The Octavia Logs

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Human
Length: 1482

Through out Ivory one mare has always been there. One mare has always helped everyone else selflessly. And now, that one mare is demanding some attention from the author.

Through out Ivory one mare has always been there. One mare has always helped everyone else selflessly. And now, that one mare is demanding some attention from the author.

Only thing is, she might not get it in the way she wanted.

[size=1.5em]This is gonna be meta as hell.[/size]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-27 05:20:04 UTC

PRELUDE: I DEMAND ATTENTION!

A loud knocking came from my door. "Hat!? Hat I know you're in there, open the door you prick!" Octavia's smokey voice sang from the hard wood door. "Hat I will get in there even if I have to climb through the window!"

I just shook my head and pointed to the door. "Ushanka let her in."

Ushanka gave a deep bow and opened the door. Octavia forced her way in and stared me down. "Hat, we need to tal--"

"You want your own story where you're the lead character...I know." I spoke lazily as Ushanka closed the door and found her place next to me. "Thanks me, you're awesome."

Octavia stared at Ushanka for a bit before turning to me. "Who the buck is this!?"

I stopped typing and looked over at Ushanka. "She's...not exactly a clone. More like a...yeah, she's a clone, except with a vagina so she's obviously much more important than me." I spun around in my chair. "I don't even know why I wrote her into existence, but she's way better than I am at...well, just about everything. She looks better, she sounds better, and she is probably a better lay. But we're not here to talk about my illegal literary cloning, we're here to- hold on a minute I have some notes."

Octavia stamped her hoof vehemently. "Cut the shit Hat, you know why I'm here! So grab your jacket and let's go!"

I stopped looking for my notes and threw my pen into a drawer. "We doing this for real!?"

"Indeed!"

I looked around the room. "Ushanka, you're in charge!"

She nodded happily. "Yes Sir."

I shuddered as I found my jacket. "Don't call me Sir, I'm not important enough to be a Sir." I pulled my hoodie on and walked over to Octavia. "So where we goin-- oh I know! We should visit Night Shade, they always have good food!"

"Hat...this is my story, remember. We're going to my house." Octavia deadpanned as she walked me towards the exit of my office. "We're going to have some drinks, have some small snacks, and talk, okay?"

I walked sullenly down the hall. "Will there be a sex scene?"

"What do you think?" Octavia jeered with a flick of her tail.

I froze in the hall as Octavia kept walking. "So is that a yes?" I called out as she walked off. "I mean...the Satyr's are around, you could go with one of them!"

Octavia just shook her head. "I thought you weren't a fan of shipping."

"I'm no--"

"Then it'll be my choice. And I expect you not to interfere so," Octavia held her hoof out flat. "The pen."

I felt my hand shoot to my pocket. "I need my pen."

Octavia let out a rough cough. "Hat, give me the pen."

"I need my freaking pen."

"Hat!"

"Fine!" I pulled my pen out of my pocket and handed it to her. "You can't even use it!"

Octavia tucked the pen away. "Yes, but that means neither can you." she turned her nose up and trotted gayly down the hall. I was left trailing behind her as my silent rage simmered. "Now you're just like us. Now, what's your real name, because there's no way you're actually named Hat."

"Oh fuck off! You might have my pen but you don't control me!"

Octavia walked backwards and stared at me. "Oh come now. I promise not to tell."

I glared at the mare. "You're lucky I you, otherwise you'd end up like Shining Armor."

Octavia's eyes popped open. "What did you do to Shining!?"

I shrugged. "Nothing yet, but the phrase, is it gay if I'm technically a stallion, will come up."

Octavia shook her head. "Are you gay Hat? I really can't tell."

I shook my head. "Naw. Never a fan of cocks, more a vagina man. Now seriously, can I have my pen back? I could just write us a scene change and save us a half our walk to your house."

Octavia turned around again, wiggling her flank in front of me. "Well if you're such a vagina man I'd think you'd want to walk behind me." she added a giggle just to get under my skin.

"You're not funny. People don't pay to listen to you. Granted I'm not exactly getting paid but still." I stuck my hands in my pocket as we hit the street. "I could have written us having lunch by now, and I'm actually hungry so...pen?"

"No Hat."

"Fuck you, give me the pen!"

"Oh, fuck me? You want fuck me!?" Octavia spread her legs and pulled her tail back. "Then do it, right here in the street!"

I glared hard at the challenging mare. "I hope you realize what's gonna happen when I get that fucking pen back."

"Oh shove it up your ass, Hat- Ass Hat- ha, and you said I wasn't funny." Octavia covered herself and walked on.

I rubbed my mouth. "Oh it won't be going up my ass... and shouldn't you be wearing panties anyways!?"

"I didn't feel like it, and you can't make me." Octavia flaunted her newly gained freedom about as the streets grew crowded. I never realized how crowded things would be if I never wrote that they weren't.

"Octavia what's this all about!? I mean...I wrote your brain, so I know what you want in the end- and in your end, heh-heh."

"Charming...and you wonder why you're single." Octavia swung her hip into a pony and cleared a path for me.

I hurried past the gap and found myself standing with my angry friend. "I know why I'm single! And what happened to you, you're so feisty today!"

"Good!" Octavia took a hard right into the musician's district. "I've been in the back too long, it's my turn to be important for once!"

I snorted loudly. "Octavia you're always important. I mean...I love you, isn't that enough?"

Octavia turned around as she tried to formulate a response. "Well..I mean- you're fine but- I mean- you know what I mean!" Octavia looked away as she started getting flustered. "You really do bring out the worst in me."

"And the best." I ran behind Octavia and scooped her up. "And you walk too slow, pick up some speed!" With Octavia tucked against my chest I started jogging towards her house.

"Ha-a-a-at, stop running!" Octavia screamed as she bounced violently in my arms. "Good lord, why the rush!?"

I resumed my running as I was sure she was fine. "You're the one who wanted to do this, so let's do this!" I spotted her apartment and flung my shoulder into the handle, busting the lock and sending the door wide open. "Wooo!"

Octavia wrestled out of my grip. "You lunatic! My door is destroyed!"

"Oh wow...that does suck, you know how I could fix it!?" I held my hand out greedily, only receiving dead air and an angry stare. "Seriously?!"

"Hat you'll get your pen back when we've discussed my fiction. Now go pour some drinks, I'll find my notes." I finally spotted my pen as she walked off. She had tucked it between her bow tie and was watching it like a hawk. Right then and there I knew what I had to do.

If Octavia wanted to be the main character for once she was sure as shit gonna get it, but I'm not about to write some sappy romance about her falling in love with a wonderful pony or human. No...she was about to realized just how vindictive I can be.

I found a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. I spiked hers with a little absinthe and swirled it around the glass. She'd know what I did almost immediately but all I needed was a second to grab my pen.

"Oh good." Octavia trotted over with a few stacks of paper. "We can discuss my story now." she hopped up and took a seat at her dining table as I brought the wine over. "Now I was thinking a romance, something nice, not too much sex, but maybe one or two scenes."

"Uh huh, sure, I can do that." I agreed lazily as I waited for her to take a drink.

She gave me a wide smile and dipped her drink back. "Thank you- oh...oh no...Hat...tell me you didn't."

I smiled deviously as she started to get wobbly. "I didn't. Asterisk."

Octavia held on to the table as she struggled to keep her head up. "Asterisk? What asterisk?" she rested her head on the table as the drink went to work. "Hat...I trusted you."

I plucked my pen from her collar and started walking away. "Don't worry, you'll have your story. I love you and you'll have a great time...asterisk." I grabbed a few of her notes and walked towards my office.