The Kingdom of Tom

by ChucklesMcJingleberry

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1499

In a world of technicolor talking ponies, one rock rules above them all, granting his wisdom as guidance. The Kingdom of Tom is the most powerful monarchy in the land, but it has many enemies.

In a world of technicolor talking ponies, one rock rules above them all, granting his wisdom as guidance. The Kingdom of Tom is the most powerful monarchy in the land, but it has many enemies.

Full story here.

Published 2014-03-23 16:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-23 16:40:03 UTC

The Kingdom, as it was.

Tom sat upon his balcony, overlooking his vast kingdom. He had ruled for many years, overseeing his growing empire with a watchful eye. His servants catered to him every minute, for Tom was a kind and wise ruler, and would never abuse those who were loyal to him. The sun shone a lustrous orange over the marble white towers, filling all with a sense of wonder and gratitude to their wise and benevolent master. Sure, Tom could use his authority over all to make them do his bidding, but the truth was, they would gladly serve him, asking nothing other than that he be happy with them. But they need not even ask, for Tom loved all and was always pleased with his people. Tom loved to take in the sight of his kingdom, to see the lovely faces of his people. And he didn't even need to worry about taking in the unpleasant sight of poverty, for he had sorted out that foolishness long ago. But this story isn't about how amazing Tom is, how vast his wisdom is, or how all powerful and loving. This story is not about his amazing structure for an economy, or how fairly he treats his subjects. This story is about the Kingdom itself, as a whole, that flourished under his magnificence. We shall begin a great time in the past, when Tom was granted authority over the country of Equestria. We will not go into detail as to why he was granted rule, for that ought to be obvious by now. We will not detail the ceremony that not only all ponies, but all creatures of Equestria attended. We shall begin this story shortly after Tom's coronation.

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The three remaining princesses, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Twilight knelt before the all knowing monarch. Are you wondering whatever happened to Princess Cadence? Well that is quite simple: immediately after his coronation, Tom had order the crucifixion and burning of Cadence. He then had each individual ash that remained of her body transported to a different dimension, for each one contained an unspeakable evil that must be eradicated if Tom's monarchy would ever flourish. Of, Cadence happily agreed to this, for she had been contemplating ending her miserable life ever since her husband had come out of the closet as a homosexual and left her for BigMacintosh.

"Oh great and beautiful Tom, whatever can we do for you." Said Celestia, her eyes pointing to the ground, fearing that she may be blinded by Tom's shining magnificence.

"Oh yes, great and powerful master, what can we do to please you?" Said Twilight, mimicking Celestia. Luna said nothing, for she was humble and wise, almost but not quite as humble and wise as Tom. She would later come before him, and beg him to take her as his bride, but he would decline the second best pony, stating that if he were to give all his love to her, he would be unable to properly love all his subjects.

"My most loved pony children, bring me to the Everfree forest, that I may send it from this world." The three Alicorns bowed before him, and then moved to pick him up.

"Halt, do not touch me." They jerked back, not wanting to displease their beautiful master.

"If any of you touch me, you will die from the pure awesomeness emanating from me. Only one who is pure of heart can touch me, and all of you have a lot of R34 about you, and most of it is true." Every pony gasped, and the princesses blushed and looked to the ground. Of course Tom would know this, for he was all knowing and all powerful, and the very ground shivered beneath him, afraid to touch his pure amazingness.

"Bring to me Derpy Hooves, for while much r34 has been made of her, none of it is true. She is the most pure of all ponies and the only one who may ever touch me. Come forth, Derpy Hooves." And so came the most beautiful and pure mare in the kingdom,  the one that Tom had originally planned to take as a wife, because that whole line he would give to Luna was complete B.S., and he was just holding out for her.

"Kneel, fair mare, and I shall bestow upon you a new name." Derpy knelt, and Tom's essence extended to her through the very fabric of space and time. Suddenly, she jerked upright, and her eyes aligned.

"From here and onward, you shall be called Bright Eyes. May all humble themselves before you." Bright Eyes curtly nodded, but said nothing.

"Now, pick me up and take me to the Everfree forest." And so Bright Eyes did, but this part we must skip, for it is not known what transgressed between the great Tom and the Everfree forest. All that is know is that Tom spoke to the forest, and it immediately fled him, and has never been seen again.

After Tom had banished the Everfree forest, he had Canterlot destroyed, for it was built on the side of a mountain and he knew that one day that mountain would explode for no particular reason and if that city were there, all those people would die. How did he know this? Don't fucking question Tom you loser!

"Tom's then moved into the abandoned castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, and the minute he touched the stonework of the castle, it changed from its decrepit shape into a vast and beautiful castle, far greater than anything that had ever been seen before. To this day he has inhabited that place, and the castle is now and has since been called JigglesMcFluffles Castle.

And thus the kingdom flourished, the death rate hit 0, and Pinkie Pie developed her own religious belief called "The Church of Pinkamena". They followed the belief that logic should be left behind if one is to truly find inner peace. They had an entire wing devoted to them, for Tom knew that while this belief was not exact to the Truth, it was much closer than any that had come before, and would be a good way to make the ponydom accustomed to the new way of life he would bring to them.

Now, after this era of preparation, Tom pushed for the strengthening of all the lesser cities. It was unwise to have an overly large city in comparison to the rest, for if one place is overly strong, others must in turn become weaker. This was Tom's philosophy, Conservation. Tom had also begun training a military of stealth agent that would begin stealing money straight from the government of the Griffon Kingdom to the north, so that his empire would have a stronger balance than his neighbors. Overtime, the griffons became aware that their income was dramatically decreasing, and they came to Tom for wisdom. He told them that they should bring their money to his strong empire, and that his powerful soldiers would watch over it for them. They brought all their gold that their dollars represented and after they locked it away, they were ambushed and slaughtered like the lesser beings they were. Tom pulled this trickery again and again, for no mortal creature could ever hope to resist his wile and charms. The griffons economy collapsed almost immediately afterwards. The pony empire immediately enveloped upon the griffon empire, and to this day we keep them as slaves and pets. Of course, since then, we have been breeding them to be weaker than their ancestors: weaker, smaller and more passive. Are you wondering what happened to that spirit of chaos that troubled the weaker ponies? He is Tom's bitch. Now, the unicorns of Equestria worked day and night studying magic. They were hoping to find a spell to change the climate of the north. They never found one, so they just cross bred a pony with a griffon and made a piffony. To this day, the far north and far south stretches of Equestria. They have talons and large feathers all over their bodies, but they have a wing and horn variance of normal ponies.

After the settlements were placed in northern Equestria, Tom began extended across the sea, not to the countries on the otherside, but to the ocean floor. There he harnessed the magic of the sea ponies and built our ocean base. Little is known about what goes on down there, but it is probably pretty cool.

Now that he had expanded over half the world, he settled in his kingdom and began leading them through an era of advancement. New types of buildings were created, new structure materials, the economy boomed and all that bullshit. Eventually, there were colonists from the countries on the other side of the planet.