Do you ever feel like... you aren't meant to be who you are?
Ponyville.. such a quiet and friendly town. No one has any problems.. except one.
Firefly jolted her eyes open, she got up gasping.. Not that one.. She thought as she relaxed in her covers. She stared at her lap, replaying the dream she just had. The memory has haunted her for as long as she can remember. She sighed. She looked around the room, tired. The cloud room had the same thing as always.. nothing.
Only one new thing she had recieved lately was her pet Tank and his cage. She smiled looking at the sleeping creature. She stretched her arms and wings, earning a cracking noise. She got on her feet and headed for the bathroom, bumping into the wall occasionally.
Almost falling asleep on the toliet, she flushed and washed her hands. She looked at herself in the mirror, cursing at herself for what she saw.
Firefly had broad shoulders, she did have a curvy figure.. and she hated that. She was short, 5'4 to be exact. She had short bushy rainbow hair that she sometimes put up when she was practicing her tricks.. she doesn't know why this upsets her so much... something about this makes her want to punch her mirror... her reflection...
Grunting, she stormed out of the bathroom.
--
Kicking the last cloud in the sky, Firefly wiped the sweat off her brow. Smiling over the town, she enjoyed the fresh air of the sky. She took a breather and smiled as she looked down upon the town. She caught sight of one of her best friends.. Pinkie Pie. Gracefully flying over to her, she landed with a soft thump.
"Hey Pinkie Pie, what's up?" She tucked her wings into her back. The pink party girl looked over her shoulder and smiled with glee. She dropped the boxes she was carrying. In a split second, she tackle hugged her most dearest friend, "FIRE!!" she yelled out. Fire chuckled. Good ol' Pinkie Pie.. The energtic girl allowed her friend to get up. Firefly brushed herself off and looked at her friend.
"Heh, nice to see you too, Pinks." She checked her wings to see if they were still in tack. After some simple gestures, they seemed fine. "Of course it's nice to see you Fire! Why wouldn't it? Should it not? I mean i-" Fire covered her friends mouth with her hand. She raised her eyebrow as her light blue eyes continued to stare at her. Just then, she felt a wetness in her hand. She yanked her hand back. "Pinkie!!" she said as she wiped her hand on her pants, slightly annoyed.
"Hehehe." The older woman giggled.
The pegasus sighed, she couldn't be mad at her.
"So anyways, I'm bored. Need any help around here?" she picked up the boxes off the ground. "Hmmm.. I was suppose to pick up some apples from Sweet Apple Acres but I've got SOOO much work to do around here because the Cakes had to go to Manehatten for supplies.. that I don't think I would be able to go until closing time, and I NEED it by 9 because that's when the Cakes come back and they will be REEAALLLLYYY mad if I don't have the apples here by 9." Fire handed her the boxes. "I'm on it, Pinks!" she saluted. "Awww, thanks Fireie washie!" she hugged her friend.
Aw Pinkie.. you're the only one who doesn't make me feel like a girl..
--
Walking down the street, Firefly decided to walk instead of flying. Sure, flying is the best thing to ever happen but sometimes Firefly needs to take it slow, easy.. not that she would tell anyone that of course. She looked around her surroundings. Children were playing outside, in school playgrounds. People were moving in and out of places. Little critters would run past her once in a while. She took a deep breath.. she had forgotten about all of her problems.. until...
"Young man? Young man!" a soft voice called out.
Firefly stopped, she looked in the direction of the voice. A small eldery woman was waving to her in her direction. Looking around to see if she is talking to someone else, when she knew the woman was talking to her, she walked towards her.
When she reached the lady, "Oh thank you so much! Oh- you see, my cat Oreo is stuck in the tree," she pointed up at the tree. A black and white cat was sleeping on a branch. "Since I don't have any wings, and seems like you have a nice pair yourself, would you be ever to kind as to get her down from there? She means the ever most dearest world to me!" Fire smiled at the woman. She softly flapped her wings and flew up to the branch.
She gently wrapped her arms around the cat.. or at least tried. She placed a hand on the cat to have a claw straight in the cheek. Grunting in pain, she glared at the cat. The cat glared back. She slightly moved her hand to have Oreo try to wack it back. She raised her eyebrow. She quickly snatched the cat and flew to the ground. She handed the elderly woman the cat.
"Oh! Thank you, thank you! That means the world to me!!" She cuddled with the cat. "Thank you so much Mr.- eh.. what'd you say your name was, son?" The elderly woman stopped cuddling and looking up at Firefly.
"Um.." Quickly thinking, and without hesitation, "Rainbow... Rainbow Dash." her cheeks started to get red. Confused at first, the elderly woman brushed it off. "Well, thank you very much, Mr. Rainbow Dash. You are a remarkable young man. Have a good day!" the elderly woman gave Firefly a small hug, shook her hand, and started walking off in her own direction.
Firefly just stood there.. hours seemed like minutes to her... just starting at her hand... the joy she has in her heart right now.. No one has ever said that to her before... she felt like she could smile and smile and smile forever! When she finally snapped out of it, she first noticed it was dark. "What the..?!" she looked around, store lights started turning off as well as house lights. She looked at her watch. 8:45pm "Gah!!!" she stormed to Sweet Apple Acres.
"What the heck!?! How did time fly so quickly?! All I did was just stand there!!" Nearly flying head first into a tree, she stumbled to the ground. A sharp pain shot threw her wing. She quickly got up, ignoring the pain. She looked at her watch again. 8:53pm. She ran faster.
--
Apple Jack looked around the barn. All but one boxes of apples were received by her customers. The Cakes. " Appplleee Jaacckkk" she faintly heard, she couldn't make out what it said exactly. She looked around confused.
"Apppllleee Jacckkk!!!" that she heard clearly. She knew that tone. She picked up the boxes and headed out the barn door. There she saw her best friend running towards her at full speeds. "Heh, Ah figured it'as ya who Pinkie told y'all pic up the boxes." she grinned. Firefly grabbed the boxes, "Quiet you." she gasped. Fire turned around and started running in the same direction she came from.
Apple Jack looked at the running girl, she smiled. Thats Fire fo' ya, always late.Still smirking, she headed back into the barn to finish cleaning up.
--
After a short run from Sweet Apple Acres to Sugarcube Corner, and without dropping anything, Fire finally made it to the shop right on time.. in Firefly time. She was 11 minutes late. That is due to Firefly tripping over her own feet about 10 times getting to Sweet Apple Acres. Luckily for her, The Cakes haven't arrived yet. "Just in time Fireie! Thank you!" after putting the boxes in the back, Pinkie Pie generously handed Firefly some water. "Thanks, Pinks." she accepted the water and drank about half of the bottle. "Well Pinkie, I better head home.. I got some thinking to do." Pinkie gave a frowny face.
"Firefly.. you've been thinking an awful lot lately.. is everything a-ok?" Firefly thought for a moment.. should she tell her? She is one of her closest friends.. but still... "It's... it's nothing Pinkie.. I'm just thinking about how to perfect this one trick, is all." Firefly started walking off.
"Fire.. if you're feeling sad... you can always talk to me... you know that, right?" Firefly stopped. She stared at the ground, she sighed. "Yeah.. later, Pinks." she headed out the door.. leaving a now sad and confused Pinkie Pie.
--
The view is amazing, you can see almost everything from here. You can see Canterlot when its at its most beautifulest.. the night. The shining city.. almost telling you everything is going to be alright just by the moon light shines at it from a distance. The freshly cut green grass glowing.. giving you hope. The smell of fresh air releasing all your worries. The sound of complete quietness.. letting you listen.. No sound.. everything and everyone asleep.. nothing to worry about.
Firefly sighed. She took a gulp of one of her protein shakes. She had just finished doing her night time excersise. It was almost 3:00am. She was on the edge of her cloud house staring up at the stars. "The moon sure is cool looking tonight.. like every night." She let out another sigh. "Why is my life so messed up..?" she couldn't help but say. She had to say it, like every other nights.. she has to say it... because its the truth. Her life is messed up.
She isn't the person she is meant to be. She is meant to be something more.. not this. She is not meant to be a.. She shooked her head. She stared at her lap.. like every night... she started to cry. She doesn't know exactly why she cries.. all she knows is theres something in her heart telling her everything is wrong.. Everything.. She is wrong..
*Run run run..*
Thats all I could think to do. Run run run.. from that..
I looked behind me, to see if it was still chasing me.. as always... yes.
*Run run run..*
I ran past the dark oak trees, my legs taking me as fast as they could. The smell of grass entered my
nose, my heart beats faster than it has ever. I've given up on trying to fly.. because it never works.
*Run run run..*
What else can I do? What else have I ever done? I've always just *ran ran ran** in this nightmare.. I look*
back again and the fierce beast is still chasing me. Thats what it always does.. chase me. My legs start
to go numb and my heart is beating faster than before.
Suddenly.. I am grabbed by the beast. His grip tightens as I scream. I scream even when I know no one
will hear. His nails piercing my skin and I continue to scream.. Even though I know exactly what
happens each time, I've been in this dream a hundred times, if not more.
The beast's red eyes glaring into my soul. Wanting to tear me into tiny pieces.. but he can't.. because I
always wake up..
My heart beats faster than ever before. I'm crying, screaming, wanting to get it over with.. I'm
scared.
I gasp as I get up. I'm breathing, trying to catch my breath. I look around me, I'm in almost all darkness, the only light coming is the sun that is barely peaking there. I shield my eyes as I look out. God.. that same stupid dream... Why do I keep having that dream every night?! I just then realize that I'm sweating, sweating so much. I look at the clock, 6:34am. I take a long deep sigh. I lay back down. turn my head to become eye to eye with a green little creature. I let out a small smile. I pick Tank up by my hands and hug him.
I close my eyes hoping to get some shut eye before having to get up and meet with Fluttershy at 10am.. my childhood crush... heh.
--
Firefly is softly flapping her wings as she sees the cottage up ahead. She lets out a deep sigh. She lands in front of the cottage and smiles.
Knock knock
Firefly picks Tank up from the floor. Today Fluttershy and her are meeting up to have a small get-together. Firefly
decided to bring Tank along because the fellow just adores Fluttershy's rabbit.. I believe it is Angel?
Whatever.
The door opens to Fluttershy with a big grin on her face. "Oh, hello Firefly!" she was greeted with joy. Firefly's heart skips a beat. "Hey, Flutters! I uh.. I hope you don't mind, I brought Tank along with me." Firefly looks straight in her eyes. She starts to blush.
Fluttershy's eyes widen. "Oh, of course not! Tank is always welcome here!" She smiles and lets Fire in. She takes a sit on the couch.
Firefly sets Tank down next to Angel. Almost instantly, Angel is giving Tank the cold shoulder. Harsh much.
"Oh, yeah, Firefly my friend Viny-"
CRASH
Tank and Angel both look up, startled.
Fluttershy jumps in Firefly's lap, holding onto her. Firefly blinks blanky at her, her heart beating fast. "Gah! I'm so sorry, Fluttershy!" Firefly and Fluttershy look up to the voice. A beautiful woman with blue streaks is standing at the kitchen door. The three blink blankly at each other. The taller woman smirks. "Heh, pardon me, Fluttershy. Who's the gent?" Her eyebrows do a little dance. Fluttershy blushes and quickly gets off my lap. "I-I..." Fluttershy murmurs, lost at words.
"Heh, I'm just pulling your tail, Fluttershy." She wraps an arm around her neck. She looks down at Firefly, who is still sitting, totally lost. "Heh, my name is Vinyl Scratch." She raises her hand. "But at nights, it's DJ-PON3, how 'bout you, 'gent'?" Right when Fire is about to shake her hand, Fluttershy notices the 'mistake'. "Oh! No, Vinyl, Firefly isn't a boy.." she seemed to whisper.
"Oh, sorry. The estrogen hasn't taken effect yet, I see. No need to worry, in due time, you will see results!" Vinyl Scratch gives Firefly a hopeful smile.
"Vinyl, she isn't male-to-female either. She is.. um.. w-what was that word?" Fluttershy looks around, maybe if she looks at something, it'll have her remember the word she is looking for.
"Cis?" VS turns her neck and raises a brow.
"Y..yeah.." Fluttershy looks down nervously.
Vinyl looks back at Firefly and gives her a certain look. A look like.. trying to look into Firefly's soul. "Interesting.." she smiles at Firefly.
Vinyl Scratch looks at the clock on the wall. "Wo-ahh I gotta bail, my friend Octavia is suppose to be arriving soon. It was nice to meet you, Firefly. And nice to see you again, Fluttershy." The two share a hug, Firefly and VS shake hands. "It's nice to meet you too, Vinyl Scratch." Firefly says, her mind completely somewhere else, trying to figure out what she meant by interesting... "It was wonderful seeing you again, Vinyl Scratch! You look so lovely!" Vinyl blushes. She then winks at the two and heads out the door.
Just as she is about to leave, she stops. "Oh right! Fluttershy, I'm hosting a party tomorrow to celebrate Octavia coming to Ponyville. Since she doesn't like loud noises and havin' fun, we are going to have a small-quiet get-together. Wanna come? Firefly, if you would like to come, you can." Vinyl looks down at the Tank and Angel. She lets out a small chuckle as Angel finally gives in to Tank.
"Uhh, sure I guess." Firefly lets out.
"I don't see why not?" Fluttershy smiles as she watches the two creatures become new best friends. Firefly is lost in thought, staring at the ground.
"Rad! My house, tomorrow night, 9pm. See ya there!" she heads out the door. "Oh, that was wonderful! I haven't seen Vinyl Scratch that happy in so long!" she smiles with pure happiness.
"Uh.. Fluttershy I have to go somewhere real quick. I'll be back, ok?" she stands up, almost tumbling down like its her first time walking.
"Oh, ok. I'll watch Tank."
"Thanks!"
--
Firefly catches up to Vinyl, out of breath. All Vinyl can do is smile and wait. Vinyl totally expected this to happen. She knew that Firefly was going to come running back to her after she left. It was just on the expression Firefly had.
"Ok.. what did you mean by that?" was what Firefly blurted out. It was the only thing she can think of asking. Her mind was racing, she was just so confused that she didn't even give proper information, not that she noticed.
"Pal, you gotta give me more info. What do you mean by that?" She puts a hand on her hip. But in reality, Vinyl Scratch knows exactly what she means.. she just wants to hear Firefly say it.
"You were like.. you said interesting.. in a weird way.. it must mean something!" She did her best Vinyl Scratch accent. At this time, Firefly was starting to lose hope.
"Oooh, that. Well, I didn't mean anything, really. But.. if I were you.. next time you go to the library, look for some gender identity books, if there are any that is. If no, just look for books related to gender identity." Vinyl put an arm over Firefly.. she looked down at the ground, trying to comprehend what she just heard. Gender.. identity?.. Could that mean.. that I.. Her thoughts were just everywhere, she couldn't think straight.
Although confused, Firefly finally nodded.. understanding very well what she meant. Or at least.. a small part of what she meant. Smiling, Vinyl departed in her own direction as Firefly ran to Golden Oak Library.. nearly running into Ponyville residents passing by, almost crashing into carts laid around at the marketplace.. but she didn't care. There was only one thing running threw her mind...
If this is who I am.. then I *have** to find out.*
