time as possible, but she couldn’t bear to sacrifice her Princess.
The demon batted a golden eye and cracked a smile, “I should have you to blame anyway, Twilight Sparkle.” He finally released his guillotine and tossed the helpless alicorn into the floodwaters below.
Ditzy suddenly had another distraction, and a far more exciting one at that. She made a bet with herself as to how long the Princess would last above water.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight winced through her tears. There wasn’t a thing she could do to save her mentor less she risked Twyla’s life as well. The unicorn glanced over at her slumbering friend who had fainted soon after watching Raine’s burning stunt plane drown.
“Twilight Sparkle… Did you miss me? It’s been ages since we’ve spent any time together. Do you remember our old chocolate rain parties?” He floated over and ran his green finger tips over the bubble’s edge, wondering just how much pressure it would take to pop.
“W-What?! Who are you?” It was only the seventh human Twilight had ever met.
“Oh please. Who do you think I am? Is this really so hard for you to figure out? Everyone else has already.”
Twilight bewilderedly gazed into the eyes of a harlequin fetus and began to tremble. For a moment she almost lost concentration and fell to her doom until finally the strange character in front of her made sense, “Discord…?!”
He gave a round of applause, “Bravo! That took far too long, my dear.”
“But you’re a-”
“A human? Oh please, don’t be so insulting. The only thing those filthy vile vermin were good for was making me home sick. I mean, I do look rather fetching in this get-up… but still!”
“B-But-”
“Yes, yes, I know, time for the villain’s explanation to it all. I’m sure you’re ever so curious as to how we all got here.” This was Discord’s favorite part of the story, “You see, while trapped under that stone for yet a second time, I all but lost my mind!” He let out another laugh that of Amadeus Mozart’s charm, “I rattled around in that tomb for quite some time until I managed to muster up all the power I could and then somehow found my mind tumbling into what I could only assume was another dimension!”
Discord turned about and lounged himself upon the bubble as if it were a beanie chair, “I really have the six of you to thank. You just don’t understand what that kind of hatred can do to an individual! But something very odd happened indeed.” He tipped his finger against his lip, “This wasn’t just a case of my mind separating from my body and escaping into another realm. Oh no. Apparently, if I understand it correctly, I seem to have caused a split between the fabrics of reality, and forged a whole new one with my chaotic powers. Amazing isn’t it? And I didn’t just get sent there, I apparently traded places with your delightful little friends there. Or what’s left of them anyway.” he cackled, “I suppose my terrible disgust for all of you was all it took to play musical chairs with the aspects of reality.”
“But why are you a human…?” Just a few more seconds of dialogue was all Twilight needed.
Discord raised an eyebrow, beginning to suspect the unicorn was up to something, “Well, obviously because I didn’t have a body, nor did I even have all of my powers which is why I needed to come back for them of course. Until then I was but a floating soul in a sea of filth. So I just possessed some random idiot walking down a street corner. At least he had some fashion sense.” The demon leaned over and faced Twilight eye to eye once again, “Have these miserable humans told you of their world yet? It’s such an awfully miserable place. It was hardly worth corrupting, at first anyway. It was already so darn immoral and crooked. I’ve never seen such a place filled with greed and selfishness! You can’t even walk down the street without some estranged lunatic attacking you!”
He glanced down at the murky waters below, “But I have to admit, those humans did rub off on me a bit. I’ve become quite… ‘deranged’ since visiting their world. Those humans surely know their way around some good old fashioned chaos. Do you know that they regularly kill each other over such petty things like ‘money’? It’s almost as if they didn’t even need me there! But you know how I am, Twilight. I simply couldn’t resist adding my two cents. I really hope their happy, now that I’ve gotten rid of all those… Nuclear war-bombs, whatever they call those delicious things. The lightshow was simply spectacular!”
Discord finally began to notice Twilight’s lack of attention to his rambling diatribe as well as the increasing intensity of light at the tip of her horn, “Are you trying to… stall?” he chortled, “What for, my dear? What could you possibly hope to do against moi’?”
Twilight clenched her teeth and focused every synapse of her mind on the one point ahead of her. The memories of Twyla beside her, the Princess, and all of her good friends who had been swept away swelled into the brilliant tip of her horn.
“Just what can an obsessive-compulsive little egghead like you hope to accomplish here? Your foolish friends are dead by their own hands and you can’t even wield your precious little Elements of Harmony anymore!” Discord let out another laugh for possibly the last chance he’d have for a while.
Twilight bit her lip just moments from pulling the trigger, “I don’t need the Elements of Harmony for what I’m about to do, jerk!”
The bare space around her horn began to bend and with a loud crack, a bright light blanketed Discord and every other shred of sunken timber and rubble for miles.
The spirit covered his eyes under the mighty radiance and soon found that he had lost complete control of both his body and mind. Utterly overwhelmed, he found himself repeating his entire introduction, his muscles twitching and convulsing, completely separated from every synapse.
Celestia zipped out of the water and back into the clutches of his crab claw, her snapped vertebra now reunited and a luminous beam of light shunned away her attacker and tossed him back beside the indifferent gray Pegasus before vanishing into the sun up above.
The flood that had completely trampled all of Ponyville had reversed flow altogether. Cottages began to reconstruct themselves all on their own will as each and every droplet of water soon evaporated.
Fluttershy was picked out of the mire by a gracious oak tree that was even generous enough to free itself from her small wing. Her little animals, as well as Angel himself, found themselves atop her back juggling for space.
Fiona, who had been swept up in the rushing rapids and slammed against a wall, had suddenly found herself careening away from it. The few animals that she had done her best to save had returned to her arms just in time for Fiona to catch her footing. Even her yellow sweater had begun to dry up.
Out of the water’s mercy, Aprile was tossed back onto the section of rooftop as a sharp splinter of mast dragged itself out of her leg with just before Applejack fell back into the farm girl’s arms.
Tears were absorbed into the little pony’s ducts and soon enough Applebloom returned to their little piece of floating sanctuary as well.
Before their terrified eyes, the rooftop attached itself back onto their barn and Big Macintosh arrived out of the water just in time to greet them.
Granny Smith Apple’s hip cracked itself back into place as a passing wave stationed her back against her feeble walker as if nothing had ever happened.
Hundreds of Apple trees planted themselves back into the freshly watered soil as the shores retreated. Dozens of friendly buffalo were gently placed back onto their hooves and the Apple family dashed in the most backwards manner imaginable from the top of their barn just in time to dry off.
A breath of fresh air finally reached Rarity’s lungs just as Regina was given some room to breathe. The Carousel Boutique swirled down with a satisfied deluge. Once utterly ruined gowns and fashion pieces were hung out to dry over mannequins that had rediscovered their pedestals while garments and fabrics became instantly organized by strand and color.
The door to the saloon fell back into its hinges and the two fashionistas graciously retuned back to their stools stapling, stitching and sewing away the latest order as if neither had just drowned in a horrible disaster.
A puff of soggy pink fuzz periscoped out of the muddy tides and the rest of Piper soon followed, gaining back the last breath of fresh air she ever took. Pinkie Pie’s hoof finally reached the girl’s hand and it wasn’t long until the blue eyed pony reached the surface as well.
Their screams for help were both escorted back to what was once the bakery by the waning mire with both Poundcake and Pumpkincake safety in hand. Soon enough even Sugarcube Corner itself buckled back into its foundation where it belonged. Cupcakes, muffins, and all manner of other sweet treats returned to their containers, not one sprinkle a miss while a thundering rumble soon disappeared into the distance.
Not a single home had missed its mark. Even the town’s hall was set back into place with half a dozen colorful flags waving proudly in the wind.
Not even the Pony Express could escape the miracle. The chaos that had once taken over the parcel station had soon unraveled itself. Like Hearth's Warming Eve gifts, the mummified ponies were released from their various packaged tombs and returned to their deliveries.
Ditzy eventually recanted her desperate entrance to the Pony Express with a far more brilliant shade of gray complete with an obliviously adorable smile.
The hopelessness of dozens of Pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies alike soon turned to desperation, then to worry, and finally to little more than a thought. Every pony picked up where they had left off with their quaint routines of the day.
The only reminder of the gushing torrent lay at the bottom of a stein of Apple Cider that Lyra had just shared with her good friend Bonbon.
The tidal waves receded returning the raging river back to its original size. Hundreds of trees found their roots and even more forest creatures remembered their little homes.
The massive gaping hole across Ponyville Dam began to shrink, bit by bit every chunk of rock returned to complete the vast safeguard. With the very last puzzle piece in a place, a deafening uproar found itself bottled with every inch of smoke until a fiery peak assembled a small rainbow colored stunt plane and sent it barreling back from where it came.
A mighty firestorm of indigo magic was still flaring into the barren time space from Twilight’s horn. She clenched her eyes shut, hoping the next thing she’d see was at least some pony carrying on with their normal day. If the ‘Once in a Lifetime’ spell hadn’t worked, then she may as well have just let herself join the others in the terrible cascades below. Far too much had been invested and sacrificed for her to fail now. She shuttered and held her breath, just a few more merciful seconds now and she’d be able to rest.
Twilight batted an eye, and to her greatest relief darted by a small aircraft flying completely in reverse. She could see Raine and Rainbow Dash quarreling back and forth within the cockpit. She had no time to wonder just what sort of contraption they were piloting but knew it was the key to everything.
She smiled and finally let go of her spell with a grateful sigh. Time space fractured back into place until every clock finally began to tick forward again. Twilight had but a split second to react as the fighter jet soared towards her.
“I said not to touch anything, damnit!” Raine shouted, having not missed a single thing.
The stunt plane wandered aimlessly for a few more moments before changing direction. It made a soft pitch to the left and swooped down almost plowing itself into a nearby river path. The cockpit filled with buzzing lights and blared warnings. What lay ahead filled the two with dread.
Dash was about to stammer through a few warnings over the ever approaching dam, when out of nowhere a pink bubble appeared within their crosshairs, “Wait a second. I-Is that… Twilight?”
Raine took her attention away from stubborn console for just a moment, “What’s she doing up here? And why is Twyla with her?!”
They might have just missed the enchanted little pony and her unconscious assistant by a split end hadn’t Twilight spread her magical expertise like a net and caught the little Mig-15. The aircraft went for a few spins about the pink sphere until Twilight finally managed to bring the machine to a gradual stop as the engine finally gave up.
Both Raine and Rainbow had glued their faces to the fiberglass canopy from the carousel ride, but they were at least relieved to see that their flight had been canceled.
Nearly on the verge of having a heart attack, Twilight gently lowered the airplane into the middle of a green pasture.
Raine tried her best to unlock the canopy but it was sealed shut. Dash banged her hooves over the fiberglass in an attempt to escape the terrible contraption, but there was Twilight Sparkle, canceling out yet another of Discord’s snares. The two dare devils jumped out of the aircraft as if it was already on fire ironically enough. Never in their lives had they been so happy to have their feet and hooves on the ground.
With a deep breath of fresh air, the unicorn finally unveiled herself from within the bubble, softly landing on the good old Earth below with the napping Twyla in tow.
“Twilight! You saved us!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, zipping over to hug the little unicorn, “I thought we were goners for sure!”
“I’m so sorry, really! It wasn’t our fault! The plane just went all weird and wouldn’t respond to my controls at all. And thanks by the way, I don’t know what I would’ve done If you hadn’t shown up.” Raine dusted herself off, “What’s up with Twyla? It’s not like her to sleep during the day. Is everything all right? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
Twilight had never been more relieved in her life, everything had gone perfectly according to plan. She really wanted to hold Dash and all of her friends as tightly as possible, but she couldn’t quite process the commands to the rest of her body. She trembled and her jewel colored eyes began to quiver.
“You alright, Twilight?” Dash waved a hoof in front of the unicorn’s glazed eyes.
Twilight swayed back and forth and a few random sparks ejected from the pony’s horn before she finally toppled over.
“Twilight!!”
The brave little unicorn had been strapped into a hospital bed with all manner of fixtures, tubes, and wires monitoring every sensory pulse within her mind.
Twyla, with us once again, sat by Twilight’s side stroking her mane with the most anxious look in her eyes. What actually had occurred that day was still somewhat of a mystery. One thing was for sure, she knew there was no possible way that that airplane could’ve been standing in one piece, nor could either Raine or Rainbow Dash be sitting in the same room with her, not to mention the most bizarre canard of it all being the very state of the town.
There had clearly been an enormous flood tumbling through Ponyville. She had seen it with her own eyes, yet they had spent the last half an hour getting the unicorn through a spotless town to a hospital that looked like it hadn’t even been touched.
She starred down at Twilight’s parcel of many manuscripts and tomes. Could today’s events have all been some sort of hallucination? More than likely not, any question of all this being some sort of contrived nightmare had been resolved almost a week ago now. Besides, the timeline’s seemed to match up with what she had remembered not to mention her eyes were still flushed from all of her grieving. There was even a bit of residue in her palms from the snapped railing over the Dam’s bridge. That memory at the very least was crystal clear.
Twyla definitely remembered being lifted into the air by the unicorn’s sorcery just after Twilight had seemingly memorized what might’ve been Hawking’s theory of Quantum Gravity for all she knew. Shortly thereafter the lights had gone out and the rest was a blur.
She did her very best to connect the dots. Why were these two friends still alive? And why wasn’t Ponyville at the bottom of a lake? There could’ve only been one possible explanation. Such a notion would’ve been something out of a science fiction novel, but once again at this point she might as well have been inside one.
Although ponies probably had no idea what a Delorean was, the model fit perfectly. Twyla shuddered at such premise. The little unicorn had risked her own life in order to save not only all of her friends, but Twyla’s friends too, and even the rest of Ponyville! Twilight Sparkle was the very model of selfless compassion and friendship. Twyla wondered if she deserved such mercy, let alone to know such a remarkable friend. It could easily have been her gasping for air earlier that day, and yet Twyla herself was supposed to be some sort of duplicate of this kind-hearted pony. Hairstyle aside, she couldn’t quite make the connection. When was the last time Twyla had done anything so generous?
The door suddenly opened, “Alright, so how are you guys holding up in here?” a unicorn in pink hospital scrubs greeted.
“Who cares how we are? How’s Twilight?!” Dash barked.
“Dash! I-I’m sorry, Ma’am. We’ve all just had a long day.” Twyla added, knowing there was far more to that statement than anyone in the room really knew.
“It’s alright, it’s alright. I understand what you all must be going through.” The nurse floated over an enchanted clipboard and stuck it into pocket at the end of the bedframe, “We’ve run a series of tests and we haven’t really come up with anything. This pony’s completely fine to be honest.”
“She clearly isn’t just ‘fine’!” Raine interrupted, “There’s gotta’ be-”
“’Thankfully’, I already know what’s wrong with her.” Countered the nurse, “Being a unicorn and all, I’m surprised I hadn’t heard of this sooner. It’s not really common knowledge for you ‘laymen’s’ since it’s so extremely rare, once almost thought mythical, but apparently it’s possible. The only question now is how it happened to begin with.”
“What did you call us…?” Raine growled.
“Relax, she said ‘laymen’s’ as in laymen’s terms, not lamer.” Twyla chuckled, trying her best to ease the tension, “P-Please, do go on, nurse.”
The nurse cleared her throat and smirked, “Anyway, what our little filly here has is simply a case of ‘Magic Overload’.”
“I’ve never heard of anything like that.” Dash remarked.
“And you probably wouldn’t have. There hasn’t been a single case of it in almost a century!” she trotted over and analyzed the computers monitoring Twilight’s brain, “I had to sit down for a while and do some heavy research just to familiarize myself with the medical details, but it’s as the term implies. A unicorn suffers ‘Magic Overload’ when they overexert themselves, usually from performing magic that’s far too powerful for their own good. I’m talking about serious supernatural magic here, the kind of magic that could’ve fried her brain completely. Luckily for her though, she’s going to be fine. She just needs a couple of days to rest her head and recharge.”
The nurse turned to eyeball the friends of her patient, “Do any of you know if Twilight Sparkle here did anything ‘irrational’ today?”
Rainbow Dash wondered for a moment, “Well, we were in a bit of ‘turbulence’ earlier and Twilight did bail out our flanks, but those spells just seemed like normal levitation techniques. She does that sort of thing on a daily basis.”
“She was floating in the air pretty high up in that pink force field of hers.” added Raine, “Though
The nurse then brought her attention to the only other human in the room, “What about you? Did you see Twilight perform any extraordinary magic today?”
Something was clearly bothering the girl. Twyla just wasn’t sure what to say, let alone how to explain her wild theory. She really wanted to shout out to the world how Twilight was a heroine, but would it have been appropriate to mention that she’d just seen everyone around her perish in the town’s ultimate destruction? Would they even believe her if she did? All she wanted to do was forget the nightmarish thought. Even running the words over her lips was far too painful, but they needed to know the truth. Ponyville needed to know that there was more to the catastrophe that had almost claimed the lives of hundreds and she knew deep down that this was no accident.
Twyla took a final deep breath and sighed, “I did.” She really had to drag out the words from the very pit of her stomach.
“Well…?” the nurse prodded.
Twyla glanced over at the little purple unicorn lying comatose on the hospital bed, and ran her fingers through the pony’s mane one more time, “I saw something… pretty awful today.” A tear ran down her cheek and she looked up at Raine and her little flight assistant, “I thought I lost you guys forever…”
Princess Celestia shook her head, wondering how she had gotten to the balcony of her tower. The last thing she recalled was dining for an early dinner in the middle of the ballroom. She was listening in on the dull happenings of Canterlot from her assistants all the while trying to figure out who could possibly be impersonating Discord.
She checked the time from her Big Ben clock upon the wall, “Now that’s odd.” She had lost about ten minutes in time, and she had clearly been in a rush to go somewhere but couldn’t quite place the occasion. She tipped her armored hoof to her lip and glanced from side to side, wincing over an odd knot in her neck that had never been there before. Somewhere something uncanny had happened and she knew it.
The Princess trotted about her lounge for an answer before a scroll fell to the marble floor out of a pocket in her golden armor. She hesitated to even pick up the message Twilight’s assistant had apparently sent her. She searched every crevice of her mind but simply couldn’t remember ever receiving it. Whatever text dared to ink that scroll filled her heart with fear.
“Princess! Princess!” a scribe had entered the room, pausing for a moment to breathe from the dozens of staircases he had traveled, “I-I’m terribly sorry to interrupt your study, Princess. But is everything alright? You suddenly flew off in the middle of the day’s affairs report. N-Not that they were very important.” He chuckled nervously, “I might have don’t the same thing had I thought they were that boring!”
“I-It’s quite alright. I’ll return in a moment.” A golden flame covered the daunting message and lifted it into the air. Slowly Celestia raised the scroll and unfurled it before her eyes.
“Is anything the matter, my Princess?”
The Princess couldn’t believe what she saw, or the lack thereof to be precise. Spike’s message was completely blank. There was no reason that he would send an empty scroll in days of such uncertainty. The little dragon could be a bit naïve at times but he was no prankster, at least to this extent. A message had definitely been written on this very scroll and she had most certainly been on her way to investigate the matter. Whatever that matter had been exactly frustratingly escaped her. The world could’ve been crumbling under her very hooves and she would’ve been the very last to know.
Discord found himself lurking literally within the very shadows of the Pony Express station suffering under a very real sensation of Déjà Vu. Thankfully, having been recently inducted into the realm of the Timelords, the sands of the hourglass hadn’t escaped his keen eye, “Curse that Twilight Sparkle. Why didn’t I see that coming? That little brat is always ruining my fun…!”
He scrutinized each of the little courier ponies within the room, ponies he had just finished tormenting in a very deliberate setup all to seduce that little wall-eyed Pegasus that would’ve wandered through the door mere minutes from now. The chaos he had filled within her heart was absolutely priceless. That bitter indifference was so hard to come by these days and he’d be damned if that nerdy little unicorn was going to take that fun away from him.
Ditzy soon skipped into the Pony Express lobby, this time without any frightened Pegasi darting around outside for a rescue mission, “Hi everypony, how’s it-”
“Derpy! Where were you yesterday?!” a scruffy old mountain of a stallion approached her.
“Oh, uh, was I supposed to work yesterday?” Ditzy chuckled anxiously, “I thought I was supposed to work the day before that instead.”
“You didn’t show up then either… That’s two strikes Derpy.”
“B-But I had a good reason! A good friend of mines was in the hospital, I couldn’t just leave her there-”
“You know what? If this was the first time I’d actually care. Now get to work, you got two routes to cover today.”
“T-Two, sir…?” Ditzy stammered, “But it’s the middle of the day.”
“You want a third? Now get your crap and go! I don’t have time for your nonsense today, and you better not drop any of it out of the sky or you’re fired!” the supervisor stormed off, taking back his enormous shadow over the gray little pony.
Ditzy sighed and meekly fluttered over to her courier’s desk. She would’ve needed to make at least three trips today with all of the letters and packages thrown all over her counter. Looks like there wasn’t going to be any time for a muffin break today.
She filled her little saddle bag with as much mail as the sack would allow until a pony galloped by and dropped off an even greater amount of parcels at her desk.
“W-Wait a second! I-!”
The clerk was too busy sorting mail between each of the carriers to listen to any petty grievances and was already at the next desk with another load.
Ditzy gave another heart wrenching sigh, brushing the blonde hairs out of her eye. She’d probably have to work past nightfall yet again, but hey, at least her good friend Fiona was happy and okay, and that was good enough for her.
Ditzy slipped on her saddle bag with an optimistic smile on her face and flew out the front gates. Ponyville’s townsfolk needed their mail after all and she was their gal!
Discord silently darted from shadow to shadow completely undetected by the busy little mail handlers below and finally escaped the facility.
As if made up of a pool of oil, he slinked up a pole and puddled into the rim of a gutter. Discord grinned as he watched a contrail of letters lead up to a precious little Pegasus as she floundered about through the air with the heart of five Freddy Mercurys, “Go on and run along now, my dear. I’ve got all the time in the world.”
“Wow…! It’s like some kind of Renaissance festival!” Piper ogled the dozens upon dozens of bustling carts parked throughout the market square, each of which were filled with a luscious variety of fruits, vegetables, grains and all sorts of other tasty treats.
“A Rena-what?” In between Pinkie Pie’s typical greetings to just about every pony they passed, she managed to sneak in an explanation, “Sugar Cube Corner’s getting a bit low on goods, so we need to restock!”
With a cheerful smile, Pinkie lined through her checklist, “It looks like all we need now is some cinnamon. I wonder why!” The two snorted a laugh.
“Didn’t Mrs. Cake also mention something about grabbing some Mangos?” Piper recalled.
Pinkie Pie nearly leapt out of her hooves, “You’re right!” The little spaz couldn’t help licking her lips as a cart of delicious leftovers from her welcome party traveled through her taste buds, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Piper had already plundered through that very food cart at least twice by now, “You’re killing me over here, Pinkie.”
“All at once now!” Pinkie prepared shaking her hooves in Piper’s hands.
“And –a-one! And-a-two! And-a-!”
“Mango Mousse cake!” “Mango and Yogurt Chiffon cale!” they guessed all at once.
“Oh... that’s not what I was thinking at all.” Pinkie pondered.
“Hmm.” And then a stroke of genius hit Piper like a pie in the face, “Who says we can’t have both… at the same time?”
The little pony nearly exploded into a flurry of streamers and balloons, though by the standards of modern science it may have seemed as if she was having a seizure. Pinkie didn’t mind it though, it was the happiest seizure she'd had since probably last week.
The two bakers scampered off carrying everything on their list, including everything that fell far out of their budget. Sugar Cube Corner was soon filled with giddy laughs border lining on that of a drug fiend.
Far too much citrus splattered across the kitchen table and like ravenous zombies Piper and Pinkie went right to work.
A few hand’s worth of flour caked into a wooden bowl with a pinch of salt while a hoof began skinning packets of gelatin mix into a bowl of boiling water. It wasn’t long until the dial of an antique radio flipped to life and sent the freshest Jazz from Charles Manegus himself moaning through the air, “This here’s my jam!”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Piper cried as she beat a few eggs in her bowl. The angry yokes soon hued into a sunny yellow broth before being joined by a fine yogurt puree with a dash of sugar and a hint of vegetable oil. A whisk took them all up into a warm typhoon until there was no hint to tell them each apart from a tempting golden blend. A batch of cream tartar awaited their arrival.
Pinkie had just bubbled up a bowl of orange gelatin and while the glazed stage sat, she began to rinse a few beautifully red mangos before unloading them into an over pot set to just past medium heat over the dial. The ecstatic pink pony watched with a bitten smile as fruit’s skins began to crack, which was her sign to toss in a few pinches of sugar.
She could hardly contain herself and passed the time whipping up some fresh whipping cream until a ding dragged her back to the pot. It was time to rescue the mangos from their caldron. Their liberation was short lived however and as soon as the mangos had shed their skin and birthed their seeds Pinkie had sent them off to meet their doom at the bottom of a blender. She watched the bloody cyclone hurl fruit chunks under the spinning blades until all that remained was a fine pulp.
A hoof and a sneaker tapped in perfect unison as a trumpet, an uppity piano, a consistent cymbal, and the angriest saxophone ever kept their imaginations in sync.
Piper had rolled her mixing spoon through her batch for long enough and finally spread the mix over a tube pan. The placement had to be perfect for the finale but she could already taste the mango mousse dripping over the chiffon. Her brain literally had to pause for a moment to take in the sweet splendor until she finally shook herself loose and clanged the pan into a preheated oven below.
Meanwhile, Pinkie had already returned the shredded Mango frappe to its heated pot. The pulp fizzled and sent quite the alluring aroma of snapping citrus into the jazzy air. The pony’s mouth watered while she drowned the now hardened gelatin into another boiling pot to meet its eventual dissolve.
A few more minutes passed before the two batches of jelly and fine pulp were eventually introduced to one another and by the hand of another dollop of sugar they were wed. The cooling ease of the refrigerator would’ve made the perfect honeymoon.
Piper was far too emotionally invested in the recipe and eventually helped herself to a spare mango as she watched the minutes tick by on her easy bake oven. Oh, how that crisp tangy taste satisfied her in ways most women had only ever dreamed of, and yet this was only an appetizer.
The buzzer ringed before she could take another bite of the sinful fruit. She took a couple of oven mitts and removed the bare cake from its furnace. The scent was almost too much to handle. Piper anxiously placed the pan onto the kitchen table and immediately snatched back her half eaten mango for another bite, less she take a mouthful out of the cake itself. It needed to cool for a short while before the dressing could begin.
Pinkie Pie probably exposed the polished orangey mix too soon for it to have properly cooled, but she couldn't stand to be apart from her deliciously darling little bowl for a second longer.
At the first chance she got, Pinkie sprawled the gooey batter over a mixing tray and desperately submerged as much whip cream as she could into the golden paste. With a large spoon, she dazzled the fluffy clouds into the orange sunrise until the cheerful star itself had made it out of the horizon. A tint of vibrant shinning gold which somehow retained its puffy charm became the ultimate reward.
Pinkie almost lost herself in her reflection waving through the orange molasses. Somewhere the recipe had called to let the mixture cool for at least a day, but who had that kind of time on their hooves? She bit her quivering lips and it took all of Piper’s restraint to keep the little pony from devouring the syrup before reminding her of the fluffy chiffon. Ten minutes may have been just enough to wait for the most mouthwatering of tropical delights.
With a duo of unsteady and incredibly impatient spreading knives, the Chiffon became utterly overwhelmed under the tangy mousse which thanks to Pinkie Pie’s insatiable gluttony had retained some of its more soggy fluidity. The two bakers tried their best to keep any saliva from dripping all over the cake, as if it would’ve mattered in but a few minutes.
A few sliced Mangos later and at last the cake creation had finally reached its completion. Drenched at the center of a rather messy kitchen sat the most gorgeously glazed Mango Citrus Chiffon caked covered in a capsule of Mango mousse topped in a collection of golden Mango slices. Points may have been detected from the display’s exhibition as one of the slices slowly began to sink down into the buried chiffon but if any tears were to be had by now, they’d be that of sheer jealousy.
“I-It’s so beautiful…!” Pinkie dreamed with her mouth overflowing.
Piper was nearly ready to cry, “I’ve never been so in love before…!”
Not one more beat of Swing music had bounced before Pinkie and Piper leaped onto the golden creamy cake, nearly fumbling the entire thing off of the table as they filled their mouths with pure Caribbean ecstasy.
Little Poundcake and Carrotcake might’ve been heard crying for milk or whatever sort of moral support they had needed upstairs, but the two little brats would’ve had to wait their turn.
The bell to the Carousel Boutique chimed as Fiona attempted to enter before meekly allowing two far more sophisticated ponies to exit the parlor with their orders in hoof, “Oh, uh, hi Rarity. You said you wanted to see me?”
The white unicorn had finally been given a break from her busy schedule, “Oh, yes dear. It was actually Regina that wanted you to-” She couldn’t believe Fiona had actually traveled through the town in the tattered and stained yellow sweater she had worn out of the Everfree forest, “…Y-You’re still wearing that?”
“Well, I don’t really have anything else to wear, I-”
“Not another word!” Rarity lifted the girl out of her slippers with her magic and tossed her behind a fitting curtain. The poor thing looked like she had been raised in some sort of filthy third world country that hadn’t yet discovered the wonders of high fashion. How dare anyone be allowed to foolishly wander about in such rubbish!
Fiona shrieked as the pony tore away not only the raggedy sweater from the girl’s shoulders but even stole her stained capris as well. The only shred of dignity the human had left besides her cringing naked arms and legs was the blotch of red across her face, “W-What’re you doing?!”
“Oh, hush dear. They’re only garments, and you simply cannot allow yourself to be seen in such rags!” Rarity caught a racy glimpse of the girl’s underwear, “Oh, what’s with this humble two-piece you’ve got on under there? Some sort of bikini?”
“Don’t you dare!!” Fiona shouted.
“Alright, alright, dear. No need to get feisty. I mean, it’s a bit tacky but I suppose it isn’t as dirty as the rest of your ensemble. Now, where did I put those… Ah-hah! Here we are!”
Rarity managed to uncover a golden hanger in the mess of posh thrown about the boutique, and hanging from it sat the cloudiest of Easter Off-shoulder comforters. The sweater was probably a size too long leaving just enough room for a few fingers below the cuff, but it easily suited the shy little girl before her. With a smile, Rarity floated the creamy saffron number around Fiona’s anxious arms and over her pale pink skin. The sweater ended in a cloudy white puff that hung just below her shoulders that really complimented her collar bone and neck.
“And don’t forget about these!” Rarity waved a pair of rich magenta colored Capris which ended in delicate ruffles.
Fiona’s eyes shined crested by a perky smile as she slipped on the pants one leg at a time, her blush replaced with giddy excitement.
“Regina whipped this up herself as soon as she got back from the hospital. I was quite impressed with what she was able to do with my scrap pile on such short notice.” Rarity giggled, “Regina really wanted to give this to you personally but we’ve been so busy with the orders lately. She had to run out to get some shopping done for me just so we’d get these bridesmaids outfits started in time!”
“I-I don’t know what to say. This is just beautiful! T-Thank you so much! Now I have two cute outfits to wear while I’m here in Ponyville.”
Rarity staggered momentarily, “No dear, you only have one.” She quickly tossed Fiona’s previous mishap into the trash just as Fiona fumbled out her wallet, “Oh, no, no, no darling. This is absolutely gratis’! Anyone who’s a dear friend of Regina’s is a friend of mines.”
“B-But it’s-!”
“Not another word! If you want to give your regards to anyone you’ll have to come back when Regina’s here, now off with you!” Rarity insisted as she shoved Fiona out of her salon, “And make sure you travel through the market square on your way home!”
Fiona had nearly been thrown out of the Carousel Boutique when the Salon’s trestles began to shake.
“What in Equestria?” the unicorn had just nearly dodged a falling flower pot.
To Discord’s ultimate disappointment, the buffalo had done all they could to replant and repair the damage they had caused to Sweet Apple Acres. How or why they had found themselves so far away from their home in Appaloosa had remained a puzzling impossibility, but at least they had made amends with the Apple family and had ended the impromptu occasion with a warm batch of apple pies.
“Take care ya’ll!” waved Applejack as the herd stampeded off into the sunset, “And say howdy to my cousin Braeburn, will ya’?”
Aprile tossed the last bone of an apple pie crust down her hatch, “They weren’t so bad! Bunch of nice ol’ fellas’.” She was surprised to see such mammoth beasts that she would’ve otherwise avoided outside of a rodeo show act so civilized and friendly. Although Equestria was about as cartoony a world as you could find, at least the folks were pleasant.
The last slice of apple pie on the garden table reached out an alluring invitation to Applebloom. It called out to her, welcomed her to take a bite. Everypony else already had tummy’s filled with apple crisp it wasn’t as if any other pony would mind if the littlest filly on the farm snatched the last morsel. These were perfectly good excuses.
Applebloom skipped onto the stool at the empty table, a pan with last slice of warm apple deliciousness before her all for the taking. She licked her lips and scooped up the last piece into her hoof, just a few more uninterrupted seconds and she’d be sent tumbling back into a paradise of warm flakey crust cupping a cavalcade of crispy apple delight.
The dirt tasted nothing like apple pie and the bump to her tooth was far less satisfying. With a violent splotch the guilty pleasure spurted across the ground to Applebloom’s ultimate teary eyed chagrin, and it was around that time that she finally noticed the tremors coming from the ground beneath her.
“N-Now what?!” Applejack struggled to keep her hooves on the ground.
Aprile held her hat over her head, “Apple-pickin’ ain’t supposed to be this dramatic!”
The day had been filled with miracles, one of them being the fact that any of the apple trees still had any apples attached to them, but one could probably pose that it was simply due to good old fashioned Apple family ingenuity.
The two farmers, along with the flustered little filly, managed to make their way to the gate of Sweet Apple Acres where Big Mac and Granny smith Apple stood utterly shocked.
“What the buck is that thing?” Applejack couldn’t quite wrap her head around the mechanical monstrosity that took up triple the dirt road’s width.
The machine was part locomotive part two and a half bulldozers. For every few meters it had dug a hole in the ground, planted a rather peculiar seed and covered it up again with a final douse of water all in one efficient sweep. In almost far too fanciful a manner, even by Equestrian standards, giant apple trees instantly thundered out of the ground one after another covered in some of the largest apples the Apple family had ever witnessed. Even the veteran Granny smith Apple herself had to lift her denchers off of the ground.
The enormous contraption finally came to a halt after nearly knocking over a fence post to the old timer’s irritation, “Just what do ya’ think you’re doing plantin’ them crazy trees around these here parts! This here’s Sweet Apple Acres country!” and finally, it dawned on good old Granny Smith about just who had arrived on her farm.
“Missed us, Apples?” who else would have sat as luxuriously behind the throttle of such a gargantuan contrivance but the notorious Flim-Flam brothers themselves, “I don’t think we need another introduction do we, Flim?”
“Maybe we should, Flam! It seems these simple old apple folk have forgotten about-”
“You two had better not start yer’ dang singing again! And get yer’ big heapin’ wagon off a’ my fence ya’ varmints!” the Granny shouted.
“Yeah! Take your big giant ‘whatchamacallit’ and hit the road!” stomped Applejack.
Flam tipped his straw hat as he leaned over the railing of the machine, “You mean our ‘Super Speedy Apple Seedy Planter Seven Thousand’?”
“Quite the modern marvel, isn’t it Flam?”
“That it is, Flim. That it is.” Flam curled his red moustache, “Why, with our Super Speedy Apple Seedy Planter Seven Thousand, we can plant an entire fully grown apple farm in no time at all!”
“Just look at these remarkable apples, brother!” Flim picked a red delicious off of a freshly planted tree. The apple could barely fit within his two hooves, “Just one of these apples could feed an entire family!”
Aprile had never seen anything so ridiculous in her entire apple farming career, “Now those ain’t even real apples! Real apples take time and hard work to grow! Those apples are clearly just genetically modified trash ain’t fit for selling!”
Flim took a snip out of the enormous apple with a satisfied moan, “Certainly tastes like the real deal! Want a sample, Flam?”
“Don’t mind if I do, Flim!”
“But this here’s Sweet Apple Acres land! You can’t plant those trees here!” Applebloom shouted backed by a “Yup!” from Big Macintosh.
“I say, my little Apples, how insulting!” Flim threw a hoof over his head in shock.
“My, my! No need to accuse us of such fraudulence! We paid for this land out of these poor old pockets of ours!” Flam pointed not at the Apple family farm itself, but to the rows of freshly paved down Timberwolf forest, which had only been the beginning of their latest endeavor, “We have every right to be here! Right next to Sweet Apple Acres… which we’ll simply just take over as soon as we run you folks out of business!”
Fright washed over Applejack’s eyes, “But why would you do that? What have we ever done to you?!”
“It’s simply the beauty of the Free Market I’m afraid.” Flim starred at their deeds and documents with a grin, “Although we may have been reckless last Cider season, we still know a thing or two about apples!” he gave a light chuckle, “We’ll see how well the Apple family can handle a second round of competition, this time at the peak of the season!”
With a villainous scoff, the giant apple planter throttled its engine and continued its thunderous campaign down the road starting with the rest of Granny Smith’s fence post.
“They can’t just come in here and buy up land like that!” Aprile was in total disbelief. To think that even such a colorful utopia wasn’t without its own hard lined corruption. She turned to the terrified Applejack, “We have to do something! Can’t we take this up to the town hall?”
“That’s a great idea! They’ll throw those scoundrels out of our manes for sure!” Applebloom hollered, “Right Granny?”
“It ain’t that simple youngin’.” Applejack couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen such a troubled look on her Granny’s face, “Appealin’ a case could take days, weeks, maybe even months! And unless them Flim-Flam brothers are lying through their teeth, we might not be able to stop em’. Especially if it’s unmarked territory outside of our farm like that…” The old timer shook her head with a sigh as if she had already given up hope.
Aprile threw rodeo her hat to the ground, “This just ain’t right! There’s gotta’ be a way to save the farm!”
Applejack gazed out at the precious little hills of Sweet Apple Acres as the golden sun began to set. Their farm had stood the test of time ever since Granny Smith Apple was but a filly herself. If not for such a humble little apple farm Ponyville might not even be where was today.
She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little bit scared. It wasn’t the first time those meddlesome Flim-Flam brothers had threated to run their farm out of town and once again Applejack would gladly walk right into a glue factory before giving up even a single apple without a fight.
Her green darling eyes narrowed with determination as she picked up Aprile’s hat off of the ground and dusted it off, “The quality of our apples speak for themselves, and there’s no way we’re going to be outdone by some cheap surplus imitation. We’ll show em’ what a real red delicious tastes like! Right, partner?” Applejack darted a smirk over to her deputy and handed the girl back her moxie.
The line was enough to bid a toothy grin out of Aprile as she swiveled her hat back over her noodle, “Hell yeah…!”
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 6: No One Dies, I Swear
To the appreciation of many of Ponyville’s loyal citizens, whether they had noticed anything or not, the night had finally arrived. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and Princess Luna’s beautiful full moon lit up the night basking in a sea of twinkling stars.
Twilight Sparkle was otherwise dead to the world. She slumbered, peacefully it was assumed, under an array of devices monitoring every synapse and spark inside that little head of hers. The only indication that the little unicorn was even with us at all were the rapid eye movements underneath her eye lids, flickering back and forth as if she were desperately searching for an escape out of some twisted labyrinth.
Rainbow Dash faithfully sat by the unicorn’s side within the dimly lit room. It was probably well past midnight already, but that hadn’t stopped the little Pegasus from carrying on with Twilight’s books. Dash read aloud each and every monotonous fact regarding the Elements of Harmony as well as many other alchemic and magical marvels conceived by ponies of long past.
It certainly wasn’t the latest chapter in the saga of ‘Daring Doo and the quest for Fuchstagiff’, but Dash just wasn’t sure how else she could help with Twilight’s recovery. She figured that reading to Twilight might help her get better, seeing as it was one of the unicorn’s favorite pastimes. At the very least Dash thought, Twilight might have been trotting through the most egg headed dream imaginable filled with science, history, and a boring old lecture on String Theory.
Although as boring as it may have been, it was all the motivation the little blue pony needed. She turned a page and continued reading to her dear friend with an unbreakable smile.
The stars, although as sensational as ever in the eyes of such a geek, seemed all but meaningless that night. Although Twyla had spent the evening excavating through her emotions, she felt as if the world was still resting on her shoulders, and she couldn’t help but tremble in her slippers.
Twyla leaned over against railing on the hospital rooftop. The only spotlight she really had was the gorgeous moon and those twinkling stars watching closely from above.
Raine threw an arm around Twyla’s shoulder and ruffled her dark hair, “Come clean, you’re just jerking us around right?”
Twyla smirked and pulled away, “You know I wouldn’t lie about something like that. I don’t know how else to put the pieces together, but I know what I saw and the only reason I’d even mention something so awful is because I’m still worried. My entire day’s been one thing after another. You have no idea the kind of nightmare Twilight and I went through just to get back from Canterlot in one piece!”
“You sure it wasn’t just that, Twyla? A nightmare?”
“For our sakes, I hope it was.” Twyla quivered.
“Yeah…” To be honest, Twyla was the smartest gal Raine had ever known. If Twyla ever had a ‘hunch’ about anything at all, it was more than likely true. Raine didn’t need any convincing of the egghead’s story, she had believed every word Twyla had told her, no matter how fanciful it may have seemed.
She had lost complete control of her fighter jet that day and would’ve easily flown it into the Dam, killing both her and Rainbow Dash, not to mention demolishing all of Ponyville.
It wasn’t quite regret she felt shame over however. It was the fact that her stupid pride had led her to fall into such an obvious trap in the first place and the fact that it had succeeded in killing her, apparently anyway.
Raine had a lot to be grateful for that night and she was well aware of it. Not many people got second chances like that, and even if they did most only got to become vegetables for the rest of their lives. Yet there she was with all of her fingers and toes, her heart still thumping away in her chest. The thought killed her inside, absolutely filled her with terror, though what was left of her ego would never admit it. More than anything though, Raine wanted to know who was behind it all and beat the living daylights out of them; A good swift elbow for every single pony that had perished that day in another fracture of time.
“So, uh, you said you heard some kind of weird laughing on your way back from Canterlot, right Twyla?”
The school teacher cringed and nodded silently.
Rain’e heart skipped a beat, “And, uh, did you guys ever find out who exactly was doing all the ‘laughing’?”
The lingering mystery was the worst part of it all. Twyla just didn’t have a real answer to give her friend.
“You know what? F-Forget it. We’ve both had a long day, Twyla. You and I should get some rest.” Twyla’s hair was really going to need a comb after all of Raine’s teasing, “Tomorrow will be better, you’ll see.”
Twyla sighed, “I hope you’re right.”
The door to Twilight’s room opened with a hesitant creak, not that waking the unicorn would’ve been an issue but it was simply consideration on Twyla’s part.
Dash hushed the intruder, “She’s trying to rest…!”
Instinctively if by anything else, Twyla silenced her step and stealthily crept into the room, “I’m going… Hey! Were you reading to her? Why should I shush if you’re reading out loud?”
“Because you’re disturbing the mood!” Dash stamped her hoof down on the book before her, “Now pipe down. I still have to cover this last chapter on ancient alchemic party pranks...!”
Twyla smiled, humbled by Dash’s devoted care, and gently closed the book, “You’ve been here for a while Rainbow Dash. I’m going to stay the night with Twilight, so you should go get some rest. It’s already after midnight.”
The blue Pegasus wasn’t exactly ready to leave the bedridden unicorn, but she knew deep down that things were going to be okay and reluctantly gave a nod, handing Twyla the latest tome she had been illustrating, “You better keep an eye on her, got it?”
Twyla hid a giggle under her breathe, “You have my word, Dash.”
Rainbow spent one more glance on her dear friend and forced a smile before finally leaving the room.
Twyla sat down in the tiniest chair she’d ever fit her butt into and with a yawn she grabbed a book.
Rainbow Dash would’ve sulked her hooves into her pockets if she had any and slunk down the hallway, too betrayed in thought to concentrate on even flying at the moment.
She knew Twilight was better than that. If that nerd was going to pull of anything so reckless then she would’ve had a good reason behind it. She already knew the story Twyla had given them but part of her didn’t want to believe it. How could she? Such a terrifying and morbid disaster having murdered every pony she knew was simply too much to bear. The thought was enough to make her sick to her stomach. Nearly on the verge of vomiting, she winced and shook away the nightmare.
“Hey, do they sell cigarettes in Equestria?” Raine called out, leaning against a wall with a shrugging grin.
That dirty human was one of the last people Dash wanted to see, “That’s a disgusting habit for someone who’s supposedly as ‘cool’ as I am.”
“Relax, I wasn’t actually expecting you to know what I was talking about. It’s just been a scary day and I could just totally use a-“
“Why wouldn’t I know what you were babbling on about? Because I’m just some kind of weird looking ‘pony’ to you? What? Don’t the ponies in your world do anything else besides eat hay all day?”
Raine wasn’t exactly ready for a confrontation, but it didn’t surprise her all the same, “Look, I don’t blame you for being angry with me…”
“You’re darn right you shouldn’t! It was your stupid machine and your stupid pride that just about got us all killed. If it wasn’t for Twilight in there, we’d all be dead!” Dash cried.
Raine’s heart sank into her pocket, she wasn’t even able to look the Pegasus in the eye, “Y-You’re right, I just can’t argue with that, pipsqueak. Whether I accept that I’m a walking ghost right now or not, it really is all my fault.” She sighed hesitantly, “But look, I-I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I-It was just a friendly race, heh. You saw what happened back there, right? There’s something we’re missing-”
“I don’t want to hear any of your lame excuses!” Dash fluttered into the air, “You should’ve never come to Equestria in the first place. I want you out of here! Got it? I don’t want to see that ‘poser’ face of yours ever again!” and with that Dash flew off down the hall.
Raine huffed, trying to fumble the dead heart out of her pant leg. The last punk that made her feel so low was sent to the dentist the next day, but she just couldn’t bring herself to disagree with the little flight captain. She was right whether Raine liked it or not, and she slammed her fist into the wall behind her.
Even a single tear was unacceptable, at least in front of any pony there, and so she gathered herself as best she could and wandered out of the hospital with the worst poker face she’d ever put on. Raine wasn’t exactly sure where she’d spend the night. A spot under the farthest little tree from town seemed pretty welcoming at the moment, and so she let a band of Empire Ants lead her to wherever she might call home that night.
Although she may have still felt a tad bewildered, Princess Celestia still managed to bring about the beautiful morning sun. A flock of colorful birds chirped and glided under the puffy blue sky. You would never have guessed that Ponyville had only just yesterday found itself drowned at the bottom of a barren sea.
The brilliant daylight shined through the colorful kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner, to which Mr. and Mrs. Cake shook their heads at the almost unbelievable sight.
The Mango Chiffon Mousse cake was far from the very last guilty pleasure Piper and Pinkie Pie had gorged over that previous night, if not by anything else but the pudding proof daubed all over the two wood be bakers.
Sprawled against a stove sat a napping Piper splattered in frosting mix with a slumbering pink little pony plastered in batter over the human’s lap. The snores could’ve been heard from the Twins’ room upstairs. The kitchen had been left literally bombarded in dirty bowls, dried mix, diced delights and probably a few jars worth of scattered sprinkles. One thing was for certain, the shopping trip the Cakes had sent their workers on had been utterly fruitless.
Mr. Cake had gotten used to surprises long ago but this was getting out of hand, “It’s been like double the trouble ever since she’s arrived here…! I don’t know what I’m going to do with them.”
“Oh, come now, sweetie. They were just enjoying themselves, and it’s not like we have any big orders today.” Mrs. Cake reassured, “I’ll have them clean the kitchen as soon as they wake up.”
Although confounded, Mr. Cake couldn’t help but crack a smile at the two pink creampuffs, “I guess it isn’t that big of a deal. Besides, how could I say ‘no’ to faces like those?”
As adorable as those snoozing faces were, they were definitely going to need some napkins.
“What a beautiful day!” Ditzy just barely avoided crashing into Ponyville’s town hall and zipped down onto the Pony Express Station, “Gee, I hope today’s work load is a little easier. My wings are still beat from yesterday.”
Ditzy sailed flawlessly into the Pony Express lobby, though she did knock over a glass portrait, “Hey everypony! Good morning!”
Her scruffy supervisor covered his face, “Oh dear Celestia, not today.”
“Hiya’ Boss! What have you got for me?” The supervisor was nearly blinded by Ditzy’s glaring smile.
There wasn’t exactly a lot of mail volume that morning and the last thing the poor guy needed was a disruption to such an easy day, “Oh hey, Derpy. Y-You know what? You did such a… good job yesterday that now we’ve caught up on the entire week. Why don’t you just enjoy the day off…?”
Ditzy gasped and for a second her eyes almost corrected themselves in a wide glow, “Woohoo~!”
The supervisor hooved the back of his mane in relief. For once he might not need an Aspirin by noon, though a potted plant did shatter against the floor after Ditzy darted out of the Pony Express in a surge of excitement. The boss’s lovely day was slowly beginning to stagger.
Ditzy was off to find herself the biggest muffin in Ponyville. She had done a terrific job after all! And so a reward was clearly due.
The gray little Pegasus skipped out of a mildly quarantined Sugar Cube Corner with the largest Muffin she had ever seen, at least in the last week anyway. Ditzy’s mouth watered over the cream filled raspberry topped and cinnamon scented treat. The thing would’ve lasted the typical pony at least a few days, but Ditzy was as far as you could get from typical. She chomped maybe a third of muffin with a single bite, getting cinnamon freckles all over her muzzle. She would’ve taken another mouthful but a scream nearly fumbled the muffin out of her hooves.
A large crowd of multi-cultural ponies had gathered by the reassembled statue of Princess Celestia in the towns square. A tanned pony with a mane of cherried indigo stood at the front of the herd in utter disbelief.
“Bonbon! What’s wrong?” Lyra had galloped through the crowds to gather up her good friend, and then it finally hit her.
Ditzy swooped in just in time to witness what had happened, or more to the point, what was missing.
“Wasn’t that where the Karaoke bar used to be…?” Lyra examined the vacant lot as she helped Bonbon up to her hooves.
The entire building had completely vanished. All that was left were the stilts and pipes that had sat underneath its foundation and even that same groundwork had been cut completely clean. It was as if the bar had simply fallen out of time space.
“I saw it!” Lyra cried, utterly frantic, “It was just there not even a second ago, and then it just… d-disappeared!”
The Mayor of Ponyville trotted over, “Disappeared? But how?”
“I-I don’t know! The whole thing just kind of flickered and faded away!” the incident had clearly traumatized the poor pony.
Lyra collected the apples her best friend had dropped with her unicorn magic, “Come on, Bonbon, let’s go grab a bite to eat. Y-You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Although of countless support, the pale Lyra was just as baffled.
The crowds began to whisper back and forth, wondering if anyone had been inside when the building had disappeared.
“Everypony! There is no need to panic! I’m sure there is a… reasonable explanation to all this!” the Mayor did her best to pacify the citizens, but all her efforts really did was send the crowd into an even greater uproar.
“How could this have happened?!”
“What if it happens again?! What if we start disappearing too!”
“It must be Discord! Discord’s back again!!”
The mayor stomped her hooves as hard as she could, which didn’t really change the atmosphere at all, “May I remind you that Discord has been defeated! And that there is nothing to worry about! I’ll get to the bottom of this one way or another, I assure you all!”
Her normally ‘brilliant’ speeches just weren’t getting the job done today. The Mayor sighed and turned to a little gray Pegasus standing beside her, “What is it, Derpy…?”
“Want some of my muffin?” Ditzy beamed an offer.
The mayor pressed a hoof to her temple and finally took a bite.
“Well, at least those Bridesmaids dresses are done. Thanks to your help we have a bit of leeway in between orders.” Rarity took a sip out of her cherry sundae, “I vote for a day off. What say you?”
Regina would’ve kindly agreed had she not been burdened with the consignment of bags and parcels filled with fabrics freshly bought from the bazaar, “D-Do we have time for a day off?” the materials hanging from her hands and wrists suggested otherwise.
“Of course we do, darling! We’ll just drop off all of these goodies and finally get a chance to relax. You simply must tell me more of life in the human world.” Rarity took another sip of her beverage as they approached a street corner.
“Well, uh, could you at least help take some of the baggage with your magic…?”
“Now, now, I can’t very well hold any bags and enjoy my sundae at the same time now can I?” The dull bumper of an oil tanker truck caught Rarity by surprise and knocked over her excuse, “Oh dear!”
Regina had to put her bags down just so she could clear the clouds from her eyes, she couldn’t believe the sight. She ran over and inspected the truck, point by point, as if she was a DEA officer. She was utterly dumbfounded.
Rarity meanwhile was still busy sulking over the spilled sundae. It was probably the worst possible thing ever, probably.
“What in the world is this doing here?” An oil truck of all things, a fairly familiar token of the human civilization, was just plainly sitting there practically stuck between the cottages of Ponyville. What would’ve normally been an unremarkable slice of background stuck out like a filthy sore thumb in this Technicolor world. A few ponies had already taken notice and trotted over to examine the enormous machine.
“Rarity, uh, please tell me you ponies drive these here in Equestria.” Regina pardoned.
The unicorn finally took her attention away from the tragedy spilled before her, “Oh,what now?” Rarity had to adjust her vision a bit in an attempt to grasp what was as far from a simple wagon as you could get. The vehicle towered over the unicorn. She was no taller than one of the truck’s tires, “Just what is this… thing? Some sort of locomotive?”
“It’s an oil truck… from my world!” Regina couldn’t help but chuckle over something so inconsequential, “This is simply beyond bizarre.” Even the driver’s door was unlocked and out of curiosity she climbed right in.
“A-Are you sure you should be going in there?”
“It’s only a truck, Rarity. I can’t imagine this thing being very convenient for the ponies here, I’ll see if I can move it out of the way.” She searched throughout the console, the glove compartment, and finally found the keys in the sun visor pocket. As cliché as it was Regina figured she should’ve searched there in the first place. She plugged the keys into the ignition and the vulgar engine awoke with a puff of black smoke regurgitating out of its silver stacks.
The loud gargle was fairly intimidating for Rarity as well as the half dozen other ponies watching.
“Don’t worry, Rarity, I’ll have this big rig out of the way in no time at all, I think.” It had been years since Regina had ever had to drive herself anywhere, let alone a massive semi, “Darnit, where’s the ‘D’ on this thing? And what’s with all these little numbers?” she fumbled with the gear stick until somehow the transmission caught the claw of a cog, which she was only able to tell by the truck budging forward.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, darling?” Rarity asked just in time for the truck to bend over a light post, “Oh for Celestia’s sake!”
“Yeah, I don’t think you have enough room around here to drive that thing about.” Ditzy had just flown in from the affair across Ponyville. She zipped back and forth over the tanker, inspecting its clearance with what little depth perception that she actually had. The truck was in an awkward squeeze, far too close to the neighboring cottages to navigate. There was a bit of room ahead but it would’ve costed the town more than a few bits at this rate, “Yup, looks like you’re boxed in.”
“I think we figured that part out, Ditzy.” Sighed Rarity.
The Pegasus clanked her hooves against the quite bloated tank of fuel, “What’s in this thing anyway? Ooh! It’s making wavy noises inside! Sounds like lots of tea, but it feels kind of cold. Maybe we should light some matches underneath to make the tea warm?”
“That’s not tea, you obtuse albatross!” Regina squawked.
“Alba-what? Albacore? Albacore!” It was a very funny word and Ditzy very much enjoyed repeating it as she swooped down with goofiest of smiles, “Oh! I still got some of my muffin left. Want some, Rarity?”
“Oh, why yes!” with Rarity’s sundae gone, she couldn’t exactly resist, “I’ll just take a teeny tiny lady-like piece.”
“Oh Rarity, don’t be so modest!” The Pegasus giggled and stuffed a giant chunk of muffin down the unicorn’s petite yap, which she nearly popped a blood vessel out of her eye as the cinnamon delight was stuffed down her throat.
From a very close yet very well concealed position, a giddy Discord watched on and chuckled to himself over the new opportunity before his harlequin eyes.
There was a very good reason kick boxers wore shin guards. Anyone could tell you they were important to protect, well, your shins, as well as many of the important muscles and tendons within your legs. Although her cold determination was always her best asset, Aprile would’ve gladly accepted some extra padding at this point.
Yet another Muay Thai kick racked the side of the apple tree before her. She was far from even an amateur mixed martial artist next to someone like Raine, but Aprile had bet on enough fights to know the maneuver well enough, so she thought anyway.
Sweet Apple Acres had gotten up extra early that morning. Normally, at least an eyelash of sunshine had peeked over the horizon by the time they began their day, but there had been no time to wait for Princess Celestia that morning.
Aprile had probably worked an entire day’s shift by now and it was barely noon, and those stubborn apples still weren’t dropping nearly as fast as she’d hoped. As much as she hated that old crotchety tractor of hers, she could’ve really used it at the moment. She had seen every other farm pony picking apples down the hard way, with vicious kicks of their hooves. Clearly being at an evolutionary disadvantage, kickboxing was the next best thing for Aprile.
The last batch of apples came tumbling down into a wooden barrel, which Aprile had strapped over herself like a backpack. The routine consisted of an awkward series of five to seven kicks all separated between clumsy shuffles to catch each and every apple that fell before hobbling over to the next tree. Although she was beginning to really feel the kicks, Aprile was at least thankful that cartoon trees weren’t nearly as tough as real trees. Normally she’d laugh over the irony but the boat was sinking fast. Sweet Apple Acres needed a get rich quick scheme more than anything else if the farm was going to survive its latest trial.
Applejack and every other apple dipped sibling on the entire farm had gotten far ahead of the human. Even the commendable Granny Smith Apple had caught up to Aprile. The old timer wasn’t much for bucking, but she could still swing that measly tennis ball tipped walker madder than a bobcat in a piss fire. Hell, she even knocked a few apples off of the tree.
Grunt by grunt, all the farm girl could do was envision that somehow she could even compare to Buakaw Banchamek himself and that the hard rows of apple trees ahead of her were nothing but slightly less dense banana trees instead. Either way, these bananas were coming down one way or another, whether her splitting shins liked it or not.
She groaned as she began another assault upon the next apple tree. As colorful and as screwy as Equestria was in appearance, nothing had really changed in Aprile’s mind. It was the same old one horse show, just like back home on the farm. There was always some corporate conglomerate obsessed with efficiency and profit over quality trying to muscle in on their little slice of the industry. They didn’t even have to be as close as the Flim Flam brothers were, they could affect Aprile’s farm from across the state. Juicy crisp apples picked with care and a keen eye meant nothing if the price could be undercut by a company that sold in bulk or just treated apples as if they were vegetables. In such a slanted economy, the Dollar meant everything.
Her kicks gained in power, Aprile felt as if the next kick was going to snap her poor foot clear across the field, but her simmering frustration simply wouldn’t allow her to breathe.
“You doing okay there, Sugarcube? You look like you’re as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees. Erm, no offense.”
“None taken.” A donkey carrying a bushel of apples was quite used to the comparisons by now, especially ones from Applejack.
Aprile finally gave herself a breather, leaning her arms against the battered tree in front of her. A canal of sweat ran down her brow and she brooked the brook with her hat, “I’m doin’ fine, kiddo… J-Just needa’ give ma’ legs a minute and I’ll be at it again.” Her shins were already starting to bruise, but she’d sooner break them off than submit to being a burden.
Applejack clearly saw the girl’s passion, but she knew what a terrible pride could do to a pony, “Sweetie, I-I don’t think humans were meant for that kinda-”
Aprile swung her leg and with a grunt and gave that tree the hardest roundhouse kick the poor thing had ever taken. The last few apples fell right into the girl’s basket and with a huff she continued onto the next subject.
“Aprile, this ain’t your fight. You don’t have to kill yourself over it.” Pleaded Applejack.
“Now don’t you even start with that again. I ain’t gonna let this farm get bought out by a bunch of a fancy city slickers.”
“B-But-!”
Aprile darted a glare back at the little orange pony and sighed, “You said I was part of this farm wasn’t I? Well, ain’t I?!”
Applejack could never skip out on her word, especially to Aprile, “You know you gotta’ place here as long as you’re in Equestria, I ain’t gotta make that any clearer… I-I just don’t want ya’ to get hurt is all. You humans ain’t built like us ponyfolk. I appreciate all the hard work you’re putting in for us, but I’d rather give up the whole farm than give up one of the family!” AJ reassured with a smile.
Aprile was still busy catching her breath, but made time to return the gesture, “I’d feel the same way about ya’… but it ain’t that simple.” She turned her eyes away from the pony, “As dumb as it may sound, this is a matter of pride for me. When I left my home, we might as well have already been done for. Far worse people than them Flim-Flam’s were barking up our apple trees. We were giving it all we had, but I think we all knew that the farm was due for its last roundup…” Aprile pulled her leg up in a stretch that it desperately needed, “I can’t even go back to see it get bought out in the courts, part of me doesn’t even wanna’ go back to that. I couldn’t bear to sign that document. That orchard’s been operating in my family for generations, and yet it’s gonna’ end with me, so don’t take this away from me Applejack. This is all I can do to fight back. I don’t care if they gotta’ saw off both my legs after this, I don’t wanna’ give up. I can’t give up!” the poor girl toughed up a tear drop and went back to work against her next kickboxing bag.
The pony couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but either way she admired the girl’s valiant spirit. Although it may have been ill-timed, Applejack let out a chuckle under her breath, “You really are the spittin’ image of me, ain’t ya’?”
Aprile threw up a laugh, “Get back to work already would ya’?”
“Just don’t kill yourself now, Aprile.” Applejack couldn’t ask for a better hand on that farm. She lifted the dual set of barrels over her back and led the attack, “Come on, everypony! Almost done with tha’ west field, then onto the east field!”
An apple bucking job that would’ve normally lasted a week or more had been shrunken into that of a single day and the very next day would’ve called for a liquidation sale that not even the sharkiest of car salesmen could’ve kept up with. Sweet Apple Acres couldn’t afford not to cut corners this time if they were going to survive against the greediest of Capitalism’s tentacles. Fortunately enough, the farm had some of the hardest workers Equestria had ever seen.
Little Applebloom had to catch her breath every now and then, but there was no stopping the indomitable filly. More and more apples tumbled into baskets bellow with every tiny buck of her hooves. She paused once more, and caught an eye full of the massively mutated trees beyond the rim of the apple orchard.
‘Flim Flam Fields’ had been hastily drawn out on a sign in the distance, clearly conceived with the tricky magic of those rotten brothers. A good chunk of the surrounding Timberwolf forest had all but been replaced with freakishly enormous apple trees and seemingly overnight the oversized orchard had quite literally sprouted up out of the soil. Curious ponies could already be seen lining up for a taste of the fattened apples. Plenty of questions were to be expected, but the average pony wouldn’t have left without a giant apple to take home for themselves.
Applebloom could’ve sworn she saw a few familiar faces and colors. The nerve of those ponies! Betraying the best apple farm in all of Equestria!
“No time fer’ gawkin’, Applebloom!” Big Macintosh galloped by with a set of filled barrels hung by his sides.
Applebloom huffed and glared up at the very last apple hanging from the tree in front of her. The hoof kick she gave it was almost hard enough to earn her that darn cutie mark right there and then.
Yet another incredibly satisfied pony had just left the gates of Flim Flam Fields with an entire sack full of one apple. It was certainly awkward purchasing from a new distributor rather than Ponyville’s good old Sweet Apple Acres, especially seeing these new kids on the block had parked themselves right beside their competitor, but who could possibly pass up such a deal? Sure, the Cider may have been lacking the last time around, but these were just harmless apples, apples large enough to feed an entire family, and boy did they taste good. That crisp chipper snap had been magnified tenfold, Mother Nature be damned.
The makeshift safe they had set up had already been filled with easy bits and the day was only half over.
“Ah, the beauty of the Free Market! Isn’t this grand, old brother of mine?” Flam whisked a tuft of his moustache.
Flim had been lounging for most of the day already, leisurely picking apples with his horn’s magic as patrons stopped in for a look, “It sure is, brother!” he let out a whicked chuckle, “We’ll be able to ‘expand’ in no time at all!”
They let out a stereotypically villainous laugh just as Flam accidently stepped his hoof over an unsuspecting beetle, which he had barely even noticed.
The tiny tank of an insect had only been minding its own business, simply curious over the alluring scent in the air. For what might’ve been a lifetime or maybe months anyway, he had frolicked through Applejack’s orchard, sifting through all the juicy apples he could ever eat. Even one of these genetic abominations was too tempting to pass up. Just one alone would’ve lasted him another lifetime. The insect had pondered poking a few holes in one of the fruits and making a small retirement home for himself, but all of those hopes had been dashed away, crunched under the hoof of Capitalism.
The beetle’s shell had been compromised beyond repair. An ooze of white goo had leaked onto the soil below. The humble little bug struggled to maintain consciousness, far too many of his limbs fractured to say the least. If only his last moments could’ve been spent in the crisp suite of an apple core, he didn’t care how big or small it might’ve been, he wasn’t prejudiced, but it looked like he’d be going to that cider saloon in the, whatever respective afterlife insect spirits wandered off to after they died.
(Sorry I guess I lied about no one dying this time. Deal with it.)
Spike barged into the hospital room, “Twilight! Oh gosh, I came as soon as I heard! What happened?!”
Twyla had woken up maybe ten minutes before, at best. She had been up for most of the night cramming through Princess Celestia’s homework. It wasn’t exactly like her to sleep in but she figured she deserved it after yesterday, “Oh, hey Spike. Uhm, sorry about not telling you guys sooner, we just got back yesterday, and-”
“Why didn’t you say anything?! I was worried sick!” the little dragon waddled over to Twilight’s bedside and ran his harmless claw through her navy blue mane, “What happened to her?”
There it was again, that guilt in the pit of Twyla’s stomach. For a second time she had to reach down and grasp at whatever lengths of courage she had left “She’s doing fine, the nurse said she’d be up and about by tomorrow. She’s just going through a case of… Magic Overload.” She said with a gulp.
Spike raised a brow, “Magic Overload? B-But how? Twilight’s the most powerful unicorn I know! There’s no way she would’ve let herself get hit with something like that! That makes no sense!” he turned his suspecting eye towards the girl, “I bet she was forced to put her life at risk to get you out of trouble, didn’t she? You were supposed to take care of her! I knew you humans were nothing but trouble…”
Spike had no idea just how right he was, and Twyla knew it. She couldn’t even bear to meet him eye to eye. If only she was in Twilight’s hooves instead, that unicorn deserved far better than a dreary old hospital room.
“Gonna’ keep quiet, huh? I thought so. Well then that does it! As soon as Twilight wakes up, I’m taking her back to the library, and you can forget about staying at our place!”
His disputes stabbed into Twyla’s heart, but she simply didn’t have strength to do a thing about it. It was pointless to explain. It may not have been her fault, but if only she could’ve done more to help, maybe then Twilight wouldn’t be laying there in a coma.
“In fact, you can find your way back home by yourself!” Spike suddenly took a hard blow to the back of his skull, “Gah! What in the-!”
“Don’t you ever talk to her like that again, Spike! Get the heck out of here!!”
A trembling Spike quivered and scampered out of the room in a stream of exaggerated cries.
“I’m sorry, Twyla. He was just being protective. You know how baby dragons can be.”
Twyla’s eyes watered over, “Twilight! Y-You’re alright!” she nearly tackled the little unicorn off of her bed with a tight hug.
An alarm rang due to the cables and sensors popping off of Twilight’s forehead and a nurse ran into the room, “What’s going on in here?!”
“Oh nothing, just suddenly feeling a whole lot better, nurse.” Twilight cheerfully explained. She turned to her good friend, “You and I have a lot to talk about.”
Normally, Twilight herself would’ve easily led the charge, but without her Ponyville would’ve needed every unicorn on hand. Rarity, Lyra, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Amethyst Star, Clockwork, Graphite, Ponet, and Vinyl Scratch amongst many others corralled an enormous magical cloud hovering over Ponyville. Even the local fillies gave it their all including Sweetie Belle and even the bumbling Snips and Snails tossed up whatever sparks they could conjure.
Regina paced herself ahead of the garrison of unicorns waving her arms forward with her eyes in the sky. She still hadn’t gotten over the fact that such small creatures could levitate such an enormous oil tanker truck into the air, but at least this beat driving, or rather, smashing into any more cottages with it. To her relief, they were nearly at the edge of Ponyville, “Almost there, everyone! Just a bit further…!”
A chaotic chuckle came from a tiny shadow spot high up on a light post. As if some sort of security camera, Discord watched the trailer glide through the air covered in a rainbow made out of the magic of a few dozen unicorns. The spirit pondered each and every possibility. He could easily just turn on the tanker’s ignition, start it, toss it in the air and have it crash down against each and every pony below in a horrible gas ignited explosion. It would certainly prove an interesting contrast from the events beforehand. If the town couldn’t be drowned out, then maybe he could just burn it to the ground.
But they were already too far gone, practically outside Ponyville by now. At least he’d get to watch plenty of ponies scurrying for help as they slowly burned to death. Not a single one of them would’ve been able to escape the flames.
Although a tad dark, it was as close as you could get to real unrelenting chaos, but something was off about the whole thing, “It’s just… too obvious, like something out of a terrible narrative some fat clod wrote at two in the morning. There’s no substance to it! Too played out, too cliché. Hmmm… Oh, I know, where’s that adorable boggle eyed Pegasus? Bah! This stick is terrible.”
Discord whacked the game cabinet in front of him. It might’ve been the only working cabinet left at the entire arcade, “Those fat Cheeto-fingered ‘Bronies’ must’ve fouled the darn thing up!”
The arcade cabinet had been painted in a beautiful deep pink hue covered in vanilla swirls, flowers, and generally girly innuendo, along with a clever assortment of colorful characters, all of them ponies, ponies all of which Discord knew all too well.
“Oh confound this idiotic machine! The stupid camera won’t shift to the right angle. Where’s the damned manager? Oh, right…” The arcade had essentially been purified to put it lightly. A few oversized corpses lay in between the row of burnt cabinets wearing what might’ve been colorful little girly t-shirts. They may have sought refuge in their tiny slice of Equestria when the bombs fell, but not even Princess Celestia herself could’ve saved them, or the rest of the city block, or the city itself, not to mention the state or even half the country.
“I probably shouldn’t have played ‘Fourth of July’ with the army so soon. I mean, it’s only May for Pete’s sake! Whatever was I thinking?” although to be honest, it was the humans who had sent their biggest bombs against the demon first in some hope of containing the madness. Discord only wanted to make sure that everyone got a fun filled sparkler. Boy was he generous! Perhaps naïve, but definitely generous.
A hopeless ray of sunshine broke through the city’s fog. New York was completely silent. You could probably hear a pin drop in the next block over. At least the terrorist attacks of September Eleventh had citizens left to grief over the dead. This time things had simply gone too far this time. This wasn’t chaos, this was assisted genocide. One could pose that things may have gone sour around the time the National Guard and Raptors arrived. The NYPD just didn’t know how to combat giant twenty foot tall pigeons, a subway system that had been filled with knots of spaghetti, the city’s tallest buildings having been transformed into massive éclairs, lunar and solar fallacies and Discord himself riding through Time’s Square in a Statue of Liberty doing her best impression of the ‘Berney’, just to name a few.
Discord sighed. What good was his chaos if there was no one left to prank? He was forced to torment the very home he had fled from to begin with, to think humans with all of their ‘technology’ might have only lasted a couple of days at best. He pitied and even resented their lack of humor, how any civilization could’ve lasted this long without a real laugh was beyond him.
He shrugged and huffed another miserable sigh before returning back to his fanciful game. There was no way he was going to burn so many ponies alive at this rate, not after seeing so many humans bomb themselves with nuclear warheads in a similar fashion. There simply wasn’t anything to be gained, no power, no adoring fans, not even a punch line.
Discord wanged the already well dented side of the arcade cabinet with his flamboyant claw, “Just where is-Oh! There she is! About blasted time.”
The unicorns hooted and hollered over finally reaching their goal. Gently they had set down the oil tanker at the farthest reach of town. Regina had been careful not to panic the ponies with the danger the tanker actually presented, and left them with their original grievances over how much of a traffic inconvenient the enormous truck had become.
“There isn’t actually anything dangerous about it is there?” Rarity whispered to her human counterpart.
“Don’t worry, dear. I’ll make sure to drive it to a safe distance when I get the chance.”
Rarity nervously laughed, “W-Whatever for?”
“It’s filled with gasoline! Why do you think?”
Rarity’s brow sank, “You know, we aren’t stupid, Regina. We know that, oooh~! Fuel lights up when it burns~! We aren’t going to stupidly kill ourselves with it.”
Regina giggled innocently, the offense wasn’t intended, “Oh, I know, I’m sorry. It just made me nervous seeing it there. I’ve been watching far too many action flicks lately.”
Rarity laughed, “That’s alright dear. Come now, the day isn’t over yet! We still have plenty of lounging and chatting to do. I still want to hear all about your career.”
“Oh, Certainly! But I’ll only talk if you help carry some of these aching bags and boxes.” Regina tossed a good amount of them onto the unicorn without even a glance, “It’s all cameras, glamor and beautiful people! Although I do wish-” Regina suddenly heard the mumbling curses and gasps for air under the pile of fabrics, “Oh, uh, sorry about that, dear. I thought you were going to catch those with that magic of yours.”
Ditzy Doo happily flew over Ponyville, continuing to enjoy her surprise day off with the cheekiest of grins and the aerial navigational skills of a sea cucumber. That giant muffin, although she had shared a good portion of it with her friends, should probably have filled her tummy but it just hadn’t hit the spot. Ditzy was down for seconds, and possibly thirds after that. She raised a hoof over her brow and scouted the area. Although she may as well have been starring directing into the sole of that very hoof, she had always been told it was better to be ‘normal’ than special.
Out of the corner of her eye, which was anywhere other than where it was supposed to be, she caught a muffin stand and with a “Woohoo~!” she zipped in for a second helping.
There had been quite a line but it was well worth it. It was a fairly simple recipe; Cinnamon swirl and vanilla frosting dazzled over a blueberry muffin delight, simple yet exquisite. Ditzy nearly melted over the first delectable bite. She would’ve eaten an entire dozen no matter how expensive the deductible would’ve been on the stomach pump. Regardless, this was turning into the perfect day, which was exactly what anypony else would’ve thought in her hooves.
Suddenly, a “Psst~!” lured Ditzy to a nearby alleyway.
“Huh?” curiously she fluttered over and entered the passage. Her eyes darted about in more directions than they were normally used to, but all the Pegasus could see were a few trash bins and a wheel cart, “That’s weird. Maybe I’m hearing things again?”
A lanky human stepped into the background and blocked her only exit out of the alley, “Yatta, yatta, you aren’t, etcetera.”
Ditzy turned to face the intruder, “What?” It was one of the strangest sensations Ditzy had ever experienced, though most of us would’ve simply called it Déjà vu, “Don’t I know you from somewhere, mister?”
“I’ve already run through this once before, and I’ve spent far too much time and effort to make it amusing, and so I won’t bother with the formalities, Derpy.”
“Say what now…?”
The slenderman cleared his throat, “I’m actually Discord and all of your friends think you’re an idiot.” He regurgitated in the most monotone of fashions before tapping a green finger against her forehead.
Her eyes showered in a rainbow made of used highlighters and the Hypertropia condition in her eyes even managed to correct. The world seemed to wash over Ditzy and she nearly toppled over as her gray coat turned grayer than it had ever looked before.
Discord yawned, “Now go my minion, yatta, yatta, yatta, go do something terrible I guess to all of those friends who hate you so much. Just give me some yummy chaos already!” If it wasn’t subtle, it probably wasn’t worth doing. He could’ve easily conjured up a storm of chaos on a grand scale but Discord’s style involved a simple tough that led up to a masterful display of grandeur.
Somewhere in the human world however, Discord had grown bored of his old tricks. The pranks of last season just weren’t enough for the spirit anymore. The punch lines no longer felt organic unless he could engineer some sort of convoluted plot which even he knew the blueprints too were beginning to slack.
“Just who the heck are you supposed to be? Some sort of posh Scarecrow?” Ditzy questioned.
“I just told you I’m-!”
“You know what? I don’t even care who you are. You’re probably some try-hard Plebeian anyway. How freaking pointless.” Ditzy took another bite out of her unremarkable muffin before swooping back off into the sky.
“Why that little-! No, no, no, calm down Discord old buddy…” he completed a short breathing exercise, though it had only just barely helped, “This is all part of the plan…” a plan that was only half thought of anyway, “W-We’ll definitely get some good old fashioned chaos with that one!” Discord had to force a laugh before desperately disintegrating into the deepest shadows of the alleyway.
Raine had overslept, which wasn’t exactly uncommon for her, though waking up in a green pasture for almost a week now had begun to take its toll. Sure, it was peaceful and the cartoony grass did provide a soft comforter, but it didn’t have the intimate privacy of a real bed with pillows and sheets. She rubbed the stardust out of her eyelids, and thought about her old one room efficiency. One of the only valuable things she had there besides her outdated Ipod was that very bed in question. It was a single cot, nothing too impressive, but it was hers and so was that crumby efficiency.
Raine folded up her legs and curled up against the tree root she was using as a pillow. As welcoming as her little apartment was, she couldn’t help but think of how pointless it would’ve been to return to.
Why even bother going back home? Her Mig-15, at least the real one anyway, was still sitting at the bottom of the Hudson River and as far as her sponsors were concerned she was dead anyway. As much as she loved flying ironically enough, she was terrible at it. There was no way she’d ever be able to pay for a legitimate flight course and no bank in their right mind would ever give her a loan. All those air show managers really cared about were selling energy drinks. As long as you could at least land the birds, they’d hand you a pair of goggles which was the very least a college dropout like Raine could ask for.
The very best she had ever placed in those air shows was a hair short of third position but at least she was able to spread her wings, and it felt good while it lasted.
She sighed, and thought about the most vivid nightmare she’d ever flown through the day before as well as the theory Twyla had explained to her. The evidence was overwhelming and the more she thought about it, the more she realized just how right Rainbow Dash really was. The realization had begun to hit her like a brick to the face, she really was just a screw-up obsessed with her ego, and ironically enough it was exactly that which had cost her everything at every turn. She was a failed test pilot that couldn’t even keep her plane in the air and a mediocre mixed martial artist who was only decent at a few submissions because she had never put in the time and dedication to ever get any better. All she had to her name was a high school diploma and half an Associate’s degree in some nonsensical business school as well as an empty wallet on top of it all. Was there really any point in going back home? At least in Equestria she could escape her debt’s interest rate and live in blissful ignorance.
She promised herself that she wouldn’t cry, but that didn’t stop a single tear from escaping the corner of her eye.
It was around that moment that a flying contradiction just happened to be soaring by overhead. The griffon was just barely familiar with the nearby Ponyville, a place that filled her with anger, but more than anything, filled her heart with shame and regret. Though if given the opportunity, she’d visit the humble little town just so she could see a particular Pegasus one last time. There was something she needed to say to that pony, something that had been tugging at her heart for what quite some time now.
As luck would have it, she noticed a clump of familiar colors down below and without a single thought she flew in to investigate. “Oh, that Dash. Always lounging around under a tree without a care in the world.” She chuckled to herself.
The griffon landed just beside the tree, the tuft of rainbow colored hair peeking out from behind the tree couldn’t have belonged to any other pony.
She approached cautiously. The griffon remembered just how foolishly she had ended her friendship with Rainbow Dash. She had made herself look like such an idiot in front of her best friend and so many of the other ponies, ponies who innocently enough had thrown a party just for her, and yet the only way she was able to thank them all was by insulting them. She had come to hate what she once was, some tough bully obsessed with being ‘cool’ and utterly insecure and terrified of being anything else.
She opened her beak, and slowly the words came out, “…H-Hey there, Rainbow Dash! Been a while huh? Hope you haven’t forgotten about your best buddy, Gilda!” Her introduction was actually far more awkward than it read.
Raine had just barely been awake enough to hear the greeting, and figured it was just one of the pegasus’ old friends or something. The misunderstanding was understandable, seeing as she was a clone at best of the pony in question, but before she could correct the mix-up, the griffon continued.
“Look Dash, I’m gonna’ cut right down to the chase here because I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see right now…” There was no easy way to put it, nor was there an easy way to hold back her emotions, “I-I know I was a total jerk to you the last time we hung out, no, I was even worse than a jerk. I acted like some kind of played out school house bully… I know it’s been a while, probably too long for it to matter, but I-I… I wanted to apologize to you for the way I acted. I was just so obsessed with looking good in front of you that I totally forgot what really mattered, our friendship.” Gilda could hardly hold back her tears. No matter how long she had rehearsed the lines, none of it seemed to come out the way she wanted, “Y-You don’t have to be friends with me again, heck, you don’t even have to accept my apology. I-It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I just want you to know how sorry I am for destroying what you and I had. We were such best buddies and like an idiot I blew it! I insulted you and all of your friends… at a party they had made just for me…”
Dash’s past had certainly moved the human. Gilda itself was a pretty familiar name, at least it had a ring to it. All too conveniently, Raine remembered an old friend she had in high school, a hardass named Gigi, who had always stuck by her side, but by a similar series of events, Raine stopped talking to the girl. The comparison was so close it was almost laughable, but the girl knew better than to laugh into the face of someone so vulnerable.
If it was anything Gilda had expected, it was the cold shoulder. The griffon thought her heart had grown accustomed to feeling so battered, but she knew that she deserved it. She had been a rotten friend to someone so close, and deserved every bit of humiliation she could suffer through. She couldn’t even bear to even face the little Pegasus, even though she was apparently sitting behind a tall tree, “I-I can understand if you have nothing to say to me. That’s fine, I just needed to let you know how I felt… I’m going to head into town. I won’t feel any better about this until I’ve apologized to all of your friends too. So long, d-dude…”
If it was anyone that was familiar with being a failure and a reject, it was Raine, and there was no way she was going to let whoever was behind that tree get away without at least a hug, “W-Wait!”
It was the only word Gilda could’ve possibly hoped for, though not at all the sight she had expected, “What?! Y-You’re not Dash!”
Raine did her best to think of an explanation as she came around the tree, though it was fairly hard to get over the fact that an actual griffon was standing before her, “Whoa, you’re a real griffon!”
“Well, of course I’m a griffon!” utterly flabbergasted and beyond embarrassed, Gilda was ready to claw just whatever it was standing before her into the ground, “Y-You look like Dash but you’re, you’re-! Y-You better tell me who you are right now before I-!”
“Look! Calm down!” Raine had never tamed a lion before, let alone a lion that was half eagle, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on your apology to Rainbow Dash like that, and I-”
“You know Dash? B-But how?! What are you even supposed to be?”
“I’m a human, I was apparently brought here from another world… Apparently I’m supposed to be a…” She didn’t even want to compare herself to the Pegasus as she awkwardly explained her back story, there was no way such a blundering failure could be anything like Dash herself.
“A human, huh? I’ve only ever heard about you guys, never actually never seen one before.” Gilda flew over to get a better look at the girl, “Weird, no wonder I mistook you for Dash, you look just like her. What are you? Some kind of sick fangirl?”
“My name’s Raine! And I-”
“You don’t even have wings!” the griffon chuckled, “And yet you even dyed your hair just like Dash’s. Are you for real?”
Raine’s concern for the poor creature’s feelings had turned into an annoyance. No wonder the Pegasus had ditched such a bothersome featherbrain, “Listen up! I’m not some lame poser and I couldn’t care less for that douchebag! If you have some blubbering apology to give her then why are you wasting your time with me?”
“B-Blubbering?!”
“You heard me hairball! What? You gonna’ cry about it again?”
“That does it! I hope you’re ready for a fight!” Gilda brought out her talons. Humans might not have had fur worth skinning, but that wasn’t going to stop this griffon.
“Come at me, beaky!” Raine tossed aside her aviator’s jacket and cracked her knuckles as ‘Galvanize’ began to play in the back of her mind, “ You better not hold back unless you wanna’ get your feathers rustled.”
“Go buck yourself!” Gilda snarled and made a mad dash for the human’s jugular with her razor sharp claws.
It was a typical plan of attack that Raine had seen time and time again, nothing remarkable at all and easily countered. She didn’t even have to put much effort into the preparation though she did have to remind herself for a moment that this creature was an actual honest to god ‘Griffon’ and not just some punk outside of a nightclub.
The beast made a sharp swipe that nearly slashed Raine’s blue tank top right off of her chest. Raine immediately caught the talon in her grasp, swept it off to her side and with the help of her other arm twisted the griffon’s arm.
Gilda gave a sharp grunt and arched her back in a jolt as her elbow was stressed into a position it was never meant to bend into.
As she held out the claw, Raine took the opportunity to quickly side step herself behind the griffon and wrapped her elbow around Gilda’s neck. As quick as lightning, Raine released the talon and placed it behind the buzzard’s head in a tight rear naked choke hold. For good measure Raine wrapped her legs around the beast’s waist in an attempt to clamp down on her wings as well as throwing her balance off completely. It was an ingenious maneuver and the best part was how little effort it took.
Gilda gasped for air as she wildly clawed about, but she just couldn’t reach her assailant. In a desperate bid to escape, she slammed her back against the tree, nearly snapping one of Raine’s ribs. The moment the hold was broken, Gilda took the girl by her arm and swung her into the patch of grass ahead of her, “What kind of bull was that? Y-You call that fighting?!”
Raine had to work a violent cough out of her chest, but managed to get back onto her feet just in time for the griffon’s next assault. She would’ve thought this oversized turkey would’ve learned her lesson by now.
Gilda went in for another slash, which was easily avoided by the skin of Raine’s nose. She had years of training and beatings to thank for such quick reflexes and boy had she been grateful.
In one big pull, the girl wrapped her hands behind the pigeon’s skull, leaned back, and introduced Gilda to a brutal knee uppercut that nearly smashed that beak into splinters.
The blow sent the poor flyer for a couple of flips overhead, nearly breaking the buzzard’s neck before she finally made her crash landing.
Instinct would’ve told Raine to immediately get up, run over, and finish the job with a kick or two followed by a series of bludgeoning fists to every vital area of the eagle’s head, and Raine would’ve carried out that exact plan of attack, but she managed to stop herself just in time. There she stood with a shin parked against the griffon’s temple. Raine needed a good second to catch her breath as she gazed down at the pitiful mess below.
Gilda was a trembling mess, bawling her eyes out as she clasped her beak with her talons. Tears streamed muddied the bird’s indigo eye shadow and she whimpered and cried out in pain like a little kid. Luckily, nothing was actually broken but the poor griffon had felt every bit of it anyway.
Raine removed her halted kick and took pity on the feeble bird. She could tell the griffon was made of far tougher stuff but just wasn’t a very good fighter. In fact, no one in Equestria seemed to be oddly enough. Raine rolled her eyes and got down to a knee, “Oh, move it ya’ big baby.” She threw away Gilda’s talons, “Calm down, let me take a look at you.”
Gilda sniffed away a few of her tears with a cringe-worthy frown. She was certainly in no position to fight back and wouldn’t have risked a single feather on her noggin at this point.
Fiona would’ve probably been of great assistance at this point, seeing as Raine was anything but a veterinarian, but the griffon appeared to be alright, at least in the comparison she drew between bird-like lions and humans anyway. She worked the bird’s beak to which Gilda winced and checked the edges of her eyes for any popped blood vessels, “Doesn’t look like they teach you ponies how to fight in Equestria do they?”
“I-I’m a griffon, not a pony…! Ouch!”
“Yeah, ‘griffon’, my bad. Well, you look alright for now but don’t be too surprised if you get a little bruise on your... That area at the top of your beak.”
“That’s my Lacrimal!”
“Yeah that part, sorry. Come on, don’t cry, dude. You’ll be okay! If you want I’ll even let you get a free shot on me.”
The griffon snuffled up another tear, “N-No, it’s okay. You got me fair and square. You’re not bad at all for someone who can’t fly.”
Raine laughed away the cruel truth and sat down next to her opponent, “Yeah, and you’re pretty quick yourself. Almost had me there a couple of times, heh.”
Gilda gave her beak one more twitch and sat up, “I-I’m sorry about being such a jerk. I was just kind of embarrassed about earlier… We got off on the wrong foot you and I. My name’s Gilda. What was your name again?”
“It’s Raine.” She smiled, “Hell of a way to introduce ourselves.”
Gilda couldn’t help but cough up a laugh, and after a second Raine joined her with a chuckle.
Pinkie Pie brought out a warm pan of freshly baked sugar cookies into the lobby of Sugar Cube Corner, “They’re ready!”
“Oh gosh, these look delicious!” Fluttershy drooled over the golden sweet riches.
Fiona couldn’t resist and quickly took a bite. With a satisfying moan, her eyes almost rolled into the back of her head, “These are so good~! Try one Fluttershy.”
The Pegasus tried one for herself, and soon enough a second as well as a third.
Pinkie snorted a laugh, “Take as many as you guys want! They’re free samples.”
Piper cleared the top of the staircase just in time to spoil the fun, “Pinkie! I think I’m going to need your help up here! I don’t really know how to take care of baby ponies. Pumpkin Cake keeps tying diapers around my head with her magic and Pound Cake won’t come down from the ceiling!”
Pinkie sighed, “Not again, okay, I’ll be right up!” she quickly tossed a few of the cookies into a gift bag and handed it to Fiona, “Sorry girls, the twins are calling. We’ll catch up with you two later alright?”
“Oh, that’s fine. We have to get going anyway. Fiona and I have the yearly bunny census to take care of today.”
“Thanks again for the treats!” Fiona stuffed another cookie into her mouth as they left the bakery. The bag probably wasn’t going to last very long in her tempting hands.
“Bye girls! Have fun!”
The two animal lovers had strolled to the edge of Ponyville where a small stream met a forest filled with dozens of loveable little creatures.
“Please? Just one more time?” Fiona begged.
“Are you still on about that? Haven’t you had enough yet?”
“B-But it’s just that, well…”
Fluttershy still couldn’t believe it, but she may as well have gratified the human if this census was ever going to get finished, “Alright, fine...!” The little yellow Pegasus reluctantly fluttered over to the girl and plopped into her eagerly awaiting arms.
With a squeal only the sweatiest of fangirls could give, Fiona gave Fluttershy an embarrassing cuddle as if the pony were some kind of giant plushie, digging a cheek into her pink mane.
“This is mortifying, Fiona.” If this is what all of her animals went through every time she hugged one of them, then Fluttershy was just about ready to quit the animal business forever, “Are you done yet? This is getting kind of creepy.”
Fiona giggled softly, “I’m sorry, you ponies are just too adorable!”
The Pegasus did her best to pretend she didn’t hear that last bit and finally escaped the crazy lady’s clutches, “Alright, look, we have to complete this census of all the new baby bunnies born this year. We have to do it every year for all the animals in the forest and this month call’s for a bunny count.” She handed Fiona a clipboard, “We’ll work as a team. I’ll gather all of the bunnies and you count them, okay?”
“Gotcha’. I’m ready when you are, Ma’m!” Fiona saluted idiotically with the clipboard by her side.
“Right.” Fluttershy turned her attention to the already gathering horde of rabbits, “Okay little bunnies, I need all of you to gather up. We’re just going to do a little head count, alright? Fiona, are you even counting them?”
They hadn’t even started yet and girl had already become completely distracted, “Hiya Ditzy! How are you?” she waved up to a rather disconcerted Pegasus above the tree line.
Fluttershy gazed up at the silhouette in the sky,“Oh hey, Ditzy! Cool glasses by the way! We’re counting bunnies for the town census. Want to help?”
Ditzy had picked up a pair of black thick rimmed glasses off of some nobody named Apple Cobbler. Whether she had actually needed the glasses or not was of no importance. The only thing that just barely mattered to Ditzy was that her new snobby indifferent demeanor was accented by a pointless accessory. The point was to care as much as she could about not caring at all, “Why would I waste my time helping two animal hoarders like yourselves? What? You couldn’t find a psychologist for your type of crazy?”
For a second they thought Ditzy had actually said something so cruel. It took a minute for those words to really register and Fiona wasn’t sure how to react at all, “I-Is something wrong, Ditzy?”
“Yeah, your census doesn’t take into account the sharp population decline of Bees affecting our environment!”
“What did she mean by that?” Fluttershy was puzzled.
Fiona had seen plenty of documentaries pertaining to how pollution and pesticide were causing Bee populations around the world to suffer, but she wasn’t exactly sure how the topic related to bunnies, but she was about to find out!
Ditzy picked a swarming Bee hive from the arm of a tree, smacked it around a bit, and tossed it like a live grenade at the two unsuspecting census volunteers, “How about you two just buzz off!”
The honey comb hive hadn’t even splattered against the ground yet before an angry swarm had organized its war campaign.
Fluttershy and Fiona screamed and ran for their hapless little lives, doing their best to keep up with the fleeing bunnies as the humming horde sharped its stingers.
Fiona shrieked as a seemingly perverted Bee found its mark right into the side of her butt cheek. Through usually dumb luck, she had been stung by Bees before, as well as all manner of other insects, but this was simply ridiculous. Another Bee made a mad dash for the girl’s arm, but before the stinger could pierce her flesh a purple mist closed in and blockaded the golden crusade.
The magical bubble shrank around the cloud of angry Bees, digesting the crumpled hive in the process, and it shriveled some more before finally vanishing in a sparkle of light.
The intent was to teleport the livid swarm to a random tree on the other side of Equestria. Unfortunately, due to an error in calculations that we’ll imagine anyway, the hive found itself tossed into the fancy traveling coach of a particular show stopping blue unicorn, which later erupted into a shriek of desperate screams and cries for help.
“That’s enough, Ditzy!” radiating with intense magic stood Twilight Sparkle and her partner Twyla by her side.
Fluttershy zipped behind the unicorn just as Fiona managed to toss herself at Twyla’s feet, still mending the sore stab wound to her rump.
“You alright, Fiona?” Twyla helped the frightened environmentalist to her feet, “Nice duds, by the way. Where’d you get them?”
Fiona didn’t even give herself enough time to muster up a ‘thank you’ before she nearly choked out her close friend with a hug, “Oh thank goodness you arrived! I missed you so much! It really hasn’t been the same without you, Twyla!”
The teacher attempted to get an arm in edge wise, not to mention a breath of air, “D-Don’t worry, I know…!”
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the eggheads?” It certainly felt nice being some sort of ironic villain and not a wall-eyed pushover for once, “You two gonna’ bore me to death with your autistic reading rainbows?”
Twyla wasn’t going to stand there and let such nonsense go unchecked, “Hey! There’s nothing funny about mental disorders! Autism is a serious condition that needs to be treated with love and compassion!”
The corrupted Pegasus laughed, “Aw! Is that why Twilight Sparkle needs your help so much? How considerate of you!”
“Okay that was just uncalled for.” The unicorn huffed.
“And the poke at autism wasn’t already?!” countered Twyla.
“We don’t have time for this Twyla!” Twilight charged the horn over her head with a static white light, a familiar spell that she had hoped she’d never have to use on any of her friends ever again, “Now stand back, girls! I’m about to give this toppy-nosed Pegasus a taste of friendship!”
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 7: The Karma Police
“Now stand back, girls! I’m about to give this toppy-nosed Pegasus a taste of friendship!” Twilight Sparkle knew corruption like the back of her flank and this twisted incarnation of Ditzy was no exception. She knew she had to act quickly however, for whatever games Discord had planned for them was sure to lead to something catastrophic.
She focused her latent energies into a white pulse at the tip of her horn and pulled the trigger. A glittering shot of plasma fired out and nearly shaved a lock off of Ditzy’s now equally gray mane, followed by a second shot and even a third, but apparently chaos actually counted for something as far as aptitude and agility went.
The pretentious pony laughed, “Is this all you’re going to do? Chuck rocks at me from all the way down there? You plebeians can’t be serious.”
“Ooh! I’m going to give you one heck of a spanking!” Blame it on the ponies’ diminutive stature if you will, but subconsciously they may as well have been kindergarteners in Twyla's horrid first year of teaching, though that didn’t mean the mood hadn’t been completely thrown off. She didn’t actually mean anything suggestive of course but that didn’t stop Ditzy from teasing a wink and laughing hysterically.
“You know, you’re just kind of weird sometimes.” Twilight remarked, embarrassed for the girl.
“I-I didn’t mean it that way!!”
Twilight turned her attention to the yellow Pegasus hiding fearfully behind her, “Will you please get up there and do something, Fluttershy?”
“Yeah, why don’t you come up here and get ‘taun-ted but yat ‘agayn’! You sniveling ka-nigget’!” Ditzy blew her nose in their general direction with the greatest impression of the French language anyone had ever heard.
“Oh, well, okay then.” Fluttershy timidly fluttered above the tree line to meet the source of the French mockery, “E-Excuse me, but if you would be so kind as to, uhm-”
“Why don’t you go ant’ boil yu’ur bott’am! Yu’ur mother was a smelly rabbit! And yu’ur father smelt of… of… What do you feed your animal hoarding addiction again?”
“Oh! Mostly greens, but I do try to keep their diets mixed. It’s very important for animals and everypony alike to eat healthy and-”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!” No one was going to tell Ditzy what and what not to eat and so she bonked the shy Pegasus over the head with a hoof before flying off, “Sayonara suckers!”
Fluttershy squeaked and tumbled down into the brush just in time for Fiona to catch her, “Oh gosh, are you alright…?” she said with a suspicious grin.
“I’m not a stuffed toy!” Fluttershy cried, kicking loose of the plushophile.
Twilight rolled her eyes took off after the possessed pegasus, “Come on! After her!”
“You guys should catch up with us. I have a feeling we’re going to get to the bottom of all this!” Twyla remarked to the two environmentalists before taking off after the unicorn.
Fluttershy wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but had a feeling the two of them were going to be involved whether they liked it or not. She turned back to her human counterpart for some advice, but all she found was a quivering frown. The Pegasus sighed, “Alright… fine. Go ahead.”
Fiona squealed and glomped the reluctant pony and nuzzled her soft mane. Clearly, Fluttershy had the patience of ten saints, however as it stood she was on the verge of dumping her animal hoarding days all together. No animal should be forced to endure such an adorable assault.
The flying hipster effortlessly glided through the sky desperately in search of other targets and their pointless routines to snobbishly evaluate, or she at least would’ve gone on to degrade the ‘common’ folk had her flight path not collided with a dashing rainbow.
Ditzy caught herself on the branch of a considerate tree while Rainbow Dash plummeted into a stream.
Dash splashed out of the water and Ditzy took the words right out of her mouth, “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” they said in unison.
“Oh Dash, you’re so ‘banal’.” Ditzy scowled adjusting her thick-rimmed glasses.
Rainbow wasn’t even sure what she was just insulted with, “You got a problem with me, sister?!”
Ditzy waved a lock of grayest blonde out of her eye, “Ugh, so mainstream, so typical, just so ‘below’ me.”
After chasing what was essentially a fighter jet for so long, Twyla had to stop to catch some air.
Twilight stomped her hoof , “She isn’t herself! After her Rainbow Dash!”
Ditzy laughed, “Yeah, careful not to run into anything, what was it now? Rainbow Crash?” she fluttered over and bopped the blue Pegasus right on the nose before flying off again.
Dash shook her head and growled, “You don’t need to tell me twice, Twilight! I’m gonna’ knock the dumb back into that skull of hers.” Dash shook her coat dry and rocketed after the scoffing Pegasus.
“Come on, Twyla!” shouted Twilight before galloping off again.
The teacher wasn’t sure she had any calories left to burn, utterly too dehydrated to properly reply but somehow she managed to start sprinting again. Luckily for her, these were only ponies and not fully grown mustangs.
The infamous ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ as they proudly called themselves idly sat by the river’s edge with a trio of Fischer-Price grade fishing poles at their hooves. How any of them managed to properly hold the rods let alone wheel their reels was completely beyond this author’s understanding, let alone why a bloody horse would be eating a fish in the first place, but we’ll go with it anyway.
The fishing lines were just as bored as they were and yet again, not a single one of their talents had emerged.
“Whose bright idea was this again?” Sweetie Belle whined.
Scootaloo salvaged her crisscrossed list of the day’s attempts, “Well, we’ve already tried haberdashery, carpentry, flower arranging, leather tanning, potato peeling, basket weaving, welding, interpretive dance, Olympic curling, stand-up comedy, computer repair, tire rotation, insurance claims agent, veterinary assistant, business consultant, X-ray technician, criminal and legal justice, pharmacy technician, star-mapping-”
“Which doesn’t make any sense ‘cause it’s the middle of the day!” Applebloom sulked, “I should’ve just stayed and helped out on the farm. Stupid Big Mac! Telling me that I’m just gettin’ in the way. Hmpf!”
“It’d make more sense.” Remarked Sweetie Belle, “Your name is ‘Applebloom’ after all, why would you want your cutie mark not to have anything to do with apples?”
Scootaloo chuckled, “Yeah! You work on an apple farm! Why would you want something like an ironing board or an ant farm on your flank?”
“Don’t even start with that again!”
The unicorn and the Pegasus laughed, and then a large splash of water drowned out the trio’s hilarity deeper than that one time everyone in Ponyville died horribly.
“Tried unemployment yet?” Ditzy snarked, “I don’t mean being the talentless hacks that you already are, but I meant, you know, being a clerk in an unemployment office. You three seem like the type of rejects that’d get a government job like-Uh oh!” she floated out of the way just in time for Dash’s attack to fly past and land herself face first into a tree, “Just like that one! Completely useless in every way possible!” Ditzy’s laugh was becoming infectious. It was about on par with that of the absolutely mad Amadeus Motzart, though of course she was doing it ironically, “Toodles~!” and with that she was off again to troll the world.
“Get back here you!!” Dash followed suit.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat for a moment, completely soaked and defeated once again.
Twilight Sparkled trotted by, “Did you three see-?”
Irritated, they pointed, and Twilight scampered off with a laugh hidden under her breath. Maybe a minute later Twyla followed with an expression that suggested she had suffered through a mild stroke.
Scootaloo took another glance at her now saturated list, “So, uhm, Archery next?”
“Why are you being so… mean today?!” Rainbow Dash cried out in hot pursuit.
“It’s because you have the worst most atrocious taste of any pony I know, and also you’re the worst character on the entire show.” Ditzy’s view of the Pegasus hadn’t always been that bad, but her opinion had become tainted by all the reviews she had read.
“What?!” the loyal Pegasus scrambled through the clouds, but was perplexed with how agile and quick her target was. Ditzy had never been able to fly with such grace and speed, at least not without completely destroying half of the town.
They had finally entered Ponyville, and here we had Ditzy zipping from street corner to cottage and yet an entire ten seconds had gone by without a cart of fruit being knocked over. Granny Smith Apple was quite pleased to see that her apple stand had been spared.
Meanwhile, Rarity and Regina enjoyed a humble conversation over a pair of guilty pleasures at an umbrella table. The weather was still pleasant and with Rarity’s earlier calamity, her overindulgent taste buds still had room for satisfaction.
“It must be so amazing! The glamor, the glitz, and the spotlights and cameras on you at every moment! The entire world begging for your every word, your every whisper. Servants at your beck and call!” Rarity swooned, “It’s all the attention I’ve ever dreamed of…!” she could hardly control her jealousy. Having royalty and the common folk alike all clamoring for her approval, it was all the little egomaniac could’ve asked for.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t taken a sip of the spotlight before, but such a taste was far too much of a tease. She simply couldn’t help herself and she wanted more. She took a sip of her glass of pineapple and mint frappe before her as if the delight itself were enough to humor her fantasies.
Regina hung her head against a tabled elbow as her eyes narrowed, “To be honest, it really isn’t all that remarkable.”
“What do you mean? How could it not be? How could I not be envious of such fame?”
The celebrity took another light sip of her banana smoothie and sighed, “If there’s anyone here that should be jealous, darling, it’s me. You have no idea how good you have it here in Ponyville.”
The response just barely registered in Rarity’s mind.
“My passion has always been to design beautiful dresses and ensembles for people. I’ve been doing it ever since I was a little girl, and I thought my career would take me all over the world giving me all sorts of inspiration to create. Maybe even get myself recognized for my talents! It all went according to plan at first, I became a star and soon enough my opinion was considered gospel… but what good is being famous for making dresses if I have no time to make them?” Regina moped, “I barely have enough time to see my friends anymore. Before the other day, I hadn’t seen any of them in almost two months! All I ever do anymore is run errands for the corporate heads and this silly magazine. Go sign some autographs here! Or go host some fashion show there! It’s all insubstantial rubbish that barely has anything to do with the fabric! My butt’s just so tired of being driven around in limos and liners, you have no idea, Rarity. At least here in Equestria, you’re both recognized for your talents ‘and’ you get to spend your quality time fashioning. Not to mention that you can see your friends whenever you want!”
The white little unicorn touched a hoof to her lip, batting her lashes as her eyes dashed back and forth. What an awful nightmare she thought. As stressful as her work could be at times and as much as she craved the sophisticate life of Canterlot, she could never give up the humble Carousel Boutique nor could she imagine being away from her dear friends for so long, “But… don’t you at least get vacations? Time off? I-I’m sure all the money is worth it, isn’t it?”
Regina shook her head, “Every once in a blue moon, maybe… Though I’m quite surprised to hear that from you of all ponies, Rarity.” Her lip sunk for a moment, “Don’t you know that money can’t buy things like friends or happiness…?”
Rarity cringed, how downright naïve and stupid she had been. It was enough to throw her off of her frappe completely, well, maybe not entirely.
Before she could take one last sip in an attempt to calm her shame, Ditzy beat her to it.
Rarity was rather surprised, if not secretly outraged, “Oh, uh, hello there Ditzy.”
The Pegasus took a rich swig of the frappe, then stole away Regina’s smoothie and gave it a taste as well.
“Hey!” whined Regina.
“Cheers!” Ditzy greeted with a smile just before drenching the two with their own shakes, topped with a couple of shrieks. With a snarky laugh, she leapt into the air and left them with an irate Rainbow Dash who all but splattered into the umbrella table, sending Rarity and Regina for a spin.
The café had become a soggy mess of toppled plastic, milky fruits, and infuriated women.
Ditzy checked in one last time as Dash climbed out from under a chair to mourn the bump on her head, “I’m going to have to give that performance a four out of ten, and I’m going to have to take away five stars from your overall rating.”
“W-What are you even talking about? What’s gotten into you, Ditzy?!” Dash kicked away a table in outrage.
“Indeed! That was quite rude, Ditzy! How could you treat your friends this way? ” added Rarity.
Ditzy busted out laughing, “Friends? Since when have any of you been my ‘friends’? Up until recently, none of you even knew I existed! I was just some spot filler in the background.” The Pegasus adjusted her glasses, “Well no more! I won’t be anyone’s punch line. From now on, I’m going to be… Hmmm, what was that next line? Gosh, I had rehearsed this bit from my story at least twice now. It was going to be the big dramatic moment when I stop being a pushover. Oh it was so perfect!”
She had completely lost the girls. Thankfully for the sake of Equestria’s many civilizations, no one knew what a fanfiction was.
Rainbow Dash flew off to meet the gray Pegasus face to face, “You know, I’ll admit I haven’t invited you to many of our parties, Der-uhm, Ditzy… But that’s no reason to act like such a-!”
Ditzy stuffed the Rainbow’s yap full of hoof, “Sorry! Can’t hear you over how mad I’m making you!” she turned about and bucked the blue Pegasus into another umbrella table with a loud clatter of silver wear and cracking plastic. “Karma Police! Arrest this pony! Her hairdo is making me feel ill!”
Exploding out a sea of chairs, “What did you just say about my mane?!” but before Dash could clobber the snob, Ditzy had already taken off. She growled, “Oh, just wait until I get my hooves on her!”
Regina attempted to dry herself off with a handy handkerchief, “Just what is going on around here? Were you two having an argument?”
“Where did she run off to?!” scrambled Twilight Sparkle.
“Twilight! When did you get back?” Rarity galloped over to meet her unicorn friend, “It feels like it’s been forever! How was Canterlot?”
“There’s no time to explain girls! We have a big problem on our hooves, and we need to catch Ditzy!”
“Oh, I’m going to do more than catch her alright!” Dash stormed off lifting a salvo of white plastic in her wake before a rainbow shot off across Ponyville.
“If you’re here. Then where’s Twyla?” Regina wondered.
“I-I’m… here…!” You could tell that Twyla had never really taught Personal Fitness before, “Just… Just give me a second.” Her lungs begged for oxygen as she leaned over a nearby wall for a time-out.
“Twyla! How was everything? I’ve had such a wonderful time here in Ponyville that I nearly forgot about going back home!” giggled Regina, “Were you able to discover anything?”
Twyla waved a finger as if she was about to explain everything, but she hadn’t quite caught her breath yet. Being an egghead and an internet lurker in her spare time hadn’t exactly done her any favors.
“We don’t have time for this! Some pony could really get hurt if we don’t hurry! Come on, girls!” Twilight ran off as Twyla nearly cried.
“Rarity, go on ahead, we’ll catch up with you.” Regina nodded as Rarity threw herself into the chase, “You really need to stay on top of your diet, Twyla. You look a bit pale.” She lifted the poor girl off of her stupor and did her best to scruff the past week off of her lavender blouse.
Twyla finally came around, “For once I wish I had a terrible excuse, but you wouldn’t believe what’s been happening lately. Come on, we should follow them. I’ll explain everything later.”
The sprays of ocean salt batted against Rear Admiral Piper’s cheeks as she stood at the helm of the pride of the American Naval fleet, the S.S. Creampuff. She adjusted her ridiculously enormous hat as her vessel swung to starboard, pivoting what were probably far too many destroyer cannons at a helpless boat, “How do you like me now?! America’s number one, damn it!”
“What the hay is an ‘America’?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“Only a dirty Socialist would be so ignorant of America’s might!” Piper slammed a justice filled peg into her side of the board, “G-3!”
“You sunk my supply vessel! It was going to deliver a shipment of cupcakes to a desperate third world country!”
“You can’t hide your tyranny from the great United States of America! No matter how many sprinkles you use!”
It was Pinkie’s last boat, all of which had been crammed into one tiny corner of the board and all of which had sank with honor, probably, “This is a stupid game anyway!” she tossed the board game with its dozens of tiny pegs and battleships off of the table with a smirk.
“Yeah, it gets kind of boring after a while.” Piper agreed, retiring her naval cap, “We should play some ‘Rock’em Sock’em Robots’ instead! At least that game had some depth!”
“Great idea!”
The window suddenly smashed open and Ditzy flew into the room.
“Hi Ditzy!” Pinkie greeted, hardly noticing the shards of glass covering her floor let alone the broken window.
“Bye Ditzy!” waved Piper.
Rainbow dashed in through the busted window, “Where’d she go? I know I saw her come in here!”
“Oh, hi Rainbow Dash! You mean Ditzy? You just missed her. I bet she had a craving for muffins and just forgot to use the front door!” Pinkie snorted.
“You look pretty upset, Dash. Is something wrong?” Piper wondered.
The blue Pegasus zipped off without another word, dashing through the hallway and down the stairwell, “There you are!”
Ditzy had helped herself to Sugar Cube Corner’s assortment of muffins on display at the front counter, “You know, these aren’t too bad considering the pea-brained idiots that baked them.”
“You’d better not be talking about my friends like that!” snarled Dash, who flew in for another tackle only to be handed a bite of muffin instead before smashing into the cash register. The impact nearly split the machine in two, tossing a splash of bits into the air.
Ditzy was just too swift for the blue Pegasus to handle today, “Well, if it makes you feel better, at least they aren’t as dumb as you. I mean, exactly how many times have you tried to catch me today, missed, and crashed into something? And here I thought ‘I’ was supposed to have terrible coordination.”
Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. She could hardly remember the last time she’d been so angry.
A series of clops clattered down the staircase, “If you two wanted something sweet to eat, all you had to do was ask!” Pinkie smiled cheerfully.
“I don’t need the permission of some pony that’s clearly below me. To even be seen associating with such ‘boobs’ is an insult to my intellect!” Ditzy grabbed a hoof’s full of muffins which she had never intended to pay for, “I’ll be taking these as reparations for forcing me to have spoken with you in the first place. Good day!”
She began to make her way out the door until someone far larger than a pony had something to say about it, “I hope you’re not planning on leaving without paying for those!” Piper crossed her arms with a glare, blocking the doorway.
“Did I not just say ‘reparations’?”
“I heard what you said!” Piper shouted, “You’re going to repair the broken cash register right? You can have your payment of muffins after you’re finished!”
Words had failed the entire room, and Pinkie, Dash, and Ditzy collectively placed a hoof over their faces.
The front door to Sugar Cube Corner swung up, practically sending Piper back up the stairs, “Did Ditzy fly in here? I could’ve sworn I saw her come in through the window.” Twilight barged in just in time to take a muffin to the face, “Gah-!!”
Rarity was the next batter up, “Stop that this instant, Ditzy! There’s no reason to act like such a bully!”
With a smirk, Ditzy adjusted her accessorized glasses and began pitching muffins at the would-be guests stuck in the doorway.
Rarity took a batch of cinnamon delight right to the face, and with a shriek she dramatically tumbled to the floor.
Not even Regina could manage to get past the blueberry assault, “How dare you!”
“Cut it out!” Twilight cried. She began to charge a spell but her mystical horn’s magic had been capped with a muffin top.
Twyla thought she was clever by having caught a muffin aimed for her head, and she took a bite out of it with a lazy grin, and then she got to taste test a second one which was apparently so good that it knocked her off of her feet.
Pinkie Pie trotted over to the pitcher with a glare, “You’re out of here, Ditzy!”
“What!? I’m out?” complained Ditzy, adjusting her glasses.
“Yeah, you’re out! You were aiming right for her!”
“Come on! It was an accident!”
“You’re gone!”
“You’re full of straw, Pink!”
“Get out of here!!”
“Oh, why don’t you go buck yourself, Pink!” Ditzy began to fly towards the homeplate with a bite of muffin in her mouth before Rainbow Dash finally picked off her mark, spearing the conceited pony through the front entrance and onto the street.
“Gotcha’ you little punk!” Dash grinded the pony’s head with a hard noogie as Ditzy scrambled to escape.
“Hold her down Dash! This’ll only take a second!” Twilight ran over and attempted to use her ‘friendship’ spell to cure the Pegasus’ plight.
“Uh, I think you have something stuck on your horn there.” Twyla pointed out.
“Gee… thanks.”
With an awkward smile and half a giggle, Twyla removed the muffin from the unicorn’s horn and helped herself to a mouthful, “Mmm~! Raspberry.”
Twilight’s day had already been rather exasperating, and her friend certainly wasn’t helping, “Does that taste good? You mind if I get back to work here?”
Twyla’s cheeks swelled with a laugh, and she innocently nodded.
“Alright, Ditzy, just hold-” Her spell had just begun to flicker when she took a hard head-butt from Rainbow Dash that sent them both for a somersault.
“Hah! Thought you could hold me down could you? Well I-!”
“Oh no you don’t!” Twyla grabbed the Pegasus before she could complete her quip.
“L-Let go of me!” Ditzy did all she could to pry the human off of her, but Twyla had dealt with far too many rowdy middle-schoolers to give up so easily. “Fine then! I hope you have your seat in the upright position!” With almost unbelievable strength, Ditzy took off into the sky somehow managing to drag the human along for the ride.
“Twyla!!” Regina cried, “After her girls! She could get herself hurt!”
“Bah!” Twilight managed to crawl out from underneath the unconscious blue Pegasus, “Wake up Dash!!” she knocked the pony over the head, which may not have normally helped very much in a more realistic setting but managed to stir Dash from her slumber anyway, “We’re running out of time!”
“Get a move on you two!” Rarity called out, and eventually the chase got under way once again.
Not even a few seconds had gone by when Fiona and Fluttershy stumbled upon a bewildered Piper attaching a ‘closed for the day’ sign to Sugar Cube Corner’s now squeaky front door.
“Did you two see Ditzy fly past here?” pardoned Fluttershy.
“We sure did! And that little runt owes me thirty bits for all the muffins she ruined!” Pinkie shouted in an outrage, “I’m going to bake her into a muffin myself if I don’t get an apology!!”
“I-It’s okay, Pinkie, I’m sure she just wasn’t being herself is all.” Piper’s attempts at reassurance all but fell on deaf ears.
“Are you kidding me?! Did you not see what she did to the shop?”
“She did throw a bee hive at us…” Fiona added, still willing to believe that there was still some good left in the pony’s heart, “B-But maybe she was just trying to… uhm… Maybe relocate the bees to a better tree?”
Not even Fluttershy would’ve fallen for that, and she certainly wasn’t going to bother replying to such an absurd rationalization.
“Come on! They took off down the street!” Pinkie had a sudden urge for cupcakes.
Twyla kicked her legs in some vain attempt to reach the ground which was blurring more and more with every fearful glance, “W-Where are you taking me?! P-Put me down!”
“Not exactly the smartest request, lady.” Ditzy chuckled, “You can let go whenever you want. It won’t bother me though I might get a good laugh out of it.”
“W-Why are you acting like this, Ditzy? I thought you were a sweet nice little pony!” Twyla struggled to maintain her grip around the waist of the Pegasus. It felt as if she was hanging onto a flying plushie though she had learned to accept such impossible physics.
“Oh yeah, I’m just so nice and stupid, the village idiot! I’m that moronic pony who everyone treats ‘extra-special’ because she has a mental problem apparently! Well I don’t have a mental problem! I have an eye condition!”
Twyla did her best to recite a life lesson while hanging on for dear life, “I-I know that Ditzy! And I’m very sorry if anyone’s ever treated you so poorly, no one deserves to be laughed at and treated like a joke! B-But you should be above all of that! You shouldn’t let your frustrations get the better of you! Anyone who treats you that way clearly isn’t worth associating with!”
The Pegasus bit her lip as she soared through the sky. Although Discord’s magic was strong, the truth was too much of a conflict and somehow was able to chip away at her cold tainted heart, “Sh-Shut up! You’re not gonna’ ruin my fun!” She began to descend in altitude to the point where the human could nearly tip toe across the oncoming tree tops surrounding Ponyville.
Twyla was doing her best to keep the skirt of her dress from flying about too wildly without the use of her hands, though she had to remind herself yet again just how harmless Equestria was, at least in that context anyway.
Soon enough, the little green pine trees below began to turn into brightly decorated apple trees, and that’s when it hit Twyla, “Gee, I hope we don’t bother Applejack too much on her farm!”
Normally the princess of sarcasm for a day would’ve known better, but one might’ve ventured that Ditzy’s tangled emotions and perhaps even her desperate flight plan may have been too distracting to discern the human’s context. She giggled with a crazed look in her eyes and dove right for the apple orchard.
Aprile’s shins were covered in bruises and scrapes, but at least they were intact. She was proud of how well she had fared, however much it hurt to actually walk.
“Heck of a work out, ain’t it?” Applejack chuckled, “Don’t worry, sugar cube, your legs’ll get used to it in no time flat.”
It hadn’t been the first time the thought of remaining in Ponyville for the rest of her life had crossed Aprile’s mind. It wasn’t exactly a terrible idea, but she couldn’t very well leave her family’s farm forever. She shook away the notion, not wanting to be a drag, “Yeah, you’re right. I may not have my good ol’ tractor but that ain’t gonna’ stop me.” And the heavy barrel filled with apples certainly hadn’t slowed her down either. That entire day she had been determined to keep up with the other farm ponies, and as much as every step had pained her, she was going to keep walking until her legs plum fell off.
“Ya’ sure ya’ don’t need any help with them apples? I could carry a few if ya’ wanted.” Applejack’s saddle barrels had plenty of room to spare.
With a dogged brow, Aprile ferreted through the area until she finally found a discarded apple by her feet. She snatched it up and tossed it into the drum strapped to her back.
The little farm pony sighed, wondering if she herself had ever been so stubborn. Obviously Applejack was as pigheaded as they came but she preferred to call it ‘pride’.
Aprile’s obstinate march towards the barn for the thirty fifth time that day was suddenly halted by the strangest sight, “Huh…? Is that Twyla?”
Hang gliding under a stuffed animal dangled a familiar face in one of the most bizarre acrobatic feats Aprile had ever seen.
Twyla had been doing all she could to swing her legs and disrupt Ditzy’s flight pattern, which by normal standards would’ve taken as much effort as pulling down a kite, but this was a Saturday morning cartoon show after all. As they made their approach however, the inkling of actually breaking a bone or even worse suddenly hit her, “Incoming…!!”
The two apple aficionados barely had enough time to escape the line of fire, especially Aprile whose purple legs simply wouldn’t budge.
Far too many apples were sent flying without a care as Ditzy plowed head first into an apple tree’s trunk beside a few tumbling barrels.
“Gah! Darn it!” It would’ve been a cold night in hell If the day hadn’t broken Aprile’s legs by now, “Heck of a way to say howdy, Twyla. Sheesh!”
Twyla helped her friend out of the pile of apple sauce, “Had to stick the landing somehow. Quick, before she gets away again!”
“Before what now?”
Applejack was too busy attempting to yank the bubbly flank out of a hole in the tree, “How ya’ get yer’self into these kinda’ situations I’ll never know, Ditzy.”
“No, wait!” Twyla nearly threw herself at Applejack, but before she could explain a word Ditzy corked out of the tree like a bottle cap, “Not this time!” Twyla was quick to react, and caught the gray little Pegasus as she came to first base slide in a rear naked choke hold, though it was more to restraint the pony than to actually tap her out.
“G-Get off of me you crazy broad!” Ditzy just couldn’t catch a break with this chick. Her glasses, which had all but snapped over the impact, crumpled to the ground.
Aprile raised a brow and picked them up, “Just what in the blue hell is going on ‘round here? Let go of her, Twyla!”
“No! You don’t understand!” Twyla cried, doing her best to hang onto the struggling bird.
There was a reason Applejack was such a successful apple farmer, and that keen eye of hers had been at its sharpest all day to have not noticed the canard, “What’s wrong with Ditzy? Her eyes and her mane! What’s up with all the… gray?”
Twyla really didn’t have a proper explanation for Ditzy’s unusual appearance or mannerisms of ‘hipster scum’ other than Twilight’s implications that being extra ‘gray’ was ‘bad’, but luckily enough the cavalry had arrived just in time.
Rarity used her unicorn magic to levitate Ditzy out of Twyla’s clutches, “She’s ready when you are, Twilight.”
The little Pegasus did all she could to fly off but simply couldn’t get through the enchanted turbulence, “You guys are gonna’ be sorry!”
The group of disgruntled humans and ponies alike surrounded the nonconformist.
“Twilight! When did you get back in town?” greeted Applejack, “And just what’s going on?”
“Ditzy’s been corrupted… by Discord!”
“Discord?!” the pony collective gasped.
“That can’t be right! That’s plum impossible!” shouted Applejack.
“B-But I thought we defeated him!” questioned Rarity, doing her best to restrain Ditzy with her magic.
“Does this mean we’ll get more chocolate rain?” Pinkie wondered, to which they all replied with a glare, “What? That was amazing!”
“So then it was true! The flood and everything!” Rainbow Dash added, “But wait a second, Discord might be twisted, but he isn’t that evil!”
None of the others really had any idea what ‘flood’ Dash was talking about thankfully enough.
“I’m sorry, but I’m a little confused.” Fluttershy had no idea where to begin, “There was a flood? When? Was anyone hurt?”
“Listen! I’ll explain everything in a moment!” Twilight cried, “But first thing’s first!” the purple unicorn fingered the trigger of her ‘friendship’ spell for what felt like the fifth time that day and cautiously connected her horn to the pretentiously possessed Pegasus. A brilliant light blanketed the apple farm and soon enough Ditzy plopped onto the dirt, her golden eyes spinning in their typical awkward orbits as if she had just gotten off a carousel.
She hoofed a lock of her golden mane out of her eye and shook her head before staring up at all the restless eyes watching her, “W-What’s happening? Where am I?” she gasped, “Where’s my yummy muffin?! Oh no! Did I eat it again without noticing?” to which the group sighed in relief.
Fiona threw her arms around the confused Pegasus, “I’m so glad you’re feeling like yourself again!”
Ditzy giggled and returned the hug, “Why wouldn’t I be acting like myself? You guys sure are acting strange today.”
The group had retired to the Sweet Apple Acres barn. As much as it should have been a welcoming party for the two eggheads, there was far more troubling news to discuss. There was a hard tension in the air as well as a lingering hint of Déjà vu. No one could quite put their finger or even their hoof on it, but it felt as if everyone there had been through some sort of cataclysm that none of them could recall.
The humans parked themselves over a heap of hay, playfully scuffing up Twyla’s hair. The week had been full of vexing surprises and it was definitely nice to have their little bookworm back again. Whatever bad news she had brought back with her was the very last thing they wanted to think about.
Ditzy sat high in the barn’s scaffolding between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as if she hadn’t just spent the day driving all of her friends absolutely mad.
“You’re such a little scamp, Ditz.” Dash gave the gray Pegasus another noogie, though this time it was a lot less harsh.
The wobble eyed Pegasus giggled and struggled to escape as Fluttershy chuckled.
“Okay, so is everyone here? Are we missing anyone?” Twilight called out to her classroom.
Pinkie pondered for a moment, “I think we’re missing someone. But who?” she didn’t exactly have fingers to count by on her hooves.
“We’re missing Raine.” Twyla plainly remarked, “Where is she anyway? You were with it last, right Dash?”
The blue Pegasus cringed a bit as if she was being called out for note-passing in the middle of a lecture, “Well, uh, yeah.”
Twyla stood up, “Well? Where is she?”
“Well, uh, you see.” Dash couldn’t help feeling anxious over being put on the spot like that, but she knew she was right to put that idiot in the first place. After all, it was Raine’s actions that destroyed the entire town to begin with, “I-It was her fault! It was all because of that arrogant pride and that stupid air-machine of hers that broke the dam and flooded Ponyville!”
“That wasn’t her fault and you know it!” Twyla shouted.
“Of course it was! I had to set that punk straight. If it wasn’t for Twilight, we’d all be dead right now!”
A gasp bellowed through the barn.
Twilight growled, “Rainbow! How could you pin such a thing on her? You should know better!”
Dash zipped down from the scaffolding to face her accusers, “How could I not? I-It was her stubborn fault-!”
“It was not! It was Discord, you featherbrain!” Twilight shouted, “He’s been yanking our chains back and forth, messing with us at every turn ever since he escaped!” She turned to the others who were on the edge of their seats for some answers, “It’s just like I mentioned before. He’s back, and because of his tricks everyone in Ponyville suffered. I had to sit there and watch all of you drown and die before my very eyes. There was hardly a thing I could do…!”
“What’re you talking about sugar cube? We ain’t dead, we’re right here!”
A tear jerked from the temple of the unicorn’s eye, “I had to use an extremely powerful spell to reverse time. A spell that can only be used by a single unicorn once every century. It was all I could do to save all of you. Even Princess Celestia couldn’t escape Discord’s wrath. He got every single one of you…” She stomped a hoof, “I know this may be a lot to take in, but I’m only telling you all this because it isn’t over yet! He’s still around, lurking in the shadows probably as we speak! He’s hit us all pretty hard already, but I know he isn’t done yet.”
The eulogy was indeed a lot to swallow. Everyone in the room examined themselves, counting every finger and hoof as if they were still ghosts. No one doubted the unicorn's words yet at least in this slice of time space, such an event had never occurred. It was the oddest sensation flavored over with goosebumps, and they also knew they had that same unicorn to be grateful for.
“...B-But how could he have escaped?” Rarity begged, still reeling over her own demise, “We sealed him away with the Elements of Harmony!”
“Besides! We both saw with our own eyes that the statue had been destroyed, clearly by some other pony.” Twyla interjected.
“It’s bigger than that, Twyla.” Twilight turned to the humans, “I saw him before I used my spell. He’s… changed, and it’s entirely his fault that you six have been brought here.”
Regina couldn’t help but get out of her seat, “Wait a minute! We don’t even know who this dreaded Discord character is! Why would he want anything to do with us?”
“I’m not exactly sure how, Regina. He mentioned how he used his power of chaos to somehow… separate himself from his physical body and crawl into another world. He said that his ‘hatred’ of us was what got him there, but in exchange for his escape, that same hatred became traded into our world, which I’d imagine represented you six.”
“But that doesn’t answer the question!” Aprile argued, “This fella’ doesn’t even know us! Why would he hate some folks he ain’t ever even met before?”
“It’s not you he hates, it’s us, because we imprisoned him in stone for his crimes against Equestria.” Twilight sighed.
“I still don’t get it! So instead of taking his revenge out on you guys, he switched places with us? That doesn’t make any sense!” Quantum time wasn’t one of Piper’s subjects, nor was it really the talent of any other soul there.
“Perhaps it was just a matter of the law of Equivalent Exchange?” Twyla had seen far too many Japanese cartoons to not know a thing or two about Quantum physics, “You know, to gain something you must first provide something. Considering Discord’s desire to leave his incarceration, and using whatever power he had, he bounced through space time with his hatred of you ponies which reflected upon us, your dimensional counterparts, and transferred us here.”
She could tell that no one really knew what she was going on about, barely even Twilight Sparkle.
“Okay so, let’s think about it considering Horava’s upcoming equation of gravity and quantum physics where space and time aren’t actually exclusive to one another, but behave differently just like how Newton originally predicted.”
“You mean that guy with the apples?” Piper asked blankly.
“Y-Yes, Piper. The guy with the apples.” Twyla died a bit as she struggled to continue.
“What’s she going on about? What do apples have to do with any of this?” wondered Applejack.
Twyla cleared her throat, “As I was saying, universes used to work in bangs, but it’s now being more defined along the lines of bounces instead.”
“Oh! Oh! Like a bouncing ball? Or a balloon?!” Pinkie was eager to jump into warp speed until Twilight covered her yap with a hoof, “Shh~!”
“Sort of. Let me explain what I think happened with a simple demonstration.” Twyla picked an apple out of nearby barrel and walked over to a bucket of water. She held out her arm out and dropped the apple into the bucket with a small splash, “Now what did you all notice there?”
“Just how pointless that was?” Dash chuckled.
“No! The water droplets! Picture Discord being the apple, the bucket being time, and the water being space while the surface of the water divides two parallel universes. The apple falls in and goes in one direction, to the bottom of the bucket, while droplets of water fly into the opposite direction. Its simple cause and effect, like a bounce!”
The Star Trek explanation was simple enough for the class to gather, somewhat anyway.
“That makes sense then, given all of the strange occurrences across Ponyville lately.” Rarity remarked.
“What do you mean?” Twilight poked.
“Well, there was that big… what was it, an oil tanker truck? That appeared earlier today. As well as the disappearance of that old Karaoke bar.”
“Yeah, that was quite odd, though I guess that proves Twyla’s theory then.” Regina agreed, “Though I suppose it raises more questions than it really answers…”
“What?!” Twilight shouted, “Why didn’t you mention this sooner?”
“I-It had only been a couple of hours ago, darling!” Rarity cowered.
The statement had completely caught Twyla off guard, “Wait a second! Did you two just mention a tanker truck appearing and that Karaoke bar disappearing?”
Rarity nodded, “I’d say that’s exactly what we just said.”
Twyla searched for an answer, palming the side of her forehead, “So then, either time space is simply falling apart because of Discord… or Discord’s just screwing around with us using time space…?”
“Or perhaps both considering who’s at play here?” ventured Twilight, “Not to mention, well… Discord being in your world and all.”
“But he was here as well wasn’t he? How can he be in two dimensions at once?” Twyla couldn’t wrap her head around the concept. She assumed she had seen and read enough science fiction to know better, but apparently she hadn’t.
Twilight gulped, “I don’t think you heard me properly.” She turned to Twyla and the other humans, “H-He mentioned something about his time on Earth…” she recalled the mocking taunts the chaotic spirit used, and they certainly implied something horrible. Twilight wasn’t exactly sure how to break it softly.
“What do you mean? What did he say?” Fiona meekly asked.
“Spit it out already, woulda ya’?” Aprile shouted.
Twyla really didn’t want to know the consequences of having been away from home for so long. She gazed down at the little unicorn as if starring at a single point down an endless hallway.
Before the words could escape her, a crack echoed throughout the barn. It shot out again, and again and soon began to speed up in rhythm.
An ominous applause rang out from the beams and scaffolding holding up the darkest corners of the barn, “Bravo, my children. Bravo.”
It was a voice not a single pony there could have ever forgotten. From the shadows descended the lankiest of silhouettes until finally reaching the ground with a pair of classy Mexican pointy boots.
The distraction was convenient at the very least for the unicorn, “Discord! So you’ve finally decided to-!”
“Yes, yes, please save your dull protagonist dialogue, I’ve been bored enough today without your miserable twanging.” The spirit raised his effeminate crab claw and scratched his gullet with a yawn, “Oh, and I’d like to of course take the time to give you my thanks, Derpy Hooves. You did an excellent job today. For your efforts you receive two golden stars!”
“Unless you’re here to apologize to all of my friends, I don’t have anything to say to you, you big dumb meanie pants!” Ditzy raised her chin in condemnation to which he couldn’t help but laugh over.
“You look kind of… different, Discord.” Pinkie prodded, “What’s up with the new look?”
“Oh! My favorite little pony of them all. Hello, Pinkie Pie! And yes, don’t I look simply ravishing as a human?” he threw up his doctor’s scarf in a flare, “The humans really are a bit of a drag I suppose, but the human world truly is an experience one has to taste for themselves. Ah! And yes, what was that you were going on about now, Twilight Sparkle?”
The unicorn obviously knew what a bomb was, but wasn’t familiar with the concept of a nuclear holocaust. Regardless, she trembled in her hooves over the mention of something so frightening.
Discord pretended to frown as if above breaking the bad news, but secretly it had almost become a fetish by this point, “Let’s just say that your human comrades on your world were all too eager to put a stop to my fun, to the point where they had even thrown the kitchen sink at me! But in the end, they eventually ran out of those kitchen sinks and were forced to abandon their precious little city. I think you know what humans typically do after they abandon a city, don’t you Twyla my dear?”
The humans gasped as a shower of bone-white flushed under Twyla’s watering eyes, “N-No…!”
“Although I can’t give them all the credit.” Discord brushed his leathery green knuckles over his deco striped tux, “They aimed all of their little nuclear bombs at the center of Manhattan, but I thought they used far too many. So I spread them out a bit, just in time for Independence Day! Or wait, isn’t that in July? Hmm. Oh well, the fireworks certainly came early this year!” He let out another crazed laugh.
“That’s enough, Discord!” Twilight roared, “Exactly what do you want with us? Why can’t you leave us alone?”
“What exactly do you think I want, Twilight? Have I not made it clear enough to you all by now?” he raised a brow, “Every one of you is but a punch-line in my hilarious joke! To think you could have possibly attempted to explain it all with that silly girl’s amateurish grasp of Quantum physics is almost laughable!”
“I’ll show you something to laugh about you dumb scarecrow!” Dash swept up to meet the chaos god eye to eye with a fist full of hoof, only to have him flick her away into a pile of straw.
“Imbeciles such as yourselves wouldn’t know real comedy if you slipped on a banana peel! My brand of ‘funny’ may be too deep for any of you to grasp but it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you pull me off stage!”
Twilight stomped her hoof, “Fine then! How about you say something worth laughing over for once?!” It was just the right button to push.
“Oh! You want a laugh do you, dear? I’ll give you something to laugh about! Come one, come all! Witness Ponyville’s hilarious demise!” Discord blew a gaping hole through the barn and finally vanished in a plume of smoke that glided across Sweet Apple Acres.
“Was that actually a good idea, Twilight?” Dash glared.
“Don’t worry, I have a plan.” Twilight huffed, “Princess Celestia needs a new statue for her sculpture garden and she’s going to get it one way or another. You girls go on ahead of me. I’ll meet up with you in a bit. I need to swing by the library first.”
The mane six minus Twilight herself anxiously galloped off to take care of business in Ponyville. They didn’t want to leave their friends behind, but they knew just what the stakes were.
The purple unicorn turned to her human guests who were more than just overcome with grief.
“This can’t be happenin’! Big ol’ Max and my little sis… they could all be…!” Aprile couldn’t even bring herself to finish the sentence.
Regina did all she could to console the frantic Fiona, bawling her eyes out as she went through each and every single name of her precious pets. It was all the fashionista could do to keep herself distracted from her own fears.
Ditzy had no idea what to say, so she simply sat holding onto her as Fiona drenched her gray coat in tears.
Twyla had fallen to her knees and had bloodied her fist with repeated punches into the cold unforgiving ground. Every curious little student filled with wonder and potential that she had ever cultured over the years may as well have been reduced to ash. The very idea dug its nails into Twyla’s drowning heart as she covered the floor in her tears.
As optimistic as Piper had always been, not even she could handle such despair. She wrapped her arms around the quivering teacher, doing her best not to ruin Twyla’s hair with her blubbering.
Words failed Twilight completely. She couldn’t possibly understand the devastation their home had just faced, but she couldn’t just leave them there, “I-I’m so sorry, girls. I know there’s probably nothing I can say to ease your heartache, but I promise you that I’ll do everything in my power to stop Discord and-”
“No…” Twyla cleared her eyes, “Don’t you even think about doing this without us. Right girls?”
Teary eyed, the others nodded in agreement. They imagined they might not be of much use against such a formidable ruler of the dark arts, but they’d be damned if they weren’t going to at least try and put that fiend in his place.
An optimistic smile crept across Twilight’s face, “Come on, I should be expecting a guest at my library any moment now.”
As if a flood hadn’t been enough, total chaos railed through the cobblestoned streets of Ponyville. Although at least this time, Discord’s antics had been somewhat more tame.
If there had been a single morsel of cupcake or muffin available anywhere in town, it had literally jumped off of its plate, grown to about twenty feet tall, sprouted spider legs, grown a chilling mouth filled with anything from candy corn teeth, to liquorish tentacle tongues all topped with insidious spiraled lollipop eyes, and had begun terrorizing the residents of Ponyville.
The confectous creatures didn’t exactly devour every pony in sight, which would have been a fitting irony given the many pastries purged on a daily basis, as much as they simply attempted to suffocate them with cake mix which in of itself was almost as terrifying as it was tasty, in some morbid fashion anyway.
There were even a few larger than life éclairs that slinked and snaked their way down the streets of Ponyville, occasionally stopping to spew a froth of vanilla cream all over some poor unsuspecting citizen.
Elsewhere, enormous donuts simply wheeled about chasing after frightened townsfolk as if they were trapped in an Indiana Jones movie set. Fortunately, the fluffy donuts didn’t precisely crush their victims as much as sinking the ponies into their dough and bringing them along for a very horrifying and headache inducing ride.
For some reason, Disord had felt it necessary to not only fill the town’s irrigation system and water supply with hard liquor, which no pony had been given any time to enjoy, but even went as far as to stuff every single cottage in Ponyville with thousands of balloons. They literally just sprang out of nowhere. Entire homes had been filled to the brim, nearly drowning its occupants in a screeching mass of helium and static electricity. It was the most awful party any pony had ever been to. There wasn’t even any god damned cake, because all of the cakes were too busy attempting to eat anyone and anything just outside.
Seriously, try to picture what it would be like if a vat of ghastly frosting and cake icing were actually trying to devour you. That’s basically how the day was going, utterly disturbing, awkward, delicious, and covered in stains that would never wash out!
To top it all off, Discord had gone a bit nutty with his cosmological inconsistencies. Ponyville had witnessed the spirit’s indecisiveness between day and night firsthand, but the sky was literally flickering at this point to a seizure inducing state of black and white. It was as if Discord took the entire planet, and spun it as fast as he could. It was a wonder that your typical pony resident hadn’t the slightest concept of gravity, or else they probably would’ve begun killing themselves one by one out of fear of being thrown out into space.
Our heroines had long since made it onto the scene minus their Element of Magic. They were doing all they could to rescue the town’s citizens and battle off overly indulgent birthday cakes but they were a bit overwhelmed. It was the hairiest party they had ever been to.
Applejack was doing all she could to lasso any poor unfortunate souls out of ‘harm’s’ way to a mild sanctuary over a rooftop, “Stay down, ya’ll!” It was advice that she probably should’ve taken herself as an absurd machine gunner bellow created out of a rum cake, a deranged mutant candy cane and a Gatling gun made of cinnamon sticks fired a salvo of sprinkles at the farm girl, nearly taking her hat clean off.
She quickly joined the trembling group of ponies by her side, unsure of how much longer she could hold her position, “This is ridiculous! This would never have happened with apples!”
Elsewhere, Fluttershy and Rarity teamed up to evacuate ponies out of their swollen homes. It was a nightmare trying to get into each cottage, but one could assume that a unicorn’s horn was good for something besides shooting sparks.
Fluttershy used her friend like a spear. Pop by pop, the balloons disappeared into a snapping burst of rubber while ponies desperate for air scurried out of their flattened living rooms just in time for Fluttershy’s saving grace. She did the best she could to lift two and even three ponies at a time onto their rooftops. It may not have been the safest place at the moment, but there were still plenty of marauding cupcakes roaming the streets and they weren’t about to let their comrades be overrun with diabetes.
The duo had lost count of the buildings they had gone through. Rarity had just left a tattered home with an ‘All-clear’. Fluttershy nodded from up above, when she noticed a terrifying tidal wave of terrantulous liquorish snakes that swamped through the road at an amazing speed.
“Rarity! Look out!” Fluttershy dove in to rescue the unicorn, but she was nearly overtaken by the red tsunami herself, “Oh gosh!” she repeated about a dozen times desperately searching for a plan as an exaggerated scream was carried off down the block.
“No need to panic folks! The exterminators are on the scene!” Flying in from a violently illuminated sky was Rainbow Dash who dared to stand up to the delicious dictatorship. She even brought along her trusty vacuum cleaner, which was in fact actually a giddy Pinkie Pie.
In some of the most impossible feats ever illustrated, Pinkie literally devoured hoards of the delectable deviants, even if they were five times her size. As if her jaws could unhinge like a constrictor’s hunger, she easily woofed down corrupted cupcake after mutant marshmallow after evil éclair, begging for more after every bite like a mad woman. Though at least she did pause every moment or two to spit out the seeds of her indulgence, and by seeds we of course mean liberated ponies.
Rainbow Dash preferred not to think about the endless black hole that was Pinkie’s stomach and its bizarre mechanisms. She did her best to hang onto her crinkled smile, beginning to feel as if she had just met Pinkie, or at least a far darker side of her dear friend.
It was for the best though, wasn’t it? Yeah, let’s go ahead and finish saving Ponyville. There’s no way this could possibly get out of hand.
The blue Pegasus flicked on an imaginary switch behind Pinkie’s head and continued her gardening, mowing, or rather gutting through a roaming tide of walking pretzels.
Through her periphery, Dash could see an anxious Fluttershy begging for help in the distance and she zipped over right away before Pinkie could finish gobbling up a cinnamon roll that might’ve fed the entire town.
Fluttershy was nearly hysterical, “It’s Rarity!! She’s caught in the liquorish ropes!”
Although fully aware of crisis at hand, Pinkie and Dash couldn’t help but giggle.
“This is serious!!”
“Alright! Alright, we’re on it! Come on Pinkie!” Dash flew after the damsel in distress below.
Rarity gave her typical blood curdling scream as the liquorish snakes carried her through Ponyville. She waved her arms frantically and nearly split a blood vessel through her eye over her shrieks. She was a very talented actress and she knew it.
“Hang on Rarity! I’m coming in for seconds!” Pinkie grinned. Like a bucket wheel excavator, she carved an entire mass out of the red river and gulped it down with a crazed look in her eyes.
Dash swooped in for another run to feed her pet mongrel, and Pinkie definitely got another helping though at least this time she managed to grab hold of Rarity’s hoof and yank her out of the floodwaters.
“Had your fill yet?” Rarity giggled with a grateful smile.
“Of course not! I still have room for fifths!”
“Look! I’m sorry for hitting you over the head, Spike. But you really shouldn’t have spoken to Twyla that way. That was rude!”
“Well you know what Twilight? If it was me that had gone with you, you would never have gotten hurt in the first place!” it wasn’t the first time Spike had been jealous of Twilight’s supposed replacements of him, and he really wasn’t the best at expressing his emotions, “You have no idea how I get sometimes when you’re gone for so long… I missed you, darn it.”
Twilight knew the little guy hadn’t the slightest of ideas of what had actually happened earlier that week, and as frustrated as she was, she really couldn’t blame him for being upset. She walked up to the baby dragon and wrapped a hoof around him, “I know you would never have let me get hurt, you’re my number one assistant after all. I’m so sorry for throwing you out of the room like that, I shouldn’t have overreacted. I bet you were so worried about me…”
Spike grabbed the unicorn and held her tight, drenching her coat in his emotions, “Don’t you ever worry me like that again, Twilight…!”
Twilight smiled and held her best friend close, “Don’t worry, Spike, next time I’ll let you fight off all the bad guys for me, okay?”
Spike couldn’t help but chuckle under his sniveling.
“Aww…!” a collective coo swayed Twyla, Piper, Regina, Fiona, and Aprile.
“Now listen, I don’t mean to cut this short, but we’re in a bit of a pickle here. Were you able to send that letter to the Princess for me, Spike?”
“He sure did.” The flickering light bulbs outside of Twilight’s window surrendered to a basking solar ray, “The weather’s simply dreadful. It’s raining cats and dogs outside!” The funny part was that it actually was. Although such a thing might not be allowed on a little girl’s cartoon, the nearby streets were littered with corpses of unlucky cats and dogs.
“Princess! You received my letter!” a ray of hope beamed across Twilight’s face.
“That I did my faithful student.”
“I-Is that the…?”
“Yes it is, Piper. That’s a real life Princess!” Twyla explained, “Her name is Princess Celestia, the ruler of all of Equestria.”
Aprile gawked at her highness, “Heh, never been around no royalty before.”
“Well at least she has elegance. She looks absolutely gorgeous, I mean, take a look at that beautiful mane of hers!” Regina never thought she’d actually be complimenting a horse of all creatures.
“Ah! These must be your friends, Twyla.” greeted Celestia, “It’s a pleasure to meet you all, though I wish it were under better circumstances.” The Princess almost towered over the humans in all her majesty.
“L-Likewise…” Fiona meekly agreed.
“Princess! I’m sorry if I’m being pushy, but we don’t have a lot of time on our hooves!” Twilight interjected, “The others are out there doing their best to weather the storm!”
“Of course, my dear. Here you are…” Out of a ray of thin light appeared an enchanted case. Celestia unlocked it with her magic to reveal the six legendary adornments.
Twyla’s eyes glowed, “A-Are those the-?”
“Correct my dear. These are the Elements of Harmony.” The Princess mystically floated the Element of Magic, a studded crown, and placed it over Twilight’s head, “These are the only weapons that can defeat Discord and return Equestria to its proper balance. Now go my children! It’s up to you to stop this evil once again! The fate of all of Equestria depends on you and your friends, Twilight Sparkle!”
“We won’t let you down, Princess!” Twilight took the chest from her mentor with her horn’s magic and placed it into the arms of her good friend.
Twyla wasn’t sure what to do with it, “Y-You want me to hold onto this?!”
“We’re going to need all the help we can get this time, Twyla. Each of you has suffered far too much this week to be left out of this. Now come on, girls! There’s no time to waste!”
Discord stood atop the Ponyville town hall, spinning about and leaning off of a flag spire without a care in the world, “Ah! Now this is more my slice of taboo, delicious, but innocent. The dominos are all neatly stacked up in a beautiful arrangement and every fool around me can’t help but trip over the pieces! Oh, what fun!” He cackled maniacally at his work, somehow maintaining his equilibrium as the sky flashed like a dying light bulb.
By some sort of comedic miracle, most of the taint had been purged around Ponyville though it certainly wasn’t doing Pinkie Pie any favors. She groaned, “I can’t eat another bite…!” yet she still managed to sneak a crumb of donut when no one else was looking.
“I still can’t believe that appetite of yours, Pink.” Dash yanked open the baker’s mouth and peeked inside, but all she could see was endless black, “Hello…?” There wasn’t even an echo, perhaps because sound just didn’t travel very well in places like the body or the cold endless vacuum of space.
“Could you at least turn off the disco ball? I’m starting to get a migraine!” Rarity whined, which was more than she could say about poor Fluttershy who had long been convulsing from an earlier seizure.
“Oh, alright. I suppose it’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Discord snapped his fingers and the sun finally returned to its normal orbit of around ten minutes per day, “So what now my little ponies? You’ve managed to stop most of my chaos, yet here I stand.” The chaotic spirit tip toed down an imaginary starlit stairway to meet what was left of the mane six. “I really expected more organization from you vermin. Where’s your little manager, Twilight? Did that little geek chicken out at the last moment?” he raised his enormous crab claw with a sick look in his eyes, but a lasso captured a swing aimed for Rarity’s head that nearly took the demon off of his fancy feet.
Applejack spit out a lock of rope, “I don’t think so, bub!”
Discord quickly stuffed the spaghetti back into his pockets, “W-Well, if it isn’t the apple expert herself. Is there actually something you’d like to add to this conversation, or are you really just here to save your friends a few seconds?”
The farm girl tweaked her hat with a grin, “Nope, I’m just waiting for my laugh is all.”
Discord growled and clenched the teeth within his pincer as if they were wrapped around the little pony’s throat.
“Show’s over, Discord!” Twilight scraped her hoof against the ground as a twinkle of sunshine glimmered off of her golden crown, “We’re yanking you off stage!” she had arrived just in time with her human friends by her side.
Aprile cracked her knuckles while Piper shot a raspberry at the demon.
Fiona hid behind the fashionista as Regina spit on the road beside her. It wasn’t a very lady-like thing to do, but she was pretending it was the spirit’s face.
Discord stared them down, “And exactly what do you hope to accomplish? What? You’re going to try your luck with those dinky ‘Elements’? Don’t make me laugh!”
“I would’ve picked better words than that, Discord.” Twyla opened the lavender case to reveal the remainder of the Elements.
Twilight didn’t waste any time and guided each of them to their respective wielders, “You ready, girls?”
Rarity awoke her yellow Pegasus friend from her coma just in time to receive her amulet, “And not a moment too soon!”
“Yup! The Princess is gonna’ love her new statue!” chuckled Applejack.
The six of them gathered in front of the chaotic spirit and as their hearts combined the power of their friendship revealed itself. Like light exiting a prism, a brilliant shine of unstoppable hope shimmered as the glowing ponies began to levitate into the air.
Twyla and the others watched on in wonder as their little friends prepared to put down their final boss.
Discord fumbled a step and gritted his teeth against his fate.
With a proud smirk, their eyes beamed with a shining light and without another word, a vibrant rainbow shot off into the sky before arching back down again for the final blow.
There it was. The others may not have noticed it, but Twyla certainly recognized it without question. It was one of the last things she could remember from that most mundane of Mondays. It was a bow of hope that had kept her heart strong. A radiating beam that cleared the sky of an uncertain thoughts. No matter how horrible things looked for her home, she had to keep her chin up.
Like a hammer smashing the last nail into a coffin, a rainbow of vengeance claimed the god of chaos in a frightful scream for agony. The Technicolor crescent split and surrounded all of Ponyville in a miraculous sphere that would heal every last wound until the brilliance finally subsided.
The smoke cleared as Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie gently landed onto the tattered road. Each one of them, including the humans themselves, held their breaths as the fog cleared to reveal the pale face of a terrified Discord, forever petrified for what they had hoped would be the last time.
Twilight gave a sigh of relief, “Finally! It’s over…!”
The girls cheered and Twilight was soon covered in hugs from her fellow pony friends.
“You guys sure are something else!” Twyla bent down to a knee to congratulate them, “I’ve never seen anything so amazing in all my life! Thank you, girls.”
“Aw, it was nuthin’!” bragged Dash. She flew over to the frozen Discord who looked as if a shot of hot coffee was about to splatter all over his face, “Yup. Just another day in the life of Equestria.” She bucked the statue and sent it tumbling onto the ground with a rigid clang.
“It was nothing we couldn’t take care of!” Pinkie skipped in place with a smile.
“Yeah, now all that’s left to do is figure out how to send ya’ll folks back home!” added Applejack.
“Exactly! Now if we can just get back to the library I’m sure we’ll be able to figure this all out.” Twilight suddenly noticed the strange look in their human eyes, “What’s the matter you guys…?”
“Oh, it’s probably just me. You know how am I, always prepared for things.” Standing in the exact post exactly next to where his statue had just fallen stood Discord, as healthy and as extravagant as always. He corpsed through his act with a chuckle, “Did you really think it was going to be that easy, my pets?”
The girls skipped a heartbeat, unable to comprehend what still remained and just how useless their Ace had suddenly become.
“B-But how? The statue…?!” Twilight stammered.
“Funny, I thought you ladies figured it out already. Did Twyla not explain it well enough for you?” Discord chuckled under his breath as he erected the amusing sculpture of himself, “Oh dear, does it ever feel odd to look at myself from the outside like that. You girls have no idea the joy I’m bursting with at the moment! You should really see the look on your faces though, absolutely priceless!”
“But that’s impossible! Y-You took a direct hit from the Elements!” Dash struggled with the paradox, “How are you still-? A-And your statue!”
“Oh quiet you.” He shoved away the annoying Pegasus, “Didn’t any of you listen to Twyla’s lecture? I no longer physically exist here. What you’ve been dealing with this entire time has been but my influence back across this universe.”
“Your influence? So then you’re only partially here?” Twyla speculated.
“And we have a winner folks!” Discord applauded, “Bravo! Yes, I’m only allowing forty percent of my physical body to manifest in this world. It’s a very simple application of Metaphysics, you know, passing to and fro between dimensions, that sort of thing, but I wouldn’t expect such infantile minds to grasp such a concept!”
Twyla just happened to notice a figure approaching the demon and a sparkle twinkled within her eye, “Fine then! So you can pass between dimensions. Big deal!” she threw up her arms in dismissal, “Are you just trying to impress us with your cute parlor tricks? Exactly what’s stopping you from traveling to other universes and discovering new realms, new realities? Is your mind so simple and petty that all you can think about is something as, well, ‘human’ as revenge?” Twyla laughed and turned to her friends, “Get a load of this guy! He’s practically a god, and yet all he can occupy his time with is picking on a few mortals! What a complete and total waste!”
Although their hopes had been completely shattered, the others were beginning to come around to just how much of a joke the poor soul really was. They even laughed a bit, unable to disagree with the ultimate truth.
Discord pouted like an angry child, “N-Now see here! I-It isn’t just about that! I-!”
Twyla exaggerated a laugh, “Just look at him trying to defend himself in that gaudy costume of his. He’s like some self-conscious try-hard bully whose entire life revolves around being validated!” she turned her attention back to the demon, “What a shame! Such a big crayon box you’ve got there and yet so little creativity, so little substance! And for how long have you been coloring now, sweetie?”
Discord contorted with an unbridled rage, “Why you-! I-I’ve had enough of that mouth of yours!!” he raised his enormous claw into the air. Every inch of spike, nail, and tooth on the Neptunian appendage casted a bleak shadow over the prey items before him. Playtime was over and all he could see before him were bags of meat ready to be skinned and bled dry. What he never expected to see however was the arm that swung around his chest and locked itself around the wrinkled flesh of his neck. Another arm bent across his opposite shoulder and linked into the first using the bottom of his jaw to tug his vertebrae backwards in the most awkward of positions.
Discord choked and gasped under the vicious neck crank. It wasn’t so much air that he had suddenly concerned himself with, but small ratcheting judders that worked their way down his neck and into his spinal cord.
All Raine needed was one more second of that ineptly positioned head cranking further and further back and the demon would’ve been paralyzed from the neck down.
He struggled to get away but couldn’t undo the hold until finally out of desperation the spirit vanished into thin air.
The girl lost her grip and fell onto her feet, ”Son of a-!”
“Raine! Sheesh, you’re a bit late.” Twyla ran over and gave the girl a hug.
“Ya’ almost had em’ there champ. Better luck next time.” Aprile chuckled.
Regina rolled her eyes with a helpless grin, “Never a dull moment.”
“Sorry girls, but I don’t have time for a reunion just yet. I still have some unfinished business to deal with here.” Raine eyed the blue Pegasus ahead of her, “You can come out now.”
“Huh? What’re you looking at me for, loser?” mocked Dash.
Out of the top balcony of the town hall poked out a small eagle’s head. The griffon humbly fluttered down and landed next to her new comrade. Although it had been quite some time, the ponies hadn’t forgotten the face, or the griffon’s terrible attitude.
“I-Is that a real griffon?!”
Raine buttoned the girl’s lip, “Not now, Twyla.”
“Gilda? Tch-! What do you want?” Dash leered, “You back to pick on Pinkie Pie some more?”
“Funny, I was expecting something along the lines of ‘Well look what the cat dragged in’.” Raine mocked.
The Pegasus dashed over to meet her clone eye to eye, “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you! But I’m not surprised that a poser like you would be hanging out with a wannabe!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight cried.
Pinkie agreed, “That was extra mean, Dash!”
“But it’s the truth ain’t it?” Dash scoffed, turning her chin away from the two in disapproval, “It’s a shame you two even came back here! What? D-Did they not allow you guys in-” She took an elbow to the face that sent her crashing into the ground.
“Raine! Stop it!” Twyla tried to pull the fighter away, but she wasn’t having any of it today.
“Now you listen to me, Rainbow Dash! I don’t really give a damn how much you want to blame all of the world’s problems on me, because unlike you at least I try to come to terms with my mistakes! No matter how hard they may be to accept.” Raine turned her attention back to the apprehensive griffon beside her, “And your little friend here’s spent the last year doing just that so she could build up the courage to come back here.” She gave the bird a light push, “Go on, Gilda.”
The griffon gulped and approached the ponies with Rainbow Dash directly before her. It was difficult at first, but she eventually made eye contact with the blue Pegasus who clearly didn’t want anything to do with her.
Gilda cleared her throat and began what she had rehearsed for so many months now, “Listen Dash, I-I’ve been wanting to come back to Ponyille for a while now, a-and you don’t have to listen because-!”
“Which shouldn’t be a problem because she’s going to listen whether she likes it or not.” Rained scowled.
The others watched intently. They couldn’t have imagined what the griffon was about to say next.
“B-Because I know I’ve been a terrible friend to you and a total jerk, b-but I really wanted to apologize. For everything!” she had told herself a million times that she wouldn’t cry, but there was no turning back now, “I-I know it might’ve been a while, maybe too long for any of this to matter, but I can’t go on like this anymore. I feel so horrible over the way I treated you, and Pinkie, and everyone! I-I was just so obsessed with looking good in front of you guys that I forgot what was really important. I forgot that it doesn’t matter what you’re like if you have good friends by your side, but like a total idiot I just threw all of that away! Pinkie Pie and the rest of you had even thrown a party for me, and instead of thanking her all I did was insult her! Oh, I-I’m so sorry! I can’t tell you how sorry I am!!” Gilda tried her best to hide her tears, utterly ashamed of how stupid she probably looked in front of everyone, “Y-You don’t have to be my friend again, you don’t even have to forgive me. I-I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t! I’ve turned into such a rotten person that I don’t deserve to know such good friends like you guys...”
Gi was far from alone in her sniveling tears.
“Oh, Gilda… It’s okay.” Pinkie immediately wanted to throw the griffon half a dozen birthday parties, all at once of course.
Dash stared up at her old friend as she lay on the ground, her eyes glazed over completely oblivious of the bruised cheek.
Gilda was unsure what to do next, but she had accomplished what she had come to Ponyville for at the very least and that was that, “W-Well look, that’s all I really had to say. I-I’m sorry, but I needed to apologize, I-I’m sorry if I wasted your time…”
Rainbow Dash squinted and a set of waterfalls poured out of her eyes sockets, “Don’t you even think about flying off…!” she took off like a bullet and gave Gilda the biggest hug she’d probably ever given anyone.
It was the very last thing Gilda had expected. She hadn’t even prepared her script with a response and so all she could do was hold her best friend tightly, “I-I’m so sorry, Dash.”
“Sh-Shut up, Gi. You big cry baby...!” Luckily Gilda’s feathers were waterproof. Although Dash didn’t want to admit it, at least out loud, she had always missed the griffon even if Gilda had become some no good bully. It was quite the switch around, but that’s the sort of thing that happens when you bottle up your emotions.
The other ponies, especially Pinkie Pie swamped in to welcome back the griffon. It was all Gilda had ever wanted and she honestly couldn’t remember the last time she was so happy.
Raine crossed her arms and gave a helpless smile over the touching moment.
“That was really sweet of you, Raine.” Twyla patted her over the back, “Not to mention you pretty much saved our butts back there.”
The dare devil chuckled, “I can’t believe you said all that, Twyla. That was hilarious!”
“Little brat’s been holding out on me again!” Aprile laughed gave the girl a light punch in the arm, “You gotta’ teach me that hold one of these days, sug’.”
“Keep that up and I will!”
The girls shared a cheerful laugh. Considering how confusing and horrid the day had been, things had actually ended well for once. Ponyville had been relinquished of its parade of devastating delights among other things, and good friends had been reunited with one another.
“So! Whose down for a par-tay?!” Pinkie Pie wasn’t about to let anyone actually answer that on their own, although Piper had already been down like two clowns.
The curtains of the night had finally drawn to a close to what felt like the longest day Ponyville had ever faced. Eventually the town’s citizens mustered the courage to climb down from their rooftops, although most of the credit would’ve gone to Pinkie Pie. She had whipped up the confetti and ironically enough all the things that had nearly destroyed Ponyville no less than a couple of hours ago.
Parties were Pinkie Pie’s specialty and there was no way she was going to sit around while such an idea was put to rest. She had a reputation to keep up after all, and while Ponyville was still a bit fearful of the temptation, they eventually came around. What kind of town would Ponyville be anyway if they hadn’t celebrated their beloved heroines?
Pinkie and Piper strolled out a massive cream filled Bavarian chocolate cake that although looked absolutely delectable, still had a few ponies acting like paranoid androids.
“Don’t worry everypony! This batch is fresh!” Pinkie fixed those sentiments right up with her usual antics of loud trumpets, streamers, and of course force feeding every single friend in sight a tasty treat. With every spoonful came an awkward chuckle but Ponyville eventually got over itself and had a great time.
The air had been filled with hanging streams of colorful lights, balloons of all things, and some jive party music.
An enormous speaker system probably too large to fit in the town in the first place had been erected complete with Pinkie’s favorite pony, Vinyl Scratch.
“Play that mix, son!” Pinkie dawned a pair of red shutter glasses.
Vinyl swung her turn table and tapped a remix of ‘Pop Culture’ through her Launchpad the only way you could if you were equipped with hooves; Carefully.
Ditzy nearly took out a stage sub-woofer through her aerial dance skills, which were anything but organized. She swept through the dance floor with the cheekiest grin on her face with a jug of cider in one hoof and what was probably a chunk of a muffin monster in the other. Princess Celestia had attempted to inform her of just what she was eating but Ditzy swore she couldn't tell the difference.
Ponies of all proficiencies and cultures had soon completely forgotten that an invasion had ever happened and filled the streets with their swinging hoof steps and frosting covered smiles and laughter.
If ponies had fingers, they’d be snapping them in sync with the beat as a buzzing melody of bass and electronica keyed through the night’s sky. There wasn’t a single thing in the infinite multiverse that could kill this party.
Twilight found herself bustling through the crowds. Her mild attempts at dancing was just as awful as ever, though she was more preoccupied with seeking out her big sister. In her search, she managed to bump into Pinkie of all ponies.
"Hiya, Twilight!"
"Oh, uh, hey Pinkie. Say, have you seen-"
Applejack swung in for a bump, "You know, Twilight, me and the other girls were chattin', and well, none of us would be dosey-doein'' if it weren't for you!"
In the uproar of the liberation mission, Twilight had forgotten all about the flood, "Oh, well, heh, it wasn't that big of-"
"Are you kidding!? If it wasn't for you I'd never taste another cupcake ever again!" Pinkie Pie snorted.
"That's right, Twilight!" AJ elbowed the unicorn's shoulder, "We may not remember much but if this party's being thrown for anypony, it's you!"
Before the little unicorn knew it, or could fight her way out of it anyway, she was being carried off in a surf of cheering hooves. Twyla was on her own for this one.
A couple of the girls sat under a dimly lit umbrella table at the edge of the concert while they watched dozens of ponies light up the night. A party was honestly the last thing most of the humans wanted to do, but it was a nice gesture, a band-aid on an open wound.
Raine would've loved to have lost herself in the distraction. She had heard something about an endless river of hard liquor sloshing through the town’s water supply system, but thanks to the Elements of Harmony, the drab old apple cider would have to do, “I guess it’s better than nothing.”
Regina managed to shoot a grin at her friend, “It is what it is, darling. I’m just thankful that at the very least... We’re all here in one piece.” She lifted her glass of cider to her dear friend.
“I’ll drink to that, even if it is non-alcoholic.”
Their glasses tapped and they took a swig of the cider. One would’ve thought the almost entirely fruit congested menu might’ve become a bore by now, but hey, apples were good for you.
Regina caught a glimpse of Twyla trying to sneak away from the party. The girl looked like an emotional mess as if she was about to vomit, and not from Pinkie's cakes either, "I think I should go check up on Twyla, dear. I'll be back in a few."
“Don't worry about me, go take care of her. I'll be around.” Raine sighed and took another drink of her cider, doing her best to pretend it was at least a cheap beer. Ponyville must have been such an easy place to live considering there was virtually no alcohol, “Alright, I know you’re back there. Get your butt out here already.”
Rainbow Dash groaned, “There’s no way you could’ve possibly seen me! When did you even notice me spying on you guys?”
“As soon as you flew in, ya’ dummy. You really need to learn how to sneak up on people. That sort of thing’ll get your lights knocked out.” Raine clanged her worthless glass against the table and reclined into the back of her chair, “So what’s all this about? Are we going to have a heart to heart or not?” she really wasn't exactly in the mood for another emotional afterschool special, but knew she had an apology coming her way and she was going to stick around to get it.
“You’re just impossible you know that...”
The girl chuckled and rested the back of her head in between her palms, “And I take a lot of pride in that. Now, what’s on your mind, pipsqueak?”
Dash didn’t exactly have a lot of room for apologies in that ego of hers, but she knew she owed her big sister at least something, “Eh, this whole day’s just been a bunch of baloney. I-I really just wanted to say sorry for being a jerk with you this whole time. None of this was your fault at all, I was just-”
Raine blankly held out her fist, “You don’t need to say sorry to me, pipsqueak. I probably would’ve been pissed off too if something had happened to Twyla, but hey, we’re good. No hard feelings right?”
“Sheesh! Can I at least thank you for bringing over Gilda like that? You have no idea what that meant to me!”
Raine giggled, “Just pound it already, will you?”
Dash groaned, “Sheesh, no wonder I can’t stand your guts. You’re just like me!” The Pegasus thumped the fist and joined in with the girl’s laugh, and boy did it feel good to laugh for once.
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 8: Falling out of the Sky
Parties are usually events people go to have fun, enjoy themselves, and meet new friends, maybe even get lucky. Not that Twyla ever had the social skills to properly flirt in the first place, nor was she used to the club in the first place, but at least they served as a momentary vacation.
A night out with essentially cartoon characters may have been the equivalent of leaving your social training wheels on, but at least the cake was good, or at least it should’ve been.
Twyla really needed it, and so did each of her human friends. It was a colorful and convenient distraction that could just barely cap a bottle full of emotions. As much as she had tried to swallow her fears and enjoy the only creative antics Pinkie Pie knew in which to cheer up her friends, it was simply impossible. As best as she had aimed for a smile the entire time, she couldn’t help think about the dozens if not hundreds of young smiles in the back of her mind.
What manner of cruelty would steal all of her children away from her when she wasn’t looking like that? She would’ve given her own two legs to save them all, to have at least held each of them in her arms in their final moments. It wasn’t her fault, she was an entire universe apart, but none of it eased her guilt, not even that wonderful party could have come close.
Out of shame, Twyla had been one of the first to leave that night. It wasn’t that her Dance-Dance Revolution techniques weren’t spot on, she just simply couldn’t take it any longer. How in the bloody hell could she have possibly enjoyed herself knowing what she did? She knew that the key to managing your stress was personal time and fun, but this was too much.
Twyla laid there in the tiniest Fischer-Price bed she’d ever slept in staring up at the ceiling of Twilight’s tree house. The bed, which was covered in stars and clouds, looked like it had originally been designed for a small dog, or perhaps a baby dragon, but it was the best Twilight could provide on such short notice. None of it however had made one bit of difference. The emptiness of the ceiling above her seemed quite welcoming as she contemplated the consequences of her absences from school.
The room had begun to fill with a faint pink glow from the morning sun, though she could probably have counted the hours she had been awake already. She had spent so much time wondering if she’d ever be able to go back home, wondering if she’d ever even want to go back home. The thought of having lost her beloved career had been far too overwhelming, but what was the point now? She no longer had anything left to go back to. No more lesson plans to go over, no more tests to grade, no more smiling little faces patiently waiting for her next lecture. She even missed the occasional spitball. She had spent so much time silently crying to herself that night that she had become completely numb to such a notion.
She looked over across the room at her little pony facsimile. Twilight Sparkle was still sound-asleep as was her number one assistant. She wondered how the unicorn was able to sleep knowing her back up plan had utterly failed, though she imagined with a friend like Pinkie Pie around, it was hard not to keep your hopes up. To imagine that the little baker had devoted so much of her time to the simple almost childish ideal of making everyone around her smile was almost unbearable. In her rush to separate herself from such undeserved indulgences, she had completely forgotten to thank Pinkie for the party which was just enough to allow one more streak escape down her cheek.
She sighed and silently sat up. Twyla had had enough of being pathetic for one night. She was logical, and an optimist at heart. If there was anything being a teacher had taught her it was that she had to keep her chin up, even if she no longer had any more classes to teach. She still had good friends by her side, although they were probably doing far worse than she was. Ponyville was a wonderful place full of amazing characters and good friends, but she knew this couldn’t last forever. She couldn’t stand the thought of forcing her burden on these sweet little ponies any longer.
Twyla got up out of her crib and made her way down the winding set of stairs, which she had managed with a single step.
Normally she would never have stripped down to her underwear and buttoned shirt in someone else’s home, not that she was used to it anyway, but with only a single pair of clothes she didn’t exactly have much of a choice. She dawned her lavender teacher’s dress and blouse and did the only thing she could think of to climb out of her rut; she picked up a book and started reading.
“Rise and shine, Aprile!” one of Applebloom’s favorite past times was charging through the house with a ladle and frying pan at the crack of dawn.
Without even a startle, Aprile sat up out of her tiny blanket and pillow to the filly’s surprise.
“Were you even sleepin’?”
She sure as hell hadn’t gotten any sleep, and it wouldn’t have been any surprise if Applebloom had actually known why, “Is everythin’ okay? You look like you’ve been cryin’.”
Aprile took up her hat and sat it deep over her brow before ruffling the little pony’s mane as if she was her own beloved little sister, “C-Come on, sug’… We got work to do.”
Applebloom knew something was wrong but couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. She gazed back at the farm girl as she got herself dressed for the day ahead, her shins still covered in bruises that would’ve put most in a wheelchair. Though she couldn’t help but notice how they barely seemed to bother Aprile, as if she was walking on phantom limbs or worse that she just didn’t care anymore.
Aprile buttoned her shirt before a mirror and buckled her belt. She washed her face over the pre-school sized sink and remotely gazed back at herself. Her normally determined jeweled eyes had softened, completely indifferent. For all she knew her big brother and little sister were gone along with every single one of those loyal farm hands that she had gotten to know over the years. The farm could’ve been a smoldering pile of ash, all of her family’s hopes and dreams dashed over some comedian’s terrible joke. She could hardly even enjoy last night’s party. Aprile may have had one sip of cider before leaving. The cake looked great as always, but she just didn’t have the stomach for it.
But the very worst part of it all was deep down how she had given up. She no longer saw any point in working on a farm, neither her’s nor Applejack’s. What was an apple but a simple red fruit anyway?
Applejack’s first instinct was to say ‘good morning’. That was just what you did, in the morning, “Rise an’ shine, mornin’ there Aprile.” She tried her best to stay cheerful over the circumstances, naively hoping her twin would be feeling better, but she clearly wasn’t.
Aprile nodded plainly, “Mornin’.”
Applejack had prepared some eggs and biscuits with a side of apple turnovers and apple juice for the girl, who was plum grateful for the meal as she sat down at the table to eat, even if the blank stare in her eyes hadn’t changed at all. AJ had no idea how to make things up to her, she could practically see right through the girl.
The farm basked in a sea of golden orange glow and the somber day had finally got under way. They still had plenty of work to do seeing as it was the middle of apple bucking season. The fact that their worst rivals having set up shop right next door hadn’t made the fields any easier to work.
Big Macintosh had already gone on ahead with a couple of saddle drums by his sides. He was doing his best to keep them steady as Applebloom happily rode inside one of them, throwing his balance off completely.
Applejack slipped on her own harness of barrels to take out to the orchard. She wanted so desperately to say something sunny or at least helpful to her big sister, but she just couldn’t manage the words.
Aprile was moving at her week’s slowest pace. She nearly stumbled through getting her backpack on, as if she hadn’t just spent all of yesterday with it. The unbreakable determination in the farm girl’s heart had completely fallen over. She had become no more than a dry husk only useful for menial labor.
It was just about the most disheartening thing Applejack had ever witnessed. Apples were her passion. She could never have imagined getting tired of something so precious, and yet the best example of it was staring right back at her, “Aprile, listen, I-”
An electric whirling hissed from just across the fields, and just before Applejack could beg the question, a thundering clang tremored under her hooves. The two struggled to maintain their footing for a moment.
“Oh, what now?!” it must’ve been Discord AJ thought, still bitter from the night before, but there was no time to ready the cavalry. They dropped their barrels and sprinted over to a funneling cloud of smoke, “It’s comin’ from where those Flim-Flam brothers were plantin’!”
The two farm girls happened upon the strangest sight resting over a field covered in applesauce and downed trees. One of them had no idea what the hulking behemoth was, the other was still trying to figure out how it could possibly have gotten there in the first place.
“How in the world… did a blasted ‘submarine’ get all the way out here?!” Aprile ogled the towering beached whale, or at least half of it anyway. The black naval submarine completely towered over the farm, as if some sort of downed sky scraper. The vessel had been apparently smashed in half with a large gash that utterly gutted through the side of its hull. You could see all of the multiple decks and layers of the ship that hung out of its fatal wound like the remains of an intestinal track.
Though the most ominous part of it all was the lack of any actual crew. For a submarine so large, it was completely silent. Not a single survivor, body, or corpse was visible. Whether the ship had been evacuated or simply had sunk to the bottom of the ocean before finally landing in Equestria was a question Aprile was too afraid to get any answers to.
“A subma-what now?”
Aprile was far from a Naval expert, nor had she ever been so close to anything in the Navy’s arsenal to speak of, “I-It’s like a big boat that humans ride inside, except it can go under water. It’s used by humans for… things like war.” She hesitated to even mention that last part, though she wasn’t about to scare the little pony with the possibility that it may have been carrying nuclear warheads.
“War? Just what the heck’s so important that ya’ll need something that colossal to fight with?” Besides a few very minor and local incidents, Equestria had always been a fairly peaceful land.
With a sigh, Aprile couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed for her entire civilization, “Stupid stuff… money, politics, resources, land… That sort of thing. Human beings are usually pretty neighborly folks, but every once a while some of us take our disagreements a bit too far… and a lot of people have suffered for it. Ain’t exactly something I’m too proud of.”
In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but think of just how conniving and devious Discord must’ve been. To take such a large bite out of something so enormous, he must’ve been the devil himself. The poor crew must’ve fought with everything they had before meeting their final hour.
For the government to have called on such firepower within barely a week, the demon must’ve put the city through all kinds of hell.
For what felt like the dozenth time, she wandered back to her old farm. The cheerful faces of her family ran through her mind and she had to slap her cheeks a few times to shake away the thought. Aprile was just too proud to share her feelings with anyone else. It’s what they made bottles for.
Aj could see the girl’s eyes meandering once again and she still couldn’t think of a way to reach out to her. Aprile was a good person, maybe a bit stubborn, even a tad naïve, but she had a heart of gold and the pony knew there had to be more good people like her in the human world. They couldn’t all have been so foolish enough to harm each other over a simple feud, “Well, uh, we all get into squabbles about stuff that ain’t always important sometimes. It’s a part of life I suppose.”
Before she could come up with any more inflated justifications, a yelp ran out from just around the vessel’s hull, “Help! Please! Some pony! Any pony! Help!!”
“It came from this way!” Applejack led the rescue around the hull’s bend until the two came across an over turned engine. It was the massive magical tractor the Flim-Flam brothers had been using to usurp the apple fields, and Flim himself had become pinned under the wreckage. He luckily didn’t appear to be seriously injured but was unable to escape, even with the powers of their combined free market sorcery, “Ya’ll alright? Is he hurt?”
“Oh thank goodness you’re here, child!” Flam was ever so relieved to see a familiar face, “It’s Flim! He’s stuck under the machine! We were chopping down the old trees to plant new ones with apples attached to them when that giant… ‘thing’ arrived! It nearly crushed us both!”
Flim groaned under the weight, he had been fortunate enough to be caught under an empty spot but his haunches were still pressed for luck, “I-I' don’t think I’ve broken anything, but… I just can’t seem to free myself! You simply must help me! Please! You can’t just leave me under here!” Flim was much more terrified than he would’ve let on.
Flam used every spark of magic available in his horn, but just didn’t have the kinetic charge to raise the massive contraption, “I-It’s just too big! I can’t lift it!”
Aprile couldn’t believe these two could actually pass for farmers in this world, let alone for anyone that worked outdoors, “Ya’ll must be used to workin’ in a cubicle or something. You’re doin’ it all wrong!” she cracked her knuckles and went to work digging through the soil beside the trapped unicorn, “Lend me a hoof would ya’, AJ?”
“Now just hang on one cotton-pickin’ minute!” Applejack had spent far too many years working through the dirt to tell a serious injury apart from cold hooves and she wasn’t about to let this opportunity go to waste, “If we help ya’ll out, then ya’ll have to promise to leave our farm once and for all! I don’t ever want to see ya’ll botherin’ Sweet Apple Acres ever again!”
“Fine! Fine! Whatever you want! Just please save my brother!” Flam would’ve even given them their formula to the estranged apple seeds if they had just asked.
AJ coldly nodded to her comrade, “Start diggin’.” Such a tactic may have been a tad underhanded for someone so ‘honest’, but Applejack knew what the stakes were and she wasn’t about to provide even an inch of assistance to anybody who had threatened her family’s business without a catch.
They cleared out as much soil as they could as Flim looked on, “Hurry! I think it’s beginning to sink!” As enormous and heavy as the tractor was, it wasn’t actually being pulled into the dirt below, but that didn’t stop his desperate paranoia.
Aprile could nearly reach the end of his ankles caught under the mass as she quickly dragged out the soil handful by handful until the unicorn finally had some wiggle room.
Applejack conveniently took a length of rope from underneath her hat and tied one end around the unicorn’s waste. How she managed to tie the rope with the practice of a pair of hooves was beyond this author, but it was far easier to simply continue rather than think up a better way to have executed it, or wait! We’ll have Aprile do it instead! Right, so then with the help of Applejack’s suggestion, the human with her incredibly useful opposable thumbs tied the length because it clearly made more sense that way instead of being convenient to the plot.
AJ took the other end of the rope in her teeth as Aprile held Flim by his hooves and at the count of three, they both gently pulled.
“Careful, careful!” Flam railed.
For a second, Aprile thought she hadn’t dug the hole deep enough, but with almost a cartoonish pop, the unicorn gave way and flopped out the crevice with an “Umpf!”
“Oh thank goodness you’re alright my brother!” Flam was ever so relieved.
Flim shook himself off and brushed a stain of muck from his vest, “I thought I’d be stuck in that jam forever!” he turned his gratitude to the liberators, “I can’t thank you both enough!”
Applejack threw a glare at the entrepreneurs, “No, you probably can’t, but you can do Sweet Apple Acres a favor and follow your end of the agreement!”
“Oh, uh, about that…” Flim consulted his brother over the terms of their contract as Aprile palmed the side of her face.
Flam returned with a compromise, “How about… we split our profits, eighty percent for us, and twenty for Sweet Apple Acres? We could do a joint venture and combine our businesses!”
Applejack dug her hoof into the dirt, “That didn’t work the last time you two showed up, so what makes you think we’d agree to it this time around?!”
“Alright! Alright! Fine then.” Flim interjected, “How about we drop apples all together? You guys handle the apples and we’ll take up something like… pears! Yes! Pears sound just delightful don’t they brother?”
“Excellent idea old brother of mine! Pears are the trending talk of Equestria right now. What better opportunity?”
Applejack bit her lip in an attempt to mask her unbridled fury, “…W-What did you just say…?”
The human shook her head. Her previous frustration for the two had slowly dwindled into pity, “Ain’t ya’ll got any shame?”
Flim scuffed the dirt from his straw hat with a cocky grin, “There’s nothing to be ashamed about in a little opportunity. We’re simply-”
“Get out of my sight right now!!” Applejack wanted to tear her hat in two as she smashed her hooves into the dirt. She literally cursed them down the road, shouting up a storm that would’ve made Applebloom’s ears bleed. How dare either of them violate their agreement with none other than the dreaded ‘P-word’!
The Flim-Flam brothers scurried for their industrialist lives lest they be smashed down into something that would actually have been profitable to a free market.
Applejack huffed and puffed and threw her hat down into the dirt in a fit. She couldn’t believe the nerve of those two unicorns. She had just saved one of their lives and yet they were still determined to steal away her family’s hard work. What a miserable start to what should’ve been a hopefully normal day.
Aprile strolled over and picked up the hat, dusted it off, and plopped it back onto the pony’s head as she watched the brothers disappear into the distance. Normally, she would’ve been thankful to see that Sweet Apple Acres was safe once again, but her passion just wasn’t there anymore.
The pony’s rage had subsided with Aprile’s simple considerate gesture. Applejack should’ve felt relieved to know that her farm would survive another year, but she had more important matters to take care of, “Aprile, listen, I’ve never been too good with words an’ such, but I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what Discord’s done to you. The way he swept ya’ll up into something ya’ll had nothing to do with, I-I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to lose your family and everything you’ve worked so hard for. I just can’t even think about it, but I want you to know that what I’ve told you before still stands. You’ll always have a home here on Sweet Apple Acres! You ain’t gotta pay for nothing. Y-You don’t even have to work if you don’t want to!”
Aprile turned away with a sigh and shadowed her brow with her hat, “You don’t have tell me all that, sug’. This ain’t your fault, it’s something I gotta’ accept and move on with. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“But that ain’t true! You don’t have to let Discord get away with it!”
“And just what should I do about it? I’m just a regular ol’ human. Not even them fancy gold trinkets ya’ll carried around could beat him! I can’t even go home and pick up the pieces, I’m worlds away!” she kicked a plot of dirt with her boot, “What’s the point in pickin’ apples i-if…” her voice shook and she pocketed the burden, “I-I’m sorry, Applejack. I shouldn’t be bringing you down with all this. You have your own family to take care of.”
“But you are a part of my-!”
“Cut it out, AJ. We ain’t sisters like that, I’m just your shadow is all.” Her stubborn heart nearly broke in half, “I don’t want to be a bother. I-I’ll help out around your farm but don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I don’t want any hand-outs either. I’m still gonna’ pull my weight around here until I can find a place of my own, and that’s that.” She had to hide her face from the pony before finally working up the nerve to walk back towards the farm. There was plenty of work to do still, even if all the added stress had been lifted. It was the middle of apple bucking season after all and the barn needed fixing after Discord’s fiasco the day before.
She was so close yet so far away. No matter how hard she tried, Applejack just couldn’t reach her. With each of her steps, with every second that the human got farther and farther away, the pony just wanted to scream.
It had been almost a week now since the sky fell and New York City still hadn’t budged an inch. The sun had risen to greet the few teetering sky scrapers that had been using each other for support. The city was still listless and whoever had been unfortunate enough to remain was living in the subway stations feeding off of sticks of gum from the snack machines.
The city’s mighty Empire State building had lost some of its dignity leaning slightly to one side. Although somewhat handicapped, the skyscraper still impressed Discord, although he had felt the need to renovate the observation deck at the top of his new palace. The change wasn’t anything too fancy of course. He had simply felt it necessary to remove the high reaching safety rails from the balcony’s edge. While the design had the best of intentions, they were simply too much of a hindrance on a perfectly gorgeous view of the city. However, the vista was the very last thing on his mind at the moment.
As if lying on a patch of grass, the spirit stared up at the dim gray sky above. He had an aching crick in his neck that simply wouldn’t go away and although he was quite literally at the top of the town, he felt as if was standing completely underneath the barrel, “Confound those girls, they drive me to drink!” It was unfortunate that most of the city’s alcohol had ultimately past its prime due to the ‘unforeseen’ circumstances, “Bah! And my neck is still killing me from that flaming flyer. I need a break from all of this…”
Discord found his way to a dilapidated salon where he was determined to get a manicure. He had been through quite an ordeal, if we could even place that here, and he needed to treat himself, “Oh it was awful! They tried to ruin all of my sprinkle covered fun! And then they picked on me and called me petty and immature and childish!”
“Are you serious, girl?”
Discord had to hold his blubbering back while his lizard talons and crab claw got did, “Oh, and that isn’t even the worst of it! Then one of them tried to choke me!”
“Tch, triflin’ bitches. Don’t you worry, honey. Moma’s gonna’ take care of you.”
“Oh, you’re the best a super villain can ask for, dear. When are you getting off today? We should go grab a bite to eat.”
Discord wasn’t very familiar with human job shifts, nor was he familiar with working in general, and so he ran into a wall over what the woman would have responded with.
He had given her an endearing backstory filled with obstacles yet an optimistic sense of worth and a no nonsense sassy attitude. Her name would’ve been Monique. She had a child to feed at home but luckily her boyfriend who was probably too good for her anyway had stayed and took great care of their family, however, he was a high school dropout and couldn’t find work and so half of the time the bills all fell on Monique. Their apartment was filled with its share of disagreement but they always worked through it for the greater good of their little boy who they adored. One way or another, they were going to put him through college and, “Oh, just what am I doing with myself…?”
There he sat, by himself with his leathery green hand in a nail dryer that wasn’t even plugged in in a salon that was filled with nothing but dust and overturned chairs. Had the clever Discord really been reduced to nothing more than mindlessly creating monologues in his spare time? Where was all the chaos?
He tossed the nail dryer across the room into a pile of tattered junk and looked deep within his twisted soul, “Maybe they’re right? Could I really be just obsessed? Am I losing my touch?” he recalled his recent string of tricks and pranks, some of which had started off innocently enough but eventually had led to genocide. They were anything but clever, nothing more than a psychopath’s fantasy repeating itself over and over again.
Discord wandered aimlessly out of the abandoned boutique only to be nearly taken off of his feet by the strangest sight. A locomotive straight off of the Equestrian railroad itself had come tumbling out of the sky. The sausage linked series of Easy Bake ovens were as plain as day before they collided with a nearby building. The impact finished it off and sent it colliding into the entire next block over.
Discord had to elevate himself into the air to keep his absurd tuxedo dry of any troublesome dust. As if walking on thin air, he strolled over a few buildings for a better look and gazed into the crater. There wasn’t much left of the crash, but the debris was clearly copy-written by Hasbro.
The demon began to brainstorm. Could his exchange within time space have had unintended side effects? As much as he would love to have bragged, he was no physicist, but was intelligent enough to realize that he, being completely alien to this world and vice versa with the humans he inadvertently traded off would probably have left a few wrinkles within space-time.
No wonder that copy of Rainbow Dash had her flying machine! That part made perfect sense now and even made that entire affair slightly funnier.
Not that any of this had affected him really, nor should he have cared honestly. Each of the universes would probably have folded onto one another and eventually everything would’ve crossed over into each other’s domain in a horrible mess and he wasn’t about to clean any of it up. The key properly lied between those human women and himself somehow.
Discord couldn’t help but sigh however. The oncoming wave of eventual chaos would eventually render his fun completely pointless. It would be like knocking over a fruit stand during an earthquake. Who would bother to notice? It was a question that had begun to plague him for the last couple of days now.
It was all he could think about. Was his entire point in life wrapped around the expense of others? As if their torment really meant anything to him, but the fun was becoming dull, dry, and almost meaningless. He had at least proven some effort in his last visit to Ponyville.
Deep down he had felt as if the flood had gone too far. It was quite the dramatic introduction and it suited him quite well, but to kill? There was no punch line in that. You hit someone in the face with a pie, not a brick. It was like a prank that had gotten out of hand at some point, although he honestly felt no sympathy over tossing Princess Celestia into the mire. That by itself had given him enough satisfaction to last a lifetime.
At least with a roving gang of terrifying but ultimately harmless cake monsters there’d be an inch of fun. Someone might get hurt, maybe scrape an elbow or shin or be put into a coma, but it wasn’t going to kill them especially with those girls constantly running around and saving the day. It may have been clever at some point but ultimately fruitless and if not for a quick desperate thought he would’ve been slapped back into the granite prison he had come to hate more than anything else.
Had he really lost his touch? Discord refused to answer that more than likely out of shame if anything else. Either way, whether his jokes were falling on deaf ears or not, life as he knew it was ultimately going to come to come down to this; a sick and barren land that had become completely abandoned.
Those ponies didn’t have to yank him off stage because the audience had left long ago, “I never thought I’d ever feel so miserable. To think I’d have been back in the saddle for but a week only to become tired, jaded and out of jokes.” He felt like a super villain that had already assassinated the city’s hero and just didn’t know what to do afterwards. “How utterly pointless all of this is slowly becoming.” Discord gave a lazy sigh. For probably the first time in his long life he felt lonely.
And then it hit him! The protagonists hadn’t been vanquished just yet and he still needed some entertainment, but not just any entertainment, he needed a glorious and inspiring climax!
He thought about the revolving door leaking out of time-space and came up with a simple but clever idea.
A small twinkle caught the apple of his harlequin eye. It was a small star that fluttered about in the early day’s sky. What a star was doing so close that it was visible to the day’s naked eye was a tad perplexing, but with closer inspection and bit a of plot convenience, he was able to deduce the aberration, “Oh! That’s just simply brilliant! This is so perfect. Whoever said you were losing your touch, Discord old buddy?”
“Spike! Have you seen Twyla anywhere?” Twilight had slept in, which was incredibly unusual for such a studious reliable pony. She had been through quite a bit in the last day and had barely even eaten, but there was no time for excuses!
Spike on the other hand was far more lenient towards himself, “How should I know…? I was trying to sleep.” He yawned half way through his pleas to set the alarm clock to snooze.
The little unicorn was frantic, searching all over her library for the human. How such a considerably large creature could’ve vanished without making enough noise to wake them up was beyond her. She could only imagine where Twyla had run off to considering the day before.
Twilight scampered passed the jeweled case and paused to glance over at it. She knew very well that Discord could strike again at any moment and even with the Elements of Harmony by her side, he could still come and go as he pleased. Chaos could be raining down on the streets of Ponyville at this very moment and there would’ve been nothing she and her friends could’ve done to stop it.
A loud yelp nearly sent her fumbling off of her hooves, “What happened?!”
“Oh, I just couldn’t find my favorite pillow is all. But don’t worry, Twilight, I found it. Don’t know how it got onto the floor like that.” Spike buttered up the pillow and sank back into dreamland.
Twilight rolled her eyes with a groan, “I don’t have time for this! I have to find Twyla!” even with danger looming over Ponyville, she was slightly more concerned with Twyla’s morale more than anything. She knew deep down that Twyla was probably putting on a strong front, and she wanted to be there for her.
“I’ll be sleeping if you need anything!” Spike cried as the front door slammed shut.
The pages of a worn down book rapidly flipped as Twyla searched for some kind of error, perhaps a hint of fine print that would’ve falsified her hypothesis, but she simply couldn’t find any. The idea was as plain as day, she just simply needed the right opportunity, the right variable for the equation and everything would fit right into place.
A few ponies gawked and whispered to one another over how obsessed Twyla looked with the large tome in her arms as she passed through the quaint boulevard in the middle of town. She was so focused on her reading that she probably would’ve walked right into a wall, and probably right through it at the determined pace she was walking. She might also have walked directly through a second wall given just how frustrated she was at the time.
She growled under her breath, which startled a few of the passing by spectators, “I can’t believe how stubborn Aprile is! I-I mean I know, well, I can try to imagine anyway what she’s probably going through… but this is serious too!” She was sounding more and more like an idiot, not that anyone nearby understood what she was going on about, but she figured her anger was coming across as pretty stupid anyway, “I-I guess it’s almost as serious as what she’s going through… I mean, it is important that we get home somehow, though I can see what she meant considering the circumstances. Heh, maybe the others are feeling better.”
She wondered who she should go visit next until a cupcake bonked her over the head, stunting her stroll to a stop.
“Oh! Sorry about that, Twyla!” Piper waved from atop the exaggerated roof of Sugar Cube Corner.
Twyla stared up at the girl with a twisted look on her face, “Just what the heck are you doing up there, Piper?”
“Oh! Uh, I fell asleep up here, apparently!” she snorted, “So because I fell asleep up here, Mr. and Mrs. Cake are making me clean all the cupcakes and stuff off of the roof!”
“How’d those cupcakes even get up there in the first place?”
“Oh, well, I guess I was kind of hungry after the party last night, so, uh, yeah.”
Twyla needed the chuckle, but there were more serious matters to attend to. She waved down the mad baker, who plummeted to the ground more than actually climbing down. Though thankfully Twyla was agile enough to catch the package, at the very least with her entire body, “Ugh! Sheesh, didn’t you use a ladder or something?!”
“Of course I used a ladder silly! It’s right over there!” Piper blindly pointed to a feeble wooden ladder just a mere ten feet away before finally lifting herself off of the poor teacher.
Typical Piper antics Twyla thought, it was no use complaining so she got right to the point, “Listen, Piper! I don’t want to interrupt your work or anything, but I’ve stumbled upon something important here.” She picked her volume off of the dusty road and flipped it open to a bookmarked page, “I’m not sure how much Pinkie Pie’s told you about magic, but there’s a spell here that can probably get us home! It’s going to take some work from Twilight and probably a few other unicorns but I think we can do it.”
“Home…?”
“Yeah Piper! I mean, I know things may be a tad grim at the moment, but we can’t just stay here and-”
“Gee, I don’t know Twyla…” Piper wasn’t one for feeling sad, although she was terrible at keeping up that reputation especially around her friends. The word ‘home’ brought a torrent of mixed emotions, one being the thought of so many adorable old folks she had befriended over the years. The thought of them suddenly vanishing wasn’t something she wanted to accept just yet. Until she could face her demons, Piper wanted to remain here in Ponyville where colorful distractions were a plenty, “I-It’s just that, well, I didn’t exactly have much to go back home to before we all got here. I didn’t even have a job before we left and I was already pretty late on my rent, and well, with the Cakes offering to take me in in exchange for helping out around the bakery and all, I don’t think I could be happier…!” Piper really wanted to be happy about it, it was all she had ever wanted in a world that was full of dazzling bright colors and happy smiles, but deep down, the trade-off just hadn’t been worth it.
Twyla gazed back at her, “Oh, come on now, Piper. We don’t belong here. We’re not ponies, and our home is in trouble. You saw what happened yesterday, these ponies who’ve taken us in couldn’t stop Discord. If they can’t stop him then it’s up to us to go home and stop him ourselves.”
“I-I guess, but…”
She put a hand over Piper’s shoulder, “Do you really want to live here in fear of that guy? He can just appear whenever he wants and shoot up the place! We just can’t burden our friends here with that sort of thing.”
Piper’s brow narrowed and she turned away from her friend, “I-I just don’t see what we can really do, and even if we did beat him it’s not like there’s anything left to go back to… You heard what he said!” The names of all the people she knew kept rolling through the back of her mind and the fact that every one of them was probably dead was insufferable, “T-They’re all gone! And there’s nothing I can do about it, Twyla! There’s nothing left to go home to, but I have a home here, and although I might not have been able to save anyone back in our world, I’m not going to let anything happen to my friends here! And even if I can’t stop Discord, I’m going to make sure the ponies here keep on…!” Piper couldn’t even mention the word ‘Smiling’ before bursting into tears.
Twyla was powerless to stop her as she ran back into Sugar Cube Corner in a whimpering hysterical mess. She hated to see Piper cry, it just wasn’t like her, but she couldn’t bring herself to disagree with her either. However, Twyla still knew that this issue had to be resolved somehow even if she had to return to an empty classroom. It was for the best of both worlds and she wasn’t about to send these ponies to do the fighting for her.
Perhaps Fiona might’ve understood her solution?
“I’m sorry, Twyla, but Fiona just isn’t feeling very well right now. She’s still pretty upset about all of her little animals that she was taking care of.”
Twyla stood at the foot of Fluttershy’s doorway, feeling as pointless as a Mormon missionary ironically enough, “Can I at least talk to her? This is pretty important. I think I’ve figured out a way for us to get back home!”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. You guys should just stay here for the time being, that is, if you want to. I-I don’t think it’s very safe for you to return home yet. I know Discord can be a little scary at times, but-”
Twyla sighed through the pony’s ramblings, “That’s kind of the point. Look, just explain to her what I just told you. It’s really important and there’s no way I’m going to leave her behind.”
“Oh, uhm, I’m really sorry but you’ll have to excuse me, Twyla. I think Fiona needs another hug. I-I’ll let her know what you said though of course. You can come back later when she’s feeling better, that is, if it isn’t too much trouble for you come back later, if that’s alright with you...” Fluttershy continued another series of apologies until Twyla eventually gave up and marched off of Fluttershy’s property with a groan.
She desperately needed to clear her head. Regina was one of the wiser more sensible members of the group. At least Twyla would be able to garner some support from her, she had hoped anyway.
Ultimately, she came upon a note at the door of the Carousel Boutique labeled, ‘Closed for the Day’. “No way! You two get your fat-asses out here right now!” the businesses hours just weren’t convincing enough not to slam her fist against the dainty salon door.
Twyla nearly batted Rarity across the face with another knock, but managed to stop just in time.
“Can you not read the sign? We’re- Oh! Hello Twyla! I’m terribly sorry about that, please do come in.” The little unicorn extended her exclusive welcome and allowed the human to enter, “I’m sorry if things are a bit messy inside. We stayed up the entire night.”
“Oh, don’t worry. You should’ve seen my apartment.” Twyla lightly chuckled under her breath, “I’m glad to see Regina took everything well then I guess.”
“Oh, uhm, well not exactly.” Rarity brought her guest over the kitchen, which was an even more cluttered than the salon itself.
Regina sat at the center of the kitchen covered in a welcoming white bathrobe that she had probably whipped up for just such an occasion. She had veins of shadow streaking down her cheeks as she gorged over yet another tub of vanilla ice cream.
“Regina… Oh sheesh, I should’ve stayed with you instead of leaving last night. I’m sorry.” Twyla snatched away the lady’s spoonful of guilty pleasures and placed it alongside all the other spoons. She wrapped her arms around the poor thing.
“Oh Twyla, stop it. I just hate for you to see me in this condition. I was just a bit overwhelmed by everything is all, but I’m fine now thanks to my little sister here.”
Rarity giggled, “We stayed up all night and chatted. Misery loves company as they say so I thought it was the least I could do. Although I’ll probably need to restock my entire fridge, but what are friends for right?” the unicorn’s eye twitched over that last bit.
Twyla played through a sarcastic chuckle, “Well, I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better at least. It seems none of us have really taken this whole situation very well.”
“That’s not surprising, although I have to admit I am a bit relieved however. I mean, I’m still uneasy about losing so many of my loyal assistants and collogues, not to mention my home and all of my assets…” She starred up at Twyla, “But you guys are still here with me. The five of you are really the only friends I’ve ever had. You have no idea how lonely the cat walk can be, especially when you’re just some fancy hood ornament.”
Twyla smiled warmly, “I don’t know what I’d do if I had lost any of you. We’ve all taken quite the blow, but we’re all still together… And that’s why we need to fight back!”
“Do what now?” curled the celebrity.
Twyla cleared the table, tossing a trio of milky tubs onto the floor, “Sorry Rarity.” and clumsily slammed her enormous book against the finish.
“Oh, it’s quite alright, the floor’s already a mess as it is.” the unicorn was already doing her best not to think of how exactly she was going to clean her entire cottage by tomorrow.
She flipped open the tome to a marked page, “Here! This is one of the books Princess Celestia gave us on our trip. She wanted us to prepare for the worst and I think I’ve found out a way to get us back home. It requires the use of the Elements of Harmony and apparently a ton of magic, but this says right here that it can be used to transport ponies, and I guess humans in our case, across universes and into new worlds!” There was that look again. Twyla already saw the excuses coming.
Regina was a bit anxious to reply, “I-I suppose that’s helpful, but to be honest sweetie, there doesn’t seem to be much use in going back home now. I mean, if we had gone back before it may have meant something, but we’ll probably only get back just in time to get, well, you know…”
“Oh come on! Not you too! Look, we can’t just leave our home in the hands of that monster! Even if it has been blown to smithereens, that’s our home and we have to stop Discord before he hurts anyone else!”
“I just don’t see the point dear.” Regina winced, not wanting her retort to have come across as so insensitive, “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt, but we’re just humans. We don’t have any magical powers or abilities like these ponies do.”
“She’s right Twyla.” Added Rarity, “Not even the Elements of Harmony were enough to stop him. I-I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen next and deep down I’m still worried…”
“Besides…” Regina hesitated and tried her best to choose her next words carefully, “I-I just don’t know if I’d even want to go back, even if things were still okay.”
Twyla quirked in disbelief, “What’re you talking about, Regina? What about your career and all of your life’s work?”
The star sighed and she hid her cerulean eyes away from her friend, “I’m just so sick of all that, not of designing fashion, but of the limelight. I’m so tired of the editorials, the paparazzi, the interviews, the book signings, the shows, the exclusives, the hosting, all of it! It’s all such fake rubbish!” she slammed her fist against the table, knocking over a few more emptied milk tubs, to which Rarity’s heart sank just a bit more, “This is all I’ve ever wanted! To have my talents recognized is one thing, but at least here I have time to create and see my dear friends. I’m not someone’s puppet here, I can do honest good for others. I-I know it may seem-!”
Twyla could barely believe what she was hearing, “Oh! So you’d rather give up your home for some lofty paradise? You’re being selfish, Regina! There are people-!”
“Don’t you dare lecture me!” Regina snapped out of her stool, shifting the table over, “You don’t know what it’s like! At least you still had a social life! No one ever treated you like someone else’s trophy or praised you for your looks rather than your work! Maybe you were used to ‘baby-sitting’ in ‘your’ career but at least you had some god damned privacy-!” she took a hot slap across the face that nearly sent her over the table.
There was no bandage large enough to cover that torn open wound. Twyla had to regain control over her breath just so she could speak again, “It was selfishness like that that got my ‘babies’ taken away from me…” she swept up her book under an elbow and scurried out of the salon before they could catch a wind of her whimpering.
Regina had to calm her nerves and collect herself. She gazed blankly into the empty kitchen around her as Rarity struggled to come up with the right words.
“I-I’m so sorry, Regina, but… I think she’s right.”
The girl tightened her fist and slammed it against the defenseless table once again as a teardrop pooled into a stain of milk below, “I-I know she’s right, I just…” She was living her greatest fantasy, but at what cost? Was it actually worth it to live out your dream, the way you wanted it, all the whole living in fear of what might come tomorrow? Considering all she had lost already, her passion’s tiny scratch of grace at the edge of Ponyville was just tempting enough to hang onto, although it didn’t exactly keep her from wanting to rip her hair out.
Rarity slowly walked over to her and placed a hoof over her lap, “I don’t know how to fix all of this for you, and I certainly don’t know if whatever Twyla’s planning will work, but you can’t live like this, Regina. None of us can. I don’t know what we’ll do if Discord comes back again, but I do know that he will and I don’t think we’ll be so lucky next time.” Rarity turned about and began magically picking up the empty cartons from off of the floor, “We’re powerless against him this time, and well, although Ponyville’s certainly no Canterlot, I simply don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to my home.”
Regina’s expression crumpled and she doubled over onto the counter in ball of silent tears. To think she had lectured Rarity the day before on the topic of ‘friendship’. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so ashamed of herself.
“This is gonna’ be so bucking rad!” Rainbow Dash snorted.
“I know right! I can’t believe she’s still asleep!” Gilda was just as excited.
Somehow while in her endless slumber, Raine had been tied up to the top of a flag post. She had become somewhat of a symbol for the party the night before, probably the best human ambassador Ponyville had ever saluted to.
Just before Dash nearly let out a yelp to finally wake up the polecat, Raine began to stir and slowly her groggy eyes lifted. For some reason, the breeze was extra strong today, she hadn’t the slightest idea why, and her ego was especially feeling taller than usual, even amongst the petite ponyfolk.
She attempted to rub the stardust out of her eyes but found that her arm was caught on something. Perhaps her arm was still asleep, but when she turned to investigate all she saw was the avenue fifteen feet below her, “Gah-!” she struggled to free herself but then realized just how much flexibility the flagpole had, “Get me down from here!!”
Both Gilda and Dash tumbled over in a laugh, hardly able to breathe while Raine became the town’s new loudspeaker. Even at the behalf of the girl’s laugh over just how much she struggled to break free and yet keep herself from breaking an ankle on the way down, not a single bystander, not even Gilda or Dash themselves, appeared to notice the faint twinkle between the clouds above.
“You should’ve seen the look on your face! It was priceless!” Dash giggled.
Raine scratched the back of her head, still a tad embarrassed but it was all in good fun. Though she still couldn’t understand how they could’ve gotten her up there in the first place, “Gosh, you guys are killing me over here. That was pretty funny though.” She couldn’t help but laugh a bit at her own expense.
“I know right!” Gilda chuckled, “Hey! By the way, do you two wanna’ grab a bite? I’m starved.”
Raine stretched out her arms, “Breakfast huh? Sounds solid. Uhm, this might sound kind of weird but… Is there any ‘bacon’ around here?”
“Baking? Like, a muffin?” Dash had never heard of such cuisine for obvious reasons.
Gilda rolled her eyes. Griffons were omnivores but she knew better than to mention such a thing around ponyfolk.
The stunt pilot took the hint from Gilda’s expression, “N-Nevermind, yeah let’s go get some… fruits and veggies or something.” Raine’s tummy rumbled. It had been an entire week since she had anything close to a decent burger or at least some chicken nuggets and all the greens were beginning to get to her. Maybe going vegan might’ve suited someone like Fiona but Raine needed her meat.
The trio came around a bend to a familiar little café. It was still somewhat early so the patio remained neat, or would have if not for the restless woman stuffing her yap with a sandwich over a book.
Raine strolled over and sat down along with her two cronies, “Hey there, Twyla. You feeling any better today?”
Twyla groaned, having plastered her face into the bridge of her tome out of sheer aggravation, “I guess, I don’t know, if anything I think I feel even worse!” She lifted her head and wiped away a tear and a leaf of lettuce from her meal, “Oh, hey there Rainbow Dash, and Gilda was it?”
“Yup, you can call me G.”
“Ah, it’s nice to meet you, G. So you’re a griffon?” asked Twyla.
“Yup, part eagle, part lion, and all awesome. Me and Rainbow Dash go way back to our Junior Speedster flight camp. It’s been a while but let me tell you, it sure does feel nice to be back in Ponyville.”
“It’s ‘nice’ to have you back!” Dash threw a hoof around her flight assistant with a cheeky smile, “So Twyla, what kind of book do you have there? You don’t look like you’re having too much fun reading it.”
Twyla sighed and stared down at her open page, “This was one of the books Princess Celestia gave Twilight and I before we left Canterlot. It’s a spell book with some supposedly pretty powerful stuff inside and I think I’ve found a spell that can get us back home, but none of the others seem very interested in going back, especially after what’s happened.”
“Regina filled me in last night. It’s still kind of hard to believe…” Raine added, taking a couple of bites out of Twyla’s sandwich. Don’t blame her, she was hungry and Twyla probably wasn’t going to finish it anyway.
“Well, what did happen?” Gilda prodded.
Twyla hid away a glance, “Something awful, something too terrible for a place like this. Something so horrible that even if you did survive the initial blast… you’d want to be dead anyway.”
Raine scooted over and wrapped an arm around her best friend.
Dash slammed a hoof over the table, “What I wouldn’t give to break that Discord in half! He’s gone too far this time. How could he do such a thing?! It’s too evil, even for him!”
“It wasn’t just him, it was our world doing their best to fight back. I guess they just got desperate and started dropping the bombs early…” Raine had no idea if they were able to evacuate the city in time, but part of her simply didn’t want to know, “But why would you want to go back there anyway? I mean, you probably wouldn’t last very well with all the radiation.”
“Well what else can I do, Raine? I can’t just sit here and do nothing! Besides, how else are we going to stop him?”
“Hey! I was pretty close yesterday.” Raine tried to get a laugh out of the girl, but the timing was awful.
“I think we’re going to need more than just some sneak attack next time.” Dash remarked, “Discord isn’t just any idiot, he’s a smart idiot.”
“I just can’t stand sitting here like this…” Twyla held up her forehead as she gazed down at the text that she had read nearly a dozen times by now, “I’m sorry but I can’t stand the sight of this place anymore, I can’t stand how peaceful it is here. I shouldn’t be living in such a tranquil town while my home is probably still burning. I don’t care if going back kills me, because sitting here in this café doing nothing is killing me already.” The library would never take back such a book with all the craters Twyla’s fist had worn into it, “I just can’t let him get away with this!”
The others were weary of her plan, but couldn’t bring themselves to argue against her resolve.
“You know, Twyla, to be honest, I actually really like it here.” Raine began the same shtick Twyla had heard all morning, “And I-”
“Oh, just save it! I’ve heard it enough times today already!” Twyla attempted to leave the table, but was restrained by a strong grip.
“No, wait! Hear me out. Look, I don’t know how much you remember about my races or my fights, but I’ve never been that great at either. The truth is that I’ve never won a single race or match… ever. I hardly ever made anything off of that stuff. I was barely scratching by as it was just to feed myself with what I could afford. I’m sorry if I ever lied about that stuff, but I was too embarrassed to admit just how much of a failure I’d become.” It was advice she had spent the previous day giving Gilda, and it was time for her to take her own medicine, “At least here I don’t have to worry about that though, I don’t have to worry about getting kicked out of my efficiency this month or whether or not I’ll be able to eat tomorrow. At least here I can be a failure in peace, blissfully ignorant peace.” Raine turned back to face her friend, “But you know what? As much as I’d like to just sit here and hope for the best, I can’t very well let you go back by yourself. I might have less than nothing back home, but I’d have even less here if you left me, Twyla. You’re one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you…”
Those simple words were enough to drive a silly smile over Twyla’s face, “Oh, Raine. How could you ever call yourself a failure?”
“Well, I mean, I haven’t exactly done a lot with my life…” Raine began.
“Who cares? Haven’t you ever seen ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’? No one’s a failure if they have friends, Raine.”
Gilda and Dash couldn’t hold back their peachy smirks as the girl leapt up and gave Twyla a tight hug, “You’re the best...!”
“Oh, cut it out, you! Now come on, we should probably find Twilight Sparkle right away. She’ll know what to do.” Twyla turned to the blue Pegasus, “Rainbow, would you mind grabbing the others and telling them to meet us at Twilight’s library as soon as possible?”
“Sure thing! We’ll go right away.”
“Thanks a bunch! It was nice seeing you two, we’ll catch up again later.” And with a nod, the two ladies were off to hopefully go bake up a portal.
There was really no apparent threat against Ponyville, at least yet anyway. The skies were clear regardless of Rainbow Dash’s attention to detail and a happy sun had risen to raise the spirits of all the little ponies in town, though none of this would’ve reassured Twyla’s wild paranoia.
“Do we really have to run? I don’t see the rush, Twyla.” Raine easily kept up her jog with the teacher. She wondered just how many months had gone by since Twyla had gotten any exercise at all.
Not surprisingly, Twyla was running as fast as she could and probably putting her heart through all manner of hell in the process. She had to adjust her stride simply to respond, “H-Have you not been paying attention… lately…?!”
Raine sighed with a crinkled look on her face, mostly grumpy due her hunger. A ‘grass sandwich’ was not what she had pictured under the term ‘a bite to eat’.
“If we can make it to Twilight’s library, I just know she’ll be able to think up something with this spell!” Twyla bumped her shin into an ottoman shaped just like Twilight Sparkle and sent herself flying face first into the ground, somehow managing to pull Raine along for the ride.
Twyla curled in pain over her knee as Raine lay over the miserable girl shaking her head.
“Out of shape and completely uncoordinated. Tsk, tsk, tsk.” She mocked.
“Oh swivel on it, Raine!” Twyla threw the weight coach off and turned to a Twilight Sparkle who had barely noticed the incident, “There you are Twilight! I’ve been looking all over for you. I think I’ve found a way that my friends and I can get home and hopefully put a stop to Discord’s tricks once and for all.” She then realized the unicorn was far too preoccupied with something in the far off distance, “Is everything alright, Twilight?”
“Oh, uh, yeah, I was actually looking for you as well. Good thing we bumped into each other.” The pony couldn’t take her eyes off of the object and began trotting back to her cottage, “Come with me a second, I need to check something out at my library.”
Twyla glanced over at Raine for an answer but only received a blank shrug. She sighed and finally submitted into following the unicorn home.
Twyla had gotten used to ducking in through the tiny library doorway but Raine had to make the extra effort.
“As long as I’ve been studying astronomy, I’ve never seen anything at that point of the sky at this time of day.” Twilight galloped up the stairs and out onto the balcony to her armature observatory. She magicked her telescope, adjusting for height and point, and aimed it at where she thought she had seen the anomaly.
“What’re you talking about, Twilight?” Twyla perched over to get an idea of just what the unicorn was going on about. She had to contain her giggles over the tiny telescope Twilight was operating, it was actually rather adorable up close, “Just what’re you looking at? You know it’s the middle of the day right?”
“I know what time it is and I know how to operate a telescope!” Twilight blistered, still searching for the object.
“I can’t take this anymore!” Spike leapt out of his bed, taking his pillow in one arm and his blanket in the other, “I’ll be out on a branch if you guys need to wake me up again.”
The hissy fit hadn’t helped Twyla contain her snorts while Twilight simply sighed and returned to her day watching, “Ah! There it is!”
“Where’s what?” Raine hadn’t been to a Discovery Zone since preschool, so she really had to work her way up the stairwell to get up to the balcony, “Are you guys seriously using a telescope? You dorks know it’s the middle of the day right?”
“That’s what I said! I mean, it’s at least four hours before you can even see Venus at this time of the year.”
Twilight groaned and nearly shoved the eyepiece into Twyla’s socket, “Just look for yourself! Doesn’t that look odd?”
She had to adjust her vision a bit, but lined up in the lens was the clear brightly lit silhouette of a capital ‘H’.
“I’ve never seen anything like that before. It’s either incredibly massive or it’s entering the atmosphere.” Twilight gulped, “I have a bad feeling about-”
“What the hell?!” Twyla blurted out.
“What happened?” prodded the unicorn.
Raine hunched over, scratching her noggin over the ‘science’ at play, “Spit it out already!”
Twyla turned to the two eagerly awaiting an explanation, “It’s the god damned International Space Station!”
“Huh?” the spectators quirked their heads.
“The what now…?” Twilight had heard the words ‘space’ and ‘station’ and simply couldn’t register the thought.
“It’s a station… in space! Duh!” Raine rolled her eyes, actually expecting the pony to grasp the concept.
“You mean… humans actually live in space…?”
“Not exactly, more of a select few scientists that have been chosen to study the environment out in space as well as study the Earth from beyond the stratosphere. When I was younger, I used to go out to stargaze at night with my telescope and get beautiful sneak peeks of the constellations and planets, but as a tradition, I always began at the ISS, erm, the International Space Station.”
“It was so boring!” Raine had only ever tagged along for the midnight barbeques.
“But just what the heck is it doing in this universe?!” Twyla could hardly keep her eye off the lens cap, “I hope they’re okay up there, good thing they just got supplies a few weeks ago. I guess the wrinkles in space-time are starting to bring in all sorts of things.”
“So, uhm, I don’t mean to interrupt because I know this is very serious, but I’m still trying to wrap my horn around you humans going off into space. You guys never told me you’d been in space before...”
“Well not us, at least not yet.” Raine assured, “You have to be pretty awesome to be sent off into space, I mean, we humans do want to leave a pretty good impression on the rest of the universe, so they only send off the coolest people they can find.” she forced a yawn, "Yeah, we've pretty much explored our entire galaxy already."
“Shut up, no we haven’t.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to make us look good in front of the ponies, alright?”
Twilight could hardly hold back her excitement, let alone her list of questions, “That’s so amazing though! I mean-!”
“It certainly is, isn’t it?” a large fly entered the room through the opened balcony, “Humans certainly are curious creatures, aren’t they Twyla?” As insignificant as the insect was, not a soul there could mistake the aberration, especially those demonic harlequin fetus eyes of his.
“Fitting costume, Discord. Mind if I squash you?” at the earliest opportunity, Raine swatted her hand to kill the pest, but her attacks simply faded through the bug, “Oh, come on. Not this crap again.”
“Oh yes, the beauty of metaphysics. When will you puny humans ever catch up with the times?” the pint sized Discord cackled “No one’s wasting their time with dinky space stations anymore, it’s all about sub-light travel these days.”
“So it was you that brought them here! What? An entire city wasn’t enough for you?” Twyla wanted to crush the little insect under the sole of her shoe.
Twilight charged her horn and attempted to restrain the diminutive demon, but her magic was no match for quantum light, “What’re you planning, Discord? Your grudge is with us, remember? Don’t involve them!”
Discord playfully buzzed around the girls, “Oh, but you see, it’s far too late for that. They’ve already gone and caught themselves in my little web.”
“That doesn’t even make sense, Discord. You’re a fly, not an arachnid. They’re not even part of the same class.” Twyla was clearly the expert here.
Discord pretended not to hear the nature lecture, “Anyway! To answer your question, yes I brought them here through one of those pesky wrinkles in time-space. I’ve been dodging cabooses and carriages back in your world and I felt it was only fair for me to give something back.” He chuckled under his breath.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” charged Raine.
“Really? Do I really need to explain the subtext here?” the demon sighed, “Alright, fine. It’s very simple my little pets. I’ve dragged over your precious little eye in the sky up there as my parting gift to Ponyville. It’ll probably arrive by tomorrow in a spectacular splash of fire and mayhem! Oh it’ll be wonderful!”
“What?!”
He had a jolly good laugh over their combined reactions, “Although, I didn’t just bring them here without a catch of course.” The insect fluttered about Twyla’s head like, well, a pesky insect, “As I’m sure the lot of you has figured out, time-space has begun to fold between these two parallel worlds. Objects and entire structures alike being exchanged between universes at random blips in time! Magical isn’t it? However, the table remains open! Nothing’s been taken from your world as of yet in this transaction.”
“So what’re you implying?” the teacher wagered, “Is this an invitation?”
“Astute as always, my dear.” Discord pattered her head with his tiny forelimbs, to which Twyla scurried away in disgust, “Somewhere up in the heavens above lies that same tear in the fabric of time-space. If you can reach it, the exchange will be even, and you’ll be able to return home. However, the portal will close the moment the space station hits the ground, and instead of the six of you, something else will be taken out of this world.” It was quite the juicy detail, or so he thought anyway.
“What kind of stupid exchange is that? We already know what you’ve done to New York. We’ll just die with all the radiation that’s still there. We might as well just stay here and save Ponyville along with those astronauts!” even Raine was clever enough to see through the ruse.
“Oh, don’t worry, I used my powers to scrub out all the radiation long ago, almost immediately after the bombs fell. What? You didn’t expect me to sully this beautiful mane of mines?”
“Humans don’t have manes, you idiot.” Twilight pointed out.
“Oh whatever! I still look gorgeous, even as a repulsive fly! Anywho, the door remains open, for now anyway. You want to come back home? You want it back so badly? Then come and take it back from me! Show me just how much you’re willing to sacrifice in order to return to your world!”
“Why you little-!” Raine would’ve mashed the demon into a faceless glob of goo ten times over by now had Discord not remained in constant violation of the natural laws.
“Oh! And one more thing. Before you get started on your Babeling little tower, you may want to take care of what’s entering your foyer at the moment, Twilight Sparkle.” And with a stifled laugh, Discord vanished yet again before their very eyes.
“What the heck was that supposed to mean?” Raine probably should’ve imagined the worst.
Twilight certainly did, and the sudden clamoring against her front entrance downstairs certainly hadn’t improved her hopes very much either.
“I-I’ve got a bad feeling about-” Twyla held her precious book tightly as a loud crash finally threw the door open. They could see four tall shadows casting themselves against the steps and onto the wall of the arching stairwell. Their movements were careful and calculated as the silhouettes appeared to inspect every inch of the unicorn’s living room.
Twyla silently waved them both away from the top of the staircase.
Raine was suddenly all too frightened to question her judgment.
Twilight trembled back against Twyla’s leg, “W-What the heck are those…?”
It was the only hint the figures needed apparently, as each of them immediately snapped to attention and rampaged towards the staircase in a gnarled flurry of grunts, moans and screams.
“Barricade the door!!” Twyla had hoped her years of survival planning for a zombie apocalypse would’ve paid off.
The last thing they saw were the gaunted and contorted blood thirsty faces of Piper, Aprile, Regina and even the timid Fiona before the door slammed under Twyla and Raine’s combined desperation. The unicorn was doing all she could to help hold down the shuddering door with her magic. It pounded and railed under the weight of the ghoulish invaders as their moans begged to be let in.
“Were those who I think they were!?” Raine shouted, still in disbelief as she shoved her entire body up against the door, “Just what did he do to them…!?”
“Just hold onto it for a sec!” Twyla grabbed the nearest thing she could find, which unfortunately for the cottage’s resident was the elfin bed at the center of the room. She threw off the sheets and pillows as quickly as she could and wedged it against the door.
“Hey-!”
“Not the best time to argue with me!” Twyla began grabbing any and all objects in the room that she could find and piled them up atop the bed, the more weight the better. She piled up almost every book in the room, anything she could find, even that gaudy royal case of the Elements found itself stacked up. Even Twilight’s beloved telescope would have to lend a hand and eventually Twyla herself backed herself into the fortification.
“Just what in Equestria is wrong with them?!” Twilight cried, pausing from her magic to throw herself against the barrier.
Twyla had expected the worst, but this was far beyond anything she could’ve imagined, “Shut the window!”
“A-Alright-!”
“I said shut the window!!” her terror pleaded under the banshee screams and otherworldly howls coming from behind the door.
Without another word, Twilight snapped her windows shut and even locked them with her sorcery, “This is awful! I’m afraid Discord’s corrupted your friends as he did with Ditzy, b-but they seem so… different. Almost deranged! This isn’t at all like his normal distortions.”
Raine wasn’t sure if she should’ve been happy for their lack of zombie outbreaks in Equestria, or downright frustrated with their lack of preparation for such an event. All she knew at that very moment was to shove every ounce of effort she had against that thrashing door.
“They won’t just make fun of you if they get in here, they’ll eat you alive and kill you. He’s turned them into… into zombies!” There wasn’t even enough time to grief. Grief would’ve gotten you killed here, but that didn’t stop her from shedding a few anxious tears anyway.
“Z-Zombies?!” cried Twilight.
She was at a loss for words. Twyla wasn’t sure what was worse, her lack of preparation and imminent doom or losing her friends to the gambit. She was hoping Twilight’s ‘friendship spell’ or at least the useless Elements of Harmony would be enough to bring them back from the dead. She had to keep reminding herself that everything would be okay somehow just to preserve her sanity. She had already lost full control of her emotions so her wits might’ve been all she had left. She could barely think under the hammering screams behind them.
It was all just happening too fast, too far ahead of her years of apocalypse planning to counter. There wasn’t any mass media suppression or even a chance to buy up a shotgun. There would never have been enough time to survive a zombie attack, and at the same time save the zombies from themselves, the idea was simply unheard of but the thought of having to put them down couldn’t register. The more she thought about it, the more she could slowly feel her mind losing the battle against her worst nightmares.
“Keep it together, Twyla! We’re gonna’ need you for this!” Raine shouted under the shrieks.
Twilight stared up at her big sister. She had no experience in the field and searched for an answer in the girl’s uneasy quivering eyes.
She felt as if she about to throw up, but Twyla swallowed down her fright and gave her cheeks a few slaps, “Keep it together, girl.” She repeated to herself a few times. She had to work with the hand she had been given if everyone was going to get out of this in one piece. A book, a magical firecracker, and a mixed martial arts fighter were all she had at her disposal, but it would have to do.
There was no easy way around it this time. Years of Left 4 Dead and zombie horror movies had prepared Twyla for the very worst, maybe not to this extent, but it was a decent tutorial. There was only one way to save this party, and one way or another, it involved opening that horrible door.
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Thankfully, the closest thing Equestria had to bathsalts were those plain old salt-lick wheels.
Rainbow Dash was still in disbelief over the sudden heel-turn of the four humans she had just escorted over to Twilight Sparkle’s library. She was at a loss for words. Within the blink of an eye, they had gone from a drowsy bunch to a bunch of mad lunatics. Out of fright if anything else, she had slammed the door lest they turn around and come for her as well, and then she realized just how stupid her judgment had become.
Twilight, Spike, and whoever else could be suffering through the worst bullying they had ever undergone. How could anyone stand such a nasty bunch? She imagined the torment they’d put Twilight through, probably disorganizing her entire library of books, calling her a persnickety egghead, and even flick the tip of her unicorn horn! Dash could hardly stand the thought of it and she had to do something quickly.
Once again, it was probably a good thing that no one in Equestria knew what a zombie was.
The little Pegasus scurried up to Twilight’s balcony, she wasn’t about to open that door up again. She was surprised to see the veranda’s window actually locked, seeing how nice it was this morning. She flew in closer for a peek. Luckily, her friends still appeared to have their dignity together, though definitely panicked. Good thing the entire room had been thrown against the door. Nopony enjoyed being picked on and she was relieved to see that they were safe from such ‘lucrid mockeries’.
Dash undid the window and entered a bedroom filled with desperate cries of escape which had been outdone by the crazed noises, noises that might’ve been made of words, but words that slurred something along the lines of ‘brains’ and ‘flesh’. Dash otherwise may have questioned the punch-line of the joke but was far more distracted with the barricade the girls had set up against the door, “You guys alright in here?”
Twyla scowled and waved the little Pegasus in with a quick shout to shut the window.
Dash was still a bit lost and followed the orders. She darted over and joined the others with their backs against the garage sale.
“First thing’s first – Is everything okay out there?” Twyla was desperate for some surveillance.
“Uh, well, yeah, though a couple ponies seemed a tad freaked over your friends there.”
“Second - Did you shut the door?!”
“I-I didn’t mean to! I got scared!” Dash cried.
“Good, that’s good.” The tutor gave a sigh of relief, “Okay that makes things easier on us. At least it hasn’t spread.”
“Spread?” Twilight questioned, “What do you mean by that?”
“They’re zombies, apparently. If a zombie bites or kills you, you turn into one of them.” Even Raine knew her way around an Armageddon manual.
“You become a mindless husk, obsessed with eating raw flesh and brains.” Twyla added, “Eventually the entire population turns until there’s nothing left to feed on and you have a massive swell of the undead.” She glanced over at Twilight, “Even as confined as this is right now, this is the absolute worst thing Discord could’ve ever done to us!”
“Y-You can’t be serious…!” Twilight’s eyes glazed over in horror. To think she and her closest friends could themselves become the cause of such an outbreak in Ponyville.
“How the heck did humans survive something like that!?” Dash would’ve bet that such an event would’ve sent humanity well into extinction by now.
“Well, it’s never actually happened for us, it’s more of a ‘horror’ story sort of thing.” Raine remarked, “Though I guess Discord’s just running out of ideas.” She chuckled, even under the terrifying shouts for blood.
“This is no laughing matter!” Twyla cried, “We need a plan. I’m not about to give up my four closest friends to some cruel shallow joke!”
“Well this is a new one. Saving zombies from themselves? Sheesh.” Raine sighed. Although she knew it sounded idiotic, she knew there was no way around it, especially from the current glare Twyla was giving her.
“Well then what do we do!?” the Pegasus begged as Twilight starred up at her big sister. This wasn’t her game so she didn’t exactly know how to proceed.
Twyla would have to gather every ounce of cognitive ‘thunk’ in that little noodle of hers. What would follow had to be fast unless things got any more out of control, and she had to think quickly before they eventually lost interest and turned their teeth to the rest of the town, “Okay, I think I got it, but we’re going to have to be quick. I’m going to need all of you for this if everyone’s going to come out alive!” Twyla focused in on the timid unicorn, “Twilight, we’re going to need that horn of yours!”
“You mean my ‘friendship memory’ spell? I-I don’t know if that’ll work.”
“Well then here, throw this on.” Twyla grabbed the jeweled case out of barricade behind them and popped the magical crown onto Twilight’s head, “Wear this then. It’s the element of magic isn’t it? With that enchanted piece of armor equipped your magic skill will probably be amplified twice over!” Twyla hadn’t played an MMO since high school but she still knew the basics.
The unicorn had to adjust her golden crown, since it was backwards, “It doesn’t really work that way. It’s based more on the power of-”
“Alright! Raine, Rainbow Dash, I’m going to need your muscle for this! We’re going to need you two to work the bed.”
There was an awkward pause in the room. Raine choked down a laugh and glanced over at the little Pegasus beside her who had a look of disgust on her face.
Still oblivious, Twyla starred at them, wondering what the holdup was, “Well…? What’re you two waiting for? Get at it!”
They knew she hadn’t exactly meant such a thing, but not even raging zombies could hold their laughs at bay.
“That’s pretty disgusting, Twyla. She’s a god damned horse.” Raine snorted, “I didn’t know you had such dirty tastes.”
“W-What!?” Twyla’s turned a cherry shade of red, “I-I didn’t mean it that way!” meanwhile Twilight rolled her eyes.
“B-Besides! It’s almost like, well, nevermind.” Dash considered adding onto the lark, but felt the timing could’ve been better. Raine had caught on however and blurted out a laugh.
“That’s really inappropriate and this isn’t even the time for that sort of-!” Before they could tease Twyla any further, a huge push just about tossed the lot of them from their own yard sale. The bed including most of the stock nearly fell on the four of them as the door began to crack.
Given another second and it would’ve swung open completely had Twilight not caught the entire mess with her magic, “I think there’s more important things at stake here!”
“R-Right! We’ll grab the bed!” Dash took one the headrest while Raine took the other end, each of them held it against the shaking door as the eggheads began precariously clearing the way. It was like slowly unlocking the door to a den full of hungry lions. Soon enough, all that remained was the bed held as firmly in place as the two jocks could manage.
“N-Now what?” Twilight was doing all she could to keep the door shut and she wasn’t exactly ready for step two.
“Hold the door with your magic, Twilight.” Things were going to get really out of hand if this didn’t work Twyla thought, “Now you two, remove the bed. Twilight’s going to open the door and as soon as she does, I want both of you to ram your way out with that bed!”
“I-I’m going to open what now!?”
“You can’t expect us to rush out there like that!” Dash had already welcomed in the guests and she wasn’t about to get them any drinks.
“You guys have to if I’m going to get a clear shot!” Twyla grabbed the loaded unicorn as if she were some sort of marshmallowy shotgun and cocked her hooves. There was cleansing to do.
“You can’t be serious about this!” Twilight had no idea how any of this was going to work, but didn’t exactly have any better ideas. One thing certain however, she was nowhere near ready to let that door go.
Twyla forced an anxious smile in some horrible attempt to reassure the pony, “Listen, after you open that door just start shooting off that spell of yours. Don’t worry, don’t even think, just shoot! I’ll do all the leg work for you, alright?”
“I-I’m sorry, Twyla, I don’t think I can-”
“Come on, don’t worry, alright? Your big sister’s got your back!” There was that half-assed smile again, which was just dumb enough for Twilight to trust, not as if there was any other glimmer of hope to grab onto, “Get ready you guys! On three!”
The frenzied shrieks for tenderloin with a side of still-beating heart had only grown more frantic. The only thing louder than their demands were their nails scratching against the door and their fists demanding entrance to the buffet table.
It was the longest three seconds they had ever counted down. Not a breath escaped nor even a heart thumped as Twyla finally gave the go ahead with one last gulp.
It took Twilight an extra second, but she eventually broke her spell. Right on cue, the door nearly flew off of its hinges and out came a team of ravenous crazies that nearly overtook the small starswept bed. But the two daredevils were ready and rammed them back through the doorway.
Twyla may have stood to correct the author as these weren’t exactly crazies, but more akin to the still living infected like something out of Twenty Eight Days Later or Rec 2, the fast mover kind, but her trigger finger had no time for that kind of crap.
Having been introduced personally to a bed post, the runners tumbled down the tiny stairway much to the relief of both Dash and Raine. It was a small victory which was tagged in for a few shots from Twyla’s unicannon.
The magic burst was far stronger than Twilight had ever fired before, the recoil was almost enough to sweep her out of Twyla’s grip, but her determination to win back their friendship was unshakable.
The shrieks were too terrifying for Twilight to even open her eyes, she just fired over and over again and with a keen eye using the unicorn’s crown as a sight, Twyla managed to pick off Fiona, who even in death was still timid.
She had however underestimated the tenacity these ghouls as they easily made their way back up the steps, nearly tripping over one another to satiate their screaming hunger.
“Lift up the bed! Lift up the bed!” Twyla cried as she used it like a lay of cover.
Raine was probably further ahead than Dash given her superior upper arm strength and well, being that much bigger than a small pony. The bed held itself against the doorway for a moment, but the uneven assets eventually gave way, tumbling the furrowed bed backwards into the room.
Rainbow Dash was the first target and a twisted Aprile led the charge to tear her limb from hoof, but not before catching Twyla’s heel to the face along with another bolt of discharged friendship into the cowgirl’s temple. Two down and two to go.
Piper was an entirely different monster to deal with but Raine managed to catch her from behind in a rear naked choke hold. The zombie might not have suffocated with a closed trachea but at least her wild swings and gnashing teeth were detained.
Regina was the worst of the bunch. Her ear-piercing banshee cries sent rings through everyone’s skull, which was just enough to subdue Twyla’s crosshairs for her throat to be caught in the zombie’s clutches. Twyla expected the worst and almost of their own will, her arms tossed away her little purple shotgun. The dreaded fangs sank in, only to be held off by an elbow against the fashionista’s neck.
Twyla gargled her last breaths as she was eventually forced down onto the wooden floor. She kicked and tried to force a scream for a medic but the tightening grip around her neck wouldn’t give her the pleasure. No matter how much she frantically pushed away, nothing could overcome such unbridled mindless strength. Twyla could feel a set of teeth inching over her forehead when a swift hoof kick managed to save the day, “Stay away from her!” Dash roared, zipping in to defend her friends. She hadn’t exactly done a good job of measuring the ghoul’s persistence however.
Twyla caught her breath, “G-Get out of the way, Dash!”
A feral Regina had not only regained her footing but would’ve been turning the Pegasus into a batch of cupcakes had a split second been allowed to pass. A nail scratch was all that caught the skin of Dash’s muzzle before a blast of white light zapped Regina and splattered her against the wall.
Twilight huffed, her hooves were still trembling. She’d never imagined anything so horrifying in her entire life, but there wasn’t enough time to wonder. There was still one more to go.
“Dash, are you okay?” Twyla scurried over to the petrified Pegasus, spitting a choked cough to the side from her assailant.
“Y-Yeah, I’m okay…” the poor thing was still shaken up.
Twilight galloped past the two as a shout for help rang over from across the bedroom, “I could use a little help over here!”
Raine had never seen anyone last so long under a submission hold, then again, zombies probably didn’t need much oxygen to keep themselves going. She did all she could to hang onto Piper’s back with her arms wrapped around her neck but the crazed fiend’s outburst could hardly be contained. Imagine if you would, a zombie on a sugar binge. The possibilities were endless, if not the scariest thing you’d ever seen. Or perhaps even the funniest? I guess it all fell on whether you had made it to high ground yet or not.
Twilight buckled into position and fired off another salvo that hit Piper right in the face. With a final flash of light, the screams finally ended.
The unicorn breathed heavily as she watched a trembling Raine slowly laid Piper to the ground.
The fighter tapped the unconscious Piper across the face a few times, “Come on! Wake up already.” Her relief slowly began to twist into a fear far greater than what she had just been put through.
Twyla ran over, “Did you have to aim for her face!?”
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t really have time to aim…!” Twilight lifted a hoof, wondering if she had either saved the day or made things far worse.
The tutor nearly shoved Raine off of Piper’s limp body. She was completely comatose, which incidentally enough had been the most silent they had ever seen her sit. Twyla opened her eyelids and checked her heartbeat, “Oh no…!” the words shook under her breath.
“What’s wrong with them?” Dash rocked Aprile’s shoulders, but got no response.
Raine dragged in Fiona’s lifeless body from the living room and immediately began performing CPR. She vigorously worked the compressions into the girl’s chest, but the practice dummy remained still. Not even a heave or cough exited her windpipe.
“Wake up damnit!” Twyla couldn’t hold herself from shaking Piper’s dead body. She wasn’t ready to give up yet, she couldn’t go home without each of them, “Please…!!” You’d be surprised if you thought Twyla didn’t have any tears left by now.
Twilight eyes quivered as she witnessed the flood hurling itself through her mind all over again. She wasn’t prepared to stare death in face for yet a second time that week, and surely not within the comfort of her little tree house. She bit her lip and turned away, wondering how such a gracious spell could’ve done such a terrible thing. She couldn’t bear to see her double agonizing all over again. It was just too much to watch her tightly clutching a limp Piper. It was all too much, and if she thought she had had any words of comfort them before, they were completely lost now.
The bedroom’s screams of hunger had fallen into those of despair. Dash frantically zipped about the room in a futile attempt to be as helpful as possible while Twilight was too scared to use her magic again lest she kill someone else. The unicorn helplessly watched as the last two remaining humans did all they could to revive the now extra dead zombies.
A curious little insect watched with a satisfied grin from just outside the window pane. He muffled a light chuckle over the scrambled Pegasus, but then Twyla caught his attention. She was pouring her tears into Piper’s normally bouncy pink hair and screaming harder than she’d ever done before.
Discord rolled his eyes, “I guess it would be more fun if I kept them all alive for now.” He couldn’t believe how soft he had gotten and with a reluctant sigh, he snapped his fingers before disappearing.
Within an instant, Piper’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
She shook her head,“Huh?! W-Wha? How’d I end up here?”
The others eventually came around as well, each wondering just where the day had gone.
Fiona on the other hand was still trying to wrap her head around why in the world Raine was kissing her, or at least trying to.
Raine suddenly felt the squirms under her lips and pulled away, “F-Fiona! You’re okay!”
Fiona had turned into a ripe old tomato and fled against the wall, “W-What’re you doing!?”
“You’re alive!” She was so happy that she could actually really kiss her this time. Such a clichéd gag was probably beneath the author typing this rubbish out, but Raine clearly disagreed and threw herself at the poor girl before planted her lips right into Fiona’s.
Aprile fetched her hat and sunk it over her head, “…D-Did something happen?”
“I-I don’t know. The last thing I remember was reaching out to knock against Twilight’s door and…” Regina couldn’t understand what she was doing thrown against the floor in such a fashion when an overly excited Dash suddenly finished the job.
With the help of Twyla, Piper had for some reason gone into a daydream over Chinese water torture, but awoke from it just in time to address the flood, “Oh, uh, hey there, Twyla.” Her sobbing had reminded the baker of their earlier chat and Piper couldn’t help but reach out an apology, “Hey, uh, I-I’m sorry about earlier, I wasn’t being very-”
“Piper!!” being alive was enough to forgive her, and Twyla’s embrace deepened, though Piper wasn’t exactly sure how much more her blouse could take of the downpour, “I thought you were gone for good…!”
“Gone? But I’m right here, silly!” Piper’s cheeky grin was all that Twyla needed to brighten her day.
Twilight gave a sigh of relief and wiped away another tear. She had assumed that with Discord’s expanded collection of chaos her spell needed a bit of time to actually enact. Regardless, it was great to see her visitors well again. She assisted Aprile to her feet, “Are you alright, Aprile?”
The cowgirl dusted herself off, “I-I’ll be fine. Don’t much remember how we got all the way up to your bedroom, though.”
Regina managed to pry the little Pegasus off of her and the two walked over, “I imagine Discord had something to do with all this… missing time?”
Twilight nodded, “You wouldn’t believe what we’ve just been through.”
Regina did what she could to repair her hair on such short notice while she gazed around the unicorn’s bedroom, “Quite the mess, dear. Was there a scuffle?”
“Must’ve been Raine testing out some of her fancy foot-work again.” Aprile tipped her hat, proud as always of the rebel.
“You could say something like that.” Dash giggled.
Twilight gulped down a laugh, “Yeah, well, it’s probably best we move forward. There’s quite a bit of news to go over.” She didn’t even know where to start.
After some much needed tidying, the group gathered downstairs to get down to business.
Fiona couldn’t help but feel a bit violated, seeing as she had never actually kissed anyone before, and thanks to her casual friend she had been thrown into an existential crisis over her sexuality. It was actually pretty funny.
“So besides the little escapade we just went through, there’s actually something big going on.” Twilight began before nodding over to her doppelganger, “I think I’ll let you explain it, Twyla.”
Twyla recalled her failed attempts to convince her comrades of their flight home earlier on, and she really hated to blackmail them into it, but not even she had any real say in the matter, “I’m sure you guys can imagine why I wanted you here in the first place, but things have actually changed, so I’ll try to keep this short.”
Regina stood up, “Before you begin, Twyla. I-I think the rest of us have something important to share with you.” She turned to the others and they anxiously nodded in agreement, “Well… we wanted to apologize for being selfish before and wanting to stay… Especially me, I shouldn’t have brought up your students like that. Could you ever forgive me, darling?”
“Yeah, I-I guess we were just scared to go back.” Piper added, “I still don’t want to go back, b-but, I can’t very well let you go by yourself like that. We’re friends after all and we need to stick together!”
“…B-Besides! That’s our home!” Fiona wouldn’t be left out of this one, “As much as I like it here, we can’t just sit around and let him hurt anymore innocent people!” she glanced back at Aprile for some confidence as the cowgirl slowly stood up and walked over to Twyla.
Aprile was still nothing more than much of a cold shadow, but she had her reasons and hid her watering eyes away with the brim of her hat. She placed a hand over Twyla’s shoulder, “I-I’m sorry about being a jerk before. It wasn’t right of me to treat you like that, but I’m sure you can understand where I’m comin’ from.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Aprile. I can only imagine what you’re going through. We’ve all lost a lot here, but as long as we stick together we’ll get through-”
“Just please, if we do get back somehow, promise me one thing!” Aprile nearly fell to her knees, “Please! For them! We gotta’ make him pay…!” Her demands were shaky. She wasn’t exactly used to letting out her emotions like that, but her bottle was full and even the slightest crack would levy a torrent.
Twyla removed the girl’s hat and exposed her running tears. Aprile didn’t want anyone to see them, and so Twyla hid them away and held her close, “I promise, Aprile.”
Raine closed in as eventually did the others to comfort their wounded Valkyrie. Normally Aprile was the big sister who was always there to apply a bandage to a scraped knee, but if anyone needed a helping hand this time, it was her.
Eventually, the leaky pipe was repaired with a laugh or two that cheered up the bunch, thanks to Piper of course. Twyla welcomed the laugh. She knew how important it was to keep their spirits high, even with all that had happened.
She wasted no time and got under way with the briefing. Twyla explained the entire ordeal, about the falling International Space Station Discord had chucked at Ponyville and about the tear in space time that might lead them back home.
Reluctantly, she went on to explain the catch, of how as soon as the Space Station hit, the doorway would close up and their only chance of ever returning and stopping Discord would be gone forever. The clock was ticking, and somehow, they had to come up with a plan to save the day, yet again.
The others might not have been so surprised by Discord’s antics by now, but this was simply adding insult to injury. He was leaving the door open and was probably going to slam it in their faces as soon as they hit the doormat. They were disgusted. It was a spit in the face at the very least, but Twyla knew better, she had watched enough Star Trek – The Next Generation to know exactly how characters like this operated.
“That fiend…!” Regina sighed.
“It’s gotta’ be a trap. There’s no way he’d let us back in even if we could make it!” Aprile hadn’t been convinced, and she wasn’t alone.
“It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would he want us to return?” Raine wondered.
“He’s just toying with us!” added Twilight, “It’s probably better that you all stay here for now. We’ll figure out a way to save the town and those astronauts!”
“No! There’s no way he’d close the door on us at this point.” Twyla remarked.
“But how do you know? This ‘is’ Discord we’re talking about here after all! Why wouldn’t he?” Dash begged, “What’s to keep him from just letting the station crash and killing us and all of you before you even left?”
Twyla brought over that same old book again and dropped it onto the unicorn’s center table, “His pride.”
“Say what now?” questioned Piper.
“Discord isn’t just any prankster. He’s more a kin to a traditional super villain at the very definition of the term.” Twyla began flipping through the pages, “He does what he does because he craves attention, he wants to be validated for his creativity and soak up in the limelight. You’ve all seen how over the top he can be. It’s a classic cry for attention. He’s here for the drama more than anything else. He’s like a serial killer. He’s doing it for the spotlight, to satisfy that hungry ego of his.”
“Wait, so what does any of that have to do with him keeping that portal open?” Dash inquired.
“Well think about it, he probably has no challenge in our world. He’s already overcome everything humanity’s thrown at him. He’s probably bored out of his mind! Why do you think he keeps coming back here? A place he wanted to escape from in the first place. If I know anything about your run of the mill egomaniac, it’s that they get bored easily when they’ve hit their peak. He’s conquered Earth without any real challenge. He wants a climax, a big finale!” Twyla finally found her place in the book, “And we’re going to bring it to him!”
The others peeked over her shoulder to take a look at what page she was on.
“Is that the same book you’ve been lugging around all day?” Regina should’ve been familiar with it by now, along with the rest of the crew.
“Yup! Remember how I told you guys that I found a way to get back?” to which they nodded, “I did originally, but I was missing a part of the equation, a doorway to summon. I had hoped Twilight or even Princess Celestia could help us out with that part but Discord’s already done the work for us.” She notched the page with her fingertip, “Right here!”
Twilight plucked out the chapter’s text, “‘The Elements of Harmony, a guide between worlds.’…?”
“Since when can the Elements do anything like that? They’re a weapon of well, harmony, not some teleporting device.” Rainbow Dash mentioned.
“Well, it’s certainly possible. A thousand years ago, the Princess did banish her younger sister to the moon using it.”
“Kind of a big difference.” The Pegasus countered, to which Twilight couldn’t help but agree.
“Right here!” Twyla dotted over some further text, “It says they were also used as a medium by the Princess herself to transport beings between worlds. You guys said humans had been here before long ago and had met the Princess, right? She would’ve had to have used these in order to have made the trip.”
“Well, that is true and it certainly seems possible.” Twilight was still a bit unsure of her clever plan, “But what about the space station?”
“That’s where this gets interesting.” Twyla hadn’t forgotten about those poor astronauts, her plan had a simple solution. She turned to the others, “You guys remember my lecture before right? How I mentioned that Discord traveling into our universe sent us here correct? It was an even exchange. Discord mentioned however that nothing had been traded for the space station yet. He used his own power to send it here. So then in theory at least, with us being the key to his voyage, if we managed to return to our universe with the space station itself, the key transaction that started this whole thing in the first place along with his influence would be returned. In other words, if we no longer existed here and came back to our realm, then he’d be dragged back to his! It would work in exactly the same manner as before, but in reverse!”
“That’s genius!” Dash cried, “So we’d just use the Elements to shoot the six of you and the space station all back through the portal!”
“And as soon as Discord’s actual body gets sucked back into this world, we’ll be waiting for him with the Elements!” Twilight grinned, “This is perfect!”
“So what’re we waiting for then? Let’s get this show on the road!” Twyla closed up her book and was ready to get to work, although she was subdued by the sudden drop in the tone of the room. The excitement that had lasted for about a few seconds had all but lost its enthusiasm.
“Well, uhm, wait a second, Twyla. You did mention that we had a day before the portal closed right?” Fiona timidly recalled.
“Well, yeah, I guess.”
“So then, we have some time left then don’t we…?” continued Regina.
Twyla pinched the center of her brow, “Approximately a day, yes.”
Aprile was anxious to get back to the farm, “Righty then, so, uhm, we’ll meet up again here tomorrow? Same time?”
Twyla rolled her eyes and nodded. Getting back home was of the utmost importance, but in the back of her mind she also knew how much they’d be leaving behind. A day wouldn’t hurt all that much, she guessed.
“I-I gotta’ run! I’ll see you all tomorrow, okay!” Aprile scurried out the front door.
“Me too! Oh goodness, I have some shopping to do! See you all in a day!” Regina was next.
Piper nearly took Twyla off of her slippers with a simple hug before following the fashionista, “Seeya’ tomorrow! Oh, and sorry for almost eating you guys alive in a blood soaked fury of screaming carnage.” She whispered.
Twyla wondered for a second if the girl had ever been a zombie to begin with. Knowing her, she had probably been pretending the entire time. The implications were baffling.
“I should probably get going too. I’d like to do something for Fluttershy and Ditzy before we left.” Fiona awkwardly passed by Raine, hesitated, and pecked her on the cheek before darting out the door in a red blaze.
“Do you see what you’ve done to the poor girl? You went too far, Raine.” Twyla bonked her over the head.
Raine chuckled, “Sorry, I guess I left my swag on.” She got another much harder punch over the head for that one, “Gah, alright, alright! I’m out of here! Sheesh!” she grabbed her little Pegasus replica as if she were a stuffed toy and dragged her out of the tree house. Dash might’ve protested or may have had something extra to say but Raine apparently didn’t care.
Twilight Sparkle sighed. Her once bustling library was now completely empty. She noticed that she was still wearing her enchanted golden crown and her lavender cheeks hued into a shade of pink before she finally took it off, “Sheesh, was I wearing this thing the entire time?” She giggled over her embarrassment, hoping she hadn’t come across as too much of a snob in front of her friends. She wasn’t exactly ready to become a princess just yet, which gave her another laugh, and then she noticed just how quiet her living room had actually become, “Twyla, where did you run off to?”
The little unicorn galloped upstairs, her golden crown floating in a pink breeze beside her, “Oh, there you are!”
Twyla had affixed herself to the Baby’s First telescope with a notepad and quill to her side. She had her eye in the sky, monitoring the clumsy space station as it helplessly made its way back home.
“Been quite the day huh? First we’re almost eaten alive and now this.” Twilight chuckled, trying to gain a word out of her lab partner, “Well, uhm, I know we probably have a bit of preparing to do, but I was hoping…”
“Uh-huh.” Twyla was far too preoccupied with some obscure calculation.
“I-I was hoping, well, maybe we could do something together. You know, before you… have to leave.”
“Right, one second.”
“I-It’s just that well, I’ve never really met anypony that I had so much in common with, and well…”
An exaggerated yawn derailed her train of thought, “Oh hey, Twilight. You look awful!” Spike hobbled through the balcony window with his sheets and pillow in tow, “Did I miss something? Looks like you rearranged everything around in here.” He casually waddled by as if he hadn’t just interrupted the unicorn.
“As I was saying!” Twilight cleared her throat, “I wish we had more time, I mean, I know this is serious and all, but I really don’t… Are you even listening to me, Twyla?”
“Uhm, sure, just give me a second.” Twyla jotted down another variable.
Twilight huffed and trotted over, “You know, maybe all you care about is going back home, b-but maybe… maybe I’m not ready to say goodbye yet!” she stomped a hoof, “Maybe I…!” her lip quivered and her tone sunk, “Maybe I’m… just being a bit selfish…”
“Thirty-seven.”
“Excuse me…?”
Twyla went over her calculations one more time before closing the cap over the telescope’s lens, “We actually have thirty-seven hours until it hits. Either Discord actually has a heart inside that chest of his, or he botched up his own climax, because the station is taking its sweet time with the approach.” She turned over to the unicorn, who looked as if she had just been hung out to dry, “Now, now, don’t you give me that face.” She wiped away the tear drops under those big puppy dog eyes.
“I-I’m sorry, it’s just that-!”
“So!” Twyla stood up and carried the little unicorn up into her hands as if she were a pet, “What do you want to do first? Maybe grab a bite to eat and chat? Catch a movie? Not sure if you have those here or not. Oh, hey! Maybe we could do some stargazing later tonight!”
Twilight beamed a smile so infectious that it spread to Twyla immediately, and then the little pony did something so adorable that Twyla nearly burst into laughter. As she hung off of Twyla’s arms like a cat, Twilight desperately swung out her hooves for a hug, which after an eye-watering chuckle, Twyla kindly obliged.
“I-I just don’t want you to leave yet. We’ve only just gotten to know each other and now you have to go…”
Twyla smiled and held the little pony close before gently putting her down. As big of a front as she was putting up, the last thing she wanted to do was leave, but she knew there was no way around it. This wasn’t her home, even if it belonged to a dimensional copy of herself. Twyla had her own home to go back to and it needed some spring cleaning, “Well, we don’t have all the time in the world, now do we? Let’s go grab something to eat, sis.”
Twilight eagerly nodded and the two cheerfully left the room. Although a dire threat was still looming precariously over Ponyville, not even a plummeting ball of fire was going to tear those two apart, at least not today.
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 10: Give Us the Hope
“Oh, I’m so brilliant! What a genius! A mastermind, a virtuoso, a brainiac! This is just perfect!” Discord pranced around his newly acquired Empire State Building in the bludgeoned depths of New York City.
“Oh! Wait a second, how will they know where to find me? Oh Discord, you old coot. You sent out all the invitations but you didn’t even bother to include an address!” He shook his head with a sigh, and then it hit him!
Every super villain has some sort of menacing dark castle, or at least some twisted tower with their name spelled out in bold all over it.
On thin air no less, Discord ice skated right off of the sky scraper and performed a dazzling figure eight until finally concluding his glittering performance with a pirouette. He glanced back at the building and at the flick of a wrist, the word ‘Discord’ exploded onto the side of tower. The font was roughly that of Brush Script, but he just wasn’t satisfied. With a few more turns of his finger, he photoshopped the text from Helvetica, to Impact, to Frank Ruehl, to Verdana, and every other posh swirl Microsoft Word had to offer, “Screw it, good old Gothic always does the job. Such power, such impact! Wait, no, not Impact, erm, oh right, such strength!” This went on for about another hour until he finally decided on simply using the letter ‘D’ instead of his full name. He didn’t want to come across as being too extravagant after all.
“Right then! This is perfect. The welcome mat’s set and now all I have to do is play the waiting game…” the chaos god could hardly contain himself before finally retiring upon his tattered veranda. He sat back over a makeshift lawn chair and crossed his legs as he gazed up into the careless sky.
His plan was essentially flawless, but it was that very same scheme that had finally begun to get to him. The more Discord thought about it, the more he began to question the resolve of those puny little humans. He honestly had no idea if they’d even be able to make it to his shindig at all. It wasn’t as if there was anyone else around to invite.
Regina stormed into the Carouselle Boutique with one arm filled with a tuft of fabrics and trimmings and the other balancing a basket filled with freshly cold-cut fruit, “Terribly sorry about the mess earlier, dear, but it appears that I’m about to create a new one for you.”
Rarity had barely held the mop in her magical glow for but a second. The last very thing she wanted to see was a batch of sticky wet fruit, “Oh my! Please don’t get any of that on the tile! I-!” Regina hadn’t exactly noticed all the spots of pineapple juice leaking out of the bottom of the hampered basket. She had far too much on her mind to worry about where the unicorn had put the napkins, which of course Rarity had already fetched and began shadowing the diva wiping up every dot she could find. The place was still a bit dirty but Rarity couldn’t stand the thought of adding to the mess. She had thought that a long how shower beforehand would’ve prepared her for a late batch of spring cleaning but her guest was only making things worse.
Regina had barely even noticed the desperate hotel maid before she finally brought the basket over to the kitchen sink, much to the unicorn’s relief of course. The celebrity unwrapped its plastic covering, which only seemed to add to the look of the bouquet rather than actually collect any draining fluids, and began preparing a bowl, “Here you are.” Served seemingly out of the Waldorf Astoria was a dish of perfectly sliced pineapple alongside a bushel of seedless grapes, trio of cut mango and citrus crescents, “Enjoy, darling.”
“Oh! Why thank you, b-but whatever is the occasion?” Rarity took the tiniest bite out of the tiniest grape in the bowl, “Oh, and how did your lunch with Twyla go?”
The questions seemed to float right over Regina’s head as she headed into the designer room to drop off a pile of linen stuffs. She returned a second later, “Nevermind this mess. Come with me for a second, dear.” She wiped up the world’s smallest droplet of moisture from the unicorn’s muzzle before picking her up like a piece of airline baggage and taking her into the boutique.
Rarity found herself plopped onto a small silk pillow, “W-What’s happening?”
“Oh, nothing. Just a few measurements and fixes here.” She could barely contain her giggles as she appraised every inch of hoof, haunch, crest and collar with a length of measuring tape.
“…Are you going to-?”
“Of course I am! What was the phrase now? ‘It’s the very least I could do’?” Regina gave a tiny titter before sinking in to meet the pony eye to eye, “You’ve done so much to accommodate my stay here, Rarity. I would’ve been stuck out on the farm covered in applesauce had it not been for you.”
Rarity turned the most divine shade of rose with a prancing giggle, “W-Well, it’s not that big of a deal really. Anypony would’ve done the same.”
“Don’t be so modest! Oh, and give me that hoof.” Regina passed just one more measurement over the pony’s elbow and forelimb, “I’m going to make something beautiful for you before I… before the day’s end, of course!” it almost slipped out right there and then. Regina hated goodbyes and even with all the time it took her to get back to the salon she still couldn’t think of a good way to say it.
Rarity had been so kind to her. It was going to be impossible to big farewell to her, at least not before doing something special for the pony. Even then, she still didn’t think she’d have a decent script written down in time.
Rarity picked up on the bump in tone right away and reeled her eyes away from the woman, “…Is anything the matter, dear…?”
“N-No! Of course not! I-I just want to do something special to show my gratitude for all you’ve done for me, nothing more.” Before the unicorn could press through her obvious façade any further, Regina cackled off to the drawing board, “Give me a moment, darling. I’ll have something gorgeous for you by tonight!” Not even the keenest of detectives could pry another answer out of the woman. Her mind had disappeared into the textured charcoal scrapings of a canvas.
Deep down, Rarity was happy to see such fulfillment in essentially herself a world away. Why wouldn’t she have been happy knowing such creativity and taste had reached beyond her realm? But she could barely hold up that grateful smile of hers.
Regina didn’t have to say a word. As Rarity sat there watching the fashionista dart and doodle from end to end, she began to wonder exactly when she’d have to say goodbye to her big sister.
Raine groaned as she walked down the Ponyville Avenue. She had been moping around ever since she had left Twilight’s library.
“What’s your deal? Are you still down about having to leave?” Dash flutter over the girl’s shoulder like a squawking parrot, “Don’t you want to go home?”
“No! Of course not! I don’t have crud back home… and that stupid company is probably gonna’ send the debt police after me for sinking that awesome fighter jet of theirs.”
“So what? Just give them the boot. It’s your home isn’t it? They can’t tell you what to do.”
Raine was thankful that Equestria wasn’t burdened with an economy built around a faulty credit system, “It doesn’t work that way… You know what? Screw this! I’m not gonna’ spend my last day in Ponyville being all ‘Emo’.”
“Emo…?” Dash quirked, “Is that like some of kind of disorder?”
“Come on Dash!” Raine snapped the little Pegasus out of her flight path and wrapped an arm around her like a football, “There’s gotta’ be something fun to do today. What do you got for me, squirt?”
Rainbow Dash hadn’t exactly gotten used to being handled like a stuffed toy yet, but it was a fair trade for seeing her flight assistant ready to face the world, “Let’s see… Oh! I almost forgot! The annual Iron Pony competition’s supposed to be today! Want to enter together?”
“Iron pony? You mean like Iron Chef?”
“Iron Chef? No, no, no! Iron Pony!” Dash had to exaggerate the simple phrase, “It’s an athletic competition where ponies compete to see who’s the strongest, fastest, and most agile.”
It was music to Raine’s ears, “That sounds perfect! Finally we’ll see who’s at least the toughest out of the two of us, seeing as I’m already the fastest.”
Dash laughed, “Yeah right, girl! You’re on! Race you over!” and she shot off to parts unknown.
“H-Hey! Wait up…!”
“You have a wonderful day now, dear!”
“T-Thank you so much for letting me borrow your kitchen!” Fiona took the gift-wrapped box of muffins from Mrs. Cake with a nervous smile and scampered towards the door without really paying attention to where she was going. She had no time to contemplate and/or battle the peculiar fancies of Raine dancing around inside her heart. There was still a lot to do and eventually a ton of goodbyes to hand out and she wasn’t exactly looking forward to any of them. Fiona would’ve actually made it out of Sugar Cube Corner had Piper not barged in and opened the door for her.
With an insignificant yelp, Fiona stumbled backwards, though luckily enough Pinkie Pie was still available to provide some balance with a side of muffin support.
“Are you okay, Fiona? You almost lost your appetite!” Pinkie giggled.
“Oh, I-I’m fine, I’m just in a bit of a-”
“Pinkie Pie!” Piper didn’t even give her peripherals enough time to apologize to Fiona, “Are you off of work yet?” she repeated about seven times within the span of three seconds.
“Oh! Yes, I have the rest of the day-”
The cream puff wasted no time. She scooped up the little pink pony and scurried right out the door just as fast as she had entered, although she did return momentarily to finally apologize to Fiona for bumping into her before zipping back out again.
The animal hoarder darted her eyes about the room, as if looking for approval wherever she could find it, “Well, uhm, I-I should probably get going.”
Mrs. Cake gave a Wisconsin hoot and waved, “Goodbye, Fiona. Come again any time!”
She was about to reply with something along the lines of ‘See you later’, but knew that wasn’t going to be the case. She gave a weak smile, waved, and took her batch of muffins through the exit.
For the second time this week, every colorful little pony in town trotted about as if nothing had ever happened to them. Fiona would’ve noticed just how pretty the day was if she hadn’t been day dreaming.
It had felt like a lifetime as far as fanfictions went, though it had only been a week and apparently a week is all it took for Fiona to find out where she belonged. It was every little girl’s dream, especially Fiona’s since she had never really grown up, at least at heart anyway.
She cleared a pale curtain of hair so that at least one of her little curious eyes could get a better look of the shimmering rainbow glittering under the afternoon’s sun. The Pegasai had done a terrific job of clearing the blue sky framed by Bavarian rooftops made of straw and stick. They sheltered happy little ponies that galloped about going through their own little routines and daily chores.
Fiona sighed as she gazed down at her box of muffins. She felt like she was being dragged out of a toy store empty handed. She didn’t want to leave all of these adorable little creatures and their charming world behind, but she could never ever forget about the ones that she had held so dearest to her heart, even if they couldn’t all fit inside her tiny apartment. They might not have been made of colorful marshmallows or talked or had such innocent takes of the world around them, well, maybe they did, but either way they were her little babies. They depended on her for love and care. And where was she? In some adorably pixelated cartoon world?
Fiona felt guilty even mentioning how much she loved it here. It was times like this that she needed someone totally cool like Raine to pick her up and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She had hoped she’d never have to leave, but every vacation has its end and at the end of this rainbow sat far too many gravestones in the garden for her to ever get used to.
The person responsible was probably the only thing keeping her from bursting into tears right there in the middle of the boulevard. That Discord was just so, mean! You could even say that she downright disliked him. Maybe even hated? She didn’t have a very pessimistic vocabulary so it became quite difficult to describe her distain for the character. She’d have to think long and hard over what to say to him when the time ultimately came to discipline the chaos god.
A wall was about to smack Fiona right in the face, and before a gray little Pegasus could come up with enough depth perception to intervene, the girl bopped herself right into the structure, knocking herself onto her bottom. Thankfully the box of muffins in her arms had remained intact. At least those giant boobs of hers were good for something.
“Geez, are you okay? You should really pay attention to where you’re going!” the lecture felt especially hard to swallow coming from Ditzy of all ponies.
“Oh, I-I’m sorry, I was just so lost in-” and then Fiona noticed just who was fluttering over her shoulder. No one else had a smile as hapless as Ditzy’s, “Oh, hello there, Ditzy! I was actually just looking for you.” Fiona opened the sugary box of treats and whipped out a muffin.
The Pegasus gasped, “Gosh, are those muffins for me!?” Fiona was holding only one muffin but that didn’t stop her creative eyesight.
“Yup.” She smiled, “Here you go!”
Ditzy couldn’t help but snatch the Muffin out of the girl’s hands and took a massive chomp out of the blueberry swirled delight. Her petite body tingled in delicious giggles. She hadn’t had a muffin in forever, and by forever I mean all day.
Fiona squealed over Ditzy’s giddiness, “I would’ve waited for you so that we could bake them together, but I’ve kind of been in a rush all day…”
The Pegasus paused, “You made these?”
She nodded, “Remember? I told you I’d bake you some muffins.”
Ditzy’s eyes began to water, “Y-You didn’t have to do this for me…” she floated in and wrapped her hooves around Fiona.
“Of course I did.” Fiona held the little pony close, “That muffin you baked looked just scrumptious, and you lost it because of those bullies.”
“B-But that muffin was for you!”
“And these are for you, Ditzy.” Fiona handed her the entire box with a warm smile.
Ditzy was at a loss for words, “Y-You’re too kind, Fiona, b-but I couldn’t accept these!”
“Well, why ever not?”
“Well, I-I’m… ‘Derpy’. I’m just some dumb old pega-” she should’ve known better by now, and the poor look in Fiona’s eyes reminded her that she really had no reason to feel so sorry for herself. Just because a few bullies tried to tear her down didn’t mean she couldn’t keep flying high, “Erm, actually, I-I couldn’t eat all of these by myself. Would you mind sharing them with me?”
Fiona held the gray little pony close, “Only if you promise to never talk that way about yourself ever again.”
Piper ran through the streets of Ponyville without a care in the world. Her arms were holding the tiny pink legs dangling over her shoulders as Pinkie, who was doing her best ambulance impression, sat waving her hooves into the air as if she were on the bubbliest roller coaster she’d ever been on.
The ride eventually came to a halt at a cotton candy stand where Pinkie Pie did a flip and accidently landed right into the gunky aparatus of blue and pink spinning clouds.
Long story short, there were plenty of laughs, an angry cashier, and the two goofballs had to pay for far more cotton candy than they had originally intended. Though they weren’t exactly complaining about it.
Pinkie Pie had become the official cotton candy holder, since much of it had been added to her already very poofy mane. There were a few instances where Piper almost took a few bites out of the pony’s hair doo, hardly able to tell the difference. Thankfully the girl had plenty of cloud on her stick to last maybe a few minutes at best.
Pinkie snorted through a jolly giggle, “So, what’s next, Piper?”
“I dunno’, I kind of just wanted to go around town and have fun, maybe put a smile on face or two.” She had begun picking a few balloons off of nearby mailboxes and doorknobs from the party the night before. The party favors had lasted their stay but that didn’t stop Piper from wanting to regift them.
The pony came down with a case of the jitters, “That’s a great idea!”
Piper caught the sight of an eagle from afar, and then realized that it was actually a very familiar griffon. The pastry chef picked another red balloon off of a lonely light post and skipped over to the creature while Pinkie bounced along.
Gilda smiled and placed a talon’s worth of bits into the hoof of a fruit vendor. The mint pony gave a kind “Thankyou.” and picked the best apple she could find out of her cart.
“Thanks, take it easy.” Gilda took a chomp out of the red apple and went on her way. There was something pleasant about well, being pleasant for once. Her old ego may have considered it soft or even lame, but sacrificing ‘being cool’ was well worth the reward. She didn’t have to prove anything to anyone and she had been forgiven and even accepted by Dash’s friends. Gilda couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed, so at peace with everything.
The griffon swallowed what remained of the fruit in one gulp, “Now where did Dash say that contest was supposed to be again…?”
“Hiya Gilda!” Pinkie Pie was loud enough to have jarred the griffon out of a coma.
“Oh! Hey Pink. How’s it goin’?” Gilda bumped a talon with the pony’s hoof, “Really dug that party you threw by the way. It was totally legit.”
“Thanks! I’m glad you had such a great time, Gilda. I’ll definitely send you an invite the next time I throw a little shindig.” Pinkie’s simple words warmed Gilda’s heart. Returning to Ponyville was probably the best idea she’d ever thought of.
“Here you go!” Piper smiled like an idiot and handed Gilda a red balloon.
The kind gesture was lost on the griffon. Gilda didn’t exactly know what to do with the thing, but knew the human probably meant well. She was doing her best to assume as much anyway. With an awkward grin she took the string into her talon, “Oh, uhm, thankyou…! Well, uhm, I gotta’ go meet Rainbow Dash somewhere. I’ll see you two later okay?”
“Alrighty! See ya’ later, Gilda!” Pinkie Pie waved her hoof and Piper followed the motion.
Gilda put on the best smile she could and flew away dragging the tiny red balloon with her. She felt like a complete idiot so the quicker she flee the scene and dump the souvenir on some filly the better.
Piper was so relieved to see her little gift being put to good use. She wondered just how much farther Gilda would be able to fly with a balloon by her side.
Pinkie giggled over the poppycock, “Come on, Piper, we’ve got plenty more smiles to give out!”
“Right!” by now, Piper had amassed quite the collection of balloons and so she was doing what she could to keep her feet on the ground. Though to be fair, she did have many years of bounce-house experience so controlling her awkward steps seemed to come naturally.
“Uhm, I’ll take a few of those off of your hands if you want, Piper.”
The helium was getting the better of the girl, given that she didn’t exactly know when to stop collecting. Piper was practically tip toeing over the ground, “G-Good idea!” she managed to tie a few around Pinkie Pie, but underestimated just how bold the innocent little things still were.
The pony let out a wobbled yelp as her hooves left the ground. Luckily for her, she wasn’t exactly floating off into the clouds just yet.
Piper had never seen a half buoyant horse before and Pinkie’s fluttering hooves gave the girl a good old laugh before she helped rectify the little pony’s altitude, “I-I’m sorry but, that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” she let out another snort.
A toothy grin stretched across Pinkie’s face as she continued flapping her hooves through the air, which was actually just enough to control her inept orbit, “This is pretty fun! You should try it, Piper.”
She might as well have been reliving her childhood all over again, as well as much of a birthday party a couple of weeks beforehand. She moonwalked her way down the street snatching up every forgotten balloon she could find until the Earth below left her sneakers completely. A burst of laughter left the pit of her gut as she began gracefully skipping over food carts and carriages alike.
With a squeaky giggle, Pinkie Pie fluttered through the air behind the girl like a clumsy clownfish, though the pony really wished she had brought along her red buttoned nose and clown shoes for the ride.
Elsewhere, a pair of boots proved their loyalty to the ground below. Aprile sprinted through the apple fields, clasping onto her hat lest it fall into the dust behind her. Every step felt like her legs were being broken and contorted given her shins had still barely healed, but she had gotten used to that brand of pain long ago. It couldn’t even compare to the agony dragging down her heart and if she was going to leave her newly found family forever, she was going to damn well make sure she thanked them first or at least made today the best day of their lives. She may not have had the spirit to pull it off, but she was going to try anyway.
Aprile finally came to a halt and rested an arm against a tree. She had run through the length of Ponyville on probably a quarter of a leg and desperately needed a breather, not to mention some ice or a set of crutches. She heard a swift knock shake up a tree just ahead of her, followed by the sound of a couple dozen apples tumbling into a wooden barrel and soon enough the cracking bites in her legs all but fell away, “A-Applejack…!”
The orange pony rested her hooves and turned about, “Oh, uh, Hey there, Aprile. Welcome back! Hope yer’ feelin’ better.”
Aprile stumbled from the tree, but overestimated the circulation in her legs and fell onto her knees with a bloody curse.
Applejack shook her head and ran over, “You know you shouldn’t be gallopin’ about on those sore legs of yours. You’re gonna’ hurt yourself!” The very last thing she was expecting was for Aprile to put her arms around her.
“I-I’m so sorry, Applejack! I’m so sorry!” Aprile’s hat was nearly about to fall off. She was a complete blubbering mess.
Applejack was a bit taken by the shower of emotions, “I-It’s alright, sweetie. I ain’t gonna’ say I told ya’ so, but you should really get into bed and rest those legs of yours. Now come on, no need for all this cryin’.”
“No! T-That’s not what I meant.” Aprile didn’t want to let go of the stubborn little pony, “I’m sorry for what I said… You and I really are sisters, and ya’ll have been more than just family to me. I-I can’t tell you how-”
Applejack put a hoof over the girl’s mouth, to which Aprile was suddenly thankful she had already known what dirt tasted like, “Now, now, what’s this all about? You know you don’t need to apologize to me, Aprile. I know what yer’ going through and I can’t imagine just how hard it must be on ya’.”
“I-I’m sorry, it’s just…” Aprile hesitated, “I’m…”
“No more of that now! It ain’t like you.” Applejack whistled over to the nearby red stallion, “Mind givin’ us a hand over here Big Macintosh? Aprile’s legs are a might bruised and she sure could use a ride over to the barn.”
Big Mac nodded with a “Nope.” and trotted over to provide the biped with some much needed assistance.
Aprile’s pride wanted nothing of it, not to mention the desperate news trying to beat its way through a locked down in her mind. She tried to get up but her legs were still numb, and with a few nags from Applejack she finally gave up and parked herself over the red stallion.
AJ chuckled, “Don’t worry, sugarcube. I’m gonna’ bake ya’ somethin’ delicious and then you’ll be feeling better in no time at all!”
No matter how scrumptious her apple pie, apple brown betty, or whatever manner of apple product she’d try, Aprile doubted she was ever going to feel the same ever again, especially if she ever managed the courage to tell that little pony the truth.
Meanwhile, Twyla and Twilight had both reasoned that efficiency was key to accomplishing as much as possible in the little time they had left together.
An early dinner and a movie were the two definite plans to start off the evening, and so the little unicorn had suggested, “Why not do both at once?”
Twyla hadn’t been to a dinner theatre since she was a little girl, and it was on a fancy vacation anyway so it seemed almost ironic to do the same here in Ponyville. A ‘vacation’ however was the last word she wanted to use. If not for the fact that her home and everyone she knew had been blown to bits and not having much say in the trip to begin with, she didn’t want to think of Ponyville as some resort. Her heart desperately wanted to call it home, but her brain couldn’t.
Call it some nerd’s ultimate fantasy or the happiest little distraction you’d ever lost yourself in. Either way, Twyla really did like it here in Equestria and she had made such a good friend in Twilight Sparkle. They had so much in common with one another, their discussions and comparisons between one another could last for hours. Everything was great. She had her cake, but simply couldn’t eat it. It was one of the most tearing and most depressing things she’d ever been through.
There had even been a point where she had regretted ever coming up with her ingenious plan in the first place. Perhaps playing dumb for once would’ve left room for a ‘plan B’ and allowed her more time to spend in Ponyville. Either way, with every tick the sun spent dipping into the horizon, the more miserable Twyla felt.
“Uhm, Twyla, have you decided what you’re going to eat? The movie’s going to start soon.” The girl was the easiest book Twilight had ever read and it was awful to see her so gloomy. So the unicorn put on the brightest smile she could, notched herself over within the dining booth and put a hoof over her arm, “Cheer up, Twyla. I don’t want to see you so mopey like that. Come on, something yummy is sure to get your spirits up!”
Twyla sighed, “I know, I know, it’s just…”
“Here! Try the Apple and Peanut butter Granola sandwich!” the pony dotted a hoof at a line in the menu, “It’s delicious!”
“That does sound pretty good.” Twyla had never actually thought of using apple slices as buns for anything before.
A waiter arrived just in time and promptly took their orders, “So that’ll be a Hayseed Sandwich and an Apple and Peanut butter Granola?”
The unicorn eagerly nodded for the both of them.
“Alright then, enjoy the show and your food will be out in a moment.” The lights began to dim as he left them with a basket of warm bread loaves. The restaurant hushed as a hazy projector began to crackle and reel a light over a wide screen.
The theme was fairly grim and the scene floated through some of the bluest depths of space. Twilight Sparkle couldn’t recognize a single one of the star systems and was even further bewildered by the oncoming triangle floating towards the screen.
The capsule appeared lifeless, almost hollow as a sheet of starshine reflected over every piece of hardware inside the ship.
Slumbering under a pane of futuristic glass lay a unicorn that looked as if she had seen better nights. A monitor blipped to life in a vain attempt to warn the comatose survivor of a proximity alert, but before another cold breath could escape her lips, a far larger ship entered the frame and absorbed the smaller vessel into its belly.
A violent clang shook the ship and a blistering laser began to cut through the hull’s door. A ray of sparks followed perfectly cut lines, too perfect for any pony to cut at least without some sort of guiding machine.
Just when the cabin had begun to fill with smoke, point A finally met point B and the door tumbled to the iron floor. Instead of a curious pony, the silhouette of an indifferent robotic arm took the frame of the door and soon fled back to its recharging station only to be replaced by a second drone. The newcomer floated into the ship and sprayed a length of blue sea ahead of it, scanning every single inch of dust it could detect. At the first sign of life the laser ceased and the robot was immediately withdrawn.
It was always wise to send in a parakeet in a cage, or at least a robot ahead of the actual crew to investigate. Luckily for the cautious ponies entering the derelict ship, there was probably nothing to fear. They’re only recognizable features were their quadruped shapes which were covered in hazmats and helmets. Contamination was not an option and anypony that may have come into contact with a foreign impurity may as well have been dealt with by the unforgiving switch of an airlock, especially aboard a military vessel.
A scout passed a hoof over the glass tomb and rubbed away a film of condensation. Inside napped the weathered pony, probably off in a far better place than where she slept at the moment, and in her lap snoozed the smallest of baby dragons. The crew had found their query and slipped off their helmets in relief. They probably weren’t going to die anytime soon, probably.
Twyla cupped her forehead. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. I mean, she did enjoy the reference and found it amusing and all, but it was almost too much to take in. It was like watching a parody of the Abyss but done with characters from Sonic the Hedgehog.
She nearly lost it over the next scene. The same dreary unicorn now in hospital whites was frantically fumbling about in her bed cornered by some sleaze that looked like a rookie lawyer and a RN barely out of space medical school. A glass of water shattered against the floor as the bed shuttered under the choking pony, desperate to reach out for any kind of release from the blood curdling agony cracking out of her ribcage.
“Please…!!” she barely managed the scream, but not a soul there knew what she begged for. All she wanted was the horrible thing out of her. Practically begging for death by now, she slowly lifted up her gown, and not a single doctor there could’ve prepared themselves for the bump rising out of the pony’s torso. The patient’s scaly little companion cried out in terror as a revolting face began to penetrate through the pale layer of skin and just as the tortured pony screamed for it all to end, she woke up.
Twilight had found herself quivering up Twyla’s arm. The unicorn may have been old enough to manage a Winter Wrap-up but she still had the constitution of a ten year old, or whatever that translated to in horses. The point is that she had basically lost her appetite.
It wasn’t exactly an appropriate dinner movie, at least in the classical sense, but Twyla could’ve eaten through it. She’d marathoned the entire franchise with a stuffed crust pizza and thing of Sake grabbed out of her nearest Weeaboo shop, (And by franchise we’re only talking about the first three movies, none of that other Jean-Pierre Jeunet crap or that ‘Versus’ trash, though at least Twyla considered Resurrection to be hilarious.).
“Bon-appetite!” a pink haired waitress, who did indeed pronounce that incorrectly, created quite the commotion sloshing over a few platters of pasta, hay fries, and something that probably shouldn’t have had any meat on it.
“We didn’t order-Piper! What’re you doing here!?” to which Twyla was hushed a few dozen times by the crowd. She repeated the question again in a much softer whisper.
“Oh hey guys! Watching a movie, huh?” Pinkie Pie balanced a tray of about a dozen cold drinks over her head as another slew of silences flew in from across the restaurant, which she barely paid any mind to. On a side note, she was wearing the cutest little suit! “We’re just waitressing for the night! Ain’t it fun?”
“But we didn’t order any of this. You two got the wrong orders!” Twilight had forgotten that a movie was still playing and so the exceedingly impatient audience had to remind her.
“Well it’s too dark in here. I can’t see whose eating what!” nor could Piper see the any of the angry ponies leaving their tables either, “They should really turn the lights back on.”
“But then how would they see the movie with the lights on?” Pinkie hadn’t taken the hint yet at all.
“Well they do say you should watch TV with the lights on, to protect your eyes I mean.” Twyla had all but given up by this point. She’d seen the movie a few dozen times by now anyway and she wasn’t about to have her opinion of James Cameron ruined by a bunch of stinking horses. Although she did feel pretty bad for the poor unicorn sitting beside her, whose introduction into the science fiction horror genre had been utterly spoiled.
With a helpless sigh, Twyla took a bite out of some other pony’s tomato sandwich.
“Go get us our correct meals already!” Twilight shouted, “You’re ruining the movie!”
“For who?” Piper asked, “Everyone’s already left, silly.”
Twilight groaned and planted her jaw against a hoof before helping herself to a biscuit off of a foreign plate. It was probably going to be thrown into the trash anyway so she figured what the hay?
“Welcome to the Annual Iron Pony competition!” if there was anything that was going to get Spike out of bed that day, it would probably have been a chance to play ‘announcer’ all over again, “We’ll be starting the matches this year between Rainbow Dash and our guest to Ponyville, Raine! The first event, the track race, will begin shortly!”
Scootaloo sat peddling her hooves against her spot on the bleachers. She was as excited as she’d ever been to attend anything involving her idol, Rainbow Dash. There was a donated red balloon tied around one hoof and a box of crackerjacks in the other, “She’s going to win! I know it!”
“Which one? There’s two of them now, you know.” Gilda joked.
“The one in the middle!” the junior speedster dropout cried, snacking out a bite of caramel crunch, “Or whichever one’s cooler!”
Gilda let out a laugh and soon enough the ding of a mild bell rang to signal the start of the competition. The mild ceremonies had long concluded and the crowd focused in on the two competitors.
Raine and Rainbow Dash braced themselves before a lengthy track that ran itself around the field. Hooves and feet alike arched over a set of starting blocks as they awaited a horn’s call.
“You’re going down, pipsqueak.” Raine joshed.
Dash snickered, “Puh-lease, I’ve already gone down in history more than once, kiddo.” She spit into her hoof and held it out to the human, who didn’t exactly know how to react to it seeing as humans didn’t have any hooves. Raine decided she’d ball a fist, spit onto her knuckles and bump the hoof with it. The awkward gesture was accepted and that was that.
The horn finally blew and the spectators exploded into cheers as the two runners left their marks, “And they’re off!” Spike felt really good shouting that through the microphone.
Time appeared to slow down for each of them. A sharp arm swung and a bladed wing arched and eventually time caught up with them carrying with it a wind of shouts and clops.
Raine’s body tightened, every muscle working in unison. As a step planted into the ground another arm swung forth. She glared down the bend of the runway focusing on shifting her weight for the upcoming turn. Raine used to run track in high school, though she mostly did it for the workout. Being held down by Earth’s gravity hardly lived up to that ‘Runner’s High’ by that old rush felt nice regardless.
The last thing Raine expected to see however was her flight navigator dashing past faster than her hooves could gallop. The track’s first bend certainly lent itself to the Pegasus. Raine could’ve probably called shenanigans on the fact that the pony was using her wings to boost her stride but the cheat only motivated her to push herself further. While Rainbow Dash might’ve been the first to complain, Raine had the heart of a jarhead in bootcamp. Pain was only a weakness leaving the body and if anything was gained too easily then you probably hadn’t earned a thing.
Raine choked down a grunt and kicked in her Vtec. She wasn’t going to let that little pipsqueak outrun her.
The sad thing was that Rainbow Dash wasn’t even running very fast, it was more of a carefree stride at best. With a smirk she slowed her roll and let the human catch up to her.
The taunt only distracted Raine from the race. She knew exactly what the Pegasus was trying to pull and was intent on strangling the little runt if she couldn’t at least win the race, “T-Take this… seriously… darn you!”
“Oh? You want me to actually race you? I was just trying to be fair.” Dash chuckled.
“Why you-!!”
“See you at the finish line!” They had barely completed the second straight away when the entire track practically shook right off the ground. The bleachers nearly tumbled backwards but luckily a bruticus-maximus of a white Pegasus held the stands together with a hefty call that may have put Macho Man Randy Savage himself to shame. (May he rest in peace.)
A slick rainbow painted the entire track almost twice over as Rainbow Dash caught up again with her track partner, “You still back here? You’ll have to do better than that, Raine.”
“Wow, folks! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Rainbow dash so fast before.” Spike exaggerated, “This event goes to the Pegasus!”
Raine stalled her thrusters and came to a halt, resting her palms over her knees for a second to catch her breath. She was pissed, but proud, “…I-I guess I can’t have both the air ‘and’ the ground. Good game… pipsqueak.”
Dash threw up a laugh, “You and your pegassistance airplane! That didn’t count!”
“Oh yeah? Get over here you!” Raine grabbed the little Pegasus and grinded knuckle sandwich into her noggin as they both shared a laugh. The crowd loved it and applauded, or at least clopped for both of the competitors. Gilda was amused by the little orange filly practically flying out of her seat. Yup, she almost flew for once.
Featherweight had been put in charge of addressing points to the scoreboard, however he was a tad confused over which one of them had actually won the race. The pony clearly won over the strange bipedal thing so he went with that.
Dash stared up at her twin, “Ready for the next event?”
Raine pounded her chest with a fist, “I was built ready. Time for round two!”
The crowd’s cheers did little to help Rainbow Dash focus over the length of rope between her teeth. The object of the match was to throw the block of hay as far as you could. It was a contest of coordination as much as it was strength, which didn’t leave a lot of room for well, being speedy.
“Come on, Dash! You can do it!” Raine cheered on.
“Let’s go Dash!” Scootaloo chanted which got picked up immediately by the rest of the crowd.
Dash remembered her underwhelming performance at this part of the event last year. At least she had a rope this time, but it was now or never. Dash planted her hooves and began the first whirl, dragging the bushel of hay into the air. Soon enough the block was spinning wildly around the little pony to the point where Dash had almost lost track of where she was supposed to throw it.
She finally released her bite and the cheers dropped. Rainbow Dash had tossed the bale of hay in the complete opposite direction of the sandplot. Needless to say, there were plenty of hooves scratching itches on the back of their heads, “Oh drat…”
“Ouch… that’s going to cost Rainbow Dash.” Spike did his best to hide his laughs away from the microphone.
Raine walked over with a chuckle, “Nice shot there.” She could almost taste the salt off of the pony’s embarrassment, “Hey, it’s only a game. Don’t get all down about it.”
“I-I just hate…”
Raine rolled her eyes, “Losing?” She dropped down to a knee and wobbled the pony’s shoulder with a helping hand, “Everybody loses sometimes. How else are you going to get any better if you don’t lose every now and then? Here, pay attention. ‘This’ is how you throw.”
Her intent wasn’t to show up the little Pegasus, but she was going to end up doing it anyway whether she liked it or not. Raine gripped a line of rope and yanked over a batch of hay. What followed was probably a bit unfair, due to the fact that humans had hands and well, superior opposable thumbs, but we can blame the judges for not thinking very far ahead.
Raine swung that bale like there was no tomorrow, her pivoting footwork gave the bushel plenty of momentum. It almost seemed to reel back the crowd’s enthusiasm and soon enough not a single pony was sitting down. Her hands popped and gave new meaning to the phrase, ‘What the hay?’ as the bundle was sent flying clear into the distance. Applejack herself would’ve found her jaw dangling between her hooves had she been there that day. The audience went nuts. Finally there was someone besides the good old farmpony to take on the champion.
“I think it’s pretty obvious who took this event. That’s one point for Raine!” Spike cried.
Raine cracked her knuckles as Featherweight dawned a point onto her side of the scoreboard,“The point isn’t to spin like crazy, but to turn your body in the direction you want to throw into as you gain momentum, like a-”
“Yeah, yeah, moving on!” Dash wasn’t in the mood for lectures and fluttered over to the next event, along with the crowd’s anticipation.
The following events were much of the same back and forth. Powerful kicking hooves launched Rainbow Dash clear over Raine in the long jump event while Raine’s superior biceps overwhelmed Dash in the arm wrestling bout. Dash may have had some help with her wings over the pole vault match but Raine definitely knew her way around Olympic curling, somehow.
There was also an Olympic chess match but it honestly took too long and Dash kept forgetting which piece did what, “Why are the little guys only able to move one space after they just moved two? Are they just tired? And why does the little pony dude have to move in an ‘L’? Are you trying to imply something here?”
Spike was ultimately forced to run over and call it a tie once a few ponies began to leave. It was kind of sad really.
Eventually, the rivals made it to the signature of the Iron Pony competition, “Alright everypony, this is our final match of the day – The Tug of War! Both opponents have been neck and neck throughout the entire event. Whoever wins this takes the trophy!”
“Come on Rainbow Dash! You got this!” Scootaloo stayed her allegiance, even between two clones.
“I don’t know, I think I’m gonna’ have to go with the human for this one.” Gilda wagered.
“Traitor! Dash is your best friend!” the filly pouted.
“Hey, I’m just saying! Upper arm strength versus a set of teeth, it’s pretty clear cut.”
The tiny Pegasus gave a ‘harrumph’, “Traitor.”
The two rivals stood across from one another over a crevice of mud. A length of rope with a red flag at the very middle was the only thing the two had in common.
Raine grabbed her end of the lock with her hands and prepared herself.
“Hey! No fair!” Dash cried, “She can’t use her hand-things if I’m using my teeth!”
Raine couldn’t believe how much nonsense she was putting up with today, “Well how else am I going to pull? Human teeth aren’t that strong.”
Dash called for the judge, which unfortunately for her was Spike. The little dragon waddled over as the crowd broke out into debate, “What seems to be the matter, guys?”
“How is this supposed to be fair if I’m using my mouth and she’s using her hands?” Dash stomped.
“Well, gee, I don’t know. Erm, can’t you use your mouth Raine?” Spike timidly asked.
“And risk getting some teeth pulled out? I’m not gonna’ look like some backwoods hockey player! Raine crossed her arms.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Dash.” Spike scratched his head, “I guess you can’t really use your hooves.”
“Of course not! I might as well-”
“How about this…” Raine interrupted, “I get to use my hands and I’ll let you use your wings. You won’t even have to be on the ground. How’s that sound?” she was giving herself a clear disadvantage, but by now the girl couldn’t have cared less.
Spike thought it was fair at least. He turned to the Pegasus, “Is that alright with you?”
Rainbow Dash sighed and crossed her hooves, “I guess that’s okay. Fine, let’s get this over with.”
Spike shrugged and picked up the microphone, “Alright, sorry about that, but it looks like we’re underway once again. This is it, folks. The last match to decide the superior species! Who will it be?”
Raine gripped the length of rope in her hands as she stared down the little pony before her. Dash gnarled the opposite end between her teeth and opened her wings like a falcon ready to strike. The sun had begun to plummet and it was high noon on the battlefield. Raine probably wasn’t taking it too seriously but Dash sure was, being her typical self of course.
“And… begin!” the horn sounded off and the red flag on the rope rocked into the air.
The crowd was on their hooves, cheering and clopping for their bets to be met. It was anyone’s game at this point.
Raine buckled and leaned as far back as possible, twisting a lock of rope around her wrist. Outweighing the pony was an obvious advantage and it sure did give Dash a run for her money.
No matter how strong her teeth were Dash couldn’t overcome the pull. Her stiff hooves practically dug canals right into the mudslide and she would’ve already been covered in the mud too had she not finally taken to the skies. Typically we’d call this cheating, plain and simple, and there were even a few voices in the crowd that agreed, but Raine was more concerned with the trial of it all. The challenge made things interesting and even if she did lose somehow, the fun was worth it in the end.
With the Pegasus in the air, Raine was practically playing limbo doing all she could to reel in the pony. She could feel the heel of her sneaker give an inch and she was determined not to move any further.
Dash flapped her wings as hard as she could. She may as well have been performing her Sonic Rainboom with all the wing power she was putting in. Like a game fish caught under a steel leader, no matter how much she tried, she could still feel herself being pulled in. She’d have to break on through her very limit if she had any hopes at all at winning.
The Pegasus turned about, allowing the rope to drape over her shoulder and under her beating wings. She gnarled that lock of rope like there was no tomorrow, which was hardly an expression given the circumstances, and for a second she actually began to surprise everyone.
Raine felt her body being pulled out of its groove. She swore she could see little colorful sparks beating out of Dash’s determination and before she knew it, Raine was standing flat on her feet again. Somehow she had nearly reached the pool’s edge and given another breath or two she was definitely going to get some mud in her eye.
With a big yank by the blue pony, Raine went for a spill. Luckily for her, the mud pool was built to pony specifications and so Raine was able to hold her balance with a split carefully tip toeing the edge of either side.
Pockets in the crowd may have argued that the human had already lost, but then again she had yet to get a spot of mud on her jeans. Either way, this tug of war was still far from over given that it had already reached an entirely different dimension.
Raine was still working the rope to her favor and as much as the grip had burned through her palms, she wasn’t about to give up just yet. She’d been through worse anyway and the majority of the rope dangling behind her was all the motivation she needed. She was determined to get to the other end of that rope one way or another but she’d have Dash to contend with first.
“Just a little bit more, Dash! Almost there!” Scootaloo was probably the loudest pony in the crowd.
“Almost where?” Gilda questioned, “They’ve gone vertical!”
“I don’t know! Whichever way that lets Dash win!”
Gilda shook her head with a goofy smile.
Just when things couldn’t get any more hairy, Dash actually managed to break through a third, or maybe even fourth wall.
Raine could feel her toes leaving the edges of the mud pool. First one foot left, and with her balance completely shifted, the second foot went as well. By some miracle, Raine was dangling precariously under the strength of a small little Pegasus. She couldn’t believe it, and neither could anyone in the crowd.
“This is unbelievable, folks! I’ve never seen Rainbow Dash put out so much power before!” Spike was indeed impressed but was definitely going overboard with the sell.
The match had gone from a tug of war to a one woman rope climb. Luckily for Raine, she had always been the first up the rope in middle school. It was like a careful but awkward trapeze act working off of all the efforts of Rainbow Dash and the growing impatience of Raine.
“Just fall already…!” was probably what Dash uttered through the knot of rope between her teeth.
Raine was practically there. She was less than a foot away from just grabbing hold of the little Pegasus and tossing her flight itinerary out the window, “If I’m falling, I’m taking you with-!” she suddenly noticed that tiny little glimmer in the sky. With a telescope she would’ve seen the sparkling little white ‘H’ but Raine didn’t need a fancy astrology degree to know what that little dot meant. I’m not actually confusing astrology with astronomy by the way, she just would’ve confused the two.
None of this really mattered in the end. It was all fun and games between two sisters who wanted to spend their last day together doing something worthy of American Gladiator. Raine recognized that unshakable determination to win more than anything. She knew it all too well. She had carried the sentiment for years and had learned to live with the bruises of every failure that came with it. A broken heart and even a few broken bones had made her a stronger each time. Not just physically, but as a person.
Learning to admit defeat and have a slice of your humble pie was an acquired taste, but above all else at that very moment, if losing one more time meant it’d put a smile on Rainbow Dash’s face then it was totally worth it.
Raine helplessly fell into the tiny mud hole, the momentum of which sent Dash soaring into a cloud high above. The crowd exploded, most of which were cheering for the Pegasus but there were still plenty that thought the human was just jobbing, which she was technically. Either way it was a pretty impressive show.
Dash spit the rope out of her mouth and adjusted her jaw before arriving to her victory ceremony, “Thankyou! Thankyou! No, really, thankyou! Yeah, I know, I am pretty awesome! Thanks everypony!” The crowd should’ve known better but they were still eating it up. Rainbow Dash was showered with her usual amount of pictures and autograph requests and that big fat golden trophy of hers only brightened that miserable ego of hers.
Spike sprinted over to the mud hole with a towel, “What happened? I thought you had that, Raine.”
Thankfully, the hole was pretty small, shin deep at best, “Oh, you know, she’s just a lot more talented than me is all.” She chuckled through her line of sarcasm with a satisfied smile.
Spike raised a brow, “You did that on purpose didn’t you?”
Raine took the towel as she climbed out of the mud bath. It didn’t do much to clean off her jeans but she didn’t mind the stains too much. It wasn’t like it was the first time she’d gotten herself dirty, “Come on, Spike. Just look at that happy smile.” She crossed her legs and sat down next to the little cartoon dragon, “I’d say that makes for a pretty nice going-away present, don’t you?”
Spike soured as he watched a cheering Gilda carry both Dash and Scootaloo on her shoulders as their fans rooted for the contender. He sighed and glanced over at a distant Raine, who looked like she was watching her daughter graduate Kindergarten, “…What’re you guys going to do when you get back?”
Fiona hunched over a bit at the doorstep of Fluttershy’s cottage holding a small box holding a simmering apple pie she’d just picked up from Sweet Apple Acres.
“That apple pie looked delicious! Oh boy, Fluttershy is going to love it!” Ditzy hoped she’d get a slice too, “I wonder what was bugging Aprile though. She looked kind of sad.”
Fiona had no idea how to fill the little Pegasus in on the tragedy, “Oh, uhm, she just hasn’t been feeling very well lately.” She had underestimated just how low Aprile’s self-esteem could’ve fallen. Aprile was always the big sister of the group. She was always there to grab something off of a tall shelf or apply a bandage to a scraped knee, always willing to help. Seeing Aprile so silent and lost in thought was chilling to say the least.
“You alright Fiona?” with Fiona’s constant day dreaming, Ditzy had finally begun to wonder if something was actually bothering the girl.
“Oh, uhm, sorry about that.” She shook her head and finally knocked on the door.
The door opened and out came an overwhelming torrent of adorable bunnies, rabbits, kittens, puppies, and all manner of cutesy wootsy pets. The tide took the poor girl off of her feet and even dragged an enthusiastic Ditzy along for the ride.
Eventually the delightful deluge stopped after maybe twenty feet. A pale head popped out of a bushel of curious meowing kittens, most of which had already tangled themselves in her pink hair. Fiona couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so full of squealing joy and she immediately began cuddling each and every little pet she had nearly drowned in. It was like having a Christmas morning in a ball pit at a Discovery Zone except the balls were replaced with, well, cute little animals.
For argument’s sake, none of the animals were harmed of course.
Ditzy fluttered over the silly girl with a laugh and was soon joined by a shy giggle by Fluttershy who had finally poked her head out of a nearby tree, “You planned that didn’t you Fluttershy?”
“Well, maybe a little bit.” The yellow pony whispered.
It was the happiest they’d ever seen Fiona. She was practically making snow angels in the furry bliss. Again, these were cartoon animals so they weren’t harmed at all, “I-I don’t know what to say, t-this is wonderful… Thank you!”
“I couldn’t think of anything else, and so I gathered all of my little friends to give you an adorable… tackle!” Fluttershy giggled, “I ran into Rainbow Dash earlier, and so I figured I’d do something big for you, well, uh, since you were… leaving and all.”
“What!?” Ditzy cried. She darted over to Fiona, “Since when are you leaving? Where are you going!?”
Fiona hadn’t yet thought of a very good way to break the news to either of them, and yet both of them were at least a chapter ahead of her in the script, “I-I’m sorry Ditzy, but it’s true. I gave you those muffins earlier because I wanted to do something nice for you before I left… I’m going back home soon.”
“H-How soon?”
Fiona could hardly face the gray little pony, “T-Tomorrow…”
“B-But…! That’s too soon! Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Fiona!?” Ditzy’s heart was ready to crack.
“I-I’m sorry, Ditzy! It was honestly kind of sudden… I really didn’t have much say in it.”
For once in Ditzy’s pathetic misery filled life of ignorance, failure and cinnamon swirled bliss, she had made a good friend. Perhaps they weren’t exactly of the pony ilk, but at least this person gave a damn about her. Fiona was kind hearted and generous, and most of all, she took the little gray Pegasus seriously. She’d only known her for a week at the very best, and now she was going to lose one of the only rays of hope she’d ever known.
She couldn’t help herself and before a tear could hit the dirt road Ditzy flew away.
“Ditzy! Wait!” Fiona lifted herself out of the pile of bunny fuzz, but before she could carefully find a flat surface to plant her feet on the Pegasus had fled the scene. No matter how far she reached her hand, she’d never catch that pony now.
Fluttershy hovered over, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know that, well…”
“It’s okay. It isn’t your fault, Fluttershy.” Fiona sighed, “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you either. I have to leave so soon and I really wanted to spend some time with the two of you.” She picked a battered box of apple pie out of the clutches of a half dozen rabbits and puppies, “I brought this for you. I wanted to say thank you for taking good care of me while I was in Ponyville.” She opened the box. The pie had a couple of lumps in it from the tidal wave but it was definitely still edible.
“Oh my! Why thank you, Fiona. This was very kind of you.”
“I wanted to share it with you, maybe on a picnic or something...” Fiona’s words began to shake, “I-I really don’t want to leave, but…”
Fluttershy planted her hooves over Fiona’s shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes, “I know you don’t want to go back, Fiona, and believe me, I’d love for you to stay, but your babies could be seriously hurt! Discord’s done something terrible to your world and they need you! You can’t give up and stay here, you have to stand up for your home!” It was times like these that Fluttershy’s ‘assertiveness’ did more good than she ever really knew, and believe me, it had nothing to do with Fluttershy just wanting this crazy chick out of her hair. She genuinely cared about the girl.
The images of all of Fiona’s little darlings ran through her mind. She didn’t really know if they were alive or dead, but she knew she had to do something, “You’re right, Fluttershy…! You’re absolutely right. I love Equestria, but I love my home and all of my little babies too. I can’t stay here wondering what Discord’s done with… them.” Her inspiration buckled.
“It’s okay, Fiona. We’ll just take one step at a time. You still have some time left.”
“I-I know… I’ll be leaving tomorrow, but I’m not going anywhere until I find Ditzy…” her eyes began to water, “And give her a big hug…!”
Piper and Pinkie Pie were tossed out on their bums having been the worst waitresses the establishment had interviewed, let alone even noticed in the first place. The manager hadn’t forgotten to bat Pinkie Pie over the head with a balled up bill totaling the restaurant’s losses from the viewing.
It was a pretty nasty scene, one that Twilight almost felt guilty over, “What were you two thinking? Do you even know how many zeroes are on this bill?”
“Why would they bill us zero dollars? Like, what would be the point of that?” It would appear that having fed on mostly sugar during her journey to Equestria, Piper’s mind had begun to deteriorate.
Twilight had wondered if such a diet could explain the connection to Pinkie Pie’s eccentric goofiness, but Twyla reminded the unicorn that her friend had always been that dim, whether it had been intentional or not.
Twyla lifted her stupid friend off of the ground and brushed the fiddle out of her bouncy pink hair as if she were some autistic child that had fallen into a ditch, “I’ll never understand how you get yourself into such trouble, Piper.”
“You know me! I’m just trouble with a capital ‘Smile’!” Piper giggled as Pinkie Pie latched onto the idiot’s head with an even more obnoxious laugh.
Twilight joined in the awkward gas, looking for the nearest exit, “Well, uh, we should probably get going. Twyla and I have plans tonight and it’s already starting to get late.”
“Okie-dokie! We’ll see you two around then!” Pinkie leapt off of Piper’s head like a diving board, however that was supposed to work, I don’t know, “So, where do you want to get thrown out of next, Piper?”
Piper had half a dozen suggestions but Twyla and Twilight didn’t stick around long enough to hear the list.
“Well, that went well.” Twilight groaned.
“It was kind of funny though, and we did get a partial meal out of it, for free might I add.” Twyla was being unusually optimistic, “Hey, here’s an idea! How about we turn our stargazing night out into a picnic also.”
Twilight gasped, “That’s perfect! Come on, let’s go grab my telescope! We can prepare some snacks and sandwiches. It’ll be great!”
“I just can’t believe I’ve been thrown out of my own boutique! Well… at least Regina had good intentions. I’m sure whatever design she’s working on is simply fabulous!” the sky had begun to rust and so Rarity eagerly returned to her salon, “She’s had plenty of time. Oh dear, I hope she hasn’t turned my mess into a nightmare…” Her impatience outweighed her caution, and so eventually Rarity worked up the nerve to open the door.
She gasped, “My word…!” The lobby of the Carousel Boutique was absolutely impeccable. Garments and fabrics hung in neat but posh symmetry. There was even a scent of hotel soap in the air, and not that cheap stuff either, the kind from those fabulous high quality hotels that actually had towels and soap worth stealing before you checked out.
Rarity gazed around her salon. It had been quite some time since she’d left it so clean. Probably since the day she opened it up. Her hooves were shaky, as if worried that she’d dirty the tile with her marginally lesser percentage of cleanliness.
Eventually, she made it into her work room. If she hadn’t been convinced before that her twin sister had come such a long way to visit her, she’d been made a believer by now.
Rarity had always walked a fine line between organization and chaos within her shop. A mess of strings and stuffs which may have appeared to be ‘extras’ to some were actually the early machinations of a masterpiece soon to blossom.
Somehow, in some way, Regina had organized each pile in accordance to its potential. The human was able pick apart each and every idea the unicorn had been currently tinkering with just by analyzing a simple pile of rubbish. Rarity searched throughout the seemingly spotless room for a missing item, but everything went exactly where it needed to go. Not a single project had been muddled and yet the shop was as logically structured as it had ever been.
It was as if Regina had done the little pony’s taxes, balanced her books, and done inventory all on a whim. No, wait, that’s not even a good enough metaphor. It was more along the lines of going into a trash dump site and alphabetically organizing every piece of garbage, and then organizing them again by color, and then by size, and doing so out of boredom at very best. Regardless of the comparison, Rarity was impressed, and then her eye finally caught the cherry at the top of the strawberry shortcake.
The dress almost brought the faceless mannequin it had been draped over to life. Woven through what must’ve been the misty dew of night itself were curls of bright indigo caressed in much deeper traces of lavender and purple. The shimmering violet streaks bathed in a sea of the blackest emeralds. The background finish was a true evergreen but the texture was so dark and vivid that it hued into an almost pure blackness behind the tresses of warm magenta and indigo that were lined in thin stiches of plum and thistle.
The combinations of colors were a batch of eye candy if she’d ever tasted it. The gown was practical but elegant, simple but a sight for sore eyes. Something you could wear around the town to dinner or to the theatre. The ensemble even came with a matching wide brimmed bonnet adorned with a rose made of curled trimmings on one end.
Rarity could only have ever dreamed of designing such a piece in her next lifetime, fortunately of which that beautiful soul had arrived seemingly to grant her that very bite of inspiration. To say she was at a loss for words would’ve been the understatement of the century.
Regina appeared just behind the unicorn, “I feel like it came out a tad darker than I wanted-”
“Silence!” Rarity cried, “Don’t you dare ridicule this… this masterpiece…! It’s absolutely beautiful! You did such an amazing job with it and in such a short amount of time as well! I-I just don’t know what to say…!”
“You don’t have to say anything, dear.” Regina countered with a smile, “Now then, how about some real fun?” unbeknownst to the little pony, Regina had also prepared an entire stock of oils, muds, creams, and chopped cucumbers.
Rarity’s suspicions of what the lady was up to were quickly quashed under such a tempting, and mind you absolutely gratis spa treatment. There was probably plenty of time to say farewell, but there was never enough time to exfoliate your pores.
Sweet Apple Acres was unusually tranquil, especially inside the family kitchen.
“Come on, Aprile. You’ve hardly touched your sweet apple cobbler!” Applejack rubbed the girl’s shoulder. She may have had half a spoonful, whereas beforehand she would’ve been finishing up fourths by now.
Aprile danced with the silver spoon over the cold plate, “I’m sorry, Applejack. I just don’t have the appetite…” She felt so stupid. This wasn’t at all what had she ran all the way back to the farm for. She wanted to thank the Apple family and spend some quality time with them before she left, yet she hadn’t even worked up the nerve yet to tell them that she’d be leaving forever the next day.
“That does it!” Applejack tossed the plate of crumble against the wall, “You’ve been apologizin’ all day and I’m plum sick of it!” the farm pony actually jumped onto the family table which was usually forbidden, and got right up inside Aprile’s face, “I’m sick of your mopin’ and you not tellin’ me nothin’! I know you’re going through a lot right now but I ain’t dumb, I can tell that somethin’ else is botherin’ you. Now what is it?”
Aprile bit her lip and went right out with it, “I’m leaving tomorrow…!”
It was the last thing AJ had expected to hear, “Leaving? Oh, come on now, Aprile. You know you don’t have to move anywhere. I already told ya’ that you can stay with us for as long as you’d-”
“No, Applejack! I’m leaving… we’re all leaving, tomorrow.” Aprile hid her face underneath her cowpoke hat, “I-I was running back because… I wanted to spend some time with ya’ll before I left. I wanted to show my thanks, but I just don’t have the drive… I-It’s like I’m lost or something, like I don’t care about nothin’ no more.” Aprile stared down at her trembling palm. She was tough as nails and carpal tunnel had nothing on her, but her nerves were completely shot.
The only thing that duster of hers seemed fit for these days were hiding those soggy eyes of hers. Aprile stood up and excused herself from the table. She was just too ashamed to show her face, “I-I miss them so much, Applejack, and I don’t want to go yet, I don’t want to lose ya’ll either, you’re all I got left…”
Applejack didn’t know what was worse, losing her big sister who had herself already lost everything, or the idea that she could get herself hurt in the process, “B-But how? You guys can’t go back! You’re gonna’ get yourselves killed, Aprile!” she leapt off the table to chase after the retreating apple farmer, “Please, just stay here. You don’t off fightin’ our battles!”
“I’m sorry, AJ, but I… I just don’t know of anythin’ else right now.” She turned to the pony, “I love you to death, Applejack. I love you and your whole family. So much so that it hurts to even look at ya’ll, you remind me some much of Big Mike, little Abbie, and ol’ Grandma. I-I almost can’t stand it, and that’s why I have to go back. I have to stop Discord, for my family as much as for yours. I don’t know what I’m going to do or what’s going to happen. I don’t even really care what happens to me, ‘cause I can’t go on livin’ like this anymore, I just can’t, Applejack. I-It just hurts too much…”
There was no way Applejack could argue with any of that. She reached deep down for a counterargument, but knew she’d feel the exact same way in Aprile’s boots. There was no way she could bring herself to talk the cowgirl out of it, she just didn’t want to lose her, “Here…! Take this!” it was the first thing AJ could think of. If Aprile really was going to leave forever, then she wanted to send Aprile back with the world and the closest thing she could offer was her own western duster. Applejack was willing to give up the one lucky charm she’d worn on her noggin for years, but in her desperation she’d completely forgotten that Aprile had already had a hat of her own.
The charming gesture was just enough to draw a smirk out of Aprile, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, the little lady chuckled, “Thanks, Applejack…”
The pony realized just how silly her gift had been, “Guess ya’ already got one of those.”
Eventually, the two worked up a laugh. It was stupid, but it was just the sort of gem they needed to lift their spirits.
Aprile wiped a tear from her eye. For once, she wasn’t afraid to show her face in public and it did feel kind of nice. She knelt down to meet the little pony at eye level, “Well, if you really want to, then here.” Aprile couldn’t really remember where she’d picked up her farm hat, but it felt right to put it on the pony’s noodle. She then took Applejack’s awkward little token and popped it onto her own head. The fit was different but she’d wear it in eventually.
Applejack might never be able to wear the hat as casually as she preferred to, at least not before a couple of damp trips through the washer. Either way the smile on her face showed just how much the fit really mattered, “Thanks, big sis’.”
Aprile leaned in and gave her a tight hug, “I should be the one thankin’ you, AJ. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for you.”
Applejack held her sister close. Seeing Aprile smile again was gift enough, but she’d be damned if a hat was all she was going to send Aprile off with, “Alright, alright, enough with this mushy stuff. Come on, sugarcube. I got a jar of Zap-Apple Jam I’ve been savin’ for just the right occasion!”
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 11: Tonight, the Stars Revolt
Bonbon hadn’t taken a single sip of her strawberry milkshake. She was visibly troubled and not even a meal at the local café seemed to change anything.
“You’ve barely even touched your shake, Bonbon. Have some, it’ll make you feel better.”
The once candy obsessed pony sighed, “I’m sorry, Lyra. I’m just not feeling very ‘cheerful’ with all of the crazy stuff that’s been going on lately.” For some reason, an odd fellow impersonating Discord of all characters had been running around Ponyville causing all sorts of havoc and Bonbon didn’t understand a single thing of it. She had those six heroines to thank for somehow saving the town, yet again, but she just didn’t have it in her to smile about it, let alone be grateful.
Her mopey friend had been tugging on Lyra’s heartstrings for the majority of the week and she just couldn’t seem to crack through that cold shell, “Hey! I know! Why don’t we go bowling?”
“Bowling…? Really?”
“Yeah! It’ll be fun! I mean, when was the last time that we’ve gone bowling?” Lyra giggled.
“I don’t think you’ve even once held a bowling ball in your entire life, Lyra.” Bonbon rolled her eyes, “Besides, how can you possibly think of having fun with all of this chaos unfolding? Just take a look at this for pete’s sake!” she plucked a roll of newspaper from a trash bin, “Vanishing pyramids, a second Statue of Liberty in Manehattan, disappearing crops and that large metal ship that crash landed just outside of Los Pegasus!” Bonbon was of course talking about the massive aircraft carrier, the USS Eisenhower, which according to the paper looked as if it had just been through a warzone, “T-This must be it! We’re really in the end times and there’s nothing Twilight and her friends can do about it…!”
The other residents of the café, most of which had gone out just to take their minds off of things had only been reminded of the massive elephant in the room over Bonbon’s panic attack. Though not a single one of them could blame her, all they really had going for them was a fake smile, willful ignorance, and a desperation to do something fun before their time ultimately came.
Lyra sighed and left her bills’ due at the table before escorting her trembling friend out of the establishment. She feared she’d only made things worse, and much worse for those around her who were still trying to pretend as if they still had control of their lives.
There didn’t seem to be anything that Lyra could do to put a smile on anyone’s face that evening, not even Bonbon’s. Perhaps her dear friend might feel better after a good night’s sleep, which they were both going to need for whatever tomorrow was about to bring their way.
The distant mountains had snatched Princess Celestia’s sun right out of the burning sky, and the orange flames had finally begun to cool. How the sun itself hadn’t disappeared yet was anyone’s guess.
Raine strolled through a basking field at the edge of town accompanied by a little blue Pegasus who was doing her best to haul along a rather large golden trophy covered in a ribbons, “Heck of a victory ceremony. I would’ve thought with characters like that ‘Pinkie Pie’ around that Ponyville would’ve gotten its fill of parties by now.” Raine joshed.
“Gah…!” the crown had pretty much grounded Dash for the time being, “Well…! We ponyfolk… don’t exactly need much of an… excuse to party…!” the trophy was just large enough to carry her ego, and so she eventually grew tired of lugging the thing around and finally abandoned it against a tree, “Phew!”
Raine plopped herself right by the oak’s roots. It was the tallest tree in the area, not to mention one of the only trees for quite a while. Not having had much of a place to stay while in Equestria, and given that Rainbow Dash lived on a cloud of all things, Raine had actually gotten used to calling the tree home. They would’ve called her a hobo back where she came from, but the pixels around the cartoon tree made it just welcoming enough to sleep under, “What a day…! Boy, are my arms tired.” She chuckled.
Dash shot a sneaky grin at the human, “You know, I definitely won that competition, hooves down, but I can’t help think that you went just a teeny tiny bit easy on me.”
“Noticed that, did you?” Raine rested the back of her head into her palms and laid back against the tree, “Well you didn’t exactly give me much of a choice, really. You were just too strong for me.”
Dash flew up into the tree and nested onto a branch just above the prize fighter, “Seriously though! You practically had me! What made you throw in the towel?”
Raine chuckled under her breath. To be honest, she had planned to job to Rainbow Dash from the very start. Although her competitive nature may have become somewhat counterproductive, she had always stuck to the script, “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to give you a big-ass trophy before I left.” She gazed up at the little Pegasus watching from up above, “You’re a good kid, Rainbow Dash. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, and missed plenty of opportunities to actually make something of myself. I would’ve gladly stayed here and accepted all of it if it wasn’t for friends like you.”
Dash wasn’t one for emotions. The namby-pamby talk was just enough to shake the bird out of her nest, “You goin’ soft on me already, kid?” She fluttered down and sat beside the girl with a smirk.
“Eh, maybe just a little bit.” Raine choked and out came a laugh.
Dash couldn’t help but join in and eventually leaned her head against Raine’s shoulder as they watched the sky hue from red to purple, “I gotta’ admit, Raine. It’s going to be pretty boring around here without you.”
Raine sighed and her perky smile began to stumble, “Yeah, I’m going to miss you too, Pipsqueak.”
You might’ve thought that Fiona had the nerve of a combat android, or at least some badass Hispanic chick with a red headband and a giant Gatling gun, seeing as she’d entered the Everfree forest yet again even after an already near death experience. She was fortunate this time however, she had Fluttershy to drag along for the ride.
“…A-Are you sure D-Ditzy would’ve come through here…?” The Pegasus was visibly terrified, or would’ve been had there been any less light in the dark jungle.
Fiona’s grip grew weaker and weaker with every step. The makeshift torch she’d lit before their trek into the treacherous forest had come to be their only hope of making it out alive in one piece. Even she had begun to doubt that Ditzy had even flown into such an awful place to begin with, but her heart kept those legs moving. To think that not even a week ago now she’d nearly been eaten alive in that very same jungle, “D-Ditzy…! Where are you…!?” her rickety whispers just barely got the call out.
They had made their way fairly deep into the forest by now. Fluttershy could no longer measure their bearings. Other than the fickle searchlight Fiona was holding, which only really lit up the few feet ahead of them, it was far too dark to really tell how long the endless stream of derelict trees went, let alone what may have been watching them from behind those trees.
“A-Are you sure this is the way you took before?” Fluttershy quivered.
“I was just about to ask you the same-” Fiona stopped in her tracks at the sound of a snapping branch perhaps thirty paces behind them. She was about to learn the meaning of post-traumatic stress.
“I-It’s okay, Fiona. I-It was probably just a small animal. Just keep moving.”
Fiona could hardly control her breathing. On one hand she didn’t want to make a sound lest she’d alert some horrible monster or a velociraptor or two, and on the other her own wheezing and huffing were just about to send her over the edge, and then another branch cracked.
Fluttershy had glued herself to the girl’s back by now, perhaps to stand close and guard her otherworldly guest given her history with this place, but more so out of fear. She turned her glance, maybe she’d be able to get a good look at the clumsy furball and ease her tension, but all she could see was the black of night. For a second she felt Fiona leaving her hooves, “W-Wait…!” caught up in her own terror, the poor girl found herself scurrying through the woods doing her best to escape the sounds of the crunching branches behind them.
By now she was creating far more of a fracas than any twig could’ve managed as if she was some dumb blonde about to get conveniently axed, which was her original hair color anyway so it only seemed fitting.
“Fiona! Please, wait!” not even the pony’s loudest whisper could calm the human’s fright and eventually Fiona found herself smacking her face into the brim of a wide tree. She fell backwards onto her rump with an, “Umpf!” effectively tossing the torch into the dirt and with a splatter of sparks their only guide faded.
Fluttershy had been fortunate enough to have spotted the girl before the lights went out and immediately rushed to her side, to which Fiona nearly knocked the poor little thing’s lights out. Thankfully Fiona had the combat focus of a paperclip, “It’s me, it’s me…!”
You could’ve heard Fiona’s crackling teeth for quite some distance, and something certainly did.
“I-It’s okay, Fiona. Don’t worry, I’m here with you. We’re going to be alright. J-Just stay calm and we’ll find Ditzy together and get through this-” her pitiful attempts at encouragement ended in a squeak as the canopy shook not far from where they sat. Immediately, the two backed themselves into the tree’s welcoming bark, holding onto one another for dear life.
The bitter moonlight above provided just enough light to recognize each other’s facial expressions and perhaps the slightest silhouette of a few trees in their direct periphery.
The highest branches of another tree flailed wildly, this one much closer now, and finally, Fiona managed the sense to realize just how foolish she’d been to have ever returned to such a miserable place.
“Oh, I do wish you would’ve told me about this sooner, Regina. I would’ve invited over Fluttershy. This batch of yours is simply to die for!” Rarity applied a set of cucumber slices over her eyes which caked neatly over a mask of lavish green goo.
“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever been able to convince Fiona to come along for a spa treatment. Even when I had some time to myself, the girl was always wound up at that animal shelter of hers.” Regina had coated her cheeks and forehead in a smear of glistening cream, “Not that she’d need it anyway. She’s always had such great skin, though I’m not sure she even realizes it half the time.” She giggled. If only Regina knew just how much of that gorgeous pale skin of Fiona’s was probably dangling off of her face by now.
“Oh, would you be a dear and help me along to the mud bath, Regina.” tangled in vines like a lettuce wrap and just as blind, she’d most certainly need some help going for her dip.
Regina had somehow managed to acquire enough Moor detox mud to fill Rarity’s bathtub with, “Of course, darling.” She felt like she was lifting the world’s biggest sushi roll and with a silent giggle she gently submerged the unicorn into the warm vat.
Rarity gave a skin tingling sigh of relief as the mud coated her like a comforter straight out of the dryer, “It’s been forever since I’ve gone for a dip.” It had only been a week at the very least.
Regina sat down on a tiny stool and began working a fine moisturizer through her swirled dark hair. She thanked her lucky stars these charming horses actually knew a thing or two about the finer things in life. It had seemed like an eternity since she’d tended to her curls.
“So… when is it?”
Regina froze, and after a long pause she finally gave in, “It’s that obvious isn’t it…?”
Rarity yawned, “I may be generous, but not without reason. You’ve gone far beyond yourself to show your gratitude. I mean, I usually have to travel across town to the spa just to get a decent mud bath or hooficure, but this is simply amazing!” she digressed and laid back into the tub starring through her cucumber kaleidoscope , “In any case, yes, you were quite the easy read, dear. Now tell me, when is it?”
“Tomorrow…” Regina turned away, “Twyla found a way back. W-We’re going back home and if Twyla’s theory is correct, we’ll all be able to put a stop to Discord.”
The concept nearly shook Rarity’s cucumber glasses off of her face, “B-But wait, how?”
“I-I’m not exactly sure how, but, well, Twyla seemed confident of her plan. If it all works out, Discord should be returned here, the rest of us sent back home, and our worlds returned to the way they were before…”
Rarity tore a few vines in her attempt to make it to the edge of the tub, “…But, what if it doesn’t work?”
Regina was silent, she honestly hadn’t the slightest concept of quantum mechanics, but she knew that one thing was for sure. Regardless of how she felt about Rarity and the rest of Ponyville, she needed to return home and deal with the menace tormenting her planet, not to mention restore order to both of their realms. She might not have much left waiting for her but a few pieces of scrap to clean up, but Regina knew it was for the best.
Rarity found herself stepping all over the words she’d uttered that very same morning, “A-Are you sure Twyla knows what she’s doing? I-I know I said that a pony’s home was important and all, but I don’t want you wandering into some war zone!”
Regina sighed and she turned to the little pony, “This is much bigger than just my friends and I, darling, somehow I believe that us just being here and Discord as well are the key to all this. So it isn’t simply about us returning home any longer. You’ve seen the strange events happening all over Ponyville. They’ve only begun to get worse, and that’s exactly what Twyla mentioned if we stay here any longer… I might not have much to go back home to, but I’m not about to drag your home down with my own, Rarity.”
Rarity threw her eye patch into the vat. As much as she wanted to, there was simply no defeating that logic, “Well, what if we came with you? Let’s say Twyla’s plan doesn’t work. You’re going to need our help!”
“I don’t think that’s going to work unfortunately... Twyla said she was going to need the six of you ponies to remain here in Ponyville so that when Discord was finally expelled back into your world, you’d be ready with those Elements of Harmony. Besides…”
“Besides… what?”
Regina struggled with the words, “The sudden departure… i-is mainly Discord’s doing. He’s set a countdown for us to return back to our world with a gate open for us, and in the meantime, he’s left Ponyville in danger.”
“Danger?” the unicorn raised a brow.
“B-But it’s okay, Twyla’s thought of that too. The six of us returning home should take care of all of that by tomorrow.” The confidence in her words wasn’t very persuading.
It was a lot to take in, and the guarantee was mediocre at best. Rarity placed a hoof over the girl’s arm, “A-Are you sure everything’s going to be okay…?”
Regina was the last person who could answer that, “I really don’t know, Rarity. I don’t have much left to place my faith into these days besides my friends. All I know is that we’re going home, together.”
Elsewhere, there were plenty of happy little distractions to keep the hearts of every citizen of Ponyville satisfied. Most in fact had no idea there was an enormous space station less than a day away from flattening Ponyville in an oily splash of hellfire, but again that was tomorrow’s business.
Twilight Sparkle had all the magic in the world to carry their supplies but Twyla had refused to stroll along without providing some help of her own. Strapped against her back was the most charming little telescope she’d ever seen and in her hand hung a hefty picnic basket packed with all manner of fruits, vegetables and delicious treats.
Twilight took care of a comfy roll of blanket and a set of pillows which followed her down the dimly lit streets of Ponyville, “Just what in Equestria is all that racket?”
“Gee, I wonder what that’s all about.” Twyla’s sarcasm was still wide awake, as was the rest of the town apparently.
The eggheads turned around to the sight of wild bright lights and the snapping tunes of swing with a dash of electronica and a hint of gypsy jazz.
Though of course no pony had any real fingers, at least none that Pinkie Pie had ever met, Piper led the growing crowd of dancing and singing ponies doing exactly that on every beat, “Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, that she’s expecting more swinging dreams~!”
A crew of ponies sprung out just in time to catch Piper’s chorus, “Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, and she knows melody that we still keep playing~!”
The duet between a Spanish barrow guitar and a Gyspy’s tambourine was impossible to ignore, in fact, the beat was downright infectious, “Suzy~!” the more the Caravan paraded onwards, the larger the Palace grew, “Swings~!” the southern violin and bass only served to ground out any utterance of doubt or worry into the gutter.
Octavia had just this once dipped her hooves into the French bayou, unable to resist the temptation of course. A bit of rust had blemished her cello but the jive was just too catchy to pass up.
Pinkie Pie took up a mic and grinded out from the pit of her stomach some of the murkiest Scat-jazz lyrics Ponyville had ever heard, but I’d be lying if they weren’t jamming even harder as a result of it, “Bop~boppodo~bass~boppoitity~de~bopboppity~do~bopboppity~days~!”
“Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, that she’s expecting more swinging dreams~!” Piper dazzled the microphone and some pony managed to light off a batch of fireworks into the night’s sky overhead just in time for the next rail, “Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, and she knows melody that we still keep playing~!” a scratchy record player and a rusty guitar guided the entire affair down the boulevard.
“You have got to be kidding me…” Twilight thought she knew Pinkie’s tenacity by now, but apparently not. Double that endless pit of energy and this was apparently what you got.
A necklace of thick white pearls waved along with Piper’s hips which were dressed in a makeshift gown tied out of a table cloth and a blanket. She tossed her hands through the air as her footsteps lit up the night, “Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, that she’s expecting more swinging dreams~!”
Pinkie Pie joined her in the chorus as did half the ponies burning through the dance floor, “Suzy’s flashing on the dance floor and sings, and she knows melody that we still keep playing~!”
Not even Twyla was safe from banging her hips and snapping her fingers. She notched Twilight with the side of her ankle, “Come on! This is awesome!” the girl had horrible dance steps, given there was no Dance Dance Revolution pad around, but you had to at least give her enthusiasm some credit.
Twilight had forgotten to pack her book on Gypsy Electroswing, let alone having the stiffest hooves imaginable, but that didn’t stop Twyla from dragging the poor awkward unicorn along for the jig.
“Suzy~! Suzy~! Suzy~!” the parade had grown to more than a few dozen ponies. You might think the town would’ve passed on a party given they’d already had an enormous shindig the night before, but there was a reason that Pinkie Pie was held as the princess of parties. Besides, what excuse would you have had to not party with Pinkie anyway?
Twilight managed to get into the groove one way or another and finally discovered that no one really cared just how bad your dancing was as long as you were in a jumping crowd.
Twyla on the other hand just pretended that she was still on a pad inside an old arcade and went to town with the doubles and the half-steps. The others were pretty impressed by her fancy footwork. Twyla burned up a rather embarrassingly lackluster example of her world’s dance moves, but as far as any pony there knew, she was still impressive.
Evenually, the two bookworms were dropped off at a wide grassy noel at the edge of town and the band went on its way, though it did take some time before the scene became tranquil once again.
Twilight wiped the sweat from her brow, “That was a blast! I think that little shindig was even better than last night’s.” she chuckled to herself.
Twyla had nearly caught a case of the jitters over the beat. She had to manually stop her fingers from snapping even after the music had long dispersed, “Heck of a sending off party.”
Twilight didn’t want to see it that way, but given the circumstances she couldn’t have nailed any better. The little unicorn couldn’t help but muster another chuckle and soon Twyla did the same, “Come on, you big goofball. Let’s set up for the night.”
Twyla nodded with a smile and unfurled their blanket.
Twilight effortlessly floated over the picnic basket, opened it, and set up a couple of plates along with a couple of pillows all in one spell.
Meanwhile the teacher had already begun setting up the telescope. The humble little International Space Station was fairly easy to find in the night’s sky. Given Ponyville wasn’t exactly very well lit, they had quite the gorgeous view of the Milky way, “It’s been years since I’ve gotten this good of a view of the night’s sky. You can even see the rim of the solar system.”
“Well of course you can, silly. It’s the middle of the night.” Twilight giggled, “Is the night different in your world?”
Twyla rolled her eyes, “No, no, it’s just that there really isn’t a lot of room in the city for sights like this.”
“What do you mean?”
Twyla sat down beside the telescope, “Well, there’s a reason that they call New York City the ‘city that never sleeps’. You can barely see any stars in the night’s sky with so many lights on.” She sighed. It was yet another reason that she knew she’d ultimately regret leaving.
Twilight could see that same old lonely look in the girl’s eyes and she wasn’t about to let her best friend fall down into that pitiful well she’d been dangling over all day, “Well, come on, Twyla. It’s a beautiful night out.” She began adjusting the focus of the lens, “Where do you want to start from? Oh, uhm…” she took her eye off the lens cap, realizing where Twyla had set the focus towards, “I-Isn’t that the…?”
Twyla nodded, “Yup.” Her tradition always dictated that she start with the guiding hand of the ISS, though by this point the space station was anything but that. Its range was of no concern however, it only served as a reminder of how important tomorrow was going to be. “But don’t worry about all that tonight, Twilight. Let’s just enjoy the view why don’t we?” she didn’t need any equipment to point out that little glowing ‘H’ in the skies, “Crazy isn’t it? To think there’s actually a whole crew of people living up there.”
Twilight just didn’t feel comfortable speaking so lightly on such circumstances, to think that by tomorrow that those very same astronauts could be killed along with the entire town if their plan hadn’t gone exactly by the mark.
Though one could assume that Twyla had just gotten over her caution, or perhaps she was just sick of feeling depressed on her last night she’d ever spend with her very own clone, “Don’t give me that look, Twilight. Come on, haven’t you ever dreamed of exploring space?”
“I-I guess, though I don’t think us little ponies would last very long in the vacuum of space.” She forced a chuckle, and then pressed through the rest of the conversation, “Uhm, so I assume they use suits with tanks of oxygen?”
“Well, they don’t really need them in the space station, only when they leave it to do maintenance on the outer hull.”
Twilight sat and watched her friend go on and on about the cold world beyond the Earth’s atmosphere and just how much humans had discovered about the nature of the space. The everyday citizens of Ponyville, although quite helpful and friendly, were far too preoccupied to worry about their hoofprint within the universe. Winter wrap-ups and apple seasons were far more of a concern than just how small they really were. Fathoming such a scale was almost impossible with what ponies knew considering most still thought the sun and moon both rotated around the Earth and all, which was a subject that Twyla was very careful to avoid given the cultural fabric.
In any case, Twilight could sit and listen for hours. There wasn’t a single person she knew that had such a passion for knowledge and watching Twyla obsessively explain the entire universe was one of the most heartwarming things Twilight Sparkle had ever seen. She bit her lip in a measly attempt to hide a water droplet hanging over an eyelash. Luckily the night’s sky served as a brilliant distraction.
“Did you know that the observable edge of the universe is approximately forty-seven billion light years away from us? Think about that, Twilight. You’d have to be constantly traveling at the speed of light for forty-seven billion years just to reach the end of the universe. Crazy isn’t it?” Twyla gazed up at the planetarium above her, “You know, you ponies are pretty far ahead of yourselves. I bet that you’d be able to reach the stars within a lifetime.” She chuckled, “Just think about it. Twilight Sparkle - Astronaut, space explorer. The first pony in space!”
Although washed over in emotion, the idea was still fairly amusing. The fun fact was pretty interesting too and she made a mental note to jot down the detail into her schedule to write up a report during that next week. Regardless, she thought she had gotten over having to say goodbye, but she was still miles away from it. Thankfully it was still dark out and she didn’t exactly need to feel embarrassed.
That is, until Twyla wiped away those soggy eyes of hers, “Hey now, there’s no need to hide under all those tears. You’re going to miss out on the view.” She reached into the picnic basket and pulled out an apple for the little unicorn, “Here you go, eat up.”
Twilight had seen the trillions of little dots overhead bathing in the mist of the universe thousands of times, she’d even studied and archived every constellation she could find, but there was no way she was going to miss her one thousandth and one stargaze. She took a bite out of the crisp apple, “Thanks, and I-I’m sorry, I’m just a bit overwhelmed is all.”
Twyla hushed the unicorn, “Nope, none of that tonight.” She pointed up into the heavens, “I want you to show me all the constellations that you’ve recorded.”
“Oh, uhm, well okay.” Nothing could break the smile off of that unicorn’s face. She felt like she was being invited up on stage to help test an important experiment. She took a peek into the lens and tweaked a nob, “Well, uh, that’s definitely the space station. Wow, it’s so much clearer now. How did you humans even get it up there in the first place?”
“Little by little, of course. It took a while but it paid off in the end.” Twyla crossed her arms with a smug grin, “Alright, now that isn’t exactly a constellation, now is it? What’s next?”
The demand caught Twilight a bit off guard. Like a nervous schoolgirl at the chalk board, she fumbled the nobs and eventually pointed the apparatus at an actual star formation, “Well, over here’s Virgo, and then of course Libra, and then-”
Twyla rolled her eyes with a disappointing huff, “That’s baby stuff. You can do better than that!”
“Fine! Okay, that’s definitely Andromeda, can’t mistake that at all. Then above that is Cassiopeia, then Cepheus, Ursa Minor, Ursa Major, and finally Camelopardalis. Top that!” her heart was pounding, she hadn’t had so much fun counting stars for as long as she could remember, and even under those watery eyes she still had the most adorable smile you’d ever seen.
Twyla gladly accepted the challenge and scooted over, “What kind of telescope is this anyway, made for fillys or something?”
The little pony laughed, “Quit stalling!”
“Alright then, here I go! Scutum Scobiescianum, Orphiuchus, Serpens Caput,Hercules, and Corona Borealis. Your move.”
Twilight scoffed, “I had those recorded back in magic kindergarten!” to which Twyla couldn’t help but laugh. Whether it was over the clever quip or the fact that ponys actually had a ‘magic kindergarten’ was her little secret.
The remainder of the night went back and forth in a similar fashion. Soon they had both named just about every possible arrangement in the sky including cosmic masses such as planetary bodies, actual stars themselves and even nearby galaxies. Twyla may have fibbed slightly over some of the more advanced stuff, but it was just too priceless watching Twilight struggle to locate the stellar fallacy.
Either way, it was all in good fun and Twilight eventually caught on with a good laugh. The heavens were their star garden and the Gemini sisters were having far too much fun with the whole mess.
The Apple family had absolutely refused to be left behind in all the festivities that night, and so they had gotten together all of their marshmallows, twigs, and stories and set up a small campfire.
“And then by the end of it all, the poor fella’ was all covered in applesauce!” Aprile slapped her knee with a laugh over the tale of some poor farmhand’s first day on the job.
“Now that sounds like a sticky situation.” Applejack chuckled, to which Applebloom nearly dropped her stick of roasted marshmallow into the fire with a squeaky laugh. Thankfully she had her big brother Big Mac around to save the burnt little morsel.
Big Macintosh himself had spent half the day rummaging through the nuclear submarine that had somehow landed beside their farm and so by now the disemboweled hulk of an iron whale had become almost a part of the landscape itself. Though he did wonder what sort of otherworldly treasures he could find aboard the vessel. Perhaps he’d begin using bits of the scrap iron for a welding hobby. Maybe create some giant fixtures and statues to decorate the orchard with. There was a whole host of creativity rolling through the fire before the red stallion.
“How’s the marshmallow, Big Mac? Good?” Applejack nudged.
The big guy bit into the stick and pulled away a tuft of gooey sugary frost before exaggerating a “Yup.”
Applebloom lifted her stick out of the flames. She took a bite but all that was really left was the burnt cigarette of a marshmallow, “Bleh-!”
“Yer’ doin’ it all wrong there, sweetie. Here, let yer’ big sis show ya’.” Aprile popped a fresh marshmallow onto a new twig and handed it to the filly, “The trick is to put it just over the flames, not ‘in’ the flames. Don’t wait ‘til it’s all black and cooked-like. When it starts to brown up, then ya’ know it’s ready. Go ahead and give it a try!”
The little blank-flank took the stick between her teeth and carefully hovered the white puff over the fire, making sure it just barely got a tickle, “Like this?” she muffled through her teeth.
“There ya’ go! Just like that! Now just keep it there for a little while and it’ll be ready to eat in no time flat.”
The marshmallow finally began to rust as the filly swiveled the stick back and forth, actually having the sense to make sure it was cooked evenly. Applebloom’s usual impatience however was just on the verge of dunking the thing into the flames completely, but before she could, “Now you’ve got it, looks about ready to me.” Congratulated Applejack, “Maybe you can get a cutie mark in roastin’ marshmallows!” she teased with a laugh.
Applebloom didn’t take the taunt very well and began to whine before Big Mac had to intervene and break the two apart.
Meanwhile, Aprile helped herself to another kabob of roasted marshmallows picking them off of her stick one by one. She chuckled through her chew as she watched the charming antics of her adopted family. She sure was feeling a might better about herself, considering all she’d been told. Her new hat might not have fit as well as she’d liked but she’d learn to get used to it.
More than anything though, with the lifetime of trauma and tribulations that had been dumped onto her doorstep within a week, Aprile couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of herself. The chemicals still weren’t properly aligned within her mind and her tear ducts may have been somewhat dehydrated by the night’s end, but she was stronger for it and she’d use that loss to move forward one way or another. No matter how hard it might’ve been to take those first few steps, she knew that she was finally ready to go home.
The Everfree forest was far from touching, amusing, or even dull as Fiona and Fluttershy had soon been reminded of. The tree provided no real amount of shelter as their assailant had no need for any such torch to locate its prey.
Fiona screamed through the pummels of branch after branch. How she hadn’t run face first into yet another tree by now was probably the only stroke of luck she was going to have that night. She gazed back if only to make sure that Fluttershy hadn’t been caught just yet.
“Run!!” Fluttershy nearly tore out her own vocal cords over how loud her whispers were.
Fiona needed no such reminders, and then her luck finally ran out. The trees simply weren’t on her side tonight and she went for a bumbling tumble into the cold dirt.
“Get up! Get up!” Fluttershy frantically tried to lift the poor girl, who hadn’t even had a chance to spit a leaf out of her mouth yet.
Behind them within the gap of the forest stomped a forelimb in a pause, giving itself a moment to analyze its query’s seemingly sealed fate. Fluttershy glanced up at a hissing horror that only Ridley Scott himself could’ve sold on screen.
Standing before the two wood be slash victims was a slender figure, no bigger than perhaps Fiona herself. It was fairly dark, but what was clear was the sheen over a pair of walnut shaped compound eyes divided by a series of careful twitching whiskers and antae. A slobbering maw dripped between a set of steak knives it was using for mandibles. Besides its extra rows of legs, the real quivering threat sat within the clutches of a pair of blunt pincers.
Its dinner items clearly weren’t going anywhere, and had huddled against yet another completely indifferent tree. The insect raised a forcep and leapt for his meal, only to find itself in the gnarled maw of a lizard far bigger than any Komodo dragon Fiona had personally been acquainted with. It may as well have been a dinosaur for all they knew, because it certainly didn’t take much effort to swallow the bug whole.
Fiona and Fluttershy trembled in each other’s arms and/or hooves hoping that the lizard’s sight was based on movement.
The tyrannosaur turned to his stolen dinner and flicked out his tongue so that he might better taste the fear lingering in the air. A shining red glare sent chills up the girls spines and its maw covered in jagged serrated teeth glistening in who knew how many types of acids and toxins which certainly didn’t make them feel any more comfortable.
The two sisters were just about to crawl out of their skins, and the lizard before them would easily have assisted in the process had a scythed talon not dislocated a few discs within the lizard’s neck.
Blood began to spill all over the dirt in large pools. The Komodo dragon’s severed nerves sent its body into a flailing panic and with a piercing screech its assassin threw over the dying carcass and helped itself to the beast’s vulnerable underbelly.
“Come on…!” Fiona took advantage of the much larger menu item on the table, grabbed the little Pegasus and slinked away. She wasn’t about to stick around and find out what could’ve possibly taken down something so big, and Fluttershy wasn’t about to argue about it either.
Fiona ran with the pony in her arms until all she could hear was her own desperate gasps for air, and then she ran for what seemed like another hour until Fluttershy finally managed to calm her down, “It’s okay, it’s okay. I think we’re in the clear, Fiona…” it took the little Pegasus a bit more persuading than that, but the girl eventually came to a halt, finally releasing her timid baggage.
Fiona rested her palms over her tired scraped knees and gave herself a minute to breath. She hadn’t gotten a fair lungful of air since probably the first twig snapped behind them.
Normally Fluttershy wouldn’t have fared any better, but her parental instincts had a way of kicking in at the most convenient of times, “Are you alright, Fiona? It’s okay, we’re fine now.” The girl was still in shock, “Look at me, Fiona!” she grabbed her cheeks with her hooves and shook her out of her daze.
“I-I’m sorry! I’m just… T-That was…!” the poor thing was still trembling. She wondered how any pony at all had ever survived with such monsters so close to home.
“It’s alright, it’s alright!” Fluttershy had lost count of how many times she’d repeated the phrase by now, “Let’s just find Ditzy and get out of-”
“Help…!” a shallow voice called from a distance.
Fiona’s focus rose up all at once, and without question she ran towards the echo.
“Fiona! W-Wait!” Fluttershy’s call fell on deaf ears and she was forced to pursue.
They ran through the dewy mist, at least this area of the forest didn’t have so many branches and vines to tangle their way. What lay ahead however was far more eerie.
“Help!”
Fiona barely even noticed the twisted hives of small eggs and scattered bones. The soil itself had given way to an almost skeletal décor that overwhelmed every tree, rock, and hillside that had the misfortune of coming into contact with the black residue. It was as if Fiona was running through Giger’s very own flower garden.
Whatever had secreted such gothic resin was a question Fluttershy didn’t want any answers too. She didn’t want to spend another second in that creepy forest and yet she was flying straight into the very worst it had to offer, “Fiona, wait! Please! I-I think…!”
“Somepony, please help me…!”
Fiona knew that voice all too well, and she wasn’t leaving without her, “Ditzy! I’m here, where are you!?” her calls were far too loud for Fluttershy’s comfort, given this was clearly something’s nest.
“Fiona! You came for me!”
“W-where are you, Ditzy?” Fiona cried. There was a clear voice echoing from right around here but she just couldn’t see it.
“I’m up here!”
The only real source of light Fiona had was the full moon over head and at least some hope managed to shimmer off of the strange cocoon Ditzy was dangling from. The tree at one point had probably grown many exotic fruit, but its only apparent use on this night was as a coat hanger to store future meals, “How’d you get all the way up there, Ditzy?”
“You don’t want to know, trust me! Just get me down! I don’t like it here…”
The hostage was just too far up for Fiona to reach, “Fluttershy, a little pegassistance…?”
“Oh, uh, of course!” Fluttershy darted up to the cocoon. The poor little gray pony had been completely sealed away up to her neck, perhaps to be preserved for a small breakfast tomorrow or even a week from now, “I’ll get you out of there in a jiffy! Just sit tight.” Fluttershy kicked, hooved and even bit, and eventually the egg came loose.
A few hours stuck in that thing had felt like an eternity, but it sure did feel nice to stretch her wings again, “Phew! I thought I was a goner. Thanks a bunch, Fluttershy!”
“Oh, no, don’t thank me. It was Fiona that came searching and found you. The Everfree forest was the last place I would’ve looked to be honest...”
Ditzy gazed down at the curious girl watching them from below. The look of relief in her eyes was unmistakable, “Well, thanks anyway, and thanks for watching over her, Fluttershy.” She darted down and nearly took Fiona off of her feet with a warm hug, “Fiona! I’m so sorry I ran off like that! I was so scared, but I knew you’d come for me… again.”
Fiona wrapped her arms around the little Pegasus, “Gosh, you scared me! But I’m so glad that you’re okay. Now let’s get out of here. This place isn’t exactly very friendly at this time of night.”
Ditzy choked down a sarcastic chuckle, “Right, uh…”
Fiona was suddenly taken aback by the frozen stare in Ditzy’s eyes. Fluttershy was at an even greater loss for words, and before Fiona could ask if there was something standing directly behind her, a few sticky water droplets began to fall. One splattered right over her forehead, but she was far too petrified to face the sudden gust of wind.
“Look out!” Ditzy was just barely had enough coordination to shove away Fiona before a black scythe nearly scalped her mane clean off. The little Pegasus backed away into Fluttershy, who had become no more than a cold statue by now.
Fiona found herself tossed beside a sinewy ankle balanced on a stiletto heel where an endoskeleton met a series of tendons that would normally be strapped on the inside of any leg. Her face wrinkled in horror and her arms and legs long abandoned the theory of ‘sight based on movement’. With the courage of a limping puppy, she managed to crawl her way into the root of a nearby tree.
What glared down at her nearly sent the poor girl into a tear filled panic attack, which it would’ve seen had it any typical conventional eyes. The only real noticeable feature on its cold dead face was a row of teeth. From the stretched gums onward was nothing but a dark shell that extended back into a devilish black frill, which must’ve added at least another ten feet to the monster’s height. Bizarrely enough, for something having supposedly evolved in a world where the predominant design of all species involved hooves or at least a quadrupedal stance, this beast resembled a human more than anything else, albeit a human that was doing its best impersonation a tyrannosaur with half of its bones on the outside of a body and a nightmarish looking tail tipped with a talon.
It yanked the scythe out of the ground and leaned in with what might’ve been the largest smile Fiona had ever seen to analyze the exotic delicacy that had stumbled into its dominion. The ghoulish beast didn’t roar or even screech in the clichéd monster movie tenor, it simply breathed. Brass gusts of foul air traveled in and out of the cracks between its teeth, as if it were almost excited more than anything else over its unexpected guests.
It clearly knew what they had done. Stealing one of its meals would normally have been enough to kill over at that very moment, but it somehow noticed that the human wasn’t from this part of town obviously enough, and within that sedan of a skull it devised an even better idea than simply killing her right there and then.
A chariot covered in death pulled in out of the night’s sky, “ALAS! THERE SHE STALKS! TAKE US IN, MY STALLIONS!” commanded the royalty.
“Haven’t you had enough fun for one night, Luna?” asked a small golden bat that looked almost too cartoonish for this cartoon, “I want to get home already and have dinner with that lovely sister of yours. She has such smooth skin over that long neck of hers…”
“STILL THY TONGUE, WELP!” Luna gave the toy bat a swift hoof to the head that would’ve probably cracked the skull of your typical pony, “Oh! I-I’m so sorry, d-did I hurt you, Kivat…?”
He stumbled for a moment against the railing with a wing tip until the spinning stars finally returned to the night, “Let’s… j-just get this over with.”
The hive devil stretched out its massive hand and grabbed hold of Fiona’s leg before she could scream, and then she very well did scream. She did her best to crawl away, filling her nails with dirt and soot, but she was soon hoisted upside down into the air so that the monster might contemplate its scheme with closer inspection.
“Fiona!!” Ditzy cried as she flew off to the rescue.
“Ditzy, wait…!” Fluttershy called out.
The gray little Pegasus, with all the focus her hobbled eyes could gather, darted over the beasts head distracting it for but a moment with a swift kick of her hooves. The monster stumbled briefly, but the strike was more a kin to being hit with a small stick by a four year old, and so it simply flung Ditzy into a brush with the swat of an arm. The pony was no longer of any real importance.
It was all up to Fluttershy now. She sat there trembling as Satan itself turned its attention to the trembling pony, as if daring her to do something about it. It turned its massive head back towards the screaming Fiona dangling from her ankle.
Fluttershy couldn’t bare to see Fiona’s uncontrollable shrieks and cries for help, and so an unbridled strength rose up within the little pony’s big heart, “Hey you!” she flew up to the meet the leviathan eye to braincase, “J-Just because you’re big! And scary! And evil! And drooling with neuro-toxins! And would probably murder a pony in an instant! Doesn’t mean you get to be a bully! You put my friend down right this instant, or so help me I’ll give you such an ear twist…!”
The monster had no such ears and thus didn’t have much to worry about. It huffed a ghastly spew of fog into the pony’s face before moving on. Its business now resided with the human dangling in its clutches and so it stomped its way over to a wiggling clutch of large eggs, carelessly dragging a sobbing Fiona along through the dirt as if she were a rag doll.
Fluttershy did her best to shake the drool off of her coat, “Excuse me! I’m talking to you!” but she was again ignored. She growled before zipping over and finally landing onto the beast’s crown of a shell in a most impatient manner. She trotted over to the forefront of the thing’s black skull, “I told you to let go of my friend! What you’re doing is very rude and inconsiderate! What would your mother say if she saw you treating others so carelessly? Just what do you have to say for yourself…?”
A gnarled ear piercing shriek that would’ve blown away any B movie’s monster screech was exactly what the thing had to say, and it promptly batted Fluttershy over the head with the blunt side of its scythed tail. The blow sent the flustered pony into a daze of spinning stars before she eventually fell off of the monster’s frill. It probably could’ve easily skewered the Pegasus, but one could suppose it would’ve been a waste of energy to kill something so harmless. Either that, or an inconvenience to the plot, you figure it out.
Ditzy managed to untangle herself from the decaying bush just in time, “Fiona! I’m coming!”
The new hostage screamed as the colossus cuffed her hands with its two smaller arms before finally wrapping its much larger remaining hand over the back of her skull and forcing her head over the top of a peculiar egg. The bulb split at its very tip, oddly resembling some sort of erotic innuendo, and inside began to bubble what looked like a sheep’s intestine of all things. It expanded and then sank, making way for what could only be described as a conjoined set of human hands courting between them what appeared to be a very suspiciously painted flower.
Fiona nearly snapped her vocal cords in a revolting shriek as the thing leapt out of its egg, but before the headcrab could show her what a real kiss was, a bleeding red slice of laser severed the terrible little creature in half and ruptured the egg in its wake.
The blast took the hive queen by surprise and it turned with a frustrated snarl to face the rather gallant chariot behind her nest.
“STEP AWAY FROM HER, THY WRETCH!”
“Luna…?” Ditzy was relieved to finally see some reinforcements.
Fluttershy shook her head and stared up at the glimmering sheen of pale armor. She was in the presence of royalty, and knelt partly out of loyalty but mostly out of sheer terror, “N-N-Nightmare Moon…?”
“That’s ‘Princess’ Nightmare Moon to you, doormat!” Kivat hovered over Luna’s shoulder as she shook her head.
“ENOUGH!” the Anti-Princess stepped ahead of the quivering yellow Pegasus, “WE IMPLORE THEE! STAND BACK!” with probably far too many decibels for the little pony to handle before focusing her attention towards the foul beast, “MY BELOVED SISTER HATH ERRED IN ALLOWING SUCH PUTRID FILTH TO EXIST IN OUR WORLD. WE HAVE ARRIVED TO RECTIFY SUCH MISTAKES!”
“Must you be so dramatic, Luna?” the little bat sighed.
“Kivat!” the uppity princess whined, “I’m trying to get into character…!”
The hellbats guarding her carriage hooved their foreheads, and her royal tongue conveniently returned to snap them to attention, “GUARD OUR CHARIOT! THIS SHAN’T TAKE MORE THAN A BRIEF MOMENT!” and then she turned her deathly howls back towards Fluttershy and just about threw her into a brush with a, “STAY BACK… TO A SAFE DISTANCE! AS WE… PUNISH THE EVILDOERS!”
The hive tyrant had grown tired of being ignored and roared something to the sound of a dying falcon crossed with a fuming cobra.
Fiona’s heart had nearly burst out of its chest, fortunately enough her keeper had bigger space fish to fry and carelessly tossed the damsel aside.
Ditzy zipped over to help the poor thing crawl as far away from the monster as possible, “A-Are you alright!? Did it hurt you? Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!”
Fiona nodded profusely, but couldn’t be asked to turn her eyes away from colossus staring down the Princess of the night.
It wasted no time, and with another hiss it lunged its bladed tail at the protagonists. The attack sent Luna off of her hooves and sent her tumbling into the dirt. Regardless of her challenge, she hadn’t exactly been ready for combat just yet, nor was she prepared for the next guillotine which surely would’ve cleaved her head clean off had her partner not caught the attack.
“What’re you doing, Luna!?” Kivat managed with a bonesword caught in between his teeth.
She didn’t have time for a catchphrase and stood right back up only to admire a maw of glass teeth determined to get a taste of high quality horse meat. The teeth were promptly smashed with a swift hoof kick.
The monster reeled in pain doing all it could to hold its boney jaw together, but it had a surprise for the next set of rear kicks flying its way.
Somehow, the recoil hadn’t damaged its inner pharyngeal jaw and so its second set of teeth sprung forth like a piston and grabbed hold of the princess’ armored fetlock and yanked her into the awaiting maw. Like a sprung bear trap, its teeth clamped down and cleaved her back leg clean off at the haunch, or it would have had Kivat not interfered, “Too bad!” (Hah, gotcha.)
Caught between the cracked teeth of the carnifex was the little vampire bat himself doing all he could to keep the jaws apart amazingly enough with his little bat wings, “P-Princess…! Fight… properly!”
“S-Sorry!” Luna gathered all the focus she could muster within her gallant horn. Her leg was slowly being pulled into a meat grinder and given a second more the monster’s ghastly claws would’ve come around to finish the job until she finally shot a blast of laser right into its skull.
The hive queen released both of its prey items and flailed away in a ghastly shrill. The impact had left a smoking crater over its sensory dome. For but a moment, the thing had been left in a thrashing blind daze which was just the opportunity the princess was looking for, “Thanks, Kivat. Almost bit the dust that time.”
“Man! Just what do you think you’re doing!? Don’t thank me! Transform and finish it off already!” the bat nagged.
“Oh, uh, right!” Luna got into position and nodded over to her partner, “KIVAT!!”
His little eyes beamed red, “Alright!” Kivat zipped around the princess before finally sinking his fangs into her soft neck, “Kiva-bite!”
Luna winced slightly as streaks of what could only be described as stained glass instantly covered her body. They almost seemed to resonate the wild tone of a submarine’s twisted sonar, as if to Shout into the Moonlight.
A soft whisper left her lips, “Henshin…” as a slink of chains spun across her chest and around her body. The chains melded into a crimson harness with a bar at the front and without a second to spare Luna snatched the vampire bat from her molested neck and hung him from the rail with a bell’s triumph.
Kivat’s eyes flickered and her body was soon consumed in a mesh of steel chains and with an ear shattering pop, they exploded to reveal a fiery set of golden armor trimmed in brass and crimson in their wake.
The armor was that of a dragon, or perhaps an Empress of even greater royalty. She was covered in gallant talons with a massive gorget of a collar that swept far behind her head. Her wings and head may have been the only things not shielded in gold though the color of her royal crown had in fact hued to match the rest of her prestige.
She kicked a cloud of dirt into the air and within a blazing flash a glorious red cape burst from the back of her golden collar.
“Oh, wow!” Ditzy and her wood be rescuers were nearly blinded by the glowing radiance.
“Oh! Luna, don’t forget your extra-cool sunglasses!” Kivat reminded.
“Sunglasses, but it’s the middle of the night, Kivat.”
“But Luna, don’t you want to forget your name while you collect your claim…?” Kivat chuckled mercilessly.
Luna sighed.
“Don’t you want to see the light that’s right before your eyes…? Come on now, it was your idea after all!”
“I get it, I get it, it’s the look.” She was clearly embarrassed, but dawned a pair of red shutter glasses as the finishing touch that at first glance had looked totally ‘swag’, at least when her sister wore them. Hopefully they’d be back before Celestia noticed her little sister had been going through her things again.
The hive queen finally overcame its migraine and managed to crawl up to its wobbly legs. It couldn’t help but be taken aback by the royal interceptor standing ready to seal its fate, even if the princess was going to do so in the most awkward way possible.
The monster shrieked as Luna’s moon grew to an inescapable intensity, blinding every foul creature the Everfree forest may have thrown at her.
She swallowed her discomfort no thanks to Kivat, and pointed up to the moon, “LOOK CAREFULLY! WHAT IS THE GLOW OF THE MOONLIGHT REALLY…?” the beast fearfully stumbled backwards while a red mist twisted around the princess like a cyclone, as if her words alone were enough to tempt fate.
“Weren’t you going to use the catchphrase about how you always ‘begin on a climax’ instead?” Kivat received a bop to the mouth for his treason.
The leviathan hissed through another roar, it had clearly had enough and met the knight in a desperate charge. Unfortunately for the monster, Luna was about to count up its crimes.
The hive tyrant swung its massive claw and without even breaking a sweat, Luna kicked it aside, performed a front flip just so that her next kick might be that much more insulting, “I WILL FIGHT TO PROTECT EVERYPONY’S SMILE!” and immediately proceeded to beat the queen’s day lights in with a series of seven bone crushing kicks from her iron spurs and a final spinning round house kick as the eighth.
The explosive charges exceeded Kivat’s best expectations and sent the beast crashing into the rest of its nest. Princess, or rather Empress Luna landed perfectly on her hooves grinning as if she’d just taken out the trash.
“Kick her flank, Princess Luna!” Ditzy cheered.
Somehow the fight had brightened both Fiona’s and Fluttershy’s spirits. Although they may have been terribly worried before, the face was definitely being put over at this point.
Luna watched as the monster, which was literally covered in smoking craters, did its best to get up again and defend itself. Though all it really managed to do was blunder under its own battered hulking weight.
“You ready?”
Kivat snickered, “Let’s see if you have the skill for it this time!”
Luna accepted his little challenge with a short giggle.
She took a small fusel from within her armor and placed it between the fangs of the obedient little vampire bat, “Wake… Up…!” Kivat fell from his perch and swung around to Luna’s back legs, each of which were wrapped in golden chains. With a few swipes and bites the chains snapped to reveal a set of blood red devil wings hanging from each leg.
The moon throbbed with her heart as she leaped high into the night’s sky. The monster had finally managed to lift itself back up only to witness a shimmering silhouette under the moon’s pale glow.
The shadow picked out her target and fired. A hard gust broke, and like a bursting Supernova Luna’s final kick shattered the beast’s skull through its own torso and into the ground with such force that it fissured a pair of devil wings into the Earth below. The lifeless husk may have had a second to collapse if it hadn’t immediately exploded into a burst of flames.
The blast tossed Fiona and her two pegasai friends for a screaming loop until they finally found cover at the root of a considerate tree. Eventually the dust settled and from within the fiery shell stood the burning heart of royalty, her companion and a peculiar floating green sphere that seemed to contain the evil essence of the defeated monster.
“I-I did it…!” she took off her red shutter shades and let out an adorable giggle, “The fun has been… quintupled!”
“Why five?” Kivat perched himself over her shoulder.
Luna really had no reason, “It, uhm, i-it simply involved that particular amount of fun, I suppose.”
Kivat teased a laugh. He still had a bit of trouble justifying his partnership with such an idiot, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find her simple charm sort of cute, “Oh! Luna, don’t forget! We can’t let it get away!”
“Oh, that’s right!” She fetched a fuestle from her armor and fed it between Kivat’s vampire teeth.
That little orb wasn’t going anywhere that night, and so he made the call, “Castle Doran!”
“Now where are those red shutter glasses of mines?” Princess Celestia had searched through dozens of dressers and had found a pair of them in every shade of every color but bright red, “How am I supposed to turn off my based swag without something tacky? At this rate, I’ll be covered in stallions at the ball tonight for sure! Oh dear, everyone will think I’m-!” before she could contemplate her fashion guilt any further, the entire castle shook.
She found herself thrown into a deep pile of linens and silks that caressed all the right spots, at least until the roar of an enormous dragon shook every hall in the bastion. It almost seemed as if the beast was part of the citadel itself, or at least taking a big chunk of it with him.
“W-What in the Equestria is that!?” the Princess shuttered.
One of the main spires of Canterlot literally unfurled itself as if it were made of a curtain to reveal the head of the hungriest dragon the city had ever seen, not to mention the most ridiculous dragon they’d ever seen. The poor thing’s body had been locked in a much smaller bastion like a giant tortuous and even had a tiny set of wings hanging out of a pair of windows on either side.
The sight was completely absurd, and only got worse once it managed to lift half of the spire off of its back and leapt into the air just in time for the bounding tower to fall again and reconnect itself with the rest of the castle.
Ponies screamed and ran for their lives, but it was not them that the dragon hungered for. Before an alarm could be raised, the beast had somehow fluttered itself off into the distance as if drawn by a ringing dinner bell.
“W-What…. Just happened?” Celestia’s room had been turned upside down about three times in the commotion but luckily, she’d only been vulnerably pinned under a few body pillows, a ten thousand thread count mattress, half of a wine cabinet and a plate of delectable cheese cubes. Needless to say, the ball was now completely unnecessary. All she needed now were the stallions.
“Oh dear!!” Fluttershy quietly shrieked.
A preposterous flying palace with a dragon’s head, four tiny legs, a set of wings and a tail poking out of every end blotted out the moon’s light and landed on the battlefield with an impatient growl.
“Go on! Wolf it down!” Kivat commanded.
The floating green orb wavered and tried its best to escape, but the dragon was far more desperate to feed no matter how awkward its crawls seemed. With a swift chomp, it chewed and gobbled up the sphere as if it were a gumball. With a pounding gulp, it swallowed the morsel and Shouted into the Moonlight before nodding to its masters.
“Good boy!” Luna grinned.
The bizarre dragon gave another roar and bolted into the night’s sky, with surprising agility might I add, so that it might return and rejoin Canterlot’s foundation.
“Until next time!” Luna waved her hoof.
Ditzy scratched the back of her head, “What the hay was that all about…?”
Fiona hadn’t the slightest idea what had just occurred nor did she even bother dusting herself off. She wasted no time and was the first to run over to the golden princess, “T-Thank you!” she repeated at least six times with the help of Ditzy and Fluttershy, “You saved our lives! I-”
“Ah! You must be one of our guests from that other world. A ‘human’ correct? My older sister’s told me much about you and your friends.”
“Oh, uh, yes! My name’s Fiona.”
“A pleasure to meet you, my dear Fiona. I am Princess Luna, but you can simply call me, Luna, if you wish.”
“That’s pretty rare, you know. You should hear the stuff she makes her personal guards call her.” Kivat remarked, “She’s always trying to fill her big sister’s horseshoes, and-” Luna promptly dunked him into the dirt with a dash of magic, “Bah! M-My name’s Kivat. N-Nice to meet you…!”
“Oh, he’s so cute!” The ‘adorable’ bat was just enough to quell her usual fears of Nightmare Moon and dragons alike.
“Careful. He has quite the mouth on him.” Luna giggled.
“And I might just bite you too!” he assaulted Fluttershy with an onslaught of playful little bites that probably tickled her more than anything else.
“Oh! Me next! Me next!” Ditzy hopped around begging for a turn.
“Oh, you want some too, huh? Get over here!” Ditzy barfed out a laugh over the tiny bites. Unbeknownst to them thankfully, Kivat was probably having far too much fun with his depraved antics and once he began going to town on Fiona’s sultry neck Luna had no choice but to pull the little vampire away, “Alright, you’ve had your fun you little-!”
“Shall that be all for the night, my sorceress?” asked an impatient devil winged stallion which I almost forgot about.
“See what I mean?”
“Kivat! You’re embarrassing me!” Luna whined, “Though I do suppose it is getting late…” the girls looked as if they’d been dunked into a swamp and then hung out to dry, “And I’d imagine that the three of you would love to return back to Ponyville, now wouldn’t you?”
Fluttershy, Ditzy, and Fiona couldn’t have agreed more. They’d nearly been killed, eaten, and even impregnated that night, though not necessarily in that order, and they would’ve preferred nothing else than to leave that awful jungle once and for all. Fluttershy didn’t care if Zecora had a cure to Pony aids. There was nothing that could convince her to ever return there.
“READY THE CHARIOT FOR A FLIGHT TO PONYVILLE! WE WISH TO LEAVE THIS FILTHY PLACE AT ONCE!” it was simply the normal tongue that Luna used to speak to the hired help with, “Ehem, sorry, you have to be stern with the guards these days, you know how it is.”
They honestly didn’t, but were willing to nod to whatever got them aboard that carriage.
“Come, my loyal subjects. It’ll be my pleasure to escort you home.” She whispered over to Kivat before boarding the coach, “Please try not to be too creepy around them, especially the human.”
“Yeah, yeah, you Buzz kill…” The toy bat grumbled and followed them into the chariot.
The hellish stallions got back into their natural subservient positions under their harnesses, and without any further question they flew off into the night’s sky.
Fiona had nearly fallen out of the carriage, not exactly expecting a horse drawn carriage to actually fly. She may not have believed in Santa Clause anymore, at least for a few years now, but her faith may as well have been restored given the view of Equestria.
Kivat made sure to take ‘good’ care to support the girl throughout the ride, given she was the largest thing in the chariot to begin with, but eventually Luna caught onto his schemes and gave him quite the ring around the ear.
“FAREWELL MY FAITHFUL SUBJECTS, AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU AVOID ALL MONSTERS AND LARGE PLANTS THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO WANDER INTO THE EVERFREE FOREST!” Luna shouted at the top her lungs, which probably woke up half of Ponyville but let’s face it, it was day time for this princess. She turned and whispered to Kivat just having waving goodbye, “You owe me big time when we get back home, especially for trying to cavort with that lanky ‘human’...”
“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Luna’s older sister provided far more of an enticing affair, but the little vampire wasn’t about to complain. The cuter shy girls were more his cup of tea anyway.
Fluttershy had finally returned to her little cottage on the edge of town and the very first thing she wanted to do was tumble into her bed and fall into a coma, “I’ll be asleep if you need me, Fiona.”
Fiona nodded innocently. She had the same idea in mind, but needed to ask her little friend if she was okay for the dozenth time that night. She sat down at the doorstep of Fluttershy’s cottage and did just that.
“N-No really, I’m fine, Fiona. And again I’m really sorry about running away like that. I-I was just… well, you’ve been so nice to me, Fiona. I-I don’t want you to leave…”
Fiona held the little Pegasus close over her lap, “I’m sorry, Ditzy, but I don’t belong here. I’ve really enjoyed my time here with you and the others, but my friends need me and I need to return home tomorrow.”
Ditzy didn’t want to let go, “But, what’ll I do without you? You’re like, my only friend here...”
“Now you know that isn’t true! You have plenty of friends here in Ponyville that care about you a whole lot.” She could see the restless look in Ditzy’s eyes about to protest the claim, “None of that doubt now, Ditzy! Give yourself a bit more credit and try to have a little more faith in your friends around you. You have a big heart and a wonderful smile.”
“B-But, some of the others pick on me… There’s gotta’ be a reason that they-”
“Oh Ditzy, don’t ever let a couple of bullies get you down. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. Just do your best and have fun!” she took up the pony’s pouting cheeks with her fingers and forced a grin, “Oh, and make sure to smile and be happy!”
Ditzy couldn’t resist the ticklish giggle, “I-I guess you’re right.” She had no idea how she’d adjust, or how she’d hold up without that girl by her side. What she did know was that there was no denying Fiona’s logic. She was right, and Ditzy knew that she had to stop being so cynical and letting the smallest mistake ruin her day. Regardless, she’d have plenty of time to conquer the company that came with misery, but she had maybe half a day until Fiona left her forever, “F-Fiona…?”
“Yeah?”
“Since you’re leaving tomorrow and all, well, could I…?”
Fiona giggled, “Of course you can sleep over, Ditzy. Come on, I’m sure Fluttershy wouldn’t mind.”
Fluttershy had covered herself in a half dozen warm blankets and smothered the side of her head into a tender pillow. A shower to get the pine needles out of her hair would have to wait until tomorrow morning, not even the pinecone under the sheets would’ve prevented her from getting any sleep that night.
She was exhausted, but the thought clearly hadn’t dawned on the two goofballs tip toeing through her room. The bed shook and stirred the poor Pegasus out of her mild slumber until she finally realized just how little room she had left. “Uhm, pardon me, Fiona, but I thought I told you that no pets were allowed in the bed.” she turned about and sighed over the two anxious smiles snuggled underneath the blankets.
“Oh, uh, hi Fluttershy.” Ditzy nodded.
Fiona giggled, “I-It would only be for tonight, since well, it is my last night here after all.”
“Oh, fine!” a crotchety Fluttershy grabbed a hoof’s worth of blanket and covered herself in it, though unfortunately her exile didn’t last very long. Fluttershy soon found herself in the clutches of some overgrown child who was once again treating the pony like a stuffed animal, except that she had two to sleep with tonight.
Fluttershy’s twitching brow eventually relaxed and she found the ordeal much easier to accept tonight. Her guest would be gone by tomorrow and with it a glimpse into her own psyche. The entire affair was interesting while it lasted to say the least, but regardless, she found comfort in knowing those two snoozing meatballs in her bed were safe and sound, and that alone was enough to win over a smile.
It was probably three o’clock in the morning, or whatever the hell that meant in horse time, and Ponyville had finally gotten its act together and settled down for the night. They’d danced their hooves off in some obscure gypsy swing jazz tune that they had seemingly picked up out of nowhere and the streets were in even worse shape for it.
The little cottages slept in silence all across town. For many, sleeping in wouldn’t be much of a problem, but for a select few it meant returning to a broken home and a bitter resolution, not to mention waking up with your room on fire.
Two little pastry chefs that looked as if they had just come returned home from pony Mardi Gras sat under a porch light atop the footsteps of Sugarcube Corner.
Piper had finally explained everything to Pinkie Pie. She’d told her about Discord’s ultimatum, about Ponyville’s impending destruction, Twyla’s hopefully brilliant plan to avoid it all and how she’d soon be leaving forever.
Piper would’ve brought along a farewell gift, probably something like a delicious cake or an excessive vat of pudding, but she’d basically spent the entire day enjoying all of those things with Pinkie already, not to mention that the Cakes’ business had already been lacking resources thanks to similar guilty pleasures.
“So… you’re really leaving tomorrow? Forever ever and forever…?” Pinkie’s lip quivered.
The human nodded, “I-I wanted my last day here to be spent having a great time with you. I didn’t want to see you sad so, yeah. I’m sorry, Pinkie…”
“N-No, it’s okay. I, uh, probably would’ve done the same thing!” Pinkie forced the best smile she could muster. She notched herself a seat closer and gave Piper a hug. Pinkie Pie never thought she’d ever meet anyone who could match her creative cookie-work, her bubbly spats of vocabulary or even her obsession with the concept of the ‘smile’. She’d discovered a perfect partner for her eccentric escapades and she’d only known them for a week at best and now suddenly, through no choice of their own, they’d be forced to leave as mysteriously as they appeared.
There were so many words that Pinkie wanted to say to her, but ‘goodbye’ was the only one she hadn’t the courage to articulate. That smile did nothing to hold back a tear or two, and eventually, Pinkie began to break, “I-I don’t want you to go yet…!”
Piper closed her eyes. She just couldn’t bare to see Pinkie cry and her only solace was holding the little pony close, stroking her bouncy mane in an utterly worthless attempt to comfort her, “Please don’t cry, Pinkie. I-I don’t want to see you…” Piper couldn’t help herself either, and soon they were both weathering the rainstorm.
Piper hadn’t a single good recipe to success in her miserable little sprinkle filled life, and once she thought she’d finally found that little hint of sugary something, the oven door shut right in her face.
It tore her up inside to see those soggy little blue eyes staring hopelessly up at her, if anything more so than what had become of her home or even her departure alone. However, she couldn’t very well stand by her happy little reputation and let her friends return to the former metropolis by themselves. There was no easy way through any of it, nor was there an easy way to let go of Pinkie, “We’ve had a lot of fun together, Pinkie Pie, and plenty of trouble to boot… but my friends need me.”
“Oh, I know... I’m sorry if I’m being a bit shellfish, but I know that your home needs you, and so do your friends…”
Piper couldn’t resist a giggle under a falling tear.
“Hey! This is serious business!” the pony scowled.
“Y-You said shellfish.”
“Huh? I did?” Pinkie honestly hadn’t remembered saying such an absurd thing, even though it was only a few lines before this very sentence.
“It’s okay Pinkie, no need to get all ‘crabby’ about it.”
Pinkie’s magical smile tumbled off of the girl’s lap with an inescapable laugh, “I guess you’re right, Piper! We shouldn’t feel too upset... We’ve had a ‘halibut’ time!”
Their laughs grew and Piper slapped her knee, “You don’t need to be a brain ‘sturgeon’ to see that!”
“Cut it out, Piper! You’ve got me ‘floundering’ about over here!”
Piper countered with a “Neigh!” and the two bozos found themselves cackling all over the floor.
As Pinkie laid there and laughed her hooves off, she realized this was probably the last bit of fun she’d ever have with essentially herself. The thought was enough to slam the door on that smile of hers, but she kept on smiling anyway, and laughing and having a great time with her best friend. No matter how far away Piper might be, that door would always be open for that crazy little cream puff.
Raine had awoken in a barn of all the meager irony. Her cheek had a lazy streak of dried drivel over it and her skittle flavored hair had been woven in straws of hay, “D-Dash…? Where are you?”
She hobbled to her feet and gazed around the byer, and then she heard something she thought she’d never hear in a place like Equestria, a horse’s shaking huff followed by a lazy neigh in the next stall over.
Raine peeked over the wooden partition to what appeared to be a horse that had probably spent too much time around a table full of purple markers and a Kindergarten class, “T-Twilight? Is that you…?”
The lavender coated mare nodded with a huff. It was her alright, though clearly missing a signature piece of her magical expertise and much larger than her pocket size cousins. Amusingly enough, the long face, lonely eyes, bulky frame, and actual fitting hooves rather than stumped marshmallows actually made her look like, well, a real horse of all things.
Outside of their stalls trotted by another equine that had apparently been bleached in pink and given the most ridiculous poofy mane Raine had ever seen. Her bouncy nuances had long submitted to a headstall and bit with a pair of blinders covering those curious little eyes of hers.
A tall fellow, probably towards the end of his time-share, guided the innocent little horse through the barn. He had a leash in one hand and a rifle in the other, and then Discord turned towards Raine with an unfastened grin, “I hope you’re more useful than this one.”
And then Raine was the horse, and then she woke up in a screaming fright that nearly sent the real Rainbow Dash into a Sonic Rainboom.
Thankfully for her, the tree branch above them disagreed, “Gah! Mornin’ to you too, sunshine! Sheesh!”
Raine chittered through a chuckle and wiped the sand out of her eyes, “S-Sorry about that, bad dream.” She had expected to see the golden sunrise greeting the open field’s early morning, except that she’d plain slept through it, “Oh crap, what time is it?”
Dash began an indifferent shrug and then a shade of revolting shock crawled over her face.
“W-What is it?” Raine triangulated the direction in which the little Pegasus had drawn her alarm, and then realized just how crowded the sky actually was that day. No amount of cloud clearing would have undermined that falling space station now.
It measured probably around the size of the sun itself from the ground’s vantage point. Just about every little docking bay door, satellite panel and bolt were clearly visible. Those astronauts must’ve run out of paper by now from all the notes taken on the Earth’s sudden abundance of colorful horses Raine thought.
“W-We should probably go find Twyla…!” Raine began a route but ultimately crashed right into Aprile.
“Whoa nelly!” even with a pair of battered legs, it’d take a lot more than that to drop the farm girl, “Hold your horses! Oh, no offense, AJ.”
“None taken!”
It sure was a pleasant sight for sore eyes as far as the airline waitress was concerned. The sprite duo with their apples in abundance and with all they’d been through seemed ready to take on the world, and for all intents and purposes basically were, “Sure is nice to see you feeling better, Aprile. You ready to kick some ass?”
Aprile threw up a laugh and knock the pidgeon in the arm, “You’re damn right!”
“Well, uh, hopefully you don’t have to.” Fluttershy pardoned, “Violence is so, uhm, scary.” And she had every single right to hold that opinion.
Applejack stared at the two animal hoarders, “Ya’ll look like you’ve crawled out of a rattlesnake pit in the middle of July!”
“Erm, it’s not even July yet, Applejack.” Ditzy corrected, even though it was well into July by the time this chapter had been posted.
Fiona held back a giggle, “It’s an expression, Ditzy.” To which the bumbling Pegasus offered an, “Oh…!”
The others choked back their laughs to Ditzy’s ultimate dismay. She hid behind her human friend, and before Fiona could scold the offenders, Rainbow Dash fluttered over.
“Oh, Ditzy, you’re such a crack-up! You really need to hang out with us some more.” Dash elbowed the little Pegasus and for once, Ditzy took it all in stride and smiled.
“Uh, sure!” Ditzy was back in their hooves now, and Fiona finally felt comfortable letting her go.
“So, uh, weren’t we supposed to meet at Twilight’s house?” Raine asked.
“We already did, silly!” Piper cartwheeled into the picture, nearly round house kicking Raine in the face.
Pinkie skipped all the way over and in perfect unison landed on Piper’s head with a pose, “Twyla told us to meet up here, since it was probably where you’d be napping.” She snorted.
Dash hoofed the back of her head, “Well, what time is it?”
“It’s nearly three o’clock, sugarcube.” Chuckled Applejack.
“Sheesh! No wonder that thing’s so close!” Raine pointed out the obvious. The others had already done what they could to accept the frightful sight in the sky. A small token of hope was all that Twyla could offer to ease their fears, “I can’t believe I nearly slept through the whole thing.”
“You really mustn’t let the day slip past you like that. It does horrors for your complexion, darling.” Strolling down the pasture with a pair of ridiculous Mercura sunglasses was Regina, who may have fallen off the tallest pedestal in the world with such a tacky accessory, but the diva knew how to make them look good, especially under a giant white bonnet.
Even Rarity rocked a set. Today she may have been the escorting party to another dimension, but tomorrow she’d be a goddess.
Raine had gotten used to the nagging by now, or so she thought, “Hi, Regina.” She answered plainly, stuffing herself into the pit of her aviator’s jacket.
“Oh dear! Have you been sleeping out in the grass or something? You look like you haven’t bathed in a week!” Regina immediately began rummaging the stickers of grass and pine needles out of Raine’s unkempt hair, “Just because you’re off in some alternate universe does not excuse you from proper hygiene!”
Raine’s grumbling was quite the amusing sight for both Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
One look at Fiona was all it took for Regina to throw herself off of a cliff, “Christ, almighty! Did the three of you wander into a dragon’s nest? It looks as if you were just chewed up and spit out!”
To be honest, Fiona, Fluttershy and Ditzy had slept in as well due to obvious circumstances, and it had somehow been more important to be punctual to their meeting rather than spend an hour’s time at best to freshen up. A helpless giggle could hardly be helped.
“I will never understand how the lot of you can go on without at least some deodorant! I mean, look at this! There’s a pinecone dug into your hair, Fiona!”
“Oh, so that’s where that went.” Fluttershy was actually surprised.
Piper and Pinkie Pie nearly fell over in laughter and the others soon followed. Even Rarity couldn’t help herself, though Regina was still far from amused and spent the remainder of their time grooming the nonchalant Fiona, “Shame on you! Can’t even be bothered to groom yourself for your big trip home.”
“So aren’t we missing a couple of folks?” Pinkie pointed out, “Where’s Twyla and-”
A bolt of electrostatic lightning nearly threw the entire group for a loop and within the blink of an eye stood a purple little unicorn surrounded by a floating set of books, a record player and a mystical case. Alongside her stood a proud assistant posed with one hand against her hip and the other pointing straight at the falling space station. She cried out with every fiber of her being, “Allons-y!”
“Allon-what? Alonso?” Twilight’s quirked, “Erm, I don’t think I know anypony by that name, Twyla.”
Twyla held her magnificent stance, “Y-Yeah I know. I’ve just always wanted to say that.”
The reference had flown right over the unicorn’s horn, as if she ever would’ve ever caught it to begin with. Twilight finally laid down all of her books and that oh so familiar jeweled case of theirs, “Anyway, is everyone ready?”
By the look of it, and I mean by the wear dug under those eyes of theirs, they probably weren’t.
“What do you think?” Raine raised a brow.
Aprile put a hand over the pilot’s shoulder, “Cool it, kid. She’s only trying to help.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Twilight glanced over at the little treasure chest that she was still nowhere near ready to open. She was surprised at herself, she thought she’d be ready for this very moment. The fate of her friends and the future of Ponyville depended on this very moment, and yet her hooves were still shaky.
The others fared no better. Piper had the sharpest look of doubt in her and that same doubt was an understatement for Fiona. Raine still had one race left in her and Aprile was on the verge of leaving Applejack with both hats altogether. Regina on the other hand couldn’t have hidden the look on her face in any more accessories.
The ponies knew the stakes, but they were no closer to crossing the line in the sand than their human counterparts were. That chest could’ve remained bolted shut for eternity as far as they were concerned. Perhaps there was another way out of this? Maybe some convoluted ‘Plan B’ that Twilight could think up at the very last moment. Could there be any other way to spend just one more day in Ponyville?
Twyla could’ve read that entire library before her in one sweep. She hardly even had to judge the cover, and she certainly wasn’t any less guilty. She sighed and stared up at the glimmering object invading Celestia’s day, and behind it she saw something that had continued to give her hope at the bottom of every pit she’d fallen into.
It was that same old meek and timid little rainbow, barely noticeable at all and imaginably all the more uncertain of what lied ahead than anyone else there. It just sat there like a scared little girl looking for her mother, completely overwhelmed by the world around her.
Discord’s chaos knew no bounds, and Twyla knew that if they didn’t attend his party tonight that he’d only return again tomorrow with the same old dull hijinks. This needed to come to an end one way or another, but was this really the best thing she could think of?
Twyla had gone through each and every scenario, every factor and she just couldn’t think of any other way to see this through. For probably the first time in her logically scientifically driven life, she’d have to take a leap of faith, and she was going to have to bring her friends along for the ride.
She cleared her throat and grabbed the record player from Twilight’s side, “Listen up, ladies. I know this is difficult, the last thing I want to do is break all of our friendships that we’ve made here.” She glanced over at Twilight with a hopeless look in her eyes, “But this isn’t about us anymore. The worlds around us are crumbling at our feet, erm, and hooves as well, a-and we have Discord to blame for all of this! If we’re ever going to set things right again, then we have to drag him back to this world and make him pay for all the suffering he’s caused before anyone else gets hurt! This sucks, I know, but we can’t be selfish about this, girls. There’s too much riding on us!”
The crowd was eager, but silent.
Piper looked around, and finally stood up, “You mean shellfish?” she shot a wink at Twyla.
“Say what now?” Ditzy bid.
“Huh?” the derailment had thrown Twyla’s speech completely off of its tracks and the only one there who knew what the goofball was going on about was probably Pinkie Pie, who rolled her eyes and kept a giggle under her breath.
Aprile came to the cream puff’s aide, “I think what Piper’s tryin’ to say is that, what’s important is wranglin’ up Discord to pay for his crimes.”
Applejack nodded and tipped her hat, “That varmint’s gotta’ lot comin’ his way!”
“I-I don’t want to leave! B-But…” Fiona had to shift properly into gear to get herself going, “...I-I can’t stay here either knowing what he’s done, and what he could do if we don’t stop him.”
“Damn straight.” Raine threw an arm around the wobbly tulip, which soon blossomed into a rose, “This here’s a joint effort, and we’re gonna’ send him crawling back here begging for mercy!”
“Yeah! And we’ll be ready for him when he gets here!” Dash cried.
“Though I would definitely prefer to, well to be honestly blunt, ahem, spit on his dreadful face and break a god damned heel off through his kidney!” Regina nearly threw off the entire vibe to which Rarity tittered.
“It’s okay, she’s only got one pair of heels left. She’s not going to break them.” The white unicorn whispered over to Fluttershy.
“Oh, well, uhm, I wouldn’t mind if she at least, you know, startled him with them, at least a little bit…”
Twyla sat the record player at the center of the group and shot a glance over at Twilight, “Did you bring that record, Twilight?”
“Oh, of course I did! How could I forget?” she picked an old record out of dusty sleeve and sent it over to her big sister on a cloud of magic, “The third act of Die Walkure is one of my favorite pieces.”
Opera was just about the last thing Twyla had in mind. The gist was more a kin to cinema and specifically the war drums of an oncoming merciless slaughter, “Thanks, this is perfect.” It took about a second, but the needle eventually caught wind and ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ began thumping through every single heart there, “Time to dance, ladies. Whose ready to make it loud!?”
“Dance? I love dancing! And loud dancing is my favorite kind of dancing!” Piper threw herself into another squealing cartwheel that landed her by Twyla’s side.
Raine licked her lips, “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about, baby. Come on, Fiona. I’ve got your back!”
“Oh, uhm, okay.” She was probably blushing a lot more than she really wanted to admit.
Aprile hollered with a wave of her hat, “Let’s get this show on the road!”
Regina dipped her shades back into her brow, “I’ll consider getting myself dirty if it means a chance to wrap my talons around the gullet of that mad hatter! But just this once, you hear? And then it’s off to the spa with the lot of us!”
“Go for it, Twilight.” Nodded Twyla.
The unicorn grinned over a cacophony of opened subtext filled with a very specific set of marked spells. She sent a spark of magic towards the jeweled case and with a snap the lock opened revealing the Elements of Harmony. Twilight shot them off one by one, casting each golden necklace around the collars of every pony there, except for Ditzy of course because they hadn’t invented the Element of Stupidity yet, or even better, perhaps the Element of Surprise? Yeah, that’d be great, and endearing to boot!
There was an eager charge in the air that hopped through each jewel and it only grew in excitement as Twilight Sparkle dawned her golden crown, “Alright, we’re ready on our end!”
Twyla threw her arms over a couple of her friends’ shoulders with a determined glare, “Alright, ladies, here goes nothing!”
“We’re going back to nothing? That’s a bit grim there, Twyla.” Piper remarked, “Sheesh.”
The human collective stood in a circle and the ponies soon gathered around them as the charms shimmered and pulsed around their little necks.
“You ready there, Regina?” Aprile whispered.
“Well, probably not.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
Twilight huffed and hoofed through the final length of the spell. She took a breath and gazed up at the stellar anomaly before preparing her magic.
“Oh, crap!” Twyla cried, completely spoiling the buildup, “S-Sorry everyone, almost forgot about something.” She awkwardly scrambled over to the few remaining books that Twilight hadn’t already checked out and picked out one in particular before pulling the needle off of the record player only to prolong the ultimate destruction of the poor Vietnamese village.
“What’s wrong?” wondered Twilight.
“Here.” Twyla opened the tome to a tabbed page and fingered through a detailed illustration, “Almost forgot about this, Twilight. I want you to throw in this spell if things don’t go exactly as planned.”
Twilight was surprised by how far the ancient alchemists had gotten, and even more surprised by how much Twyla had caught up to the spellbound machinations of ponykind, “A-Alright, will do. You have my word.”
Twyla had one more thing to give the unicorn before they finally sailed off. She got down to a knee and gave Twilight a tight hug, “Thank you for everything, Twilight Sparkle. The little friends I had left would be gone if it wasn’t for you. T-Thank you so much…”
The unicorn nearly blemished her smile. Saving the lives of so many somehow didn’t seem like enough, “…I-I wish I could give you back your home as well.”
Twyla couldn’t bare to let go, “That’s okay. Knowing that your world is safe is more than enough for me.”
Twilight teared up. She would’ve gladly given up everything she had to give her friend back the life she knew, but the gift was just beyond her hooves, “T-Twyla, please stay safe, and take care of yourself.”
“You too, sis.” Twyla passed her fingers through the little unicorn’s highlighted mane, “Farewell.”
Raine sighed, “Come on, Twyla. You’re killing me over here.” To which Dash chuckled.
Twyla giggled and wiped away a few tears, “Coming!”
Dash casually flew over in a mess of awkward emotions she was too embarrassed to spill.
Raine met the look in her eyes, “Hope you’re ready to kick some ass, Dash.”
“Hah! You know I am, we’ll be waiting and ready.” Dash swung out her hoof and with a smile Raine gladly accepted the ‘ponyfist’.
“Just remember to think of me when you’re doing it, pipsqueak.”
“I’ll knock ‘em dead twice just for you, kiddo.” Rainbow paused for a second, “And, just hang in there, okay Raine?”
Raine chuckled, “Don’t get all soft on me, Dash.”
The Pegasus hid a laugh under a breath of disappointment. She’d hoped to at least get an arm over her shoulder or a rustled mane.
“Oh, get over here you, you big baby.” She gave the little pony a terrible noogie which with Dash’s ticklish laughs eventually turned into a big hug, “Take it easy, Dash, and take care of Gilda. She might be a little rough around the edges, but she’s a good kid.”
Dash was too embarrassed for sentence structure, “T-Thank you for everything, Raine. Thank you so much…!”
Pinkie Pie leapt into Piper’s arms, “We had such super fun time together, but boy am I going to miss you, Piper!”
“I’m going to miss you too, Pinkie Pie.” She held the little pony tightly, “For every one of our birthdays, I’m going to make sure to put one extra candle on the cake just for you.”
Pinkie Pie whimpered, “Oh! I’m going to put in two extra candles for you on my side of the cake!”
Fiona gave her flying little sister a warm hug, “I’ll never forget how kind you’ve been to me, Fluttershy, and please take care of Ditzy for me.”
“Of course I will, Fiona. Just make sure to take care of yourself too.” Fluttershy giggled, “You have a great big heart, just please don’t let it break.” She snuggled between Fiona’s arms.
Fiona giggled, “I promise, Fluttershy.” Her heart was probably far too generous to ever keep such a promise, but she’d do her very best just for Fluttershy.
She caught a glance of a waiting Ditzy, who looked as if she had been abandoned, “Oh, get over here Ditzy.” Fiona walked over to the awkward pegasus and made sure she was loved, “Please, Ditzy, don’t ever feel so bad for yourself and don’t ever believe what any dumb bully ever tells you, and most of all, hold your head up high and make sure that the whole world sees that beautiful smile of yours!”
Ditzy nearby broke down right there and then, but Fiona was there to pull her out of that well, “I-I’ll never forget you, Fiona! Please, take care of yourself. Stay safe!”
Regina picked off her sunglasses and glanced down at the white little unicorn standing by her side.
“I-I’ve never really been very fond for goodbyes, you see.” It was the very last thing Rarity wanted to say to her, “Although I’ll probably never see you again, I just can’t bring myself to say farewell as selfish as that sounds, but please, Regina, don’t ever forget about me.”
The diva knelt and put her arms around Rarity, “Forgetting you would be like forgetting all about everything I’ve ever adored in life, like throwing away all I’ve ever worked for. It would be like tearing out a part of my heart.” She knew she’d brought those damnable sunglasses for a reason, and the mere words were almost enough to break that very same heart, “Oh, I love you, Rarity, take good care of yourself and by all means, go ahead and flaunt whatever designs I left in your salon. They’re all yours.”
Rarity giggled through the tears rounding her cheeks, “I-I could never take the credit for those. I’m not nearly as talented as you-”
“Yes you are, Rarity. Yes you are, and don’t you ever doubt yourself. Keep pushing yourself and by the time you know it you’ll be living at the top of Canterlot.”
The thought burnished a soft laugh out of Rarity and Regina helped it along. At least for this very minute, the two were inseperable.
Aprile removed her hat as if she was staring down at one of the most inspirational monuments she’d ever laid her spring eyes on, “You know, if it weren’t for you always bein’ there to help me back up on my feet, I probably would’ve done somethin’… a little crazy, Applejack.”
“I don’t think you’d ever do somethin’ so awful, Aprile. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, you’re too much of a good person for that sort of thing.”
Aprile sighed, “For a bit, I think I may have almost let you down.”
Applejack rucked up a smile, “You could’ve plum robbed a cider store, and there’s still no way someone like you would’ve ever let me down.” The little pony lifted planted her front hooves against the cowgirl’s denim jeans, “Aprile, don’t ever lose hope, and don’t ever lose faith in yourself. You’ve gone through something terrible and yet you’ve come out of it in one piece. You’re a bright and tough woman… and before you go I want you promise me something.”
Aprile met those anxious green eyes of hers, still unsure if she could live up to anything anymore.
“Please promise me that when you get back, no matter how bleak things are, that you’ll keep your head held high and you’ll start over on that apple orchard. You put your life, blood and tears into those apples, just like your family did for generations. Please promise me that you’ll rebuild, not just for your family, or the pride, but for yourself. This whole crazy game in life that we’re all apart of needs a heap lot more of people like you, Aprile.”
Having lived on an apple farm for most of her life, and even with the opportunity to taste an apple in high definition, Aprile had nearly forgotten what a real apple tasted like. Even then her heart still ached, but even if she didn’t have the will any longer, she’d still learn to acquire that taste all over again if it was for Applejack, “Golly, AJ. You don’t leave too much room for wrigglin’, but you ‘ought to know that I ain’t one for turnin’ down a promise.” She managed what she could of a smile with the little pride she had left, “I-I won’t let you down, Applejack. I promise.”
AJ shook her head, “No, don’t let yourself down. I already know that you can do it.”
Aprile fell to her knees and held the pony close. It was the only sanctuary she could find to hide her tears, “T-Thank you for everything, Applejack. I’ll never forget you.”
Applejack adjusted her loose duster over her watering eyes, “Keep your chin up and take good care of yourself, n-now go on and get outta’ here.”
Aprile popped her hat back on her head with a distant quivering smile on her face and nodded, “A-Adios… Applejack.”
There was a little birdy in each of their hearts, but it was finally time to depart.
Twilight went over the massive spell one more time until she’d memorized even the punctuation.
Twyla flicked the needle back against the spinning record and with a scratch the Valkyries called out for their aide once more, “Time to get this show on the road, ladies.”
“Right!” they answered the call in unison and got back into their positions.
Twyla grinned over at Twilight for what would probably the last time. The unicorn returned the smile before throwing herself into the ethereal glow of the Elements of Harmony.
An uncertain spark crept from ornament to ornament basking in an electric howl vibrating from each of their gems. They began to glow and a brilliant radiance shot forth blanketing the humans in a sea of colors.
The ponies did their best to concentrate, but couldn’t help but break their focus to give their final goodbyes.
Raine grabbed Fiona’s hand, who thought she’d already been faily overwhelmed given the magic flowing through her body at that very moment. She shot a reassuring wink at the dainty little flower.
Fiona’s uncertainty arched into a perky smile. Even under all of the blush flustering over her cheeks, she felt as if she could take on the world with the hand she was holding.
Within seconds the six humans were washed over in a prism’s jetstream that shot off into the sky. The pillar of colors struck the incoming space station’s belly and carried it back off into orbit, and before Twyla and her friends could wave for any longer, they were eroded away. Their particles broke through the heavens in a bright thunderclap that disappeared beyond the clouds forever.
All that was left of their trip to Equestria was the brightest and most beautiful rainbow any of those little ponies had ever seen. Even Rainbow Dash was completely awe struck by its majesty.
Rarity walked up to her unicorn sister, “Do you think Twyla’s plan will work?”
Twilight gazed up into the rainbow and wondered what sort of world her human friends would end up going back to and what sort of future lay ahead of them. What they had given up for the sake of two universes would’ve been too much for anyone to bare.
“Twilight, dear?”
“Oh, sorry, Rarity. Yeah, I-I hope so…” because if it didn’t, then Twilight had just about sent those humans straight into the welcoming grill of a burning oven. She stared down at the opened spell book that Twyla had left her and for probably the first time in her life, she second guessed herself.
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 12: Midnight City
Our ghostly Valkyries traveled at what was probably the speed of light considering the flashing array of colors they’d been literally assimilated into. Even though they were no more than split molecules, they were still able to take in the overwhelmingly breathtaking view. The entire affair was a kin to a spinning kaleidoscope being thrown through an endless wind tunnel that had been covered in Christmas lights.
It was one of the strangest sensations any of them had ever experienced. None of them could see each other, but they still retained the impression that they were in a collected group the same way you might pick up on someone standing behind you.
Passing through the steel and iron of the International Space Station was an entirely different mess. The hulk was clearly being dragged along for the ride but the girls were simply too fast for it. They didn’t just pass through it and get a peek at the panicking crew inside, they shot straight through every atom of every single strand of matter aboard. It was like existing in the creative realm of a god.
Eventually they left the ISS behind and entered a world of mirrors. It was like meeting those six ponies all over again, except these dimensional doppelgangers weren’t ponies at all. Shortly summarized, the titles went something along the lines of ‘My Little Kitten’, 'My Little Arachnid', ‘My Little Vegetable Garden’, ‘My Little Ant Farm’, ‘My Little Cephalopod’, ‘My Little Android’, ‘My Little Sex Change’, etcetera. The inconceivable list was about as creative as it was absurd.
After some time they finally got past their ridiculous tunnel of possibilities. As if their little rainbow ride had ever really used any logical application of time and space to begin with, they eventually found themselves plummeting through the very same atmosphere they’d just been shot through. This approximation of Earth however was very different. There was no darling landscape, nor was there any smiling sunshine or puffy clouds or even any of those lovably colorful ponies. All that sat before them for as far as the eye could see was the color gray.
A brilliant flash of light filled the atoms that might’ve otherwise filled their eyes and within a heartbeat all six of them were standing on the uneven broken foundations of what was once Washington Square.
The park was littered in scrap metal tanks and dead soldiers. In fact, the only real pieces of evidence to cite their location were the crushed architecture that couldn’t have belonged to anything else but the Washington Arch. That poor old arch had been stretched out and butchered, much the same fate that eventually befell the city. She just sat there, left for dead with her clothes thrown over her dull body.
“I-I used to come here all the time…” Raine sat over the dry steps that surrounded the fountain’s cracked spout. It was the same spot she’d always sat in with her usual park buddies talking of the day and planning their typical antics. The park was completely silent today however, and it had nothing to do with any renovations. At the center of the circle laid what might’ve been a desperate soldier carrying out his final duty to shield a little girl. It looked as if he was still protecting her, even in death.
Twyla may have burned out her mind over the expectations of their return, but nothing could’ve prepared her for this, “Oh, gosh…!” Twyla winced away from the corpses. She knew that returning home would’ve been sobering, but this was simply too much.
She had Regina to thank for a comforting arm around her shoulder, “I-It’s alright, Twyla. We knew to expect this after all…”
No matter how much she wanted to stop, Raine just couldn’t turn herself away from the sheltered little girl. She didn’t look a day over five.
Fiona couldn’t stand it, and even further she couldn’t stand seeing Raine trapped by it. She placed her palm over Raine’s cheek and turned her away from the tragedy. She covered Raine’s girly blush with a motherly embrace. She didn’t have any words for the fighter pilot, but she’d stay by her side, and somehow, that was all the hope that Raine needed.
“I-I think we should get out of here, girls.” Piper nearly stumbled over a nearby corpse, the sight of which sent shivers up her spine.
Aprile pulled the cream puff away from the dead body with the best smile she could pull out of her pocket, “It’s alright kid, just make sure to show these boys some respect. If it’s too much though, don’t feel too bad. There ain’t no shame in lookin’ away.”
Unfortunately for Piper, there would be quite a lot to look away from that day.
They eventually got over their grief, not to mention over the minefield of body parts, and finally made it out of Washington Square.
Fifth Avenue had certainly taken a beating, whether it was due to a gaggle of rampaging monster pigeons, a rat infestation to define all rat infestations, traces of what appeared to be a giant squid attack or just the hopeless defense of the National Guard, nothing had been gained from it. Wherever the last stand had really taken place, assuming the bombs had actually done their jobs was as good a question as any, and our girls were certainly at a loss for any real answer. They were in the middle of a post-apocalyptic tale that had ended just before survivors had climbed out of their bunkers, that is, if they’d survived even that.
“So, uh, now that we’re here, uhm, I got myself few questions for ya’ll.” Aprile began, “Besides what exactly we’re supposed to do now, how do we know that your plan actually worked, Twyla?”
Twyla knew that her answer just wasn’t going to be good enough, “Well, uh, Twilight and the others were supposed to send us a signal letting us know if Discord hadn’t transferred back into their world. Although considering we’ve traveled through dimensions and space time-”
Raine crossed her arms, “So, what you’re saying is, he’s either left already and been taken care of, or there’s a delay with that signal and we could very well be walking into one of his traps.”
Twyla really wanted to rip her hair out, “Look, he can watch us whenever he wants, right?” which didn’t exactly bring any comfort, “I’m sure if he was still around, he would’ve done something by now.”
“But how can you be so sure, dear?” Even Regina had become a skeptic, “You know that all of us have put aside quite a lot to return to… well this. Just what exactly are we supposed to do now, Twyla!?”
“Hey! Cut me some slack here. I’m only a teacher! I did the best I could with what I had, and I was only looking out for everyone’s interest.”
“There ain’t nothin’ interestin’ about this place, Twyla.” Aprile snuffed.
“Come on girls! It’s not like she’s a rocket scientist or anything!” Piper remained one of the few loyalists alongside Fiona by default, who was too preoccupied with a hair at the corner of her eye to object.
Regina turned away, “Look, I-I’m sorry. It’s just that we’ve left so much behind and come so far to be uncertain.” The leaning buildings, overturned vehicles and burnt shadows were just too much for the diva to stomach.
“Whatever, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starting over.” Raine didn’t know exactly where she’d start, but she’d make her mark somehow. She stretched out her arms, “Feels good not having anymore debt.”
“Well, given there’s been no signal so far. I’d imagine that we’re in the clear.” Aprile put an arm over Twyla’s shoulder, “Come on, sug. Maybe we can find somethin’ to eat around here.”
Twyla had parked herself against a battered car and was too busy pinching her brows and contemplating the situation to respond. She was still a little sour considering she’d gotten her friends home in one piece only to be thanked with a ruined city, not that she was expecting any applause, but it would’ve been better than doubt. If only she’d told Twilight Sparkle to send them a different message if everything had turned out alright, then maybe she’d have the ease to accept Aprile’s offer.
Piper pulled away the farm girl, “I think we should give her some space for now.”
Regina moved in as the other two left. She leaned up against the car next to Twyla as silently as she could. She wanted to apologize again and alleviate that burden over her shoulders, but she was afraid a single slip of the tongue would offend her. She reached out, but before she could ease the woman’s frustration, Twyla stood up, “Look, it’s cool, Regina. Don’t worry about me, because we’ve got more important things to worry about right now.” and walked away.
Regina hadn’t even gotten the chance to read her script. Twyla just wasn’t in the mood for an apology.
There it was again, a strange scuttle just beyond the focus of the human eye, and the only person that seemed to notice it was Fiona. She was clearly anxious, but thanks to her typical silent demeanor and well, her voice box being sore given all the screaming she done the night before, her warnings fell on deaf ears.
She scampered in every direction but where she’d caught a glimpse of the apparition, and like the inept ditz that she was, accidently bumped into Raine, “Oh, Fiona, you don’t have to pretend to bump into me just to cop a feel.” Fiona nearly fumbled backwards, half way over trying to explain herself, but Raine was there to catch her with an arm around her waist. She pulled the little tulip back onto her feet, “Seesh, you sure are clumsy! Here, let’s try this instead.”
Fiona had already changed colors, but her situation was about to become even more cluttered, “W-Wait!”
Raine wrapped one of her legs around Fiona’s hips and placed the virgin’s hand on her butt, “Feel that?” it sure was plump, “Now you have some control.” She squeezed Fiona’s butt with the hook of her leg, which only made the poor thing squirm.
“R-Raine…!” she was on the verge of bursting a blood vessel.
“Remember, it’s all about placement.” Raine took up Fiona’s nervous hand and placed it under her rainbow colored hair so that her ear sat just between her thumb and index finger, “Now just curl that and draw me in.” She giggled like an idiot and slung her arms over Fiona’s shoulders, “Come on, Fiona. What’re you waiting for...?”
Fiona was terrified, in more than a few different ways. Her heart pounded and her legs trembled. She was very much still curious and wanted those lips more than anything else, but her apprehension betrayed her.
It was a kin to having your date slide their hand down your pants in the heat of the moment. You were finally going to get lucky and you were probably going to lose your head over it but mostly due to the falling guillotine. It wasn’t a very good combination.
Twyla shoved her face into the palm of her hand and tried to give the two some space.
Aprile sighed, “Where’s my darn Bible when I need it…”
“Oh, don’t even start with that, Aprile.” Twyla hissed.
“Don’t start with what? Showin’ ya’ bonafide proof that that sorta’ thing ain’t natural?”
Twyla got right in Aprile’s face, “How about you start by showing me how you’re still not a bigot?”
“So I guess you’re callin’ God a bigot then?” Aprile dismissed.
“You can’t be called a bigot if you don’t exist!” swung Twyla.
Aprile was ready to bop that teacher right in the teeth until Piper showed up, “Love is love! You can’t judge someone for who they love, Aprile!”
Regina rolled her eyes, “And what exactly would ‘you’ know about love? When was the last time you even had a boyfriend, Piper?”
“Hey! I-I’ve had a boyfriend before! H-He just lived far away...”
“On the internet, right?” Regina held back a laugh.
“S-So what? What’s so funny!?” Piper stomped, “He was a great guy! We used to chat all the time on Skype, and we’d play games together on Steam, and all sorts of other stuff!”
“So then, how was the sex?” Aprile laughed, “Or did ya’ll type it out over the computer?”
“Wow, Aprile. I’m surprised you even know what a computer is.” Twyla scoffed, “Have they upgraded to AOL 3.0 on that there barn of yours? I heard that the CD’s come in cereal boxes now. Maybe ya’ll can fancy yer’selves over to that thurr’ ‘Walmart’ and pick up a copy!”
Aprile grabbed the schoolteacher by the collar, “You got a problem with me, hippie? We’ll go right now.”
Twyla threw up a grin, “Fair warning, there won’t be any cops around to pull me off of you.”
“Girls! Girls, stop it!” Piper did her best to intervene and split them apart, “Regina, help!”
The diva rolled her eyes and pitched in, though of her efforts became rather pointless given her fears of breaking a nail than actually breaking the scuffle.
Fiona was nearly there, she could taste Raine’s heavy breathing but she just kept getting caught up in all of the spaghetti falling out of her pockets.
By now, Raine had become rather impatient and was just about to force her lips into Fiona’s, that is, until a familiar cackle shook the entire group out of their nonsense.
The laugh undid Twyla’s hold around her friend’s throat, and even withheld Aprile’s fist.
Like a shrill gust, the sinister laugh returned snaking its way around the boulevard and shot down Fifth Avenue. It came as it had always done, from every single corner at once.
Aprile lifted Twyla off of the hood of a car, “S-Sorry, kiddo.” She whispered, wondering which direction the demon would come from.
“I-It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” Twyla’s apology might’ve been more genuine had her heart not sank into the sole of her foot.
If a roaming shadow or the thought of kissing Raine again hadn’t made Fiona uneasy then she was definitely having a panic attack by now. She whimpered and trembled but luckily for her, she was in the protective arms of Raine, “Genki Sudo, protect us.” She whispered a prayer under her breath and held onto Fiona, “I-It’s alright, sweetie. I gotcha’.”
Piper shivered, “I-I thought he was gone…!”
Regina hushed the cream puff and held her hand firmly, “We’re a bit vulnerable out here, Twyla.”
Twyla nodded, and before she could find suitable cover, a pigeon landed on the roof of a nearby car, “Quite vulnerable indeed, my dears.”
Twyla jerked away from the pigeon, landing into Aprile’s arm, “D-Discord!”
Piper yelped and scurried behind Regina.
“Were you expecting anyone else to welcome you home…?” the sight was probably more disturbing than that one time he’d been flying around like a mosquito, “I’m just thrilled that you could make it. It got boring playing Hungry Hungry Hippos by myself.” Which he was doing on a rather large scale, “Oh, and Bravo! You even somehow managed to return with your little space station and save Ponyville all at the same time! Very well done my-!” The fowl Discord was practically splattered over the car by a heel.
“You little-!” Regina punched quite a few holes into the banged up frame of the vehicle, but the feathered demon was just too quick for her.
“Almost got me that time!” he chuckled at the top of a crooked lamp post.
Twyla picked off her slipper and threw it at the bird, but missed horribly. Thankfully, her unimaginable frustration was abstracted by the begging question, “Just what in the blue hell are you still doing here, you bastard!?”
“Pardon me…?” Discord quirked his neck, in much the way a bird would, “Whatever do you mean, child?”
Twyla picked up her slipper and nearly tripped getting it back on, “It’s your fault that we were sent to Equestria in the first place, but we’re back now, so why are you still here? You should’ve been sent back in the same way that… S-Stop laughing!
The silliest grin choked over Discord’s, well, I suppose his beak, “What…?” he tossed them another mocking laugh, “Wait a second. D-Did you really think that…? Oh dear, that’s just hilarious!”
If there was ever a demoralizing moment for our girls, it was right about here.
Twyla felt as if she’d just been humiliated at a public debate on the topic of Evolution. She was at her wit’s end.
“I-I just can’t believe you buffoons thought that you could influence a god! It’s just too funny, really.”
Those ponies should’ve sent her signal by now Twyla thought, given the obvious circumstance, “What have you done to them?!”
“With who…? Oh! You mean your little pony friends? Oh, they’re probably having so much fun by now. I mean, why else would I summon you here in the first place?” he snorted, “Emotional chaos is my newest favorite game, you see! I mean, I couldn’t very well allow them to lend you any assistance, now could I?”
Regina growled, “Why you-!”
“You son of a bitch!!” you might’ve expected that sort of language from Raine or Aprile, but no, that was Fiona yelling at the top of her lungs. She tore herself away from Raine’s arms, “How dare you play games with us! You better not have hurt Ditzy or Fluttershy or any of the others you sick bastard!”
Discord couldn’t resist the chuckle, “Oh dear! I love that spicy flavor in you, Fiona. I may just come down and join you for a little bite.”
“Dinner’s on us, asshole!” Raine barked, standing impressed with Fiona’s bite.
“If you so much as harm a single hair on Applebloom’s head, so help me Lord I’ll stomp a mud hole in you!” You could roast a marshmallow over the fiery glare in Aprile’s eyes.
Piper wouldn’t be left out of the challenge, “You’re big and fat and stupid and full of poopoo! You big fat stupid poopoo-head!”
Discord squawked, “Fine, I’ll let you goofballs humor me for a moment.” He pointed out a wingtip, “Do you see my lovely castle over there?” he was of course referring to the Empire State building with the comically tossed letter ‘D’ over it. “Meet me at my bastion and we’ll have ourselves a grand old showdown.”
“Why wait!?” Twyla wasn’t one for animal abuse, but the anger bubbling in those tears were ready to make an exception.
“Oh, where’s your sense of drama, Twyla? Where’s your sense of climax…?” Discord fluttered into the air, “Do you want an end to our little game? Do you want your precious little city back so badly? Then come and take it from me already!” and with that he flew off prepared to dodge all sorts of flying shoes.
Twyla bit her lip and fell to her knees clenching her temples. She looked as if she actually missed her old beat up sedan if anything else but to pummel it into the ground.
Aprile dashed over and put an arm around her, “Now don’t you dare blame yourself for any a’ this.” Twyla was too swept up in her frustration to really listen, but Aprile made sure she got an ear full, “Now you listen to me, damnit! I ain’t come all this way to pick a fight with ya’ or watch ya’ sit there and fret! I came back here to knock that bastard’s lights out and I intend to keep that promise, and you’re comin’ along for the ride whether you like it or not. You know why?”
Twyla hadn’t the slightest word, but mostly she had her mouth in Aprile’s grip.
“It’s ‘cause you’re one of my best friends, Twyla! We’re all we got left and I ain’t about to leave you sittin’ there bawlin’ yer’ eyes out, now git-up!”
“That’s right!” Regina was still wielding her heels, “Even if there’s nothing we can do about time collapsing on itself, we’ve still got a dragon to slay!”
Piper cartwheeled into a pose, “I’ve got my dragon shouts ready!”
“Might be a bit of a suicide mission, but I like them odds. What do you think, sweetie?” Raine slapped Fiona’s perky little behind.
Fiona wasted no time, given her sudden burning spirit. She grabbed ahold of Raine’s cheek and gave her the worst but at least most passionate kiss Raine had ever gotten.
Aprile rolled her eyes and but at least kept her scripture pocketed and turned to Twyla, offering her a hand and a smile, “Dry them eyes out, sug’. We’ve got a job to do.”
Twyla rolled her wrist over her eyes with a sniff and took up the girl’s hand, “…You’re too good for me, Aprile.”
“Eh, cut that crap out, would ya’? Let’s get a move on, ladies!”
The others nodded and followed the cowgirl’s lead.
Twyla did her very best to collect herself, “Damnit, we have to hurry and put a stop to this! Twilight and the others are in trouble, I just know it!”
Yeah, let’s go ahead and see what’s happening over in good old Ponyville.
“Defensive positions, girls!” Twilight Sparkle stood by her best friends. Somewhere somehow their plan had gone horribly wrong and not only could they not grant Twyla her request, but they might not even be around long enough to handcuff Discord if he ever did come back.
‘They’ hadn’t quite entered Ponyville just yet. The only things that stood in their way were the six most courageous ponies they’d ever watered their mouths over, or at least whatever creative machinations made up their appetite.
“W-What are those things…!?” Pinkie Pie hid under Applejack’s hat somehow.
“T-They look kind of scary.” Ditzy had had enough of monsters for one week, and without Fiona around she had no idea how she’d fare.
“More zombies?” Dash questioned, “Man, that Discord’s really running out of ideas.”
There were about a dozen of them. Not exactly what I’d call a real zombie breakout, but what did horses know about horror flicks? Certainly nothing about the undead and how they behaved.
This bunch was far more organized, stepping out of the nearby forest and into the meadow. They looked like human statues with the motif of an animal carved throughout their gray bodies. A few noticeable faces involved a wolf, a goat, a spider, a crocodile obsessed with his stupid chiwawa, a suicidal dark horse, a snake in severe need of validation, some useless bird with family issues, I think it was a crane or something, and a mantis just to name a few.
They were all led by an Arch king who for some reason resembled a grasshopper although he at least had some sense of taste. He wore an elegant white scarf around his neck which had been thrown into a constant flowing breeze. Fashion was convenient that way, I suppose, “Take them, they’ll be the first of many to join our race.”
“Pardon us, but what did you just say…?” Rarity raised a brow, “I appreciate your sense of drama but I shan’t be going anywhere today. We’re… sort of in the middle of something, you see, and-!”
The ponies jerked at the sudden ejection of biomechanical swords, blades, tusks, fangs, and other bodily cutlery.
The spider giggled maniacally, “I like the pink one! I’ll take her!”
Pinkie Pie popped out of AJ’s hat with a gasp, “Oh gosh, girls! They like me! I guess they’re friendly after all.”
Ditzy was ready to hop into the hat herself, especially if Pinkie was on her way out.
The ghastly spider grinned and snickered to himself.
Applejack adjusted her anxious hat, “I-I don’t think that one’s the friendly type, Pink.”
“Oh, but we are!” The snake countered, “All we want is some new friends. Won’t you join us for a party?” to which Pinkie gave an adorable, “Yay!”
“Grow the herd, my friends!” The king commanded and his subjects swarmed with blades and teeth at the ready.
If there was one thing Aprile knew that didn’t involve apples, it was how to get a truck to work. Even with an ignition key, which had been conveniently fished out of the glove compartment, the truck still refused to budge.
Twyla had no idea how she’d done it, but with what sounded like a crank, a whack and a bit of friendly persuasion, the truck started. It may have been missing a few chunks of paint along with entire panels due to the blast, but that engine somehow rustled to life and they’d all jumped aboard.
Twyla hopped into the center seat, “We need to find some weapons, preferably some guns.”
Regina hopped into the remaining passenger seat, “And preferably automatic.”
“That’s an awesome idea!” Raine cried from the bed of the truck, “We’re gonna’ need a lot of ammo too!”
“And missiles!” Piper added.
“And rockets!” Fiona added even further.
“Well this is New York after all.” Aprile cranked the transmission into gear. It worked almost as smoothly as her old tractor did back on the farm, “Shouldn’t be too hard to find at least a shotgun.”
The engine stammered for a bit but it eventually got its act together and began moving down the cluttered road. There were more than a few frightful obstacles to avoid laid out in the streets. Aprile distracted herself with the snowflakes of tattered papers sinking in between the off centered office buildings. She almost ran over the body of a downed woman which nearly sent Fiona tumbling off of the truck bed, but of course Raine was faster than your typical flight dummy, “Just where are you going…?”
“Oh, uh-” Fiona actually had a sexy quip ready, but caught that same lingering shadow at the edge of her eye. It had to have realized that it had been caught in the act, because it disappeared behind a pile of wreckage within the bat of an eye.
Raine pulled her close, “Something wrong, Fiona?”
Fiona cleared her vision. She imagined that given the shock of the city, her mind was probably just playing tricks on her. It probably wasn’t the smartest decision she’d ever made, but go figure, “Oh, uh, nothing.”
Raine chuckled and slapped the roof of the truck, “Aprile! There’s a gun shop up ahead! Make a left up here!”
Aprile banged her knuckle against the overhead ceiling, “Gotcha’!”
It took a bit of effort and maneuvering but the truck eventually got them to the weapons depot.
“Oh! There it is!” Piper could tell it was a gun store based on the amount of bullet holes in the windows, as well as all of the sandbags surrounding the joint.
Regina exited the vehicle followed by Twyla, “We don’t have a lot of time. We have to hurry!”
Regina was the first to the door, which was just barely hanging off of its hinges, “Hello…? Is anybody in there?”
The place looked worse on the inside. It appeared as if it had been used as an outpost at one point, though incredibly unorganized which may have explained why it was no longer inhabited.
Raine peeked in, “I seriously doubt anyone’s home, you know, because of all the-!”
“Hands up! I-I swear to god, if any of you crazy fleshbags make a move I’ll blow your stinkin’ heads off!” the scrawny figure looked as if the army cap was two sizes too big for her own head, and the machinegun being even larger.
The girls ducked for cover except of course Aprile and Raine who batted a pair of hilarious grins at one another.
Regina did all she could to stuff herself behind a sandbag without actually getting any dirt on her outfit, “D-Don’t shoot!”
“W-We come in peace! We mean you no harm!” shouted Twyla.
Aprile chuckled and nodded, to which Raine gave a careless sigh and walked right up to the supposed crackshot.
“Raine! What’re you-!” Twyla tried to warn the fighter pilot, but Aprile hushed her.
“I-I mean it! I’ll shoot! Stay back!” The figure nearly stumbled over a pallet of Twinkies as Raine closed in.
Without a moment’s hesitation, she snatched the gun away from the girl, “Can you believe this, Aprile? Not only do you have the safety on, but you don’t even have a loaded cartridge in the magazine well.”
Twyla poked her head through the door, “Seriously?”
“Did I ever tell you guys I sort of became a bit of a gun nut?” Raine smirked.
Aprile tipped her hat and leaned back against the door frame, “I’m a might sure she did, she mentioned it to me anyway. Gotta’ say, I’m awful impressed to see that kinda’ thing out of a hippie like her.”
Raine laughed, “So what exactly are you trying to gun down with this sort of crap? What’s been going on around here?”
The girl dug herself out of a mountain of Twinkie boxes and backed herself against a wall, “W-What do you mean? Where the heck have you guys been!? Haven’t you heard?”
Twyla rolled her eyes and finally entered the shop, “We’ve been on a bit of a ‘vacation’ let’s say, but we’ve heard about what happened.” Twyla moved in and removed the army cap off of the blonde haired woman, “Care to fill in the details?”
By now the lone survivor was surrounded by all six of the Valkyries and she really had no other choice, “Fine! B-But please, just close the front door first and follow me.”
Apparently her name was Debbie, a blonde postal worker with a familiar look in her eyes. She took them into a backroom that at one point was probably a makeshift operations room used by long gone soldiers or at least a few freedom fighters. Wherever they had gone or if they were even still alive was anyone’s guess. All Debbie could do to honor them was to guard their leftover ammo, weapons, and the very little that remained of their lunchboxes.
She poked her head out the door and inspected the hallway as she’d done each night that week before finally sealing it shut with a series of bolts and locks.
Fiona walked up to her, obviously catching hint of the familiar face. She giggled to herself over the awfully close resemblance, which had the poor thing taking guesses, “You remind me of a very good friend of mine.”
Debbie scratched the back of her head in hopes of stomaching the compliment, “Thanks, I guess?”
“Makes sense.” Twyla observed, “She must be the dimensional polar of Ditzy.”
Regina took a good look at the confused mail carrier, “Now that you mention it, the likeness is uncanny!”
“W-What…?” it was quite a peculiar thing to say after all, “What’re you people talking about?”
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Piper scurried into the picture and nearly threw Regina against a wall, “I know! Would you happen to like muffins?”
That did it, “Oh God, I haven’t had a muffin in forever. What I wouldn’t give for a muffin right about now…” Debbie was nearly frothing at the mouth at the mere mention, “But it’s just too dangerous to go outside and look around for anything. They said they’d send more help but it’s been a few days now and you guys are the first I’ve seen of anybody since.”
Twyla eased Piper out of the frame, “What do you mean dangerous? What’s exactly going on out there? And how did you even survive?” She was of course quite familiar with Discord’s tricks first hand, but merely wanted a bird’s eye view of what nonsense he’d been up to here at home.
Debbie wasn’t sure if they’d just walked in from another dimension or were just stupid, “Sheesh, well at least you guys missed out on all of the bad parts. It all started about a week ago now. It was awful….”
Twyla and the others thought they knew the depths of Discord’s madness, but they had no idea what lengths he’d gone to and what sickness had plagued the people of the city. As if all the monsters and chaos Discord had unleashed hadn’t been enough, even a week later he was still tinkering with their souls.
Those fortunate enough to escape the searing light of the blast awoke to a merciful Fallout. He had been kind enough to pluck the spike of radiation from the city, and how did the remaining survivors thank him? They turned on each other.
It was every man, woman and child for themselves. Food, clothing, shelter, heck even electronics, DVDs, televisions, guns, things that weren’t even necessarily needed for survival were fought over. The very nature of Natural Selection toyed with the hearts of the people, but there was more to it than just that.
Debbie described a strange taste in the air, which was all the reason she needed to barricade herself in doors. Twyla imagined it might’ve been residue left from the blast but allowed the woman to continue.
There was a strange sensation outside that turned good men into cannibals, tearing away food from the arms of their own loved ones. It started out small, in fits of reasonable desperation, but it only got worse from there on out.
She described one instance where a mother suddenly threw over her baby’s carriage to attack another much older woman, clawing and biting at her. The others tried to stop her, but the strangest thing happened.
Debbie was still visibly shaken from having witnessed the incident first hand. The group, which had apparently been looking for shelter or a way out of the city, went from trying to separate the two to immediately turning on them. The elderly woman’s liberators soon became her worst nightmares and finished the job her assailant had begun.
Debbie recalled blood splattering against the window before running into the very room they stood in. She was afraid they’d come running in at any moment that day, but they never did, and if anything else the suspense of that alone was even more terrifying, “They turned into zombies or something… it was horrible…”
“Hasn’t Discord had enough?” Regina shuttered, “It’s just too much…”
Twyla cupped her chin, “It’s just like Twilight said. Discord turns people against each other, even good friends and family alike. He’s like some kind of infectious plague incarnate, but I never imagined he’d go to such lengths even after annihilating an entire city… It’s like he’s never satisfied.”
“Just like what he did to us.” Aprile remarked, “Practically had us killin’ each other over nothin’.”
“Exactly.” Twyla turned to Debbie, “Are there any other survivors you know about, Debbie? Anyone else at all?”
She shook her head, “When the monsters attacked, I ran into this building. The shop owners were kind and took me in. They told me to hide in the back where I’d be safe, and then they grabbed their guns ran outside to help the police. I remember a bright light coming from outside and the entire building shaking around me. I thought it was going to collapse and then I remember waking up on the floor… Everything was so quiet, and it was just me.”
The room sobered up a bit. Seeing the city in ruin was one thing, but hearing about how it got that way was quite another. Piper might’ve felt the tension in the air if she hadn’t been messing with a weapon that looked like it was something out of Wayne Enterprises.
“I’ve stayed in here ever since, hoping maybe the army would come back. I-I’m just too scared to go back out there and check for survivors, at least by myself.”
“Well, don’t worry about all that. We’ve dealt with zombies before!” Raine threw an arm around Debbie, “We’re here to take care of all that, Derpy, erm, Debbie. S-Sorry about that.”
Debbie sighed, “Oh, don’t worry about it. My friends used to call me that all the time, and it’s actually kind of nice to hear it again.” The insult was enough to garnish a smile out of the girl, “Anyway, we should be fine as long as we stay inside.”
“Well that’s not happening.” Twyla glanced over at Piper, who had educated herself on a host of weaponry.
“Look what I found!” Piper threw Twyla a shotgun and a case full of shells.
“We’re going to need a lot more than this.” Twyla loaded the weapon.
“Oh, there’s plenty to go around!” Piper started tossing around glocks, rifles, and ammo as if they were cupcakes.
Fiona was given a P-90 submachine gun, which in itself was probably too big for her, “O-Oh, my! How do I even use this-?”
“Here you are, darling.” Regina had fancied something much bigger than a simple pistol and so she traded Fiona for her weapon.
“Oh, uhm, okay…”
“Yeah, here we go!” Raine cocked a HK-416 assault rifle, “This’ll be just like playing Black Ops.”
“A little underwhelmin’, doncha’ think?” Aprile rested a good old AK-47 against her shoulder. She was a far cry from some stinking old Commie’, but recognized superior firearms when she saw them.
“Oh, don’t you even start with that.”
“Yeah, besides!” Piper pranced into the debate, “Bazookas are better!”
Twyla handed Debbie a full magazine, “We’re getting you out of here, so get ready.”
“W-Wait! You guys can’t just go back out there! It’s dangerous!”
Aprile kicked the door with her boot, “And you can’t survive in here forever. He’ll eventually get you, and we’re fixin’ to stop him.”
“Him…?” Debbie questioned.
“You’ll be much safer with us than in this filthy bunker, dear. Now come along.” Regina would’ve offered further assurance but a loud crash of glass silenced the entire room.
Their voices hushed and they huddled against the damp wall on either side of the door.
“You wanted to play some Call of Duty, well you’ve got your chance now, Raine.” Twyla whispered, which even under the circumstances was enough to make Raine laugh, “We’ll have to run for it. You and Aprile lead the charge, and shoot anything that looks crazy. We’ll bring up the rear.”
Another smash had stormed the defense and was probably helping itself to a batch of Twinkies, which would’ve been fine if that was all they really wanted, but the otherworldly sounds of hisses and shrieks suggested otherwise.
Aprile nodded as Raine filled her jacket with ammo, “Roger, dodger.”
Twyla did the same, “We make a B-line for the truck and we head straight for the Empire State building, everybody ready?”
“Are you guys seri-!?” Regina covered Debbie’s yap and before the mail carrier could prepare herself, the locks broke and the door flew open.
Like an ambush, they rushed down the hallway and surprisingly there was plenty to fight through. All Debbie could hear were shots being fired and loud inhuman shrieks down the corridor. She was being pulled along for the ride whether she liked it or not. Though she supposed an escort of armed guards gave her at least some chance at getting out of there alive.
Whatever they were, ferals or just plain ghouls, they had filled the building and were nearly crawling on the ceilings by now.
The things might’ve been human at some point but the poor unfortunate souls had been horribly corrupted. They were lost to society and Twyla made sure to put an end to their suffering one shot at a time.
“Oh dear!!” Fiona was probably too delicate to fire a gun, but even she managed to make use of the piece she’d been handed. Her shots needed improvement, but luckily for her it was impossible to miss.
Shells fumbled against the walls in the dozens under the shouts for target practice. Debbie wasn’t really sure what to do, given she was far from an expert tactician. The closest she’d ever come to firing a weapon was filling a muffin with a frosting gun. She was in no position to be picky however, and went with the flowing tide of absolution.
To think that if these girls hadn’t arrived when they did that she’d probably be screaming for her life by now.
“Zombie at six o’clock!” Twyla cried out, one headed straight for Debbie who had lagged to the rear of the group.
Thankfully this time, Raine had taken the safety off of her weapon and she actually had some bullets to fire. Her finger was shaky and her heart pounded, but she finally took the shot. The little gun jittered in her grip and at least a few bullets pierced the ghoul and tossed him into his fellow undead brethren. Unfortunately zombies were far from the grieving type and treated him like a speed bump.
“Too slow! Here, let me help!” Piper had never fired a bazooka before, especially inside a building, but that wasn’t exactly going to stop her.
“Piper, wait!” Twyla should’ve known better.
The throng had just begun to pick up speed when Piper fired a rocket that disemboweled the first few zombies before finally exploding in a blast that shook half of the block.
The girls certainly got their assistance getting down the hallway. At least they’d made it into the lobby without any broken bones just yet.
“Piper, you idiot!” Raine cried, “You could’ve gotten us-Gah!”
Piper spun her party cannon around, accidently bopping Raine over the back of the head and aimed it at the paparazzi waiting just outside the shop, “Don’t worry! It’s on the house, girls!” Another jet stream rocketed into the crowd and blew them all to bits.
“Come on, ladies!” Twyla ran led them out of the building, which looked as if it was about to crumble at any moment, “Oh, great.”
Their only ticket down the rest of Fifth Avenue was absolutely covered in ferals. They seemed curious, as if the zombies were actually trying to figure out how to operate a truck all over again.
“No sudden moves. Keep quiet, ya’ll.” Aprile hushed.
“Don’t worry, I got it!” Piper got on a knee and cleared the ghouls off of their truck the only way she knew how, with a bazooka. The truck, along with every little flaming zombie on it flew into the side of a nearby building in a giant fireball.
“Holy cow…!” Debbie nearly wet herself.
“You gadumbed blasted idiot!” Aprile rang, “That was our truck!”
“But I did get rid of the zombies, now didn’t I?” Piper winked.
Twyla groaned, “We don’t have time for this!” which was a sentiment proven by the ever growing throng of zombies gathering south of the street behind them, “Move!”
What had gone from originally a suicide mission to the trigger’s end of a firing squad had reverted back to yet another suicide mission. The Empire State building wasn’t very far off now and they were caught between a horde of hungry zombies and a diabolical deviant awaiting their arrival in his favorite lawn chair. Their fight would prove to be the steepest uphill battle our ladies had ever climbed.
Pinkie Pie had come within a hair’s distance to finding out just what sort of party these statuesque figures had in store. The slice of a blade had nearly given her a mane cut had Twilight not intervened with a convenient bubble shield, “Hang on tight, Pinkie!”
“To what?” like a wrecking ball, Pinkie was swung around batting the foes back and forth like bowling pins. To have expected a real fight from a bunch of miniature horses was well, unexpected.
The king attempted to get back to his feet and fight, but Twilight knew an opportunity when she saw one and planted him into the grassy pasture with the sphere.
“Twilight, careful! What about Pinkie?” Rarity was clearly concerned, as anyone would’ve been.
“Oh, don’t worry. I used a mild gravity spell.” She giggled over Pinkie Pie happily dancing and prancing around in the pink ball as if she hadn’t felt a single thing. She pretended to stomp her hooves over the king’s back and laughed to herself.
“How ungrateful!” the mantis chirped, “Denying the obvious next step in your evolution? Are you simply mad?”
“We’re fine just the way we are, thanks!” Dash cried raising a hoof as if it were a defying fist.
“Well then, if you won’t volunteer your bodies, then we’ll just take them by force.” The dark horse raised his blade and with a swing he sent bolts of blue fire hurling at the ponies.
A shield of faint blue magic diverted the fireballs away before they even had time to wince. It had taken every strand of fashion sense Rarity could muster but it did the trick, “Not all… at once now… Anytime you… like. Feel free to… assist…!”
“We have to use the Elements of Harmony!” Dash begged.
“No, we can’t! We need every ounce of its power to help Twyla and her friends.” Twilight gazed down at her book, “It’s never been done before, and I don’t know if it’ll work…”
“That’s alright! We’ve done just fine without them before.” Applejack skidded her hoof through the dirt, “Come on, ya’ll! Let’s give these here fella’s the hoof!” she spun around just in time to catch a warrior’s face with a swift kick.
“Stay put, Pinkie!” Twilight readied her magical yoyo for another round and knocked out another charging monster, and then another one, and yet another. She might as well have been the Green Lantern himself with the way she was wielding that hysterical wrecking ball.
The dark horse nearly decapitated Rainbow Dash but as you might’ve guessed, she was just too fast for him. She impaled his gut with a pair of kicks, which doubled him over just in time for a mouth full of hoof.
Rarity may not have had the mystic training of her unicorn friend, but she operated that shield with surprising skill, using it like a rubber band to catch and deflect the persistent marauders.
The crane extended a set of wings that formed her gray gown, and with a swift flap she sent herself leaping into the air. Without a sound, the harlequin landed before Fluttershy with a glare. She had prepared a deathblow, but hadn’t prepared herself for the quivering ball of shy adorableness that trembled at the bird’s feet.
Although her instinct commanded her to increase the size of the herd, it was impossible to feel at least some remorse. The crane bent down to a knee in some hope of comforting the little yellow Pegasus, “Oh, uh, don’t worry, little one. It only hurts for but a second, but then you’ll be okay. It takes a bit of getting used to but it’s totally worth it!” she even scratched the bottom of Fluttershy’s chin as if she were a kitten. It was hardly any comfort, but the Pegasus would’ve been the very last pony to have bitten back.
One could probably blame the concern her previous human life may have carried for such an adorable creature, but it only served to prove Fluttershy’s charm.
Ditzy swooped in to Fluttershy’s unnecessary defense, “You leave her alone, you big meanie!”
The monster stepped back, “M-Meanie…?” even with the circumstances, it was still one of the last things she’d ever expected anyone to call her.
The arch king regained his crown, “Just what are you doing, Yuka? Kill that wretched pony and turn her over to our side, at once!”
The crane was torn, which was far from unfamiliar territory for her, “B-But, sir, I-I can’t harm these innocent…!”
“I said-!” the king’s demands were met not by his weary subject, but by a piercing repeating ping that planted a series of small red dots over the crane and much of the king’s men.
An electric voice rang down from the heavens, “Exceed charge…!” Those who were caught by the targeting laser found themselves paralyzed under its grasp and before they could cry out for help, a spinning tornado of red hot laser held each of them in place. A figure sent a blazing kick through the crimson cyclones and quite literally through each of her targets one after another. The assault was swift and indiscriminate, and within but a couple of seconds at least half of the king’s army cringed under the piping hot bursts of blue flame before collapsing into a pile of sand.
The front line had been utterly decimated, separating the raiders from the seven ponies, and at the center stood a dark silhouette covered in cables, black latex and bands of red and silver.
Twilight finally let Pinkie out of her hamster ball, “P-Princess Celestia…? Is that you?”
The princess might’ve been missing her crown and her traditional royal armor but she had certainly remembered to bring along her pair of golden crescent shades, “You know, I had a pair of red shutter glasses but for the life of me I can’t remember where I’ve put them.”
“Them’s a mighty fine raincoat ya’ got there, Princess.” Applejack bowed.
“Oh, pardon my intrusion. Was I interrupting something, girls?”
Pinkie Pie giggled, “Not at all!”
“In fact, we were just about to send you an invitation.” Dash chuckled.
Rarity was probably more concerned with her suit than the actual matter at hand, “Quite the impressive weapon of an ensemble you have there, Princess. Oh, and I must say, the hair bun suits you quite well. You look just adorable, dear.”
Celestia cheeks perked with a giggle, “Why thank you. I do try to keep up with the trends.”
“Seriously, where’d this even come from, Princess?” Twilight begged the ultimate question.
The Princess greeted her faithful student with a bow, “Oh, a special little friend of mines gave it to me. I’ll tell you all about it later, but for now, I believe you have something far more important to take care of.”
“Oh, we sure do!” Twilight adjusted her golden crown, “Would you mind finishing up here? Our friends back in the human world really need our help.”
“Of course, my dear.”
“Thanks, Princess!” Twilight gathered her comrades and went on their way to prepare the spell.
“Excuse me! How dare you ignore us!” The king stood alongside what was left of his limping troops, “Just who exactly do you think you are…?”
Celestia casually turned her attention to the statues and shrugged, “Oh, no one really. I’m just passing through.” She hoofed a switch on the side of her leg and the same electric voice came to life, “Complete.” Her suit glowed with a pale light and a pair of chromed armor slides that had sat over her chest split, turned, and rested over her shoulders like collar to reveal what could only be described as the intake of a nuclear fusion engine. Even her crescent shades toned from a shimmering gold to a deep crimson because once again, fashion had a way of being convenient on the battlefield.
The king snarled and balled his fists, “You dare defy me? King of the Orphnochs? Our race ‘will’ thrive and we will conquer this world one way or-!”
“And I’ll never show mercy to those who make my kingdom weep.” She tapped the device again and activated a countdown sequence, “Start up!” the beating sound of a buzzing alarm lifted the air around her which eventually fell to the shrieking call of a turbine engine.
“Y-You won’t get away with this! You’ll never be able to stop all of us…!” the king began a desperate push for what had clearly become a losing battle. Not even his own comrades had any hope of winning and they were sorely tempted to run for their lives rather than dying for a noble cause.
“Pardon me, but would you mind if I defeated you?” Celestia’s Eyes Glazed Over.
“W-Wha-?”
“What’s that? Sorry, I can’t hear you…” the engine her suit was apparently made of hissed and roared in a bellow of steam and within the hymn of an electric blur, she vanished.
A billionth of a second hadn’t even passed and yet the king and his pathetic band of men had been disintegrated into puffs of burning blue powder.
“Two… One… Time out! Reformation.” ten full seconds had slipped beyond the stroke of time and Celestia finally gave her suit a chance to breathe. The slides of armor returned to her chest and her shades shined gold once more. She turned and glanced back at the filthy particles of dust that had dared to fall upon her soil, “Such arrogant vile creatures…”
Twilight braced herself, “There’s not a moment to waste. They could be in grave danger!” she flashed through her spell book one last time, “Get into position, everypony!”
They didn’t need any reminder and nodded, the jewels in their golden charms glowed and sparked to life once again. They each knew Discord’s refusal to return could only mean the worst of things, but they held out their best hopes and offered what little they could.
Ditzy watched closely, wishing there was something she could do to help, “Please be okay, Fiona…”
Twilight gazed up at the brilliant rainbow defying the sun’s will to set, and finally pulled the trigger, “Hang in there, Twyla. It’s coming.”
Their eyes lit up and from the very pits of their souls shot out a searing beam of heat that pierced through the rainbow’s bend once more.
“Now ‘this’ is entertainment!” Discord sat in his red and white striped lawn chair atop the uneven balcony of the Empire State building. The dozens of little ants scurrying below were quite the sight, especially the smallest ones at the very center. They were putting quite a show while screaming and fighting for their very lives.
Twyla had remained at the rear of the group, making sure each of her friends could get to safety before she could. It was a noble tactic, one that at least so far had paid off. She discharged another round into the head of yet another zombie, “Keep running!”
The truck would certainly have made the mad dash up Fifth Avenue a lot easier had it not been blown up, though they weren’t exactly about to dump the heavy weapons chick out of the group for her stupid mistake. Piper was after all pretty trigger happy with the rockets and doing quite an excellent job clearing the road. She’d even been promoted to the front line. “Just a little bit farther girls!” although her skipping and prancing down the street was hardly the morale support.
Fiona had long used up her cartridge and even knocked out a zombie with the toss of her empty glock. She’d been downgraded to ‘ammo carrier’, which to be quite honest she preferred. The heavy load was a bit to deal with but shooting just wasn’t her thing.
Raine gunned down another trio of ghouls, “Man, where do these things keep coming from? How many survivors were there!?” There must’ve been at least a hundred of the beasts all flooding into the avenue from every alleyway and corridor. It was as if the mere pop of a gunshot rang the dinner bell for every zombie in New York City.
“Just keep shooting!” Regina sprayed down a separate line of incoming ferals. Normally she would’ve been worried about breaking a nail or some other type of post traumatic dress disorder, but she had plenty of motivation to get messy.
She took out a few more ghouls to her left before her heel snapped, “Gah-!” She fell to the floor in a heap of easy pickings.
“Wait! Cover fire! Cover fire!” Twyla rushed back and helped the diva back to her feet under the spread of gun smoke.
Raine’s rifle choked on itself, “I need another magazine, Fiona. Hurry!” Fiona offered what she might’ve thought was the appropriate magazine, and for once she’d gotten it right.
“For Christ’s sake, I loved this pair!” Regina whined as she tossed the other slipper into the assembling crowds.
Twyla pushed her ahead, “Don’t worry we’ll get you another set, now come-!” The laps in cover fire proved to ultimately be their undoing. Aprile and Debbie did what they could, but the ghouls had grabbed at least a leg by now and their teeth were far too close for comfort.
Twyla’s shotgun butt was too slow and she gargled through a scream. She tried fighting them off but she was slowly being sucked into a starving maw.
“Twyla!!” Regina kicked away a feral and put that P-90 to good use running down Twyla’s captors.
“God damnit!” Raine dashed in with a swing of her rifle followed by a fresh discharge of ammo which had been more than enough to send the things scurrying away.
Aprile and Debbie were in next and helped contain the area while Piper dragged Twyla to safety, “T-Twyla! Are you alright!?”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” Regina cried.
Twyla groaned through her clenched teeth, “Just keep… shooting!”
Fiona was the first to notice it, “She’s been…!” they gasped.
They had hoped it hadn’t been too late, that their countermeasures had shown efficiency, but that gaping chunk of torn flesh in Twyla’s ankle disagreed. Lying helplessly on the floor between Aprile and Raine’s falling shells, she winced and cried out in pain, reaching out for Piper’s hand.
Piper’s breathing tightened and she dropped her lone empty bazooka. She didn’t bother with the hand, and instead pulled Twyla completely to her side and wrapped her arms around her, holding her close to her chest. The horde could come if they wanted, but nothing would tear Twyla away from her.
They might’ve been a block away from the skyscraper by now, but their escape may as well have ended right there. Their only route had been cut off and our ladies now found themselves surrounded by an endless tide of party animals. The only thing keeping them alive was a hand full of diplomacy and a dwindling stock of ammo.
Regina’s submachine gun gagged, “I’m out!”
Fiona didn’t know what to say, because she certainly didn’t have anything left to offer.
“Concentrated bursts!” Raine called, “We’re running thin!”
The surrounding zombies were cautious, but their swipes and teeth grew closer as the seconds ticked past.
“It’s been a might pleasure, ladies!” Aprile did what she could to thin out the ferals, a couple of shot at a time.
“D-Don’t talk like that!” Debbie still had some shots left in her, but there was only so much she could do about the closing tide.
Regina picked up Twyla’s shotgun and finished off the last remaining rounds, “I-If this is it, then I just want you all to know… You’re the best friends a girl can ask for!”
Raine gritted her teeth and she backed into a terrified Fiona, “It would’ve been nice if we could’ve gone out to a movie some time, Fiona, maybe taken things a little further than that. I-I always sorta’ thought you were cute, y’know.”
Fiona sniffed back a tear, “I-I would’ve liked that!”
Piper rocked back and forth with Twyla in her arms, “A-At least, this time we’ll be… zombies together!”
Twyla grabbed hold of her shoulder and forced a whimper through the agony spreading up her leg, “No…!” she pulled herself up, “We’ve… come too far!”
Aprile’s AK fell silent, and Debbie’s machinegun soon followed as well. “I’m sorry we got you into this mess, kid. You were right.”
Debbie stood back to back against Aprile, “Well, at least this beats hiding. It was a fair shot, I guess...”
It was a far cry from the final vengeance filled fire fight they’d wanted. They hadn’t even gotten a chance to fire a single ball of spit into the face of Discord, but it was what it was, and the zombies who put two and two together finally began to close in for their latest appetizers.
Their cold yellow eyes hungered for flesh. They hissed and moaned even for just a taste. They hadn’t been fed in at least a few days, given most anyone that was left had already been turned or consumed.
If they were about to be eaten alive, they’d submit but only in the mercy of each other’s trembling arms. They closed their eyes and hoped for the impossible, a quick and painless end.
Discord rested his chin over a knuckle and watched patiently, “Any second now.”
And there it was, a message out of the sky from what might’ve been God himself, although it might’ve been a horse god for all any human knew. A brilliant light told all the cross little clouds to get the hell out of the way, and they obeyed because that light definitely knew stuff that they didn’t.
The zombies were caving in, but an Equestrian mine rescue operation arrived just in time and sealed off the ferals. Twilight Sparkle hadn’t forgotten her debt and with the help of her friends she’d sent a mighty golden pillar of radiance. It was laced with the faint shades of a rainbow, but it was more than just a light show. The surrounding undead, who couldn’t have known any better, continued on with their assault only to be disintegrated on contact with the column.
Discord barfed up a laugh, “Here we go, now it’s about to get good!”
Twyla had expected a light at the end of the tunnel by now, but this was ridiculous. Thankfully no teeth had followed them through, “T-They did it…! They really did it!”
Piper helped her to her feet, “Did what?”
Debbie thought she’d seen it all that week, “W-What is this…?”
Twyla stumbled forward and into the arms of Aprile, “T-This here’s… our Plan B. Our ace in the hole…!”
“You sure you’re alright? I mean…” Aprile pointed out the obvious.
She groaned and grasped the side of her leg. It was as if the lower half of her body had already turned, “I-I’m fine, for now.” Twyla wiped the sweat off of her brow and gazed around their brilliant room at all of her friends, even Debbie who she’d only known for about an hour.
She recalled every little thing they’d done together, getting into the same high school, competing over which date was better for prom, making sure they got into the same college together, the parties, the drinks, the trips, all of it.
Twyla looked up at Aprile with a cold determined look in her eyes, “Aprile… If I turn, I-I want you to-”
“Ah, hell no! Don’t you go forcin’ that burden on me, because I ain’t about to do it nor is anyone else here gonna’ do it.” She pulled Twyla to her side, “Either we’re getting through this together, or not at all! You hear me? As God as my witness, I ain’t losing any more of my family!”
“That’s right!” Regina agreed, “We’ve been through too much for anymore sacrifices.”
“No one gets left behind!” cheered Fiona.
“Victory or death!” Raine cried.
Piper grabbed Twyla’s shoulder, “Yeah! And we’re going to have a great big party after all this is done, and ‘all’ of us are going!”
“C-Can I come…?” Debbie meekly asked.
Piper snorted, “Of course you can!”
Twyla bit her lip and did what she could to restrain her tears, “T-Thank you! I-I love you guys so-!”
Aprile smiled, “Hush now, sug’. Somethin’s comin’.”
Some might say that what happened next was due to the unbreakable strength within their hearts, while others would argue that it was all a part of their keen plan from the very start. Whichever was true, hope had come in form of a blinding thunderclap that threw Discord off of his lawn chair.
The pillar had slapped away even those ghouls that had feared its touch, and those that hadn’t been able to afford front row seats were left covered in a blanket of ash.
They truly were Valkyries, shining in a glow of golden radiance. It wasn’t magic or superior armor they’d been blessed with, but rather the tools of retribution along with all the convenient skill and knowledge needed to prepare that cold dish.
Twyla couldn’t resist a laugh over what had just appeared in her hands, “Oh, those crazy ponies. This is just rich.”
She had been gifted a brand new shotgun, but not just your typical run of the mill police shotgun. This was a monster of an advanced military grade tactical combat shotgun. It was something along the lines of a Benalli M-4 Super 90, but taken to an extreme. It had settings for short bursts, mid-range fire, and even long range blasts surprisingly.
It felt like holding onto a piece of violent decadence, because its most striking feature was of course that its outside casing had been completely chromed in gold.
“Well butter my biscuits…” Aprile had gotten her mitts on quite the golden semi-automatic sniper cannon.
Similar in design to the German PSG-1, but its range and firepower had been nearly doubled in almost every aspect. Its size alone was daunting, nearly as long as Aprile was tall, and it certainly had a weight to it, but a weight that made her knees weak in all of the right ways.
The P-90 personal defense rifle had been quite useful in their desperate escape, but like anyone who’d felt the jitter of a cocking machinegun, Regina wanted more and she certainly got it. She rested it against her shoulder and made little “Bang, bang, bang!” noises under her breath.
The Colt M4A1 carbine felt nice to play with, especially since it had been fully modified and equipped with everything from a scoped lens to a grenade launcher. The gold trim was especially pleasing, “Oh my… I just want to take you home and, and…” the innuendo had something to do with her trigger finger, but I felt it was a bit too much for this story.
Guns simply weren’t Fiona’s forte. As angry as she was, she just couldn’t withstand the recoil. She’d taken special training classes on how to handle animals from scorpions to alligators, and yet a gun was somehow still a fearful concept.
“Oh my!” What she received instead was just as deadly but probably more to her suiting, ironically enough, “I got a bow and arrow!” but not just any old bow and arrow, this was a golden compound combat bow equipped with a set of adjusting cables, pulleys and wheels for precision strikes and even a small sight scope and laser tipped guide for good measure. It would’ve been painted a stealth black since that would’ve made more sense, but there was a high demand for consistency by the Elements of Harmony that simply couldn’t be argued against.
There was a weight tugging at her shoulder. Fiona wondered just how many arrows had been packed into the quiver against her back. She attempted to investigate, but instead of finding the tug of leather, all she found was the cold hard surface of Plexiglas. It was like a scuba tank, but it had a series of buttons and devices on it along with an output where the next lucky arrow sat to be plucked. The machine seemed complex, especially since she couldn’t really see what buttons she was pushing. Fortunately for Fiona, the Elements had thought ahead and programmed the machine to dispense different specialized arrows completely at random.
I’m honestly not sure if this would’ve been a benefit or not, but given Fiona’s luck, it would probably be safe to assume that she would’ve made efficient use of it, whether she intended to or not.
“Hey, hey, hey, Aprile! Remember that old Aliens movie?” Raine giggled.
Aprile sighed.
“Check it out.” She couldn’t control her laughter, “I’m totally Vasquez.”
The Elements had apparently known all too well of her crazy obsession with flight, as well as her daunting failures with it. They needed something powerful, something that commanded respect, even from Raine herself, and most of all, something she’d easily recognize, admire, and put to good use.
Do you know where the term ‘Gatling’ comes from? It belonged to Dr. Richard Jordan Gatling, who amongst many of his inventions in the mid 1800’s was most known for his ‘Gatling Gun’. It was a terrifying automatic cannon that could decimate an entire platoon of soldiers, operated in the right hands of course.
The American military took advantage of this new weapon early on, but it only reached its maximum potential when the air force built one for the sole purpose of attaching a bomber onto its back.
The Gau-8 Avenger Cannon was and still is one of the most fearsome and respected weapons on the face of the planet today. We’re talking about a Gatling gun that fired depleted-uranium tipped ordnance the size of your arm at four thousand two hundred rounds per minute.
The original model was almost twenty feet long but those crazy Elements had thought of that as well. This size of this weapon had been reduced to just under a third of its original size, which was still fairly large and came with quite the drum load over Raine’s back.
Twyla looked over, “Isn’t that a bit too heavy?”
Raine swung the enormous golden cannon around with ease and unlocked the trigger, “WHO CALLED ‘ZE HEAVY WEAPONS GUY?” which sent seven of the most chilling barrels any of them had ever seen spinning in a wild screaming blur, “OH, HO, HO! LOOK AT ‘ZAT TINY BABY DISCORD SITTIN’K UP ‘ZERE! HE IS SO SMALL! IS FANNY TO ME!”
To be quite honest, Discord thought it was just as hilarious.
Piper nearly fell over laughing over the impersonation. It was actually rather good all things considered, “Oh, I got something too! Two of them too!” Whatever spirit had filled those Elements had clearly lost its marbles. All of its marbles.
They’d not only given Piper a brand new state of the art bazooka, but given her two of them. She pranced around and tried balancing the golden cannons in either of her hands like an idiot.
She noticed a warning label at the entrance to where a rocket would normally be loaded, “Weird, it says infinite. What’s that even supposed to mean?”
Debbie got a closer look, “I’m pretty sure it means you have… Erm, wow. Infinite ammo?”
Raine aimed the outtake hatch away from her comrades and let loose with a terrible Russian laugh, “PREPARE FOR TRAUBLE!” The sound of the cannon had a deafening authority to it, which was actually enough to frighten the hordes of zombies around her.
If Rainbow Dash had her Sonic Rainboom, then Raine had her little friend which fired off seventy sonic booms per second. With ease she cleared a nice deep chunk out of the morbid crowd.
She released the trigger for a moment and glanced over at a shaking Fiona, who’d never heard anything so loud in her life, “Hey baby, wanna’ go for a ride?”
“W-What…?” Fiona’s ears were still bleeding.
Raine laughed, “Open fire, ladies!” in fact, there probably wasn’t a single person there whose ears weren’t ringing, but they got the gist of it.
“Give ‘em hell!” Aprile pointed, aimed, and clicked, and with a single shot she managed to blow apart at least three of the zombies, as far as she could tell anyway.
It wasn’t long before a swarm of bullets, rockets, and arrows began flying in every direction. Fifth Avenue had gone from a hopeless left for dead scenario to a bullet hell shooting gallery. If the ghouls had been curious over the loud fracas before, then they were certainly running from it now.
Twyla had never seen zombies retreat before. She couldn’t think of a single film off the top of her head, regardless it was a nice distraction from her biting fate and popping the heads and torsos off of the vermin before her proved to be more than just a reassuring game. She cocked her shotgun once again, and watched as another feral burst into chunks of dead meat before her eyes.
“Does this count as genocide if they’re all already dead?” Regina wondered, hugging the butt of her rifle to her shoulder and gunning down the poor fiends.
“Ya’ know, I’m not really sure honestly.” Aprile had begun to feel guilty, but then she took another shot and felt much better for it.
“What’re you talking about?” Piper shouted, “They tried to hurt Twyla!” there was a loud explosion for every other second to whom they had Piper to blame for her organized trigger work. How a pastry chef managed to stay balanced and control the recoil of two bazookas firing one after another was completely beyond anyone there.
“That’s right!” Fiona picked an arrow from her mechanical quiver and guided it along the groove on her bow. She wasn’t sure what the gambit had thrown her this time, but she’d made a guessing game of what the next shot was going to look like.
She plucked the line, and released the arrow into the panicked mob, “Oh wow! Confetti!”
Debbie kept along with the firing squad, which had turned into a charming stroll down Fifth Avenue if you could excuse the roaring gunfire. She was the only one without anything to really shoot with.
Fiona glanced back at her, “Here, Debbie. Would you like to give it a try?”
“R-Really? I’ve never shot an arrow before.”
“Oh, it’s pretty simple. I used to shoot them when I was a little girl in camp.” Fiona plucked another arrow out of the machine’s dispense port, and handed it to Debbie along with the bow, “They used to tease me in camp, but I got good at shooting arrows, and after a while they stopped. I could never really figure out why though.”
Debbie tried to place the arrow against the bow, but as you may have expected, it tumbled from the arch.
“No, no, no. Like this, Debbie.” She placed the arrow over the bow’s guide, “Hold the bow at an angle but keep your arm straight out, and with your other arm, pluck the arrow between your thumb and first three fingers.”
“Like this..?”
Fiona smiled, “There you go, now aim carefully down the line of the arrow, and release when you’re ready.”
Debbie picked a target, which didn’t take much effort, and finally released the line. This shot definitely had an explosion in it.
“Oh, I think that’s napalm. Interesting.” Fiona would’ve been lying if she’d said she hadn’t been at least a little jealous, and so she took back her bow, “M-My turn!”
Eventually the streets had run red, or perhaps brown with decay. Any ferals that were left were probably hanging off of the bent light posts above, in pieces of course. It wasn’t long until our Valkyries grew bored of the slaughter.
“I-I think that’s all of them.” Twyla had gotten an itchy trigger finger, but she knew there was still plenty of shooting to do.
Raine’s sexy cannon finally came to a stop, “YES! VERY VERY GOOD. ‘VE MAKE GUD TEAM, SAN’VICH!”
“Sandwich? What do you mean, Raine?” Fiona asked.
Raine smiled as if she was poking out of the backside of a black van, “You… You’re my tasty little sandwich.”
“Oh, oh my…!”
“You’ll have plenty of time for a romantic ‘end of the movie’ kiss after all this is over, you two.” Regina carefully polished her gorgeous assault rifle with a tug of her dress, “Don’t worry my darling, they won’t steal the spotlight away from us. We’re going to be the ones that get to have the final kiss at this story…” Love was a very fickle and yet very suicidal bitch.
“Uh, right.” Twyla turned about and glared up at the very top of the Empire State Building. She could see the twisted little imp laughing and having his fun, and she couldn’t wait to spoil it, “Discord!!”
The call sent a shudder up his twisted spine. It was like being violently woken up in the middle of class and being summoned to the white board, which quite frankly was a skill Twyla hadn’t just developed overnight, “Alright, alright, that’s enough.”
Discord got out of his lawn chair and took a step off the edge of the skyscraper. He descended a long and winding flight of imaginary stairs as if he were the duke of spook himself surrounded by zealous sweat collectors, “I must say, you had my curiosity before, but now you have my attention.” He exited the escalator and placed a Mexican pointy boot on solid ground, “I just knew that somehow, you’d be able to-!” A bullet stopped him dead in his tracks and sent him for a wild spin.
Aprile restocked her sniper cannon, though mostly for impact sense ammo wasn’t really an issue, “Lanky son of a…”
If he wasn’t a god, the potshot might’ve actually blown him to pieces, though he still needed a second to regain his rustled composure, “…Quite the shot there, child.” He had to reintroduce himself with the rest of his shoulder, “W-What do you even call those little toys? The Armory of Harmony…?” he was just about toss them another one of his mocking snickers when a river of shots climbed up his body.
Regina snarled, “You shut your bloody mouth and die slowly, you heartless cur!”
He winced, holding his jagged claw to his chest, “H-Heartless…? My dear, now that’s just insult-!” He just wasn’t getting anywhere fast, but the bullets were.
Swiss cheese was as chaotic a cheese as they came, but there simply weren’t enough holes for Raine to be satisfied with, and so she made plenty more, “CRY SOME MOAR, TINY BABY!” It was like being shot with an exploding grenade seventy times per second, and Discord certainly did whimper and flounce about in the most colorful of fashions, “C-Come on! Hit me again! Gah-!”
Their trigger fingers were still itchy, and it didn’t take more than a few hails of Raine’s accent to get them all going. Discord had become nothing more than just a pile of miserable puffs of smoke, dust, and shaky screams.
“Shucky, ducky… Quack! Quack!” Piper braced herself and fired two rockets into the dust bowl at the same time. The explosion sent what may have remained of a mangled Discord smashing back into his tattered castle against one of the two guarding columns of the entrance. The force would not only have cracked an ordinary human’s spine but may as well have gone the extra mile and snapped them in half. A column fell from its base and landed into the pile of vague dust.
“Hurray! We did it!” Piper cheered.
“Wait, I didn’t get a chance to shoot!” Fiona finally joined the party and shot her little golden arrow into the rubble. The tip wedged itself into a slab of rock and a little flag unfurled from the rod that read in red, ‘Bang!’
“Aww, that’s just not fair.” She moped.
Raine gave her a pat on the back, “Don’t worry, kid. I’ll give you plenty to shoot at later.”
“That ain’t even made any gadumb sense!” Aprile cried.
Piper giggled, “Love doesn’t have to make sense, silly!”
“Well, I mean, it kind of does if you think about it…” Debbie got a bit too embarrassed and stopped while she was ahead, to which Aprile simply rolled her eyes.
Raine held her giant Gatling cannon in one arm and pulled Fiona to her side with the other, “Come on, sweetie. How about a victory kiss?”
“Oh, uh, uhm, alright.”
The arrow had warned of a ‘Bang’, and it certainly meant it. Their kiss was sealed with a terrible explosion that nearly finished off the skyscraper.
“Quite the dazzling lightshow.” Regina threw a tuft of hair out of her eye and glanced over at Twyla, “It looks like your plan worked after all.”
Twyla cracked a smile, but bit into it right after. She winced and grasped at her abdomen, “D-Damnit…!” Her leg had long gone numb but she could already feel the terrible venom seeping into the pit of her stomach. She doubled over, holding herself up with her golden shotgun like a crutch.
“Twyla…!” Regina reached an arm out to help her, but another one beat her to it. This one however came with a familiar pink pincer that stretched out of the wreckage ahead of them.
Twyla gave a blood curdling scream. If her insides weren’t being crushed before, then they certainly were now.
“Twyla!!” the others shouted.
A miserable voice set at the very bottom of G-Minor rose up from the rubble, “You pitiful little whelps think you can actually defeat a god…?” those blood shot harlequin eyes shined bright and with their terror came a juxtaposition of redundant appendages and bestial extremities.
He lifted the frantic Twyla into the air with what must’ve been his fourth or fifth claw, not counting his talons or tentacles of course. And of course I didn’t mean his his scorpion claw but rather his crab claw to be precise. He was a regular King of Limbs, though obviously a little Feral.
If we had ever amusingly referred to him as a Slenderman before, then the comparison had become the understatement of the century. He was just as much a skeleton dressed in what was left of his ridiculous tuxedo, but instead standing at almost forty feet tall like some sort of nonsensical nephelim that gone through photoshop far too many times.
There was a slap of skin hanging from his cheek, though it was impossible to tell if it had been torn from being shot to ribbons or through his rapid evolution into oblivion, “I graciously grant you an opportunity to return home, and this is the way you thank me…!?”
“Twyla! We’ll get ya’ down, just hang in there!” Aprile aimed and fired, picking off one of many forelimbs.
Raine spun her cannons, “I hope you’re ready for the main course, asshole!” but her bullets clogged.
“Careful now. You wouldn’t want to accidently hurt your little friend here, now would you?” Discord was a classy villain, and held out the tortured Twyla out into their crosshairs, “Go on! Put her out of her misery! She’s just going to turn into a mindless zombie anyway!”
“You sick bastard.” Regina gritted her teeth.
“Put her down right now!” Piper stomped.
“Oh, I will! I’ll throw her ‘all the way down’ as soon as I reach the top of my castle!” he chewed through a cackle and with the swing of an arm he fired a cadre of thorns at the girls.
“Look out!”Raine arched the bulk of her cannon around and managed to shatter a decent amount of them while Regina sprayed down the remaining spines and proceeded to follow up with the fleeing Discord, who had already made his way onto the side of the Empire State building.
“Get back here!” Piper fired a few rockets into the building, but Discord had apparently taken rock climbing lessons, not to mention having more limbs than an arachnid. He was just too agile to answer their demands.
“Catch me if you can! Though you may want to catch Twyla first! ” he scoffed.
“Ow!” Debbie fell to her knees and grasped her arm.
Fiona rushed over and helped her up, “Debbie! Are you hurt!?”
At least she hadn’t been stabbed or impaled, but her shoulder was definitely missing a chunk of meat and had sprung quite the leak, “I-I think I’ll be okay… I-It’s just a flesh wound.”
“Yeah, well don’t lose your legs just yet.” Aprile raised her hat to the monster climbing up the building, “We’ve got a spider to squash. Come on ya’ll!”
Raine hefted the length of her cannon against her shoulder, “Right behind you!”
Without any thought as to what they might face, they scrambled into the building for the long ascension to the very top. They’d have to somehow climb a hundred and two stories before Discord reached the top, and they didn’t have time for calculating logic.
Regina was the last one in through the door. Time was obviously of the essence, but that keen eye of hers noticed that something was missing. She couldn’t find Twyla’s shotgun anywhere.
“Hurry up, Regina!” Piper shouted.
“Coming!”
Twyla felt like she was being slowly split in half. She had already felt like that before frankly, but Discord wasn’t exactly helping, “L-Let go of me you-!” She suddenly realized just how much of a silly request that was.
“You might want to save such talk for when we get to the top, child.”
“Why? Why even wait…?” she winced, “It’s not like its… going to make much difference…!”
Discord shook his head, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, you really have no sense of drama, do you Twyla?” he was nearly half way up the building by now and he’d left quite the footpath up its side, “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when you have my permission to die. We’re just going to have a little fun, you and I.”
The pain was indescribable. Just about any sort of death would’ve been an escape from the pain she was in between the grip of that claw and the grip of he own body working against her. She could hardly control her breathing and her heart was about to burst out of her chest. The world was beginning to blur and she felt like she was going to throw up her own intestines. Whatever toxin had infected her leg must’ve conquered her entire system by now, because she felt her mind slipping away into something far more primal and simplistic, “…P-Piper! Raine! Gah… Aprile!”
“I honestly doubt they can hear you from all the way up-!”
“Regina! F-Fiona…!” the call had played its last cord on her throat, and she coughed up a spat of blood. Her cries for help may have seemed to be just that, desperate, but in reality the smiles of her friends were one of the only things left that she had to hold onto, “P-Please, ahh…!” she didn’t want to die, at least not like this and at the very least not without knowing that her friends would be safe. She’d worked so hard for them, regardless of her miscalculations and failures. It had always been for her friends.
Discord glanced over at the helpless damsel with a glint of disgust in his eye, “I told you that you could go ahead and die when I said it was okay. Seriously, am I the only one on this pathetic planet that understands the concept of theatre? This is simply pitiful!”
Aprile had lost count of the flights of stairs they’d climbed, but she figured they were only around a third of the way there, “Hang on, Twyla! We’re comin’!”
Regina helped the injured Debbie get up the stairs. She’d even torn a strip of her own gown to fix a tourniquet over the poor thing’s shoulder. It was a bit crude and far from suave, but it at least stopped the bleeding.
“Piper, can you give us a hand?” Raine’s Avenger cannon may have commanded the battlefield with a ferocious supremacy, but it navigated the narrow stairwell as well as dump truck. Fiona was doing what she could to help curve and wind the length of the Gatling up and around the turns, but they may as well have been playing twister.
“Sorry, ladies, but I have enough stuff to carry.” Piper had her hands full circumnavigating the zigzagging stairs with two oversized golden bazookas on either shoulder. She had made a game of it as you might’ve expected, and you could hear her making little flying noises on her way up.
“You better be flyin’ real fast up them stairs, Piper! We ain’t got time for yer’ nonsense.” Aprile barked.
“Hey! I’m flying as fast as I can!”
Discord reached out his second set of falcon talons and pulled himself onto the derelict observation deck, or as he liked to call it, his little vista at the end of the world. He climbed up, tossed Twyla and her little shotgun onto the platform, and made himself comfortable, “So, I was thinking we’d have a nice little standoff. It’d be me, the hideously mutated but incredibly clever super villain versus the desperate little protagonist in a fight to the death, and all of it right here at the top of the world. Classy, huh?”
Twyla’s faculties still had control over maybe an arm and part of her brain. She lay on the crooked concrete, suffocating under her own heavy breaths trying her best to process a simple thought. She rolled over and threw up a vat of blood along with something she didn’t want to bother identifying.
“Oh, come now, Twyla my dear. It isn’t that cliché of a climax, it’s a homage!” he planted an arm or two and hovered over the sputtering carcass beneath him, “Come on, Twyla. Where’s that rage? That burning anger in your heart? Haven’t I done enough to you and your friends…? I’ve stolen away your home, your loved ones, and everything you’ve ever held dear, and unless you stop me I’m going to make it a point to torture those little pony friends of yours until I’m downright bored to death!”
Twyla winced through a cough, it hurt to even budge. She wondered just how long she had left. Her vision was blurry and her eyes had already begun to glaze over, but her ears still worked and she could hear Discord’s disgusting tongue loud and clear.
“I bet it makes you angry, doesn’t it? I know you can still hear me, though it’s a shame you won’t be able to hear Twilight’s screams as I burn her little village to the ground. Oh, I might just even influence time a bit so I can burn it over and over again until I can think of something else to do to them.” He chuckled and licked a stain of bloody vomit off of Twyla’s cheek.
She was still conscious enough to feel the giraffe’s tongue and squirmed away as best she could. She reached out with what little control she had left in her fingers and pulled her shotgun to her side.
“Oh dear. Did I strike a chord? Oh yes, go ahead and grab it.” He even assisted the weapon into her weak grip, “Yes, just a little more! Come now, you’re the only hope your friends will ever have again. They’re all depending on you, Twyla!”
She coughed and her voice slurred. She could hardly manage her finger through the trigger guard, they were just too numb to manipulate. Not even the memories of her friends could keep her afloat any longer. The only real thought that kept repeating itself over and over within her mind was to satiate the little passion that was left of her anger.
“Here, darling, I’ll even hold the gun in place for you.” He wrapped a squid’s tentacle around the shotgun and leveled it right up to his forehead, “Don’t slip now!” he even cradled her limp arm against the weapon, “Now pull! Do it, I dare you. Finish what you’ve come so far to accomplish! Save yourself and all of your friends from my laugh!”
“F-Fuc…!”
“Say it! Let me hear your anger! Give it to me!”
Twyla was just on the verge of saying it when her fingers fell from the trigger. With a final gasp, her murky eyes narrowed, her throat shut tight and her boundless struggle came to a pitiful end.
Discord hesitated, “Come on! Just pull the trigger already. Quit joking around!” it took a couple of seconds for it to sink in until he finally realized that he’d broken his little toy.
He sighed and placed the girl’s shotgun at her side, “Worthless mortal filth. Although I do suppose her friends might serve for decent sport.” He gazed down at her wide-eyed lifeless body, which was already starting to tremble with a killer’s instinct and shook his head, “It’s a real dying shame, Twyla. I thought you had more in you than that.”
“Twyla!! We’re coming!” whispered a nearby ventilation shaft. The voices were still a long ways away, probably half way up the building by now, “Just hang on!”
Discord leaned against probably the third story off of the observatory and gazed out at the drowning sun, “Well, here it comes.”
It certainly did, just not in the way he’d ever expected.
Twyla’s body stirred as her faculties made their best attempts to manage their new found appetite. Her eyes had already yellowed and her skin had begun to cook under the falling sky, but there was a small glint in her eye that had refused to give up. Nothing too fanciful, not even the humongous Discord had noticed it.
There it was again, that insignificant little rainbow streaking across the sky. It laughed at the sun's weakness and defied natural law. Even as nightfall quickly approached, it refused to submit and it glared down at the dead woman with a painful determination, daring her to live once more.
Her shotgun glimmered and trembled by her side, as if it was trying its best to wake her up again. The corpse had been somewhat restless ever since her last breath, but it suddenly broke out in a violent shutter. Her weapon responded and began to shine brilliantly as if the agent was entering meltdown, which easily caught Discord’s attention.
He covered his eyes with as many of his arms as he could, but there was no escaping the burning light, “Gah-! What sort of…?” half the city was nearly blanketed in its radiance, like a lighthouse aiming a ray of hope into the cold dark skies.
Discord felt his foot slip off the edge of the building, but managed to grab hold of the Empire’s spire, “M-My eyes…!” they were quite literally burning. Fortunately for him, the light suddenly vanished before the insides of his eye sockets could be charred. He stumbled for a moment, trying to clear the tears and bits of cooked scabs from around his eyelids.
“This shotgun...”
Discord frantically searched for the voice, “W-Who said that…!?”
“This shotgun is mine. There are many like it, but this one is mine!” there she stood, proud, fearless and alive, and she was holding her affectionately named ‘Darien’ in her clutches. By Darien I don’t mean that blasphemous teenage vampire crap, I’m talking about a suave man who knew how to wear a tuxedo.
“Son of a-!” whatever miracle that shotgun had dragged out of horsetown, it had brought with it an unbridled fury that blasted the chaos god’s ankle into splinters. Although at least he now had a makeshift peg leg to stand on as he fumbled over against the observatory.
“My shotgun is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.” Twyla didn’t even give him time to cry out, and blew off at least three arms in a puffy cloud of meaty smoke, “Without me, my shotgun is useless. Without my shotgun, I am useless. I must fire my shotgun true!” she cocked that beautiful stallion once more and filled Discord’s belly full of lead, rainbow lead.
He shrieked and doubled over with what little remaining arms he had left, “Y-You little…!”
“I’m a little what?” Twyla had forgotten of her shotgun’s automatic setting. For a civilization that didn’t have any room for war or opposable thumbs, they sure knew their way around weaponry. She unloaded and began popping chunks of flesh and bone alike off of the demon as if he was some sort of overgrown piñata.
He screamed and desperately swung for the woman’s head, but she had Harmony on her side and rolled through a dodge just in the nick of time.
Discord stabbed a deadly mantis talon into the foundation’s bed which had nearly taken Twyla down with it, but a simple leg split was enough to avoid the point of his aggravation. She promptly severed the entire thing with her shotgun’s indifference, “Rise, you lousy sack of crap! You begged for me to shoot, now take it like a man!”
Discord’s own mammoth weight had betrayed him. To think that it had only been moments ago that he’d sat there and watched Twyla slowly puddle over and die, and already the horseshoe was on the other hoof.
He frantically tried to pick up his own pieces and even heal himself in the precious seconds he’d be given.
“What’s wrong? Do you want me to sing again? Will that make you feel any better?”
“N-No, please…!”
Twyla knew she had a terrible singing voice, but she was going to torture that poor soul in each and every way she could think of, “I’ve seen your face in the shadows~! I’ve seen your face in the places I wasn’t meant to be~!”
“S-Shut up!” Discord swung his slimy squid tentacle, but Twyla was very familiar with Japanese cuisine and knew a thing or two about preparing California Rolls. Greasy chunks of wriggling meat landed at her feet, and she flat-lined the largest portion with the heel of her shoe.
“I’ve heard them whisper about you~! I’ve heard the men in the bars and I’ve seen the women lock their doors at night~!” she whispered the chorus under her breath, “They say your eyes on-!” which made her laugh given his eyes had actually been set on fire. She pretended to accidently shoot Discord in his remaining good leg, “T-They say you’d kill a man for walking the wrong side of the line~!”
Discord cried out and tumbled onto his side in a heap of blood and moans.
Twyla jumped onto his disemboweled stomach, and made a point of stomping her foot down on it as hard as she could, to which he spat up a spoonful of vile. She hoped onto the demon’s chest and gave him a look that suggested that he wasn’t even worth spitting on, “But hey, they say a lot of foolish things… And in the end, the only words I can find to believe in are mine~!” She cocked her smoking shotgun and pinned it right against his forehead, making sure that he felt every degree of the barrel’s heat, “Is this where you wanted it? A shot right here…?”
There wasn’t much use in fighting it any longer, and under the coughs of blood and shock, he silently nodded.
Twyla raised a brow, and snatched away the barrel, “Wait a second, just what exactly are-?”
“P-Please! Just do it!”
Just when Twyla thought she couldn’t have been any more upset, “What? And give you the coward’s way out? The easy way out? Is that what you’re looking for?” if death was his only request, then she was prepared to deliver but only with the butt of her shotgun, “Y-You pathetic miserable little worm!”
“Twyla!” he grabbed hold of her shotgun with the last functional arm that he had left, “Please, I’m begging you…!”
“Begging me!? You’ve nearly killed all of my friends, destroyed my home, and threatened to do the same to Ponyville, again, and now you’re… begging…?”
He could hardly face her, which probably only made things worse, “D-Do you think I want to beg? Since when do I, Discord, ever beg? How do you think I feel about this?”
“Well then why would you?”
“Please, d-don’t make me explain, just make it clean…”
She had to clear her voice for this next bit with a short chuckle, “Excuse me, but once again, you’ve absolutely ruined my life. The very least you could do is give me a proper explanation!”
“F-Fine! Just please, get off of my throat!”
It’s not that she didn’t notice her foot was there, it was more about whether she really cared or not. Eventually, she sighed and stepped off of him allowing him the breathing room he’d needed, “Just a moment, please.”
His humongous broken and bullet ridden corpse began to heave and sizzle. He gave a final cough and his face wrinkled as if being dried of its juices. The rest of his carcass followed suite and withered out in a gust of bitter decay.
“Wait! I didn’t say you could die yet!” she protested, playfully picking the words from his erstwhile banter.
Whether he’d escaped his own exposition or planned something else entirely, Twyla imagined that a farewell gift was in order, and hawked up the most disgusting loogie she could pull, “Good riddance.”
The last thing Twyla expected to see was an arm punching its way out of Discord’s hulking ribcage. She thought she’d seen it all that day, but she couldn’t resist clutching Darien in fright.
“Pardon me, just undressing. I-I’m a bit embarrassed.” He quite literally climbed out of himself, this time more to his previous scale wearing a flamboyant tuxedo that had apparently just left the cleaners, “Alright, fine, I’ll-”
Twyla wasn’t very comfortable with how clean it was and still had a mouthful of complaints, and so she spat on his suit.
Discord gasped, “Was that really necessary?”
She folded her arms and leaned her head back. The only answer she had for him was a revolting glare.
“Right.” He grumbled, “Look, Twyla. Perhaps you take me as some kind of monster, and-”
“Which I do.”
“And I can imagine just how hard my jokes have been for you.”
“Which you can’t.” Twyla spit on him again.
“…I-In any case, the reason why I brought you here was because I wanted you to put an end to my… suffering.”
Twyla leaned forward, as if to somehow understand this idiot’s complexity and coughed up a laugh, “You’re kidding me right? Do you have any idea how much nerve you have?” she was nearly in tears, “Seriously, do you not have any sort of tact or consideration at all? Do you even put the tiniest shred of thought into anything that comes out of that mouth of yours?” she probably didn’t even need the shotgun anymore. This was far more gratifying, “Hang on a second. Let me spit on you again, you stupid insignificant puddle of bird piss.”
“P-Please, wait!” Discord fell to his knees, unsure of what he could do to calm the banshee.
Twyla snatched him up by the collar, “Wait? Excuse me but, you want me to wait?” she scoffed once more, “People wait for buses, they wait in line, they wait for a text message, people wait for a god damned bill, and you want me to wait for you?” she shook her head with a hapless chuckle, “I can’t believe this! Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? You know what?” she made sure that she swallowed every bit of saliva in her mouth, “You’re no longer even worth spitting on, because my spit is more valuable than the entirety of your sniveling little existence. And now you want me to do you a ‘favor’ and play Dr. Kevorkian with you? Why on Earth would you ever expect a favor from me?”
“…B-Because, you’re the only one that has the resolve to do it, Twyla. You’re the only one reliable enough to trust.” The world’s smallest tear crept out of the corner of Discord’s eye, “I’m not asking for forgiveness or mercy, I don’t even care how you do it, I just want to be done with all of this.” He stood up from Twyla’s grasp and stared out at the sky just in time to meet the night’s newest stars, “I’ve been doing this sort of thing for tens of thousands of years now. I’ve conquered entire civilizations with a simple punch line and I’ve been yanked off stage far too many times to remember. It’s all just the same old tired acts over and over again. I’ve seen it all, done it all, and felt every bit of it. All I know is chaos, and yet its chaos itself that keeps me alive.”
Discord turned back to her, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be sealed up within a cold hard rock for a thousand years? Unable to move, breathe or even blink. Anyone else would’ve suffocated within minutes, but not me! Not an immortal spirit of chaos! I stood there, all cooped up and drowned in a mad world of anger and insanity unable to simply die while little fillies would come and dress me up like a Hearth’s Warming Eve tree, or while that Princess Celestia would just sit there drinking her stinking tea and mocking me. Do you know what that does to a person’s mind? Do you have any idea what it’s like to just stand there for centuries hoping some clumsy gardener might accidently bump into you and tip you over? Sure it’d be an awful way to go, but even the most agonizing end would be preferable to being trapped in that damned statue!”
He grabbed hold of her shoulder, “And then the day finally came when by some folly, I’m relieved of my imprisonment. The first thing, the very first thing I thought of was – What can I do to piss off these little ponies so that they can finally just finish me off?” he laughed at himself, “I gave them a good number. I didn’t hurt anyone, but I drove them absolutely crazy! And what did they do? They let me live…! Those sick twisted little zealots of the Princess locked me back into that horrible granite!” he wanted to claw his own face off, but not even that would have been enough to end his pain, “I just want to die, Twyla. I didn’t want any of this so called apocalypse! One thing just led to another, and in the end all it was really worth was to get you girls to come back!”
Twyla stood there and watched him with a cold bald fist, but she just didn’t have it in her to beat his lights out.
“I tried though, I honestly tried to make the best of it. Somehow I’d hoped that a new world would change things for me, even cheer me up, but all it did was remind me of how stale and lonely I’ve become. Why do you think I kept coming back to that dreaded Equestria? I exaggerated every word I said to you hoping you’d come and find me, guns a blazing, hunting for my head. I’d hoped that maybe we’d have one last great climax together and then I’d make sure I submitted to your retribution. It’d all be over. You’d have your home back and I’d finally have my release…”
Discord bowed his head, the trembling sniveling mess that was once a devious tyrant was no more than a quivering child, “So please, I beg of you, please! Just put an end to this wretched old soul of mines. Don’t make me beg anymore. Haven’t I given you more than enough justification to kill me? Please, Twyla, please just kill me.”
Twyla gripped the arm holding her shoulder and sighed, “You have got to be the most despicable person that I’ve ever met.” She tossed aside his mutant hand and got right in his face, “I’m not going to give you an easy way out of this. You’re selfish and you’re a coward. You aren’t even sorry for all of the heartache you’ve caused us. The very least you could do is try to make up for what you’ve done instead of begging like a child. Sure, it must’ve been awful living inside that statue for so long, but you brought it all on yourself! You could’ve easily just left everyone alone, gone on your way, picked up a hobby and maybe even made some friends, but all you could think about was yourself!”
“N-No! Please!”
Twyla crossed her arms and snuffed him, “I won’t have any part in this. Besides, the scarring in space time is all because of you coming here in the first place! As much as we wanted to, we didn’t come here to kill you, we came here to send you back to Equestria so that our worlds can return to normal.”
He frantically searched for a rebuttal, “B-But they’ll just seal me up again and-!”
“Stop it!” Twyla shoved him against a wall, “So you’re immortal! So you’re burdened with outlasting eternity! Fine! But it’s still your life and you’re the only one that gets to decide your fate. I don’t know how you came to be or who gave you permission to be such a jerk, but you’re somehow blessed with something supernatural. Mortals only have a finite time to achieve their goals and make something of themselves, to prove to themselves that their journey was worth it and that they accomplished everything they set out to do.”
She couldn’t believe that she was actually trying to reassure someone so awful and pathetic, but she supposed that her instincts were just funny that way, “How dare you feel sorry for yourself! You’re immortal! You have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. You have the luxury to take your time and plan for things. Most of us get thrown right into the thick of it and we only get seconds to adapt. We have to persevere and work hard for what we want because time is constantly working against us! I ‘died’ today, no thanks to you, but I earned that death fighting for my friends, for my home, and for what I believed in!”
Twyla shoved the butt of her shotgun into his chest, “And then here you come, suddenly all out of Band-Aids and scared to pay for your own crimes like a little baby. So you come crying to me, someone you’ve caused nothing but trouble for, and start begging for an easy way out? You deserve to live forever!”
His eyes watered up and he slowly sunk against the wall like a child who’d just been denied purchase of his favorite toy.
“You have a decision to make, Discord. You can either choose to make everyone around you miserable or you can choose to better yourself, redeem yourself, and make yourself useful. If you’re so bored with your jokes then find some new material! Because I’m tired of seeing you die on stage.” Twyla snatched her shotgun off of his chest and walked away. She took a seat on the edge of the skyscraper and took in the limitless stars, “Go home, Discord.”
“T-Twyla…”
“I said, go home!” she slumped over, sat her shotgun over her lap and planted her chin over a palm.
Discord sighed and covered his forehead. Somewhere in that distorted mind of his, an electric pulse snapped through a chemical imbalance, and for the first time in as long as he could remember he actually thought that someone besides himself might just be right.
Maybe it was actually time to make himself ‘useful’ as Twyla put it. She did say that he had all the time in the world. Maybe there was a way he could change things so that he didn’t have to worry, at least that way he could enjoy his eternity in peace amusing himself with harmless little puns. Maybe he’d even make a friend or two.
It was probably too much of a long shot, but it easily beat what he’d made of himself here in this dead city. He stood up, for himself, and walked over to Twyla with an offering and a rough rehearsal under his tongue. The ink was still wet, and the words had already begun to smear, but he was going to get his point whether she’d listen to him or not.
Twyla glared over at him, “Yeah? You still here?”
Discord’s heart raced, as if he was at the front of the class about to beg for his Gameboy back from his teacher, “Twyla, I-I…”
The door to the observatory suddenly flew off of its hinges and a cavalcade of weapons forced their way through with an innocent Discord in their sights.
Regina measured her sights, “Twyla! Move out of the way!”
Twyla didn’t even have a second to cry “Wait!” and so she rolled and ducked out of the way.
Raine swung around her Avenger, “Time to taste the painbow!”
Ten thousand screaming bullets, a couple of rockets, and a clever arrow reached out for Discord’s gullet, and he caught every single one of them in a vicious beam of light.
Bon Jovi had been left idly playing over the speakers. The coffee table, which at one point had been stacked to the corner with everything from Absolut to Whisky, had been left with no more than a few teetering wet bottles that had drunkenly rolled into a set of damp shot glasses.
The room must’ve been lived in at some point, or was at least on its way to the cleaners from the looks of things because it was completely empty.
“Aw! Who drank all of the Smirnoff?” Piper whined.
“What in the world?” Déjà vu was staring Twyla right in the face, quite literally.
Regina panned around the room, “So, uhm, does anyone else recognize this place?”
Aprile picked up a magnum of half empty Whisky and sniffed the rim. It was still fresh, in fact, she could still taste it. Fiona was curious of the bottle herself, but Aprile snatched it away from her, “This ain’t Pepsi, lightweight.”
“Ah man! Where’s my awesome Gatling gun?!” Raine actually checked her pockets for the massive cannon and even under the couch seat in the room.
“Okay, so then it isn’t just me! I wasn’t just dreaming this whole time.” Twyla chuckled under her breath, “We were all at the very top of the Empire State building just now, right? And all of you remember Discord standing there… right?”
“I remember puttin’ a shot right between that suckers eyes, I remember that much.” Aprile downed a shot of Whisky before Fiona’s desperate eyes.
“Just one? I had like a dozen in that muppet’s head before you even pulled the trigger!” Raine challenged.
“Quiet you two, this is probably some sort of trap on Discord’s part.” Regina suggested, “Somehow he’s managed to snatch away our weapons. He could be anywhere by now.”
“Oh, there he is!” Piper shouted.
Regina threw herself against a wall, “Where!?”
Piper took a bottle and smashed it against a harmless fly on the wall so hard that it got a shriek out of everyone in the room. No one was cut by the shards of glass, though the fly was far from lucky.
Twyla slapped the bottle head out of the lunatic’s hand, “Piper! Stop it!”
The door to the room opened, “Is everything alright in here, ladies? I heard a glass break.”
The very last thing any of them had expected to see was a waiter, or at least one that wasn’t walking with the dead. There was a pause that lasted for an eternity until the waiter finally spoke up again, “Uhm, Okay then, I’ll leave you ladies alone for now. We’ll have the check up front when you’re done, alright? Have fun, girls.” He awkwardly closed the door and left them to their whistles.
There was a glacier of silence in the room, and they did their best to scale it until eventually the ice broke.
“Twyla! Check your phone.” Regina whispered, as if she was hiding from something.
The room was suddenly filled with Twylas. To think they’d actually forgotten about their cell phones in little more than a week, but one after another, the time remained the same. The displays clearly read just a minute past midnight, but the original Twyla hadn’t stayed long enough to hear the news.
She found herself running out of the room and down the hallway. She’d nearly knocked over a waitress on her way to deliver a round of tequila shots and she’d even convinced the manager that she was ditching on her bill, but nothing could possibly hold her back from opening that front door.
There it was, New York City in all of its careless splendor lighting up the night like she’d always done before. A few busy cars drove down the street and the sidewalks had their usual pedestrians looking for someone to call home for the night.
Twyla felt her legs go numb and she fell onto the curb. It was impossible to hold up all of the joy in her heart, but that smile on her face was certainly enough to carry the tears streaming down her cheeks.
It wasn’t long before the others found their way onto the sidewalk as well.
Piper nearly tackled Twyla to the ground, “Look Twyla! Look! Regina’s phone says its midnight! And so does Fiona’s, and Aprile’s and Raine’s, and, well, mines probably does too but I think I forgot to pay my cell phone bill this month, again!” She snorted.
Twyla hugged the goofy cream puff tightly. She desperately needed a napkin after all.
Regina handed the manager his payment along with his marbles and strolled over, “I-I don’t understand quite what’s happened, but it looks like everything’s okay, somehow.”
“Wait a second, where did Debbie go?” Fiona asked, to which a cab just happened to pass by.
The rear window slid down and the fare nearly jumped out of the car, “Guys! Look me up on Facebook! Let’s hang out tomorrow, alright?” It was all that Debbie managed to shout before her cab disappeared into the next intersection, to which Fiona frantically waved and shouted, “Will do!”
Twyla couldn’t stop crying between Piper’s arms, “I-I’m so happy!”
Fiona giggled and joined in the hug.
“Now don’cha leave me out of it.” Aprile chuckled and wrapped her arms around all three of them.
Regina squeezed herself in, “T-This is just amazing! I know we just technically had a party but we should totally go out and something!”
“That’s a great idea!” Piper cheered, “What do you think, Twyla?”
“I don’t care what we do, as long as it’s with… hey,where’s Raine at?” Twyla peeked her head over, “Get in here, Raine!”
Raine walked out of the karaoke bar with a confused look in her eyes, “Hey Twyla, there was a card in the room with your name on it.”
“Huh?” Twyla eyed her friends, “I thought I said no cards or gifts!”
None of them had bought any such thing, as per her strict request of course. Twyla broke out of the moment and the others followed suit.
Raine wasn’t quite sure what to say and handed her the envelope. It was marked ‘Twyla’ in the fancy curl of a ballpoint pen.
“Well, go on and open it, dear!” Regina shoved.
“Yeah, what does it say?” begged Piper.
Twyla’s heart began to drown. She really didn’t want to open it, but her fingers moved of their own liberty. She frantically pulled the piece of paper out of the envelope and unfolded it…
Roses are red, Blue roses are blue, Time space isn’t skewed and neither are you.
Yeah, well, I listened to what you told me and as much as I hate to admit it, you’re probably right. I don’t think there’s any way I could ever apologize for the trouble I’ve caused you, but if apologizing means that I can change things, that I don’t have to live such a pedantic and miserable life constantly begging for attention, then I think it might just be worth it to retire from all of this super villainy.
You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve decided to return to Equestria. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ve only turned back time for your reality, so don’t think that your pony friends have forgotten about you. Incidentally, I’ve also mended the scars in time space so your world won’t be getting any more little surprises.
Anyway, think of this as the best a god of chaos could come up with for an apology. Thank you for standing up to me and slapping me in the face with reality.
Happy Birthday Twyla,
Sincerely, some asshole named Discord
Twyla couldn’t believe what she’d just read, and neither could anyone else there. It was like something out of a comic book.
“Dear lord, what did you do to him, Twyla?” Regina asked.
“There’s no way he wrote that. Let me see it!” Raine snatched away the letter from Twyla’s limp hand.
“There’s gotta’ be more to it than that. I mean, after all he’s done to just turn face like that. That’s sloppy writin’.” Aprile dismissed.
“Well, we are back home again, back where we first started off.” Offered Piper, “Maybe he just had a… change of heart?”
“Wow, this really is legit. What did you say to him, girl?” Raine prodded.
“And how’d you survive that bite?” Aprile wondered, “We thought you’d be done for before Discord could even throw you off that roof. You have no idea how fast we were stampedin’ up them steps!”
Fiona put her hand over the egghead’s shoulder, “Twyla, what on Earth happened up there?”
She couldn’t recall a single moment where she’d ever cared for Discord’s peculiar predicament. It was his fault to begin with, but regardless, her words came from the heart and apparently were enough to reach his. An unnecessary guilt had settled in and she almost thought she’d gone too far with a few phrases. Twyla didn’t owe him a single thing, but looking back on it now, she probably could’ve wiped the spit off of his tuxedo, “You know what? I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starved. How about I explain everything over some Denny’s?”
Raine laughed and handed her back her birthday card, “Sounds good, Twyla.”
“I’m down for that!” Piper bounced.
Regina was all for it, “Oh yes, for the love of God, please, I haven’t had a taste of meat in a week.” She got on her cell phone and within a minute her chauffeur arrived in a white limousine that seemed to stretch for miles, “Over here, darling!”
The door swung open and they packed themselves into the yacht.
Aprile was all for bacon and eggs, but she was apprehensive of climbing aboard, “Uhm, guys, I think I’m just gonna’ go home. I really wanna’ see my family.”
“How? You gonna’ walk home?” Raine chuckled.
“Certainly not! And especially not after all we’ve been through.” Regina would have none of it, “I shan’t let one of my best friends be reduced to simple cab fare on such a momentous occasion! We’ll grab a quick bite to eat and then we’ll drop you off at home. I simply will not take ‘no’ for an answer.” Regina had struck all of the rights chords. Aprile wanted nothing more than to gorge herself on a helping of diabetes, but she needed to at least step in the front door of her home and make sure everything was just as she had left it.
“Oh, get in here already.” Twyla yanked the poor thing in and Piper closed the door before the limo finally sped off. Twyla threw her arm around Aprile’s shoulder, “I’m sorry Aprile, but it wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t with us to celebrate.”
“Damn right!” Raine rustled the cowpolk’s hat with a laugh.
“Gah! Get off! Go play with your girlfriend, hippie.” Aprile grumbled.
“Fine, I will! Fiona, get over here! Aprile wants a show!”
“Oh, come on!” Twyla whined.
Regina palmed the side of her face, “Can’t you two wait until we drop you off at some sleazy hotel somewhere?”
Fiona scooted over to her mistress like an obedient little puppy, “Y-Yes…?”
“We never got to have our romantic kiss at the end of the story, Fiona!” Raine chuckled and pulled herself in, “Open wide, I need to perform an inspection.”
“Oh, uhm, O-Of course, ma’m.” Fiona opened her shy little mouth and stuck out her nervous tongue.
“Wait a second, you guys already kissed!” Piper ventured.
“Oh dear, it looks like we’ll have to operate!”
“Oh no! Is it terminal?” Fiona whimpered.
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to go deeper!” Raine took Fiona in her lips and demonstrated her impressive medical expertise. The prognosis called for a deep tissue mouth examination, and she was going to take her time with it.
“Eww…!” Aprile turned away, regretting ever being talked into coming along.
Twyla shrugged, “Well, I’ll at least give them points for the amusing roleplay.”
Regina had had enough of the nagging trope. She scooted to the front of the limousine and banged on the window, “Please hurry, Alfred!”
“I suppose it’s worth a shot. I mean, I’ve been alive for so long and yet, all I’ve ever done is prank and harm others.” Discord sighed, “Why haven’t I ever just tried to relax and be nice to folks?” He had long entered the void and the light at the end of the tunnel was rapidly approaching.
“I guess I’ve just always been so bitter about things, bitter to a heckling crowd always throwing me off stage. It hurts, but I really only have myself to blame in the end…”
A series of lit rings began to pass over his body as the tunnel came to a close, “Who says chaos necessarily has to be a bad thing though…? After all, there’s constant chaos in nature. A volcano erupts and hardens with time leaving just enough room for a flower to bloom.”
Discord found himself enveloped in a blinding curtain of light. He eventually untangled his eyes and found himself standing atop a small cloud as an aroma of humble farms and lush valleys filled his lungs.
For once, it felt nice, if not relieving to see Equestria agreeing with itself. There wasn’t any need for bad puns or gags. It was fine just the way it was and it brought a smile to his face to finally realize that.
He sighed and wondered what he might do with himself now that he’d returned home, “Perhaps I’ll set up a small business, creating all sorts of things for ponies. I do have the power to influence matter after all.” but he couldn’t help but second guessed himself, “No, no, that would just wreck the economy. That would be foolish! I should instead use my powers to assist the locals. Maybe apple picking, watering crops, rescuing kittens from tall trees.” He chuckled at the thought, “In any case, I certainly do have a long way to go. I have all the time in the world to think about what I want to do and-” and he’d certainly have all the time he’d ever need as a statue. A brilliant laser plucked him from the sky’s grace and sent him whistling all the way down to Earth like a falling bomb, though as usual, he was no more than a dud.
“Got him! We did it girls!” Twilight Sparkle was nearly hopping out of her own horseshoes, and so were all of her little friends, “See girls! I told you that Twyla knew what she was talking about. It might’ve taken a little while, but she did it!”
“She sure did! They all did!” Rarity cheered, wrapping her hooves around Twilight.
Pinkie Pie was a regular loudspeaker, chanting and cheering, ranting and raving over their victory, and of course all of which at twice the speed of light.
Fluttershy giggled as Ditzy bounced in and out of her own flight itinerary, “Woohoo! Fiona did it! Oh boy, I bet she and the others are probably having the biggest party ever right now!” she altered her altitude and snatched up Fluttershy in her hooves, “Come on Fluttershy! We should celebrate too!”
Startled from the sudden gust, she still managed to smile, “T-That sounds like a wonderful idea, Ditzy.”
Applejack hefted the statue into a wheel barrel with the toothiest grin she’d ever worn on her face, “The Princess sure is gonna’ be glad to have her favorite garden gnome back again!”
Rainbow dashed in and flicked Discord’s stone nose with a chuckle, “Check it out, AJ! We got him in a nice pose this time.”
Applejack chuckled, “Looks like he’ll have plenty of time to ‘think’ about everything he’s done.”
Indeed, he’d become a perfect knockoff of the Thinker and at least this time he’d do a much better job at tying together Princess Celestia’s trophy garden.
You could practically cut through the agony with a butter knife, but it’d probably be put to better use buttering Ditzy’s blueberry muffins.
Regina kept her promise, and made sure that Aprile got home as fast as their chauffeur could drive them there.
“Have a good night, Aprile.” Twyla smiled and gave the anxious woman a hug.
“Let’s hang out tomorrow!” Piper suggested, “We’ll bring Debbie along and everything.”
“I’d normally have to work the apple trees, but I’ll definitely swing by for it. Don’t party too much without me, ladies!” she gave a John Cena salute and ran up to her porch.
“Later!”
“Bye Aprile!”
“Sleep well, dear!” and as soon as Aprile fumbled her way through the door, the yacht drove off down the dirt road.
It was around three in the morning and Aprile frankly didn’t give a damn. She scrambled through the house, her clacking boots nearly running up the walls until she came upon her big brother, who was snoring on the couch as reruns of Judge Judy lit up the living room.
Aprile held back a laugh and covered him in a blanket. She pecked a kiss against his forehead and turned off the television, “Night, big bro.”
By now she’d hung her boots over her shoulder, finally having come to terms with both her relief and her joy. She crept down the hallway and peeked in to her good old Grandma’s room, who was probably snoring louder than the entire living room combined. She giggled and gently shut the door.
Aprile fell back into the hallway and turned towards Abbie’s room, which had a dim light coming from the crack underneath the door. “Up at this hour? What could that little rascal be up to.” as if she really had the nerve to punish her.
She snuck into the room with the silence of a frozen lakebed. She could hear small murmurs coming from a tent pitched with a flashlight over the little girl’s bed, “Abbie!”
The flashlight was the first thing to tumble over and in her frantic attempt to pretend that she was still sleeping, Abbie nearly tumbled off of the bed herself. She poked her little head out from under the covers, “I-I’m sorry, Aprile! I was just doin’ a little readin’ is all. I promise I’ll go to sleep right away! J-Just gime’ five more… Sis, why’re you crying?”
Aprile thought she could’ve relied on the room’s darkness to hide her tears, but no matter how hard she bit her lip, they just wouldn’t stop coming.
She was starting to scare the little girl, “Aprile, what happened?”
Aprile wiped away her tears and sat down beside Abbie. She wanted so badly to tell her of the beautiful land she’d visited within the space of a minute and all of the new friends she met there, but she couldn’t stand the thought of her knowing all of the atrocities and hardship that her adventure had brought along. Abbie probably wouldn’t have believed her anyway, “It’s alright Abbie, nothing’s wrong. I-I’m just really glad to see you is all…” she leaned in and gave her little sister a tight hug and popped a little kiss on her forehead, “So what’re ya’ readin’ there, squirt?”
Abbie was still a little confused. Her big sister was obviously sad about something, and so she figured her book might help cheer her up at the very least, “I-I’m readin’ a book called ‘Robot Zot’. I got it at the school library today. It’s about a totally awesome robot that crashes into a bunch of kitchen appliances and has to rescue a cellphone princess!”
The synopsis did the trick and had Aprile holding her sides, “Well, it looks like you’re just blasting off all over the place, Abbie. Just how far along are ya’?”
“I’m half way done with it. It’s great!”
“It definitely sounds great.” Aprile smiled and stood up to switch on a tiny lamp light, “Sounds like something totally out of this world!” she sat back down and plopped her hat onto Abbie’s head, “Would ya’ mind readin’ a bit of it to me? I’m still pretty wide-eyed myself.”
“Of course!” how could Abbie possibly refuse? She snuggled up against her big sis and found the page she’d left off on, “Say, did your hat get wet or somethin’? Feels a little smaller, but at least it fits me perfect now !” she squeaked through a giggle.
Aprile laughed, “Maybe. There’s a lot of really good memories in that hat. Now go on, squirt. I wanna’ learn all about this here Mister Robot Zot.”
Abbie giggled, “Alright, alright, I’ll start where I left off I guess.” She went on to describe a strange alien world filled with an army of fearsome marauding home appliances led by an evil television dictator. However, there was a newcomer among them, a mechanical hero that would stand up to evil and challenge the very heart of tyranny.
The tale was probably even more ridiculous than Aprile’s entire trip put together, but it didn’t bother her one bit. Abbie could’ve been reading aloud Gilbert Gottfried’s interpretation of Fifty Shades of Grey for all she cared, and Aprile still would’ve sat there and listened.
She wrapped her arms around Abbie and made sure she was protected by the bed sheets as she read her little story.
The iron belly of a commercial airline screamed overhead, and it dragged a few panes of grass along with it.
The limousine had pulled up to a rest stop at the end of an airport runway facing JFK international. Regina’s chauffeur really didn’t mind waiting at her every beck and call, no matter how late it actually was. It had always been a pleasure to serve her, especially since he was one of her only assistants that always remained behind her on her infamous warpaths.
Alfred had an opportunity to take a smoke break and tuned up the radio as per Raine’s request, playing ‘Victory’ by the Notorious Biggie Smalls. Hip hop wasn’t necessarily his cup of tea, but it certainly provided a distraction from the show sprawled out above the hood of his yacht.
Raine murmured a lyric into Fiona’s blushing ear, “The sun don’t shine forever… but as long as it’s here then we might as well shine together…” she teased a squeeze, and pinched her earlobe in between her teeth.
Fiona whimpered and did her best to pretend to squirm away, but Raine had pinned her down against the limousine’s hood and wasn’t about to let her little pet escape.
Fiona felt like a tomato, but she also felt reassured by the gentle palm caressing the side of her cheek. She may have been inexperienced in the matters of intimacy, but she’d stay for the lecture. Fiona awkwardly grabbed Raine’s butt, “L-Like this..?”
The airline waitress left the earlobe, “No, no, no. Not yet. I mean, you could, but it’s better to take it slowly and work your way down there later.” She took Fiona’s hand and lifted it back up, “Start up here first.” And then she placed over her breast, “See, how’s that feel?”
Fiona was nearly on the verge of a nosebleed, and even worse off she wasn’t exactly sure what to do. She tried to squeeze a handful of boob, but all she really managed to squeeze out of it was a laugh from Raine, “Oh, no! I-I’m sorry, I must be awful at this…”
“That’s okay, sweetie. I was just playing around anyways. Just give me a hug, and get over here…”
Fiona clumsily graced her mistress’ shoulders and pulled Raine’s body against hers in a soft kiss.
“Oh, my word.” Alfred adjusted his collar and reached for the dehumidifier.
Twyla closed and pocketed her cellphone before walking back over to the railing, “Well, it’s done. Though I have to admit that I sort of feel bad for calling in sick today, Regina. I mean, I feel perfectly fine to teach.”
Regina patted her over the back with a chuckle, “Oh, Twyla. You just returned from an exhausting journey battling a god and defending a civilization of tiny talking pink horses and you even got yourself killed in the process! Do you have any idea what that kind of stress does to your complexion?”
Twyla couldn’t resist a laugh, “I guess I do deserve a day off. Besides, it’d give us time to hang out again.”
“Now that’s the spirit!” Regina smiled.
Piper leaned over the railing and pouted, “Oh yeah? Well I have tomorrow off too. In fact, I’ll probably have days off for the rest of my life!”
“It’s okay, Piper. You’ll find another job.” Twyla rubbed her shoulders.
“Really? How?”
“Just be yourself!” Twyla smiled, “You’ve got a great personality! You’re funny, you’re great with people, and you have a beautiful smile. I mean, don’t you remember last night? You and Pinkie Pie gathered the entire town and cut a rug through the streets. That was amazing! Just keep that smile up and I know you’ll be able to find something in no time at all.”
“She can have my job if she wants.” Regina closed her cellphone.
“What?” snapped Piper.
Twyla raised a brow, “Don’t tell me…”
Regina sighed, “No, I haven’t just yet, but I think I’m going to retire this week. I’m going to sell off all of my stock, take my retirement package and relax.”
“B-But fashion is your passion!”
“Yes, but paparazzi, magazine signings, editing articles and boardroom meetings certainly are not. Working in Rarity’s boutique gave me a chance to stretch out my fingers and create. I can’t tell either of you how long it’s been since I’ve pricked my finger with a needle or had to work out measurements in my head, and if there’s anything that I took away from Ponyville, it’s that fame and money can’t always bring you what you want in life.”
“Well, what’re you going to do with your time then?” Twyla asked.
“What do you think, darling?” Regina grinned, “I’m going to go back to designing, of course. I’ll probably set up a small business or an online shop and auction off my ensembles. No more bending over backwards unless it’s for myself!”
“Well that’s great to hear, I bet you’ll be much happier that way.” Twyla smiled and watched as another plane taxied towards them on the runway.
The busy lights of the city reached out and blanketed the stars, but they couldn’t capture all of them. Twyla leaned over the rail and cupped her chin. She gazed up at those twinkling little lights and wondered if anyone else might be enjoying the beautiful night’s sky as well.
Piper hung herself out to dry out over the bar. She rocked back and forth dipping her head over the side kicking her feet up into the air like a kindergartener, “So Twyla, what do you want to do tomorrow?”
Twyla smiled blankly and simply replied, “Second star to the right, and straight on until morning…”
“Wait, what?”
The celebrations and festivities that had sprung up that night in Ponyville had made every single party they’d had that week combined look like a tea party. The townsfolk had the figurine of Discord to thank for their newest parade, though much of the credit belonged to those such as Pinkie Pie and her friends who led the way with plenty of pastries and cookies to be enjoyed by all. She even popped a birthday hat on the bust’s head so that maybe he might not feel so left out.
But not even Pinkie’s largest ice cream cake could’ve tempted the tongue of Twilight Sparkle, not even if Princess Celestia herself popped out of the top of it.
Twilight had perched herself on the balcony of her tree house. The night was at its very peak and she had waited to capture every moment with her telescope.
The door downstairs creaked open, “Hey Twilight! Pinkie Pie sent over a slice of cake for you! I’m going to put it in the fridge, alright?”
“Actually, Spike, could you bring it up here for me?”
The little dragon scampered up the steps, into Twilight’s room, and up to her balcony, all while helping himself to a finger’s worth of cake frosting, “What’re you doing up here all by yourself, Twilight? You’re missing out on the party, again.”
The unicorn swept up the plate with a mist of magic and forked a small bite, “Oh, it’s okay, Spike. I’ve had more than enough fun this week. Besides, we’re watching the stars tonight.”
“We’re?” Spike didn’t see anyone else, “Oh, you mean us, right?”
Twilight giggled, “Oh, of course, Spike.”
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
The world is often a fairly dreary place, filled with struggle, desperation, and greed. Rather than improve it, most of us would prefer to leave it all behind and discover a faraway place. A simple place filled with bright colors, a dazzling sunshine, and good friends - it's what we dream of anyway. Few of us get to imagine such a place, and even fewer get to go there.
"Alright class, please settle down!" Twyla shouted. She slammed a biology textbook down against her desk and silenced the class. It was one of the few ways she'd adapted to an inner city rambunctious class. You had to be firm but tolerant of them in order to maintain control. The class wasn't just a group of curious children, they were a single animal, an animal you had to gain the respect of before they'd let you approach them. It may have only been a few years into Twyla's career but she'd done a good job of mastering the profession, at least she thought so anyway.
There was still that same old group of kids towards the back that would always continue horsing around but if Twyla was to get even a single concept across the rest of the class, she'd have to ignore them until they began assaulting her with spit balls like they did last week. It was a small sacrifice to take, those students would suffer in the long run while the rest of the class would move on to succeed and do better things. It was a fine example of the law of Natural Selection; The adaptable and strong survive while the weak died horrible deaths, alone and in a dark alley somewhere with bad credit, which brought Twyla to the point of her lecture.
She began the hour with a brief history on Charles Darwin, his original yet still immature theory of Evolution, and his early struggles in the field and later into publication. The man had many neigh-sayers, many of which came from the church and the conservative right. Even to this day Darwin rolled in his grave over the religious zealots twisting his words and printing out copies of his book, 'The Origin of Species' with introductions explaining a rather uneducated interpretation of what the word 'theory' meant. Her bias really wanted to go over all of this, but feared the ultimate repercussions of some backwoods overprotective parent, so instead she had skipped the middle man altogether and simply tossed away the 'fair and balanced' chapter of her lesson plan explaining Intelligent Design. It may have risked her career as a school teacher, especially during such turbulent economic times and a host of budget cuts and layoffs, but Twyla respected her students too much to allow such drivel into a serious Biology classroom.
Yet another hour had passed. Twyla had underestimated just how many students of her's that were completely ignorant on the topic of Evolution. She had a variety of contentious questions to sort through from children who just didn't understand that the Earth was older than four thousand years. Eventually a passionate debate had broken out amongst the students themselves and it was around that point that Twyla actually regretted leaving out the bit on Intelligent Design. Sure it would've been an insult to science, but perhaps that one obnoxious student in the purple jacket and stupid green beanie might not have thrown his backpack at the whiteboard demanding that Twyla teach the 'Word of God'. Maybe, just maybe that one kid might not have been such a little brat, and she might not be the next easy victim on the list of budget cuts.
She'd be lucky if all she got was a disappointing letter from her principle the following morning, but she'd have to crucify that demon when she got to it. The copy machine still awaited her and her wallet was going to feel the strains yet again. Only a few more hours until mercy might allow her to clock out she imagined. Hopefully her supervisor would be able to reimburse her the following day, that is if she hadn't gone over her limit, that being if she even still had a job. Regardless, the only thing she was probably going to have for lunch was a soda over a stapler and a stubborn copy machine, yet again.
The rest of her shift seemed especially long, as Mondays typically were. Twyla would've probably forgotten it was her own birthday too if her old pal Piper hadn't filled her cell phone and Facebook wall with birthday greetings and lame pictures of cats wearing birthday hats.
She finally left the staff room with probably too many boxes, books, and papers for a single teacher to carry. It was an hour late, as usual, though fortunately enough the front of the schoolyard had already cleared up so the stroll to her beat up used sedan was at least a straight line.
She had practically made it to her car just before a stack of organized stapled papers had fallen into a nearby puddle. She let out an exaggerated groan and probably too many curses to be heard by any public school. That smarmy-ass supervisor should’ve reimbursed her double the cost for every ruined that helplessly floated in front of her. The thought that she still had even more copies to make, an unfortunate lesson plan to adjust only made things worse. Plus, she still had to swing by the animal shelter and pick up Fiona from her volunteer work later that day. They had plans to go out later that evening with the others.
Piper had 'subtly' invited her to a get together, although the intention was fairly obvious. Twyla had no idea how she was going to manage to fit a silly party of all things into her schedule tonight, but the temptation of a few drinks and some drunken karaoke could hardly be passed up at this point.
“I’m a teacher, and it’s my birthday today, damnit! I deserve better than this!” Twyla cursed in the prime of New York City's finest traffic. She could have cared less of all the stares she was getting from the nearby passengers. The only thing keeping her from leaning over the horn oddly enough was the hairline of rainbow that had caught the corner of her eye.
Aprile machined a slice of apple pie to go with her eggs and sausage. You’d think anyone would've maintained a distinct hated for all things apple after working on an apple orchard for most of their lives, but not Aprile. The family farm was the 'apple' of her eye, so we'll say.
“Want some chicken ta go with that?” asked her brick wall of an older brother.
“Better not be any of that factory raised guff. Them folk don’t know anythin' 'bout maintaining a farm ‘sides profit.”
“Nope, it ain’t.”
“Well then, pass me a couple a drumsticks why don’tcha?”
“Yup.”
“Hope ya' got a good night's sleep there, big Mike. Gonna' be a long day, five whole acres to work out today, and then I got Twyla’s party later on tonight." the thought of a few beers with some of her best friends would normally have put a smile on that freckled southern face of Aprile's, but not today.
“E’yup.”
Aprile sighed and fingered her temples as she stared down at her already packed dish while a sliding piece of chicken breast escorted by a garrison of drumsticks slowly invaded. She sure had a lot on her plate today, no matter how optimistic she tried to sound.
Suddenly the cutest little girl scampered into the kitchen complete with an oversized bow attached to her head and a Dora the Explorer backpack over her shoulder, "Boy am I starvin'!"
Aprile snapped out of her cynical reach at the sight of her little sister, "Mornin' Abbie! You slept alright?"
"Sure did! What's for breakfast?"
Big Mike was a man of few words and answered his littlest sister's request with a plate full of yum, to which the little girl dove right in devouring far more than a typical six year old normally would this early in the morning.
Aprile had repeated this same routine for quite some time now, but no matter how dark things would become for the farm it always filled her heart with sunshine to spend breakfast with her family.
Lovable old Grandma might've slept in like she usually did but they'd be sure to leave her some leftovers.
It was still early in the morning and the sun had barely tipped the horizon, but it was a Monday and there was plenty of work to do.
Grandma was probably still snoozing and Abbie was already on her school bus to a place filled with crayons and construction paper. The day wouldn't have been so kind her older siblings however.
Aprile jumped on her green tractor and keyed the ignition. The contraption rustled to life puffing rowdy clouds of smoke from its exhaust. It jerked and hoisted forth a long arm with a claw at its end, while a team of stewards with baskets in hand stood by to provide assistance.
Aprile swung the arm over and grasped the nearest apple tree in sight. She flipped a wobbly switch and the machine shook the tree violently. Crew members dashed from spot to spot trying their best to catch as many tumbling apples as they could. Sadly enough, this circus was what the farm had come to call efficiency, but its the way they had done it for years and no means of fancy techno-whatsits was going to change tradition.
The process would've repeated itself for many hours to come, but Aprile had a steady hand and flipped the levers and petals with masterful skill. She had to if the farm was to survive. It was a small family business and last quarter’s profit had dipped severely. With so many new industrial corporate farms popping up, it had become difficult to compete. The farm was just barely scratching by this month with its price cuts and bulk discounts. The grim thought of actually having to lay off the loyal workers scrambling around her tractor was still spinning in the back of Aprile’s mind, but the future of the farm would ultimately call for a human sacrifice or two.
Aprile shook the thought away. She wiped the sweat from her brow, adjusted her hat, and jammed forward the lever harder than she’d ever done before. The tractor sputtered for a few feet until a loud pop leveled the engine hood from its lock, nearly throwing everyone off of their feet. It came to a lazy stop and a cloud of white smoke bellowed out of the gasket. A look of dread drew across the workers’ faces.
Aprile leaped out of her seat with a dirty wrench in hand and waved through the smoke. Her face crinkled as she peeked into the engine with the utmost disgust.
“Fer' Pete’s sake!” she wanged the side panel with the wrench, “Blew the darn gasket!” And then the panel fell to the ground. The poor girl's heart crumbled inside as she did her best to keep from tumbling over the engine block. The crew came together and tried their best to console her but not a single one of their helping hands would ever be enough to repair that old rust bucket.
To say that Aprile needed a few Excedrin would've been laughable.Their future was uncertain and as each day went by, the farm was slowly slipping through her fingers. It had been the family business for generations and she couldn’t stand the thought of being the one to have to close it down. She was nearly at the brink of bursting into tears when a far off rainbow broke through her soggy eyes. It was a small and almost insignificant glimmer of hope and was somewhat of a nice picture, for the moment anyway.
A vast applause swept over the crowd as streamers and flyers rained down from above. Hundreds of journalists, reporters, columnists, and outright fans from all reaches of the fashion industry had packed the auditorium to attend the event. Vogue had led a dazzling affair revealing some of the season’s new line of ensembles from some of the fashion industry’s top designers. The event had just concluded with an exciting but teasing speech, just what everyone had hoped for.
Cameras sparkled and crowds cheered around a red carpet as a gorgeous diva in white strolled to her awaiting limousine.
Inside, a name-tag was waiting to shower the woman with praise, “That was simply spectacular Regina! We’re trending all over the web! This is amazing!”
Regina was simply parched from the entire thing and before even making the request, an ice cold glass of Diet Pepsi Zero Next was placed in her hand by an attendant. It paid to have good help she thought to herself before taking a careful sip.
“That definitely went better than we could’ve ever hoped for, but we still have a signing to attend in an hour and a board meeting later tonight.” an attendant reminded her as they squeezed a lemon slice into the star’s glass.
“I’m terribly sorry, but that simply won’t do for me, you see I-”
“Now, now! The board is depending on this, and you have a quarterly report to present! Don't worry though, you've been doing a great job lately, they've been really impressed with your work.”
Regina sighed, it was business as usual. She was an extremely successful columnist for the company as well as a spokeswoman. For some, she was even an idol. Not only was she beautiful, but she also had an eye for detail, a talent and a taste decades ahead of the industry.
Those skills didn't come lightly however. She had adored fashion for as long as she could remember and had always obsessed herself over the latest trends and tastes. Regina had attended nearly every single fashion event in the industry for the last six years alone. Becoming immersed in the passion of fabrics and fuzzes was all a girl could ever ask for. It was a dream come true, but as time went on it was slowly turning into a nightmare.
Regina thumbed her exclusive iPhone 5s in search of a response to a text message that she had sent to her dear friend Piper about Twyla’s party, but no matter how many fan tweets and corporate emails she dug through, a reply never came.
To make things worse, the door to her limousine had suddenly swung open to reveal an invasion of microphones and cameras. Hundreds of slobbering fans were waiting to have their magazines, photographs and books signed. Regina could almost remember when she actually looked forward to such fame. No matter how nice the reception however, the only reward she ever got was a tired wrist.
Somehow, she'd gotten both of her wrists were sore, Regina had no idea how. It hurt just to grab the railing as she boarded her private Learjet. At the very least they’d be flying back home, but not before another meeting and still no word from Piper yet. She must not have paid her phone bill again, Regina thought to herself, or perhaps it was because she was at work and just couldn’t speak?
The anxiety was beginning to get to her. Sure it was just a simple night out with some friends but it had been nearly a month since she’d had gotten any social time. She tossed her damnable iPhone into her Hermes Birkin and climbed aboard her Learjet, followed by a garrison of armed assistants.
Regina threw herself at the farthest point away from it all aboard the aircraft, near the largest window of course. No window would've been large enough for her escape however. Her assistants had far too much information to throw at her and far too many pleasantries to provide. Simply ignoring them all no longer carried any weight.
Her eyes reached out for anything, anything at all across the tarmac or even in the mediocre sky for that matter. A timid rainbow just barely drew her attention out of the distance and maybe out of sheer desperation to silence her subjects, that was enough to satisfy her.
“That’s it! My arms are sore, my throat is parched and please for God's sake one of you get me a pair of flats!" she tossed her heels at some poor yes-man, "I’m absolutely positively done for the day! I have an important social engagement to attend tonight and I shan't spend my evening going over petty numbers and statistics for hours on end!”
“But-but-but!”
Regina pulled over a nametag by the collar, “You call up that snob 'Anna' and tell her that I’m sick or whatever excuse floats her yacht and that I won’t be attending. Do you understand me!?”
The nametag nodded profusely.
“I’m done when this plane lands at JFK, and shut that blasted ‘Twentyone Jump Street’ off this instant! I want whoever decided to play that trash fired immediately!” If there was one thing left that Regina still enjoyed about her job, it was walking down the warpath every now and then.
An old sedan that probably should've been junked a few years ago pulled to the curb of a local animal shelter. The steering wheel had a groove worn into it which was probably from Twyla’s forehead on a day to traffic basis. She hit the battered car horn a couple of times which sounded like a wounded toucan at best.
The yellow stained glass doors opened to reveal a couple of rather large hounds, whom dragged out the daintiest of caretakers, screaming in the softest of voices for help.
“Fiona! Let’s go, I haven’t got all day!” She hadn’t actually seen the slobbering mutts until the car door opened which to her ultimate dismay, had both managed to jumble into her car all at once.
Twyla gasped and tried her best to defend herself with a roll of paper towels and Windex, “What is this?!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry Twyla, but, uhm, you see, I simply have to take these two home with me today. It was rather late notice I know, but it’s been a whole year and well, this is a kill shelter after all.” Fiona whispered and apologized on and on as the car slowly sank in value, “If we could just drop them off at my apartment, I would really appreciate it. Of course, if you don’t mind. You don’t have to, it’s really up to you. Really, I’m so sorry, it’s just that I-” she went on to explain the entire thing all over again in an even softer voice. Even the dogs breathing and drooling carried more tone.
Twyla’s face contorted as Fiona finally worked up the courage to climb into the passenger’s seat and buckled herself in. A terrible fume was beginning to fill the vehicle along with a string of apologies.
“That’s… 'fine', we’ll get them to your apartment and-”
A loud bark made her skip a beat and for once Twyla had wished that she hadn’t thrown out the morning paper.
“I’m so sorry Twyla. Rex is just so happy to finally get a home is all. Did you know that they kept him in a kennel that was only three by ten feet? Outrageous isn't it? The state minimum is four by twelve! Can you believe this place?”
Twyla couldn’t really hear much of her friend’s complaints over the obnoxious huffing coming from just over her shoulder. She sank the petal down into the floor and sped off just in time to land herself back into traffic all over again.
For what seemed like hours but was probably twenty five minutes, Twyla had to deal with Fiona's silent incoherent nonsense over what she thought might've been a parakeet or some iguana that she 'rescued' last week. She tried to put her old album of the Protomen into her half-ass stereo but the Hounds were already breathing down the back of her neck as it was. It was hot, her air conditioning wasn't working again and that stupid rainbow was still in the sky it seemed.
Fiona snuck quickly through the elevator and down the hall. Twyla could hardly help but question the ‘no pets’ sign above and how her friend had gotten away with keeping any pet at all, let alone two enormous dogs.
Fiona opened the door to which three stray cats attempted to escape until they were met by a couple of fierce barking maws and scurried back inside.
Twyla wasn’t very good with animals and she certainly hadn’t made any improvements today, given her friend's complete lack of control. The mutts forced their way into the apartment which led to a series of yelps, hisses, squawks, and crashes.
“Y-You know there’s a sign back there that says ‘No Pets Allowed’, right Fiona?”
“Oh hush, it’s only a few of the cutest little creatures you’ve ever seen. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
Fiona had to force a few bags of kibble out of the doorway just to get in while Twyla tippy-toed her way through the foyer. There were approximately four bird cages, seven fish tanks, three dog cages, eight cat baskets, and far too many trash bags – and that was only the living room.
“Terribly sorry, Twyla. It’s a bit of a mess today.”
“Today only?! This is a regular zoo! It stinks in here! Where do you even sleep?” Twyla was nearly ready to start throwing trash out the window.
“Oh, this a three bedroom apartment. So I do get a room to myself.”
Twyla dug her fingers into her forehead, utterly at a loss for words. Her friend was too busy with the new introductions to her collection to notice Twyla’s migraine, and yet, the day still wasn’t over.
“And now ladies and gentlemen, opening for today’s performance – The Blue Angels!”
A formation of blue and golden F-18 jets screamed over an excited crowd nearly wing tip to wing tip. In perfect unison they veered up into the sky and divided outwards leaving jet streams of white smoke in their wake.
Two jets curved to the left while two others held the right and flew in opposite directions. They each made a turnabout and the two groups throttled towards each other in a classic game of chicken, nearly tearing each other's wings off at the final moment. The spectators gasped and threw up a cheer once again.
Their stunts were awe inspiring, a majestic balance of grace and power. It was anyone’s guess as to how not a single jet clipped another and caused a horrific accident killing and injuring possible hundreds of people.
The Blue Angels made one final pass over the bay area’s elevated race track and soared off into the horizon.
“And now folks, what you’ve all been waiting for! The Red Bull Air Race World Series!”
The crowd applauded and rooted for the event to begin. For every row there was at least three kids running around with a toy plane in their hand.
“Alright, now we’ve been over this a few times already, but here it is again. It starts off with the main bank, three columns, a barrel roll and a summersault. You should know the rest by now, kid.” The radio buzzed.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it.”
“You’d better. You’ve already lost three sponsors this month. We can’t have any more screw-ups on your end or you just ain’t gonna last much longer, Raine.”
“Pffft, those guys didn’t know squat. I’m a totally awesome pilot, the best one out here and everyone knows it!”
“But you haven’t won a single race in-!”
Raine cut her radio short. She just wasn’t in the mood for any of that crap today. She had gotten a whopping four hours of sleep last night, was filled with all the Red Bull she could stomach and was feeling great despite it all. Her streak of bad luck was ending today one way or another.
That prize money was as good as hers. She could already see herself buying the gang drinks at Twyla’s party later that night and she couldn’t wait. How awesome would it be if she could just pull right up to Twyla’s drive way in her fighter jet to pick her up. Now that would be totally awesome she thought.
Raine throttled the engine and nearly cut off another taxiing jet on the way to the tarmac. She piloted an updated Russian Mig-15, at least updated to what her team’s budget could afford, which was mostly spent on rainbow paint aps and small aesthetic tweaks. At least it was the most colorful stunt plane in the race. It had to match her hair after all.
She made it to the edge of the runway, gave a hoot and let loose. The turbines cried and the booster cooked sending her drifting off into the sky. Raine didn’t have much else going in her life besides her basic knowledge of flight. She was good at taking off anyway. The sky was her high, she just felt so happy and at peace with everything when she was dazzling the crowds and watching the Earth overhead. Nothing could compare.
A giant smile stretched across Raine’s face as she pulled back on the throttle and rocketed straight upwards, meeting a bright rainbow’s peak and slicing right through it. The crowds cheered as she did a barrel roll and sank back into a level.
A blinking red light caught the corner of her eye from the radio console. She knew that it meant she was getting a signal or some instructions from her team, but she was sick of hearing her bossy manager and wanted to get on with the race already. As far as she was considered, she had already won.
A few more stunt planes left the ground to join her, gently circling the winding course across the bay area. The enormous white and red inflatable cones floating below almost seemed to point up towards all the action. Raine was soon leading the pack as they prepared to really get the race underway, and she intended to keep it that way.
The group came to a bend and headed back towards the start of the track. They were coming in hot and the horn finally sounded giving them the go-ahead.
Raine bit her lip and dashed towards the first set of cones like a missile, leaving much of the planes in the clouds. The little rainbow Mig-15 tilted and took the cones right through the center. She could feel the G’s gripping down against her body, her nails biting into her palm as she gripped the throttle, a drop of sweat running down her temple, her heart thumping out of its cage, the sun’s glare leaving just enough for her to see the path ahead. She loved the rush. It was such an intense and almost orgasmic feel. Raine was alive.
She approached the second set of columns and weaved in and out of them with ease before she rolled the craft and perfectly timed the start of her climb for a summersault. She nailed the arc perfectly and came back down like a rollercoaster. There was no way the boss could complain this time she thought to herself. This race was already over.
That stupid com light was still blinking. “Might as well soak in the cheers while I’m getting them.” She flipped the switch.
“You idiot! You blasted idiot! Land that thing right now!”
“Huh?!” the change in atmosphere nearly clipped a wing tip with a cone.
“You have a gas leak! Didn’t you do a checkup before you took off!? I told you to do the checkup! Land the thing now!!”
“What?! Wait, I’m doing so well, I’ve still got some-” Raine checked her fuel gage which had emptied fairly quickly. She was apparently the only one in the entire event who hadn’t noticed the dangling string of black fuel leaking from the fuselage. She gave a yelp to which her ground team responded with even more calls to land.
Almost too conveniently, the plane started to putter and a wing tip clipped another inflatable column, ripping a huge gash in its side. Raine was doing her best to control the stammering Mig but could hardly keep up with the shakes. She clenched her teeth and pulled back hard doing all she could to keep the aircraft from descending any further. The crowds screamed and panicked. It was the first time for as long as she could remember that the plane was actually working against her.
“Get out of there! Bail!!” the radio shouted.
She first had to dump her jet somewhere safe before she could escape. She wasn't about to run off like a kid and let her plane killed a few dozen tourists. Raine gave a grunt and managed to miss a bleacher full of scurrying spectators by mere feet.
All that sat in front of her now was the relieving length of the Bay. Maybe if she could pull off a water landing the damage would stay to a minimum Raine thought. She certainly didn’t have a lot of options.
All she had to worry about now was keeping the plane in control for what was going to be a rough landing one way or another. Suddenly a tad of leftover fuel sparked through the thruster and sent the little jet upwards nearly tearing the thing in half.
The cockpit filled with curses as the jet finally stalled in midair and slowly tumbled back down to Earth. She had hoped she was far enough by now. Damn it all if this wasn’t the most embarrassing moment of her flight career.
“Sorry Spitfire, but it looks like this is the end of the road for us…!” she kissed the console, gave a final salute and yanked the ejection lever as hard as she could. The canopy exploded and her seat rocketed out of the cockpit. The lifeless Mig slowly cartwheeled below. Her heart probably skipped a beat, wondering for a second if she had forgotten the parachute as well, but it finally fired off nearly breaking her neck in the process.
Raine ripped off her goggles only to watch her pride and joy smash into the waters below, but not before taking down an entire section of docking and a boat or two with it. She cupped her forehead in disbelieve, the plane couldn’t have missed its intended target by any wider of a margin. There was nothing left of the little jet but a funneling cloud of smoke, a deck of splintered planks, a single sinking wing tip and a bubbling bank of oily humiliation.
She was sure to be dropped from the team now she thought, barely able to hold back a tear. They’d probably never let her near another plane ever again. Heck, they’d probably ban her from every airport!
Her lonely cockpit seat gently floated between the nearby surrounding buildings of lower Manhattan. She was the laughing stock of the entire city. A pilot who couldn’t even be bothered to make sure her plane had fuel in it, let alone even complete a race. What a joke, she though. It was yet another failure to add onto her ‘career’.
The chair clanked onto the roof of a taxi caught in traffic covering the entire street in an enormous rainbow colored parachute. She unbuckled her safety harness as quickly as she could escape the expletives and did her best to disappear into a crowd.
“Sorry! Excuse me!” Raine accidently bumped into a letter carrier in her panic. A cloud of letters flew into the air while a blonde postwoman fell onto her rump, “Doh-!”
A clipboard slapped against a table top counter, “Piper! Do you have any idea how much frosting you’re using on that cake?”
“Oh you big silly, you can’t ever have enough frosting on a birthday cake!” the abundance of colors were beginning to meld together, “See? This one’s for Timothy. He’s ten years old today! A whole decade! His mommy didn’t have that much money but I’m giving them a courtesy discount today! Heck, if it was up to me, the only payment I’d need would be a couple of smiles!” Piper gave a joyful laugh.
The supervisor couldn’t really believe what he was hearing, “Why in the world are you only charging them $12.99? You should’ve charged them at the very least double that amount!”
“Well at first the cake wasn’t going to be ‘that’ big, but this is for a special occasion!” Piper zipped off and returned with a cup of juicy strawberries, a large enough supply that would’ve lasted the bakery for the entire week. She poured the entire container onto the cake.
“Are you out of your blasted mind?!”
“But he loves strawberries! Imagine how happy he’ll be to see this!” she gave another giggle, “It’s going to be the best birthday party ever!”
The white shirt tried his best to collect himself, “Look, just finish up with that and go easy on the supply.” He snatched away his clipboard, “After that, go clock out for a lunch and when you get back, go help Bonnie with the batch of cookies for tomorrow.”
The only real word that caught her attention was ‘cookies’, “Right-o, roger-will-co!” Piper went right back to work on the inflated birthday cake. She wasn’t exactly sure where she’d have space to write out ‘Happy Birthday’ let alone the lucky little boy’s name with the frosting but that didn’t seem to trouble her too much. She wondered if the strawberries would be stable enough to hold up ten candles.
Piper didn’t mind her job one bit. She didn’t even mind that it wasn’t an original bakery, but just the bakery department of some low end super market. Not even the minimum wage and lack of health benefits troubled her. The smiles of happy customers were all she ever really needed.
She completed the massive cake and whizzed over to the time clock and with a ring she skipped off to grab something to eat. Cheerfully she greeted each and every co-worker and customer alike in the supermarket, which she was fairly infamous for. Many of the customers genuinely enjoyed her company, especially the older folks. There wasn’t a mean strand of hair on Piper’s little pink head and she was always available to help whether it be a compliment or reaching a tall item on a shelf, though she sometimes needed help with that last part.
Her co-workers, although somewhat patient, didn’t always feel the same way. Though enthusiastic about her excellent customer service skills, she was held as being too annoying and typically created extra work for the other employees. It had become all too common to simply avoid her or fear being dragged into unpaid overtime. Thankfully for Piper, she was usually too airheaded or preoccupied to notice everyone else’s rolling eyes.
“Just one and some chocolate milk too, please.”
A food cart attendant handed her a cinnamon cookie and she happily took a bite, “Delicious!” The small morsel was going to have to fill the meals for both breakfast and lunch today, but where most would complain, Piper made due. She had to save as much money as possible for tonight’s big event. She wasn’t sure how she was going to pay the rent this month, but this was far more important. It was going to be one of her best friend’s birthdays and it had to be the very best party she'd ever thrown!
She sat on the street curb outside of the busy supermarket with an apron covered in every color frosting could possible come in. The sky was especially cheerful today and a beautiful rainbow stared down at Piper. There simply couldn’t have been a thing in this world that could wipe that smile off of her face.
Piper strolled back over to her post, punched back in and quickly got back to work. She looked around the bakery, but her coworker Bonnie was nowhere to be found. On her own yet again, which she had no problems with. Piper zipped over to the table where a pan full of dull cookies lay. She picked the order receipt from the board and began.
The order called for bits of yummy raisins and cinnamon. Piper licked her lips, still having a hint of the ingredient in her mouth. She hobbled over a bag cinnamon to the table, “I don’t know why they always call for a ‘pinch’ in these instructions.” She picked a few grains between her fingers, “That’s not nearly enough!” She somehow thought dumping most of the bag over the entire platter was a prudent move, delicious none the less, and one could suppose that the taste would have been the only concern anyway.
“I guess we’re out of raisins again. I wonder what happened to them all?” she seemed to not even notice snipping the last few remaining raisins from a cup and gobbling them up. “Ah! The produce department should have plenty! I’m sure they won’t mind if I use a few. It’s for a good cause after all!” she glanced down at the order, “Mrs. Johnson, huh? Sounds like a teacher. I bet she’s got a lot of smart students who are going to love these treats.” Her face was beginning to ache from all the smiling.
Piper eventually returned with a large bag of raisins to certain rambling obscenities that her innocent mind hadn’t heard in years.
It was clear that Bonnie was trying her best to console the supervisor on his tie-raid but it was no use. Piper stopped in her tracks and so did her happy smile. To be honest, the cursing wasn’t really that bad, but it was enough to break a few windows for the poor girl.
A clipboard nearly took off Piper’s head, “That’s it! I’ve had it with you and your nonsense! I told you to go easy on our supply! That was the only bag we had of cinnamon this week and it’s practically all gone!”
“Bu-bu- bu- bu- bu-but!”
“No! I’m done with this! Go clock out, you’re fired!”
Bonnie gasped.
The bag of raisins hit the floor. Piper didn’t really comprehend the logic at first, but her world soon crumbled, “B-But I still need to b-bake a cake for my friend’s birthday toni-”
“Go home Piper!” the supervisor shouted. He picked his clipboard off of the floor and stormed off without another word.
Bonnie rushed over, “Piper, I’m so-!”
“I-It’s okay… I-I probably shouldn’t have used so much cinnamon.” Piper’s smile wavered but she gave the best smile that should could, “…Really! It’s alright, I-I’ll just get another job.” she stumbled through an awkward chuckle.
Bonnie could practically count the amount of tears being held back, but before she could say another word Piper ran off, “Have a great day, Bonnie!”
Even after she had left the store and dashed through the sidewalks, she couldn’t bear to let a single tear fall. What if it foiled her make up? She’d look terrible for Twyla’s birthday party. Even if she couldn’t bake delicious cakes for her favorite customers ever again, Piper would still do anything it took to make everyone smile.
She wandered into a nearby convenience store. The clerk was a bit puzzled to see someone who clearly belonged in a bakery at such a place in the middle of the day. The selection was less than impressive but time was winding down and Piper had to come up with something quick with the measly twenty dollars she had left to her name. She was hoping on an employee discount earlier but it was too late for that, and there was still a reservation and drinks to worry about on top of bus fare just to get to the occasion. The more she thought of it all, the more the day slowly fell apart.
Piper slinked her way towards the counter with the biggest cake-like foodstuff she could find, which was actually a small ice cream sandwich no bigger than a regular sandwich wrapped in cheap iced over plastic. Her lips quivered and her brow sank. She couldn’t believe that after months of planning that this was going to be the best she could do, “…H-How much?”
“Uhm, that’ll be $3.79. Ma’m... is everything alright? You look a bit pale.”
"Y-Yes." Piper shuttered and gripped the counter as best she could. She was going to need leverage in order to retrieve her wallet.
“Are you sure you’re okay, ma’m?”
Her fingers quaked as she unfolded her wallet, to which about a dozen coins clinked across the table. Many of which rolled onto the floor.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, ma’m, let me get those for you.” The clerk did his best to collect up all the change but it was no use, the flood gates had opened.
The smile finally broke and Piper cried out. Streams of muddy tears rained down her cheeks as she fell onto her knees. The perfect day she had planned for Twyla was utterly ruined. She couldn’t even remember the last time she'd cried so hard.
The clerk scurried over, doing his best to calm the poor thing, but there was no rope long enough to pull her out of the depths of that well.
The sky was going orange and the city was beginning to rust.
A taxi pulled over to the side of the street and the back door opened, “Thank ya' kindly.” Aprile tossed the driver his fare and nearly tripped over a garbage bag before strolling off. It was clearly the garbage bag’s fault.
“Lafayette and Grand? Ugh, I ain’t used to this here city life.” She could’ve sworn the bar Piper told her about was nearby, then again, her friend wasn’t the best at directions, “It’s gotta' be around here somewhere.” A long and redundant trek was about to begin for the poor cowgirl.
Twyla was going to need a new steering wheel pretty soon. Not so much from leaning over the horn but more to do with her concussion. The rest of her car hadn’t fared much better after the animal shelter visit but at least the backseat was bare. The dogs had left some gifts of course which weren’t easily removed but the point was that they were gone.
“Gee Twyla, we’ll never get there at this rate. I hope Piper won’t be too upset with us for being late for your party.” Fiona pointed out the obvious. Traffic was at a standstill although the traffic light ahead was clearly green.
Twyla nailed the steering column into the engine block yet again with her face. There was obviously some moronic accident up ahead, however she bet that it had already been completely resolved to the side of the road and yet the only obstructions left were the dozens of absent minded souls slowing down to gaze in amazement at the cracked tail lights of someone who couldn’t understand the concept of a turn signal, “We’re never going to make it there on time. This is ridiculous, I’m switching over!” She practically snapped off the lever to her steering column while turning on her left turn signal.
“Uhm, maybe I should drive? That is, if it’s okay with you, I mean...”
Twyla forced down her window with the palm of her hand. The turn handle had broken off long ago due to similar circumstances, “Can I please get in!?” The opposing driver waved happily and drove past.
“You ass!” Another driver did the same thing except this time when they waved the majority of their fingers were held down. Twyla snarled and attempted to force her car into the next lane practically smashing into another driver, who countered with another kind gesture and drove off.
“Twyla, I-I really think we should switch, if that’s alright with you anyway. It’s just that, you seem a bit… upset. ” Fiona’s logic wasn’t loud enough to even register.
“I hate everyone in this blasted city!” the car rocked back and forth from the repeated failed attempts to merge.
“T-Twyla, I-”
The poor sedan finally made it into the next lane, but not before cracking the headlight of a rather expensive looking limousine.
“Oh dear, uhm, I think you just-!”
Twyla literally ripped the steering wheel from its column, tossed it into the back and threw herself back into her seat, planting her face into the palms of her hands which just barely managed to muffle a few of the worst expletives her passenger had ever heard.
Fiona frightfully stepped out of the vehicle and idiotically waved to the drivers behind her, who could not believe that there was yet another accident ahead of them. It was a very colorful day to be stuck in traffic.
Twyla rudely stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. Her insurance premiums were already pretty high. They’d probably just junk the sedan based on worth alone so she gave it a few punches if only to make sure the damnable thing got scrapped. “Gah!” her health insurance was no better.
“Now, now, the street is no place to celebrate a birthday, darling.”
Twyla turned her head away from her smashed knuckle and suddenly her day didn't seem as awful as it did a second ago.
It was Regina who graciously stepped out of the farthest end of the white limousine, “It’s been far too long my dear Twyla. I see you’ve had far better days.” She gave a snobby giggle.
Twyla sighed, “I was born on a Monday you know. I must be cursed, I swear.”
Regina strolled over, which was quite a long ways due to the length of the limo, and took her friend up in a warm hug, “Oh, I missed you dear, I missed all of you. You haven't any idea of how stressful my life’s become. I haven’t the time of day for a single thing!”
“Oh right, your life must be terrible...” Twyla’s brow twitched.
Fiona smiled and waved in the background, to which Regina immediately rushed over to give her a hug as well. Twyla’s hug was replaced by a bill from the driver of the limousine.
“Two thousand dollars?! For a damned headlight?”
“And that of course does not include the labor, madam.” The driver added.
It had really become an inconvenient time of the day to travel by car anyway. The Karaoke bar Piper had picked out was nearby and so the three friends decided to hoof it.
Regina dawned a pair of Gafas de Sol’s as well as a hat that costed about as much Twyla’s salary in some vain ironic attempt to disguise herself from the public.
“I still can’t believe a single headlight could cost more than my cheap car…” groaned Twyla.
“Oh stop it, darling. Don’t worry your cute little head over it.” She attempted to adjust Twyla’s split ends, “I’ll take care of that for you. You must pardon my chofer. It was merely a matter of procedure you see.”
“She’s had a rough day, Regina. She gave me a ride from work today and she also helped me get some of my new pets home.” Fiona did her best to fix Twyla’s hair as well, “I never knew how hard a teacher’s job was before Twyla became one.” A lengthy ramble of a whisper ensued over how important our nation’s education system was while Regina did her best to pretend like she was paying attention.
Twyla muddled over in a slump. She didn’t even care about the party anymore at this point. She just wanted to get home and sleep in her single cot.
Regina stuck her finger into the side of the pitiful school teacher.
“Gah! What was that for?”
“Posture! Don’t walk like such a cad, dear. It’s bad for your back and plus the boys won’t even give you the time of day.”
“Oh, yes I heard about that too. Erm, the part about your back I mean.” Fiona added.
Twyla hadn’t had a boyfriend in years, probably even before her college years. She had become such an egghead that she had no real time for dating let alone a relationship. The binding on her textbooks were her only release.
Regina fixed her posture a second time.
“Quit it!”
A shadow suddenly peeked out of a nearby alleyway. Fiona screamed and aimed a tiny can of pepper spray at the suspect.
“Dastardly scoundrel!”
“Come on out of there!” Twyla was in no mood for unwanted rapes.
“You know that the safety’s on, right Fiona?” a fighter pilot tossed away a lit cigarette and snatched the can out of her timid friend’s loose grip.
“Raine! You made it!” Regina shouted.
Raine was soon consumed in tight hugs.
“Gosh! When was the last time we got together like this?” Fiona practically choked the air out of her.
“Why are you walking around in a bunch of straps and harnesses? You look like you just fell out of a plane!” Twyla laughed, and so did Raine, at least on the outside. That last one hurt a bit.
“To think I had forgotten about all of your endeavors! Silly me, I bet you’re a bona fide Blue Angel pilot by now!” Regina rustled the fallen angel’s hair, but remembered to straighten it out right after, “Remember how we used to go to all of those air shows? They were simply spectacular!”
“Yup..! They sure were pretty cool.” Raine would’ve thought she’d be used to false praise by now. Her heart sank a bit, “T-The guys are great really, …we’re the best out there!” The shower of congratulations was almost a bit too much to take in, “But forget about all that stuff! What’s new with you guys? It’s been a while. What about you Twyla? You an astronaut yet?”
Twyla laughed for perhaps the first time all day, but was cut short by a shout from down the block.
A dark silhouette dashed at them carrying what might’ve been a wallet.
“Stop! That varmint snatched ma' wallet!” It was actually Aprile’s wallet and she wasn’t too far behind the assailant, but couldn’t quite reach him.
The mugger tried to get past the group with an awkward smile, but Fiona was ready and pulled the trigger on her pepper spray. She gave a squeak, having just realized that the safety was still on.
Instead the man was attacked at just about every angle, which was probably more appropriate. Raine landed a swift roundhouse kick to the thief’s gut while Twyla took him up in a vicious sleeper hold before he had time to double over. Regina gave him a couple of swipes from her Hermes Birkin purse but then realized that he probably wasn’t worth anywhere near the twenty thousand dollars that the accessory originally cost. Meanwhile, Fiona was still trying to fire her pepper spray while whispering the mousiest of screams.
Aprile managed to catch up, “Hand it over, ya' bastard!” she adjusted her hat and kneed the now pleading bandit in the gut. He might’ve felt it too had Twyla’s sleeper hold allowed him to. There was a lot of pent up frustration in that elbow grip and damn it all if it didn't feel good.
He gasped for air, unable to really muster an apology and tossed Aprile back her wallet, not a single bill touched.
Twyla released the crook and gave him a swift kick in the rear before he had a chance to gasp for air, “If I ever see you in this part of the city again I’ll have you thrown into a pit of snakes!”
“Wait, uhm, what kind of snakes?” Fiona went into the softest tie raid over the many types of invasive snake species in the city, with a short hint of environmental awareness.
Raine snatched away her pepper spray and finally switched off the safety, “There you go, girl.”
“Oh wow, thank you so much, Raine.” The thief was already well on his way to excusing himself from the entire affair when Fiona doused his face with pepper spray, and of course not without giving another priceless yelp.
The pickpocket screamed and although it was incredibly needless and cruel, it was still pretty funny and the girls got a well-deserved laugh out of it.
The coffee table at the center of the room was beginning to fill with far too many shot glasses and half empty bottles of Vodka.
“That last bit was off key too, drink.” Aprile took another swig and so did everyone else.
Fiona was far from a drinker so she instead made due with the orange juice that was supposed to be used for the Screwdrivers later. Unfortunately for her and her moral compass, Raine made sure those screwdrivers were going down one way or another. She wondered how Fiona hadn’t gotten date raped by now. It was probably all in poor taste but it was literally that easy.
Twyla swayed back and forth with the microphone in her hand, “I love the mountains. I love the clear blue skies! I love big bridges. I love when great whites fly! I love the whole world. And all its sights and sounds! Boom-de-ah-da! Boom-de-ah-da. Boom-de-ah-da! Boom-de-ah-da.”
Regina went over the catalogues, “What song is this again…?”
“Probably some egghead Carl Sagan bit from back in the day or something.” Raine took another shot.
“No! It’s from the…” Fiona paused for an awkward moment, “Histree channel!” She was really starting to feel that orange juice.
“No! No! No! It’s from Discovery!” Twyla shouted.
“That was off key too, egghead. Drink.” And they drank.
“I love the oceans. I love really dirty things! I love to go fast. I love Egyptian kings! I love the whole world. And all its craziness! Boom-de-ah-da! Boom-de-ah-da. Boom-de-ah-da! Boom-de-ah-da.”
Aprile leaned in, doing her best not to tumble over of course, “Say uh, we’re kind of missin' somebody.”
“It’s been on my mind all night!” Regina whined, “We can’t have a party without our favorite little Creampuff! Where the devil is Piper?”
“Where the deviled eggs are my snakes…!?” Fiona was far too gone by now.
“Wasn’t she the one that put together this here hoe-down to begin with? Weird that she'd be late." Aprile scratched her chin.
“I honestly haven’t even heard from her all day. I wonder where the heck should could be? Oh, and uh, drink.” Raine was having too much fun with Twyla’s awful singing.
“I love tornadoes. I love arack-a-nids! I love hot magma. I love the giant squids! I love the whole world. It’s such a brilliant place! Boom-de-ah-da! Boom-de-!”
Before she could finish the last chorus the door swung wide open, slamming into one of the couches.
“We’re a little busy in here, you know!” snapped Raine, and then she immediately regretted having said just that.
It was Piper, who had finally made it to the party almost an hour late. Her eyeliner had drizzled down her cheeks and her bouncy pink hair was far more unorganized than usual. She even still had her work clothes on, even her apron, which had dulled and greyed over the course of the day. In her hand she carried a dripping moist plastic bag which was making quite a mess all over the carpet.
Twyla dashed over, “Piper! What happened to you? You look awful!” She hugged the hopeless girl tightly, although there was a distinct scent in the air.
Piper’s face was pruned from the constant flood storms. She winced and tried her best to hold the wobbly dam together.
“We’ve been wondering when you’d show up.” Twyla giggled, “You must’ve had a long day at work today.” and boom went the dynamite.
Piper leaned into her friend and began sobbing uncontrollably for probably the third time that evening. The others rushed over, each of them at a loss for words. Not a single one of them had ever once seen Piper cry before, not even a single tear.
“Piper! I-!”
“Oh Twyla, it was awful!” she cried, “T-They fired me at my job! I was supposed to get a ride from work but I couldn’t bare to face anyone there after being kicked out. I-I had to spend most of the money I had left on bus fares just to get here. I was going to get you a beautiful cake, but all I could afford was…” Piper tried to dig out the bar of ice cream from the dripping bag of milk, but the only thing left to give Twyla for her birthday was a plastic wrapper. She crumpled it in her sticky hands and tumbled down to her knees, “I-I worked so hard for this day to be special! I really did, you gotta' believe me!”
The girls were overwhelmed. It was like watching a birthday cake being thrown out a window in front a little birthday girl.
Twyla leaned down and wiped away Piper’s eyes before hugging her tightly. She was getting ice cream all over her buttoned blouse but she didn’t care one bit, “Piper, you didn’t have to get me anything-”
“Of course I did! You’re one of my best friends! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t at least-”
She hushed Piper, “I’ve had one of the worst days of my life, Piper. The only thing that could’ve cheered me up today was seeing my very best friends. Today doesn’t mean anything unless you guys aren’t all here with me, and that includes you, Piper.”
Piper churned inside and bit her lip. She held onto her best friend as tightly as she could, “…Y-You’re the best Twyla.”
“Now come on, I don’t want to see you like this on my birthday. Where’s that adorable smile of yours?” she helped Piper up to her feet and wiped away her soggy face with a napkin. Somewhere under there was a smile she'd hoped.
“Yeah let’s lighten up a bit, Piper.” Raine mixed a rough White Russian and batted it down the Creampuff’s hatchet. If anything was going to revive that smile, a drink would, and it certainly did.
Piper wiped away one last tear from her cheek. These were some of the best friends anyone could’ve ever asked for.
The bottles of Absolut were starting to dry out and Fiona fumbled the microphone away from Aprile after taking shots through most of her own interpretation of ‘Devil went down to Georgia’. The farm girl didn’t mind though and haphazardly collapsed into the couch bellow.
Fiona began singing in slurs and sways, “A heffawump a woozel,~ Is very…kungfazzel…!” these were probably the most audible of the lyrics performed. Not a single one of the girls could help but cackle manically, especially Piper.
Piper grabbed a bottle of dry rum and downed a few heavy chugs, took her dirty apron off and stood up. Fiona slumped into the couch half way through the Disney ballad just in time for Piper to take up the Microphone.
She popped on a top hat and cane and took it away, “Forget your troubles… Come on get happy! You better chase all your cares away…! Shout Hallelujah! Come on get happy! Get ready for that judgment day!” Piper snapped her fingers on ever lyric, “Forget your troubles, come on get happy! You better chase all them cares away! Come on! Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy! Get ready for the judgment day! The sun is shining! Come on get happy! The lord is waiting to take your hand! Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy!” Regina gave a whistle and laughed. The gang clapped on every line as Piper gave a wink and kicked an empty glass bottle against a wall, “We’re going to the promised land!”
the little pastry chef sang them into the wee hours of the night with probably one of the best performances you could ever hope to find at a drunken little karaoke club. Soon enough, the room began to whirl until the entire group simply passed out.
Twyla especially was sleeping soundly underneath a drooling Piper. It was probably one of the deepest slumbers she’d had in years. On a Monday night? On a school night even? A tad crazy by most realistic standards no matter how you sliced it, but at this point she was in no position to care, and neither was anyone else in that spinning room.
Twyla yawned and stretched out her arms. Bon Jovi was playing over the speakers and Piper had been awkwardly chewing on her blouse. Twyla shoved her off and sat up clearing up her face as best she could. In a mild daze, she gazed around the room to see her friends unconsciously sprawled out in the most vulnerable of positions. At least they were getting some rest she thought with a drunken grin. She stood up and arched her back, wondering what hour it could’ve possibly been. Perhaps she’d have time to get some work done before morning. Maybe she’d even get to school early so she could make all of her stupid copies for the day. Seemed plausible but either way, she was going to be dead by the end of the day.
Twyla pulled out her cellphone to check the time only to find a blank screen, “Should’ve brought the damn charger…” She dug into Regina’s purse and fished out her phone, but it was dead also. Her heart was finally began to race and her eyes darted across the room for any answer that she could find. Thankfully, there was a clock on the wall. “It’s only midnight…?” she sighed in relief, “Oh thank Cthulhu…! At least I can get some sleep tonight.” It had been a great night and it couldn’t have ended any better.
She walked over to Regina and woke her up, or at least tried her best to. Regina had to waddle through a few slurs but she eventually came around, as did the others after maybe half an hour.
“Piper, they’re charging us by the hour, come on!” Twyla nagged, “This bill is going to be awful.”
“Oh don’t bother, darling, I’ll take care of the whole thing. It’s the least I could do for you.” Offered Regina, doing her best to wipe away a stain.
“No, no, that wouldn’t be fair.”
“I do insist. Besides, I’d imagine that your wallet is in no mood given the day you’ve had.”
“Well, that’s awfully kind of ya’, Regina. I’ll owe ya’ one!” It had been forever since Aprile had gone out to party, and she was certainly grateful.
“Think nothing of it dear. I’ll just write it off as a business expense.”
Raine grabbed Fiona by the arm and dragged her woozy body off the couch, “Poor thing, I guess she just can’t handle her juice.” she chuckled under her breath.
“Well next time how about ya’ leave the drinkin’ up to her why don’t ya?”
“Relax Aprile, it was just a little harmless fun and she had a great time. Didn’t she?” Fiona unconsciously nodded with a helpless smile and Raine gave a hardy laugh.
Aprile shook her head in disbelief. She was convinced the girl needed a chaperon with her at all times.
Regina patted Piper’s cheeks until she finally came to, “Nap time is over, sweetie, time to head home.”
They eventually made it to the lobby which was oddly enough completely empty, neither a single soul nor sound could be found.
“Did they already close up?” Aprile questioned.
“That’s stupid! Why would they lock us in here? They’d at least go wake us.” Raine stomped almost losing her balance as she carried Fiona on her back, “They better not have locked us in here...”
“If nobody’s here to take our check then I guess this one’s on the house!” Piper snorted before darting off.
“This is just bizzare…” Regina slapped the bell at the cashier’s desk but no one answered.
“Hey, where did Piper run off to?” Twyla asked.
“Over here! Over here!” she had made her way behind the liquor bar, “Anybody want a-”
“That is the absolute last thing we need right now!” Twyla shouted.
“I think Fiona’s down for a few more shots. Ain’t that right, girl?” Raine cackled.
Twyla growled, and then noticed something even more peculiar, “Wait just one second here…!”
“W-What’s goin’ on, Twyla?” Apriled prodded.
Twyla picked up a clock from the lobby desk, “It says 12:01 here, right? But…” she looked out at the window. It was the middle of the day, the brightest day they had ever seen, “This can’t be right. Oh crap. Oh crap! Oh crap! I’m so late and I didn’t even call in sick! Gah I’m going to be canned for sure!”
None of this made any sense to Aprile, “Now just hang on one cotton picken second here!”
“Oh dear! I had moved the board meeting to noon! I’ll never get there in time!”
Regina scampered outside the bar nearly snapping off a heal in the process and the door slammed shut. There was a short pause and then a terrible scream before she dashed back into the bar, her face covered in freight.
Twyla wasn’t sure which question to ask first.
“There’s, uhm…”
Aprile removed her hat over the strange look on the diva's face, “Come on now sug', w-what’s the matter…?”
“It’s, well, i-it’s certainly very colorful out there.”
Friendship is a Quantum Infinite
Chapter 4: Unbreakable Vertigo
Twilight Sparkle and Twyla sat aboard the colorful locomotive as it chugged back to Ponyville just in time to be greeted by the rising sun. A few hours still awaited them down the mountainside, and so they got an early start at pouring themselves into the many tomes Princess Celestia had provided for them.
Twilight would’ve preferred to have made it back home the night before, but she had that obnoxious Trixie to thank for them missing the last train out of Canterlot. Although she had to admit, it was rather entertaining to put that bigheaded showoff in her place for once. She smiled at the thought. It wasn’t quite her style, but the bit involving the candy apple was particularly amusing.
Twyla caught the pony’s little giggle, “You know, I don’t think I would’ve been very impressed with ‘pony’ magic had you not showed up last night.”
“I don’t think I’m really stage material honestly.” The unicorn chuckled.
“You certainly could’ve fooled the audience, that’s for sure. Anyways, so does your Princess give you this much material every time you visit?”
Twilight brought out one of the larger books from her saddle pack with a hint of magic and sat it in her lap, “The Princess was concerned about something, something pretty major.” She couldn’t help but feel reluctant in telling her friend what the Princess had mentioned about Twyla’s world, “T-The Princess said that you guys might be in danger. She couldn’t explain why or how, but she definitely had a bad feeling about all this.”
Twyla raised a brow, “Who would have anything against us?”
“Have you guys ever made any enemies in your world? I can’t imagine who in Equestria would have anything against you. You’ve only been here for a couple of days.”
Twyla smirked, “New York City’s filled with a lot of angry and impatient people, but I don’t think I’ve ever made someone angry enough to want to kill me...”
“New York City?”
“Yeah, it’s where we’re from exactly. It’s a pretty interesting place filled with all kinds of people from all walks of life.” Twyla leaned her elbow against the window pane, gazing out at the shifting mountains, “It’s a tough place to live, but I grew up there and it’s my home. I don’t think I could ever live anywhere else.”
Twilight listened intently. She had spent so much time introducing her new friend to Equestria that she hadn’t really gotten a chance to hear about their world.
“Although to be honest… I’m honestly not even sure whether I want to go back anymore.”
“Well why wouldn’t you? It’s your home isn’t it?”
Twyla bit her lip. She knew it was a childish thing to say, but she had no idea what to expect when she got back, if she ever did. This new world felt like such a blissfully ignorant vacation, “Well, i-it’s not that I don’t want to go back. It’s just that-”
“Listen, I’m sure your school will understand what’s happened to you.”
“Oh right, ‘Hey there Mr. Public School Board Director! Yeah, sorry I missed work for so long. I got sent into another dimension filled with magical ponies is all. My Bad!’”
“Well…” Condescension aside, Twilight did understand how silly that might’ve been to other humans.
“And even if I did go back, I’d probably have already lost everything. I’d be fired and I wouldn’t be able to pay for my mortgage or my car.”
“Well, maybe you could get another job…?”
Twyla wanted to shout down such a premise, but knew the pony just didn’t understand, “It just doesn’t work that way… I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am.” She sighed, “Before I left, they were cutting our budget left and right. A few teachers had been laid off just last week alone. I’d be easy pickings at this rate. I still can’t even call in and make up some nonsense as to why I haven’t shown up for class.” Twyla flashed her Android phone, which was still completely dead. She wondered why she hadn’t just thrown the useless piece of junk out of the rail car window by now, “And now I apparently have some stalker who ‘might’ want to assassinate me and my friends?”
Twilight winced, unable to comprehend her friend’s plight. If she could give Twyla the universe, she would, “Listen Twyla. I can’t tell you what to expect back in your world, and I won’t pretend to understand what it’s like there. What I do know is that your more than just a dimensional clone of me, you’re my friend, and as long as you’re stuck here in Equestria you’ll have a place to call home.”
As uneasy as she was, that line was just enough to break a smile out of Twyla, “Equestria just isn’t good enough for you, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Again, we’re terribly sorry about throwing you out the other day, if there’s anything we can do for you while you’re here, just name it.” Mr. and Mrs. Cake were doing their best to apologize while at the same zipping all over their bakery. There was another big order for the day and the final touches to their client’s wedding cake would have to wait until its arrival.
Piper giggled cheerfully, “Oh, that’s alright, I probably would’ve done the same thing had I seen some extra tall fella’ run into my bakery and start scarfing down all my treats.” It was the understatement of the year, but that was all in the past now, “The least I can do is help out around your bakery to make up for all that.”
“Oh yeah, Piper really knows her way around cake icing! In more ways than one.” Pinkie Pie let out a hearty laugh.
The Cakes’ barely had time to hear the details, but as long as Piper was taking a burden off of the daily workload, then they were even, “Just make sure not to get into any trouble, please!”
“We’ll be back by the end of the night, you two. Have fun! And please try to keep an eye on the twins!”
“Okie Dokie!” Pinkie waved as about a dozen supplies and a fairly large cake box left the bakery. She turned around to Piper, “So! How big should it be?”
Piper was still unsure just how far to go, “It should probably be medium sized at most. Fiona’s a pretty light eater. She really likes apples though, so we should probably go heavy on the cinnamon and vanilla pudding before Applejack arrives with a special batch.”
The little pony couldn’t help but bob in anticipation, her mind darting through the possible recipes as she licked her lips, “How about some chocolate tops too?! Oh gosh I love chocolate. I got such a hankering for chocolate right now!”
“Ooh! That’s a great idea! Maybe a layer of chocolate in between the pudding to hold together all the apple slices. Fiona’s gonna’ love this so much!” Such a delicious idea was the best Piper could do to keep her mind off of what might befall Fiona later that day. Her friend might’ve been out of the clutches of a dragon but she wasn’t quite out of the woods yet. A leg amputation was honestly a tad too nightmarish for Piper to handle, so she hadn’t bothered informing Pinkie Pie about it just yet.
Pinkie Pie cracked a few eggs and threw the yellows into a bowl filled with probably too much flour. She began beating with her favorite wooden spoon. Even during such circumstances, Pinkie couldn’t help but carry a huge grin. Somewhere out there was a frown and she was going to turn it upside down with a delicious treat.
Piper had begun occupying herself with mixing the vanilla pudding. Her smile didn’t come as naturally as Pinkie’s. At least Fiona was alive, but to face the eventual bone saw was an unbearable thought. However, she knew the others were going to need all the moral support they could find and Piper had to be there to deliver.
The thought of Twyla returning from her trip to see Fiona in a wheelchair almost threw her over the edge, but she beat those emotions into the bowl of pudding below her. This was no time to feel down in the dumps. There would be plenty of time for that later, and it would be up to Piper to provide all the comfort.
The ingredients were beginning to come together, although the kitchen had certainly become a mess.
A few cries from upstairs had caught Pinkie’s ear, “Oh! It’s the twins. Looks like they’re getting a little hungry. I’ll be right back in a few, alright?”
Piper nodded silently.
She didn’t have to say a thing. Pinkie could easily see through Piper’s front and knew the whole situation was tugging on the poor girl’s heart strings. She didn’t know all the details, but understood how serious all of this was. Pinkie glanced over as the girl practically snapped the mixing spoon over her bowl. Pinkie tried her best to come up with something reassuring to say, but cried for food upstairs had her galloping off with a couple of bottles of milk before she could think of anything.
Not even a minute had gone by before the back door opened.
“Heya’ Piper, how’s that cake coming?” it was Applejack and Aprile, who carried in a basket filled with fresh apples.
Piper turned about to greet them with the most gracious smile she’d ever worn. Unfortunately she forgot to close off her tear ducts, “Hey Aprile! How’s it going Applejack?”
Aprile all but dropped the apples all over the floor, “Oh sugar, it’s gonna’ be alright, get over here…” she ran over and gave Piper a big hug, who was still trying to pretend as if she wasn’t crying at all.
“I-I’m okay, really.” She was never a very good liar and Aprile knew it.
“I know this is hard, but we gotta’ be tough for Fiona, hun’.” Applejack gathered the apples and laid them out across the table. She wondered how it would’ve been possible for humans to get around with only one leg. A pony would’ve had at least three more, although it was still considered a death sentence in Equestria. She grabbed a knife and began dicing her apples into crescents. Applejack couldn’t help but tremble as she made the first chop.
Fiona clenched her teeth and groaned in pain. The muscles in her leg hadn’t gotten any real stimulation since the incident, and needed all the treatment it could get if it wanted to remain in tact. The venom had destroyed most of the tissue and by this point her leg had become more of a burden more than anything else.
Ditzy assisted a nurse in trying to encourage the muscles as best they could, anything to promote blood flow at this point. A bend at the knee joint, again at the ankle, a swivel and the process repeated again. The sensation of a thousand needle pricks stabbing into Fiona’s leg came in unending waves.
“She… She’ll be fine right? She’ll walk again right?” Ditzy stammered as she held up Fiona’s ankle.
The nurse had checked her clipboard at least seven times that morning. Hoping somewhere in it there’d be something different, something she’d missed, at least some glimmer of hope, but the inevitable fate remained the same. She just didn’t have any good answers for Ditzy.
Fiona had no idea how she was going to take care of all her pets back home. Simply giving them away was out of the question and there was definitely no room for them at the animal shelter. How would she feed them? How would she clean their tanks and cages? How would she even groom them or give them walks? The thought of actually ‘living’ at very best in a wheelchair still hadn’t crossed her mind, bless her heart.
“I have to get some oils for her leg muscles. I’ll be back in a few minutes, alright?”
Ditzy somberly nodded and the nurse exited the room.
“Well, uhm, at least you’ll be able to take those bandages off your eyes soon…” Ditzy was ready to smack herself over the head for spouting such nonsense, but it was the only optimistic straw she had to grasp at.
Fiona sighed, “My biggest concerns are all my pets. I have so many of them and I’ll probably have to give a good portion of them away. Looking for good homes for each of them is going to be next to impossible at this rate…”
“How can you even think about any of that yet? What about you?! You’ve got your whole life ahead of you and now…”
The girl smirked, “It’s not that big of a deal, my pets are what-”
“Not a big deal?! They’re going to take one of your… legs!”
Fiona was the last person to put herself before anything. The concept of her own livelihood was lost on her, at least for the moment, “As long as everyone else is okay, I’ll be happy.”
“B-But!”
The door suddenly flew open and a tiny purple dragon scampered in, “Fiona! I have a message for you from the Princess!”
“The Princess? There’s a Princess here? Oh dear.”
“Can’t you see she’s temporarily blind? Gime’ that!” Ditzy snatched away the scroll from Spike. She attempted to awkwardly read it until a small vial fell into her hoof, “Hmm, ‘Cheese give wish… to your deer… fried. Have her bake it… as soon as… passable?’ That’s weird, none of that makes any sense.” It wasn’t quite Ditzy’s reading comprehension that was in question here. It was, well, Princess Celestia’s fancy writing? Yeah, we’ll go with that.
“What is it Ditzy?” Fiona asked from her bed.
“It’s a vial of some weird pink liquid. It says… ‘care’…?”
“It says ‘cure’ Ditzy! Just give it to her!” Spike interjected, snatching the container back from the Pegasus. He waddled over to Fiona, “Princess Celestia, the Princess of all Equestria wants you to take this. It’ll probably make you feel a whole lot better if you do.”
Fiona went to grab the vial but for obvious reasons couldn’t quite find it. She needed a bit of help from Spike, and finally got around to thumbing the cork loose, “Well, I guess if the Princess says I should, then it’s okay.”
“Shouldn’t we make sure it’s alright with the nurse?” the gray pony asked.
“But Ditzy, it’s the Princess! The Princess said I should. So it must be pretty important!”
“Oh, well, I guess when you put it that way.”
Spike couldn’t understand how either of them even knew how to breathe, let alone process cognitive thought.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kept the hospital doors open as Aprile and Raine shuffled in a cake that at some point had gone far over budget. Regina and Rarity, as well as Pinkie Pie and Piper made their way to meet a completely bewildered hospital administrator.
“I-Is that for a patient’s birthday?”
“Uhm, totally!” Piper blurted.
“But Fiona’s birthday isn’t for another forty-nine days.” Corrected Pinkie.
“Please excuse us. This is for our dear friend Fiona, who’s going through a rough time right now. We’re just here to cheer her up is all.” Regina pleaded.
Aprile and Raine were too busy trying to find a place to rest the enormous cake. The thing was at least a couple of feet tall.
“Wasn’t this supposed to be ‘medium’ sized?” Aprile complained.
“This has to be extra special for Fiona! Don’t you dare complain!” Piper snarled.
Raine was extremely tempted to sneak a finger’s full of cream off the brim, but Piper slapped it away while Pinkie giggled.
The administrator rummaged throughout the lobby for a distraction, “Uh, well, I’m sorry but-”
A pony clad in a doctor’s coat soon barged in, “We can’t find the human anywhere!”
The entire lobby gasped, and a rather wobbly cake almost toppled over.
“What do you mean you can’t find her?!” Dash cried.
“I say! What kind of hospital loses track of their patients?” scowled Rarity.
The lobby was soon overwhelmed with complaints. The doctor would’ve been surprised if a riot hadn’t taken over the hospital.
“Where was she last? Was she in her room? That is, if you don’t mind telling us.” Pardoned Fluttershy.
There was a peaceful breeze about, Ditzy could see most of Ponyville from so high above, “The nurse said we could take the bandages off earlier. You ready Fiona?”
Fiona happily nodded as the little purple dragon finally crawled up to the top of the roof from the open window below, “I got it!”
Spike slowly unwrapped her bandages. Dressing by dressing, her eyes filled with light until finally she could see the blue sky above guided by a dazzling rainbow. Fiona could feel the gritty concrete and a couple of pebbles in between her toes as she walked towards the edge of the hospital rooftop. That’s right, she walked, and perched her arms against the railing as she gazed out over Ponyville. Fiona had the perkiest smile on her wide eyed face as the wind blew through her tangled pink hair.
She was so happy that she wanted to cry, having had already accepted her dismal fate beforehand. She hadn’t expected such a gift from a Princess that she had never even met, but to say she was overcome with gratitude was the understatement of the century.
Spike couldn’t help but feel happy for the girl, relieved he had gotten here in time.
Ditzy fluttered over, “I’m really glad that you’re okay, Fiona. If it wasn’t for the Princess…”
Fiona ruffled the little pony’s blonde mane, “Well, knowing that you felt better certainly raised my spirits too you know.” Assuming was one thing, but finally seeing Ditzy’s smile crawl out of the gloom from the day before filled Fiona’s heart with joy, possibly even more so than getting to keep her leg.
The Pegasus couldn’t help it and threw herself at the girl for a hug.
The door to the rooftop exit cracked and Raine peered out just in time to see her good friend actually standing on both legs. She let out a scream and dashed over nearly taking the girl off of her feet. Aprile nearly dropped the entire cake without the stunt pilot’s help.
“Oh, hi there, Raine.” Fiona greeted.
“Don’t you ‘hi there’ me! You’re okay! I can’t believe it! I thought they were gonna’ cut you up?!” She ruffled Fiona’s hair, literally ecstatic.
The others collectively gasped out of culture shock, wondering how such a turnabout was possible.
“How in the world?!” Regina cried.
The other ponies and humans soon flooded the rooftop, along with a couple of annoyed but incredibly confused nurses. Fiona explained the entire thing to the wonder of both her old and new friends alike, and was soon consumed in the embrace of every one of them. By this point, it might have very well been X-mas morning.
Aprile finally found a spot to put down her delicious burden and soon enough slices were going in every direction. What had once been a somber ‘Get well soon’ cake had now become part of a celebration, and a delightful one at that.
Piper and Pinkie Pie’s cake was fabulously scrumptious. A soft blend of creamy vanilla cake filling and crisp apple held up a stratum of thick chocolate cookie mix pancaking an entire layer of vanilla and cinnamon pudding. The pattern had repeated at least three times throughout the chocolate covered guilty pleasure. Adorned against the railing of highest layer was a maw of apple crescents held up by chocolate gums. Sitting like a trophy at the very center laid a batch of caramel covered candy apples. Calories be damned, this monster was going down one way or another.
The two bakers also had a special treat for Ditzy Doo. As per Fiona’s request, they came up with an especially large blueberry cream filled muffin just for the little gray Pegasus.
Ditzy’s crooked eyes glowed, “Oh wow! You-You guys didn’t have to-”
“Of course we did silly!” Pinkie smiled.
“We wanted to make sure you weren’t in the dumps anymore. Couldn’t very well leave you out of this, now could we?” Piper winked.
“You deserved it, Ditzy. The way you saved me from that dragon was amazing! It could’ve been a lot worse if you hadn’t showed up when you did. I only wish that I could’ve helped bake it for you.” Fiona took a tiny bite out of her slice of cake as her taste buds suffered a seizure.
Ditzy gave a warm smile, “Y-You guys are the best!”
“Oh gosh! This is absolutely scrumptious! Thank you all!” It had probably been the best cake Fiona had ever tasted, easily rivaling the one she had tried at Pinkie Pie’s welcome party.
Fluttershy nodded in agreement, gulping down a mouthful of candy apple.
Piper’s cheeks hued to match her pink hair, “Oh, It was nothing.”
“Nothing? This is amazing!” Rainbow Dash cried, woofing a slice of cake down Piper’s gullet, “You and Pinkie did an amazing job!”
Pinkie Pie giggled, “She really is the spitting image of me, isn’t she? I think she’s even better at baking than I am!”
“With all the ways the Apple family’s cooked up apple recipes, I don’t think anything’s come close to this!” Applejack really had to tip her hat to the two bakers, but not before gobbling down another chocolate and pudding covered slice of apple.
“Either way, we’ll definitely need to take home a sample of the leftovers for later.” Rarity added, “I’m sure my little Sweetie Belle would love a slice.”
Piper had to keep a lid on her emotions. She was so filled with joy that she wanted to scream as hard as she could, but understood that it might spoil the mood. She wasn’t used to getting such praise either, but seeing all of the bright smiles on her friend’s faces made it all worth it, especially Fiona’s.
Rainbow Dash floated over to Ditzy with a candy apple that she had made sure to save just for the gray Pegasus, “Hey Derp, I mean, Ditzy. I just wanted to apologize for lumpin’ ya’ over the noggin the other day. I should’ve played it cool. We’re still good right?”
“Oh! Of course, Dashie, it’s no biggie. We’re good.” Ditzy accepted the peace offering and gave the blue pony a hoof bump.
There wasn’t a single frown or hint of neither fear nor worry on the hospital rooftop that day, only chocolate covered smiles, friendly laughs and sunshine under a brilliant rainbow that only Rainbow Dash herself could’ve made.
The same rainbow caught the attention of Princess Celestia herself. She trotted onto the balcony of her personal tower and giggled softly, “I hope they leave enough cake for Twilight Sparkle and Twyla.” Celestia rolled up the letter she had received from Spike and stored it away with an entire series of other manuscripts she had gathered from Ponyville. Although the Princess couldn’t have been more relieved that her reply got to Fiona in time, the ultimate truth was that the future couldn’t afford to not have Fiona around. She immediately regretted the thought, assuring herself that she would’ve done the same either way, but the circumstances could no longer be ignored. Not a single one of her agents had reported since she sent Twilight Sparkle on her way back to Ponyville.
Speaking of eggheads, Twilight and her companion were buried deep within the pages of Celestia’s homework. The train chugged along and a sign caught the corner of Twyla’s eye. It had already been quite some time since they had left the snowy Klondikes of Canterlot, and it wouldn’t be long now until they returned home.
“So uhm, what exactly are these Elements of Harmony anyway?” Twyla’s current study dealt with the last few alchemists and sorcerers of old who had crafted them out of desperation, but there wasn’t actually a whole lot within the text of what they had been used for.
The unicorn managed to pry herself out of the large book over her lap, “Technically, without their powers they’re just amulets, or adornments to be worn by their wielders, but with the power of friendship and magic, they can defeat even the mightiest of foes.”
“The power of friendship…?” It was like something out of a cheap Saturday morning children’s cartoon, “So I’d imagine that not just anyone could use these ‘Elements’ then could they? And what kind of elements are we talking about here?”
“I’ll admit it might sound a bit cheesy… but yes, and only a chosen few can actually use them. Princess Celestia and her sister Princess Luna harnessed their power long ago, and now the task has fallen upon us.” She through a page detailing the exact characteristics of the talismans, “They represent six important aspects of harmony, specifically Loyalty, Honesty, Laughter, Generosity, Kindness, and my personal favorite, Magic!”
“I think I can probably match whose element belongs to whom.” Twyla chuckled, “So have you ponies needed to use them often?”
“On a few unfortunate occasions, yes. Discord was one of the last adversaries we used them against, and even then it was a stroke of luck at that, but now with his powers in the hooves of another pony, I just don’t know what to think. It’s absolutely nerve wracking!” Twilight nearly dropped her book.
“Listen Twilight, if the powers of your ‘Elements of Harmony’ are based on the relationships you hold with your friends and those bonds were able to survive even Discord’s corruption, then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Especially if your friends are anything like mine.” Twyla closed her latest book and moved onto another, “Besides, we don’t even know what this imposter’s intentions are. It’s not like anything’s happened yet. For all we know it might just be some crazed pony that was out for revenge.”
Twilight sighed, “You’re probably right, I guess I’m just reading too far into this.” She closed her tome. Perhaps it was just her usual flavor of paranoia getting the best of her again? She certainly remembered what Discord was capable of. The entire affair was just too much to worry about, even if it was something as simple as payback. Either way, there was a spell in these manuscripts made out of dozens of other spells and the Princess needed her to study it. Whatever it was, it had to have been incredibly important and she was going to need as little distractions as possible to comprehend it.
The unicorn reached for another scroll and almost too conveniently, the entire train car shook with an ear splitting explosion. The two shrieked as they were sent flying through the car between shouts of shattered glass and heat.
Twyla landed against a bruised door at the other end of the train car, nearly having had her head taken off by a book. She slumped down against the wall just in time to catch the little unicorn in her lap. The train growled and swayed before finally coming to a screeching halt as dozens of torn pages floated to the floor.
“What in Equestria happened?!” Twilight cried as she leapt onto her hooves, a bit dazed from the rush.
Twyla grabbed the shaky doorknob above and managed to pull herself up to her feet, “Ugh, to think we were nearly home.” She groaned.
The two peered through the rail car’s door way before stumbling down onto the door itself. Smoldering chunks of gingerbread train wreckage littered the grassy road, it was some kind of disaster not meant for this world.
Twyla let out a cough as a talon of smoke stabbed through her lungs. They couldn’t quite believe the sight just a few feet behind them. Twilight nearly staggered off of what seemed like a cliff’s edge. It was a massive crater that had swallowed up the tracks and the rest of the flattened train. In fact, the blast had missed the two bookworms by exactly one car.
Twyla gasped, “W-What happened?! What do these t rains even run on?”
A stereotypical conductor galloped over, unable to fathom just what had happened to his beloved locomotive.
“T-There wasn’t anypony behind this car, was there?” Twilight asked.
“Fortunately not but there was a large supply of hay on its way to Appaloosa.” The conductor sighed, “What could’ve caused this?”
Twyla gazed down into the center of the burning crater as a terrible sensation began to sink into her gut. She gulped and whispered to her little friend, “Twilight, let’s get out of here. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
Twilight couldn’t have agreed more, gathering what was left of her books and scrolls and putting them away into her saddle pack.
Other befuddled and disheveled ponies stepped down from their sizzling train cars to collect themselves as the duo silently passed by. The train had been zigzagged from its tracks against a pile of crumbled remains and glass. It certainly wasn’t going anywhere soon and it was a wonder that no pony was actually killed in the mess. There had to have been some sort of lampoonish natural law that negated such an accident from turning into a bloody tragedy Twyla thought.
“We should probably hurry back to Ponyville… this was no accident.” Twilight whispered as they finally passed the engine. A nearby sign, which had been blown over completely, gave them a few more miles to go.
They had soon completely left the train wreck behind and followed the dotted line of tracks down the divided tree way. The forest around them was eerily quiet. For a stroll in the middle of the day, there wasn’t even as much as a bird’s chirp. The two were surrounded in an uneasy silence, that is, until a faint cackle echoed from the distance behind.
By now, the theory of ‘Pony out for revenge’ had been completely disproven. Twilight warily turned her head but the tracks were bare.
Twyla gulped, “W-What was that?”
Another corroded laugh ricocheted from what seemed like a few steps behind them.
The tone was unmistakable, but this was no Discord. It didn’t sound anything like him. It wasn’t in the chaotic spirit’s nature to enter into assassination attempts, but the thought was becoming more and more of a reality.
Twilight’s hooves shivered as the sick mockery continued, “Uhm, so uh, what was that device you had earlier?” A distracting conversation was the only thing she could think of as they fearfully wandered down the tracks.
Twyla felt like she was going to be swept up in a cow catcher at any moment, “Oh, uh, this old thing?” She managed to fumble out her Android, “It’s just a smart phone.”
“’Smart’ phone? Like a telephone? Wow, only the upper class wealthy ponies can afford those here. I thought you said you had money troubles?”
“These are pretty common. Just about every human on Earth has one.”
“Wow! Erm, but wait, there’s no wire. How does it even work?”
“Well, uh…” Twyla wasn’t sure now was such a good time to explain what satellites were, nor would she have felt right about exposing something like ‘the Internet’ to such an innocent society.
Another deep bellow came laughing from every corner this time.
The empty railroad behind them had long since whittled Twyla’s face pale, “I-I think it might be wise to start running.”
Twilight was already well ahead of her, in both thought and yards, “Come on!”
Twyla ran down the tracks like a mad woman as the cackles grew. She felt like she was being chased by the blackest of Tim Curry’s characters, complete with balloons and a negligee.
Her breathing quickened as she struggled to keep up with the unicorn, and just before she thought her heart was about to burst out of her chest, a set of long fangs burst from the rail spikes around her. Twyla screamed as several more teeth jabbed out of the tracks around her, matching every step she took.
The terrifying tusks jig sawed along each side of the railroad leading far ahead of Twilight’s desperate gallop, “Hurry!”
A loud crack rocked the ground below and the razor sharp tracks behind them slowly arched up high into the air like the uphill climb of a roller coaster. A weary shadow swept over the two, easily matching their pace, and began to double over onto itself as if it were a lizard’s tongue rolling up its prey.
Twyla managed to catch up to the unicorn and tackled her through a gap of fangs just before the jagged maw crashed down like a pair of snapping jaws.
Twyla landed at the base of a nearby tree with the pony in her arms. Dirt and slivers of timber tumbled down over them as the smoke finally cleared.
Another demonic chuckle finally departed back into thin air without even a pause for a villainous introduction.
Twilight had to hold her heart from beating its way out of her chest, “I-I think we need to get back to Ponyville as soon as possible, Twyla. This is getting kind of scary…”
Twyla crawled back against the tree, unable to take her petrified eyes off of the twisted wreckage before her.
“Twyla! Keep it together! I need you for this!” the pony cried.
Twyla could barely keep herself from shuddering, “B-But… I-I’m just a teacher! This is too much!!”
The unicorn’s magic lifted the girl to her feet and shoved her against the tree, “This is serious, Twyla! The Princess warned us about this! We need to warn the others and get this under control before anypony else gets hurt!”
Twyla finally caught her breath and wiped the sweat from her brow, “…Y-You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Okay, let’s go.” Her feet were still a bit shaky, but she took those first few steps for her friends if nothing else. There was a long road ahead of them and there was no time to sit around suffocating in fear.
Half the day had already sunk into the horizon. Fiona had been let out of the hospital much earlier than expected by a surprisingly good bill of health, besides the tummy ache filled with cake of course. There were plenty of leftovers to go around after the picnic thanks to Piper’s gluttonous creativity.
Fluttershy and Fiona made it back to their cottage with a couple of boxes filled with happiness. The animals were definitely excited to see Fiona home in one piece but there was definitely a curiosity in their eyes over the scent of frosting dancing in the air.
“Well, I ought to get back to work, I’m sure the Pony Express is probably wondering where I’ve been.” Ditzy had escorted the two clones to their lodge under the guise of dragon insurance, but the time was mostly spent over smiles and laughs, “Bye Fluttershy! And take care of yourself Fiona. Thanks for everything!”
Fiona chuckled, “I should be thanking you if anything, but we should definitely do this again sometime. Good bye Ditzy!” they waved as the Pegasus cheerfully flew off.
“It’s been forever since I’ve seen Ditzy so happy like that.” Fluttershy smiled, and so did Fiona.
A soothing breeze crawled over a green pasture. There was not a cloud in the sky that day, to Rainbow Dash’s great appreciation.
Raine lounged on the fluffy grass with her hands behind her head while she gazed up at the beautiful blue above her. She sighed; an enormous burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. She considered Fiona to be her little sister, even though Fiona was a couple of years older than she was. Although Raine may have gotten her little fighter jet destroyed, the fact that Fiona was going to be fine was more than enough to make up for it.
A sudden gust knocked Raine out of her day dream, “So kid, I’m the best flyer in all of Equestria, and I guess I’m also pretty athletic and totally awesome as well. So there’s gotta’ be something you’re good at.” It was Rainbow Dash who had zipped over to scoff at her competition, “So what is it? You gonna’ bark little doggie?”
Raine smirked, “Well, if you got any closer, you’d find out.” She cracked her fingers.
Dash laughed, “You’d have to catch me first, and I don’t see any wings on you now do I?”
Raine sat up and tugged the collars of her aviator’s jacket with an overconfident grin, “I may not have any ‘real’ wings, birdbrain, but back home I’d leave you in the dust. You wouldn’t even stand a chance with those dinky canards of yours.”
“I’d doubt that! I’m one of the few Pegasi in history to ever perform a Sonic Rainboom!” Dash flexed a muscle.
Raine couldn’t help but spit up a laugh. It sounded like a drink at a gay club, not that she would’ve known the selection anyway, “Just what the heck is that?”
The blue Pegasus chuckled, “What? They haven’t broken the sound barrier in your world yet? Let me show you a thing or two, kid.” She darted off high into the stratosphere until she was little more than a speck, turned a bank to face the Earth below her, and floored it. Sparks began to fly as a jet stream shrieked around Dash until an explosion nearly sent Raine into a nearby bush. Dash bounced off a surging wave of brilliant rainbows and soared back into the sky. She painted the wild blue into a sea of colors that seemed to go on forever.
Raine couldn’t believe her eyes. It was the most beautiful radioactive blast she’d even seen, certainly the most vibrant. She thought they only came in well, the color of bone marrow, but apparently Equestria had never suffered through a nuclear winter before.
Raine managed to get up to her feet and dusted herself off, “Sheesh, that was awesome.”
Rainbow dashed back over, “Impressive huh?”
The human had just enough time to adjust her poker face, “Decent, I guess. You’re a tad late though. We humans broke the sound barrier over half a century ago.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you went pretty fast off your cliffs in your cute little kites there, kiddo.” Dash laughed.
Raine really wanted to ring the throat of the little attention horse.
“Oh, by the way, I found something kind of weird while I was flying around, you know, being all awesome. Wanna’ come check it out with me?”
Raine spit into the grass beside her, “Yeah, whatever. Let’s go, pipsqueak.”
Dash proudly snickered.
Eventually, the two dare devils found their way into a hidden culdesac cordoned off by a row of trees.
“Weird huh? I’ve never seen anything like it.” Rainbow Dash remarked, “At least whoever painted it had some good taste.”
Raine’s jaw dropped, it was a logical impossibility.
“You feeling alright there, kid?”
Standing before Raine, utterly glowing in heavenly lights was her beloved Russian Mig-15 stunt plane. As if it was on stage at the National Museum of Aviation, the aircraft postured in the cleanest and most pristine shape it had ever been in. The intake at the beak of the bird streamed outwards into a flame of rainbows that eventually dulled into a sky blue towards the tail fin, just like the day she had gotten it painted.
“Spitfire!” she scrambled over and gave the fuselage a big hug.
“Spitfire? That’s not Spitfire!” Dash flew over to inspect the strange contraption.
“No, its name is Spitfire. Get it? Because if I was in World War Two, they’d call me Spitfire?” her taste in music was excellent but her history needed some work, “This was my old stunt plane back home. I’m not sure how it got here considering I crashed- Erm, considering I left it back home and all.”
“What was that last part? And just what the hay is a ‘plane’?”
Raine laughed and ruffled the pony’s colorful mane, “Oh Dashie, you’re about to get schooled on what it’s like to really fly. Just give me a second to go over a few flight checks and you’ll see what I mean.” There was no way she was going to let that embarrassing little accident happen again this time. Raine inspected every inch of the aircraft. Surprisingly enough, everything was in top shape. It even had fuel in it this time.
Rainbow crossed her hooves and hmpfed, wondering how such a stupid looking machine could even get off the ground. Sure, it had wings, but it was just too big and was probably inefficient as all hay.
Raine didn’t understand how or why it was here, but she wasn’t about to give up the chance to make that blue Pegasus look like a turkey. She undid the latch and lifted open the cockpit window, “Oh man, it feels so good to get a look at you again, Spitfire. You’re looking as delicious as ever, baby!”
The interior was about as spotless as the day it had rolled out of its Soviet production line, to which Dash nearly gagged over the girl’s awkward attraction to the contrivance.
Twyla probably would’ve called this what it clearly was, a trap of some sort, but that egghead wasn’t here unfortunately. What would she know about performing an inverted Lazy Eight anyway?
“So you’re expecting me to believe that this thing can actually fly?” Dash prodded.
Raine climbed into the pilot’s seat, “It’s an airplane ya’ goofball. Of course it can fly. I’ve won hundreds of races with this baby!” She had to hide her stutter just to get that last line out, “We humans don’t have wings after all. So we use these machines to fly through the sky at supersonic speeds.” She took up a pair of goggles and tightened them over her face, “Thousands of years of human dreams and ingenuity have led up to this moment. Oh, and uh, unless you want to know what it’s like to be a fried chicken, I wouldn’t stand anywhere near the front of this thing, or for that matter the back either.”
The fact that the aircraft even came with its flight key in the ignition still hadn’t given Raine a second guess. Without even a thought, she turned it and activated the jet’s engine. The turbine screamed to life, startling every creature in the area. She revved the throttle a bit while a golden flame roared out the fighter jet’s tail end.
Raine hung her elbow outside the cockpit window and darted a lazy brow at the Pegasus, “So you think you’re fast huh?” she revved the Mig’s engines for good measure, and damn did it feel hot.
Dash couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated by something so incredibly loud, “What?!”
“Aw, sorry, that too much for you?” Raine laughed. She pointed at herself, then at the Pegasus, and then finally ahead of them, to which Dash was just smart enough to figure out what she meant.
The jet shrieked a bit louder until it began to taxi down the grassy knoll. Raine closed the canopy and cracked her neck. Like some overpowered berserker twink about to grief a spawn entrance, this was going to be far too satisfying.
The colorful stunt plane made a turn to face a convenient green runway. Raine stretched the wing flaps and cooked the afterburner. Her heart was pounding just like old times, and she loved the feeling.
The blue Pegasus stood just a few yards away from the jet’s wingtip. She cracked her legs and wings and ducked her head low, ready to dash off. She glanced over to the aircraft’s cockpit to which Raine waved and made a countdown with her fingers.
Three, two, and one.
Rainbow Dash might as well of left the starting line with a Sonic Rainboom, because within seconds she was already miles ahead of the human. The rainbow colored stunt plane rumbled down the field, scrambled with obscenities to catch up to the little pony, but it eventually took off.
All that remained of the Pegasus was a colorful spark in the distance. Raine gritted her teeth and gave it all she got. There was no way in bloody hell that she was going to lose to a flying marshmallow.
Rainbow Dash laughed as she flew effortlessly through the clouds, “Humans must not get around much if they call that flying. This kid’s got a lot to learn.”
All of a sudden she felt a mild heat cooking her wing tips, “What the hoof?” She looked all around her, and finally discovered the culprit just below.
Raine waved from her cockpit window with the cheekiest grin on her face before rocketing off into the blue abyss ahead.
The thrust sent Dash for a few loops, “Why that little-!” The Pegasus managed to catch herself and darted down the contrail, flushing through the water vapor with an array of stunning colors.
For Raine, this was probably the best day of her life. Fiona got to keep her leg and she was back in the air again. Raine may have been dropped by every one of those sponsors after that embarrassing race, but the only backing she ever really needed was the open sky itself.
Raine licked her lips and corkscrewed the little Mig-15 into a barrel roll that punctured right through a big cloud. The cloud lightly sparked, tangling the fighter jet’s tail fin in a few arms of lightning that Raine was too busy to even notice.
Rainbow Dash, being the expert weather forecaster that she was, knew a bad cloud when she saw one and quickly avoided the rebellious floater. She wasn’t about to lose to some handicapable flying ape.
Raine cranked up the speed and pushed Spitfire to her very limits. There it was, that sexy rumbling G-force that she had missed so much. She held back her joystick, digging her nails back into the scars in her palms. She was at top speed and never wanted to let go of that throttle ever again.
Dash gnashed her teeth and snapped through another Sonic Rainboom which was almost enough to catch up to the jet. She could nearly reach out her hoof and grab a wing tip, but even Equestria’s best flyer just couldn’t surpass the human dream.
The two roared over Ponyville, popping a few windows in the wakes of their individual vapor and rainbow trails.
Ditzy had just been on her way to the Pony Express office when she found herself tumbling into a haystack by the incoming combined sonic booms.
She cleared the hay twigs out of her blonde mane, “Was that… Rainbow Dash…?”
It was probably the longest time Dash had ever continuously flown at such a speed. She clenched her teeth, unsure of how much longer gravity would allow her to hold her hooves out into the burning ether. It felt as if her wings were about to tear right off her body.
Dash managed to glance over at the fighter jet just in time to see Raine shooting her a raspberry through the cockpit window, only to be cut off by the aircraft taking a hard tumble.
The maneuver had nearly bitten her tongue clean off. Raine struggled to level off the jet but her demands went ignored, “Gah! What’s going on? Don’t do this to me Spitfire!!” The little jet went into a nose dive before correcting itself all on its own.
Rainbow Dash had no choice but to let a cloud stop her Sonic Rainboom. It definitely took more than a few clouds but she eventually came to a halt and finally got a chance to catch her breath. She swept the sweat from her brow and turned her head, “Just what in Equestria is she doing? She’s going to get herself killed pulling a stunt like that!” she didn’t exactly have a lot of stamina left, but took off after the runaway fighter pilot.
Meanwhile, the very cockpit in question had become stifled in curses. The Mig changed course and hurtled itself through a series of apple fields, just barely inching itself over the tree tops.
Applebloom was on her way back to the barn with a barrel of tasty apples for the others, when a shriek sent her batch tumbling in every direction, along with the little filly herself, “W-What in tarnation’s was that?!” She picked herself back up just in time to see the Sweet Apple Acres farm sign yank itself right off of its hinges as the speed demon finally pulled up. Following close behind was a slightly more considerate rainbow.
“Just what the heck is that featherhead up to?” the filly huffed as she looked the collection of apples before her. She was just about to gather them up again until they began to wobble and rolled away from her bucket. Applebloom could barely keep herself standing as the dirt tremored beneath her hooves, “Now what?!” The filly turned around only to witness their precious apple fields becoming consumed by a panicked tide of thundering hooves.
With a gasp, she frantically ran back to the barn as quickly as she could.
For whatever reason, the stunt plane had calmed itself. It took some effort, but Rainbow Dash managed to reach the canopy. She banged a hoof over the fiberglass pane, “What’re you doing?!” she shouted, managing to unhook and open the window. Dash was met by a symphony of expletives completely unknown by Equestrian dictionaries.
“Are you trying to get somepony killed?!” Rainbow shouted.
“It isn’t me!” Raine yelled, “The things totally unresponsive! It’s doing whatever it wants on its own! See? I’m not even holding the stick!” she honestly wasn’t, and the fighter jet agreed by making a hard bank to the left and diving into a barrel roll, doing its best to shake off the little blue Pegasus.
Dash would’ve easily lost her grip and met a fiery fate at the behest of the afterburner had Raine not grabbed onto her hoof and yanked her into the cockpit. The canopy snapped shut over the two.
“Are you crazy?! Where did you learn how to fly?!” Dash shouted, easing herself to the side of Raine’s lap.
“I told you! It isn’t me. It’s flying on its own. I’ve been trying everything I can think of but it won’t respond!”
“How do you lose control of something like this?! Leave it up to a ‘human’ to overcomplicate ‘flight’!”
“Oh shut up already!” Raine struggled to motion something out of the flight stick but there was still no answer. The instrument panel had gone totally bonkers, as if infected by some sort of pre-modern era virus.
The pony noticed a blinking red light with a nob at the end of the console, “Maybe it’s this?”
“Don’t touch anything!!” Raine cried, but Dash hoofed the radio module anyway.
A buzzing white noise wavered for a few seconds until a demonic snicker began to fill the airways.
Raine’s face turned a faint shade of gray and she slammed the radio console with her fist, killing any chance of getting another frequency, “I said don’t touch anything, damnit!”
The stunt plane wandered aimlessly for a few more moments before changing direction. It made a soft pitch to the left and swooped down almost plowing itself into a nearby river path. The cockpit filled with buzzing lights and blared warnings. What lay ahead filled the two with dread.
“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” Dash stammered.
“Would you shut your yap already!”
“Look! It’s going to crash into the dam!” Rainbow cried, “It’ll destroy the entire town!”
Raine practically chewed her own lip off, ready to rip the goddamned plane in two, “Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!!” she wailed all over the flight stick and nearly ripped it off of its pivot.
Aprile and Applejack had just entered through the door. Whatever the loud noise was, it would’ve had to wait until after dinner.
“I wonder what that awful racket was.” The little pony wondered.
“It sounded like an airplane from my world… but what would a plane be doing in Equestria? Do ya’ll even have airplanes here?”
“Have what now?”
Aprile shrugged, “Don’t worry about it sug’, I’ll tell you about it later. Right now I need to fill up on some eats’.”
Applejack nodded.
They were just about to sit down at the table for some scrambled eggs and of course a side of apples when the kitchen door practically flew off of its hinges.
Applejack nearly spilled a bottle of milk all over the table, “Applebloom! Have ya’ no manners?”
“What’s the matter, darlin’?” Aprile asked.
Applebloom caught her breath, cleared her throat, and finally exclaimed, “Stampede!!”
Granny Smith Apple had somehow climbed up to the top of the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse and rang the bell as hard as she could, alerting any and everypony for miles around.
“Come on Wynona! We got some herdin’ to do!” Applejack’s dog barked as the pony grabbed a few ropes between her teeth and galloped off into the oncoming tidal wave.
“Our farm’ll be destroyed if we don’t do something quick!” Applebloom cried.
Aprile couldn’t just stand there outside the barn and do nothing. She didn’t have half the horsepower her pony friends did, but she’d be damned if she just sat there and watched. It wasn’t Aprile’s apple farm, but for the time being it might as well have been.
She picked her leather work gloves out of her denim pocket and slipped them on before cracking her knuckles. She adjusted her hat with a determined eye, and with the tap of a boot tip Aprile turned to the rather large pony standing beside her, “Hey Big Mac, mind giving me a lift?”
The red stallion shook his head, “Nope.”
“Applebloom, get me a rope would ya’?” the filly eagerly tossed the cowgirl a few lassos. She climbed onto Big Mac and heeled his sides, “Giddy up, pony!”
“Hang on to somethin’!” Big Mac knocked his hooves into the air and finally rode off into the uproar of dirt.
Applejack had just nearly missed the thunderous sprints from a herd of startled buffalo. Where they had come from was of little concern at the moment seeing as they had already flattened the southernmost apple field. For a second, she almost wished that she hadn’t brought Wynona along this time. These weren’t just simple cattle, these were the meanest freight trains to ever stampede through Ponyville and it was going to take more than a few reinforced brick walls to stop these bruisers.
Applejack made a turnabout and swung in for the front of the charge. She struggled to keep up with the first few leaders of the herd, “Wynona, stay on their outside flank! I’m gonna’ bring them about!” she leapt onto the backs of one of the many Bison and began hopping from hide to hide. She needed to get to the front of the pack and wrangle the herd away from the upcoming field before any more damage could be done. Much of the trees had already been trampled, but she wasn’t going to give up another apple without a fight.
The earth thundered under the stampede as Applejack fought to keep her balance. She didn’t have a lot of time on her hooves, and finally lassoed a rope over the biggest bison she could see. Terribly, all she managed to latch onto were the tank’s horns, who immediately jerked the rope as hard as the goliath could and yanked the pony off of her footing. She swung in between the wrestling bison by the clutch of her teeth and managed to ride the vine up to the same buffalo’s head. How she wasn’t completely crushed in the motion was some sort of miracle, but those were the odds Applejack lived for.
The tangled lasso dragged behind uselessly in the wind. She grabbed the bull by the horns and held on for dear life, trying against all odds to manually steer the monster, “Come on, big fella’! Just a little more to the right!”
The buffalo bucked and weaved to the left as the herd began to follow just in time for another lasso to tie itself around the beast’s neck, “Yeehaw!”
“What in the-?”
“We got your flank, AJ!” It was Aprile, who although was far more used to riding a dull tractor for a living was just as good on horseback. “Just hang on for a bit more!”
Aprile spun another lariat and flung it over, perfectly wrapping it around another Bison’s head. Two more soon followed and Big Mac began to arch away from the angry mob. Aprile tugged with all her might and just as she felt herself sliding off of Big Mac’s hide the herd finally gave way. They rounded off just in time to miss the first few apple trees of the oncoming field.
A few apples managed to shake loose and became crushed under the stampede, but it was a small price to pay.
Applejack gave a hoot, “We did it! Great job, ya’ll!”
Aprile hollered and cheered while Big Macintosh gave a mild, “Yup!”
Suddenly, the herd of bison came to an anti-climactic stop, having barely even made it past the next apple field over.
“Hey! What’s going on around here?” Aprile jerked an eyebrow as did Big Mac.
“Why’d you stop, big fella’? Cold hooves?” Applejack joshed.
The lead bison who was covered in ropes shook his enormous head, “…H-How did we get over here?” Not a single one of the other mammoth bulls had an answer.
“Ya’ nearly trampled my whole apple farm ya’ big ol’ varmints!” Applejack shouted, “Don’t act dumb!”
The bison gazed up at the little frustrated pony sitting over his head, “Oh! Hey there Applejack! Don’t you remember us? We’re part of the Buffalo tribe here in Appaloosa! Oh, let me tell ya’, ever since you guys helped us reach that agreement with the pony settlers, we haven’t been happier!” the buffalo went on and on about how delicious the apple pies were.
“Now wait just a second here!” Aprile shouted, “You guys just flattened an entire field of apple trees!”
“What? But weren’t we on the pathway?” another buffalo questioned.
“Those darn ponies better not have grown apples trees in the middle of our stampede path! We had an agreement! Right Applejack?” the leader huffed.
Applejack adjusted her hat with a sigh, “You ain’t in Appaloosa ya’ big galoot! You’re in Ponyville. On my apple farm!”
The entire buffalo herd collective just about gasped at the same time, entirely confused.
Before any explanation could even be reached, an earth shattering explosion shook Sweet Apple Acres to its foundation, nearly taking every buffalo and pony off of their hooves. A terrible rumble came from a distance led by a column of smoke that funneled into the sky.
“Just what the heck’s going on this time?!” all Aprile wanted was to get her fill of eggs and biscuits, darn it.
“The only thing over there is…” Applejack quivered in freight, “Oh no! T-That’s where the Ponville dam is!”
“Twyla, wait! It isn’t safe!” Twilight called out.
Rubble covered what was left of the mighty dam’s vast bridge. A massive gap had cracked open the entire structure and millions of gallons of water buried the river below. The tidal wave swept up everything its path, racking up trees, homes, wildlife, and Ponyville would soon be next on the list.
At the center of the cavalcade of rushing water sat a smoldering blue tailfin, or what was left of it, surrounded in blotchy pools of oil and fire. Alongside it tumbled a decent chunk of the fuselage with the canopy still attached. The fiberglass window had been completely melted in and was still filled with burning flames.
Twyla ran out to the farthest edge of what was left of the bridge and covered her mouth in horror. Twyla had seen that little fighter jet a hundred times in Raine’s stunning air shows. How it got into Equestria hadn’t even crossed her mind but she knew Raine’s colors when she saw them. She might’ve not won many races but that never stopped the teacher from cheering her on anyway, “I-It can’t be…!” Completely in disbelief, she searched through the skies looking for any sign of a parachute. Maybe it fell into the surrounding plateau’s forest line? Anything at all to keep her from going over the deep end, but never got her answer.
Twyla sank to her knees as she grasped the crooked railing, doing all she could to hold back a dozen screams.
Twilight galloped over to get a better look at the unspeakable disaster that had only just begun, “Oh Celestia!” It was quite the welcome home.
“She’s gone, Twilight…!”
The unicorn turned to her shuttering friend, “What?”
Twyla pressed her forehead into the railing as she began to sob uncontrollably, “Please… oh God please, I beg of you, show me that damn parachute…!” The sky above was completely hollow.
Twilight cringed, unsure of what to do. The two lives that had just been lost hadn’t even dawned on her yet, but one thing was for sure. Ponyville was as good as done for unless she acted.
With a dash of magic, she flung open her saddle pack and threw open a few battered books. Twilight skimmed through them as quickly as she could until a desperate beacon of hope sparked from her horn, “Hang on, Twyla!” She threw a hoof over the poor girl and a stinging beam of pink energy immediately enveloped them and everything above that dam.
Ditzy rushed into the Pony Express station as every other Pegasi behind her scrambled throughout Ponyville, doing their best to warn the town’s citizens of the oncoming catastrophe, “Guys! I think there’s been an accident down by the dam! We need to-”
Letters and important parcels littered the floor. The normally bustling Pony Express station had fallen completely silent.
Ditzy cautiously stepped forward, “Guys…? Is anypony here? W-Where did everypony go…?” The thought that the attendants and carriers had already fled for the hills crossed the gray little pony’s mind until she discovered a nearby pony that had been, for lack of a better word, ‘packaged’.
She gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof, and backed into yet another victim who had been mummified in packaging tape. She shot up into the air, downright terrified by what she had staggered into. Another pony had been covered in stamps, just about ready to be delivered around Equestria five times over. Whoever had done this had a sick sense of humor.
Ditzy bolted for the door in freight but it slammed with a lock before she could escape, “Help! Help!!” she cried, banging her hooves against the wooden door, but the ponies outside were far too preoccupied over the hasty retreat to hear her calls.
She let out a groan and finally sunk back against the door, “Oh Celestia, this is terrible. N-None of this makes any sense! W-Who would-”
A light chuckle fluttered from the back room, to which Ditzy buttoned her lip.
“What was that now…? About making sense…?” a dirty chuckle filled the lobby.
Ditzy backed herself into a corner and trembled. Her only defense was clenching her bobbled eyes as tightly as she could. The monsters definitely couldn’t find her if she couldn’t see anypony.
“Oh, ‘Derpy’. Don’t be so frightened. It’s so unlike you.”
“W-What do you mean…?!”
“You’re too delightfully ignorant and naïve to be scared of anything ‘Derpy’ Hooves. After all, how could you possibly have time to fear what’s coming when you can’t even see straight…?”
Ditzy squeaked and cowered under her hooves in the corner, expecting to be gobbled up at any moment.
“Oh, my dear little pony. Never fear. I’m not going to harm you. I only offer… perspective. At least mines, anyway. So tell me ‘Derpy’. How does it feel knowing that even your friends still see you as the village idiot?”
“S-Shut up! Go away!!” she cried.
“How does it feel knowing the only reason you have any friends at all is out of, oh… pity? How very tragic.”
Ditzy cringed, “Y-You’re wrong! Fiona and the others care about me! T-They respect me!”
The voice cackled maniacally, “You truly are a ‘special’ pony, aren’t you? Come my dear, let me open those ‘adorable’ little eyes of yours.”
The door to the Pony Express finally unlocked and slowly cracked wide. Ditzy staggered out into the market as the ever looming shadow of a tidal wave gradually invaded Ponyville, but she didn’t even bat an eye.
An aquamarine colored unicorn galloped by with as many of her belongings as she could float over her horn, when she nearly smashed an antique harp over Ditzy’s head, “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry Derpy! Come on! We have to get out of here!”
Ditzy hadn’t even felt the blow to her skull, nor did she even blink.
“Derpy! It’s me! Lyra! We need to move quickly or we’re all going to drown!”
Ditzy turned away with a cynical chuckle, “Who cares? Everything's pointless anyway. This world just makes me sick.”
Lyra’s gut churned in dismay. She had never heard such talk from anypony and certainly not from this pony, “Derpy!”
Screams and cries for help echoed throughout the town as every foundation began to rumble and shake, but the little Pegasus couldn’t have cared less.
Ditzy spit into the cobblestone ground and glared down the oncoming rushing rapids without so much as a twitch, “Hey Lyra, how about you go for a swim? That water’s great.”
