Chapters Discord was casually floating down the hallway. This certain hallway led to his room, which was quite the room. If one could even call it a room of course. It may as well have been a living room. Man you could fit a 80 inch flat screen in there!
Annyway.. his room is where he spent much of his time after his "reformation". He had expected to do a great deal of pranking, but without getting crap from the princesses... or a rainbow beam of death to his face. But alas, Celestia was a step ahead of him, and kept close watch. She had been kind at first, and allowed small, friendly pranks. She knew how much he loved to prank. However after that stunt he pulled at the gala with his new human companion she had basically cut him off from the rest of the ponies. Yes he certainly got the short end of the stick on this whole reformation thing.
That reminded him. Where was James? James was thought to be under some kind of mind control spell, he insisted otherwise, but that only further convinced the princesses that he was being controlled by the lord of chaos.
That reminded him again. "Oh!" Discord exclaimed as he suddenly remembered he was to report to the throne room. See, they were going to 'release' James from his hold. Even though no mind controlling was being done, Discord obliged. But only because he had an idea for a wonderful prank. The rules Ol' Celly had set out for him were quite specific. However, Discord, being the cunning and handsome draconequus he was, had found a loophole. Sure he couldn't prank any ponies, but the rules never stated anything about pranking the royal sisters themselves.
Discord chuckled to himself "Well, I'd better get going! Wouldn't want to keep thunder flanks waiting!"
--
James was not pleased. I mean, being teleported to the land of his dreams was still a great choice in his mind. He regretted nothing, but these princesses were really pissing him off. No matter how much he insisted he was not being controlled by Discord, he could not get them to believe him. In fact it achieved the opposite. He was now in the throne room chained to the ground, and waiting for discord to 'free' him from his torment. They kept telling him to hold on, and keep fighting it.
Now James was type who really enjoyed pranks. I mean, did you SEE the gala a few weeks back!? Best moment of his life by far. There was no doubt he was the best prankster of his generation, which is why he agreed to play along with Discord's idea.
'ugh, discord better get here quick... I've got a huge wedgie ' James thought as he tried to shift his boxers into a more comfortable spot, which is not easy when you are chained to the ground with two immortal goddesses staring you down.
The doors to the throne room swung open revealing Discord. "Sorry for the delay everypony! Got held up in the bathroom. Note to self... chili does not go well with hot sauce."
Celestia stiffened "Enough of your games Discord, release this poor creature from your control at once!"
"Yeah! Or I'll have to use THIS on you" The cyan pony known as Rainbow Dash flew in, gesturing towards her element
Behind her the rest of the mane six came through the door with looks of disgust, all pointed at Discord. "You should be ashamed Discord!" The shy, meek, yellow pony, or Fluttershy scolded "This is a new low, even for you!" She turned toward James and proceeded to stroke his head. "Oh you poor creature! forced to work with mean old Discord"
Celestia stepped up in front of the group. "It is time, we will free you from Discord's control now." She said to James. "All of this will be over, and you can return home" Her horn began to glow as the spell began to form. Discord was engulfed in Celestia's signature golden glow as was James. You know, Celestia truly was beautiful. It almost made James regret what he was about to do... almost.
As James' vision began to white out, he could feel a warmth inside his noggin. It was... creepy at first, but as the warmth spread through the rest of his face and body, he felt... relaxed. He could've fallen asleep right there. He would have too, if the spell hadn't ended. His vision exploded back to the cartoony world he currently resided in, and the warmth faded away.
Celestia was standing in front of him with her hoof held out. He looked down at his shackles only to find them gone. He smiled and took Celestia's hoof and stood at his full height. He was slightly taller than Celestia, which he could tell irked her. She had taken pride in being the tallest.
She held her hoof out again... holding... the element? Of loyalty? James looked up to Celestia who only nodded and said "A test. I trust you with this element, what will you do?"
James took the magical element of magicalness and held it out, before turning to Discord and nodding. "Well I think I'll.." He reached into his pocked, which Discord had magically expanded, and pulled out his very own... beloved... bazooka. He stuffed the element down the barrel of the destructive weapon and aimed it at the window. "Do this" He pulled the trigger and squeezed his eyes as the recoil caused him to take a step back. A loud bang erupted throughout the throne room. As the missile with the element currently wrapped around it exited the tube it made a whistling noise and blasted through the window, speeding away from the castle.
He turned towards the dumbstruck ponies. "Fetch"
Rainbow's eyes widened and she rushed after the element turned projectile.
Celestia shook her head in disbelief "I-I don't understand! The spell should have worked!"
Jame's tsked at her. "It's not that it didn't work, its that it didn't have anything to work on. Now if you'll excuse me..." He ran towards Discord "Lets RIDE!"
Discord nodded, still laughing uncontrolably. With a flick of his fingers a red ferrari popped into existence and they both hopped in, with Discord in the drivers seat. The two pranksters embellished shades onto there faces and looked to the group of still dumbstruck ponies.
Discord pulled down his shades revealing his yellow eyes. "Don't wait up" Was all he said before he gunned the throttle and drove straight through the glass of the throne room.
The car landed with a thud on one of the many garden paths and began to blast there way through towards the city.
James took off his shades and looked to Discord. "You know what this means right?" He asked
Discord nodded cooly "Indeed I do James, this means war"
James chuckled "Well since we're the antagonists we better start causing trouble before those six stop us" His expression changed to confusion "Or... are we the protagonists... that's how it works here right?"
Discord merely shrugged "Hmmm... I dunno. I usually just wing it "
James put his arm on one of the doors "Eh, fair enough" He quickly recoiled back inside as the sped out of the gardens and straight into a melon stand.
"My melons!" The shopkeeper knelt down next to one of his fallen melons and embraced it crying softly as the strange red contraption sped away.
James shook his head as he whipped some melon off his shirt. "Man, that's like the most comical thing ever... hit the melon stand while racing away from the crime scene. Wow"
They both shared a chuckle as the sped further into the city. In both of their minds however that were not chuckling... they were laughing harder than should be possible. They both knew what they had started... and it was gonna be a blast!
CANTERLOT WAR ROOM
The war room. The most useless part of the royal castle by far. I mean the room was literally just a bunch of chairs placed in a circle, this could be done anywhere else. In fact their was never a plan for a war room, Luna had sneaked in the blueprints while the construction ponies were renovating the castle. This is the only contribution Luna had made, and it was useless.
However, Celestia, the mane six, Luna, and the captain of the royal gaurd, were all sitting in the circle. They were discussing the current evil that plagued their nation. Well... it wasn't THAT evil, but everyone knew how bad Discord's pranks could get... and with his new friend helping him, yeah they were totally screwed.
Luna pounded on the table with her hooves "WE MUST GATHER THE ROYAL MILITARY! WE MUST STOP THIS TYRANT BEFORE HE DE-"
"Ugh, shut up Lulu" Celestia deadpanned "I know you love your military, but I don't think they will be needed"
Luna made her pouty eyes at Celestia "Can we at least use the Royal Death Ray?" She increased her poutiness levels "We NEVER get to use the Royal Death Ray!"
"Wait, wait, wait... we have a royal death ray?" Rainbow Dash asked, her small brain having trouble functioning at such high thinking levels.
Celestia narrowed her eyes at Luna "We have not needed to use the Royal Death Ray is over two thousand years! I will not use it now"
"Why does it have to have a "Royal" in front of it?" Rainbow asked again still being ignored
Celestia's expression softened "Besides, I'm sure they wont be much of a problem. What could they possibly even do?"
Twilight facehoofed "You did NOT just say that"
Luna shook her head "Thou knows better than to say the cursed words"
Celestia was confused "What?"
Before any could tell Celestia off even further the red contraption the two pranksters had escaped in crashed through the wall. It flew over the group and smashed into the wall on the other side. As the dust settled the two could be seen stumbling out of it.
"Discord why didn't you tell me you couldn't drive?!" James yelled
Discord rolled his eyes "Oh please, its not like you haven't crashed a five hundred thousand dollar car through a war room before"
"Well as- oh wait yeah good point" James looked to the group of ponies in the "War Room" "So uh... sup?"
Shining Armor was the first to react "Surrender immediately! In the name of the royal princesses!"
James grimaced "Yeah about that... do we HAVE to?"
Pinkie spoke before shining could get his response out. "Weeeelll, you don't have to, have to. It's like you have to, but you don't REALLY have to...."
James shrugged "Good enough for me, can we go now Discord?"
"Yes, yes very well. Don't get your boxers in a bunch" With a flick of his fingers both him and his human comrade were teleported out of the war room.
.....
"Luna" Celestia said
"Yes sister?"
"Get the Royal Death Ray"
MEGA SECRET BASE
At the crusaders clubhouse that the two had taken over, the crusaders were currently tied to the floor. After all, they'd need a hostage.
"Wait a second.... what are we doing?" James asked while looking at the crusaders turned hostage.
Discord scratched his chin "You know James... I haven't the slightest idea."
James shook his head. "Now I know plans aren't exactly your thing, but we're going to need one if we're gonna win this one"
"Yes I know, I know. That's just so.... orderly. Ugh, you know I hate that." Discord grimaced at the thought of a non-chaotic prank.
James put his hand on Discord's shoulder. "You know having a plan isn't a bad idea, it doesn't make it orderly discord. It just... increases chances for success"
"Your right James" Discord smiled "Lets plan this"
Before Discord could walk out the door James stopped him. "Um... what about these three" He pointed to the three crusaders, who where still struggling and yelling into their gags. They had been ignored since they had teleported here... they didn't even tie them up.... man those three are weird.
Discord shrugged "Bah, they'll be fine. I'm sure applejack'll check on them later"
"Buuuut, shes in canterlot"
.....
"I'm sure they'll be fine.
--
They had the plan ready. Even though Discord had quite the allergy of plans, he had pulled through and he hadn't regretted it!
This was step one in their master plan, of masterfulness of course. It was a simple prank, or would have been, if the entire equestrian army wasn't stationed at Canterlot, waiting for them to make their move. Being the wonderful people that they were, they wouldn't keep them waiting for long.
Their dear friend Lulu, was quite the heavy sleeper. Being a heavy sleeper and a princess was a bad combo. Who other than her best friends Discord and James to break her habit... with firecrackers... lots of very explosive fire crackers. Like 2 tons of them. They would sneak into the castle and make their way to Luna's tower, where she slept. They would put the firecrackers along the wall of the stairway going up to Luna's room, eventually piling the rest up at the door, which would be quite the wake up call.
Getting the firecrackers wouldn't be a problem... its getting in to the heavily defended castle. Not to mention Luna always kept her door locked after Discord put oil all over her floors right after his reformation. Yes it would be quite the challenge.
Now there was on flaw in their plan. It wasn't a MAJOR complication... it would just help if Discord knew the difference between a firecracker and a block of C4.
....
Maybe it's a bit of a problem.
Those Aren't Firecrackers!
Luna was walking up the spiral staircase that led to her royal bed room (Yes it DID have to have a royal in front of it). As she neared her door she remembered by instinct to lock her doors... that prank Discord pulled with the oil would stay in her mind forever. Well at least she didn't have to think about- NOPE too late here it comes.
FLASHBACK...of flashbackness
Luna had finally woken up, it was about.... eleven in the morning. She didn't take pride in sleeping in... it took much of her day away from her. This is why she stayed up late, to enjoy more of her awake time... kinda a double edged sword. That didn't matter, the more time sitting here thinking about her questionable sleeping habits was not going to get today's princessy chores done, she'd better get to it.
She hopped off her bed and slipped into her royal shoes. They were quite elegant, the only drawback is being bad with slippery surfaces... luckily none of that would be a problem today right? Wrong... as Luna took her first step forward her hoof immediately slipped out from under her causing her to stumble forward. She tried to steady herself with her hind legs, but those slipped as well causing her to fall on her side, knocking the wind out of her. Luna, in her groggy morning thinking state, tried to stand again only to slip, stumble, and step on a random rock that was placed in her room for no apparent reason, twisting her horse ankle. Realizing she had been injured in what had been a pathetic excuse for a struggle (which was going to be her excuse) She crawled out her room. Once she was safely out of her room she stood on all fours. Wanting to see if her ankle had sustained any real injury she put pressure on it... causing it to slip again, this time causing her to fall immediately... into the wall.... horn first... knocking her out. The end
END OF FLASHBACK
"Ow!" Luna yelped as the door to her royal room kicked her out of dreamland. She gave the evil door a glare, it was not the first time Mr.Royal Door had rudely interrupted her thinking time. Before turning the knob she looked to the wall to the left of the door. She gave this wall a glare too... it serving as a painful reminder why falling horn first into a wall was a bad idea... it took hours for the fireponies to unstick her horn from the wall.
Wait! That reminded her! She could not go to bed yet! She had important matters to attend to. She nodded her head and ran off back down the stairs, ready to complete whatever task she had laid out for her.
--
James was sitting on a balcony that had a near perfect view of Luna's tower. Discord had opted to do this one himself... considering that he could just poof in and not worry about any possible security that they may have run into were they not to teleport.... wait... he could just teleport him with him. Well it didn't matter, James was fine sitting here and being lazy. It used to be his profession you see.
James sat back on his lawnchair and waited for Discord's return....and waited..... and waited.... and waited some more. James could not wait anymore... sure he'd only been waiting a few seconds, but patience was not his thing. He'd need something to think about or he'd go mad!
Wait! Yes their was that one funny thing Discord had said while making the plan. Heheh yes it was quite the joke. What was it... OH yes, it was that he didn't know the difference between a block of C4 and firecrackers! Could you imagine?
James sat back further in to his chair of lawn, and silently rethought what Discord had said.... and realized WHAT he had actually said.
"Hello my friend I have returned" said Discord as he popped up in front of James' lawn of chair. "I have just finished setting those firecrackers! I know you like explosions, so I got the best I could find!"
James slowly and calmly got up from his chair "Discord... where did you get these "firecrackers"
Discord floated in thought for a moment "Hmm what was it... oh yes, well you see I know you humans love your firecrackers so I took a trip to the army barracks and snatched up a few"
Before James could panic and tell him what sort of 'firecrackers' he'd obtained, Discord gave him more good news.
"And it even comes with a remote control!"
James leaped at Discord attempting a slow motion snatch and roll, unfortunately he had forgot to calculate his trajectory and dived straight into a poll. After removing his face from said poll, he attempted one last attempt, diplomacy. "Discord no!"
It was too late, Discord had pushed the big red button, the one that said DO NOT TOUCH. James looked in horror and suspense at the royal lunar tower. He knew what was going to happen, but the suspense still hit him full speed. This was the climax!
He closed his eyes as he heard the deafening... small pop. He open his eyes to see the tower completely intact. He breathed a sigh of relief, thanking whatever higher power was out there, that it was a dud. Well his relief was short lived as the higher power he had just thanked dropped a giant dodo on his head.
The explosions ran up the spiral staircase of the tower, each *BOOM* about a half a second apart. The chain of explosives had reached the top.... all was silent. He breathed yet another false sigh of relief. Discord must've not hooked up the pile of explosives at the door to the rest-
*BOOMPOWWAMMACOWSHAMAWAMMADINGAWONGAWOOSHAPOWASCREWYOUA *
The once elegant tower had exploded. The top of the Royal lunar tower had exploded into a great ball of firery death and destruction. James watched as the tower finally gave way, crashing to the ground. As it fell it knocked off other sections of the castle. One in particular had a pony bathing in it, as he could see the bath the pony was residing in slowly fall off the edge into a two story drop. The pony landed confused... and then walked away staring into space.
Finally tearing his eyes away from the burning mess of death, he turned to discord who was more confused than shocked.
"Now I know you humans love your firecrackers... but that was a bit big, even for me"
James facepalmed "Man how many you think we killed?"
Discord blew his dark question away with a wave of his paw "I wouldn't worry about it, this universe isn't capable of death"
James raised an eyebrow at him. "So... everyones just gonna climb out of the rubble?" He asked looking for signs of survivors.
Discord shook his head. "No, the ponies probably wandered away from the blast zone for no apparent reason."
James sighed then walked back to his lawn chair collapsing into it "So we're good then? No Sun-Butt wanting revenge for her fallen sister?"
Discord shook his head again and took on a worried expression "No, but something just as bad" He said pointing to a very pissed off lunar princess who was carrying what looked like a laser pointer.
DISCORD!
"Ah yes, she even has the Royal Death Ray! See you can tell it's important cause its capitalized" Discord said shoving a script in James' face.
James stared at the angry Lunar Princess for a moment. He didn't quite know what to do... maybe Discord knew.
"So, uh Discord?"
"Yes James?"
"Should we be running?"
"Yes James"
As the two pranksters bolted from the pissed off lunar princess, the elements of harmony could be seen watching the chase. From what they knew, Luna was gonna totally own the two boys. They didn't know a lot though. They were pretty ignorant, just like every other pony in existence. They were sitting at the remains of the Lunar Tower, they had checked for any injured ponies in the rubble. Luckily they found none, in fact no one seemed to be in the area at all. They dismissed it and went back to watching the chase.
"Cmon Luna, kick their flanks!" Rainbow dash yelled with enthusiasm.
"Yes, please do hurry though. I have no intention to stay out in this mess much longer" Rarity whined as usual.
"Shh, girls somethings happening" Twilight tried to quell her friends talkative nature. It was with good reason. The chase had turned into a gigantic light show. Beams of magic were flying everywhere. Looking closer she saw they weren't beams of magic but.... lasers?
--
"Yes James"
Once discord finished his sentence they both bolted away. They jumped off the perch they had an slid down the side of the mountain. The perch itself was really just an outcropping with some furniture on it. Jumping off was the long way down the mountain. They wanted to make it an epic chase scene you see.
Luna wasn't so keen on the idea however as she swooped in, trying to land a hit on one of the two. The attempts were in vain however, as James and Discord were mega boss ninjas.
James continued to slide down the mountain until he landed on a ledge about fifty feet of the ground. The ledge led to the left of him. He stopped as he reached the end, he hadn't thought his far ahead.
"Aha! We hath caught thee!" He heard a voice say from behind
He turned around to see a victorious looking Lunar Princess staring at him. "Now you shall succumb to the Royal Death Ray!"
He could only look in horror at what Luna was holding in her magical grip, it was the best weapon the pony scientist downstairs had come up with, it was said to destroy worlds!
Oh wait... did I say horror? No, I meant he fell on his buttums and started laughing like a madman. As the horrible world destroying device Luna was holding wasn't as horrible and world destroying as it was made out to be. There, in Luna's magical grip of magicalness..... was a laser pointer, with smiley faces on it.
"Is... is that a laser pointer?!" James laughed, barely able to speak.
Luna's expression took up one that one could potentially make out as anger, but to James it looked to darn cute. Everything here looked cute.
"You dare insult the Royal Death Ray!?"
"Look Luna" James laughed and put a hand on her shoulder "I know you believe whatever your sister tells you, but that is not a death ray.
Luna's eyes narrowed and her mouth formed into a sadistic smile. She said nothing, she only pointed the death ray towards James.
Before James could laugh anymore a humming sound filled the air. Looking back towards what he assumed was a laser pointer, he could see it pulsing with energy. Moments later a ball of light started forming at the end of the pointer. As it increased in size the humming increased in sound, the humming grew so loud it started shaking the mountain.
James just stared deadpan like at the stupid thing. "Ok, what the fu-" was all he could say before he was pulled to the side. The ball exploded forward and released a solid blue laser the size of a house where he was once standing. The area around the impact zone exploded. The blast had a bluish hue to it as it expanded outwards, decimating anything in contact.
He looked to his savoir, which was of course his draconequus compadre. Discord was wearing a bandana with a skull on it. He had an eye-patch around his left eye, and had a scruffy looking beard.
"Discord what-"
"No time me matey" Discord cut him off in a very accurate pirate accent. "Hop in me vessel!"
He motioned to his 'vessel'. His vessel was a miniature Pirate Boat ... with wheels on the bottom.
James looked at Discord with narrowed eyes for a second. Eventually he shrugged, adorned his own pirate like accessories, and hopped in.
"Set sail for forward!" Discord yelled
"What?" James asked confused
"Ugh... just press that button there" Discord said as he pointed to a button on the steering wheel.
Once he pressed it... nothing happened. James stared at it confused for awhile. Before he could voice his complaint about the faulty land-ship, it shot off down the mountain. It was about this time that Luna (Who had simply been watching) decided that maybe she should start to go after them.
Discord was at the steering wheel again. This simple fact had sent the butterflies into Jame's stomach. He didn't say anything about it though, as there was a large ball of energy forming behind him.
"Cap'n there be a sea monster on our tail!" James yelled, back into his pirate roleplay.
Discord turned the boat to the right, swiftly dodging a beam of energy. It hit the side of the mountain next to the boat causing a explosion that could be seen from Canterlot. Discord turned back on course.
"Aye matey! It be the mighty Luna of the Equestrian seas"
"Cap'n she's comin' in for a strike!" James warned, as another ball of energy was forming.
Discord looked back to the pursuing Luna and narrowed his eyes "Raise the shields!"
James looked at him with CONFUSION "We have shields?!"
"But of course! Why wouldn't we?"
James shook his head and looked for the button labeled shields. Sure enough, there was a large neon sign pointing to a blue button that James hadn't seen before for some reason. He ran over to it and smashed the button. A whirring sound emited from somewhere inside the land-boat and a red sphere encased the craft.
Just in time too. The death ray unleashed another beam of light that smashed straight into the shield. Upon impact it exploded back outwards, splitting into several lasers. they all shot into the sky creating a wonderous light show for all to see.
"Haha! Take that horse!" James shouted at Luna who was currently dodging the various lasers that had bounced back at her.
"Man the guns!" Discord shouted as a large, incredibly high tech cannon popped up from the deck. James laughed with glee, and hopped behind the controls.
"Guns er manned Cap'n!" James shouted, holding the controls.
"FIRE!" James pressed down on the triggers and a furry of bolts came out the triple barreled laser cannon. He shot everywhere in the general direction of Luna. He could see the dark figure struggling to dodge the large amounts of laser heading at her. As the laser hit around her, ground was ripped up and explosions were caused. Not to mention the large light show the girls were currently watching.
James took on a determined look and focused his crosshair on Luna's horse head. He squinted his eyes and zoomed in, his finger hovering anxiously above the triggers. Once he had the shot he slammed his fingers down on the triggers. The single bolt was too accurate and fast for Luna to dodge, it hit her, right in the face.
James and Discord looked in suspense at the random cloud that had formed in front of Luna for suspense. Smiling they both high fived, confident they had defeated the evil sea monster. However as the extremely blackened and singed Luna (and pissed) burst out of the cloud. They both gulped and increased speed.
Luna had started to fire at an increased rate. The shield was starting to waver. It's defenses about to be breached.
"Cap'n the shields failing! We'll be dead in the...er... land!" James yelled
"Aye! The Lunar Menace was too strong!" Discord said "Activate warp speed!" He suddenly yelled as he pushed a button on the steering wheel.
The area around them started to blur away as there warp drive they apparently had kicked in. They were in this blur for a good two seconds before the world finally came back to them. They looked with relief as they had escaped the Luna. Unfortunately Discord had screwed up the warp drive.... and they were in the air... above the crystal empire.
"Oh James come look it's the Crystal Empire!" Discord shouted with glee
James came and looked over the side "Oh hey yeah so it- OH MY GOD WE'RE FALLING!"
The boat suddenly realized that while Equestria had little physics and such, gravity still existed. It began to fall. With it's current trajectory it would probably land in the throne room. Which was good, Cadence had a pretty boring life.
--
Cadence was sitting on her throne. She had a very boring life. What with shining always doing guy stuff and her always doing princess stuff she never did anything fun.
She almost wished that something would just... crash through the window. Just to liven up her day. Maybe some new evil that would destroy all of Equestria or something... or a pirate boat with wheels. That would satisfy Cadence just fine.
A second later she got her wish. A pirate boat with wheels smashed through one of the throne room windows. It landed on it's wheels and started spinning out of control.
She could here screaming coming from the boat. This was it! Cadence got up from her throne. This was her chance to finally prove her worth. She would save the ponies trapped in that boat and become the mare that saved ponies from a pirate boat with wheels that smashed into her throne room! Well.. maybe it wasn't the most memorable thing... but it was something!
However, as she took her first step the pirate boat had decided it had enough of its spinning and regained control. It sped forward... straight into her magic mirror collection that led to the Equestria Girls universe. There was absolutely no reason for them to be just sitting out in her throne room. In fact Cadence was starting to wonder if it was such a good idea.
Well it wasn't. The pirate boat drove straight up to the mirrors and drove into the only one that could actually transport them to the human world. The portal shimmered for a moment after they had gone through, but finally returned to it mirror state and sat there, like a mirror.
Cadence took back her hoof and sat back on her throne. She stared at the wall for awhile. Then she erupted into laughter, not at the sillyness of the situation, but at how dull and insignificant her role in Equestria really was. She was, like, never a main character!
Her laugh quickly turned into a pitiful sob
