Author's Note

This is what happens when you watch too much USA, A&E, and Ion Television cops shows and draw ponies in the middle of either one or all of them.

Forgive me for my sins.

Warning:
The following fiction had only minor proofreading because it's a one shot that's really not worth the effort of extensive editing, has an oppressive amount of scene jumps, and indentation that is ruined by the editing software, all of which may not be suitable for some audiences.
Reader discretion is advised.

Arresting Ponies

Rainbow shook and sobbed on the table that she was forcibly strapped to as all she could do is stare in horror at Pinkie Pie, clothed in a fabric made from the sliced-up skins of other ponies’ cutie marks. The basement’s dim light made the hacksaw gleam, its sight menacing as the pink party-pony brought it up to her eyes, pondering its name with child-like fascination.

“P-please, don’t do this, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash managed the feeble plea to her deranged friend.

“I’m sorry, Dash,” Pinkie replied, her voice still retaining its bubbly nature. “But like I said, you’re next. So I gotta do this.”

She brought the hacksaw’s blade to the base of one of Rainbow’s wings, readying to tear through flesh and bone.

Then a sudden crash was heard upstairs and soon two humans came into the base the basement, holding handguns pointed to the pink pony.

“FBI, hooves where I can see them,” one of them—dark skinned and with a shaven head―demanded Pinkie Pie to surrender.

Pinkie quickly put Rainbow Dash between them and herself, bringing the hacksaw to Rainbow’s neck. “Hey, what’s the big idea? Don’t any of you know you should knock first?”

The second human—thinly with light skin and brown hair—brought his wrist to his mouth as if to speak into it. “Guys, she has one of the ponies as a hostage.”

Outside of Sugar Cube Corner an entire SWAT team had surrounded the small bakery with three FBI issued SUVs. A perimeter of police tape and barricades had been set up. Outside of the perimeter were Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Applejack whom were standing alongside two other humans, one wearing sunglasses and speaking into his wrist.

“Understood, Reid,” he said as he brought his wrist back down. He spoke to the human with the goatee next to him. “Do you think she’ll get violent, try to fight her way out?”

The human shook his head. “Hotch, we’ve never seen a personality like hers. We have to be prepared for anything she does.”

“I still don’t believe this,” Twilight shook her head in disbelief. “I mean, where in the profile does she fit, Agent Rossi?”

The human with the goatee responded. “The profile suggested that the one behind all this was a sadist with no remorse or guilt. I don’t think any of us could have suspected that it be someone with an inability to feel sadness, disparity, fear…”

“Any emotion that conveys negativity is completely absent to her,” Hotch summed up the entirety of Pinkie’s psyche.

Rossi spoke into the wrist communicator. “J.J., Prentiss, Reid and Morgan have the basement covered, what about the rest of the bakery?”

A blonde haired woman was searching the bakery’s first floor with a SWAT team. “We’re securing the first floor, Prentiss went up stairs.”

A dark-haired woman was going up the stairs to the bakery’s housing rooms with a SWAT team following her. “We’re up the stairs,” she spoke into the communicator. “We’ll start searching now.”

Back in the basement, Pinkie began speaking to the agents. “If you two wanna help me get whose next, that’d great, but right now I have to do this by myself.” She began to panic, knowing that she was wasting time to finish what she stared. “So can you guys please leave and I Pinkie-Promise you can help out next time. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake…”

“Pinkie, we understand that,” Reid spoke up. “And yeah, we would like to help you…”

“Reid, what are you doing,” Morgan looked to his partner in confusion.

“Trust me on this,” Reid whispered to him then spoke back up. “I mean helping you out would be great. But the problem is after your friend there and then the next one, then who is next?”

Pinkie looked at him, confused. “Wha? I don’t know that yet.”

“I mean, there may be a lot of people in the world, all that could be next, but then what happens when they’re all next. And when they’re all next, you have to get them, right?”

Pinkie adopted a contemplative look as the human continued.

“So when you finally get all of them, then who’s next after that?”

Rossi was listening in to the conversation. “What’s he doing,” he asked Hotchner. “Playing to her logic isn’t going to get her to give up. He knows that more than any of us.”

“Or maybe he’s not trying to get her to give up,” Hothcner replied.

“Then what in tarnation is he doing,” Applejack asked.

Pinkie’s face scrunched in concentration. “Hmm. If everyone else is next, then does that mean I’ll be?” She thought out loud, trying to figure out this hypothesis. “Or will I be?” In order to think about this, she had to turn away from the table and concentrate.

With Pinkie’s back turned, Reid and Morgan motioned for Rainbow to be quiet as they moved to free her of her restraints.

Prentiss had made it to the final room in the upper bakery. She slowly turned the handle and looked inside. The sight of what she found startled her but she was relieved the findings nonetheless.

On the bed was a shaken but unharmed Fluttershy, who was pleading for the FBI agent to free her.

“This is Prentiss, I’ve found Fluttershy. She’s uninjured.” She holstered her weapon and went to untie her bonds. Soon the pegasus was free and hugging the agent, thanking her profusely.

Reid and Morgan managed to get Rainbow Dash free while Pinkie still pondered Reid’s question. He took Dash back to the stairs while Morgan raised his gun to Pinkie.

“It’s over Pinkie,” he said with a commanding voice. “Hooves where I can see them, now.”

Pinkie turned around, shocked to see Dash freed. The pink pony only had one thing to say. “Aaaaw, you beat me.”

Suddenly, from the shadows popped out two men—one black, one white with a bald head―with sub machine guns and wearing tactical equipment with “police” written on their vests.

“Police! SRU! Drop your weapon!” A blonde man yelled at Prentiss and Fluttershy after he and a brunette woman crashed through the room window.

Prentiss was confused at this sudden incursion when Fluttershy, in a flash, skirted around the agent grabbed her gun, pointing it Prentiss’ head. “Don’t move or her head comes off,” she yelled at the two officers. She then whispered into Prentiss’ ear. “I’m sorry if that was loud.”

“Prentiss, what’s happening up there,” Hotchner demanded to know but no response came.

Just then, Rarity’s cell phone began to vibrate. Her friends and the agents looked to her as she answered it. “H-hello?”

“Rarity,” a voice came over the speaker. “This is Sergeant Greg Parker with the Strategic Response Unit. Do you know why were calling?”

“I’m not quite sure,” she responded over the phone.

Before Greg could respond, one of his teammates came over the headset communicator. “Boss, we got a problem.”

“Talk to me, Eddie.”

“We got a subject that’s now armed and is holding a hostage.”

“Don’t even think about taking another step or they get it!” Rainbow Dash had bucked Reid to the ground and took his revolver, now holding it to his head.

Ed, his friend and Morgan now had their gun drawn on her, with Pinkie Pie still pondering.

“Okay, we understand,” Ed began. “We don’t wanna hurt you or anyone else.

The black man spoke into his head set. “Subject is panicking and unstable. There’s a chance she might escalate.”

“Copy that,” Greg responded. “Sam, Jules, you get that?”

“Got it boss,” the brunette responded to the headset. “We have the same issue up here, subject with a hostage.”

“Okay, find out what they want, try to calm them down, keep them from getting violent.”

Greg turned to the man sitting next to him typing at a computer display. “Spike, how are we looking on the camera feeds?”

“Working on getting into the system,” Spike responded. “Should be another minute.”

“Okay, keep me posted.” He spoke back to Rarity. “Ms. Rarity, your friends are holding hostages in that bakery. Do you think you know why?”

Rarity gave pause to the question. “I-I have no idea what could compel them to do such a thing.”

“Oh sure you do,” A woman spoke up, approaching Rarity with a man following behind. “After all, you’re the one who forced them to be paranoid of police.”

The man spoke next. “Yeah, goading them into robbing jewelry stores, saying that they’d being doing there dear old friend a favor and then rewarding them for it.”

“Then you expected us to arrest only them when we caught the robberies on the tapes.”

“Too bad one of your other friends actually had a conscience.”

Rarity had her mouth agape, shocked at the accusations these two were giving. “Why I never! Who are you two to throw this slander?”

The two presented their badges. “Detectives Benson and Stabler, Special Victims Unit.”

The man then brought out cuffs and bent down to slap them onto her hooves. “Rarity, you’re under arrest for grand larceny and conspiracy to theft.”

As they read her Miranda Rights, Rarity looked to Twilight, knowing what she had done. “I should have known you’d say something.”

Twilight retorted. “You forced them to rob for you and take the fall for it! I mean what were thinking, Rarity?”

“That’s actually what we want to know,” a blonde woman spoke up as she walked towards Twilight with Puerto Rican man following.

“Except we wanted to ask you that, if you don’t mind us askin’,” The man said.

Before she could speak, the woman and man brought out their badges. “Detectives Rush and Valens, Homicide.”

Rush produced a chair from out of nowhere as did Valens, also bringing a table. They set it up in front of Twilight and began to interview her. “So tell us, Twilight,” Rush began, bringing her voice to stern level. “What were you thinking the night you killed Applejack’s parents?”

Twilight stuttered out her responses, trying to find the correct words. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I-I never even met AJ’s parents.”

Valens chuckled sarcastically. “Well ain’t that ironic. Your friend is supposed the Element of Honesty, yet here you are lyin’ to our faces.”

Rush stepped in. “I wonder what she must be thinking now. Her best friend, the one that pulls the entire group together is now denying any responsibility for what she’s done?”

“Really makes you wonder what kind of friend does that.”

“Yeah, so much for friendship being magic, huh?”

Twilight finally slammed her hooves onto the table and shouted at the detectives. “They weren’t supposed to be there!” For a brief instant she flashed into the form of her filly self before flashing back. She simmered down before continuing. “They weren’t supposed to be there when the fire started.” She began to retrace steps on the events of that fateful day until yet another interruption came upon them.
Three police cruisers suddenly appeared on the scene, each with a man and woman pair of officers. They exited their vehicles and drew their weapons on Applejack, all of them demanding that she put her hooves up and surrender. In response, Applejack quickly produced a detonator that she was concealing.

“Alright, ya’ll don’t do anything hasty or I blow us all up sky high!”

Using the sudden distraction to her advantage, Twilight used her magic to lift the table and flip it into the detective’s faces made for the bakery. Seeing her catching the attention of everyone else, Rarity used the window of opportunity to detectives Benson and Stabler, steal the keys to her cuffs, and gallop for the bakery. Knowing that she was losing control of the situation, Applejack quickly ran into the bakery as well.

Every single officer who came for a specific suspect immediately followed suit, chasing down their suspects.

Hearing the commotion outside, Fluttershy threw agent Prentiss towards the SRU team and flew down the stairs, over J.J. Before she could make it out, she saw her friends and other police run inside and changed course for the basement, as did they when they saw Fluttershy almost crash into them. The entire group came tumbling down the stairs to the basement, knocking Dash and Reid to the ground and surprising everyone else. In the midst of the confusion, weapons were dropped and people were scattered every which way. After a brief scramble for their respective weapons, each person had gun drawn on someone else—save Pinkie Pie, still pondering—all barking orders and instructions for surrender.

“SRU, drop your weapons!”

“Back off, or I’m shooting everypony!”

“FBI, put your hands up!”

“There’s no way I‘m going to jail. Do you know how filthy it is in there?”

“NYPD, put down the gun!”

“This is the thanks I get for stopping thefts!?”

“PPD, don’t do anythin’ stupid!”

“I have this whole place rigged to blow!”

“Police! Give up, now!”

“Do undead become next, maybe?”

On and on the shouting match went on, no sign of anyone stopping even for a second to catch any breath. Each raised voice just another try to go higher and higher. Everything became muddled in a rage of noise and confusion. It seemed to never end.

That is until multiple smoke bombs were thrown into the basement and went off, quickly disabling everyone inside. Soon, countless of guardsponies came rushing, apprehending everyone, law enforcement or not, and had soon ended the situation in one motion.

Outside of Sugar Cube Corner, a guard stood in front of pony with a camera that was rolling on him.

“Yeah, we got multiple complaints from the neighbors in this area,” the guard pony spoke into the mounted microphone. “Something about loud noises and shouting. Once we arrived on the scene, we quickly got out our gear and destabilized the situation. This is a lot suspects were arresting here, so it’s probably gonna take awhile to get them through processing, but hopefully they go without much of a problem.”

Suddenly, one of the human women who came via police cruiser, ran up to the guard in cuffs. “You’re making a big mistake. I’m officer McNally, I work at the 15th division.” Before she could continue, two guards quickly re-restrained her and dragged her over to the cage chariot. “Don’t any of you see my badge?”

The guard turned back to the camera. “Yeah, hopefully most of them go without much of a problem. Its uh gonna be a long day at the dungeon, but hey, few more troublemakers off the streets is worth it.” He smiled before trotting back to his chariot and the camera turned off.

GUARDS

GUARDS is shot on location. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.