The Doctor and the Human Hunter

Chapters

Transmorphication
Captainjack
Running Now!
Allons-y

Transmorphication

The Doctor and the Human Hunter
Chapter 1: Transmorphication

“Trans-whatsit?” went the Twilight Sparkle.

“Huh-morphicization? Is this like that one time about monkeys?” went the Ditzy Doo.

“Transmorphication. Let me see if I can explain it better without breaking into song…” went the Doctor, followed by everyone pausing a moment to see if a certain pink pony would pop up and break into song. They appeared safe from any musical numbers after a few moments of tense pause the Doctor continued “Well, its abit like dressing a monkey like a duck.”

“Dressing a monkey like a duck does not explain how you gave yourself wings!” Twilight Sparkle interrupted, pointing a hoof at the set of brown chestnut wings the Doctor to her a normalish, and Earth Pony just yesterday, but now a Pegasus wore. “Without magic it’s not possible!”

“Aha, BUT you see my dear Twilight that in a way I did use a sort of magic to make these wings you see. That is if the magic involved made up the very fabric of this universe. Which I believe it did.” The Doctor explained before, cantering over to the Library’s chalk board and with careful manipulation of his new wings began to draw.

“Uuuugh! Does this have something to do with the TARDIS?”

“It has everything to do with the TARDIS as you can see here and here,” the Doctor said making a mark several places on his new, shiny diagram “You see when I fell into this pocket universe through the Medusa Cascade the very physics of reality were quite different than what I was used to before. Therefore the TARDIS rearranged my atomic structure and then some to cope. The TARDIS not only keeps my form as a Pony but, also allows me and others who have been in the TARDIS to speak the local language. I simply modified the ‘Transmorphic’ signal sent out by the TARDIS to induce a temporal shift to give me wings!” finishing with his diagram covered in marks of chalk where he dragged his chalk piece back and forth across the chalkboard.

“It is…it’s…like muffins,” Ditzy Doo said, her wall faced expression the image of perfect concentration as she ‘stared’ at the chalkboard. “You were like dough and flour, so the TARDIS baked you into a Muffin because, that’s what Equestria ordered!”

“Exactly!”

“Doctor! In the name of science I demand you-“

“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! OPEN THE DOOR! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!” the named Unicorn was interrupted by a sudden banging on the library door and the shouting of her personal given name. Though the lavender Unicorn did not seem too eager as she paused, searched with her eyes to make sure the windows were open but, finding none she let out a sigh and resigned herself to opening the door.

“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! TWI-oh! Hey Twilight, guess what I found!” the minty green Unicorn shouted with the purest of excitement. Trotting into the library she practically was floating in mid-air, jumping from hoof to hood in place as she waited for Twilight to shut the door she noticed the Doctor staring at her cutie mark with deep intent. An immediate change seemed to go over her as the Doctor soon found her staring back right into his face with her entire face. “You!”

“Me?” the Doctor replied hesitantly, dropping onto his flank.

“Yes, you! Have you…have you…” she began, taking from a nearby table a notepad and pencil “Have you now or ever been a bipedal species known as homo sapient? A human! A man thing not from this world! Tell me now! If you are I’ll-“

"I can say with quite truthful honesty that I am not a human. Nor have I been one under not counting when I haven't been me." The Time Lord answered with all honesty. For once.

“Not a human? Awwww. Well, this sort of setback happens. Nice to meet you, I’m-“

“No, no. Let me guess, I’ve made it a game of guessing Ponies names from their cutie marks. Hmm let me see…appears to be some sort of stringed instrument common in ancient historic times and now only common in certain reenactment circles or high professional music performances.” The Doctor analyzed, circling the minty Unicorn once before returning to his sitting position in front of her “Is your name…Harpo?”

“Lyra.”

“Blast! I was so close.”

“Not really.”

“Close like a planet is close to its sun in terms of being close to the center of their galaxy to their universe.”

“Aaaanyway,” Lyra began turning from the Doctor back to Twilight with her gleeful expression back on full power “You’ll never guess what I found in the Everfree Forest today!”

“A bear?” Twilight replied as she stealthily used her magic to clean up the Doctor’s chalk diagram from behind the unsuspecting Lyra.

“No!”

“A Hydra?” Ditzy supplied.

“Nope!”

“A Mezian Worbler?”

“…no,” Lyra shook her head, taking in a deep breath before shouting “HUMANS!”

While Twilight rolled her eyes, Ditzy Doo continued to stare at two points in space and time, the Doctor began to stare with quite seriousness at the minty Unicorn. Taking out a pair of neat glasses, he began to walk around Lyra as if inspecting her while asking “Humans you say? If they were still here in Equestria where would they be?”

“In Bon Bon’s baseme-I mean, in my laboratory of course. Homo Sapien Studies is a top notch science that requires the most secure and sophisticated laboratories in order to study humans, majestic and beautiful as they can be, when under intense amounts of stress they can be dangerous to the average Pony.”

“Hmm. Quite true words if I do say so myself. Now Bon Bon. I believe she is the mare that owns the delicious sweetshop across the Ponyville town center correct?”

“Oh yes, she can make the best chocolate or taffy that-“

“Taffy! Yes, I am in the mood for taffy if I do say so. Come on Ditzy, let’s go get some Taffy. Twilight, why don’t you stay here and congratulate Lira-“

“Lyra.”

“Yes, her, on her discovery! Let’s go Ditzy, Allon-sy” the Doctor finished, scooting out the door with Ditzy before Twilight could say another word and before she could get away from Lyra’s grasping hooves.

“Oh this is the greatest day to ever happen to me! Quick! Where is Spike? We have to alert Celestia that there are humans in Equestria and one of them is on the loose around the area of Ponyville…”

Bon Bon’s Sweet Delights certainly was aptly named, from the moment the Doctor and Ditzy walked through the door they were assaulted by the vision and smell of candies of every make and model. Lining the walls in bright pink or purple wrapping they almost lead the way like signal markers to the shop’s owner who sat, nervously kneading a ball of taffy into different shapes.

“Hello, Miss Bon Bon. It’s me Ditzy. I was wondering if you had any-“

“NO! WE A RE FRESH OUT OF HUMAN! I mean! I mean! Were fresh out of..out of silverware and napkins.” The Earth Pony shouted, her eyes like dinner plates as her hooves smashed the taffy as flat as dinner plates.

“My dear,” the Doctor interrupted her, putting both hooves on her shoulders and staring intently into her eyes “Let us skip the charades. I can tell you’re under a great deal of stress. Your way of thinking how the universe worked and what you thought about what could be and what could not be true has been shattered. We know about the humans and we will not cause you or your friend any trouble. Just point me to the basement and imagine I was never here!”

“T-third door on the right,” Bon Bon pointed with one taffy covered hoof to a door behind her desk, going into a fetal position behind her desk.

“Ah, my thanks. We should be done shortly. Come along Ditzy, let’s see what our Unicorn friend has caught in her net.”

The third door on the right lead down a small stairway into a large dark room that was mostly filled with storage boxes and sheets that covered the boxes. Motioning for Ditzy to stay behind him the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver, holding it in one hoof (which he was very proud of having mastered) he advanced into the darkness shining it here and there. “Hello! Don’t worry I am not here to hurt you or humiliate you after being caught by a Unicorn Pony for that matter.”

In the corner of the basement the two Ponies noticed the soft movement of a sheet over a large rectangular object. The Doctor moved in, putting his hoof to the sheet even as the glow of his sonic screwdriver revealed two vague human shapes getting to their feet. The Doctor heard argued whispering but, he couldn’t make it out. “No need to fear me. I’m the Doctor.”

“The Doctor?” an accented male voice replied.

“Doctor! Is that you?” another accented female voice replied.

The Doctor’s eyes widened in the dark and he took no time in tearing back the sheet from the iron barred cage. Never expecting to see the two people held within. Though it wasn’t the first time he had seen either imprisoned in something.

“Martha Jones! Mickey. What are you doing in Equestria?”

-Cue Doctor Who Ending Theme Music-

Captainjack

Captainjack

“Captain Jack Harkness, ready and at your service little missy.” The dashing, heroic, good looking, handsome, fantastic, really good looking, and really handsome Captain Jack Harkness asked giving the pony his most dazzling smile.

Jack was surprised as the pink and yellow pony gave a high pitched squeal and proceeded to jump several feet into the air. It might have something to do with the wings Jack thought.

Jack was even more surprised by the lucky rabbit’s foot that slammed into his face.

“It looks…like wonderland so bright and cheery.” Mickey Smith said looking out the window, beside him Martha Jones-Smith draws away from the window and looks to Captain Jack Harkness saying “Jack, are you sure the Doctor came HERE?”

“Well,” Jack replies pulling up a computer screen which he has to bend over somewhat to really use his fingers constantly mashing against several small sized touchscreen symbols, “Flurrocs, one of only a few species besides Time Lords I would trust to build a time ship but, evolution didn’t really make them very size compatible. Though to answer your question, I am totally sure the Doctor came this way. The TARDIS leaves a heck of a impression in the fabric of time and space. The kind of impression you left on me Martha when we met at the end of the universe”.

“Hey! That’s my wife future-boy.” Mickey says as he moves between Jack and Martha, causing the former to drop his trademark smile of Lets-Get-Up-To-No-Good while the latter laughs and pats Mickey on the back of the head.

“Now, now boys,” Martha says “I know who I’m married to, and I seem to recall someone at our wedding reception commenting to Jack on what a nice, hard-“

“Come on baby! I was over my head with glowing, space whiskey that HE brought. I thought we agreed to never speak of that again!”

“You know I love to get in between a nice couple like yourselves but,” Jack leans between the two wrapping an arm around both newlyweds and holding up an small device with whirling alien symbols flashing in and out, “Transporters are ready!”

A flash of blue light blinds all three humans to the inside of the time ship and after an intense squeezing feeling followed by a sound like a cowbell all three find themselves below in a small forest clearing. Only Jack seems unphased by the sudden transportation as he throws Mickey a wink before looking back to his small pad device pressing the different symbols. Mickey makes to step away from Jack but, he stops short when he realizes the area several feet surrounding them is protecting by a blue energy emanating from the bottom of a metallic tuna canteen shaped craft hovering just above the tree canopy.

“This is-?” Martha asks, moving her finger over the blue energy coating that moves around her hand like curtains in the wind.

“Artron Energy Shield. Creates a protective bubble around us while I scan the local atmosphere and physics and adjust our own natural physiology.” Pressing more symbols on the alien device “I don’t know about you but, all that bright scenery reminds me of radioactivity.”

“Wouldn’t it have been better to scan while we were inside the ship” Mickey asks putting his arms over his chest.

“It would have buuuuut, my Flurrocian is rusty and I don’t know how to make the temporal adjustments while inside the ship.”

“You stole a time ship without understanding the instructions? That’s like running a Russian nuclear submarine!” Mickey growls walking back to Jack with arms outstretched and fists clenching.

“Hey guys…” Martha begins to say from the edge of the blue curtain.

“Hey, hey, hey! First off I didn’t steal the ship. My con days are mostly over, and I certainly didn’t need to understand Flurrocian to ask permission to borrow the ship.” Jack replies putting up a hand to stop the incoming Mickey, “Neither for the flight course at her place.”

“Could you two just be quiet and-“ Martha begins to say before Mickey cuts her off.

“I’m sure you said the same thing with Rose and the Doctor about your first time ship over London during the Blitz!” pushing away Jack’s hand and grabbing his coat’s lapels.

“Not the smartest things to bring Rose up while were with your wife.” Jack tisk-tisks shaking his head.

“I’ll-“

“BOYS! We have company here!” Martha shouts pointing off to the edge of the forest clearing where a minty green shape has popped up from a bush making its way with careful steps and a…gleam in its eyes.

“I’m not looking at what I think I am,” Mickey says as he slaps himself in the face before looking back to the advancing otherworldly creature “I am. I’m looking at a miniature unicorn!”

“Don’t see that every day.” Jack comments as the group stares at the unicorn, he notices saddle bags attached to the unicorn’s flank before a beeping sound in his hand makes him shift his eyes to the source.

“Uh…” Martha mouths, sticking up a hand comfortingly to the unicorn as it stops just outside the blue energy field, the gleam in its eyes gives the impression that it is…tearing.

“Martha, watch out! It might bite or poke you with its-“

“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH! HumansrealhumansIcan’tbelieveit! Iwasright! YES! Ohholdstillyoumajesticcreatures!” the unicorn says turning around and reaching back into its saddle bags with a hoof.

“It-“ Mickey begins to say before a soft twhip sound draws attention to a small dart sticking out of his chest. “Talked.”

“It...shot us with tranquilizer darts too…” Martha replies as she takes a similar looking dart to Mickey’s from her shoulder. True to her words the unicorn quicker than either could react had produced two darts and a blowpipe from its saddlebags and done the deed.

“Mickey! Martha! The energy shield stops lethal radiation and energy weapons but, not solid projectiles and,” Jack shouts as both slump down to the grass moments before the blue energy shield dissipates “The shield is done scanning, no lethal threats.”

“Hold on my precious just one more dart, its stuck and-hey!” the unicorn shouts as she looks over Jack. He looks at himself and finds a golden energy surrounding his entire body, glowing brighter for several seconds before an intense force pushes him to the ground. The sudden pressure on his entire body forces him onto his hands and knees; he digs his head into the soft grass as his ears pop and ring like church bell. After a few moments the pressure stops and he can stand on his legs again Jack braces for the dart in his back but, after a few more moments all he hears is the sound of the blowgun dropping to the ground and the unicorn taking several steps back “You…pony?”

“A pony! I assure you I am one-hundred percent,” Jack gets up on his hooves pointing out with one of his front hooves which, he notices as he does “A pony! A small, hooved, grey coated and black manned pony! M’am.”

“Humans are…MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!” the unicorn shouts taking several more steps backward, her eyes shifting left to right “You…you live among us! All this time! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh…”

“Right. You think about that. Call me later.” Jack replies, smashing his hoof against the alien beeper which causes the time ship above them to sudden disappear from sight into invisibility. Taking a bare moment to throw off his coat and pants the new earth pony runs in the opposite direction of the unicorn and disappears into the tree line.

“Hey! Come back! That’s the Everfree Forest and take me to your leader and-shoot. He’s gone. Don’t worries Lyra, you still have two majestic specimens to bring home to Bon Bon and dissect.”

“Huff…think I…huff…lost her,” Jack pants slumping against a large tree, using one of his new hooves to wipe the sweat from his forehead “Whenever the Doctor is involved I usually get a good work out for some reason…last time I ran from a four legged equine-like-thing I was in a Jacuzzi with its girlfriend. They were such a nice couple. ”

Closing his eyes he listens to the forest around him. For a while, while he was running a sort of chill ran down his spine. Like there was something about the forest that seemed unnatural to his new pony senses. After a while though that new sense seemed to dissipate as he moved toward the edge of the forest and a new more clam sensation seemed to take over him as he was running for his life. While also being slightly horrified to find his good looking human form was now a small pony though he did think that he probably looked just as good. For a pony.

“What would the Doctor do?” Jack said to himself as images of Martha and Mickey slumped on the ground popped into his mind. Deep down within him feelings of disgust at his own cowardice made him snap his eyes open and slam a hoof into the tree’s trunk. “Mickey…Martha…the Doctor…their all counting on me to rescue them. I can’t run and I can’t hide. I have to find them.”

“Whats that Angel bunny?” a soft voice says, causing the intense Jack to jolt and leap to the next tree over for cover. After a few moments of realizing he wasn’t found out Jack slowly moves around the tree’s trunk to look onto the other side at a new clearing contained not only a chicken house, a host of small and cute animals, and a rustic cottage but, a yellow and pink pony…with wings.

“Hello?” Jack says to himself, going down on all hooves in the grass as he moves toward the pony. He would probably have noticed the white bunny stamping its feet and pointing in his direction if his eyes weren’t so…focused on the Pegasus pony’s backside.

“Do you want a carrot?” the soft voiced mare asks, tilting her head as the rabbit shakes its head and continues to point with greater urgency. “Do you want to walk in the Everfree Forest? Oh Angel that’s too dangerous for a small bunny like you and…gulp…such a small pony like me.”

‘What a cutie’ Jack thinks to himself as he slinks up behind her. Rising from the ground only a few feet behind her a force of habit pops into his brain and as he throws all caution to the wind he gives the mare a poke on her flank and says “Captain Jack Harkness, ready and at your service little missy.”

Leading to Jack finding himself on the ground with the rabbit repeatedly hopping on his face before tossing him clear across the yard and into a nearby pond. Drowning for a moment Jack’s head breaks the surface as he chokes for air, eyes filling with panic as he spies the rabbit racing across the yard with a oversized wooden plank in its tiny paws “No! Not the face!”

“Angel! STOP THIS INSTANT…please.” The soft, then firm, then timid voice of the Pegasus pony cuts across the cottage yard and amazingly to Jack halts the rampaging rabbit in its’ tracks. Jack’s jaw drops below the water’s surface and he is spitting out pond water again before, the Pegasus pony rushes over to the pond’s edge. “Oh my. Oh my. I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t hear you and Angel is so protective of me. Please forgive me.”

“Aw shucks…” Jack replies, giving his lady killer smile as he stares into her eyes. “Its not a problem. Though if you want to pay me back, you could invite me into your cottage and-“

“Get you a towel and some soup. Oh that’s not a problem at all. Just one moment.” The pegasus pony says happily before prancing towards the college.

“Well there is that.” Jack says, looking at the white rabbit that has hopped over to the pond’s edge. Jack offers a hoof to be helped out from the pond but, the rabbit just kicks pond water into his face.

“Ive never seen you around Ponyville before. Are you new here? Oh forgive my manners. I’m Fluttershy…what did you say your name was again” Fluttershy asks timidly from across the table from Jack. Rubbing her hooves together as she watches to see if Jack approves of her daisy and tulip soup.

“Uh…Ponyville? Heh. Uh, ah. No. Ponyville? Hahaha really? Oh, I mean no. I mean yes. I am new around here.” Jack offers, holding back his laughter and the growl of his stomach as he gives Fluttershy a wide smile while taking timid sips from the soup. “Oh and the name’s Captain Jack Harkness.”

“Captainjack? That’s funny because, I have a friend named Applejack.”

“No, not Captainjack its Captain Jack.”

“C-captainjack.” Fluttershy repeats, visibly concentrating to copy Jack exactly.

“No that’s still wr-I mean. Sure. I’m Captainjack” Captainjack corrects himself as he sees Fluttershy’s expression grow more distressed at her mispronunciation. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Ms. Fluttershy.”

“Captainjack, thank you. That’s a unique name and so is your cutie mark. What does it stand for?” Fluttershy replies pointing toward Captainjack’s rear.

“Cutie Mark? What-ah! Someone tattooed me while I was running through the forest.” Captainjack exclaims when he follows her pointing hoof to his new flank, the symbol of a cocktail glass with a olive and a bright smile across the glass’s rim adored across his flank. “Oh wow that really has me down.”

“Wh-what does it mean? Um, I mean my-my cutie mark shows off my caring and gentle personality” she blushes before continuing “Yours is…a happy olive juice?”

“Oh. Ah. It means. I like to…smile and party.” Captainjack grasps for words, sweating small bullets though relaxes as his answer seems to please Fluttershy as she gives him a soft smile. The intensity of her gaze though only causes other feelings within Captainjack that forces a goofy grin on his muzzle, a parody of his galactic renowned smile that has caused just the opposite emotions to this...

“Um. You were saying you were in the E-e-everfree Forest. Why?” Fluttershy asks, shrinking down in her seat.

“Oh. That, well I was with some friends and…were looking for another friend of ours. I think he came to Ponyville. He is…a doctor.”

“A doctor? Oh, Ponyville only has a few doctors. I-I could show you to town.”

“Really? Lead the way Fluttershy! I’ll be right behind you every step.”

Running Now!

Dear Princess Celestia,

This letter contains within news that will forever change the way of life in Equestria! I hope your body is ready for this, and that you’re sitting down because here it comes!
Humans are in Equestria.

The proof is locked in a twelve by twelve foot iron cage in my marefriend’s basement!
I want action immediately your Majesty, the ceremonies of congratulations and praise of my prowess can wait later. There is still one human left unaccounted for in Ponyville and he has somehow been able to disguise himself as a normal looking (if dashing) pony. This leads to the good question if there are MORE humans in Equestria? As such I advise you not repeat any of the contents of this letter to any otherpony. I suggest a well-placed ambush of calling all of your staff into one room then casting a Dispell Illusion spell to discover their presence.

Still, even further action much be undertaken therefore I advise you to nominate me as Ministry Mare of the new Human Affairs Ministry (H.A.M. for short) that you will no doubt create to deal with this new threat and opportunity for all of Equestria. I am putting forth my resume here and now, not only have I spent most of my adult life searching out hints of human influence in Equestria also, I have two humans locked up in my marefriend’s basement as I mentioned before.
I promise you your Highness that I will not sleep or eat until the missing human has been found and presented for you in a tastefully done containment unit in Canterlot. Until then I have deputized Twilight Sparkle under my new powers from H.A.M. and we will begin the search for the missing human immediately.

Your Faithful Subject, Director of Human Affairs Ministry, Ponyville Orchestra Lyrist, Temporary Captain of the Ponyville Pioneers Hoofball Team,

Lyra Heartstrings

“Hea-rt string-gs” Spike finishes the letter with a flourish of his quill, handing it over to the aforementioned Lyra to inspect its contents.

“Perfect!” Lyra shouts handing it back to Spike “Now do your thing and get this straight to Princess Celestia. Oh I can’t imagine her response!”

“You know it could take some time before the Princess replies…” Twilight begins pulling Lyra to the side while watching as Spike begins to throw the letter out an open window. “She might even just not bother with a letter and send the Wonderbolts and half her Royal Guard to Ponyville! Why waste all that time waiting when we can. You know. Go out in the woods. Looking for hours and hours.”

“Hmmm you have a point Deputized Member of the H.A.M. Twilight Sparkle. You have a point. Alright, we go!” Lyra takes a step towards the door before suddenly turning around to face Spike who at the last moment stops himself from tossing the letter and brings it back forward with a sheepish grin “Buuut first I want to see Spike send the letter to Celestia. I’ve never seen him do that before.”

“Oh it awesome. Yeah, uuuh. Stand back! Here comes my totally awesome magical dragon breath!” Spike inhales deeply then lets out a blast of his green dragon fire toward Lyra and Twilight forcing them to duck away from the outburst of flames. With Lyra looking at the flames and not the letter he tosses it behind him and out the window before ending his torrent of fire. “Tadah! Sorry about that, I had some extra spicy rubies earlier.”

“Not a problem Spike!” Lyra replies even as she pinches out a spark of fire on her mane with her hooves. “Come Twilight! The hunt is afoot!”

“A what?”

“Ugh. Ahoof. Really Twilight, if you hope to have any future in H.A.M. you have to learn the work lingo.”

Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Break. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Break. Dig. Dig…
-

“Hahahaha. Oh, oh, oh this is too good to be true. Hahaha. The Great and Powerful Doctor is…is…a pretty little pony! Hahaha” Mickey bawls out from the floor of the cage, his entire body shaking with laughter as he slams a hand into the floor. The Doctor and Martha roll their eyes at Mickey. Ditzy Doo rolls her eyes at the Doctor and a corner of the basement but, her eye roll has the most ire reflected in it considering she has always been a pony.

“You know the Doctor’s friend. It was a ‘pretty little pony’ that trapped you beneath a candy shop in a cage in the dark. Only to be rescued by the Doctor.” Ditzy Doo comments making Mickey stop short in his laughing and look up at her.

“Hey, it wasn’t fair. She ambushed us and had a blow gun. She looked so cute and innocent.”

“Well in Equestria the cuter always means the crazier. We use my friend Pinkie Pie as that measuring stick around Ponyville.”

“That’s something to be said” Martha joins in “That we didn’t get knocked out and locked up by a pony named Pinkie Pie. Though I do have one question for you miss…?”

“Ditzy Doo at your service!” Ditzy replies with a smile holding out a hoof through the bars which Martha shakes with a similarly warm smile.

“Nice to meet you Ditzy, I’m Martha and this is my husband Mickey. I-“

“Wait a tick! Married? You two? I mean sure I was wondering why Mickey boy here wasn’t trapped in another dimension but, you and HIM?”

“Don’t you remember Doctor? With the whole planets dis-“

“Ah! Spoilers! I don’t want to hear any of that now!” the Doctor shouts, one hoof on his ears and the other planting against Mickey’s lips.

“Ugh! You walk on that! With all these horses I don’t want to imagine what you step in now! I’ll have you know that yes Martha is certainly the brains of this operation but, I’ll always be there for her through thick and thin.”

“Hence why I married the man.” Martha says as she pulls Mickey off the floor with a soft hug.

“Hmm, I thought as much. You lot definitely make a nice couple. I mean not a great couple but who does?”

“What were you asking Martha?” Ditzy asks giving a surprisingly straight eyed glare at the Doctor who seems to wilt with a sheepish grin as he goes back to fiddling with his sonic screwdriver while mumbling about how he still doesn’t have the entire ‘hooves thing’ down with changing settings.

“Oh, nothing really just a sudden thought I had. I was curious if…you knew if the Doctor prefers blonde companions?”

“OKAY THEN!” the Doctor interrupts firing his sonic screwdriver at the lock of the cage which after getting a face full of sonic clicks open. The Doctor then points a hoof at both current humans in the room “Enough questions about me, now its time for the timey wimey questions! How did you two get here? For starters.”

Martha and Mickey look to one another for a moment then turn toward the Doctor and say one word.

“Jack”.

“Right. Should have known. He always had a weakness for cute couples. Were lucky that the mares here in Ponyville-“

“Seriously? PONYville?” Mickey interrupts.

“-are out of season so that means the much smaller population of stallions have much to worry. Jack might even go crazy when his ‘oh-so-lady-killer antics’ fall flat. On one hoof-“

“Heh. Hoof.”

“Stop that Mickey!”

“Yes, dear.”

”On the one hoof that means Ponyville is safe. On the other hoof he should be alright because, he is now a pony too. The most important thing to do now is to get you two to the TARDIS and-“

“Hold on, what do you mean Jack is a pony?”

“It’s simple really. He crossed the dimensional wall and I guess as soon as he stepped out of whatever moving vehicle that took you all here this world’s physics took over and corresponded with the TARDIS to make him into a pony.”

“How come Jack gets to be a pony and we don’t then?”

“Like I said it’s the TARDIS. Jack as Martha knows was infused with the artron energy of the time vortex from my TARDIS. I’ve had a much longer and intimate relationship with the TARDIS therefore I’m also covered in the energy. When I and most likely Jack came to this universe the TARDIS began sending out a signal that confirms beings from our universe to this universe’s physics. Otherwise the result wouldn’t be pleasant.”

“Doctor…how unpleasant is we talking about?”

“Ah well…Ditzy what happened that one time you and Pinkie Pie tried to make a muffin-cupcake?”

“Oh…” Ditzy replies a very worried look on her face as she looks over to Martha and Mickey her face gets even paler “It…exploded. Twice.”

Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Di-PAIN! Pain! Pain! Head! Pain! Pain! Head! Pain!
-

“So...I take it the guy to gal ratio in Ponyville is a tad skewed?” Captainjack couldn’t help but comment as his eyes were assaulted or tantalized by a rainbow’s worth of different ponies of all different colors. Not that he minded of course. He wasn’t sure where the pony influenced biology or the normal Jack Harkness biology ended with the wave upon wave of whisperings in the back of his mind as pickup lines rose to the surface of his lips only to be forced back down every time Fluttershy’s adorable gaze connected with his.

“Oh, um, well…maybe just a tiny bit. Ponyville used to be a pioneer town but, eventually more and more ponies just came for the nice weather and scenery.”

“Scenery? I can appreciate the scenery.” Captainjack grinned his eyes flittering between mare to stallion to stallion to mare to mare to mare to stallion to mare to mare to mare.

“Oh my yes. The flowerfields outside of town are just lovely.” Fluttershy smiled as she clopped her hooves together in excitement.

“Perhaps after I find my Doctor you can show me more around Ponyville? I bet those flowers are ever so soft to lay down in. Am I right?” Captainjack grins, a slight twinge in his eye as Fluttershy turns his way with a slight blush. ‘Hnnng. My heart is going to give out at this rate. I just…can’t…look…away’.

“Hello there Fluttershy, you are looking precious as always, darling. Greetings to you too good stallion. My, my. Fluttershy you seem to have caught quite the dashing fellow. I am Rarity, a pleasure to meet you Mr…?” Rarity’s smile was almost enough to give Captainjack’s a run for its bits. He fealt new wind in his sails.

“The pleasure is all mine, Madame Rarity.” Captainjack returned the grin. Nearby a pegasus was blinded by the reflecting light off their grins and smacked into a nearby carrot stand. The stand’s owner lamented to the Princesses as to why pegasi only crashed into her carrots. “My name is…Captainjack.”

“Oh a Captain? Fluttershy you absolutely have the most amazing fortune.”

“Oh Rarity. I wouldn’t say that, I mean, it was Angel Bunny that-“

“Ahaha. Don’t worry Fluttershy. Rarity or anyone doesn’t need to know about that.”

“Anyone?” Rarity quirked a brow. “You sound like that Doctor somepony that Twilight and Ditzy are always running around with all over the place.”

“A Doctor! Running! With at least one lady! That sounds like my pal alright. Do you know where he is?” Captainjack practically shouts his eyes wide with alarm and his body going as tight as a spring.

“My, rather eager to find your friend?” Rarity says with a quirk of her brow and a very knowing smile.

“Well…I do hate to get mushy in front of ladies…” Captainjack says with a smirk rubbing his chin with a hoof. “…but the Doctor has saved my life…more than once. I have to start repaying him sometime. Might as well start by saving his…flank.”

“He must be a very special friend then.” Fluttershy spoke softly.

“I do believe I saw the Doctor and Ditzy Doo head over to Bon Bon’s but…ah there is somepony who might know. Twilight! Lyra! A pony is looking for the Doctor have you seen him?” Rarity waves to someponies behind Captainjack the stallion going quite still at the mention of ‘Lyra’.
Maybe it wasn’t-

“HUMAN!” Lyra shouts her hooves going to her saddlebag but, Captainjack is already galloping away with both Fluttershy and Rarity in tow.

“The Doctor must be nearby with all this running!”

“Captain! I must say this is quite rude.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The Master. Want. The Master. Get.” Fido growled out, the dirt and rock giving way collapsing a good portion of the tunnel beneath Ponyville. Barking laughter was echoed by his fellow Diamond Dogs as the blue and box shaped object dropped below ground level. Fido walked up to the blue box, patting a paw against it “Diamond Dogs will… rock.”

Allons-y

Emerging from the basement/dungeon the Doctor and Ditzy Doo noticed that Bon Bon was still where they had left her. Well, except that she had crawled into a fetal position underneath her storefront counter. Seeing Mickey and Martha emerge behind them made the mare’s eyes bug out from her eyelids, standing Bon Bon began to make a run for it, but the impact of her head against her storefront counter quickly put an end to that. “Please…” Bon Bon mumbled as little candy treats sprinkled over her head from an upturned jar on top of her desk, “Don’t eat my liver…or my heart…or my flesh…or my candy!”

“Oh come now,” the Doctor said with a roll of his eyes. “Nothing to worry about Miss Laffy Taffy, see? They are not slobbering at the lips ready to pounce on you and tear you limb from limb.”

“Uhmn… Bon Bon what the Doctor says is true.” Ditzy said backing up the Doctor by gently reaching underneath the store counter and pulling Bon Bon to her hooves. “These humans won’t eat you or anything like that.”

“R-really?” Bon Bon asked with a trembling sniff, looking Martha and Mickey up and down. The two humans put on smiles for Bon Bon to show her that they were as non-threatening as possible. That is unless aliens invading the planet Earth were involved somehow.

“Yeah, I mean look at the Doctor! He used to look like them and he doesn’t sneak into ponies houses and chew on their hooves at night!” Ditzy replied as she nodded her head up and down rapidly.

“HE WHAT?!?” Bon Bon shouted looking at the Doctor in utter shock.

“Well, that’s not true. I’m not a human, I’m a Time Lord” scratching his back leg.

“HAHAHA! I SEE!” Bon Bon shouted, her volume control apparently stuck on high, as she attempted to make a dive for the comforting underside of her counter. Her plan was soon foiled by the Doctor grabbing her with his hooves around her back legs making the mare fall flat on her face.

“Come now. This is important, we need your help. They need your help!” the Doctor said through gritted teeth as he attempts to stop Bon Bon even as she pulls herself away using her front hooves inch by inch. “Their lives are in danger!”

“What? THEIR lives are in danger? What about mine or Lyra’s or Ditzy’s?” Bon Bon asks as she stops her struggle, turning around to look at the Doctor and then the two humans.

“If we don’t get them to the Doctor’s Blue Barn…” Ditzy explains as with a flap of her wings she flies over to the other side of Bon Bon pressing her completely straightened face against Bon Bon’s, “They will explode like muffins! Just imagine them standing there minding their own business like good little muffins then BLAM! Everywhere! All across Ponyville! Little banana nuts and chocolate chips sprinkled all over, Pony’s stepping their hooves into-”

“Can we not talk about that?” Mickey interrupts, visibly fidgeting and trying his best not to think about the details Ditzy had so thoroughly gone into.

“Their…their lives are in danger?” Bon Bon asked into the serious gaze of Ditzy Doo’s piercing pupils.

“I Pinkie Pie Swear I am telling the truth.” Ditzy replies, going through the obligatory motions that end with one hoof against her face.

“Bon Bon…please help us. We just want to find our friend safely.” Martha adds in, kneeling down to the pony, “I Pinkie Promise we are not here to hurt you.” Going through the same motions as Ditzy without poking her eye.

“O-oh. Okay…what do you need from me?” Bon Bon asks carefully, getting up and looking between Ditzy, the Doctor, and the humans. Her form just trembling slightly as she takes a loud, nervous gulp.

“Ditzy I always admire the way you have with words.” The Doctor says with an affectionate grin toward the blonde Pegasus before turning back to Bon Bon, his face a mask of seriousness. “Do you know anything about the third human that escaped? Do you have anything we can use to hide Mickey and Martha while we move them to the TARDIS? And-“ taking a sniff “What is that you’re making? It smells delicious!”

“Um…” Bon Bon says mildly whiplashed by the Doctor’s change in manner and his questions. “I have no clue where the h-human is. Neither does Lyra. Um, I-I have some cardboard boxes from my l-last deliveries. We could put them in there and move them around town. Like, I guess.”

The Doctor continued to stare at Bon Bon waiting for more.

“Oh. Its Banana taffy.”

“Marvelous. Once this is all over I’ll have to come back and make a purchase. Now Mickey and Martha I hope you’re both limbered up…”

“Why is it that Ninety-Nine percent of the time we’re awake in this place were stuck in some kind of box or cage?” Mickey grumbles, holding his knees to his body and trying not to roll around.

“Oh quit your complaining. At least its bigger in here then it looks on the outside.” Martha answers as she also holds her knees in place. Every bump in the dirt road threatens their hiding place to fall off the wooden hand lift roller.

“Hey now. You two should be at least grateful that talking boxes of candy are more common in Ponyville then you would think.” The Doctor chides, straining with Bon Bon to push the roller, humans, and empty cardboard boxes covering them toward Twilight’s library. The Doctor only spares a glance now and then skyward to Ditzy as she scans Ponyville high above for any sign of Lyra.

“I c-can’t believe you’re, like talking as if whole thing was n-normal! Your all crazy like Lyra aren’t you?” Bon Bon says with an incredulous look at the Doctor.

“My dear, you are only looking at the tip of the iceberg.” The Doctor says with a wild grin. His grin soon turns into a shocked stare as they arrive in the main square to find a rather large commotion going on.

“LYRA!” Bon Bon shouts, her hooves going to her face in shock. “STOP SHOOTING EVERY PONY WITH TRANQUILIZERS!

No matter how hard Bon Bon tries to deny the reality that she is faced with the truth is that the dominant reality in Ponyville strongly involves her marefriend storming through the main square her special order blowgun sending out hails of darts that seem to hit every pony, but their intended target. Rose is taking a nap in her lilies as Carrot Top does the same in her produce. Pokey Pierce breaks from his cover behind a bench only to be the center of irony as he slumps to the ground a dart right between his eyes. As the main square piles with unconscious ponies those taking cover are still in danger as Lyra’s quarry ducks from cover to cover the unbalanced mare right behind him and his companions.

“Jack always has to be the center of attention, doesn’t he?” the Doctor sighs as he pulls out his sonic screwdriver into his teeth while swatting Bon Bon as a signal to push the roller harder. Ponies and humans make wild dash across the main square to Twilight’s library just on the other side, empty boxes tumbling as they go. They nearly make it there when the air around them flashes a lavender light and find themselves now in the middle of the library. Twilight Sparkle and Spike stand in front of them, the former visibly tired and panting from the exertion of magic.

“Whooo what a doozy.” Twilight mumbles as she sits on her flank.

“Twilight Sparkle what wonderful timing you have today” the Doctor says, pushing aside the cardboard boxes to reveal Mickey and Martha, both of them looking dizzy given their unfamiliarity with teleportation magic.
Mickey falls out from underneath the humans hiding place grabbing his head and moaning. “My head hasn’t felt this bad since… I was eaten by that litter bin…”

“Wow.” Spike says walking up to the prone Mickey and poking him with a claw “Humans look funny.”

“Who are you calling funny you overgrown lizard?”

“Lizard? I’m a dragon, do you know how you can tell?” Spike growls, taking in a deep breath to breathe fire.

“Boys! Focus.” Martha interrupts as she stands to her feet. Spike looks between Mickey and Martha for a moment his cheek’s heating up from the held back fire, but fortunately he swallows his dragonbreath before he can set the library on fire again.

“Indeed. We have to focus on what’s going on…though…” Twilight begins to say, before focusing on Martha intently and stepping around her “Oh my, your bone structure must be fascinating! Your mane too! Your ears are on the side of your head! I wonder why evolution evolved your ears to be there. Spike go get my notebook I just have to –“

“Twilight” the Doctor interrupts with a cough. “I love looking at something strange and unknown better than the average pony, but I have to get Mickey and Martha here to the TARDIS…oh by the way Mickey, Martha meet Twilight Sparkle and Spike. Twilight, Spike meet Mickey and Martha. Good friends of mine back home.”

“Charmed” Martha introduces herself shaking an offered hoof from Twilight.

“What she said.” Mickey says, frowning down at Spike as he stands, not offering his hand which is occupied with rubbing the spot where Spike’s claws poked him.

“Right then. Off to the basement! Allons-y!”

“Lyra! Control yourself. A proper lady of your standing should not succumb to such behave-watch it!” Rarity lectures while pulling a Twilight and uses her magic to fling a dart flying toward her skyward. The moment Lyra saw Rarity and Fluttershy ‘flee’ with Captainjack seemed to have instantly put them as accomplices in Lyra’s mind as she directing a seemingly unending spray of knock out darts at them as well. Beside Rarity, Fluttershy cowers behind their improvised cover, a turned over table from the Green Delights restaurant’s outside patio.

“I have to hand it to her. I haven’t had a lady chase after me this bad since the bounty hunter on Tenon IV.” Captainjack comments from his own improvised shelter, a lawn umbrella held between his hooves and directed toward Lyra which does the trick of catching oncoming projectiles.

“meep” Fluttershy whimpers as she cowers behind Rarity.

All three of them stop a moment as a curious noise fills the air, a high pitched sound only getting louder and louder which turns out to be the falling form of Ditzy Doo as she smacks down into Lyra. Ditzy Doo snores loudly on top of Lyra, a tranquilizer dart visible in her flank.

“Huh. Who knew all it took was a-“ Captainjack begins to say when he is interrupted by a growl of frustration and rage underneath Ditzy as she is heaved to the side and across the main square by Lyra. Despite now having a black eye and her mane a frazzled mess she doesn’t seem the least bit deterred from hunting her human. She inhales to send several more darts flying when she realizes her blow dart has been broken in half. Her saddle bags entwined with Ditzy who she had just thrown across the main square. She lets out a frustrated yell before focusing her magic. “Now you’re gonna get it human!”

Fluttershy’s whimper turns into a soft ‘eep’ as the table and lawn umbrella are town away from them as Lyra’s magical energy covers it and tosses it away. The hunter gives out a yell of triumph as she surges forward to take out her defenseless prey when she is herself covered in a film of magical energy and tossed into the air. “E’tu Sparkle? I don’t remember saying promotion in H.A.M. was by assassinating one’s superior!”

“Lyra, pleeeaaase. Don’t you think you have taken this a little bit far?” Bon Bon asks, appearing from behind Twilight with a worried look.

“I’ve taken this far? Nope!” Lyra shakes her head, turning in midair away from the two mares while crossing her legs. Not paying to the scene of devastation and mostly unconscious ponies she points back to Captainjack who canters closer “Catching a human has been my lifelong dream since I was a filly. To give up my dream…is unthinkable!”

“Okay, well answer me this Miss Minty Green.” Captainjack asks, waving his hoof from her to him. “Once you captured a human what were you going to do with one?”

“I would…I um…well…” Lyra seems dumbfounded, her eyes going wide and a mild blush appearing on her features as she looks between the ponies around her. “I would…capture more humans…and…”

“What about all that H.A.M. stuff? What was all that about?” Twilight asks turning Lyra to face her again. “You said and acted like humans were a threat to Equestria!”

“Well…they are…their hands…can...grab…stuff…” Lyra mutters, starting to sweat and shift her eyes.

“Lyra. I know what it is like to have an irrational obsession.” Twilight says with a sigh, putting the minty mare down.

“I…don’t know why. I just have this…urge within me to find humans and…them, ugh. Its like drums going off in my head and I have to keep up with their pace! Whenever I mentioned humans before ponies just looked at me like I was crazy…I guess I am crazy…” Lyra says as she slumps to the ground, realizing just how badly she lost her head sinking into her minty maned head.

“You were right though Lyra.” Bon Bon says as she places a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, giving her a slight smile.

“She’s right.” Captainjack chimes in, a grin on his face as he walks over to the mare that had threated to lock him up in a cage, “I’m not usually this hairy, even if I don’t shave for a month.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing, just listen. If you’re willing to release my friends then I don’t see why we can’t be friends too! Let bygones be bygones.”

“Ah…” Bon Bon says, looking anywhere but, at her marefriend. “About them…”

“Ah…well this is a problem.” The Doctor mumbles while kicking a rock that proceeds to plummet into the darkness of the hole dominating Twilight’s basement, “Huh, Twilight should tell me next time she remodels the tree. Maybe, that’s more ‘next time she gardens’?”