Lightning Rod

LIGHTNING ROD

ISSUE #04

It was night time in Ponyville, and Twilight and I were walking in the deserted streets on our way to Sugarcube Corner, with the full moon guiding our way. I was anxious and nervous to meet new friends. I kind of felt like this was a planned friendship by unseen forces, but maybe the forces know something that I don’t know. Maybe we’ll bond together like glue.

“I learned a new spell today.” I talked to Twilight to lighten the mood, “Wanna see?”

“Sure. As long as it isn’t too dangerous.” Twilight replied.

I then quickly performed the spell. It was to conceal my horn and make light pass through it, leaving my forehead looking as smooth before I got here.”

“Nice, a concealer spell.” Twilight gave some info on the spell, “Royal spies use it to make other ponies unaware of their powers.”

“This would come in handy once I come back home to Earth. I know that I won’t be able to use my powers when it’s cloaked, but I need to conceal my horn unless I want to have a crowd with me everywhere I go.”

“Smart thinking, Rod.”

We arrived at what looked like a giant gingerbread house, complete with gumdrops, icing, a cupcake tower, even the gutters were made out of licorice. I knocked on the door, The door’s curtain was pulled down. I saw the familiar pink head and blue eyes peeking outside the window. She opened the door and let us in. Inside, there were sweet confectionaries of all kinds in that shop. There was punch, sarsaparilla, cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, and all sorts of delectables. I saw five men and four ponies on a long table, having a good time talking to each other.

Pinkie hollered to the people on the table, “Hey everypony! Rod’s here!”

Next thing I heard was applause and cheering for me from the ponies as well as the humans. It felt strange being applauded for just appearing to people. It was definitely a change up from being a nine-to-fiver.

“Thank you Cleveland!” I joked.

The humans laughed mildly as the ponies were a bit confused. I recognized Applejack on the table, but I didn’t recognize the other ponies on the table. There was a cyan pony with a rainbow mane and tail, and, another strange thing, wings. There was another pegasus pony that had yellow fur and a nice and curvy pink mane and tail. Her mane didn’t compare to the white unicorn pony whose purple hair looked expertly curled. She just looked gorgeous from head to tail. As for the humans, there was a Black man with glasses and a goatee and a red button-up shirt with no tie and black pants. I assumed that was Vern. There was also a well built golden haired baby-faced man with an army green t-shirt with the initials, RAF, written on them. The odd thing about him was that he had golden wings sprouting out of his shirt that is oddly tailor-made to fit through the holes. Another winged gentleman, who was around his fifties with his short wavy gray hair and aging complexion, was there as well, with wings outside of his white button-up shirt. I looked on the coat rack and saw a pinstriped suit that matched the pinstripes of his pants. It had vertical slots cut and sewn onto the suit. I saw a scrawny looking kid who had medium-length brown hair and a bit of a darker complexion, even though his face looked Caucasian. He was wearing blue jeans and a green t-shirt that had a picture of a Viking ship and the word, “Norge” printed on the bottom. Lastly, I saw a man with a horn, just like me, except it was a light blue. He had dark hair, round glasses, narrow eyes like an Asian, and ironically pale skin. He was wearing a blue shirt with the Periodic Table of Elements printed on the front. I took him for the nerdy type, but he was ironically more built than the guy wearing the Norway souvenir t-shirt. I’m glad that I’m welcomed in so quickly. I had to make a more appropriate response.

“Well, everybody, my name is Rodney Kasparov, but you can call me Rod, or Lightning Rod, or just Lightning.” I spoke in front of the crowd of ten, “I’m a twenty-six year-old man from Chicago, Illinois, I currently work for an insurance company as a call receptionist, but in my spare time, I like to play bass in my band. I ended up here by getting struck by lightning while I was arriving at a friend’s place for band practice. And this,” I pulled up my sleeve to reveal my cutie mark, “I earned for totalling my companion Twilight’s heavy-duty ammeter.”

I got a few claps and cheers from the small crowd.

I continued, “I would love to meet you all and get to know you as the night passes on. Just one at a time, though. I’ll just grab something to eat and drink, and I’ll be right over there on that table.”

The nine that sat on the table continued to converse. I heard words such as “Element of Magic” and “Spark” being thrown around. It was a bit unsettling, I have to admit, but it became more encouraging as time passed by. As I went over to the buffet table, the Black man got up from the table and moved towards the buffet, on the opposite side of where I was. I grabbed a very festive looking dessert plate and a glass.

“So you must be Vern?” I started.

“Yup.” He had a smile on his face.

“Yeah, Pinkie told me all about you, about how you live in the projects avoiding trouble, trying to get a job, get yourself into a better situation.” I was grabbing some cupcakes and other confections off the table.

“Yeah definitely. I am fighting hard to get out of the situation I’m in back at home.” He spoke smoothly, not so gruff and aggressive like the rappers I hear on the radio. I can tell he was definitely different from the stereotype of an African-American from the ghetto.

“So what type of job are you looking for?”

“Maybe a job like this one, working in a bakery.” He stated. “I always had a thing for sweets.”

“You and I both, bro.”

Vern laughed, “Pinkie said that you looked sad when she was talking about my situation. Were you in the hood as well?”

“Nope,” I sighed, “but I know people who have. They live better lives now.”

“Yeah. That’s what I’m shooting for: a humble life. I just want to live the dream any way I can.”

“I’m glad you’re shooting for that.” I grabbed one of the bottles of sarsaparilla to pour into my glass, but Vern stopped me.

“You don’t want to drink that.” Vern warned me.

I read the label on the bottle and it read, “Pinkie Pie’s Special Spicy Sarsaparilla”

“Thanks, Vern.”

“Here,” He handed me a bottle, How about some cream soda?”

“Thanks.” I grabbed it and poured myself a glass, “So how do you know you’re not dead?”

“When I was working with Pinkie in the kitchen, she asked me to grab the rack of cupcakes out of the oven. I opened the oven door and grabbed the first two sheets of cloth I saw. I didn’t know it then, but one of them had a hole in it.”

“Ouch.” I was walking to the table where the others were.

“Yeah, but it healed in no time, thanks to a potion that was made by one of Pinkie’s friends. What was her name again?”

“Oh, her name was Zecora.” Pinkie was stuffing her face with cupcakes over at the dining table after answering the question.

“Yeah, Zecora,” He then rolled up his sleeve to reveal a cutie mark with all sorts of colorful fireworks being displayed on his shoulder. “So you’re wondering how I got this. Go ahead and sit down. I’ll tell you.”

We arrived at a gap at the table. I sat first, and Vern followed.

“When I ended up here, I thought I was gonna stay here for the rest of my life, so I was making a living at the bakery so I can make some bits. That’s the local currency.”

He handed me a golden coin that had a head of a majestic looking unicorn with the words “Princess Celestia / Royal Treasury.” On the tails side, it looked like the same Princess spreading her wings to disperse the sunshine, with the year of the coin, 987, and the words, “One Bit.”

“As I went on working for this place, we received a letter from the Princess herself. It said that Pinkie would have a strange visitor from another realm, and that I’m gonna bring the Element of Laughter to Earth. As you can tell, the letter arrived too late. So I had a plan on how to spend all the bits I earned. I told Mr. and Mrs. Cake to take the money and buy a whole bunch of fireworks. When it was night time, and Pinkie Pie was there, I began the fireworks display. I lit up every firework that I can find in the dark. When I was safely away, one of the fireworks fired, but redirected course towards me and exploded point blank. Apparently, that potion Zecora concocted made me resistant to fire. There wasn’t a burn on my body. After that, however, the fireworks show went off without a hitch. After it was all done, I ended up with my cutie mark.”

“Wow.” I remarked.

“And like Pinkie says, ‘That’s how Equestria was made.’”

I chuckled a bit, and bit down one half of a cupcake, oddly flavored like green apples. It was certainly a foreign taste for a cupcake, but it tasted so good.

“So you were talking about cutie mark stories?” A British accent spoke to me. It came from the winged man with the RAF shirt. When I looked at him, he introduced himself, “Corporal Gregory Angel, Royal Air Force.”

I shook his hand. He had a real firm grip.

“An honor to meet you, sir.” I paid my respects to a defender of the Free World.

“An honour to meet you as well.” He explained, “We were waiting on who was going to be bringing the Element of Magic to Earth, and as it turns out, it was you. We heard of the story of Twilight Sparkle, and her five friends vanquishing Nightmare Moon using the Elements of Harmony. Five of the six elements were honesty, laughter, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. The five elements alone were powerful, but with a spark, the sixth Element will be revealed. That being…”

“…Magic.” I interrupted. I gestured to him to continue what he was saying.

“With these Elements, anything is possible. I bet when we go back to Earth, we’ll change it for the better.”

“So your Element is…”

“Loyalty. And my trainer is this fine, blue pony, Rainbow Dash.” He put his arm around the cyan pegasus.

“Nice to meet you, Lightning, and welcome to the Awesome Club.” She extended a hoof to me. I shook it.

“So how did you end up here?” I asked Greg.

“Well, I’m a fighter pilot, and I was on assignment with a friend of mine for a routine transfer of two aircraft from Iraq to a base in Northern Ireland. On the last leg of the trip, from a naval carrier in the Mediterranean to my destination, it was forecasted clear skies across the flightpath. I didn’t know what, a misforecast or a course alteration, but in the middle of the Irish sea, towards our destination, there was a huge storm cloud that was too wide and high to go around. We only had enough gas to get from the carrier to the base, and we were beyond the point of no return. I radioed control center about the storm cloud but I was unable to get through. We had no choice, Once we got in, our worst fear came to fruition. There was a cyclone hiding in those clouds. I tried to avoid the gusts and turbulence, but somehow they were managing to send us into the cyclone. My friend’s jet couldn’t handle the storm. He was forced to abandon it before bad went to worse. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get my seat to eject. I went into the cyclone, and I ended up in this world. I knew I wasn’t in Great Britain anymore. I was in Rainbow Dash’s cloud house. I was initially shocked, especially with my new set of wings. I felt lighter than usual. He briefed me on her orders from the Princess to train me in his Element, being loyalty. I shortly got used to this world, and flying with wings. Rainbow Dash taught me how to fly and, the next day, to fly faster. It felt like boot camp, but more fun. I had my meals, and my free time. He was also teaching someone else to fly, a small filly named Scootaloo. He was staying in Rainbow Dash’s cloud house trying to get some pointers from Rainbow on how to fly. He’s going through a growth spurt where her wings were growing to a size where it can lift a pony’s body. He was flying well inside Rainbow’s house. I was supervising Scootaloo when he was outside in the fluffy back yard practicing. She flew too high, and didn’t know how to fly backwards. She was on a course over the fence. She lost control and fell down to the earth. That was until I swooped down to immediately save her. At that moment, I got this.”

He rolled up his sleeve to reveal his mark, two golden wings protruding from the back of a halo.

“So it seems you really are an Angel.” I jested.

He laughed, “Yeah, I certainly am. I’d love to meet you in the future.”

“You can always fly in to Chicago once you have some leave time.”

“I’ll make sure to visit you sometime.”

“Hey, Rod!” Twilight sat next to me, “I see you’re enjoying the company.”

“Indeed.” I responded, “So far, we have an interesting group of people. I talked to Vern and Greg here, and they’re just awesome people.”

“I’m glad that you’re having fun. It was hard for me to warm up to these five, but I found them to be the best of friends. I’m glad that you are making friends quickly.”

“Yeah, so what took you so long to get here?”

“I was chatting with the other unicorn human. His name is Steven Sasaki. He’s an engineer that works with computers and machinery. He says he’s from San Francisco.”

“Wow. Do you have computers in your world?”

“Yes, but they’re a bit too bulky right now. Researchers are trying to condense them to a smaller size so that anypony with enough money can buy one. The thing is that he showed me one that can fit in his hand.”

“A smartphone, I gather.”

“Yes. You sure are advanced in the technology aspect. Telephones are relatively new here, but advancing to something that is portable and doubles as a computer takes a lot of time. I guess.”

“Indeed. It took us around a century to advance the telephone to what it is today.”

“Wow. But back to Steven: Apparently, he got into this world by just falling asleep after a late night on working on a whole bunch of computers, something about a network. He woke up at Rarity’s Carousel Boutique.”

“Rarity?”

“Rarity’s the white unicorn, and she redesigned the shirts for the winged humans so that their wings can fit through.”

“Okay.”

“His element he learned from Rarity was generosity. He assisted Rarity in designing a line of fashion for male ponies. He gave his honest critiques but was generous enough to give his opinion to make them better, even though he wasn’t into fashion himself.”

“So what is his mark?”

“It looks like a gray diamond with a heart on it. He said the diamond was a microchip. He got it when he helped Rarity fix her sewing machine after it got jammed. He works with gadgets and trinkets in his spare time and it was no problem for him to fix Rarity’s sewing machine. He also recommended her to lubricate the parts so that they can run smoothly. And that was when he got his mark.”

“Cool.”

A high, yet distinctly male voice said to me, “Cool? If you’re looking for something cool, then I have something cool to share with you.”

I turned around and there was the man with the Norwegian t-shirt sitting right next to me, being only separated by Twilight.

“I’m Tim Delaney. Applejack told me about you. Oh, and thanks for the book. I’m a bit of a connoisseur of poetry.”

“Well, you’re welcome.” I shook his hand, “Applejack also told me a lot about you.”

“Yeah, and about that cool thing: As you may know, I am currently working on an archaeological dig in Norway. It is said to be a city dedicated to the horses of Skinfaxi and Hrimfaxi, the horses of day and night. Some archaeological finds from the city state that they believed that Hrimfaxi grew jealous of Skinfaxi, because their mortal counterparts slept through her wonderful nights. She tried to make the night last forever for all of the Earth, but Skinfaxi reluctantly used her powers to send her to the moon, which she dewlt, powerless and alone, for one thousand years, as Skinfaxi took over Hrimfaxi’s duties to maintain harmony in the heavens. Do you notice any parallels, Twilight?”

“Yes! It’s the story of the Mare in the Moon.”

“Indeed it is.”

“Sorry, I’m not following this.” I interrupted, “Can anyone care to explain?”

“I’ll tell you the story tomorrow morning.”

“My hypothesis is that some Norseman witnessed the events that happened at that time and recorded it. Archaeologists carbon dated the story’s records to be one thousand years old, give or take a few years.”

“Interesting. The year right now is the 1002nd of Celestia’s Reign. It’s been one thousand and one years since Nightmare Moon was banished.”

“I’ll let you two have at each other.” I lifted myself up from my spot, “I’ll go try to unlock the mystery of Doug.”

“Oh, Doug is awesome. A bit scary, but he’s soft hearted and a kind gentleman.” Tim informed.

“Okay, I’ll make sure I won’t be too scared when I see his scary side.”

“You’ll see it immediately.”

I just nodded and proceeded towards the old man with the white dress shirt. He was eating some of the treats that were at the buffet. He was talking to the yellow pegasus right next to him.

“Hey, You must be Doug.” I spoke to him.

“Evening, Mr. Kasparov.” He had a grandfatherly voice that was very soft. “I’ve been waiting for you to come and talk to me.” He turned to the yellow pegasus, “May I be excused, Fluttershy?”

“Yes, you may, Doug.” The yellow pony nodded

He subtly waved and hollered to Pinkie, “Pinkie, May I go into your loft to tell our new friend my story?”

“Like that dark but super awesome one?” Pinkie asked.

Doug laughed, then answered, “Yes, that one.”

“Okie Dokie, Loki.” She responded.

“Come with me.” He stood up and grabbed his plate of confections. I could tell that this was going to be deep. I followed him through a stairwell that led up to a loft house on top of the store and party hall. He grabbed a seat and so did I. He started to speak:

“My name is Doug. It’s actually an acronym that stands for Diplomats Of the United Governments. It is a secret organization that has ties with the FBI, CIA, MI6, and other organizations across the free world. Our goal is simple: Maintain harmony between world governments by any means necessary. Assassination is only a last resort when peaceful means fail.”

“So what is your real name?”

“If you knew it, I would have the legal obligation to kill you, and myself afterwards.”

“So how did you get in DOUG?”

“It all started when I was drafted into the Military in 1972 during the Vietnam War. During training, I learned that I was really accurate with any pistol that I can get my hand on. I was good with automatic machine guns but they noticed I felt at home with the pistol. They soon trained me in sniping, espionage, and guerrilla combat. I excelled in all those aspects. Once the Vietnam War was coming to a close, I thought I was going to be scoff free. Nope. I got an invitation to be a part of the CIA. I had no problem with being a secret agent for a living, so I took the offer. I went on a few overseas missions to assassinate certain Neo-Nazi sleeper cells, rogue mercenaries, religious extremists, and a few Soviet spies. My last bit of action with the CIA was during the Gulf War when I killed a few paid mercs working for Saddam. After the Soviet Union crumbled, I received a notice from the CIA brass that my services were no longer required, but they pointed me to DOUG. They needed an extra gun. They quickly hired me, and my name was quickly changed to Doug. They taught me every protocol that goes with being a Doug, such as not revealing too much personal data, always state your name as Doug, assassination is the last mean of diplomatic resolution, and lastly, and my favorite, do not talk about DOUG. I might be in violation of protocol for telling you all of this, but the same protocol also states that if there is someone who under your best judgement is an asset to the cause of harmony between governments and the world, you are free to talk about DOUG with him.”

“So I’m an asset?”

“Indeed you are, Rod. These aren’t called the Elements of Harmony for nothing. All of them are assets.”

“So how did you end up here?”

“The last thing I remembered was going in for surgery to install a GPS chip in my chest cavity. The next thing that I saw after being gassed was being in Fluttershy’s house with wings that moved to my will. As an agent, I immediately interrogated whoever was in there where I was. Fluttershy told me where I was; which city and country I was in. I didn’t buy it until I actually saw her. I recalled my protocols about close extraterrestrial encounters, so I tried to figure out everything that I can about this new world. I was amazed by the beauty of it. I got familiar to the wildlife she took care of. It was quite neat how all the wildlife seemed so domesticated, especially her pet bunny, Angel. One day, when I was helping her make sure all the fauna was alright. We encountered a strange creature from a dangerous area called the Everfree Forest. It looked like an exotic bird with a long beak, except it was around nine feet tall with a scaly dragon’s body. We witnessed it eating some of the fauna whole. Fluttershy got upset and urged the creature to stay away from her animal friends. She even gave a stare that I can tell was mastered by interrogators and telepaths. It didn’t work. It batted her with its beak, like a baseball, into a tree leaving her defenseless. The thing approached her and opened her beak. I knew what I had to do. It was the last resort. I pulled out my gun and fired at the creature. It took around five shots in the head, but that was enough to take the bird down. That’s when I got my cutie mark.”

He rolled up his sleeve to reveal a gun with a daisy in the barrel, “Killing should be the last resort when an entity threatens the lives of innocent people. When it comes to it, be sorry. It was just looking for some food, but it was endangering Fluttershy’s life. So I had to do what I had to do. Fifty eight years and that was the most profound lesson I have learned while on these Earths.”

I was blown away by the story, “That was a ride and a half, sir. Tell me, is there any way this DOUG organization can help us out once we get back to Earth?”

“Yeah, definitely. I know the commissioner of the organization. I’ll make sure all of you are protected while we are out saving the world.”

“Thanks, Doug.”

“Now let’s get back to that party and have some fun.”

The team is formed, and primed with the power of friendship. Will they be fully trained before the arrival of the Princess? How will the crew work together as a cohesive unit? In the next issue: Humans VS Ponyville! Keep your eyes open on your shelves and in your mailboxes for the next LIGHTNING ROD!

“…Come to think of it, how did I get into this world with my suit and gun instead of a hospital gown?”