Cutie Mark Crusaders in: The Magical Mystery Object

by Radioactive Cheese

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1185

Sweetie Belle discovers a strange object in Rarity's room. Can she, and the rest of the crusaders, unlock its mystical powers?

Sweetie Belle discovers a strange object in Rarity's room. Can she, and the rest of the crusaders, unlock its mystical powers?

NOTE: The sex tag is for language, nothing more.

Published 2014-03-25 21:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-25 21:20:04 UTC

The Magical Mystery Object

It has only been 3 days since summer vacation started, and Sweetie Belle is already out of fun ideas. She trotted back and forth in her room, until finally falling to the floor. “Ugh! I’m so bored!” The young filly said to herself. She got back up on her hooves and headed for the hallway. She had to find something fun for today for the crusader meeting. Sweetie Belle wandered the hallway until she came across her sister’s room. Rarity’s room was usually off limits, but Sweetie Belle was sure her sister wouldn’t mind.

She opened the door slowly to make sure not to wake up Rarity. The little, light gray unicorn moved slowly so she can maneuver quietly. Rarity was fast asleep in her bed. “Good thing Rarity sleeps in on Saturdays.” Sweetie Belle thought. She continued moving until she encountered her sister’s dresser. She, silently, opened the drawer and saw an array of different objects (most of which was makeup). She skimmed though the clutter of makeup, ribbons, and curlers. Suddenly, Sweetie Belle stopped. Inside the drawer was an object she had never seen before. She picked it up, with her magic, and examined it. It was a long, purple baton. At least, it looked like a baton. The filly was unsure of what it was, but she knew her sister wouldn’t mind if it was gone for a little bit. She ran out of the room, went downstairs, opened the front door, and headed for the clubhouse.

Inside the clubhouse, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were waiting patiently. Scootaloo was reading a comic book that Rainbow Dash gave her, and Apple Bloom was playing with Smarty-pants. It has been, at least, 5 minutes since they arrived. As Scootaloo was getting to the good part of the comic, the door opened. Sweetie Belle ran inside, all excited. “Girls! I found something new!” the little unicorn said.

“What’d ya find?” asked Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle reached into her saddle bag and pulled out the purple baton she found earlier. “I found this in Rarity’s room. I’m not sure what it is, but we can find something to do with it.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo examined the object. “Wait a minute.” Apple Bloom began. “Mah sis has something like this too, except hers is orange. Ah’ve seen her walk into her room with it, and Ah hear strange noises coming from there when she does.”

“I’ve seen that before too!” said Scootaloo. “One time, when I was sleeping over Rainbow Dash’s house, I found one of those things under her bed. Hers was red, though.” Just then, Scootaloo came to a realization. “Do you think that these are replacements for the Elements of Harmony? Maybe they have strange, magical powers?”

“You might be on to something, Scootaloo!” Sweetie Belle suggested. She took another look at the baton and saw something she didn’t notice before. “Hey, there’s a button on this.” Sweetie Belle stated.

“Well don’t just stand there, press it!” demanded Scootaloo.

“Don’t!” Apple Bloom replied. “What if it’s a self-destruct button? Maybe that thing is a remote control to drop a nuke on Ponyville? Or maybe-“

Scootaloo put her hoof in Apple Bloom’s mouth. She turned back to Sweetie Belle. “Press it.”

The unicorn looked down at the object and pressed the button. Suddenly, the baton began to shake in the young filly’s hooves. “I-it’s vibrating! What do I do?”

Apple Bloom pulled Scootaloo’s hoof out of her mouth, “Turn it off!”

Sweetie Belle pressed the button again. The object stopped shaking. She looked up at her friends. “We should go ask Twilight. I’m sure she knows what these are.”

Twilight was in her room, reading a book, when she heard a knock on the door. She opened the door and saw 3 little fillies standing before her. “Hello girls.” She said with a cheerful voice. “What can I do for you today?”

“Hi, Twilight.” Sweetie Belle began. “We were wondering if you knew what this was?” She reached into her saddle bag and pulled out the purple baton.

Twilight gasped and changed from a cheerful mood, to a serious one. “Sweetie Belle? Where did you get that?”

“I found it in Rarity’s room. Apparently, Rainbow Dash and Applejack have one too. We think it’s a replacement for the elements, but we decided to come and ask you just in case. Do you have one too, Twilight?”

Twilight was hesitant to answer. “Y-yes. In fact, these are replacements for the elements. Which is why it’s important for you to go put it back in Rarity’s room, and to never speak of this situation again. Now go put it back where you found it.”

“But Twilight!” Sweetie Belle began, “We didn’t ask you about the button. What’s supposed to happen when the element starts vibrating?”

Twilight was very uncomfortable with the situation at hoof. “That’s, uh…” She was trying to think of a good excuse. “That button is to call Princess Celestia if we need her to help us. Now, go home.”

As the crusaders headed toward the door, Spike walked into the room. “What’s going on?”

Scootaloo went through Sweetie Belle’s bag and pulled out the element. “We came to ask Twilight what this was.”

Spike examined the element. “Hey, I know what this is!”

“Yeah, Twilight told us.” Apple Bloom began, “It’s a replacement for the Elements of Harmony.”

Spike had a puzzled face and began scratching his head in confusion. “It is? Last I checked, that thing was a dildo.”

The crusaders looked at each other in confusion, until Apple Bloom asked, “What’s a dildo?”

“It’s nothing important.” Spike said. “It’s just something mares use to-“

Right before he could finish his sentence, Twilight covered his mouth with her hoof. “I think you girls should go home. Now!”

When each crusader got home, they all asked their sisters what a dildo was. Rarity seated Sweetie Belle down and explained the birds and the bees to her. Applejack told Apple Bloom that she’ll learn next year in school.

It was a coincidence that Scootaloo was sleeping over Rainbow Dash’s house that day. The thing she asked her was, “Rainbow Dash? What’s a dildo?”

Rainbow Dash was shocked that Scootaloo would ask a question like that at this age. “Well, squirt.” The cyan pegasus began, “I guess I’ll have to show you the same tape my dad showed me.” Rainbow Dash headed upstairs to her room. A few minutes later, she came back down with a tape in her hooves. “Well Scoots, it’s time to answer the classic filly question, ‘Where do foals come from?”

At the end of the day, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were traumatized at something Apple Bloom learned on her own from watching animals on the farm. The moral of this story is not to ask too many questions.

Author's Note

I am so soryy I wrote this. I thought of this because of the new South Park game. One of the strongest weapons in the game is a purple dildo.