TEA TIME
By: Einhander
“I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground
It was an old tradition. A small one, an important one. The best kind, in fact. The kind of practiced process you keep doing not because you have to, but because you want to.
“Cadance, stop whatever you’re doing. No, I don’t care how many things are on fire. I came a long way for this. Unless something is literally on fire, it’s time for tea."
Tea with Princess Celestia… it used to be her favorite time every week. When everything slowed down and Celestia wasn’t the alpha and omega, the ruler of the sun and the moon. When she was just Auntie ‘Tia.
“Wait! Really now, I taught you better than that. Never wash the inside of the pot!”
At least, that’s how it used to be. Back when she wasn’t a princess, back when she wasn’t married or affianced or in charge of an empire. Back when she was just a niece, a royal one but still just a normal unicorn filly... well, an alicorn filly, who happened to, yes, be related to the ruler of Equestria which meant was technically a princess but still! A filly preoccupied with her friends, classes and foalsitting on the weekends. Life was so beautifully simple back then.
“You can use boiling water, remember. No one’s saying to be unhygienic. But if you use soap, you’ll undo centuries of work.”
Of course, Cadance didn’t see it that way when she was a teenager. She was so miserable and mopey, trying to find herself in the maze of hormones and feelings that greet every pony in their teenage years. Her parents just didn’t understand.
“Very well, if all this time in the Crystal Empire has faded your memory, I’ll take you through it. Now, boil enough water to fill the pot, and then boil some more. Don’t use your magic. Well, let me take that back. You can magically light the fire, but don’t use magic flame. It won’t boil quite the right way.”
Auntie ‘Tia was so cool. She just got it. She listened. Cadance could talk about her crushes, her heartbreaks, her struggles with magical chemistry. There was no judgment, no admonishments. And for whatever reason, her aunt especially enjoyed stories about Cadance’s adventures in foalsitting... especially that little unicorn filly Twilight Sparkle.
“Be sure to swish a little bit of the boiled water around the inside of the pot. Just a little bit, not too much. That’s good. Now dump it out, and we’ll let the water cool. I’ll get the tea box.”
And when Celestia did offer advice, she did more than ‘get it’. It felt like Celestia knew her better than she knew herself. Cadance had no idea how hard she was crushing on Twilight’s older brother, Shining Armor. Not until Celestia gently pointed out that every fourth sentence out of her muzzle was some variation of the words “Shining,” “Armor” or “Shining Armor.” But what could she do, how could she deny her feelings? He was just so wonderful and gentle and shy but strong, but he was going to enlist in the Royal Guard Academy right out of school and there was no way he felt the same about her.
Celestia just smiled, and told her to make the tea.
“Now, let’s see. Black tea? Green? I prefer the Saddle Arabian blend, but don’t ever let that leave this room, or else the Equestrian tea market will collapse. Don’t laugh, it’s true! One time a picture leaked out of me drinking some tea from Roam? A hundred ponies almost lost their jobs overnight. They called it Black Tea Friday. Why, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, are you laughing at me?”
Then came the day when Twilight aced her entrance exam (and took out most of the west tower.) Just like that, Cadance’s services as foalsitter were no longer required and Celestia had a new student to take under her wing. But that was all right. Graduation was soon, and Cadance found herself preoccupied with figuring out what she wanted to do next, how to best use her talent. Foalsitting for any pony that wasn’t Twilight felt… wrong. Besides, what time she did have belonged to Twilight’s brother.
“Oh, fine, fine. You pick. Remember, the larger the leaf, the better, generally.”
It turns out he did feel the same way about her. He had always felt that way. And he wrote her every day from the Royal Guard Academy.
“Morning Oat, hmm? Well, if we’re going Equestrian Breakfast, it’s an excellent choice. Let me get you a spoon.”
He may not have been as adept at magic as his baby sister (then again, no pony was), but he was earning top marks at the academy. He was one of only a few unicorn cadets, but he quickly outpaced his rivals. He worked as hard as the earth ponies did, earning their respect by showing he didn’t rely on his magic alone. The pegasi took longer to come around, but after a few scrapes in the training yard, even the most ego-driven fliers had to give Shining credit. He knew how to lead a team, he never gave up and he was professional without being a pushover.
Not bad on the eyes, either.
“Remember, it’s a heaped tablespoon for each mug you brew. I take three, you usually take two, correct? Five, then. What? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. Okay, put in one more.”
Word quickly spread among the guard groupies—those ponies who always hung around the cadet bars and sat in the stands of the public training yards—that there was this very handsome white unicorn stallion with a shield cutie mark who was going places. Once he was made Cadet Leader, it was open season on Shining hunting. All the groupies, both male and female, tried to catch his eye. He turned them down politely, laughing it off as a lark. He even wrote Cadance about it, figuring she would find it hilarious as well.
When Cadance got that letter, it took three full pots with Celestia to calm her down.
“I think you’re remembering more about how to do this than you let on, Cady.”
Her neurosis were firing on all cylinders. It’s not that she didn’t trust Shining, of course she did, it was those other ponies she didn’t trust. Celestia just smiled, and told her to make the tea. That everything would be fine.
Later, Cadance would marvel once again at Celestia’s ability to keep a secret. Shining had been saving for an engagement band for a year, and had already asked for Celestia’s blessing. When Shining came home for Hearth's Warming Eve about a month later, Cadance went on a full blown apologetic (but also scolding) rant before he could get a word in. Twenty minutes later, when she had no more words left in her, Shining got down on one hoof and proposed.
“Okay, okay. Now, the boiled water. Remember, fill it all the way, but not so far it will spill when you pour it. It’s a skill, I admit. Don’t worry, it’ll come back to you.”
In the middle of their newfound happiness, one odd fact stood out: Lieutenant Armor was about to become Prince Armor. It was a topic they had never wanted to bring up before, but now it was unavoidable. All the respect from his former cadets (now guardsponies) that he had earned before was gone. His friends thought he was marrying above his station. His rivals called him a traitor behind his back for choosing love over his career. He said it didn’t bother him. He was never a good liar. He also kept putting off (for reasons that never made any sense to Cadance) writing to his sister to tell her of their engagement.
Add in the sudden re-appearance of a new relative she never knew she had. who spoke in ‘thee’s’ and ‘thou’s’, and life got even more complicated. After a series of strained talks and arguments, they decided to delay the wedding.
“Keep going, keep going annnnd… there! Very good. Now, take the spoon and I’ll take the kettle.”
Make no mistake, she loved her Aunt Luna very much, even more so now that she had to rule the Crystal Empire. Luna’s advice on governance was more practical than Celestia’s, who tended to speak in epigrams and riddles. Still, learning about a new aunt who your other aunt had banished to the moon for a thousand years, it was all a little… overwhelming.
And it hurt her to not be able to tell Twilight, to share her happiness and struggles with her soon to be sister-in-law. Shining had made her promise not to say anything until he told Twilight about the engagement. Then he kept not telling Twilight about the engagement. By the time he had relented, she wasn’t there to hear him compose the letter. She was already in a dungeon of crystal, being drained of love and life...
“Now give it a couple of good stirs. Don’t hold back, this is Equestrian tea. You could beat it with a stick and it’d still drink well.”
That was all just a bad memory now, a recurring dream that thankfully had came less and less over time. She had her husband, she had her new sister. Everthing she'd ever wanted.
Except she was also given a kingdom, which she had not asked for but nevertheless now possessed and ruled over. She had subjects, all the crystal ponies that she had helped rescue from a thousand year hibernation. They were an odd little bunch, but eternally grateful.
“Okay. Cap it, cover with a tea cozy… what do you mean you don’t have a tea cozy?”
The one thing she had lost, the one thing she found she missed more than anything else of her old life, was tea with Celestia. No matter how crazy or complicated her life had gotten, but for that dark time where she was hidden away in a dungeon, she never missed weekly tea with Aunt ‘Tia. Then she moved to the Crystal Empire.
And as she watched Celestia put the finishing touches on the pot before her, she realized hadn’t had a cup of tea in months.
“I just don’t see how it can be a proper pot of tea without a cozy. I really must make a note to have some exported on the next train. I know the Crystal Empire is a little old fashioned, but…”
Yesterday, she had been informed by courier that Princess Celestia had decided to ‘drop by and visit her niece.’ Once her diplomats, guards and royal viziers had stopped fainting at the sudden movement of royalty across border lines, they scrambled to prepare for the Royal visit. Now she was here. And her first thing she had insisted on when they had a moment alone?
“Very well. We have about five minutes to let the tea steep…”
Sharing a pot of tea with her favorite niece.
“Let’s chat, Cady.”
“In the Crystal Empire, we write letters.”
Celestia poured the fresh milk into her niece’s mug, listening. Milk first, then a squirt of lemon, then the tea. No sugar, thank you very much. Cadance practiced what Celestia preached: Tea that needed sugar wasn’t worthy of being poured.
“I’m serious, that’s what the ponies do. When they’re not staring into the crystal heart, or telling me how grateful they are for defeating Sombra —which I didn’t do by the way, and I tell them that, I do—they write letters. To me, to one another, letters, letters, letters. No wonder the library is so giant, all these ponies do is write and read and write.”
She grinned, watching her niece revert, if ever so briefly, to the smart but neurotic teenage filly she once knew. She had seen Cadance handle the most difficult of situations with grace and aplomb, like a natural princess. But get her alone and get some tea in her, and away she would go.
“I think maybe they feel better once it’s on the paper? I see it on their faces, the tension seems to leave their muzzles once they stop writing. A kind of peace comes over them. Do you know, there haven’t been any duels, or dance offs, even goof offs... nothing of that nature here for years. Why? They hash it out all over letters!”
Celestia nodded, floating cup and saucer over to her niece. She then prepared her own tea, sans lemon. Once it was done, she lifted her own cup with her hoof and toasted. Cadance clinked cups with a smile and they both sipped their tea.
Then the smile cracked.
“It’s so good to see you, Princess. You don’t know how much I missed this...”
She nodded again, more slowly this time, taking the teacup from Cadance’s shaking hooves. The breathing was coming quick and pained, her words panicked.
“I didn’t know how much work, I don’t know how. I have no idea what I am doing, Auntie. No idea. None. Everypony keeps asking me things, and, and, and—”
She whispered sweet comforting words, and Cadance’s shaking downgraded to mere trembling. Tears started falling, but Celestia dried them with a kerchief as soon as they came.
“I didn’t want to alarm you when I wrote you… and I couldn’t ask Luna, she would fly here overnight and cause a scene. And Twilight would probably do the same, only she’d teleport. My attendants just agree with everything I say. Do you know I’ve been reading the wrong section of the Crystal Heart Hymn? Four weeks in a row, I’ve been reading the wrong one at the gathering of the heart. No one had the heart, or the hooves, to tell me. I had to find out when I went on a classroom visit, and saw foals learning it in a read-aloud exercise. It’s no way to rule a kingdom.”
She hadn’t become the ruler of Equestria without learning the art of diplomacy, to ask questions about things she could not ask questions about. She used those skills now, re-serving the tea, to inquire (without inquiring) if Cadance’s husband was the problem.
“Shining has no idea, he thinks everything is fine. He works so hard. I don’t know what to tell him. The last time I brought up an issue with the guard rotation, he went and chewed them out so badly now they won’t even look me in the eye without sweating. He’s always trying to fix things, that’s who he is. But this isn’t… oh, I don’t know how to put it.”
Celestia stirred her tea, listening attentively. Another skill of the diplomat was knowing when to talk, and when to not talk. Now was a time to employ the latter.
“That hymn thing. They weren’t even mad, you know? They’re just so happy to see me. And it’s not fake, at least I don’t think it is. They see me as a savior, as a… goddess, I guess. I tell them you are the one who raises the sun, but they won’t hear of it. To them, I am the beginning, the end and the new beginning. It’s… I don’t like it, I don’t like it one bit. A true goddess should know what words to recite.”
She sipped her tea, waiting. A push might stop the words, and they needed to flow.
“These terrible questions, Auntie… I can’t ask them of anypony. I used to write them in my diary when I was a filly, all my hopes and dreams. Shining and I, married, with foals of our own. He would be a soldier, I would be—well I know I changed my career path several times, but I saw myself as a teacher of something, languages maybe—but I never saw myself as Princess. I was never asked to do what you do. What Aunt Luna does. And now…”
She nodded, more subtly this time, sipping her tea. Another diplomat’s trick, deployed now for the greater good of Cadance’s sanity. Sipping from a cup slowly, much like yawning, was contagious. If you kept sipping, your conversation partner would sip as well. And tea warmed a pony’s throat, forced them to slow down. Forced them to think. She watched Cadance sip, and think.
“I don’t know. Now, I sit at my desk at night and I write letters by candlelight, because that’s what we do here. I fill them with words easily enough. But they’re empty. They don’t reflect my dreams. I don’t know what my dreams are. I see nothing, I see nothing but the candle in the mirror. No visions of the future. It's stupid, but I...”
She felt a change in the air. Celestia realized it was time to push a little, if only with her eyes. No, dear Princess. Say what is on your mind.
“I always thought Shining and I would have foals by now.”
There it was. She replaced the cup in the saucer, then took the cup out of Cadance’s hoof and did the same.
“But how would we raise them properly? He’s just so busy. I’m so busy.”
Quietly, Celestia poured more tea for both of them.
“And then I think, you didn’t have any, and I think maybe… that’s not the fate for a Princess...”
She looked up at Cadance, who was near tears again. She took a moment, blew on her tea, and took a long sip.
And she spoke.
“My beautiful niece, my wonderful Cadenza… Cadance, Cady. Listen to me.”
“If there is some rule of biology or magic that says alicorns can’t have foals, it has yet to be discovered. And not for lack of effort, believe you me. I had no less a mind than Star Swirl the Bearded look into it for me. Don’t look so surprised. There was a time when I was the only alicorn around, and the prospects for progeny looked bleak. I had him run every test there was, magical or otherwise. And while I have yet to know the joy—and I do not mean that ironically, although many a mother has told me that the process is nothing but—of carrying a foal to term, I assure you, as far as I know, alicorns can have children.”
“Although if you are wary of the adoring nature of your subjects, I will caution you that a baby will do nothing to dampen their enthusiasm. If you think you can do no wrong now…”
“There it is. There’s the smile that brightened up so many days. You’ve missed this? Cadance, I cannot tell you how few ponies know how to make and enjoy a good cup of tea. I love Luna, of course, but she keeps smashing the cups on the ground and demanding ‘another!’.
"Twilight, when I can find the time to share tea with her, always tries to tell me about all of these facts she’s learned about the tea we are brewing. It quite ruins the moment.”
“Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll be crushed.”
“The point is, once you stop laughing… the point is, a foal is something to have when you want to complicate your life, not when you’re trying to untangle. This job is hard? Good, it should be. You are in charge of an entire kingdom, and all who live in it. I may raise the sun, but you are the reason most of them get up in the morning. A thousand years of darkness and lost memories, it’s no wonder they look to you as their source of light."
“It’s not that you’re reading the wrong hymn. It’s that anypony is reading a hymn at all.”
“As for the other part, that you don’t know what you’re doing… first of all, not true. I see it in the economic reports that are sent back to our kingdom. Trade is increasing. Ponies are starting to immigrate here. You even impressed Ms. Harshwhinny! You landed the Equestria Games! No easy feat. Yes, I know Twilight helped, that’s not the point. Most importantly, I see it in the face of every pony as I walk down the street, no, let me finish, I see it in their eyes. The hope, the happiness. ”
“Second… come closer. Closer. If you repeat this I will deny it up and down. You don’t know what you’re doing? Spoiler alert, Cady. I rarely do either.”
“I can’t tell you if you’re shocked… or if you’re horrified… or if the milk has gone sour in your tea. Maybe all three. In any event, yes, truth time. I have tricks, I have talents, but in the end I am making this up as I go along.”
“The first time after I banished Luna, when I had to raise the moon by myself? History has forgotten this, but I actually didn’t. I let the night go moon-less for three days. I had my guards tell the crowds it was because I was in mourning for my sister. But the real reason was... I didn’t know how. And I wasn’t going to just try without knowing for sure. There was precious cargo on that planet, I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that.”
“Then when little Twilight appeared. Do you remember I first heard about her from you? Her nervousness on the swing, her love of books. Do you know, before Starswirl died, he gave me ten books of predictions about the future? Nine times out of ten, they would come true. And the tenth prediction wouldn’t be wrong, exactly, just a little off. But nowhere was there any mention of a unicorn filly with enough power to change the course of Equestrian history just showing up one day at an entrance exam and taking out half of a building by accident. Now she’s so powerful, sometimes I lie awake at night thinking of the things she could do.”
“I could have done several things when I discovered her power. To some rulers, they would see her as a threat, or an asset, something to turn into a weapon. It’s not too hard to speculate. What would Sombra have done with Twilight Sparkle?”
“ I could have flunked her. I could have made her parents take her far away, to another country even. I could have entered her as a regular student at the school. But you see, even if I bluff more than I should… I practice what I preach. I believe in friendship. I believe in the elements of harmony. I thought that the best thing I could do for this filly, for this kingdom, for my ponies, was to take her under my wing. Teach her what I could. Let her learn things for herself when I could not teach her anymore. And Spike, as well, the little dragon born among ponies. He will do great things. Because he has Twilight. And because Twilight had me. But importantly, because she had you.”
“Shining told me, the same day he asked for my blessing, in fact, all the reasons he wanted to marry you. One of them was what you did for Twilight. She was such a withdrawn, shy, glum filly before she met you. No one could reach her, she would throw fits and tantrums, and had gone through six different foalsitters. Then suddenly, she spends one night in your care, and she wants to spend time with her big brother. She wants to show her parents what she is reading. Whether you knew it or not, you taught her how to feel and express love.”
“Cadance, do you think I gave you this kingdom simply because you are a Princess? Or because a handsome stallion proposed to you? No, Princess. He is handsome, and wonderful, but no. You have power, real power, to bring harmony and love to this land. The Crystal Empire was lost, do you understand? With all my power, it was lost. Sombra took it away. I was not able to save it. It has been a hole in my heart for over a thousand years. And while I know Twilight and her friends helped, who kept the frost at bay? Who led the ponies out of the dark? I’m looking at her.”
“I take heart that you recognize that you are doing this job by improvisation, instinct and learning. That is as it should be. No princess is perfect, and woe to she that believes otherwise. Nightmares live down that path. I know that pain too well.”
“I think you will be a wonderful mother, and Shining a wonderful father. When you are ready. Are you ready now? Perhaps. But that will come when it comes. In fact, the only thing I am truly worried about, Cadance… is the tea.”
“Yes, the tea. You’re not making time enough for tea.”
“Don’t look at me like that. No, it’s not because tea magically makes you smarter or—”
“Cady, really. Don’t make me take back all the nice things I just said about you.”
“When I say you’re not making enough time for tea, I don’t mean drinking tea. I mean making tea. All those steps I took you through. Each one taking precision, focus, and care.”
“There it is. Yes, Cadance. When you and I have tea, when you make tea, it’s not about the tea.”
“Right. You must take the time to make the tea.”
“I know you are busy. Look who you are talking to. And I must admit, no one in Canterlot quite knows how to share a cup like you do. But you live here, and I live there, and I will try and visit more but, as you have seen, I have caused a minor international incident.”
“But Cadance, if you want to be a good ruler and protector of your ponies, and your husband, and your sanity… you must make the time. You must make the tea, and enjoy the tea. Things will clear. The clock will reset. Your advisers will tell you that you are behind, that they will make it for you, that there is too much to do.”
“They will wait for you, Princess. I promise you, they will wait for you to make the tea.”
“Hmm? For what?”
“Oh, Cady. If you want my blessing, you have it. I have no doubt you and Shining would be some of the best parents in the world. Your foals would be quite lucky to have you. But I don’t see what I have to do with it. There are only two ponies who have the right to any say in the matter. You and your husband.”
“That being said, and I’m not insisting or asking, because Princesses don’t do that… I would say I’m no slouch in the godparent department.”
“I’m just saying! I would be watching over them all day anyway, it would be nice to make it official why the sun is shining a little bit brighter over the Empire.
“Listen. Why don’t you take some time off? Leave Shining in charge, I think the Kingdom will survive under his hoof for a day or so. Probably.”
“I think you should go see Twilight. She’s been dying to spend some time with you. It’ll probably have to be an official visit, but that’s okay. It’ll give your guards an excuse to run some security drills, and you know that’ll make them happy. They do love to look official. What? What about Mr. Sentry?”
“Oh, Cadance, you’ll be cruel by being kind. I know he was sad when we transferred him away from Canterlot, but he doesn’t have a chance with Twilight. That mare is married to her books.”
“Ah well, fine. Who am I to argue with the Princess of Love?”
“In all seriousness, my dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza... there is a reason I gave you this kingdom. It’s not because you are my niece. It is because you are the best pony for the job.”
“Really really.”
“Good! Pour us another cup.”
“Now. Tell me how you managed to get through a six hour meeting with that Harshwhinny creature without strangling her.”
Author's Note
Truth in writing: I don't actually like tea. I had to google how to make a good pot of tea.
Also, here's a creepy song about tea that I always think of when someone mentions having some tea...
Special credit if you comment with the musical I'm referring to in the second part of the story.
