Twilight Sparkle Is... Princess Under Fire

by PegasusMesa

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 45727

Twilight should never have made fun of Discord's favorite action movie. Now, he's turned her life into an explosion-riddled, adrenaline-fueled nightmare, complete with ninja attacks, corrupt officials, and dastardly plots.

Twilight Sparkle considers herself a learned pony. With the power of her intellect and a healthy dose of friendship, there’s no problem too big to solve. Or so she thinks.

However, when she criticizes Discord’s favorite action movie, the mad god takes revenge in a way that nopony saw coming—he turns her entire life into a summer blockbuster. Now, Twilight’s out of time, out of options, and out of luck, as... the princess under fire.

Many thanks to JeffCvt for editing. Cover art and all chapter art provided courtesy of the talented Magello.

I am forced to assume that neither of those two gentlemen have ever seen an explosion, because they're always facing away from them.

Published 2014-04-11 20:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-02 20:18:22 UTC

A Mare Apart

“Hey, lemme go!” Spike shouted as he thrashed in his captor’s grip. “Lemme go!”

“Stop moving!” the unknown pony said. She flipped a cloth sack over his head. “You’re gonna make me drop you!”

“Wait a minute, I know you!” he said. “Rainbow Dash?” His claws pulled at the bag, but he couldn't tear through the heavy burlap.

“Yeah, sorry about this, Spike,” Rainbow said. She shifted him in her forelegs into a more comfortable position. “You’re a great guy, but orders are orders, you know?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, trying to find a way to see through the sack. “Whose orders? Rainbow, what’s going on?”

“Like I’d tell you that!” she said with a snort. “Look, just keep quiet and I’ll make sure you stay safe.”

Spike opened his mouth to argue, but snapped it shut instead. I have to get back to Twilight, he thought. She’ll know what to do! He settled himself in for the long haul and started to plot his escape.

Reclining on a sofa, Discord and Luna watched Twilight’s fight, which a film projector cast onto the wall.

“Very nicely done!” Luna said when Twilight landed a wild kick in her attacker’s side. “Her form leaves plenty to be desired, but still…”

On the screen, Twilight pulled Spike out of harm’s way and ran into her bedroom. “I expected her to fold right away, to be honest,” Discord said. He stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“You underestimate her,” Luna said with a laugh. “Without a doubt, Twilight Sparkle shall provide us with an entertain… ing…” Her eyes widened. Twilight had just leaped out of a window, the library exploding moments later. “Oh, my…”

“Whoa-hoho!” Discord shouted, nearly falling from his chair. “She could do this for a liv—”

“This is not real, correct?” Brow furrowed, Luna glanced at him.

“How many times do I need to tell you? No, none of this is real!” He sipped on his glass of juice.

“She shan’t experience any pain?” she asked, looking him in the eye. “Humor me, Discord. A prank is one thing, but I will not forgive you should she come to harm.” Meanwhile, Twilight had received a kick to the back of the head. The pony who had attacked her picked up Spike and flew off.

“We agreed, didn't we?” Discord snapped. He stood and stretched his arms. “It’s a dream. She’s not actually doing any of these things. No pain. Alright?”

Luna spent a long moment staring at him before finally nodding and returning her gaze to the screen. “Alright.”

The moment she looked away, a wide smile spread across Discord’s face. “You can trust me,” he said. “You could drop a building on her, and she wouldn't feel a thing.”

Twilight’s head throbbed.

She struggled for coherent thought, but the only thing she could focus on was the pain. She had the sense that somepony stood over her, but her mind quickly returned to the headache.

“Hey, look!” said a voice that sounded as though the speaker stood on the other side of a veil of water. “She’s moving!” Recognition stirred in Twilight’s brain.

“After Ah’m through with her, she’ll wish she hadn’t woken up,” said a second voice. Twilight strained to open her eyes, to no avail. She could see swirling colors, but nothing that made any sense.

“A—Applejack?” she croaked. Her words sounded like they been spoken from a distance.

“Heya, Twilight!” said the first voice. “Wakey, wakey! We’ve got things to do!”

With a monumental effort, Twilight finally managed to pry her eyelids open, and immediately regretted doing so. A bright light hung over her, and her headache flared as it stung her still-sensitive eyes.

“Well, good mornin’, sunshine.” She turned in the speaker’s direction and Applejack's face slowly came into focus. “‘Bout damn time ya woke up.”

Twilight found that opening her eyes was no longer an issue. They widened to their fullest extent. “Applejack?!”

“Don’t ya give me that ‘Applejack’ shit!” she said. “Ya blow up the town library, gettin’ three ponies killed while you’re at it, and then ya make me drag yer sorry ass all the way back to headquarters! Ah’m gettin’ too old for this…”

“Headquarters?” Twilight sat up and took in her surroundings. She lay on a couch in a small, grimy office. Files piled up everywhere, to the point where the only free space was the path between her makeshift bed and the windowless door. “Where are we?” She frowned as he noticed the Applejack’s odd attire.

“And now Ah’ve got a head-case to deal with…” Applejack muttered, rolling up the sleeves of her blue, button-down shirt. “Ah swear, ya’ll be the death of me.” She loosened her tie.

“Aw, give her some slack, Chief!” Twilight craned her head to peek around Applejack, where Pinkie Pie stood, bouncing in place. “Hi, Twilight!”

“Hi, Pinkie,” Twilight said with a little wave. “Would somepony tell me what’s going on and where we are?”

“You’re at Sweet Apple Headquarters, silly!” Pinkie said in a sing-song voice. “I found you taking a nap in the street, so I got the chief to help me bring you back!”

“And Ah’ll be damned if Ah agree to help you, again,” Applejack said to her. “Ya left me to do all the hard work!”

“Applejack! Why are you using all these curse-words?” Twilight asked. She slowly pushed herself off of the couch.

“Ya got a problem with the way Ah talk?” Applejack put her nose an inch from Twilight’s and glared. “Ain’t that just too bad? Ah won’t have a renegade cop like you telling me how to speak!”

“What?!” Twilight said, eyes widening. “A cop? Me?”

“Trust me, Ah use the word loosely,” Applejack said. “A mare like you, who does as she damn well pleases and plays by her own rules… ya know, ya’d—”

“Ya’d be offa the force iffen ya weren’t the best darned cop Ah had,” Pinkie said, waving her legs. “C’mon, Chief, she just woke up! Give her a chance to breath, at least!”

Applejack scowled and pushed her way past Pinkie. “The two of ya make me glad that tomorrow’s mah last day,” she said. “Retirement ain’t never looked so good.” The door slammed shut behind her.

For a few moments, neither Twilight nor Pinkie spoke. Twilight simply stared in the direction Applejack had gone. “Well, partner,” Pinkie said finally, “how’re you feeling?”

“Partner?” Twilight's gaze slowly shifted to Pinkie. “What do you mean?”

“Geez, you must’ve hit your head pretty hard,” Pinkie said. She nudged Twilight to the couch and pushed her onto it. “Don’t tell me you've forgotten the best partner in the whole wide world!”

“You’re… my partner,” Twilight said, and Pinkie nodded. “And I’m a cop.” Another nod. “I’m a cop, and you’re my partner.”

“Yep!” Pinkie smiled widely.

“This doesn't make any sense,” Twilight said as she rubbed her forehead. “How am I a police officer? Ponyville doesn't even have a police department! Pinkie, something is very wrong, here!”

“You mean besides the library exploding?” Pinkie said, throwing her forelegs into the air.

“Well, that too,”Twilight admitted, “but it’s more than that!” She opened and stretched her wings. “Applejack’s a police chief? And what happened to Sweet Apple Acres? And then Rainbow Dash kidnapped Spi—” Her eyes opened wide. “I completely forgot! Rainbow Dash kidnapped Spike! We have to save him!”

The moment Twilight mentioned Rainbow Dash, Pinkie had shushed loudly. “Don’t say her name here! What if Applejack—”

The door slammed open to reveal a scowling Applejack. “Did somepony say, ‘Rainbow Dash’?”

“Yes, I did!” Twilight said, stepping forward. “She’s the one who knocked me out, and then she took Spike!”

“Is that right?” Applejack rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “So, your turncoat partner’s back, eh? And ya say she took your little friend?”

“Er—turncoat partner?” Twilight asked with a frown.

“She took a bonk on her noggin, Chief,” Pinkie explained in a hushed tone to Applejack. “She’s a bit confused.” More loudly, she addressed Twilight. “Yeah, Rainbow was your partner before me, before she quit to join the Wonderbolts.”

“Right before they went crooked,” Applejack muttered. A stormy expression crossed her face.

“This is making less and less sense by the second,” Twilight said, sighing deeply. “Anyway, do you know where she is?”

“Can’t say Ah do,” Applejack said as she wrung her hooves. “But Ah can say that Ah ain’t lettin’ her get away this time. Ah’ll see what Ah can find out, then we’ll plan from there. Now go make yourself useful, in the meantime!” She stomped back out of the room.

Pinkie wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. “You really lucked out!” she said. “Usually it doesn't end so well when anypony mentions Rainbow Dash around the chief.”

“We have to do something, too,” Twilight said, moving towards the door, “just in case Applejack can’t learn anything.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“First, we need to hunt down Spike. Then I’m going to find out what the hay is going on!” She paused with her hoof on the doorknob when she felt a hoof touch her on the back. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope, nothing wrong,” Pinkie said. She grabbed a pile of clothing that laid on the desk and held it forth. “Just thought you’d want your work clothes, first!”

Twilight eyed the garments, a turtleneck sweater and a trench coat, before accepting them. “Do I have to wear these?”

“Yeppers! Well, unless you want the chief to call you a two-bit prostitute!” Pinkie said with a grin.

“I guess that’s as good a reason as any,” Twilight said. She pulled the navy-blue turtleneck over her head. “Is this what everypony wears, here?”

“Just you,” Pinkie replied. “Oh, here, lemme give you a hoof with that.” She helped Twilight get her legs through the sleeves.

After she threw on the coat, Twilight nodded her appreciation. “Thanks,” she said. “Wait, what are these?” She reached into a pocket and pulled out a pair of shaded glasses.

“So, what’s the plan, partner?” Pinkie asked as Twilight closely examined the shades.

“I have an idea for how we can find Spike,” Twilight said, sliding the glasses over her eyes. A grin slowly spread across her face, but she quashed it immediately. No! This is not fun! This is serious! “How would you feel about a scavenger hunt?”

“Oof!” The air shot out of Spike’s lungs as Rainbow dumped him unceremoniously to the cold, hard floor.

“Heh, uh, whoops,” she said. “Sorry about that.” She pulled the sack from his head.

“Where are we?” Spike asked, blinking in the light.

“Cut the chatter,” said a sharp voice. A yellow mare with an orange mane walked over.

“Y-you’re Spitfire!” Spike pointed at her with a shaking claw. “One of the Wonderbolts!”

“I said ‘shut it’!” she snapped, and he closed his mouth instantly. She turned to speak with Rainbow. “Good job, Dash. The boss’ll be pleased.”

“Y-yeah,” Rainbow said. A frown marred her face and she glanced away. “Thanks.”

“Is there a problem?” Spitfire asked. Her wings unfurled. “You don’t look too happy.”

“Well, I was just thinking…” Rainbow played with the end of her mane as she spoke. “Why are we doing things like this? I didn’t leave the force and join the Wonderbolts to kidnap helpless babies!”

“Hey!” Spike said with a scowl.

Spitfire ignored him. “You aren’t doubting your decision, are you?” she asked.

“N-no!” Rainbow said quickly. “I’ve wanted to be a Wonderbolt since I was a filly! It’s just, when Soarin’ was in charge—”

“Soarin’ isn’t in charge, anymore.” Spitfire stomped the ground so violently that a crack appeared in the wood. “I am, so you’ll do what I say, right?” Rainbow nodded slowly. “Good. Now, bring the kid. The boss wants to meet him.”

They led Spike through the building, which appeared to be slowly falling down around them. Floorboards creaked when subjected to the slightest pressure, and holes littered the ceiling, letting copious amounts of sunlight in that couldn't breach the dust-covered windows. He almost stepped on a rat that hadn't been paying enough attention. They rounded a corner and nearly collided with a light-blue unicorn.

“So, the prodigal flier returns,” she said to Rainbow. “Trixie didn’t expect you back here, unless it was in a body-bag.”

Rainbow glanced at Spitfire, who shrugged and stepped back. “A simple job like that won’t kill me,” she said. “Wish I could say the same about your guys, though.”

Trixie’s face paled. “What are you talking about? Trixie’s shadow stallions were trained by Trixie herself! They can never fail!”

“Apparently they skipped the lesson about outrunning bombs,” Rainbow said. Pushing past the dumbstruck Trixie, she nudged Spike down the hallway.

“Trixie will not let this stand!” Trixie said. She turned and darted in the opposite direction.

“They got blown up, eh?” Spitfire asked softly. “Who planted the bomb?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Rainbow’s gait became more pronounced. “Must’ve been somepony pretty fast, I bet.”

Spitfire chuckled as they stopped in front of a set of double-doors. “Dash, it’s times like this I’m glad I found you.” She reached out and pushed the portal open.

“Rainbow,” Spike said, pausing in the doorway, “did you really blow up the library?”

Rainbow glanced away. “Well, I—”

“Get a move on!” Spitfire said as she shoved him forward.

“Fine, I get it,” he grumbled. Rainbow gave him an apologetic shrug and gently pressed him into the room.

The space was dark, with a large desk sitting opposite from the door. A swivel chair sat behind it with its back turned. A half-dozen gryphons stood around the desk, including one that wore a suit-and-tie. The others were more casually clothed.

As the newcomers walked to the desk, the well dressed gryphon gave Rainbow a feral grin. “‘Sup, Dash?”

“Yo, Gilda,” Rainbow said, returning the smile.

The chair shifted and revealed that a shadowy form occupied it. “We brought the kid, Boss,” Spitfire said.

“Very good,” said the chair’s occupant in a feminine voice. “I appreciate your hard work.”

As soon as he heard the voice, Spike staggered backwards, wide-eyed. “Hoo, boy,” he said. “We’re in trouble.”

“Kid,” Gilda said, “you don’t know the half of it.

Encased in the purple glow of Twilight’s magic, a charred board floated out of the rubble. She grunted as she flicked her head, sending the refuse into a pile of similarly discarded trash.

She and Pinkie stood in the blackened remains of what had once been the Golden Oaks library. They had spent the better part of an hour sorting through the wreckage.

“Hey, look what I found!” Pinkie bounded over and proudly displayed her treasure—a pair of joke glasses with plastic eyeballs suspended on springs. She giggled as they bounced in front of her face.

“Mhmm,” Twilight said without even glancing away from her work. “That’s nice.” She threw aside another piece of rubble.

Pinkie dropped to her haunches and cocked her head. “So, what’re ya lookin’ for, anyway? Another sweet pair of glasses? Oo, oo! Maybe a fake mustache! No no—wait.” Behind the glasses, her eyes widened. “A bald cap!”

“Actually, I’m digging for the basement stairs,” Twilight said. “And I think I found them.” Beads of sweat appeared on her forehead as she strained to move a fallen bookcase. “There’s something—down there—” The shelf slowly slid to the side, pushed by Twilight’s magic “—that I need. Phew.” Where the bookcase had sat, a set of stairs descended into murky darkness.

“Oo, spooky,” Pinkie said, peeking over Twilight’s shoulder. The glass eyes bobbed on the ends of their springs.

“It’s just my laboratory,” Twilight said as she wiped the perspiration from her brow. “You've been down there before, haven't you?” She stood and started down.

“It’s still spooky,” Pinkie muttered, close on Twilight’s heels.

A glow appeared at the end of Twilight’s horn, illuminating the area around them in a dim, purple light. Although in better condition than the library above, the basement was still in a state of disarray caused by the explosion. Much of the equipment had fallen to the ground, and the ceiling didn't appear to be wholly stable.

“Let’s find this thing quickly,” Twilight said. The spark from her horn floated to the ceiling, where it hung in mid-air. She stared at it for a second before nodding and trotting over to a fallen cabinet. “This place could come down at any second.”

“What exactly are we looking for?” Pinkie asked. She dumped the soil out of a flower pot and looked inside.

“It’s a scanner that can lead us to Spike,” Twilight said as she rifled through a set of drawers. “I built it after he ran away into the Everfree Forest. I never thought we’d be using it to save him from kidnappers, though.”

“Wow, that’s an awfully convenient invention!” Pinkie flipped the flower pot over and examined the bottom.

Twilight moved to a pile of equipment that had fallen from her workbench. “I prefer to think of it as foresight. Have you found anything?”

“I don’t even know what it looks like,” Pinkie said, tossing the flower pot over her shoulder and reaching towards the soil she had poured out.

“It’s like a metal frisbee, with a green screen on it,” Twilight said. “I don’t think you’ll find it…there…” Her jaw dropped as Pinkie lifted a shiny disk, the size of a volley ball, out of the dirt.

“Is this it?” she asked. The purple light glinted dully off of her prize.

Twilight smacked a hoof against her forehead. “It’s Pinkie Pie,” she muttered. “I don’t know what I was expecting.” Louder, she said, “Yes, Pinkie, that’s it! Good job!”

“Woo hoo!” Pinkie started forward, but before she took even two steps, a blue glow encompassed the disk and yanked it from her grasp. “Hey! I was holding that!”

“Not anymore,” said a voice. Both mares turned towards the stairs, at the top of which stood an obscured figure. Neither Twilight nor Pinkie could tell its identity due to the sunlight that streamed around it.

“Who are you?” Twilight asked as she stomped her hoof. “I’m really not in the mood for this right now.”

“Worry not, Twilight Sparkle,” the figure said, causing Twilight’s eyes to widen. "Trixie knows how to fix that.”

Now that Spike had been delivered, Rainbow wandered around the derelict base, looking for something to do. Spitfire had disappeared, and Trixie, whom Rainbow loved to torment, was nowhere to be found.

“Heeeey, Dash!” She turned to find Gilda approaching. “I thought I’d find you around here.”

“Yeah, bored out of my mind,” Rainbow said. She held out a hoof, which Gilda clapped with a talon. “What’s up?”

“Not much. Just got a little question for ya.” Gilda’s eyes darted around. “Is anyone else around here?”

“Just us,” Rainbow said with a frown. “Why? Is something wrong?”

“Naaw!” Gilda said. She snorted and brushed a feather out of her face. “Just wanna make sure this little conversation of ours isn’t overheard, is all.” She leaned against the wall nonchalantly. “So, I hear the boss has plans for this ‘Twilight Sparkle’ nerd.”

“Does she?” Rainbow asked as her frown deepened. “What makes you say that?”

Gilda snorted again. “Why else would she bother kidnapping her dragon buddy? I bet she’s trying to lure that dork here.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Rainbow said. “But why would she want to do that?”

“I dunno. I didn’t ask.” Gilda pushed off the wall and put a wing around her friend's shoulders. “I just wanna make sure you’re with me, on this. Soon, there’s gonna be a line drawn in the sand, and we’re all gonna have to choose sides.”

“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked with a quirked eyebrow. “Why would you not be on the boss’s side?”

Gilda lowered her voice further. “I don’t like the way this looks,” she said. “We’ve got a chance to make, like, a ton of money, and I don’t want some stupid cop to mess it up because we didn’t take care of her.” The wing tightened around Rainbow. “So, what do you say? Can I count on you?”

“Heh, o-of course, I’m on your side,” Rainbow said. She adopted her most convincing grin. “We’re buds, right?”

“Right,” Gilda said, returning the smile. “Well, if you’re with me, then it won’t hurt to let you in on a little secret. The boss wants Twilight to come here, right? Well, I think it’s a better idea to make sure that she doesn’t.”

“So, you want me to take Spike back home?” Rainbow asked. Her face fell when Gilda laughed loudly.

“Naw, I’m gonna take Sparkle out before she has a chance to get here.” The wing gave Rainbow a light squeeze.

“Wait,” she said, eyes widening. “I don’t think I can do that for—”

“You? Dash, you’ve got it all wrong!” Gilda said. She let her friend loose from the casual embrace. “I know you used to be buddies with the mare, so I sent Trixie instead! She wanted to do it, anyway, so it’s a win-win as far as I can tell.”

“Yeah, win-win,” Rainbow said weakly. Her legs wobbled. “I—I think I’m going to take it easy, for a bit.” She turned and trudged away. “See ya.”

“Just remember whose side you’re on,” Gilda said to to Rainbow's back just as she nodded and turned a corner. “Yeah, I have a good feeling about this. A real good feeling.”

“Trixie?!” Twilight exclaimed, reeling backwards. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, not much,” Trixie said as she sashayed down the stairs. A pair of muscled thugs stomped after her. “You know, getting some milk. Visiting old friends. Taking vengeance for my stallions that you killed.”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight said. Trixie’s thugs reached the basement floor and flanked their boss. “I’ve never killed anypony!”

“Don’t play stupid, Twilight Sparkle—Trixie’s too smart for that. You killed them by destroying your own library.” Twilight’s device floated under Trixie’s nose, allowing her to examine it. “This looks expensive! What does it do?”

“Trixie, please, give that back,” Twilight said as she took a step forward. One of the thugs growled and moved between her and his boss, but she paid him no mind. “I need that to find Spike!”

“So, would it make you angry—” Trixie’s horn flared, and the disk folded in half. The sparking device fell from her grasp “—if Trixie did this?” She slammed her hoof down on the device and ground it into the floor.

“Hey! That was mean!” Pinkie said. She whipped off her joke glasses. “What’s Twilight ever done to you, huh?”

“Only everything she could to make Trixie look bad at the Academy!” Trixie shouted. She stomped repeatedly on the disk. “All I wanted was to be a good pony, but no! Miss Perfect Twilight Sparkle had to be better at everything!”

“Trixie, we already resolved our disagreement,” Twilight said with another step forward. The thug that blocked her way flared his wings. “And I don’t know what you’re saying about an academy, but I would never try to make you look bad!”

Trixie’s eyes narrowed. “Trixie already told you not to play dumb,” she snarled. “You two—” She gestured at her underlings “—take care of the stupid pink one.”

“I’m not stupid!” Pinkie said, scowling.

“Twilight Sparkle is Trixie’s,” she continued. A bright glow encompassed her horn.

Twilight slowly backed away from her. “You don’t have to do this,” she stammered as her eyes widened. “We can talk about it.”

“And pass up the chance to see you in the dirt?” Without warning, Trixie’s magic picked up a heavy wooden block and threw it directly at Twilight. “Trixie wouldn’t miss this for the world!”

The two grinning thugs approached Pinkie, who made no movement other than to glance back and forth between them.

“It’s not fair that the boss gets all the fun,” said the pegasus to his ally, a unicorn.

“Stop complaining, and let’s just get this over with,” the unicorn said as he cracked his neck.

“Heya, fellas!” Pinkie said with a wide grin. “How about you give yourselves up?” The thugs halted in their tracks.

“Are you serious?” the pegasus said. His eyes narrowed.

“Don’t let her rile you up,” the unicorn warned.

“If you want, I can take it easy on you,” Pinkie added, sliding the joke glasses back onto her face. “Ooo, googly googly!” She clutched her ribs and giggled.

With a growl, the pegasus spread his wings and shot forward. “No, wait!” his fellow thug shouted, but to no avail.

A moment before he collided with Pinkie, she leapt into the air, easily clearing him. “Whee!” she cheered. The pegasus’ eyes widened as he rammed face-first into the wall behind her.”

“Moron,” the unicorn muttered, rubbing his forehead wearily.

The still-giggling Pinkie glanced back at her prone opponent. “That looked ouchy,” she said. “You know, you two should really attack at the same time.”

“I don’t need his help for this.” The remaining thug inched forward.

“Okey dokey!” Pinkie said as she reached up to bounce the eyeballs. “If you say so!”

On the other side of the room, a veritable deluge of refuse soared through the air, all aimed directly at Twilight. Ducking and weaving, she managed to dodge nearly all of it. Unfortunately for her, a broken microscope caught her on the side of the head.

“Ow!” she grunted.

“Ha!” Trixie crowed. “Take that! Feel Trixie’s unbridled wrath!” Another wave of junk floated behind her, flying forward when she flicked her head.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Twilight said under her breath. Her own horn lit, and the glows surrounding Trixie’s projectiles disappeared. The rubble fell back to the ground, where it lay unmoving.

“What?” Trixie strained, but no matter how much magic she poured into the spell, nothing happened. A drop of sweat ran down her cheek. “What did you do?!”

“Counter—spell,” Twilight answered between pants. “Your magic—isn’t strong enough—to beat me. Give it up.”

“Trixie doesn’t need magic to beat you!” Trixie shrieked. With an ear-piercing scream, she leaped forward, eyes bulging and hooves leading the way.

“Not this again!” Twilight said as she narrowly sidestepped the attack. Trixie immediately followed up with a right hook which came so close to hitting, it ruffled Twilight's mane. “Pinkie, a little help, please?” She backpedalled away from a series of rapid kicks.

“Sorry, Twilight, I’m kind of busy!” Pinkie said. The pegasus had regained his senses and joined his fellow in attacking her. “Just fight back!”

One of Trixie’s legs caught Twilight in the chest, drawing a grunt of pain. “I don’t know how to fight!” she growled as she hopped over a low kick.

“What’re you talking about? You fight all the time!” Pinkie dropped and rolled, passing under the unicorn and knocking his legs out from under him. The air was blasted out of his lungs as he hit the ground. “Or did you forget that, too, when you hit your head?”

“Uh, yeah,” Twilight said. A flap of her wings had her soaring over Trixie’s head to land behind her. “Let’s go with that. Tell me what to do!”

“Okey dokey!” The two thugs charged Pinkie from either side. “Just stop running away, and try to kick back!” She jumped straight up, and the thugs collided beneath her. A hollow crack echoed in the air. “Ouch, that sounded like it hurt!”

“Try to kick back,” Twilight muttered, rolling her eyes. “Why didn’t I think of that?” Her lapse of concentration nearly cost her, as Trixie threw a powerful uppercut that clipped her chin.

“You shouldn’t try to have a conversation while fighting!” Trixie shouted. She raised both of her forelegs and brought them crashing down towards Twilight’s head.

Okay, Pinkie said not to run away. Steeling herself, she crossed her own forelegs above her. They shook painfully when they caught Trixie’s attack, but the block held. A grin slowly spread across Twilight’s face as her opponent’s eyes widened.

“W-what?” Trixie said, frozen in place.

Twilight lashed out with her hind leg before Trixie could recover, catching her in the stomach. She staggered backwards, but Twilight didn't plan to give her a chance to breath. She pressed forward with her own hooves lashing out, each strike only barely blocked by Trixie.

“I’m doing it,” Twilight said as she continued her assault. “Pinkie, I’m actually fighting!” Suddenly, she swept a leg out and knocked Trixie’s out from under her. Trixie hit the floor heavily, where she lay groaning.

“Twilight, do it!” Pinkie shouted. She smacked her opponents’ heads together once more, and they, too, fell.

“Do what?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The one-liner!” Pinkie trotted over to stand beside her. “You gotta use the one-liner! It’s the most important part!”

“Er, alright,” Twilight said. Her face scrunched up as she racked her mind. “Um… Oh, I got one!” Trixie had regained her footing and lunged forwards, murder in her eyes. “Why don’t you shove this up your uni-corn hole?” Twilight slugged Trixie, dropping her like a sack of bricks. “Get it?” she said to Pinkie, who stood immobile, mouth gaping. “Because she’s a unicorn?”

Pinkie smacked a hoof against her face, and both she and Trixie groaned simultaneously.

“What?” Twilight protested. “That was pretty good!”

Just as Pinkie started to reply, a low rumble resounded through the room. Both she and Twilight glanced up to see cracks rapidly spreading across the ceiling.

“It’s coming down!” Twilight looked around frantically. “Where’s the scanner? It might still work!” She dashed to and fro with her face nearly touching the ground.

“Twilight, forget it!” Pinkie said. “Trixie wrecked it pretty bad!” She tried to pull her partner towards the stairs, but Twilight shrugged her off.

“This—isn’t over,” wheezed Trixie. She stood panting on the stairs. Her magic grabbed hold of the two unconscious thugs and pulled them to her. “Next time, Trixie will be victorious!” She shambled out of the basement, dragging the thugs behind.

“C’mon, we need to go!” Pinkie said. She managed to get a hold of Twilight’s foreleg. “Leave it behind! I’m sure the chief’ll know where to find Spike!”

Twilight’s eyes wavered. “But—” A chunk of plaster fell from the ceiling, narrowly missing her head. “Fine, let’s get out of here.” She let Pinkie pull her up the stairs.

They stepped into the sunlight and dashed out of the library’s remains a moment before the building finally collapsed once and for all. The tree that Twilight had lived in for the past year and a half fell into the basement, burying her laboratory, as well as her chance to track down Spike. She sat on her haunches and stared at the hole that was once her home.

“Don’t worry,” Pinkie said as she patted Twilight on the back. “Like I said, I’m sure the chief can help!”

“I hope so,” Twilight said with a sigh. “And Trixie got away, too.” She rubbed her side gingerly. “I guess we should get back to Sweet Apple Acr—Headquarters.”

“Okey dokey!” Pinkie giggled at the eyeballs dangling from her glasses. “You know, these never get old!”

Twilight sighed once more. “Wish I could say that about other things.”

Save the Last Dance

Discord sat forward, chewing on his nails as he and Luna watched Twilight and Fluttershy’s situation grow dire. A small pile of shavings had already built up around his feet.

Luna stuffed a clump of popcorn into her mouth. “Twilight Sparkle has made an impressive showing, thus far,” she said, oblivious to his anxiety. On the screen, a mass of thugs congregated. “A fight approacheth!” Luna grinned and shifted her weight.

“Oh yes, I can’t wait,” Discord said in an unsteady voice. “I live for this kind of thing.” Under his breath, he added, “I hope she does, too.”

“Guys, kill them.” Gilda picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

“Fluttershy, what are we going to do?” Twilight asked as the circle of thugs tightened around them. She and Fluttershy put their backs against each other.

Fluttershy glanced over her shoulder. “Um, there aren’t really that many of them. Just don’t stop moving and you’ll be fine.”

“Wait, what?” Twilight said. “I need more than that—” The thugs broke rank and bolted forward.

Fluttershy exploded into action, leaping into the air and kicking out hard with her hind legs. A sickening crack ripped through the air as two enemies caught her hooves in the sides of their heads. The force of her attack lifted their feet from the ground.

“S-sorry!” she said over the sound of their bodies hitting the marble floor. The moment she touched down, she darted straight at another pony, a pegasus whose eyes had gone wide from the shock of seeing two of his companions felled so quickly.

“Wha—” he started, before Fluttershy leapt over him and onto his back.

“I’m so sorry.” She wrapped her forelegs around his neck and slammed him against the floor, where he lay, groaning. “Um, please don’t be angry.”

Unfortunately, Twilight hadn’t seen any of this, busy as she was with her own problems. Two stallions, one of whom was missing an ear, and a mare wearing an eye-patch crowded around her, pummeling her despite her best efforts.

“Oof!” A kick caught her in the stomach, and it was only through sheer force of will that she didn’t collapse to the ground. She pushed aside one of No Ear's attacks and moved close to him, delivering a headbutt directly to his chest. Her horn jabbed him in the throat and sent him reeling backwards, choking and with a hoof held up to his bruising neck.

“My grandma can fight better than you losers,” Gilda said. Her beak ripped off another chunk of sandwich, and through the mouthful, she added, “And she’s dead!”

Suddenly, something wrapped around Twilight’s hind leg and pulled hard. She glanced around and saw the mare, who had a firm grip on Twilight’s limb, grinning back. In front of her, the uninjured stallion kicked out Twilight’s forelegs. She grunted as her chin painfully hit the wooden floor.

“It’s about time,” Gilda grumbled, taking a swig of juice.

“Well, that was easy,” the mare thug said as she rubbed her eye-patch. “Let’s finish her, then go help the oth—” Twilight’s other hind leg caught her squarely in the jaw. She fell backwards so quickly that the back of her head rebounded off the floor.

“Bitch!” the stallion growled, aiming a kick at his prone opponent’s head, only to miss when she rolled away. He stumbled forward and just barely managed to keep his footing.

Gilda’s talons slammed down on the table. “All you have to do is kill two mares!” she shouted, bits of unchewed bread spraying from her mouth. “If you can’t even do that, then why do I bother paying you?”

Twilight pushed herself back upright and launched herself at the off-balance thug, only to feel something wrap around her midriff and lift her into the air. Another unicorn, this one a mare who had withheld from joining the fray, had cast a spell which currently held Twilight aloft.

“Gotcha,” the thug said with a chuckle.

Despite the dull throbbing from her stomach, Twilight grinned. “If it’s magic you want—” Her horn flared and a massive purple hammer winked into existence “—then who am I to argue?” The thug’s eyes widened as the magical weapon descended. She dove to the side, narrowly dodging the attack and releasing her spell in the process. Freed, Twilight dropped to her stomach with a grunt. Her own enchantment dissipated as she lost her concentration.

She groaned and pushed herself upright just in time to avoid another kick from the stallion. With a quick sweep of her foreleg, she knocked his legs out from under him and kicked him in the side of the head.

Twilight took a moment to catch her breath, and as she did so, her gaze fell on a bass drum that lay against the wall where the string quartet had been playing. Her eyes lit up and she cast another spell. The drum lifted into the air.

“Hey, you!” She pointed directly at the unicorn mare, who had just regained her footing. “I’m with percussion, here for some bass-kicking!” The drum dropped onto the poor thug’s head and laid her out.

“What… what was that?” Breathing normally, Fluttershy stood over six unconscious enemies. She walked forward to stand next to Twilight. “Th-that thing you said.”

“The one-liner?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Pinkie said I have to have one for every fight, so I just thought… you know. Was it good?”

“I—Well, it w-wasn’t really bad…” Fluttershy glanced away.

“You’re kidding, right?” Gilda said, snorting. “Whenever anyone tells a joke that bad, a kitten dies!”

“I thought it was fine…” Twilight said with a frown. “Oh, wait! I've got another one!” Once more, her horn glowed, and a translucent trombone appeared in front of her. “Follow me!” She started towards the thug she had poked in the throat. He had finally recovered and stood glaring at her while he massaged the bruised area.

“No, wait!” Fluttershy said as she followed. “W-we should be more careful…”

The thug lashed out at Twilight, but she ducked under his leg and landed a right hook on his chest. He toppled over backwards.

“Hey, do me a favor,” Twilight said to him as he tried to roll away. She raised the conjured instrument above her head. “B-flat.” It descended swiftly upon him, striking him hard on the back. Twilight turned and grinned at Fluttershy. Suddenly, a pegasus, who had been waiting for a chance to attack, tackled Twilight to the ground. He brought a hoof crashing down towards her head, but was knocked aside at the last minute by a heavy uppercut from Fluttershy. She wrapped a leg around his neck and choked him unconscious before releasing him.

“I can’t believe it,” Gilda muttered. Her gaze darted between Fluttershy, Twilight, and the massive ceiling window. “How—how can just two of you do all this?” She gestured to all of the fallen thugs, some of whom were still groaning in pain.

“Th-thanks for the save,” Twilight said to Fluttershy. She climbed to her hooves and rubbed her side. “So, was that better?”

“I—what?” Fluttershy sat on her haunches and frowned. “Was what better?”

“The B-flat thing!” Twilight said with a grin. “I said B-flat, then I hit him with a trombone! Now he’s flat on the ground! Eh? Eh? Get it?”

Fluttershy sighed and slowly raised a hoof to her forehead. “Yes, I get it.”

“Oh come on, Fluttershy! It was A-major improvement!” Twilight’s grin widened. “Get it?”

“Please…” Fluttershy said with a groan. “Please stop.” Hoofsteps sounded from the door, and both she and Twilight looked over to find that another group of enemies had arrived.

“Ha, nice timing!” Gilda crowed as she spread her wings. “All of you, buy me some time. You only have to keep them busy for a bit.” Turning her back to Twilight and Fluttershy, she dropped her pants and patted her feathered behind. “Suck it, dweebs!” She rocketed upwards, breaking through the window and showering the floor underneath with shards of glass.

“Do you think we can handle this many?” Twilight asked, pressed up against Fluttershy. “There’s a lot more of them this time.”

At least twenty enemies pooled into the grand room. “Probably, but Gilda’s going to get away,” Fluttershy said with a gulp. She glanced up, towards the window. “Do you have anything to keep them busy for a few seconds?”

“Nothing I can think of.” Twilight tugged at her collar. “Darn, I wish this tuxedo wasn’t so tight—” Her eyes widened. “The bow-tie!”

“It’s a lovely tie, but, um—” The thugs spread out in order to prevent anyone from escaping through the door “—how’s that going to do anything?”

“Trust me,” Twilight pulled her tie off and inspected it, quickly locating a tiny pin that protruded from behind the bow. “Get ready to go.”

“But I—” Fluttershy bit her protest off. “O-okay.”

With one final breath to steady herself, Twilight yanked the pin out and threw the explosive towards the approaching foes. “Go!” she shouted, Fluttershy right beside her as they rocketed upwards.

One.

She glanced back to see the thug in the forefront catch and inspect the tie. He furrowed his brow and tossed the garment over his shoulder with a shrug.

Two.

Pegasi from amongst the crowd spread their wings and prepared to take up pursuit. For Twilight, time slowed to a crawl as she and Fluttershy raced through the window. Their wings strained for every last inch of distance they could put behind them.

Three.

Fluttershy shouted something that Twilight couldn’t make out over the wind that roared past her ears. Expecting an explosion, she glanced downwards, only to find that nothing of the sort had happened.

Was it a dud? she wondered. The enemy pegasi had almost reached the window. And to think I was worried—

Without warning, everything around her turned to flame.

“We must postpone the remainder of the movie,” Luna said to Discord as she strode back in from the balcony. The moon, just brought over the horizon, shone through the window. “My court begins shortly, so I shall—”

A frantic knocking came from the door. Muttering about interruptions, Luna strode to the portal and threw it open to reveal a heavily breathing guard.

“Princess!” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “Urgent—news—” He staggered and would have fallen had Luna not held out a leg to catch him.

“Regain your breath,” she ordered calmly. The guard nodded and, after a minute, managed to calm himself enough to speak coherently. “Now, what is so important that you must speak to me at this hour?”

“Well, there’re a few things,” he said, “but the first is Princess Celestia! She’s missing!” He shifted his weight from side to side.

Luna frowned deeply. “I assume she did not inform you of any business she might have had.”

“That’s right, Your Majesty,” the guard said with a nod.

She glanced back at Discord, who quickly turned his gaze away and started to whistle. “And nopony knows where she has gone?”

“No, Your Majesty!” The guard blushed and glanced at the floor. “And, ah, whoever abducted her left a very, um, unflattering stuffed doll of the princess in her place.”

“Unflattering?” Luna asked, now turning to face Discord squarely. “Interesting. What, exactly, is unflattering about it?”

The guard’s blush deepened. “Certain, um—” He scuffed the ground with a hoof “—sections of her anatomy have been… enlarged.” He coughed.

“Let me guess,” she said. “By sections of her anatomy, you mean hindquarters.” He nodded quickly. “Yes, I thought so. Discord, do you know anything about this?”

Discord ceased to whistle and affected injury. “Me?” he said, placing a hand over his heart. “Kidnap dear, sweet Celestia? You wound me by even suggesting such a thing!” On the screen, where the “movie” still played, Twilight and Fluttershy shot through the roof of a building. “I am reformed, after all—” A deafening explosion tore the building apart. Luna’s gaze flicked over to the screen before she returned it to the dragonequus.

“I find it hard to believe you—” She, too, paused when a faint rumbling noise rippled through the castle, a mere second after the on-screen detonation. “What was that?” she said, darting to the window. In the distance, where Ponyville lay, a massive fireball bloomed upwards.

“Um, what a coincidence?” Discord said with a high-pitched chuckle.

Luna slowly turned and glared at him. “Discord,” she growled. The temperature in the room noticeably dropped.

“Th-there’s more to my report,” the guard said, stepping forward. “Reports have come in, saying that strange buildings have appeared in Ponyville—out of thin air!—including what seems to be a police station!”

“Discord,” she said more loudly as her eyes narrowed. A nimbus of electricity played around her horn. “Thou promised Us that ‘twas not real.” Her lips rippled with a snarl.

Discord backed away, paw and talon held out. “Really, it all depends on your definition of real,” he said. Luna’s horn flared. “Well, would you look at the time! I must be going! Gotta do the thing, in the place! Thanks for the fun, see ya never!”

Luna lunged towards him, but he snapped his fingers and vanished from sight. She couldn’t stop her momentum and ended up stabbing impaling a pillow on the end of her horn.

“Discord!” she roared. A small cloud formed above her head and spewed lightning. “When We find thee, We shall end thee!”

Even as the ground-shaking words left her mouth, Luna was out the window, hurtling towards Ponyville and the young mare she had placed in mortal danger.

Sanity had abandoned the world, leaving only fire in its place.

A wall of heat blasted Twilight in the back and threw her into an uncontrolled spin. Before she could stop them, her wings snapped shut.

My bowtie did this? she thought as everything around her burned. Suddenly, the hellish inferno moved above her, and she managed to catch a glimpse of the ground at least a hundred feet below. She closed her eyes to keep from getting too dizzy. I have to stop spinning!

Twilight strained to open her right wing, but found that it wouldn’t obey. A lance of pain shot through her back when she tried to force the appendage.

I must have pulled it. She attempted the same with the other wing, to similar results. Her upward momentum ceased and she began to fall. Where’s Fluttershy? she thought, cracking an eye open. She caught sight of Fluttershy, who had landed heavily and only just now started to push herself to her hooves.

With no help coming from that quarter, Twilight once more attempted to spread her wings. Waves of agony assailed her, but she refused to give up.

“Come on,” she growled. “Come on!” Despite her persistence, they still refused to budge. What does it take to make you move?! Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh!” She returned her attention to Fluttershy. Well, if this is the only way…

Images of Fluttershy flooded Twilight’s mind as she recalled their dance. She pictured that shapely leg, along which she had ran her hoof only moments before they had come within a hairsbreadth of kiss—

Whoompf

Twilight’s wings burst open, drawing an agonized scream from her already raw throat. Ten feet from the ground, she stabilized and glided the final distance to land gracelessly in the grass. Her sides heaved from the deep lungfuls of air she gulped down.

“Twilight!” Fluttershy shouted as she ran over. “Are you alright?”

Ignoring her concerned friend, Twilight pushed herself onto her wobbling legs and scowled. “Why would she make me wear a bomb like that?” she shouted. She gestured towards the ruined shell that had once been Gold Tier. The outer walls chose that moment to crumble inward. “Look! Look at what it did! That thing was around my neck! It—it could have gone off at any time and taken me with it!”

“Um, I’m sure it was a mistake.” Fluttershy placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Let’s just—”

“I’ve never wanted to actually kill anypony before, Rarity,” Twilight screamed skyward, “but congratulations! You have shown me that there’s a first time for everything!”

Fluttershy’s ears drooped as she shrank away. “M-maybe I’ll give you a moment alone.”

A mouse scuttled out from under a stack of crates, nose twitching in the darkness. Shafts of moonlight shone in through the windows and illuminated motes of dust that hung in mid-air. The mouse darted across the floor to a burlap sack, the corner of which something had nibbled off. It poked its head through the rip and had just taken a mouthful of grain when the warehouse door slammed open and someone came inside. By the time the door was closed, the mouse had long since vanished amongst the boxes.

“What—the hell—was that?” Gilda panted, examining her singed wings. She moved to the window and peeked around the edge. “Did anyone see me?”

The remains of Gold Tier sat within view, and overhead a massive cloud of smoke loomed, visible even against the starry sky. A crowd had gathered on the outskirts of the disaster area, but nobody seemed interested in the warehouse that Gilda now hid in.

She hissed in pain as she folded her wings. “Stupid dork,” she grumbled, crouching down. “Because of her, I won’t be flying away. Guess I’ll have to wait for the ‘Bolts to pick me up, and—”

“Twilight! She went in there!” Gilda’s eyes shot open and she whipped her head up to look outside. Some annoyingly bouncy pony talking to Twilight pointed directly at the warehouse. “Just a few minutes ago!” Her voice was shrill enough to pierce the sturdy walls.

“Shit!” Gilda shouted. She glanced around frantically until her gaze fell on a ladder that ascended into the loft, where a number of large crates sat dangerously close to the edge. Her beak curved into a wicked smile.

She started to climb.

“—with a scarf, because you have no idea how lucky you are that you aren’t here!” Twilight ended her tirade with a wordless scream before she fell to her haunches and fought to catch her breath. Crouched low to the ground, Fluttershy shuffled back to her side.

“Um, are you alright?” she asked softly. Her face could hardly be seen behind her mane.

“Yes,” Twilight said, gulping the air. “I feel better now.”

“Are you really going to, um, sh-shove a hat up her—”

“Did I say that?” Twilight grinned nervously. “I would never do something like that to one of my friends!”

Fluttershy frowned. “But you said—”

“Ha, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Twilight said. Her hoof scuffed the ground.

“W-well, if you s-say s-so.” Fluttershy’s teeth chattered as she began to shiver.

“Are you alright?” Twilight asked, stepping close.

“I-it’s just a l-l-little c-cold,” Fluttershy said as she rubbed her forelegs together.

“Cold? Here, take this.” Twilight shed her coat and held it out. “It’s supposed to be resistant to temperature changes, or some such.” Her eyes narrowed. “According to Rarity, that is.”

“Th-thank you,” Fluttershy said, blushing as she accepted the offer. She slung it over her shoulders. “Y-you know, I was wondering how you managed to avoid getting burned by the explosion. I avoided it, but you were in the middle of the blast!”

Twilight frowned and put a hoof to her chin. “Huh—the temperature-resistant coat. I hadn’t thought about that.” She glanced at the burning wreckage of Gold Tier and her frown deepened. “I’m still mad about the bowtie, but maybe—”

“Twilight! She went in there!” They glanced over to find Pinkie Pie trotting towards them. She gestured towards a run-down warehouse across the street.

“Who did?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

Fluttershy stepped forward. “Was it Gilda? When did she go in?”

“Just a few minutes ago!” Pinkie said. She bounced in place. “C’mon, let’s go get her and find out where the bad guys are!”

“You ready, Fluttershy?” Twilight said as she straightened her collar.

Fluttershy shuffled up to stand beside her. “Um, yes. I think so.”

Together, the three cantered to the warehouse door. “You’re sure she’s in here, Pinkie?” Twilight asked. “Absolutely sure?”

Pinkie glanced through the window. “Yep! Saw her go in about three minutes ago!” She turned back to her two companions. “So, what’s the plan, oh magnificent leader?” Both she and Fluttershy looked at Twilight expectantly.

“Plan? Um… right.” Twilight rubbed the side of her head. “What’s the plan… Pinkie, you wait out here in case she tries to come out this way. Fluttershy, you circle around and make sure there aren’t any other doors she can escape through. I—” She gulped before finishing “—I’ll go in and get her.”

“A-are you sure you’ll be fine alone?” Fluttershy said, placing a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “If you wait, then—”

“Then she has more time to think of a way to escape!” Twilight shook her head. “No, we’ll do it this way. If you don’t find any other doors, come in and help. Ready?”

“O-okay.”

“Yepper doodles!” Pinkie threw off a snappy salute.

“Okay.” Twilight gulped again and reached for the doorknob. “H-here I go, then.”

As she pushed it open, the door creaked ominously. Someone had left claw prints in the thick dust that lay on the ground. She closed the door behind her.

“Alright, Gilda,” Twilight said, glancing around. The center of the large building was wide-open, but boxes lined the walls. Gilda could have hidden herself in any number of places. “I know you’re in here. Can we just talk?” Silence answered her.

A shiver ran down Twilight's spine. Fear and excitement warred for dominion as she strode into the open area. Something behind her creaked, and she whipped around with her horn alight. However, instead of an attacking gryphon, all she saw was a mouse standing in front of the door.

A whistling noise from above was the only warning she had.

Twilight dove to the side instants before a massive crate smashed into the ground where she had stood only instants before. It shattered upon impact, revealing its contents—dozens of barbells. However, Twilight wasn’t given time to ponder over her near death, as another box fell from directly above her. She rolled sideways and once again narrowly avoided becoming thinner than even Rarity would envy.

Breathing heavily, she climbed to her hooves, only to be kicked onto her side by a fuming Gilda. As Twilight pushed herself back up, Gilda leaped forward and clawed her along her back.

A hideous shriek rang through the air, and Gilda fell backwards.

“Wh-what?” Twilight asked dazedly. She staggered a step away before turning to face her opponent. “What happened?”

“My talons!” Gilda screamed, nursing her claw as she dropped to her knees. “What the hell are you wearing?!” Blood dripped to the floor in front of her.

“Cut-resistant shirt,” Twilight answered. She tugged at the collar, mentally swearing to go easy on Rarity for the bowtie. “Never leave home without it.”

“Don’t talk shit!” Gilda said. She leaped forward, only to be thrown backwards when Twilight slammed a shoulder into her chest. Gilda tried to roll away, but was finally laid low by a solid right hook.

“Twilight!” The door shrieked on its hinges as Fluttershy threw it open. “Are you—oh, wow!” She put a hoof to her cheek. “I-I guess you didn’t need me, after all.”

“You didn’t see it when she almost crushed me,” Twilight said, gesturing to the smashed crates. “Twice.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy sat on her haunches. “W-well, nevermin—” The window shattered and a pegasus shot through. Fluttershy tried to twist out of the way, but not before the newcomer bowled her over.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight cried. She stood and moved towards her friend, only to be tackled by another pegasus.

“Heya, Twi,” the second attacker said. “Long time no see.”

“Rainbow Dash?!” Twilight said with wide eyes.

“Well, not if you count that time earlier today,” Rainbow continued. She trotted to Gilda and helped her to her feet. “You alright?”

“‘S’about time you showed up!” Gilda said as a trickle of blood ran down her chin. “Where were you?”

Another pegasus walked in through the door. “We had to pry Fleetfoot away from the slot machines,” Spitfire said with a shrug.

“Hey!” Fleetfoot said, standing over Fluttershy's still form. “When I’m on a streak, I gotta finish it!”

“And it almost got me killed!” Gilda shouted. “Take care of them, and get me out of here!” She pointed to Twilight and Fluttershy.

“Where’s Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked. She tried to stand, but Rainbow walked over and pushed her back down.

“Don’t try to stand,” Rainbow said softly. Louder, she said, “Your partner’s a bit busy, right now. Be good and I’ll—” A heavily breathing Fluttershy planted both of her hooves in Rainbow’s side, sending her rolling. Her head smacked off of a crate.

“I saw her take out fifteen ponies by herself!” Gilda said. Her wide eyes were focused on Fluttershy, who took an unsteady step forward. “Get me out of here, both of you! Now!”

“Fifteen?” Spitfire said with a frown. “Did you even have fifteen pon—”

“I said now!” The two standing Wonderbolts picked up Gilda and ran to the door.

“W-wait… Spitfire…” Rainbow reached out a hoof to her comrades as she tried to stand. “Don’t… leave me here!”

“She’ll squeal,” Spitfire said. “Can we afford to—” A loud crash cut her off as a crate, pushed from the loft above, fell directly on Rainbow

"Rainbow!" Twilight cried, struggling to stand.

“Got her, boss,” said the fourth Wonderbolt, who had flown in through an upper window.

“‘Sup, Rapidfire?” Spitfire glanced over her shoulder and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, Dash,” she said with a shrug. “Such are the fortunes of war.” They bore their leader outside.

“No!” Twilight shouted. She forced herself to her hooves, grunting when a wave of pain ran through her hind leg. “Come back here!” She limped after her quarries.

She stepped outside and glanced around, but couldn’t find them on the ground, and the sky had darkened to the point where nobody would be able to spot them in the air.

“Yeah, run!” she shouted, dropping to her haunches. “I’m not sure what else I expected, since you’re half-chicken and half-pussy!”

“Twilight?!” Fluttershy said from the doorway. “Wh-why would you say that?”

“Say what?” Twilight asked. “All I did was call her a pu—” Her eyes widened and she clapped a hoof to her mouth. “What is happening to me? I’m so, so sorry! I never say things like that!”

“I—” Fluttershy sighed and shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize.” She sighed again and gave a slight smile. “It’s been a very rough day. You must be very tired.”

“My everything hurts,” Twilight said with a groan. “My home exploded, my assistant was kidnapped, and I can’t even fly until my wings get better!” She exhaled explosively. “At least we caught Rainbow Da—” Her eyes widened. “Is Rainbow alright?! She isn’t hurt badly, is she?”

Fluttershy patted her on the back. “She’s unconscious, but breathing steadily. Lucky for her that the crate they dropped was empty, so it didn’t do anything other than bruise her.” She shivered and pulled the tuxedo coat tight.

A wave of frigid air blew by. “When did you get so good at this kind of stuff?” Twilight asked as she sidled over to borrow some of Fluttershy’s heat. “I mean, the fighting and all that.”

“Oh, I’m not good at fighting,” Fluttershy said. She blushed as their sides made contact. “I-I just do what I c-can to help out.” Another shiver wracked her body.

Twilight glanced over. “Are you still cold? You shivered again.”

“N-no, I’m not,” Fluttershy said, blush spreading. “Th-thank you for your coat.” She turned to look at Twilight without realizing that their faces were so close. “Um…”

Twilight could feel the heat from Fluttershy's every exhalation. All she had to do was lean forward, and—”

Seemingly from nowhere, Pinkie Pie landed in front of them. “Hey, guys, what’s going on?!” Twilight and Fluttershy scrambled away from each other. “Oo, la la!”

“Pinkie!” Twilight said in a strangled voice as Pinkie flashed a conspiratorial grin. “Where were you?” Fluttershy pulled her coat over her head.

“I saw one of the Wonderbolts, so I chased after him!” Pinkie said, bouncing in place. “He got away, though. So, didja catch Gilda?”

“No, she got away,” Twilight said. She frowned and advanced on her partner, and the grin slowly faded from Pinkie’s face. “And she might not have if you hadn’t ditched us! Why—” She halted as Pinkie shrank backwards. “Never mind.” Twilight drooped her head backwards and sighed. “Sorry, Pinkie, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I’m sorry…” Pinkie looked down, tears filling her eyes. “I’m the worst partner ever, aren’t I?”

“I’m sure things would have turned out the same, anyway,” Twilight said with what she hoped was a comforting smile. She lifted Pinkie’s chin. “Anyway, we have Rainbow Dash, who can probably tell us what we need to know.”

“Oo, the chief’s going to like that!” Pinkie’s face brightened. “Let’s take her back, then!”

With Rainbow in tow, the three weary ponies trudged back home.

Author's Note

Credit to MrNumbers for the puns in this chapter, as well as a number of others. Without him, Twilight's one-liners wouldn't be nearly as cheesy (or endearing).

Going Rogue

Applejack had just laid down for some well deserved sleep when something pounded on her door. She grumbled and hid her face under the pillow, but whoever stood outside only knocked more loudly. With a loud groan, she rolled off of her couch and shambled to the door.

“What the hell do ya want?” she snapped as she threw it open. A young stallion, likely only just out of colthood, stood on her doorstep. He cowered under her intense scrutiny.

“Ch-Chief,” he said, refusing to meet her eyes. “I-I-I have a report from h-headquarters.”

“Cadet, it’s midnight.” Inside, a clock chimed. “Scratch that—it’s a quarter after. What could possibly be important enough that ya need to pull me outta bed?”

The cadet shrank down even further. “S-Sergeant Twilight is back, and she brought somepony with her,” he said. “I thought y-you’d want to question Rainbow Dash if she—”

“Hold the phone,” Applejack said, sleep forgotten. “Twilight caught Rainbow Dash? Tonight? As in, that varmint’s sittin’ in a jail cell at this very moment?” Her expression brightened.

“Yes, Chief!” he said. Now that he was no longer the subject of Applejack’s ire, he could relax and straighten his posture. “The sergeant’s about to begin the question—”

“Then why the hell didn’t ya tell me in the first place?” Applejack roared, the force of her tone nearly forcing the cadet to his knees. “Do ya have shit for brains or somethin’?”

“Yes, Chief,” he said meekly. “Sorry, Chief.”

She grabbed her clothes and cantered outside. “Well, let’s get goin’,” Applejack said as she locked the door behind her. A cruel smile spread across her face. “It’s time to welcome an old friend back to Ponyville.”

“Hey! Let me out!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she kicked at the bars to her cell. “You can’t do this!”

A stack of books in tow, Twilight pranced into the room. “Sorry, Rainbow, but I can’t let you go until you tell me what I need to know.” Fluttershy slipped through the door after Twilight before it closed.

“I don’t know nothin’,” Rainbow said. She slammed her hoof against the floor and snarled. “And you can’t just throw me in a jail cell without an accusation!” She frowned as Twilight opened up one of the books. “Er, can you?”

Twilight flipped through the pages for a few seconds before she found what she wanted. “It actually says here that I can,” she said. “You are being held as part of an ongoing investigation. Add to that the fact that you assaulted an officer of the law, and I actually have a very good reason to keep you here.” Fluttershy nodded. “Did you really need to tackle me?” Twilight’s wing brushed against the bars, drawing forth a pained wince. “Ouch.”

“Yeah, well…” Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane as she exhaled. “Sorry about that,” she muttered.

“The wings aren’t your fault.” Twilight gazed at her for a long moment before pulling up a stool and sitting on it. “Look, Rainbow,” she said, tugging at the collar of her sweater, “I need to know where you took Spike. He’s only a baby, and he might be hurt, for all I know!”

“I’m not gonna squeal," Rainbow said as she crossed her forelegs.

“If you help me out, I can drop some of the charges against you,” Twilight continued. “Instead of a felony, you could be charged with only a misdemeanor. So please, for your sake as well as Spike’s, can you tell me where he is?”

“The kid’s fine,” Rainbow said with a sigh. “I made sure that everypony knew not to touch him.”

“Why would they listen to you?” Twilight asked, pulse quickening. “You’re not the leader, are you?”

“They listen because if they don’t, I’ll slap them upside the head!” Rainbow flared her wings. “And I’d do it, too, if I wasn't locked… in here…” Her eyes widened as she realized what Twilight was hinting at.

“That’s what I thought. It’s hard to protect someone when you’re locked in a jail cell.” Twilight stood and reached through the bars to grab Rainbow’s hoof. “You can’t guarantee his safety now, can you? Please, Rainbow, tell me where he is!”

Rainbow’s eyes darted around the room as she attempted to sort out her thoughts. “Well, I guess,” she said slowly. “He’s—”

Fluttershy shrieked when the door slammed open to admit Applejack, who halted in her tracks at the sight of Rainbow. “Well, well, well,” she said with a small grin, “what have we here?”

“Oh, uh, hey, AJ,” Rainbow said. Ears flattened, she pulled her hoof from Twilight’s grasp and backed away. “Long time, no see, huh?”

“If it ain’t mah best pal, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack continued, slowly stepping forward. “What’s the matter, Rainbow? Not happy to see me?”

“Well, I—”

“Cuz Ah’m reeeaal happy to see you, ya little piece of shit!” The end of the sentence came out of the chief’s mouth as a snarl. “What, are ya too damn scared to face me after ya ditched the force and became a damn criminal?”

“Hey! I didn’t ditch anything!” Rainbow shouted, pushing her head against the bars. “I quit, fair and square! It was legal and everything!”

“Yeah?” Applejack said as she put her own head against the cell. “And right after, ya joined with the Wonderbolts and turned full-time criminal! If that ain’t ditchin’, then Ah sure as shit don’t know what is!”

Rainbow backed down at that. “I—I didn’t become a Wonderbolt to be a criminal,” she muttered, gaze on the floor. “It wasn’t supposed to be like that.”

“Rainbow, why did you join them, then?” Twilight asked. Applejack opened her mouth, likely to continue to shout, but Twilight quieted her with a shush.

“I grew up admiring them,” Rainbow said softly. Her head drooped forward. “They were always doing things to help, and on top of that, they were the best fliers, like, ever!”

“So, what changed?” Twilight said.

“Well, Spitfire, she—” Rainbow glanced up suspiciously. “Wait, I’m not going to snitch on my teammate!”

“The teammate who left you for dead?” Twilight said as Applejack snorted loudly. “Are you going to defend somepony like that?”

“Well, um…” Rainbow frowned at her hooves. “Y-yeah, I am,” she said unsteadily.

“Well, good riddance, then” Applejack said. She sneered at Rainbow before patting Twilight on the back. “Good job, Twi. We’ll get some answers from this little shitter before we turn in for the—”

“Chief!” An officer had slipped her head past through the doorway. “You've got a call!”

“Ah’m not takin’ calls this late,” Applejack said as she waved a dismissive hoof. “Tell ‘em to call back tomorrow.”

“Ah, it’s from the Gryphonian Embassy, sir,” the officer said. “They were very insistent on speaking with you.”

“Son of a bitch,” Applejack muttered. She stomped out of the room. “Ah’ll be back!” she shouted over her shoulder before the door shut behind her.

Twilight turned back to Rainbow Dash, who had settled onto her haunches. “C’mon, Rainbow,” Twilight pleaded. “What will happen if Spike—”

“She did what?!” Applejack had shouted so loudly that, even with the door to the cells closed, her voice was clearly audible. “Ah’m gonna kill her!”

“Um, that doesn’t sound good,” Fluttershy said. She backed into the corner. “I h-hope she’s not talking about yo—”

The door slammed open again, this time with enough force to shake dust loose from the ceiling. Applejack stormed through and walked up to Twilight. “What the hell were ya thinkin’?!” she roared.

“What do you mean?” Twilight said, reeling.

“Ya know damn well what Ah mean!” Applejack said. She poked Twilight in the chest, hard. “Ah told ya not to do anything too rash, so why in this green Equestria would ya assault the ambassador from Gryphonia?!”

Twilight's eyes widened. “I’m not the one who assaulted—”

“Ya beat the damn shit out of her!” Applejack shouted. “Ah sent ya to speak with her, not to slap her around!”

“I did not slap Gilda around!” Twilight said, scowling.

“Ya gave her a black eye and ripped the claws out of her foot,” Applejack said dryly. “Ah don’t know what else ya’d call it.”

“To be fair,” Twilight said, “she did the claws herself—”

“Ya know what? That’s it.” Applejack threw her hooves in the air and made a strangled noise. “Ah’ve put up with yer shit until now, because ya’ve always gotten the job done, no matter the consequences. But this? This is too much. The gryphons want ya locked up and put on trial, and Ah can’t say Ah blame them!”

Twilight’s hoof came down upon the ground hard enough to make the stool jump. “She attacked us first!” she yelled. “We acted in self-defense!”

“It don’t matter what she did!” Applejack answered. “But it’s not your problem no more, cuz you’re off this case!”

“Wh—what did you say?” The color drained from Twilight’s face.

“Ya heard me, Sparkle! You’re too involved, so Ah’m takin’ ya out of the action.” She pointed to the door. “Now, get.”

“You can’t do this!” Twilight said, grabbing Applejack by the shoulders. “I have to save Spike, and I don’t know any other way to find him!”

“Like Ah said, it ain’t your problem anymore,” Applejack said. “Now, get, before Ah throw ya in there with Rainbow.”

“But, I—” She threw her head back and released an exasperated shout. “Fine! I’ll just—I’ll figure something out! But you better do your best to find him, or else I won’t forgive you.”

“Don’t be tellin’ me how to do mah job,” Applejack said. Twilight scowled, but slowly plodded to the door. The last thing she saw before going through and closing the door behind her was Rainbow, her only hope for finding Spike.

“I’ll find a way,” she muttered. “Even if it kills me.”

“I’ll kill her!” A stool flew across the room and exploded against the wall. Gilda flipped a table, sending checkers and poker chips scattering. “I swear, I’m gonna kill her!”

“You gonna be alright, Gilda?” Spitfire asked. A cushion shot by her head, but she didn’t even flinch.

“You know what? We’re gonna kill her now!” Gilda said. She winced as her bandaged talon bumped against the ground. “Get the other Wonderbolts, and we’ll go kill that miserable little dork and her pegasus friend. And after that, we take care of her stupid dragon.” Her beak curved into a cruel smile.

“Um, Ambassador?” Trixie said from the doorway. “The boss wants to see you.” The smile vanished from Gilda’s face.

“I’m busy!” she snarled. “What does the boss want to see me about?”

“About what happened tonight,” Trixie said, forcing her gaze down.

“How the hell can she already know all of that?” Gilda said. “Spitfire, do as I said and get the other ‘Bolts. We’re leaving as soon as I’m done!”

“You got it,” Spitfire said.

Gathering the other Wonderbolts didn’t take long, which left them to pace while they waited for their leader to finish her business. Finally, Gilda reappeared, eyes wide.

“So, what’s the plan?” Spitfire asked. Gilda didn’t answer, but instead shambled to a couch and sank into it. “Um, Gilda?”

“We’re not going,” she said softly. “We aren’t to go out of our way to attack Twilight Sparkle.”

“Huh?” Spitfire raised an eyebrow at Gilda’s laconic demeanor. “But just a few minutes ago, you said—”

“I remember what I said!” Gilda snapped, regaining a bit of her energy. “Now I’m saying that we’re leaving her alone.”

Spitfire crouched down to look her employer in the eyes. “What did the boss say to you?”

“Twilight is to make it here alive and on her own,” Gilda said as she leaned back and groaned. “Until then, she’s off limits.”

“And after she makes it here?”

A wicked gleam sparked in Gilda's eyes. “After that? We’ll see.”

Back in her small office, Twilight paced back and forth between the couch and the door. “Would I be able to use a seeking spell?” she said with a frown. Her wings hung loose, draped nearly to the floor. “No, I don’t have any of his scales to use as a reagent.” Her legs halted for a moment. “Maybe I could cast the spell to find Gilda!” Her face instantly fell, however, and her pacing resumed. “That won’t work, either. I don’t know how to attune the spell for gryphons…”

As she paced to the door for the twentieth time, her eyes fell upon a bookshelf, barely visible behind a large stack of cardboard boxes. A quick spell had the obstruction pushed aside, and she eagerly examined the books’ spines.

“I bet there’s something here that I can use,” Twilight muttered. Her lips moved as she silently read the titles. “Why would I have these?” She squinted to make certain that her eyesight hadn't mislead her. “Manehattan Mayhem, featuring Drill Dozer? Drill Dozer is: the Equestrian Executioner? Drill Dozer, in—” Her eyes widened “—a Mare a Minute?!” She groaned and paced to the couch. “Why would I have this garbage on my bookshelf? Why would anypony have this on their bookshelf?”

A soft knock on the door interrupted her tirade.

“Come in,” Twilight, said, straightening her turtleneck. Nobody answered, and the door remained shut. “Come in!” Still nothing. “Pinkie Pie, if this is a prank—” She threw the door open to reveal Fluttershy, who carried a covered bowl. “Uh, hi, Fluttershy!”

Fluttershy’s gaze dropped to the floor as she mumbled inaudibly.

“Are you alright?” Twilight asked. She crouched down to look into Fluttershy’s eyes. “You can relax around me.”

“Oh! Um, sorry,” Fluttershy said, lifting her head. “I-I wanted to, um, talk.” She took a step forward but immediately retracted her hoof. “C-can I come in?”

“Yes, please do,” Twilight said as she stepped to the side. “I wasn't expecting anypony to visit, though, or I would have cleaned up a bit.” She shut the door. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I—” Fluttershy swallowed heavily and wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead “—I’m sorry that the chief took you off the case.” She dropped to her haunches. “It—it wasn’t right.”

Twilight sighed and took a seat as well. “I’m just worried about Spike,” she said. “I can’t think of any other way to find him.”

“I wish I could help you,” Fluttershy said, patting her on the shoulder. “Oh!” Her eyes brightened. “Um, how are your wings feeling? I-if it’s alright to ask.”

Twilight tried to fold them against her sides, but gave up with a pained wince. “Not good. I can hardly move them on their own.”

“May I have a look?” Twilight nodded and swiveled around. “Um… I-I need you to t-take off your s-sweater, first.” Fluttershy swallowed heavily.

“Alright,” Twilight said, shrugging out of the garment. She winced as she pulled her wings through the holes in the sweater’s back. “Ouch. Go ahead.”

“This might hurt,” Fluttershy said. She reached out and probed the area around the wings’ bases. “Are you okay?” she said when Twilight grunted and flinched.

“I’m fine,” she said through clenched teeth. She winced again when Fluttershy picked up one of the wings and gingerly extended it. “Just—don’t take too long, please.” Fluttershy nodded and inspected the other wing.

“You didn’t break or sprain anything,” she said, gently letting go, “but you pulled a lot of muscles. I, um, kind of thought that would be the case, so I—” She gulped and held out the bowl she had brought along “—I made this.”

Twilight lifted the lid and immediately recoiled. “It smells terrible!” she said, face twisted into a grimace. “What the hay is it?”

“It’s medicine, to heal injuries like yours,” Fluttershy said. “When I was a filly, my mother taught me how to make it. With this, in a few hours you’ll feel better.”

“I don't have to drink it,” Twilight said with a neutral expression, “do I?”

Fluttershy gasped and put a hoof to her mouth. “Oh, no!” she said. “If—if you did that, you might die! This is just to be rubbed on the sore spots.” A light blush crept across her cheeks. “So, um…”

“Yes?” Twilight prompted when Fluttershy trailed off. “Is something wrong?”

“No! I mean—” Fluttershy swallowed to clear her throat, and her blush deepened. “Sh-should I r-rub it on f-for you?”

“Oh!” Twilight said, taken aback. Her own face grew crimson as she envisioned soft, gentle hooves caressing her back. “Yes. I mean, sure! Do so! Er, if you would be so kind. Please.”

“I’ll be gentle,” Fluttershy said, dipping her hoof into the bowl. “I promise.”

She rubbed the salve onto the right wing, and Twilight nearly cried out from the pain. Instead, she clenched her jaw. Only moments later, the agony had vanished, replaced by a cool, numbing sensation.

“That feels a lot better,” Twilight said with a sigh. She immediately gasped and nearly bit her tongue when Fluttershy moved to a different spot on the wing.

For a while, they both sat in near silence. The only sounds were the frequent intakes of breath caused whenever Fluttershy touched a spot that was particularly sore. Finally, Twilight twisted her head and looked back.

“Hey, Fluttershy?” she said.

“Yes?" Fluttershy answered, picking up a roll of bandages.

“I was just wondering—” Twilight’s breath hissed through gritted teeth as Fluttershy began to bind the wings “—what’s your stake in all of this?”

Fluttershy’s ministrations paused. “Wh-what do you mean?” she asked before resuming.

“Well, I want to save Spike, and Applejack wants to bring criminals to justice.” Twilight twisted further to look her in the eye. “But I still don’t know what you stand to gain.”

“I don’t gain anything,” Fluttershy said. “I t-told you before—I’m just a concerned citizen—”

“Who just happens to be an amazing fighter?” Twilight interrupted with narrowed eyes. “Who just happens to have accurate information about a criminal like Gilda? Who just happens to sneak into a job in order to get close to her? I may be new to this crime fighting thing, but even I don’t buy a coincidence like that.”

For a long moment, Fluttershy didn't answer. “You’re done,” she finally said, tying off the wrapping around Twilight’s wholly bandaged wings. She turned to the door. “I-I should be going—”

“Wait!” Twilight said as she leaped forward to keep her from leaving, but she froze when Fluttershy suddenly turned and put a hoof on her back. “What are you—”

She would never remember whether it was she or Fluttershy who closed the distance; perhaps they both moved at the same time. She could only recall that one moment, they stood stock still and staring, and the next they had embraced and pressed their lips together.

Once again, Twilight relished in the earthy scent that Fluttershy bore. As their contact lingered, she noticed that her lips tasted sweetly familiar. Like fresh honey, she thought. However, before the kiss could develop further,Fluttershy pulled away.

“I—I’m a federal agent,” she said, setting Twilight back on her heels. “I’m tracking down somepony connected to Gilda.” Her gaze flickered to Twilight’s face before dropping to the ground.

“Why are you telling me this now?” asked the dazed Twilight. I just kissed one of my best friends! What is wrong with me?

Fluttershy reached up to toy with her mane. “I just—I don’t want there to be any illusions between us.”

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said, licking her lips. “No illusions.” It tasted like honey—No! Relationships take time to build! You don’t just jump into them halfway through! “I agree.” With a demure smile on her face, Fluttershy leaned back in for another kiss, but paused when Twilight stiffened.

“Twilight?” Fluttershy said as her smile shrank. “Is—is something wrong? Is this too fast?”

Yes, it is! Twilight's mind screamed. You’re my friend! We can’t do this! “Is this love, or infatuation?” She blinked rapidly to hide her surprise. The question had simply sprung unbidden from her mouth.

“I-I’m sorry?”

Guess I'll just have to go with it. Twilight stared deep into Fluttershy's eyes. “You’ve only known me for a few hours! How can we have feelings for each other?”

“I’m not sure,” Fluttershy said. She tried to avert her gaze, but Twilight’s hoof held her face steady.

“I—I’ve just never had feeling like this before,” Twilight continued. “So I don’t know what to expect. Maybe we should wait until we have a better idea.” Yes, this is for the best.

Fluttershy blushed and closed her eyes. “I s-suppose you’re right.”

“So, are we…” Twilight tried to turn her attention away from the scent of damp soil, the sweet taste that lingered on her lips, the admittedly beautiful pony that stood before her. She tried to focus on anything else, but found that she couldn't. “Are we, uh—” Ah, the hay with it.

She wrapped her legs around Fluttershy and kissed her deeply. She grunted and widened her eyes, but didn't protest, so Twilight steered them both towards the couch, which was just large enough to accommodate two.

“Pus-infested cur,” Luna muttered as she neared Ponyville. Her wings pushed her forward, despite the aches that ran through them due to the speed of her flight. “Cowardly son of maggots, you will rue the day you lied to me!”

Moments later, she hung suspended in mid-air over the town. Her eyes, far more suited to the dark than anyone else’s, scanned the area for signs of activity, but none presented themselves. Luna shrugged and tilted into a nosedive—

—and abruptly collided nose-first with what felt like a brick wall.

“Wad trickery id did?” she cried, holding a hoof over her nose, which had started to bleed. Although nothing could be seen between her and Ponyville, drops of blood splattered on something invisible. “A barrier?” She reached out with her other hoof and probed the impedance.

A loud noise cracked through the air, and Discord appeared on the other side of the invisible wall. “Sorry, Princess,” he said as he bowed low, “but I’m afraid I can’t let you interfere quite yet.”

“Didcord!” Luna shouted. If looks could kill, her’s would have vaporized Discord on the spot. “Led me pathd, thid indant!”

“I already told you—no can do,” Discord said. He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I swear, you ponies are denser than rock.” Luna kicked at the barrier, but only succeeded in stubbing her hoof. “Well, as much as I enjoy watching you make an utter fool out of yourself, I’ve got places to go and ponies to see! Toodles!” He waggled his fingers at her, then disappeared from sight.

“Ged back here!” she shrieked, to no avail. An ominous glow appeared around her horn as she glared at the invisible force that thwarted her efforts to reach Ponyville. “Wall, have ad thee!” She lunged forward.

Pressed up against Fluttershy, Twilight glanced down at her sleeping friend—No, not my friend anymore, she thought with a frown. Whatever we are now, it’s not friends. Fluttershy snored and nuzzled into Twilight’s chest. Was this about love, or infatuation? Where before the question had been meant as redirection, now Twilight seriously considered it. She's definitely pretty, but I feel like there's more to it than that.

Her gaze roamed the office as she considered the implications of the past two hours. On the wall, a digital clock read three twenty-seven.

How did I get here, anyway? Twilight continued. Why has all this happened? This is my first chance to just think about everything. She shifted into a more comfortable position. Everypony’s lives have changed, even mine. But I’m the only one who knows that this isn’t right. Her eyes widened as an unsettling thought occurred. Or… am I? What if I’m the one who’s wrong?

Fluttershy’s hind leg kicked out and she gave a particularly loud snore. Despite the gravity of her thoughts, Twilight couldn’t help but smile and pull Fluttershy closer.

I can’t start doubting myself now, Twilight thought, smile slowly fading. And I can’t trust Applejack to do everything she can to save Spike. The clock changed to three thirty and chimed softly. A world where I can’t trust Applejack? I guess that’s all the proof I need that this isn't how things are supposed to be.

She gently lifted Fluttershy's wing and rolled out from underneath it, pausing to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. As silently as possible, she opened the door and left, clothing in tow.

“Sorry, Fluttershy,” Twilight whispered as she shut the office behind her. “That meant a lot to me, but I can’t be there when you wake up.” She slid the turtleneck over her head and pulled her coat on before trotting down the hallway.

She paused at each intersection, poking her head around the corner to make sure that nobody caught sight of her. Fortunately, the police station was nearly abandoned at this hour, so she didn't run into any witnesses. She finally reached the holding cells and pushed her way into the room.

Rainbow Dash, who had been lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, leaped to her hooves. “Twilight? What are you doing here? I thought you got kicked out!”

“Playing by the rules isn't going to save Spike, this time,” Twilight said, wincing at her own words. “I need to know where he is, and I need to know now.”

“I wouldn't tell Applejack where our hideout is, so what makes you think I’ll tell you?” Rainbow sat down again and crossed her forelegs.

“I don’t have time for this,” Twilight said as she rubbed her forehead. “Look, you joined the Wonderbolts to do good, right?”

Rainbow frowned, but said, “Yeah, I guess. What about it?”

“They haven’t done any good deeds since you joined, so here’s your chance to make up for it.” Twilight approached the bars. “Tell me where I can find Spike.”

“But—” Rainbow’s face paled and she lowered her gaze. “They’ll kick me out,” she mumbled.

“Do you really want to be part of a team that will abandon its own members?” Twilight snapped. “Is that something you like? Because if you do, then go ahead and defend them while Spike’s in danger!”

“But I just…” Rainbow’s ears drooped. “Fine, you win. We were camped out in the old factory in the Everfree Forest.”

For a moment, Twilight considered the information. “There is no factory in there—” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Unless the castle turned into a factory…”

“Twi, I think you might want to take it easy for a bit,” Rainbow said, eyebrow raised. “You’re kinda talking crazy.”

“Thanks for your help, Rainbow!” Twilight said as she rushed to the door. “I’ll make sure to have some of your charges dropped when I get back!”

“Yeah, don’t forget about that!” Rainbow shouted, but Twilight was already out the door.

Trixie trudged in through the door and walked up to the mahogany desk, behind which lay a chair with its back away from the wall. “You wished to speak with Trixie?” she mumbled, eyes darting back and forth.

“Yes,” said the chair’s occupant in a melodic voice. “Twilight Sparkle has entered the Everfree Forest, I believe with the intention of coming here to save the dragon.” A cage covered by a blanket sat on the desk. A loud snore came from inside, shocking Trixie into a jump. “If you would, take some of my ponies and arrange a warm welcome for her.”

The thought of getting another shot at Twilight brought a grin to Trixie’s face. “Boss, leave it to Trixie,” she said, galloping out the door. Behind her, a soft chuckle rang forth.

“All part of the game,” the boss muttered with another laugh. “All part of the game.”

Where the Castle of the Two Sisters had once stood, now a run-down concrete building sat. The windows that Twilight could see had been broken, leaving only shards of glass clinging to the frames.

“Let’s see how Fluttershy’s salve worked,” Twilight muttered as she unravelled the bandages. She spread her freed wings. “A bit stiff,” she noted, “but better.” Slipping her sunglasses on, she returned her attention to the building and proceeded slowly towards what appeared to be the front door.

She pushed it open and strode through.

The room that greeted her presented nearly the same image that the outside of the building had. Cobwebs clung to the corners, and bits of broken furniture lay scattered about the room. Twilight glanced down and noted the multitude of hoofprints in the dust. Suddenly, something dropped from the ceiling directly above her.

“Twilight Sparkle!” Trixie shrieked as she fell. “Trixie shall have her—” A single uppercut from Twilight caught her under her chin and sent her reeling backwards. Trixie wobbled, but didn’t collapse. “Trixie shall… have her… rev—” A headbutt to the chest finished what Twilight’s original attack did not, and Trixie dropped to the floor, eyes spinning.

“This is going on my album of greatest hits,” Twilight said as she examined her hoof. Trixie groaned loudly.

Meanwhile, two thugs had entered the room, but the sight of Trixie getting taken down so easily brought pause to their advance. The moment Twilight dropped the one-liner, they glanced at each other and grimaced.

“That was awful,” one said, backing towards the door.

“How can you even live with yourself?” the other said as he followed. Twilight snarled, and both thugs fled back they way they had come. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Trixie.

“Where can I find Spike?” Twilight asked, giving Trixie a rough shake.

“Did anypony get the number on that bus?” Trixie said woozily. Twilight shook her again.

“Trixie!” she said more loudly. “Where—is—Spike?”

Trixie’s eyes slowly focused on Twilight’s face, and she tried to shrink away. Unfortunately, Twilight held her tight.

“Th-through that d-door, and d-d-down the hallway,” Trixie said as she pointed with a trembling hoof. “Last d-door on the r-r-right.”

“Thanks.” Twilight released her and moved in the direction indicated. “No hard feelings, right?” Trixie collapsed with a groan.

Moving at a quick pace, Twilight went through the door and proceeded down the hallway. Shafts of early morning sunlight drifted through the broken windows, painting the rotting wooden floor. Suddenly, a noise came from a door to the right.

“I-is anypony out there?” Twilight stopped outside of a closed room. “Please, help us!”

“Stand back from the door,” she said, horn alight. A surge of energy built up on the end of it, and a moment later, the door exploded off of its hinges. Twilight poked her head into the room. “Is everypony alright?”

Two earth ponies, huddled together, stood and walked slowly forth. “Th-thank you, dearie,” said the first, a mare. “We thought we’d die in here!”

“Mrs. Cake!” Twilight said as her eyes widened. “And Mr. Cake! What are you two doing here?”

Mrs. Cake opened her mouth to answer, but her husband interrupted. “Please, we just want to go home,” he said. “Can’t we answer these questions later?”

“Of course,” Twilight said slowly. “The way out should be clear.”

“Thank you,” Mr. Cake said, leading his wife back down the way Twilight had come. With a shrug, she continued towards her destination.

As she galloped down the corridor, Twilight frowned. Why haven’t I ran into anypony else? she wondered. If this is their hideout, shouldn’t there be more enemies? She finally reached the end of the hallway and turned to the door on the left. I can figure this out after Spike’s safe and sound.

With a swift kick of her hind legs, Twilight flared her wings and burst into the room.

Her eyes quickly took in her surroundings. A large desk with a backwards chair dominated the area, but her attention focused on the covered cage. “Spike!” she said, moving forward cautiously. “Is that you?”

“No!” came Spike’s voice from under the blanket. “Twilight, run away! You’re the one she wants!”

“Wait, ‘she’?” Twilight said with a frown. “Who—”

“Welcome, Twilight Sparkle, to my humble abode,” said the chair’s occupant. “It has been far too long since we last met.”

“Wait a minute,” Twilight said, eyes widening, “I know that voice.”

“Of course you do, my faithful student.” As Twilight's mouth worked soundlessly, the chair swiveled to finally reveal the boss’s identity. “I look forward to continuing your education.”

Finally, Twilight found her voice.

“Celestia.”

The Best Laid Plans

Stumbling down the corridor, Trixie took a moment to lean against the wall and catch her breath. Her leg wrapped around her stomach as she winced in pain from the blow Twilight had landed just minutes earlier.

“Twilight Sparkle,” she growled between pants. “We haven’t finished our fight, yet.” Gritting her teeth, Trixie pushed off from the wall and proceeded towards the boss’s room.

“Yoooo, Trixie, you aren’t lookin’ so good.” She glanced up to see Gilda, leg still bandaged, walk out of a room to the right. “Did Sparkle mess you up, too?”

“A lucky kick,” Trixie muttered. “She caught Trixie by surprise, that’s all. Now move aside!” She pushed past Gilda, who made no movement to stop her.

“The dork went in to see the boss,” Gilda said with a chuckle. “You missed your chance.”

Trixie glanced down the hallway to the last door. “The boss leaves everything to her underlings,” she said. “She’ll call for one of us to—” The door exploded outwards and Twilight hurtled through, slamming into the far wall. Celestia daintily stepped through the wreckage to approach her.

“Oh, Twilight,” Celestia said, her serene smile never once faltering. She reached up to stroke her goatee. “I expected much more from you.” Twilight suddenly lunged forward, but her opponent grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall. “I shall ask you once more: will you join me?” Celestia's one visible eye glinted, the other hidden behind an eyepatch.

“Twilight!” Spike shouted from his cage. “Are you okay?!” Twilight could only choke in response as her hooves beat weakly against Celestia’s foreleg.

Trixie limped forth and cleared her throat. “Um, Boss?” she stammered. “Would you like any help?”

“Ah, Trixie,” Celestia said without glancing away from Twilight. “I thought I smelled inferiority complex.” Gilda laughed loudly as a blush spread across Trixie’s face. “No, I believe I have matters well in hoof.” Twilight tried to speak, but her words came out as an indecipherable gurgle. “I’m sorry, my faithful student, what was that?”

Twilight gasped as Celestia released some of the pressure on her throat. “I said—” She paused to cough “—your beard looks stupid.” She slammed all of her hooves backwards against the wall.

“What do you mean? My beard is—” Celestia’s eye widened as the weakened wood she held Twilight to crumbled. They both fell through the wall and into the room behind it.

Trixie lurched forward and glanced through to find that Twilight had scrambled away and regained her footing. Wheezing, she held a hoof up to her bruised throat.

The room, although large, had few features of note, other than the hard concrete floor and a roof that appeared ready to collapse at any moment.

“Well played,” Celestia said as she slowly stood and straightened her eyepatch. “Perhaps you will present more of a challenge this time, hm?”

She leaped high and came crashing down, wings flared and hindleg pointed straight at Twilight’s head.

Birds chirped overhead as Fluttershy and Pinkie trudged through the Everfree Forest.

“I’ve never been to an abandoned factory before!” Pinkie said, bouncing in circles. “This is going to be the best—field-trip—ever!”

“I think this might be too dangerous to call a field-trip,” Fluttershy said. Her eyes darted around as she scanned the undergrowth. “And if the bad ponies are using the factory, then it isn’t abandoned, either.”

Pinkie paused and put a hoof to her chin. “Hm, good point. That reminds me—how did you get Rainbow Dash to tell you where they were, anyway?”

“Well, I, um…”

“C’mon, Fluttershy, knock it off!” Rainbow cried as she stretched her leg between the bars as far as she could. “This probably counts as torture!”

“Only after you tell me what you told Twilight,” Fluttershy answered. She dangled a cookie just barely out of reach.

Rainbow sighed explosively. “Fine!” she said with a scowl. “She’s going to the abandoned factory in the Everfree Forest. Now, would you please give me the cookie?”

“Thank you, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said. “Make sure you tell the nice police chief what she wants to know, and I’m sure everything will be all right.” She dropped the treat into Rainbow’s waiting grasp.

“...I have my ways,” Fluttershy finished, adopting a nervous smile. “Anyway, we need to hurry, before Twilight gets hurt. I’ll fly ahead and see what I can find.” She spread her wings and took to the air.

“Okie dokie!” Pinkie shouted with a wave. “I’ll just keep on keeping on!” Humming to herself, she forged deeper into the woods.

Hoof leading the way, Celestia descended quickly, clearly intending to end the fight with a single blow. However, Twilight had managed to recover her bearings and, after deflecting the approaching leg, she lashed out with an uppercut of her own. Just before the attack landed, Celestia gave a powerful flap of her wings and floated over Twilight's head. Twilight’s hind leg kicked back, but Celestia caught and lifted it, flipping Twilight forwards. With a loud grunt, she landed on her back.

“I taught you better than this,” Celestia chided as she raised a hoof and stomped down hard. Twilight opened her eyes just in time to see the danger, and a timely roll to the side delivered her from harm’s way just as Celestia’s hoof bashed a small crater into the concrete floor.

Twilight hopped to her feet. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” she said, “and I don’t know why you kidnapped Spike, but it ends here.”

“Now is not the time for explanations,” Celestia said. Her horn crackled, and a long board, encompassed by her magic’s aura, lifted into the air. “Perhaps later I shall give you the answers you seek—provided you're still alive, that is.”

As the board swung towards her, Twilight’s eyes widened and she leaped straight upwards. Unfortunately, the board struck one of her legs, and she spun in mid-air before once more landing on her back. Just as her vision started to clear, she felt something grab onto her tail.

“Care for a spin, Twilight?” Celestia’s hooves had a firm grip and refused to relinquish their prize, despite Twilight’s struggles.

“Let go of me!” she started to say, but the end of her sentence became a scream as Celestia spun a circle. Twilight’s body left the ground. “Ceeeeleeeestiiiaaaa!” Her tail felt close to ripping off when Celestia finally let her go.

Like a living bullet, Twilight collided head-first with the wall and punched through so that her rump and hind-legs dangled above the floor.

“You disappoint me.” Celestia walked towards her at a steady pace. “I had hoped that you, of all ponies—” Suddenly, Twilight’s leg kicked up, catching Celestia under the chin. Head thrown back, she staggered backwards as Twilight pulled herself out of the wall.

“Is that fulfilling enough for you?” Twilight asked with a scowl. “Or are you still disappointed?” A shallow wound on her forehead bled profusely, threatening to blind her right eye. Her legs wobbled underneath her.

Celestia stabilized her footing and brought her head back down. “I admit, that was unexpected,” she said as she wiped a trickle of blood from her chin. “See if you can do it again.” She charged forward.

Twilight dodged two quick jabs and deflected a third, but couldn't avoid the powerful left hook that punched through her defenses and struck her in the ribs. A crunching noise cracked through the air, and Twilight only barely managed to stay on her feet. She lashed out and landed a glancing hit, but Celestia shrugged the blow off like she would a puff of wind. Both of her front hooves came crashing down on Twilight’s back, laying her out sprawled on the ground.

As Celestia stood over her, Twilight’s horn faintly glowed, and a large section of the rotting ceiling detached. Celestia’s gaze snapped up, but she couldn't get out of the way before the debris crashed down on her. A sidelong leap kept Twilight out of harm’s way, even as her injured ribs protested the movement.

She pushed herself up on one leg, breathing heavily as she inspected the pile of wood under which her former mentor lay. “I-is it over?” she gasped. Her eyes widened as the detritus shifted.

“Hardly.” Celestia stretched to her full height, shaking splinters from her flowing mane. “Again, you surprise me. I would expect nothing less from my faithful student.” She reared back and kicked Twilight viciously in the stomach.

The blow sent her rolling, and she only stopped when she hit the far wall. Twilight fought to stand, but her legs would obey no longer. “Not—” Her side screamed as she gulped at the air “—not your student.”

Celestia plodded towards her. “You make that abundantly clear,” she said. “A true student of mine wouldn't have abandoned me.” A brief spasm momentarily contorted her features.

“I betrayed you?” Twilight said, ignoring the pain in her ribs that begged her to stop speaking. “I’m not the one in charge of some crazy evil organization that, so far, has done nothing but try to kill me!”

“Remember, now is not the time for explanations.” A levitation spell caught hold of Twilight and lifted her into the air. “We’re still not quite done, here.” Celestia turned to the hole through which they had entered, and called, “Gilda? Would you come in here, please?”

Gilda poked her head into the room. “Weeeell, look who it is,” she said, eyes fixing on the bloodied Twilight. “What can I do for ya?”

“Here.” Celestia dropped Twilight at Gilda’s feet. “Enjoy yourself, but try not to kill her.” Twilight groaned weakly.

“Oh, gladly,” Gilda said as her beak curved into a wicked smile.

A lightning bolt cracked through the air, striking the invisible barrier above Ponyville that stood between Luna and her goal. The air wavered for a moment before the unseen wall vanished once more.

“Just—once—more,” Luna gasped, chest heaving. Like before, her horn sparked and sent a stream of electricity arcing towards Discord’s spell. A sound like shattering glass rang out and a translucent shield fractured and dissipated.

The sun peeked over the horizon as Luna descended into Ponyville and landed in the town square. Aside from her, not a living thing could be seen.

“Where would Twilight be?” she said softly, still breathing hard from the effort of breaking Discord’s barrier. “I should start at the police headquarters, which is…” She paused to organize her thoughts. “Which is in the orchard. Very well.” Despite her fatigue, Luna spread her wings and moved on.

Twilight rebounded off the wall and hit the floor, landing on her more injured side. As she groaned and rolled over, Gilda approached, cracking her knuckles. “This was worth the wait,” the gryphon said with a grin. She kicked Twilight in the ribs, drawing forth a pained moan. Off to the side, Celestia pulled out a file and started to work on her hooves.

“Trixie,” she said. “Would you be so kind as to inform the remaining Wonderbolts that we will evacuate this hideout within a few hours?”

“Yes, Boss,” Trixie said from the hallway, bowing and nodding. “Right away!” She turned and ran to obey her orders.

A loud “thump” resounded as Gilda kicked Twilight in the stomach. “You know,” Twilight said, “you might want to—” She paused to take a deep breath, making her ribs scream in protest “—might want to stop.”

Gilda cocked her head. “And why’s that?”

Twilight drew another shuddering breath. “Because if you don’t, you’ll just be beating a dead horse. Heh heh.” A cough wracked her body, and she spat out a mouthful of blood. “Ha.”

“Yeah, freaking hilarious,” Gilda said as she kicked out again. “Every time you make a joke like that, a puppy drowns.”

“Celestia,” Twilight croaked, coughing once more, “can it be time for explanations now?”

Celestia sighed and threw the file over her shoulder. “I suppose, if you really wish.”

“Um, Boss?” Gilda glanced at Celestia sidelong. “Should we really be telling her anything important?”

“She won’t live long enough to do anything about it,” Celestia answered. She approached Twilight and loomed over her. “I suppose you want to know what our goals are, is that right?”

Instead of speaking and tormenting her beaten body, Twilight merely nodded.

“I deal in weapons,” Celestia said. “And nothing is better for business than a little strife, am I correct?”

“You mean all of this is just to make money?” Twilight couldn't help but interject.

“Yeah, pretty sweet, right?” Gilda said with a grin. She rolled Twilight onto her stomach and sat on her back.

“My friend, Gilda, provides the merchandise, and I provide the situations in which business can boom,” Celestia continued as she paced a circle around Twilight. “However, I’m thinking of stepping up production, as it were.”

With the weight on her back, the wide-eyed Twilight could barely breathe, let alone speak.

“Huh?” Gilda glanced up. “How would you step up production? I’m the one in charge of the weapons!”

“I know.” Celestia stopped pacing directly behind Gilda. “I want to spark something massive. These small-town turf-wars bore me.”

“Oh, I see, I see,” Gilda said with a nod. She placed a claw to her chin. “A bigger conflict means more clients—I like it. So, what’d you have in mind?”

“A war between Equestria and Gryphonia.”

For a long moment, silence reigned in the dusty room. Gilda’s beak dropped open as she fought to find the words to express her thoughts. Finally, she swallowed hard and spoke. “D-did I hear you right? A war between Equestria and Gryphonia?”

“Indeed, you did,” Celestia said, her serene smile firmly in place. “The opportunity for profit will be immense.”

“N-n-no! No way!” Gilda stood and stomped the ground right next to Twilight’s head. Twilight couldn't help but flinch, despite her best efforts. “I’m fine with the little stuff, and maybe even a border skirmish or something, but a war? That’s too much.”

“Oh?” Celestia’s eyes glinted, but Gilda had already turned to the door and didn’t notice. “Should I assume that you wish to terminate our partnership?”

“You bet your ass!” Gilda snapped. She paused with her claw on the doorknob. “No way am I getting in that deep! Can you imagine the shit I would be in if my government found out I was involved?”

“Very well,” Celestia said. She glided forward and placed her forehooves on Gilda’s back. “Thank you for your time. I greatly appreciate your patience, and your continued assistance in my endeavours.”

“What do you mean, ‘continued assistance’? I already told you I—” Celestia took hold of Gilda’s head and jerked it around, snapping her neck.

“No!” Twilight shouted. “Why would you do that to her?!” Gilda’s lifeless body fell to the floor.

Celestia opened the door and gestured a pair of ponies in. “Come in, come in,” she said graciously.

When she saw who had entered, Twilight’s eyes widened even further. “What are…” The Cakes, huddling close to each other, stood before her. “What are you two still doing here?”

“You know what you saw, right?” Celestia said before they could answer. “You saw Sergeant Twilight Sparkle of the Ponyville Police Department snap the neck of Gilda, ambassador from Gryphonia to Equestria.”

“Y-yes,” Mr. Cake said as he put a leg around his wife. “We know.”

“If I don’t see that story on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper, you know what will happen.” Celestia towered over them.

Tears welled in Mrs. Cake’s eyes. “Yes, we do,” she said with a sniffle. “But if we do this, you’ll—”

“I am a mare of my word,”Celestia said as she placed a hoof over her heart. “Off you go, then.”

“We’re sorry, Twilight,” Mr. Cake said before they turned and trudged back out.

“Celestia, I didn’t kill Gilda,” Twilight growled. Her horn crackled, but she didn’t have the strength to cast a spell potent enough to accomplish anything meaningful. “Why would you pin it on me?” Her eyes kept straying to Gilda’s corpse.

“Because it’s all part of the game, my faithful student,” Celestia said as she tousled her mane. “And that’s all that’s truly important—”

From the ceiling, Fluttershy dropped, aiming to plant both of her hooves in Celestia’s back. However, her target hopped backwards and swatted aside as one would a bothersome fly.

She hit the floor and lay still.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight cried, reaching out. Celestia reached down and picked Fluttershy up by her hind leg. “Don’t hurt her, please!”

Celestia glanced at Twilight sidelong. “Oh, she means something to you, does she?” Her serene smile widened as she prepared to swing Fluttershy into the wall. “Well, what if I just—”

“And here’s where I must put my foot down,” someone said. Celestia frowned and spun in place to find herself facing an odd conglomeration of dragon, pony, goat, and other species, all rolled into one being. “Kindly release that mare, and I’ll take it easy on you.”

“What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, frowning at Discord. Then, everything suddenly clicked into place in her mind. “You did this! You—”

“Yes yes, we can play the blame game later,” Discord said with a dismissive wave, “but right now, the adults are talking.” He turned back to Celestia. “Now, as I said, let her go and this won’t get too ugly.”

“And if I refuse?” she said. “What then?”

Discord sighed and raised his hand. “Then I have to do this.” He snapped his fingers, but instead of whatever he meant to happen, a burst of energy exploded in his face and sent him reeling backwards.

Celestia adopted a bemused expression. “Am I to be intimidated?”

“Ha, um, I meant to do that,” he insisted. “Let’s try that again.” This time he clapped his hands together, but like before, a surge of magic detonated and knocked him back.

“And I suppose you meant to do that, too,” Celestia said, stepping forward.

“Huh,” Discord said. “Guess things have gotten worse than I thought. Well, I’ve done all I can, here.” He glanced at Twilight and shrugged. “Sorry, Princess, but you’re on your own.”

“Discord, wait!” Her words were in vain, as he had already vanished from sight.

“Well, I will admit,” Celestia said, “that was interesting, if a bit bizarre.” She suddenly slammed her hoof into Twilight’s head hard enough to make her sight grow dim. “Unfortunately for you, I think it’s time for us to move to the next stage.” Before Twilight’s vision completely blackened, she heard Celestia speak once more.

“Remember: it’s all part of the game.”

A powerful gust of wind rustled the tree branches in front of the Ponyville police station as Princess Luna came in for a landing. She took a moment to catch her breath, straighten her tiara, and smooth her mane before she marched to the front door and threw it open.

“Ponies of the police department,” Luna shouted, voice shaking the building, “your princess has arrived! Attend me!”

At the front desk, the attendant’s mouth hung open while she watched the dramatic entrance. When nothing further happened, Luna stormed up to the poor receptionist and glared at her.

“I require information,” she stated. The attendant could only nod in response. “Where might I find the one known as Twilight Sparkle?”

“Alright, who the hell’s doin’ the quakin’?” said a voice that gradually grew louder. “Knocked mah favorite mug onto the floor.” A door opened and Applejack stomped through, face contorted with rage. “When Ah catch the shithead responsible, Ah’m gonna—Madame President!” As her eyes fell upon Luna, an unconvincing smile spread across her features. “This’s a right surprise!”

For a long moment, Luna stood stock-still. “Madame who-now?” she finally said.

“Er…” Applejack’s smile faltered momentarily. “Right. It ain’t often that we get a visit from somepony so important. What can mah humble department do for ya today?”

“Very well. Your, um, president?” Luna paused to consider her new title. “Yes, your president demands an audience with Twilight Sparkle. Pray tell, where is she?”

A scowl replaced Applejack’s smile. “That piece-of-shit, no good—” With what appeared to be sheer willpower, she forced the rictus grin back into place. “Madame President, Ah’m afraid Sergeant Sparkle’s gone rogue on us. Against mah express orders, she managed to wring some info out of a suspect, and is in the process of actin’ on it.”

“And where has she gone to do so?” Luna said with a frown. “Surely you, too, can obtain the same information, can you not?”

“It’s what Ah was goin’ to do when ya showed up outta the blue,” Applejack said through gritted teeth.

“I see! Well, let us go and see what we can learn!” Luna stood, gesturing towards the door. “Lead the way!”

As Applejack nodded and turned, Luna heard her grumble.

“I apologize, but I did not hear that,” Luna said. “Would you please repeat yourself?”

Applejack froze in place. “Er, Ah said, miss mah glass, bit-dead,” she said slowly.

“I fail to see the relevance, but it is of no concern.”

Luckily for Applejack, Luna failed to hear her sigh of relief as they moved towards the holding cells.

Floating in murky darkness, only one thought echoed in the depths of Twilight’s mind— Thank harmony, it was all just a dream. Why that was a good thing, or even what it meant, eluded her comprehension, but her relief was palpable.

“Twilight!” said a voice that ghosted through the void. “Twilight, wake up!”

There’s Spike, trying to get me out of bed, she thought. Something lightly tickled her nose. “Just a few more minutes,” she grumbled.

“She’s coming to,” said someone else, whose words for some strange reason made Twilight’s hackles rise.

“C’mon, Twi, you need to wake up!” Spike said, voice cracking.

Whatever had tickled her nose intensified, and the sensation became an itch. “I’ll be down soon,” Twilight mumbled as she reached up to scratch her snout. Or, at least, she tried to reach up.

“I think she figured it out,” the unknown voice said with a light chuckle.

Twilight opened her eyes to find Celestia, beard and eyepatch still in place, an inch from her face.

“What the hay?” she shouted. She tried to push Celestia away, but found that her legs wouldn't budge. As she regained her wits, she realized that she lay, splayed out, on a nearly vertical slab of concrete. Metal cuffs, embedded in the table, held her legs out wide in four directions. “Why am I like this?” A putrid scent, disgustingly familiar, wafted into her nostrils. “And what smells like a sewer?”

“Why, that would be you, my faithful student,” Celestia said as she held up a lidded container. “Your lover had this salve on her, so I took the liberty of treating your wounds.” At the word lover, Twilight’s eyes widened.

“She’s not—w-we didn’t—we aren’t—” Actually, she is, you did, and you are, her traitorous thoughts whispered. Twilight sighed and blushed. “Where is Fluttershy?”

“Safe,” Celestia said with a light chuckle. “At least, safer than you. Speaking of that, you have yet to thank me for my medical aid.”

“Why would you bother healing me?”

“Because of the game!” Celestia exclaimed, lifting her legs expansively. “All of this is part of the game, you see.”

“Yeah,” Spike said. Twilight glanced over to the side, where he sat locked in a bird cage. “Obviously.” He rolled his eyes.

“A game?” Twilight said. “This isn’t a game! What happened to you? Where’s the Celestia who was my friend?”

Celestia’s eyes flared. “I cannot reasonably expect you to know, but it still infuriates me that you remain ignorant of the role you played.”

“Hooray,” Twilight said, trying to twirl her hoof in the air. “More backstory that I don’t know about.”

“I raised you as my own, took you under my wing,” Celestia said as though Twilight hadn’t spoken. “I taught you how to be the best cop I could. Everypony said it was a waste of my talents, but I ignored them. Then, just when everything was going perfectly, you were offered a promotion.”

Twilight pulled at her bonds. “Is this going anywhere?” she asked.

“I suggest you have patience.” Celestia ran a hoof along Twilight’s cheek. “The longer I talk, the longer you live. You wouldn’t want me to skip to the part where you die, would you?”

With a gulp, Twilight shook her head.

“I thought not,” Celestia said. “As I was saying, you were offered a position in Ponyville’s police department, and despite the love and attention I had given you, despite any feelings I might have held for you, I approved of your decision to move on. In fact, I encouraged you to do so!” She turned and paced around the table. “And then, I heard nothing from you afterwards. You got what you wanted, and so left me and Canterlot behind.”

“Wait,” Twilight said with a frown, “let me get this straight. You became a criminal—a murderer—because you had a crush on me and I didn’t return your love letters?”

Celestia spun around and slammed a hoof down right beside Twilight’s head. “Do not think me so petty,” she snarled. Her usual smile had vanished, replaced by an almost feral scowl. “And any feelings I may have once harbored for you have long since vanished, believe you me.”

“Then what is your motivation for this?” Twilight asked.

Stepping back, Celestia took a deep breath and forced her face into a more neutral expression. “After you left, I continued my work at the Canterlot department. Some of my fellow policemares said that I wasn’t the same—and perhaps there is a kernel of truth to those words—but I was still the best cop in Canterlot!” Her eyes narrowed. “At least, until you took that away from me, too.”

“If I was in Ponyville,” Twilight said with a raised eyebrow, “then what could I have done to ruin your career?”

“You let a suspect escape!” Celestia shouted. The wild look returned to her face. “You let him get away, and he fled straight to Canterlot, where he became my problem! Then, when I finally had the murdering bastard cornered, he got in a lucky shot and took my eye!” She pointed emphatically to her eyepatch. “After that, my chief took me off active duty. She said I’d ‘lost my touch’.”

Twilight snorted. “And so you’re taking it out on the world?” she said. “Celestia, the only thing you’ve lost touch with is reality. Look, I’m sorry for leaving you—” Even though I never did that “—and for indirectly causing your injury, but—”

“The time for apologies is past,” Celestia said as she turned and picked something up from a nearby table. “You broke my heart, stole my eye, and ruined my reputation, and now it’s time for you to pay.”

“What do you mean by that?” Twilight asked, craning her head to see what Celestia held.

“Everypony will think you’re a murderer.” As Celestia fiddled with the object, it began to emit a regular tick noise. “That you started a war. However, I need to make sure that Equestria is equally committed to the fight, so further sacrifice is necessary.”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she noticed the digital timer in Celestia’s grip. It had started to count down from twenty minutes.

“I’ll wait long enough for news to get out about poor Gilda’s tragic passing, and then I will destroy Ponyville.” She placed the timer, and the bomb it was attached to, on the floor. “And now I must depart. You know how it is—places to go, ponies to see, and missiles to prime.” She turned to leave. “I’m sure your dear Fluttershy is growing lonely without anypony to keep her company. Oh, and feel free to try to disarm the bomb—I may or may not have built it to explode early if somepony were to tamper with it.”

“Wait!” Twilight cried, halting Celestia in her tracks. “If all this is because I wronged you, then your problem’s with me! I’ll do whatever you want, but please don’t hurt anypony else!”

“Oh, Twilight,” Celestia said. She returned to Twilight’s side and stroked her stomach. “My faithful student. You would like that, would you not?” She leaned in close and pressed her lips against Twilight’s.

After a moment, Twilight grunted and wrenched her head away, and a scowl crossed Celestia’s features.

“But the point is to cause you mental anguish, and destroying Ponyville accomplishes just that.” She spun back to the door and stalked out. “Farewell, my faithful student. Maybe if you try hard enough, we will see each other again.”

“Celestia, at least take Spike with you!” Twilight yelled, to no avail. “He’s just a baby!”

“Just think of it as motivation!” Celestia shouted back over her shoulder. “Do you escape and save poor Spike, or do you let him die?”

“I…” Twilight's ear drooped. “I don’t know what to do.”

The entire building rang with Celestia’s wild laughter.

Keep Your Friends Close

The Ponyville police department bustled with activity.

“Get off of your asses and move!” Applejack shouted as she stormed through the offices. “Ah want all available officers ready to go in five minutes, and anypony who holds us up is gonna have a hoof so far down their throat, Ah’ll—”

“I believe you made your point,” Luna said drily, close on her heels.

“Ah, er, right,” Applejack said. She chuckled and loosened her tie. “Ah forgot ya were behind me.” A uniformed mare, walking by at a leisurely pace, shrieked when Applejack screamed in her ear. “Run, cadet! Ya ain’t got the time for lollygaggin’! Move move move!” The poor officer galloped out of sight.

Luna frowned, but otherwise let the abuse pass. “Chief Applejack, I’ve been meaning to ask—” She halted to let a trio of rushing police officers get by “—where is this factory that Rainbow Dash told us of?”

“Just some abandoned buildin’ in the middle of the forest,” Applejack said. “Ya know, Madame President, ya don’t need to come along. Mah ponies can handle this, no worry.”

“But, as president, I cannot simply stand back while others are in danger!” Luna’s chest puffed out. “Besides, I wish to see Twilight Sparkle as soon as possible. Speaking of which, when can we depart?”

“As soon as mah lazy department gets off of its keister,” Applejack grumbled, directing a fierce scowl at another passing officer.

“Very well,” Luna said. “I shall wait outside. Kindly do not leave without me.” She turned and trotted away.

“Yeah, just what Ah needed,” Applejack muttered as she rubbed her forehead. “More high-level types, pokin’ their muzzles into mah precinct.” She shook her head wearily. “Well, after today, it ain’t mah problem.”

An officer came up behind her and cleared his throat. “Um, Chief, there’s a pair of ponies that say they’ve just escaped from the factory. They’re in your office.”

“Give ‘em a magazine and tell ‘em to wait,” Applejack said, waving him away. “Ah ain’t got time now.”

A bead of sweat ran down his cheek. “Ah, about that, Chief,” he said with a gulp, “you might want to hear what they have to say.”

“Unless it’s news that somepony murdered the ambassador from Gryphonia, Ah don’t give a shit what they have to say!” she growled. When a long moment passed and no response came forth, Applejack’s eyes widened. “Oh, ya can’t be serious…”

“I’m afraid so.” More perspiration built up on his face.

“Why today?” she said with a groan. “Why mah last day? Fine, let’s get this over with.” She stomped off to her office, no doubt to deal with what could only become another headache.

The cuffs that held Twilight spread-eagled dug into her legs as she strained against them. However, no matter how hard she pushed, they wouldn’t budge an inch.

“How’re we gonna get out of this, Twi?” Spike asked, clutching the bars to his cage.

“I’m working on it,” Twilight said through gritted teeth. She concentrated on her horn, but just as the magic’s aura appeared, the cuffs jolted her with a stream of electricity. As she grunted in pain, her concentration slipped and the nimbus around her horn vanished. “Well, apparently—” She shook her head to clear it “—I won’t be able to use magic.”

The bomb’s timer hit fifteen minutes.

After a few moments of silence, Spike piped up. “So, um,” he said slowly, “why did Princess Celestia kiss—”

“Not now, Spike,” Twilight said with a grunt.

“And what did she mean about you and Flutter—”

“Spike!” she snapped. “Not now! I’ll explain everything later!” She closed her eyes to think, but quickly opened them a moment later when she heard something land in front of her.

“Looks like things are going well for you, eh?” Discord said, hands on hips.

“You.” A scowl spread across Twilight’s face. “You’re the one who turned my life into this—this nightmare, aren’t you?”

“If, by nightmare, you mean fantastically exciting adventure, then yes, I did,” Discord said. He leaned in to inspect her bonds. “But, the real question is this: do you want my help?”

“Of course I want your help!” Twilight yelled. “There is a bomb at your feet, and I am only minutes from dying! Why would I not want your help?!”

He grinned at her. “Well, if you want me to lend assistance, you have to do something, first.”

Immediately, Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

“All you have to do is promise to help me save Fluttershy,” he said. A faint blush colored his cheeks as he glanced away.

“Why?” Twilight asked. The bomb counter passed thirteen minutes. “You don’t seem to care about anypony other than yourself, so why Fluttershy?”

“I-I don’t care!” Discord said. Twilight raised an eyebrow. “She’s just the only one of you plebeians who’s nice to me, is all.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Twilight said as she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ll help you save Fluttershy.”

“Atta girl!” Discord snapped his fingers to open the cuffs, but instead experienced the same backlash of magic that he had faced with Celestia. He stumbled over backwards.

“Are you alright?” she couldn’t help but say as he sat up.

“Ow,” he muttered, rubbing his head. “Well, if I can’t get them off, maybe I can just get you out.” He held his hand as far away as possible before snapping his fingers, but the result was no different.

“Your magic didn’t work against Celestia, either,” Twilight said while he pushed himself up on his elbows. “Why not?”

“There’s a teensy-weensy, tiny chance that I might have, um—” Discord glanced away and touched the tips of his index fingers together “—lost control of the spell.”

“What?!” she shrieked. “How the hay do you lose control of your own spell?” She gave a particularly hard tug of her forelegs.

“Now, don’t be like that,” Discord said as he considered the explosive. “Pointing fingers won’t help, you know. Hmmm, I could always just carry it off—

“Don’t touch it!” Twilight said. “If you touch it, it’ll blow!”

“Well, then, I’m out of ideas.” Discord stood and brushed his knees off. “Guess it’s time for me to go. I’ve got a pegasus to save, so I shall bid you ad—”

“Wait!” Twilight shouted, halting him in mid-teleport. “Take Spike with you.” Discord glanced at the baby dragon.

“Fiiiine,” he groaned. “I’ll take him—well, somewhere. Who knows where that could be?” He marched over and opened Spike’s cage. “I know I sure don’t.”

“Hold on,” Spike said as he hopped out of his prison and ran to Twilight. “We can’t just leave you behind!”

“I’ll be alright,” she said with what she hoped was a comforting smile. “You go with Discord.”

“But what if you aren’t?” he said, hugging her leg. Twilight nodded to Discord, who sighed and took hold of Spike’s arm. He snapped his fingers and the two disappeared.

Now all by herself, Twilight scanned the room for something—anything—that could get her free. However, nothing presented itself, and her eyes kept returning to the bomb counter. She built up the magic in her horn once more, but it worked no better than last time. As soon as the shock wore off, she pulled frantically at the cuffs, also to no avail.

The bomb counter hit five minutes.

Her head drooped forward. “Sorry, Spike,” she mumbled. “I guess I’m a liar.”

“Aw, does somepony need a hug?”

Twilight’s head snapped up to find a welcome sight. “Pinkie Pie!” she said, a smile spreading across her face. “We don’t have much time! There’s—”

“A five forty-three,” Pinkie said as she glanced at the bomb before returning her attention to Twilight. “And a one ninety-seven.” She nodded sagely and pulled a pouch out from a hidden pocket in her coat.

Despite the nature of her situation, Twilight couldn’t help the curiosity that swelled within her. “Five forty-three? What does that even mean?”

“It means there’s a ticking time-bomb, silly,” Pinkie said. Bracing herself on Twilight’s hips, she hopped up to inspect the cuffs. “Yep, these are Shock-You-Silly brand electro-cuffs, all right! I’ll have you out in a jiffy.” From the pouch she procured a lockpick and set to work.

“Watch out,” Twilight said as Pinkie fiddled with the bonds. “If you aren’t careful, it’ll—”

“It’ll shock me, I know,” Pinkie said without averting her gaze. “Take it easy, I’ve done this a bajillion times!” A satisfying click heralded the cuff’s release, and Twilight pulled her foreleg free. “See? Toldja so!” She started on the second.

“Sorry,” Twilight said. “We need to get out of here, though! Can you do the other three in—” A glance at the bomb showed that a little over three minutes remained “—three minutes?”

“I’ll have you out in two.” Another click and Twilight’s forelegs were both free.

“Oh, that feels good,” Twilight said as she massaged her hooves, bruised from her efforts to free them. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Fluttershy brought me along, but flew ahead,” Pinkie said, now working at the bottom cuffs. Suddenly, she froze. “I totally forgot! Fluttershy was caught! I saw the bad guys take her with them when they abandoned this place!”

“Was she alright?” Twilight asked. “She wasn’t hurt, was she?”

“I couldn’t see very well, but she looked fine to me,” Pinkie said. Her eyes glazed over and she stared off into the distance.

“Um, Pinkie…” Twilight gestured to her hind legs.

“Huh?” Pinkie raised an eyebrow, then giggled and attacked the cuffs with intensity. “Sorry, got off-track.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll save Fluttershy,” Twilight's third leg fell free, and she nearly tumbled forward.

“Hmmm,” Pinkie said with a frown. “This last one’s different.”

“Different how?”

“There’s something in here, but it should be fine—” A massive burst of electricity picked her up and flung her across the room.

“Pinkie!” Twilight shouted. Whatever Pinkie had done had freed Twilight’s final leg, and she darted to her fallen friend. “Are you alright?!”

“Did anypony get the number on that bus?” Pinkie mumbled, head spinning.

Twilight glanced at the bomb and saw that only a minute and a half remained. “Oh, this is not going to be fun,” she muttered. A quick spell lifted Pinkie and drooped her over Twilight’s back. Her ribs protested, still not fully healed. Can’t worry about that right now, though.

Her hooves pounded against the concrete floor as she galloped out of the room and searched for an exit. She stood in a cavernous space, filled with archaic, cobweb-covered machinery. Faint light entered through a massive window on a nearby wall, and Twilight turned in that direction.

“Pinkie, can you hear me?” she shouted while she ran.

“Just another minute, Mommy,” Pinkie said woozily.

“Fantastic,” Twilight said.

Within seconds, she stood before the dust-covered window and wiped a section of it clear in order to peer through. She glanced outside and saw a wide, grassy expanse stretched before her. Smoke rose in the distance, no doubt coming from Ponyville’s chimneys. She couldn’t ask for a more inviting scene.

That is, if the window she looked through hadn’t been three stories above the ground.

Twilight’s internal count estimated that, at most, a minute remained before the explosive detonated. With the incoherently mumbling Pinkie draped over her back, not many options remained.

She narrowed her eyes and shattered the window with a sharp kick.

Pinkie slid from her seat as Twilight’s forelegs took hold and pulled her close. “I hope I’m strong enough for this,” she muttered, spreading her wings. Then, with a powerful flap, they were outside and gliding to the ground.

Just as Twilight touched down, Celestia’s bomb detonated, and the entire building burst apart as a gargantuan fireball leapt skyward.

Pinkie’s eyes regained a semblance of consciousness. “No,” she said when Twilight turned to look, “don’t watch the explosion. Just walk away.” Twilight nodded and, allowing Pinkie upon her back once more, walked towards Ponyville at a slow trot. “So… awesome…” Pinkie’s head drooped forward—she was well and truly out cold.

They had barely re-entered the woods before they ran into what Twilight could only assume was the entirety of Ponyville’s police department. Applejack shoved her way to the front of the group.

“Mornin’, Twilight,” she said conversationally, despite her deep scowl. “Ya havin’ a good day so far?”

“No,” Twilight said. She gently slid Pinkie to the ground. “Look, we need to do something fast—”

“Yeah, Ah’m gonna cut ya off right there,” Applejack said. "Fellas, cuff her.”

“What?!” Twilight's eyes widened as two police officer marched forward and placed two pairs of cuffs on her, one for her forelegs and one for her hindlegs. “Applejack, I know you said I’m off the case, but this seems a little harsh—”

“Sergeant Twilight Sparkle,” Applejack said, “you’re under arrest for suspicion of murder. Ya can come quiet, or ya can come unconscious.”

"Move aside! You dare impede your president?" Another pony pushed her way forth from the back of the group. “Chief Applejack, would you care to explain to your president what is going on here?” Luna strode into Twilight's sight.

“Luna!” Twilight said before she processed Luna's words. “”Wait, did you say president?”

“Yes,” Luna said with a wide smile. “It appears that, in this false reality of Discord’s, I am the president of Equestria.”

“Did you just—” Twilight’s eyes widened. “You know this isn’t real?”

“We shall speak of that later,” Luna said, turning to Applejack. “Chief, your president demands that you release that pony.” Applejack's mouth dropped open, and only the hoofcuffs kept Twilight from smacking a hoof to her face.

“A president doesn’t have that kind of power,” she said. Luna's smile vanished.

“You mean, my decrees will not be obeyed without question?” she said. “My word is not law?” Twilight shook her head. “Then I do not wish to be the president anymore. I am once more Princess Luna!”

“Er… whatever’s goin’ on, Madame President, Ah’m sure we can talk it over back at headquarters,” Applejack said with a sidelong glance at her. “For now, let’s get this one—” She jerked a hoof in Twilight’s direction “—back and stick her in a cell.”

The officers took hold of their prisoner by the shoulders, and the group marched back to town.

High above Ponyville, Discord floated in a reclined position. A small screen in front of him showed Twilight as the police marched her back to headquarters.

“Well, I suppose this could have turned out better,” he said with a sigh.

“Why are we just sitting up here?” Spike asked from his spot on Discord’s back. “Twilight needs our help!”

“And what do you expect me to do about it?” Discord held out his hand and took hold of a banana that appeared from nowhere. “I’m still trying to figure out what to do about Fluttershy.”

“I dunno,” Spike said. “It looks like you’re just hanging out while everypony sorts things out for themselves.”

“Alright, young Spike, since we have so much in common, I will teach you my wisdom,” Discord said, unpeeling the banana and taking a bite. “Lesson one: appearances are deceiving.”

“I thought it was that appearances can be deceiving,” Spike said with crossed arms.

“And that’s why you’re the student and I'm the master,” Discord said. “Where can I drop you off? I’m not a babysitter, you know.”

“Hmm, I bet Rarity would help,” Spike mused. “Can you take me—” He suddenly disappeared from Discord’s back and reappeared in the middle of Carousel Armory “—there?”

He stood in the center of Rarity’s workshop as Rarity herself, shocked by his sudden arrival, stared on silently. Her mouth tried to form words, but nothing came forth.

“Rarity, I need your help!” he said, throwing his arms in the air. “Well, Twilight needs your help. She was framed for murder, and now they’re throwing her in jail while the real criminal gets ready to blow up Ponyville!”

Rarity slowly walked over to him and put her hooves on his shoulders. She stared deep into his eyes before she finally managed to speak her mind.

“What.”

“I’ve told you a thousand times, I didn’t kill Gilda!” Twilight said from her jail cell. “Celestia did it, and for some reason the Cakes are lying for her! Maybe she’s blackmailing them, or something.”

Applejack sighed and stood. “Ah don’t know what the hell’s goin’ on,” she muttered. “Twilight, for what it’s worth, Ah don’t think ya did it. But somehow the press found out, and they’re spreadin’ it around that you’re a killer. The gryphons are screamin’ bloody murder. Somepony’s gotta take the fall.”

“This isn’t even the worst part!” Twilight put her face up against the bars. “Celestia kidnapped Fluttershy, and she said she’s going to destroy Ponyville and pin it on the gryphons! She’s trying to drum up clients for her weapons business! If you just let me go after her, then—”

“No, you’re stayin’ right there,” Applejack said firmly. She stood and walked to the door. “We’ll do an investigation about this Celestia, but the last thing Ah need is you on the loose.”

“But, Applejack—” The door slammed shut, leaving Twilight alone with Rainbow Dash, who sat in the neighboring cell. “Why is this happening?” She kicked the bars, then grunted in pain and nursed her injured hoof.

“Twilight,” Rainbow said, “I believe you, you know.” She refused to meet Twilight's gaze. “For what it’s worth.”

“It doesn’t matter who believes me unless I can save Ponyville,” Twilight said. “I need to get out of here!” Her horn lit up, but almost immediately fizzled out. “Why do they always cast spells to prevent me from teleporting—” Once again, the door interrupted her, this time opening to admit an officer.

“Visitors,” he said. Twilight’s eyes widened as Spike ran in.

“Spike!” she said, holding out a hoof through the bars for him to hug. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“And me, too.” Rarity said from the door. She proceeded towards the cell, a large cake held aloft in her magic’s aura. “I come bearing gifts!”

Twilight eyed the cake suspiciously. A large rose, made of icing, sat on top. “Uh huh,” she said. “It wouldn’t happen to also be a bomb, would it?” Rarity’s mouth opened, but Twilight continued. “Or maybe a bow tie, which is actually a bomb in disguise?”

Rarity chuckled loudly as her eyes darted towards the officer, who waited for her and Spike to finish their business with the prisoners. “Oh, Twilight, you kidder, you,” she said. A line of sweat ran down her face. “Whyever would I put something in the cake? Nopony puts things in cake! Well, I suppose aside from cake, of course, but nothing else, I assure you!”

“Why are you acting so—” Twilight started to say, but Rainbow cut in.

“Thank you, Rarity,” she said, glaring at Twilight. “I’m sure it will be delicious. Right, Twilight?”

“Huh? Yes, I suppose,” Twilight said. Her eyes suddenly widened. “Yes, delicious! Thank you very much!”

Rarity placed it on the stool, mere inches from the cells. “I shall just leave it right here, until somepony can serve it to you,” she said, then added more quietly, “The rose is a master key. Luna said you’d know where to meet her. Good luck.” She straightened and backed away. “Well, I hope that your stay here is as pleasant as can be. Come along, Spike. Goodbye, Twilight!” With Spike in tow, she marched back towards the door. The officer followed them out.

Twilight immediately reached out to pull the stool towards her.

“Why would they just let her bring a cake in for you?” Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow. “Aren’t they supposed to check stuff like this first, in case somepony does exactly what Rarity did?”

“Maybe they trust her because she runs the armory,” Twilight said. Her tongue stuck out as she slid the cake close and removed the rose. “I really couldn’t say.” She held the flower up and saw that the stem, which had been buried in the cake, was indeed shaped like a key. She placed it in the cell’s lock and easily opened it.

“Um, Twilight?” Rainbow said as Twilight straightened her coat and turtleneck. “A little help?”

“You actually want me to let you out?” Twilight said. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I wanna help!” Rainbow threw herself against the bars. “Look, all the things I did wrong, I need to make that right! You have to let me come with you to save Fluttershy and Ponyville. Besides, you need all the help you can get, right?”

Twilight sighed. “Alright, I’ll let you out,” she said slowly, “but only on one condition.”

“Yeah, anything!” Rainbow said.

“You don’t do anything, or go anywhere, unless I tell you to.” Her eyes narrowed. “You understand?”

“Don’t do anything, don’t go anywhere,” Rainbow said, snapping a salute. “You got it!”

“I’ll hold you to that.” The master key unlocked Rainbow’s cell just as easily as Twilight’s. “Now, we need to figure out how to get past all of the police officers,” she said. “Maybe I can—”

Suddenly, the ground shook, nearly knocking them from their feet.

“What the hay was that?” Rainbow asked with wide eyes.

“Rarity thought of everything,” Twilight said. She shook her head and chuckled. “She created a diversion. Come on, let’s get out of here!”

They pushed open the door and galloped into the chaos that had become the police department.

A white mug that read My Hoof—Your Ass wobbled precariously on the desk’s edge before it tipped over. Applejack reached for it, but couldn’t catch it before it shattered on the ground.

“God dammit!” she barked. She stood and stalked out of her office. “Whoever did that’ll be buyin’ me a new one as soon as they get outta the hospital!”

The entire department was in an uproar. Whatever had caused the tremor had thrown papers, ponies, and coffee mugs alike. Applejack snagged one of her passing officers.

“Ya got ten seconds to tell me what’s goin’ on,” she said with a scowl.

“I-I don’t really know!” the cowed officer answered. “Something blew up outside, I think, apparently just off the east wall—”

“The east wall,” Applejack said. The officer nodded. “Ya mean thattaway.” She pointed and earned another nod. “The exact opposite side of the buildin’ as the holdin’ cells.”

Realization flashed in the officer’s eyes. “Oh, I see what you’re—”

“Then why the hell’re ya just standin’ there?!” Applejack roared as she turned to rush to the cells—only to catch a glimpse of a rainbow-colored tail disappearing around a corner.

She lowered her head and galloped as quickly as she could, praying that she could catch them inside the building. Her hopes were dashed when she realized that her quarries had taken the stairs to the roof. Up the stairs she went until she burst through the door at the top into harsh sunlight.

Shielding her eyes, Applejack could just make out two ponies, standing at the edge and preparing to take wing. “Get back here!” she shouted.

“Try ‘n make us!” Rainbow said. “Nyah!” Applejack couldn’t see any details while her eyes remained unadjusted, but she was pretty certain that Rainbow had her tongue stuck out.

“C’mon, Rainbow, we need to go,” Twilight said. “I’m sorry, Applejack, but I can’t afford to wait. Celestia needs to be stopped now.”

“Ya no-good, damned rule-breaker!” Applejack raged. She stomped to the edge of the building to get as close to them as possible and lowered her voice. “If you’re gonna do this, then make sure ya stop her good, ya got that?”

“Does this mean you’re letting us off?” Rainbow asked, forelegs crossed.

“Hell no!” Applejack said. “As soon as ya get back, Ah’ll have your ass on a platter! But, strictly off the record?” She took her hat off. “Kick the shit outta the bitch, Twi.”

A wide grin spread across Twilight’s face just as Applejack’s vision finally adjusted. “Thanks. Let’s go, Rainbow.” Their wings propelled them away, towards Ponyville proper.

With a sigh, Applejack replaced her hat before she turned and plodded back inside. “Ah guess Ah ain’t gettin’ that retirement after all,” she muttered, glancing around at the chaos that still reigned. “Not with all this mess to take care of.”

“Chief!” A panting officer ran up to her. “Chief, the gryphons are on the phone. They say they want to talk to you about Sergeant Sparkle.”

“And then there’s this asshole!” Applejack yelled with a wave at the hapless officer. “Tell ‘em Ah’m busy or somethin’.”

“Doing what?” he asked.

“Anything!” she shouted. He ran out of sight, presumably back to his office where he had the unenviable task of dealing with angry gryphons. Applejack made to find someone else to yell at, but first raised her voice for all to hear.

“And if nopony brings me another goddamned mug in the next thirty seconds, heads are gonna roll!”

As she glided over Ponyville, Twilight scanned the buildings below. Hardly anybody was outside, save for a large crowd surrounding three fillies that she recognized as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“So, um, where are we going?” Rainbow asked with a glance at Twilight.

She tore her attention away from the curiously popular crusaders. “We’re going to meet Princess Luna,” she said.

“Er… Princess Luna?” Rainbow said.

“Sorry—President Luna.” Twilight dropped into a steep dive, flaring her wings at the last moment to halt her momentum and touch down next to a large statue. It depicted Luna, gazing forth with a triumphant look on her face.

“And why are we meeting her, again?” Rainbow said as she, too, landed.

“Because hopefully she can help us figure out what to do,” Twilight said. She eyed the statue and frowned. “This is supposed to be a statue of Nightmare Moon,” she muttered.

“‘Tis quite the dashing recreation, is it not?” Luna stepped out from behind the monument and struck a pose. “I believe, after all this is over, I shall have the original replaced.”

“Luna,” Twilight said, approaching her, “what’s going on? Why aren’t you like all the others?”

“Well, I—” Head bowed, Luna glanced up guiltily. “I believe I owe you an apology, and much more.” She glanced at Rainbow Dash. “May we have a moment to speak alone?”

“Whatever,” Rainbow said with a shrug, turning and plodding out of hearing range.

Meanwhile, Twilight had stayed frozen in place. “Why do you need to apologize to me?” she asked slowly.

“Because I condoned the prank that Discord proposed,” Luna said. “Had I put my hoof down, perhaps he would have restrained himself.”

For a long moment, Twilight remained completely motionless, until she approached Luna and drooped a companionable leg around her shoulders.

“You know, Luna,” she said, “as soon as this is all over, I’m going to take a nice, long bath, get a good night’s sleep, and write a detailed letter to Celestia about why I should forgive my friends instead of strangling them. Then, you and I are going to have a very, very long conversation about this.” She retracted her leg. “And I can’t promise anything about the strangling.

Luna opened her mouth to reply, but instead nodded mutely.

“For now, we need to stop Celestia,” Twilight said with a deep breath. “With you, I’m sure we can beat her easi—”

“I will not fight my sister,” Luna said, earning a blank stare that was almost instantly replaced with a fierce scowl.

“You what?!” Twilight shouted. “You have to! I can’t win against her on my own!”

“No!” The percussive denial echoed through the courtyard. Rainbow coughed and trotted further away. “No,” Luna said again, more softly. “I swore to never again raise my hoof against Celestia, and that is an oath I intend to keep.”

“But this isn’t even Celestia,” Twilight said, forcing Luna to meet her gaze. “And I’m sure the Celestia we know would want you to stop her!”

“My position will not change, regardless of your argument,” Luna said. “However, the point is moot. Even if I were to fight and defeat Celestia, nothing would change.” Twilight gestured for her to continue. “I have given this spell of Discord's much consideration, and have come to a few conclusions. Thus far, the series of events has represented his ideal vision of an action movie, would you agree?”

“Yes,” Twilight said slowly.

“And in such a film, it is expected that the hero should ultimately be the one to defeat the villain,” Luna continued. “Correct?”

Twilight frowned and dropped to her haunches. “I think I see where this is going…”

Luna sat next to her. “After the hero’s triumph, the movie ends and the credits roll. In Discord’s spell, you are the protagonist, and Celestia the villain. Thus, I fear that, unless Celestia is defeated by you and not somepony else, the spell will continue indefinitely.” She patted Twilight’s hoof and gave her an apologetic smile.

“So you say that Ponyville won’t go back to normal until I defeat Celestia,” Twilight said. She tilted her head backwards, grunting loudly. “No pressure, right?”

“I will give you all the help that I can,” Luna said with a tiny smile. “I will help you find my sister, and I will make certain that you have the chance you need to do what you must.”

“I’ve already figured out how to find her,” Twilight said. "That's the easy part." She picked up a small rock and held it before her. “If I cast a tracking spell on this stone—” A momentary aura appeared around the rock “—then I’ll be able to follow it, no matter where it is. All I have to do is get it to Celestia.”

“And how do you plan to do that?” Luna asked, eying the seemingly normal stone.

“Before I left Canterlot, Celestia attuned Spike to her so that we could maintain quick, convenient correspondence.” Her eyes flashed as a grin spread across her face. “All I need to do is send this rock in a letter, and I’ll be able to track it to her hideout.”

“A letter, you say,” Luna said with a hoof on her chin. “That gives me another idea.” Her own smile widened to rival Twilight’s. “I may refuse to directly fight my sister, but I can annoy her, and thus give you an advantage. An angry mare is a careless mare.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “How do you plan to annoy her?”

“Nopony alive can get under poor Tia’s skin as well as I.” Luna puffed her chest out proudly. “Allow me to pen the letter in your name.”

“Alright!” Twilight said, hopping to her feet. “It’s time to rescue Fluttershy, save Ponyville, and turn everypony back to normal! Let’s go write a letter.”

Rejoined by Rainbow, they took wing and turned towards the Carousel Armory.

Fluttershy fell to the floor as Celestia slammed the cell door shut behind her. “And there you will stay,” she said softly. “Do you like your new accommodations?”

“It’s very, um—” Fluttershy glanced at the pile of straw that was her bed “—lived in?” She spotted a bucket in the corner and grimaced.

“Thank you,” Celestia said. She gestured, and a thug walked into sight. He carried a cage, in which two foals clutched each other. “Perhaps you will enjoy some company.” She pulled the door open again and the thug carefully placed the cage next to Fluttershy.

“Wh-what is this?” she asked, staring at the foals.

“A little bit of insurance,” Celestia said. She turned to leave. “I imagine you could escape here easily, but can you do so with two baby ponies in your possession? Or, better yet, would you dare abandon them to make it out of here alone? Now, if you will forgive me for being a poor host, I have a rocket to fire at Ponyville.” Laughter accompanied Celestia's departure.

Hoofsteps echoed along the stone walls as she left her prisoner behind. Her path took her down a set of metallic stairs and into a high, circular room. A missile, pointed upwards, took up most of the space, and around the weapon, a catwalk hung suspended over the ground, which lay at least a hundred feet below. A clattering noise came from the far side of the explosive, and Celestia pranced around to find Spitfire packing up her toolbox.

“Heya, Boss,” Spitfire said. She used the back of her hoof to wipe the sweat from her forehead. “Your payload’s ready to go whenever you need it.”

Celestia patted her on the back. “Very good. I hope you realize how much I appreciate your expertise on this.”

“Aw, it’s nothing,” Spitfire said with a blush. “Gryphonian weapons used to be a hobby of mine, back before Soarin’ left, so tinkering with one of their missiles is no problem.”

“Well, regardless, I still—” A puff of green smoke bloomed in Celestia’s face and she stumbled backwards. Spitfire swore and took wing, but as the smoke cleared and no further threat appeared, she slowly came back down.

“What was that?” she asked, glancing around warily.

“I couldn’t say,” Celestia answered, right before her eyes landed on a tightly bound scroll on the floor. “This was not here a second ago.”

Spitfire bent over and picked up the parchment, untying and opening it. As her eyes ran over its contents, her face paled.

Neither Celestia nor Spitfire noticed the small pebble that dropped from the parchment's folds to the ground.

“Well?” Celestia said, tapping her hoof repeatedly against the concrete floor. “What does it say?”

“I, um—” Spitfire gulped and glanced away “—I don’t think you want to hear it.”

“Just read the scroll, if you would be so kind,” Celestia said. Her smile had disappeared, replaced by a slight frown.

“I-if you insist,” Spitfire said with another swallow. She cleared her throat. “Dear Celestia—it appears that I have found you. Perhaps if you were not so busy stuffing your hideously deformed face, you could have found a hideout with the dimensions to properly accommodate your ample behind. See you soon. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle. And—and then there’s a picture of her mooning you.”

Celestia snatched the parchment out of Spitfire’s grasp and read it multiple times. Finally, she lowered the letter. “Spitfire, get everypony ready,” she said softly. Despite the volume of her words, her tone seethed with fury. The paper crumpled in her grasp.

“Boss, does she really know we’re here?” Spitfire said, eyes wide.

“Do as I said!” Celestia snapped. “We’re about to have company.”

Once More, Unto the Breach

Trixie glanced at the cards in her grip before eyeing the other two ponies at the table with her. “Raise,” she said as she pushed a stack of her chips into the center.

“She’s got nothing,” Fleetfoot said. She grinned at Trixie and shoved forward a pile of her own chips.

Rapidfire’s eyes darted back and forth between them. “I dunno,” he said, frowning behind his Wonderbolt goggles.

“Then fold,” Trixie said. She leaned back and crossed her forelegs.

"I’m telling you,” Fleetfoot said sourly, “she’s got nothing.”

A drop of sweat rolled down Rapidfire’s cheek as he considered his cards before finally laying them down. “I’m out,” he said.

“Wuss,” Fleetfoot muttered. “Alright, show ‘em, magician.” She flipped her cards and grinned. “Can you beat a full house?”

Trixie primly arched an eyebrow. “Easily,” she said, revealing a flush. “And once again, victory goes to me.”

“Phew,” Rapidfire said as he swiped the perspiration from his brow. “Dodged that bullet.”

However, just as Trixie reached out to collect her winnings, Fleetfoot grabbed her leg. “Hold on,” she said. “”How do you get such good cards three rounds in a row?”

“Luck?” Trixie suggested with a shrug.

“A little too lucky, if you ask—” A trap door opened, drawing Fleetfoot’s attention. Spitfire poked her head through.

“Heads up, ponies,” she said, “it’s time to earn your wages. The fuzz is on the way.”

“How’d they even find us?” Fleetfoot asked as she released Trixie’s leg.

Spitfire shrugged and shook her head. “I don’t know, but the boss is getting pretty worked up over it. You three are only the first line of defense, but whatever you do, do not let them find the trapdoor.”

“You got it,” Rapidfire said. He stood and stretched his wings. “Alright, some action at last!”

“And, Trixie,” Spitfire said, “you’ll be delighted to know that Sparkle’s gonna be here.” She lowered the door. “Get ‘em good, ‘Bolts.” It closed with a muffled thud.

Fleetfoot dragged a carpet over the door, effectively hiding it from sight. “Let’s show them what makes us the best.” She held out a hoof for Rapidfire to clap.

“I care not about anypony other than Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie said to them. “Leave her for me.”

“Whatever.” Fleetfoot rolled her eyes and tossed her mane. “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“Trixie will do something stupid if Trixie so desires!” Trixie said, hooves on hips.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. Anypony got time for another round of cards?”

“C’mooon,” Rainbow whined in a high-pitched voice. “Hurry up! If we fly any slower, we’ll fall outta the sky!” She flew a loop around Twilight.

“Calm down, Rainbow,” Twilight said, eyes closed. A nimbus crackled around her horn. “I can’t go any faster and concentrate on the tracking spell at the same time.”

Rainbow groaned loudly, but fell in beside Twilight and Luna.

"Patience, young Rainbow Dash,” Luna said with a comforting smile. “We shall know action aplenty in no time. Twilight Sparkle, have you located the stone?”

Twilight frowned and opened her eyes. “Maybe,” she said. “The spell says it's right below us.”

“Then what’re we waiting for?” Rainbow made to dive, but a gesture from Twilight halted her.

“It’s really far down below us,” she continued. “I—I think it might be underground!”

“Meaning my sister has an underground hideout,” Luna said, raising a hoof to her chin. “Perhaps there is a cave nearby that would lead there.”

“Or maybe that cabin’s hiding the entrance.” Twilight pointed down, to where a run-down cottage sat at the edge of a copse of trees. “Let’s check it out!”

The three wordlessly descended to the cabin, touching down in front of it. “We must have care,” Luna said softly. “If our enemies are here, then they likely await us in ambush.”

“I can take whatever they throw at me!” Rainbow said as she strutted to the cabin’s door and pulled it open. “We’ve got nothing to worry abooof!” A stallion, clad in the Wonderbolt uniform, shot out and tackled Rainbow to the ground. A second Wonderbolt flew straight at Luna, who yawned as she swatted the attacker away.

Twilight had just started towards Rainbow when a familiar voice stopped her. “You won’t get any lucky shots this time!” She saw Trixie’s hoof approaching from above and shoved it aside. The kick flew harmlessly by as Trixie touched down lightly.

“Trixie, don’t you ever get tired of this?” Twilight asked, exasperation in her voice.

“Not until I see you face-down in the dirt!” Trixie shot back.

Meanwhile, Rainbow had tossed Rapidfire aside and regained her footing. “I haven’t forgotten about that crate you dropped on me,” she growled.

“Guess I should’ve picked something heavier, then,” he said with a chuckle.

Rainbow’s brow furrowed and she charged, wings adding to her momentum. Rapidfire grinned and readied a kick. However, his smile quickly vanished as she dove under his attack.

Her hoof caught him in the ribs with a thundering crack and he dropped, gasping for air.

Rainbow grinned down at him. “By the way,” she said as she kicked him once more for good measure, “I quit.” She turned to see how her friends fared.

Eyes bulging, Trixie flailed her hooves in a desperate attempt to get past her opponent's defenses. Twilight hopped to the side, then charged back in under her opponent’s attacks. She landed a solid hit on Trixie's chin and followed up with a head-butt to the chest.

“Not again!” Trixie shouted, falling backwards with hooves splayed. “Not—” Twilight’s swift kick laid Trixie out, unconscious. As she tumbled over, her hat fell to the ground, and dozens of playing cards scattered in the wind.

Fleetfoot gasped. “I knew you were cheating!” she said from the ground.

“When your princess strikes you,” Luna said, back-hoofing the prone Fleetfoot, “‘tis poor form to remain awake.” Fleetfoot’s head fell forward. “Twilight Sparkle, if you would be so kind as to lead us onward?” She pranced to the cabin and nudged the door open.

Twilight’s horn glowed for an instant. “Yes,” she said. “The tracking spell says Celestia's still below us, but I think Trixie’s presence here is a much better indication that this is the right place.” She walked inside the cabin, followed closely by Rainbow and Luna.

“Yeah, that’s interesting and all, but let’s talk about me,” Rainbow said with a grin. “Did you see the way I totally owned Rapidfire? Heh, that jerk barely knew what hit him!”

The light that streamed in through cracks in the walls was the cabin's only source of illumination. “There must be some kind of secret entrance in here,” Twilight said absently. Aside from three stools and a table, the cabin held no other furniture. Her eyes fell on a patterned rug that covered a section of floor in the back of the room. “Well, this isn’t super obvious.” She pulled it aside to reveal a trapdoor, set into the creaky wooden floor.

With a grunt, Twilight grabbed the door’s iron ring in her mouth and pulled. It lifted and they beheld a set of wooden stairs that descended into the darkness.

“Alright, you two,” she said. “I don’t know what to expect down there, but I know that Celestia won’t give up without a fight.”

“Well, duh,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. “Cut the pep-talk and let’s do this!”

Twilight sighed. “Fine, but just be careful, okay?”

She took a step down and led her friends into the unknown.

“Boss, you’re really going to blow up Ponyville now?” Spitfire stood and watched as Celestia worked at a control panel. “Didn’t you want to wait until tomorrow?”

“I fear that we may not have until tomorrow,” Celestia said. She stopped to scratch under her eye patch. “If there is one thing I have learned about Twilight Sparkle, it is not to underestimate her.” She frowned and turned a dial. “Hmm, I believe a half-hour will suffice.”

“Why not just launch it now and get it over with, then?” Spitfire said.

“Oh, my dear Spitfire, you should understand that, before anything else, we must ensure that the game remains even.” She tousled Spitfire’s mane before returning to her work. “There must always be a sliver of hope, otherwise the hero loses the will to fight. Where is the fun in that?”

“So that’s why you left Sparkle alone in the warehouse,” Spitfire said, eyes widening. “So she would keep fighting and try to escape!”

“We shall make an arch-villain of you, yet,” Celestia said with a laugh. “Now, to wrap things up here…” A bolt of pure energy leapt forth from her horn and engulfed the panel. It sparked and melted into an unrecognizable lump of metal. “She won’t be able to halt the countdown anymore, and none of these other consoles can access the missile’s commands. Spitfire, I shall set the stage for our confrontation, but I have a different job for you.”

“You pay the bills, I do what you say,” she said, shrugging. “What do you need?”

“I need you to go and keep watch over a high-value prisoner.” Celestia’s eye glinted. “She’s sure to receive visitors very shortly.”

As they neared the bottom of the stairs, Twilight saw light ahead. She glanced back and received both a nod from Luna and a grin from Rainbow Dash. As one, they bolted the rest of the way down and found themselves in a small, poorly lit room along with three wide-eyed thugs.

Twilight darted forward and ran one up against the stone wall. He attempted to push her away, but his position was such that he couldn’t get enough leverage. She kicked him heavily, sending him crashing to the ground. Her hind leg lashed out and caught the second thug, who had been rushing from behind, in the face. He joined his fellow on the ground in unconsciousness.

The last of the thugs cowered underneath the stern gaze of Princess Luna. She towered above him, imperiously flaring her wings before she lightly tapped him on the forehead. However, "light" for Luna had a different meaning to everyone else, and the blow knocked the unfortunate thug into unconsciousness.

“I have felled my foe,” she announced.

“Aw, c’mon!” Rainbow whined. “Twilight, you took mine!”

“Gee, what was I thinking?” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. “Next time, I’ll just let the bad guy hit me while I wait for you to take care of him!”

“I was getting to it…” Rainbow muttered, glancing away.

Twilight took a moment to examine their surroundings. Two exits on opposite sides of the room led deeper into the underground compound. “Let’s hurry,” she said as she moved towards one of the doors. “Who knows what Celestia will do when she finds out that we’re here?” She pushed through and into a winding corridor.

Drops of water fell from the ceiling as Twilight cantered further into the complex, Luna close on her heels. The roughly hewn stone walls glistened with condensation. After only moments of running, they came upon another metal door.

She kicked it open with a single blow, sending echoes bouncing along the rocky corridor.

“Twilight Sparkle, what a surprise it is to see you alive.” High above them, Celestia reclined on a stack of crates. Large boxes littered the floor of the massive cavern, some piled high enough to reach the ceiling. “And—oh my, is that Luna?" She laughed and clapped her hooves. "What a surprise to find my sister—the president of Equestria, no less!— bumping elbows with us lower-class ponies!”

Twilight glanced at Luna, only to receive a reassuring nod. “Twilight Sparkle, ‘tis your show. I shall support you, but you must lead.”

She swallowed and turned back to her one-time mentor. “I’ll give you one chance to surrender,” she said loudly. “Let Fluttershy go and give yourself up! There’s no need for us to fight!”

“There is every need!” Celestia said, toying with her mane. “But we waste time by arguing. I have already set the countdown for the missile, which should launch in—twenty five minutes? Something like that.” A crowd of thugs appeared over the crates and leaped down towards the intruders. “Shall we have some entertainment in the meantime?”

“We have to hurry,” Twilight muttered to Luna, then turned to address Rainbow. “Rainbow Dash, I’ll make certain to leave you some—” Her eyes widened as she realized that there was nobody standing behind her. “Rainbow?!”

The attacking thugs forced the issue to the back of her mind.

When Twilight and Luna had galloped out of the first room, Rainbow lagged behind and chose the other door. “Psh, stealing all the fun,” she muttered, making her way down a hallway similar to the one Twilight and Luna had navigated. “I’ll do this on my own.”

She froze as laughter echoed off the walls around her. It was difficult to judge sound in the rocky, twisting tunnel, but the source appeared to be just around the next bend.

Rainbow poked her head out and peeked.

“So, you think you’re hot stuff, do ya?” Spitfire stood outside of a cell, laughing at whoever it imprisoned. “Took down fifteen mares by yourself, according to Gilda.” Rainbow didn’t hear the prisoner's reply, but it apparently angered Spitfire. “If there’s one thing I hate more than anything else, it’s false modesty,” she snarled. “In half an hour, after Ponyville’s just a memory, I think I’ll take you and—” Rainbow shouldered her in the side, sending her tumbling away from the cell.

“Hey,” Rainbow said with a glance between the cell’s bars, “are you all—” Her eyes widened when she found herself staring at Fluttershy, who shielded a pair of foals. “You!”

“Look out!” Fluttershy cried as she pointed to the side. Rainbow turned to look, but took a heavy kick to the face before she could fully register the warning.

Breathing heavily, Spitfire loomed over her. “I always knew there was something off about you,” she said in a biting voice. “You’re a damn good flier, but you’re still not cut out to be a Wonderbolt.”

“I don’t even wanna be a Wonderbolt anymore!” Rainbow shouted. She pushed herself to her hooves. “Not if you guys ditch each other!” She lunged forward and jabbed a hoof forward.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Spitfire snarled as she blocked the attack. Her own forehoof snapped into Rainbow’s chest, sending the her reeling. “We do what we gotta do, and if that means that somepony gets left behind, then too bad.”

Rainbow stumbled against a wall and strained to catch her breath. “All I’m hearing—” She wobbled in place, but managed to keep her footing “—are excuses.”

“Whatever you say, Dash.” Simultaneously, they rushed each other.

As fight wore on, Fluttershy gasped and covered the eyes of her two charges. “Don’t look,” she said. “This isn’t for foals.”

Spitfire tumbled back when an attack slipped through her defenses and smashed into her cheek. Rainbow didn’t give her any time to recover, instead laying into her with gusto.

“The Wonderbolts were the good guys!” she shouted. Despite Spitfire’s skilled attempts to block, she couldn’t avoid all of the kicks. “They did good things, and made ponies happy!” Breathing heavily, Rainbow finally abated and stepped back. “You were my idols! My heroes! Why would you ruin that?”

“For th’ money,” Spitfire mumbled. She spat out a tooth. “That’s all…” Her eyes rolled up into her head and she collapsed, unconscious.

Rainbow exhaled heavily before she turned to Fluttershy. “Are you alright?” she asked. “And, um… why do you have foals with you?”

“These are the Cakes’ babies,” Fluttershy explained. She walked to the cell door and pushed it open, making the other pegasus’s eyes widen. “Celestia left them with me, so I had to watch over them instead of escaping.”

“So, you could’ve gotten out of here at any time,” Rainbow said slowly, “but didn’t, because of two babies.” She sighed and shook her head.

“Um, if it’s not too much trouble, could you come with me?” Fluttershy asked. With the Cake twins on her back, she cantered further into the complex, in the opposite direction from which Rainbow had arrived. “I need to do something.”

“What’s that?” Rainbow said, raising an eyebrow.

“I need to save Ponyville.”

Two thugs approached Twilight, murder evident in their eyes. However, before they even came close to her, dark-blue tendrils burst forth from the ground and slapped them across the face. Twilight twisted to look at Luna.

“I said I shall support you,” she said. “Allow me to occupy these curs while you deal with my sister.” She grabbed a lunging unicorn and flipped him over her shoulder.

“Are you sure you can take them all?” Twilight asked as Luna used another enemy as a club.

“I have faced far worse,” Luna replied. She swung her impromptu weapon repeatedly, each time knocking another thug to the ground. Finally, she threw her impromptu weapon into a stack of crates. “Why do you hesitate? Go!”

Twilight’s wings spread and she took to the air. “Good luck!” she said, approaching Celestia.

“Ah, I see my little sister does not wish to face me,” Celestia said. She languidly climbed to her hooves and stretched. “Although I must say that I am glad for a chance to once more beat you senseless. Tell me, how do your ribs feel?”

“That won’t happen, this time,” Twilight said. She hovered before her opponent. “Losing isn’t an option for me.”

“Incorrect,” Celestia said as she spread her wings. “It is your only option.” Before Twilight could react, Celestia was beneath her, driving a shoulder into Twilight’s stomach.

“Oof!” The momentum from the blow carried her back to land on another stack of boxes. She quickly rolled to her feet, rubbing the injured area.

“It’s clear that you cannot outfight me.” Celestia yawned loudly. “Why even try?”

Instead of answering, Twilight snarled and charged.

“Oh, dear, this isn’t good.” Fluttershy inspected the melted control panel. “This isn’t good at all.”

“What’s not good?” Rainbow asked, bouncing the Cake twins on her knees.

Fluttershy glanced over and frowned. “This must be what Celestia used to control the missile’s ignition, but with it melted, I can’t stop it from firing.”

“Can’t you just turn the missile off?” Pumpkin Cake’s horn poked Rainbow in the eye. “Ow!”

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to do that,” Fluttershy answered. Over the destroyed panel, a window looked into the room containing the missile. “But, I might have another idea…” She turned to an intact panel and pushed a few buttons.

“Alright, you've gotta tell me what you’re doing,” Rainbow said impatiently. Pound Cake spread her wings, but was caught in Rainbow's grasp before she could take off. “Because I have no idea what any of those buttons are for.”

“That should do it.” Fluttershy sighed. “I can’t stop the rocket from taking off, but I can stop the silo door from opening.”

“So?” Rainbow glared at the foals, who had started to whimper. “What’s that gonna do?”

“Well, if the missile launches and hits the door, it should detonate here, instead of Ponyville,” Fluttershy said. “Rainbow, you said that Twilight came with you?”

“Yeah, she and Luna are off somewhere, probably fighting the big cheese.” She clicked her tongue in an attempt to amuse the foals.

“Then I have a favor to ask of you.” Fluttershy ran to the door. “Please get those two out of here and back to their mommy and daddy while I go help Twilight.”

“What?! Why do I have to—” Fluttershy had already left the room. “Fiiine. C’mon, you two, let’s get you home.”

With the foals on her back, Rainbow set a quick pace for the exit.

Twilight’s hoof came crashing down against Celestia’s crossed forelegs, pushing her back. Her eyes widened slightly at the force of the blow, but she didn’t have time to comment as Twilight brought her other hoof rushing in at her stomach. The air shot out of Celestia’s lungs as she hopped backwards.

“You can still end this,” Twilight said. The crates that she stood on wobbled for a moment before they stabilized. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No other—way for—it to be,” Celestia gasped between breaths. She suddenly kicked forward, and only after Twilight raised her hooves to block did she realize that she wasn't the target.

Celestia’s hoof splintered the crate that they stood on.

“Whoa!” Just as the boxes collapsed beneath her, Twilight spread her wings and took flight. However, something caught her leg, and she glanced down to find that Celestia had it in a firm grip.

“Let’s take this to the ground, shall we?” she said, heaving downward and sending Twilight crashing to the floor. She landed on one of her wings and cried out as it bent at an awkward angle. “Now, isn't this better?”

Out of sight on the other side of a wall of boxes, Twilight could hear that Luna’s fight continued unabated. She clambered to her hooves and fought to control her breathing. She tried to furl her wing, but found that it would barely move. Celestia touched lightly down nearby.

“Your wing looks hurt,” she said. “I apologize if I have caused you undue harm.” Her eyes narrowed as she suddenly pounced.

However, Twilight had been waiting for just such a move, and instead of defending herself, ran forward into the attack. Celestia gasped as a barrage of heavy jabs slammed into her midriff. She landed and tried to stagger away, but Twilight refused to let up, instead kicking out Celestia’s legs. Her wings opened to stop her fall when Twilight leaped high and snapped her hind leg into her exposed face. Celestia fell backwards into a pile of broken crates.

Except for the distant sound of Luna’s manic laughter and Twilight’s heavy breathing, silence fell over the immediate area. Then, with a pained grunt, Celestia forced herself to her feet.

“There is something different about you,” she said with a ragged voice. The splintered wood had gashed her forehead badly. “You were not like this last time.” She blinked the blood out of her eye.

“I already told you,” Twilight said, injured wing hanging loose, “I can’t afford to lose.” She slowly plodded forward.

Celestia’s foreleg darted out, and Twilight only barely managed to push it aside. However, she wasn't ready for the leg to hook around her neck and pull her close.

“I've got you now,” Celestia whispered in her ear. Her other foreleg repeatedly slammed into Twilight’s side, and her ribs, just barely healed after their last fight, screamed in agony.

However, instead of screaming with them, Twilight snapped her head backward, horn catching Celestia under the chin. The restraining leg fell away and Twilight stumbled back. She coughed as she staggered to the side.

Celestia shook her head to clear it and stalked forward. “I grow weary of this,” she snarled. Her eye blinked rapidly to keep itself clear from blood streaming down her face. “You are not supposed to put up this much of a fight.”

“Says who?” Twilight asked. She blocked and dodged a number of Celestia’s lumbering kicks, but couldn't find an opening to return any of her own. “Your stupid game?”

Suddenly, Celestia’s mane flowed forward and engulfed Twilight’s head. “The game is all there is,” Celestia said, bulling forward and knocking Twilight over backwards. “It’s all I have left!”

“Only because you threw it all away!” Twilight shouted. She tried to roll to the side, but a hoof slammed down on her chest and held her in place.

“Everything was taken from me,” Celestia said with a scowl. “And now, I’ll take everything from you.” A bright light that Twilight recognized as an offensive spell engulfed Celestia's horn. However, just as the spell approached completion, a hoof caught Celestia in the side of the head, sending her bouncing and rolling away.

Twilight’s gaze snapped to the side, where her rescuer stood. “Fluttershy!” she said. “You’re alright!”

Celestia coughed and pushed herself up onto her knees, but didn’t speak.

“Y-yes, but um, we need to get out of here,” Fluttershy said. She pulled Twilight upright. “I couldn’t stop the missile itself, but I made it so that the door won’t open for it.”

“You mean it’s going to explode right here?!” Twilight’s eyes widened as she stumbled and nearly fell back to the floor.

“Which is why we need to leave.” Fluttershy gave a slight smile. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

Twilight coughed as her ribs protested any and all movement. “Relatively speaking,” she said in a hoarse voice. “Before we go, I need to take care of… Celestia?” Celestia had vanished, leaving only a trail a blood behind. “She must be going to undo what you did!”

She and Fluttershy galloped off in pursuit.

“Ha!” Luna shouted as she ducked a kick, returning one with five times as much force. The poor victim was thrown through the air. “Dost thou wish to make another attempt?” She panted and wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead.

Only three opponents remained standing. They turned their gazes from Luna's insane grin to each other before nodding and charging her. However, they hadn't expected her to charge back.

Luna leaped and planted her back hooves in the center thug’s chest, while her forelegs clothes-lined the other enemies. The trio crumpled.

“A poor decision,” she said with another laugh. Somewhere else in the cavern, Twilight and Celestia fought, but just as Luna turned to go observe them, a clattering noise caught her attention.

One of the thugs that she had thought defeated finished priming what appeared to be a bomb.

“Fiend!” Luna said, grabbing the thug and hurling him into a stack of crates. “Thou wishest to die, along with thy friends and leader?” She glanced at the explosive, which didn't have a timer. No way to tell when it will detonate, or how much destruction it shall cause… I suppose I have no choice. She took it up in her magic’s grip and darted through the nearby door. Discord has imagined entirely too many explosives into this fantasy of his.

Her hoofsteps echoed all around her as she darted back towards the stairs to the surface. As she burst into the small room they had entered first, she saw two of the defeated guards woozily pushing themselves up. She took a moment to lay them out once more before she continued.

Luna’s breath came out in gasps by the time she emerged through the trapdoor, but she couldn't pause to rest. A swift kick threw the cabin's door off of its hinges. Outside she went, where she made to sling the bomb skyward, and—

The cabin disappeared, engulfed by a scorching fireball.

Twilight and Fluttershy followed their Celestia’s trail of blood through a series of halls and small rooms. Twice they encountered resistance from her thugs, but never anything significant enough to truly slow their pursuit.

Finally, they shot through a door and found themselves in the silo where the missile stood. Celestia frantically worked at an access panel on the wall.

“Celestia,” Twilight said, halting her in place. “It’s over. Let’s get out of here while we still can.”

Celestia sighed and stepped away from the tangle of wires. “Perhaps that would be for the best,” she said. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning lashed out from her horn and struck the catwalk at Twilight’s hooves. “Or, perhaps it wouldn't.”

“We can’t just leave her,” Fluttershy whispered. “She might find a way to fix the hatch!”

Twilight nodded slowly. “We’ll attack her at the same time,” she said. “Ready?” Fluttershy’s eyes narrowed and she nodded back. “Go!” Twilight pushed forward with as much speed as she could muster, ignoring the pain that she had grown to expect from exerting herself. Just as she approached the wildly grinning Celestia, she felt something touch lightly upon her back.

Fluttershy pushed off, clearing Twilight’s head and kicking out with her hind leg. Celestia’s eyes widened and she swatted her away, but Fluttershy’s attack hadn't been meant to hit. It had been meant to distract.

Celestia cried out as Twilight's shoulder dug into her ribs, sending her staggering back. She retaliated with a pair of jabs, but Twilight wouldn't be deterred. She took the hits while throwing a powerful right hook of her own that slammed into Celestia's chest. Twilight felt something give underneath her hoof.

Suddenly, she found herself flat on her back as Celestia swept her legs out from under her and dropped a knee into her gut. The air was blown from Twilight's lungs and she gave a gurgling cry. Celestia's knee came crashing down once more, and Twilight closed her eyes in bleak resignation.

Then opened them again when nothing happened.

Fluttershy stood over her, having caught Celestia's attack. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" she scolded. She gave Celestia's leg a hard tug and spun her around to send her sprawling on the ground. "Are you okay, Twilight?"

"Y-yeah," Twilight answered weakly. She accepted Fluttershy's outstretched hoof and climbed to her hooves. Her vision darkened for a moment before she regained her bearings.

Meanwhile, Celestia had risen once more and staggered over to lean on the railing. She held her foreleg against her injured chest and coughed, spitting out a mouthful of blood. “A well timed ploy,” she said with a ragged breath. "I see that I must take you seriously if I wish to live through this ordeal.”

Twin bolts of blue lightning lanced forth, striking Twilight and Fluttershy each in the chest and sending them tumbling to the ground. Their bodies spasmed in the throes of the electrical attack. As Celestia stalked towards Fluttershy, Twilight reached out to stop her, but she had yet to regain full control of her movements. Her horn glowed and fizzled out repeatedly as she tried and failed to cast a spell.

“And I think I shall finish you off, first,” Celestia wheezed. She raised a hoof up high and prepared to bring it down heavily on Fluttershy's head. Suddenly, just as she steeled herself for the final blow, a burst of multi-hued gas blossomed in her face, sending her reeling backwards to lean once more against the catwalk’s railing.

“Score one for me! Suck it, Celestia!” A loud pop heralded Discord’s arrival as he appeared out of thin air. “Out of nowhere, here’s Discord, saving the day! Well, Twilight? What do you think?”

Twilight opened her mouth to berate him. “Thank you,” she said instead, genuinely surprised at her words. She pushed herself to her feet, still shaking from the electricity.

Celestia coughed loudly as she pushed herself off of the railing. “So, brute, it’s you,” she said to Discord. “You must desire another beating to come before me again.”

“I've never been one for wanton violence,” he said, examining his fingernails. “At least, not when it’s directed at me. Instead, I believe that I have found a way to take care of things once and for all.” He snapped his fingers and grinned. “A cage!”

Twilight and Fluttershy gasped when bars appeared around Celestia, boxing her into a small space. However, as they closed in and touched her, they sparked and disappeared.

“Wh-what just happened?” Fluttershy said, glancing at Twilight. “I thought she was going to—”

“Well, isn’t this the greatest.” They turned to find that a cage had appeared around Discord. His entire body had been compressed into a cube in order to fit inside. "I suppose I should have seen it coming, though."

Celestia grinned, then laughed loudly. “I love this!” she shouted. “Don’t you absolutely love this, Twilight?”

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Twilight said. The entire chamber rumbled and smoke began to emanate from the missile’s base.

“The back-and-forth!” Celestia said. She bared a rictus grin at her former pupil. “First you think you have won, and then that you have been defeated! But ‘lo, a new element appears and gives you the advantage, only to take it away once more!” She cackled manically. “And now, we stand only minutes away from our own deaths, and all we can think of is victory over each other!”

“You’re crazy,” Twilight said. Fluttershy nodded her agreement. “Celestia, come back with us, to Ponyville. We can still get out of here!”

“Oh no, it’s too late for that, my faithful student,” Celestia said with a chuckle. “We must finish our fight here, and now.” She galloped forward, closing the distance between them within a second.

Twilight fell backwards under Celestia's onslaught and tripped over Discord’s cage. As she toppled, his prison tipped over the edge of the catwalk.

“Oh, come on!” he shouted, descending into darkness. After a few seconds, a loud bang indicated that he had hit the bottom. His voice floated up. “Twilight, you jerk!”

Fluttershy leaped forward and attempted to sweep out Celestia's legs, but was forced backwards when Celestia hopped over the attack and lashed out behind her. She spun and jabbed, catching Fluttershy a glancing blow on the cheek. However, her victory was short lived, as Fluttershy spun with the impact's momentum and kicked Celestia squarely on her nose.

As Celestia tumbled away, Twilight regained her footing and followed Fluttershy’s attack with one of her own. She took aim and threw an uppercut at Celestia's. Unfortunately, Celestia still had the presence of mind to block the attack and retaliate. Her leg reared back and planted a devastating kick on Twilight’s back knee.

Twilight screamed as she felt her leg snap.

However, Celestia had sacrificed her balance in the process, and Twilight saw her chance. Both of her forelegs kicked out and crashed into Celestia's injured chest, sending her stumbling backwards to hit the railing. Twilight’s eyes widened as she saw her tumble over the side. Pushing forward with her good leg, she reached as far as she could—

—and caught Celestia’s outstretched hoof.

Celestia’s eyes widened as she realized her situation. “Why?” she whispered. “Why would you do this?” Her voice’s volume increased as she spoke. “I tried to destroy you, kill your assistant, annihilate your town, and murder your lover, so why would you save me?!” The end of the tirade came out as a scream.

“Because whatever else you are, you’re my friend,” Twilight grunted. She felt herself slide forward as Celestia’s weight pulled her down. “And I can’t just watch a friend die.” Fluttershy grabbed hold of her unbroken hind leg and tried to stabilize her, but she realized that Celestia was still going to pull them all down. The amount of smoke flowing from the rocket’s base increased.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go,” Celestia said. “The game, it’s not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to hate me—curse me—like I hated and cursed you!”

Twilight’s face adopted a pitying smile. “I guess we’re just different mares. Now, pull yourself up! You can still fly!”

“No.” Celestia’s words landed like a mortar shell. “I will not allow myself to be saved this way.” She tugged hard, and Twilight and Fluttershy slid towards the edge. “I will die now, and if you do not let go, you will die with me.”

“Don’t do this,” Twilight said as she fought to maintain her hold. “This stupid game of yours doesn't control your life!”

“Maybe for you, but without it, I’m a broken mare.” Celestia pulled again, and again. “Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. Thank you for the fun.” Once more she pulled, and Twilight could no longer maintain her grip. Their hooves separated, and Celestia fell.

“No!” Twilight cried, reaching out as her mentor was swallowed by the darkness. She stared down for a few seconds more before she rolled onto her back.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said softly.

“Don’t be,” Twilight said in a raw voice. “Maybe it’s for the best.” Despite her words, the frown on her face told otherwise. A rumbling noise filled the room as the missile neared launch.

“We need to get out of here,” Fluttershy said, helping Twilight stand. However, as soon as Twilight had her footing, her hind legs crumpled and she fell back to the floor.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Twilight said with a wry smile. “Not with this leg.”

“Then I’ll carry you.” Fluttershy took Twilight on her back, but after a few wobbling steps, she too collapsed. Twilight cried out as the fall jarred her injuries. “I'm sorry!” Fluttershy said. "Let me try ag—"

"It's fine." Twilight gritted her teeth and pushed herself into a sitting position. "Hold on, I have one more idea.” Her horn lit and she prepared her teleportation spell, but just as it neared completion, the magic surged through her body. Normally this would have no effect other than to shake her, but with a broken leg, the result was significantly more painful.

She grunted in pain, and her concentration broke.

“Sorry,” she said in a shaky voice. “L-looks like I c-can’t teleport us out.” Her body shook. “You should leave.”

“Not without you,” Fluttershy answered immediately.

“I’m stuck here,” Twilight said, pushing her towards the exit. “I can’t make it, but you can.”

“I said, not without you!” Fluttershy repeated as she cradled Twilight’s head.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Twilight nearly shouted. The exertion left her coughing, and her ribs chose that moment to voice their discontent. “There’s no reason for us both to die, so get out of here!”

“I-I’m sorry, but how are you going to make me?” Fluttershy trembled, but refused to back away. “I won’t go anywhere without you, and that’s that!”

"Why not?!"

"Because I—" Fluttershy paused and swallowed loudly. "I'm staying! Do you want to argue about it, or do you want to enjoy the time we have?"

After a long moment of silence, Twilight sighed. “Of all the times to finally stand up for yourself,” she muttered.

“What was that?” Fluttershy said.

“It’s nothing.” Twilight sat still while Fluttershy stroked her mane. “I just don't have the energy left to argue, anymore.”

“Oh.” For a few long moments, neither said anything. Finally, Fluttershy spoke up. “It’s—it’s love, you know.”

Wide-eyed, Twilight twisted her head to stare at her. “What was that?” The rumbling in the silo intensified, and the catwalk began to sway.

“Y-you asked me last n-night if what I felt was infatuation or l-love,” Fluttershy continued. She blushed and flipped her mane over her face. “Th-the answer is love.” Her hooves trembled but continued to rub Twilight's head. “I know we just met yesterday, b-but I feel like I’ve known you a lot longer. I hope you’re all right with—”

“No, I think I understand what you mean,” Twilight said with a smile. She put a hoof to Fluttershy’s cheek. “And I’m glad you feel that way, because I think I love you too.”

Fluttershy gave a choked laugh and leaned forward to kiss her. However, after a few moments, a strange noise reached Twilight’s ears. She pushed Fluttershy away and narrowed her eyes at the hatch, where a blue-white spark had appeared, slowly moving in a circle. Finally, it completed its journey and returned to where it started before disappearing.

The section of the hatch it had circled fell out, opening a small hole to the outside world. Someone poked their head over the edge and shouted down.

“Howdy!” Applejack yelled with a wave. “Y’all need a hoof down there?” A rope ladder fell through the hole and unrolled on its way down.

“Maybe we’ll live through this, after all,” Twilight said. Fluttershy said nothing, instead hugging her more tightly.

As they took hold of the ladder, the rocket began to shake. The smoke coming from its base had started to darken.

“Applejack! Pull us up!” Twilight shouted. “We’re almost out of time!”

“Ah’ll do mah job, so shut up and stop orderin' me around!” Despite Applejack’s annoyance, the rope ladder began to ascend, pulling Twilight and Fluttershy with it.

With each yank from above, Twilight’s leg and ribs sent waves of pain lancing through her, but she gritted her teeth and stayed silent. Fluttershy had a wide grin on her face as she continued to stroke Twilight’s mane.

Finally, they reached the top, and Applejack reached out to pull them onto solid ground, where at least a dozen other officers had congregated.

“Heya, Twilight!” Pinkie said, grinning and waving. Over her back, a singed and unconscious Princess Luna flopped. "Look who I found! Applejack said I could keep her!"

"I'm sorry, Twilight, but I led them here," Rarity said as she approached. "The Cakes admitted that they lied because their foals were held hostage, and Applejack seemed like she had forgiven you—"

"For some things," Applejack said with a scowl.

"—so I told her which way your tracking spell had sent you." Rarity glanced downward. "I hope you can forgive me for breaking your trust."

“We'll talk about this later,” Twilight said quickly. “We can't stay here. That rocket’s going to blow any second, and we do not want to be anywhere close by when that happens!”

“Alright, hop on, then,” Applejack said as a sour look crossed her face. As soon as she had Twilight on her back, she, Fluttershy, and the rest galloped as quickly as they could away from the hideout.

Behind them, a loud rumbling shook the earth, and the ground collapsed as the missile launched and exploded. Gouts of flame soared skyward with billowing smoke before a fireball leaped from the hole. Despite their distance, Twilight felt the heat from the blast, and it nearly knocked her from Applejack’s back.

“Woo-ee,” Applejack said, slowing to a halt. “That’s a beaut, ain't it?”

A metallic object split off from the explosion and arced towards their position, its flight marked by a trail of smoke. It hit the ground directly in front of them and bounced twice before finally coming to a halt.

From inside his prison, Discord coughed and hacked. “Well, it’s nice to see that—” He paused to cough up a puff of smoke “—that you’re all okay. I just have one question for you.” His eyes narrowed. “Where was my rescue?!”

Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle, then laugh loudly at the indignant look he bore. “Sorry, Discord,” she said, wiping tears from her face. “Maybe next time you’ll choose a prank that you can control.”

“Yeah, well…” He grumbled incoherently.

She continued to chuckle until a wave of fatigue swept over her. She swooned and dropped to the ground.

“Twilight?” Fluttershy said, eyes widened. “Twilight, are you okay?”

Twilight tried to answer, but instead closed her eyes as everything went dark.

Author's Note

Phew, it's been one hell of a ride. I hope you all had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. The epilogue to "Princess Under Fire" will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for sticking with it until the very end!

Epilogue: Return to Form

Epilogue: Return to Form

Twilight struggled through darkness, a sensation that had become eerily familiar to her. She could hear the echoes of voices murmuring in the background, but nothing that she could make sense of.

It’s warm, she thought as she tried to curl up.

“She moved!” Twilight heard someone say distantly. She tried to open her eyes, but might as well have tried to fly.

Wait, I have wings, her mind said, wondering at the irony, but within moments she had lost the train of thought completely.

“Does anypony know where I might find a razor?” another voice said, this one more melodious than the first. “I would like to remove this—this—thing from my face before she awakes.”

Princess Celestia? Something about the voice tugged at Twilight’s memory, but she brushed it off as she tried to snuggle deeper into the velvety void.

“C’mon, Twi, get your ass outta bed! Ah got shit to do, and no time to do it!”

More than any other, that voice pulled Twilight back to the waking world.

“Applejack! How many times must I tell you to curb that foul language?!” Twilight’s eyes opened, and she found Applejack cowering underneath Rarity’s intense scowl. “What if your sister heard you speak in such a manner?”

“Ah’m sorry, Rares, really!” Applejack said. “Ah have no idea why the hell Ah’m talkin’ this way!” Her eyes widened and she stomped. “Dammit, Ah can’t stop mahself!” She clapped a hoof over her mouth.

Twilight blinked slowly and sat up. She lay on her couch, surrounded by her friends. Pinkie Pie bounced in place and hopped up to sit next to her.

“Welcome back!” she said with a grin. “We’ve been super duper worried!”

“What happened?” Twilight said. She yawned loudly, jaw cracking. “Am I at the library?” Suddenly, her memories returned and realization hit. “The library?! It’s here! It’s really here!” She rolled off the couch, then hopped twice. “And my leg’s better! Applejack, who am I?”

“Er…” Applejack scuffed the ground and glanced at Rarity, who nodded. “You’re mah good friend, Twilight Sparkle,” she said in a wooden voice. As soon as she finished, her face relaxed. “Phew, Ah think Ah finally got mah shit together.”

“Applejack!” Rarity shrieked.

Hmm, it feels like somepony’s missing— Twilight gasped loudly. “Where’s Spike?” she said. “Is he alright?”

“Napping upstairs,” Rainbow said, gesturing towards the stairs.

“The poor dear could barely keep his eyes open, so we insisted that he lie down,” Rarity added.

“Good idea.” Twilight’s eyes darted from face to face as she considered her current situation. Was it a dream? she wondered. If everything’s back to normal, then—

“Ah, I see you have awoken.” Luna poked her head out from the kitchen. “I hope you do not mind that I helped myself to a small snack.” She walked out with a massive sandwich.

“That’s fine, but, Luna, why are you here?” Twilight said slowly. Her eyes landed on a brown coat and black turtleneck sweater, draped over the back of a chair. “Unless it wasn’t a dream. And if it wasn’t a dream, then I—oh, Celestia…” Tears welled in her eyes. “Luna, I’m so sorry, I—”

The sound of hoofsteps came from behind her, and when Twilight turned and saw who it was, her mouth dropped open.

“Hello, Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia said on her way down the stairs. Small pieces of bloody tissue clung to her chin. “I believe I now understand why Starswirl the Bearded never shaved.”

“Save your tears,” Luna said as she patted Twilight on the back. “My sister is whole and healthy, eye included. She just wished to remove her, um, facial hair before she spoke with you.”

“As Luna says—” Celestia walked to Twilight and dropped to her haunches “—I did not wish for you to see me like—” Twilight’s sudden embrace crushed the air out of her lungs.

“I’m so glad,” Twilight said, burying her face in Celestia’s coat. “I thought you were—” She took a deep breath and stepped back. “Sorry.”

“Perhaps you should explain things,” Celestia said with a smile.

“I will tell my sister of the part she played on our way back to Canterlot,” Luna cut in. “It is of no consequence to the rest of the story.” She gave Twilight a plaintive look.

“Y-yeah, sure,” Twilight said. She shook her head and turned to address the whole room. “So, um, what happened while I was unconscious?”

“We all woke up in the middle of town with no memory of the past day and a half,” Rarity said, stepping forward. “You were lying there with us. Princess Luna explained that Discord caused the entire mishap and that we all played parts in some real-life movie, but she won’t say any more. What exactly happened?”

“Well, a lot of things happened, really,” Twilight said. “First, I was attacked by ninjas in the bathroom! I managed to keep away from them, but there was a bomb under my bed, so I grabbed Spike and flew out the window. Then, right after the library exploded, somepony—” She glanced at Rainbow quickly “—kidnapped Spike and knocked me out.”

“The whole library?” Applejack said, raising an eyebrow. “Mighty big explosion, sounds like.”

“You and Pinkie dragged me back to headquarters—Sweet Apple Headquarters, that is—where you were the police chief, and Pinkie was my partner.”

“Ooo,” Pinkie said, “was I the bestest best partner ever?”

“You were pretty good,” Twilight said. “Then Rarity got me a tuxedo for a party, and I met Fluttershy there, and we fought off at least ten ponies on our own!” She glanced at Fluttershy, but couldn't catch her gaze. With a small shrug, she continued. “There was a lot of fighting, and explosions, and it got really rough for a while, but we ended up beating Cel—the bad mare and saving Ponyville.”

“Was I there?” Rainbow asked eagerly. “Did I kick flank, too?”

“Um...you were a Wonderbolt,” Twilight said without looking at her.

“Yes! I knew I was awesome!” Rainbow cheered.

“You certainly seem more animated than usual,” Rarity said as she patted Twilight on the back. “It sounds like you had a marvelous time.”

Twilight stared wide-eyed at her friend. “Marvelous?” she said. “It was awful! I almost died on more than three separate occasions!”

“The way you just explained it seemed damn excitin’ to me,” Applejack said with a grin. “But, if ya say so…” Rarity glared at her. “Aw, hell, Ah did it again, didn’t Ah?”

“I just think it’s weird that none of you remember any of this,” Twilight said, frowning.

“I—I do.” Everybody turned to look at Fluttershy, who had her back turned to them.

A long moment passed before Twilight spoke. “Wh-what did you say?” Her blood chilled as she considered the implications.

“Um, I remember everything,” Fluttershy said, head drooping. “S-sorry.”

“Why you and not anypony else?” Twilight asked. Her legs wobbled, but she refused to sit.

Luna turned to the kitchen and spoke up. “Perhaps this cur can enlighten us,” she said, horn aglow. Something carried by her magic floated out into the room and fell to the floor before Twilight.

“Heh heh, hello there,” said Discord, still squashed into a cube inside his cage. “Fancy meeting you here, huh?”

“Oh. You.” Twilight glared down at him. “So, what’s the deal with Fluttershy remembering things?”

“Just because it’s my spell doesn’t mean I know everything about it,” Discord said. With an extreme effort, he managed to roll his eyes.

“Make a hypothesis,” Twilight said drily.

“Fiiiine.” He took a deep breath. “Most likely, it was because Fluttershy was not part of the original spell. However, when it ran out of control, she got sucked in and a character was created for her. When it all ended, the characters I had written went back to the way they were before, but the ones I hadn’t scripted—namely, Fluttershy and President Luna—kept their full memories. There. Good enough for you? Now howsabout letting me out of here?” He waggled his eyebrows.

Twilight opened her mouth to press further when someone knocked at the door. She turned slowly away from Discord and pulled it open to reveal Gilda, whole and hale. “Gilda! What are—what can we do for you?”

“Uh, is Dash here?” Gilda asked, rubbing the back of her head.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Rainbow said as she walked up. A scowl had spread across her face. “What is it?”

Twilight saw Rarity approach Fluttershy in the back of the room, where the two held a hushed conversation.

“Look, I just wanted to say—” Gilda coughed into her wing. “Dash, you know I’d never ditch you, right?”

The scowl faded from Rainbow’s expression. “Huh?”

“I’d never—gah, I’m bad at this type of thing,” she muttered. “What I mean is, if you needed me for anything, I’d be there.” She blushed and glanced away. “Get it?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said slowly, “I think I do. I got your back, too.” She put a hoof on Gilda’s shoulder. “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I dunno,” Gilda with a shrug. “I must’ve been flying in my sleep or something, because I woke up on a cloud, and just wanted to say that.” She stretched her neck. “And I think I slept on my neck weird, cuz it’s really stiff.”

As Gilda and Rainbow caught up with each other, Luna walked to Twilight and tapped her on the back. “When Celestia learns of the part she played in Discord’s prank, she likely will experience terrible guilt.” She stuffed the remainder of her sandwich into her mouth and swallowed.

“It wasn’t her fault, though!” Twilight said softly. “Celestia’s one of the most peaceful ponies I know!”

“While that may be true, look at it from her perspective,” Luna said. “Her actions caused harm to many, regardless of whether she had control or not. Would you not feel remorse, as well?” She sighed and glanced at Celestia, who was busy examining her poorly shaven face in a mirror. “I only wish to say that you should expect correspondence regarding this very issue, perhaps even as early as tonight. With patience and caring, you and I can alleviate the damage. Now, I imagine that you wish to discuss matters with fair Fluttershy, do you not?”

“I—” Twilight gulped at the thought. “I guess I can’t avoid it.”

“Would any of you lovely ponies be so kind as to maybe, possibly, let me out?” Discord said. “I have an itch in a place I probably shouldn’t mention.”

Twilight snorted and turned away from him, but her mood immediately grew serious as she considered Fluttershy. I suppose this is the end of our friendship, she thought. “So, um, Fl-Fluttershy—”

“Girls,” Rarity said, moving towards the door, “why don’t we give them a moment to themselves?”

“What the hell for?” Applejack asked, following her out.

“Dear, we really must work on breaking you of this habit…”

“See ya later, Twilight!” Pinkie said with a grin. “Heehee, I was the bestest partner ever!” She giggled as she left.

“Yeah, later on, Twi. I still wanna hear about how awesome I was, though.” Then Rainbow, too, was gone, Gilda right behind her.

Celestia waved farewell on her way out as Luna picked up Discord and trotted to the door. “Farewell, Twilight,” Celestia said, bowing her head gracefully. “I wish you the best in resolving this issue.”

“And I shall be awaiting our… chat,” Luna said with a shudder. The two moved outside, closing the door behind them.

Silence fell in the room. Twilight could only stare at Fluttershy, who sat there, trembling and refusing to look around. Finally, Twilight could take it no longer. “I’m sorry!” she blurted out. “I—I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship!” Fluttershy turned her head to look at Twilight out of the corner of her eye. “It was just—I know now that Discord’s stupid spell programmed you to be attracted to me, and that I was supposed to return the feelings, but I shouldn’t have let it happen. I should have remembered that the real you doesn’t think of me that way.”

“Twilight…” Fluttershy reached out with a hoof, but didn’t otherwise move to make contact.

“I want to still be friends, but I know that won’t work anymore, not after we—” Twilight swallowed heavily “—not after that.” She turned to the door. “If you want me to, I’ll explain to the girls why we can’t spend time together anymore.”

“Twilight!” Fluttershy said more loudly.

“The worst thing is, at the time, it felt right,” Twilight continued, oblivious to her voice. “Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking, but I should have known that you would never agree to—”

“Twilight!” Fluttershy shouted. Twilight spun, eyes wide, to face her. “I, um, I d-don’t really mind.” She dropped her gaze back to the floor.

Twilight’s mouth gaped open for a moment. “You don’t mind?” she finally said. “How can you not mind?”

“Well, I—” Fluttershy visibly struggled to raise her head. “What if I maybe—kind of—sort of felt something before?”

“You mean before now?” Twilight asked.

“No, before Discord’s spell,” Fluttershy said. “B-because I kind of did.” Her cheeks grew red, but her eyes remained fixed on Twilight’s.

“What would you have felt before Discord’s spell? Unless you mean—” Suddenly, Twilight fell backwards, mouth working but no sound coming out.

Fluttershy finally turned away, back towards the window. “So, um, if you want to maybe—if it’s alright with you—try again, I would be okay with it.” Her voice trailed off so that the last few words were barely audible.

“Try again?” Twilight said. “You want to try again? With me?”

“F-from the beginning, of course,” Fluttershy said quickly. “But, um—yes.” A tremulous smile graced her features. “You still owe me dinner, unless you don’t want to—”

“Of course I want to!” Twilight said, rushing forward and meeting her in a passionate kiss. However, after only a few seconds, Twilight fell back. “Sorry!” She blushed and licked her lips. She still tastes like honey. “I, um… got a little carried away. Heh...”

Wings spread wide, Fluttershy nearly toppled over. “I-it’s okay,” she said with a silly grin on her face. “We’ll g-get there.”

Unfortunately, any time they might have had to bask in each other’s presence was taken from them when the door slammed open and Luna trotted in, Discord in tow.

“I apologize for the interruption, but something dire demands your attention,” she said quickly. Her foreleg beckoned to someone outside. “Guard, do not waste time.” A member of the royal guard galloped in and slid to a halt. “Explain the situation to Princess Twilight, if you would.”

“Yes, Princess.” He fixed Twilight with an even stare. “Your Majesty, a group of ponies has taken control of Nakapony Plaza in Canterlot. They have hostages, which they have threatened to execute if their demands are not met.”

“What?!” Twilight said. “Who would do this?”

“I, uh…” The guard swallowed heavily. “Eyewitnesses claim that the leaders of the group are, um, Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor.”

For a long moment, none of them said anything. Twilight finally scowled deeply and slowly turned to glare at Discord.

“What?” he said, shrugging as best he could. “Don’t look at me!”

Twilight sighed explosively and grabbed her sweater. “Discord, if you ever get out of that cage, I would think long and hard about how you treat your friends,” she said as she pulled it over her head.

“Don’t worry,” Fluttershy whispered to him. “I won’t let them keep you in there forever.” She helped Twilight slip her legs through the coat.

“Alright, let’s get this over with. Fluttershy, I’m going to have to take a rain-check on dinner.” She pulled a pair of sunglasses out of a pocket and slid them on.

“It’s okay,” Fluttershy said through a giggle. “I forgive you.” With Fluttershy galloping by her side, Twilight ran through the door, right past Celestia.

“Something is different about Twilight,” Celestia said Luna. “She seems more…”

“Capable?” Luna suggested. “Confident? She has changed much in the past day and a half. However, while we stand here discussing this, Twilight gallops into danger.”

“Yes, we should follow.” They turned and dashed after.

In the distance, they could see Twilight and Fluttershy, running together into the sunset.

Wake-Up Call

The halls of Canterlot Castle echoed with the sound of shouting and explosions.

In a darkened room, light cast by a film projector illuminated the raptly attentive faces of Discord, Princess Luna, and Fluttershy. Each had their eyes glued to the screen where the movie played. The fourth and final member of the group, Twilight Sparkle, sighed as her gaze roamed, not fixing on any specific spot for more than a second at a time.

On the overhead, a police officer lashed out with her leg, catching a stallion on the chin. “Here, let me give you a ‘hoof’,” she said to the reeling pony as two other officers grabbed him by the shoulders and led him away.

Twilight groaned loudly, drawing shushes from the three other viewers. “Um, if that’s okay with you,” Fluttershy added before she turned her attention back to the movie. Twilight rolled her eyes and rested her head against the floor.

Meanwhile, two more stallions in blue uniform had approached the officer onscreen. “Dammit, Jenkins,” said the older of the two, “you know that’s not how we do things in my precinct!” He rubbed his temples, where his brown coat had begun to gray.

“Captain, if I did this by the book, he’d still be out there,” she answered with a grin.

“Whoever wrote this so-called ‘book’ should be jailed,” Luna said, stuffing popcorn into her mouth.

“If you weren’t the best damn cop I’ve ever seen, well…” The captain sighed and turned to leave. “I’m getting too old for this. Get some rest, Jenkins. You’ve earned it.”

As the older officer walked off, the two remaining ponies glanced at each other. “So, newbie, how’s the leg feeling?” Jenkins asked.

“Mostly better,” he said. He gave his bandaged leg a light shake and winced. “Just a little sore. So, what’re you going to do—” Jenkins cut him off as she pulled him close for a deep kiss.

“How romantic,” Fluttershy murmured with a blush. Twilight rolled her eyes again and growled softly.

“Sorry, but I’ve been told to rest,” Jenkins said, stepping back. “I’ll have to take a rain check on dinner. Captain’s orders.” The stallion’s face fell.

“Or maybe not,” Fluttershy said.

Discord elbowed her in the ribs and chuckled. “Wait for it.”

“So, let’s go rest, instead,” Jenkins continued, giving the recruit a lewd wink. The grin on his face stretched almost as widely as Fluttershy’s. They walked off into the sunset as the screen darkened and the credits began to roll. An intense orchestral score accompanied them.

“Marvelous!” Luna said, stomping her hooves. Discord snapped his fingers and the room’s torches flared. “I must say, Miss Danger Close can make a fine movie.”

“And you doubted me,” Discord said. He turned to Fluttershy, who hummed along to the music. “What did you think?”

“It was…” She scrunched her face up and put a hoof to her chin. “Fun,” she decided. “Very fun.”

Luna glanced sidelong at Twilight, who stared at the screen, a scowl etched on her face. “Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said, “did you not enjoy the movie?”

For a long moment, Twilight didn’t answer. “I don’t get it,” she finally said.

“Tch, ‘don’t get it’?” Discord scoffed. He narrowed his eyes at her. “What isn’t there to ‘get’?”

“That’s exactly my point!” Twilight said, meeting his gaze. “There was nothing to it! Ninety five percent of the movie was fighting, and the other five percent was bare-bones plot included just to get to more fighting!”

Luna’s horn lit up, and a quick spell pulled down the sheet hanging on the wall. “That is exactly the point of the movie,” she said sternly. “I watched it to have fun, not to strain my mind. If I wished for mental exercise, I would have attended my sister’s court.” She shuddered at the thought.

“I’m not saying that the movie should be a treatise on modern applications of transdimensional magic, but at least give me something to think about!” Twilight stood and helped Luna clean up the snacks and cushions scattered about.

Discord snorted and conjured a hammock, onto which he immediately leaped. “Mindless fun is an art,” he said. “And even you have to admit, that movie was more exciting than any of your little ‘adventures’.”

“Please,” Twilight said. “All Jenkins did was kick the bad guys a dozen times, run from explosions, and ignore her captain’s orders.” As she used a levitation spell on the projector, she glared at the draconequus, who made no movement to help. “Why does she love that new officer? What were the villains’ motivations? Where does Jenkins come from that made her the way she is?” With a grunt, she released her enchantment and dropped the machine into a large box.

“Those questions are for a different type of movie,” Luna said. “We are to gasp at the explosions, marvel at the combat, and rejoice when the hero gets the mare or stallion!” She sniffed at a discarded chip before popping it into her mouth.

Fluttershy strained to lift a large pillow onto her back. “I think that you would—” Her knees buckled, and she would have collapsed to the ground if Twilight hadn’t moved over to prop her up. “Th-thank you.” As the two leaned on each other, bright crimson spread across Fluttershy's face. “Um… I think you would enjoy it more if you didn’t expect so much. I-I don’t mean to criticize…” The pillow slid off of her back and onto a couch.

“Well, I do,” Discord said before Twilight could reply. “Only an utter savage wouldn’t appreciate what these movies have to offer.”

“Now, Discord, that wasn’t very nice,” said Fluttershy. Discord didn’t so much as glance in her direction.

“Are you calling me a savage?” Twilight said, eyes narrowing.

“Twilight Sparkle, do not rise to his bait,” Luna said. She, too, was completely ignored.

“If I am, it’s only because you are one,” Discord said. The two adversaries stood nose-to-nose.

“Please, calm down,” Fluttershy said as she pulled at his leg.

“I can dislike your stupid movie if I want to!” Twilight said, wings flaring.

“And that’s why you’re a savage!” he shot back.

“Oh yeah? Well—”

“That is enough!” The full force of Luna’s voice staggered the combatants, nearly knocking Twilight to the floor. Only Fluttershy’s support kept her from collapsing completely. “Twilight Sparkle, we realize that you did not care for our film selection. Discord, her preferences do not reflect upon her character. You both shall stop arguing immediately. Am I understood?” Both nodded meekly. “Now, apologize to each other.”

Twilight glanced downward, ears drooping. “I’m sorry,” she said in a soft voice. “For saying bad things about your movie.”

Discord had crossed his arms and glared at Luna. “Well?” she said with a frown. He glanced away and mumbled into his chest. “We cannot hear you.”

“Fine, I’m sorry,” he snapped. “You’re not a savage. Mostly,” he added under his breath.

“Very good! Now, I am afraid that I must end our time together,” Luna said, clapping her hooves. “My court approaches, and I have much to prepare.”

“I should get home anyway,” Twilight said. She ushered Fluttershy towards the door. “Spike can probably handle himself, but he’s still just a baby dragon, so I cant help but worry.”

“Save for the slight disagreement, I enjoyed this gathering,” Luna said. She glanced at Discord, who still faced away with his arms crossed. “We must do this again, and soon. Perhaps next time we shall choose a movie more to Twilight Sparkle’s liking, hm?”

“That sounds great, Luna!” Twilight turned to Fluttershy and nudged her lightly. “Would you be alright flying home instead of taking a chariot? I need to stretch my wings a little.”

“I suppose,” Fluttershy said. “If it’s not too much trouble, I might need to stop and rest along the way, though…”

“No problem!” Twilight grinned at Luna and gave her a wave. “Thanks for having us! I can’t wait to do it again!”

“Thank you,” Fluttershy said with a bow. The two left, softly closing the door behind themselves.

Now alone with Discord, Luna turned to him and frowned. “You are not usually this quiet for so long,” she noted. “What is the matter?”

“Oh, nothing.” One claw traced a line up and down his chin as he stared at the ceiling. “Hmm…”

Luna’s frown deepened and she craned her head to get a glimpse of his face. “You are planning something.”

“My dear Luna, I’m always planning something,” Discord said, raising an eyebrow.

She sighed and walked to the room’s vanity, where her tiara lay waiting. “What are you planning now, then?”

“Nothing in particular,” he said, still running his finger along his jawline. “I suppose I shall be off, then.” His body spiraled in on itself until it vanished with a loud pop.

“‘Nothing in particular’,” Luna said with a snort. “If that is true, then I am the king of Gryphonia.” She shook her head and turned her attention to getting ready for the night’s court session.

Far above the ground, Twilight and Fluttershy glided through the warm summer air, marvelling at the beautiful orange colors that the dying sunlight painted across the sky. On the opposite horizon, the moon already peeked over the treeline, impatient to take its place in the heavens.

“Um, Twilight?” Fluttershy squeaked. She blushed and averted her gaze from Twilight's. “I have a...” Her voice grew increasingly high pitched until it trailed off entirely.

“You have a ‘what’?” Twilight asked, waving a hoof.

“I have a question,” Fluttershy said in a slightly lower tone. “If you don’t mind answering.”

“You don’t have to be nervous!” Twilight said with a laugh. “Ask whatever you want.”

“Well, if it’s alright with you…” Fluttershy’s lower lip quivered. “What… what do you think of me?” She squeezed her eyes shut.

“What do you mean?” Twilight said, frowning. “You’re one of my best friends! I think you’re great!”

“No, I mean, what do you think of me as a pony?” Her blush deepened.

“Well…” Twilight glanced upwards and put a hoof to her chin. “You’re definitely the kindest pony that I know, and you’re very sweet. Hanging out with you is really fun!”

“You—you think I’m fun?” Fluttershy hesitantly glanced over.

“Yes?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I?”

“Well, I—I—” She coughed to clear her throat. “I’m glad that you think that.”

“You know, I spend a lot more time with our other friends than with you,” Twilight said. She gave her friend a light smile. “We should change that.”

Fluttershy’s wings nearly stopped beating. “R-really?!” She took a deep breath. “When?”

“When? Hm.” Twilight’s horn flashed and a sheet of parchment appeared in front of her. “Let’s see when I’m free…” Her eyes ran up and down the paper for a long moment. “How about tomorrow?”

“Y-yes,” Fluttershy said, swallowing heavily. “Tomorrow sounds wonderful.”

“Great!” She conjured a quill from thin air and scratched a note into the schedule. “What do you want to do?”

“To d-do?” Fluttershy squeaked. “U-um, how… how about d-dinner?”

“Dinner… with… Fluttershy…” Twilight said as she wrote. “Alright, it’s a date!”

“A d-d-date?” Fluttershy said, swooning. She barely kept herself from falling out of the air.

“Yep! I’ll be by to get you after five.” With a flourish of her quill, Twilight rolled up the parchment and sent it back to the library.

Fluttershy’s smile shone almost as brightly as the moon.

Twilight opened her eyes and looked around. She stood in the center of an urban brawl.

“Ah!” she cried, leaping sideways as a stallion went tumbling past. He made a brief effort to stand, but unconsciousness claimed him and left him sprawled in the grass.

The surrounding buildings crowded in on the mass of combatants. Overhead, more dropped in on the fray from a hot air balloon as Twilight darted back and forth, dodging through the crowd. Heavy music floated through the air, but she couldn't discern its source.

“What the hay is going on?!” she shouted skywards. Suddenly, everyone else collapsed, leaving only Twilight and one other pony standing.

“What do you think, Twilight?” said the other, a policemare, as she strode forward. “Exciting, isn't it?” The music had dropped into a soft series of bass notes.

“What do you mean, ‘exciting’? That was crazy!” Twilight’s eyes narrowed at the approaching police officer. “Hold on… I know you! You’re Sergeant Jenkins, from that stupid movie!”

Jenkins halted a leg’s-length away. “The adrenaline you get from a fight, the thrill of a chase, the excitement of getting the stallion… You call it ‘stupid’, but you don’t understand how amazing life can be when you stop thinking and start doing!”

Twilight snorted and turned to the side. “There’s more to living than hoof-fights and sexual trysts,” she said. “What about your relationships to other ponies? What about your own life, and what you did to get where you are? What about your wants, needs, and fears?” The bass sped up as percussion instruments began to play. “And what the hay is this music?”

“None of that matters,” Jenkins said with a grin. The whites of her eyes yellowed and the pupils shifted from dark-brown to blood-red. “Ponies want to see action! Suspense! Sex! They want spectacle! And let me tell you, providing what they want is fantastic!” Her tail lengthened and grew scales, while the music’s tempo increased even further.

“More like ‘boring’,” Twilight said. “‘I can’t imagine how dull life would be for… you…” Her eyes widened as she finally noticed the Jenkins’s gradual transformation.

“You can’t imagine it?” A single, long fang slowly slid out from under Jenkins’s lip. “My dear Twilight, you don’t have to imagine it.”

Twilight backed away, wings spread wide. “D-Discord?!”

“You’re going to live it.” Fingers grew out of his forehooves, and he snapped them deftly. Twilight vanished with a yelp.

Now all alone, Discord fell into a fit of wild laughter. He held his sides as the tears streamed down his face.

“Was that truly necessary?” The new voice had him spinning around, laughter immediately abandoned. “I do not take it kindly when others abuse the domain of dreams without my express approval.” A patch of empty space shimmered, darkened, and solidified into a frowning Princess Luna. The music transitioned to a slower, more somber number.

“Bah, nosy as always,” Discord said, crossing his arms. “You’re just like your sister, you know. Always poking around in everyone’s business.”

“What did you mean when you said, ‘you’re going to live it’?” Luna said. The orchestral score rose and fell dramatically. She sat on her haunches as her frown deepened. “And would you silence that racket?”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t just a teeeensy bit annoyed when Little Miss Sparkle insulted our movie,” Discord said. He snapped his fingers again, and the music ended abruptly. “You are the action aficionado, after all.” His sinewy body snaked into the air above Luna and twisted in a series of mesmerizing patterns.

“Perhaps slightly,” Luna said without looking up. “But that does not answer my question.”

“So, I thought I’d teach her a little lesson,” he continued. “You know, give her a new-found appreciation for the genre.” He dropped back to the ground and threw an arm around Luna’s back. “What do you say? You want in?”

“You invade Twilight Sparkle’s dreams, get caught in the act, and then have the gall to ask me if I want to prank her?” Luna said, giving him a wide-eyed look.

“Oh, don’t be such a prude!” Discord said with an exaggerated sigh. “The Luna I knew centuries ago loved this kind of thing! Honestly, I think Celestia’s having a bad influence on you.”

She frowned and glanced downward. “I have not pranked anypony since my youth,” Luna said. “‘Tis not fitting behavior for a princess.” Despite her words, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “However, I will admit that Twilight Sparkle was a little close-minded earlier…”

Discord threw his arms into the air, then somehow caught them when they fell back down. “Woohoo! It’s game time!” He leaned in close so that he could whisper. “Alright, Widdle Wuna, here’s what I have planned…”

As her eyes cracked open, Twilight flinched, nearly falling out of her bed. She sat up and wiped sweat from her forehead.

“A dream,” she said, panting heavily. “It was just a dream.”

You don’t have to imagine it. You’re going to live it. A chill trickled down Twilight’s spine.

Suddenly, her ears twisted and caught the sound of footsteps quickly pounding up the stairs. They stopped right at her door. A glow surrounded her’s horn as she prepared a spell with which to defend herself from whoever stood outside. The handle creaked and turned.

“Twi, are you up yeOW!” Spike had barely opened the door before a spark of electricity scorched the wooden floor, inches from his feet. “It’s me, it’s me!”

“Spike!” Twilight bolted out of bed and to his side. “I’m so, so sorry! I thought it was—” How do I tell him I thought it was somepony here to attack me? “—somepony else,” she finished lamely. And why would I think that in the first place?

“Who else besides me would be in the library this early?” Spike asked, crossing his arms.

“Nopony, of course,” Twilight said with a chuckle. “I was having a weird dream, and I’m still waking up, I guess.”

“Alright,” he said slowly. “Well, when you’re ready, I have waffles waiting for you downstairs.” He turned and made his way out. “Hurry up before they get cold!”

“Thanks!” Twilight said, moving after him. “Let me wash up and brush my teeth, and I’ll be right there!”

The door to her tiny bathroom squeaked on its hinges as she pushed her way through and shambled over to examine herself in the mirror.. She reached up to rub at her still-drooping eyes. Bits of her mane stuck out at odd angles.

“First thing’s first,” Twilight muttered, reaching for her hairbrush. Her mouth opened wide and cracked her jaw as she yawned loudly.

Then someone standing in the shower threw the curtain aside and Twilight’s eyes popped completely open.

“Wha—” She dove to the side just in time to avoid a kick that had been aimed at her head. The attacker’s hoof smashed into the mirror, shattering it and sending fragments of the reflective surface scattering all over the floor.

Twilight rolled to her feet and faced the intruder, a stallion dressed in black. His entire body was obscured by the silky uniform, save for eyeholes in the mask. “Who are you?!” she shouted. “Why are—” She got no further as two more ponies, dressed similarly to the first, bounded in. The three surrounded her.

Her head twisted around as she struggled to comprehend the scenario. The mysterious attackers glanced at each other, and as one, they rushed forward.

An awkward roll kept Twilight from harm’s way once more, but the masked ponies didn't allow her any rest. They pushed on, hooves lashing out and keeping her on the move. She repeatedly fell away, a tactic which always kept her a hair’s breadth from injury. At least, until she tripped over the bathroom rug and cracked her chin on the floor.

“Ow,” she groaned. Her vision swirled as she fought to regain awareness of the situation. A black shape rose up in front of her, and Twilight knew that she was only seconds away from getting stomped on. Her hind leg kicked out desperately

The attacker grunted as his would-be victim’s hoof slammed into his rib cage, pushing him off balance enough that the kick he had aimed at her head missed completely. He stumbled backwards and would have fallen had his comrades not moved to hold him up.

Twilight’s vision cleared, and she rose onto her wobbling legs as she glanced around the bathroom quickly. Finally, she managed to get her bearings.

“Who are you?” she asked in a shaky voice as her horn glowed faintly. “Why are you doing this?”

The injured attacker pushed away from the other two and breathed deeply. Then, without warning, he leaped forward.

And bounced off of the spherical shield spell that Twilight had conjured around herself.

“Ninjas,” she said, breathing hard. “I’m being—attacked—by ninjas. This makes—perfect sense." She could feel her heart beating in her ears. "Good thing—my bathroom’s—so… big?” Her eyes widened as she took in the cavernous room. “Since when was my bathroom big?”

Unfortunately for Twilight, her adversaries didn't plan on allowing her time to rest. They each pulled out a pair of throwing stars and sent them spinning towards her.

Normally, Twilight wouldn't doubt the integrity of her spells. She would expect the projectiles to simply bounce off the shield and fall harmlessly to the floor. However, nothing about this situation was remotely normal, so she instead dropped onto her stomach.

The stars whizzed above her, passing through the spell as though it didn't exist.

As the attackers readied another round of projectiles, Twilight scrambled to her hooves and, leaving the "safety" of her spell, dove behind a cabinet. Two more stars shot over her head, and loud thunks indicated that more than one had struck her cover.

"What's going on?" She stuck her head around the corner, pulling it back just in time to avoid even more weapons thrown her way. "Why is this happening?"

"Twilight?" someone called from outside of the bathroom. Twilight's eyes widened as she realized that it was Spike. "What's going on up there?"

Horn aglow, she hopped out from her cover and charged forward, even as the attackers drew more stars. A translucent purple wedge winked into existence, but even so, they prepared to throw themselves forward.

Twilight ran straight into them.

Wherever wedge touched pony, the unfortunate victim was hurled away with such force that their hooves left the ground. The three assailants scattered like bowling pins, and Twilight flew into the hallway. Her spell dissipated as its duration expired.

“Are you alright?” Spike said from the top of the stairs. “You’re making a lot of noise.” Suddenly, a fourth black-clad attacker appeared behind him. His hoof was held high, ready to crush poor Spike underneath. His kick came crashing down on empty space as Twilight’s magic snared Spike around the waist and pulled him to safety.

Her’s eyes darted back and forth in search of an escape route, but the only clear path was to her bedroom. The fourth intruder slowly stalked forward, and noises from the bathroom indicated that the other three would soon be back on their hooves.

Twilight didn't hesitate to dash for the one possible place of refuge, tugging Spike behind. She slammed the bedroom door shut.

“What’s going on?” Spike asked as Twilight cast another shield spell that covered the door. A series of impacts, likely kicks, beat against it, but it held firmly.

“I don’t know,” Twilight answered. She paced back and forth across the room. “But we’ll be fine in here, I think. For as long as my spell holds. Which might not be long! They had an answer to my magic, before! But do they have another one?” More blows rained on the door. Spike rubbed her on the back as her breathing intensified.

“Chill out,” he said. “I know you’ll get us out of this!” She glanced down at him and nodded.

“You’re right.” Suddenly, the kicks stopped, and silence reigned. “I don’t like the sound of—” The door fell backwards into the hallway, completely separated from its hinges. One of the attackers held a blowtorch. “Oh, come on! How is that fair?!”

Another of the unknown ponies kicked the shield spell and blew it into fragments.

“Spike, get back,” Twilight said as the attackers advanced into the room. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“B-be careful,” he said, already hiding under a table.

Just like in the bathroom, they rushed Twilight all at once. Their onslaught immediately pressed her back onto her heels as she backpedaled, barely keeping ahead of them. She tried to leap over the bed, but overestimated her strength. Her hoof caught the far edge and she went tumbling to the ground.

“Ow…” she groaned, rubbing the place where her head where it had hit the floor. From her position, she could see under the bed, all the way to the other side. Her attackers’ hooves made their way around towards her. Then, her eyes focused on something else, something that had been stuck to the bed’s underside…

It was a round device with wires sticking out of it, and a digital timer that displayed a large number ten. A second later, the number changed to a nine, then an eight. Twilight’s face paled.

“Spike!” she shrieked as she leaped to her hooves. The attackers paused in their advance and glanced at each other. “I need you out here, now!”

“Okay!” Spike bolted out from his hiding spot. “What for?”

“No time!” Twilight said, hurtling the bed and scooping him up. “Cover your face!” Eyes narrowed, she turned to the window and lowered her head. “This might hurt a bit!”

The masked ponies raced to catch her, but they were too late. A powerful leap sent her flying through the glass and into the great outdoors. Twilight’s wings flapped, but with her awkward position she could only manage to slightly slow her descent. The ground raced up to meet her. Moments before impact, she turned her body so that she, instead of Spike, would take the brunt of the force.

She hit the ground and rolled.

After a few moments, Twilight’s motion finally ceased and she caught a glimpse of the window through which she had come. Two of the ninjas had their bodies halfway out in an effort to pursue her. A third egged them on from behind, even pushing them in his haste to take up the pursuit.

Then Twilight’s library exploded.

A wave of intense heat passed over her, and she doubled up to shield Spike. Where once her home had stood proudly, a massive fireball bloomed skyward, flaring in all of its glory before dispersing. It left behind the smoking remnants of the tree, and little else. Of the attackers, Twilight could see no sign.

Spike pushed his way out of her protective embrace and stared at what was left of the library. “That…” He glanced back with wide eyes. “That… was awesome! You were fighting, and then you were, like, ‘Spike, we need to go’, and then you jumped out the window, and then you rolled, and then boom!”

“I don’t remember saying that,” she said softly, standing. She found herself unable to tear her gaze from the smoldering wreckage. “My library… Why—” Something hard collided with the back of Twilight’s head, sending her tumbling back to the ground. Though her vision quickly darkened, she saw someone take hold of Spike and vanish in a rainbow-colored burst. “Rainbow Dash?” She fought to stand, but her strength gave out.

Her head fell back and she knew no more.

A Night on the Town

“It’s called what?” Eyes wide, Twilight rounded on Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “I said, Carousel Arm—”

“I heard what you said!” Twilight snapped. “What I want to know is why Rarity’s running an armory!”

The sun hung low in the sky over Ponyville as Twilight and Pinkie stood outside of a round, ornately decorated building. A sign above the door read Carousel Armoury.

“Well, we have to get our equipment from somewhere,” Pinkie said as she rolled her eyes.

“I know I keep repeating myself, but this is wrong.” Twilight grabbed her by the shoulders. “You’re supposed to be a baker, Rarity’s a fashion designer, Applejack’s a farmer, and I’m a librarian!” She frowned and added, “Well, a princess-librarian, I guess.”

“Hah, good one!” Pinkie said with a snort. “You almost had me, but… the chief, a farmer?” She fell backwards, giggling.

“Yeah, ha ha,” Twilight said as a scowl contorted her features. “I can’t wait until this nightmare’s over…”

Pinkie sat up and blinked. “Aw, cheer up,” she said. “It’s not so bad!”

“Not so bad?” Twilight said, putting her nose up against Pinkie’s. “Not so bad? I’ve been attacked by ninjas, nearly blown up, kicked in the head, berated by Applejack, almost killed by Trixie, and seconds from getting buried in the rubble of my library! The worst part is that the day’s not even over yet! What part of this isn’t so bad?!”

“It could be raining,” Pinkie said with a shrug. Twilight’s gaze shot upwards and she darted under an overhang. For a few moments, neither said anything. “Something wrong, Twilight?”

Twilight glanced up once more before coming back out into the open. “For a second, I thought it was going to start—” She shook her head. “No, never mind. You know, I was supposed to be having dinner with Fluttershy this evening, not running around fighting crime.”

“Dinner?” Pinkie asked. She cocked her head to the side. “Like, dinner-date dinner?”

“No!” Twilight said, eyes wide. “Well, I guess I did call it a date, but I didn’t mean it that way!”

“Sounds like a date to me,” Pinkie said with a knowing nod.

“Great.” Twilight drooped her head backwards and sighed explosively. “And now one of my best friends thinks I want to go out with her.”

Pinkie gave her a consoling pat on the shoulder. “At least you’ll be so busy you won’t have to think about it.”

“About that,” she said, turning an uncertain gaze Pinkie’s way, “are you sure I have to do this? It doesn’t seem like a very good plan.”

“It’s the best we’ve got,” Pinkie said with a shrug. “And I dunno about you, but I don’t wanna be the one to explain to the chief why we aren’t doing what she told us to.”

Twilight shuddered as she recalled her return to Sweet Apple Headquarters only half an hour prior.

“Alright, Ah got it!” Applejack said, slamming a folder down on the desk in front of Twilight. “Ah know how to find Rainbow Dash.”

“And Spike, too, right?” Twilight asked with a frown.

“Yeah yeah, that too,” the chief said as she waved a hoof dismissively. “Some fancy-pants ambassador from Gryphonia’s apparently visitin’ Ponyville.” She opened the folder and paged through the files inside. “Word is, she ain’t playin’ on the right side of Equestrian law, but nopony’s doin’ nothin’ on account of her diplomatic immunity, or somethin’ like that.”

“Can’t her own country do anything about her?” Twilight said. “It doesnt seem right that she can just do whatever she wants!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “They probably won’t do anything unless the ambassador does somethin’ right-terrible.” She pulled a piece of paper out and laid it flat on the desk. “But she’s not our problem. These fellas are.”

“Oo, I know them!” Pinkie said, bouncing in place. “They’re the Wonderbolts!”

Twilight glanced at the photo curiously. It depicted four pegasi, all dressed in form-fitting bodysuits.

“That one there’s Soarin,” Applejack said as she poked her hoof at one of the two stallions. “He ain’t part of their group no more, so imagine that Rainbow Dash is in his place, and ya’ve got the current Wonderbolts. Apparently, this ambassador wanted some muscle for protection and hired them as her bodyguards.”

“So if we find this gryphon ambassador, we find the Wonderbolts,” Twilight mused with a hoof on her chin.

“Yup, and Ah got a plan for that,” Applejack said. She slipped another, smaller piece of paper out of the folder. “Every night, the ambassador has dinner at this right-fancy club, Gold Tier. Ah figured it would be a good time to have a chat with her, so Ah got ya a reservation for seven on the nose. Everythin’ ya need is written right here.”

“Me?!” Twilight's wings flared as she stumbled backwards. “Why do I have to do it?”

“Because Ah’m the chief, so Ah get to delegate.”

“Yes, but—” Her mouth snapped shut as Applejack’s eyes flashed.

“Ya’ll do whatever the hell Ah tell ya, because Ah’m your goddamn boss!” she roared, placing both of her forehooves on the table. “Ah ain’t gonna take no shit from ya on this one, Twilight, so get off your ass and get to work!”

“Aye aye, boss!” Pinkie said. She threw a sharp salute.

“Don’t do nothin’ to embarrass me, Twilight,” Applejack said, a warning clear in her tone. “Ah don’t want an international crisis on mah hooves because ya badmouthed an ambassador. Ya got that?”

Twilight frowned at the odd request. “Of course,” she said.

Applejack sat back and crossed her legs. “Now both of ya get to Rarity’s and get Twilight all fancied up,” she said. “Make sure it ain’t somethin' too expensive.”

“Um, Applejack, you said seven o’clock, right?” Twilight said, examining the paper Applejack had given her. “It’s six now, and this says that the club’s on the other side of town.”

“Then ya better get goin’, hadn’t ya?”Applejack said. “Oh, by the way—” Pinkie and Twilight paused on their way out “—Ah’ve got a mare on the inside who’ll meet ya there and get ya to the ambassador. Just ask for Roarin’ Thunder.”

“Roaring Thunder. Got it.” Twilight nodded and trotted out of the office, with Pinkie on her heels.

“When this is all over, I really need to speak with that pony about her language,” Twilight said. She motioned towards the front door to the armory. “Well, I guess we should get this over with.”

A bell above the door rang as she and Pinkie pushed their way inside. “One seeeeecond,” rang a voice from the kitchen. “I’ll be right with you!”

“Is that you, Rarity?” Twilight asked, craning her head.

“Twilight!” Rarity poked her head into the room and smiled widely. “Such a pleasure to see you, dear!” She pranced over and hugged Twilight tightly before embracing Pinkie as well. “And you, too, Pinkie!”

“I’m sorry to rush you, but Applejack says I need something appropriate to wear to Gold Tier,” Twilight said. Her gaze roamed over the numerous dresses and accessories that littered the room. “You know, I expected it to be… different, in here.”

The unicorn raised an eyebrow. “Different?” she said. “Whatever do you mean? My humble armory has always looked like this.”

“I guess it’s not important,” Twilight said. Rarity glanced questioningly at Pinkie, who shrugged. “You don’t think anything’s wrong either, do you?”

“Ilight-tway,” Pinkie said in a loud whisper. “Ix-nay on the alking-tay or we’re gonna be ate-lay!” She pointed at her watch.

Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yes, we wouldn’t want to anger our illustrious leader, would we?” she said, grabbing Twilight and pulling her behind a screen. “I do believe that I have just the thing you’re looking for…” A series of garments, caught up in Rarity’s magic, flew from all over the room and joined her behind the cover. “Hm, how about blue? No, definitely not. Red is simply out of the question, but perhaps white…”

“Rarity, wait!” Pinkie heard Twilight say. “I don’t think that’s going to fiack!” Her speech devolved into a series of choked noises.

“Oh, white looks absolutely horrid on you!” Rarity exclaimed. “I suppose there’s nothing for it but to go with the classic.” She sighed again.

“Pinkie!” Twilight gasped, poking her head out. “Help! Can’t—breath!” Her bulging eyes somehow widened further as Rarity yanked her back out of sight.

“Do stop complaining, dear,” she said. More clothing soared over the screen. “Nopony likes a negative Nancy. Alright, just put that there, and this here, aaand… voila!” The screen folded up and floated over to lean against the wall. “Well, what do you think? Magnifique, non?”

Twilight stood ramrod-straight in a black tuxedo as Rarity finished tying the bow-tie. “Spiffy,” Pinkie said, eyeballing her partner’s new outfit. “But, um… I think she might be dying.”

“Dying?” Rarity scoffed. “That’s preposterous! I—” She glanced at Twilight, whose face had turned blue. “Ah, right! I see what the problem is!” She slapped the suffocating Twilight between the shoulder-blades, and her wings exploded through the holes in the back of the jacket. Now that her chest had room to expand, Twilight sucked in a deep lungful of air.

“Thank you!” she gasped. “That’s much—better.” Still breathing heavily, she glanced down and examined her apparel. “This is wonderful, but why a tuxedo? Why not a dress? And does it have to be so tight?” She tugged at the shirt’s collar.

“Well, I’m afraid I’m a bit short on formal-wear, as of this moment.” Rarity pulled a rose from a nearby vase and pinned it to Twilight’s lapel. “This is the best I could scrounge up on such short notice. But don’t pass judgement until you've heard what this fabulous outfit can do!”

“It does more than be a tuxedo?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rarity handed her a piece of paper. “But of course!” she said. “The details are all written there. The coat will protect you from intense heat or cold, the shirt is designed to resist blades, and there’s a locator in the vest, should we ever need to find you.”

“Hmmm… The pants, like the coat, are temperature-resistant,” Twilight read. “And the bow-tie is—” Her eyes widened as the instructions slipped from her grip “—the bow-tie is an explosive?!”

“Twilight, less complainy, more leave-y,” Pinkie said, tugging at Twilight’s tail. “You’ve got a job to do!”

Twilight glared at Pinkie and stood her ground. “No, I want to know more about this ‘explosive bowtie’,” she said. “Why do I need an—eep!” Pinkie gave a particularly hard yank that managed to drag Twilight almost a foot towards the door.

“Remember, just throw the tie and count to three,” Rarity said with a wave. “Oh, and don’t forget these!” Her magic drooped Twilight’s old clothing over Pinkie’s back. “Good luck, you two!”

Slowly but surely, Pinkie pulled Twilight out the door. “Rarity, when I’m done with this, we’re going to have a very long—” Pinkie pulled the door shut, effectively cutting off the end of Twilight’s sentence.

“That mare is far too tense for her own good,” Rarity mused to herself. After a moment of contemplation, she shrugged. “Perhaps a massage would do her some goo—” The scent of something burning wafted through the air. “Oh no, my bread!” She dashed into the kitchen, all thoughts of Twilight banished from the forefront of her mind.

Rainbow Dash had been sitting in the foyer and bouncing a ball off of the wall when the door blew open to admit the Great and Powerful Trixie. She bore a deep scowl as she stomped across the room, a slight but noticeable limp present in her gait.

“This is not over,” she muttered, unaware of Rainbow’s presence. “Trixie will have her revenge.”

A grin crossed Rainbow’s face. “Did Twi give you a rough time?”

Trixie stopped dead in her tracks. “What are you doing here?” She winced as she put pressure on one of her hind legs.

“Wondering why you came back, hurt and mad,” Rainbow said. “Aren’t you always bragging about how ‘great and powerful’ you are?” She got to her hooves and stretched.

“She caught Trixie by surprise, is all,” Trixie said with a snarl. “Next time, she won’t be so lucky.”

Rainbow chuckled into her hoof. “Yeah, and maybe I’m not a Wonderbolt.”

“Trixie has some anger issues that she needs to relieve,” Trixie said to herself. “But who to take them out on—” Her face brightened as a wide smile spread across her features. “Maybe it’s time for Trixie to meet Twilight Sparkle’s little dragon friend.” She made to leave but found her way blocked.

“Nope,” Rainbow said, standing between Trixie and the door. “I don’t really care how you make yourself feel better, but he’s off-limits.” Trixie moved to the side, but found her path obstructed once more.

“And how are you going to stop me?” she asked as she put her nose up against Rainbow’s.

“With this,” Rainbow answered without backing down. She brandished her hoof threateningly. “You wanna get the little guy? You gotta go through me, first.”

Trixie pushed forward. “Oh ho, so this is happening right now!” she said. “It must be Trixie’s birthda—”

“C’mon, Dash,” said a voice behind Rainbow, “don’t beat up my underlings. They cost money, ya know?” She spun to find Gilda leaning on the doorframe. “Trixie, what’s up? Did you take care of that thing I wanted?”

“Haha, well, um…” Trixie backed away a step and stared at the floor. “She might have gotten the upper hoof, but next time—”

“Nope.” Gilda's interruption hit Trixie like a cannonball. “There won’t be a ‘next time’, cuz I’m giving the job to someone more capable.”

“No!” Trixie shouted, stomping. “Just one more chance, I swear she’ll—” She clamped her mouth shut when a set of sharp talons flashed under her nose.

“Do I need to say it again?” Gilda said as she flexed her claws.

“T-Trixie understands,” she said. She slowly backpedaled while beads of sweat formed on her forehead. “She’ll just g-g-go, then.” She turned and shot out of the room.

Gilda sighed and blew her bangs out of her eyes. “Guh, what a dweeb.”

“So, uh, who’re you sending after Twilight, now?” Rainbow asked after a moment. A light frown marred her features.

“She’s actually coming to me,” Gilda said with a grin. “I guess I’ll have to do it myself, huh?”

“Yourself?” Rainbow glanced away as her frown deepened. “You sure you want to do that?”

“Totally sure,” Gilda answered. She nudged her friend in the ribs. “Go tell the Wonderbolts that they’re on call tonight. I have a party to go to.”

“C’mon, Twilight!” Pinkie shouted in a steady voice as she and Twilight dashed through Ponyville. “Keep up!”

“I’m—trying,” wheezed the considerably more winded Twilight. After ten minutes of running while wearing the restrictive tuxedo, she wondered if she would even live to make it to the club. However, despite her condition, she felt a wave of exhilaration run through her. Adrenaline rushed as a smile made its way onto her face.

You don’t understand how amazing life can be when you stop thinking and start doing!

At that thought, Twilight wiped all traces of levity from her expression and fought against her excitement. I will not acknowledge this as fun!

“Look, there it is!” Pinkie slowed down and pointed at a large building only a block away. At least a dozen carriages swamped the street in front as they dropped off their passengers.

Twilight slowed to a trot. “Alright,” she said, breathing heavily. “How do I look?” Pinkie stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth and lent her winded friend a critical eye.

“Perfect!” she said after a moment. She glanced at her watch and nodded. “And it’s seven o’clock now.” The two stopped walking and glanced up at the club. A large neon sign that read Gold Tier in ornate lettering hung over the entrance.

“Here I go!” Twilight said, taking a deep breath. “Wish me luck!” She pushed her way between two carts and strode towards the front doors.

“Good luck!” Pinkie shouted after her.

Once she made her way past the ornate golden entrance, Twilight stood in a small room filled with other guests. A pony, dressed in a waiter's apparel, noticed her and walked over.

“Welcome to Gold Tier,” he said, inspecting her. “Might I inquire if you have a reservation?”

“Yes, I do.” The waiter simply stared at her. “Oh, the name! Right! Um…” Would Applejack have given my name, or hers? “Twilight Sparkle?” For five seconds the waiter said nothing. Finally, just as beads of sweat started to form on Twilight’s forehead, he nodded.

“Technically the reservation is for, and I quote, ‘the lazy, no-good, goddamn insubordinate Twilight Sparkle',” he said without a change in his expression. “However, I shall accept just ‘Twilight Sparkle’. This way, please.” He gestured with a leg towards a small glass door.

Twilight started forward but paused. “I’m supposed to meet a ‘Roaring Thunder’,” she said. “Could you take me to her table?”

“Yes, she said she was waiting for somepony,” the waiter said. He once more motioned towards the door. “This way.”

“Thank you,” Twilight said, bowing her head. She followed him into the next room and immediately gasped.

Nothing as large as this room had been in Ponyville the last time she checked. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, illuminating the room for the dozens of guests that milled about, and in the very center, a large, circular window opened up to the sky. In the room’s corner, a string quartet played for the masses.

I could probably fit the library in here with room to spare, she thought, then winced when she recalled that the library, in fact, no longer existed, and what was left wasn’t very much at all.

With Twilight close behind, the waiter descended a wide set of marble stairs into the room and weaved between the crowds of elegantly dressed ponies that filled the dining area. The floor in front of the musicians was set aside for dancing, an activity which a number of patrons already took part in.

“Is the gryphon here?” Twilight wondered out loud. She craned her head to look, but failed to find anyone who matched the description. Had she been looking forward, she would have noticed that the waiter had come to a halt. “Oof!” she said as she rebounded from the collision.

“Here we are, Miss Sparkle,” he said as if nothing had happened. “And, Miss Thunder, your companion has arrived.”

The waiter stood by a low table with two stools, one of which already had an occupant. “Hi! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Twilight said, moving around her guide to get a glimpse of Roaring Thunder. “My name is Twi—” The moment she saw to whom she spoke, she nearly fell over backwards. No sounds came forth from her gaping mouth.

“Um, is s-something wrong?” “Roaring Thunder” asked, concern evident in her expression.

Twilight finally found her voice. “F-F-Fluttershy?!”

The moment the projector displayed Fluttershy’s image, Discord spat out a mouthful of the chocolate milk he had been sipping.

“Discord!” Luna scolded. “Who do you think is going to clean that up?”

“What is she doing on there?” he demanded, pointing at the wide-eyed Fluttershy onscreen. “She’s not supposed to be part of this!”

“I do not quite know what you mean.” Luna held out a roll of paper towels. “Why would fair Fluttershy’s presence trouble you?”

Discord completely ignored her outstretched leg. “Because this is dangerous! And she’s not what one would call a fighting mare.”

“But this is all a dream, is it not?” she said, waving the towels in his face. “She is in no real danger.”

“It’s the principle of the matter,” he muttered. A snarl ripple his lips when Luna started to repeatedly whack him on the head with the roll. “Fine, I’ll clean your stupid mess!” He ripped the towels out of her grip.

“‘Tis your mess, not mine,” she said with her nose in the air.

“‘‘Tis your mess, not mine,’” Discord mimicked in a high-pitched voice. He glanced once more at Fluttershy, gaze lingering for a scant second, before ferociously attacking the spilled milk.

“Somepony will come by to take your order soon,” the waiter said to Twilight and Fluttershy before he bowed and took his leave. Twilight waited until he left earshot before asking the question that burned on her tongue.

“Fluttershy, what are you doing here?!” she hissed, putting her forehooves on the table and leaning forward.

“Well, um, I’m going to t-tell you, but—” Fluttershy blushed and glanced down “—do I know you?”

“Yes! We’re—” Twilight sighed and resisted the urge to slam her head against the floor. “No, we don’t know each other. I’m Twilight Sparkle, from the Ponyville police department.”

“I th-thought so,” Fluttershy said. “A-about being a policemare, I m-mean. Not your name.” Her blush deepened, and her next sentence came out in a high-pitched voice. “You already kn-know my n-name. I-I’m just a c-concerned citizen, helping out where I c-can.”

Twilight smiled and reached across to pat Fluttershy’s hoof. “It’s all right, you know. You don’t have to be nervous… around…” Her voice trailed off as she finally took note of Fluttershy’s dress. The green-blue number clung tightly to her body, and a slit up the side revealed most of her shapely leg, including the entirety her cutie mark. A muffled thump resounded as Twilight’s wings burst open.

“Um, is everything okay?” Fluttershy asked, glancing up.

“Uh, uh, uh—” Now Twilight was the one who turned away in an attempt to hide the crimson color that spread across her face. “I-I-I—” She coughed into her sleeve. “I mean, your dress is r-really… nice.” With a monstrous force of will, she managed to force her wings back down.

“Thank you. Y-your suit is very d-dashing.” Fluttershy poked her hooves together and glanced down.

Twilight found herself reaching out to reassure Fluttershy once more before she caught herself and yanked her leg back. Stop getting nervous every time she looks so cute, she thought. And stop thinking she’s cute! “Darnit, Pinkie Pie.”

“I’m sorry?” Fluttershy said as she glanced up.

“It’s nothing,” Twilight said. “Pinkie Pie put this idea in my mind that I asked a friend on a date, but neither my friend nor I feel that way for each other.” Fluttershy’s brow furrowed. “Oh, Pinkie’s my partner. My police partner! Not my marefriend or wife, or anything. Not that you care! Why would you care? You wouldn’t, that’s why!” Twilight laughed nervously and took a long drink of water.

For a few seconds, an awkward silence stretched between the two until Fluttershy opened her mouth. “So, about the ambassador—”

“Yes! Tell me about the ambassador!” Twilight said quickly. She still kept her gaze turned away.

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, but didn't otherwise comment on Twilight’s eagerness to change the topic. “I got a position working as her liaison to Ponyville a month ago. I should be able to help you get close to her tonight.”

“When tonight?” Twilight asked. With her blush gone, she could face Fluttershy again. “Sooner is better than later.”

“She’s just sitting down now,” Fluttershy said, using her eyes to gesture towards the dance floor. “See the long table next to the musicians?” Twilight twisted in her seat to look.

“Yes,” she said. A very well-dressed gryphon had just taken her place at the center of the table in question. “Hey, isn’t that Gilda?” She turned back to her companion before Gilda noticed her staring.

Fluttershy frowned slightly. “Yes, that’s her name. Do you know her?”

“I’ve… seen her, before,” Twilight said, resisting the urge to stare at Fluttershy's exposed thigh. “S-so, what’s the plan?”

“Well, um, we can’t just walk up to her,” Fluttershy said. “I thought we would—” Once more, a deep blush crawled across her face “—we would dance over.” Her wings shook.

“W-w-wait! Dance?!” Her shouted words drew the frowning attention of a couple at a nearby table. “Why would we dance?” Twilight asked more quietly. “Wouldn’t that be more obvious than going up to her normally?”

Fluttershy’s wings twitched again. “We’ll b-blend in with the other c-c-couples,” she said. Her hooves absently played with her mane. “She shouldn’t notice u-us until we’re too c-close.”

“If you think that’s the best way,” Twilight said slowly, “then that’s what we’ll do.” Her eyes darted to Fluttershy's cutie mark for the barest of moments before she finished her water and slammed the glass down on the table. “Let’s get this over with.” She stood and held out her hoof, which Fluttershy took after a second’s contemplation.

“Th-thank you,” she said as she pulled herself up. “Um, follow me.”

They moved across to the other side of the room, where at least twenty couples danced in a variety of styles. Twilight caught a glimpse of Gilda, laughing at something the pony sitting next to her said.

She stopped when Fluttershy slowed and released her hoof. “Are you ready?” Fluttershy asked, turning. The two stood at the edge of the dance floor.

Twilight gulped as her face grew heated. “Yes,” she said. “I just—I don’t know how to dance.”

“Don’t worry,” Fluttershy said. She took Twilight’s forehoof and placed it on her back. “Just leave that there, then grab my other hoof…” They now balanced on their back legs, using each other as support. “Um, f-follow my steps.”

Twilight watched her partner’s hooves, but even with that aid, she stumbled and nearly fell. Only a deft twist from Fluttershy kept them both upright. “Sorry,” Twilight muttered.

“Everypony has to start somewhere,” Fluttershy said. She slowed her pace slightly. “Just relax, and let me lead.”

“Give me a few minutes,” Twilight said, glancing around. Nobody seemed to have noticed her slip. “I’m sure I can figure this out.”

“Take all the time you need.”

Over the next five minutes, Twilight progressively moved with more and more confidence. An unspoken question passed between their eyes and she nodded, almost imperceptibly. Fluttershy slowly lead them around the outside of the dance floor.

“Is this a-alright?” she asked as she turned her gaze away.

“I can keep up now,” Twilight answered. She became aware of a faint scent, the nature of which she couldn’t place. Is that Fluttershy's mane? “In fact, I can probably go a bit faster.”

“O-okay.” Fluttershy increased the pace, then moved them amongst the other dancers. “Lift your left hoof,” she said. Twilight raised her leg and Fluttershy twirled underneath it. “Now back to normal.”

“Tell me when you’re going to do that!” Twilight whispered. She closed her eyes and inhaled. What is that smell? Flowers?

Fluttershy’s ears drooped. “Sorry,” she mumbled. Suddenly, the music’s tempo increased as the quartet moved into a new piece. “Um, w-we have to speed up some more.”

It definitely smells like something from nature, but what? “Not too much fasteep!” Fluttershy nearly doubled the pace of their movements.

“S-sorry,” she said again. “Another spin in three—two—one—” Twilight raised her hoof for Fluttershy to twirl under once more.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Twilight said with a small grin.

“In five seconds, we’ll do a dip,” Fluttershy said, effectively wiping the smile from Twilight’s face.

“What?!” she hissed. Her eyes widened. “Nono, no dip!”

“Three—two—” Fluttershy closed her eyes and exhaled “—one—"

“No! No no!” Twilight nearly screamed when her partner leaned backwards. She would have fallen onto her back had Twilight. As it was, Fluttershy lay nearly horizontal in her’s clutches.

“That was…” Twilight’s voice drifted off as she stared at Fluttershy, held up only by Twilight's trembling foreleg. She’s so... light.

“O-okay,” Fluttershy said in a strained voice, “you can pull me up.” Twilight blinked and shook her head.

“What?” She pulled Fluttershy back up, but underestimated her strength. “Sorry about—oof!” They crashed together.

“Sorry!” Fluttershy said, looking up from her position against Twilight's chest. Both froze as their eyes met.

The scent was stronger than ever, and Twilight closed her eyelids as she inhaled deeply. “Soil,” she finally decided. “It’s soil.”

“W-what?” Fluttershy dropped a hoof to the floor to brace herself. “What do you mean?”

“I just smell—nevermind,” Twilight said. She opened her eyes and realized just how little distance stood between them. With their faces only inches apart, Fluttershy leaned in slightly, and—

“Blech, gag me with a spoon!” Their heads snapped around to see Gilda, standing on the table. A number of thugs, dressed in less-than-formal attire, hustled everyone else out of the club. “Get a room!”

Fluttershy and Twilight immediately separated and blushed. “H-how did you know we were here?” Fluttershy asked. She kept her eyes squarely focused on Gilda.

“Besides the fact that you two morons were about to make out right in front of me?” Gilda rolled her eyes. “This one—” She pointed at Twilight “—I knew about as soon as her hick boss called the club. And you—” She gestured to Fluttershy “—I knew there was something wrong about you, but I never thought you’d try anything. Huh, just goes to show ya.”

“I told you this was a bad idea!” Twilight whispered. We were—she was—I almost—! Gilda’s thugs formed a circle around the two.

The blush had yet to fade from Fluttershy’s face. “I-if we work together, I think we can t-take them.”

“Yeah, sure,” Twilight muttered. “There’s only about ten of them!”

“You dorks tried to ruin my meal,” Gilda continued, “but I guess the joke’s on you.” She sat back down and pulled up her plate. “I love dinner and a show. Guys, kill them.”