We All Go To Hell

by Captain Storm Dash

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4426

Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance has somehow gotten himself stuck in a new world he knows nothing about. What now?

Gerard Way's life sucks. He doesn't know karate, he sucks at math and science, he likes croquet and chess, he's stuck in a world full of ponies as a pony, he can't get a girl, and let's face it: He's never going to make it. But he doesn't want to. He just wants to get together another band here in Ponyville. He just wants to–

Basically, Gerard has gotten stuck in Equestria with no way out or no way of knowing how he got there. The first pony he meets is Pinkie Pie, who seems nice and happy enough, but her eyes tell a different story. He now has to adapt, and he's not sure how well he can cope, given that he now no longer has any family or friends left. Can he cope? Can he get used to his new way of life? More importantly, can he raise up a new band?

(I put the sex tag only because of the frequent references. Not sure if I'll put a scene in there. It's not exactly my intention.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-11 21:25:51 UTC

It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Bucking Life Style

     Gerard cringed and held his head for a moment, trying to get the headache to go away. He was being driven insane. He felt like his bones were cracking and shrinking, and he felt like his clothes had just gotten five sizes larger. He could feel his nose and jaw growing longer and broadening out. It was too painful for words.

     He tried to think. He had to think. God damn it, his hands were getting hard and bony. Wait, what?

     He focused on his thoughts, his memories. Where he had last been. The concert. They were on a tour in Cardiff, showing off their  most famous album, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. He tried to remember the words to his favourite song in it. Helena..

Long ago,

Just like the--

     God damn it! Some one had just jumped in front of him and yelled some sort of greeting. He couldn't make it out until he focused on the voice.

     "Hi there! What's your name? I've never seen you before!"

     Gerard couldn't tell who it was. He couldn't see them. Suddenly, his eyes felt like they were growing and moving through his skull. Or rather, that they had already moved, and he was getting used to it. His vision was stretched a bit, but for some reason, it felt natural. He just cringed and couldn't stop thinking about the aching pain he was in.He then felt something... A tail. Holy shit, he had a tail. What the f--

     "Are you okay?" asked the same high-pitched voice.

     Gerard growled, but he really was trying to speak All he could do was growl as he grew used to his new vocal chords. "N-no!" he shouted.

     "You don't look so hot, either! Need some help?"

Need some help?

     Those same words repeated in his head over and over. No. No he didn't. He hadn't asked for help for a solid year and a half, and he wasn't going to start now.

     "N-n-NO!" he screamed in a raspy, hoarse voice.

     The same person whom had been asking him questions bent down before him and put a hoof on his cheek in a gentle and compassionate manner. "Hey... It's alright. I can help you." Her voice had changed slightly, it was calmer and more caring and considerate. "Just let me help."

     Gerard teared up, his eyes wouldn't open. They were clenched shut, and he was gritting his teeth in pain. He couldn't move his body, couldn't figure out how. Finally, he grasped it, and his spine slowly straightened out as he put what he thought was his hand on the voice's.. hoof?

     His eyes slowly opened as he ignored what it felt like he was touching. His vision was slightly different, but it was nothing he wouldn't be able to get used to once the blurriness in his eyes cleared up. He then sized up the one who sat in front of him, trying to show him compassion. What he saw was a bright, obnoxious pink pony with a unruly light magenta mane and tail and sad, light blue eyes. He could tell that, despite how happy this mare seemed to always be, she was sad and lonely inside. She was surrounded by friends, and yet also so alone.

     Initially, he was shocked. But when he looked down and saw what he had in place of hands and that he surely did have a tail, he came to terms with it. Sort of.

This can't be happening. This *cannot** be happening. Oh God, oh God, oh God!*

     He got over it temporarily, and put aside his thoughts. He just wanted help. He didn't want to admit that he wanted or needed help, but he would accept it if it was offered. Not much that he could do at the time being.

     He could still feel tears falling, whether they were for the pain and for the fact that he was now stuck somewhere he didn't belong, alone and without any true friends, just like this mare, he couldn't say for sure. Oh, God, why won't it end?

    The mare braced him underneath his forelegs and hoisted him up to his hind legs. She then shifted him onto her back. Gerard couldn't really resist. He practically couldn't move, just his eyes, his mouth, his general bodily functions, and some general movements of his tail and hooves. And even if he could resist, he probably wouldn't. He knew he needed this.

     He could feel the mare's movements as she strode forward into town. "H-hey..." he tried to say. "What's.. what's your name?"

     "Pinkie," she responded. "The name's Pinkie Pie. I live in Ponyville, and I like to party a lot. I know every pony in town, plus some, and you're the first new face I've seen in seven weeks. That's a record!"

      She trotted gently in silence for a few minutes before breaking the silence. "So, what about you?"

      His vocals were strengthening, he could feel it. Damn it, that would mean he'd be able to tell her it all. Oh well, can't hurt.

      "Gerard.. Gerard Way."

     "That's an interesting name."

     "Well, so is Pinkie Pie. Anyways.. I'm a singer. I'm in band.. Or I was." He looked down at the ground as it passed by while they kept moving.

     "What was it called?"

     "My Chemical Romance. It's a punk-rock band. You know, a lot of heavy metal and attitude and screaming into the microphone, but every song tells a story, and most are very emotional. Some are angry, some are depressing and sad, some are kinda funny.. Some are just... I don't know.. Deep. You know what I'm saying?"

     "Yeah! I'm not all that familiar with punk-rock, but it sounds awesome! I'm just more into metal."

     "Well, it's a lot like metal, but with a lot more attitude and teenager-type stuff, like leather jackets and spiked bracelets and piercings and screaming and loud whispering and sex--"

      He stopped for a moment. He knew this was a touchy subject for anyone. Or, according to this mare, any "pony". Oh yes, he listens.

     "And drugs and death and funerals and suicide--"

     More touchy subjects. Damn it!

     "And relationships and break-ups and cheating and divorces and... sadness. Sadness and emotion. So much of it."

     "Wow," Pinkie said. "Sounds.. depressing. And it also sounds like a good emotional outlet.."

      "It is! My band and I would pour our thoughts and emotions into our songs and into our music! We became famous in less then two years! It was frightening! So many people took our albums and did covers of our songs and used our songs to clear their minds! It felt like we were helping the world become less bottled-up because we gave the world an outlet!"

      He then looked down again and gently closed his eyes. "But now... I'm not there. They'll be devistated. They won't be able to come up with another singer like me. Frank said so."

     "Who's Frank?"

     "One of the guitarists. He was good. Great. And he and I were good friends. Him, me, Ray, and Mikey. Mikey... my little brother... Oh God...' Gerard began tearing up.

     "What's wrong?"

     "I'm stuck here! In a world not my own! As a pony! A techni-coloured pony! How the fuck am I supposed to get used to this! I've got no friends, no family, no one I know! No one but you! And I barely know you! I'm fucking screwed!" Fresh hot tears streamed down Gerard's face as he lost it all. Then he snapped. "Put me down." he growled.

     "What?" Pinkie asked shocked.

     "Put me down. Now."

     Pinkie gently sat and allowed to Gerard to roll off of her back and onto the grass she now sat on. Gerard tried to gain his balance as he tried to sit up as well. He then remembered that four-legged animals use their tails to keep their balance. He then stood up slowly. He placed one hoof in front of the other. He willed himself to move forward, and he felt his hind leg placing itself two feet forward on itself. He then repeated his motions with the other set of legs. He began slowly and steadily trotting. Once he began to pick up pace, he then decided to push himself. He moved even faster as he trotted back to the gravel road. He then used more energy to begin full-forced galloping. It felt good, to use this new body of his, to stretch those muscles, to allow the sun to bathe his fur. He kept going, then reared up as he turned around and galloped the other way, trying to get into all of his possible movements. He moved back and forth, side to side, stood on his hind legs, bucked upwards with them, jumped up and bucked his entire spine as if he was in a rodeo, everything.

      He then scowled and remembered Pinkie. He looked back at her. "Can you.. give me shelter?"

      Pinkie trotted forward and placed a fore-hoof on his shoulder. "Sure."

      "You know, being a pony isn't a fashion statement. I can tell by the way you look at your body. It's not a set of clothes. It's a body, and you've got to treat it right. I know what being a musician can do to a pony. I've seen so many musicians commit suicide or cut themselves or take drugs because of all of the pressure. I'm sure you know about this, being one yourself, but I need you to know that.." She paused. "Never mind."

     Gerard was confused.

     "Another thing. Look at your flank."

     Again he was confused, but he did as he was told. There, he saw a symbol. It looked like a tattoo. It was a black widow sitting on top of a microphone. Suddenly, he was reminded of his band. Their logo. A black widow.

     "That symbol.. It's your cutie-mark. It shows what your special talent is. Obviously, yours is singing, but with a bit more of a hard-core kind of concept. Mine," she motioned to her flank, which displayed three balloons. "It shows that I'm talented at making people laugh. All cutie-marks are unique. They show what your special talent is. You don't always get your cutie-mark right away. You have to discover your talent. In your case, you already have.

     " A cutie-mark is also what ponies use to identify each other. It can also show what kind of pony you are. What kind of personality and character you have. Cutie-marks are important. Along with your race. There are earth-ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, which is what you are."

     Gerard was surprised. "I am?"

     Pinkie nodded. "Magic is used by unicorns to assist them in their talent and their careers. You, you might need your magic to hold a microphone, to pick up objects with out having to use your teeth or hooves, which actually can pick up objects, despite the fact that we don't have pose-able thumbs like primates."

      Then Pinkie got curious. "Where did you come from?"

      "A planet called Earth. A country called America. The dominant race were, uh, humans."

      "Humans?"

      "Kind of related to monkeys, but they're generally hairless, except for some light body and facial hair, and hair on top of their heads. Only the males had facial and body hair, though. It's complicated, and I'm not sure how to explain. I'm a poet, not a biologist."

      "It's okay," Pinkie ensured him. "Let's go. I want to show you around Ponyville and to your new home."

      Gerard obliged, and they trotted together along the gravel road. Eventually, he'd learn everything about being a pony, about his particular body type, and eventually, he'd get together a new band. Maybe rename it something else, so as to not take an un-original name. But for now, he just wanted to rest. It had been a long and depressing day. And he still had things he needed to figure out. More ponies to meet.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

     Gerard was lying on Pinkie's bed, not exactly sure how he got there. Just then, as he began trying to remember, Pinkie walked in.

     "Speak of the devil," he said.

     "Pardon?"

     "It's a saying that we had on my world." His thoughts then turned back to the original pondering. "Hey, Pinkie..."

     "Hey, Gerard."

     Gerard rolled his eyes and then asked, "Why am I on your bed?"

     "Because it's the most comfortable and softest bed in the house, and I wanted to show my hospitality by giving you my bed!" she responded.

     Gerard was sort-of expecting an answer similar to the one Pinkie gave him, but he also was expecting a totally different and a lot more shocking sort response from the mare. He cursed his dirty mind and his unfortunate lack of luck. He was all too curious to find out exactly how his new body worked and how he would adapt to hooves. He put those thoughts aside and focused on the pink mare.

     "Well, that's nice of you." He sat up and turned ninety degrees to face the wall on the left side of his bed. He sighed. Something about that mare was making him uneasy, making him a little bit...

     Aroused.

     He then tried to change his thoughts. He needed something. What was it he needed? His mouth was like sand and his lips were parched. Water. He needed water. And when he heard his stomach grumble, he knew he needed something else. What? Food. That's it. Food and water, the general needs of any living creature. However, Gerard wasn't sure as to what the hell he would eat. Hay? Good luck getting used to that. Grass? To hell with that garbage. Carrots? He could deal with that. Oats? Sure. He liked oats. Wasn't sure how dry oats tasted, but YOLO, right? Sugar cubes? He loved sugar, except in his coffee. He wasn't sure if ponies drank coffee. It was iffy.

     He stood up off of the bed and said, "Is there anything to eat?"

     "Well, sure!" Pinkie exclaimed. "You're livin' a bakery after all!"

     "Oh," Gerard muttered. "That's right." He then began following Pinkie downstairs and into the lobby of the bakery, Sugarcube Corner. He analysed the interior décor. Way too pink for his tastes, but then again, his tastes were overly gothic. He shrugged the best his body could as a pony and sat down at a table.

    "So, watch'ya want for breakfast?" Pinkie sat down at the chair in front of him at the two-seater table.

     "Uh, a muffin, I guess." He wasn't all to sure as to what to eat and what all he could eat.

     "Sure thing! Be right back!" The sugar-high and overly-hyper pony jumped up from the table and went to go grab two muffins.

     "Oh, and a cup of coffee, if you don't mind," Gerard shouted just as she galloped off.

     "No problemo!"

     He chuckled. Pink was a colour he was going to have to get used to.

     Pinkie set the blueberry muffin in front of him on a plate and put the cup of coffee next to it. He cocked his head and squinted one eye. He wasn't sure as to how he was supposed to eat with hooves. He then saw Pinkie slipping her hoof through the handle in her cup and taking a sip.

     "You're so cute when you do that!" she said when she saw the way Gerard was looking at his food.

     He blushed. "Sorry," he began. "It's tricky trying to get used to this."

     Pinkie giggled. "It's al-right!"

     He copied Pinkie's actions as she showed him how to handle his food without a word spoken. "So, this world of yours," Pinkie said. "What's it like?"

     "It's complicated," Gerard replied. "I wouldn't know how to explain it. But it's definitely very different from Equestria. For instance, the weather is almost unpredictable and is completely uncontrollable. Clouds move when wind begins to blow--which happens at certain, unknown times-- the temperature isn't always the way you want it, the sun and moon rise on their own and affect the earth in their own ways, and there's just no controlling any of it! You're just.. along for the ride.

     "And there's a lot of bad people and bad things. Terrorists. Murderers. Serial killers. Rapists. Thieves. Prostitutes. Drugs. Organised crime. Natural disasters. War. A lot of war. Nuclear bombs and chemical warfare. The mentally challenged. Just... horrible, horrible things.

     "But there's good things, too! Music. Talented people. Geniuses. The United Nations. Freedoms of all kinds. Beautiful nature. Wonderful creatures. Art. And love. Lots of it.

     "Often I wondered if my life was worth living. All the pain and suffering. The pressures to do horrible things. The death. I was held at gunpoint once. But I never lost faith in the world."

     "Wow." was all Pinkie could muster. "We have some of that stuff here, but mostly it's the good things. We don't have much war, or famine, or murder, or terrorism. "

     "But that doesn't mean it's not still there."

     Pinkie's thoughts abruptly changed, as they often did. "Oh, hey, I wanted to throw you a "Welcome to Ponyville" party some time today! How 'bout it?"

     Gerard lit up. "Sounds great!"

     "Kay! I'm gonna go invite every pony I can! See ya at seven!" Pinkie jumped up from the table and zipped out of the café.

     Gerard reached a hoof forward and sighed as he saw the pink mare rush out, seeing he had failed to stop her in time to tell her something. "Oh.. Okay.. Goodbye."

     Suddenly, Gerard felt something grab at his vocal chords-- a song.

     He then got up, and almost coincidently, as he walked out into the road, he saw three ponies, a large, red one with a bass, a light blue mare with a rainbow mane holding a guitar, and a grey stallion with a Mohawk at a set of drums. He then stood confidently in front of them.  He then quickly dashed back up to the room he was sharing with Pinkie after telling them to stay right there. He grabbed a set of papers with lines and dots and all sorts of things. He handed the sheets to the band standing before him. "I have a song. I wanna sing. How bout it?"

      The red one nodded. "Eeyup."

      Gerard turned toward the street where others began to gather. He gave the signal, and the three behind him began slamming away.

Well, if you wanted honesty, that's all you need to speak,

I never want to let you down or have you leave,

You're better without me!

For all the nasty words,

The stabbing me without swords,

Remember when you chipped hoof?

From punching out your bathroom mirror!

I'm not okay...

I'm not okay!

I'm not oka-a-ay,

You've done enough!!

What will it take to get across it's not like it seems,

I told you time and time again,

You say those words, but

Don't know what it means

To be a stranger, look!

Another line without a hook,

You said you'd read me like a book,

But my pages are all torn and frayed!

I'm okay...

I'm okay!

I'm okay now!

But you really need to listen to me!

I'm telling you the truth!

I mean this!

I'm alright!

Believe me.

I'm not okay!

I ain't okay!

Well, I'm not okay,

I'm really not okay,

I'm not okay,

Kay?!

        The rainbow Pegasus finished off the song with a last twinge of the distortion and they all bowed. The group around them began cheering and clapping their hooves. A few dropped some bits in an empty cup on the ground next to the bassist's amp. Gerard then turned around and began beaming really wide. "You guys, that... Was... Awesome!"

     "Eeyup." said the red one.

     "What are you guys' names?"

     The rainbow one spoke up first, addressing herself as Rainbow Dash. The drummer introduced himself as Thunderlane.

     "And this here is Big Macintosh. He doesn't say much, prefers actions over words, " said Rainbow Dash. "But when he talks, he means business." They all continued grinning at each other. "Dude, where did you learn to sing like that?"

     "My grandmother taught me everything I know. Plus, I used to part of my own band before..." He paused, not sure if he should tell them quite yet. "Before moving to Ponyville. I wrote some of my songs and such, and we were really popular."

     "What was it called?" Thunderlane asked.

     "My Chemical Romance. It's a punk rock band."

     "Awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I love punk! We're actually a heavy-metal rock band. Mechanical Reaper."

     Thunderlane spoke up. "Been lacking a lead singer. Dashie here ain't got the best chords and ain't the best multitasker."

     "Well, it's better than what you can do," Rainbow Dash protested.

      "Psh, as if! I'm always multitasking. Anyways," he turned back to Gerard. "You up for it?"

      Gerard cocked an eyebrow and grinned wider than he had in months. The other three began to smile as well.

      "You betcha."

I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

Gerard was trotting gracefully down one of Ponyville's many gravel roads. He was trying to locate the same pink mare who had picked him up two days ago. She said she was planning a welcome party, but she never did tell him where. It seemed she was always on the move. He passed a very large oak tree that was made into a home. Fancy that, he mused. When he reached the end of the street, he stood at the top of a hill, giving him a perfect survey of at least forty-five acres of nothing but apple orchards. It was beautiful. He caught a glimpse of red stallion from afar. He instantly recognised him as Big Macintosh. So that's where he lives.

There was a sudden silence, and he felt like something was watching him, creeping up slowly, like predator to prey. He went icy and began sweating. He whipped around and saw there was nothing there. Not a soul in sight. Just as he was content he was alone, he felt a hot breath down his neck. His eyes and face melted into a sour frown. "Good one, Pinkie," he said, turning around quickly. When he did though, his eyes grew wide in surprise, as did those of the mare in question.

He was shocked at not just how close they were, but what was going on between them. He realised that their lips were locked. Pinkie's surprise slowly faded, along with his. He wrapped his forelegs around her as they both melted into the glorious first act of love between them.

When he broke the kiss, he was speechless and stuttering. "Pinkie-- I, uh.. I.."

She put a hoof on his lips. "Shh... Don't speak. It's all right. After the party, meet me upstairs in the bakery. I wanna talk to you."

He slowly nodded. "Sure."

She turned back the other direction and held out a hoof. "Come on. You've got a party in your honour that you need to attend."

Gerard grabbed her hoof and followed her through the sunset-lit pathways to a large club with pounding music blaring all the way through the wall. He listened closely. Wait a minute, he thought, that's my song! He and Pinkie rushed toward the long line, where a gruff bouncer was keeping the queue in check. "It's okay, Davenport, he's the colt of the hour."

Davenport stepped aside and allowed the two in.

Gerard listened closely to the music being played. The song just started, I've got five seconds to get my ass up there and sing!

With that, Gerard galloped up to the stage to complete the four-piece band performing. He began singing to his heart's content, letting his strong voice carry through the entire club. When they finished the piece, Rainbow Dash added a twinge of her strings at the very end.

The crowd began roaring! They loved it! Gerard thought. The ponies sitting at tables were clapping their hooves, and the ones on the dance floor were jumping up and down and screaming and whistling. Gerard felt like he was at another concert.

And he felt so far from home.

"Thank you," he spoke into the microphone. He cleared his throat as the cheering died down. "My name is Gerard Way. I'd just like to thank the one pony here for without whom, I probably would still be on the road where she had found me.

"Now, I know I've only been here for two days, but already I've seen the finest display of hospitality so far. I'm not exactly sure how I got here, or why I'm here, in Equestria, but I sincerely hope it was because I have something better here than back home.

"When Pinkie Pie had found me on the side of the road going into town, I was huddled up a ball, crippled and unable to move for the pain I was experiencing. I thought it would never end. In fact, it was so bad that the night she found me was a blur of pain and emotion. I'm just thankful that Pinkie, of all ponies, found me. She seems to understand me, and I am thankful to whoever is out there watching over us that I found her.

"I'm also thankful that it was this town that she lived in."

The crowd began cheering, and Gerard jumped off of the stage and out into the group of dancing ponies as the disc jockey came back on-stage and started up a beat. Gerard began dancing his heart out, moving his body along with the rhythm. His heart was pumping and beads of sweat made their way down his face. When the song ended, he and the rest of the rabid party-animals screamed their hearts out and begged for more. The DJ obliged, and the night drew on.