Waking Female: I Am NOT Okay With This!

by Manes

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Human
Length: 3065

A college student passes out one night, and wakes up as Twilight the next morning. His two friends have it easy, considering they don’t have to date Flash Sentry!

I must be the unluckiest man on earth. Get a couple beers with a couple friends? Okay. Get drunk, pass out, wake up as my least favorite character? Acceptable. Go on a date with Flash Sentry? You have got to be kidding me.

I am so not okay with this!

Flint Sparks:John

TheWraithWriter: Lerry: Coming soon

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-31 16:25:34 UTC

Turning into Someone else

 A aching pain bashed my head as my eyes shot wide opened, never going to drink... Again. Hair strings blocked my view, making me unable to see where the hell I passed out at. More importantly, I don’t even remember having long hair!

I reached a hand to my face to at least to see if I can still count how many fingers I have through the blurriness.  No fingers. Only to find a purple thing instead as my hand….is that a—is that a dildo on my hand!

I screamed as loud as I could, and instead of hearing a manly tone coming out my mouth. I heard a high-pitched girly tone instead. This can't be happening to me! I began backing away until my back slammed onto something hard and cold from behind.

Slowly turning my head, my eyes widen as a pile of books dropped onto me, making quite a sound.

“Twilight! Are you okay? I heard something drop, you alright!?” An unfamiliar voice shouted from above me, I think it's a brony role-playing with a friend.

I groaned as I tried to lift the books off me by using my back. But the weight of the books is making it hard and painful to do so.

“Hey, dude quit role-playing with your friend and help get these book off me!” There's that girly tone again. Damn these books is starting to really mess my back up. “Hurry up!”

“Twilight, Are you hurt!?” Whoever this was still roleplaying even though I called for help...weirdo.

“I'm trapped under a pile of heavy books! Of course I'm hurt! Now help me!”

“Don't worry, Rainbow Danger Dash is coming to the rescue!”

 As soon as I heard the voice replied to my plea for help, a rainbow streak zoomed fast like a speeding bullet from the stairs then to me. I'm either still drunk or high to witness someone moved that fast!

 I lifted my head a little to see who was my savior to thank him or her. A blue Pegasus with a rainbow-maned, a rainbow colored lighting bolt tatted on her ass, standing only a few inches away from me. She looked at me with a cocky grin on her face. Man I can tell this horse thing has a big ego.

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Heh, looks like that's the last time I'm taking you out drinking.” Yeah you said it. Weird lesbian looking horse thing.

She knelt down to me, and placed her hooves under my waist for good measure before she lift me up from the pile. Her hooves felt cold and hard, making me shivered by the touch.“You ready?”

 I did a cartoon gulped and nodded my head like a baby wanting to breastfeed very badly. She exhaled, and lifted me up from the ground, I couldn't feel the ground anymore so, opening one eye to see what was going on.

My eyes widen, and I was shaking in fear. I was hovering in the air!“Put me down! Put me down!” I whined, wiggling my forelegs around like a baby as I tried to break free of the crazy mare grasp. “I need an adult! I need an adult!” That should work.

The crazy blue Pegasus laughed. “Twilight, calm down. I'm putting you down you big baby!”

She hovered down to the ground and dropped me, making me land on my as- buttocks-flank...whatever! “You remember you could have just caught yourself with your wings. Right?”

One thing I hit more than anything is: a smartass with a big ego.“You're always an ass?” I asked, rubbing my flank with a hoof. I lifted myself using my two hooves, and managed to stand on two legs for a couple seconds.

Only to fall down and land on my face. The pain from falling on my face combined with my hungover made my brain burned like hell. “OH GOD IT BURNS!”

“Twilight?” The mare paused for a second, looking at me with confusion plastering on her face. After a while she opened her mouth to speak again. “Who's God?”

Okay let me get the facts straight here. I'm not high or either drunk so this is totally real. I'm some kind of god like horse thing, and that's a blue rainbow-maned lesbian horse thing with wings.

My name is Twilight, and telling from the ton of books that fallen on me. I must live in a library. This seems all too familiar...like a show I used to watch.

“Twilight? Yoo hoo over here!” Rainbow Dash yelled, waving her forelegs around in the air, and interrupting my train of thought.

“Yeah I'm here.” Well until I find a way back home. I guess I'm going to have to play the role of whoever I am right now. I put on a reassuring smile on my face and giggled. “Sorry, those drinks made me kinda forgetful today! So if I don't remember your name blame the booze!”

“What's booze?” The clueless mare asked, scratching the back of her head.

You gotta be kidding me. “You know, booze? A drink that make you all joyful when you're all stress about, work, life, your problems, drink some after finding out you have a tiny penis during sex with your girlfriend.”

 I said, hoping she would catch on, but she remained clueless. I guess that's not what they call it here. “Never mind.”

“Oh! You mean cider!” Rainbow Dash trotted to me, and placed a foreleg over my shoulder. A Smirk almost covering her face ear to ear and she winked at me.“So, Twilight! Still nervous about your date!”She asked, nudging me. “Since you never had a sense other than Smarty Pants.”

Oh no she didn't. Nopony talks about my best friend Smarty Pants! ...Wait, why do I care? And who's smarty pants!? And why did I said nopony instead of nobody! Never mind that, I have a date? With who!? Where? Why and how!? “What are you talking about?”

“You don't remember?” Rainbow Dash laughed, and slapped my back, making me yelp. “You was all “Oh I don't know if I'm going to be a good date to him! What if I mess up! I need your help here, Dash!”

Man she sound pathetic. “I said that?”

She slapped my back, making me yelp once again.“Duh! So I told you don't stress yourself about it, took you out drinking, and you passed out after two drinks! Rainbow Dash fell onto the floor, rolling around as she burst out in a laughing fit.

Only two drinks? Man this thing I am right now is such a newbie. I would've drunk five drinks, and still wouldn't pass out! I gotta find out what the hell I am first before I do anything else. I hopped over to the pile of books, since I don't know how to use these legs yet, and began searching for a book about their species. Wait...why was my first solution a book?

Equestrian Ponies lifeline. Ponies, eh? I cracked up the book, and began reading the pages inside. It took a while for the information to seep inside my brain. Like how they could control weather, earth ponies are the stronger race, and unicorns do everything by using magic. And I learned how to wal- I mean trot around so I won't land on my face.

Ah-ha! There was a picture of an pony with wings and a horn like me.A alicorn. A pony mixed with three species of the Equestrian life line. Unicorn, Pegasus, and earth. Only Princess can achieve having all three species mixed together. There are three alicorn princesses in Equestria: Princess Celestia, ruler of sun and day. Princess Luna, ruler moon and night. And there's me. They live on harmony?

I closed the book, and sighed. “Great, I'm a goddamn princess in a goddamn fruity world living out on harmony!” I shouted out loud. “This can't get any worse!”

I turned around to find Rainbow Dash had stopped laughing, and was now staring at me with a frown on her face. “Hehe, I was just quoting a line from a book I just read.” Nailed it.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “It's okay. You better take a shower before you go anywhere because you smell really bad!” She yelled, waving her hoof near her nose. “Woah! You smell like vomit and shame!”

I stared at her, confusion now plastering my face. Ponies got a shower? For washing themselves!? Oh god, before you know it. They already planned to take over humans. “Uuuh, where's the bathroom?” I asked, feeling heat rise on my cheeks. Wait...am I blushing! Why am I blushing!? Men don't blush!

Rainbow Dash chuckled, shaking her head.“Oh. It's not here.” She's joking. Please tell me she's joking. “Man, Twilight those books must have hit you pretty hard in the head.”

“Not here? What you mean it's not here!” I yelled, and regretted it as my headache reminded me of my condition. Man I wish Equestria had painkillers, I could really use them right now.

 “You got any painkillers? I could really use some to kill this goddamn headache.” I gotta make sure not to become a drug addicted like Max Payne with these pills.

“No and the shower is outside. Remember Spike used up all the hot water one time?” Rainbow Dash asked, waiting for me respond. She face-hoofed and sighed. “Since the last time we ran out of water in Ponyville, the mayor has issued that ponies use showers built outside to save pegasi the trouble. And if you want to have your own, you have to pay for it.”

Kinda makes sense. Pinkie Pie has one at home with her, and I'm pretty sure Rarity has one too. I'm not sure about Applejack and Fluttershy. Why did those random names just popped up in my head. “Rainbow, can you take me there? ”

“What? No!” Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs, and turned away from me, trying to hide her blush. “If I take you there then I'm going have to watch you, take a shower, and plus it's soooo not cool !”

Like I said: big ego. God it's like talking to a filly! Why the hell these weird words keep popping up in my head! “Fine, then can we just use Pinkie pie's?”

 Images of a Pink earth pony riddled my brain, this one time Twilight was placing what seems to be a brain scanner on the pink pony's head. I guess they were having some kind of weird science kinky sex. “Please, Dash. For me?” I asked, batting my eyelashes.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Fine, but you owe me!” She shouted, jabbing a hoof on my chest. “You. Owe. Me. Big. Time!” She looked too adorable right now to be taken seriously....why did I just said that.

I wrapped my hooves around her, and pulled her into a hug. A big grin almost taking over my face. “Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!”

I don't know why I just did that, but I felt like it was the right thing to do....what's happening to me!? I released my hold of her and smiled. “There's just one problem.”

Rainbow Dash groaned.“What is it now?”

I giggled, swishing my mane from my eyes in the most adorable way. “I don't know where she lives...can you--”

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, and threw her hooves in the air in the most dramatic way, and shouted. “You are tearing me apart, Twilight!” before storming out the door, but she was kind enough to leave it opened for me. I followed on after the pissed off mare with a grin on my face...this is going to be fun.

We trotted to the front door of this place that looked like a gingerbread house like from the book I read when I was a kid. Rainbow Dash opened the door to the place, and immediately was pulled inside.

Before I could react I was pulled inside and throw onto the floor, landing on my face and my ass arching up in the air high. “I NEED AN ADULT!” best timing.

I heard a giggled, like a horny cheerleader giggled. A smile crept onto my face, looking up I saw the pink earth pony I saw in my head. “You, so silly Twilight!”

“Where's your shower?” I asked, getting up on all fours. “I need one badly.”

Pinkie Pie hopped over to me, leaning closer to my coat and took a big sniff of it. “Woah! You weren't kidding!” She shouted, taking a couple steps back. She pointed a hoof to the stairs behind the counter, pinching her nose to sealed the smell. “It's back there to your left!”

“Thanks bro.” I trotted past her then behind the counter. When I was trotting to the shower, I noticed outside the window. a white unicorn running and ducking into places. Finally she went inside the library I was in.

I shrugged, and trotted inside the shower. I placed my hoof on the knob, slightly turning it to the right. There! Hot water began spraying out the shower head, and a ton of hot water splashed onto my coat and mane.

I grabbed the soap with my hoof, but it slipped out of my grasped, dropping onto the ground. I stared at the bar of soap, stalking it like a tiger would with his prey. I watched too many prison movies to take this one rule to heart: Don't drop the soap! An image of me or Twilight, consternating to pick up a small book with her horn, when she was little. Maybe I need to try this with the soap.

I stared hard at the soap bar, I closed my eyes, blocking out the world. I grunted, taking deep breaths as I felt the magic flow through my body. So this how women feel! I opened my eyes to find the soap, floating in the air surrounded with a purple aura. “YES!”

“Twilight?” AN unfamiliar voice called out to me. “You there?”

“Yeah just one minute!”I began scrubbing the soap all over my body, yes the mare parts too. Even though I missed having a penis, man when I get out this. The first thing I'm going to do is so how much I missed it. After a good couple minutes of scrubbing, I was ready to wash my sins away.

 I stepped in front of the shower head and let it washed the soap off me. I levitated a towel and placed it over my waist, and stepped out the shower, fresh and smelling good!

 I came from behind the counter, a orange coat Pegasus with a blue spiked mane standing near the front door, staring at me. “Uuuh can I help you?”

“Hey, Twilight we still on for tonight right?” Flash asked, rubbing the back of his head, and blushing furiously. “If you don't have time to go then I'll understand.”

No, no, NO! Now I remember. I used to watch a show with my friend called: My Little Pony. That means I'm a goddamn character from a kids show! And my dates is the fandom's biggest mistake, the reason why I stopped watching the show! “Y-y-you're my date?” I stuttered, smiling nervously.

“Yeah, I came to the library, but Spike told me that you weren't there.” He chuckled. “So I came here! So we're still on for our date tonight?”

I began backing away, shaking my head with a “this can't be happening” look on my face. The smile on his face became a frown as he knew something was wrong with me.

 “No!” I screamed, bolting out the door, and leaving him shocked and Rainbow Dash behind. I didn't look back, I kept running until a rainbow streak caught to me, and tackled me onto the floor. “Rainbow Dash, get off me!”

“Twilight, you're so lucky I'm fast!” She got off me, she pulled on my foreleg, making me stand up again. “What happened back there! Why you run away!?”

“Because Flash-fucking-Sentry is my date!” I shouted, causing everypony to stopped what they were doing to look over to where me and Dash were standing.

“You kidding me!?” I turned my back,  and took slow breaths. Tired from all the running and trying to bring myself down. “I'm not doing this bullcrap!” Oh my god. This gotta be the worst day in my life...like ever! Why the hell I can't thinking like a woman! “Stop it brain!”

Rainbow Dash held her hooves up in a “woah dude..chill out” way. “Woah woah, you wanted to go on a date with him. What made you changed your mind?”

“I didn't changed my mind!”I shouted. “It's just I don't know what I want right now! I mean I wake up and find out I'm dating someon- somebody, ugh! I do not like!”

“Twilight, you're not thinking straight.” She trotted over to me, putting a foreleg on my shoulder. “Let's go back and have a drink or something. But no booze! You're staying off that.”

That's it! A drink, earlier she mentioned something about a bar. Right now I need a drink, I gave her a reassuring smile, so she think I'm alright. She was still frowning no doubt about that, but I could see in the look in her eyes, that she also was worried about me. “Sorry, Dash. I just got upset. I'm okay now.” Man. I should become an actor after this.

Rainbow Dash smiled. “Good, cause you're not cool when you're all sappy and anger.”

I laughed, and slapped her back, making her yelp. Payback's a bitch.“Say Dash, you know where that bar you took me to? The one I got drunk off my-”What's the word I'm looking for. What's the word!Flank. “Flank. Yeah I got drunk off my flank.”

Rainbow Dash tapped her chin, humming a tone as she tried to remember the bar we went to.“It's the one Pinkie Pie going to right now...why?”

Back at home, me and my college buddies made a pledge that in a crisis. You go to a bar, drink up, and stop being a bitch. “Come on, Dash.”I said, trotting past her. “You're buying me a drink.” If I was going to date Flash Sentry, to ensure I won't mess up any time-paradox. I might as well get drunk doing it!