Sandbag in Equestria

by Razalon The Lizardman

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Rainbow Dash, Super Smash Brothers, Crossover, Random
Length: 2318

Something just as adorable and awesome as everyone's favorite little ponies has been dropped in Equestria. Stuff like this is what happens when the multiverse is left unregulated.

This story is a one-shot spin-off to Singularity.

Sandbag puts up with so much crap and never gives a crap itself. Getting launched halfway across a stadium? Phhhft. Getting beaten senseless by the greatest assortment of fighters ever assembled? Hell, it gives out free stuff for that. Inexplicably getting plucked from its home world and dropped off in a world of colorful, cartoon ponies? *snore* *snore*

Published 2014-04-07 23:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-07 23:50:04 UTC

When awesomeness meets its match

"And now for the weather inspection," Rainbow Dash said to herself as she flew up into the sky.

With night fast approaching, the cyan pegasus had but one last task to complete before she was done with work for the day, and that was a final check on the weather to make sure it was correctly set for the night. Once she came within a hundred meters off the ground Rainbow stopped and began her inspection.

"Let's see," she muttered to herself as she approached a nearby cloud. She stuck out a hoof and gently rubbed its side, testing its quality. The cottony surface softly resisted her touching as always, indicating it was strong and healthy.

Rainbow gingerly nodded and flew over to another cloud that was stationed nearby. She repeated the process of touching its fluffy surface with a hoof and applying slight pressure to it. Once again, the cloud offered sufficient resistance, indicating its good health. Rainbow Dash repeated this for every cloud floating over the skies of Ponyville. Whenever she found a cloud which she deemed to be too weak on its own, she would carry it with her until finding another cloud of insufficient durability, upon which she'd merge the two clouds together into a single, stronger one.

Luna's moon had already graced the night sky by the time Rainbow Dash neared the end of her inspection. As the tired pegasus weakly flapped toward the final remaining cloud, she briefly considered ditching her inspection and instead use the cloud as a makeshift bed for the night.

So . . . tired, she thought hazily as she reached the cloud.

With half-lidded eyes and a brain begging for rest, Rainbow Dash reached out to touch the cloud. In less than a second, her body went from relaxed to high-alert as a white blur slammed upon the cloud right in front of the cyan pegasus, immediately breaking it into many smaller pieces as it punched straight through to the ground below.

"What the-" Rainbow's eyes shot wide open as she flew backwards in surprise. Adrenaline shot through her veins as she quickly glanced in every direction looking for possible threats before her gaze settled on all the cloud fluff which was all that remained of the last cloud.

She let out a long groan and scowled. "Great," she barked, "now the sky's one cloud short of the quota."

Grumbling to herself, she began an attempt to rejoin all the cloud fluff when something on the ground caught her eye. Though the dark of night made seeing troublesome, the cyan pegasus could clearly make out a white form upon the ground right below her. It didn't take much for Rainbow to put two and two together and deduce that the object was what destroyed the cloud.

Her rage gaining traction with this realization, Rainbow ceased repairing the cloud and dove straight down to the ground. She landed with a hard thud right in front of the object, in turn kicking up a cloud of dust and dirt unseen in the nighttime air.

"Hey, what's the big idea ruining my inspection, huh!?" she shouted at the thing, unmindful of the fact that she was just on the border of Ponyville, the residents of which were asleep for the most part.

The unidentified object said nothing in return. Now that she was right in front of it, Rainbow could see that the object was cylindrical in shape, bent slightly near the top on one side. Frowning in confusion, Rainbow did the same inspection tactic that she did with the clouds and poked it with a hoof. She immediately recognized the feel of leather under her hoof, and when it depressed slightly upon applying more pressure to it she realized what the perpetrator was.

A sandbag? she questioned herself, this time mindful of the sleepy Ponyville residents. How the heck did this fall outta the sky?

She gave the out-of-place exercise equipment a scrutinizing glare, trying to discern anything about it that would explain its origins. Squinting through the night air, she slowly circled around the sandbag, only stopping when she caught sight of some kind of markings emblazoned on the leathery surface. Squinting even harder, she staggered back upon noticing that the markings vaguely resembled a pair of black, vertical, blank eyes.

"What the heck?" she asked herself in curious alarm.

Her curiosity having grown by a serious leap, she once again stuck out a hoof and gently rubbed it along the 'eyes'. Her hoof still felt the same leathery texture as it had before. The pegasus let out a sigh of relief at the confirmation that the sandbag was not, in fact, sapient. To that end, a sly smile spread across her muzzle at the idea which formed in response to the aforementioned confirmation.

Might as well have a little fun while I'm still awake, Rainbow mused, letting out a soft giggle.

She then took up a fighting stance on her hind hooves and, with a beaming grin, shot a lightning-fast punch at the sandbag. It struck right between the eyes, and the alien exercise equipment was knocked across the ground a few meters, backside down.

"Oh yeah, who's awesome?" Rainbow asked to no one. She puffed out her chest and smiled with her eyes closed. "That's right, I am!"

Her ear flicked in response to the sound of shifting sand in front of her. Opening her eyes, Rainbow's jaw dropped at what she saw. Whereas just a second ago the sandbag lay fallen upon the ground, now it stood upright looking at her with the same blank, expressionless stare as before. The cyan pegasus stared right back, dumbly, her brain trying to comprehend what just happened for a few moments.

"Okay," she finally said, holding her fore legs up in a placating manner. She narrowed her eyes at the enigmatic sandbag in front of her. "I'm sorry if I hurt you; I honestly thought you weren't alive." She smiled and pointed to herself. "I'm Rainbow Dash; what's your name?"

Silence.

Rainbow frowned before realizing her oversight, to which she lightly slapped her head. "Of course you can't talk without a mouth, duh!" She tapped her chin in thought. "Are you okay if I just call you Sandbag? Come closer if 'yes', and away from me for 'no'."

The sandbag didn't move, merely continuing to stand up straight and stare blankly at her. Rainbow furrowed her eyebrows. "Um, hello? I asked you a question; do you like the name Sandbag or not?"

No response came. Rainbow's eye twitched in irritation and her nostrils flared. "Fine! If you won't answer the question, then I'll just assume you're okay with the name as lame as Sandbag!"

Sandbag did nothing to indicate it'd heard her. Finally, Rainbow lost patience. With a furious cry of annoyance, she launched herself at the defenseless bag and slammed her front hooves into its rough, leathery skin. Sandbag was launched a couple dozen meters across the ground, just past the limits of Ponyville, before coming to a stop at the bottom of a grassy hill next to the road which led to Sweet Apple Acres, once again fallen down.

Rainbow landed on all fours, panting heavily as the brief adrenaline rush died down and her heart returned to its normal pace. "Oh yeah, I'm awesome, and don't you forget it!" she shouted with a smug grin.

Sandbag, right before Rainbow's eyes, stood up straight so it was staring at her once again.

Rainbow shot Sandbag an icy glare with her teeth clenched. "Oh, you think I'm just a pushover, huh!?" she spat. "I'll show you!"

With that she once again shot toward Sandbag. This time, however, just as she reached it the cyan pegasus stopped suddenly. She then raised her fore legs up over her head and promptly slammed them down onto Sandbag, once again knocking it onto its side. But Rainbow didn't stop there; instead, she let loose a flurry of punches and kicks at supersonic speed.

"WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU," Rainbow shouted at the top of her lungs in between hits, "YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU EVER DOUBTED MY AWESOMENESS!!!"

~4 1/2 tons of hits later~

"So *gasp* are you *gasp* sorry yet?" Rainbow wheezed from where she lay on her back.

The cyan pegasus had done quite a number on Sandbag. Whereas before the alien bag had a cleanness to its leathery surface, now a myriad of scratches and tears all over. A little bit of sand was even leaking out of one side, collecting in a neat little pile on the ground.

"Yeah, I thought so," Rainbow said, having finally caught her breath. She turned to the battered sandbag, only to go slack-jawed as it, yet again, stood upright before her eyes and faced her with its expressionless stare.

"Oh, come on!" she shouted. She attempted to stand, but her legs buckled under her and she collapsed to her stomach. She waited a few moments for her legs to regain strength before trying again, only to collapse again when she saw what had amassed around Sandbag.

Food. Lots and lots of food. A ring of various foods circled around the beaten Sandbag, ranging from desserts like lollipops and ice cream, to fruits like grapes and strawberries. Even pastries such as pies and donuts lay scattered amongst the lot, perfect in appearance and seemingly untainted by the dirty ground which they laid upon.

"What the hay?" Rainbow said as she attempted to get back to her hooves, succeeding this time but still feeling spent from her earlier beat up. "Where'd all this food come from?"

She slowly approached the impromptu buffet, remaining on high alert in case it was a trap. Sandbag remained motionless and silent all the while she approached. Once Rainbow reached it, she bent down and gave a tentative sniff to a donut, after which she quirked a surprised brow and smiled.

"Wow, this smells pretty good," she said aloud, instinctually licking her lips. She looked up to Sandbag with an appreciative smile. "I don't know where you came from or if you're even truly alive, but if you made all this food then you're officially the most awesome sandbag ever!"

Sandbag still offered no response as Rainbow Dash picked up the donut in her teeth and, using a hoof to support it from underneath, took a large bite out of the pastry. The familiar, yet different on many levels, flavors of sugary dough and frosting flowed through her mouth, to which her eyes widened in shock at the sudden onslaught of deliciousness permeating her taste buds. Her eyes watered with joy as she took her time chewing the little piece of perfection, reveling in the tastes that she was convinced could put everything Sugarcube Corner made to shame.

Not that I'll ever admit that to Pinkie's face, of course, Dash assured herself.

She finally finished chewing and swallowed, to which the donut matter began its short journey to the great, intestinal tract beyond. Rainbow let out a contented sigh as she sat on her haunches and looked up at Sandbag. "I gotta say, Sandbag, you make a mean pastry chef," she said. Sandbag said nothing still. Rainbow just shrugged and popped the rest of the donut into her mouth to which she repeated her earlier consumption process.

Rainbow Dash did the same with each and every piece of food that Sandbag had apparently made itself out of nothing. With each bite she took, Dash would continuously be amazed by both the food's quality and durability, the latter of which proven a couple times when she accidently dropped a pie or ice cream sundae and neither came apart or spilled across the ground. Her taste buds enjoyed a feast of flavors more delicious than anything they'd ever before known, and whereas before Rainbow had been too exhausted to throw another punch or beat her wings, now she was chock full of energy and felt ready to take on anything the world could throw at her.

By the time she finished eating the moon had risen to its highest point in the sky, meaning it was midnight and thus, several hours past bedtime. Not that Rainbow could fall asleep if she wanted to, anyway.

"Yeah, that hit the spot," Rainbow said, laying on her back and holding a hoof to her now full belly. She glanced up at Sandbag with an appreciative smile. "Thanks for the food, Sandbag; you're a real pal." Her smile fell into a frown. "And, well, I'm sorry for wailing on you earlier."

Sandbag said nothing as usual, but Rainbow didn't expect any answers out of it by this point. She got up and stretched. "I should probably get going now," she said, then lifted off the ground a bit and turned around to face Sandbag. "I'll come by tomorrow with my other friends. 'Til then, see ya!" She shot off into the sky toward her cloud mansion.

And so, Sandbag waited throughout the night for the chance to meet the cyan speedster's friends. No doubt some would cuddle it and some would pummel it into the ground, but it didn't mind this at all. In fact, it very much loved the sensation of getting wailed on by powerful characters, but it had no ill-will toward those whom merely wished to cuddle it. All that mattered was making people happy, even if that entailed suffering severe battle damage.

I wonder how good they'd be with a Home-Run Bat?

Author's Note

I was very tempted to turn this into a shipfic at one time. Or was that two times? Three? Four at the most!

Ripped off jokes aside, if anyone is interested in continuing this story by all means just ask and I'll grant you permission.

Thanks for reading! :pinkiehappy: