Special Delivery

by ILurvTrixie

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Princess Luna, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Dinky Hooves, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 12502

Derpy and Celestia are both very prominant figures in Equestria, but somehow manage to fade into the background. Surely that's where the similarities end. (Random Romance Mar2014)

Derpy is one of the best mailmares in Equestria. To keep her beloved Dinky safe, and the muffins supplied, she takes odd jobs in every corner of the country, making her an uncommon but not surprising sight anywhere in the world.

Celestia is the royal alicorn of the Sun, the Lady of Light, the Eye of Radiance. She stands alone as the most powerful and most respected member of nobility, although her general day to day activities keep her far distant from any limelight.

Dinky loves her mother completely. And she thinks Time Turner is a nice enough colt, even if he does leave all the time in that funny box of his. But Dinky knows that her mother could really use a special somepony of her own.

And wouldn't it be awesome if she could have a little brother or something to teach how to do magic? (That's how that works, right? When two ponies are special someponies?)

This will take all her cunning, daring, and the most politeness ever. And maybe some muffins.
(Random Romance Mar2014)

Published 2014-04-08 14:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-08 14:40:02 UTC

The Plan

"Oh yeah! Uh huh! Go Scoots! Go Scoots!" Scootaloo continued to strut her way across the playground with a huge smile, to the amusement of the other crusaders. Dinky had joined them again for the purposes of brainstorming, but the little pegasus was more concerned about her own success on the test than silly things like how everyone else was giggling at her dance moves.

"So I take it you did well?" Sweetie smiled through the annoyed look she earned.

"Of course! I am a genius! And the brain food helped. A little." Scoots couldn't help her wings fluttering excitedly. "So what are you two doing?"

Applebloom and Dinky looked up from a sheet of paper. "We're tryin' to make a list of princesses."

"That's a short list." Sweetie Belle pondered. "Only four, right?"

Dinky nodded. "And I don't think Cadence would want to marry my mom. I mean, she went through a lot of trouble to marry Shining Armor, so I doubt she wants to do that again." She scratched out the name.

"So Twilight... Um." Scootaloo scrunched her nose up. "Do I even need to say why that wouldn't be a good idea?"

"Well, you'd never have to worry about failing a test." Sweetie gave an unsure smile.

"Yeah, 'cause she'd be makin' you study all the time!" Applebloom joined the other Crusaders in a shudder. Dinky scratched out the name.

"Luna and Celestia." Dinky stared at the names.

Sweetie rubbed her chin with a hoof. "Hm. Well.. Luna's cool, right?"

Scootaloo nodded. "She's cool."

"She's still a bit.. umm... creepy? I mean, Nightmare Night..." Dinky frowned a bit.

"Hey, give her some credit, she's been out of touch for a thousand years. And if you've got nightmares, she can totally help with that." Scootaloo smiled.

The other three fillies favored her with curious expressions. "And how would you know about that, Scoots?" Applebloom launched the attack that put the little pegasus' eyes to nervous darting.

"Uh. No reason. So, Celestia. What about the Princess of the Sun?"

"Well, everypony loves her. And she always seems to be as busy as my mom. Maybe if they got together they could both have more time?" Dinky carefully thought it through.

"But if everypony loves her, how are you gonna get her to be special someponies with your mom?" Sweetie Belle once again supplied some much needed, though unwanted, logic.

"Hm." Dinky thrust her hoof in the air excitedly. "I bet the only reason they don't already have special someponies is because they're too busy! Otherwise they could totally have any of the best special someponies ever! They're perfect for each other!"

The Crusaders considered.

"Yeah, your mom is pretty cool. And Celestia is pretty cool too."

"Ah'm not sure that means they'd be the best special someponies, though."

"Yeah, that's like saying Rainbow Dash and my sister would be great special someponies, since they're both awesome."

Scootaloo favored Sweetie with a look that proclaimed she was mad for even suggesting that. "Rainbow Dash is like five times more awesome than Rarity."

"So I guess the problem is how to get them to figure out they'd be awesome special someponies." Dinky tapped her pencil on the paper.

"Rarity and Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo blinked.

"No, my mom and Celestia!"

"Oh." Scootaloo shrugged. "Why not just see if you can get them to hang out?"

"Or get 'em on a date or somethin'. Applejack's always complainin' she ain't got time for dates."

"So they both need to have some time.."

"Ooo, oo! Rarity's books always talk about romantic dinners!"

"That's a great idea! My mom doesn't always work until late, so maybe if she and Celestia have dinner together, that'll work out!"

The Crusaders grinned in infectious joy, chorusing a loud "Yeah!"

Derpy sighed as she slumped her way through the door to her house. Four hours of straight mail delivery. Sixteen special deliveries. Eighteen weather patch ups. Two wrecked furniture deliveries that she'd have to handle tomorrow. Seven requests for diplomatic deliveries to the outer edges of Equestria, only three of which were actually legitimate. A dozen muffins sold. Eight dozen requests for muffins. One application to the Trotskan border control offices for part time work. And Mr. Woodwork was not in a good mood, although he would stop by tomorrow to assess the damage to the bed.

A small filly wrapped herself around her mother's front with a smile. "Welcome home momma!"

Derpy smiled, wrapping her wings and forelegs around Dinky. It was worth it in the end.

"Sparkler stopped by and made apple and cheese sandwiches, and some tomato soup! And I got my homework done too!"

"That's great Dinky! And did you have fun with your friends today?" The pair separated, heading for the dinner table. Dinky had already eaten, but she always liked spending time with her mom.

"Uh huh! Hey momma, when's the next time you get off work early?"

"Hm?" Derpy looked up from spooning her food into a small plate and bowl. "Well, day after tomorrow I guess! I'm gonna have to take a break in the middle of the day tomorrow for Mr. Woodwork, which means I'll have to stay late."

"Awww..." Dinky's expression deflated visibly.

"But I'll get off work a bit earlier the day after that. So that's the trade off."

Dinky perked up again, and nodded. "Hey momma?"

"Hm?" Derpy looked up from her soup, licking her lips.

"Can I help you make muffins tomorrow?"

"Sure Dinky! I'd be happy to have another set of hooves."

"Hey momma?"

"Yeah?"

Dinky smiled, and walked around the table, hugging up to her mom's side. "I love you."

"And I love you, my little muffin." Derpy smiled gently, wrapping a wing around the filly.

After the lights in the house had gone out and goodnights had been exchanged, a small flashlight flicked on beneath the covers of Dinky's bed, soon joined by the unicorn filly. She had a sheet of paper, a box of crayons, and a pencil. Now all she needed was a plan. She carefully chewed on the eraser of her pencil before making a face. Whoever did that in movies must have some kind of fake pencil. Bleh!

Getting Princess Celestia and Mom Together

Well, that was a straightforward beginning.

Step 1: Meeting the Princess

That was easy. Mom had to deliver letters to the castle all the time. It might take some bits, but Dinky could afford a special delivery. Probably.

Step 2: Romantick Dinner

Best dinner ever with dinner muffins. One for mom and one for the princess.

Step 3: ~~Marr~~Spesial Someponies

Right, they're supposed to be special someponies, then get married.

Step 4: Marriage

Dinky grinned hugely at the plan. It was so obvious when everything was laid out like that.

Dinky carefully placed the steaming muffin pan up on the stove, and took off the panholder gloves from her hooves. "Mmm, they look delicious momma!"

"Of course they're delicious! They're made with love, and care, and delicious things!" Derpy giggled happily. "So why did you make those extra muffins with the little raspberry jelly hearts in them? Got your eye on some colt or filly?"

Dinky blushed, but didn't comment, earning a gentle mane tousling from her mother. "You'd better get ready for school, Muffin, you've got flour on your nose."

"Yes momma!" Dinky headed upstairs with a smile. The dinner muffins were ready!

Applebloom carefully blew the sawdust off the craft table. Dinky was already standing ready with glue and glitter, but craftsponyship took time. The youngest Apple took a piece of sandpaper and smoothed out the grooves for holding the two muffins, and the small slot for holding a letter in front of the food. Dinky looked about ready to explode from excitement. "Come ooooon."

"It ain't exactly perfect, Dinky, not got some kinda holster for keeping the muffins in place while your mom's flyin' it around."

"I just need a box, Applebloom! But I'm really glad you made it a bit fancier. This is a box made for a princess!"

"Aww shucks, t'weren't nothin'." Applebloom smiled proudly. "Besides, you're payin' me a muffin for the box, and Sweetie a muffin for the fabric scraps, and... why'd you give Scoots a muffin again?"

"Seemed kinda mean to just leave her out." Dinky shrugged. Applebloom hoofed over the finished box, and Dinky went to work with glue and glitter. With the fabric padding, the muffins would survive transit to the princess for sure! Now, to make a truly romantic letter!

Everything was going according to plan! Tomorrow before school, everything would be in place!

Mwa ha ha!

The postmaster eyed the... exuberantly wrapped box in front of him, before turning a weather eye on the bearer of it. "And where is this special delivery to, miss...?"

The very slightly purple grey unicorn filly with a top hat, dark cape, and ridiculous handlebar mustache looked around nervously. "I'm Anne Nonnymus. Yeah."

"Anne Ominous?" The postmaster made a slight attempt to keep himself from snarking at the filly's disguise and name.

"Nonnymus. And it's to Princess Celestia."

"Uh huh. And is it rush?"

"No, no no no. It's the last delivery. Very last. Last special delivery for today."

"Uh huh. That'll be 25 bits."

"...Huh. Okay!" The mysterious filly smiled happily as she hoofed over the money, and waved as she headed out to the main street. She stroked her mustache and cackled. "Mwa ha ha! Mwaaaa ha ha!" This was quickly followed by some more fitting filly-ish giggles as Dinky trotted off to return her perfect disguise to Pinkie and Spike. This was going to be great!

"Hey Postmark." Derpy's wings drooped involuntarily as she returned to the Ponyville postal dispatch.

"Hey Derpy. Finished the rounds?"

"As usual. Give me a second to catch my breath and I'll grab the special deliveries."

Postmark nodded, carefully arranging the orders by town.

"Why are the Canterlot deliveries last?" Derpy started filling her pack with the local special deliveries.

"Special request that a box be delivered last."

"Last, not first?"

"Yeah, I thought it was weird, but it was your little girl, so."

"Sparkler had mail?"

"Nah, Dinky! She looks good in a mustache."

Derpy blinked a few times at that, but resumed working rather than further question the normal madness of Ponyville.

Celestia, the radiant ruler of Equestria; the immortal alicorn goddess of the sun; yea, the warmth of life, the bringer of summer, mother of the glorious orb, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. She, the grand co-ruler of Equestria, was bored utterly mindless. The white alicorn with gentle pink eyes and a radiant shifting pastel rainbow mane had refined her expression to not reveal potentially scandalous details such as that to those speaking with her, no matter how much they deserved such obvious disapproval. She allowed her attention to focus momentarily on the noble currently trying to filibuster in a new tax, specifically, a tax on baked goods that did not use his family owned brand of flour.

"—truly the greatest of works are ever to be found, blessed by the radiance of your sun, ground by hard working earth ponies, it is something of a crime that ponies would even think of using such lesser products. Why my grandfather, when he founded this company—"

His grandfather had never been this much of a windbag. She gently checked her tongue with a slight bite, smiled genteelly and nodded as appropriate, once more allowing her mind to wander. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect was not that she was trapped. No, the worst aspect was that she knew what was coming after this. Blueblood had chased off another of his maids. The position paid remarkably well for the work, simply because of the...environmental hazard represented by the prince. This, still, did not help things. If anything, Blueblood seemed to take great efforts to 'test' his servants. Never mind they were castle employees, the prince claimed dominion over all he could see. Celestia once more reminded herself to try and bump his rehabilitation higher up her schedule.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should she actually voice her opinion of just how utterly worthless, pointless, and quite obviously biased this tax was, the noble would leave, but the incredibly put out Blueblood would come in. But her other option was to sit here, in perpetua, hoping for a pony filled with nothing but hot air to reach his limits. She would have sighed, if it would not have made the noble begin his latest section of conversation again. She'd made that mistake roughly three hours ago. And she had over an hour of polite smiling to go until she could excuse herself to lower the sun.

There seemed to be some wisdom to the old saying: 'Tartarus is other ponies.'

There was a knocking on the door. The noble found himself at a loss for words, as Celestia focused her attentions on the massive wooden portal. "Enter." While she would've granted entry to the guards even without the need for an excuse, internally she sang and danced in joy at a valid excuse to perhaps completely derail the current situation.

A familiar grey pegasus mailmare with rolling eyes entered, carrying a box by the bow in her teeth. She was flanked on either side by standard royal guardsmen. Celestia smiled a warm smile at the bringer of sweet shocked silence. "Good evening Derpy. A special delivery?" The wall-eyed mare nodded cheerfully, as Celestia raised a regal eyebrow at the guards. They both nodded shortly, showing the box had already passed the various forms of inspection to make it this far.

"I do apologize for the interruption Sir Mills, but I do try to handle my mail immediately, especially special deliveries." The noble nodded blankly, harrumphing a few times to emphasize his complete lack of enthusiasm for this disruption of his narrative. Her magical aura engulfed the box, and the regent of the sun levitated her prize over to her, carefully undoing the obviously well intended triply taped wrapping paper and roughly tied bow. The glitter covered wooden box within raised both regal eyebrows in response.

With a careful hoof, Celestia cracked the lid open, and gazed at the two pristine muffins, each with a small heart shaped depression formed by the dollop of raspberry jelly near the top. Her eyebrows, still elevated from the previous element, did not seek to resume normal duties as of yet. A carefully folded sheet of looseleaf paper, obviously torn from a school writing book of some kind, sat in a convenient holder just before the two treats. Celestia carefully levitated it out, noting the hoofwork of the crayon drawings and pen writing. She unfolded the document, and began to read.

Dear Miss Princes Celestia,

Hi! I'm Dinky! My mom is a great pony but like you she's got to work all the time. So I think you two should get married so you both don't have to work so much. But my friends say youve got to be spesial someponies first so please do that.

Some colorful crayonwork depicted a rather familiar gray mare with asynchronous eyes, as well as an arrow from a proudly scrawled 'Mom'.

I helped make these muffins for you two to have a romantick dinner. My momma makes the best muffins and those are almost like cakes so I hope you like them as much as cakes. Please be nice to my mom cause she just got off work and I made sure this was her last delivery so she might be tired. Sweetie says that her sisters books say that sleeping together is something that happens with spesial someponies so if you want to do a sleepover with my mom thats okay.

Another drawing showed a curled up grey mare and a curled up large white alicorn. Celestia had to admit the filly had some crayon skills.

So please have a good dinner and be the best spesial someponie for my mom. I'm sure she'll be the best spesial someponie for you to.

Bye!

Dinky

Celestia wasn't quite sure which emotion was going to win reigning control over her face, as she was sure her confusion had been overwhelmed by her amusement, and both of those had been ambushed by her embarrassment. She couldn't even recall the last time she'd had a special somepony. And here some little filly was playing matchmaker?

Oh, there was an addendum towards the bottom.

P.S. Be nice to my mom or I'll call you mean names.

P.P.S. I won't really but Scoots said I should say I would so you'd know this was cerious. Please don't be sad.

P.P.S.S. This is Dinky. Not Scoots. Okay bye.

Celestia barely held down her laughter. A very inelegant snort managed to worm its way out of her carefully maintained mask of elegance. The fractures in the mask were becoming larger as her lips twitched and her ears flicked back and forth, trying to withhold the sheer emotions. She cleared her throat a few times, magically refolding the letter and returning it to the box. Calm. Composed. Self assured. Princess Celestia nodded gently to Sir Mills. "I'm terribly sorry Sir Mills, but something of some importance has come up. Would I be able to speak with you again tomorrow?"

He blustered, rather expectedly. "But your highness! What could possibly be more important—"

"I'm afraid a rather 'cerious' problem has arisen sir, and I need to turn my attentions to it." The homophone revealed no intent, although she barely managed to keep the corners of her mouth from quirking up. "You see, I've received a missive from one of those agents who you claim is producing sub-par wares." She carefully opened the box, floating the muffin container at the now visibly deflating noble. "They are asking for a fair assessment. So I can but give them one. You understand, I'm sure?"

His expression had collapsed, and his eyes kept darting around guiltily. "O-of course, your highness! That's.. that's fair... I could.. hardly bring such sweeping change about without.. being fair." His rictus smile was terrifying, though also gratifying to the princess. Nobles were such a cowardly and predictable lot...

"Well then, I'll see you tomorrow! Do have your bakers prepare something exciting." The princess smiled warmly as the noble withdrew. Hurriedly she closed the box again, moving next to Derpy, who simply looked up at the alicorn in mild confusion. "Follow me please, Derpy."

"Uh, okay princess." Derpy smiled innocently, and followed the Princess as she lead the way out of the throne room. Unsurprisingly, the princess' previous assessment of waiting problems had panned out.

"Auntie, I really must—"

"Hello Blueblood, terribly sorry, need to talk to this mare. I'll be handling interviews for a new maid soon, bye." Celestia kept walking at a steady clip, bringing her past the spoiled prince with alacrity. His mouth dropped in surprise.

"B-But Auntie Celestia!"

"Sorry Blueblood, things to do. Sun's coming down soon, too!"

Derpy's rolling eyes caught the edges of Blueblood's frustrated snarl. "Fine. Early tomorrow then! But I expect to be listened to!" As the prince stormed off, the mailmare turned a confused expression on Celestia.

"Um...?"

"Sorry Derpy, you just handily rescued me from two aggravations. Blueblood knows better than to interrupt me when I have something else to do, and Sir Mills... well, I'm certain he hadn't expected any kind of resistance to his plans. Many nobles don't. Part of what makes dealing with them such a chore."

"That's great and all princess, but... um...?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." Celestia smiled as she reopened the muffin box, and floated Dinky's letter to her mother. "I believe we're supposed to enjoy some muffins. Although if you want something a bit different, I can ask the chefs to whip something up."

"I..." Derpy blushed vividly as she read. "I am so sorry princess."

"Don't be! I appreciate the sentiment, even if it is a little unexpected. And she is right that we could probably use a bit of a break. So, dinner, and a guest room?"

"Thank you princess." Derpy lowered her gaze to the floor, trying not to think about how awkward this was.

"Oh come now. Enough with formality for today. I've got an hour before the sun goes down, and I'd rather be doing that with a smile. Let's chat." The princess and the mailmare advanced to one of the small rooms set aside for the staff to eat in. The princess was hardly going to have a formal dinner if she could help it.

"Mm!" Celestia favored the muffin with a smile. "Well, I must admit this is the best muffin I've ever had."

"Thank you pr- Celestia." Derpy hadn't touched her muffin, and was still sporting a small embarrassed flush.

Celestia sighed out a world weary breath. "You know, I don't know where this resurgence of formality came from. I've always asked my little ponies to treat me normally. It's like that 'I'll get banished and imprisoned in the place I get banished to' thing that's come up recently."

Derpy blinked, but giggled. "Well, that last one is a bit of Twilight's fault. She seems to have very high expectations of herself for meeting your goals."

"That mare." Celestia smiled, taking another bite of the muffin. Well crafted, moist, light, sweet, delicate blend of flavors. Dinky certainly wasn't lying about her mother's muffins.

Derpy shifted slightly, finally starting to consider the food item before her. "And, well, I think the nobles kind of push for the extra formality. Maybe not intentionally, but since they want anyone who's not a noble to treat them better, and you're obviously higher than the nobles..." She trailed off, taking a bite out of her own muffin. Celestia tapped a hoof to her chin.

"We'd probably be better off without any nobles around. I should just send them all to the sun." Derpy looked up in shock and horror, before noticing the teasing smile on Celestia's face. "Really, I just said I don't know where that banished thing comes from, and you go thinking I'd really do it?"

Derpy's rolling eyes came to a small focus as she frowned at her muffin. "I guess the problem is just that you could. And whether you want it to or not, that makes it, even jokingly, a bit scary."

Celestia sighed once more. "I suppose it does. I spend so much time managing and juggling and trying to get things done normally.. I feel like I'm fading into the background. Before long ponies will only remember me for raising the sun and the summer sun celebration. And from there it's not a large leap to assume I'll become something of a boogie monster in stories, especially in towns that aren't holding the celebration." She stared at her muffin contemplatively before getting up. "Milk. This muffin would go rather well with some milk. Would you like some too, Derpy?"

"Yes please." Derpy watched the princess moving around the room, checking the cabinets for glasses by hoof. "Princess?"

"Yes Derpy?"

The mailmare got off her seat, walking over to where the princess was searching, and wrapped her hooves and wings around her front in a hug. "You remember we love you right?"

Celestia was a bit stunned, but her expression quickly shifted to warmth. "Of course, why—?"

"Because I don't want you becoming a nopony. Or a boogie monster. Or anything like that. And you know what happened to Luna. And you know you don't have to let yourself fade away. We love you. We want to see you, talk to you... The only way ponies will feel more comfortable around you is if they see you more." She gave the princess a small squeeze, staring up with her rolling yellow eyes. "Okay?"

Small tears had gathered in the corners of Celestia's eyes. It was hard not to feel comforted in the arms of a mother. She returned the hug gently. "Of course my little pony. I love you all as well. And I'll consider the advice."

The rest of the 'romantic dinner' passed in silence, delicious muffins and cold milk, simple and elegant.

Maid for Service

Celestia spread her wings, and focused her magical energies on the sun shining above. With her coaxing, it finished the slow descent, moving into sunset and onward, bringing night time to Equestria. She looked around a moment or two, waiting. She finally snorted a bit, earning a confused look from her audience. Derpy was of course not privy to the thoughts of the royal as she swept upwards on her wings, approaching Luna's tower. With less than regal bearing Celestia knocked on the balcony window. "Luna, I know you're playing games again. It's time to raise the moon." A few moments later the lunar surface rose in the distance. Celestia's mouth twisted into a slight frown, but she could hardly blame her sister for staying with something that made her feel comfortable. Even if it was those newfangled game things and online interaction. She returned to Derpy a moment later with a sheepish smile. "I apologize for that."

"For what? You're giving me a guest room out of the kindness of your heart. And watching you lower the sun like that is impressive." Derpy smiled cheerfully, and Celestia returned the expression. She had to admit, she'd never been around the mailmare this much, and so one thing was standing out rather vividly. Or, more correctly, rolling around.

"Derpy, I know we've never talked much, but.. whatever happened with your eyes?"

"Oh, erm. I broke them."

Celestia blinked a few times. "...But there's treatments for that, even if—"

"No, no, I mean.. I was born with it, happens sometimes, and so I got Derpy for my name. Cause, well." She pointed up at her eyes. "Kinda obvious." Celestia nodded quietly. "So once I got old enough, I was sent in for the treatments... I already had my cutie mark by then, so... Well, I was stubborn, and I didn't want to get them fixed, so... I wrecked the spell."

"You wrecked the spell?" This was rather unheard of. Derpy simply nodded. "But what does your cutie mark have to do with that?"

"Well, what do you see when you look at my flank?"

"Seven bubbles."

"So what do you think my special talent is?"

Celestia blinked and put a hoof to her chin, pulling on centuries of experience to provide the most honest response. "I have no idea. Diving?"

"Ponies look at it different ways, say it's my bubbly personality, or simply being lighthearted, or that it refers to the way I can seem to do things so casually, drifting through them." Derpy crossed her arms, nervously rubbing one against the other. "But I think it's for fragility."

"Fragility? For you?"

"No. I can.. influence the 'fragility' of things. Even unusual things like spells. Or cloud stability. Especially when I'm not trying, like when I'm tired, or get too excited, or have too much cider, or.. " Derpy shrugged, trailing off.

Celestia pursed her lips, considering this new line of information. "So you 'broke' the spell?"

"And my eyes. It's not bad or anything. I think I always have a broader perspective on things. Always seeing things from two angles helps." Derpy smiled a bit.

"And you... can break things very easily when you don't stop yourself?"

Derpy hung her head and nodded. Celestia smiled broadly.

"...Derpy, would you mind perhaps staying here a night or two longer? You might just be a solution to a long term problem I've had." Celestia's smile took a slight devious turn as Derpy considered her with confusion.

Blueblood awoke an hour and a half after sunrise, as usual. He was hardly going to wake up any earlier than that unless there was some reason for it, and while he risked some other noble sniping his first chat with his aunt this day, it was unlikely any of those lesser nobles would even attempt to approach Celestia before ten. Likely too busy with their imported teas and fancy little cakes. No, a true prince knew he could very well take his imported tea and fancy little cakes after addressing his dear aunt to rectify the latest in a series of worthless employees. The white unicorn prince didn't waste any time on such frivolities as stretching, no, he began his day with a careful regimen of brushing his golden locks to a pristine sheen. His sky blue eyes carefully traced over his gorgeous features as he practiced his winning smile. The white unicorn stallion did perhaps cut a slightly less ravishing shape in the heart covered boxer shorts he had on, but Cadence had gifted them to him, and he hardly had use for such garments in most activities. It would only take a moment or two for him to dress in the suit his maid—

Ah. Yes, the maid issue. Blueblood frowned as his plans derailed from the ineptitude and failure of other ponies. As usual.

Well, this was a conundrum. How was he to dress himself fit for presenting his valid concerns before his auntie if there was nopony assisting him? He supposed he could... ugh.. pick out his own attire. But he was a prince. He was above such petty concerns.

A knock on his door drew him from his contemplation. He waited a moment, frowned, and rolled his eyes. No servant for the door either. Ugh, and he simply wasn't attired for any formal visitors. Grumbling about his life being further disrupted, the prince used his magic to gently turn the door handle, peeking out at whatever trouble his guards had deemed important enough to be allowed to even touch his door.

A wall-eyed grey pegasus in a black and white maid outfit stood there, her yellow eyes rolling around. A small letter was grasped in her mouth.

"Yes?" To say the query was cold was to imply wendigos were slightly chilly.

She smiled lightly, offering the letter more obviously. With a carefully groomed eyebrow raised in query, Blueblood sighed, and took the letter into his own magical aura.

Beloved Nephew,

I am distraught to hear about your loss of another maid, and have taken it upon myself to supply you with one whose skills will most certainly be everything you need. She is quite competent and quite helpful. I look forward to hearing of her success.

Love and Harmony,

Princess Celestia

Blueblood favored the mare with a dark look, before stepping back into his chambers. "I expect my suit to be ready ASAP. And don't even think about slacking off, I have a lot of things that the previous maid failed to finish that need to be caught up on."

As he stepped away, Derpy giggled to herself. She'd already handed the other two letters to Blueblood's guards.

She murmured a small reassurance to herself. "I feel like I live in a world made of bubbles, always taking constant care not to break something, to break somepony. Never allowing myself to lose control even for a moment, or somepony could get hurt. But what we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose..."

Derpy smiled to herself slightly. She stepped through the door and lightly kicked it closed behind her, the door vibrating a fraction of a second longer than normal as it latched. With a resounding crack the top hinges broke and the door handle fell out, clattering to the floor. The two guards raised eyebrows on either side of the door, but didn't respond further.

Author's Note

Derpy + World of Cardboard speech. Why not?

Sunrise

"Pssst."

Dinky shuffled slightly within her warm covers. It was morning, most assuredly. But it was also Saturday. She yawned and snuggled up to her pillow. "N wnna mmma." As articulate as her wishes were, they were unfortunately issued without very much force.

"Pssssssst!"

"'s Sat'day mmma!" Her voice was almost audible by this point. She had a nice almost sleepover night with Sparkler and she wanted to sleep in.

"Dinky, it's time to wake up my little pony!"

Dinky's eyes popped open. That tone of voice was most certainly not her momma. In fact it sounded like... Dinky turned over and stared right into the amused face of Celestia, her mane billowing magically behind her. Dinky took a deep breath.

Ponies later swore they all popped awake at the same distinct high pitched noise. The same one, it was presumed, that caused all the dogs within a mile of Ponyville to start barking and howling.

Dinky finished her excited squeal after a few moments, put a hoof to her forehead, and fainted dramatically back onto her pillow. Celestia rubbed her ears with a golden shoe'd hoof and a curious expression. "Goodness. For somepony trying to get me to be special someponies with her mother, she seems a bit surprised."

Dinky kept looking up from her breakfast muffin, staring at the solar princess. Every time she would raise a regal eyebrow at the filly, Dinky resumed focusing her attention on the muffin. For all of the ten seconds before her eyes would drift once more. Celestia sipped her tea gracefully.

"Umm."

Ah. The ice had broken.

"Yes Dinky?"

Dinky coughed politely before addressing her point. "Did you banish my momma because she wasn't your special somepony?"

Celestia's face impacted the table with a surprising amount of force. But the groan she released was more from mental agony than physical pain.

"No. No I did not."

"Oh. So why isn't she here with you? Isn't that how special someponies work?"

"Your mother is handling a small problem for me. And she asked me to stop by and keep an eye on you." Celestia's head was brought up long enough to rest it right-side up on the table, fixing the small unicorn with an amused smile.

"No! No! How can you destroy a marble fireplace with a feather duster?!"

"I just don't know what went wrong."

"And I don't think we're special someponies."

Dinky blinked, then issued a cry with all the frustration and wisdom of youth. "Well you weren't trying hard enough then!" Celestia had the presence of mind to blink with a blank expression, rather than surrender to the endless bouts of giggles that would ensue otherwise. "You're always working, my momma's always working, if you two get together, then you don't have to work so much, and my momma gets a really special somepony, and you get somepony who's probably the only pony in Equestria who's... who's.. better than awesome enough for you!" Dinky pouted, crossing her arms.

"Better than awesome?" Celestia fought down the edges of a grin rising onto her face. Dinky merely nodded her agreement.

"Yeah, 'cause Rainbow Dash is awesome, but my momma goes all over Equestria doing jobs everywhere and making sure everypony gets all their mail. She's better than awesome. And she always makes muffins, and she's always here for me..." Dinky poked at her muffin with a sigh. "I was hoping you'd be a special enough somepony for her."

Celestia rolled her eyes with a smile. "Is there some rule that this family is filled with wisdom?" Dinky blinked at the princess of the sun uncomprehendingly. Celestia laughed softly. "It's nothing Dinky. So! I'm going to be keeping an eye on you for a bit of today. Did you have any plans?"

Dinky blinked as a massive smile spread over her face. This was going to be so cool!

"Out!"

"But Prince Blueblood—"

"Ouut!"

"But Prince—"

"OUUUT!"

With a startled noise, Derpy found herself tossed bodily from Prince Blueblood's chambers. She hit the far wall of the corridor and slid down, her rolling eyes catching the startled expressions of Blueblood's guards before settling on the livid, somewhat battered, covered in flour, and very lightly singed prince. "You. You! Yooooooooou."

Derpy smiled agreeably, and saluted, still upside down. "Yes, Prince Blueblood?"

"Go. Away!" He snorted violently, trying his best to remain somewhat composed. Behind him, yet another of his many trophies of achievement collapsed loudly, setting one eye to nervous twitching.

"But Prince Blueblood, I was hired by Princess Celestia to assist you with every thing you need."

"No! You walking— Flying— Disaster!"

"I can't ignore my orders prince. As long as you need me, I'll be there!" She giggled sweetly, the prince's paranoid state sending horrified shivers down his spine.

"No! NO! I— I can do this myself. You can leave. Goodbye! Guards! Escort her out!" With that, he tried to magically slam the doors to his room, finding the hinges broken, he whimpered, simply wedging them into place with a healthy dose of desperation.

Derpy calmly righted herself, dusted off her maid attire, and approached the door. She knocked three times, her hoof punching through the wood with a resounding crack on the last knock, earning her a panicked whinny from the prince. One of her rolling eyes peeked through the newly formed hole. "Err. Oops. Are you sure you don't—"

With a mad smile and eyes shrunk to pinpricks the prince tried to achieve a proud laugh, only managing a slightly maniacal one as he returned the stare through the hole in the door. Derpy backed a few steps from the door and sat on her haunches in surprise. "Heeeere's Blueblood! And he can take care of himself! No maid! None! NoooOoooo maid! Go away!" With a resounding slam, the prince barricaded his door against the pegasus, covering the hole with... Derpy almost wanted to say that's what was left of his bed.

She pursed her lips, then smiled lopsidedly. "Well, that worked out faster than expected." She walked away calmly, the two guards exchanging half a look, happy for the rigid guard training on maintaining a straight face. They'd be able to laugh at the prince's plight later.

Derpy bee-lined for the throne room, only getting lost twice in the similar looking hallways of the castle. A simple matter to report her loss of employment at the hooves of Blueblood and she could head home to rescue Celestia from an afternoon of excitement with Dinky. She noted with some surprise that there were quite a few ponies waiting for the Lunar Regent's verdict. Puzzled, she gently pushed herself to the front of the line, most nobles simply not noticing a maid seemingly going about her duties. The throne room doors opened easily into the well lit gleaming chamber. Upon the throne rested not a single regal alicorn. "Where's Princess Luna?"

Dressed in the largest straw sunhat, sunglasses, and a large pink sash they could find, Celestia sipped daintily at her tea, finishing the cup. "More tea please, Dinky."

The little purplish-grey unicorn filly in her own outfit constructed of a dozen oversized bows, a purple vest, and welding goggles happily raised the teapot in her hooves to refill the princess' cup.

Celestia nodded happily, stirring in a small sugar cube. "And perhaps one of those strawberry tarts?"

Dinky carefully looked over at the third member of their tea party, clad in a monocle, a small crown, and a bright green feather boa. While the communal plate of cookies had been drained, they had all ended up, uneaten, on the plate of Mr. Bear.

"I'm sorry princess, but Mr. Bear says he's keeping them for the glory of Bearquestria." She leaned in, with a careful stage whisper. "It's like Equestria, but full of bears."

"As princess of Equestria, I must insist that Mr. Bear employ diplomacy and share part of that bounty." Celestia smiled warmly. She'd had dealings with plush heads of state before, although she was rather certain High General Smartypants was a more shrewd negotiator than Mr. Bear.

"...Mr. Bear says Bearquestria won't negotiate with terra... terro... scary ponies." Dinky nodded.

It was with no small exercise of will that Celestia managed to avoid spit-taking her tea all over the other participants of the party. Coughing lightly and wiping at her mouth with a napkin, she considered her options, and steepled her hooves before her sunglasses. "Perhaps Mr. Bear would be interested in some lands in the Mild West?"

Roi de Sol

Derpy knocked on the door to Luna's chambers, the two batpony guards regarding the supposed 'maid' with wary; and somewhat weary; expressions.

"The red team has taken a control point!"

"Princess Luna, are you in there?"

A blast of noise similar to the last attempt of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to find their demolition cutie marks rattled the doors, the guards, and Derpy. The mailmare blinked a few times, then knocked on the door louder. "Princess Luna!"

"Burn! Burn like the stars in my night sky! Waaaahahaha!" A rather non-royal cackling issued forth from the confines of the chamber. Frowning intently, Derpy applied her hoof once more, this time with disregard for propriety. And to damage control as the poor lock of the door found itself unwilling to bear the brunt of her special talent. The door swung open dramatically, bathing the darkened chamber in the light of morning, and earning Derpy a surprised hiss from the Lunar regent.

"Oops." Derpy frowned at her critical success versus the door, but rallied a disapproving frown at the princess of the night. "Princess Luna!"

"What? Oh, hello Derpy. Mail time already?" Luna looked up from her computer. A rather clunky looking machine, all told, the box for a screen connected with wires to another box, showing pictures of caricatured ponies with various forms of weaponry facing off with one another. It all seemed a bit silly to the pegasus.

"No. You're supposed to be down in the throne room, covering for Princess Celestia!"

"Oh, right, Celly asked me to do that." Luna remained where she was, clicking a small device under one hoof as her other hoof pressed some kind of button covered board. Derpy frowned again.

"Princess Luna, there are supplicants waiting." Luna broke into a startled hiss again, leaning in towards the screen.

"We're going to lose again... One more game, Derpy. Just one."

"Princess Luna! So help me I'll... I'll break your computer!"

Luna froze with a horrified expression, slowly turning to face the mailmare. "You wouldn't."

"I could!" Derpy stared back defiantly. Luna looked from the computer back to the rolling glare of the pegasus, and back to her computer.

"Fine. If it's that important to you." Luna cleared her throat, alighting her horn with energy. Derpy relaxed for a moment before a heavy weight landed on her head, and something long and metallic clattered to the ground before her. "By the power vested in us as Ruler of Equestria you are hereby appointed as temporary regent until the return of either of the royal sisters. Have fun!" Derpy was about to protest as another flash of Luna's horn teleported her to the throne room, crown and scepter included.

Luna breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to her game. Just one more round and she'd head down to relieve the mailmare. Just one.

Blueblood was calm. He was calm. He was incredibly calm. He was not nervously peeking down every hallway to ensure he avoided the maid he no longer needed. He was heading to the throne room to discuss something completely unrelated to the maid. Who he didn't need. Who could be fired. He could dress himself for a week or so, and thus ensure the next pool of applicants wouldn't include this- this- unspeakable horror contained in a pegasus disguise. She was more dangerous than Discord, Blueblood was sure of it!

He took a deep breath and contemplated his expression in the reflective surface of one of the vases set around the palace. He looked more worn than he wanted to admit, but he had, finally, found a still uncharred and intact suit near the back of his closet. While he found the act of setting out his own clothing to be a tedious bother, at least he still had a suit to wear. He would likely have to have some servant stop by to assess the damage and place orders for new attire.

He trotted past the assembled nobles and petty ponies seeking the ear of Celestia, not paying them any heed. He was her favorite nephew, and he was going to voice his concerns here and now.

"Auntie!" He moved through the door at a steady clip, not noting or caring whose troubles he was interfering with. It took him a moment longer to register what was on the throne.

Clad in her black and white maid dress, with an old fashioned crown adorning her head, and a scepter laid in front of her across the arms of the throne, was the mare of destruction. She smiled cheerfully at the prince, her yellow eyes of hatred and despair stopping their rolling long enough to fix the prince with their baneful gaze. "Hey there Prince Blueblood!" Her voice shattered Blueblood's hopes, dreams, and almost served to destroy his soul.

It was with an effort of will that Blueblood didn't run screaming. No. He was a prince. He had his pride.

He lay down, very casually, on the floor. He, very calmly, rolled onto his side. Without any semblance of dismay or fear he pulled his hind legs to his chest, holding them there with his arms. And in the manliest fashion he could manage, he began sobbing, tears streaming down his face. There was but one line that seemed to summarize this situation.

"I just..." The prince was racked with a sob. "Just don't know. What went wro-ho-ho-hong."

After negotiations had broken down, Celestia and Dinky had resorted to getting more cookies from Sugarcube Corner. The princess had to admit she felt a lot more welcome in Ponyville, many of the children simply waving at her as another familiar face. Yes, children! The next generation could be brought to a lesser feeling of obligatory formality by simple exposure. That would perhaps be the best avenue of—

Celestia's train of thought derailed as Mr. Bear landed on her nose with an expert toss. "You looked entirely too serious. Cookie?" Dinky; once again wise beyond her years; had disrupted the princess falling back into 'royal' mode, and beginning long term plans

Celestia smiled, returning Mr. Bear to Dinky's back with a chuckle. In return, the filly offered a cookie. "Yes please." In the here and now, things were alright. Oo, peanut butter cookie. Scanning the skies, Celestia couldn't help but note that the afternoon was moving onwards. "I am surprised your mother hasn't gotten home yet. Do you think we should go check on her?"

"We got a bag fulla cookies, I got Mr. Bear, and you're a princess. Let's ride!" Dinky posed excitedly, pointing at the train station. Celestia put a hoof to her mouth to stifle the giggles.

"I was thinking something a little quicker."

Dinky held on for dear life. The wind streaming past her was faster than the wind she felt, thanks to the shield out in front. She'd flown with her momma before, but flying on an alicorn was a completely different experience. She whooped excitedly as they slammed through another cloudbank, the mad giggles of a princess goofing off echoing around her happily. She wasn't sure how fast they were going, but Canterlot was getting closer by the minute!

After a moment to set both herself and Dinky back in order, Celestia lead the way through the front gates of the castle, to the mild consternation of the guards on duty. Years of familiarity guided her hooves through the hallways, even as her experience with the young unicorn managed to remind her of impending mayhem. "Don't mess with the vases, my little pony."

Dinky blew a raspberry, withdrawing her hoof from the previously mentioned object. "I wasn't gonna break it. And can't you just call me Dinky?"

"Would you just call me Celestia?"

"'Course! I'd even call you mom if you married my momma." With a cheerful giggle the filly darted past the now stricken with confused paralysis princess. After a moment to clear her head and a rueful smile, the Princess chased after the cheerful filly, herding her towards the throne room.

"Lulu, we're— Derpy?"

Derpy blinked atop the throne and smiled cheekily. "No, I'm Derpy. You're Celestia. And she's Dinky."

Dinky offered a massive gasp in retort. "Momma! Are you the princess?!"

"Not anymore, regent until one of the sisters returns."

"Wait, where's Lulu?"

"Probably still playing those games of hers." Derpy rolled her eyes with a weary expression. "At least the amount of ponies coming in dropped off sharply once Blueblood arrived." She gestured at the still sobbing lump of pony in the middle of the floor.

Celestia shook her head. "I can't imagine why that would be discouraging." She smiled a bit. "I do hope it wasn't too horrible a job?"

"Oh no, Princess, and the lunch was very good."

"You got here before..." She trailed off, eying her distraught nephew. "Perhaps a bit more effective than planned, but we'll call it a qualified success."

Derpy carefully removed the crown, leaving it and the scepter upon the throne. She walked over to Dinky and nuzzled up to her daughter. "So did you behave for the princess, my little muffin?"

"Uh huh! Mr. Bear owns Appleloosa now!" Derpy blinked a few times, fixing the giggling princess with a curious stare.

"Actually, there's a small addendum to Equestrian land deals that invalidates deals made with plush toys."

"That's oddly specific." Derpy smiled as Dinky pouted.

"Twilight had High General Smartypants make many a diplomatic mission from Fort Book Fort. In the end it was easier to make the deals invalid than try to argue ownership with her." Celestia and Derpy shared a small chuckle at the antics of children.

"Well, I am glad I was able to help you, Princess, and that Dinky wasn't too much trouble. I'll get us home."

"Actually, Derpy, there was one more thing." Derpy perked up as Celestia tapped a hoof to her chin. "No, let's say two things for now. One, please just call me Celestia. You've long been welcome here in the palace as an excellent mail service provider, and I would be honored if you'd count me as a friend rather than as a ruler."

"I'll.. try Celestia. But even Twilight still has trouble with that."

"I appreciate the effort. The second part is something that Dinky pointed out to me. We never actually 'tried' the date." Derpy blinked, her expression sliding into shock. "So, I figure we can try an actual date. Tonight. Luna will keep an eye on Dinky."

Derpy carefully weighed today's experiences with Luna in her mind. "Are you sure she will?"

"If she doesn't I'm giving you full authorization to 'bubble' her computer. I don't care how expensive she says it is."

Derpy blinked a few times, looking down at the eager smile of her daughter and up at the warm eyes of the Sun Princess. A smile slowly broke across her face. "I'm... I'm more than honored P—Celestia."

"Good! Now, how long has Blueblood been sobbing here?"

Derpy flinched slightly as she considered the sobbing noble. "We might need a mop."

Mayhem + Romance

It was an elegant dinner, from one of the finest Canterlot dinner destinations. Celestia and Derpy both munched quietly on their meals, small talk seasoning the dish well. "Dinky is adorable. And she seems to have her mother's eye for detail."

"Thank you Pr—. Thank you." Derpy smiled a bit. "I've always tried to let her find her happiness. I know it's not always easy for her with me working so much."

"Why do you work so much? I'd think with your many jobs you'd be able to handle all expenses, including the reimbursements."

Derpy chewed on her meal thoughtfully, before nodding. "I'm trying to save up for Hearth's Warming. I know it's still months away.. but last year, I couldn't get much for Dinky after a few ill timed mistakes wiped out the money I'd saved. This year, I'm going to make sure everything is perfect. Or at least as close as we can hope for."

Celestia nodded, smiling gently. "She's got quite an imagination. Did you make Mr. Bear?"

"Oh yes, button eyes, button nose, stuff, fluff, and plush." Derpy smiled at the wave of nostalgia. "She was always afraid of the dark, which didn't help when I couldn't be around much. So I made Mr. Bear to keep her safe. Oddly that bear always seems to get into the oddest antics."

Luna wiped away a cold drop of sweat. She was losing. It was a game to three kills, and she was losing. To a teddy bear. Dinky had simply placed the bear in front of the mouse and keyboard, mimicking Luna's hoof placement, and walked away. She only stood the bear back up each time he fell on his face. And somehow the bear had drifted, stumbled, and wandered into perfect positions before finishing the princess with a headshot each time.

It was completely impossible. But his reign of terror was at an end. Luna had finally completed a long circuit around the map, not leaving herself exposed a single time, ready to remove the bear from his sniper perch with a single well placed attack. She trotted up the stairs, scanning carefully from side to side.

And never even noticed the pony in the corner, rotating seemingly at random, as he got the final headshot.

"FFFFFF—"

"Do you think maybe you 'broke' something about him?"

Derpy put a hoof to her chin. "It would explain a lot. Princess, is— Celestia, is Luna doing alright?"

"I believe so, why do you ask?"

"She's trying so hard to get better at those games, because she's hoping ponies will judge her for her skills, rather than for her status as princess. She doesn't seem to intentionally shirk her duties, but they occupy a place so low in her priorities." Derpy poked at her meal with a fork.

Celestia sighed. "I shouldn't be surprised you noticed too, Derpy. She's still having problems getting used to modern Equestria. She needs friends nearby, and she still has a reputation to work through. Her intent with these online games is that she's clean of her reputation. But at the same time, she's starting from nothing. And not everypony has a computer, so who's playing is inherently limited. It's a decent idea, but it's incomplete, and I'm unsure of how to make it better."

"Invite her along for silly things."

"Sorry?"

"Go to the movies. Go out for a meal. Order in and play with her. I've already said you need to get out more. That advice can only be, well, doubled." Derpy smiled lopsidedly.

Celestia let out a peal of laughter, smiling at the pegasus across from her. "Again with the wisdom. Aren't I supposed to be the wise one?"

"You're too close to the problem to look at it like that. You wanted her to find her own way through it, since you're worried about how you might've contributed to her becoming Nightmare Moon."

Celestia blinked a few times at the rolling eyes of the grey pegasus, and wagged a hoof warningly in her direction. "That's going from 'insightful' to 'downright omniscient'." Derpy offered a sheepish smile in return. "So what shall we do after dinner?"

"You're asking me?"

Celestia chuckled at the mare's surprised expression. "I set the date for tonight, and picked dinner. You get to choose activities after that."

Derpy considered carefully. "Movie, and then we go back to the palace and make muffins. That way even if nothing else happens, we've still got a muffin out of it."

"Again with the wisdom." Celestia smiled warmly.

The movie was pleasant, the mares were both chattering cheerfully, and the fellow movie goers couldn't help but stop and stare as Celestia made her way out of the movie theater with her date. "It's almost strange. I feel like I got to know you rather well after the day with Dinky."

Derpy chuckled. "You have me at a disadvantage there. Luna didn't spend very much time with me."

"And yet I'm sure you've managed to build something of a profile on me anyway."

"Over the years and deliveries, perhaps." Derpy laughed happily, then stopped, turning to her left, looking at the very not suspicious dark alicorn and grey unicorn filly sporting handlebar mustaches and top hats. Celestia peeked over after a moment and boggled wordlessly as well. Luna facehooved.

"Hello strangers! Are you enjoying this lovely evening?" Dinky played her perfect disguise to a hilt, aside from not disguising her voice in the slightest. Celestia and Derpy exchanged a small grin, turning to the 'mysterious strangers.'

"Hello strangers. We were just about to go to Canterlot Castle and make muffins. It's too bad you can't join us. They were going to be delicious."

Dinky completely threw discretion to the wind at that revelation. "Aww momma, it's really me! Dinky! I wanna muffin!"

Derpy casually put a hoof to her chin. "No, no, my little Dinky doesn't have that kind of mustache." Shedding her disguise in seconds, the little unicorn filly grinned proudly up at her mother. "Why Dinky! When did you get here my little muffin?"

Dinky giggled proudly at her masterful use of the perfect disguise. Celestia slid up next to Luna as she removed her own top hat and mustache. "So why are you here?"

Luna sighed. "Dinky wanted to come out to spy on your date. I told her no. She wagered going to bed early versus coming out. I took Mr. Bear on in a first to three kills game, to make it end quicker."

Celestia blinked. "You lost to a plush toy."

Luna blushed. "He cheated! He must have!"

"Oh, oh, momma. Luna said something and I don't know what it means. What does fffff—"

"Dinky!" The lunar princess wished she could sink into the earth.

The Canterlot Castle kitchens were a place of refinement. A place where the most expertly crafted dishes in all of Equestria would be finalized in taste and appearance, prepared and waiting for the judgement of royalty. Diplomatic envoys would note that most of the employees truly enjoyed their jobs. The challenges of the ingredients, maintaining qualities of taste and texture, each aspect of a dish striving to produce a final work. What they would not note, however, was laughter.

The happy laughter spilling forth from two alicorns, a unicorn filly, and a pegasus all covered in dabs of honey, flour, ground oatmeal, and some vanilla extract was quite unusual. Especially since it was hours after the chefs had retired for the evening. Warmed by the sense of family and togetherness the two royal sisters and the two non-royal ponies engaged in a group hug. One that ended with a small kiss being planted on Derpy's nose by Celestia. As her mother blushed and stammered, Dinky let out an excited squee. It wasn't all according to plan, but it was still progress.

Epilogue

Dinky, Derpy, and Celestia walked the streets of Ponyville cheerfully. Dinky was being left with a sitter for the afternoon, but she was simply too excited to worry. "This is gonna be so great. So when am I gonna have a little sister? Or a little brother? I wanna teach them magic!"

Derpy and Celestia both blushed, laughing nervously at Dinky's enthusiasm. "I think we'd have to get married before we think about that, Dinky." Her mother turned to Celestia, who nodded.

"We are only on our second date."

"Oh, psh. You two are just takin' it slow because you're both happy and not sure what might happen." Derpy and Celestia exchanged a glance and laughed.

"Again with the insight."

"Quite." Celestia cleared her throat. "Of course, there was a reason I asked this specific sitter to help today, Dinky."

"Oh?" The little filly perked up happily.

"You see, while I really appreciated the letter and the muffins you sent, there were quite a few spelling errors."

Dinky just now realized they had stopped in front of the Golden Oaks Library. Her eyes widened in horror as the door opened, revealing the purple bane. The bringer of studying. The princess of homework!

"Hello Princess Celestia! Hello Derpy! Hello Dinky!"

"Hello Princess Sparkle!" Came the chorus from the two adults, earning a sheepish blush from the former student at her former mentor's casual reply. Dinky sought an avenue of escape.

"Well, she's all yours for the afternoon Twilight. Do try to teach her well."

"Be good my little muffin!"

Dinky's attempted escape was halted as she found herself wrapped up in Twilight's magenta aura of magic. As the little filly's struggles were blocked out by the closing library door, she let out a final cry of woe. "I regret everything!"

Good Morning Ponyville

As the sun rose above the horizon to proclaim the start of the day, life began to stir. Everywhere, little ponies; and indeed some decidedly less little ponies; roused themselves from slumber. Some hard working farmers and bakers had already turned themselves to the pursuit of their chosen field, and simply smiled as the warm light from the east rose to greet them. But within the warm confines of a home in Ponyville, a pegasus mare of grey had just started to rouse. Her wings flicked gently in the wan orange light penetrating the curtains. Her eyes tensed, then cracked open, revealing the yellow eyes underneath. She pushed herself up with her hooves, yawning as she stretched out her wings. With a slight crack she stretched out her back legs as well, finally walking herself out of bed as her eyes started to roll around, contemplating the world with separate paths. She approached her window, staring through the threadbare curtains which acted as a backup alarm. She couldn't help but smile at the warm scene of Ponyville; lightly distorted; gently stirring in the soup of warm orange colors, the few ponies active at this hour once again turned to their pursuits. She watched as the two separate images of the town resolved themselves familiarly. The distant orchards of Sweet Apple Acres, where Big Mac and Applejack were already at work. The smoke that rose from Sugarcube Corner showed they were already hard at work baking. And—

Wait. Backup...? Baking...?

Her eyes widened in surprise as her wings popped up to lend aid in her rapid escape. She was gonna be late for breakfast at this rate! She turned from the window, and started to the door as her eyes circled around. Off to her left, by the bed, she spotted the culprit and sent a partial glare in its direction. Of course her attention being split this way had familiar results, as one of her forelegs tried going left as the other continued straight. With a startled squeak the pegasus faceplanted, sending her cutie-marked flank of a set of bubbles tumbling over her head. Derpy shook her head as she finished her accidental cartwheel, landing seated on her haunches. She brushed the blonde mane out of her face as she turned to fix her alarm clock with a narrow glare. With a quick decision she approached the alarm, checking it over. The time showed it to be a little before sunrise, which was obviously incorrect. Derpy sighed, tapping the clock with a hoof. It had probably gotten damaged during her last attempt to silence it. She had to admit, she had a slight talent in regards to fragility. Or perhaps destruction, although that one made less sense connected to her cutie mark. Still, the alarm should've—

Even though she was half expecting it, she jumped back with a squeak of fear as the alarm started ringing right in front of her. She stumbled back into a corner of her bed, which shook with the slight impact of her hoof. She winced as the bed rattled, and all four legs collapsed. She breathed a frustrated sigh, silencing the alarm with a hoof. Getting the bed repaired was probably going to be another 40 bits, maybe less if Mr. Woodwork was in a good mood. But for now, she needed to get started baking muffins. It wouldn't do to let Dinky get to school hungry. With one last glare at the failing alarm clock, Derpy headed out of her room.

"Pssst."

A little purplish-grey unicorn filly stirred slightly within her cocoon of pillows and blankets. She had burrowed herself down with the ever increasing chance that morning was coming, hiding herself from the penetrating rays of the day star.

"Pssssssst!"

But now some brutal, evil, wicked force was conspiring to penetrate the sanctity of her fortress of sleepitude!

"Dinky."

The force knew her name! This called for drastic measures! The creature must be released! With a careful sweep of her hoof, Dinky tossed the Mighty Lord Ursinator at the dark force of evil!

"Oh hello Mr. Bear, did you want to eat Dinky's muffin?"

Muffin? A pair of yellow eyes risked a view of the outside world from the shadowy confines of the fortress.

"Why yes, it does have hay bacon. And sun-dried cranberries. You're quite good at this Mr. Bear."

Why that traitor! That fluffy bear had surrendered before the deliciousness that was muffins! Dinky scrunched up her face, trying to mount some sort of counter offensive. Her mind clicked over quickly before settling on the most logical response. "Hey! That's my muffin!" Nopony could argue with that.

Derpy smiled at her daughter. "Are you sure? I mean you're all the way over there, and Mr Bear is riiiiight here."

Dinky huffed. "Awww momma, I don't wanna get up!"

Derpy laughed. "And I don't wanna work, but you've got school, and I've got to work, so it's time to rise and shine my little muffin." She gently leaned over the bed and nuzzled Dinky, who put up the barest of resistances.

"Aww but momma." Dinky giggled happily.

"Don't you argue with me." Derpy replied with a return giggle. "Now get up. You still need to freshen up, unless you want me to preen you."

Dinky squeaked and took off for the bathroom. She'd been preened once for doubting that threat worked on a non-pegasus and it had tickled like nopony's business!

Dinky started with brushing her teeth, so the shower would have time to warm up. In the mirror she watched as her mother smoothed out the bed, and gently returned Mr. Bear on top with her wings. She loved her mom.

Dinky munched her muffin gleefully as she walked. It was still a bit early for school, but she liked taking the longer way around Ponyville. Through the market, past Sugarcube Corner, around the back of the library; nopony with any sense risked getting caught by one of Twilight's lectures when they had to be somewhere; skirting the edge of the park, then on to—

"Hey Blank Flanks!"

School. And the familiar territorial shrieking of the Diamondus Tiaradactyl.The pink earth pony filly with light blue eyes and purple and white mane glared at her opposition, looking for signs of weakness to exploit. At her side the symbiotic Silverus Spoonicus favored the targets of the moment with a vicious smile, the grey earth pony filly with purple eyes, glasses, and light grey hair simply waiting for her moment to strike.

"Leave us alone Tiara." A white unicorn filly with green eyes and pink and purple mane stood her ground. A Sweetum Bellum!

"Yeah, why don't ya go get ready fer class or somethin'?" The yellow earth pony filly with a red mane, orange eyes, and a big red bow on her head struggled to keep their third member from zipping forward. An... Applebloomasaurus?

"Yeah! Before I make you leave!" The orange pegasus filly bared her teeth at her opponents, her magenta mane in its usual windswept state as her purple eyes swapped from one opponent to the other in quick succession. A Scoota...a Scootaloo. Darnit. Dinky frowned trying to think of some way to work with the name, but drew a complete blank.

She missed the last part of the exchange as the two terrible fillies finished mocking the Cutie Mark Crusaders and headed into the classroom. Seeing the path clearing, Dinky walked up, as Scootaloo collapsed to the ground with a groan. "Morning girls!"

"Mornin' Dinky." Applebloom gave her a nod.

"Morning!" Sweetie Belle chirped cheerfully at the unicorn filly.

Dinky frowned as she turned to the sulking Scootaloo. "Your name's too hard, Scoots!"

"Wha-?" Scootlaoo blinked at Dinky with a confused expression. "Oh, morning Dinky. Why's my name too hard?"

"I was trying to do like monstery names. Like Diamondus Tiaradactyl." The orange pegasus snorted with a smile as Dinky continued. "But your name just doesn't work!"

Sweetie put a hoof to her chin. "How about a Scootasaurus?"

"Nah, I already used that for Applebloom."

"Applebloomasaurus? Ah guess both Scoots and Ah got the weird names to work with."

Dinky shrugged, and nodded, taking a finishing bite of her muffin. "So what's DT's thing today?"

Scootaloo grumbled as she returned to her feet. "That we might not pass the test today 'cause of all our crusading."

"It probably wouldn't hurt for you to study now and then, Scoots," Sweetie Belle admonished.

Dinky's yellow eyes widened. "There's a test today? Good thing muffins are brain food!"

"You say muffins are an every kind of food, Dinky." Scootaloo grinned. "But if you've got another muffin for trade..."

"Well, my momma makes the best muffins, so of course they're the best kind of any food." Dinky happily reached into her saddlebag, showing off two muffins. "I got another hay bacon and cranberry, and raspberry cream! What about you?"

Scootaloo checked her own saddlebags. "Yeah, she makes pretty awesome muffins. I've got a lily and mayo sandwich, water, and some potato chips. Say, how does your mom do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ah'd never expect you to eat lilies, Scoots." Applebloom dug into her own bags. "Ah think what Scoots means is that yer mom's workin' all the time. She ain't got a special somepony or a housemate or sibling or granny or nothin'. Ah got some apple fritters, apple-butter sandwich, and some apple juice."

Scootaloo nodded as Sweetie Belle checked for her own lunch. "Yeah, she's gotta work pretty hard. And she doesn't even have another pony to help with the work. I mean, I guess that's okay when you're just taking care of yourself like Rainbow Dash does, but it always seems like your mom's working everywhere."

"Well, she does break things a lot... But then again so do you guys." Dinky giggled, as the two crusaders rolled their eyes.

Sweetie Belle tallied her lunch items with a smile. "What about that other pony she's around with a lot? Time Turner?" She happily pulled out her lunch. "I've got a marshmallow fluff sandwich, a milk box, and homemade brownies!" The other three fillies stared in vague horror at the black charcoal lump that was being passed off as brownies.

Dinky was about to respond when the previously mentioned pony rushed up to her, glancing around in a mild panic. "Dinky! Hello! Good to see you! What day is it?"

Dinky favored the light brown earth pony with darker brown mane, sky blue eyes, and an hourglass for a cutie mark with a cool expression. "Wednesday?"

"More specifically." He turned an incredibly strained smile on the group of fillies.

Dinky rolled her eyes. Of course. "It's the 26th. Of March. Three years after Nightmare Moon."

"Good! Good! Excellent. If I see you later today, remember not to tell me you saw me. I've got to go. Got something to do out in the Everfree. Say hi to your mom for me." With that he took off at a gallop. Dinky blew out a frustrated sigh.

"Yeah. He's... Um... A little weird?" The Crusaders nodded in quiet agreement. Dinky quietly began picking from the available options, settling on some apple fritters, the milk box, and the lily sandwich. "I don't think my mom really has time to go looking for a special somepony anyway. She's always gotta work."

The Crusaders considered their counter offer, torn between sweet and savory muffins. Sweetie Belle perked up. "Maybe she could marry a prince? The big Canterlot wedding was great, and Shining and Cadence looked so happy!"

"Isn't the only prince around Blueblood?" Applebloom frowned.

Scootaloo made a face. "Even I've heard about how much of a jerk that guy was. Ugh."

Dinky sighed. "Would be nice, but I'm not gonna set my momma up with a jerk just because he's a prince."

Sweetie considered a moment longer, and smiled. "How about we do half of each muffin? I call raspberry cream for my share."

Scootaloo nodded. "Sounds good. I just wanted the hay bacon and cranberry anyway. It's too bad the prince isn't as nice as the princesses are."

Applebloom smiled. "Yeah, but Ah think every mare'd wanna marry that kinda prince. And Ah'm fine with the third left."

Dinky gasped in a manner reminiscent of a certain pink party pony. "You guys! What about the princesses!"

The Crusaders blinked blankly. Scootaloo finally spoke up. "What?"

"What if my momma married one of the princesses?" Dinky smiled cheerfully as she split up the muffins.

The Crusaders split up their spoils before each putting a hoof to their chin. "Hmmmm," they chorused.

"I don't see any problems with it." Scootaloo shrugged.

"Well, they'd have to go on some dates or somethin' and be special someponies before they get married." Applebloom nodded.

"But how would you get your mom to be special someponies with a princess, Dinky? You just said she's working all the time." Sweetie Belle's wisdom poleaxed Dinky's optimistic smile. It re-surged scant moments later.

"I guess I've got to figure this out for her then!"

The fillies looked up as the school bell started to ring. Scootaloo's eyes widened in horror as she threw a desperate glance at her share of the muffin bounty. "Brain food don't fail me now!" With sheer effort she downed the delicious treat in two bites and scurried after her classmates into the classroom.

Author's Note

What could ever go wrong with the seed of an idea planted by the Crusaders?