The Folly of a Distant Mind

by Wematis

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Tragedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 7645

A strange character appears suddenly in Equestria. He bears resemblance to the humans of old, but as time goes on it becomes increasingly apparent that he is not exactly what he seems.

When a strange human appears in Luna's bedroom, everypony's lives take a sudden turn for the complicated. He is an enigma, saying nothing and watching everything. Who is he? Why has he come to Equestria? What dark secrets hide beneath his emotionless mask?
Unfortunately, time reveals that some mysteries are better left unsolved.

Takes place roughly after the events of season three, meaning Princess Twilight is a thing, and season four hasn't happened yet (and won't be a part of the story).

Will add character tags as needed.
Also, woo! Finally I actually got around to publishing something! Please don't go easy with your critique. I want to hear the brutal truth.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-30 05:29:12 UTC

Stellar Entrance

Luna yawned as she glided back towards Canterlot Castle. Yet again, the night had been entirely uneventful, monsters and other unsavory beings far too few and far between to cause any ruckus. With no small amount of guilt, the night princess wished the era of prosperity Celestia had managed to bring about was a little less prosperous and a little more violent - not that she had anything against prosperity! She just wished there was a bit more excitement in her nights. She was her sister's opposite in many ways, and thus while Celestia was perfectly content with ruling from afar, solving the nobles' petty squabbles and sending others to take care of the few dangers that popped up now and then, Luna much preferred getting her hooves dirty, something she was finding increasingly difficult as even the few dangerous beasts that still stalked the night wised up and avoided her presence. With a sigh, she touched down on her landing balcony and stalked through the halls, not even trying to hide her unrest.

By the time she reached the dining hall, it was time for the moon to be lowered, which she did with a robotic flick if her horn, not even slowing down to acknowledge her sister, who was doing the same. Plopping down on her cushion, she surveyed the pile of pancakes before her, a spark of life flickering back into her eyes. Modern food, as with all of modern culture, was certainly strange and different, but one thing that was absolutely an improvement was the invention of pancakes. Pouring a liberal amount of syrup over the stack, she dug in with undisguised gusto.

Celestia eyed her sister with bemusement. "Would it hurt for you to eat with some manners for once, sister?"

Luna just glared at the other princess, crouching defensively over the mutilated pile of pure pancakey pleasure like a dog over his favorite bone, continuing to devour the sugary goodness with reckless abandon.

Raising an eyebrow and sipping her morning tea, the immortal alicorn of the sun continued with a touch of concern in her voice, "Is everything all right, Luna? You seem irritated."

Luna groaned and bit back a scathing remark about her sister's large, pointy nose. "I'm bored, Tia!" she whined, resting her head next to her now-empty plate. "Nothing ever happens in this stupid country."

Celestia smiled warmly, the motherly smile she had come to adopt when listening to her subjects' problems. To Luna, it just looked patronizing. "What exactly do you want to 'happen,' Luna?" she asked, a hint of laughter in her voice.

"Something, anything! It's just so uneventful nowadays, it's driving me crazy!"

The sun princess, done with her tea, busied herself straightening her tangled mane, distractedly continuing the conversation, "Well, what do you want me to do about that? Release a pack of Hellhounds for you to hunt down?"

Luna's ears perked up, and she glanced at her sister with an innocent, hopeful expression. Celestia froze, realizing what she had said a second too late.

"That... was a joke, Luna." Luna affixed the other alicorn with her best impression of a puppy dog, but Celestia was unswayed. "No, Luna. We are not releasing dangerous and destructive beasts from Tartarus on our subjects."

Luna moaned in disappointment. "You're no fun anymore," she grumbled, back to her previous surly mood.

Celestia sighed. "I'm sorry, Lulu. I'm doing my best, but I've got to keep the needs of Equestria in mind. The Day Court is starting. I'll see you at dinner."

Luna said nothing, determinedly staring at the wall opposite her sister. Once she heard Celestia's hooves fade down the hallway, she let out another sigh. Quietly, she asked the empty room, "Do the needs of Equestria come before the needs of your family, Tia?"

Luna was still moping by the time she entered her bedchambers, the jovial light of the rising sun taunting her as she shut the curtains tight across the windows. Tossing her regalia unceremoniously in a corner, she flopped tiredly on her bed, entertaining herself by vigorously bemoaning her truly detestable fate. After a few moments of this, however, she couldn't keep it up, and, giggling a bit, let all the negative emotions roll off her back like a satisfied lover after a long night. She knew she was truly lucky that things worked out as well as they had.

Extending her consciousness outwards, Luna could feel her little ponies slowly waking up, content after a good night's sleep, and ready to take on the day ahead. Her heart swelled with pride knowing it was she who kept their homes safe from the creatures that roamed in the darkness, who brought peace to their turbulent dreams and who vanquished even the most terrifying of nightmares. She smiled, and snuggled further into her bed, surrounded by contentedness as she drifted off to sleep.

Suddenly, just as the night princess was about to fall asleep, a deep thrumming sound reverberated through her room, jarring her violently awake. She started up in a panic, looking around wildly for the source of the disturbance. It was not difficult to find - there, in the corner furthest from the door, a blue glow seemed to bend space into itself, warping dimensions in a way that would make a lesser pony go insane. Luna simply stared in astonishment, frozen in place as she watched the blue glow twist and bend, reality being dragged unwillingly along with it. Presently the glow solidified into a tall cylinder of light, stretching from the floor upwards nearly to the ceiling of her room. It slowly mounted in intensity, the omnipresent hum building in tandem. Finally it reached a peak and, with a bright flash, the humming ceased and the blue glow began to fade. Blinking away the afterimage seared in her retinas, Luna tried to see what lay inside the light's circle of influence, only for fear to snake its way in among the confusion once she saw it.

It was a human. A male, tall with short brown hair and brooding black eyes. His mouth was set in an almost disdainful frown, and he scanned the room with clinical efficiency before resting his gaze on the astonished pony. If he was surprised by her appearance, he showed not a single sign. He simply stared, unnervingly and unblinkingly, as if into her very soul.

Luna, shaking herself out of her state of frozen shock, quickly jumped backwards and erected a powerful shield around the strange intruder, heart beating fast as adrenaline rushed to replace the initial surprise. Almost reflexively, her horn flared to establish a connection with her sister, informing the other mare of the strange occurrence and requesting her to come in due haste. That finished, Luna simply sat on her bed, staring intently at the human, confusion and fear still running rampant in her head. For his part, the human simply took a seat, sitting patiently and emotionlessly on the floor within the bubble that trapped him. However, on closer inspection it was clear that his nonchalance was only on the surface. His eyes continued to rove restlessly around the room, drinking in every detail.

There was a knock at the door. In spite of every precaution, there was a knock on the door.

Octavia placed her bow down gently, lovingly returning it to its place in her cello's case. Her instrument, too, was lowered with the utmost of care. Even in the midst of growing irritation, she was not a mare to lose her temper. She would stay calm, especially around her pride and joy.

Composing herself, as any gentlemare should, she trotted daintily downstairs and to the front door of her house, taking a small breath in preparation before opening it.

"I have made it abundantly clear to that I do not wish to be disturbed during my practice sessions. Why   di-"

It was at this moment that the irked cellist lowered her nose far enough to see who it was she was talking to, and suddenly the blood drained from her face, mouth going dry as sandpaper. Later, she would swear she saw the life flash before her eyes at that exact moment.

"Very sorry, dear," Lyra said with a gentle smile. "I was simply wondering if you knew where your roommate was. I would very much like if we all could get together sometime."

Octavia swallowed, working her mouth for a few moments before she was able to respond. "Vinyl just went out to grab some food. I will see if she's available."

"That would be lovely, 'Tavi. Come to my place sometime, would you? I'll get my other friend's head out of the clouds and we can have some tea, hmm?"

Octavia nodded furiously. "Oh, yes that would be lovely! I simply cannot wait."

Lyra gave the other pony a magnanimous smile and began to trot off. "Take care, hon. I'm glad we had this chat, and say hi to Vinyl for me, would you? I do so miss her antics."

Once the pale green mare had left, Octavia slowly let out the breath she had been holding, closing the door and panting, trying to get her heart back under control. Shaking the feeling aside, she hastened to grab her saddlebags and rushed out the door, not even stopping to properly put away her cello. She had to find Vinyl, and fast.

Shaky Beginnings

"Well," remarked Celestia, staring intently at the being sitting patiently within her sister's magical shield, "he is certainly human, or at least descended in some way from them."

Luna grunted, still peering pensively at the creature, as if her continued stare could eventually reveal all its secrets.

Celestia glanced at her sister for a moment, then continued. "The humans of old were shorter, stockier. Perhaps this is simply a byproduct of the species' natural development." Frowning, the sun goddess began to do mental calculations, trying to plan the best possible method of handling the situation. "This could prove problematic. Humans were a passionate breed, and very prone to violence."

The night princess snorted. "I've been watching this thing for an hour now. I do believe passionate is about the furthest word from describing him as one can get. He has not so much as moved an eyelid."

Celestia hummed in acknowledgement, still crunching the numbers. With a sigh, she conceded, "Well, we cannot simply lock him away forever. He should be given a chance to prove himself, much as such a situation worries me. Humans were not exclusively evil, we must remember."

Luna nodded, though she did not like it. Condemning an individual due to the sins of its species was an inexcusable crime in both sisters' eyes. "Very well. I shall lower the sound barrier first." With a slight pulse from her horn, the area around the magical shield shimmered, though the shield remained.

Clearing her throat regally, Celestia raised her head with an air of royal authority. "Greetings, human," she proclaimed in firm but kind voice. "It has been a very long time since Mine eyes last fell upon a being of your kind. Pray, inform us of the circumstances that see you here, that we may move forward in our undoubtedly peaceful relations."

Luna glanced at her sister in amusement, hiding a slight smirk. Out of the corner of her mouth, she remarked, "Old habits, eh, Tia dear?"

"Shush," hissed the elder, regal pose still aimed at the human. "I am simply trying to make a good first impression."

For his part, the human... just kept sitting. His wandering gaze was now trained squarely on the two ponies, but aside from that he reacted not one bit to the white-coated princess's speech. After a drawn-out moment of the two parties simply staring at each other, the princesses shifted uncomfortably.

"He's not responding," hissed Luna urgently.

"I can see that, Luna," Celestia grunted irritably. "Perhaps he does not know our language. In fact, upon thinking about it I must admit I feel somewhat silly for even considering it likely that he would understand us."

"Why do you say that?" Luna asked in confusion.

"Here in Equestria, we have a single unifying language, but outside our borders many other languages abound, Equestrian the least of them. Obviously he hails from far away, else I would have known of the existence of surviving humans. Thus, he likely has not had any prior experience with our language at all."

After a short pause, Celestia cleared her throat again and repeated her phrase in Zebrican. When this did not garner results, she tried again in Gryphonic. Then Draconic. Old Equuish. Deep Tongue. Breezian. Shadowspeak. The list went on and on.

Celestia sighed. It was going to be a long day.

Far later in the day, Luna quietly opened the door to her chambers, sneaking back in so as not to disturb Celestia's marathon of languages. Being stuck on the moon for one thousand years meant the younger sister's knowledge of newer languages was sorely lacking, and thus management of the Day Court had fallen on her shoulders while Celestia busied herself with their newest guest. From the looks of things, however, they had not made much progress yet.

Finishing her sentence in Wyverian, Celestia turned to Luna, a small frown betraying her frustration. "Every language I know, sister. Every single one. Not a one of them afforded so much as a spark of recognition."

"That does certainly make things more complicated," said Luna wryly. "Perhaps it simply does not have the capacity for speech?"

Celestia shot her sister a disapproving look. "I do not believe so. I can see a depth of knowledge within his eyes, and he certainly knows I am speaking to him, though the words mean nothing. Nay, I am afraid he simply does not speak any language known to us, strange as that may be. It is possible he hails from far within the Outlands - I have not approached that dreadful place in a very long time."

Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "There is another possibility - he may be from another realm entirely."

Celestia raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Unlikely. The energy required to cross between universes is far beyond even the strongest of magics, forbidden arts included, and no safe method of doing so has ever been developed, even theoretically. Besides, humans were the last of the nonmagical creatures, remember. There is no way a man could harness that kind of energy."

Luna shrugged. "If you say so. It is simply one possibility, meager as the list of alternatives may be."

Celestia rubbed her head with a hoof. The whole situation was far too filled with unknown variables. "Whatever," she replied somewhat snippily. "For now, was must let him out - it would be inhumane for us to keep him locked up much longer. We shall assign a guard to accompany him until we can establish communication with him and determine he is not a threat."

"Shall we also send for the Elements of Harmony? Their aid could prove valuable in communicating with him, and they are always good to have around should he prove more dangerous than expected."

Celestia nodded. "I agree. I will send Twilight a letter come morning. Go find a reliable unicorn guard, I shall keep our guest company a while longer."

Sturdy Ground shifted slightly on his hooves, working some feeling back into his legs. Having a night shift had sounded exciting when he first got the transfer - the night guards were always on about how exciting it was to go out alongside Princess Luna herself, slaying powerful beasts that threatened the kingdom. What they didn't mention, however, was that such events were rather few and far between. Most of his time was spent standing guard in front of a nondescript door in the middle of some dusty part of the castle, where he would be lucky to see even a single pony go by over an eight-hour shift. It didn't help, either, that Luna's elite batpony guards were notoriously bad conversationalists.

The bored guard perked up when he heard the clopping hooves of an approaching pony. Straightening up to be as professional as possible, he pointed his gaze straight ahead, though in truth he was looking out of the corner of his eye at the approaching individual. It was to his considerable surprise, then, (though of course he did not show it) that he saw Princess Luna herself walking regally towards him, stopping when she reached his position.

"Private Sturdy Ground, I have a new assignment for you. You have proven yourself to be a trustworthy and reliable guard, and I must stress that the task I set to you is of the utmost importance."

"Uh, of course, Princess, I understand," the unicorn said with a bow, slightly confused.

The alicorn nodded, satisfied. "Very well. Please, come. I have already sent for a replacement for your post. I will inform you of your new duty as we walk."

"Are you quite certain, my lord?"

The room was poorly lit, the only light coming from two glowing crystals. The first, an enchanted ruby lamp, let out a soft red glow from the center of a large table, illuminating the snouts of the twelve small, hunched figures gathered around it. The second gem was a large, intricately carved melanite stone, which glowed with a dark aura that as much dimmed the room as it did illuminate it. This gem was embedded at the top if the gnarled staff held by the thirteenth creature in the room.

This one shared the same build as the other figures, but he stood nearly double their height, towering imposingly over the table and leaving no doubt who was the superior. His muzzle, barely visible in the dim red light, was mottled with scars and age, though any who presumed to take this as a sign of weakness quickly came to regret such insolence. The figure chuckled at the question, as if the possibility of him being wrong was simply ludicrous.

"Of course I am sure. Every sign has been fulfilled, just as was foretold. The Empty Man has arrived in the Land of the Gods, and He will lead us to strike just when the Great Oppressors are at their weakest."

The smaller figures clamored in assent, eager to display their eagerness to their master.

"I will lead the tribes of this world in glorious battle," the large one continued. "We shall wash this land clean with rivers of blood, and show the world the true meaning of war!" The smaller creatures cheered wildly, the thought of violence quickly overpowering their capacity for intellect. With an impatient flick of his wrist, their leader dismissed them. "Now go! Preparations must continue on schedule!"

He followed them out of the room and onto a balcony overlooking a massive cavern. On the floor far below him stood thousands upon thousands of diamond dogs, all working frantically to create weapons, armor, and other equipment, as well as fighting savagely among themselves in order to train themselves for the battles ahead. Gazing upon his domain, the huge diamond dog's lips turned upwards in a vicious snarl. Throwing his head back, he let out a feral roar, listening with satisfaction as every dog in the cavern stopped what they were doing and let out a savage roar in return. For minutes after they had finished, the echoes of their frenzied shouts still echoed across the massive chamber, spurring them to even greater heights of tireless labor.

Diversions

"So, if I understand this correctly... I am just to follow it around," clarified Sturdy Ground with a raised eyebrow.

Luna nodded. "That is correct. Until we overcome the language barrier, he must be kept confined to the castle, but we can't rightly keep him locked in a bubble while we figure it out."

Sturdy nodded sagely. "Instead, you'd rather lock him in a slightly larger bubble."

Luna glared at him. "There are limits to how lenient we may be with an unidentified threat. Besides, at least it'll give him some illusion of freedom. Better house arrest than prison cell."

The unicorn shrugged as they approached the door to Luna's room. "I suppose." As a guard, thoughtful responses were rather low on the list of things that got him paid.

Inside, the situation remained almost exactly as it had been when Luna left. The human, still confined to his little private bubble, had not moved an inch. Celestia, too seemed to have done nothing else but sit and wait patiently for her sister's return. Visible relief flashed across her face as the two entered.

"Ah, good. Now that you have returned, I do believe it is time for us to let this poor man out. I assume you explained the situation along the way?"

Luna nodded, raising a concerned eyebrow at her sister. It was rare for her to lose her patience like this. "Of course. Private Sturdy Ground will accompany the human from a respectful distance, preventing him from leaving the castle grounds and from harming anypony he comes across. Henceforth, he shall hold a twelve-hour shift from six in the evening to six in the morning, at which point a member of the day shift will take over."

Sturdy's eyes bulged. "Twelve hours?! You didn't say anything about that on the way here!"

Luna shot him a warning look, continuing as if she had not been interrupted. "Furthermore, every hour of his shift shall be considered overtime, and he will be paid as such. Is this agreeable, Private Sturdy Ground?" she asked, giving him a slight glare.

Sturdy Ground, for his part, quickly shut up and nodded furiously.

"Good, good, I'm glad we're all on the same page!" Celestia said happily. "With that squared away, shall we lower the shield, Luna?"

Luna resisted the urge to roll her eyes and nodded, dissipating the shield with no fanfare. The three ponies looked to the human expectantly, slightly tense. It was still possible he would be violent.

The man shift, stretched, and pushed himself to his feet. Glancing at the three, the corner of his mouth twitched upwards in mirth for the slightest moment, barely noticeable before reverting to its usual slight frown. He then walked immediately to the nearby bookshelf, snatching the top leftmost book off the shelf and sitting back down. He then began flipping through the pages at an unnatural speed, once again ignoring the ponies entirely.

For their part, Luna and Sturdy just gaped at their guest, while Celestia glared daggers at him. "I don't know why I expected anything else," she grumbled. "I do believe we have found ourselves with the most irritatingly dull creature to ever exist."

Luna couldn't help but nod, still staring nonplussed at the human, now completely engrossed in the book. "I didn't want him to do something violent, but at the very least he could have been exciting about it. Hay, he's not even mad at us for imprisoning him!"

Sturdy Ground, having got over his astonishment somewhat faster, was now feeling rather confused. "This guy... you said he can't understand us, right?" The two princesses nodded in affirmation. "Then how is he reading that book?"

The sisters shut up and stared at the human, now with similarly confused looks on their faces. "I suppose..." Celestia began haltingly, "he must be simply flipping the pages without reading the words. Perhaps he is searching for something he can understand."

Luna added, "Nobody could possibly read that fast, regardless. I do hope you are right, sister. The process of understanding one another will be much easier with both sides mutually working towards it."

Celestia nodded emphatically, smiling just a little too brightly. "Well! It seems everything is squared away here, then, so I shall now take my leave! I am going to bed. Goodnight, and if the human is dead tomorrow I will be rather irritated!" With that, and without waiting for a response from the other two, Celestia teleported out of the room with a flourish. Sturdy chuckled as this cause the man to jump slightly, staring in surprise at the place the white alicorn used to be.

Princess Luna frowned, too worried about her sister to notice the human's reaction. Something about him threw her sister off, to a degree Luna had not seen since Discord's return. What it was, she couldn't tell - the human did not feel unsettling to her, just a bit weird. She would have to ask her sister about it later. For now, however, she had her duties to fulfill. "I, too, must now take my leave. I trust you can handle him for the night?" Sturdy Ground saluted in affirmation, attempting to fall back into his professional mannerisms. "Good. See to it he doesn't do anything bad." As she left the room, Luna suddenly poked her head back in, adding, "Oh, and do try to coax him out of my bedroom, if possible."

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...

Sturdy Ground had to admit he was impressed. The human, against all odds, had managed to create a job that was even more dull that guard duty. The unicorn sat disinterestedly, watching the man flip through the pages of his book with unerring speed. Finally, he made it to the final page of the thick text, closing it and replacing it on the shelf. He then immediately grabbed the book next to it, bringing it back to where he had been sitting.

"Oh, that is it!" Sturdy cried in frustration, snatching a deck of cards out of his pocket. Pointing an accusing hoof at the man, who looked at him with slight interest, he proclaimed, "I am teaching you a game, and we are going to play it!"

The human watched in amusement as Sturdy flopped down across from where he was sitting and pushed the book out of the way. Shuffling the deck with practiced speed, the guard dealt two cards to each player, laying the rest of the deck in the middle. Reaching into another pocket with his magic, he brought out a small bag of bits, and set a modest pile in front of each of them. Pushing one into the middle, Sturdy looked to the human expectantly, only to find him doing the same, now much more interested in the game. As his guard flipped three cards from the top of the deck, the man began to chuckle in amusement, pushing a couple bits into the betting pool. Sturdy matched his bet, flipping over another card and tossing a bit into the pile. Still chuckling, the man matched his bet and watched a fifth card be revealed, adding a couple more bits to the pool. Sturdy raised an extra one, which the man matched and they revealed their cards, the man's chuckles devolving into full-on bellows of laughter at this point.

Sturdy Ground, meanwhile, couldn't believe it. The guy knew how to play poker! He spoke an entirely different language, one so foreign even the princesses didn't know it, yet he knew the same games, or at least one of them. That simply didn't make sense, and from the looks of the man's laughter, he agreed. Finally the human pulled himself together and adopted his regular poker face, grabbing the deck and looking through the cards. He may have known the rules of the game, but the deck they played with was entirely foreign. The next few dozen rounds he spent learning what combinations beat others, his pile of bits slowly dwindling. By the time he fully grasped the game, his pile was puny compared to the unicorn's. Still, Sturdy could see the man was good. Once he had a full grasp of what beat what, the human put up a valiant fight, his guard only winning due to a combination of luck and his opponent having started at a rather large disadvantage.

As he shoveled his bits back into their bag, Sturdy gestured to his charge. "Dude, you've got to come with me, I swear it'll be fun." He felt a bit silly talking to someone who couldn't actually understand him, but he was fairly confident his overall message was clear enough. The human hesitated a little, glancing at the book left lying on the floor, before shrugging, putting the book back in its place on the shelf and following the unicorn out of Luna's room.

Sturdy led the man through the twisting corridors, careful to make sure he was being followed. If the only requirement I'm given is that this guy needs to be in sight, I could really get used to this job, he thought with a grin. On their way through the halls, they passed a few ponies, getting a couple strange looks, but not much else. Being the capital of one of the most influential countries in the world and home to the two immortal alicorns who raised the sun and moon, Canterlot was always hosting strange beings from far-off lands, and the ponies who called it their home were used to it, and knew better than to ask questions. Finally the two made it to their destination, Sturdy Ground throwing open the doors to the Guards' Quarters with a flourish. "Welcome to my home," he said proudly. The man looked on in interest, roving eyes taking in every detail. As it was nearly midnight, most of the guards were already asleep, the ones who weren't glancing at the strange newcomer with disinterest. Leading him further in, Sturdy gestured the man to a large table set in the center of a lounge-type room, a handful of guards sitting around it, piles of chips of varying sizes in front of them.

Sitting down in an empty seat, the man taking another, Sturdy gave a grizzled old stallion a grin. "Deal us in, Rough."

Rough Patch, who had the largest pile on the table, glanced at Sturdy Ground with steel-grey eyes. "I don't see any chips in front of you, buddy. Who's the weird one?" he asked, gesturing to the human.

Sturdy shrugged. "He appeared mysteriously in Luna's bedroom. He doesn't speak Equestrian, but he does speak poker." Tossing the old veteran a handful of bits, he added, "half for me, half for the human over there."

Rough shrugged, knowing better than to ask questions about such a situation, sliding both players a small pile of chips. After a quick explanation of the values of each chip, the two were ready to play.

Celestia yawned hugely, sipping her tea as she walked briskly towards the Guards' Quarters. She had gotten up rather early, as she had much to take care of before her official day started. Despite her shorter rest, the sun princess felt invigorated once more. Technically, she did not need to sleep, being an immortal, but she and her sister tended to get irritable when they went too long without sleep, and force of habit meant she preferred a daily night's sleep.

Approaching the door to the Guards' Quarters, the alicorn was reminded of the task at hand. She needed to find a guard fit to take Private Sturdy Ground's role during the daylight hours. Going through the list of guards in her head as she walked in, she made a list of possible choices. Private Iron Skies seemed the best option, a reliable and hardworking guard who wouldn't hesitate to interject if things happened to go awry. Suddenly, she realized the halls were rather devoid of guards, even for such an early hour. Curiously looking through the rooms, she finally found them, all grouped around a large table.

Approaching the gaggle of guards, Princess Celestia asked in confusion, "What in the world is going on here?"

The guards, preoccupied as they were in whatever was happening on the table, had not noticed her, and jumped in shock, collectively hastening to bow and stand at attention, a chorus of "Princess Celestia!"s ringing out. The princess rolled her eyes and gestured for them to be at ease. She wasn't mad, just confused. However, a side effect of her startling them was they had parted, offering the alicorn full view of the table, where a couple of the guards' best poker players sat with miniscule piles of chips, their opponent being... the human?

Sure enough, the man sat in another seat, a huge pile of chips around him. Celestia watched, still confused, as he calmly revealed his cards, resulting in a chorus of groans around the table as he pulled the chips into his own pile. One of the guards at the table, now devoid of chips, slammed his hoof down with a cry of anger, stalking away from the table grumbling obscenities. Celestia just grinned in slowly growing amusement, watching as the man calmly and efficiently cleaned up the rest of the ponies' chips, each guard going out with a similar cry of frustration. Rough Patch was the last to go out, shaking his head slowly in astonishment.

"Sturdy, I don't know where you got this one. He's really something else."

"Fricken' monster's what he is," grumbled one of the more recent losers, nursing his hurt pride.

Just as Rough Patch went to get up, however, a small, ornately designed pouch of bits plopped down in front of him. Looking up in surprise, he saw Celestia herself sit down opposite the human, staring at the man in amusement. "Deal me in, Captain Rough Patch," she said with a grin. Suddenly every guard that had been watching, and a few more besides, crowded back around the table. This was gonna be good.

Rough chuckled, counting out the bits and sliding an equivalent pile of chips in front of her. Noting the amount she had been given, her opponent quickly counted out nearly half his chips and set them aside, leaving himself with the same number as the princess. Sturdy Ground began to count up the chips that had been set aside, converting them to bits and taking the money out of the bit pool, returning the chips to their case. With the playing field now level, the human shot Celestia a cheeky smile.

The immortal alicorn princess grinned, narrowing her eyes. "Oh, it is on."

Correcting Trajectory

Twilight Sparkle sat up with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she made her way out of bed. It was a beautiful spring morning, just the perfect temperature and not a cloud in the sky. Sparing a proud smile for the talented Ponyville weather team, the purple alicorn meandered her way downstairs, going through the motions of preparing breakfast as she mentally compiled a checklist of all the things she needed to do before the sun set. It was a fairly meager list all things considered. No doubt she would end up with some spare time, and would be able to do something with her friends later. The thought brought a pleasant smile to her face, completing the peaceful mood of the morning. Truly, it was a beautiful day in Ponyville, and everything was going to be-

Upstairs, a certain young purple dragon belched loudly. This was immediately followed by a shout of surprise, a sequence of violent crashes, and a low groan from the groggy assistant. "I'm up," he called weakly down the stairs.

"Spike! Was that from the princess?" Twilight called up, defly pouring pancake batter into a sizzling frying pan in perfect circles.

Spike quickly rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked the scroll laying beside him. Sure enough, it was enclosed with the official royal seal, still hot from when it had been applied. "Yeah," he called back down. "Looks sorta important, too."

"All right, bring it down while I finish breakfast," Twilight replied, desperately hoping it wouldn't be something that would interfere with the day's schedule. Wishful thinking, no doubt.

Spike stumbled downstairs, still walking the line between lucidity and unconsciousness. Trading the letter for a plate of pancakes, he hopped onto his chair and began to wolf them down, steadily taking the edge off his tiredness. Spike was definitely not a morning person.

Meanwhile, Twilight quickly broke the seal and skimmed the message, only to do a sudden double take and reread it, this time much more thoroughly. "Spike!" she cried, rushing over and pulling him away from his food, hastily herding him towards the door. "No time to eat! Run to each of the elements and tell them to pack only the essentials and meet me at the train station in time for the next train to Canterlot!"

Spike, now fully awake but far more confused, sputtered, "but that's in barely half an hour!"

A manic glint in her eye as she shoved him out the door, Twilight replied, "Then run faster!" Immediately she spun around and rushed back into her home, ripping books off the shelves and stacking them in the middle with wild abandon.

"...What are you doing?" asked Spike with trepidation.

"Packing the essentials!" she replied with a crazed, desperate sort of giggle. "Now GO!"

Realizing his surrogate sister was much too far gone for him to get any more out of her, and figuring she must have a rather good reason for the need for speed, Spike immediately turned tail and ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him. He would have to get answers later.

A bead of sweat ran down Celestia's normally pristine muzzle, gathering at the lowest point before making its silent way down to the distant floor. It went unnoticed, the sun princess's gaze firmly locked on her opponent. It all came down to this hand. She had forced him in, and he had taken the bait. Should he win the hand, he would be back in the game, bouncing back to nearly one third of the chips, more than enough for a comeback. If she won, however, it would be over. The human had proved a valiant adversary. His pokerface was one of the best she'd seen - not surprisingly, as it seemed to be his default expression even when not playing the game - and his grasp of the strategies was top notch. However, the princess had thousands of years' experience reading ponies, and humans were not much different. In the end, she found even he had cracks in his mask, and his strategies, too, were just a little bit outdated. There was a reason Celestia was universally considered the uncontested champion of poker, and though this human had come closer than most, in the end even he seemed to come up a bit short.

The final card was flipped - not that Celestia needed it. Her hand was already complete, the nearly unbeatable Royal Suite - and though it was technically possible for him to have gotten a Crown Jewel, the odds of that were astronomically slim. With an excited breath, the ruler of Equestria flipped over her cards, relishing the collective gasp of her guards as they saw what she had. Across the table, the human let out a little chuckle, a strange glint in his eyes as he unceremoniously flipped over his cards. Celestia braced for what could only be a dramatic, sudden shift in momentum, with her opponent inexplicably revealing the elusive Crown Jewe-

Huh.

In reality, he didn't even have anything special. A valuable hand, sure, but nothing close to beating her Royal Suite. Celestia stared, a little frown on her face. She had... won? It was just so very anticlimactic. Perhaps he had thought she was bluffing. He did seem to have trouble reading her pokerface throughout the game. Oh well, it had still been quite the exciting game, and far more of a challenge than she had had in centuries. With a shrug, the alicorn smugly pulled the chips in with the rest of her pile, relishing in the sweet taste of victory.

Amid the enthusiastic cheering of her guards, Celestia turned to Rough Patch, saying playfully, "Mr. Dealer, I believe I would like to cash these in."

Rough Patch rolled his eyes with a grin, pushing the pile of bits over to his superior. "Not bad, Princess. I see you haven't lost your touch."

"Pfft," the immortal goddess let out a rather unladylike snort. "As if."

Across the table, Sturdy Ground sat pouting over the loss of so many bits. "Dang it, dude! You didn't even put up a fight! She squeezed you like a sponge. If I hadn't just seen you beat the guards' best players, I wouldn't have even known you were good at the game, the way she trounced you!"

The human, calm as ever, looked to his accomplice blankly. Shrugging a little, he gestured to the bag sitting next to them, filled with exactly fifty golden bits.

Sturdy nodded. "I suppose you're right, it's not like you're walking away empty-hooved. Or handed, as the case may be." The night guard sighed as he was met once again with a blank stare. "You really need to work on that whole 'speaking our language' thing. I've got a bit of a nagging feeling that that might help you out some."

As Celestia cleared her throat, the entire room immediately calmed down, all mouths closed and all eyes fixed on the princess. "Thank you," she began gracefully. "Now, while this was certainly an entertaining diversion, it is about time we all got back to work. The next shift will start presently, and I will not tolerate lateness on the excuse of having spent too long watching a poker game. Sturdy Ground, you have been off duty for a couple hours now. I suggest you get some sleep, as you will be expected to resume your duties at six o'clock this evening, with no exceptions. Now - where is Private Iron Skies?"

As a dozen different guardsponies scrambled to help their ruler locate Private Iron Skies, Sturdy Ground sighed and yawned, suddenly realizing he was far more tired than he previously thought. As he began to move away, a hand stopped him. Turning back in surprise, he noticed the man looking at him blankly. No - it wasn't a blank stare. The emotions were just very carefully regulated. Sturdy couldn't claim to be able to read them, certainly, but still he could tell they were there. It was a relieving revelation, knowing that behind his calm mask the strange human felt emotions in the same way all ponies did. It made him less unnerving. Suddenly snapping out of his thoughts, the unicorn realized his charge had counted out twenty bits, and was insistently pushing them towards the pony.

Sturdy frowned, pushing half the bits back to the human. "I'll accept a return on my investment, but nothing more," he said firmly. The man frowned as well, accepting five bits but pushing the other five back towards Sturdy. His eyes insisted there would be no further argument, and Sturdy accepted with a sigh. "Fine. You win, I'll take your money. Next time, though," he continued with a smirk, "you had better come through with a bigger haul than this. This could be a profitable venture for the two of us, you know."

"Not giving our guest any bad ideas, are we Private Sturdy Ground?"

Sturdy gave a very undignified yelp and spun around with a salute. "Princess Celestia! My apologies, I didn't know you were there." With an uncomfortable glance at the human, the guard added, "Besides, it's not like he can understand me or anything."

"While that may be true, I will not have you roping the one human this side of the Outlands into any silly get-rich-quick schemes," Celestia replied sternly. "Anyway, you are free to leave. Doubtless you are tired."

Nodding hastily, Sturdy grabbed his bits and trotted away, thankful he got away with that one with naught but a short reprimand.

"Now, with that out of the way," continued Celestia, "Private Iron Skies, this is the 'human' I was talking to you about. Do you feel capable of doing what I explained to you?"

Iron Skies looked over the human with distaste. "This degenerate carnivore? The same one who caused a large disturbance gambling raucously with the low-class guardsfolk?"

Celestia glared straight ahead, struggling to maintain her calm demeanor. "No, Private Iron Skies," she replied in an icy tone, "that was me."

It caused her no small degree of satisfaction to watch him go white as a sheet and nervously try to stutter his way out of his previous statement.

"I will take that as an affirmative, then," she stated after a few moments of his stumbling over his own words. "See to it that no harm comes to either the human or any of my subjects under your watch, Private. Now, I must leave our guest under your care. It is time for the Day Court."

Luna ate her breakfast in silence. It was not unusual for her sister to be absent during breakfast - she had a busy schedule, after all - but this time Luna was sure it had something to do with the strange human. She hoped everything was all right, but even if everything was not so, she knew her sister would have it covered. Yawning, she made her way out of the dining hall, too tired to care much. I hope he's not still in my bedroom, she thought with a frown. I don't like my spare, it's all dusty.