A Day In Equestria

by AreKay Flash

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Human, Sad, Romance
Length: 3927

What happens in ponyville on a daily basis?

A story about an average day in ponyville.
-Contains highly random events
-Strangely graphical events
-Illogical graphical events
-Troll fiction events
-Everyone is a fucking alicorn events

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-11 23:58:39 UTC

Twilights Normal Day : I - I : Twilight's Missing Library

Once upon a time in a Galaxy far far away was a rock. In another galaxy far far away was Twilight Sparkle reading a book. Her book tasted like rocks. She would know as all she would do is lick books all day long until her book was made of cotton candy...Which was never.

Twilight sat there staring into the book and looked up at Spike’s ass. The ass was as round a pebble smashed in by a hammer. It was so sexy. Twilight lowered her hoof into her spoon and grabbed it to use it onto her bowl of cornflakes. She threw her hoof, with the spoon still in her hoof onto the table. She grabbed a piece of table on the spoon and put it  Spike’s butt. She rammed the spoon right into Spike’s potato. She had somehow lodged a spoon into Spike’s potato clearly missing his ass. She fell onto the floor crying as she flew into her room and yelled about herself being a Nazi. She was clearly on some type of drugged what turned her into a centipede.

Some time later after crying herself to sleep, she was reading the final book of 'What the fuck am I reading' and was about to finish the first chapter but suddenly a flying cow flew into her house smashing her back door in and lodged into Spike’s mouth. Spike swallowed the cow and he flew across the room thinking he ate an ant. Twilight walked down the stairs and landed on a dead body, she thought it was pinkie so she put the body in her mouth and ate it. She thought it tasted like hedgehog, so she gave it a 11 out of 10 by IGN. She carried on raving while she walked up to spike and threw her into Rarity's fork smashing trough several walls and flying half way across ponyville. Rarity looked up while watching porn to see Spike munching on her fork. Rarity jumped up and shoved Spike down her dressing gown even though she wasn't wearing one and he teleported into fluttturshy’s back garden which was quite hairy due to all of the animals hair falling off because it was winter. Suddenly Spike got up from fluttturshy’s back garden and raved while he jumped through her window landing on several nans. All the nans looked at fluttershy and cried, while Spike flew with his winds into fluttturshy’s room stealing her porn and teleported out with his magic. He had teleported to Rainbow Dash to give her a high hive because fuck the mainstream. He ran from Rainbow Dashes house and fell off the cloud because Pikachu told him too.

He landed in a bowl of water, which was actually a glass of water its just that Spike couldn't tell the difference. He got up from the cup  and flew back to Ponyville as he was in Canterlot. As he flew to his destination with Boris Johnson he thought and realised Boris was a naked pony. Naked ponies are bad, m’kay. He flew to the closest wardrobe and stole a rock to cover his naked penis. He carried on flying with Johnson Boris to and got to ponyville after crash landing like a wrecking ball into his nans house. He didn't know his nan so he just assumed that it was his nan. He teleported into Twilight book and he turned into a door knob. Twilight noticed after 385 years that a door nob was in her book and she licked it. It tasted like Chuck Norris. Chock Norris was a nice flavour to have as he tasted like an Oscar. Having that taste in your mouth is like having an Oscar. it would be one more than Leonardo Dicrapio. That's always a good thing. She chucked the door knob into a fridge and the fridge set on fire and froze. The whole house quickly set ablaze chaser and flew to mars to cool down. Luckily Twilight Sparkle had escaped the house last year and was happy for that.

Cheerilee noticed that Twilight library was missing and decided to launch a search party for it. The search party soon had 9001 members and was a great success. They didn't find the library though. So instead they decided to launch Cadance with Shining Armour and Cadence flew around the world in 80 days and then flew to mars. After many seconds passed they found the library and left it on mars as they forgot to pick up the milk from the corner shop. Cadance flew back and teleported the library back defying the whole point of the search party, Boris Johnson and the NASA launch. After everyone cried, they are all happy so they continued to punch Spike because no one likes Spike.

Boris Johnson was still in Ponyville and decided to fly over to Princess Twilight’s library because he was an alicorn too. He gave Twilight a high five in front of Lyra and got pissed. She was so pissed that she pissed herself while being pissed about about being pissed that she’s pissed. That made her more pissed. She flew out of the door with her alicorn magic and stole the door with her princess powers of friendships. This was because fuck the police.

Lyra ran through the clouds with her alicorn magic while being on a floor. She was a pro at skate flooring. She was on her way to pinkie pie’s mansion to get a vajazzle because she liked gems and shit. Gems were good. M'kay. She floor boarded to pinkies house and smashed all of her cupcakes with her door she stole off Princess Twilight. Pinkie was now pissed enough to be pissed off being pissed that Lyra was pissed about pissing because she was pissed about being pissed that she is pissed. This caused 300 Spartans to create a war in pinkies tablet because she was watching 300 in the high def. She had got bored of watching Lyra smash he cup cupcakes that she was watching Bub-u-sea eye player which would cause her harp to cry to deaf. This was because 300 was a terrible movie and only had 22 minutes of non slow motion parts in it which made the film fly to Africa causing starvation. Lyra's harp hated that. Lyra soon calmed her harp down and brought it back to her home to help her fap. She was so good at fapping that the royal air force was paying her to do so, making her rich. She lived in a mansion, it was so good, m’kay.

Thats all,

You can fuck off now.

Twilights Normal Day : I - II : Twilight's Horse Sized Crock

After lyra had finished fapping with her toothbrush, she decided to take some drugs. Because drugs are bad. M'kay. And you shouldn't do drugs, m'kay. So lyra used her alicorn toothbrush of witchcraft to teleport her self to the toilet. This was because toilets are drugs, you should never take toilets, you will get arrested. So, lyra used her alicorn toothbrush of hogwarts and wizardry to brush her teeth before taking drugs. However, she had ran out of toothpaste so she had to get some more. So, she hoverboarded to calgates house after throwing her masturbation ring of superness-es-es into a cooker, setting it alite, and went off to steal colgates toothbrush shop.

It was dark at night when she left, a good time for stealing shit. When she arrived at colgates home she quickly picked up colgates shop and put it into her alicorn swagbag. She floorboarded back to her home but got noticed by gilda who asked 'Swiggidy swag, whats in the bag?'. quickly, lyra pulled out a river from her swiggidy swag bag and hit her with it and quickly threw the river towards twilights house. She ran back home to begin her drug cleaning business. As in cleaning, as in sniffing it right up her vajazzeled vagina. Back at twilights house at roughly the same time a massive amount of water had hit her house. She was clueless and thought it was cum. As she thought it was cum she quickly shoved it all doggie bag for later in bed. As everyone hated spike, twilight and her sex slave (Trixie) stole all the so called cum for themselves, making spike unhappy. He was so unhappy he couldn't have any cum he quickly ran to lyras house to drown himself in her toilet drugs. But it diden't work and instead exploded for no reason what so ever making lyras mansion explode into 189578235 pieces. Lyra was now pissed about being pissed that spike was pissed that she is pissed that she was pissed about everyone being pissed at spike who made her be pissed about being pissed making her more pissed than she normally was pissed.

Because of this Lyra skateboarded to manehatten to jump of the empire state bridge. Back at twlights kinky dungeon, trixie was fapping with her wife, Sponge the teaspoon. Sponge the teaspoon was sitting there happly with trixie after twilight and trixie has stolen all the 'cum' what had fludded the house. But suddenly twilight burst through the walls of the kinky dungeon and used her alicorn witchcraft to grow a 10 foot long crock. She place her crock on her hoof and used it to kick trixies vajina in the nuts. From the force of the kick she flew all the way around mars and back landing on twilights crock. The crock was so hard and tasted like salt. She knew this becuase she normally licks twilights crocks all day long. It was so sexy she normally came. ...to the door and opened it for twilights crocks on a daily basis. She was thankful for that. She quickly got beord after trixie landing on her horse sized crock and shrank it back down to manageable size.

Twilight used her magical alicorn to fap all the way to Fluttershys sex bomb. It was so hot and EXPLOSIVE with energy there she came several times on the way there. When she got at Fluttershys sex bomb she opened the door with her more manageable crock and pinned Fluttershy and every animal existing to the wall with a potato. she licked her crock right in front for her awaiting toe nail, regardless of them not having toe nails. They are fucking horses. Christ. Anyway... Fluttershy panned her tongue out to express her emotions of door stops and decided to grab twilight with her alicorn pritty princess magic of raping powers to throw her deep into rainbow dashes cockatrice. Fluttershy expressed her love with her awaying pink crock and gave the door stop a massive friendly boner. This was because fuck the police. #11outta9fromIGN

Back at twilight's cockral sized face, she was stuck in the bowels of rainbow dashes hard ass cockatrice. The cockatrice got so hard that it turned hard and spit twilight out without her wings or horn. This made twilight fall from Rainbow Dashes house as it was made of clowns. without her alicorn bullshit she was unable to stand on the magical clowns of the second world war. So twilight fell 18,000,000,000,000 stories only to be impaled by Rarity's awaiting sausage roll. She landed and mashed Rarity's sausage roll into millions of pieces making rarity to pissed she licked Twilight's horn. However, twilight doesn't have a horn. So rarity flew up with alicorn magic and lick the cockatrice so badly and the cockatrice got hard because the fandom said so.

Back at twilight's house Shrek and pinkie was stealing all of twilight's shit as they can tell the future and knew twilight would loose her alicorn parts. Anyway, Shrek was in the bathroom picking up twilight's ogre sized shits and sucked them up his nose as he did not have a doggiebag. It tasted so good to Shrek he came and flooded the bathroom with cum. However, pinkie was in the fridge fapping with a piece of chocolate cake. After she was done, she placed it back for twilight to eat later. Both pinkie and shrek escaped the house afterwards with all of her porn and her walls and floor only leaving the ground floor, doors, windows and other shitty valueless items. They didn't take the whole tree as fuck the mainstream, they should at least just steal her walls and floor so she is left with her items to use as masturbation objects.

Later the night twilight arrived at what was left of her house. A floor, a bed, and a massive crock. She was broke, robbed and didn't have alicorn powers to bannish some bitches. She was so unhappy she didn't sleep in the bed for the rest of that night and slept on what remained of her bookcases and used windows as bed sheets.

The end for now. Fuck off please.

If you still reading this I'll give your balls a good fingering.

Twilights Normal Day : I - III : Twilights Glass Sheets

Twilight lay under her glass bed sheets praying for Shrek after waking up. She felt moist and all of her cum stained her window. It turned the glass rainbow coloured as it stained the glass and made pretty patterns in the shape of celesta's fat, overweight crock. That made her more moist and she began to fap and continued to pray with one hoof. Suddenly, a large boom sounded. It was a knock at the door. The door was standing there with no hinges due to the lack of wall. She crawled up to the door with one hand still down near her crock and tapped the door. The door fell onto her as Shrek charged through with his fat ogre crocks. Shrek picked up the door and opened his potato to say 'ITS TIME FOR A CHECK UP! LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE AN OGRE BITE!'. Shrek picked up twilight to shove his fat crocks down her throat. He dropped twilight and skipped away with his massive twilicane sticking from his buttocks.

Meanwhile back at lyras home Gordon Ramsay was pissed. He was pissed because lyra has shat in what remained of his tomato garden. Because Gordon was pissed this made lyra pissed about her being pissed at gorden for being pissed that she pissed on his pissed on tomatoes making him pissed that she was pissed that she pissed on his due to his piss and made him pissed about her pissed being pissed. This made them both pissed. Suddenly Billy Mays popped out from his tombstone to say hello and to sell Lyra a ghost house as billy wasn't alive but still did really shitty deals on QVC. Lyra bought the house with her awaiting mammal sized crocks and was happy to get rid of them. She lived happily ever after in her ghost house. But... Back in spikes shitty life, he teleported with his alicorn magic to lyras ghost tomato garden and stole her element of nudity. After he stole lyras shit he flew with his magical alicorn witchcraft around lyras ghost backyard farm making a tornado as spike is a weather alicorn. Lyras whole ghost house was sucked into a the tornado destroying it and spreading all of its rubble throughout ponyville knocking out Shrek and leaving him naked with a twilicane stuck right up his ass.

back in the sane part of ponyville along with a million peices of shit due to lyras house. Borris johnson was at pinkie pies house with her mother rapie pie and her father sexie pie. A glass mug was stuck over borris' head and rapie pie and sexie pie was using lube to make him horny enough to get the glass mug stuck on his head off. He suddenly farted so high due to his alicorn powers of rape, that he flew all the way to rainbow dashes clown house floating near by. He smashed through her clown wall and bounced around the room with his lovely soaking wet crock. He took his crock off and threw it at rainbow dash while he was still bouncing around the room. The crock hit her piano making her whole house collapse and all of the clown rubble fell onto ponyville and destroyed everything but everything making the whole house turn into an atomic bomb. Once it touched shreks naked ass with a twilicane stuck right in it, it exploded and did jack shit but make sweet apple achers explode into 1 piece. Making the whole house-atomic-clown-bomb totally destroyed and useless. Rainbow dash was homeless, terroristlessnessed and had no money left from getting her crock extension.

Back at pinkies home, rarity had knocked her back door down as the front door was made of iron, making it impossible to brake down. Rarity grabbed pinkies back door and shoved it onto her crocks and put it in the oven for later. Rarity used her alicorn witchcraft to fly up to pinkies fapping room and give spike a nice hug. Spike was unconscious from his weather alicorn orgasm tornado and was lying in the pile of pinkies cum left in the corner of the room to dry for eating later. Rarity used the cum to cover their bodies as she grabbed spike in her imagery dressing gown v2 and flew to twilights non existing house while pinkie was just stood there looking at the shit what when down. It made her horny making her fly around pluto and stealing discords home from there. She will use his home as her cum tissue from now on.

Back at twilights non existing library she was still praying to Shrek while his massive crocks where still lodged down her throat. Twilight crawled into the kitchen with her butter shaped knife and pulled a potato from under the floors boards. She rammed the potato down her crock and it decided to go hard. It was so hard and sexy that it grew straight through her leaves from her missing walls what once was her tree library home house lab. She decided to continue on with her normal daily chores after finishing masturbating and decided to go deep into ponyville to buy some shopping because she wanted new shoes and shit. She walked around like she paid the rent and bought some stupid socks while smashing all of the houses of ponyville with her massive tree sized crock. By sunset she had smashed all of the houses in ponyville with her tree sized crock and had  bought some lovely princess molestia socks. she floor boarded back home on her crock and decided to stay in her wall-less home for the rest of the day.

After the atomic attack with rainbow dashes clown home house bomb thing, apple acres was shatter into one piece and the farm was in ruins. So, Applejack used her alicorn powers of Incest to make herself into a 60ft crock. She then placed the farm back together to fix apple acres. However, she was now a massive 60ft crock and had no alicorn powers or incest. She had to flop all the way to ponyville destroying the rest of the houses in ponyville to ask pinkie pie to fix her sassy body. Luckily all of the mane six's houses were perfectly fine from the twilights massive crock attack. But rainbow dashes house was still fucked and twilights house still had no walls. She went to pinkies house and fixed the problem and after her alicorn powers were back she teleported discord to ponyville as he was homeless on pluto. Discord had shit planned.

SteamCrafters Vs Jizmo : Writing in 10 minutes : The magical Cum Spoon : SteamCrafters

once apon a time there was a twilight sparkel. she sat there humping her spoon out. it was a magical spoon because she had casted a spell on it which made it cum. it came everytime she touched it and make her turned on because it produced a mssive amount of cum. but one day, she was horny. She decided to make the spoon cum to the maximum. She dragged the spoon to her bed and put her socks on because ponies are always nude and its sexy to have socks on. She got sexy rainbow dash socks as she was married to rainbow dash and they made out a lot with her and she had the side relation ship with the spoon. She dragged the spoon in bed and began to lick it out to see how much come it would produce in a matter of minutes. She finally arrived in bed and threw the horney spoon onto the bed. She licked it out slowly with her saused up tounge and the spoon responded 'Lick me out twily'. She jumped and flew to mars as the spoon ha d never spoken before and she came several times on the way to mars making it rain cum for several days in ponyville making everyone horney. After twilight had calmed down she flew back down still cumming and making cum to still rain down onto pony ville. She flew into her house with her alicorn witchcraft and got back into bed with the spoon to continue licking it out. She began to mumble into the spoon. 'When the actual fuck could you actually speak?' the spoon responded 'ALWAYS!'. She was graceful as fuck for this and conitnued to lick out the spoon. After a while she gotten bored and she grabbed the poon and shoved it right into her vagazzled vajaina because fuck the mainstream. When it arrived at her sensitive pussy she orgasmed and flooded her house. She swam out of the cum to the front door to open it. the cum flew out and went to the moon to make luna horny. After luna had calmed down orgasming over the now dry cum she came down ponyville to lick out twilight who had been shoving the spoon up her vajina for serveal days now. Luna shoved her horn into her butt after getting bored with licking out twilight but her butt gatherd a massive amount of magic from her horn and was sucked twilight came. And thats how the big  bang began and created the whole universe.

SteamCrafters Vs Jizmo : Writing in 10 minutes : Tattoo Da Bum : SpecialJizmo

Once upon a time, in a magical land of Ponyville #creative.

There lived a small boy called Pandabear. He didn't like the

fact he didn't have a tattoo on his ass like the other ponies.

However, he didn't want to join the cutie mark crusaders

coz he thought it was slightly bent, but not gay... just a bit

bent... But this Stallion was a swag of shit... which ment he

was a proficy of star-well the bearded.mov series.

This proficy ment he had the curse of steam crafters were

your story had  to involve a spoon with a big alien and

some sort of sex with spike including Chuck Norris or

Boris Johnson.

And then he thought that made no sense so he went to a

tattoo parler and showed the steam crafters spoon with a

big alien and some sort of sex with spike including

Chuck Norris or Boris Johnson. So instead of going on a gay

adventure not bent... gay: like the other six. He decieded to

get a tattoo on his bum that will stay unlike some magical

bull shit....

THE END