Grabby

by Wise Cracker

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life
Length: 18577

Spike is stealing again. This calls for drastic measures, of a medicinal kind.

Spike's stealing again. He's not sure what caused it, but that doesn't really matter much. What matters is getting a solution.

Fortunately, there is one: Cogitin, a drug that numbs the influence of one's own magic, silencing any compulsions that might arise from it. Ponies use it all the time when they have problems with their talents.

And the drug is perfectly safe, with no side effects.

In principle, at least.

(May rustle some jimmies.)

Published 2014-03-26 15:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-03 18:10:55 UTC

Prologue

The air in Sugarcube Corner was heavy with the scent of freshly baked pastry. Spike braced himself, gesturing to the three fillies before adjusting his chef’s hat and strapping his apron a little tighter. “Clear!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders ducked, the dragon let loose. With a jet of flame over the counter, Spike added a glaze to the pies they’d been making. Mrs. Cake moved them to the windowsill to cool off and readied the next batch. “Thanks so much for the help, girls. This order’s been quite the challenge.”

Apple Bloom put a hoof to her chest. “No biggie, Mrs. Cake, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are always ready to help.”

Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. “Uh huh. We didn’t get a pie-baking cutie mark, though.”

Scootaloo sighed. “Or a cupcake-baking cutie mark.”

“Clear!”

Another round of flame, another set of pies done, finished with an authentic dragonbreath crisp.

Apple Bloom looked behind her at the mess they’d made of the kitchen. “We might get a kitchen-cleaning cutie mark, though.”

Sweetie Belle turned as well. Dough had been splattered on the walls and ceiling and several of the dishes set out had somehow ended up with a black, mud-like substance on it. Rarity had warned Mrs. Cake that Sweetie Belle was not to be trusted in the kitchen, and Apple Bloom had mentioned something about not trusting the little unicorn with electrical appliances, but in the end things had worked out despite the unheeded warnings.

“Clear!”

The green flame singed the last batch of pies. Spike grinned triumphantly at a job well done. “There, that’s the last of them. Twenty-five dragon-made dragonfruit pies with real dragon breath to top it off.” He wiped his apron to get rid of some dough.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes when she caught the disaster area they’d made of the kitchen. “I’m still surprised you didn’t get a cutie mark in melting food, Sweetie Belle.”

“I told you a hundred times: the ovens don’t work the way they do at my place!”

Mrs. Cake sighed and put the last of the pies on their cooling spot. She walked over to Spike when she was done. “Thank you especially, Spike, for keeping the girls in line. It’s nice to have someone their age around to be the voice of reason. I wouldn’t have even asked if it hadn’t been so urgent.”

Spike looked at the dripping wreckage behind him, ignoring the bickering that had started. He gave it about thirty seconds before it would die down, it always did. “No sweat, Missus Cake. I’m always ready to lend a helping hoof, err, hand, or claw. Even if it doesn’t always turn out perfect.”

“Oatmeal? Are you crazy?” Sweetie Belle went wide-eyed.

Spike blinked, confused. Apparently, that settled that argument. Mrs. Cake got out a mop and a bucket. “All right, girls, that will be all. Thanks again for the help, I can take it from here.”

With yet another crusade failed, the girls galloped out. Apple Bloom turned back in the doorway. “Okay, see you later, Missus Cake! And thanks for the help, Spike!”

Mrs. Cake chuckled once the girls were out. “You know, when I asked Applejack for help, I wasn’t expecting to get a dragon along for the ride, too.”

Spike shrugged. “Rarity asked.”

“Oh. And you didn’t mind helping out the girls with something? Just like that?”

Spike eagerly took a rag and started cleaning the table. “Just like that. That’s my Dragon Code: always ready to lend a claw, come rain or sun or ice or thaw.”

The mare started rubbing the mop into the dough-stained floor. “That’s very gallant of you, Spike, but really, I can handle it from here.”

“Oh, it’s not a problem, I’m happy to help. Besides, it’ll get done faster this way, right? Unless you want Mister Cake to come in with the twins and see the place like this? Or Pinkie Pie, once she gets back?”

Mrs. Cake surveyed the one spot she’d managed to clean, and the one corner of the table that Spike had cleaned. The rest of the kitchen remained in a state that wouldn’t have been out of place on a horror movie set, though at least here the slime didn’t contain any facehugger eggs. No intact ones that she knew of, at least, one could never be certain in Ponyville. “Point taken. But, if you don’t mind my asking, what’s your stature?”

Spike didn’t even bother using the rag at this point, just taking the dough in his claws with big lumps and dropping them in a waste basket. “My what?”

“Your stature, or your status. I keep hearing ponies call you ‘baby dragon’, but… well, I’ve got two babies around the house, and Pinkie Pie, I know what babies act like and you, Spike, do not act like a baby. So, sorry if it’s a bit blunt, but what are you, legally? Do you know if you’re an adult?”

Spike got the rag out again once all the big lumps were done. With his small stature, it was easier for him to stand on the tables and reach for the stains on the cupboards. “Oh, you mean that? Well, I’m not exactly an adult, but I’m not exactly a kid, either, according to the law. I think Princess Celestia said I was… constituted?”

The mare looked up. “Constituted?”

Spike scratched his chin. “Constipated?”

“I should hope not.”

The baby dragon squinted, lost in thought. “Emaciated?”

The mare checked the dragon’s scales for fat reserves. “No, Spike, you’re definitely not that. Oh, you mean you’re emancipated?”

Spike nodded and snapped his fingers. “Yeah, that’s the one. Twilight’s my guardian, but I’m allowed to have a small job, since I went to school and everything. I’ve got a diploma somewhere. Twilight knows what I can and can’t do.” He patted his rumbling stomach, but he didn’t burp up the document quite yet.

Mrs. Cake got her mop into some purple grunge, then nearly jumped when the stuff moaned, sprouted eyes, then scuttled out the door. Spike saw it, but waved it away. “Yeah, that’s Sweetie Belle’s fault. Her magic’s acting up, or something. It’s not alive, it just moves around for about five minutes. Creepy, though.”

Mrs. Cake’s nose curled in disgust. “Yes, very. But hang on, let me see if I’m understanding this correctly. You’re not really dependent on anypony, but you are still a child?”

Spike shrugged. “Um, yeah, I guess. Why do you ask?”

“Well, because I need to know what I’m allowed to ask of you. I mean, sure, little ponies often do little chores here and there; it helps them find their talent, learn skills, and make a few extra bits. But the law doesn’t allow for foal labour, Spike, kids can’t work like they have a job. Even if you have a day job, if you’re still a child, then I’m not allowed to ask you to work too hard. Or for too long.”

Spike kept going, unabated. “Oh, well, if it’s foal labour you’re worried about, it’s not a problem.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’m not a foal, remember?” He chuckled.

“Very funny, Spike. You’ve done enough now, honest. Thank you very much, but I really have to ask you to go. If anypony ever asks, I could get in trouble. I’ll be sure to drop by and get you some gemstones for your effort.”

“Oh, you don’t need to, Missus Cake; Rarity’s already got some sapphires waiting for me,” Spike said.

“And that’s Rarity saying thanks. I owe you, Spike, that’s how it works.”

“Well, I was planning to make another five-gem cake…”

The blue mare smiled knowingly. “Some rubies, then?”

Spike licked his lips. “That’d be perfect.”

The mare extended a hoof for the dragon to shake. “That’s a deal, then. Now off you go, dear, I’m going to finish up and if I hurry, my husband should be back from the doctor’s by the time I’m done.”

“Okay. See you around, Missus Cake!”

“See you around, Sir Dragon.”

Spike hummed a merry tune to himself as he strode out through the front door.

Then he jumped at the sound of impending armageddon.

By the time he landed, the laughter registered, along with the post-lightning strike ringing in his ears. “Rainbow -- hiccup -- Dash!”

Rainbow Dash lay on her cloud, laughing and kicking her hooves up with delight. “Hahaha, that never gets old. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you, Spike?” She rolled over and looked down to check.

Spike kept hopping up and down, hiccoughing all the way. “N-no, but -- hiccup -- I -- hiccup -- think -- hiccup -- I might have the -- hiccup!”

“I kinda caught that much, Spike. Try drinking some water. Need a little rain?”

Spike glared and sucked in a big gulp of air. He spat out a blue flame at Rainbow Dash’s cloud. Before she even knew what had hit her, a shock had gone up the cloud and into her hooves, barely enough to shake a seasoned Weather Patrol captain, but more than enough to make her mane explode into a colourful ball or frizz.

Rainbow patted her poofed-up mane with a hoof. “How did you do that?”

Spike grinned. “You do know who I live with, right?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes, trying to get the lightning style out of her mane. “Oh yeah, guess you would learn a trick or two. Hey, did that clear your hiccoughs?”

“Yup, special dragon remedy.” Spike casually turned and walked off towards the library. “Oh, and Rainbow? Next time you feel like pranking me, bring a brush.”

Rainbow Dash shot him a playful glare. “Maybe I will, Spike. You win this one, for now…” Rainbow Dash flew off, presumably to wash her hair under a raincloud to get the poof out.

Spike got home in one piece, Twilight was reading, just like he’d left her, all in all the afternoon had been well-spent. His stomach grumbled, though, loud enough for the princess to hear.

Twilight’s ears perked. “Hey, Spike. How was the crusading? Girls didn’t give you any trouble?”

“Nah, I could handle it. Hey, do we have any bananas around, and some chocolate sauce?”

“In the fridge, Spike, just make sure it doesn’t spoil your appetite. We’re eating out tonight.”

Spike didn’t hear. He’d already heated up the chocolate-covered banana with his fire breath and wolfed it down with one big gulp. He rubbed his belly as he came back into the main reading room. “Ah, much better.”

Twilight chuckled. “Never mind. An act of gallantry like that deserves a reward, after all. Not to mention you’re still growing.”

“Exactly. Gotta keep all this going strong, after all.” Spike struck a pose he’d seen in a bodybuilding magazine, curling his arms to show off his impressive biceps. Not that he had any dragon reference to compare his biceps with, but it’s the thought that counts.

Twilight nodded, her eyes still on the book. “Very true.”

Silence fell between them. Spike fidgeted in his seat. “I’m gonna go get another chocolate-covered banana.”

Twilight finally looked up from her book. “No, Spike, you don’t need to go overboard.”

Spike groaned. “So I guess I’ll go clean the library, then?”

Twilight shook her head. “No need for that. We’re doing that tomorrow, remember? But if you have nothing to do, I think Fluttershy was looking for you, something about needing a reptile’s perspective on habitats. Actually, come to think of it, you’re not technically a reptile, are you? You’re definitely not cold-blooded, your bone structure is set for bipedal motion instead of quadrupedal, and you have your own brand of magic, so you can’t be reptilian. I should really look into your taxonomy sometime, huh? What do you think, Spike? Spike?”

The princess looked back. It seemed the library was suffering from an acute lack of purple dragon.

Guess he bolted at the word ‘help’. I really should pay more attention to what he eats and does, all things considered.

Oh, what am I worried about? It’s Spike, he’s more of a grownup than some of the grownups around here.

Well, sometimes.

Author's Note

Just setting the scene here. The story's a bit rushed, so there may be a few errors in it here and there. Mostly the prologue is meant to establish things as they start, and address some of the iffiness of Spike's stature and the apparent foal labour the CMC get away with, presumably to fund their projects.

Warmed-up bananas with chocolate sauce are great. There's a reason those things are a part of banana splits.

Spell Check

Spike glanced around the library. New books sat in boxes by the door, the bookcases had a thin layer of dust on them, and the air was thick with that familiar scent of dust and paper. The smell didn’t register as much as the taste, though: the air was a lot woodier in Ponyville’s library than it had been in Canterlot’s. Every day he’d wake up with just a hint of acorny bitterness on his tongue, but by now that had become the taste of home.

Still, the dust was something he couldn’t quite stomach.

Spike saluted the princess and stood to attention. “Okay, ready when you are, Twilight. Just tell me where you want the new books and they’re there.”

Twilight smiled at the little dragon. “Actually, Spike, I’ve been looking into more advanced household magic recently. You can sit this one out.” Twilight closed her eyes and concentrated. Purple light flowed forth from her horn to envelop every book in the room, including the ones in boxes that had arrived the past few days. Slowly, carefully, each book rose up from its resting place to circle around the pair.

Spike frowned. “Oh, so you’re using a spell for it. Didn’t you use this one before? I thought it took too long this way.”

Twilight opened her eyes and took a careful, controlled breath. “That one required me to check every single book on its own before I could put it in its place. This spell allows me to arrange the books without me needing to check them all one by one. And speaking of which, time to clean out the cases.”

Spike dashed off and returned with a feather duster. “I’m on it! Whoa!” He nearly got pulled off the ground when the duster rebelled against his grip and left to join its animated brethren. As one, feather dusters, brooms and dustbins moved over the floors of the bookcases, collecting dust and grime as they went. Before long, the wood of the cases had lost its thin layer of grey, and the air became a lot fresher as Twilight opened all the windows.

Spike checked Twilight for any signs of exertion. She didn’t need to squint, perk her ears, bunch up her wings, she was holding up just fine. Twilight’s smile turned to a grin once the last of the cleaning was done. “And now we just get every book in its place.”

She put her hooves to her temples. The purple glow around every book changed colour, seemingly at random. Some turned green, some turned red, some yellow. As far as Spike could tell, the spell Twilight had cast could read the covers enough to tell the difference by topic, maybe even arrange them by author.

With another calm breath and force of will, Twilight had the books settle into their new spaces. The boxes with new additions were empty, the library was clean. The job was done.

Spike scratched the back of his head. “Huh, that was pretty quick.”

“It was, wasn’t it? And so much easier.”

Spike grumbled as he walked to the door. “Yeah, a lot easier.”

Twilight came up behind him, fetching her saddlebags and grocery list with her magic. “Come on, let’s get you all the things you need for your cake.”

Spike licked his lips and rubbed his hands together. "Can't wait."

It was the kind of day that tended to cause arguments in Ponyville. On one end of the spectrum, there were normal ponies who appreciated the efforts of the Ponyville Weather Patrol in giving them a sunny morning. On the other end, there was the Ponyville Writer’s Club, who would send a letter every week, like clockwork, imploring the Weather Patrol to ‘Please provide some weather that makes for a more interesting and original intro, as editors are tired of hearing what a sunny morning it is every single day’. At which point the Weather Patrol captain would fly towards the Writer’s Club and deposit the most interesting raincloud she could find, open the sluices and just leave it there.

But Ponyville Market was, thankfully, far removed from the Writer’s Club headquarters, and as such it was a sunny morning there.

“Spike?”

Spike turned, unaware he’d zoned out. He’d been staring at the jars of honey at Mister Bumbles’ stand, but he couldn’t think of a reason why. Twilight didn’t particularly notice, as she had her eyes firmly on her grocery list.

Twilight held up the parchment and quill in her magic. “Okay, so that’s all the flour we needed, all the sugar, and now we need to get ourselves some tomatoes for a nice salad this week.”

Spike followed, fidgeting with his empty hands. He didn’t listen to Twilight talking to the mare selling tomatoes, or to the sound of bits hitting wood. His eyes were fixed on the cherry tomatoes right at eye height.

“Spike? Are you daydreaming about something?”

Spike quickly shook his head to clear it. “Huh? Uh, yeah, sorry. I think maybe I didn’t get enough sleep.”

Twilight frowned. “I don’t know, Spike, you hit the hay just as early as I do. Were you fantasising about your five-gem cake, maybe?”

Spike grumbled as they left the tomato stand. He licked his lips, though. “Yeah, that’s gonna be deliciousss…”

“Hey! Excuse me?”

Twilight and Spike turned. The mare at the tomato stand was gesturing to them. “Are you going to pay for that cherry tomato you took?”

Twilight frowned, her shopping list and quill still floating beside her. “I didn’t take any cherry tomatoes.”

“Not you, Your Highness, that dragon of yours. I saw him snatch it right out of the box as you left.”

Twilight looked down at Spike. He shrugged, empty-handed and with no juice on his lips. She turned back towards the beige mare with the brown mane. “I’m sorry, but I think you’re mistaken. Spike doesn’t take food that’s not his; he knows better. Come on, Spike.”

Spike turned away to follow Twilight. Even so, he could feel the glares of some ponies boring into his back, even catching a few murmurs amongst the crowds.

“Think he’s stealing again?”

“A sweet boy like him? Never, not after what happened last time.”

“Better batten down the hatches, just in case.”

Spike idly rubbed his arm, clenching and unclenching his fists as he went. He perked up once Applejack’s stand came into view. His eyes were drawn to a pie just out of his reach. His tongue slipped out, he could taste that sweetness even from afar.

He stopped himself and wriggled his tongue around in his mouth. Did my tongue just split? Feels normal now… must be nothing.

“Top of the morning to ya, Twilight,” Applejack greeted. “The usual?”

Twilight nodded. “The usual.”

Applejack already had a bag ready for the princess, Twilight had her bits ready. Applejack looked down at her stall, then at Spike. Twilight put her things away, scratched off another item from her list, then looked at Applejack. “Something wrong?”

Applejack scratched her head. “I don’t know. I could’ve sworn I had another apple pie standin’ here.”

Twilight looked at the baby dragon again. “Spike, did you just eat that pie?”

“What? No, honest!” He shook his head vehemently.

Twilight sighed and took out a few more bits from her purse. “Here, Applejack. I think Spike might be getting a case of the munchies.”

Applejack chuckled. “No worries, Twi. I’m sure Spike didn’t mean to.”

Spike held up his hands. “But I didn’t take the pie.”

“Come on, Spike.” Twilight led the way. “We just need to stop by Filthy Rich’s stall for some banana jam, so try to behave.”

Spike groaned. “I am behaving, Twilight. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not me.” Ponies were looking at them again. Spike grunted. “I’m not stealing anything, really.”

Twilight didn’t hear. She just put up her best smile for Filthy Rich and his assistant for the day. “Hello, Mister Rich, Diamond Tiara.”

The stallion smiled at the pair. “Hello, Your Highness, and Sir Dragon. What can I do for you?”

Spike barely felt the world slip out from under him again. He just stared at the jars of jam lined up in front of him. Everything else seemed distant, unimportant. For just a split second, he even forgot where he was.

“There he is!”

Spike was snapped out of his reverie. The mare selling tomatoes had rounded up some of her colleagues, apparently. Spike recognised the stallion who sold honey, the one at the fruit stand, even the one who sold pickled peppers.

Twilight packed her things, including her scroll and quill, before facing the crowd. “Is this about the cherry tomato? Seems a little zealous for just one bit, or two. I never can keep up with the prices around here.”

Diamond Tiara nudged her father. “Daddy?”

Mister Rich kept his voice low and calm. “Easy, darling, I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

The tomato salespony stepped forward. “Listen, Princess Twilight. We’re all very grateful for the things you have done for Equestria, but that doesn’t give you the right to take what isn’t yours.”

Twilight flinched. “Umm, excuse me? I didn’t take anything, not without paying for it.”

The beige mare pointed an accusing hoof towards Spike. “You didn’t, but Spike there’s been stealing from every stall he’s passed today. He gulped up a jar of honey, he took one of my cherry tomatoes, and I saw him gobble up one of Applejack’s pies just now.”

Applejack left her stand and stepped in front of the crowd. “Now hold on there, Roma. Even if Spike took a few things, you can’t go gangin’ up on him like this. He’s only a child, and he’s a dragon to boot. This ain’t the time or the place to go accusin’ him of anything.”

Spike pointed right back at Roma with his claw. “Yeah! I’m not a thief, what proof do you have I took anything?”

Twilight sighed. “Spike, put the jar down.”

Spike looked at his hand. He had a jar of strawberry jam in his claws. He quickly put it back on the stand. “I didn’t take that. I know I didn’t. I don’t remember taking it.”

Roma, the tomato mare, pointed an accusing hoof to the little dragon. “See? He’s stealing, and he should be punished. I should think that dragon of yours knows it’s wrong to take stuff that doesn’t belong to him.”

“He does, don’t you, Spike?” Twilight looked down at him.

“Of course I know! I don’t know what happened.” Spike looked down at claws, clenching and unclenching his fists like he was expecting something to happen.

Rome scowled. “Well, obviously he hasn’t learned enough.”

Applejack pounded the ground angrily. “That’s enough out of you, Roma. Spike’s just as much a hero as me and Twilight, he’s helped save Equestria and the Crystal Empire, so you show some respect, ya hear?”

Much to everypony’s surprise, Roma lightened up at that. “Right. I’m sorry, that was out of line. It’s not his fault; he is only a baby, after all.”

This did not go down well with Spike. “What?!”

“Calm down, Spike.” Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder to try and calm him down.

Spike angrily pushed it off. “No, I don’t have to take that from you! I know who you are; you’re the same pony that ripped off Fluttershy. You helped turn her into a jerk when that Iron Will guy came around. Well, I’m not gonna let you stand there and badmouth me. I’m not just a baby, I’m a baby dragon. You can’t just pretend I’m like a pony baby; I was taught by Princess Celestia, I got my degree in Canterlot! Where did you go to school, huh?”

Roma took a step back when Spike approached her. “Okay, I get it. My mistake, Spike. No need to get all angry.”

Spike caught his breath. “Look, if I took all that stuff, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it was happening, okay? But you don’t get to insult me for something that isn’t even my fault. And you definitely don’t get to call me things like that.”

Mister Bumbles, the tan stallion from the honey stand, frowned. “Princess Twilight, tell your son to calm down, would you?”

Twilight’s expression hardened. “He has every right to be outraged, at all of you. Look at you, ganging up on him just over some little things you barely even noticed he took. You didn't even bother to settle this in private, or give him the benefit of the doubt. And he is not my son; he is my friend, and my assistant. He works hard, just like any pony would. He’s not beneath you and he’s certainly not beneath me.”

Spike nodded. “That’s right. I’ve got a job to do, just like you.”

“Wow, a little kid slaving for a princess? No wonder he steals.”

Spike nearly bellowed out a flame. His eyes narrowed to mere dots. “Who said that? Who said that?!”

Silence fell over the crowd of market ponies. The ones who’d been protesting took a careful step back, and the onlookers looked away in shame.

Spike gritted his teeth. “Which one of you said that?”

One by one, everypony he could see shook their heads.

Twilight shook hers at the crowd. “Go back to your stalls, everypony, your customers are waiting. Come on, Spike, we’re heading back home. Looks like the market’s fresh out of manners today.”

Spike was still fuming. “Not before they apologise.”

Applejack walked over to him and patted him on the head as the market ponies dispersed and got back to work. “It’s okay, Spike. Folks are just scared, is all.”

Spike looked up at Applejack, sobbing. “But… this isn’t fair. I can’t help it. Why do they get to say that about me? They’re not supposed to be allowed to do that.”

Applejack smiled down at him. “I know, sugarcube. They’ll come around.”

“Your Highness, if I may?” Filthy Rich tapped Twilight on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry about the jar, Mister Rich. I didn’t mean to.” Spike looked at the ground.

“I understand that, Spike. But, Princess, it seems to me that Spike’s stealing habit is related to his magic, correct?” Filthy Rich asked carefully.

Twilight solemnly nodded as Applejack walked off to tend to a customer. “Yes, it is. I still haven’t found anything on dragons, though, so I can’t be sure.”

Rich cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “But I take it his greed will feed his magic and possibly cause him to get a growth spurt again?”

Twilight bit her lip and sighed. “I sure hope not, but if this keeps up, maybe. I don’t think this is as bad as it was last time, though. What do you think, Spike?”

Spike shook his head, staring at his claws. “No, this is different. I’m still me this time, mostly.”

Rich nodded. “Look, Your Highness, um, Twilight, I’m not going to make a fuss over this one little thing. It’d be bad for business in the long run, after all, and I know Spike’s no thieving miscreant. But I still need to consider the safety of my family. Do you have any ways of stopping Spike from getting out of control? Did you find any way to calm him down after what happened last time?”

Twilight winced. “None I can think of, no. Why do you ask?”

Filthy looked away, carefully weighing his words. “Well, it just occurred to me that Spike, being a dragon, is a creature of magic, just like ponies are. So perhaps, if you don’t know what solutions exist for dragons, would it not be more useful to check what solutions exist for any creatures of magic?”

Twilight pondered it for a moment. “You know, you might have a point there. Do you have any experience in the matter?”

Filthy Rich blushed. “I have friends and relatives in the Royal Guard, Your Highness. I’ve met some very high-level unicorns in my day, and not all of them had your spotless record.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it spotless, but… yeah, we did get some classes on magic ailments, and not all of it would be limited to ponies. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to see a unicorn doctor. I think we will try that. Thank you, Mister Rich.”

“A pleasure to help. Good day to you, Your Highness, and Sir Dragon.”

“Yeah, bye, Princess Twilight, and Spike!” Diamond Tiara waved as they left. Wait ‘till Silver Spoon hears about this.

Spike hated the hospital. Not because the pillows on the examination table were so hard, not because of the medical posters everywhere that were really only interesting to ponies, but because of the taste, or lack thereof. If pressed, he’d say that hospitals weren’t so bad, but only as long as he could keep his mouth closed, which made visiting sick friends an awkward affair. The air in Ponyville Hospital always tasted of chemicals, since sanitation was not an easy feat for creatures that walked on all fours most of the time. The disinfectants that hung in the air were heavy-duty, enough to numb Spike’s tongue when he opened his mouth.

Nevertheless, it was a bit of a relief to taste the wood of a spatula on his tongue, even if the dark yellow unicorn inspecting him was somewhat intimidating to be around. Doctor Stable shone a penlight in Spike’s eyes after checking the dragon’s mouth. “No split tongue now. Your eyes aren’t slit and your eyelids haven’t morphed yet, so it’s not progressing, at least.”

Spike sat perfectly still on the examination table. “That’s good, right?”

Doctor Stable nodded. “It’s a good sign, certainly. Are you feeling hungry now, Spike?”

Spike shook his head. “Uh uh.”

Doctor Stable held up a lollipop in his magic. Before Twilight could even make a remark, Spike had gulped the whole thing down and spat out the stick. Stable furrowed his brow. “You’re absolutely sure you’re not feeling hungry right now?”

Spike nodded. “Sure I’m sure. I had a big breakfast, I eat healthy. Well, I think I eat healthy. It’s kinda hard to tell.”

The doctor turned to Twilight. “And he always eats regularly? No cramps, no regurgitation?”

Twilight shrugged. “He only gets cramps when he eats too much ice cream, and I haven’t seen him do that in a while. Have you, Spike?”

Spike shrugged. “Not that I noticed, but I guess I can’t tell anymore. I don’t think I ate any of the dough when I cleaned up at Sugarcube Corner, either.”

“Then no, doctor, no cramps. And he doesn’t throw up, either. He hasn’t even burped out a letter in weeks, and even if he had, it never bothered him when it was just one at a time.”

Doctor Stable nodded. “Lay back for me, Spike, I need to check something.” Spike obeyed. Stable leaned over the boy. “Let me know if it hurts at all.” Stable poked and prodded along Spike’s belly scales, checking for any swelling or blockages. “Nothing? No sudden jabs?”

“Nope. Nothing hurts.”

“What about here?” Stable prodded slightly higher up.

“Ow! Yeah, that hurts.”

Stable sat back and motioned for Spike to sit up again. “Okay, that rules out a tight diaphragm, then. And he’s only been taking food, you say?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, just food so far, and only this morning. He’s not making any kind of hoard yet, but there’s no way of knowing if that’s all he’s going to keep taking, or if he’s going to grow again. And since last time, the paediatrician here couldn’t help because, you know, Spike’s a dragon and not exactly a child-”

“-unlike what some ponies think-” Spike folded his arms in front of his chest.

Twilight continued, undisturbed. “-somepony suggested we look into remedies regarding magic.”

The unicorn regarded the little dragon. “Well, as far as I can tell, you’re probably right: Spike looks healthy to me. There’s no wheezing on his lungs, no erratic heart rate, and from the sound of it, his digestive system is working fine, too. That does, indeed, only leave magic. But if you don’t mind me saying so, Your Highness, I was under the impression you know that field better than I do.”

“Yeah, you’re not the only one.” Twilight chuckled sheepishly. “The problem is that I only studied magic from a practical perspective, never a medical one. I was only taught about magical exhaustion, and basic things, nothing like this.”

Stable frowned, confused. “But surely Spike here’s been sick before, hasn’t he? Was his growth spurt really the first time you saw a doctor? He must have medical files back in Canterlot?”

Spike idly kicked his feet over the edge of the table. “I never really needed a doctor before that. When I get a cold or the flu or anything, I just rest up and Twilight takes care of me.”

Stable looked to Twilight again. “And he’s been with you all his life, I take it?”

Spike shook his head. “No, I was raised by Princess Celestia at first, but she showed Twilight how to take care of me. I don’t really remember much of that. I don’t think anypony ever thought to write down when I got sick or anything.”

Stable raised a hoof to chin, pondering. “So basically, Spike, any remedies you’ve had so far were generic ones, and only the mild ones at that? You’ve never had to take any hard medicine? No proper pills that require a prescription?”

Twilight’s ears perked. “Oh, he’s had medicine. We have some powder at the library for fever, a cream for respiratory problems, syrup for stomach pains, that kind of thing. He has medicine if he needs it, but nothing you need a doctor’s note for. So yes, all generic so far, and all mild ones, never prescribed.”

Stable nodded. “I see. And in terms of illness, has he ever had any specifically dragon-related diseases?”

Spike looked away, thinking. “Well, there was that one time all those letters came up, when Discord broke out the first time. Twilight just gave me some syrup for that, and it helped. Oh, and I did get this weird rash after I came back from the dragon migration, but that cleared up with some cream, too.”

Stable had a chart float over to take notes. “Oh, well, that’s good. If any dragons come near Ponyville in the future, healthy and non-aggressive ones, I’d recommend you take Spike to see them, too. He’ll probably get sick, but he needs to build up his immunity when he’s young. Wouldn’t want any opportunistic pathogens to get the better of him.”

Spike grimaced. “Upper tuna whatnow?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “He means that young dragons need to get sick from some things, and sick it out, so their bodies can defend against it later. Some diseases are a lot worse if you catch them when you’re older or when you’re weakened by something. It doesn’t mean we’d let you go anywhere near a dragon who’s really sick, though.”

“Oh, right. That’s good to know.”

Stable jotted down some more lines on his chart. “Right then, I think it’d be best if we do start keeping records of when and if Spike gets sick, just to prevent any future problems. Next time he gets the flu or a cough, please bring him in, so we can keep track of it. As for the gluttony problem, if it is rooted in his magic then it’s his magic that needs treatment. The only generic medicine for his problem would be worrywort extract.”

Spike quirked an eyebrow. “Worrywort?”

Twilight nodded emphatically. “Of course. It’s a herbal tea ponies drink when their magic goes out of control. When unicorns have practised a single spell for too long, or when Pegasus ponies have been doing weather duty for too long, the magic sticks and it can make their bodies act weird. They can’t focus on what they’re doing, because their magic keeps acting up and distracting them. Worrywort tea numbs the awareness of magic without suppressing it. It makes you more focused on what you’re doing.”

Spike looked at the ceiling, thinking, before turning to the doctor again. “Soo… I could still do everything I normally do, then? It wouldn’t take my flame away?”

Stable nodded. “Exactly. It wouldn’t tamper with your growth, physical or magical, but it would affect your mental state. The only problem is one of dosage.”

Spike winced. “What do you mean?”

“If you were a unicorn who’d cast an electric skin spell and you were just under high voltage all the time, then the tea would help you switch it off. In small doses, it just numbs what your magic is telling you, so the magic itself becomes more of a conscious action and less of a continued reflex action. But in your case, it’s a compulsion caused by your magic. It’s not unusual, mind you: a lot of young ponies have difficulty concentrating when their talent first develops. But for those kids, the tea doesn’t do enough. They need the active ingredient in a concentrated form, which we do have. It’s called Cogitin, and it does work, but it’s… well, iffy, let’s say.” The doctor grimaced.

Spike gulped. “Iffy? How?”

Stable sighed. “Mostly there’s a debate about which children should take it and which ones shouldn’t. You have to understand, in the studies of magic there can be a lot of competition, and the best students don’t just get better grades, they get more powerful, as well as being easier to manage. Some parents, mostly unicorns, obviously, have been known to get false diagnoses or even illicitly feed their children with the stuff in order for them to be… well, ‘better’ kids, if you catch my drift. It’s a gross misuse of the medicine, of course.”

Twilight grimaced. “But is it bad for them? Would it be bad for Spike?”

“It depends on the patient. Basically, it makes the connection between your magic and your mind a one-way street: you can use magic, but your magic doesn’t affect you. There’s no feedback coming back to you. For some children, especially those with troublesome or unstable talents, that’s a good way to balance out a compulsion and help them mature. For children who don’t need it, it’s basically taking their talent away for no reason. For a dragon, we’d have to know what parts of you are driven by magic and what parts aren’t.”

Spike narrowed his eyes. “But it is safe, right? There aren’t any side effects?”

The doctor shrugged. “Every drug has side effects, Spike, and usually the side effect is the main effect. For Cogitin, the main effect is letting you be focused and not distracted by what your magic dictates. It would put you in full control and remove your compulsion towards greed, that I can tell for you for sure. The problem is that because there’s no record on dragons, there’s no telling what else it’ll take away.”

Spike fidgeted in place. “But I’d still be me, right? I’d still be the same dragon?”

Stable shook his head. “No, that’s the whole point; you’re trying to be a dragon who doesn’t feel the need to steal. And Cogitin will definitely do that, but without any prior tests there’s no way of knowing if your personality will change besides that. You might start some new habits as a result, possibly bad ones.”

Twilight looked to her friend. “Oh, I can keep track of that for him. He’s got more free time now, he can get new hobbies and habits. If it does change things, I can make sure it’s for the better. What do you think, Spike?”

Spike nodded. “Well, yeah. Twilight can make sure I don’t change too much, so… sounds great.”

Stable took some more notes. “Good. I’ll write you a prescription, then.”

Twilight took a look at the bottle, putting the dishes away with another magic field. “Okay, so it says to take one in the morning, after breakfast, and one after dinner. You’re absolutely sure you want to do this, Spike?”

Spike’s tongue snapped out and grabbed an apple from a nearby basket, landing it cleanly in his mouth. He looked up at Twilight and swallowed. “I’m gonna end up raiding the kitchen if I don’t. I’m sure.”

Twilight took one pill out and gave Spike a glass of water. He took the pill, downed the water, then looked down at himself to check for any changes. “I don’t feel any different.”

“Maybe you’ll only notice in the morning. Ready for another story?”

Spike squeed giddily. “Yup. Which one’s up tonight?”

Twilight walked up the stairs to their room, Spike in tow. She shuffled through some of her books with her magic, then settled down with Spike next to her. “It’s the story of Prince Willow, the Filly Who Wasn’t.”

Spike shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

Twilight frowned as she opened the book. Spike kept his eyes on the book as Twilight read. He didn’t scowl when she told of how this prince made cupcakes for his friends like a girly girl, or when this Willow character shined up his crown to make it prettier, like a girl would. Spike didn’t even object when she got to the chapter where Willow’s parents decided he was better off as a princess instead of prince.

Even more surprisingly, Spike didn’t notice the time. Given Twilight’s propensity for long reading sessions, that meant she’d gone past his bedtime.

Twilight yawned. “I think we’ll leave this one here for tonight. Do you like the story, Spike?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, but it’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen.”

“Oh?”

“Some faerie or a witch is going to come around and turn him into a girl, and then something’s going to happen that makes everyone wish they hadn’t made fun of him, or her, and then they’ll turn him back to normal.”

Twilight blinked, surprised. “Well, guess we’ll find out tomorrow. Good night, Spike.” She crawled into bed, leaving the dragon to do the same.

“Good night, Twilight.”

Twilight turned the lights off.

He’s more focused than before, that’s a plus. And he didn’t react to the idea of a girly boy at all, that’s kind of a surprise. Okay, not a big surprise, I guess: Spike knows he’s still got all his masculinity, nopony questions that. I suppose he could just be that mature by now.

She tossed and turned under the covers, before letting off a sigh.

Please, let this work out. I don’t want to lose him.

Author's Note

Before anyone says "Well, that escalated quickly," I'd just like to point out that the fic is kind of, sort of, structured like an episode, and as such I need to put a lot of Stuff Happening in a very short timeslot. The next few chapters will be shorter and more to the point. Consider this commercial break one.

Mister Bumbles is indeed a carry-over from Changeling Blood, but only because I'm too lazy to come up with a new name.

I went with the name 'Roma' for the tomato pony who tried to rip off Fluttershy, but I did not come up with that. I took it from Closing Time by MalWinters, which is a criminally underrated fic I wholeheartedly recommend.

Originally, I was going to go with a suggestion by Cytotoxin and call the drug 'Rivetin', but as the story got fleshed out I found it's not really close enough to Ritalin to justify calling it something that close. So it got turned to Cogitin. The problem is related to the controversy regarding Ritalin, but it's not identical. There's a major but subtle difference, see if you can catch it.

Did I sneak in another reference to an older fic? Nah, I couldn't have.

Also, on a side note: I realise that quite frequently, I portray doctors as missing things or screwing up in some way or another. That's because so far, the stories relied on that to work. I have the utmost respect for doctors, and if I'd come up with it earlier I'd have written a story with a competent doctor way earlier. But this is a first, so there.

If you don't know who Willow the Filly is... just wait. That's what I have to do.

Productive

Spike saluted Ponyville’s wildlife manager. “Cutie Mark Crusader Bunny Counters reporting for duty.”

Fluttershy smiled at the dragon and his filly entourage. “I didn’t know you were a Crusader, Spike.”

Apple Bloom got out some paper and pencils out of her saddlebags and laid them on the ground. “He’s not, but Applejack said that if we were gonna be around wild animals, we had to get somepony responsible, and Spike’s the only one who volunteered.”

Spike took a paper and pencil and shrugged. “The library’s clean, so I’ve got nothing better to do anyway.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Well, that’s very kind of you, Spike. Now, girls, bunnies are very skittish animals, so try not to make any loud noises, please. No shouting, no screaming, no singing.”

“That means you, Sweetie Belle.” Scootaloo glared at the unicorn.

Sweetie Belle frowned. “Actually, I think that means you, Scootaloo. I’m not the one who can clear a room.”

Spike pressed his claw to his forehead. “For the last time: you’re not gonna get a cutie mark in arguing!”

Apple Bloom snickered.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Anyway, where’s the bunnies?”

“Right this way.” Fluttershy flew up slightly and led the way, the children in tow. Once they got to the hills where the bunnies were, she explained their course of action. “First we need to round them all up, so just gently get them out of their holes and have them make a neat circle.”

“On it, Fluttershy!” As one, the Cutie Mark Crusaders dispersed and bolted off towards the rabbit holes, sticking their heads in and calling out for the bunnies to come out.

“Rise and shine! It’s countin’ time!”

“Come on out, rabbits! We haven’t got all day!”

“Oh, bunnies? Cute, fluffy bunnies? Time for your census appointment.”

Fluttershy winced. “Um, girls? Oh, oh my.”

Spike held up a claw. “Allow me.”

He strode over to the centre of the clearing and dug a heel into the ground to draw a neat circle. Then he marched over to one of the holes, pulled out a rabbit by its neck fur and put on his poshest voice. “I say, dear fellow, would you be so kind as to ask your neighbours to come out? Dreadfully sorry about the noise, but we simply must count you and give you a check-up. Shan’t take too long, so be a good chum, would you?”

To Fluttershy’s surprise, the rabbit nodded and dove down, after which all the burrows emptied and the bunnies took their place in the circle. The Cutie Mark Crusaders got their heads out of the dirt and walked up to the group, surprised.

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow at Spike. “I didn’t know you speak Rabbit.”

The dragon shrugged. “Eh, no biggie; I only speak White Rabbit. What’s next on the list?”

Fluttershy approached the bunnies carefully, so as not to disturb them any more than they already were. “Now we need to split them up and count them: bunnies in one group, hares in the other, and then we need to write down how many of them are hairy, fluffy, or wooly.”

Apple Bloom rubbed her chin, before plucking a brown rabbit from the group, her hooves under its shoulders. “I got a fluffy bunny!”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No, that’s a hairy bunny.”

Sweetie Belle, not wanting to be outdone, grabbed one of her own. “I’ve got a hairy rabbit!”

Again, Fluttershy shook her head. “Um, no, that’s a wooly hare. Maybe if you just-”

Sweetie Belle took a long, hard look at the animals, then glanced at hers. They all looked pretty much the same from her vantage point. “Wait, if that’s a wooly hare, what does a hairy hare look like, then?”

Scootaloo shrugged. “I guess a hairy hare’s like a normal hare, but with more hair than a fluffy hare and shorter hair than a wooly hare. We could just shave them and say they’re hairless hares. That’d make it a lot easier.”

Apple Bloom pondered that. “Hmm… we’ve already tried gettin’ a pet care cutie mark, haven’t we?”

Scootaloo grabbed a random creature covered in wool from amid the giant mass of hairs and hares and held it up proudly. “This one’s definitely wooly!”

Apple Bloom shot Scootaloo a questioning glance. “That’s a lamb.”

As if on cue, a sheep came up and plucked the little lamb from Scootaloo’s hooves, muttering some inanity involving ponies and poultry. Scootaloo didn’t seem to notice; she was too focused on Apple Bloom, who was doing her best not to break out in laughter. Scootaloo didn’t see the humour of it. “Well, it’s not my fault I wasn’t born in a barn.”

Apple Bloom stomped the ground. “I was not born in a barn! My mom got caught in a thunderstorm on her way to the hospital, so she gave birth in a shed.”

Sweetie Belle thought that over for a moment. “Huh. Now that you mention it, where is your mom, anyway?”

“You never heard that story? It’s really good. Why, my mom’s-”

“Would you please just concentrate on the job already? We’re gonna be here all day if this keeps up.” Spike would have been pulling out his hair, if Twilight hadn’t had her silly rules regarding ‘magic abuse’ and ‘concerns for the Equestrian wig industry.’

Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Spike. Girls, I think it would be best if you just brought every bunny and hare along, gently, and let me and Spike mark them down.”

Apple Bloom pouted. “But then we’re not countin’ anything. What if we miss out on our talent?”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that if your talent has anything to do with bunnies or counting, you’ll get your cutie mark once this is done. Just make sure you do it calmly, please?”

The girls sighed and got to work.

“So still no cutie marks, then?” Rarity took another thread from Spike’s claw, before carefully sewing it into the dress.

Spike nodded. “Still no cutie marks. Tomorrow they’re trying beekeeping.”

“Beekeeping?” Rarity jumped up, nearly sending her needle into the posing pony. She turned her eyes away from her work and looked at the dragon. “Spike, darling, would you be so kind as to accompany my little sister for that? I shudder to think what might happen if she doesn’t take precautions, and knowing Sweetie Belle that’s a fairly reasonable presumption. Can I count on your skills to keep her and her friends safe? I’d feel a lot better knowing there’s someone with a fire breath around for safety.”

Spike saluted her. “Anything for you, Rarity.”

“Ow!”

Rarity snapped her head back to her model and put the needle in its proper place. “So sorry, Diamond Tiara, I got distracted. Do let me know when it’s uncomfortable, would you?”

Diamond just smiled, if slightly nervously. “It’s okay, Miss Rarity, I don’t mind. The dress is looking really nice already.”

Spike didn’t share the sentiment. As far as he was concerned, Diamond Tiara’s new dress was pink. That’s pretty much all he could think of saying about it: pink. It didn’t look cute, beautiful, or cool, just pink.

Diamond Tiara, meanwhile, seemed to enjoy the work that was being put in the thing. Apparently she needed a fancy dress for a ball her dad was invited to, Spike didn’t catch the details. Rarity had just needed someone to run from closet to unicorn carrying needles and threads of various colours and thickness, so she didn’t have to break her focus while she worked. With the bunny census done, Spike had been more than happy to oblige. Diamond Tiara, for her part, stood patiently as the custom job neared its finish. She had a smile on her face that looked uncharacteristically genuine, but then statistically the filly was bound to get one of those eventually.

One final dragon run to get the purple silk thread, one last addition to the seams, and the fit was complete. Rarity smiled at the girl. “There, all done. Thank you so much, Spike. I’d have been running around all day looking for my threads if it hadn’t been for you.”

Spike walked off and waved dismissively. “Don’t mention it. I’m used to running around looking for stuff in the library. See you later!”

Rarity circled around the girl, not even looking at Spike. “Oh, by the way, Spike? I set out those sapphires for you by the… door…” She looked at the entrance to her atelier, where a bucket of blue gems stood. The gems were untouched, Rarity guessed they were unnoticed, even. “Oh. That’s strange. Spike never leaves an opportunity to eat gems.”

“He’s probably just not hungry,” Diamond Tiara offered.

“Perhaps. I don’t suppose you know if he’s still embarrassed about what happened at the market?”

Diamond winced. “You heard about that, huh?”

“Everypony heard about that, dear. I gather he was upset?”

Diamond Tiara nodded sympathetically. “Really upset. Like, shouting at ponies. And he was right: they said some nasty stuff about him, right to his face.”

Rarity took the dress in her magic and gently took it off the filly, taking care not to dislodge the tiara. “Yes, ponies do that sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything, though, not really. Only hollow words without substance or purpose, that’s all there is to it. I’m sure it’ll all be forgiven and forgotten once things calm down; that’s how it always goes. Now then, I shan’t keep you any longer, Miss Tiara. You have been very patient and I’m sure your father will appreciate the result, I can take it from here. I’ll just stitch in the diamond pattern you requested on the sides, and you can come pick it up this evening.”

Diamond hopped off the platform, smiling. “Okay. Thanks again, Miss Rarity! Goodbye!””

Rarity smiled as the girl galloped out. “Goodbye, Diamond Tiara. And give my regards to Silver Spoon!”

“I will!”

Rarity heard the front door open and close. She walked over to her table and fetched some silver diamond patches to sew in. She found herself pondering.

Didn’t think I’d see that anytime time soon; Diamond Tiara really can act nice. I suppose she’d have to, to get ponies to do her bidding. How did she get away with everything for so long, though? She can’t be that good at playing nice.

Oh dear. She wouldn’t get it into her head to try and manipulate Spike, would she? Technically, I suppose she already did once, by proxy, when the girls ran that tabloid.

She stopped her work to gather her thoughts.

Somepony’s going to need to talk to Cheerilee about that girl soon. Oh, what are you thinking, Rarity? No good can come of meddling in other ponies’ affairs. If Diamond Tiara wants to act nice, the best you can do is encourage it. She might actually decide she likes it.

Spike walked into the library with a groan. He marched up the stairs to find Twilight, as per her usual routine, reading books.

“How did it go?”

Spike walked past her, marched up the second set of stairs, and crawled into bed. “The bunny counting got off to a bad start, but I sorted it out. I helped Rarity finish that new dress for Diamond Tiara, and now I’ve got nothing to do.”

Twilight looked up to the nook of the library they used as a bedroom. “And no stealing impulse? No sudden food cravings?”

Spike shrugged. “Nope.”

Twilight flew up to land next to the dragon’s bed. She looked down at him, checking for any tell-tale signs of an impending growth spurt. “Didn’t Rarity say she had some sapphires for you?”

“She did? I didn’t really notice.”

Twilight prodded his prone form. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Spike wrapped his head in his blanket. “Just tired, that’s all. I need to sleep.”

“But it’s not even noon, and you’re not due for one of your long naps, not by a long shot. Was work really that tiring?”

“Not really, no.”

Twilight pulled the covers off of him. “Then why would you want to go to sleep so early in the morning? You don’t even take afternoon naps.”

Spike groaned. “I’m just bored, okay? I’ve got nothing to do, that’s all.” He felt himself get lifted up from his warm bed and carried down several sets of stairs. Spike wriggled and squirmed in the magical grasp. “Hey! Let me go!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Spike, if you’re bored, you should find something to do. There’s lots of fun things to do in Ponyville.”

“Like what?”

“I wouldn’t know; I’m too busy reading. But you are not. And since I can take a bigger workload with my magic now, that means you have a lot more free time to spend constructively.”

Spike groaned as he was set on the ground. “So what do you want me to do?”

Twilight opened the front door. “Go out and have fun.”

“But I don’t feel like it!”

“Then I’m issuing a royal decree: I don’t want to see you grumbling in the library when you could be outside doing something you like. Find something new to do, ask the foals from around the neighbourhood to play.”

Spike folded his arms in front of his chest. “I am not a little kid, Twilight; I’ve got a degree. I’m just as much a grownup as you are. Well… sorta.”

Twilight smiled. “Then find something grown up to do. If you want to act adult, act adult. If you want to do what normal kids do, go do that. But do something, Spike. This is just the pills talking, and you know it. You’re better than that. Don’t just sit around here whining about stuff you don’t feel like doing, go out and do what you do want. That’s an order.”

Spike glared at Twilight. “You can’t use royal privileges on me, Twilight, it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, but you’ve forced my hand.”

The dragon’s glare intensified. “You don’t have any hands.”

“That all depends on where you draw the line for homologous organs, but that’s besides the point. The point is that it’s a bright day, you’re a fit young dragon with plenty of skills, and sleeping is not something you should be doing this early if you’re not tired. You have your own bits with you, you have plenty of options, so go find one. Maybe you can get a new hobby. Unless that new hobby is reading, in which case you’re more than welcome to come back in and join me.”

Spike turned and threw his hands up. “Fine! I’m going, I’m going! I’ll get lunch on my own and be back home for dinner.”

Works every time. “That’s more like it. See you tonight, Spike!”

Spike sighed as he heard the door close behind him.

Dumb Twilight. What does she know? I can’t do anything in Ponyville, none of it is any good. I can’t go bowling or roller blading, I’d burn down the dojo, and I can’t spend all day at the gym, either.

“Hey, Spike?”

Spike turned around and suppressed another sigh building up. “What do you want, Diamond Tiara?”

Diamond winced. “Um, nothing, really. I just heard you talking to Twilight Sparkle and I thought-”

Spike frowned. “You were eavesdropping on us? I guess that’s better than getting somepony else to do it, at least.”

The filly winced again. “Right, I kinda deserved that after last time. But hey, um, I overheard what you said and, like, maybe if you don’t feel like doing anything in Ponyville, you could try going outside of Ponyville?”

“Like where?”

“Well, cherry picking season’s started in Dodge Junction, and they’re always looking for more pickers there. Cherry Jubilee owns the orchard there, and she, like, knows me. I mean, she knows my daddy, but she knows me too. I’m sure she’d give you something to do if you said I sent you.”

“Uhuh. And then you’d get more money from your daddy, huh?”

“Umm…” Diamond Tiara shyly kicked the ground.

Spike shook his head. “Okay, it’s better than nothing. I’m gonna go catch a train.”

Twilight put her books away and yawned. She looked at the clock right behind and counted down.

“Let’s see… dinner’s in three, two, one...”

The front door opened and closed, right on cue. “I’m home.”

Twilight smiled as Spike came in. “You’re just in time, Spike, I was about to get started on dinner. You want to tuck into your gems tonight?”

Spike scratched his head, confused. “Gems? What gems? I don’t have any gems.”

Twilight pointed a hoof past him. Spike turned and saw a pile of rubies, sapphires, and emeralds glistening in the evening light. “Where did those come from?”

Twilight quirked an eyebrow. “Rarity brought over some sapphires after you left, Missus Cake said she owed you some rubies, and Fluttershy got you some emeralds for helping out the way you did. I thought you’d like them in a neat little pile, like you always leave them. Oh, and Rarity said something about citrine quartz and bees?”

Spike shrugged. “Oh.” He walked up to the pile and deposited some gold bits on it, then turned and walked away, completely ignoring the whole thing.

Twilight looked at him intently. “Are you sure you’re okay? Where did you go?”

“I ran into Diamond Tiara after I left, and she said that maybe I could go help with the cherry picking in Dodge Junction. I know she was just roping me into doing her dirty work, but it didn’t really matter, so I went along with it.”

“Spike, that’s not a nice thing to say. Maybe she thought you were bored and she wanted to help.”

“Seriously, Twilight? You think Diamond Tiara would wanna help me?” He rolled his eyes. “What’s for dinner?”

“Umm, I’m having daisy sandwiches, I guess you could too, if you don’t feel like eating gems. You’re sure you don’t want any?”

Spike shook his head. “Nah. I don’t really feel like it.”

“And what are you planning to do with the bits you earned?”

Spike shrugged. “Nothing special. I’ll think of something.”

Twilight thought of pressing the issue, but decided against it. “Okay, then. I guess it’s normal if you don’t know what to do exactly.” She followed him to the kitchen. “I am sorry for throwing you out like that, though, that was out of line. I just wanted to be sure you weren’t getting any bad habits going. I mean, even if you’re not really a child, I’m still supposed to take care of you, you know.”

Spike got out the plates and cutlery and carefully set the table. His face looked different, though; more slack. His mouth looked smaller, somehow, and his eyes didn’t shine like they usually did. It took Twilight some time to figure out what had changed, but eventually she found it.

He’s not smiling. His face isn’t showing any emotion at all, even. “Are you sure you’re okay? The medication isn’t getting you down?”

Spike groaned. “I feel fine, honest. But now that you mention it, I do need to take my pills.” He ran off up the stairs to fetch his medicine.

Twilight concentrated and used her magic to bring up a few slices of bread and put the daisies in between.

She sighed.

Stop worrying, Twilight. Spike just needs to get used to things, that’s all. He’s fine. He’s a big boy. He doesn’t need you to meddle any more than you have. If anything is wrong with him, you just have to watch for it and he’ll let you know. Just keep an eye on him, that’s all you need to do. Let him work it out on his own, like he always does, and don’t step in until you need to.

“Got’em.” Spike ran back in, box of pills in hand. “Twilight? Is something wrong?”

“No, Spike, everything is certainly fine. You want to just get some sandwiches or should I put some focaccia buns in the oven?”

Whatever worries Twilight’s mind had latched onto evaporated when she heard Spike’s reply. Or rather, the sound of Spike’s stomach growling, with a hint of a snarl, told her he was still healthy.

“I’m definitely gonna want a big dinner. I’m a lot hungrier than I thought.”

Author's Note

Nothing wrong here, is there? Diamond Tiara being her usual self, if a little more subtle, and Spike going out and making himself useful, after a little bit of prodding. And hey, he's still hungry when he needs to be, so he must be healthy, right?

Right.

This is most certainly not going to escalate.

At all.

I'm not fooling anyone, am I?

Side Effects

Spike didn’t really have a lot of energy that morning. Usually just being outside was interesting for him, especially with all the tastes and smells in the air. But that morning, something felt off on his tongue. Where normally he’d get vibrant tastes and images of the world around him, now all he got was a cottony texture with no real flavour to it. Being in the maple tree orchard near Cottontail Forest should have given him something to taste, at least, but nothing registered. Not the honey, not the pollen, not the leaves, nothing of his environment. He could only assume it was because of something he ate.

He could still vaguely make the out the Cutie Mark Crusaders, though: Scootaloo always had a bit of saltiness and an aura of chemicals on her -- no doubt because she used the same soap as Thunderlane, for reasons nopony ever seemed to question -- while Apple Bloom had a tasty aroma of apples around her, but less of the cinnamony warmth Applejack had and more of a bitter sawdust mixed in. Sweetie Belle, finally, tended to smell and taste of peaches or oranges, depending on whether she’d gotten her hooves on Rarity’s perfume that morning or her mother’s.

Ponies still came in okay, but all in all, today the world just smelled and tasted bland. It almost made him wonder why he'd bothered getting out of bed, or what was keeping him out of bed right now. There was no way for him to back out of the honey harvest now, though, not when he’d promised Rarity. Spike groaned, just barely loud enough to overpower the sound of the buzzing bees. “Remind me why I’m here again?”

“Rarity asked,” Sweetie Belle replied. “She wanted someone with dragon breath around so we’d be safe, and, you know…”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, only dragon in town.”

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, meanwhile, were positioned on a ladder right underneath a beehive, with Spike and Sweetie Belle holding the ladder steady. Even though they were all in beekeeper hats and protective clothing, the ominous buzzing was enough to unsettle them just a bit. Spike idly flicked his tongue at the net of his hat. Even getting his tongue out in the open air, something he never had to do normally, didn’t yield anything interesting. He’d just have to suck it up.

“So how are we supposed to do this?” Scootaloo asked.

Apple Bloom reached up for the hive and grabbed it gently, unhooking it from the branch. “Pinkie Pie said we just tip the hive like this and then-”

Two things dawned on Apple Bloom at that moment. Firstly, while hooves are convenient for a great many purposes, such as galloping, kicking and punching, they are not that well-suited for holding beehives laden with honey slushing within. Secondly, she realised that ponies had domesticated bees towards not only building hives for easy honey access, but also towards increased honey production, meaning one hive contained just enough to make a right mess if one were to tip it.

These lessons were not lost on her, but they were truly taken to heart by Spike, who suddenly found himself covered in honey after a minor slip-up on the ladder.

Apple Bloom held up a hoof to her mouth in apology. “Oops. Sorry.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and hooked the beehive back to its branch. “Well, that sure didn’t get you a cutie mark.”

Spike growled. “Ya think?”

Spike flicked his hands up and down to get the sticky stuff off, but it didn’t work. His suit was soaked, and the honey was seeping through the fabric and onto his scales. He threw off the beekeeper hat and quickly wriggled out of the sticky suit, growling and muttering all the way.

Sweetie Belle winced. “Are you okay, Spike? You’re not supposed to take off your suit.”

Spike angrily kicked the mess of fabric and honey away. “I’ll be fine. I don’t really need to be that careful around bees, anyway. Your sister’s used me as a pincushion, I think I can take a little bee sting or two.”

Scootaloo quirked an eyebrow from behind that protective hat as she descended from the ladder. “I guess, but are you sure it wouldn’t hurt if a lot of them stung you?”

Spike growled and folded his arms in front of his chest. He snorted, letting out a tiny green flame from his nostrils. “Trust me, the first bee that stings me gets torched. That’s the only reason I’m here in the first place, right?”

The girls shrugged and moved the ladder to the next tree, this time letting Sweetie Belle take her turn at emptying a beehive into a bucket. She was more careful, but that was mainly due to the grumpy dragon down below. She whispered to Scootaloo. “Does Spike seem a little angry to you?”

“Can you blame him? You know what happened at the market.”

“Sure, but still… maybe we shouldn’t ask him around anymore. I mean, he is a boy, maybe he’d rather hang out with other boys.”

“What other boys?” Spike called out. “The only guys I can hang out with around here are Snips and Snails, and they don’t exactly do much. And by the way, if you don’t want me to hear it, don't bother whispering and just don’t talk about it around me.”

Apple Bloom’s ears perked. She looked up at her surprised friends, then back to Spike. “You’ve got pretty good hearing, Spike. Is that a dragon thing?”

He kept his arms folded in front of his chest, his lips just barely forming an angry pout. “No, that’s a Canterlot thing. You gotta know when ponies are talking about you behind your back.”

Sweetie Belle set the hive back down and descended from the ladder, Scootaloo just hopped down. Even behind the netting of the hat, Sweetie tried to look apologetic. “Sorry, Spike, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you look like you’re angry over something. Did we do something wrong?”

Spike scowled and threw his hands up in the air. “Why is it everypony thinks something’s wrong with me? Can’t a guy go one day without having to smile and sing all the time?”

Apple Bloom took a step back. “Sheesh, lighten up. We were just asking.”

“Well, you don’t need to ask me anymore, okay?! I’m fine!” Spike shouted right in Apple Bloom’s face.

Apple Bloom gulped. “You know what, Spike? So are we. We’re sorry you got dragged along for this. You don’t have to hang out with silly fillies like us if you won’t want to, and we’ll make sure the grownups don’t ask you again, either. You can go now, if you like. We’ll be careful around the bees, right, girls?”

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nodded.

Spike sighed and looked away. “Trust me, I’d have left already if I hadn’t promised Rarity to stick around.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “That’s okay, Spike. I’ll let her know you did what you promised.”

Spike looked from the fillies to the beehives they still had to harvest. He clenched and unclenched a fist, and the prospect of getting a full honey coating over his scales tipped the scales. “Fine. I’m gonna go find something better to do.”

Just as he turned to leave, a pink filly came walking towards him. Spike glared at the new arrival. Diamond Tiara again? What is with this girl? “What do you want?”

Diamond nearly jumped at the dragon’s tone. “Uh, w-well, I’m…”

Spike held up a claw to silence her. “Wait, don’t tell me. You’re wrangling up more workers for some job your daddy needs to get done, right?”

The pink filly took half a step back. “N-no, I…”

Spike marched towards her, his voice dripping with frustration and utter contempt. “You want me to do another interview to make Twilight look bad, now that she’s a princess?”

Flabbergasted, Diamond Tiara shook her head and backed off again. “What? No, I don’t… I just…”

“You what? Spit it out already!”

The shout startled her so much she ended up tripping and dropping on her rump. “Well, I’m just here to… you know…”

Spike rolled his eyes at her. “Forget it, I don’t have time to deal with you. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are all yours. Just call’em blank flanks already and call it a day, I don’t care.”

Diamond Tiara just sat there, shivering.

Spike didn’t look back. He just marched off with his fists and teeth clenched. Why do I keep wasting my time like this?

Spike was still fuming over Diamond Tiara and her second attempt to rope him into work. The nerve of that girl. How does she keep getting away with all that? At least I told her.

He walked across the street to get to the park, and hopefully find a bench to sleep on. He jumped up when a thunderbolt startled him out of his train of thought.

Rainbow Dash rolled over on her raincloud, gleefully kicking her hooves into the air. “Hahaha! Still letting your guard down, huh, Spike?”

Spike’s jaw clenched again. He panted and hissed, one hand on his chest to check his pounding heart.

Rainbow frowned and flew down. “You okay, Spike?”

“Am I okay? Am I okay?! What do you think, Rainbow Dash? You nearly gave me a heart attack!” Spike leaned in close to Rainbow’s face, teeth bared.

Rainbow Dash backed away. “Whoa, chillax, Spike, I didn’t think you were having a bad day. If you need cheering up, I can take you for a ride if you like.”

“Sure, so you can nearly kill me when you do your dumb stunts? No thanks, I’ll keep my feet on the ground. And stop trying to ambush me, okay? It’s not funny.”

Rainbow Dash perked her ears, confused. “What’s gotten into you? You’ve never minded a little prank before.”

“Little prank? You call scaring the living daylights out of me a prank? How about I burn up your tail, huh? Would you laugh at that?”

“Spike, has somepony been bugging you over that market thing? ‘Coz you’re not really acting like yourself right now.”

“Oh, so now you’re gonna tell me how I’m supposed to act? That’s a laugh, coming from a Flight School flunkie. How about you listen to your own advice, huh? Or are you only gonna listen if I beat you at something? Why don’t you just leave me alone and mind your own business? Or maybe you just need ponies to dress up like superheroes before you learn your lesson?” Spike smirked maliciously.

Rainbow Dash caught herself staring. She barely remembered to close her mouth after that little rant. She wanted to shout, but something had gotten stuck in her throat. She didn’t dare try to retort and have it come out as a squeak, so she decided to just suck it up and keep her voice down. “Okay, tough guy. You wanna be alone, you can be alone.”

“What? Big, tough Rainbow Dash doesn’t have an answer?”

Rainbow flew up and shook her head. “Sure I do. But you’re my friend, Spike, and friends don’t hurt friends when they can help it.”

Spike snickered. “Yeah, right. You keep telling yourself that.”

Rainbow considered putting Spike in his place. She could have yelled, she could have talked, she could have picked him up and dunked him in the fountain in the park to cool him down. And yet, none of those things really seemed like a good idea. “You’re not worth yelling at, Spike. See you around.”

Rainbow Dash landed on the balcony of the library to find Twilight reading books in the sun. “Twilight, have you noticed anything weird about Spike?”

Twilight looked up from her book. “Weird? Well, he’s been a little less active lately, but nothing too unusual.”

“Really? Because I just talked to him, and he was angry. Like, really angry. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with him?”

The alicorn shrugged, her wings ruffled against her sides. “It might be the pills, I suppose.”

Rainbow took a step closer. “What pills?”

“Spike’s taking medication to stop himself from stealing. The doctor said it might affect his personality a little, so I’m trying to keep him as active as I can.”

Rainbow Dash went wide-eyed. “He’s what?! And you let that happen? No wonder he’s upset! You can’t just try to ‘fix’ a little kid with pills!”

Twilight closed her book and rose up, annoyed. “Well, I didn’t have much of a choice, Rainbow Dash. His greed was acting up again, he could have gone on another rampage.”

“That doesn’t make it okay, Twilight. He said some downright nasty stuff to me, he’s not acting like himself at all.”

“Calm down, Rainbow Dash, it can't be that bad. I didn’t know he was angry, okay? He was fine this morning. I’ll have him skip the pills tonight, maybe just one a day is enough.”

“It's not that simple, Twilight. This isn't just about skipping his pills for a day. Do you have any idea what you’re putting Spike through by doing this?”

“No, do you?”

“Well, I…” Rainbow Dash looked away bashfully, idly kicking the ground.

Twilight sighed. “Oh, right. I think I see where this is going. You think I’m doing to Spike what I did to you with Mare Do Well, don’t you?”

Rainbow groaned. "Ugh, you're gonna bring that up now? You're missing the point, Twilight."

"No, I'm not, I get it now. I understand why you did what you did and why it was wrong for me to... you know. I wouldn't do that again, you have to believe that."

Rainbow chuckled nervously. “You’ve got it all wrong, Twilight. It’s no big deal. It happens, I got over it. It hurt, but I know you didn’t mean to, you just do that sort of thing sometimes. And… to tell you the truth, you weren’t the first pony to try adjust my attitude.”

The alicorn felt her heart sink. “O-oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea. What happened?”

“That’s personal, but, um, let’s just say that after I got my cutie mark, I wasn’t exactly a model student. My grades slipped, stuff happened, and they put me on this thing called Cogitin. So yeah, I do know what that's like.”

Twilight bit her lip. “That’s the same drug Spike is taking.”

“I kinda figured. So you think he’s sick, huh?” Rainbow asked with a small smile.

“What? No.”

“Does Spike know that? If you don't think he's sick, then why are you giving him pills to make him better? They’re not vitamins, Twilight, or candy, they’re just pills. And pills are for when you’re sick. It’s that simple, especially for a little kid,” Rainbow Dash argued.

“So, um, are you still on them?”

Rainbow averted her eyes. “No. I had to quit taking that stuff. My mom and dad didn't like my grades slipping, but they liked it even less when the pills started working. Like I said, stuff happened.”

“Um, what kind of stuff, exactly?”

Rainbow shot Twilight a firm glare. “Really bad stuff. Cogitin silences a pony’s talent, it’s probably worse for a dragon. That stuff is for emergencies, the ones who really need it, not just for any little kid who can't control himself.”

Twilight sighed. “Then what am I supposed to do here? I can't just keep Spike on a leash or lock him up, he doesn't deserve that. If he stops taking the medication, then he’ll steal again, and he’ll have to leave Ponyville. He might have to go to jail, or exile, over something that’s not his fault. Does that sound fair to you?”

“No. And you don’t have to listen to me, Twilight; I’m not a doctor. I’m sure there are kids who need to quiet down their talents, otherwise we wouldn’t have that medicine in the first place. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do anything, or that those pills are bad, it’s just that it doesn’t sound like you’re using them right. Right now, you’re basically telling Spike that he’s sick just for being the way he is. That hurts. That hurts a lot.” Rainbow winced in sympathy.

“You still didn’t answer my question. What am I supposed to do about it?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I don’t know. What’s the plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“In the long run, what’s Spike gonna do?”

Twilight weighed it in her mind. “Have a normal childhood, live in Ponyville, be happy.”

“Which means taking pills all his life.”

“I don’t think he has a choice,” Twilight argued.

“So you’re saying Spike is sick, and he’s never gonna get better. That’s all there is to it.”

Twilight looked down at the floor. “I guess. I don’t want him to be, but what else can I do? I haven’t found any spell that might work, not without invading his mind, and that’d be worse than what he has right now. Those pills are the only thing that works. It’s the only way he gets to have a choice, I can’t take that away from him. He wants to be good, and he should get the chance to do that.”

“So maybe you should do what you said? Try taking him off the pills for a few days, see if that clears anything up? I mean, most ponies who take that stuff don't take it all their lives. It just helps you while you grow up, and if you do need it when you're grown up, at least then you're old enough to decide for yourself. Maybe Spike doesn't know what it's doing to him yet, maybe he needs to get back to normal to see for himself.”

“And if he starts stealing once he’s off, what then?”

“You have to ask?”

It took a moment to register what Rainbow Dash was suggesting, but once the penny dropped, Twilight sighed. “Okay, I see your point. I shouldn’t have rushed into it like I did. Not for Spike, and not for you. Mare Do Well was my fault.”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “Don’t apologise, Twilight. I never hold a grudge against my friends, I’m bigger than that. But Spike’s not. Whether you like it or not, he’s too young to handle that kind of thing and he’s gonna hurt somepony if he keeps this up.”

Twilight chuckled. “Oh, really, Rainbow Dash, now you’re just exaggerating. This is Spike we’re talking about here. He’s only a baby dragon.”

“I don't know, Twilight. A baby dragon is still a dragon.”

Spike was lazing about on a bench after getting his lunch. He contemplated going back to the library, but he didn’t look forward to hearing another one of Princess Twilight’s lectures just for catching up on sleep. He sat up and instantly regretted it, for once again, a pink filly with a white and purple mane walked up to him to disturb his peace. Spike grunted when he spotted Diamond Tiara. “What do you want now?”

Diamond didn’t waste any time getting into arguing range. “Listen, dragonbreath, you can’t just go around insulting me and expect me to take it just like that.”

Spike grinned. “Why not? That’s what you always do, it’s what you deserve. Just because your daddy doesn’t care about how rotten you are doesn’t mean I have to take anything from you. You’re just mad because you didn’t get a chance to talk me into doing your dirty work.”

Diamond gasped. “That is so unfair! You don’t know what I was gonna say.”

“Sure I do. You were gonna say the same thing you always say: ‘Ooh, like, I’m so much better than you blank flanks.’” Spike fluttered his eyelashes for effect. “Everypony in town knows it’s true. I’ve barely even talked to you and I know it’s true. Maybe if you weren’t so stuck up you might actually realise nopony likes you.”

Diamond Tiara pouted. “That’s not true. Ponies do like me.”

“Oh yeah?” Spike smirked and folded his arms in front of his chest. “Then where’s Silver Spoon right now?”

The filly’s eyes started watering over. “You know what? Forget it. I don’t need to be nice to a dumb, smelly lizard like you.”

Spike’s eyes narrowed at that. He felt his jaw clench, his head throb, and his right hand rise up. “I am not a lizard, I am a dragon!”

He took a swipe at the girl, but all he caught was air.

Diamond’s eyes watered over more as she carefully backed away. She didn’t make a sound, not even a whimper, she just stared at him in terror. Eventually, she realised she’d backed away far enough. She turned and ran from the dragon, crying.

Spike snorted, breathing out a small green flame. “Serves you right.”

Spike sighed and walked back to the library. He’d managed to spend most of the afternoon on that park bench without anypony noticing, so he figured he could afford to conclude his nap in the library.

Spike entered without much fanfare, just depositing the bits and gems he’d earned on his pile in the corner. Twilight came down the stairs to greet him.

“Hi, Spike. Did you do anything fun today?”

“Eh, the usual. Nothing important.” He strode past her up the stairs.

“I’ve got some spare time, if you want to make that gem cake today. We could go looking for some smokey quartz.”

“Nah, that’s okay. I don’t feel like it.”

A knock on the door interrupted what she was going to say.

Spike didn’t bother stopping to see who it was. He just crawled into bed, laid his head on the pillow, and put his blanket over himself. He didn’t sleep, per se, but he just stayed still. There was a murmur in the main room down below, followed by the sound of the front door closing and Twilight forgetting she had wings again as she trotted up the stairs and interrupted the very important nothing Spike was busy doing.

“Spike? Did you talk to Diamond Tiara?”

Spike turned away from the alicorn and closed his eyes. “Yeah, she was trying to rope me into something again, but I showed her.”

“Show me your hands, Spike.”

With a grunt, Spike kicked his sheets off, sat up and presented his hands. He looked up at Twilight, not really bothering to check what she was so insistent on seeing.

Twilight gulped and lowered her voice. “Spike, that was Filthy Rich at the door. Did you hear what he said?”

Spike grinned. “He’s not happy about me telling his daughter the truth?”

Twilight’s jaw clenched. She shivered with anger, but she kept her voice calm and even with a force of will. “What you said to that girl is the least of your concerns. Look at your claws.”

Spike cocked an eyebrow, confused. He did as she asked and checked his claws.

The dragon shivered. He felt a sudden headrush coming up as all the blood drained from his face. He barely caught his breath. “T-that’s…”

“Blood, Spike. You took a swipe at a little girl's throat, and you drew blood.”

Author's Note

And now everything goes wrong at the same time.

I prefer to think that when characters act like jerks for no discernable reason, they'll get the benefit of the doubt, so that's why Rainbow doesn't yell at Spike. If she knew he was being jealous or greedy, as in knowing he's in the wrong, she would yell, I think, as similar situations already happened (Canterlot Wedding and the like).

I'll be honest, I don't like using 'Rainbow Dash had an unfortunate chilhood experience' as a trope, it's just that most of the time, the story requires it. I think everyone has at least one such defining experience, it's just that Rainbow is typically the one to end up talking about it, I suppose. Fanfic clichés creep in everywhere. And Mare Do Well? I actually like that episode, but that's only because my perspective on it is different from most. My DA account has a review on it, poorly written but it gets the message across, I think. I don't like having to revisit the episode so often, but it's too much of an elephant in the room not to address it. So I do, albeit briefly. I've added/edited Rainbow's part to be more on a positive note, though, I don't want people thinking she had abusive or controlling parents.

I'm not sure if this is a thing or not, but I've heard a lot of talk about people with ADHD or ADD or whatever who grew up to be athletes, on the side or professionally. I like that line of reasoning: you can't dedicate yourself to this one thing, but there are other things you can work towards and you can earn your success by other means. This is the same reasoning I like to have when magic is involved, not just 'You lost X, you get Y to compensate and that makes you even better than people with X'. But that as an aside.

It's subtle how Spike repeats the words 'Trust me' now, isn't it? Almost like he's trying to remind himself he can be trusted with things. Or the medication gave him a new habit. Or it's bad writing, that's also a possibility ^^

Medicated for Life

Spike looked down at his claws, horrified at the red tinge under his nails. “Blood? I drew blood? But I didn’t hit her, I didn’t feel anything, honest!”

Twilight nodded. “I’m sure you didn’t. But you’ve been changing, Spike. Maybe your claws just sharpened because you were angry.”

Spike winced. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, I just got mad at her. Is she hurt bad?”

Twilight smiled and shook her head. “No, she’ll be fine. Filthy Rich said it was just nasty scratch. It won’t scar, and he won’t press charges. But he’s not going to let this happen again.”

Spike took in some deep gulps of air. “Okay. Then I gotta go apologise right now, I have to set this right.” Spike got up and went towards the door.

Twilight held up a forearm in front of his chest and gently nudged him back. “No, Spike, not now. Right now you and I need to have a talk about your behaviour. This isn’t like you, Spike. Did you realise what you were doing? Did you want to slash at her?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I did, and I’m sorry. I just got angry, but I know it’s wrong. I snapped at Rainbow Dash too, after she pranked me. I don’t know why, but every little thing just feels off now.”

“Okay, so you’re not losing your senses, at least." She let out a sigh of relief. "That’s good. But you can’t go on like this, you know that. It’s only been two days and you’re already turning into more of a monster than anything your greed ever did. This isn’t right for you.”

“But I can’t stop it,” Spike pleaded.

“Yes, you can. You know just as well as I do that this is because of those pills. You can’t keep taking Cogitin, not when it does this to you.”

Spike groaned. “But if I don’t take the pills, I’ll start stealing again! What do you want from me?”

Twilight bit her lip, and Spike could see a twinkle in her eyes as they watered up ever so slightly. Before he could protest, the dragon found himself caught in a hug, Twilight wrapping her arms and wings around him. He could feel the warmth rushing to her face, and her heart pounding. Her breath almost sounded like she was going to cry. “I want you to be happy, Spike, and I want you to be healthy. I understand being bored or wanting to wait with things, but you’ve had more than enough opportunity to make that gem cake you wanted, and you haven’t even cast a glance at those gems you love so much, the ones you worked for. You’re losing the things that make you who you are, you must have noticed. Don’t you want a tasty pastry with rubies and sapphires and emeralds?”

Spike slowly licked his lips as she let him go. “Not really, no. I can’t even remember what they taste like. I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore, and I don’t feel like eating or making anything tasty, either. I still feel hungry when I need to, but… it’s like I’m losing my taste.”

Twilight sighed. “Guess we can chalk that up to dragon nature, then. Your greed is your motivation, one way or another. If you lose all your greed, then you lose all the desires you normally have, even the good ones.”

Spike threw his hands up in frustration. “But I don’t wanna be bad boy, Twilight! I don’t wanna take things that don’t belong to me, I don’t want ponies to think I’m a monster.”

Twilight bit her lip. “I know, Spike, I know. But what if you don’t get a choice in that? Do you feel healthy now that you’re not stealing, now that you don’t feel like doing anything?”

He wiped his eyes. “No. But the only way I get to choose is with pills. It’s my decision, Twilight, and I say I’m a good dragon. I don’t care what any other dragon might be.”

“That’s very noble of you. But, um, you’re not acting like a good boy with the pills, either.”

“So I shouldn’t take it at all, then? Never take it again?”

Twilight took the bottle of pills in her magic. She read the package and sighed, before looking back to Spike. “Maybe not ever. It did do what it was supposed to do. It took away your greed and you didn’t steal anything while you were on it. But you can’t live your whole life like this. If this is what you get after two days, I can’t imagine how bad it might get in a year.”

Spike sobbed and let his head hang. “Okay, fine. I won’t take Cogitin anymore. But what’ll happen next time I start stealing again? I don’t wanna turn bad.”

Twilight pondered it for a moment. “Well, we’ll have to treat it like we’ve treated any other disease: keep the pills handy in case we need them, for emergencies only. But that’ll only be when your greed gets out of control, when it’s too much. In the meantime, I think it's best if you stay indoors for a few days, get that stuff flushed out of your system so we're sure you're back to your normal self. Does that sound fair?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, sounds fair. I just hope it doesn’t keep happening. I don’t know why it did now.”

Twilight sat next to him and put a wing over him for comfort. “Me neither. And I owe you an apology for that. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions about you needing medical attention, or you needing to act like normal pony children. I just wanted to do the right thing, honest, but I never bothered asking what the right thing was for you. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, Twilight.”

Twilight shook her head, lost in thought. “I should have paid more attention. I should have stuck up for you more. It’s just that...”

“What?”

“You never had this problem in Canterlot, and in Ponyville it only happened after you got lots of new things in one go. We know what caused it before, and that didn't happen this time. So why would you steal food now? What triggered you? And why didn't it ever happen in Canterlot? You got out more than I did, it should have happened there first. So was there something you had in Canterlot that you don't get here? Do you feel anything else besides just wanting stuff? If we can just find out how it works, then we know what to avoid.”

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it yet.”

Twilight rubbed his back with her wing. “So try thinking about it now. You haven’t had this problem for most of your life, so what’s changed?”

Spike thought it over. He looked at Twilight’s wing, then in Twilight’s eyes. “Umm… you?”

The windows were open in the library. Another day, another cleanup.

Twilight stood in the centre of the main room. “New books arranged.”

Spike grabbed the list and marked it off with a quill. “New books arranged, check.”

“Dust cleared.”

Spike marked another box on the list. “Dust cleared, check.”

Twilight nodded. “Okay, that’s my part done. Let’s see how yours is.”

Spike gulped. They headed towards a fairly empty section of the library, one in the back. It had remained unused for the most part, save for being a storage room for books no one felt like reading. Of course, once Twilight Sparkle had arrived every book had had at least one eager reader, so the storage had run empty eventually. Now the sign that used to say 'Storage' read 'Private Library, Do Not Enter Without Permission'.

Inside, there were cookbooks to the right, barely enough to fill one shelf of the case, and some comic books arranged by series on the left, along with one graphic novel. All the book cases were equipped with a ladder, as usual, but with the whole thing being mostly empty that was an unnecessary addition, for now at least.

Twilight lifted one of the books in her magic and wiped the wood with a feather. Spike shivered. “And?”

Twilight chuckled. “You did good, Spike. You’re not as fast as magic, but you are most certainly just as thorough as any pony librarian would be. What do you think?”

Spike scratched the back of his head. “I don't know. It feels kinda like having a hoard, only I don't have to keep all of it to myself. I think I like it." He shrugged. "When are the orders coming in?"

“The historical comic books will arrive on Tuesday, along with the other catalogues, and Cheerilee asked if she could place some orders for her class, so we'll probably have to get some pillows in here, too, maybe add a few rooms with a growth spell. You'll have to set up a schedule if she's going to bring her students along for class here, too. But we can worry about that later, the market should be just about getting set up for today. How does rye bread with tomato soup for lunch sound?”

Spike arched an eyebrow. “Just bread and soup?”

“I've got a new mining spell I've wanted to try out. I can grind up some rubies for yours.”

“Now you’re talkin’.” The dragon smirked and licked his lips.

The walk to the market was uneventful. Nopony paid much attention to Princess Twilight or Spike, and nopony made so much as a peep about Spike’s food thefts and subsequent rage.

But still, Spike couldn’t help but feel a little anxious when he realised tomato soup with rubies required tomatoes. Roma, the beige mare at the tomato stand, kept her eyes fixed in a glare towards the dragon, even though he had his hands full with a quill and parchment. He clutched them both tighter for comfort, if only to remind himself he was doing his job again.

Twilight left the tomato stand with a smile. Roma forced out a smile of her own.

Spike sighed once they were out of earshot. “I think she’s still mad at me.”

Twilight shook her head. “Don’t worry, Spike. Some ponies just hold grudges because they like it. As long as she keeps it proper, there’s no reason to worry. And while we're on the subject...” She nodded towards Filthy Rich’s stand, where Diamond Tiara had joined him again. She had a patch on her neck to hide the scratch, but aside from that she looked fine.

Spike held up the quill and parchment for Twilight to take in her magic, before scampering off. The filly hopped off the stool she was on once Spike reached her, and moved to the side of the stand so as not to get in the way of the customers. “Hey, Spike. Feeling better now?”

Spike looked away. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Are you?”

"Oh, sure. It's just a little scratch, it doesn't even hurt. You just scared me, that's all. And did you work out... you know, whatever it was that was wrong?"

Spike nodded. "Um, yeah, sort of. Turns out dragon greed isn't really as much of a problem as dragon pride. It's complicated."

Diamond thought it over for a moment. "Oh. So... what? You, like, don't really want a lot of stuff, you just wanna feel proud about having it in the first place?"

"Okay, maybe it's not that complicated."

"Nah, I can kinda understand that, actually," the rich girl admitted.

Spike fidgeted, mustering up his courage. "Anyway, now that I've got that stuff out of my system, I wanted to say I'm really sorry for what I did. I got mad, and I wasn't really feeling like myself, but that's no excuse to hurt you. It wasn't right, and I'm sorry I did it."

Diamond smiled nervously. “Don’t worry about it. I’m, like, kinda getting used to that sort of thing now.”

“Well, you shouldn’t; it's not right. And I’m not gonna do it again."

"I kinda thought you wouldn't."

An awkward silence feel between them.

Spike finally managed to look her in the eye again. "So, umm, what did you wanna talk to me about?”

Diamond looked surprised. “What do you mean?”

“The other day, when you were with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and at the park. Didn’t you want to say something?”

The filly looked away, looking for the right words. “Um, well, I was gonna ask if, maybe, you wanted to hang out with me sometime. Like, next Tuesday, in Manehattan?”

Spike frowned. “You mean the Glamour Gala Fashion Show?”

Diamond perked up. “You know it?”

“Yeah, I always go there. Hoity Toity likes having someone close to Celestia to go to his shows, and Twilight’s not into that kind of thing, so she always gives me her invite. But why would you ask me? Can’t you ask Silver Spoon?”

“Um, no. I have to go with my daddy, and Silver Spoon’s sick.”

Spike felt his heart sink. “Oh, so that’s why...”

“Yeah.”

Spike winced. “Oh, wow. Now I’m really sorry. I just thought you two’d had a fight or something.”

“No, she’s got the feather flu.”

“Don’t you need feathers for that?”

Diamond rubbed over the edge of a hoof. “She does; ‘feathers’ is what you call the fuzz right over your hooves. It’s not really a flu she’s got, but like, pox or a rash something, I don’t know. But look, if you are going, would you mind hanging out with me there?”

Spike smiled awkwardly. “Sure, but why?”

“Duh, because it’s gonna be all boring grownups there. And you, well… you’re kinda like a grownup, but I can still talk to you. You're a kid like me, but you're not a little kid like anypony else I could ask. Every time I go to that show, they all, like, just look at me and ignore me.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I really don't have anypony to talk to there, and it's a big place. I always feel lost there."

“Oh, yeah, it can get pretty boring. The food’s great, though, and the models never take any of it.”

Diamond rolled her eyes. “Obviously. So, um, could you let me know when you leave? Please?”

Spike nodded. “I’ll tell you what train I’m taking, we can go in together so we don't lose each other, and I’ll try to stick around so you don’t get bored. It’s the least I could do.”

Diamond's smile grew. “Thanks, Spike, you're the best. Anyway, I gotta go. See you around!”

Spike turned to leave. “See you around!”

Spike took his parchment and quill from Twilight once he got back to her. Twilight prodded him with a wing. “Everything worked out?”

“Uh, I think so. She said she’s going to the Glamour Gala next week, and since I’m going too, I said I’d stick around her. You know, keep each other company so we don’t get bored around the grownups, or get lost in the crowds.”

Twilight had to suppress a chuckle. “That is really sweet of you, Spike. Gosh, I can’t imagine that was easy of her to ask.”

Spike looked back. “Yeah, now that you mention it, she seemed a lot nicer than usual. I wonder why.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Well, you both have something in common: you’re both trying to be better than before, you both try to get past mistakes behind you, and you both try to act as adult as you think you are. Maybe she’d just like another friendly face to talk to, now that Silver Spoon is sick. I heard Apple Bloom’s made amends with those two, maybe Diamond wants you to be her friend, too. What do you think?”

“She does know how to get things done, that’s for sure, and at least she can be honest when she wants to be. It wouldn’t be too bad to hang out with her, if she is turning nice.”

Filthy Rich looked down at his daughter. “Everything worked out?”

Diamond nodded. “Yes, daddy.”

A bell sounded in the distance. “It’s that time again, sweetie.”

Diamond huffed. “But daddy, it's making me all dizzy and stuff. I'm fine, really.”

Filthy Rich leaned in and lowered his voice to a stern, commanding tone. “Diamond Tiara, we’ve been through this a million times: stop making a fuss and take your pills.”

Diamond shuddered, before reluctantly grabbing a bottle from beneath the stand. She took out one pill, popped it in her mouth, then grimaced after washing it down with a sip of water. She closed her eyes and bobbed her head back and forth for a bit as the drug took effect. "W-whu what was I doing?"

Filthy smiled. "You were just saying you made a new friend. Looking forward to showing him around the Glamour Gala?"

Diamond returned the smile, if absently. "Oh yeah. The Glamour Gala's gonna be great, daddy. I can't wait."

Filthy Rich patted her on the mane. “There’s a good girl.”

The End.

Author's Note

I don't think I ever said I was going to give this a perfectly happy ending. So yeah, Diamond Tiara's over-medicated. The story doesn't really say whether she's behaving better only because of the medication, or if the medication makes her act like a brat, but suppresses what would be something worse. The answer is implied, though. At least she has a new friend, right?

The thing about dragon pride versus dragon greed was added at the last edit, because the more I thought about it, the more I felt I should outright state it rather than leave it implied. Greed is the desire to have lots of things just for the sake of having them. Pride is a sense of accomplishment or superiority. I was going to rant and make a long list of perceived examples, but it's just fanon, so draw your own conclusions. Just pay attention to what is actually happening and not to what ponies (especially Zecora, btw, that stripey racist) say/think is happening. The difference between greed and pride can be subtle, but it's there. For bonus points, look at the very first episode of this generation and look at what Spike is doing right when we're introduced to him. Is his behaviour that of a glutton, a greedy hoarder, or someone with a strong sense of pride?

I guess in this story, you could say Spike is basically the avatar for collector geeks: their prime motivation isn't having the stuff that others don't, it's a sense of pride and accomplishment for getting the stuff in the first place.

The chapter title, in case you were wondering, has two possible meanings: medicated to aid in life, and medicated for as long as you live. Not mutually exclusive concepts, but different ones. Thought that was kinda clever.

I was going to put up a long explanation about why it makes sense for Spike to be promoted from library's assistant to full librarian, but you can fill the blanks. If you really want to end this train of thought on a heartwarming note, think about Spike in about five hundred years, managing the library containing the life stories of every pony he loved, not only keeping their memory in his heart but sharing the lessons they learned with new generations, and defending Twilight's precious spellbooks (or the ones belonging to her beloved successors) from villains long after she's gone. Sounds like something Celestia might have planned.

Edit: seeing as Season 4 happened, I guess that's not as much in the cards anymore, but the principle still stands.