An Author Goes To Equestria

by Brony2893

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, Human
Length: 2940

A Certain Author Goes To Equestria and shenanigans ensue

What happens when [REDACTED] gets transported to Equestria?
I dunno.
Probably sexy things.

Crackfic for my birthday. Don't take it srsly.
My first foray into clop. You have been warned.
Please don't let this in the featured box ;_;

Published 2014-03-30 04:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-30 04:40:03 UTC

Click me!

Was just my average night at home that fateful day. Four in the morning, bored, and looking through pony art.

And by ‘looking through pony art’, I meant I was really finding sensual art to judge and critique.

And by ‘judge’ I really mean finding new material to clop to. The internet was tempting me with sexy ponies, and I was falling for it.

’Hmm…. that new Lyra picture sure is nice. But the anthro Rarity done by my favorite artist sure has a nice set of hips. Then again there’s always Twilight Velvet wearing the—’

My name is Edward, and I’m addicted to ponies.

That night—well, morning, wasn’t much different to most back then. I was naturally more on the nocturnal side, so sleeping till late-afternoon and being awake until sunrise was as normal to me as the sky being blue.

But that lifestyle came with a curse; boredom. My online friends were sleeping, and living alone left a lot of time to myself. Usually left me with a good three hours to do whatever I felt like doing. Sometimes I turned off my computer and watched a movie, other times I stayed to play my games. But most were spent admiring sexy ponies.

I sifted through my daily download folder, sorting the pictures into their appropriate places. Many of them got my ‘seal of approval’ but there were some that earned their own special places. I couldn’t decide which picture from my daily escapades onto the internet was going to be my company, so I fell back on my old favorite.

Princess Celestia. There she was on my computer’s desktop. She lied there looking back at me with that playful expression that always put a smile on my face. My eyes were naturally drawn the the alluring, perfectly curving lines of her rump, covered ever so slightly by her beautiful tail.

Perfect.

I checked my front door and all the window shades in my apartment. May have been on a second floor, and the four in the morning… but one could never be too careful when ponies were involved.

I sat back down in my computer chair and turned off my desk lamp. It would only glare off the screen and obstruct Her enchanting figure.

Something in the corner of my screen caught my eye. There was an orange notification box. With a slight groan I opened Skype to see what was up. I had a new contact request, from the username ‘P.C.’ and a blank avatar, with no personal info on their page.

’Well that’s odd… I wasn’t expecting any friend requests. Must’ve been a fan who just happened to find me. Oh well, may as well talk to them for a bit.’ So I accepted the request and sat up in my chair, ready to type.

They were certainly online still, but after a few minutes of waiting I took the initiative and said ‘hello’, quickly followed up by asking how they found me. ‘P.C.’ replied almost instantly, they must have been a fast typer I figured.

P.C. >Hello, Edward2893. Or do you prefer Edward?

I squinted slightly at the message, confused. I never told anybody but my friends my real name. I rolled my eyes and accepted it was one of them doing some sort of prank on me, so I decided to go along with it for the time being.

Edward2893 >Either or, doesn’t matter. And to whom am *I* speaking?

Again, they replied instantly. Maybe they had their first few messages copied down, I figured.

P.C. >Why, I am Princess Celestia. You may call me Celestia, or Tia, if you so wish.

I read the message and groaned again, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

’Great, one of those roleplayer types. I’ll just exit Skype, then tell them tomorrow my internet cut out, and I’m not into that crap.’

My mouse moved over to the icon in the corner, ready to close the program and resume my ‘me time’ for the day. I exited the chat program and smirked a little, satisfied in knowing I won’t be interrupted again.

I found the picture again and opened it full screen, zooming in to cut out all the useless background bits. I was here for the princess, not the pretty scenery. My hand slid downward, readying to slide my shorts down and get back to work.

The screen jittered for the briefest of moments after that. I blinked and the Skype window opened back up fully.

P.C. >That was not very nice, Edward2893. I was not done speaking with you.

My heart jumped and my body froze. I stared at the screen as the color drained from my face. I stood up and took a step back from my desk to think for a minute.

’Okay, so… I must’ve just… I only thought I closed it. Right, right.’ I composed myself and sat back down.

Edward2893 >Sorry, I accidently closed it and didn’t notice. So how are you?

This time, the other person took a few seconds to respond. Perhaps they were deciding to call my lie or not.

P.C. >I am doing well. All is quiet in the kingdom tonight, and the air coming in from my balcony smells like roses. It is quite heavenly.

I rolled my eyes at their continued roleplaying.

Edward2893 >You can stop roleplaying now. We can just talk like normal people, I prefer it actually.

P.C. >I am not lying. I’m the real Princess Celestia you know and, apparently, love. ;)

I lifted an eyebrow and hesitated. Whoever this was, wasn’t exactly being great at trying to deceive me. It wasn't exactly a secret who my favorite pony was. I rested my chin on my hands for a moment, thinking. I smiled when I thought of a plan, however flawed it might have been.

Edward2893 >You must have me confused with the other Edward2893. I prefer Cadance.

I folded my arms and looked to the screen, a smug grin on my face. After a minute I thought the other person left, but another reply came up on the screen, a long one.

P.C. >Do not lie to me, Edward. I know I am your favorite, the nicknames, some of them rather lewd, you have given me. And the things you say to me in the throws of your self-indulgence.

I was beginning to feel irritated at that point. They seemed pretty serious about their roleplaying.

Edward2893 >Oh yeah? Well all my friends know the nicknames I have for you, like Hot Cakes. And me saying your name? That’s just a lucky guess on your part, lots of people say things in their personal time. I’m not convinced.

P.C. > Well then, I will prove that I am Princess Celestia of Equestria.

I laughed and took a moment to shake my head. Were they serious? It was annoying at first, now this was entertaining seeing this nut trying to come off as the princess.

Edward2893 >Alright then, bring it on.

P.C. >Hold one of your hands up to the webcam built into your laptop. I will tell you how many fingers you are holding up.

I glanced up to the webcam with a curious expression. The little light wasn’t on, so they surely had to be bluffing. Raising my left hand, I stopped and had a better idea. Instead, I held up both hands in the hopes they were just going to guess and hope for a one-in-five chance of being right and freaking me out.

I held up eight fingers for half a minute before putting them down, waiting for a reply. When I read it, a chill ran up my spine.

P.C. >Cheating is not very nice, Edward. I asked you to hold up a single hand, not both. Oh yes, it was 8 fingers, by the way.

I looked straight into the webcam for a few tense moments, trying to process the fact that this insane roleplayer hacked my computer. Another message popped up on screen but I was too busy finding something to cover the camera with.

Finding a roll of tape in a drawer, I put several pieces over the lense, completely blocking it. I looked back to Skype, now seeing two unread messages.

P.C. >Do not be afraid. I don’t mean you any harm, nor do I wish to harm your technology.

P.C. >Why did you do that? Now I cannot see you, only hear you.

“You can hear me too!?” I said without thinking.

P.C. >Yes.

“That’s it, I’m calling the police. Nobody hacks me and gets away with it.” I reached over to my cellphone, only to find it dead.

’What!? But I charged it all day!’

P.C. >Please, Edward, calm yourself. I already said I mean you no harm.

“Yeah, sure. You hack my computer’s webcam and microphone, and then say you don’t mean anything bad?” I asked in a sarcastic, disbelieving tone.

P.C. >Yes. I only want to talk, perhaps more ;)

“That’s it. I’m done with this bullshit.” I reached behind my stack of game cases and unplugged the router’s power cable. I confirmed the connection was severed, and breathed a sigh of relief.

’What a fucking nutcase. Oh well… guess that means I can get back to—’

P.C. >That was rude :(

“What the hell!?” I yelled and vaulted out of my chair, letting it roll back and fall to the floor. I stood in front of my desk, looking down to my laptop. “You… this can’t be real.” I put a hand to my temples, looking down to the floor. A little -blip- noise alerted me to a new message. Whoever it was apparently turned up my speaker volume.

P.C. >I assure you I am real. Please, calm down.

I didn’t say anything. I picked up my laptop and unplugged the power cable, and ripped the battery out. I dropped them back onto the hardwood surface and stood, watching the black screen. When nothing happened, I smirked and turned around to pick my chair back up.

’Heh… take that you bit—’

A light came on behind me, placing a hazy silhouette of me on the opposite wall. It may have been my desk light, but I knew better. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up straight, my heart raced and stomach felt sick. Summoning up the last ounces of courage, I turned around.

The screen looked exactly how it was before, the chat still open, and a new message blinking.

P.C. >You almost had me that time ;)

“This has to be some sick nightmare. I’m hallucinating… yeah, hallucinating. The meat earlier must’ve been bad.” I walked around in a small circle in the room. “Yeah, yeah! I’m in my bed right now tossing and turning with a fever.”

P.C. >No, you are awake.

“Hah. Nice try, look, I’m gonna walk into my bedroom and see myself sleeping like every other dream.” I turned to leave the room. “Just you watch. I’ll be—AWH!”

Something tripped me, and I fell flat on the floor. Before I could clear the stars from my vision something grabbed me, and pulled me back. I dared not look back, only use the strength in my arms to pull myself away from that must have snuck in through the window while I was turned.

“Let me go now!” I kicked and felt whatever was grabbing me let go. Scrambling to my feet, I turned into the kitchen. I was only a step inside its border before something grabbed my ankles again. I fell, and saw the hard kitchen counter come closer. I cringed for the impending pain, but there was none, only black as I was knocked out and dragged away.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

My senses came back in a strange haze. I was aware I could move but everything felt delayed and off.

I didn’t open my eyes, just rolled over into soft covers I was lying on, my bed, most likely. I groaned at the intense pain in my head and huddled my limbs closer.

’Stupid headache...stupid fever… giving me stupid dreams.’ My head was ringing, making it hard to even think without intense pain.

I didn’t hear anything, which I was thankful for. I liked a quiet room, and noises with such an intense migraine would only exasperate the situation. Not to mention lights, so I gladly kept my eyes shut and tried to fall back to sleep.

I drew in a deep breath, filling my lungs with air. I caught the whiff of something strange on the air, something far from familiar in my room.

’Flowers?’

I took a deeper inhale through my nose, turning onto my back. It was definitely flowers of some sort, though the exact type I couldn’t place. I groaned and turned back over. I hated the smell of anything fresh.

’Bet I left a window open… and the neighbors are doing some stupid gardening stuff.’

“Stupid plants…” I huffed and buried myself deeper into a pillow.

“If you dislike the smell of the garden so much, I will gladly shut the doors and windows.” A melodic voice said nearby.

“Mmm… thanks,” I replied in my stupor, too distracted by my fever. I opened my eyes after a few seconds.

’Wait… what?’ I furrowed my brow and sat up.

It was most certainly not my room.

I opened my eyes to be greeted by a magnificent bed laid out underneath me me, adorned with plush, golden comforters and a fleet of pillows. Turning my head slightly to the right, I found a massive redwood desk against the wall, the beautifully stained and polished plateau scattered with various scrolls and documents. A crackling fire danced playfully in what was easily the largest fireplace I had ever seen. Surrounded by several ornate sofas, the hearth quietly cast a warm, flickering glow over the spacious bedroom. I looked to the bed once again, now noticing the large glass door which lead to an illustrious balcony.

“What the actual fu—”

“Glad to see you awake~” The voice said from behind me. I looked above me to see Princess Celestia’s face directly over mine, her neck craning over the head of the bed. She looked straight down at me from her elevated position, our eyes meeting for a few tense, silent moments.

It all, however, became too much for me.

I flailed around and tossed the covers above me. I fell off the bed, falling flat on my back. Celestia remained smiling over the head of the bed. She slinked her way over the bed, lying down and resting her face on the edge of the bed, smirking at me.

“Hello, Edward,” Celestia smiled. “Sleep well?”

“Uhhh…. what?”

“Come, let us talk. that is why I brought you here after all,” Hot Cakes patted the space next to her and scooched over. I gave her a funny look but shrugged and stood up on my hooves.

Oh I forgot to mention, I was a pony.

I complied with her and climbed up on the bed.

“So, uh how am I a pony, more specifically, my OC?”

“Magic.” She answered without a pause.

“So, how am I here?”

“Magic.”

I deadpanned at her. “Can you say anything but ‘magic’?”

“Magic,” Celestia smirked. I deadpanned further. “Gotcha.” She winked.

“This can’t be real.” I shook my head and looked at my fuzzy fetlocks. They were pretty cool.

“I assure you this is a real place,” Celestia scooted closer to me, and laid a wing over me. It was warm.

“How? How could this possibly be a real place?” I asked, looking at the beautiful princess out of the corner of my eye. I’m a big guy, but she seemed to dwarf me. It was a little intimidating, but a little alluring too.

“It just is. I don’t know how else to explain it, but I am real.” She said.

I touched her side under her wing with one of my hooves. “You certainly feel real.”

“I’m glad you think so~” She breathed in my ear. My body shuddered from my head to my toes. “Would you like a drink? I find myself rather thirsty all of a sudden.” Celestia withdrew her wing, leaving a cold spot on my back and stood up.

“Um sure I’ll take something on the lighter side.” I slowly turned my head. Made me sad she got up, but happy when she walked away, if you know what I mean.

She came back with two glasses in her magic. I concentrated my magic on one of them, taking a sip of the clear liquor. It was warm and tasted very sweet.

“So, uh, why did you bring me here?” I asked as she laid back down on the bed next to me, sipping her own beverage.

“To chat.” She replied with a smirk.

“Uh huh. You yank me through my computer, bring me here, turn me into a pony just to chat?”

“Were you doing something important? I can send you back,” Celestia stood up and got off the bed.

“Uh no, I was just… nothing,” I blushed and stopped talking.

“Whatever you say~” Celestia walked past, letting the tip of her tail brush the end of my muzzle. I swallowed and watched her walk around the room. She was closing all the blinds for the windows, and locking the doors.

I had a feeling something very interesting was about to happen.

Author's Note

Ohhhhhh wonder what's gonna happen next:trollestia:
Clop chapter will be done and 'polished' in a day or two:moustache: