Roller Skates and Yodeling: Guide for a Crushing Pinkie Pie
Pinkie Pie bounced down Ponyville Main Street with a song in her heart and a tune on her lips. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the day was one-hundred-twenty percent super-dee-duper lovely. This morning she got to eat the first fresh-from-the-oven muffin, the package for her new party cannon parts had come in, and Gummy had woken in such a good mood that they’d danced while Pinkie did her mane.
This day couldn’t get any better.
Oh, but it could.
“Hey Pinkie!”
At the call, Pinkie turned and spotted her friend, Snuggles. He may have looked like your average stallion-about-town, but Pinkie knew for a fact that he was as far from average as birthday cupcakes were from regular cupcakes.
“Heya Snugs!” she chirped, bounding over to him. She wrapped him in a tight hug. Then Snuggles hugged back.
Only better. Only perfect better. Only like getting the best hug in the entire world. Getting hugged by Snuggles was like getting all the blankets in all the world wrapped around you, while Mom fed you an infinity of hot cocoa with marshmallows and happy bedtime stories.
Pinkie was a very good judge of hug quality. She’d been the hugging champ till Snuggles came to town.
“Ooo! That was at least a seven!” Pinkie said, after the hug ended.
“You think?” Snuggles asked, brushing his soft blue mane out of his vibrant green eyes. “I’m trying a new one out for morning hellos.”
“What was wrong with the last one?” Pinkie asked, cocking her head.
“Nothing!” Snuggles said, with a grin. “But hugs can’t get stale. That’s an absolute rule. So I always try to come up with new approaches. Since you’re the only pony I know who understands them like I do, I try to run them by you first.”
“Sounds like a deal to me!” Pinkie said, with a giggle.
“So, definitely a seven?” Snuggles asked, leaning close.
Pinkie chewed her lip, her eyes looking up through the top of her head in thought.
“Maaaaaybe an eight if you do that little circular motion at the end,” she said, demonstrating with her own hoof.
“Ah-ha! I thought that’s what I should do,” Snuggles said, nodding. “But I wanted to check with you. I was kinda like… would the circles be too much? Better be safe. Don’t wanna scare anypony, right?”
Pinkie nodded fiercely. “Yeah. No repeats of Fluttershy.”
“I thought I broke her,” Snuggles said, giggling.
“Nopony should get your A-game that fast. Gotta warm ‘em up, otherwise they’ll blow their top,” Pinkie agreed.
“Well, I need to get to the spa. It was good running into you, Pinkie!”
“You too, Snugs,” Pinkie said, warmly. “C’mere.”
Then Snuggles gave Pinkie his A-game. His Perfect, Ten-for-Ten hug. Pinkie couldn’t help it, she melted a little in his grasp.
Snuggles released her and winked.
“That one was on the house,” he said, grinning.
“I... like… that... house,” Pinkie said, with a goofy grin.
Snuggles laughed. “Pinkie, you’re great. See you later!”
“Byeeee…” Pinkie said, waving at a water barrel.
Morning marched on for Ponyville. The sun rolled along as Celestia willed it. Pinkie sat to the side of Main Street, grinning dreamily.
She didn’t even notice when Twilight Sparkle approached her.
“Pinkie?” Twilight exclaimed. “Are you okay?”
“Yeeeeeah…” Pinkie said. “I just got a Perfect, Ten-for-Ten from Snuggles.”
Twilight chuckled. “Looks like you enjoyed it a bit.”
Pinkie nodded, then reluctantly shook herself back into reality.
“I didn’t just enjoy it, I loved it, Twilight. Loved it, you hear?” Pinkie proclaimed. “I used to think I was the hugging champ, but I’m just a humble hugging hobbyist compared to Snuggles. He’s got the best special talent ever!”
“He’s certainly skilled with his hooves,” Twilight agreed. “Whenever I go to the spa for a massage, he’s the only one who can get that one cramp out of my wings.”
“I know!” Pinkie exclaimed, hopping up. “And that just makes him even more special, because he makes my friends happy too! And then there’s his laugh, and his mane, and his coat- oooo, doesn’t he have the nicest looking coat Twilight?”
“He’s certainly a handsome stallion,” Twilight said, indulgently.
“He’s the best,” Pinkie said, nodding decisively.
Twilight smirked, putting a hoof to her lips. Pinkie raised an eyebrow at the gesture.
“What?” she said. “Do I have something on my face?” Pinkie crossed her eyes and twisted her head about in an effort to catch any errant crumbs from her morning muffin.
“Sort of,” Twilight said. “You’re blushing pretty impressively there, Pinkie.”
“I am?” Pinkie darted to a nearby water barrel and peeked over the rim. Yup, she was less her usual Pinkie Pie and more like a Rosy Pie right now. That just made her blush more.
“Heee,” she said. “Wonder what’s got me all rosied up?”
“I think I know,” Twilight sang.
“You do?! Tell me Twilight! Tell me!” Pinkie wailed, gripping her friend. “I can’t be Rosy Pie! She’s already such a nice mare. I have to stay me!”
“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” Twilight said. “Besides, it just looks like a little crush.”
Pinkie popped back from Twilight and cocked her head. “What looks like a little crush?”
“What you have for Snuggles.”
“I have a little crush for Snuggles?”
Twilight shook her head, laughing. “Yep, Pinkie, it sounds like you do.”
“Ooooooh,” Pinkie replied, nodding. She looked over at the market, seeing it had become more active. Did she need to get any supplies for Sugarcube Corner?
Then, Twilight’s words sunk in.
“WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
Twilight took Pinkie back to Golden Oaks Library, where she could be frozen in a less public venue. It also meant Twilight could read up on interconnected thaum theory while she waited for Pinkie to process her realization.
As Twilight read, Spike walked into the main room. He wore his pink apron, and held a broom and dustpan in his claws. He paused when his path took him past Pinkie. She sat on her rump, mouth agape, eyes unfocused and unblinking.
“Uh…” Spike said.
“She found out she has a crush,” Twilight said, turning a page.
“Oooooh, gotcha.”
Spike headed for the basement to finish the weekly sweeping and dusting. At the door for the stairs he turned back to Twilight. “Pinkie can do that?”
“Apparently,” Twilight said, with a motherly smile. “Thanks for taking care of the basement today, Spike. Normally, I’d do it but...” She tilted her head at her friend.
He shrugged. “Nah, I get it. You got the worse deal- watching the Pinkie statue.” He shivered. “Hope she snaps out of it soon, she’s giving me the creeps.”
He closed the door behind him.
Pinkie gasped.
Twilight glanced at the clock, nodded, and put a bookmark in her reading.
“I have a crush, Twilight,” Pinkie declared, looking at her friend.
“You don’t say,” Twilight replied, grinning.
“Oh, but I do,” Pinkie said. “Wow, this actually explains a lot. Like, how I want to spend time with him, or visit him on his lunch break, or sing special songs on his special days.” She sighed, smiling happily.
“Wait!” she exclaimed, jerking herself out of her reverie. “That’s how I am with everypony. How is this a crush?”
“Because I don’t think everypony would make you so red,” Twilight said, levitating a mirror in front of Pinkie with her magic.
Pinkie saw herself, like usual. Except, her cheeks were still bright and rosy, just like she saw reflected in the water before.
“So that’s what that warm and tingly feeling is…” she murmured. “I thought I was just standing in a lot sunbeams when he was around.”
Twilight chuckled again, putting the mirror away.
“Yeah, that first crush is always pretty impressive.”
“It is?” Pinkie asked. “Have you ever had a crush, Twilight?”
Twilight blushed, even more fiercely than Pinkie.
“Well… yeah. I guess you could say I have. I… didn’t get to act on it though. The situation didn’t really work out.”
“Aw, that’s too bad,” Pinkie commiserated, wrapping a comforting forearm around Twilight. “Well, I promise you here and now, that your buddy Pinkie Pie shall go where you couldn’t, and do something about her crush!”
Twilight laughed softly. “That’s great to hear, Pinkie,” she said, smiling.
“Only one problem…” Pinkie bit her lip. “I’ve never had a crush before.”
Pinkie’s eyes went wide, filling with tears. Her bottom lip wibbled and her ears dropped back. Spinning around, she flung herself to her knees and wrapped her forearms around Twilight’s hooves.
“What do I do, Twiliiiiiiiight?!” she wailed. “Do I tell him or- or do I not tell him, or do I throw him a Congratulations, I Have a Crush on You party, or-”
Twilight pressed her hoof to Pinkie’s mouth.
“How about you ask somepony a bit more experienced in romance than me?” Twilight said, lifting Pinkie back to her hooves. “Like I said, my crush passed before I could really do anything.”
“Ooooo, good point,” Pinkie said.
She plopped down, tapping her noggin. Soon, her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth, proving she was truly thinking her deepest.
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…” she said, tapping her noggin some more.
“Maybe you could try Rarity?” Twilight suggested.
“Nah, that’s not gonna work,” Pinkie muttered. Then, she clopped her hooves down excitedly. “Wait! I have a great idea! I could try Rarity!”
She beamed as Twilight rolled her eyes. This lasted all of two seconds before her brow furrowed again in concern.
“But…” She bobbed her head from side to side. “Rarity hasn’t had the greatest luck with crushes either.”
“Just the ones we’ve seen,” Twilight said. “Rarity’s got a big heart. I can’t see her only falling for two stallions.”
“Sooooo, Rarity,” Pinkie said, as the fashionista levitated lengths of fabric in front of a dress form. “I was wondering…”
“Oh?” Rarity asked, as she glanced back at the door, certain the Closed sign was turned about. When Pinkie had said she’d needed advice, Rarity had been more than ready to close Carousel Boutique early. “What about, darling?”
“Have you ever had a crush on anypony?”
Rarity turned to Pinkie, her brow furrowed slightly.
“And they don’t have to be Blueblood or Trenderhoof!” Pinkie jumped in. “Because I know that you’d never want to talk about them again, because I know you have this big ol’ heart, because you’re my friend, and Fluttershy’s friend, and Twilight’s friend, and Applejack’s friend, and-”
“Yes, Pinkie, yes I get the idea,” Rarity said, sighing. She resumed her work.
Pinkie smiled and bobbed from side to side for a minute.
“Well?” Pinkie asked.
“Well what?”
“Haaaaaave you had a crush on anypony who is specifically not a snooty-snooter prince from Canterlot or a trendy colt with a wavy mane?”
Rarity took a breath, carefully studying each fabric and finally selecting a length of black brocade.
“Ah. Yes, well…” Rarity said.
“Yeeeeees…?” Pinkie said.
“You see, it’s a very delicate topic. I mean, matters of the heart being what they are…” Rarity continued.
“Uh-huuuuuuh… ?” Pinkie said.
“And sometimes, well, when a pony- or when a mare feels affection she might… Um. Oh…” Rarity said.
“Go ooooooooon…?” Pinkie said.
Rarity ducked her head, and her words were lost beneath a soft mumbling.
Pinkie cocked her head. “Sorry, Rarity, what did you-”
“I said- I’ve only had a crush on Trenderhoof and Blueblood! There! Happy?”
Rarity whipped around and gone was the professional fashionista. In her place was a mare wounded on the battlefield of love. Rarity looked upon Pinkie mournfully, tears welling in her eyes. Then, with a choked sob, she flung herself across the dress form.
“And I promised myself I would never speak of either of them... again!” she proclaimed, dramatically flinging fabric over her head.
Pinkie waited while Rarity held the makeshift shawl over her face, casting herself in shadow. Rarity was a wretch, untouchable, and she needed her moment.
When the moment passed, Rarity sighed, pulling the fabric back and tossing her mane back into style.
“I mean, really, Pinkie, how could you bring it up?” she said, her tone conversational again. “Especially given my… urgh. Behavior at the time. Not to mention what I wore for Trenderhoof.”
Pinkie giggled. “Yeah, you were pretty funny. Think you could do it again for Nightmare Night? You made a great whatever it was you were.”
Rarity rolled her eyes.
“Aside from dredging up my poor taste in stallions, what advice did you need?” she said, picking up a new piece of fabric and pinning it in place.
“Oh, right! I have a crush on Snuggles and was hoping you could give me some pointers.”
Rarity paused in her pinning.
“You?”
“Yep.”
“Have a crush.”
“Yep yep.”
“On the most gifted masseur in all of Ponyville, neigh Equestria?”
“Yep yep yep!”
Rarity stared at Pinkie like she’d grown a second head. Again.
“I’m sorry, can you prove you aren’t a changeling?”
Pinkie snorted. “Pfff, I couldn’t be a changeling, Rarity. Then I wouldn’t know about how at your Cuteciñera you rushed the cake so fast you-”
Rarity swept a hoof up, blocking Pinkie’s mouth, and the incriminating oral evidence.
“Right,” she said. “You’re definitely Pinkie. And you have a crush?”
Pinkie nodded.
“Hmmm. Well, I certainly advocate getting it out in the open as soon as possible,” Rarity said. “I’d thought coy was going to be a good route with Trenderhoof after… Blueblood, but, as you saw, that was more hassle than it was worth.”
She unwound the fabric from around her neck and compared it to what she’d pinned to the dress form.
“It was also pretty funny,” Pinkie said.
“Yes, thank you for continually pointing that out,” Rarity replied, her tone dry. “Funny as it was, being in that position was no laughing matter. If only I had been forward, I could have avoided all that hassle. … And mud.” She shivered, as if somepony had walked over her grave.
As Rarity returned to her work, Pinkie tapped her chin in thought. Was she a “direct approach” kind of mare? She decided she was. After all, direct is how you welcomed a friend, so why not do the same welcoming a crush?
“Yep! I can do it!” Pinkie said, standing tall.
“I’m so glad,” Rarity said, absently. “Now, be a dear and stand still. Your figure is close enough to my next client that I can use you as a model.”
“Okie dokie lokie!”
Pinkie trotted over to stand beside the dummy as Rarity floated the half-completed garments off of it and onto her. While Rarity worked, Pinkie started imagining all the great things that could happen after she told Snuggles she had a crush on him.
First, they’d go water skiing, then they’d eat a cake. After the cake, there’d be maracas on the roof- where else would she have them? Maybe she could introduce him to Gummy next, but that’s a BIG move and Gummy is very sensitive, so they’d have to skip to yodeling on roller skates.
“Pinkie, can you please sit still?” Rarity asked.
“Whoops! Sorry, I was thinking of yodeling and roller skates,” Pinkie replied.
“Uh… huh,” Rarity said, as Pinkie closed her eyes and started humming happily.
Oh yeah. Snuggles was gonna be roller skates and yodeling, all the way.
Later that day, Pinkie waited outside the spa. She bounced on her tail, composing songs for after she told Snuggles about how she felt. Maybe they could go for ice cream after the roller skates and yodeling. That worked up an appetite. She thought that was the best idea. Well, third best, since there wasn’t a circus in town and she was still on probation with the hang gliding school.
Snuggles exited the spa, smiling. He paused at the door to wish Aloe a good day. When he turned back outside, he bumped right into Pinkie.
“Oh, hey Pinkie!”
“Heya, Snugs!” she said, feeling a familiar warmth and a tingling creeping in around her cheeks.
“Have you been running?” Snuggles asked, stepping back to see her better. “You look pretty red-faced.”
“Nope! I have a cr-” Pinkie blinked. Her mouth had stopped on its own. That had never happened before. Weird.
“A crew? Oh, are you starting a dance group?” Snuggles asked.
Pinkie shook her head.
“No, no. Well, yes, I have a crew, but we still have a long way to go before we’re ready to perform. What I meant to say is that I-” Her mouth stopped again. It just stayed open and no sounds were coming out. Oh no! The words were stuck! Pinkie didn’t know words could do that!
Snuggles waited patiently as Pinkie opened her mouth, then closed it. She smiled, laughing nervously.
“Wow, hot day, huh?” she said, tugging at the fur at the base of her neck.
“I… guess?” Snuggles said, glancing at the spa’s outside thermometer. It indicated a mild day, at best.
“Crush,” Pinkie said. Yes! She got a word out!
“Crush what?” Snuggles asked.
“I…” Oh no! The rest of the words were frozen again!
Something was wrong. Really wrong. Pinkie needed to fall back and reconsider her options. It was like that Pillow Fight Week with Fluffle Puff all over again.
“I, uh, just remembered,” Pinkie said. “I left Gummy running in the oven. I’ll catch ya later Snugs!”
She then tried to instigate a hug and her whole body froze. Eyes wide, she jerked in place, laughed shrilly, then ran off at Pinkie Mach 3.14.
Snuggles blinked, confused, as the dust settled.
“Um, bye?” he said to the air.
Rarity pinned the fold around the dummy’s haunch and nodded. Yes, this was-
“RARITY!” Pinkie screamed, slamming the door open and scaring Opal across the room.
Rarity winced at the noise and dropped the careful pleats. She sighed.
“Yes… Pinkie?” Rarity asked, right eyelid ticcing slightly. Opal hissed from behind a dress form.
“I can’t tell him!” Pinkie said, zipping to grovel at Rarity’s hooves. “I- I- I tried to open my mouth and be all, ‘Hey I have a crush on you, isn’t that fun? We should go hang gliding when I’m allowed again!’ But when I went for it, my mouth froze and the words wouldn’t come out! And to make it worse, I couldn’t hug him after! What’s happening to me Rarity?!”
“Oh my,” Rarity said, her fabric forgotten. “This is serious. Clearly, you have more than a little crush on dear Snuggles. You’re certain you couldn’t say a word?”
“I could say words,” Pinkie said. “I just couldn’t say, ‘I really like you as a maybe special somepony.’” Pinkie’s muzzle wrinkled up in surprise. “Wait. I thought I had a crush.”
Rarity smiled sadly and knelt down to give Pinkie a hug.
“My dear, a crush means you want to be a special somepony,” she said, soothingly. “Some part of you knows it, even if the rest of you is unaware.”
“Can that part of me come out and do the talking?” Pinkie asked. “It seems to know what’s up.”
“Alas, that part usually stays a silent partner,” Rarity said. “It urges you on, fuels your desires, flames your passions until… Until…!” Rarity raised a hoof, pointing to an unseen future.
“Until what?” Pinkie asked, eyes wide with anticipation.
“Until you make an utter fool of yourself,” Rarity said, deflating. “I stand by my original advice Pinkie. You will save both of you a lot of hassle in the long run if you admit your feelings now. You’ll just have to work harder to get past this block.”
Pinkie slumped. “But how do I do that…?”
Sashaying alongside the distraught pony, Opal hacked up a furball on Pinkie’s hooves.
Later that night, after cleaning her hooves, Pinkie rolled around in her favorite striped pajamas. Gummy dangled above her, supported by her back hooves.
“Why’d I have to go and get a crush?” she lamented. “Everything was just fine. I liked Snuggles, he liked me, we had fun together…” Pinkie sighed, pressing her forehooves against her head. “It’s enough to make a mare mad, Gummy.”
Gummy blinked, then tried to bite onto one of Pinkie’s back hooves.
“But I’m not gonna let myself go mad. That’d be horrible! Mad is not Pinkie Style! No way. I mean, maybe peeved is my style. And maaaaaybe even frustrated from time to time, but never mad. Uh-uh.”
Pinkie chewed on her lip. Gummy gummed on her hoof.
“But keeping all this inside me is totally gonna make me mad,” she said. “I mean, I’m feeling kinda grumpy after not telling Snuggles the first time. Can you imagine how bad I’d feel if I kept that bottled up forever?”
Gummy blinked.
“You’re right Gummy,” Pinkie said. “I’m just gonna have to mare up and tell him. Tomorrow! Pinkie style!”
Gummy drooled excessively.
Pinkie giggled and pulled her toothless animal pal into a big hug.
“Aw, thanks, Gummy. You always have such great advice!”
Once again, Pinkie was outside the spa, but this time she wasn’t bouncing on her tail. No sirree, she was standing with purpose. She was also standing with a cup and ball game. But mostly purpose. Today she was going to tell Snuggles how she felt.
“One hundred thirty-three, one hundred thirty four…” she counted as she sank the ball. It was soothing, setting her mind in a rhythm, distracting that sneaky, body-freezy part of her. No way was she gonna let that take over again.
The bell tinkled.
“One-hundred thirty-six,” Pinkie said, then stored the game in her mane for later. “Here I go.”
“Later Aloe!” Snuggles said. He turned and nearly bumped into Pinkie. He laughed. “Oh, hey Pinkie. You know, if you keep this up, ponies will talk.”
“They will?” Pinkie asked. “Talk about wha- No!” She shook her head emphatically. Taking a breath, she looked at Snuggles imploringly. “Snugs, can I… talk to you for a second?”
“Sure thing,” Snuggles said. “I’m actually glad I ran into you. I need to talk with you about something, too.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It’s about my birthday party-”
“End of this week, buttercream cupcakes, ice cream cake, sarsaparilla, and raspberry punch for the buffet table. Then we have a conga line, four square outside, and piñatas inside!” Pinkie chirped. Sure, she had a crush, but this was Snuggles’ birthday. Birthday preparations trumped everything else. This was just a fact.
Snuggles chuckled.
“Sounds great. You’re such a wiz, Pinkie. Thanks.”
Pinkie shrugged, blushing. “Aw, it’s okay. Planning parties is just part of my premier party planner pony prerogative,” she replied.
“And that’s great,” Snuggles said. “But I was wondering if you could help me with one more thing at the party.”
“Sure Snuggles! Anything you want, I’ll make happen. It’s your big day, after all!” Pinkie’s chest swelled at the opportunity to make Snuggles happier.
Snuggles smiled even wider, which made Pinkie swell up more. She hoped she didn’t float away. That would kind of end the conversation.
“Okay,” he said. “Here goes.” He took a breath. “Do you think you can get me five minutes alone with Silver Script?”
Pinkie’s swelling stopped.
“Huh?” she said. “Why would you want five minutes alone?”
“Well… don’t tell anyone I told you, but…” Snuggles bit his lip. “I have a bit of a crush on him.”
Pinkie blinked. Her ear twitched. She thought she heard glass breaking somewhere and a balloon letting out air. Only in a not-funny way that left her feeling the opposite of swelled.
“Oh that… that’s great!” she said, her smile appearing on reflex. “How- How long have you had… a crush?”
Snuggles blushed, glancing away. “I’ve been carrying it for about a month. Lame, right?” he said, looking back at her.
“Oh, I don’t think so…” Pinkie said.
“Yeah, I just- I met him at your Big Spring Has Sprung Party and I felt like we had something, you know?”
“Eeyup,” Pinkie said, her smile still in place. It kinda hurt. “I think I do. And you want me to…?”
“Y’know,” he said, nudging her with an elbow. “Just work that Pinkie magic you do. I’ve seen you shmooze at parties. I may be great at hugs, but you’re great at other ponies.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Pinkie said, laughing weakly.
“No, it’s true. You can put a whole herd of ponies at ease faster than anypony I’ve ever seen! It’s amazing.”
Pinkie’s traitorous cheeks warmed again. Her slapped-on smile ached a little less.
“Aw, thanks, Snugs,” she said.
“So, I was hoping you could steer the crowd. Just a bit. Just long enough for me to test the waters. See if he’s interested?”
Pinkie nodded. Instead of feeling swollen with energy and excitement and air, she felt swollen with something ugly. It was heavy and felt lumpy, like uncooked dough. It felt like when she thought her friends didn’t want to spend time with her. Except she didn’t want to talk to a bag of flour. She just wanted to curl up on the spot and hide away.
“Think you can help me?” Snuggles asked.
“Of course I will,” Pinkie said. Did she sound like a robot just now? Could Snuggles hear that?
“Thanks, Pinkie, you’re the best.”
He wrapped her up in one of his Plus Six Specials. He even gave a little side nudge that was guaranteed to make anypony feel appreciated.
Not for Pinkie. Not this time. Not even a Plus Six Special with nudge could reach through the lumpy dough around her heart.
He released her and blushed, embarrassed. “Oh wow, I’ve been rambling on when you asked to talk to me, first. I’m so sorry, Pinkie. What was it you wanted to talk about?”
Pinkie smiled again. It felt like old, stale crackers.
“It’s nothing,” she said, swallowing, which just made the lump in her chest bigger. “Nothing at all.”
Rarity smiled at her work. It had taken a few passes, but this version looked best. She really should have caught those folds when she did the mock-up but-
The door opened again, but this time with a slow creak. The bell barely tinkled.
Rarity turned, putting on her professional face and began The Welcome.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique where- Pinkie?”
“Hey, Rarity,” Pinkie said, from the floor.
“Why are you on the floor?”
“Snuggles likes somepony else,” Pinkie said, rolling over. On her back, she scooted into the Boutique, then shut the door with a droopy tail.
“Oh. Oh, Pinkie,” Rarity said, settling down next to her. “I’m so sorry. I know you had your heart set on him... but it looks as though this wasn’t meant to be.”
“Should I still tell him?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh no, not now. To say it would complicate things is a major understatement. You’ll just have to let it go and move on,” Rarity said, stroking Pinkie’s mane soothingly. “Not all love goes requited, dear. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about romance, it’s that sometimes... you don’t get the other pony.”
“I don’t like it,” Pinkie huffed, rolling to press her face into Rarity’s side. “It hurts.”
Rarity draped her arm across Pinkie’s back.
“Yes, darling, I know. Sometimes we get hurt. But you mustn’t let it hurt you forever. Sometimes we must hold our heads up high even when life hoofs us something dreadful. Like… like tie-dye bellbottoms.”
Pinkie was quiet for a long time. Longer than any time Rarity had ever heard Pinkie be quiet. Before Rarity could get any more worried, Pinkie spoke up.
“Hey, Rarity?” Pinkie said into Rarity’s side.
“Yes, Pinkie?”
“You’ll be coming to the birthday party I’m throwing for Snuggles right?”
“Of course, darling. I even picked out a new outfit for the event.”
“Thanks.”
“May I ask why?”
“I- I have this dough all around my heart. It’s lumpy, and heavy, and- and I’m worried Snuggles will say something that’ll break the dough and take me with it.” She curled up tighter against Rarity. “I just- I wanted to be sure somepony was around in case that happens. It’s Snuggles big party and I can’t just be broken dough on the floor. I’m gonna need somepony to roll me back together. Maybe I won’t be the best cookies again, but I’ll still be me.”
Rarity looked at the pink ball of a pony pressed into her side and sighed, smiling sadly.
“Whatever you need, Pinkie. Whatever you need,” she said, comforting her friend.
Snuggles Birthdaytacular arrived! Like all of Pinkie’s parties, it was a resounding success. In addition to the core circle of Snuggles’ friends, plenty of Ponyville’s citizens showed up to get their pony party on. Sugarcube Corner practically swayed with the music and dancing. The conga line made it around the block.
Snuggles came up in the middle of the excitement, as Pinkie hoisted the piñata.
“This is great, Pinkie!”
Pinkie smiled. She’d been doing okay so far. The energy of the party kept her own spirits up. She barely even felt the lumpy dough in her heart when she talked to Snuggles.
“Glad to hear, Snugs. It’s your first Ponyville birthday, so I wanted to make sure it’s extra-special memorable for ya,” she said, with a wink.
“And I thought my welcoming party was impressive!” Snuggles laughed. “This is really something. Nopony’s ever done this for me. Thank you, Pinkie.”
As Pinkie tied off the piñata, Snuggles gave her a Nine for Fine.
All the party excitement drained and the lumpy dough in her chest doubled in size, then tripled. It took all of Pinkie’s willpower not to burst into a blubbery mess right there.
“You’re a great friend,” Snuggles said, quietly. Even amongst the noise of the party, Pinkie heard him. She wished she couldn’t. Tears welled up in her eyes. She looked up as if making sure the piñata was secure.
“You deserve great friends, Snugs. Now, go on!” she said, pulling out of the hug and putting her smile back on. “You’re the colt of the hour! Go live it up!”
Snuggles’s own smile faded as he took in Pinkie’s expression “You okay?” he asked, concern evident on his face.
“Just got piñata in my eyes. And I’m- I’m all choked up over how great this is going for you!”
“It’s certainly the best party I’ve ever been to,” Snuggles said, looking at the crowd. “We still on for Project Script?”
Pinkie winked extra hard. “Project Script is a Go Go Go. I’ll give you a heads up when he’s headed your way.”
Snuggles winked back. “Gotcha.”
Smiling wide, Pinkie shooed Snuggles toward a crowd of his friends, who waved enthusiastically.
Once he was gone, Rarity sidled up next to Pinkie. True to her word, she was in a new dress: a shift in a subtle blue, with gemstones along the collar and hem.
“How are you holding up?” she whispered.
“I wanna go hide in the ice cream cake and live there forever,” Pinkie said, her strained smile still in place.
Rarity wrapped a foreleg around Pinkie’s withers in commiseration.
“Well, why don’t we go over to the punch first…” she said.
Rarity lead Pinkie to the punch table, where Twilight was laughing at something Lyra said.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Rarity…” Pinkie groaned, plopping her head on the table, next to the punch.
“Do what?” Twilight asked, turning around.
“Pinkie’s foray into romance has been less than stellar,” Rarity said.
“I’m sorry, Lyra, but do you mind if I…?”
“It’s cool. Feel better Pinkie!” Lyra said, trotting off.
Pinkie waved without lifting her head. Twilight leaned closer to Rarity.
“What’s happened?”
“Snuggles has eyes for another pony. Silver Script to be precise,” Rarity said.
“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, Pinkie. That must feel horrible,” Twilight said, sympathetically. “Is there anything we can do?”
Pinkie looked longingly at the ice cream cake across the room. It was being kept cool by fans and a giant ice cube.
“Anything else we can do?” Rarity clarified.
Pinkie sighed heavily and lifted her head. “Nopery dopery. This is just a Pinkie Style weight, and I’m gonna have to carry it myself.”
Twilight draped a wing across Pinkie’s back. “We’re here if you need us, Pinkie.”
“Always, darling,” Rarity said, wrapping her hoof around Pinkie’s other side.
“Aw, guys…” Pinkie said, blushing and smiling. “Thanks!” She wrapped both her friends in a tight hug, then released them.
Taking a breath, she steeled herself, then nodded authoritatively.
“Alright!” Pinkie said. “Time to go set my crush up with his crush so I can feel crushed till I eat all of that ice cream cake from the inside out and build a new ice cream cake house just for me.” She marched over to Silver Script.
Twilight and Rarity watched her go.
“I’m going to guard the cake,” Twilight said.
“I believe that would be wise,” Rarity replied, as she watched Pinke march away.
Getting Silver Script? Not hard. “Heeeeeeya Silver! Have you... had a chance to congratulate Snugs face-to-face?”
Signalling Snuggles? Not hard. Pinkie flashed her semaphore flags, and Snuggles moved into position.
Sitting by as Snuggles and Silver Script talked? That. That was hard.
She’d started toward the ice cream cake, but Twilight intercepted her and said if Pinkie was going to live in a cake, she should probably pick a cake that wasn’t specially for one of her friends.
Pinkie realized she had nearly been horrible twice over. Before Twilight could say anything else, she slunk to the punch table in shame. She hid behind the bowl, feeling the lumpy dough in her heart crumble.
“Hello there,” Rarity said, softly.
“Heeeeey,” Pinkie slurred. She sucked down another bottle of sarsaparilla.
“Hitting the sarsaparilla pretty hard, aren’t you, Pinkie?”
“You don’t know me!” Pinkie hiccuped. “You don’t… know me.” She wrapped her hooves around her bottle as her mane drooped, flat as a curtain around her.
Rarity stroked Pinkie’s smooth mane and sighed.
“You’re actually a better mare than I, Pinkie.”
Pinkie lifted her head slightly, looking at Rarity.
“I don’t think I could even bear to sit by if somepony I’d been crushing on was attracted to another pony. In fact, I didn’t. I was an absolute terror. But here you are, stepping aside, letting Snuggles see if his heart may find purchase. For what it’s worth, I think he’s missing out on a grand mare to be his special somepony.”
Pinkie wiped at a tear and shook her head, her mane curling back up. She smiled.
“Thanks, Rarity,” Pinkie said. “You’ve been really helpful.”
“Well, I had the experience. I would be remiss if I didn’t-”
Rarity stopped and blinked.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
She pointed. Pinkie turned, and Twilight was flaring her wings and waving her arms erratically. Rarity and Pinkie cocked their heads in confusion at her demonstration. Twilight rolled her eyes, then pointed with both forelegs and wings to the left. The pair turned and saw a dejected-looking Snuggles coming toward the punch table.
Rarity’s eyes widened.
“This could be your chance! Good luck!” she whispered hotly, and dove beneath the table.
Appearing out the other side, she smiled beatifically at the ponies surprised by her sudden entrance. Tossing her mane, she said, “It’s all the rage in Prance. Try it yourselves sometimes.” And she sashayed away.
Meanwhile, Pinkie panicked. She looked left, then right, trying to find something, anything to do when she spotted a nearby rag. Wiping down the table, she smiled as Snuggles approached.
“Howdy Snugs,” she drawled. “Why the long face?”
“Didn’t work out,” he said, leaning on the table. “Silver Script already has a thing with Toe Tapper. He was gentle about it, so… that’s… that’s something, I guess.”
Pinkie looked at Snuggles. She looked at his sad face, his pokey eyes, his glum lips. Even his shoulders looked slumpy.
“This is your chance!” said a voice in her ear.
Pinkie blinked. Turning her head slightly, she saw the voice was a little her made out of felt, and wearing a super snazzy jacket and sunglasses. She hovered right next to Pinkie’s head.
“Silver rejected him, so now you can tell him how you feel!” she said. “Roller skates and yodeling, girl!”
“I dunno,” said a new voice. Pinkie looked the other way and there was another little felt her, but she wore the Element of Laughter and a rainbow umbrella hat. She frowned thoughtfully at Snuggles, who hadn’t noticed the additional felt Pinkies. He was a little focused on the punch bowl.
“I don’t think telling him will put a smile back on his face,” Element Pinkie said.
“Aw, come on! Sure it will,” Snazzy Jacket Pinkie said. “We’re the funnest pony we know. I mean, look at us.”
All the Pinkies looked themselves over.
“Okay, we are pretty fun,” Element Pinkie admitted. “But that’s a serious frown. We gotta be at our best. Crushy stuff makes things all fuzzy.”
“Look who’s talking!” Snazzy Jacket Pinkie retorted. “Listen. After we tell him, we’ll have fun, which will increase his fun, which will increase ours and then we’ll be like this huuuuuge funado!”
“Oooo, I haven’t been a funado in years,” Element Pinkie said.
“See? This is the best idea! We tell him we’re his next crush, and bammo, unleash the Secret Weapon!”
Element Pinkie made a face.
“Ugh, no. I still don’t like that. I mean, Rarity just cheered us up. What if she’d said she had a crush on us while doing it?”
“That’d be awesome!” Snazzy Pinkie said. “Rarity’s really pretty.”
“Yeah, but how would her telling us she’s got a crush on us help us feel better?”
Snazzy Jacket Pinkie started. She stopped. She tapped her noggin in thought. She opened her mouth again. Then closed it. She raised her sunglasses to appraise Element Pinkie.
“She’s smart,” she stage whispered to Pinkie. “You better watch out for her.”
Pinkie shook her head, clearing her tiny doubles away.
She smiled brightly.
“You know what’s guaranteed to turn every frown upside down?” she said, leaning close to Snuggles.
“What’s that?” Snuggles asked, looking up from his contemplation of the punch bowl.
“Sweet Apple Acres cider!” Pinkie proclaimed, slamming two bottles on the table.
“Whoa!” Snuggles exclaimed. “Pinkie, how did you-? It’s the off season.”
Pinkie grinned and shrugged. Pulling out a bottle opener, she said, “I know a gal who knows a gal who knows where the bottles are kept.” She cracked the tops and slid one cool bottle to Snuggles, who smiled gratefully.
“Thanks Pinkie. I really don’t deserve this.”
“Sure ya do,” Pinkie said, taking the other bottle. “Everypony deserves to smile on their birthday.”
She raised her bottle and her voice.
“Here’s to Snuggles! A great hugger and a great pony!”
“Here here!”
“I’ll drink to that!”
“Narf!”
Ponies raised their glasses throughout the room, even Silver Script, who smiled warmly. Snuggles blushed as he accepted the toast.
“You really know how to make a stallion feel special, Pinkie,” Snuggles said, sipping his drink. “Even when he’s feeling low.”
“Just my special Pinkie Charm,” Pinkie said, with a wink.
“Here’s to Pinkie,” Snuggles said, raising his bottle to her. “And her Pinkie Charm!”
Everypony joined in, but before he drank, Snuggles lowered his voice and said, “Even if I didn’t snag the stallion I wanted, I got to be with the friend I needed.” He patted her on the shoulder.
Pinkie’s smile warmed and so did the tips of her hooves. The lumpy dough in her heart shifted and didn’t feel so heavy and lumpy anymore. It felt like dough that had a chance. Maybe she could roll this dough back into a decent shape one day. One day.
Cheeks feeling a little rosy again, Pinkie tapped her bottle against Snuggles. “I’ll toast to that!” she said.
They took another swig of delicious cider.
“Ah!” Snuggles said after finishing. “That hits the spot. Now come here. I got my A-game for ya.”
“Sweet!” Pinkie said, bouncing over the table and into Snuggles’ forehooves. Where she found that he’d been practicing.
That night, Snuggles super secretive Eleven for Heaven hug was made. And for the first time since she was a filly, Pinkie Pie had to be rolled out of a party in a wheelbarrow.
Dear Journal... Pinkie wrote.
Hey, it’s Pinkie Pie again. I know it’s been awhile since the last time, but boy, have I got a doozy for you. It was such a doozy not even my Pinkie Sense saw it coming!
See, I recently got a crush on a really great friend of mine, but he didn’t feel the same way. This got me pretty down in the dumps, and for a while I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even feel good about his hugs!
Pinkie glanced out her window at Carousel Boutique and smiled.
Rarity helped me out though. Thanks to her, Twilight, and a pair of little me’s, I figured out that even if a crush doesn’t crush back, it doesn’t mean you still can’t be friends. Once I focused on being a first best friend, rather than a second best crush, things got better. Not super, perfect-o better, but with friends like mine, I’m sure I’ll get there soon.
Pinkie closed the journal and walked to her balcony. Leaning against the railing, she saw Snuggles trotting his way to work, and she blushed. Hopping back to the journal, she re-opened it.
P.S. - I really hope I get there super soon. Roller skates and yodeling just isn’t gonna feel the same till I do!
Author's Note
Thanks to my partner and shieldmate, Jess, for being my stalwart editor. You'll always be roller skates and yodeling to me, love.
